945 replies and 70 files omitted.
>>34982Epic BAB increases by 1 every 2 levels.
>Is the least liked character here
*sad blackguard noises...*
>>34984That's not true, the least-liked character has been starving for days in a body-cast.
>>34982>>34983i want to be a divine emissary.
>>34982I want to figure this out, so I can decide weather or not to advance as a Rogue to become a Perfect Wight, or as a Blackguard/Assassin to get other cool stuff.
>>34983So, a paladin/Cleric/blackguard would have to be level 26 to become a Divine Emissary?
>>34986Get weapon focus in that Fash-axe. You get automatic proficiency in it since Hitler is a war god, not to mention that Minotaur's also get proficiency in battleaxes.
*wakes up and starts tearing the shit off of him to get off the horse's back*
\r
>>34985>>34987how long would it take to get weapon focus in the training room??
>>34987Without knowing the level distribution, that sounds about right
>>34986All in good time. While Tracy is catching boars (its boars btw), did you want to continue trolling Darkie?
>>34986Also, you'd have to complete some great mission/feat/quest in the name of Hitler to earn the class as your deity's favorite champion.
I suggest gassing the kikes (for real this time).
>>34993Thanks for the reminder. Also, if Infernius does a stunner, wouldn't it also be kind of like a gore, since he's got a horn?
>>34995yea that's what i was thinking.
How can he do a "stunner"?
Trumpaladin frees himself of the devil horse
>>34990What's the clearest path for Tracy to become a Perfect Wight?
>>34988>>35001No staph. he was were supposed to wake up in the cuckshed to the smell of bacon. Don't ruin muh scene.The duct-tape is fucking inescapeable anyway, so better off snoozing until she finishes cooking breakfast.>>34996Why? It's still 7 levels away until he has the attack bonus.
>>34999>>34998Stunning Fist (if that's what you meant) requires a selected feat, unless you're a Monk.
>>35004i would have to get hitlers attention.
>Torc's faggot dies from exhaustion
>>35005I don't think he was going for the stunning strike, it was just a meme-reference
>>35004Yeah about that duct tape,...
>clearest pathI don't know, and it would take me time to figure out
>>35006Still on about that are you? How many times have you heiled?
>>35009Exhaustion? o_O
[1d20 = 8]*lays sleeping husbando in cuckshed*
*roasts boar*
Rolling to buck tree for an apple or something to put in its mouth.
>>35007She has more ranks in survival while he's touching her.Would he have tried to escape? If so,
yes.>>35006Did you consider putting more ranks into Knowledge-Religion? You could probably discover the quest yourself if you studies the holy book.
>>35012yea i have 10 ranks in it.
>>35010Actually, could they have also made some non-magical duct tape for day-to-day utility, using regular glue? Sovereign Duct tape is for more extreme issues, like holding dams together in an earthquake...
>>35009Alas poor Torcuil's Faggot, we hardly knew ye
>>35010>How many times have you heiled?This. Trumpaladin is one of the shittiest paladins in the history of Paladins, but Elway is at least getting a return on his investment. He built a stadium, mentions football in every public speech which is often, goes to games, and is well on his way to expanding the franchise to a second city
>>35012Kek, that's resourceful at least >>35014Try rolling a knowledge check to find out your lord's mission for you.
Is a Cleric answering his lord's ambition an easy, basic, or tough question DC?
>>35016Kek, that they are
Well, Tracy is roasting a boar in unknown place #7, Torcuil and Thez are still on a beach finding their bearings, Infernius is still trolling Darkie, and I'm free for the day, so can actually do stuff.
"I don't suppose you know how to Teleport?" Thez asks.
>>35015Duct tape
is magic tho.
>>35018>Is finding out the purpose God has set for you an easy or difficult question......
>>35019>Duct tape is magic thoThis. Wait. Can we manufacture it and sell it?
>>35020>TapeSure, Sparintenar would love that shit, especially if its camo'd.
>>35013*wipes away tears*
sieg heil! sieg heil! sieg heil!
>>35019"Yeah, I can teleport. To the tower I assume?"
>>35017Try walking througfh town and healing the poor or other kinds of charity. From logs I've read, it's normal for Clerics and Paladns to get swamped with poor people begging for healing wherever they go. Charity/sacrifice earns them Good Boi Points.
>>35020Well, a Cleric should at least have a good hunch about what his god wants him to do, maybe he can get a bonus for Reading the whole Mein Kampf 6 gorillion times (also, Read Magick spell + Divination).
>>35022Deutschland Deuschland über alles!
>>35024That reminds me, we can charge for medical services. I think we can also sell use of the entertron to people far away who have someone they want resurrected
>>35025Möge das deutsche Volk für immer regieren!
>>35021so have i made it to the drow with his soup yet?
>>35024Can they get tendies with good boi points?
>>35023"Unless you're keen on exploring. Gimme a sec." <whoooof>
>>35027It suddenly occurs to Infernius that there is no possible way that the party could have eliminated all the (((rats))). Knowing how they work and operate, they are sure to have multiple bases of operation, and be inter-connected across the map.
>>35023<whoooof> "...left the goddamn glider-wings in the Court City. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh well," she ports in mid-rant."There's several settlements and smaller cities to the north, and a few larger cities to the west. I don't recognize any of them, but if you want to gather information we can do that, but I'd just as soon get back. I had an idea for the Fight Club, especially with the potential for liches and vampires from the Court,"
>>35028Uh, unless you stopped on the way. "Not to be cheeky, but how am I to eat it?"
>>35029For Clerics, I guess you'd need a certain number to get good effects from Spells like Planar Ally. Also, their Holy scripture probably has it's own requirements for charity.
Paladins are (normally) required to do everything they can to help those in need, so long as it doesn't require performing ebil acts to do so.
>>35031Ikr.
>>35030>Wakes up>Wonders if it was all just a bad dream>Demon Horse is there>Nope, it's real>She's at least pretending to be nice, so there's that"Hey Tracy"
*pets horsey or pony as appropriate*
"D'aww, you made me breakfast? That's so sweet"
*inspects bacon for authenticity*
>>35032can you describe the way the cast is made around his head?
>>35035I was absent during the casting (I wanted to leave his head in a bucket, remember? Xp) but I would assume it would fully encapsulate his body from the neck down.
>>35036*pets pony*
"Good morning Tracy"
*removes knife from pony mouth*
*inserts tongue into pony mouth*
>>35032"Is there a way I could leave a... a...
Ah fuck what was it called..."
Torc paces a bit before remembering
"Ah yes, a waypoint here so I could teleport back if I wanted? Either way I'm ready to head back."
>>35037>only the neck downDoes it impair his Concentration? Otherwise, couldn't he just use the Alter Self spell and an Escape Artist check to turn into a viper and slip out?
>>35038"~Hmmmmmm..!"
>>35039"You don't need to waypoint this location. Now that you're aware of it, you can teleport here at will. I'm rdy to go."
>>35041Alter self requires movement and gestures to cast, even as an assassin; not an option.
>>35040"As undignifying as it is, I'll take it."
>>35038*takes knife back*
*cuts into pork and serves it*
"Are you ready to go on an adventure today, ~Flashy?"
>>35042>gesturesThis is news to me, what does Tracy need to do for her spells? It doesn't require some ninja hand-sign, does it?
>tfw no fingers >>34951D'aww. Has breakfast with pony
>>35044"I have things I need to do, but sure. What do you have in mind?"
>>35045"open mouth or me cant feed."
>>35042"Ah okay"
Torc teleport to the tower
>>35044>ninja-sealDepends on the spell. Alter self requires verbal and somatic (body movement) to cast. Each spell has particular requirements (materials negated)
>>35047"Oh fine, AHHH," he says with a bit of spite.
>>35048Where in the tower?
>>35049*makes sure to get all of the vegetables in the spoon.*
>>35051K. Torcuil and Thez <POP> back to the tower. Distantly, they hear a very irritated "AHHHH".
"IIIIIIIIIIIIII'NIIIIIIIIIIS!" Thez yells.
>>35046"It irks me to let those targets get away... What do you say we investigate the area and see where they went today?"
>>35053"Now what the hell is he doing?"
Torc heads to the room where the voice came from
>>35054"Do you mean in the Ethereal realm? I personally am just fine to be the target that got away"
>>35056"There were several Ebil auras, don't you think we should investigate?"
Also, I'm starving for XP. >>35055Torcuil arrives and Thez <whoooof> appears to see Infernius about to spoon-feed Darkie, who's got his mouth open like,... well like a hospital patient in a body cast.
>>35058"Uhhh, Infernius, what are you doing?
>>35058>>35059"hey ana, darkie was hungry."
>>35059>>35060"Uh yeah, I thought we were starving him. Have you tried interrogating him first?"
>>35061"We where leaving him in solitary containment!
Trust me, its effective..."
>>35061"no but he might be more inclined to talk if we feed him."
>>35062"I know, that's why not being solitary
and feeding him baffles me."
>>35063"This! Bloody hell, don't stop, please. I'll tell you what I know! Ahhhhh!" he says much more graciously, hoping Infernius will continue.
>>35064Torc considers punching Darkie in the face
>>35064*continues feeding*
"here comes the luftwaffe."
>>35057"If while wondering through the mountains here we stumble upon a Great Wyern Red Dragon, we can teleport out, you can jaunt, and we can run like hell. What happens if we encounter something too strong to kill in the Ethereal realm? Does it have a way to follow us if we juant? Is it faster than us? We can't teleport. You can't hide or do sneak attacks. I can't dismount and do flank attacks. If we die on the material plane, Thez can get out stuff. If we die on the Ethereal plane, it's gone forver. And our souls may even be taken.
You tell me just precisely
what those things are, how you are sure they won't kill us, and how you plan to kill them, then maybe we'll go."
>>35057>fast forwarding a bit to finish breakfast and get the show on the road>*slices out large, generous portion of the porkbelly for Trumpaladin*>[hungry hoers noises]>*ferociously into the remains of the carcass and eats as ferociously as a pregnant monster-hoers would* (says something about cravings)*munch* "I've always been so fucking hungry these past few months..!"*munch*
>*looks at body, ribs no-longer exposed*"...and I've been putting on a lot of weight too..." *munch*
>>35066Okay, now Thez is embarrassed
for him, but mutters "I hope the Tower surveillance system is getting all this, for blackmail purposes."
>>35067>we can teleport out"Um, how exactly?
>>35067>If we die on the Ethereal plane, it's gone forver.Her Etherealness would end as soon as she's incapacitated.
"I'm not afraid, Flashy. I'm confident if we're together."
[affectionate hoers noises]
>>35069>Tower surveillance systemWat?!
>>35069>how exactlyDoesn't he have a Helm of Teleportation?
>>35071Pls gib bootz for Sneak Attacks. They're more useful on her. >>35069*infernuis turns his head in such a way that darkie cant see and flashes the biggest smile to thez then goes back to regular infernuis expression and continues feeding him*
>>35070GM explicitly said we'd both get killed and we would have lost our equipment if we got too close to those who-knows-whats. What more do you want?"Why though? If we kill bandits here we make it safer for travelers and can take the loot. If we kill a dragon we can take a hell of a lot of loot. If we locate a city we can add a trading partner, and I have been meaning to find a source of iron so we can send it to Krenshall. The material realm gives us much more to gain and is a hell of a lot less risky"
>>35075Bandits probably aren't ebil, let alone ebil enough to have auras."What bandits?Are you saying you just want to make our way home on hoof, Flashy?"
She never implied she want to be ethereal again, btw. >>35072>>35071Helm of Flash-Step (quickened Dimension Door, range limit 100')
>>35075This. Etherealness doesn't end when incapacitated
>>35075She'll go wherever he wants to; just decide where to go so we can get to the exploring/combat/whatever.
>>35076>>35079"Why don't we follow that footpath to the base of the mountain?"
>>35073"You uh,... seem to,... know
? what you're doing, so I'll be back," she says with a <whoooof>.
>>35080"That's fine by me, ~Flashy."
*buries bones, stamps out fire, and tramples cuckshed*
>a few minutes laterThey're on the road.
[1d20+21 = 37]
*follows path to the base of the mountain*
Rolling to Spot any nearby creatures