/ub/ - Überhengst

Time for another daily dose of tragic backstory. I should admit my parents were always terrible people. And I should admit what kind of person my sister was. Looking back, I really don't know why God wants humans to romanticize people and ignore all the bad parts of them and all the bad moments.

My parents used to encourage my sister to lie about me to them.

If she ever whined "he's hitting me!" or "He called me names!" I would be punished and she would be rewarded. My parents framed it as "making her feel better". It certainly made her feel better. All she had to do was play the victim or threaten to do it and she would get what she wanted. But they enjoyed how it put the seed into her head, the seed of the idea that lying for fun and personal gain is fun and always okay.

When she was around 10ish to 12ish and my parents started sexually grooming her with porn more often, encouraging her to watch porn videos with them, tv shows full of sex like crime dramas (looking at you, Castle) and Legend Of The Seeker and The Almighty Johnsons, reading erotic Sherlock and Avengers and Loki x Thor fanfictions with her, she started getting ideas from this. And the Kingdom Hearts sex fics where Axel and Roxas fucked or Sora and Riku fucked. What is it with women and gays? Why do they project their anal paraphilia onto men who are incredibly straight or too underage to know what sex is? Fucking weirdos, the lot of them, and they've always been this fucked up. When men were writing Star Wars fanfics autistically spergulating all over how the reality bending fuckery of the Dilithium Crystals might allow something as scientifically impossible as faster than light travel, the women were writing about Kirk and Spock buttfucking each other into sex slavery. All that porn damaged my sister.

After her forced sexual awakening from her parents, my sister's new favourite lies to yell were "He touched my boob!" or "He raped me and used a beer bottle as a condom!" or "He farted on me until I passed out!" or whatever other disgusting thing happened in her most recently read disgusting "lemon" smutfic. They used to use terms like "lemon" to say "this is porn" while getting around the anti porn filters. My parents gave her a fucking laptop when she was too young for one. She had one and the boy four years older than her casually making basic video games as if it's nothing and teaching himself via youtube whenever he had a limited amount of time with the family computer his father preferred to waste on World of Warcraft and Farmville and easy mode Command And Conquer didnt get shit.

That doesn't seem real, does it? That doesn't seem believable, does it? If these parents really thought I was hurting their favourite kid in any way, why am I still alive? That's the thing. They never asked themselves whether what she says is believable or not before deciding to give her a bowl of ice cream for lying and faking tears. They encouraged her to lie without even asking herself if what she claims is believable or not. A fucking beer bottle... Have you ever seen a beer bottle? If you can fit your penis inside an opening that tiny you need to see a doctor. Plus it's fucking glass. It would make a terrible condom. And the flat round end... i can't imagine it fitting inside women in the first place, let alone allowing them to enjoy it. She is fucking retarded. My sister is legitimately fucking retarded because that's what her parents want their daughter to be. I feel bad for her. I feel bad for her because I know what my parents did to her. I wish there was something I could do to help her. But she doesn't want my help, she wants their conditional approval. She doesn't want to cry on my shoulder about what it was like, she'd rather pretend everything in that house was perfect except me. As if I'm the demon and they're the angels. What a joke.

There is a parallel universe where I had a laptop, a phone, and a music player full of podcasts and downloaded mp3s of youtube tutorials growing up. And instead of wasting time replaying the same few videogames over and over and wasting a decade in dogshit fake schools and a worthless pozzed college out to scam me and waste my time, I was homeschooled and I could actually put all of that time into something constructive for a man's development like reading the best books in western literature, learning all sorts of valuable skills, practicing my valuable skills, becoming more by the age of 16 than I am right now at 26. My sister was never molested and neither was I. My sister was never groomed. She followed her dream and made that Kingdom Hearts ripoff and then started making way better shit after growing up and learning more and finding new interests. But I can't let that kind of thinking get me down. Yeah, my life would have been happier if my father died of cancer. The same is true of my mother. My sister would be better off if my parents were dead. But you can't change the past. I have to keep moving forward. I've got people counting on me now. I can't let them down. He who has a why to live can bear any how.

Someone jewish probably thinks I'm being an unreasonable prude by saying shows like Castle and The Almighty Johnsons and Legend Of The Seeker is inappropriate for underaged girls. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SEX IS IN THESE SHOWS? A LOT OF DISGUSTING FETISHY SEX. DON'T LET YOUR KIDS WATCH IT. Sometimes Castle's murder of the week involves fetish clubs or horny perverts or prostitutes or the A-plot about the murder will be unhorny for once and the B-plot about Castle and Bitchett's muh feelings will be horny instead. I wanted to eat downstairs so I wouldn't have to watch them with my family. And so that retarded pedo father of mine wouldn't stare at me, his food going cold, his TV show ignored, and whine and shout and niggernoise every time he thought I was eating too quickly or too slowly. He was a white nigger addicted to hating his child, so he didn't actually have a preference when it came to how quickly I ate, he just enjoyed the sound of his own voice. I wasn't allowed to eat where I wanted, but it's probably for the best that I could stay in the living room and keep an eye on my parents around my sister. But I couldn't always do that and that was when the most grooming happened, when I wasn't around for my disgusted or horrified reaction to make my sister question "hey, maybe this isn't normal? Maybe my parents aren't cool and open-minded? maybe they're fucking perverts?".

Did I ever tell you the cupcake story? I once had a cupcake, dad went apeshit because he deserves to be beaten to death in prison for being a pedophile and he isn't a person, he said I was eating the cake too slowly and that was his excuse for beating his son. And in that moment, my adrenaline up, my mind in survival mode as I weigh my options, I lunge across the room and put my cupcake on my mother's crossed leg, because I instinctively know even as I'm plotting out routes around the room that tire him out and lead him on a merry chase around the place but keep him away from my sister and leave me with an escape route to the front door or downstairs where the knives are, when food is the farthest fucking thing from my mind, I instinctively know the safest place for that cupcake is perched right atop my mother's leg because there is no way in hell that sociopathic narcissistic pedophile would ever stand up and defend me from that violent irrational pedophile. I lunge across the room like there's a sword in my hand magnetized to her knee and I place the cupcake right there before pulling back wondering what the fuck I was thinking and the weekly chase begins. As a kid I would often think about fighting back against my pedo parents but I knew fighting back seriously would have to end with me dead or my attackers dead. I even had a knife hidden in my room just in case my parents ever trapped me in my bedroom where there is no escape route before coming at me, but I wish I did murder my parents when I was younger, because if I killed them in time, my sister wouldn't have been groomed and gaslit as much. Do children who are also rape victims get short sentences or no sentences for fighting back against pedophiles trying to rape or murder their child? What if they're teenagers protecting their little sister from murderous pedophiles? I was unable to protect my little sister from pedophiles when I was a kid, does this make me a failure? If cops and child protective services in the UK were worth anything they would not have been useless. Hell, they were worse than useless. If I trusted someone enough to tell them where the bruises came from the bitch social worker assigned me would visit my house and fucking warn my parents about it and leave! I couldn't get away from that house until I became Adult Protective Service's problem. I wish I could sue the bitch responsible for that. If I ever get doxxed I hope the liberals assume beating my pedo parents to death will make me miserable and cause me to spontaneously like niggers. Then again if a nigger did it, I would, for the first time in my life, have a reason to like a nigger. Do men who were raped by their fathers look down on men who were jacked off and sucked off by their pedo mothers when they were kids because "it could have been worse, it could have been gay" or do they have empathy for all kinds of raped people? IDK, I don't think I've ever spoken to a raped person. I think the way the system failed me and fucked me over to try and make me dependent on it might be where my mistrust in authority and distrust for corrupt authority stems from. Then again I already disliked corrupt authority before I was raped and beaten as a kid. Maybe everyone sufficiently human naturally distrusts authority and dislikes corrupt authority, and that's why the NPCs fucking love bootlicking for satanic pedophiles and jackbooted cops who love protecting child-raping islamic/nigger gangs. NPCs are fake people, you can tell because they don't have souls, they just fake emotions to stay in the good graces of whatever seems to be the "in crowd" after sufficient gaslighting and mainstream media manipulation. If we were in charge they would be calling the cops on illegals, not on innocents. They serve the dominant authority without truly questioning anything and the dominant authority must change before their minds will.

Also fuck Rivals of Aether, I've tried not to say "fuck rivals of aether" for as long as possible and create timers and workarounds wherever possible but fuck Rivals of Aether for not letting me program my OC to be able to perform dash attacks in mid-air even though I've programmed the move to be air-OK and my code for accessing this move from an aerial state with a unique command looks perfectly fine. I'll probably need to make dash attack the second part of my forward aerial and code it to be automatically skipped if I don't hold A when inputting forward aerial, and instantly skipped to if I do. Or maybe I just won't bother, this bitch already has enough speed and mobility as it is.

My new year's resolution is to MAKE ONE GAME PER MONTH LETS FUCKING GO

PLUS AT LEAST TWO BONUS GAMES

BECAUSE THE ZERO PUNCTUATION GUY DID TWELVE

I WILL DO FOURTEEN

FOURTEEN IS A BETTER NUMBER BECAUSE IT IS BIGGER

PERFECTIONISM IS A SYMPTOM OF BEING A FUCKING PUSSY AND I NEED TO GET OVER MYSELF AND RELEASE FINISHED PRODUCTS EVEN IF I MAKE MISTAKES

GOTTA LEARN TO TAKE A HIT SOME TIME, COWBOY

LET'S MAKE FAILURE MYYY FRIEEEND

Just saw a video by a guy who thinks Dora The Explorer should be in Nickolodeon All Star Braw and get a gimmick where she can spawn Swiper, who approaches when you aren't looking at him and steals your most recently used move. So she wants to set Swiper up on one side of you and attack you from the other.

That gimmick is too weak. I'd use my shittiest move and jump straight into Swiper, losing something I don't mind losing, then resume kicking Dora's ass. Or just keep Dora in front of me at all times. Or just hit Swiper if that's an option and he doesn't become intangible while hiding or isn't fully intangible all the time.

A character like that needs a biggr deal for their gimmick. Maybe she can make a photograph do the move Swiper stole? Maybe it disables an entire button. Baiken in guilty gear was sick when she could do that. That might put her on par with Clairen's parry based anti-projectile field. Then you're either giving up your attack button or your special button. Wait, does Nick ASB have other buttons like Strong or Heavy or Smash or whatever? I don't FUCKING FINALLY THE DOWNLOAD IS COMPLETE

Someone called me a woman today and I laughed it off.
It dawned on me that because I don't give a shit about pronouns and I'm fine with either pronouns this technically makes me nonbinary.
Neat. Nonbinary, autistic, bisexual, ADHD... and you'd never guess by talking to me because there's more to my personality than the adjectives. I have hobbies besides gaming and anime. I experience media besides one cartoon and two movie franchises.
The UK spends billions on paying the illegal immigrants here to eat and breed. How much money could we save if they were all sent home? Just send them all home, a pig born in a stable won't magically become a horse. How much money could be spent on charity programs that benefits billions of foreigners in their countries of origin, without any need for some to come here while leaving others behind? People are struggling to heat their homes and afford food and afford to keep working, and as things get worse, more people become willing to hear criticism of the government responsible for this crisis.
We shouldn't be importing the greediest horniest third worlders with no background checks and nothing to lose. We should be paying white companies and white charities to build and maintain shit in africa the africans couldn't maintain to save their lives. Or just leaving them alone after we kick them out and make them leave us alone. Trillions were wasted on africa. We'll never become space colonizers with thieving rapists colonizing our lands and yelling "Coloniza!" in our ear like it's their version of "nigger".

Lol I'm fucking stupid. I told someone I had multiple dates and later realized that was the wrong word and these are not dates. I agreed to do one hobby with one person, one hobby with another person later, one hobby with a different person at a different place and time, but they are not dates in the romantic sense and that's probably the first thing people think of when they hear the word dates. I have a busy schedule and many people who care about me. I am not cheating on my girl or dating multiple people. I do not want to fuck any of the people I talked to today or ran with or visited the gym with, male or female. I visited a book club one friend was a part of and it was full of old people. I fought the urge to bring up my degenerate poetry and based literature and I won. I hid my power level and I seemed very normal and my girl said she was proud of me. I visited a new church to see if it is full of degenerates or based people, it seems ok but I'm going to keep bringing food to the other one because it's full of freezing old people taking a break from freezing. Obama. Fuck Obama. Obama did this and the rest of the fucking Jews. Fucking evil secret jewish satanist pedophile cabal. I should do a ram ranch parody but it's epstein island and voiced by an AI. I'm doing a thing in my pixel art for my ROA OC where my character wears glasses now so her head can be smaller. When her head was too big she was clipping out of her own hitbox and it looked terrible. Someone asked me where the pokemon game I wanted to make years ago is. It's done, and its name is Pokemon Pink. Scope creep killed InfraRed and UltraViolet, it had WAY too many features and ideas best saved for an indie game with the creative freedom of a new IP, so I scaled things back and made Pokemon Pink. Then I scaled things up a little for Rapid Red. I might make another with new shit but I'm bored with Pokemon now. My autistic hyperfixation has shifted back to fighting games so I need to finish my industry redefining revolutionary fighting game idea that will push the genre forwards and break new ground before I get bored again and I get a new autistic hyperfixation that requires learning new skills and techniques I may never use again in my life.

12 hours straight of working on animations for game. Big titty bitch with sword go speeeen.

She saw some video that made her want us to photoshop each other under a time limit and then show each other our work.
I said ok.
She didn't really change anything on my face. Just made me look like I had makeup on my skin to lighten it. But not my eyes or lips, that would be gay.
I wish I knew this before I shopped her.
Was this supposed to be a romantic "I wouldn't change a thing about you" kind of gesture?
I thought the goal was to see how much we could change under a time limit.
And I'm not very good at this. I don't even have photoshop. So I kind of... uh... went overboard. I sampled flesh from her face to turn her trousers into thigh highs, hue shifted random parts of her clothes to get more colours on them, changed her hair and eye colour, made her way taller than me, I added seven belts with belt buckles edited to be gold and other accessories photoshopped in from other pictures, gave her wings and cute animal ears, cranked her breasts and ass up to 11 and kept going, copypasted her so there were three of her in different poses together...
Thank God she laughed. She could have taken that really poorly but she didn't. I think I would laugh if someone did the male equivalent to me. Photoshopping me into... what, the Pillar Men? Gigachad? Some girly korean boyband guy(some chicks dig those for some reason)? A vtuber? Ha! Me, a Vtuber. That'll be the day. They'd hate me as a vtuber. I'm socially awkward, untalented, and extremely unattractive. And I sound gayer than a bag full of nigger penises. Even if I drew my model to be sexy I wouldn't know what to do with it.

Here's a fucked up game idea.

You're the new transfer student at a school full of sexy nonhumans. It's anime fanservice central. All the cliches.

One day you wake up for just long enough to realize you're being kept comatose by a steady stream of drugs in a VR helmet that puppets your body as you do slave labor for a living while your consciousness is in anime titty land. A nearby guy, the only other guy in the setting, is watching political videos on his phone, letting you know what's really going on in the real world outside your sex fantasy.

You're sent back to dreamland and you can either keep it to yourself and forget about it and spend time with your anime girlfriend harem in a world where you are the only man everything revolves around, or you let the girls know. If you let them know this might all be fake, comfortably familiar spooky fan-service bullshit happens. You and the anime girls use your amazing power to kill the goddess of nightmares because that moment of the real world was totally just a nightmare, the anime goddess who shows up suddenly said so. You get a bad ending where you tell yourself everything is fine. But if you consistently reject the anime girls and their dates you eventually wake up in the real world where you can help the fight against (((communists))).

In order to earn the happy ending, the only ending that matters (and has the only real story-based Steam Achievement in the game attached to it besides bullshit achievements for shit like hours played and hours spent looking at anime tits) you have to give up the numbing drug that is pretty fictional lies and focus on making the real world a better place. You have to put the figurines and sex toys away. You have to accept that fighting power IRL is harder than the media makes it look. You have to accept that the media will constantly lie about you. And you have to accept this challenge anyway even though it is so much harder than telling a cliche anime girl you love her and you're ready to watch her stab Death or Lies or the fundamentally subhuman untermensch's urge to be governed by tyranny in the face.

An art friend told me he tried creating Stable Diffusion furry porn and got nightmare fuel. Too many dicks on one body growing out of the wrong places. Some real body horror Slanesh (Warhammer 40K horny god) shit.
I told him there's an audience for that kind of shit.
He was even more disgusted.
Humans are disgusting.
This world can be so disgusting.
But when I hold my girl close I know there is beauty in this world. Something worth sticking around for. Something worth protecting.
I miss who my sister was before my parents brainwashed her. But she's dead. She didn't even try to contact me on christmas. Even if only to try and verbally abuse me with "you left our house because you dont care about us, why do you hate mummy so much you monster? Why won't you come home and be my brother again just like old times?" shit like in christmas of 2021. Christmas of 2022, she was silent. I checked her facebook, she's still alive. I hate using that site. She seems fine looking at what she posts, but everyone seems fine on social media if that's part of the marketable brandlike assumed identity that gets them clicks and engagement.
You know... before the brainwashing she always wanted Axel to be playable in a mainline Kingdom Hearts with his chakrams. Even better than the mission mode in 358/2 Days.
What a stupid name. It's called 358 over 2 days because 358 days pass in this game but only 2 matter to the overall plot. They did their best with what they had available on the tiny console and reused assets, even making all Organization 13 members and extras like Sora/Donald/Goofy/Mickey Mouse playable in Mission Mode when half of Org 13 fucking died in the first 10 seconds of the game and only about 3 characters really needed to be physically present in the game let alone playable in it.
Roxas is the protag, Xion is a Roxas copy with his exact moves, Axel is a teammate sometimes. They could have gotten away with stopping there, maybe putting Saix in as he was fought as a boss, but no, they put soul into this when it wasn't even remotely necessary.
They should have made missions about fighting "dark phantom projections" of the dead Org 13 members. Those boss battles would be fun. Their code was in the game. Reuse it in the main plot, contrive an excuse, blame experimental failed data from the replica program.
Or they should have given Organization 13 something important to do for a month, maybe a year, something before half the members die at Castle Oblivion while Roxas is still a shell with barely any personality.
Sometimes I think of putting stuff my sister designed into my game, letting the best of her old ideas live on in something. Would she like that? The old her would. Before she became obsessed with being what her mother wants before being herself.
I'm fine with her growing up and finding new hobbies and interests. That's part of being human. It's respectable. What I can't respect is her spitting in my face by helping mom gaslight me. That time women at the youth club next to that kid's playground with burned stuff saw my bruises and called the cops for the first time in my life happened. That time I was underaged and went to the doctors because mom saw scabbed over cuts on my boy dick from her sharp nails and she chose to pretend she had nothing to do with this and she chose to believe I seemingly caught something and had to be taken to the hospital and the doctor gave me cream happened. All those times my parents hurt me happened. All those times my parents hurt my sister happened. All those times she cried into my shoulder begging me not to turn out like my parents happened. What does she gain from pretending otherwise? Even if I had no emotional connection to this and I wasn't me and I was reading a book about characters I didn't like doing this to each other I would say "That's fucked up. What's wrong with her? The author is a faggot for making characters act irrationally for the sake of melodrama. It nakes no sense for her to be this way".

Some thot asked me to do a kink tier list and then called me judgemental for putting everything in "fuck no" tier except for cute stuff like cuddling and normal stuff like kissing and vanilla sex. I like being healthy and normal, thanks. It feels nice. I got off the coomer treadmill. No more. Not even any breast expansion. Perfectly normal, me. I'm so normal, I'm second guessing my choice to give my OC a cool mechanical arm after getting creepy PMs about it from an art discord.

I've tried hard to sound cool and manly on this site but I probably ended up sounding like a retarded violent faggot.

I used to be more of a faggot. Tomorrow I will be less of a faggot. I want to say that every day. I want to be stronger than I was yesterday. More than I was yesterday. I want to never stop improving.

One of the most successful people I know confessed to me that he was a burned-out gifted kid at 10, 20, even mid 20s. He thought because his life was sabotaged early on, it was okay for him to fail, that it was someone else's fault and responsibility, that it was over for him and okay for him to give up. Then he decided to turn his life around. The fit guy showed me a pic of how he used to look and I said "Nice photoshop" because it looked so different. He said thanks and showed me a video compiling his monthly progress update videos over the years. The transformation rate was... inhuman. Almost supernatural. I half expected him to say "just kidding that was all AI and I was fit my whole life" afterwards. I think we're gonna make it. It's never too late.

I wrote Silver as such a faggot when I tried making him closer to what people seemed to like in characters popular with women. To make him sexy I should have made him more like me. I don't consider myself sexy but my girl does. Every time she calls me her handsome little prince I feel that if I had a tail it would wrap itself around me to hide my blushing face from her. She said she loves how honest I am. She said she loves how kind I am. She said she loves how affectionate I am. She said she loves how driven I am. She's so kind. She deserves someone better than me. But she loves me. So I have to be the someone who is better than me. Better than who I was yesterday.

Looking back I think it was my fault that my relationships with women kept going bad.

Except for the two naruto obsessed girls, those two were just fundamentally awful people at the time. And it had nothing to do with their shit takes about the embarassingly edgy cartoon for kids, they treated everyone like shit and got away with it. I'd like to believe they turned into better people over the years. But I don't think society would ever force them to do that by taking away their privileges and power over others and making them play by the same rules as everyone else. I doubt society would ever force them out of their delusions and into the real world before they hit 30 or 40. They might even hit 50 or 60 and think they're still oppressed by the patriarchy or whatever.

If I knew more about people back then, maybe things would have been different. I would have better relationships with the good girls and no relationship with those two awful ones. But my girl is best girl. I am socially inept. I am not good at lying convincingly or manipulating people or noticing when others are lying or manipulating me. There was one moment in my life that made me think "that consistent characterization needs to go in one of my books".

I confess to someone I am not good at social interaction. Not good at lying, manipulating, hiding my true feelings, gaslighting, or anything else people do to each other for fun. She asks me if I'm good at listening and caring. I say yeah, who isn't. She says I'd be surprised. She asks if social interaction is, to me, just a game of lies and bullshit. I confess that's all I've ever seen from people towards me or each other, and I can't stand it. She says that's sad. I said... yeah. I expected her to call me a sad fucking retard. But no. She just seemed sad. I wondered if she was disappointed in me for not having anything funny or sexy or exciting to say. But she was... sad. Because I was sad. She didn't even have to be, but she was. It's like she wished things were better for me. People my age these days... nothing is sacred to them. They will casually drop hitler and 9/11 jokes in the most unexpected of places. Some people think they don't care about anyone or anything. But they do care.

It took me a while to realize a girl was flirting with me because after all these years I didn't think anyone could ever actually love me or even like me. She thought I was playing hard to get and being cute. I didn't think it was possible that anyone would want to see more of me without wanting something from me. I thought a relationship was when you find a girl you're willing to suffer for and hope she appreciates you for it even if she doesn't have to. I didn't think it was possible for a woman to honestly care about me and want the best for me. Sure there was probably a chance that she was flirting and in the moment I thought there was a chance she was flirting with me but I wouldn't want to ruin the situation and risk misreading the situation and assuming she liked me. What if she thought I was a pervert for being a male human willing to believe someone might flirt with me, and never wanted to see me again? What if she was disgusted at me for ever showing availability or interest in her? What if she thought I was taken or gay and would be disgusted if she found out I'm bisexual? I'm glad she stopped being subtle about her love for me. I wear armour around my soul. It's not there by choice. It takes a lot of force before I can feel anything through it. Like there's a bottle somewhere in my body that used to be full of tears before I lost them. Takes a lot to squeeze anything out. There is a heart in here, still beating. Just not as hard as it used to. But she makes me feel like I could heal.

>>6417
Fuck, I said that wrong.

In the moment when I was talking to her about how I'm not good at social interaction I was there with her. Physically and mentally I was with her. She doesn't even mind that I'm still bad at it. She wants me to express myself kindly and honestly and communicate with her openly. And I don't have to guess with her and she never gets mad at me if I guess wrong as long as I ask if that's what she means if I am unsure. Sometimes I confuse her if I guess wrong. But she never gets angry.

It was much later, when I was alone, when I thought "That moment was perfect, it belongs in a story."

Sup, nigga. Just wanted to say that am glad you're doing alright. I truly wish the best for you. It's probably cringe and gay from me to say it, but whatever.
I might not post, but am still lurking the thread.

You still have a long way to go, most of us do. But it's fine to acknowledge and be proud of the progress made.

Making a great fighting game took longer than expected but the Rivals character turned out great. It's possible that I may have gone too far in some places. But when she gets her second verse, she's like poetry, she rhymes.

THE FUCKING JEWS MADE US AFRAID TO FEEL HUMAN AND SHOW OUR HUMANITY AND REACT LIKE A HUMAN INSTEAD OF A FUCKING CHARACTER

Man if someone downloaded pokemon essentials and produced a game in 7 days or less by making it as generic and by the book as possible and told the internet "I spent six years on this" do you think people would be able to tell the difference?

>>6476
>developing games
>writing stories
Why even bother anymore? You could have the biggest epiphany of your lifetime one day. Only to wake up the very next day with hundreds of targeted ads right on your face.
>"Check it out! A million different versions of the story you were thinking about writing yesterday! Have fun!"
It's alright. It's paradise for a perpetual consoomer. I don't expect you to understand it.

My girl showed me a ASMR video with Megumin where she learns healing magic. That's pretty out of character. Explosions can be relaxing and funny. They just have to sound right.
Or you could say the party spots something edible far away and Megumin uses explosion on something very far away and collapses.
>Loud magic sfx, monologue
>quietexplosion.mp3.
The listener picks Megumin up and carries her to the food. Or to whatever other faraway thing she blew up. The important thing is... Megumin talks and praises the guy carrying her. Maybe boredly makes mouth sounds that just happen to be relaxing. "Is this bugging you? No? Okay, I'll keep going. ...what do you mean you like it? Don't make this weird!". I don't know. I'm no expert in this shit. But my girl might be thinking of becoming one. Seems she talks about it a lot. I wouldn't mind that. Her doing asmr. Though I hope it isn't a step on a slippery slope to going full onlyfans. Also if she uses youtube I hope Vshojo never fucks with her. I heard they backstabbed Nuxtaku because he was directing attention to smaller indie vtubers, Vshojo's competition, and produced a video warning people about some scammer impersonating Vshojo. I know, how dare he do a good thing. No wonder it triggered them. This is old news but she just heard about it. Women can be such catty little backstabbers. Glad my girl isn't like that.
>>6486
Jessie what the fuck are you saying? Pokemon isn't a story, it's a premise.
People still talk about Pokemon Mystery Dungeon 1 and 2's story because it tried harder than any other pokemon game I played.
Kid wakes up, goes to lab, gets a starter, grinds, runs down samey dirt roads, fights the 13 strongest guys in the land and some kid rival and the Regional CEO of villainy... This is the outline for a story.
It's the kind of shit you could make in seven days if you wanted it to be formulaic and dull.
Then again most pokemon fangames never make it past a few gyms because of scope creep and feature creep. You need something to brag about to get attention in an overcrowded market, and because RPGs are fuckin shit slow games inherently unless they're less RPGish than usual like Undertale or Kingdom Hearts playing a pokemon game is a huge time investment so most fangame players dont want to risk playing a shit game that never gets finished.

>>6489
If you were sore enough to spam the overboard after I insulted your robowaifu, you are going to have to face me on the AI question.

>>6490
What's the question you want to ask? Please say it openly so there is no room for misinterpretation.

Somebody asked me why I haven't bought a Switch game yet.
It's because I haven't bought a Switch.
Because I haven't seen it on sale at a price I'm willing to pay.
And none of its games so far have really made me want to buy the switch just for one game alone.
At 26 I'm a bit too old to be in Nintendo's target audience anyway.
And the fans who pay for Nintendo shit never sound satisfied, whether they criticize the company or commit objectively evil acts like defending Nintendo's abusive behaviour.
The thought of paying 80 bucks for a game that can be five or ten or even 20 years old or even 40 years old doesn't appeal to me, whether I can get that game cheaper somewhere else or not.
Even if I was rich (and I am definitely not. Money is tight. Buying food each week is pain. I do not have the cash to spend on any kind of luxuries) I would not want to buy the Nintendo Switch.
The best Nintendo Switch is called the Steam Deck.
Maybe being poor is what gives people perspective on the value of money.
If mommy buys all the food in your house, and you get your money for free, your money is just an arbitrary number to throw at new toys and clothes and games and anything else that catches your eye. You don't need to exercise your brain by calculating the money in your account left over vs what you want to buy vs rent and other things you need money for. Money is a suggestion and spending it costs nothing. Waste it all and your only punishment is that mommy might yell at you and call you a faggot and you might need to wait another week before you get more unearned money.
Forcing kids to work is obviously wrong. But if tell your kids "wait until next week and you'll get money" instead of "clean the floor and you get money" you're psychologically damaging them. You're teaching them money is something that comes from on high to those who wait. You're not teaching them to value it. To earn it.

21st century comedy: Pingas
*CROWD LAUGHS*
21st century comedy: I R potatoez!
*CROWD LAUGHS*
21st century comedy: Sus!
*CROWD LAUGHS*
Feminists: My vagina smells like a barn animal.
*NOBODY LAUGHS*

I am loved.

I've been fucking retarded for too long. Putting stuff off for tomorrow and telling myself I'm going to do it later. Today I'm going to ask my woman to marry me.

>>6524
*CROWD LAUGHS*

Every time I try to sound cool I sound like a faggot. Because it's dishonest. Society is broken and retarded and fake and gay. If you are what society says to be, you are also not what society says to be, because society is fake and gay and contradictory. Society is just retarded. And every time I try to act how I think society wants I end up seeming retarded because society is a lie. My woman loves me. Not the mask I wear. Not any identity I constructed out of things I thought she might like. It's okay to have severe autism. Masking it to act normal means acting like the average person and what is the average person? Exactly. Normal is just the polite term for average. The average person laughs when you fall and throws shit at hobos and graffitis "fuck off" on walls where kids can see and votes for jewish pedophiles and plays damage control for rapey nigger barbarians and muslim pedophiles and buys funko pops and loves soytoons and hollywood trash and drinks booze and does drugs and weighs 300 to 600 pounds and kicks puppies. Goodness is rare and the average person is not good. The average time spends more time in niggerjew tv land than in reality with other people so our society and experiences are shaped by lies. Gen Z humor is random because when we grew up watching cartoons obsessed with referencing the 90s and anything older we didn't get the references so we laughed at the randomness instead. Retarded tv shows for normies make everyone communicate ineffectively and say retarded shit instead of revealing their true feelings. When I try to act cool she tells me to stop acting and tells me to be myself, so I stop. When I try to sound tough or sexy it comes out wrong. Being myself makes her happy. She is proud of me. And I really would shoot any niggers who try to rape her. I won't let anyone hurt her. She laughs at my jokes when they aren't retarded. And she doesn't hate me for being autistic. One time we ate in a restaurant and it was loud and overcrowded and she could tell I was in pain and she said it was okay for me to put my headphones on even though it meant I had to lip read her to talk to her. She likes me. She likes the cool stuff I do. She likes watching me when I work even though I only feel comfortable being watched coding or playtesting or making music or other stuff. If anyone watched me when I draw they might think I'm a disgusting degenerate pervert for drawing boobies on my female characters. After all that is a normal expression of human sexuality and artistic expression and humans can be weird about that stuff. Normally when I draw boobs I ask her to look away. But I trust my woman and next time I draw boobs I will tell her it's okay if she wants to look.

She said it was too early for me to ask her to marry me but she didn't say no and she didn't say she hated me and never wanted to see me again so I think that means she wanted to say yes but she was shy and not ready to say yes yet. Feels weird to think she can be shy about things too. Normally I'm the shy one. I'm in a stable relationship and I'm in love. This love is real. I thought I knew love when I liked a cartoon character a lot. Ha ha ha... the text limit would get in the way of writing enough "ha"s. Maybe if I was a better man years ago I could have handled those relationships better. When I talked to her best friend she called me a retard for proposing way too soon. I hope she doesn't think I'm a perverted masochist for telling her it's okay to call me retarded whenever she wants. I'm not weird.

Also our fucking microwave is broken. Sparking and releasing a vile smell. It smells worse than my water filter after it's burned the niggerness out of our water supply and that's saying something. I need to replace that piece of shit microwave next payday. Fucking jews. Fucking chinese jews. Jewnese. Chijews. Chews. I wish there was a nazi country. Even if I couldn't move there yet I would want to buy a nazi microwave to support white families and get a better microwave. Even if the microwave was swastika shaped and a little pop up hitler model popped up when the microwave was done to give a hitler salute and yell hitler stuff it would be fine. It would be even better. Haha, imagine a nazi clock but the bird is hitler yelling about jews. Instead of coo-coo it's jew-jew. The door opens and we hear INTERNATIONAL CLIQUE and closes. The door opens and we hear GRADUALLY I BEGAN TO HATE THEM and closes.

Tell whoever's responsible for the sorry state of Brave Browser on Android he's a nigger.

I embrace my humanity, Jojo.

The latest version of the writing thread is dying on page 4 with no posts in it except glim's. Joke threads get more activity. Fucking seb threads get more activity. The writing thread might keep on fading away forever if I don't draw attention to it somehow.

It brings me no joy to say this. Hell, I feel bad about the dead thread. I know I shouldn't, but I do.

I should probably single handedly keep it active by checking on it numerous times per day, replying to any new posts quickly, trying to spark new discussion where there wouldn't normally be any. But I'm too busy to keep doing that. And my girl is giving me better writing advice than I ever thought possible. Turns out some women read a lot of books. I always thought they just watched a lot of TV but some of them really do read a lot of books and most of them are good books.

I never thought the thread would just go belly-up like that without me around. Jesus.

Maybe I would draw a lot of attention to the thread if I said "Mwahahaha I am glad that foolish circlejerk of foolish fools has fizzled out and died without me to thanklessly single handedly keep it afloat! Those pseudointellectual AVGN CinemaSins wannabes can suck it! There is more to literary criticism than calling the blue curtains shitty and fetishistic! Anyone can take that same attitude to the greatest of stories and invent things to complain about! You have to ask yourself if you're criticizing media to help creators or just bashing media to hear yourself speak, and if it's the latter you have to make peace with the fact that this is an inherently masturbatory activity motivated by the pursuit of self validation and some people won't find any value in that! If you give criticism in a way that makes the object of criticism not want to listen, that criticism has failed!" but I don't talk like that.

Though talking like that would probably get a few people to try reviving the thread out of spite for me. I wouldn't care about their reasons for doing so, and maybe if they read books once in a while they'd discover something in life that can become more important to them than me like literature. I could try to use reverse psychology. But that's too manipulative and manipulation is evil. If I say "I am glad that thread I hate is dead" those who hate me might want to keep the thread alive. But what would they fill it with? More useless "fuck you nigel"posting? I can't see any of them actually trying to better themselves as writers in my absence or even post about writing at all in my absence, because nobody did that in my absence.

Then again the threads were never really about real books or writers, they were about pony fanfiction. Pony is a tiny niche, fanfiction is a tinier niche, mlpol is a tinier niche, fanfiction that would theoretically appeal to right wing fans of a nine season kids show with ten good episodes is a tinier niche, and it's traditionally right-wing to not give a shit about fiction.

I kept trying to get writing advice in that thread, but I never got any useful writing advice more advanced than "read better books". So I kept posting. Then I got a girl. Suddenly I don't care about validation any more. I thought I already didn't care about validation from others. But now I really don't care about validation from others. The world could despise me and I wouldn't care.

Part of me wants to delete this post and see how far back the writing thread can fall on its own without me. Part of me considers making threads to intentionally hasten its trip to page 10. Part of me considers making a writing thread of my own. But... nah. I don't give a shit either way any more.

Maybe if that thread had a constructive and engaging prompt to write about as some kind of thread topic of the week instead of a borderline unreadable "fuck you nigel" disclaimer more people would want to post? That's probably driven away a few people. The feeling that this thread is motivated by spite first, ego second, and anything genuine third. Go, go and tear down those false idols of straw and paper, hate them and call their authors faggots, attack the universally beloved stories, if by universally beloved you mean they were big deals for a while in a fandom that died fast when the show got bad and the biggest sites became unbearable to use. Bashing bad pony stories that were written years ago is a lot easier than helping someone write a good story today. Bashing obviously bad derivative pony fiction is easier than bashing bad children's novels like Harry Potter, and bashing bad children's novels is easier than bashing good(ish) children's novels like the Percy Jackson series.

What would anyone even do with that story? Complain about the jokes intended for children because they are not as funny as the jokes intended for children in Spongebob Squarepants? Call it inauthentic that nobody gets raped in this story a man wrote for his son and Medusa isn't ripping out people's spines like in the original Greek myths? I don't think anyone would benefit in the long run from this.

But if Brandon Sanderson analyzed Percy Jackson, I think a lot of people would learn a lot from it. That man has confidence and success. He puts his work on youtube where anyone can see it. He does lectures and uploads those too. He has thousands of subscribers. He's better than countless writers and faster than anyone better than him. He's the coolest. I wish he criticized bad my little pony friendship is magic fanfiction on a forum full of men roleplaying as little girl ponies and goblin dragons when they aren't complaining about this week's war crime committed by jews and niggers and libtards. He could help his millions of fans write better pornography featuring comfort characters from a decade old children's show. Then again why the fuck would successful people want to do this when they have money to make? I have people counting on me now. Can't afford to waste time. Can't waste time. Brb working on stuff. I'll make my loved one proud.

>>6539
What in the actual fuck.

Many types of people play fighting games. I'm sick of one certain type. There's one type of person who plays fighting games and he's really, really dumb. It's all about the ego for him. He wants to be seen playing something complicated to look smart. He wants to be the big fish in the small pond. Then he immediately looks for ways to optimize the second player out of the game, because the second player is "randomness" and if he "randomly" Shoryukens or Instant Blocks instead of blocking normally, this "randomness" gets in the way of winning consistently. The sight of an unblockable setup makes him nut, but they're only fair when he can do them. If someone makes him block in Street Fighter 2 that's bullshit but if he can make someone block mixups for ten seconds straight in Blazblue that's fair and balanced. He loves making others guess coin flips for their lives but if someone makes him guess a coin flip and he loses a round in which he lost a coin flip that's bullshit. He loves his niche games but when his game gets popular, people who are better at fighting games than him kick his ass and ruin his fun and push him to another franchise, preferably another obscure game with few players and little chance of anyone discovering anything new. If he beats you his argument wins and if you beat him it didn't count because he said so. Bullshit execution requirements are good if they gatekeep out people better than him who don't feel like putting in the time to overcome that barrier and high execution characters deserve unblockable TODs because they're a character for the elite few who earned it, but if execution requirements put up a barrier between him and people better than him who already overcame that barrier the barrier is suddenly bullshit and everything needs a macro and execution requirements don't belong in fighting games because they get in the way of consistency. If you want to know something you're a faggot for not already knowing it. If he wants to know something everyone else is a faggot for not telling him. Obscure knowledge checks are only fair when they help him, and when they harm him they're bullshit.

You can't respect the opinions of someone like that because he lacks opinions and thoughts. He feels, and then he contrives excuses to justify what he feels with grown up words. If he beats you because of blatantly unfair bullshit it's a skill issue and if you beat him the game despite the bullshit or with the exact same bullshit suddenly it is bullshit. He's a fucking kike and the fighting game community would be better off without them.

It's incredible how easily you got mindraped. I was trying to bait you out of your den.
I never intended to rewire you like that. Maybe there's some merit to the niggelbot theory.

Anyways. You don't show the bullies when you are sore. What a nigger.

Could you imagine if I had a Naruto tattoo, and a Pokemon tattoo, and a MLP tattoo? Signs of a man who thought he would never grow up and discover more important things in life like loving my wife and hating the government.

What's the opposite of a fetish?

A Hsitef?

I have a hsitef for masks now. The sight of them fucking disgusts me. Take your arabian harem slave veil off. You are not a Mortal Kombat whore, take your mask off. You are not protecting anyone, you are creating a moist wet and wild interracial bacteria homo orgy on your mouth and nose. If I see those fucking blueish bits of paper on your face held to your ears with elastic you're a niggerfaggot and you'd be better off with underwear over your mouth. I heard one tard actually say she thought those masks on a man, especially when dangling from your face by one ear, revealing your mouth, was sensual and forbidden and sexy. Jesus fucking christ nobody tell this woman about legs or she'd fucking implode. Normally I'm not judgemental with women because I expect them to have fetishes that could make a sewer rat puke but this one was something else. Masks are a symbol of societal decay and idiocy now. A fucking NPC marker. A commie tattoo on the face. Only cool Fallout mod and Cybergoth type masks get a pass but only because those big bulky masks could (or look like they could) protect you from hazardous shit in the air hence why basically nobody wore them during the scamdemic. NPCs were told it was enough to take a free piece of paper with elastic and put it on and inject their body with poisons and gene therapy... and they chose this over wearing real masks with replaceable filters. Gay paper masks are for homo nigger faggots brainwashed by jews.

hehe

>be watching Great Expectations
>guy calls Pip a retard for fucking up his maths
>pip's new gf is a fucking nigger
>nope.jpg

Noped right out of there and changed the channel.

It's more jarring than seeing cardboard buildings sway in the breeze, recognizing a famous actor in a movie, seeing an actor struggle not to laugh during his own death scene, seeing a modern gun in a cowboy movie 200 years out of place, or even seeing Godzilla take his mascot costume head off to headbutt King Kong.

All that money, all that effort, wasted because the niggers wanted to RP as white people in a white people movie.

Writing thread's at page four again but I don't feel like bumping it. It's probably been to page four and past page four a bunch of times while I wasn't looking. If I was a younger man I'd probably check on it daily but who's got time for that? I've got masculine responsibilities now like constructing things. I bought wood. I bought a lot of wood and used a saw to cut it how it should be. I put nails in it. They should prescribe DIY gardening to trannies, it'll turn them all into men, except the women, because women can never be men. Everything is ready. I'm going to get buckets next payday. I'm going to get a lot of buckets and dirt. Good dirt. I'll fill the buckets with good dirt and grow some plants. Damn good plants. Tomatoes and potatoes. Berries. I'd have chickens for their eggs if my landlord would allow it. Society is jewed for telling men they can't farm properly. I wish I could grow bananas and oranges, but the jewish weather won't allow for that. Satan's a faggot for fucking the planet up so whites got the shittiest land and niggers got to squander the best land. Satan's a faggot too. God truly sends his hardest battles to his strongest warriors. Mud huts offer no value to the earth. There will never be a wakanda. White fantasies are "We will kill dragons and demons, and we can build a civilization that will explore and colonize space". Nigger fantasies are "We will kill and we can build a civilization". I'm beginning to feel like a plant god, plant god. Jews are raping the white race with their fraud, their fraud. Growing plants just like a fucking plant god, plant god. They said I fuck like a robot so call me plant god. I'm nostalgic for Eminem's old raps because they are some of the first raps I heard and learned (Maybe that's why I always hated nigger rap... Eminem raps better but if he was black he'd be a shit rapper) but if he did any of the evil shit Nintendo does I'd hate him. Has he done any evil shit I never heard about? Nintendo fans are soyboy beta cucks with tiny jews inside their brains raping them. Nintendo fans view Nintendo's fuckups as an opportunity to show their loyalty and devotion to the corporation. Cyberpunk 20whatever was a good game full of glitches and gay shit but it was better than Pokemon Scarredcock and Bitchlet, so why was CD Project Red hurt by Cyberpunk while Nintendo got a free pass? Simple. Cyberpunk was marketed towards adults, and their standards are just a little bit higher than soyboys on the Sintendo plantation. Video game publishers are not your friends. Book publishers are not your friends. Gamers? More like gay-mers. Nobody simps for fucking children's book publishers just for publishing some of the books people grew up with, so what excuse do gamers with a hard R have? I tried to write a short simple story but I took it too seriously and made it overcomplicated. My target audience would never get this. I'll save those overcomplicated ideas for later and write a different simple short story.

If I made a Fire Emblem parody and pretended I wasn't doing that on purpose do you think anyone would notice?

Haters gonna hate

Debuggitng games is tiresome but rewarding work. Watching a site you used to like descend into cliquey jewishness is sad. If you told me the clique is full of jewish woman I would believe you based on their behaviour. They feel entitled to demand the removal of whoever they don't like, no matter how they behave and how they treat others. Wouldn't surprise me if some of their members controlled discord servers for coordinating these off topic circlejerks. Would explain the sudden spikes in activity whenever I show up.

>>6617
>oy vey, everyone hates me and it's everyone's fault but mine
yeah, clearly we're the ones who are acting like kikes here.

>>6619
I don't care what you or your friends think of me and I never will.

>>6622
Nor would anyone expect you to. Nobody who has had any extended interaction with you would expect much of anything from you at this point, least of all any sort of genuine self-reflection or sincere effort at improvement. Whenever anyone criticizes you for anything you never evaluate or correct your own behavior. You rationalize; you get defensive. You assume that everyone who gets annoyed with you or criticizes you must be part of some organized group of bullies trying to bring you down, because the possibility that people simply find your obnoxious behavior obnoxious is just too much for you to process.

I mean, take a look at this thread ffs. 1000 posts in here, almost all of them yours, almost every post a gigantic wall of text. The bump limit is like 600 posts. And what is written in here, that was so important that you had to record it for posterity? Rants about Nintendo Switch and Pokemon and Cyberpunk 2077 and every other video game you have an opinion on. Massive walls of cope-and-seethe about how gay the writing thread is now because the anons there finally got tired of putting up with your nonsense and yeeted you out. In other words, nothing but typical Nigel bullshit. I have never in my life encountered someone who had so much to say about absolutely nothing.

Here is the reality you don't want to face: there is no organized group on this site trying to bully you. You are simply an obnoxious, irritating sperg that nobody can stand because you have nothing interesting to say and yet you never shut up. You can't stay on topic to save your life, your posts are 99% incoherent nonsense, you post stupid unfunny memes about niche topics that only you understand, your criticisms offer no meaningful insight beyond calling everything you dislike "gay" simply because you dislike it, your jokes aren't funny, you have no apparent interest in anything besides video games and disposable garbage entertainment written for children, you can't converse intelligently on any subject, including the video games and disposable garbage media you enjoy, and despite all of this, you are constantly putting down other people for being interested in disposable garbage media written for children your current stalker-level obsession with Chatoyance is the most current example of this behavior. Everything you post to this site is garbage, your personality is repellant to nearly everyone, and I feel quite confident in stating that this entire community finds not one redeeming virtue in any word you've ever written. To put it simply, (You) are a terrible poster, and you need to piss off and find some other place to post your endless stream of bullshit.

Even if there were some super-sekrit Nigel-haters club lurking in the shadows somewhere, they wouldn't need to organize themselves or follow you around. "Bullying Nigel" is simply a matter of waiting for you to post something stupid, which you do on an almost daily basis with no provocation whatsoever, and then making fun of whatever stupid thing you posted.

But why am I wasting my time writing all of this out? You don't care what I or my friends think about you, and you never will, right? I'll just shut up, and let you go back to writing another 1000 posts about how little you care.

>>6624
You're so hyper-focused on me, you forget how you treat me, and then wonder why I don't respect you. It can't be a you problem, of course. No, you think how you feel about me has to be my problem. And you cannot handle the fact that I just don't care about your feelings because I don't respect you. There was a period where I played nice, and it lasted too long. You got used to seeing yourself as the altruistic victims tirelessly struggling against me. You never stopped to ask yourself why I am your obsession. It doesn't matter to you whether you are one anonymous coward, one anonymous coward with a few VPNs and IPs to post from, or a few anonymous cowards in a discord server. The truth isn't decided upon by committee. I don't care what narcissistic histrionic dysgenic masturbation addicts think of me or my capability to produce the art and games and fanfics I make for fun. I don't owe you people anything. Valuable critics are in this to help creators, not to feel validated and respected and listened to. Anyone can be a critic in the social media age. It's easy. If you don't know why I don't value you or your opinions, start asking yourself if it's how you present those opinions, or if those opinions are anything I should care about in the first place. You don't respect me as a person, and you don't respect my time, so why should I respect you as an authority, anonymous cowardly stranger? It would please me greatly if you'd make a pouty speech about how you're done trying to help me, because your idea of helping someone is gaslighting them and guilt-slinging at them because they're an easy target and you want them to care about you. I don't care if you tell yourself you're the hero of this story, because I want no part in your story. On another site somebody insulted me for working on so many projects at once, and I laughed because as far as I'm aware that anonymous stranger is working on sweet fuck all. But anyway, back to you. If Hitler was alive today I don't think he would respect masturbation addicts hell bent on micromanaging chatrooms for what was meant to be a feminist cartoon for children about little girls.