So Tracy has been soaked in the blessings of pure Elway, on his hallowed ground of Mile High. Some weird tentacular thing came out of herdon't even look at me, this was pure player RP, but it was exquisite, so who am I to argue? and is dissolving into the turf, while Trump and Fae and several of the Generals eagerly anticipate the result of their careful and brilliant maneuver.
If you're just joining us, I can simplify these threads really simply: Its a text-based RPG based loosely on D&D 3.5ed, except there's a shitposter in place of the computer. Feel free to interact, as you will. whether for conversation/bantz ("Random passerby says: You're a faggot.") or whatever.
1186 replies and 119 files omitted.
>>43407 →Fae says to pony
"You've never been baptized, have you?"
>>43415So Tracy was in the process of concluding a metamorphosis of sorts, expelling certain (((undesirable))) elements, given the circumstances.
Trumpaladin consults with Fae
"I've received word from Elway himself on how to handle the pony"
>>43423"You might not like it at first..."
Tells her what his god has ordered
>>43425
Tracy, that is
Fae delivers the holy speech, as ordered by Elway himself
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to annoint this fuzzy demon poner with the blessings of Football, and purge forever the dander of false football which has plagued her for so long."
"Almighty Dan Reeves, father of John Elway, who didst cum in Rainbow Dash that fateful December day, here now my prayer:"
"Burst forth the fluids of thy everlasting seed upon this, thy child, and cleanse forever this poner; warm her icy heart with your cool island song and lull her to sleep beneath a swaying coconut tree of pure Football."
"Make now her fluff hypoallergenic now and forevermore, so that we may breathe of the air around her, and not be cursed with tiny space creatures that take up residence inside our brains and control our bodies like in that one Eddie Murphy movie that I never saw because literally who gives a fuck at this point."
"In the name of Dan Reeves, and John Elway, and The Denver Broncos, Amen."
>>43426Fae makes the sign of the Football
When this is done, Trumpaladin pulls out his penis (the lack of a cod piece helps), and chants "I'm a pretty pony, please pet my mane" three times as he spins in circles.
He then pours WalMart brand Almond Macchiato Syrup on his penis, and places a cherry ontop
Now for the most important part of the ceremony...
Fae performs oral sex on Trumpaladin. She sucks and licks and sucks until the holy fluid is shot forth and received into her mouth. She gargles the baptismal fluid, and as she does so, she sings "Happy Birth Day, Mr President" in a manner that expresses all of the lewdness she has been suppressing her entire life in the song.
She spits the baptismal fluid onto Tracy's face
>>43427TRACY IS BAPTIZED IN THE NAME OF ELWAY, FOOTBALL, AND AMERICAN!
Punch and pie are served
And now, very, very, very importantly
A ten gallon hat is placed on Tracy's head. Fae and Trumpaladin grapple her for this
>>43427>>43428A random cowboy happens to be passing by. "nice ten gallon hat" he remarks. "Just out of curiosity, why didn't you wash your penis with consecrated gatorade before applying the almond syrup? Don't you know that could release Cthulu-pony from his ancient slumber beneath the briny deep? I sure hope for your sake there weren't any impure microbes on that penis that would have been purified by the consecrated electrolytes. Anyway, it's none of my business. All this talk of gatorade is making me thirsty. I'm going to go see if there's a 7 Eleven around here."
He ambles off into the sunset.
>>43432
i bet it hurts brad sentry to his core to do that.
>>43427Wtf did you do in the dead of night?
>return
>see new bread
>just read this one so far
>noose tying intensifies
>>43436I mean, I've read some weird shit but this absolutly takes the fucking cake.
Was everybody drunk at the same time?
>>43438>>43439Please tell me you at least left Torc's ship before you started this shut
>>43440Which shit exactly? The fluff monster?
Kick everyone off the ship
Now that thats done
>>43442That weird ass shit with Fae and Tracy and....
Other things...
I haven't read the end of the last bread
>>43443>REEEEEPls stop shitposting so I can work..
>>43447What's stoping you from working?
>>43448Your shitposting apparently
Can Tracy re-enchant her Skull Mask to make it double as a mask of disguise? I'd rather it only look like a Troll face while it's attacking.
>>43451How many troll skulls did we have?
>>43452All of them: more than enough.
They'd make great casts for spooky shoulder-plates for Infernius.
Also, make that brass horn already. Just make a Non-magical prosthetic to wear, and enchant it every day as you wear it.
>>43453I need to find a brass dragon for the horn. I like the troll skull shoulder idea. Maybe lennos will help me forge them out of adamantium.
>>43451>>43453You bitch about a single post I make but then you continue this all day let's-make-item requests-to-GM-who-will-probably-never-see these-posts-because-we-make-200-meta-posts before-he-gets-of-work? What the fuck man?
>>43455The meta talk gives me ideas.
>>43456Yeah, but why is he going to bitch about a post I made saying "he's at work" but then continue his normal "I'm going to ask for this item from GM, even though after several months of this I should have realized I'm not going to get a response when I ask in a thread six plus hours before he gets off work." I know damn well that's distracting too
>>43455I didn't mean it that way.
Just don't physically do things to my character before I have the chance to read what's going on. I'll see what all these sacrements mean later today.
>>43458Okay...
>What these sacraments meanWell, she;s hypoallergenic now, so there's that
>>43459Why did you retype the sacraments?
>>43460People were complaining about the procedure Elway mod insisted on
>>43461I liked it and the gm already saw it so....
>>43461I'm thinking Elway might actually be a Chaotic Good deity.
>>43463>Elway is a God of ChaosI'm learning that now...
>>43463>>43462I saw the opportunity to baptize the Tracy character and there was just no way I was going to let that pass up, so I wrote a little scene where Fae would baptize her while Trumpaladin went to wash off possibly evil dander, then realized that I could have Elway write a prayer. When I read the prayer I realized that the Baptism required Tracy to be baptized in semen, and not holy gatorade. When I explained that the priestess performing the procedure was incapable of providing the required fluid he said that Trump Sentry had to ejaculate into the priestess's mouth and spit it on the pony while the pony sang "happy birthday mister president." I explained that the pony being baptized was not going to cooperate and sing, so he gave the alternatives that the dragon-lion could gargle the semen and sing or a different pony could sing. He said Fae could be excommunicated if she messed up the ceremony. I made the mistake of asking what if the penis has not been cleaned since the last time it was in the demon pony. I also made the mistake of asking how Fae was going to say the holy words while performing felatio, which prompted the response "Jesus Christ, you guys are such amateurs I'm beginning to wonder if you even ought to be performing the ceremony at all." He also said that Fae "ought to be sent back several levels" when I insinuated that Fae did not have a Magic Fang permanency enchantment on her mouth.
So yeah, I got bullied by my Mod God. I got bullied pretty hard...
>>43462>>43463I mean,
I guess that if Infernius can be bullied by his mod god, then so can I when it's pretty much literally what I signed up for...
\r
>>43464I forgot to add the part where he was insistent repeatedly that the procedure had to be followed
precisely or else there was a risk of summoning Cthulhu pony. And I managed to fuck up and leave off the step where the penis is cleaned in holy Gatorade
Well, Lion saliva is anti-septic, and Fae probably drank some of the delightful holy Gatorade to replenish her electrolytes, so hopefully that works
>>43464>>43465But did you get told to kill your child?
>>43466I still think you're misinterpreting Hitler's words
>>43467I dont think i am.
"Racemixing is degenerate."
"Your god commands her to take a shower to get rid of this filth."
>>43468Race-mixing
is degenerate.
He clearly meant that she needed to be deloused.
>>43469Shes like an anglo and Infernuis is Aryan. So were both the same race.
>>43469Whats your definition of delousing?
>>43470>Implying a dwarf-elf and a Minotaur is anything at all even remotely comparable to that>>43471Uh, delousing. Like what the Nazis did to the Jews
>>43463We should pair off Tracy with a Mod God eventually
>>43472Yea i know about the delousing but i dont think thats what atlas was implying.
>We should pair off Tracy with a Mod God eventuallyLotus?It is comparable to that, they are both white.
>>43464>I mean, I guess that if Infernius can be bullied by his mod god, then so can I when it's pretty much literally what I signed up for…It's only fair, Anon. You can't just defy your patron deity after consulting him.
>>43465>risk of summoning Cthulhu pony.This is easily within the realm of possibility now... Remember the infamous 2999 and 3000 posts on the main board? Cthulhu pony is
real...
>>43473I want her to talk to those hags first, but it'll take at least 4 days to get the scroll.
>>43478
Of course, she'd also have to hope for a high DC roll just to use the scroll..
>>43480>>43478>>43476We
definitely should pair her with a Mod God.
>>43475>Infamous 2999 and 3000 postsDo you mean the 29999 and 30000 posts? Yes, I remember
>>43455I'm still injured, I'll be here all week.
>>43461Who was complaining?
>>43464Ebin troll. Yeah that's the thing about contacting gods,... its generally not a good idea unless
absolutely necessary and the person has expended all available options. Otherwise its like asking "Hey God, what should I get from the grocery store today?"
I tried explaining this to Mormons once,.... >>43478Who's making the scroll exactly?
>>43426>>43427>>43428o_o
>>43482*sighs*
*restores shadow deleted posts pertaining to Tracy's baptism*
>>43475Shush! Dragonne saliva is anti-septic, and Fae made sure to wash the dirty penis in it, besides remnants of holy electrolytes
>>43483Uh... I can shadow delete the posts again
>>43485I literally said nothing. I'm speechless. Its not a disdainful speechless, its more of confusion.
>>43486Its elways holy sacrament.
>>43485>>43487"Praise Elway, praise Football. God Bless American."
What she said.
>>43489Oh thank Elway, I was worried Fae was upset about Trumpaladin's omission of one of the steps
>>43491reeeeeI'm glad she's taking interest in Football though.
If only waifu would do the same... >>43493
"Oh, you better not!"
*glares*
*glares continuously, but more intensely*
>>43492>>43493"What? That's what you say right? Its like saying "Geshundteit" when someone sneezes."
>>43495"It's a short but meaning filled prayer to our Elway, for the blessings he delivers on all of us every day"
Is there a bug that prevents mobile posts from being deleted? I tried to delet something I miscommunicated, but I couldn't.
>>43497Yeah, the password will not save.
I'll ask the devs, but I feel pretty confident this is a known issue
>>43497You also changed IP addresses
>>43482Yeah, Gods aren't normally that thrilled to talk to mortals over matters that don't concern the fate of the world.
The Deus ex Machina aspect isn't always tasteful either, since it kind of stunt character development of morality.
Can Tracy go back to the tower now?
>>43500I can smell heresy though
>>43501>The Deus ex Machina aspect isn't always tasteful either, since it kind of stunt character development of moralityWhat?
>>43502Does she want to be ridden?
>>43503Well, if you can just directly ask God what the right thing to do is, there isn't really the same internal conflict regarding the interpretation of faith.
So let me see if I got this right. Yes, I was drunk BTW.
Tracy flipped out and became a weird tentacle-fluff monster bent on consuming Trump, who with quick thinking called on Fae to GTFO. Tracy-cle maintained hot pursuit, and the group ended up weaving their way to Mile High stadium, where a small procession had gathered, trapping Tracy-cle in an ahem solemn and deliberate homage to Elway, the result of which that any lingering (((essence))) was purged in the hot ahem 'essence' of Football, first from Trump, then from Fae.
That about right?
>>43506
>the sacrament procedure…
How many ranks did you put into knowledge religion? You can roll to know the answers to small things like that.
>>43507>Essence of FaeI think she only contributed saliva. It's an anti-septic saliva though
>>43508I wanted something more creative than what I could think of
Be careful what you wish for
>>43509That was most observably,... creative.
>salivaAn alchemical reaction then, formed of sapphire bullets of pure football.
>>43511
Yeah, I was just looking for that on Wikipedia, but didn't find it..
>>43514>>43511A Paladin is immune to disease and can remove disease, so why wouldn't a Paladin's mount have a lesser version of this?
>>43515Can Tracy use his class abilities too then?
>>43516That sounds like a case by case issue
>>43518
Then why did you say the prayer was heresy?
>>43519
So? It doesn't have any gameplay purpose. Just minimal background story purpose
>>43524I gotta ask though, what does Fae really need moar Int for? I just want Tracy to be able to cast Assassin spells, but I was mostly joking about that too.
>>43525>*Lightning bolt incinerates Trumpaladin* >>43526Mostly story reasons. But if she could have more skill points, that would be wonderful
>>43526I mean, she's already got moar than enough int to be trained for two general purposes, and it seems you've already designated "priest" as one of them. She won't need very many Int-related skills either.
Just wondering.
>>43530He might want to imigrate if you really sale him on it.
What was that obscure creature that Tracy mentioned a while back? It wasn't a Kirin was it?
>Kirin
You mean those Chinese unicorns? No, I don't remember bringing that up.
>>43531Alright, meta time. The reason that Infernius has been having difficulty communing with Hitler is because there's still a distinct and pernicious (((presence))) on the world that is preventing his message from reaching his followers. Remember that one time where Infernius was inspired to think that there were still too many jews? That was a hint, though probably way too subtle an inference in hindsight.
Having said, one God orders u to do lewd things with your waifu, another God orders you to gas your waifu.
Not taking sides, but decisions decisions.
>>43534It might have been Trump who mentioned it,... it was like a month ago I think. It wasn't kirin but it was something legendary-ish like it. In any case, what exactly did this whole
ahem baptism have?
>>43531Do you mean "emigrate" or was that the word you intended?
>>43535I can remember if I can get a hint of the context. I brought up a lot of mythological creatures and stories.
>>43537I don't remember what brought it up, but the context was a "wouldn't this be a cooler mythical creature than a nightmare? along the same lines but different and more fitting" type suggestion, and the catch to the idea was along the lines of "get rid of Soro's jew essence".
You guys are sometimes the reason Iwwant to die, sometimes not.
GM, I have three questions about Mr. Snek
>skill points?
>level?
>can he get any feats listed under giant constrictor in the wiki?
>>43541He can begin to gain skills, but he starts from zero on skills (though gets obvious race bonuses on things like climbing). Level will be as per designated class, but hp will always be 1/2 Torcuil's (so gibs buffs).1 feat to start with.
He should crawl everywhere, pointing the gun the entire time if he's in Snek mode. Everywhere he looks, (and sometimes where he isn't looking) he should be pointing the gun, desu.
>>43538Idk, I brought up Hoary Steeds some time when I was comparing other equine monsters to nightmares just as observation.
https://dnd-wiki.org/wiki/SRD:Hoary_Steed >>43542>level will be as per designated classDoes that mean he needs a class?
>>43544Mobile turret? Yes please
>>43546Like, he can be looking around through the brush or whatever, pointing his gun where he's focused, and Torcuil calls for him, and because his attention is directed, he both looks at Torcuil and - non aggressively- points the gun at him. He could even nod the gun in acknowledgement of <whatever task>. Just a thought.
>>43546Well he's not going to gain class ranks in Snek now is he? You want him to have skills don't you? I recommend rogue.
>>43547I was thinking rogue anyway
I'll post a char sheet for Torc and Snek tonight, just gotta pick feats and kkills for Torc.
>>43548Fuck, where'd you get that pic of me?
>>43550FUCK I FORGOT TO TAPE MY WEBCAM
>>43549Its so much more difficult to pin you down when you're not flag-fagging, I can't kek to myself when I see ur posts anymore. e_e
>>43552Yeah, i though I would like it more but I prefered scottish posting...
I want my flag back...
>>43554Not having the Ancap flag is NAP violation.
>>43555Fuck, trips confirm. Now I must live in the shadow of an ancap flag
>>43552That's why I love browsing with my mod login. I can read hashes
>>43547>Snek has skillsUm, can Fae have a positive Int modifier for the purpose of obtaining skills? I want her to be able to do things Trumpaladin obviously cannot do well, like spot check or survival (to use the tracking feat), but if she could have some use of cleric class skills as well, that would be nice
>>43559Please see
>>43556I need it because meme magic demands it
>>43549>mfw Tracy is the only one without some kind of sidekickReeeeeeeeeeee!I need moar levels so she can summon her servant.
>>43539>Infernius may become AmericanEeek! The Naturalization proceeding and ceremony is the most sacred of all traditions! Besides standing for the anthem at football games, of course. And actually maybe a couple other things as well. But this is like the best thing ever
>>43560And... then you say that
>>43561https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ccKPSVQcFk I'm sorry, I'm a forgetful faggot. To clarify, I have 120 skill points for Torc, and can put 17 into ones that relate to class and 8 and to others. Right?>>43563I was expecting a road building video
>>43562I was under the impression for a while that you had 3 levels in blackguard and not two back at level 16>>43565GM is wrong on that. You can place 20 into ones that relate to a class because it is level +3. Note that if you allocate skill points to something that is not a class skill, it consumes 2 points per rank in that skill, compared to 1 point for class skills
Road building is a not one of your class skills
https://youtu.be/t4qhgkl9WqM >>43565You have 15 in wizard and 2 in Theurge, right? That means you can put 18 in wizard skills, and 5 in Theurge skills.
>>43566I thought bones was just the tower's butler?
>>43570Now that I think of it, who cleans the tower?
>>43572*rattles*
Where are the party members atm?
>>43574Tracy and Trump would be at the stadium with Fae. Torcuil I lost track of after parking the airship, and Thez fell asleep in the jaccuzi, enabling Infernius to wriggle free as he prefers.
>>43567I'll definitely have to tell him about ole' Dixie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUjLE_N1Cuc>alleging the Paladin's Mount is haxxGM had no way of knowing that a CR7 monster, when placed into the hands of a law student, becomes a CR10 or CR11
>>43574Infernius is in Thez, Torcuil is on the airship at the tower, and Tracy and Trump are at the stadium. Does Tracy want to be ridden to the tower, does she want to sit in Trump's lap as they both ride Fae, or what?
>>43576Torc's just exploring the airship
>>43576Tracy goes back to the tower.
>>43577>not haxxYou have an above-average mount, m8. Normally you'd just get a hoers.
Nobody is complaining.
>>43580Of sure, she'll be ridden.
>>43581She notices a change in her form when this occurs. A physical change, though she can't be sure of what is entailed. Her coat is a lighter color, approximately the same as her normal coat color. She still exudes fire, but the fire is a different color - white and blue rather than dark red and yellow. She cannot be sure if the flame is hotter, or if it's a different basis for the flame. She feels...
lighter and less edgy >>43582>white and blueIt was always white and blue, wasn't it? I said that pretty early on.
>less edgy*draws knife*
Told you I'd get a character sheet eventually
>>43584Kek. Plz note that kick is a bitch, and that each time Snek fires, his fail flops comically to the ground and back up again
>>43584>sorcerorI thought he was a Wizard?
>>43585I fucking love that idea
>>43586I was under the impression he was a sorceror
>>43586Sorcerer by 3.5e rules; merlin-esque
>>43588Oh..
What spells does he get under Theurge?
>>43586There's a post a long time ago by GM that says "You said you wanted to be a wizard but you role play like a sorcerer." Sorcerer makes more sense given the way we've set things up
>>43583White and Blue doesn't go as well with dark blue or black fur. I just want to get the aesthetics right for maximum aesthetic synergy with rider/maximum sexual attractiveness
>>43589I think thats how he gets clerical spells?
>>43591At what level (caster/spell-level)?
>>43590Yeah, Wizards is more "study then forget after you use it" Sorcerer is more "I was born with magical ability so I can magic when ever"
At least, thats my understanding
Infernuis gets picked on by the universe more than any other character.
>>43590>White and Blue doesn't go as well with dark blue or black fur.Wrong.
Anyway, I first only described, "blue fire", not white and blue.
>>43596Its what I've observed over lurking.
>>43594I know, it's kind of funny
>>43595Eh, you keep posting pictures of black horses with dark red fires. I can't remember every single detail said in every single one of 40000 posts that have been made concerning this game, and I'm pleased to remember as much as I do. We'll figure out what is most aesthetic later
>>43598It's even worse than it seems, because the dice rolls represent the votes of deities, so the fact that he keeps getting low rolls is a direct representation of the gods hating him
>>43600>because the dice rolls represent the votes of deitiesDon't make things up, Anon...
>>43601Kek, I know right?
>>43602GM explained it as a part of the Johnny Cash Space Coyote sequence, towards the end
>>43602No that is true, and was explicitly stated some time ago
>>43604I stand corrected.
>>43603It was like 2:30 AM when I read that..
>>43604well fuck me then,thez will probably miscarry then.
>>43604What about deities of different ranks though? Wouldn't they have different votes, or different dispositions to how much they care?
>>43607You're asking me to provide a scale?
>>43606Nope, its Infernius' luck that got him into this mess
>>43600Oh yeah i bet my misery has been a chuckle-fest.
>>43601Now then, your character sheet specifically omits armor (shield bracers and ring iirc) and weapons (4 staves now, the Snek, the Transmutation, the Abjuration, and the Power). No mention of the collapse-able claymore, and no mention of the pistol with holding cuffs.
>>43612Alright, I'll add those later
>>43609I did those with live dice at the time. I only use those when I don't want players to know that something consequential is happening.
>>43611The dice rolls are funny...
Hey GM, will there ever be a time we need this roll
[1d1000 = 414]
>>43617>implying>>43618Why would there ever be a time where that roll would be needed?
>>43620Idk, thats why I was asking
[1d1000 = 727]>>43618Nevermind, I just thought of a time that roll might be needed.
What's the maximum number of dice I can roll? I tried rolling 3 gorrilion last night, but the site wouldn't let me.
going to >>>/test/ to see.
>>43620I demand the the trump pregnancy roll.
>>43622I'm now scared, can I get an example
>>43625I'm not going to be specific, but anything that can have more than 100 results would initially potentiate such a dice, balanced for scale. Furthermore, any scale that would/could/does have added considerations would by nature require a more diversifiable roll, of which there is already one in play and another one on deck.
>>43623You can roll a maximum of exactly 18444 d20 dice in one comment.
>>43627... or at least you can on >>>/test/ ...
>>43627autism confirmed
>>43629Its not a coin-toss; there's several rolls involved.
[999d20 = 10426]>>43629They nerfed it just now because of me...
Now you can only roll 999 dice.
[1d100 = 78]>>43630I want to fuck over Infernuis.
>>43633It'd probably fuck-over Trumpaladin moreso, desu.
>>43633And who are you?
>>43632After like 5 minutes?
TOP FUCKING KEK MODS = GODS
Our Admin Dev is amazing