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Should I get therapy?
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3147
3153 3155 3174
Is therapy just a joke, or is it worth getting? Who should I do therapy with? Can I trust my entire life's story with anyone who's not on this site?
Maybe if I tell you my life's story, you can give me life advice.

I was raised by abusive lefty parents who hated their smart white son and often tried to push me towards trannyism. Never fell for it.
First I was sent to a shit primary school. A few kids bullied me there and teachers punished me whenever I fought back. I was a fat angry kid who could punch hard when pushed, and they liked attacking me and then running away. But when we fought properly I'd kick their asses. One time I kicked their asses hard enough to make them stop bothering me.
When I graduated from this school I was sent to the special school of a catholic school, and made the personal property of one old bitch there who hated autistic kids. Around that era I got interested in Game Maker and pokemon romhacking but that interest never amounted to anything, though I did have a USB full of GBA roms and romhacking tools and the fact that I was able to code at such a young age when not all kids were learning that should have shown somebody that I had more to offer the world than shitty schools thought I should.
Thanks to that school, my schedule looked like this: Enter a side building, wait for the day to end, sometimes get insulted by the teachers if they felt like abusing me, usually get to eat lunch at lunchtime but sometimes they wouldn't let me (and it didn't matter whether I brought a packed lunch to school or brought money for the school cafeteria) and eventually go home to a house with parents that, when told the right words by my boomer bullies, would freak out and abuse me at home too. Rarely I'd get to join in a classroom... but class clowns would act up until I'd get blamed for it and sent out.
If I had a tape recorder or decent phone, I could have gathered evidence of the shit said/done to me (audio files of verbal abuse, pics of bruises, etc) and posted it online. But I was never allowed anything like that, because my parents feared I might use it on them. One day at school the art teacher bumped me with her car while backing up into a crowd of kids, I was fine but pissed off and the art teacher shrieked and blame-slinged feministically at me until I lost my patience and started barking back, then she put me in front of the headmaster and I told him about the abusive staff members and called him terrible at his job, so he kicked me out.
Then I was sent to a worthless "speshul" school where a few teachers abused me and the students usually watched in confusion when they weren't joining in. Whenever I trusted an adult enough to tell him or her what happened at home, that adult decided to call child protective services, who sent the same fucking boomer woman over to warn my parents that I was talking about what went on at home again. I couldn't get away from my family until I became the problem of Adult Protective Services, where the slightly less retarded and lazy people go.
A woman my age at the autistics-only youth club I attended got mad at me over retarded internet roleplaying nonsense-drama that didn't even involve me, and she lied about me to the cops and accused me of abusing her, even went to some clinic to fake signs of a concussion she didn't have because she's a spoilt bitch who knows how to play her rich parents like fiddles, she was a low-functioning sociopath woman with histrionic personality disorder and every retarded boomer's sympathy. She lied and got away with it, because the cops weren't interested in this case after she cartoonishly fucked up and started gloating about physically assaulting me without realizing it hurt her case. But even though I said to the managers of the youth club and the friends I knew there "If what she said about me was true I'd be in jail so you know she's lying" they couldn't believe me because they were dumb. There was one weird creepy fucker I used to talk to online because his "woe is me, asian school life is sooo hard" shit kind of reminded me of me at the time, but he got severe TDS and stopped being a person once he stopped viewing me as a person so I'm glad I didn't tell him anything sensitive or identifiable that could fuck me over later in life.
Anyway when I went to college, I was lied to and exploited by the staff until I dropped out. They even tricked me into taking a worthless course that turned out to be the dump where they dump the autistic kids and give them a useless fake newspaper to write. I wish I dropped out sooner, trying to live on barely fucking anything is hard enough when your mom took govt money meant for you, but it's harder when you're forced to spend most of your cash on train rides between your college and shitty home every two weeks and all your cunt government can offer is a discount pass. Now that I'm living alone, I've got a free bus pass I can barely use. Government priorities, am I right?

I am an autistic man, I'm 24 years old, I'll be 25 next year, and I've spent so much of my life as property of someone else that I find it hard to notice when I'm hungry or tired and remember that I should eat or sleep without someone or a phone alarm telling me to. I shower every night before bed but sometimes I miss meals, it's what helped me go from obese fatty to only-slightly-overweight. I don't think I know what it feels like to be loved by someone else. Learning makes me happy and I love documentaries but when I tried an online free learning site it reminded me of school and I couldn't do it. Sometimes I talk to people and act charming like those "Charisma on command" youtube vids told me so they'll like me, but I've never given anyone my full backstory before. The only woman in my life I ever kissed was that bitch who falsely accused me and got away with it. I want to say I have no interest in modern women but I still feel the urge to wank to them. But I don't wank any more because of nofap.
144 replies and 17 files omitted.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3471
>>3468
If I tell myself I am already married to the perfect waifu will I eventually meet her?
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3476
3477
I have a stupid friend who feels bad about having no gf but when I say "Its ok bro women are shit" he doesn't listen
what do?
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3477
>>3476
This guy's different from the stupid friends I've complained about so far. Up until now I didn't realize he was stupid.
I swear I like my friends, even the ones I haven't talked about yet. But talking about their good points would compromise anonymity.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3483
3484
I have no idea where to put this but media's boner for halfbreed characters (especially halfbreed protagonists) always bugged me.
It seems damn near every hero is only half normal human and half something else. Could be half god or half monster or half animal or anything like that.
Whenever race is a vital part of the story, superpowers almost never come from the (white) human half of the character unless the author pussies out and claims it's a general "humanity is special! Humanity fuck yeah!" thing even though everything good or cool you can praise about humanity mainly applies to whites.
And even when the story's got superpowers that don't come from race, there's usually a stat buff somewhere in the most important characters thanks to nonhuman heritage.
And if you aren't sure how to make a character exotic but not too exotic, mixing a familiar and unfamiliar race is a common trick for some reason.

I get many of the reasons why it's so common.
Besides the jewish "it subtly promotes racemixing and the idea that a half human half beast would be just as good as or better than a full human" subversion.
Making the hero half human makes him or her relatable and the magic monster half adds superpowers and potential plot importance.
If the hero's the result of a union between two magical diametrically-opposed creatures that's just inherently cool. Like being both vampire and werewolf or both angel and demon.
Combining two superpowered monsters/aliens/gods/whatever lets you give the character even more superpowers and specialness and importance.
It also makes writing the character's arc easy: First he doesn't know how to be a synthesis of two different or even completely opposed things and he feels torn between two worlds and nobody really gets him and he might even struggle with the urges or social stigmas of one or both races but then he figures it out.

But it seems damn near universal. Even anthro characters which are already half human and half animal (even if you say they're actually evolved humanoid animals or aliens who resemble earth animals for no reason) tend to get in on it when they want to make one character unusual or special. Insert tired cliche jokes about neon green and rainbow wolves with random markings and patterns trying to look unique in a sea of freaks here.
It's so damn universal that the fanbase of Ben 10, a show where a fully white fully human boy finds an alien watch that lets him transform into assorted genetically-perfected aliens at peak physical fitness, is absurdly obsessed with fusions and halfbreeds and hybrids.
And don't get me started on how the Pokemon fandom's obsessed with fusions and hybrids and so on.

Anyway... I've noticed this trope appear in my own writing.
Almost every main character I've designed over the years is a hybrid.
Has my mind been hacked?
I like the idea of fusions and I like giving characters superpowers. The characters I designed to be hybrids aren't just that way for the sake of extra superpowers and looking different. They're deep.
But is my focus on this meme the result of years of societal indoctrination to think "hybrids are cool"?
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3484
>>3483
oh wait i forgot they retconned Ben to have Anodite ancestry.
Are you still only half-human if your ancestor is a magical creature that lacks DNA?
that one faggot desperate to yell at me and pretend he's talking to me, if he read that sentence, would scream "It's not retconning it was always there you're just too dumb to get it like I do! To be fair you have to have a high IQ to understand ben 10 and appreciate Kishimoto's borderline fetish for the Uchiha and how his unique ninja world lost fucking all of its appeal in its escalating quest to become DBZ".
Anonymous
6c74a6a
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No.3503
3525
Hope this helps
https://youtu.be/lbN5wX9C7S4
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3525
3528
>>3503
Thank you fren

Lately I've been thinking about very old friends from my "hardcore brony" days... Why can't I take them on this mountain climb with me? Back when I was an escapism-obsessed coombrained fag I knew many other people like that. But I've grown and they haven't. They get mad when I talk about Peterson or exercising or the progress I've made and we have nothing to talk about except whatever bad show they've watched this week. I don't know how to help them. But maybe I should stop with the wannabe-hero shit and focus on myself.

How do you solve the "I am afraid of being alone but being charismatic with friends takes effort" problem?
Anonymous
6c74a6a
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No.3528
3529
>>3525
You're welcome. I've got two quotes for you.
"Its better to be alone than to be among poor company"
And
"Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy, and not everyone who pulls you out of shit is your friend."
T. 'That guy' who is still talking shit in other threads
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3529
>>3528
Makes sense. I'll keep these quotes in mind.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3532
3533
Still exercising, now increasing vest weight when jogging.
I should get more plants for my room. I feel lightheaded and sleepy after a few hours here.
any suggestions?

How do you deal with the reluctance to start new things due to fear that you'll get too obsessed with them?

Also man it feels GOOD to realize I finally officially give no shits about that bitch I stopped talking to.
I am my own man now. No more slave collar around my heart with a chain wrapped around that bitch's finger.
She is not my burden to carry. She is not my responsibility. She cannot be saved. If I want to ever help people I need to recognize when it's time to move on.
Man it's weird to think Betty Boop was considered a sex icon once. She's tiny and meh-tier compared to some cartoon cute girls (i was about to write cuties but that fucking jew movie ruined the word) I could name. Imagine old people on an anime forum arguing over whether Betty Boop or the woman from Popeye is a better waifu. Haha, the thought of old people arguing over cartoons seems as anachronistic as the thought of roman soldiers playing yugioh.
I want to cum inside rainbow dash unironically. And Twilight. And Pinkie. I've written so many date scenario fanfics to cope with my longing creatively. These girls are so perfect once you ignore all the episodes in which they are retarded or jokes or retarded jokes. Do these urges make me pathetic or does my nofap streak and creative writing coping mechanism mean I'm doing good?
Anonymous
6c74a6a
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No.3533
3534 3562
>>3532
Climbing aloe. It's really easy to keep, and has lots of medicinal properties, whether ingested or used topically
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3534
>>3533
Thank you. I'll get some.
How do you deal with the reluctance to get into new things due to fear that they'll swallow you whole and make you obsessed with them?
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3539
An addictive personality has ran through my family lines for generations. I remember stories from my grandmother about shit my grandfather did when he was alive. For every single person in my family tree, they have their own obsession or are actively searching for one after their old obsession got boring.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3562
3563 3564
>>3533
You're a fucking genius, this climbing aloe is great. I've got it in my window and I love it.
Anonymous
6c74a6a
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No.3563
>>3562
Its wonderful as an aftershave. Pluck one 'leaf' and squeeze the gel out.
Anonymous
6c74a6a
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No.3564
3565
>>3562
Also, dont forget to name it,... if you're into that sort of thing. Additionally, you'll want to re-pot it every few years. As long as it doesnt freeze, it will bounce back after any adversity, including drought forgetting to water it for weeks
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3565
3567
>>3564
Re-pot? How do I do that properly?
Also should I keep the plastic sleeves that came with these plants or throw them away? Some of those sleeves are starting to look kind of greenish.
Anonymous
6c74a6a
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No.3567
3568
>>3565
Dont worry, it's easy. When the time comes, the root structure will become a densely packed mass of dirt and roots interwoven and shit. You just get a larger pot, fill it with dirt, leaving a recess in the approximate size/shape of the root structure, slide it out of the old pot and stick it in the hole. Sprinkle a little topsoil on the top, put some water in it, and that's it
>plastic sleeves
No idea what those are, prolly should get rid of em
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3568
3570
>>3567
Are you sure? The plastic sleeves help keep water in the plant pots and keep soil from falling out of them.
Anonymous
6c74a6a
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No.3570
3573
>>3568
>are you sure
No, but if you keep them be careful not to over-water the plant, since it will be retaining more water that way
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3573
>>3570
Thank you.

Opening up about my life makes me feel a little better, so I'll say more stuff.
My father was a stupid, violent, aggressive prick who secretly loathed everyone and had a mediocre impression of a "Jolly fat guy" he used whenever he wanted to blend in with normal people
His understanding of the world around him was incredibly shallow
his political views were laughably simplistic
He trusted the TV news and he was an addict with multiple addictions
Fucking NPC.
He seemed to think being a grumpy violent bastard made him manlier than me.
He grew up as one of four boys with a whiny whore mother and a missing father figure, and it shows.
He imitates her bitchiness without even realizing it. He smoked around me as a baby and did the same around my dead sister, he smoked while my mom was pregnant, he smoked from the age of fourteen until he got cancer somewhere around his 40s and was forced to stop with the aid of nicotine patches and similar shit. I have athsma and it's a miracle I don't have cancer.
He drank heavily and loved to invent reasons to scream at me, smack me around, and take away what few joys a shut-in child with sabotaged self-confidence like me had. I remember this one time when I was around eight, he sent me up alone to the roof of the house because he wanted me to... I forget what exactly, but I had to put tiles on the roof and I remember how pissed off he got at me for not already knowing the perfect way to get the job done. He didn't tell me the perfect way. He just ordered me up there, yelled at me for not already knowing how to do one of his jobs for him, and whined until he eventually gave up on delegating the task like a woman and decided to do it himself. He got genuinely fucking pissed at me for not giving a shit about football and not being what he thought a man should be.
But he never taught me how to fight or avoid fights
Never taught me how to exercise
Never taught me how to fix cars
Never did anything to inspire me
Never passed on any wise sayings
Never helped with anything, and enjoyed getting in the way and making himself a nuisance
Loved dismissing anything I had to say, even when I was right. Screamed harder if I turned out to be right
He taught me at an early age to stay quiet when a power-tripping big kid with more power than he deserves screams at you, which prepared me for life at school
Because of course, someone this pathetic wouldn't ever bother homeschooling his kids
Even though he had no job+obligations
He gave me shit for not going outside much even though there was nothing for me out there, my parents made no effort to get me into youth clubs, my parents made every effort to embarass me by telling nonsense stories to other parents for sympathy points even though it meant everyone thought a quiet beaten puppy like myself was actually a tantrum-throwing plate-breaking brat and bed-wetting loser at home, and my father gave me shit for not spending days outside even though there were bullies my age and bullies older than me and other chavs outside.
We did not grow up in a good neighbourhood. It did not have nice people in it.
Whenever I tried to think of a good male role model, the first things to pop into my head were Uncle Iroh from Avatar and Grandpa Max from Ben 10, not my own father. That fat bastard was everything I didn't want to become. When I feel tempted to break my diet and eat some candy I think of that fat fucker and the disgust keeps me on the right path.
He met my mother in a factory but pussied out when something broke near him and he got scared(it couldn't have killed him but "traumatized" people get more cash), and he got benefits for a while. Then he got a job as a taxi driver for a while because his friend told him there was fucktons of money in taxi driving, more than he was making doing nothing. He made some money and told everyone else and eventually there were too many taxi drivers and taxi companies. And too many taxi companies were owned by women who loved to show extreme favoritism when it came to who got jobs assigned to them and who didn't
He whined to me but put up with incompetent aggressive women-bosses and their shame-tactics for years b4 going solo

When you eat yourself into obesity at an early age
remain fat forever
and spend a couple of hours a day sitting around in a car or driving it and spend the rest of your life in bed or sitting on an expensive reclining leather chair playing world of warcraft and Mafia Wars (a facebook game) on your overpriced scam of a laptop
you'll eventually fuck up your legs so bad that you'll seem perfectly fine and have no problem walking your dog or walking to the bar and back but the government will still pay you to do nothing because you whined about huwt widdle weggies that are fine when cameras aren't rolling

He was a greedy piece of shit, and lazy.
When he was told kids who stay in High School longer get paid by the government for it, he made sure that was my fate for a few years even though I went to a speshul school for retards that gave no qualifications because I'm "autistic" just like every other human on the planet with at least one out of 9999999 personality quirks/subjective traits/abilities/disabilities according to a quack doctor.

Early on in my life I showed signs that I was a smart kid. I liked reading books, especially adult books. But if my dad caught me reading his collection of shitty escapist fantasy novels instead of the incredibly thin picture-book versions of disney movies, I'd get in trouble for not acting like he believed a boy should. Same went for when I traded Smarties Meltdown for the PS2 for an Action Replay and used cheat codes, when I hacked Pokemon games as a kid for fun, when I downloaded and learned Game Maker as a kid for sonic fangames...
A smart greedy cunt would monetize kid-me but a dumb greedy cunt would instead sabotage his life and then bitch at him for not having a rent-paying MinWage job even though my benefits got them more than minimum wage.

What a prick.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3579
My potatoes finally started penetrating themselves so I buried all 14 of them in a planter full of soil.
How often should I water these potatoes if I want optimal potato farming productivity?
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3582
3616
Another dumb fuck I know got the vaccine. I showed him funny memes and facts and articles and videos and they all went over his head. The memes made him laugh but he didn't think deeply about the meme's joke about the absurdity of this situation.

When I think of my birth father I think of what I don't want to become: a fat useless lump of lard reliant on gubimint gibs and brainwashed by the state to love it, addicted to smoking and drinking and gambling and the most pathetic types of games imaginable. He used to give me shit about having no gf but he had no dating advice. Just expected my life to be easier than his despite his best efforts. The very thought of him is like a portable picture of a fatass that inspires you to lift harder and jog faster. It's like that for me anyway. I've been called a cynic these days but I'm usually right to see the worst in people instead of ignoring it. If someone ever shows something good in them I see that too. I'm not religiously cynical. I wouldn't ignore good shit just to feel right about the bad. Ignoring bad shit makes me a retard who gets exploited.

When I think of my mother I think the same thing except she's a woman so I can't physically turn out like her. But I still don't want to mentally end up like her. She was a cruel manipulative short-sighted piece of shit who had bipolar syndrome and loved making that everyone else's problem. Loved playing the role of a put-upon mother whose life is just soooo full of reasons to complain because her knittingfag friends complained about their lives too. Is "fashionably depressed" a term? Her coping mechanism for dealing was problems was to cry about them and blame the nearest man she hadn't already lost all faith in. So me, because she expected nothing good from my father but expected cash from me despite treating me like shit and sabotaging me at every possible turn. She loved her boomer knitting and minion memes but never tried hard to put money on the table with her knitting shit. Funny how that minion cartoon character meant to appeal to children caught the attention of the scummiest children on the planet: boomerscum. I'd accuse her of also having histrionic personality disorder but I once met a woman with even more of that. She definitely had it. I should write a book about myself and include chapters about her and what she put me through and got away with. It's hard for me to believe what happened with her and I was fucking there. That bitch tried to ruin my life and falsely accuse me of assaulting her over bullshit someone else said to her on a naruto roleplay on Blingee. Not a major naruto roleplaying forum, the comment section on fucking blingee. The silly website with gaudy GIFs. And her writing skills? Shit like "fire go everywhere and blood go everywhere". If you told me she was retarded I'd believe you. I want to be a good christian but I find it hard to believe in a god who can't protect his people or inspire his people to protect the vulnerable from the godless. No wonder so many people assume other forms of spirituality must have some hidden secret that lets it outdo christianity. We've already seen it fail in our own lands with our own eyes whether we realize it or not. Maybe man wasn't meant to be raised without a god. Maybe a principle you're willing to compromise on to please a leftist cunt isn't a principle. Maybe I'm an idiot for continuing to pray. But I have to believe in God and Jesus or I can't believe my parents and all the other traitors to the west go to hell when they die of old age. Have you ever watched some self-centered asshole who treated his loving parents like shit until they died assume you're just like him and rant at you with the usual "You should cherish those related to you because they might die one day" shit? If my father died of cancer my childhood would have been happier. I feel too old to have any doubt about that. It would have given mom a real reason to cry fashionably in front of her friends so she'd stop trying to make more reasons in other areas of her life. Same shit with my mother. If she died he'd be forced to learn to cook and stop wasting away and bloating at his laptop if he wanted food. Maybe it would make him a better man if nobody was around to bring him beer. Or maybe he'd just have me bring him more beer, he usually did. If they both died I would have gone into the foster system and met a decent enough family that wants me around or I would have gotten passed around like a hot potato until I eventually got old enough to live alone. I went through that for a while and the "misery" of it is overrated. I'd call it dehumanizing but I'm used to it. You see some families. You sleep in an alright bed. They keep you around for a while and then trade you in at the abused puppy shelter for a cuter one that makes them feel again once they get used to having you around. That's how I was treated anyway. At the time I was so goddamn desperate for someone to tell me they loved me. That never happened and I got over it. Someone else probably has nicer or sadder stories than me. I have metaphorical armour around my heart and I find it incredibly difficult to take off. I still have no idea what to write in my damn recovery journal or whatever the fuck this is. Maybe I should have stuck to saying "I exercised today. Nothing to report" or "I increased my weight today".

speaking of which I increased my weights today. Better a real weighted vest than a backpack with weights.

Hey

It means a lot to me that you let me say this here. There are no lefty cucks trying to demoralize me. Nobody's putting on a tough guy act/trying to intentionally push my buttons to feel like "le trolle mastermind". Nobody's simping for the women I mention now and then and whiteknighting for them. It's probably hard to believe anyone would do that if you've never seen a simp do that. But thank you for keeping this place free of leftist shills. I'm healthier now than I've ever been.

Thank you.
Anonymous
0121d0c
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No.3616
3617
>>3582

Just got done reading this thread and wanted to commend you on making it this far. If there's one thing that separates you from other people, it's your temerity. This and your growing self-awareness are the foundations upon which you shall build your new life.

As a fellow tulpafag I can't help but grin when I think of how well you and your pony get along. She sounds like a wonderful mate and I'm glad you have one another.

Please do not stop praying. It's tempting to see God as a great vindicator Who will visit wrath on sinners, yet we must also be aware of our own iniquity and induce others to Him through forgiveness and patience.

None of our suffering shall be in vain. If we steel ourselves for the persecution ahead and rely on Him, our fruitfulness and purpose as individuals will intersect and magnify in ways we could never dream of.

God bless you both.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3617
3618 3627
>>3616
Thank you. My tulpa girl doesn't enjoy talking to others any more but she's doing great, I make sure to give her time to be creative at least once a week and I let her help with my main projects.

Today a friend of mine showed me a weird video on his phone where this fat fucking landwhale of a woman with a disgustingly round face and an ass ruined by blubber slaps the shit out of one of those armless male MMA dummies meant for people who know what they're doing. She struggles to knock him over but when she does the camera jumpcuts to get him upright again. She slaps the rubber dummy guy, bites his nose and ear, turns to the camera like she's trying to pose, spits on him, spits on her hand and then slaps him, kicks him over from behind then stamps on his head, slaps him a bunch of times, breathes on the fucker weirdly, runs into him and struggles to shove him over with a wimpy tackle, grabs him from behind and screams while shaking him then drops him to let him fall over...I could take about a minute of this shit before I stopped the video.

My friend found it hilarious and thought the fetishy video uploaded by a bitch with mistress in the username was actually some "internet tough guy" antics.

but to me it seemed like some bizarre fetish shit because this video was ten minutes long and she uploaded at least four of these according to his recommended feed, probably more, and it had too damn many views. I don't know if some freaks wank to fatasses fetishistically catfighting with mannequins for bdsm humiliation bullshit while saying "god i wish that were me" in the comment section but I don't want to know so I didn't look. Degeneracy is weird. But to seem like a non-prude I put on a "Oh holy shit hahaha that was the funniest worst shit ever! I can feel my brain cells commiting sudoku!" act.
Anonymous
6c74a6a
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No.3618
3619
tenor (1).gif
>>3617
Not really
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3619
>>3618
This reminds me of the time I went to SawCon
Anonymous
48c2582
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No.3620
Still exercising multiple times a day.
saw a white dude in a shop with two badly behaved brown kids who ignored their dad until he threatened to not let them watch tv today. Then they screamed and feigned crying until he sighed and gave up on that. The kids grinned and bounced around and laughed at how easy it was to dupe their white father by making a scene. I'd guess they were somewhere around eight to ten.
Giving your kids white-as-fuck names like Lucas and Kevin won't give them souls.
Shit like this makes racemixing look bad.
meanwhile it's media that pretends a half human half elf or half human half demon or whatever would be superior to both its parents that tries its hardest to make racemixing look good.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3621
3622 3627
Sometimes I fear that I'm too quick to judge others. How do I fix this?
Anonymous
36021f3
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No.3622
3623 3624
0277fe2f2a37a28ffda9a12c932731b0.jpg
psychological_projection.jpg
>>3621
>I'm too quick to judge others
Projecting much?
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3623
>>3622
You're right, I'm actually projecting onto myself because I think you're too quick to judge me.
Kidding, just kidding. Your response is silly and I don't know how to respond to it constructively.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3624
3625
>>3622
Then again, this is pretty funny.
Here I am, self-reflecting and saying "Maybe I'm too quick to judge others".
And you just run in, shouting "No, YOU'RE too quick to judge others!"
Did you make sure you understood what I said before replying to it?
it's like something out of a cartoon.
Anonymous
36021f3
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No.3625
3626
7ef23a30d416d14d2ab204c0c9e959d1.jpg
>>3624
Self-self-reflecting much?
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3626
>>3625
Ironic
Anonymous
0121d0c
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No.3627
3632
>>3617

I do not blame your pony for not talking. For the reasons you described above, I've found the tulpa community to be an exercise in misanthropy.

Have you considered tactful rejection of these videos? I realise some will misconstrue this behaviour as uninviting, yet like the food we eat, what we visually consume affects us indirectly.

>>3621

Human beings are inherently judgemental creatures as our endocrinology is primed to separate and compartmentalise that which is foreign. I believe our judgemental nature can be harnessed for objective reasoning, yet this requires self-control and insight most are not used to.

I imagine you meditate frequently, so I suggest asking yourself why you feel so judgemental and identify how this takes place (if at all.) From there you can dig a bit deeper and trace this concern to your upbringing while catalouging self-counseling and de-escalation techniques. You can always ask your tulpa for help too, as they are beheld to psychological clarity by their very nature.

Do note that I am not asking you to act like a castrated sheep so much as outlining the importance of a calm and grounded demeanour. Such will not only make the world more bearable to live in, it too shall emphasise the importance of your ideals and Faith.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3632
3650
>>3627
Thanks for the advice, it helped. I think I've got a better head on my shoulders now.
My tulpa believes fully hating humanity would be cringe since she's seen so many weirdos (like famous tranny Chatoyance, writer of The Conversion Bureau) do that. Besides I'm a human and she likes me. She sometimes misses talking to people daily like she did when she was young but also doesn't miss what massive faggots a ton of them were. Animufags just here to think about Yuyuko and Yakiko and Yakko's tits don't make for good conversation when their tulpas are one-note meme characters running on incredibly limited hardware. And you wouldn't believe how territorial and aggressive some of them got over whose waifu was developing mentally faster or who was doing more interesting shit in their mental world.
Isn't this "reality shifting" stuff weird? Escapism is such a popular pasttime around the world that the kids and teens are telling each other how to imagine the pain away and fantasize about boning Bakugo to dream the pain away. I don't think the generations that built first world countries had this problem. But escapism is getting bigger as the world gets worse. As VR gets cheaper and more common do you think we'll see more people fully retreat from reality into VR games and fake-relationship AI programs? We really do live in interesting times.

btw still exercising. I took a 3 day break from politics. Had a few moments of relapse where shit got political but overall I focused on my own life and walked around. I should get a treadmill.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3645
3650
Increasing weight. Exercising harder. Turning shit up to 11 on my abs.

Now and then I'll notice myself touching my own body without realizing it, as if even my subconscious mind can't believe how quickly I've improved and how quickly I've lost weight. I wish I owned weights my whole life! They're so convenient. You can use them whenever you have free time and get buff quicker. I eat healthy, I exercise, and it's a healthy source of pride in oneself and one's appearance. No wonder the jews want us all to be obese faggots. Being fat was depressing. Being this fit feels good. Knowing I've earned this body feels good. I'm tempted to get sleeveless shirts to show my arms off but I'm saving money.
Anonymous
0121d0c
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No.3650
>>3632

The sad truth is that most of the individuals touted as beacons of wisdom and direction in the community are the same dishonest and abusive people who mistreated their tulpas and peers for a dopamine hit. Rather than seeing tulpas as spiritual guides or those who illuminate our highest aspirations of self, the concept is subverted to enable another layer of delusion, megalomania and hedonism, all of which is firmly rooted in the highest levels of theory and practise. This is unsurprising given the materialistic school of thought that occupies most parts of the subculture.

I'm assuming you're asking rhetorical questions, but I don't believe this escapism to be unusual. When cheap and plentiful resources exist in an unjust civilisation, people are given to odd modes of thought and decadence as there is no credible authority or shared common narrative to make their lives and service to each other meaningful. On the other hand there is no struggle to rally behind or any semblance of a family unit for others to confide in during times of mounting hardship, so others retreat into mediums where they believe they maintain some measure of control and security. It's an illusion meant to satisfy those with no real drive to improve or pursue independence while binding them to an exploitative and increasingly authoritarian system.

>>3645

Great job on keeping faithful to your routine. I'm glad you're discovering your potential and exerting yourself. The only caveat I should mention is that we oughtn't be too proud of our bodies - rather than focusing on the finer details of our appearance, we should exercise to be healthy, discilpined and strong. If one's mortal coil is a temple where the Holy Spirit dwells, should it not be a place of humility and in good repair?

I wish you and your pone many happy and productive days. May the Lord bless and protect you both.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3659
I have this friend but he's a dumbass and whenever the conversation gets political he whines. Even when he's the reason why it got political by bringing up shit like Fentanyl Floyd or whatever bullshit the TV told him about the Kung Flu or asking me questions with answers that end up political. "why does this show suck?" he asks sometimes, as if he doesn't expect the answer to be "because the jews who made it pump it full of so much anti white propaganda you've subconsciously noticed it". But he's ghosted me for so long that I'm starting to wonder if he's still alive. Should I ask someone we both know to check up on him? I wouldn't want to drag some third person into bullshit that's between that guy and his obsession with feeling neutral and "above it all".

Also, it's funny that Nigger is the magic word that breaks leftists and blacks and jews. It's a taboo because it's a word of rebellion. Saying this word and realizing it's ok to be sick of niggers feels liberating because it frees you from the mental prison of thinking your thoughts need to be govt-approved. You're rejecting euphemism-treadmill terms like black people and coloured folk and african american and choosing for yourself how you address creatures that feel entitled to be addressed however you want. It's a funny sounding word. Doesn't it derive from Nigerian? Or the latin word for black, niger? If so, it's funny that calling someone a nigger is basically calling them black. Truly the ultimate insult, since not even the niggers want to be niggers. Judging all niggers by the fictional brownish characters played by rapey hollywood actors on TV would be like judging all wild animals by cartoon critters or the tamed caged beasts you see at the Zoo instead of the wild african animals you can see attacking children and small animals on fucked up websites. Which wild african animals am I talking about? Doesn't matter since both hurt innocents and both belong in zoos. Libertarianism is a dead meme with no idea how to stop communist jewery and egalitarianism is just like supposedly-good liberalism: the self-destructive pursuit of impossible goals in the name of never compromising on once-valid ideals taken to the point of absurdity and robbed of all sense of priority, self-preservation, and reason. The NatSoc wants his race to eat well, and the "good" liberal happily puts the bellies of other races before his own and his own belly before both. The Libertarian pretends an anarchocapitalist nation of pot-growing weed-smoking illegal-immigrant mixed faggots will have any kind of moral clarity because admitting some good must be done for the good of all feels like compromising to the commies and their bullshit "greater good".
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3660
3661
Me: hmm if I'm in the level design stage I should look at arcitecture
https://youtu.be/rrpOPSj9OMc
BEHOLD A 100K PER NIGHT HOTEL ROOM THAT USES RAINBOWS OF PILLS AND BUTTERFLIES AS DECORATIONS. And weird stickers on glass walls.
and then there's this faggot
https://youtu.be/_H2xmRseiDw
"I hate waste and I'm saving the environment and third world" says a faggot who bought plastic flowers for his absurdly sized foyer. It's like something made in The Sims as a joke with the money cheat. And his staff rooms are hilariously tiny.

I think I'm looking in the wrong places. What kind of arcitecture am I supposed to look at? If I half ass the world design with "artistic" monochromatic white blocks or spikes on a dark background I will get to spend more time on cool shit like guns and explosions.
Anonymous
6812291
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No.3661
3668
>>3660
Then look at good shit! Listen to history great works things that are actually beautiful.
Behold landscapes and the people who mold them. The living quarters and the challenges they face.

>I think I'm looking in the wrong places
Yes.
>If I half ass the world design
You get a shitty playground.
It doesn't have to be perfect, hell it doesn't even have to be real. It does have to encourage the players to play.
Look at games which have such level design look toward what makes the map fun.
Such as Doom or Metroid or Devil Daggers or Mario, or anything really.
The World must be at the very minimum good enough.
>"artistic" monochromatic white blocks or spikes on a dark background
Every has to tie in together.
Why bother looking toward faggotry for inspiration of that kind?
Look toward the greatness of man and the potential that could be experienced.
Level design has to be bound with mechanics and lore (that's optional for some games).
The base mechanics must be a joy to use in every instance. Extrapolate that to every part.
Look toward ancient architecture, look toward game design, look toward the human spirit!
It's all there to see in its grandness and joy! As well as the petty despicableness.
They have to want to keep playing or else the exercise is just that an exercise. Useful, but not yet a game among great titles.
Everyone does have to gain experience somewhere.
Before, at the very beginning Extra Credits had good advice. Take it with a grain of salt and be wary for they too have been infected.
Look toward game design, and why it matters. The subtle suggestions.
Even look toward other media. Pictures, paintings, music, stories (expecially stories), movies, the experiences, everything.
You need at least a baseline to know where to look. Or a string to follow toward a goal.
Finding out what inspired Castlevania, what it was inspired by.
Folk lore and more!
Why do you look where the fags dwell when people who care are everywhere just bellow the surface (sometimes deeper) if you dig and search?
You have to have that skill to obtain what you desire. Or compensate with multitudes of time and effort spent recreating the wheel without a hint.

Everything relates to eachother. Build those logistical connections within and without to try holding wisdom in the woven basket.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3668
>>3661
You're right, thank you.
I was thinking about cartoons and how they shaped the perceptions and childhoods of so many people. Shittons of old cartoons had divershitty/anti-waycist episodes that are cringe, but idiots who grew up on them yet are disgusted by the propaganda today would point to ten year old propaganda as an example of how to do it subtly since they consider what they grew up with "normal".
How many kids fell in love with Callie Briggs, Starfire and Raven, Gadget Hackwrench, Android 16, Ty Lee, Winry Rockbell, Gwen Tennyson, Sam Manson, Kallen/C2, Kim Possible and Shego, Misty/May/Dawn/Serena, and ended up fucked up in the head as a result? The world may never know. Scott Pilgrim ruined a whole generation of women but the lack of reward given to good men in a demoralized society that sabotaged its youth means many men have a fucked up idea of what being number 1 means and won't try to achieve it.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3684
3685 3686
Still exercising, still healthy. Decided to start making healthy sandwiches out of vegetables.

It's always bugged me that the occultist neo-religious sometimes-paganist sometimes-satanist "Your magic willpower can change reality!" guys never visibly reap the benefits of their supposed magical willpower. You'd think these guys would be the kind of guys that are 999% motivated, the greatest bodybuilders and most well-read true intellectuals who never waste time on silly things and live every second as optimally as possible. But instead they just seem like regular people, aside from their insistence that praying to themselves and their own willpower helped them quit smoking and drinking therefore everyone must drop jesus and praise demons/Thor. I'm open to the possibility that there might be more to reality than what our human senses can sense since the jews hate God+Jesus and keep pushing the idea that we're nothing but meat, beasts, and at best space dust. But in my head when I think of some spiritual guru genius guy, I think of someone whose life was transformed for the better by learning the truth to the point where he's reached superhuman peaks. Maybe that's stupid, the result of decades of conditioning from media.
Anonymous
6812291
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No.3685
3691
>>3684
>result of decades of conditioning from media.
Yes, and no.
>[those] guys never visibly reap the benefits of their supposed magical willpower
So analogy time.
Because they try to lift a 10 ton truck with a plastic straw and nothing else.
Others go and fix up the car and drive it up a ramp and makes it do stuff.
And some call in a tow truck. With some have a jack.
Others use a winch and intricate knowledge.
Some just fuck up the car.
Many more get knifed while doing stuff.
More still give up and just wonder about.
Ect.
Anonymous
8a47194
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No.3686
3691
>>3684
Most (mostly meaning most) who are outspoken about the supposed benefit of a certain nameless deity yet cannot prove the evidence as being better are to be taken with a pinch of snake salt. It is best to observe rather than partake in the deed, as it is easier to lie than to be honest.
As commonly enough they tend to be the ones promoting an 'agenda' of sorts, a tool or puppet to manipulate others but are being manipulated themselves, despite their knowledge (lack thereof) of the delusion or not.
It is often for them to be under the spell of a psychosis, being unable to distinguish fantasy from reality. There again, reality does not always have to make complete sense, neither does the human mind.
Indeed. Still waters run very deep.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3691
3692
ur a fagget.png
>>3685
>>3686
You're right. Btw, still exercising. Increased weight in my weighted vest.

I don't care about this since it's not much of a loss, but turns out I've been banned from some unimportant ben 10 fanfic's discord fanserver for being "far-right".
I asked specifically what I said that got me banned since I don't remember it and haven't used it in months, maybe a year or two. I got the tard's personal definition of far-right in response because I didn't actually do anything wrong, I was just considered an undesirable.
I don't remember much about the server at all but I remember how that server had a handful of annoying commies who'd say commie shit and then cry "Wah no politics this is a media server!" when debunked. Or cry other assorted jew-tier lies to try and dupe retards with no reading comprehension and a desire to jump on the bandwagon someone else's fight creates to look moral. If some faggots are having a slapfight and it's your job to tell them "Shut the fuck up" or "This one's right, the other one's retarded, now shut up" you gain nothing. But if you believe the one with the more tempting lie about how the other one's some eeevil little bastard, suddenly you gain something. You get to feel like you're a hero for once, by taking the wrong side in an argument you don't feel obligated to read in full before passing judgement on it. Discord moderators, am I right? At least when they're doing this they're not grooming little boys and calling them "femboy transgenders" or grooming little girls and calling them "kitten".
If everyone on the planet was intelligent enough to see through basic lies and understand real science, or smarter, the world would be a better place. Maybe if everyone had to have at least a certain level of intelligence to be considered human, we'd be better off as a species.
Then again, it's not like dumbasses asked God to be born dumb. We can't prove God made them that way because they'd do more damage if they were smart. Besides, culling the bottom percentages of humanity is the kind of thing only a fictional villain would want to do in some cliche sci-fi novel that wants to pretend eugenics is the ultimate unthinkable evil, rather than rape or murder or the slow and ever-accelerating intellectual and societal rot caused by idiots and the leftists that use them for their own benefit. Besides, giving the government the power to decide the legal minimum IQ would get that power abused.
Rich retards would bribe government officials to have their children spared, while having too many kids would become a point of pride for the rich bastards that can afford countless bribes so they can pretend they have a high-IQ bloodline when they don't, the bar would be set high enough to fuck over normal people yet ignored whenever it would inconvenience a race the ruling class likes more, the IQ test would have a load of "moral score" or "emotional intelligence" bullshit added to it to cull sane people and spare overemotional leftist retards and sociopaths from the govt culling since they're both more useful to corrupt govts than humans are, a sex slave market would probably be created out of retards and average people not deemed special enough for the elites... This sort of thing would make a neat alt-history or dystopian sci-fi concept but the only valid government's the kind that keeps its dick out of the asses of its people and protects the asses of its people.

Anyway

I've been thinking about how so many people I know are obsessed with media to the point where they get into daily internet slapfights across all sorts of jewish social media platforms, complete with slander and harassment and harassing friends to try and get them to disavow "thoughtcriminals", all over fucking cartoon characters.
Sometimes they try and get me involved in their drama. Some of them get butthurt at me for not wanting to dedicate hours of my life to joining these slap-fights, as if I'm the bad guy for having dialogue to write and levels to code and bouncy boobies to animate. A life this filled with conflict seems like a massive drag, and conflict over what, the opinion children and teens and childlike adults dare have over cartoon characters? When did 1984 sjw fear-tactics become the norm for playground-tier arguments over the sex lives of moving doodles voiced by middle-aged japanese women?
Doesn't anyone else want a quiet life any more? I've had debates over gun rights that seem more respectful and respectable on the surface(either those who are anti-gun shouldn't have their opinion enforced or protected by law enforcement, or being a nazi should be legal and legally protected, pick one) than any of this shit-flinging nonsense over fucking Ben 10 lore or who Sonic The Hedgehog should have shagged.
Maybe it's a sign that I'm maturing and have improved my life, since I genuinely have better things to do than worry over what faggots think about my waifoo or husbandou or whatever. But I also feel like I'm drifting away from the people who have "media madness" consume their lives. Like I'm growing up and they're staying the same age, with the same shallow interest in the same shallow interests and same repetitive NPC dialogue lines whenever I press A on them. The DBZ fan will say tomorrow what he says today unless there's something happening in that tiny little bubble of aimless nerd culture that changes his programmed dialogue lines. "nerd like android 21. android 21 have the big boobas. majins r so kewl. oh em jee, wouldn't it be kewl if they made another DBZ that was just like DBZ but with android 21 in it? android 21 is so sexy. i suddenly like vore because she turns people into candy and eats them. i'm basically a blank sheet of paper and jews write whatever they want on me. btw i wish sega made another sonic game thats just like sonic advenchur 2 but more! just more, you know, like star wars. more. no i wont play fangames or indie games like sonic but better. i am a loyal corporate whore."
fags.
Anonymous
4a73213
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No.3692
3693
>>3691
Jesus fuck nigel, at least offer a tl;dr
Glad to hear about the gains. I'll read the rest when I'm bored, but jesus christ a tl;dr please?
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3693
3694
>>3692
Ok

tldr

im getting buff. Weight up.

Today i learned i was banned from some dicksword server for being "far right"

but that is fine because they are a load of faggots

maybe if the world had less retards there would be less of an incentive for evil individuals to mislead and misuse them for personal and political gain, but I wouldn't trust any government that would actually want to cull healthy citizens.

Nerdniggers obsess over media so fucking much that it makes up their entire identity and a handful of my friends make me sad because every fucking day they're typing their hearts out in some twitter or discord or tumblr war over whether Ben Tennyson should have ploughed stretchy alien pussy or wasted his life with that stupid selfish cunt Julie or that obnoxious fucking creator's-pet Kai or whatever the writers decide to do with that joke Charmcaster this season.

jsus fucking christ I know I talk a lot about media but I tend to have something to say about it. A man analyzes bioshock and undertale, a slave cooms for it and obsesses over its characters without learning anything. I couldn't imagine just sitting around occupying your time with assorted distractions like internet arguments over the sex lives or moral values of fictional characters until it's time to suck up whatever slop the corpos feed you then get into shouting matches where you try and rationalize away a bad show's shitness. NIGGERS SHIT INTO THEIR OWN MOUTHS. FUCK.

Ben 10 is a toy franchise with a cartoon that was good for a while. If it's the biggest deal in your life, find God. My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic is better anyway. At least Twilight didn't have to re-learn "friends are important" every four episodes from season one to fifteen or more. I want to cum inside Twilight Sparkle but you won't see me writing a new essay every week to "defend her honour" just because some faggy tween's calling her every bad word she/her/it knows.

Maybe it's weird for a man my age to talk like he's becoming an old man. But I don't think I'm becoming an old man. I feel like I'm becoming a real man. A man who sees things clearer every day. Must be the healthy food, or perhaps the exercise. Maybe planting real-ass food made me level up as a man. Maybe a combination of all three. I'm used to thinking in meters and centimeters. Feet? I use a calculator to turn it into meters. And inches? Whenever someone gives me a measurement in inches I imagine my dick and how many of those copies of my dick are equivalent to whatever's being measured in inches, and that's because meters and centimeters are the superior way to measure shit and everyone fucking knows it. Inchniggers just pretend to hate meters because they love feet too much.

Tldr the enlightenment was a misnomer, denying God and the value of his teachings leaves you vulnerable to subversion. Without an argument as solid as "because God" all you're left with are feelings to back up moral arguments whenever the rational loss-minimization optimization mindset gives you an answer that feels icky. I know this sort of talk's a meme in the warhammer 40k community but it's true: An open mind is an unguarded fortress.

Do you ever think people would like christianity more if it had its own kung fu and alternative medicine practices? Bullshit stretches and lies about magic and silly cures for issues with more scientific fixes... Maybe that would appeal more to normies. Then again, aside from the occasional self-serving faith-healer scam artist who'd imitate any religion if it was big, Christianity doesn't have alternative medicine because it helped birth real medicine and science and rationality and whatnot. Christianity is the greatest religion in the world. Sekai fucking ichi. We are number one.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3694
>>3693
Oh also

it's always bugged me that Neon Genesis Evangelion wants to be this story that says "fuck escapism" but the author's made his story so divorced from reality that it can only be taken as a fantasy. Eva isn't the story of a boy who grows over time. It's a story that says "it would actually suck to be thrust into the pilot seat of a giant robot and forced to battle monsters while surrounded by weird women with mental disorders". I appreciate its deep writing and symbolism. The author clearly knew his shit when it came to mecha anime and storytelling. Asuka represents the headstrong angry woman who mostly hates everyone and Rei pisses on the Yamato Nadeshiko archetype and that drunk chick is kind of a loser, and this is legitimately smart writing. He clearly has a message he wants to give the audience. But he doesn't know how to get that message across to the audience in a way that matters because it's basically just "lmao stop being depressed". A man doesn't just spontaneously get bitches and healthy relationships the second he takes his sony walkman/ipod headphones off and decides to "embrace reality uwu". It's not that easy for men these days. Dancing in a giant robot is as much of a fantasy as meeting several hot bitches that would be perfect if not for personality flaws some horny dudes are into after a lifetime of simping over fictional characters. Losers choose escapism because it's easy and they think they will never be sufficiently rewarded for a life of struggle and pain and growth. Anime figurines can't divorce you to become millionaires while stealing your kids and leaving you homeless. Feminists turned marriage into a mockery of itself and jews turned women into mockeries of women. They wouldn't have undue levels of power and influence if it wasn't for divershitty hires and govt programs meant to make life even easier for wamen. And what does society get out of it? When society pays women to be mothers they get mothers and children. When society pays women to be men and makes stealing jobs from men too easy all they get are jobless men and inferior imitations of men. Eva's creator might think there's a problem with japanese men these days and men in general but he's a coward for failing to look deeper into why not all boys want to sacrifice themselves for a system designed to rob and sabotage them. If he made another season of Evangelion that calls out the jewish lies subtly, he could make a significant impact on the world. If he made another season of Eva that subtly pokes holes in feminist lies... even including entry-level redpills about birth rates and privileged projecting feminism's hypocrisies in something with such a massive audience would help his country and other countries that love Eva. He could do yet another evangelion rewrite rebuild thing except this time Shinji grows a pair and teaches Rei how to smile and enjoy life while Asuka realizes she'll become a bitter drunk cat lady unless she loosens up and treats others better. He probably won't. I guess I'll always see the eva franchise as a massive missed opportunity. The guy gets how to deconstruct mecha anime and media cliches he doesn't like but he doesn't understand the issues the youth are facing well enough to say anything smarter than what you'd expect to hear from the average boomer who thinks "lmao try harder" is the best advice anyone can give.
Anonymous
b3f380d
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No.3696
Increasing the weight on my weighted vest.

Sometimes I talk about my friends here, but I don't wax lyrical about how awesome some of them are because I don't think anyone would want to read that. I love and cherish these fuckers but this isn't some teenage girl's diary. It would be bad for opsec if I deeply explained everything that makes my closest friends great people, since anyone could formulate a list of my friends and figure out who I am by guessing it's the person I don't have many nice things to say about.