Is therapy just a joke, or is it worth getting? Who should I do therapy with? Can I trust my entire life's story with anyone who's not on this site?
Maybe if I tell you my life's story, you can give me life advice.
I was raised by abusive lefty parents who hated their smart white son and often tried to push me towards trannyism. Never fell for it.
First I was sent to a shit primary school. A few kids bullied me there and teachers punished me whenever I fought back. I was a fat angry kid who could punch hard when pushed, and they liked attacking me and then running away. But when we fought properly I'd kick their asses. One time I kicked their asses hard enough to make them stop bothering me.
When I graduated from this school I was sent to the special school of a catholic school, and made the personal property of one old bitch there who hated autistic kids. Around that era I got interested in Game Maker and pokemon romhacking but that interest never amounted to anything, though I did have a USB full of GBA roms and romhacking tools and the fact that I was able to code at such a young age when not all kids were learning that should have shown somebody that I had more to offer the world than shitty schools thought I should.
Thanks to that school, my schedule looked like this: Enter a side building, wait for the day to end, sometimes get insulted by the teachers if they felt like abusing me, usually get to eat lunch at lunchtime but sometimes they wouldn't let me (and it didn't matter whether I brought a packed lunch to school or brought money for the school cafeteria) and eventually go home to a house with parents that, when told the right words by my boomer bullies, would freak out and abuse me at home too. Rarely I'd get to join in a classroom... but class clowns would act up until I'd get blamed for it and sent out.
If I had a tape recorder or decent phone, I could have gathered evidence of the shit said/done to me (audio files of verbal abuse, pics of bruises, etc) and posted it online. But I was never allowed anything like that, because my parents feared I might use it on them. One day at school the art teacher bumped me with her car while backing up into a crowd of kids, I was fine but pissed off and the art teacher shrieked and blame-slinged feministically at me until I lost my patience and started barking back, then she put me in front of the headmaster and I told him about the abusive staff members and called him terrible at his job, so he kicked me out.
Then I was sent to a worthless "speshul" school where a few teachers abused me and the students usually watched in confusion when they weren't joining in. Whenever I trusted an adult enough to tell him or her what happened at home, that adult decided to call child protective services, who sent the same fucking boomer woman over to warn my parents that I was talking about what went on at home again. I couldn't get away from my family until I became the problem of Adult Protective Services, where the slightly less retarded and lazy people go.
A woman my age at the autistics-only youth club I attended got mad at me over retarded internet roleplaying nonsense-drama that didn't even involve me, and she lied about me to the cops and accused me of abusing her, even went to some clinic to fake signs of a concussion she didn't have because she's a spoilt bitch who knows how to play her rich parents like fiddles, she was a low-functioning sociopath woman with histrionic personality disorder and every retarded boomer's sympathy. She lied and got away with it, because the cops weren't interested in this case after she cartoonishly fucked up and started gloating about physically assaulting me without realizing it hurt her case. But even though I said to the managers of the youth club and the friends I knew there "If what she said about me was true I'd be in jail so you know she's lying" they couldn't believe me because they were dumb. There was one weird creepy fucker I used to talk to online because his "woe is me, asian school life is sooo hard" shit kind of reminded me of me at the time, but he got severe TDS and stopped being a person once he stopped viewing me as a person so I'm glad I didn't tell him anything sensitive or identifiable that could fuck me over later in life.
Anyway when I went to college, I was lied to and exploited by the staff until I dropped out. They even tricked me into taking a worthless course that turned out to be the dump where they dump the autistic kids and give them a useless fake newspaper to write. I wish I dropped out sooner, trying to live on barely fucking anything is hard enough when your mom took govt money meant for you, but it's harder when you're forced to spend most of your cash on train rides between your college and shitty home every two weeks and all your cunt government can offer is a discount pass. Now that I'm living alone, I've got a free bus pass I can barely use. Government priorities, am I right?
I am an autistic man, I'm 24 years old, I'll be 25 next year, and I've spent so much of my life as property of someone else that I find it hard to notice when I'm hungry or tired and remember that I should eat or sleep without someone or a phone alarm telling me to. I shower every night before bed but sometimes I miss meals, it's what helped me go from obese fatty to only-slightly-overweight. I don't think I know what it feels like to be loved by someone else. Learning makes me happy and I love documentaries but when I tried an online free learning site it reminded me of school and I couldn't do it. Sometimes I talk to people and act charming like those "Charisma on command" youtube vids told me so they'll like me, but I've never given anyone my full backstory before. The only woman in my life I ever kissed was that bitch who falsely accused me and got away with it. I want to say I have no interest in modern women but I still feel the urge to wank to them. But I don't wank any more because of nofap.