To proceed with the group with the Commissar, I need to write a dialogue between him and the Spetsnaz announcer. To proceed with Cavaliere, I need to write out a set of journal entries that tells a mini story of its own. And even for Sven, I need to not only write out Moonlit Meadow's reaction to her, but also three different little stories that are their own investigative trails. Each of those would require probably at least an hour of sitting down and writing it out, which is on its own difficult to do when you're borderline ADHD like I am (I was medicated for it for much of my adolescence). But more importantly, it requires making decisions and commitments that I just really don't feel up to.
Every session, or at least, several times a week, I will get posts directed at me either in thread or on discord that are just negative. Passive aggressive posts like
>>188018 and the other one just a week ago, or one I got from Cavaliere this morning telling me I fucked up scheduling. And this is besides the outright aggressive posts towards me like on discord from you-can-guess-who, telling me I am "sucking Posey's cock" On Saturday night. And of course it hasn't even been a week since I have been told to go fuck myself. Basically I am guaranteed to get some kind of out of character negative remark hurled my way
more often than I have sessions. Much of this is Brie, who wants to complain that I'm not giving him attention but
still refuses to respond to my post telling him the skill check succeeded,
but it is not limited to Brie. There are no small comments of praise anymore. This isn't fun for me anymore.
I've been extremely un-confident in a lot of my narrative decisions in a way that I can't really convey or make felt. I spent much of Friday night going back and forth over whether the encounter with the commissar should have him already in combat, or just approach and
then he gets attacked, and that is the main reason nothing really happened until Saturday. And there's a thousand small decisions like this that weigh me down and make it difficult for me to proceed. I have had the idea for this quest since the September of 2022 and have wanted it to go as well as possible. But there's never any positive feedback, just "you screwed up scheduling" or "quit sucking Posey's cock" or "the trucks should be Canadian Military Patterns and not American." Would you want to sit down and devote at least an hour to something if that were the only "thanks" you get? And if I should just forget about the posts - if the narrative I'm trying to tell is so meaningless that I should just skip the logs or the dialogue or the little trails - then what is my purpose here?
I remember the spoiler quote "A+ story telling" when Amber was told the story of Flash Prance at Fort Prance four years ago; the "oh no" remark from Dark Star (out of character) when a rifle threatened to go off accidentally and blow everyone's cover in that first quest six years ago; the "nope" response that Amber had to a statue in a basement; the "spooky" remark from Posey after the micorburst in the swamp; or more recently the "that's creepy as shit. Fucking Posadists" from Posey after reading the dream journal of Light Water. These are what I work for, and I remember them long after the person who first said it has forgotten. But It isn't hard to see these are much rarer now than the bitching about scheduling or how I respond to a skill check or about loot or the combat encounters, or if a depicted plane is of an American or British airframe. And those remarks have as much staying power in my mind.
I get hate periodically - actually somewhat often - with my job, but the thing is, I'm paid to do that, and in any case I
have to do that. I don't
have to do this, and I certainly don't get paid for it. It's getting hard to find the motivation to do this...
Have you seen
Dusk's Dawn, the fan animation? It's a full episode-length animation, and it's great to watch, if only because it's bad in a hilarious way. If you read the comments, you can see that it was made fun off mercilessly at the time of its release. And I know one thing for damn sure, the team never made a sequel. And I think that's a shame, even if entirely expected. No one would put time, effort, and especially their heart, into a project if they know they will receive only shit for it.