What it is? Its an ongoing thread-based fantasy RPG
What it do? Players do their thing based off dice scripts and 3.5e D&D as a rules baseline.
Throughout the week we shitpost at one another and on weekends we kill shit or surmount some form of obstacle. New players always welcome.
The party currently has a trebuchet, a series of cannons, and an airship with another series of cannons aimed at a floating black pyramid just out from the docks of Port Barry. Its not actually a pyramid, its an octahedron, but its half submerged. Some quick thinking from the resident Mage kept it from teleporting away and escaping, and now the party is looking to crack that bitch open and see what sorta toys are inside. And kill shit.
1248 replies and 122 files omitted.
>>45304Aww... I can wait for you
>>45305To ask Fae: "Is it in this room?"
>>45306"Afraid, no. But you have atrocious tastes"
>>45295How dark is it? Is it pitch black?
Torc brings out Mr. Snek and hops on his back
>>45302"Ladys first then"
Torc rolls a architecture check for hidden shit
[1d20+2 = 10]>>45310Aside from the light streaming in from the hole, yes. Most ppl have darkvision tho so its not a big deal, and Tracy is on fire.
>>45315*Tracy makes a super-saiyan ki-charging pose, and revs up her flames to illuminate the room so her husband can see past his arms*
>>45314Understanding the nature of the returned insult, he glares back
[1d20+21 = 25][1d20+21 = 38]>>45313Search and Spot checks on ceiling, because he asked.
>>45313Ever seen the Sistine chapel? It looks nothing like that. In fact, the ceiling is probably the most unmentionable aspect. Its just flat glassy shit.
>>45307Its okay brad just protect thez untill i get there.
>>45319[confused pony noises]
".. W-would you rather I turn it down, Flashy..?"
*flames fizzle and die-down considerably, leaving the room pitch black once more*
>>45322Kek. Yes I have seen the sistine chapel, it was just a question to see if the "rooftop," which seems to be the bottom of the lower overturned pyramid, was identical on both sides, suggesting that the octohedron was two pyramids put together rather than a single structure
>>45324He doesn't need darkvision to give you the stare of death
>>45321[sad monster noises]
"... Are you mad at me, Flashy?"
>>45325She's confused, because she doesn't understand why he's glaring at her. She only wants to help.
>>45326"No no, you're a good horsey"
*Rubs and pats what he thinks is her head and neck*
"So, are we just gonna stand here waiting or are we gonna go in?"
>Snek noises
>>45329I think that's snake for "fuck this haunted house shit I'm outa here"
>>45328"... If you're having trouble seeing, just let me know.. I'm here to help you, Flashy"
>>45329Having found nothing on her detection rolls, Tracy advances forward.
>>45331I'd try again with trap searching
*stares*
>>45330My snek ain't no fucking wimp...
But I would agree>>45331"Welp, here we go"
[1d20+25 = 32]>>45332One more Search Check then.
[1d20 = 9]http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Dancing_LightsThis should help with seeing
>>45334Snek the rogue makes an extra search check
>>45335"That'll work. Send 'em around the room to help us see what's here.
If we need to, I can cast Daylight so we can light up the room since, you know, I'm a spell caster with a buffed 18 wisdom"
*stares at horse*
>>45335You cast spells with memes fuccboi
>>45336Torc send the lights around the room, allowing the party to look around.
>>45337Not fucking always you bitch
>>45325Thats a clever idea, though not what it is. The ceiling is completely horizontal and does not reflect the pyramid slope.
>>45333For future reference, Thez can talk to Snek and convey/receive concepts and information.
>>45335"I can do that one again!" Thez says, also casting Dancing Lights,... for no particular purpose.
>>45337He can cast them manually too, I just prefer memes, and tend to interpret the dice more favorably (or bypass entirely) the dice with dank maymays.
*walks forward, crunching bones underhoof*
How many corridors are there*
>>45340Thats pretty good ironically.
>>45339Yes you do!
>>45343This.
It's the payment for being able to cast almost every spell without arcane prep.
>>45342*pulls on horse dock to increase the lighting*
>>45342see
>>45295The party can see 2 staircases, and upon inspection they lead toward different areas of the pyramid, despite their proximity.
>>45341I try to use memes more for combat cause I can think of ones easier.
Ya'll are gonna hate my one for this boss>>45344>imply finding memes to satisfy you heathens isn't arcane prep >>45346"Which staircase guys?"
Torc begins walking slowly towards the pillar, Snek in tow
>>45347>prepKek, it is tho, literally
>>45347That's exactly the point.
The memes
are the arcane prep.
>>45348"Don't they both lead to the same location?"
To Fae
"Advance"
>>45350This
>>45348>>45351"It doesn't look like it. It looks like narrow hallways going in different directions from here. They might meet up, but it doesn't look like they're next to eachother, even though they're next to eachother." Thez says looking down one of them.
>>45351>>45350Oh just wait
>stair cases"I don't know, but the money's on 'no'"
Thez looks at Tracy
"Don't go ethereal unless you have to either, who knows what sort of can of worms that could be."
[1d20+25 = 35]>>45353Good point
Search check to detect man-eating stairs
>>45354Tracy slowly nods in response.
>>45355The stairs do not appear to be man-eating, and have no traps or shenanigens.
>>45358"I KNEW YOU LIBERTARIANS WERE SECRET LEFTISTS!"
>>45359"I meant staircase you fucking retard"
>>45360"Uh huh. I'm sure you did."
>>45359"Do you feel that?" Fae says to Trump. "This whole place has been unhallowed. Turning will be suppressed. Not fully, but with a big modifier.
[1d20 = 2]
Rolling to flip coin
Even is left, odd is right
>>45362"Thank you for telling me. It does feel almost like democrat senator's office here"
*shivers*
>>45363Thats 2 for the left staircase
>>45361"Oh fuck off and decide"
>>45363"I'm okay with left. If its a dead end, we can always go back." Thez says.
>>45366"I just don't want to be split up from my mounts. I'd prefer to have the help of the Cleric and the wizard though. Where is Infernius anyways?"
[1d20+21 = 41]>>45366>If its a dead end, we can always go back*death flags spring up*
Tracy goes in first.
Rolling to Listen for enemies.
>>45368Don't go left.
The staircase would collapse under the full weight of the party, and they would in fact be unable to go backward (and some might take damage) if they were to go left.
>>45372Tracy turns towards the rest of the party with as grim, serious expression.
"Let's not go this way."
>>45372>>45373"The left choice is the wrong choice, and the right is the right choice. Those are the words you should live by. Have none of you remembered this is a den of leftist senators and justices?"
[1d20+21 = 37]
Rolling once again to listen to the other staircase.
>>45377"Then why didn't they make it seem like right was bad? Something isn't right..."
>>45378Not bad
>>45375Although technically the party can fly or whatever, so they'd still be able to backtrack, but if "walked/crept down" it would be bad.
>>45379Its not a trap, its that this is old AF and crumbling.
[2d20 = 26]Rolling for Fae on listen and spot on the right stair case
>>45380*pets cute giant horsey ears again*
>>45379"This whole pyramid isn't right... kek, get it? But seriously, they will try everything they can to make the Right look as bad as possible. Don't believe it. It's fake news"
>>45378From the top of the staircase, Tracy can see that at the end of the staircase the corridor immediately angles to the right and is out of view. She hears complete silence, and can see nothing signiicant.
>>45383"If Fae and Tracy clear us, then yes. But I don't think we have any other choice"
Just wondering, does Tracy get any profane bonuses for being a blackguard fiend in an unhallowed environment?
It was said that turning was limited, but what about rebuking?
>>45385Thez' head pops out of a shadow in the middle of the party. "There's doors, but there's nothing that needs squishing. Not immediately at least."
>>45386*glares*
Writes note and places it on the Ground so Infernius knows to go Right
"Not like he doesn't know that already"
>>45387>>45388"I guess we're accending..."
Anyone wanna go first beside the squishy meatbag?
>>45388[whimpers]
".. Did I do something wrong, Flashy?"
>>45384"... I'm not picking up anything.."
>>45388Oh yes, Infernius flies
HA! in on Uatchit, cuz I can't imagine him doing anything else given the circumstances.
>>45391Do i see the rest of the party?
>>45392You have Darkvision, so probably.
>>45390"No silly. Let's go in first"
Directs horsey
>>45394".. You've seemed awfully angry today, Flashy... It makes me worried.."
>>45390"Don't worry, I snuck by you and checked it out myself! Did you know shadowdancers can hide in plain sight if they're within 5' of a shadow? This whole PLACE is shadows! In any case, I already went down. I didn't try any of them, but there's a door on either side of the hall and one at the end."
>>45393He actually doesn't, but he does have the Daylight spell. Whatever, Tracy should be luminescent and he can hold a torch
>>45395"Yeah I know"
Buries himself in horse fur
>>45397Mintaurs get natural Darkvision.
Their Natural Cunning is also useful in dungeons: like a crawfish in a riverbed.
https://dnd-wiki.org/wiki/SRD:Minotaur >>45392Yes, they're next to a staircase on the right side of the room. Also there's a note on the floor that says "GO RIGHT".
>>45399He doesn't get that full set of racial bonuses it's half-orc race. THAT set of racial bonuses is the equivalent of adding two class levels to a character
>>45401Half-SJWs get Darkvision too.
And why a half-SJW as the base race?
>>45402"No! I'NIS!" and other cautions are heard as Infernius goes Leeroy Jenkins on the left side. Is that seriously what he's doing?
>>45402Lol
>>45403Wow they do. GM said so months ago
>>45402"I was worried if maybe he was too much socialist and not enough nationalist..."
>>45408
Why are my jokes being deleted?!
Also, roll a saving throw
>>45412My wisdom is bretty güd, Desu
>>45416Are you rolling fortitude?
>>45414>Infernius has to roll>Roll dice>>45415This. He's got better statistics than any other party member. It's Tracy with the low wisdom
>>45416That's a 2. You rolled a 2
>>45417I rolled dex, its +10 too.
>>45416Nope.
As Infernius barrels down the left staircase cuz reasons(?) a crumbling sound can be heard beneath him. Luckily, he's in a full on sprint. As he reaches the base of the staircase, he realizes that it has collapsed behind him, but otherwise he's fine.
>>45418I was allowing the dice to decide it was an ebin fail.
*hears crashing and painful mooing through walls*
*sighs*
".... Stupid bull..."
Tracy continues forward.
>>45422TOP KEK
>>45423"HEY INFERNIUS! GET ON THAT FLY OF YOURS AND FLY UP HERE. JOIN THE
RIGHT SIDE OF HISTORY"
>>45423"Idiot, I'm fucking amazed"
Torc heads up the right staircase, snek once again in tow
>>45424"Oh, know we're getting puns? Doesn't sound quite
right too me..."
>>45424reeeeeeee don't shout, enemies will hear us.
>>45423"That fuggin'" Thez says, swiftly and silently diving into a shadow in the direction of the left staircase.
>>45424>>45425*yells*
"It fuggin dark down here."
What does the next room/corridor look like?
>>45427Just asking to know. Thez told Tracy not to become ethereal, but can Tracy even use that ability with the dimensional anchor in place?
>>45426"I'll send a tweet the next time I need to send a private communication between myself and another individual. It's the way I conduct diplomacy with foreign leaders actually"
>>45428"Yeah, the left is a realm of darkness and ignorance. Use the Daylight spell if you really want to. Or a torch. Or just call a fly and it will help you"
>>45431Casting good spells could alert the enemy of our presence though.
>>45433>>45431Also, use your detect ebil.
>>45431"Me will look around down here for a second.
"Thez me about to cast daylight."
>>45434I'm being conservative. I'll wait until you want me to cast it next to one of those three doors
>>45433Trump is not stealthy, and doesn't really understand the concept
>>45423Infernius hears a "huh", "huah", "tsuu", and Thez skids to the ground next to him.
>>45429Better point, no. Thank you for reminding me. The area is waft-ish, in that there are layers of dust so fine that they hover in place, resonantly affected by the drats caused by the rupture and the party's interference. This place is
old, and scraps of almost weightless debris sifts by on the ground.
>>45436>conservativeIt's an at-will ability. Use it constantly.
>>45439"Are you sure your uhm,... leg is alright?"
>>45437Detect evil, because why not?
[1d20+21 = 25][1d20+21 = 35]>>45437Well, full perception, to start off.
Look for anything any everything.
Spot, Listen
>>45440"Yea it okay, it feel better. Me about to cast daylight. So be ready okay?
*boops thez*
So where are we going now?
>>45438Holy shit you're right
>>45445This
>>45446We have three doors to chose from
[1d20+21 = 30]>>45448Rolling to move silently.
>>45444"YOU CAN COME UP ANY TIME YOU KNOW!"
>>45449[1d3 = 3] taking the easy way out of this
>>45451>[echos]Reeeeeeee no yelling in the dungeon!
>>45451"There might be treasure down here."
>>45452Casts detect evil again to figure out whats on the other side of Torcuil's door, door 3
>>45455"Fair point"
>>45454"Don't worry little pony, it's no problem you can't recover from"
>>45441Fucking everywhere
>>45442Pic related, rectangles are doors.
>>45450Finally,…
>>45457"There's no problem. Anyways, I think the wizard wants door 3"
*nibbles Horse ear
>>45458A second round of detect evil on door 3, to see if anything is distinct in the field of strong auras and unhallow
[1d20+20 = 25]
[1d20+25 = 40]
*inspect closes door*
Rolling Search to peak around corner, and Hide to not be noticed by any enemies.
>>45460I fugged-up the order there.
>>45458*waits for thez to get ready*
*casts daylight.*
>>45444>>45462"Nice trips btw." she says covering her eyes.
>>45461Meh, pic related
So, any objections to door number three?
>>45463Is the "C" where the party is?
>>45463"Thanks me made em myself."
*Closes eyes and casts Daylight*
>>45464No
>>45467"ALL TRIPS COME FROM ELWAY HIMSELF!" can be heard
>>45464No
>>45466Are you claiming you opened the door?
>>4546210 min/level. However, the brilliance of it is diminished by way of the extreme unholiness of this wretched place.
>>45465That is where - unless I'm mistaken - Trump, Fae, and Torcuil are. Thez and Infernius are at the base of the other (destroyed) staircase.
>>45468>claimingThat's what I meant to do.
>>45468"Implying, Hitler graces us with Digits."
>>45471"This is not the path you want to go down, Infenius"
>>45469"Cmon momma. Lets go find some treasure."
>>45471>>45470"Someone open the third door, something tells me thats a good place to go"
>>45472"We are both firm in our faiths brad."
>>45471And as the daylight did shine forth, several figures could be seen in the darkness beyond Infernius, including several (3) black cloud-formations that really don't seem to prefer being hit by daylight.
>>45475"And Elway giveth our daily digits"
>>45477"Hitler brings us the digits."
>>45478Which one is the 3rd door? Is it clockwise?
[1d20+21 = 24]
Search check to find pots to smash.
>>45480Whichever door. The one nearest to her.
>clockwiseSure.
>>45479>>45481whatDraw a sword in case anything pops out to try to suck your soul or drain your blood or turn you into a Vargoille or
drain your non-existent wisdom\r
>>45476"Oh shit charge and attck."
[Dice3d20]
[1d20 = 2]>>45481Also BTW, those dots at the end of the hallway are a mechanical gate with no observable controls.
>>45484Trump is as usual
kek>>45486As Infernius closes, the wraith gets an attack of opportunity.
[2d20 = 21]
Which sails wildly. Infernius makes one attack (cuz he has to close range to do so) with his not flaming sword and the round ends. Roll Initiative. Dice 1 is Thez
[1d20 = 2]>>45489Can I roll initiative
>>45490Oh you have to be fucking me
>>45494But I can see it going down
>>45495Naw, we're in a completely different room.
What did Tracy see/find?
>>45496Okay, glad to ignore that 2.
Torc trys to find a way down where the others are
>>45490I love you. Even if your heresy has displeased Elway
\r
Tracy is still looking for clay pots and stab-able monsters.
Does she find any?
>>45489Does Tracy still have blood after her unarmed-pot search?
>>45491Because of that roll, no he can't.
>>45496Tracy finds a room full of mounds of dust.
>>45497Too late
>>45502What?
>>45503
Uh huh. It fits in the hallway?
>>45504*smash mounds of dust for rupies*
*move to next room*
>>45506>>45504Can I Intimidate the dust?
>>45507The mounds are about 6" deep in dust, revealing the ends of several gilded chests and particularly ornate and fine woodwork.