/vx/ - Proper Nuts

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RP Thread. Its D&D mixed with shitposting. Classic (flexible) rules, and more autism than you could shake a whole group of autists at, even if you did so autistically. New players area always welcome, whether continuing, one-time, or 'just shitposting'.

Welcome back to the ahem 'Bathhouse', a progressive thread that I'm sure plenty of anons wish would just fucking die already. What, its true,....

This particular beginning is heavily seasoned with enthusiasm and delight. Hot on the heels of killing a bunch of We Wuz, the party almost shattered for several reasons, both in-game and out. In spite of it all, the characters continue on their quest to do,... well,... stuff.
Trumpaladin has been gifted a quest from Lord John Elway. Infernius has been gifted a quest from the Fuhrer, Tracy wants to stab more shit, Torcuil is beginning to get clever with his use of Snek not like that you perv and Thez is thanking her lucky stars that she even exists anymore.

>>47885
You could cast Augury to get the correct interpretation.

>>47886
You also have that Phylactery of faithfulness.

>>47887
>>47886
Atlas would need to be online for that.

>>47888
Trips confirm...
But would a god be kind of annoyed if a mortal asked him questions about a command he already gave him?

>>47889
Most likely. But ....

>>47891
God's don't like having to say things twice...
It's scary when they're angry...

>>47892
Fear is good.

>>47888
There's a reason Atlas delegated most duties to his Admins (who are always on)

Tracy brushes her birds, cleaning the dirt and whatnot out of their downy fluff.

>>47877
>discord-fagging this hard
>>47890
No Kang Doot info. Attempting to read/meld with his mind result in momentary insanity for the person. Comprehension spells are ineffective.

[4d20 = 37]
>>47897
Kill undead socialist

>>47896
*Casts Speak with dead.*

[4d20 = 67]
>>47897
Try again with less shitty rolls

Where are the characters?

>>47897
>>47899
Where is your character?

>>47898
>This spell does not affect a corpse that has been turned into an undead creature.

If we can't get anything else out of Kang Doot, can we make another crawl?

>>47902
Well fuck. I take the kangs clothes/wrappings.

>>47904
Tracy has his arms already.
Taking his skull.

>>47905
(((Goybook Memes)))

>>47907
I found it on (((Google))).

>>47908
So i just found a video that shared some very disturbing info.
Im probably going to make a thread on it.

>>47910
Interdasting.

I never asked what Int bonus Tracy's headband gave her.

*fills body with chocolate ice-cream*

>>47913
Give me about thirty minutes.

GM, could I decrease crafting time with memes?

>>47917
No, but you could decrease XP cost of spells.

>>47917
Please this.

>>47918
>>47917
>The players are more interested in arts and craft than murder-hoboing

>>47918
Oh..
Could you refer to >>47912 ?

>>47920
>murder-hoboing
It's more murder-farming, desu. We haven't really moved around that much.

>>47918
Fine
>>47920
I still wanna know what effect triggering the dust would do

>>47922
Why do you like item making more than fighting?

>>47923
He already told us. It would kill us, and destroy any loot

>>47924
If we weren't in there you idiot

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua0zMsDiAyg

>>47925
It wouldn't be good

>>47927
Thanks for the great description m8

>>47929
There would be a flash explosion, which could possibly destroy items worth taking, would alert bigger dangers to our presence, and could destroy the mechanisms to operate the door at the end of the hallway

>Skills: For each skill in which either the master or the familiar has ranks, use either the normal skill ranks for an animal of that type or the master’s skill ranks, whichever are better. In either case, the familiar uses its own ability modifiers. Regardless of a familiar’s total skill modifiers, some skills may remain beyond the familiar’s ability to use.
So, what does this mean?
>>47930
Ah, that clears it up.
Where is everyone?

>>47912
I realized I haven't been applying Tracy's Int modifier to any of her Search checks.
>>47931
Tracy is on her way to the entrance of the temple.

>>47932
*goes with pony*

>>47932
I guess Torc heads there too

>>47936
Looks like the party is here then.

>>47938
Torc, did you ever consider using Illuminati cards for memes?

>>47939
Considering I have neve heard of them before now? No

>>47942
Classic /pol/ meme.

>>47942
>>47943
They predict the future.

>>47932
>>47933
>>47936
>>47938
One moment, sorry

>>47943
I'll take 50

>>47944
That they did.

>>47948
>>47949
What company made theese? Where they chosen or bad goys?

Fug, I'm passing out at the keyboard.

>>47951
You okay? We can break for tonight if you want

>>47950
Idk. Look it up.

>>47951
Take it easy, m8.

Found an idea for an Ebil Goddess.

[1d20+27 = 31]
>>47954
Trumpaladin stares down pony, believing she has dark secrets

Sense motive, cause what else would you do while staring?

>>47958
She's looking for shards of glassteel to make custom shanks.

>>47959
*continues staring down pony, because what else can he do while GM isn't here*

>>47960
"I KNOW YOUR SECRETS PONY!", Trumpaladin loudly Shitposts

>>47961
>>47960
"Infernuis want your opinion on suits."

>>47962
"Looking to join us refined professionals are you? What do you want to know about suits?"

>>47957
Trumpaladin may need to summon a nice goddess to counter her

>>47964
Glimmer is neither nice nor a goddess. You don't just "summon" gods either.
Also
>Implying making the Port a battlefield between two deities would do anything but kill us all

>>47963
"Why people wear them? And do we have suit maker in town?"

>>47966
"I think it's mostly a hoo-man thing. Only a handful of stallions ever wore them in Equestria."

>>47966
"It's a signal of professionalism, of refinement. Of belonging to the higher classes, be ye businessman, intelligentsia, or other professional. But besides this, it's stylish, reasonably comfortable, and wears well under a variety of outdoor temperatures.

If there is no tailor, I'll make my own factory"

>>47968
"Only the most stylish and refined ponies, of course"

>>47969
*Leg-humping intensifies*
"I must say it feels rather nice."

>>47970
[Happy pony noises]
*Purrs in pony*

>>47972
>>47971
"I've noticed you're rather fond of my slacks..."
*mild disgust*
*shakes leg lightly*

>>47969
"Me want nice hugo boss suit."

>>47973
"It's what's underneath that really counts.* *Rubs leg*
"Did you ever consider being a nudist like? I find clothing to be rather oppressive, so I only wear it on occasion."

>>47974
"Excellent choice. May I ask what prompted your decision to seek formal attire?"

>>47975
*looks at pony, unsure of what to say at first*

"Clothing is a signal of your position within society and your relation to it. That's why even ponies wear it sometimes. It's not that I don't want to show off what underneath"

>>47976
"Isn't that what cutie marks are for?"
*Wiggles rump*

>>47977
"Cutie marks are similar, but clothing also marks occasions and earned rank"

*rubs cute little pony cutie marks, which seems to have evolved slightly from a "Vampire's Kiss" appearance, to a more refined "Lord of War" Cage"

>>47976
"Well me want to look nice for thez"
*blushes*

>>47979
"D'aww. A suit can do that. You always want to look your best when taking the girl to the dance - or carrying her across the threshold"

>>47978
Or so it's changed in his mind

>>47980
"Brad,thez is planning wedding,me want to invite you and tracy."

[sad pony noises]
"... I want us to have our wedding soon ~too..."

>>47982
*blushing slightly*

"D'aww, thanks. What are you planning?"

>>47983
"Aww"

*picks up pony, and cradles her in his arms*

"You'll get a wedding too, little pony"

*pets*

>>47984
"Thez say something about a ball."

>>47985
*holds pony close to self*

"A ball you say? Now that could work"

*makes note to self to try to do something grander*

Torc somehow finds his way to the rest of the party, with Mr. Snek following close behind.
"Anyone wanna make a quick trip to Gnome-land-ia in the morning? I need to teleport over and make an order before we attempt the temple again."

>>47987
"Why though? We've got a dungeon to crawl"

>>47984
"Make it soon.. our foal will be here in just a few months, and I want to be settled in long before that."

*Faggot goes to bed*

>>47988
"I need a new cannon for my ship. That way if anything too big comes out, we shoot it."
>>47989
Night faggot

>>47989
*contemplates how it would look if waifu is visibly pregnant in wedding photos*

"That is a good point"

>>47990
"You have 13 functioning ones though, besides our collective power and all. Can't it wait?"

>>47991
"They must be intwined or something, cause if I turn the lever while one's broken they all suffer the same fate. And who knows what that would do to the ship."

>>47992
"You can't just remove the one from the sequence and bypass it, allowing the other 13 to function?"

>>47986
"It will be yuge."
>>47987
"You want me to go?"
>>47989
Night.

>>47994
Torc shakes his head
"Not as far as I'm aware, gnomish shit is hard. I don't understand why it's such a big deal. I have... acquaitances that should be able to get the plans to a smith. I'll I'd have to do is bring a sketch of the cannon and drop it off."
>>47995
"If you'd like."

>>47995
>>47992
"I mean, it's not like we killed four lichs two days ago and all four will respawn within a few days if they haven't already. It's not like Dimensional anchor has a limited period of time it's active, and it's not like we've got a hell of a lot more rooms to clear before we get to the center of the nest. By all means, take your time. Do your shopping now. The enemy will be grateful"

>>47997
"You have point."
>>47996
"Can we wait untill after invasion? Or is it urgent?"

>>47998
"I guess it could wait, but we won't be able to do any further damage to the temple. No new access points if needed."

>>47998
"Infernius, when this city was attacked, it was attacked by a wide number of varieties of undead with four lichs visibly leading. It was organized by someone larger, more powerful, with many underlings. Thus far in the Pyramid we have encountered Allips, varg-thingies, wraiths, and what seemed to be an independently acting mummy lord. We haven't yet encountered even the beginning of who organized this attack. But don't think for a moment their leaders are not in there.

How long do you think it will be before they realize we've penetrated their citadel - they probably already have. Do you think that maybe they are just waiting until sunset - and sun light is toxic to many undead - to lead a forary into town to terroize and kill? Do you think they may come up with the idea to set a trap for us in the pyramid? How long do you think it will be before one of them realizes that all they have to do is get a high level spell caster to cast "dispell magic" to break the dimensional anchor and teleport away from us. Unless of course, they want to be in the harbor. Time is of the essence"

"We know who is behind attack,the kikes."

>>48001
"We know that they are organized. And an organized enemy, is a dangerous enemy. Very dangerous"

>>48000
"They clever so they probably know we are here. They most likely set traps already."

>>48003
"We must go in and kill them, before they have the chance to kill us and all of the aryan race. We must release mankind from this curse, and soon. Be strong. Be clever. And above all, act quickly. Because they will be"

>>48005
"Is this the part where I ask not what my country can do for me, but what can I do for my country?"

>>48006
"That's the spirit!

Perchance do you want to wear a cloak of resistance? It can help protect you from curses and effects many of these undead have."

>>48007
"Considering I don't really feel like dieing again? Sure, thanks Trump."

>>48005
"Protection of the entire white race is my priority. Not just tge aryans."

>>48008
"Me wish torc was still here."

>>48008
"here you go"

*hands a cloak of resistance to Torcuil, since there are like two that haven't been used*

>>48009
"That's the spirit!"

>>48010
"You can almost hear him at times..."
\r

>>48010
"I'm quite literally standing right next to you"
>>48011
"STOP TELLING PEOPLE I'M DEAD"

"Oh Danny boy the pipes the pipes are calling
From glen to glen and down the mountain side..."

*starts crying*

>>48011
>>48013
"Me just wish me could see him one more time."
*hugs brad*
*cries*

>>48013
>>48014
"I fucking swear, I'm rig-
Nevermind, lets try this."
Torc grabs Snek, turning him into a staff and smacks Infernius with it.

>>48015
*scratches area that got smacked*
"Me hate mosquitos."

>>48014
*hugs back*
"I do too...

I'm gonna miss the little wanker"

>>48016
"I do too... Tell me if you need me to cure a disease. I'd hate to lose another..."
*starts sobbing again*

>>48017
>>48016
"I sometimes really hate you both"

>>48018
*hugs imagined representation of his lost comrade*

"I hate you too buddy" *sniff* "I hate you too"

>>48018
Alright. Because Snek would be neither rigid nor would his body weight be localized during a "Snek strike", I'm thinking that it would be ineffective as a melee attack, but would allow Snek to grapple as a free action upon contact.
>>48010
"Did something happen to him?"

>>48018
"If only torc would have used higher quality memes mayve he would still be with us."

>>48020
"He dead remember thez?"

>>48019
"You guys are fucking impossible."
>>48020
I'll accept that
"They think I'm dead"
>>48021
"YOU GUYS ARE THE ONES WHO DIDN'T NOTICE ME DYING ON THE FLOOR"

>>48022
"Yeah, and then he was back like 2 minutes later. I mean, did he die again?"

>>48024
"Yes. He also died when a mummy cursed him..."

>>48024
"He never come back thez, he dead."

>>48023
"That gust of wind just now, it sounded loke a bitch."

>>48025
"I know, I watched it happen. It was tragically comical. But then he was back alive again."
>>48026
"Is this some kind of joke?"

>>48028
"To them it is, and I don't appriciate my death being called 'tragically comical'"

>>48028
*leans in to thez*
*whispers*
"Go with it."

>>48030
"I heard that you bitch"

>>48028
"I didn't know he'd failed his saving throw...

I don't think it's comical. Him getting mauled to death by a special mount was comical, but losing him in battle..."

>>48032
>>48031
"Did you hear that brad? The wind had a voice on it."

>>48033
"Like dust in the wind"

>>48032
I can always shoot the two fuckers if they keep ignoring me.

Thez looks at Trump and Infernius, and then at Torcuil. "I've no idea what they're on about. It was funny though. One minute you were sitting there inspecting part of the room, the next minute you were on the floor disintegrating into sand. I mean, if we didn't have an entertron I'd be devastated! But as is,...."
>>48030
"Sorry, my Bluff skill is shit."

>>48036
>grumbling
I need sleep, so this is where I part for the ~~night~~ aw fuck it's morning.
See you faggots later

>>48036
"Thez me get suit for wedding"

>>48035
*growls in draconic*

>>48037
Love you, and see you later

>>48037
Later. Sorry I bailed earlier

>>48039
"A suit?" She thinks for a moment. "I can't say I've ever seen you wear clothes before, its hard to imagine."

>>48042
"Me want to look me best for you on big day."

>>48043
"Then why a suit? Why not rhinoplasty?"

"I'm kidding!"

>>48044
"Heh good one."
*rubs muzzle*

>>48045
"So what kind of suit? A duck suit? A swim suit?"

>>48046
"A nice German made suit."
"Hugo BOSS"

>>48047
"So a suit, or a uniform? I understand Hugo Boss designed the nazi uniforms,...."

>>48048
"Both. Um thez how do you feel about me still being Nazi?"

>>48049
She shrugs. "I don't really have an opinion about it. I've been reading more of Rockwell, and I highly approve of his position thus far."

>>48050
"Um thez will you teach me to read?"

>>48050
"Rockwell is best."

>>48051
>>48052
She gasps at this, covering her mouth with both hands. "You mean,... but don't you carry around Mein Kampf? You carry Hitler's word but can't,...." her eyes get watery "You really are insufferably adorable. Consider it my main "intervening period" activity," she says, hugging him tightly around the abdomen.

>>48053
"Thez me glad me met you."

She continues to hold him, murmuring softly before saying, "Naturally."

"Thanks," she mutters softly, and not in a sarcastic or shitposting tone.

>>48055
"Me tired."
*picks up thez*
"You want lay down with me?"

>>48056
Her eyebrow twitches. "Do we have to lay down tho?"

>>48057
"We dont have to just lay down."

>>48058
"Heeeeeee," she intones with a hint of lewdness to her voice.
Its pretty obvious where its going from there. "One quick question. Do you like me better with scales, or without?"

>>48059
"Me like you gray. It hot."

>>48060
"I was more asking about texture than pallor."

>>48061
"Scales did feel nice."

>>48062
"Good to know," she says smiling and booping him.

>>48063
*boop of opportunity*
"Thez how would you feel if me turned into earth pony?"

>>48064
She mutters something about him being trans now.
"Just kidding. Seriously, I don't know. Wouldn't that limit the number and types of items at your disposal?"

>>48065
"Meh it just idea me have floating around for awhile."

>>48066
"You're not gonna try for Paladin Mount too are you?" she teases.

>>48067
"Me might."
*winks*

*faggot goes to sleep*

>>48069
'Night
And they did fug.

>>48051
Infernius is the cutest.

>>48068
>>48067
Just fyi, Paladin is a prestige class in unearthed arcana:
https://dnd-wiki.org/wiki/Publication:Unearthed_Arcana/Prestige_Paladin
Not as great as the base class, but you'll get everything you want out of it. You don't get paladin spells, but it advances in the spells of your current divine spellcasting class (cleric).

>>48076
You have to have mounted combat, and a few other skill ranks though.

>>48076
You get the horse at lvl 2.

>>48041
M8 it's fine.
>>48075
Agreed

[1d20+24 = 38]
Well Idk what Tracy's Int modifier is with her headband, but I'll make a Search check, to gather-up those remaining shards of glass from when the temple was blown open.

>Infernius as my Paladin's mount

>>48083
He's going to be Thez's familiar.

>>48084
>tfw this party is just one big orgy of cohort haxx

>>48084
Reeeee! I want him!

>>48085
We have other firms of haxx as well

>>48088
I deleted it because I realized it wasn't as good as it seemed at first.

>>48089
Although, looking at the canon writings, there's no restriction on falling, and then taking the prestige class and then falling again to get the falling benefits two-fold.

>>48091
Yeah, bullshit character development. I just thought the extra Sneak Attack was sexy. I don't have the patience to be LG for even one level anyway.

>>48092
On that note, you have to be able to cast protection from ebil too.

>>48092
Just don't go out of your way to be lol ebil

>>48094
This is ebil game

Will we be ready to crawl today?