What it is? Its an ongoing thread-based fantasy RPG
What it do? Players do their thing based off dice scripts and 3.5e D&D as a rules baseline.
Throughout the week we shitpost at one another and on weekends we kill shit or surmount some form of obstacle. New players always welcome.
The party currently has a trebuchet, a series of cannons, and an airship with another series of cannons aimed at a floating black pyramid just out from the docks of Port Barry. Its not actually a pyramid, its an octahedron, but its half submerged. Some quick thinking from the resident Mage kept it from teleporting away and escaping, and now the party is looking to crack that bitch open and see what sorta toys are inside. And kill shit.
1248 replies and 122 files omitted.
>>45099Kek
So, how does that barrage affect the tower?
[1d100 = 18]Alright. Sorry Infernius can't make it, we'll just say he pulled something while sex.
>>45103Well, here's the thing. That second shot was a 1, and the dice roll is to determine "how bad".
[6d6+10 = 34]>>45104Okay, not so bad. The shell failed to fire properly. Only half of the shots hit the target though.
As the smoke from the initial fire dissipates, the flanking engines begin their initial assault. The Pyramid shows cracks and deformation along the barrage point, but appears to be holding together. Thez <whoooof> appears on the ship, alerted to the activity by the obvious cannon-fire.
>>45102Because you keep ACTIVELY TRYING TO FUCK THINGS UP
Stahp
>>45107>ACTIVELY TRYING TO FUCK THINGS UPI only try to have fun.
"Well that was disappointing. Can we shoot it again?" Thez asks.
>>45106"Hey Thez! Would you mind opperating the cannons for a moment?"
Torc casts meteor swarm at the pyramid
>>45108>>45108>fun at the expense of othersUh huh
>>45109"Duh"
>>45111>at the expense of othersExample?
>>45110Just keep firing, m8. Don't use-up your spells.
>>45113Eh, fine.
Torc fires again
>>45110"Uhm,... okay,.... What do I do?"
>>45110Meteor swarm - while a brutally effective spell on hoomans and other things, is not terribly effective against buildings. In fact, it is totally uneffective.
So, while 4 large glowing spheres streak off and collide with the pyramid, resulting in a huge fiery blast,... it appears to have had no effect.
>>45112Scaring off the level 7 cleric celestisl
during the undead invasion and not waiting a day to do it later. Setting the supply of wood on fire.
[14d20 = 164]>>45114That's what I was waiting for. Keep in mind, I did not plan this
>>45115>no effectNo effect? It means that the structure is being bombarded by spheres from 4 different angles now, only one of which actually will cause a breach. And how will they know which one, or that any of them caused a breach, until we are already upon them
>>45116That didn't cause any problems. She only left after the battle was over.
>Setting the supply of wood on fire.Even if it hadn't been damp, a whole forest doesn't burn that easily. Wood supply was never threatened.
>>45118I think only the ships canons are able to damage it,. The trebuchets aren't doing anything.
Okay. As the second volley fires, a number of things occur. First and most obvious, is remember that canon that misfired? BOOOM.
Secondly, especially with that 20 there, the second volley successfully rends a hole in the side of the pyramid.
I'm assuming that the assembled siege engines continue their fire, with archers taking position to cover the entrance.
Except on board the airship. The explosion of the second cannon knocks the airship from its position, and the cannons are now pointing the wrong way
>>45119The battle is going on
right nowYou intended it to burn the entire forest down, and you said so repeatedly. You were disappointed that it did not have that effect
>>45121"AH FUCK"
Torc jumps up and fights for control of the ship
>>45121>cannons are the wrong directionEh, that's okay for the moment
>>45122>The battle is going on right nowWe'll survive.
>You intended it to burn the entire forest down>entireWrong.
She was only desecrating part of it. Merely making a mess.
>you were disappointed that it did not have that effectNo, I was bummed that Troll didn't show up.
And it doesn't take long for a response either. Almost immediately, a series of blood-curdling shrieks can be heard emanating from the hole, and a sizeable group of creatures starts to issue from the hole. Some are weird reddish heads that have creepy bat wings and tentacles hanging from them, while others are shadowy forms that don't appear to have any discernable features other than being vaguely humanoid in shape. Both are airborn.
>>45126Mount pony, and charge!
Fae is to charge!
Archers are to fire!
[1d20+4 = 12]>>45126Fire a Screaming Bolt into the Cluster.
>>45123Want to fireball these things?
>>45126Order Slovenia to fire the trebuchet at the mass
[13d20 = 163]>>45126Eh, rolling for archers
[1d20+21 = 34]>>45128Well, that didn't hit anything, but it should spook them.
Tracy charges on Trump's command.
She lets out a fearsome roar (intimidate chech; demoralize), and looses her chain, ready to attack with it.
>>45129>>45130They're not shooting while we're charging, are they?
>>45126Fug, Torc casts Polar ray at the swarm.
Ranged Touch Attack:
[1d20 = 9]Damage:
[17d6 = 63]Ice ice baby
>>45125>>45131The archers are specifically trained to shoot enemies who are danger close to allies. The trebuchet... Well, hopefully it fires at the mass before we approach or it targets a different area
>>45127>>45128>>45129>>45131Okay first off, these are undead. They don't fear anything except holy shit. Nice try.
The Generals score several hits, but the distance slows many of the shots down enough that they are avoided.
What kind of munition is the Trebuchet firing? Is it stone or is it pitch (or something else?)
>>45132Targeting a head or a shade?
Also, roll for initiative
>>45134Lets go for a head
[1d20 = 8]
Initiative
[1d20 = 20][1d20 = 11]>>45134The Generals have the far shot feat for range increments of 165 feet, they are firing from up high for a +1, master work bow makes +1 and weapon focus adds plus 1. I would assume the trebuchet would fire a number of stones like grape shot
Also rolling for Fae's initiative
[1d20+6 = 16]>>45135rollin'
>>45137Do we apply are weapon modifiers to our rolls?
[1d20+2 = 16]>>45136Frozen, falls into the water with a splash.
>>45137Well Trump goes first obviously
>>45140No, only initiative modifiers (Improved Initiative feat, etc.).
>>45140Well, when you are using a weapon.
>>45138Kek, but why do you get a bonus?
>>45141That works.
How pissed would you all be if you couldn't see these things, but they took some decent damge for 17 rounds?
>>45143This form has Improved Initiative.
>>45140What spell do you want?
[2d20 = 28]Okay, so amongst the party I'm seeing:
Trump
Thez
>>45138 +6?
Either Tracy or Fae, cuz I need sauce on that +6
The other one of Fae or Tracy
Torcuil
Rolling for heads and tails
>>45146Heads and tails? Huh?
[1d20 = 1]>>45146Both FAE and Tracy have +6 modifiers. I didn't add that to Fae's roll, so Fae is above Tracy. Also, roll for Generals
>>45148Aww
Well, Trumpaladin casts Bulls strength on self and Mount (Tracy)
I really need to know if you guys would kill me for obscuring the hellish demon things
>>45147For simplicity's sake. I could tell you exactly what they are, but that ruins the effect.
>>45149I see the improved initiative, but that's only a +1
>>45153I was just basing it off of the "Initiative" line beneath the hit dice.
Idk how initiative works...
>>45152Yes
>>45153I think Tracy's faggot is correct on this. FAE has improved initiative as well
>>45155Would 4d6 of damage each round change your mind?
[1d20 = 14]>>45154Oh. Right. Carry on then.
K so final order:
Heads/Trump
Thez
Tails
Fae
Tracy
Torcuil
Rolling for archers/Slovenia
>>45157I don't really care. I just want to get inside.
>>45157Yes
>>45158If one round away, ready attack. If more than one round away, cast bull strength on self and mount (Tracy)
>>45160Yes, 1 round away (especially the way Tracy flies).
The heads start shrieking and spread out toward the advance forces, which seems to be Trump, Tracy, and Fae.
>>45159>>45160Okie dokie, Torc will cast Incendiary cloud on the swarm, surrounding them in a cloud of embers, rolling for first round of damage
[4d6 = 12]
[5d8+20 = 32]
[1d20 = 1]
Thez throws her folding saw, which in flight looks like a bright gold/black tron disk at one of the heads, probably severing it in two unless a 1.
>>45161Oh, those heads and tails
>>45163>unless 1Um, I hate too tell you this...
Tracy extends her chain to increase her threat range, readying an attack.
Thez fumbles her folding saw, and immediately starts cursing cuz there's a dimensional lock and she can't teleport to retrieve it.
The shadowy forms start to move as well, spreading out away from the advancing party, and directing themselves toward the archers and siege operators, muttering jibberish and weird sounds as they do so.
The archers and trebuchet have this move, followed by Fae, then Tracy, then Torcuil.
[3d20 = 49]>>45165Direct Tracy towards Tails forces
>>45166Fae is ordered to charge and Pounce, if possible, in attack on nearest heads. If not, fly and direct towards tails
[1d20 = 3][13d20 = 143]>>45167Cute horse is ordered for fire at mass towards Tails. Do I roll for that? rolling
Archers target tails forces
>>45169Did they get these directions ahead of time, or are you communicating with them somehow?
>>45166Since the group split up lets cast
>>45162 at the shadow things on Torc's turn.
>>45170Eh, I may as well roll for them. Some one has to
>>45172The base of the question is: Are they operating on pre-set orders, or are they acting as you direct them? Because there's a big difference to how they might respond then.
>>45169Trebuchet misses and rebounds off the pyramid into the water. Several of the archers score good hits, but aside from that 20 none are sufficient to lay anyone out.
>>45173He's sticking with the strategy, which Trump would conceivably have relayed to them in advance
>>45173When a Player character has a cohort or followers or NPCs who are allies under their command, these NPCs may be controlled either by the GM, or by the Player who "owns" them. It's the GM's choice in the particular campaign. This GM in this campaign has generally given control to the Player, but really,
someone has to represent these characters
>>45174>Trebuchet missesAww. Can spartans or ghestapo enter and fire other cannons?
Tracy charges forward waiting to get close enough to attack.
If Trump succeeds a Ride check, can he direct her to attack with her natural weapons during his turn?
>>45175It's not a question of who controls them., I was just wondering if they had preset orders or they were waiting for orders.
>>45176What is the DC? I think Trumpaladin should have +20 with the shoes and ten ranks. At least I think it makes sense that he would have ten ranks
Also, direct her to do what exactly?
>>45177Oh. I think they would have a "style" which would be grilled into them ahead of time
So Fae, Tracy, and Torcuil
[3d20 = 40]>>45179If Fae is in range to pounce (160 feet if she can reach by the surface of the pyramid), then pounce on a "head." If not, fly towards Tails
>>45178The DC to control an untrained mount with your knees is 5 (move action). You don't need to roll to control warponies or warhorses though.
Unconscious control is 50 (free action).
>>45178>direct her to do what exactlyKill/stomp shit.
>>45180Easily. Fae makes short work of a head.
>>45182With the chain, Tracy has options for targets. Lucky theres lots of them, and more flap and/or float their way out of the breach.
[3d20 = 32]>>45179Tracy makes a full-round attack with her uber-chain.
>>45183I don't know how many or where/what they are, but she attacks the nearest thing.
>>45182"pls try to prioritize Tails, kill them, and get me close enough to one to kill with my sword"
>>45171Tails are coming right for you and likely have more powers than heads. Recommend target them
>>45186Aren't the tails the shadow things? Targeting tails anyway
>>45185>'~Hmmmm.. Did I ever tell you how good your kneecaps felt on my abs, ~Flashy?'>>45183>>45184Tracy complies and targets the tails.
>>45186No, Tails are spreading out toward the archers and siege engines. Its the Heads that are going head-on.
>>45189Yes
>>45190What's Tracy's damage bonus?
>>45189That is correct. That
is what you said earlier. Just wanted to be clear
>>45190>"WHY ARE YOU SO SEXY! STAHP!"
>>45191+10 if she receives her full strength bonus
>>45191So, the could works?
>>45191>damage bonusH-how do I calculate that?
>>45195It's difficult to say because Cauchemar's aren't supposed to use animated chains with their mouths, but the strength bonus on damage from a Cauchemar is +10 on each attack
>>45195Its a combination of Str bonus, and any bonus for the weapon (which the chain has a +5). +10 works, I wanted to know how many hits it would take to kill one of these fuckers. With two strikes (since the 3rd missed) that fells one of them.
For scope, there are about 8 tails spreading out (with more coming) and theres about 8 heads doing likewise, but focusing on Trump, Fae, and Tracy.
So Torcuil, you were gonna cloud-nuke?
[1d20+19 = 34]>>45197She has 35 Str atm, and her chain is a +4 weapon.
>fells one of themCan she cleave that?
Also, can Intimidate be used to taunt enemies towards you, or is that Bluff?
Rolling Bluff
>>45199>cleaveYes
>bluff/intimidateNo
[3d20 = 27]>>45197She can hold the chain with her claw-hands, and it's connected to her bag.
>>45200Cleavin'
>>45201First part meant for
>>45196
>>45199No goddamn it, she doesn't get the full paladin's mount buffs
>>45201You don't get three free shots for one cleave
>>45203You cast Bull's strength on her.
>>45198Yeah, should I roll again?
>>45201If it's not being held by the mouth then she can't get the Cauchemar's strength
>>45204I stand corrected. Carry on
>>45206An Everwhirling Chain uses its master's stats to attack.
This is precisely the reason I wanted an everdancing weapon, so she could use her hooves for running and not have metal in her mouth.
>>45179I intended to get this cleared with you earlier, but what I had intended for the Generals was to give them
Master work Composite Longbows, +1 attack 1d8. Half the forces have +1 damage for higher strength rating
Point Blank shot +1 attack and +1 damage at 30 feet
Far shot: increases range increment by 50%, to 165 feet
Precise shot: No penalty for targeting opponent engaged in melee with a ranged weapon
Weapon Focus (Composite Longbow): +1 on attacks with this weapon
Weapon Specialization (Composite Longbow): +2 damage using this weapon
A was intending to give the quarter of them that were eligible for it the Multi-shot feat, but we can assume they all have Improved Critical as their sixth feat for simplicity.
So an attack bonus of +7 for half them and +8 for half, with a damage roll of 1d8+2 for half and a 1d8+3 for half
The cleave attempt lands, but does not kill. Torcuil casts his nuke cloud, except its range is only sufficient to hit 1/2 of the 8 immediate tails (they went left and right, in the direction of the support-fire). Pick a side.
>>45210Whichever side is coming at Torc
>>45211I thought Torcuil was on the airship. The tails are spreading out to attack the citizens
>>45208>Everwhirling ChainFor the 90'th time, you do not have an ever whirling chain. And Everwhirling chain costs Market Price: 5,220,325 gp; Cost to Create: 2,610,325 gp + 52,200 XP. You were given Haxx, but you were not given that much haxx
>>45212Pick the side going towards slovenia
>>45212Per the Plan, the Generals are on the airship with Torcuil. The docks are where Slovenia is located with the Trebuchet. The spartan contingent should be there as well, although presumably not yet activated because of a melee fighting style and the distance
[1d2 = 1]
>1 is left
>2 is right
>>45213M8, I've looked through the comments back then, and you are the only one who has said otherwise about her weapon.
>>45216Yes, but he's right about one thing; its kinda stupid-powerful. Consider it a Diet Everwhirling Chain.
>>45216Nigger, I
Definitely remember the comment "It's animated in the sense that it can extend 60 feet. It is not an everwhirling chain." This comment took place during the charge on RBG.
If you are claiming 5.2 million GP of Haxx, then I want my 5.2 million as well, or 5 wish spells, or something
>>45217I think of it as a spiked chain with reach of 60 ft and not 10 ft
>>45219That's pretty much where I'm at. Its not uber like an everwhirling chain, but it does have long reach.
>>45217>DietSo, what doesn't it have? Does it lose the Defending ability?
>>45219She's been using it to attack from 60 ft away long before then though.
>>45221The Everdancing feature was the only part I really wanted, desu.
>>45224The everdancing feature is the only part I have issue with desu
>>45223I don't remember her doing that, but I would believe it, because you lie and cheat and steal and do everything you can to try to break the game with hordes of cheats. You need to be policed constantly
[4d20 = 31]
So Torcuil envelops the left-side tails in charring and damaging smoke n shit.
Only one of the tails has the presence of mind to escape the cloud, while the others take damage.
>>45223That started when she was doing her wilder psychic thing, which,...
So saying, be thankful she can use a 60' chain without penalty.
>>45225Aww..
I guess it can't be helped...
>>45226>lie>cheatThat's honestly what I thought it could do.
>stealFrom who?
Anyway, how exactly was it modified back then, if that's the case?
[4d20 = 43]>>45227Is it my turn or the tails?
Trumpaladin slashes at anything near him. Presumably, Tracy has carried him within range of a Head or two
>>45230Just for future reference, is loosing the chain to attack a standard action or a move action now? I would've been a free action, but Idk now.
>>45232And, can it still hit adjacent targets?
New round. Its Trump and the Heads.
>>45231First attack misses, but the next two land killing a head, giving a cleave opportunity (before the 20 that is).
[1d20 = 9]>>45232Huzzah! roll
>>45235Cleave-strike lands, but doesn't kill; I'm assuming you're allocating the 20 to finish it?
>>45236Kills it, getting another cleave.
[1d20 = 13]>>45238Rolling
>>45238How many rounds out are the Tails from hitting positions?
>>45239Another hit.
In the aftermath of the leading heads dying and getting attacked, several of the heads begin to shriek. Trump, Fae, and Tracy roll a saving throw, adding any charisma bonus to the roll.
>>45240They'll be in range by the end of this round.
>>45239Waiting to see if that killed it or not, because she gets an AoO.
[1d20+15 = 18][1d20+20 = 30]>>45241The lower bonus roll is Fae, and assumes a fortitude save
[1d20+19 = 25]>>45241Does this count as a fear affect?
Rolling Fortitude, because that's what he said.
>>45244>Forgot to add Constitution modifier
>>45245The Cauchemar's 17 fortitude save includes the constitution modifier
>>45244Its not a constitution modifier in this case, its charisma based. Also, yes it is a fear effect
he says, assuming that Tracy knows what the heads are
>>45247If it's a fear affect, Trump is immune, and Tracy gets a +4 bonus to her save, right?
"Noisy fuckers!" Tracy curses
K, so everyone is either immune or saves. Moving on. From the railing of the airship Thez yells, "Oh FFS, just turn the bastards!"
[1d20 = 13]>>45247That looks unpleasant...
Slovenia targets the Right mass of Tails with spreading shot (15 rocks?)
>>45249Trumpaladin shrugs
"I didn't think of that till after my last round"
[15d20 = 160]>>45250Should that be 15 separate rolls?
>>45250Just Turn them out of the way so we can enter. They're just bats flying out of a cave.
>>45252It's not my turn, and we have to deal with these ones first
[4d20 = 38]>>45250No. Also, its not her turn yet. Thez streaks by Trump, incurring several attacks of opportunity from the heads, making a bee-line for the hole.
[1d20 = 18]
Saving throw vs poison
>>45253>we have to deal with these ones firstThe generals could probably handle them.
Let's not burn time.
>>45256Just calm the fuck down and let's kill these
[1d20 = 4]
Thez takes a grazing bite as she speeds toward the pyramid.
Now Slovenia can fire spread-shot (please declare this sorta thing in advance, so the crew can conceivably change munition in the same round)
[1d20 = 15]>>45258Spread shot towards Right side
(I thought it was the trebuchet's default?)
[14d20 = 206]>>45259Plus 14 other rocks
>>45260>That set of rollsHoly shit
>>45261Thats actually pretty fucking impressive.
Hats off to you
>>45259I assumed a single rock was the default.
>>45260e_e We'll consider those the archer's shots, cuz it would be a waste otherwise.
Allips and Vargouilles fall left and right, as the archers continue to pepper them with shots. Most of the advancing enemies are kill or almost. The only pressing threat now is the continuous flow from the hole in the pyramid.
>>45257[frisky nightmare noises]
>'These things are squishy, ~Flashy..! Let's cut into the meat already.'*Blows cone of smoke in excitement*
>>45260That outta finish them.
Now let's dive into this sexy dungeon.
[3d20 = 21]
Fae pounces a Head
>>45263*Tracy charges into the hole, projecting her smoke cone ahead of her, whinnying in excitement*
>>45265[happy nightmare noises]
>>45266>Not great dice rollsUh, her modifier should be +20 +18 +18
[1d20+21 = 29]>>45267Rolling to Spot anything bigger lurking inside the hole ahead of time.
>>45269*draws sword and kills squishy targets*
>>45267Hold your,... self. There's a mob of heads and tails coming out of it still, unless you're attempting an overrun.
>>45266Nom nom
>>45271>Unless you're attempting an overrunI'm betting yes
Are the Spartans or Gestapo rated as archers?
>>45272Not that I'm aware of
>>45115"Hey guys me groin stoped hurting, me ready to fight.
i didnt have to drive as far as i thought i did.
>>45274HUZZAH!
Come in and kill shit
>>45275Tldr what am i killing?
>>45276Infernius can't teleport, he's still in the tower. Xp
>>45274YAY, THE CLERIC IS BACK
>>45271>unless you're attempting an overrunSure. Trample the fuckers.
*blows smoke to fuck-up their attack rolls*
>*stompy-stompy*
>>45277*Sprints towards the exit*
>>45276It's like Vargoilles? Flying undead coming out like bats. Also check out this kiss ass set of rolls I got rolling for the Generals
>>45260. I tried to make it a multi-shot for a trebuchet but GM reassigned it to the archers
>>45281>Kiss assLol. Kick ass
Alright. Not to dial things back or anything, but as soon as Trump goes ahead and turns these bitches, the entrance to the pyramid is secure. No casualties or injuries were sustained (except Thez of all ppl) and most importantly, no one got kissed or wisdom drained (they do that btw).
>>45283Torc flys to the hole in the wall
For the record, that was my only question; do the citizens and militia take any status ailments, injuries, or casualties. That the party was gonna mob on them was a given.
>>45283What happened to muh waifu?
>>45260Top Rolls.
>>45278It is i cleric bull
>>45287That is either very good or very bad
Uh... I think the circlet of persuasion adds +3 to turn checks?
>GM assumes that he can forego looking at the fine details of undead turning and just roll>2Every time
>>45288She charged through/around the vargs and got bitten trying to engage at the entrance.
Okkay good, the turning check still worked. Vargs shrivel up and collapse with creepy shrieks, and the Allips evaporate.
As usual, the Port Barry citizens are overjoyed and start cheering, meanwhile the dungeon beckons.
>>45290Turns back to blow a kiss at the cheering citizens, heroically waves, and then enters the dungeon
>>45291Reeee wait for me.
>>45292I'm sorry, but this was the best I could do to hold back Tracy's Faggot. He's so impatient he didn't even want to kill this wave of enemies
"Hello everyone, we doing this?"
The entry to the pyramid is a wide open and spacious room. Decayed remains of ancient corpses are strewn everywhere, many without heads. This room hasn't been touched by anything living in,... at all? The stench of death and decay is almost nauseating, and aside from a massive pillar in the center, there are two sets of staircases leading down on either side of it.
[1d20 = 4][1d20 = 7]>>45294Fae does spot and listen check
>>45295"Well this is fucked up. Whose going in in first?"
>>45296Uh... +15 modifiers on each
[1d20+25 = 41]>>45292You'll catch up soon enough.
Better for Tracy to go first, with her Trap Sense.
Rolling Search to check for Traps, hazards,
or hidden treasure, upon entering the room.
[1d20+21 = 40][1d20+21 = 23]>>45296Tracy does the same
>>45295"..I have to say, this place doesn't look half bad."
[1d20 = 19]Trumpaladin does search check
Target is "What the fuck did this room used to be?" Greater description of room
>>45301*glares*
>>45299*Sad faggot noises*
>>45296"I can hear bones clacking against the ground, shifting sounds, some liquid sounds, lots of moaning and spoopy sounds,... nothing immediate however."
>>45301kek
>>45303It almost looks like a courtyard or a rooftop, except for being inside.
>>45303*quizical stare*
"You're not afraid, are you, Flashy?"
>>45304You'll get there in minutes on Utachit.
Infernius has Natural Cunning too, so he'll catch up to the party in no time in the dungeon.