He keeps going:>We had been trying to repair our relationship ever since the night she had seen the darkness in me.
Which night was this? Was it the night you put on mascara and sang My Chemical Romance songs to her while your wrists cried tears of blood?
Anyway, the rest of SteelHooves' anecdote is, again, mostly just filling in the details of a story that we've already heard. However, one of those details elevates this already-hilarious scene to new levels of tragicomedy:>“The Princesses’ shield was huge,” he reminded me. “Several hundred yards above the city, the shield bisected the waterfalls that pour down into Canterlot. All that water came down and had no place to go. It pooled in the bottom of the shield as the missiles began impacting from above.>“Water absorbs the Pink Cloud all too readily. When the shield collapsed, that water fell down on Zebratown like a tidal wave from the sky. Except the water was saturated pink. That wave washed over the town and everypony… everyone left inside it.”
Seriously, think about this for a minute. You've got a city on a cliff, with a river running through it that cascades off the cliff into a waterfall. At some point, you need to shield the city from missiles, so you construct a magical shield that for all practical purposes functions as a physical barrier surrounding the city. Apparently, this barrier is not porous enough for water to flow through, so...what? You've effectively dammed the river, and Canterlot is now contained in a giant bubble that is slowly filling up with water? Did the Princesses really think this one through properly? Even if we forget about all the pink cloud stuff for the moment, what exactly was the plan here? Put up a shield to protect everypony from the barrage of missiles, only to have them all drown when the flood waters fill up the bubble?
There's another thing here too: if water can't get out
of the shield, how exactly is it getting in?
The ingress side of the bubble is water-porous but the egress side isn't? What kind of retarded spell design is that? If you have the capability to make parts of the shield porous, why not have it so the water flows out but not in? That way the water that's already in Canterlot would just drain out. And if you can't make it porous at all, then logically shouldn't the river just flow around
the bubble instead of flooding it? There is so much concentrated autism here that I literally can't even process it. Of all the ludicrous instances of physics-rape kkat has flung at us, this is by far the silliest.
Anyway, to wrap the story up, Applesnack was standing in this very spot, looking up mournfully at Canterlot, probably humming a My Chemical Romance song while tears of blood caused his mascara to run, when suddenly the shield broke like an overfilled water balloon, and a tidal wave of pink water came crashing down upon him. And that's the story of how Zebratown became flooded with Pink Cloud and also how SteelHooves got his hoofprints melted into the cobblestones. I guess.Page break
. Midnight Shower's Purportedly Very Strange but So Far Very Uneventful Tale, Day 27:
Midnight has been sending letters to Princess Luna which continue to go unanswered. Meanwhile, she was kicked out of a jeweler's shop when she brought her "starmetal" fragment in to be appraised. Also, for some bizarre reason, the progressive, open-minded ponies who moved to zebratown in order to show how not-bigoted they are have suddenly turned into angry bigots, who drive around in chariots hurling epithets and molotov cocktails at random zebras. For some reason, they consider this to be a saner thing to do than simply finding somewhere else to live. This seems odd, seeing as how, unlike the zebras, they are not being held here against their will. If they have reevaluated their opinion of the zebras based on...wait, what exactly happened to cause this change of heart? None of this adds up, honestly.>I was just leaving when a chariot raced by, drawn by a very familiar-looking pony as two others hurled burning bottles and shouted anti-zebra epitaphs too foul to sully myself repeating.
It's epithets, not epitaphs, by the way. An epithet
describes a characteristic of a person or thing; an epitaph
is...wait a minute.
It turns out that technically, an epitaph
is a memorial phrase inscribed onto a tombstone. I was actually going to make a snarky joke here about how "epitaphs" are the chapter headers that kkat keeps fucking up, but it turns out I've been misusing this term for actual years. The chapter headers are technically called epigraphs
It's an easy enough mistake to make, but still; I was technically incorrect, the worst kind of incorrect, and must now commit sudoku. Not really, but there is indeed an important lesson here: I don't know everything. I am as capable of error as anyone else, and you should feel free to call me out on any mistakes that I make. It turns out that today, kkat and I were both faggots.
So, to ensure that we're all on the same page going forward, here is the difference between epithet, epitaph, and epigraph:
"Here Lies kkat; we buried him ass-up so that he can keep on doing what he loves."
"Alas, poor Yorick! What fools these mortals be!"
Anyway, the business with the anti-zebra pones throwing the molotov turned into this whole big thing. A zebra filly got burned, and SteelHooves, who was a constable in Zebratown at the time, shot a bitch in the leg. The Dash problem seems to be connected with Angel Bunny's pharmaceutical lab. Also, it turns out the prisoner alluded to earlier, the one who knows about zebra lore, was arrested for smuggling contraband. The contraband turns out to be a book, which was then confiscated by the Ministry of Image. The implication seems to be that this is the zebra necronomicon that keeps popping up. Nothing else happens, really.