Welcome back to the RP thread.
Darkemeter is now a party asset. Tracy tends dutifully to her little-giant birdies, Infernius seeks to get closer to Hitler, Trump just wants a dagger or something, Torcuil is,... doing stuff? Thez tries her best to stay upbeat and focus on nice things. Lenos has been ahem not-seen since Kiynen the lady-dragon showed up, and for the moment nothing grandiose is happening, which is good cuz reasons.
This is a 3.5ed (ish, its off the wall) continuous RP thread/game, if you're seeing it for the first time. Anyone and everyone is welcome. Speaking of which, Taylor Swift and Sad Alex haven't been seen for a minute. Norfilly's situation is difficult to align with, and Yak Lee has taken to Thez' previous position of liberally and regularly beating the participants of Fight Club. I think that's everyone,....
1039 replies and 160 files omitted.
Before going to do the deed… Trumpaladin went to the shrine of Elway in the tower. He knew he needed to consult first…
Speaketh Trumpaladin: Paladins must maintain a code of conduct to stay in favor with their god
What would Elway require?
John Elway takes many forms, the majority of which are so Football it would cause the average person's eyeballs to melt out of their sockets and pool on the floor, then bubbling through the floorboards and dripping down onto the neighbors in the apartment below, who would then become timber wolves.
He appeared in the form of a tall horse, cast in the image of Sleipnir, the eight legged horse ridden by the Norse god Loki. His long flowing mane glows bright orange and dances like the fires of pure Football. His coat is pure and white as the rocky mountain snow, a snow like the crystallized tears of the Oakland Raiders when they realize that they shall never be truly football
Well, first and foremost you must be Football. This is pretty important.
Elway does not expect you to be 100% football, that would be unreasonable.
Only Elway himself can be 100% football.
However, a minimum level of at least 65% football would be the floor.
Ideally you should try to remain between 75-80% football.
There was once a disciple who attained levels of I think 93% football, and that proved too much for his fragile mortal body to take
he discorporated into football and became part of the river of football that encircles the Tree of Life, which is also a football
so basically, I'd aim for like 70% football on an average day. if you feel like it's too much of a strain, you can ease back, but don't drop below 65% or Elway can't materialize.
The second thing to take into account is that you must be true to the path of football at all times.
many agents of football, though well meaning, are led astray by the path of false football. You must be wary, for it is easy to fall into the trap of false football.
the Oakland Raiders are false football most foul
you must never heed their words
they may appear to you in disguise, and you must be wary of their tricks
the same goes for the Seattle Seahawks, although their tactics are different.
they may appear to you in the guise of Peyton Manning, or even Dan Reeves. I think I saw one of them pull of a Terrel Davis impersonation at one point.
However, do not be deceived.
if in doubt, you must ask them to become Football, for only true Football can become Football.
if they cannot become Football, they were never truly Football.
Hence, false football.
Football.
And now, for the big question
If, lets say, you see this Unicorn and she's smoking hot, but this psycho succubus earth pony forces you into a relationship and later you get engaged with her, and you later promise a coworker not to have sex with the unicorn because it's sort of his, but then he pisses you off, and you get an opportunity to have sex with the unicorn so you fornicate with her, but your psycho fiance is absolutely pissed, so she forces you into an agreement to kill the unicorn, is eating the flesh or making the unicorn's hide into a jacket a step too far?
Well, when I was a young Elway, perhaps only about 71% football myself, I had a similar situation. In one of the infinite timelines in which I attempted to travel back into the past and assume the form of Dan Reeves so that I might impregnate Rainbow Dash and father myself and become Football for all time, I accidentally tapped into the power of pure Football and made a seismic ejaculatory field goal right inside Rainbow Dash, who oddly enough was a unicorn in that timeline. Needless to say she did not survive. In accordance with what I like to imagine her dying wishes might very well have been, I removed her hide and fashioned it into a technicolor dreamcoat of pure Football, and emblazoned upon it the logo of the Denver Broncos, so that wherever I may go, the emblem of True Football would shine throughout the heavens, forevermore.
When later I encountered the pegasus Rainbow Dash in another timeline, it was that very jacket with which I was able to initiate the conversation that led to my becoming Dan Reeves and creating Football. I believe you should know the rest of the story.
So, in summation: yes, making a jacket should be fine.
Thank you Elway. Praise be
Take, and be Football my child
in fact I may add that segment into the Great Manual of Football, which is a guide for Paladins of Football to become more Football in the ways of Football.
And with that, Trumpaladin left the shrine, and went on his way to Tracy
[Read more] >>36562What did he mean by this?
>Needless to say she did not survive. In accordance with what I like to imagine her dying wishes might very well have been, I removed her hide and fashioned it into a technicolor dreamcoat of pure Football>So, in summation: yes, making a jacket should be fine.So it's okay? We can go leatherface on her plot?
*Listens in on glorious prayer, from a non-vaporizing distance*
>>36563I feel you bro...
>>36561After having spoken to his Patron, Trumpaladin takes a moment to take in what he has heard.
He gets back up, and uses his detect evil to find and go to Pony
"Tracy... I think I am ready. I want you to know that I do not want to do this. I
really do not want to do this at all. But yet I will do this. I will do this, because I love you, and I want you to forgive me"
>>36566"I love you too, Flashy."
*puts tower sheild and Lance in bag*
*adds crossbolts to gauntlet*
>>36563>>36565Well, my Patron is a meme god based upon this series of shitposts made up by a guy who I'm friends with on Discord. He's a super talented bullshitter so I figured I may as well involve him in this because I like his work>>36567*hugs pony*
"How do you want to do this, exactly? I had this magazine that says a lot about the demi-god unicorns which I'd look at for all the pictures of the mares in it. I mean, I used to look at it. Used to. Anyways, I saw that it had quite a bit of information on these creatures. I don't think she can teleport outside of her forest, and even then, only once a day.
What's your strategy, little pony?"
[Read more] >>36569>"I don't know if she's able to teleport out of the stables. We're outside of her forest. If she does get out, well, I can ride you. We could try to use the cuffs, but I can do a hell of a lot of damage to her with my sword.Well, in the past GM has let us do it in a single die roll while doing bullshit between each other, really it should require at barte minimum a full grapple. That would be an attack of opportunity (she might fail, because my AC is insane) followed by an opposed grapple check. But she'd probably win a grapple check, because she has a size category advantage.I'll probably give them eventually....*places cuffs in pocket of holding*
>>36562What the fuck is this?
Also Sleipnir is the horse Loki gave birth to for Odin to ride, not Loki's war horse
>>36573Loki
In his own fucked up way was the original horsefuker
>>36572>>36573>Implying Loki didn't take back the horse he gave birth to to ride himself, or didn't ride him first>>36573GM did say explicitly that Trollestia cannot teleport when I asked a few weeks ago.
>>36576He didn't ride it. It would've been awkward.
>>36577More awkward than a male human-shaped God turning into a mare and being fucked by a stallion?
>>36578Well, yeah, because the awkwardness would've been cumulative, imo..
>>36579I mean, he didn't really intend to get pregnant. He was just trying to distract the stallion, but he was really fast.. That had to be embarrassing...
>>36581It was the opposite, but sure.
>ITT 2 faggots discuss the logistics of a Norse Trickster God becoming a mare, and then giving birth to a 8-legged horse
*yawns tiredly*
Goodnight, faggots.
>when it's late December but your apartment has only heat-pump and air conditioning settings so they set it to heat-pump, but the weather becomes hot again, and so now it's 77 fucking degrees inside your apartment. And this has happened every single December you've lived here. Every single December
>>36586*dies of heat exhaustion*
I want a good fight out of the poor girl when she goes...
>>36567*Adds a second Lance to the bag*
>>36591*Makes armor-spikes out of Hydra teeth just because*
>>36569>>36570>plotting to kill a particularly significant unicorn cuz reasons>Elway approvesDidn't Trump give the others shit over going right wing safety squad on a giant commie cesspit?
>>36594Didn't mean to spoiler the whole thing.. just parts.
>>36593Hey. 1. Commie nations tend to have 20% or fewer actual communists, with the rest being oppressed victims of leftist totalitarianism who long for freedom, tradition, and the nation. 2. Infidels must be given a chance to renounce their previous convictions and to follow the true path of America, Capitalism, and Football before they are put to the sword. 3. We still don't have any miners for that mine because all the laborers were killed
DO YOU HAVE A WAY OUT OF KILLING HER that will leave Tracy satisfied
>>36594>eating body and wearing skinI take it back...
\r
>>36593>particularly significant unicornCould you tell me why she is important so I can consider my path of domestic relations? I promise not to meta fag, +Torc hasn't been involved yet so he could stll stop this...>Elway approvesCan we get the
TEN COMMANDMENTS OF FOOTBALL so we don't have to guess what pleases Elway?
>>36597>inb4 Trumpaladin is the Moses of FootballAnd why would I go ahead and spoiler?
>>36597Here's the rule page from /sp/
No he can't get involved. He's in Krenshall and he has no idea Troll is in danger. No meta-fagging in the way of Trump and Tracy's secret covenantThe Entertron exists, if you want to give her another go. >>36598>MosesFeels like more of a clerical archetype, desu.
>>36599>Entertronlol no
>>36597>so we don't have to guessI crafted two Phylacteries of Faithfulness for a reason.. They're supposed to warn you before you do anything against your alignment...
>>36596>take it backIt's too late: Lord Elway has spoken. You must strip the raw-hide of the unicorn, and present the jacket to the shrine as an offering.
>>36604Infernius deserves a spiritual experience more...
>>36605Oh fuck off. I've been doing my due diligence to talk about football wherever possible, to spread it and so forth. I've given freaking philosophical analyses of football, what it is, and it's roll on society, and I haven't heard any of the like from you
>>36606He still deserves it though.
>>36605And there's also the fact that I took the effort to contact him, set up a dialogue, get all of that, and do it all at 3am the night before I had an exam.\r
>>36608>ingrateI didn't say I didn't appreciate it. I just said that Infernius deserves the same, especially since he's been trying so hard to get something like that.
>>36609I saw that "more"...mlpol's own Atlas is an actual national socialist, and he has a pretty funny sarcastic attitude that would make a great Hitlrr or Rockwell character. He's joined in RPG's before so maybe he'll be interested. He works all the time but he's free a few hours late at night every now and then, so maybe I can ask him to provide something, if we can get a few questions for Infernius to ask him
>>36610Atlas was the first guy who came to mind too.
>>36598Fine, steamponk his going full steam ahead then.