RP Thread. Its D&D mixed with shitposting. Classic (flexible) rules, and more autism than you could shake a whole group of autists at, even if you did so autistically. New players area always welcome, whether continuing, one-time, or 'just shitposting'.
Welcome back to the ahem 'Bathhouse', a progressive thread that I'm sure plenty of anons wish would just fucking die already. What, its true,....
This particular beginning is heavily seasoned with enthusiasm and delight. Hot on the heels of killing a bunch of We Wuz, the party almost shattered for several reasons, both in-game and out. In spite of it all, the characters continue on their quest to do,... well,... stuff.
Trumpaladin has been gifted a quest from Lord John Elway. Infernius has been gifted a quest from the Fuhrer, Tracy wants to stab more shit, Torcuil is beginning to get clever with his use of Snek not like that you perv and Thez is thanking her lucky stars that she even exists anymore.
1160 replies and 144 files omitted.
>>48298"Don't listen to him Mr. Snek, someday you'll find a Mrs. Snek who finds you sexy"
[1d20+24 = 30]
[1d20+24 = 39]
Sleight of hand check to slowly open the door without it creaking
Hide check to do it stealthily, in case I fuck up somehow (even though they can't see or hear her, because Hide From Undead spell)
>>48309Fuck it. Pull out sword, and activate force shield ring
>>48309Stay a few squares back though, and wait until the coast is clear.
Tracy has her cane drawn
>>48307Do these char sheets look better? I know I don't have item descriptions I'll get those later.
>>48310Snek readies gun.
Torc activates his shield this time, and prepares his staff of power
>>48312Oh Tracy's in front, that's for sure
>>48312Tracy opens the door carefully. As it minutely squeaks open, nothing seems to jump out or attack. There are noises, an intermittent series of squeaks and such, but nothing is particularly immediate.
>>48312You mean the sword that sometimes appears as a cane? You mean Korak's Gentlemen's Sword of the High Seas?
[1d20+16 = 21]>>48315You mean like Mice or like something else?
Fae: Listen check
[1d20+20 = 25][1d20+20 = 21]>>48315Yes, that cane-sword.
Spot and Listen check to peer into the door and sense everything inside
>>48320Tracy made him a hat of Disguise.
[1d20+26 = 33]>>48317Fae move over and peers into the room over Tracy's shoulder
>>48321When??? You've kept your character insanely busy
>>48322reeeeeeeeeeMove the lion back. She has no stealth.
>>48325Also, it's hard to listen when you have a lion on your shoulder.
>>48325Oh she ain't moving into the room. She just has such a high spot modifier she can see invisible shit when it's moving
>>48321Tracy
started making him a hat of disguise
>>48325Too late (as usual, none of this is planned, I'm just going off of character actions).
>SQUEAK? >>48320Yes
>>48321Nah, I'm gonna enchant it with shadow unless those can stack.
>>48328Y u no tell me staff of power gave me +2 to all saving throws?
>>48328*charges in to the room*
"IM AN ANTI-SEMITE LOOK AT ME,GET READY TO "BURN"
>>48332Don't use fire effects at all
>>48330Make Tracy Kneesocks of Shadow, if you can.
>>48331reeeeeeeeMuh stealth!
[1d20+9 = 29]>>48331>>48332You motHER FUCKERS
>>48334I'll try.
Snek wriggles up to the door and spot checks for Torc
>all these animals breathing down her neck
[angry rogue-pony noises]
>>48334Shadows don't have stealth in daylight either
>>48337Fae: *breathes in Draconic*
>>48338My only regret is not combining that with a listen check.
Tracy backs away, to let Fae and Snek take the first hit if anything pops out.
>>48341Infernuis charged in already
>>48342I would say that that's foolish because of Traps and such, but frankly, it's more fun when you play your character that way
>>48341Snek is just poking his head in, besides pretty sure Infernius and Daylight are some effective distractions
>>48330A shambling mound of squeaking
>>48330Xp
>>48331The whole room is suddenly lit up with simulated daylight, causing the mound to squeak unceasingly and in multitude.
>>48332And,... Infernius is covered in undead rats
>>48335Snek spots Infernius being an idiot, and being swarmed by undead rats.
Whatever.
Since everyone has already walked up to the door, Tracy steps back and use the distraction to salvage her own stealth.
Rolling to Hide
[1d20+26 = 44]
Trumpaladin casts detect evil and Fae does a basic spot check
[1d20 = 8]>>48345Turn Undead on the Rats! I don't know what I should roll for but...Rolling
>>48329The "shambling mound" comment was supposed to be to this post
>>48345Do snakes get a racial bonus against rats?
Gonna go ahead and roll initiative
[1d20 = 4] Snek
[1d20 = 7] Torc
Inferius please use the mass healing spell that damages undead
[3d20 = 32]
I set them on fire.
>>48350Aww, fine. As the undead rats pour over Infernius and begin to run for the door, frenzied by the sudden daylight in the room,... Trump kills them with a turn. The room is barren except for exploded undead rats, and some horribly (and I do mean that) fetid and rotten household wares (grains, and otherwise anciently spoiled foodstuffs).
>>48352>>48353Too late, Trump went and compelled them with the power of Christ
Football [1d20+24 = 43]>>48354Rolling to Search for anything useful that might not have been apparent at first.
[1d20+26 = 40]>>48354>The room is empty and barrenLol bullshit
Fae does a spot check on the room from the door, with a modifier so high she can see moving invisible things with only a 4 dice roll
Trumpaladin detects evil
>>48348I found an item for your consideration. Horseshoes of a Zephyr>>48354Well thats fucking boring
[1d20+20 = 31]>>48358Search
is trap sense.
Tracy Listens, to see if all of that commotion alerted anyone in the other rooms.
>>48359For one, she already has those shoes
For two,... yeah I had hoped to bother the party more with those.
>>48360I keep applying the wrong modifier...
>>48360No, the miniscule squeaks do not seem to have alerted any other areas to the party's activity.
>>48357NO srsly, its several piles of long-spoiled goods and not much else. Realize, its been fore-fuggin'-ever since this vessel was carrying living cargo.
[1d20+14 = 32][1d20+26 = 33]>>48364Fae looks down the hallway with spot and listen
Trumpaladin looks into the room... Vessel, you say? What does the room look like its purpose was?
Infernuus continues ahead looking for kangz and kikes.
[1d20 = 15]>>48365For holding food, probably.
Tracy advances down the hallway, a good three squares ahead of everyone to maintain stealth.
Rolling to move silently
>>48367Cast Hide From Undead again.
>>48368>Three squares ahead of everyoneExcept for Infernius, who is one ahead of her
There's a door at the opposite end of the room, otherwise the party can backtrack to the hallway.
[1d20+24 = 42]>>48371Tracy approaches it slowly.
Search/Trap-sense
[1d20+9 = 21]>>48371Torc walks up to the door with Snek, and signals for snek to listen through the door
>>48373WHY DO YOU NOT LET THE ROGUE DO HER THING FIRST
>>48371Trumpaladin stands behind Infernius and Tracy and casts detect evil to see if anything is on the other side of that door
>>48373On one hand, fuck you
On the other, this is infernius
>>48379"Infernius... Let Tracy do her thing"
>>48382He already opened it though
>>48382Too late. He already did it...
>>48373A pair of lumbering forms turn toward you to attack.
>>48379kek
>>48380Aside from the whole place, nothing.
[1d20 = 13]
Infernius, roll initiative
>>48387Um... Can Trump use boots of the wolf to attack the forms?
[1d20+20 = 34]>>48387How can they see him if they're undead?
Unless they're not undead...
Spot check for Tracy.
>>48389No, he has no visual on the opponents.
>>48390Well that's less fun. Infernius has first move, and his sword is already burning (don't think I didn't notice earlier).
[1d20 = 1]
Trumpaladin makes a petting of opportunity on nearest pettable creature
[1d20+21 = 38]
Torc decides to detect magic.
What bonuses besides INT do I add, spellcraft right?
[6d6 = 18]>>48393All 3 attacks hit, all 3 doing damage, and quite probably felling the poor thing, given Infernius' strength bonus (I think is +14?)
Dice is damage, not including modifiers (which should be @ x3)
[1d20 = 9]>>48398>OpportunistTracy makes an attack of opportunity on whatever was just hit.
>>48400Could be human or pony or what have you captives
>>48403You ain't in line of sight either, and it's already dead anyways
[4d20 = 43]>>48400Just wait
>>48401Newp, Infernius is the only one in visual/attack range.
So the forms full-attack Infernius. They look like Frankenstein.
>>48404Tracy was right at the door, and she's smol, so she can move through his square.
>>48406She's a medium sized creature
>>48399Like, as in objects or usrs, or unknown?
also, can I apply arcan knowledge and spellcraft to detect magic?
>>48407Kinky
>>48411Not in the size category sense though.
If she were, she couldn't use medium sized weapons with proficiency. So that chain and that sword could only be used with penalties
[1d100 = 74][2d8+5 = 14][2d8+5 = 9]>>48409First hit is a severe crit, knocking Infernius on his heels (stumble roll). Second and 4th atk miss, but 3rd atk hits also.
First roll does 3x damage.
>>48412The same way you wield a Bastard Sword without exotic weapon proficiency.
>>48411No they're not. If dwarves are med, ponies r too.
>>48414I asked about that, and besides I have an extra undedicated feat
You're not going to declare that she has small size category just now in battle when you've been using medium sized weapons for months
[2d6 = 5]>>48413So 45 damage points to Infernius, and he accidentally hits himself for damage also (no str bonus)
>>48417Holy shit
Um... can Trumpaladin flank with boots or is this still Infernius's fight?
>>48416Really?
I was refering to that post in the second thread
>>1322 → where Tracy tried to push trumpaladin over, but failed because >"ponies r small"
I've applied her size modifier as such ever since.
>>48418I miscalculated. Between these two Frankies and the forced fumble, Infernius takes 56 damage.
Everyone ELSE roll initiative now.
[1d20 = 11][1d20 = 7]>>48420Rolling
And Fae as well, although she should have +6
>>48419>using an uber early-post as referenceI'm both bothered and impressed by this. Idk how I'll modify the next roll.
>>48422Tracy is last
>>48419If she's 90 pounds like a small human female she's medium sized. I think she has to be under 60 to be small. It's just easier if she's medium
>>48426This was in character, i forgot the quotations
>>48424>bothered and impressed by thisAutism. Pay it no mind.
>>48425Aww...
I wanted to be smol so I could do cool stealthy things and whatnot...
>>48426Let the Rogue check first next time.
>>48429She's still small enough to mount a fully armored Trumpaladin, although she increases his encumbrance by one category
>>48430This
>>48434You somehow manage to go after Tracy
>>48431Hmmm. Technically, one needs to sustain 50% health loss to system shock vs. death, and Infernius had a max of 133 before recent level. No system shock, he's just hurting but not in danger of kill.
[1d20+3 = 8]>>48436Aw yes
>>48438Snek shoots at the closest frankstien. What else do I apply other than dex? Whats the range?
BTW, if not explicit, these are Golems, not undead.
>>48442>immediateIs that more or less than 30 ft?
>>48445What the fuck do you think?
>>48444Cool
>as the party engages the Frankensteins, shuffling noises can be heard from further down the hallway, including a disconcerting sound hibbity hooblah.
>>48444Yeah, I guessed pretty early on, but didn't say anything because metafaggotry.
It's gay when players just look them up. >>48445Point blank
>>48448TY, I prefer for players to be balls-deep before knowing what they're tangling with
>>48448You say that every damned encounter "oh I knew it!"
>>484503 aside from those apparent.
>>48451Well, I do have a nasty tendency to foreshadow and hint
>>48449I prefer to just fight blindly, because there's no way fr my character to know what kind of monster, so why should I?
>>48451I read the whole monster catalog twice, because I'm a massive autist and love monsters.
>>48449Ah, so another +1 not that it helps
>>48446ASS
>>48451HOLE
[1d20+24 = 37]>>48453Is she in a position in which she can hide?
Rolling to Hide in previous room.
>>48447"Guys we have orks niggers coming."
>>48455Oh fuck off.
>>48456We're in the middle of an encounter with initiative already rolled. Wait for Infernius to make his turn
>>48457Shhh, you're coughing up blood atm.
Its Infernius' turn against the golems. One is damaged, the other is not.
[3d20 = 44]>>48461Attack the one that crit me.
[6d6+15 = 31]>>48462>same one that was damaged earlierI'm still waiting on Infernius' combined damage modifiers, but all 3 hit, and I'll be most surprised if they didn't kill.
https://youtu.be/H0xiOWZmYloThe one frankie falls to the ground, chopped mightily by Infernius
[3d20 = 43]>>48465Fae, full round attack on second golem
Modifiers are 20 or 22 on first attack and 18 or 20 on the second two attacks
Fae, then Trump/golems, then Thez, Torc, and lastly Tracy
>shuffling sound intensifies
[1d20 = 19]>>48466If that lands, Tracy get's an AoO
Tracy makes a Trip attack on the golem with a keened dagger.
[4d20 = 44]>>48470Rolling for Trumpaladin's full round attack
>>48471>Trip attack on a large machine with a dagger >>48470Kek
>>48467Torc casts "Hold Monster" from the staff of power
>>48472The dagger is so it doesn't provoke an AoO from the golem, and it does tripple damage because keened dagger.
>>48469Apologies. However, it doesn't go "20-22, 18-20" modifiers. It goes "20-22, 15-17".
>MOAR number crunchingI swear, you guys don't even know how many otherwise supercilious rolls I have to make, just to be sure what happens. I know, I keep some of it off-board so >confusing but,... nevermind. Also, you don't know how many times I start responding to a post cuz its edgy or wtfe, but then scroll up and fine "Oh yeah, that later part is impossible and couldn't have happened. In the bin,...." >>48476With the Multiattack feat it does
>>48476How is her base attack bonus +20?
>>48478Not base attack, combined attack bonus
Fae, is increasingly fine form, just rips apart the 2nd Frankie btw. Its not "down" per say, but its been thoroughly "ground" on the front-surface.
>>48477Retracted, you are correct. Simplicity's sake, we'll put her attacks at +22, +19, and +16 for that particular exchange, which was in fact murderous.
>>48480Base attack, weapon/item augments, str bonus, etc - circumstantial
[4d20 = 42]>>48481Well, Trump will attack at the same time it attacks I guess
So Trump, with his rolls, is quick and able to drop the second Frankenstein - Flesh Golem. But the falling of the second is not all to be heard. Just around the corner is a really creepy "wurbuling" sound, while further down the hall is the dragging of limbs.
>>48486Did Tracy's Opportunist attack hit it?
[1d20+20 = 34][1d20+20 = 26]>>48486Spot and Listen checks to identify whateverthefuck is coming.
>>48486Alright, which hall, exactly? The hall the frankenstiens came from, or the other hall? Which hall are the hibbity hooblah's coming from?
[16d20 = 124]
Thez' turn.
<whoooof>
Just around the corner: "God dammit,...."
T> Flurry of Blows, broom
>>48486"Oh fuck, more?"
Torc readies his shield and staff again while joining up with Mr. Snek.
Okay, well that didn't last long. Thez quickly reduces her otherwise pile of oozing flesh into a less active pile of oozing flesh. There are still sounds coming from further down the hall, but there are no immediate threats.
[1d20+24 = 29]>>48494Search check to investigate the room the golems came out of.
>>48496They didn't "come out of", they appear to have been stationed here. Btw, its not your turn.
>>48495Nor yours either.
Torcuil has current move
>>48497Torc slowly walks out into the hall
"Thez, is it safe?"
>>48498A repeated squishing sound can be heard as Thez continues to beat a pile of goo about the 'face'. "Chaos <breath> Monster," she says with a demented look. The room is otherwise clear, as per map.
[1d20+24 = 42]>>48500Search the Room the golems were in
>>48501Golems were in the hallway, adjacent to the door. Care to revise?
>>48502Chamber closest to where they were stationed.
>>48499"Thez you *cough cough cough* okay?"
>>48503Red dots is where golems were. Nearest room has Thez in the corner, and sounds from down the hall. Thez is "sufficiently" wupping an ass, "Cuz you never know with these,... things!"