>>395155A high, shrill whistle cut suddenly through the air, and a moment later, high in the sky, a firework exploded into a flowering burst of pink and green. Another one followed, this one bright blue. Then came another. And another. Slowly, ponies from inside the hall began to trickle out onto the balcony, drawn by the fireworks. Sweetie and I stayed on our bench, watching as the sky lit up with colors.
"Hey, Sweetie Belle?"
"Yeah?"
"There's something else I want to tell you. My name's not actually Rusty Shackleford. It's Dale Gribble. And I'm not from Oklahoma, I'm from Arlen, Texas." I paused, then added: "Keep that to yourself, though. There are government agencies out there that would literally kill for that information. And that Scootaloo seems like kind of a blabbermouth."
Sweetie Belle giggled again. Then she sniffed, wiping at her nose with a fetlock. Her eyes looked a bit watery. Guess she had allergies too.
"Your secret's safe with me."
The balcony was crowded now. The exploding sky had blossomed into a meadow of greens and blues and pinks and purples.
"Hey, Mr. Rusty? I mean, Mr. Dale?"
"Yeah?"
"Who exactly is Lee Harvey Oswald, anyway?"
Above us, a particularly elaborate firework was going off, a multicolored explosion, so bright that it cast the entire balcony in a warm glow of pastel-colored light. The crowd on the balcony gave a collective "ooooh," followed by a collective "aaah" when a second one followed. I watched it until the last ember faded, only to be replaced instantly by another, equally amazing firework. And another. And another.
"Nobody important, Sweetie Belle. He's nobody important."
===
We all stood together in a small stone chamber, gazing at the mirror that Princess Celestia had unveiled. Instead of our reflections in the glass we saw Ward Rackley's basement, the image rippling slightly, as if we were viewing it through a waterfall.
"There," said Princess Celestia, the warm glow fading from her horn. "Both portals should now be open. This should be a far more stable matrix than the one that brought you here. I trust you've all said your goodbyes?"
I looked at my three friends, then over my shoulder at the small group of ponies standing solemnly behind us. After the massive party in the great hall, this felt like a small family affair. It was just the four of us, plus Celestia, the Crusaders, and Twilight and her friends.
I was still wearing my Crusader cape. Hank kept giving me funny looks, but otherwise he didn't comment. The three Crusaders gave me an encouraging smile, and each raised a hoof in salute. I returned the gesture. Hank sighed heavily but still said nothing. I turned and nodded to Celestia.
"Very well," said the Princess. "Now, if you would all three step into the mirror—"
"WAIT!!"
Hank groaned and rubbed his temples.
"Dang it, Bill," he said. "What is it this time?"
Instead of answering, Bill wheeled sharply around and approached Fluttershy. We all braced ourselves for the inevitable scene, yet it didn't come. Bill simply stood before her, and calmly began to speak.
"Fluttershy," he began. "Ever since the day I first came here, when you found me rummagin' around in that mare's garbage can, I've kinda felt like... kinda felt like..."
Suddenly he burst into tears, kneeling on the ground and pulling Fluttershy into a bear hug.
Okay, THERE'S the scene we were expecting..."PLEEEEEEASE Fluttershy, I don't wanna go back home," he sobbed. "It's so perfect here, and I been so happy! The others might have to go back, but I can stay here with you, no problem! It ain't no problem at all! The Army might get a little sore at me, what with me goin' AWOL and all, but they'll never think to look for me in Equestria..."
Fluttershy, looking extremely uncomfortable, managed to wriggle herself out of Bill's arms and leapt into the air, landing behind Applejack and peering out at him cautiously. Bill continued sobbing for a second or two, and then with visible effort he composed himself. He stood up, wiped the tears from his eyes, straightened the gigantic sequined bow-tie that Rarity had made for him, and cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry," he said, with as much dignity as he could muster. "I'm a little emotional right now. I guess what I'm tryin' to say is, Fluttershy..." He got down on one knee, reached into his pocket, and held out the mashed, lint-covered remnants of what I could only assume used to be an onion ring. "Will you marry me?"
The assembled mares and fillies all gasped in unison. Hank, Boomhauer and I stood stone-faced, hardly daring to breathe. We all waited for what felt like an eternity. Everyone's eyes were on Fluttershy, who increasingly looked like she wanted to melt into a puddle and escape through the cracks between the flagstones. Finally, she spoke:
"Oh, um... no thank you."
Keeping her head low to the ground, she gave us all an awkward, apologetic smile, backing slowly towards the doorway. Once she was through, she spun around and galloped away as fast as she could. We all stood in silence, listening to the echoes of her hoofsteps fading away.
In that moment, I could swear I heard Bill's soul physically shattering into a million pieces.
Finally, Hank stepped up, grabbed Bill by the collar, and dragged him to his feet. Bill couldn't even speak. All he could do was emit a long, low, pitiful whine, like a bicycle tire with a pin-sized hole in it.
"Alright, Bill," said Hank, patting him awkwardly on the shoulder. "There there, and... such..."
He walked him slowly back towards the mirror. Bill offered no resistance, only continuing to make that low, pitiful whining sound. Celestia cleared her throat.
"Ah... alright, then. Before I send you all home, have any of you learned any lessons about friendship that you wish to share?"
"Well, actually I—"