>>273287>Who is John Elway?
An interesting question, one that everyone has doubtlessly asked from time to time. And yet, it is not so simple to answer.
Ayn Rand once famously posed the question "who is John Galt?" That one, however, is simple to answer: John Galt is the owner of John Galt Hyundai and Subaru, and also John Galt Toyota, John Galt Ford and John Galt Chevrolet. These dealerships are all conveniently located just off Arapahoe Road near Emporia Street, and if you act now you can get 0% APR financing for nine months on a brand new used Toyota pickup truck with only a few dents and probably no serious transmission problems at all.
However, these are LIES, lies propagated by the odious False Football organization known as the Oakland Raiders, who were created one afternoon when Dan Reeves tried to create the perfect Football, but accidentally added another ingredient to the concoction: Chemical X.
The Raiders would go on to sow chaos and destruction wherever they went. They were simultaneously responsible for the Jews, the Holocaust of the Jews, the myth of the Holocaust fabricated by the Jews, and the myth that the myth of the Holocaust was fabricated by the Jews. They may also have had a hand in the myth that the myth of the Holocaust fabricated by the mythical Jews was, in fact, a myth. Sooth; follow any gossamer thread of deceit, and at the center of the web you shall find that most treacherous spider, The Oakland Raiders (although sometimes they will attempt to confuse you by calling themselves The Seattle Seahawks, or sometimes The Oakland Jews).
Thus, to combat this most Foul and Insidious Enemy, the all-father Dan Reeves did propel himself backward in time using his rocket skis to the very beginning of time, the time when there was no time, when the ponies did frolic in innocence, for there were yet no Oakland Raiders to torment them with False Football and Holocausts. And thus did he seek out the Lady Dash, and he didst inseminate her with his mighty fourteen inch hypnodong, and there was much rejoicing, for the lady Dash did explode thus into pure Football, and so was born that holiest of holies, John Elway, who was himself The Denver Broncos. And it was because of this power that came into the world and also Rainbow Dash that day, that John Elway was able to punt a field goal directly into the foul nigger cunt of the Oakland Raiders and then travel to the future beyond the future, where he didst explode into football once more, and become the all-father Dan Reeves, so that he could travel back in time and once more cum inside Rainbow Dash, and also he played with her butthole a little because why not, and then she didst explode into rainballs and Footbow, and thus was born a Sonic Rainboom of pure Football.
I hope this has answered your question to a level of satisfaction.