>>390666>>390715>The right screen flickers on, exposing a spartan, darkly lit interview room.>Angle pointing straight down next to a recessed lamp, the image of mid-60's male arm holding a long cigarette over a white ceramic ashtray, weathered arm propped on a new steel table.>A young, fairly charismatic woman's voice speaks, slim hands spreading a series of mathematical covered pages out before the man."Your proposal has been exhaustively considered. Each calculation has been run through the best software, heuristic machine learning algorithms, and logarithmic programs available to us. It is, quote, marginally flawed, end quote."
"So, not a success then. Is my concept or the math at fault?"
>The male's voice was rough, tired; a lifelong smoker, though surprisingly sharp and quick."No, to both. At least, not in the ways we thought it was a failure at first. Large scale energy waveform manipulation of the intended magnitudes are, with our current and projected technological limitations within the next five years, impossible.
That is until we stumbled across a mutant quirk of variable quantum foam selection."
"Quantum what now?"
"That explanation would take hours. Here, let me show you precisely what the result looks like. Stand up, then look above the paper itself."
>A large sheet of paper moves into view of the recording, covered in familiar esoteric symbols and condensed terminology."My.. my head hurts, why? What is this? I didn't draw any of this, whe-"
>Chair scraping backwards, then once more as a panicked step is taken."The fu-"
"Calm down! Relax. That is a perfectly normal reaction! Look at the hand writing. Yes, that's it. You see it now? The whole lab did too.. at least those that didn't pass out or begin bleeding from their nostrils and ears. Do you understand the ramifications of what you discovered?"
>Sitting down heavily after five seconds, the older man sighs, ash being flicked onto floor."....fuck me. It's a wave motion cannon, isn't it? Just.. condensed down for an individual's use. ......my daughter loves old anime. Watched a lot of it with her before she moved away. Became a nurse."
"I understand, so does my cousin. With the proper knowledge, this could be taught to a-"
"Sufficiently trustworthy and loyal human being with sufficient inherent energetic control. I get the point. Is this why I'm being interviewed behind six inch thick one-way glass in every direction?"
"No, w-"
"Look, I drove six hours to get here, waited an hour before that bitch bothered to check something, spent another in decontamination bullshit, half an hour being poked and prodded in the dumbest looking medical lab possible, then sat here for another hour before you strolled in! Tell me what I'm doing here and why before I decide punching you is the fastest way to get out of here and go find somewhere to eat lunch!"
"....one of the facility coordinators believes you may be the perfect candidate to teach this method, to others, in the event of a relatively peaceful First Contact."
"Why didn't you say that when I asked?! I've be- ....what?"
"Here."
"What's this?"
>Sliding a small credit card into view, the woman's hand turns palm up."A black card. Credit and debit only. Untraceable, except by our organization. We may only make deposits, not withdrawals. Initial personal funding of five million. Later funds will not be unlimited, though should be sufficient to, hopefully, prevent you fro-"
"Betrayal is a low priority unless your organization pisses with my family, my dog, my friends, and my colleagues. What's this about First Contact, and do I have to sign an En-Dee-Ay?"
"I can assure you our organization does NOT target family members, I will show you in a minute, and that will be necessary, yes. Before you sign your name, please turn around and observe the white taped mirror."
".....are they rea-"
"Yes. They do not know we are observing them, and we are still unsure how. For each action there should be an equal and opposite reaction, but so far there are no indications of a single individual realizing they are being watched. Unless this type of event is so commonplace they do not consider it an anomaly."
"Then.... there's been no First Contact yet?"
"Correct. We were.. hoping you would select an individual to do that for us."
"......before I sign this, I've got three conditions. One: what I say gets done. No bullshit, no fuckups, no calling in sick if you aren't, no if's, no but's. How, when, why, and where, my word is absolute law."
"...they agree."
"Two: no details of this to anyone except you, the people listening, watching, or both, me, and whicever outside whichever lab techs, researchers, and science flunkies get brought in. I want to know who ate what six years ago, how they tie their shoes, and the exact number of pornographic files they've downloaded in their entire lives."
"They agree."
"Three: WHEN this technology is out of experimental stages and becomes available, my daughter gets the first production line version of each. Anonymously, of course."
"Each? I don-"
"Variable close combat weapon, pistol, rifle, shotgun, and launcher."
"How do you expect t-"
"Because I understand how to configure it into specific forms. Can't you?"
"............no, I cannot. And they agree, with one condition of their own."
"What is it?"
"The organization, through numerous cutouts, shall retain full rights to sell a line of... WHAT!?"
"Out with it."
"Er... ...stuffed.. toys. Of which you will receive a flat twenty percent royalty on."
"Done. Now take me to the closest lunch room and explain why your lab idiots were experimenting with
molecular motion waves instead of my design-"
>The recording ends.