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What it is? Its an ongoing thread-based fantasy RPG
What it do? Players do their thing based off dice scripts and 3.5e D&D as a rules baseline.

Throughout the week we shitpost at one another and on weekends we kill shit or surmount some form of obstacle. New players always welcome.

The party currently has a trebuchet, a series of cannons, and an airship with another series of cannons aimed at a floating black pyramid just out from the docks of Port Barry. Its not actually a pyramid, its an octahedron, but its half submerged. Some quick thinking from the resident Mage kept it from teleporting away and escaping, and now the party is looking to crack that bitch open and see what sorta toys are inside. And kill shit.

>>45951
Level 7 evocation spell
>>45949
What?

>>45952
I forgot how fun making Elwayshoops was..
I outta get back into it.

>>45952
It's not fun when you're the one being told your priestess "should be bumped back a few grades" for not having Magic Fang permanency on her mouth

I think Tracy should be paired with a mod god. You want to play her as a blackguard after all

I gtg for an hour again.
See you guys then

>>45954
Ah, Mordenkainen; 2 hits.
The grappled Mummies tear apart the remaining pepes, while the rest attack. 1 Snek, 2 Fae, 2 Trump, 2 Tracy.

>>45955
Blackguards and Paladins don't necessarily have to have Patron deities to retain their class abilities, but I do want her to make some contact with outsiders of her alignment.

Trump, did you consider Turning these sandniggers yet?

>>45958
>outsider
Kerning then? Xp

>>45957
Uh, I thought there were only 7 remaining, meaning that there should be two on torcuil and only 5 on the others

>>45959
The unhallow spell prevents it

>>45958
Don't care, you deserve to be trolled like the rest of us

>>45960
I'm scared of what that one would ask for

[5d20 = 74]
>>45961
You're correct, sorry. Trump felled one, so he would have 1 on him, and Fae felled one,.
So 1 Snek, 2 (occupied), 1 Fae, 1 Trump, 2 Tracy

>>45961
>unhallow
Not completely, but at a penalty of 4 levels.

[1d20+15 = 30]
>>45963
>20 on Fae
Fuck. Rolling for Fae's Fort save. I think she can get an 11 base after factoring in extra levels, and she has a +4 constitution bonus now

>>45965
Fae saves, and I need a saving throw from Tracy.

>>45961
>you deserve to be trolled like the rest of us
Sure, I guess.
It matters what she's offered for it though.

>>45967
Are you going to roll?

>>45969
For what? Did that last attack land?

>>45970
Evidently. See >>45966

[1d20+12 = 16]
>>45970
Shit. I think it did.
Rolling fortitude

>>45972
>mfw just barely made it

>>45972
... okay.
Fae, Trump, Tracy

[3d20 = 42]
>>45974
Fae Bites and Claws the Fucker who hit him, slowly realizing why Elway thought the lack of magic fang was such a grievous oversight

>>45975
Is that enough to finish him?

[2d6+4 = 12]
[2d6+3 = 11]
[3d6 = 8]
>>45975
Who hit her, I meant. Looks like all three attacks landed. Same -15 damage reduction

>>45976
No, these mummies are tough

>>45977
Only 16 damage after damage reduction

[1d20 = 9]
>>45978
Tracy makes her Opportunist shot against that fucker then.

[4d20 = 32]
Trump Slashes the one who slammed his armor, while cursing at the one who hurt his kitty

>>45979
Pretty sure that's a hit (20 ac on these guys). Chain damage is 2d4+ mods.

[4d10+30 = 54]
>>45980
All four slashes land against 20 AC

>>45981
It's a +4 chain, right?

>>45983
It's not an everwhirling chain! Jesus. Maybe like a +1 or +2

>>45982
Should have declared that a power attack with 1 point shifted to damage

Someone post the thez shoops i dont have them on my phone.

>>45988
Just redid this one moments ago.

>>45985
The chain's bonus is to do with the mechanics' crafting.
>>45988
All I have atm

>>45990
Uh, Trump made his attack

>>45988
Here are some of the less-good ones.
I might redo them later on.

[4d10 = 26]
>>45991
He did, and he gets +12 to damage each. These guys have 96 hp btw.

>>45993
Almost kill. Tracy's turn.

[3d20 = 28]
>>45994
>>45993
Finish him off.

>>45995
>kill
Snek and Torcuil!

>>45990
>>45992
What about the 1 with thezpone and Infernuis.

>>45996
Can she Cleave from that?

>>45995
I could have cleaved that on the next round while you killed the one right in front of you

>>45993
>much higher damage bonus
>much higher hp

>>46001
Much higher than what?

>>45999
Yesssss, yessssss, give in to the maximum efficiency of damage distribution

>>46002
Than calculated from know factors

>>46003
Pic

[1d20 = 2]
>>45995
>>45998
She should, so she makes an extra attack at what ever's closest to her.

>>46004
>know factors
Wat?

[4d6+5 = 21]
I return again
Snek fires again while Torc hums "Hit me with your best shot [1d20+11 = 14]

Torc moes the sword to attack another mummy

>>46005
12 + 5 +2
>didn't hit
reeeee

>>46005
You'll get 'em next time

>>46006
The applicable rules

>>46007
Careful what you wish for

>>46008
>forgot to add ability modifier.
I'll stop trying to do math now..

>>46007
also, doesn't the roll for mage's sword determine damage not hit/miss?

>>46010
>Implying anyone knows what the fuck her ability modifier is

>I'll stop doing math now
That was my conclusion in >>46001

>>46009
>applicable rules
What rules? Are you talking about the monster manual? That's pretty customizable: monsters can appear in any way shape or form. We saw undead Vargouilles earlier. You should never expect anything to be exactly as it would appear in the book (it be no fun if you could).

>>46007
The first two strikes land, but on the third the spell fails.
>>46011
No. The sword has proprietary damage (significant even) but the 20 roll is purely to determine attack success.

>>46014
But I'm not rolling a 20...

>>46013
Okay, but the fact remains that I do not know the principles by which they have been customized, and I cannot now make predictions, as I have an inadequate knowledge basis. Do you not understand?

>>46016
>I do not know the principles by which they have been customized, and I cannot now make predictions, as I have an inadequate knowledge basis.
Neither would your character, so it's not really a problem.
Just give it your all.

>>46017
Mr. "I knew it!" on the mummies

>>46015
You're right. Why aren't you? The base attack bonus of Morty's sword is Caster Level + Intelligence bonus, with multiple attacks for every -5. Torcuil might actually survive this!

>>46018
I just knew that Egyptians crammed their tombs with spices.

>>46019
Wait, are we looking at the same spell?
I'm looking at mages sword. Damage is 4d6+3 force damage + charisma (cause sorcerer), oh and + caster level. I never noticed that

www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Mage%27s_Sword

>>46021
Yes, I have it listed as Mordenkainen's Sword, but everything else is correct. It also has a 19-20 critical threat (double damage) range.
>Its attack bonus is equal to your caster level + your Cha bonuswith an additional +3 enhancement bonus.

>>46023
So, Torc's attacke with it twice. Wtf should I fucking roll?

[4d20 = 49]
>>46024
Torc attacks more than twice, his caster level is 17 now. 17+3+Cha bonus (2?) = 22; the sword attacks 4 times, d20's.

>>46025
Not bad. I meant he used the spell twice, but okay. Cha bonus is correct.
So where does the 22 get added?

[8d6+10 = 41]
Damage on crit, and then 2 attacks. Wait n/m, we'll use >>46007 as the double roll (so 42) and then these are the other two attacks.

>>46027
I'm so damn confused, but okay

>>46027
Oh ffs
Snek shoots it as an attack of random occurrence and it dies.
There is one Mummy still threatening Torcuil, and one against Snek.
>>46026
A normal attack is 4d6+5, but there were two normal attacks. Because of how the dice script works, I put it as 8d6+10 for the damage. Combined, I have Torcuil making 3 out of four attacks with Morty's sword, for a combined total of 83 damage.

>>46029
Also Snek learns about
>headshot

>>46030
Um, I think 5 zombies attack now

[21d20 = 277]
>>46031
1 Snek, 1 Torcuil, 1 Trump, 1 Fae. and 17 Tracy
Also, what's Torcuils normal HP?

>>46030
>xX_MLGNoScopeSnek_Xx
>>46029
So, does one of the mummys threatening torc get hit by the sword?
>>46032
Uh, 56?
Yeah 56

>Of the 17 mummies facing Tracy, 3 score nat 20s, 3 have 19s, and 3 have 18s

[1d100 = 68]
>>46033
The magic sword so almost killed the one Torcuil was attacking that I gave Snek a magical extra attack which (cuz 2 hp) was a headshot on the mummy, killing it.
>dice
That was a series of attack rolls aimed at the party, mostly at Tracy. I'm kidding, only 2 went at Tracy, but one of them was a nat 20 so we'll get to that in a sec.
Snek, Torcuil, and Tracy gets one normal hit and one,... well let's see. Also, fortitude saves against mummy rot.

>mfw have no idea what's going on.

[1d20+12 = 19]
>>46036
>fortitude save

[1d20 = 8]
>>46036
>one normal hit
Is that an AoO?
Stabs with sword.

>>46036
Forts saves:
Snek: [1d20+8 = 16]

Torc: [1d20+5 = 22]

[1d6+10 = 11]
[1d6+10 = 15]
>>46038
>>46039
Tracy saved, that's fine.
First roll gets a 3x modifier.
>>46040
Saved

Please exuse me a moment while I try and figure out the [ code ] [ /code ] feature and what the hell it is
>>>/test/

[1d6+10 = 15]
[1d6+10 = 12]
Tracy takes 40 points of damage.
Torcuil and snek take damage in order,
Fae's turn.

>>46044
*coughs blood*

[3d20 = 27]
>>46044
Fae is... disturbed by the danger to teammates, but continues to attack that fucker that hit her. She learned biting and clawing in Seminary

>>46046
If two more attacks have already landed on her besides this 40 damage... It might just be worth spending a round to run and hide behind Trumpaladin

[2d6+4 = 12]
[2d6+3 = 8]
[3d6+7 = 13]
>>46048
Even that last attack is a 21 after modifiers

Excuse me, Tracy takes 48 points of damage, I misread the results.
>>46046
Meh, she's not that bad off. My old stats for Tracy say 121 max, so she's at about half hp. That did hurt tho.

Let's skip to the chase. I only need one set of dice. I need Torcuil to roll 5d20. First dice goes to Snek.

[5d20 = 55]
>>46051
Can do

>>46052
Wait, why me?

>>46053
Because the only real question on the table is "Can Torcuil and Snek kill this last mummy before it hits Torcuil again killing him. How many rounds has it been?
With those rolls, finishing off the mummy wouldn't be a problem, and Trump , Tracy, and Fae will have made short work of the remaining mummies.

>>46054
So, we're done?

>>46054
Actually, Tracy's hit die is 14d6+3d10, meaning she can only take one more hit before she's dying or is possibly already dying

>>46055
For all intents and purposes, yes. Kudos for not using fire spells/effects, that would have been bad.

>>46054
This is round 5 of combat

And when I say done, I do need to take a 15 minute break, but what I more mean is the fight is decided, and maybe nobody died. We can continue.

[1d20 = 11]
>>46057
Oh. Hmmm. Well lets see.

No, 22 would be alright. Yeah, unless someone wants to risk rolling a 1, I was gonna call it for the party, especially since 2 of the party are almost dead.

>>46061
Although weren't there only 5 extant zombies, meaning that only 1 could have threatened Tracy if 1 threatened every other character?

*kills the mummy cleric if Torcuil didn't get 'em first*

>>46064
That'll work

>>46064
That requires a caster level check. 1d20 + 8

>>46065
".... Well *pant* that was fun..."

>>46065
>>46066
Trumpaladin nurses his wounded hand, and goes to hug and rub his Kitty, who suffered a single hit in the combat

"Did they hurt you? You sure hurt them!"

[1d20+8 = 25]
>>46066
K

>>46068
Reeeeeeeee staph reading my mind!

Can I actually do that? I wanted to apply Contagion to the Demon Claws and Mummy Rot is /bestdisease/

>>46070
Oh that's fine, damage is healed and Torcuil is at almost max hp.

Also, lets see this beautiful mummy swag. They've got to be rich because they was kangz 'n shieet.

I found Torc in a ugandan knuckles video
>>46072
Works for me

>>46074
Ugandan Knuckles is such a great meme

>>46075
>bagpipes intensify

>>46069
*humps leg*
"You looked really amazing when you sliced-off both of that monster's arms, ~Flashy."

>>46073
It will take some time to sift through/blow away all the dust (there's LOTS).

[1d20 = 7]
>>46078
Tries to shake off pony

>>46077
*is disturbed*

>>46079
Fae uses Dragonne wings to help clear, sort of like hover but not actually flying

[1d20+19 = 33]
>>46079
You roll Search to Rapidly Ransack a chest, right?
Rolling to scoop-up sweet Arabian booty.

>>46080
"Do ye know da wae lad?"

>>46082
>inb4 Tray picks up a mummy ass

>>46083
"To where?"

>>46082
"Don't you dare claim all this shit for yourself!"

>>46084
Mummy rot is a curse, not a normal disease. It's a supernatural ability of the mummy

>>46086
I'll cut-off their hands and ask Infernius to animate them to make an equivalent to a hand of glory.

>>46077
Have you seen the pony invasion video?
>>46081
Good thinking. It would only take about 5 rounds to accomplish it at that efficiency
>>46083
Brudda, he does not no de wae. We must give him the ebola.
>spit spit spit spit
>>46084
In time

>>46086
"What would I do with all of this, ~Flashy?" She asks as she leans over the edge of the chest, swinging her hips
"I just want to try on their jewelry."

>>46087
And you think that will give you its supernatural abilities? And you won't accidentally curse yourself handling it?

>>46089
He was going to stare her down, but decides against it

>>46088
Tracy crams all of the loot in her bag, dust and all.

>>46086
"Do ye kno da wey of the devil"
>clicking
>>46088
Nope, can I get a link?

>>46090
>And you won't accidentally curse yourself handling it?
I'll just have her go to the entertron.
I meant to put them inside of the Demon Claws anyway.

>>46087
Yes, we'll get to that. But Tracy and Fae were going to clear out the room, yes?
>>46090
Great point, handling curses is way different than handling poisons.
>>46092
Its on the board, gimme a minute

>>46091
"just let the dust clear. It takes literally 30 seconds to clear the room"

>>46092
"I'm sorry, what?"

>>46093
And if it happens when she's more than one minute away from the entertron? Why wouldn't the cursing ability be destroyed with the mummy anyways

>>46094
What if she keeps them in her claws?

Either way, mummy-rot sample acquired!
>>46095
>why wouldn't be destroyed with the mummies
pic related

>Inb4 Tracy curses herself

>>46096
So...
Much...
Best...
Pony...
10/10
>AMX 40
Even better

[1d20 = 19]
>>46094
Hopefully Fae has cleared the room by now and Trumpaladin can open his eyes again. And mouth. And nostrils. Anyways, search check on all the shit, particularly looking if there's any sign of just what culture is represented

>>46099
Too much second best pony. That's scary

Question. Torc has 18 ranks in spellcraft, so what's his bonus for checks?
>>46101
>implying there can be to much ponk

[1d20+5 = 8]
>>46100
Trumpaladin had studied up on Kings and Queens in this domain and others for the purpose of ~~impressing and picking up girls~~ diplomacy and negotiations. He makes a knowledge check on nobility and royalty for the symbols on the mummies' jewelry and other items

>>46104
Just pocket everything, m8.

Tracy dumps it all in her bag.

>>46102
Itd be his ranks + Charisma bonus. Oh by the way, several minutes has passed, and no one noticed Torcuil pass into a feverish coma, nor did they see him die and "shrivel away into sand and dust that [will] blow away into nothing at the first wind."
Torcuil wakes up naked in the Entertron, completely restored to health cuz that one time Thez took a blood sample.

But he's still hungry.

>>46106
So Torcuil did fail a fortitude save

>>46106
Well fuck...
*puts his stuff in her bag for safekeeping*

>>46106
Thats... good... to... know...
"Wheres my fucking clothes?"

>>46106
What happens in the Entertron if you die of starvation? Say you roll a 1 on your survival check in a desert.

>>46111
>not "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes
Anon, he's Scottish not Irish

>>46109
Darkie happens to walk by with some tea. "Oh,... um,... here." He throws a glob of webbing on torcuil's haggis n bits.

Well fuck

>>46112
I was going to say >implying he knows the difference, but then I remembered that Amazing Grace is a center piece of the One True Calvinist Faith. I sincerely apologize

*watches dust blow away*
"Too bad.."

>>46106
Are you sure the sickness would not have been noticed by Trumpaladin in time to stop the curse? Mummy Rot would take about three or maybe four rounds to kill but only one round to cast the saving spell

>>46113
"Thats gonna hurt when I take it off, but thanks lad. Do you think you could help me back to that temple thing in the bay?"
>>46115
Thanks anon.
I need to play my chanter again...

As for Treasure, these guys were loaded. I haven't even finished rolling it all out, but its phat. Not, "jewish hoard" phat, but still, nice.
>>46118
"Uhm, I think you will want Lenos' help with that one. He should be in the forge," he says having increasing difficulty holding in his laughter.

>>46117
The incubation time is one minute, and there's no symptoms to see beforehand.
Besides, he was distracted by the loot.

"Also, use a candle and melt it away, don't rip it off. But don't roll a 1 when you do."

>>46120
I mean symptoms in the 4 rounds it takes to kill

".... We've lost two already.. Do you want to pull back for now, Flashy?"

>>46119
>phat
I think you mean E X T R A T H I C C
>Lenos
"K, thanks for the help"
Torc heads towards the forge

>>46124
Trumpaladin notices Tracy exists

"Two? We lost two?"

Mr. Snek hisses in distress of losing his master, and slithers over to Tracy since she has his shit.
[Sad snek noises]

>>46126
"Well, the bull might not be dead, but we really don't know that..."

>>46127
*pets Snek*
"There, there.. Be sure to guard his things, alight?"
*puts torc's shit in her saddlebag along with Snek in staff form*

>>46125
Upon Torcuil's entry, he sees Lenos half-glaring at his latest work, the light of the forge reflecting off his slightly draconic eyes. He glances at Torcuil for a moment, before losing his shit laughing hysterically. Rolling.

>>46127
Snek is a staff when the master is away

>>46128
"I was meaning to regroup with Thez and Infernius before this battle even occured. And my hand was crushed somehow. But yes, withdraw to the steps"

Trumpaladin gathers Torcuil dust, because he'd assume it's necessary

>>46131
I think Torc made it intelligent or something.

>>46127
Snek would master sense Torcuil on the Tower, but he wouldn't be able to communicate that.

>>46129
[Contented tongue flick]
>>46130
"Yeah, yeah I get it. Nude wizard is funny. Can you help me reach the rest of the party"
>>46131
Snek is a framilier, so I kinda assume not

>>46134
Did you remember to say hello to Death?

>>46135
Yelling down to Infernius down the stairs

"Hey Infernius! We encountered Mummies in a room. 9 and an evil Cleric mummy I think. My hand was crushed because of reasons not related to combat and Fae was slammed once, but Torcuil... Torcuil suffered heavy damage then... died of a curse. Oh yeah, Tracy was damned near killed"

[1d2023 = 399]
Rolling Listen to sense the next thing that's coming to kill us all.

>>46135
"We killed all the mummies though. Fae's okay"

[1d20+23 = 37]
>>46139
fucked up

>>46138
*licks hand*
"Flashy.. You're hurt.."
[worried pony noises]

>>46143
*licks nursingly*

>>46140
"Me can heal whoever needs help."

[1d20 = 9]
>>46144
"I'm a healer. I can heal"

>>46145
"Flashy's hand is hurt!"
>half hp
... and I'm, not doing so well myself..."

>>46146
Plus 4 wisdom

>>46145
"Before he died, Torcuil cast a mass healing spell. Maybe Tracy needs a little more"

>>46147
It was way more than half
\r

>>46148
>>46147
"Me buttfucked some wraiths back to hell."
*pets tracy and heals*
*pets brad and heals*

>>46148
*licks*
[whimpers]

>>46149
"Nice. Don't pet my... nevermind"

>>46149
"Thanks, Infernius.
Where's Thez?

>>46151
*latches tightly to leg*

[1d20 = 13]
>>46149
"On the plus side, everything that's attacked us thus far, has been disorganized. It's not clear our invasion has been noticed"

>>46153
Shakes

>>46154
"I think we actually just woke these guys up. It doesn't seem like we've been noticed"
*reattaches self to leg*

>>46154
"Good."
>>46152
"She back at tower."