Previous bread got moldy fast. After killing Korak and his pirates and thus gaining a Galleon-class ship, the party settles in to a relatively peaceful afternoon/evening which is certain to be entirely uneventful.
Except for Godzilla over in the stadium.
Welcome back to the Game. New players, lurkers, or w/e are welcome to non-disruptively comment or inquire. Right now the party is divvying up the swag from Korak,....
>>15701This.
Leave a spot for Thez, alright?
>>15713I thought Stonewall was the guy next to him...
Let me sort out my folder.
>embarrassed
>>15714The whorehouse. Let the record show, the whorehouse is unsacred. Most unsacred. Degenerate even.
>>15709hey gm can i go to the center of town and make a monement of hitler cutting off one of the heads of a gerorge soros hydra?
>>15714No, I could swear Stonewall is next to Lee in the Baltimore monument.
>>15717>Didn't already do itDon't forget to mark it as sacred.
>inb4, Soros sends antifa army to destroy it, but we build it back bigger and better
>>15717>can't stop laughingGo for it! Hitler is nao cutting off one of Soros' hydra heads,... cuz we all know he's a hydra
>>15719There should be other globalists as its heads, Rockefeller already being cut off.
>>15717Fountain in the central plaza
>>15715So we can purge it
>>15716It's okay, I tried and failed to woo Trollestia, and holy hell this unicorn has been and will continue to be difficult
>>15721I did not mean to post that picture
GM, how's the date going?
>>15721Don't purge Thez's hang-out.
You have your grill, she has her whorehouse.
>>15723Say something: make her laugh.
>>15724oh and joseph stalin is a head too
>>15728Draw/shoop it for maximum holiness.
>>15720Okay, rockefeller head on the ground
>>15721>purgeAt your peril
>>15723Its going marvelously. Both of you have eaten, though nothing has been said. Awkwardly.
T> So what inspires a wildish Scotsman to take a unicorn on a 'date'?
>>15728added
>>15723If Tourcil is actually getting a date, should I take Tracy on a date?
would she accept?I actually have not done that. There was that time when I was trying and failed to seduce Korak where she tagged along, but not a proper date
>>15725I respect the sacrifices she made for the city, but she has her way of doing things, and I have mine. Replace the brothel with a Courthouse
>>15732Your going to really regret doing that if your serious.
>>15732Sure, take her out, she'd love it, but the giant monster and obnoxious freak don't make for the best atmosphere on your part (she's slept through worse).
>>15733Seriously this
>>15734>>15735kek
All this to-do about a whorehouse, while a crazy mutant gigantor dog strolls about the Football field,...
>>15732i will give you super cancer in your asshole if you touch that building.
https://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Contagion
>>15737Isn't the football field supposed to be sacred?
Sounds like a duty for a Paladin.
>>15733We don't have to burn it. We can just demolish it
>>15736>>15737Probably should do something about that
>>15738Oh come on! I pulled a knife out of your asshole
>>15739I hate to say this, but yes
>>15738>Forgetting Paladin is immune to diseaseUse Mark of Justice to screw him over if he bulldozes the brothel.
>>15730"You saved my life, besides..."
Torc realizes this is the first meaningful relationship he's had in years
"I love you"
Hopefully your guys' autisim detectors are off, or you might get an overload warning
>>15741No no, let him do his thing. I promise it won't ever come around and bite him in the ass. I'm sure of it. ^_^
"WHAT... ARE... YOU"
Shush now, I got this.
>>15744>loveWhoa,... whoa,... whoa. Really? Gah!
>>15745This
>>15746This
>>15747And this
Im belaying T's response for the moment.
>>15749can i go to ben really quick?
>>15750Yes, please please go to Ben
>>15752>>15750Follow, just for the sake of bullying Ponimaru.
>>15749>>15751Guys, Torc didn't talk to anyone for years, was in a cave, and studied memes for the love of god!
Do you expect him to handle a date well?
>>15753"Um... Tracy. Do you want to..."
>>15748T> O_O That was highly unexpected. You must realize that confessions and revelations of such sort tend to make the situation awkward?
>>15758Better learn spaghetti-bending, Torc...
>>15753Ponimaru spends most of his time in the stable, practicing stealth. You didn't notice cuz he's gotten alot better.
>>15756"The best Taco Bowls are made at Trump Grill. But I'm going to have to recommend the Angus steak. Or perhaps you'd prefer the bob veil. The calves are kept in an extra-inhumane condition, and their suffering really pays off in the tender flavor"
Legit has no idea what Tracy likes
>>15761REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>15763"Um... Sorry. I was trying to impress Tracy... Get her to be less mean to me..."
>>15762Undetermined yet, but he's lvl 5 nao and training to be a ninja pone.
>>15754Troll thinks for a moment. "Waiter, I'm going to need a drink. The green stuff." Turns back to Torcuil.
"What's your game?"
>>15761>Asking Element of Unoriginality what she likesTracy has no class or sense of taste anyway, so she's just happy with whatever you want to go with, so long as she feels you're excited and being genuine
but she likes steak"Steak sounds wonderful!"
>>15763[hungry nightmare noises]
>>15759Way ahead of you
>>15758Torc glows red enough to cause a severe fire concern
He then wonders how much stabbing himself in the leg would hurt compared to this
T>"I... I guess I don't have a game. Its nothing, I'm sorry. If you want, you can go ahead and leave."
>>15766Goes to the Trump Grill with Tracy
"You're gonna love all of the fine crafted marble, the spacious interior"
Looks directly at her
"Would you like to see the cutlery?"
>>15765Next chance she gets, Tracy will subject him to days of torturous dress-up play to make him gain 4 ranks in Disguise.
Then she'll use a Handle Animal skill finish training him enough to prestige class as Assassin
(she has enough ranks to train him to kill on command with a good check, right? That should be enough to take one level in the class)
[1d20 = 19]>>15774grapples the split second your in the air
>>15767T> Leave? Is that what you're expecting? Or perhaps, is that what you're aiming at? Oh no!"
The waiter drops a drink that's purple, instead of green.
"I'm sorry,... miss,... we had this crazy bitch who drank all of our green shit."
T> Its fine. <drinks it all in one swig> NAO.
Both hooves stomp on the table.
T> For you to say you love me, indicates that you're experiencing a number of neuro-peptides, which cause you to extatically perceive the world in a particular manner. Your statement suggests a relative saturation, which is charming except for your portrayal.
>>15772goes to restaurant and shows her knives, bragging about the quality the whole time
>>15769Trumpaladin has such an obscene number of ranks in sense motive that he can tell what Tracy is thinking after a couple minutes
Looks excited with an almost evil grimace on his face at Tracy
"If you're looking to Train a horse army, I can have horses imported from far away, any kind you want"
>>15776>grappling a ghost>not even casting a spell to keep her from jumping planeslol
*disappears in butthurt fingers with a wink*
>>15777Torc>Pretty sure all my "neuro-peptides" are dead with how stupid I am tonight
>>15779>mfw 20th caster level Etherealness at will[smug ghost-pony noises]
>>15782And you sense her thinking about forcing Ponimaru into hilarious outfits like a birthday party animal, for no other reason than that she wants to
>>15783"So you like dressing animals?"
>>15784"Not really. It's fun to mess with him."
>>15783>She doesn't want to form an army of ninja horses with him*Sad Megalomaniac noises*
>>15781T> Quiet! So, you didn't have a plan after all. You're just going deat-of-your-kilt then. Bad idea. Let me just tell you this, it doesn't matter what you're feeling. Feelings are good, but acting on them - and ESPECIALLY - describing them, are going to get you nowhere. WAITER!"
Another drink is promptly dropped on the table, which is almost immediately drank.
T> You're supposed to try and incite the 'girl' to a state of extatic perception where SHE feels like you describe. You're supposed to,... oh hell. WAITER! Close the restaurant!
"Um, but miss,..."
T> CLOSE IT
>rape
>>15785"Didn't you like stsb him before or something? Do something humiliating with his hide?
>>15787Did he just get a horn up his ass?
>>15786>>15787tfw im the only party member not on a date.
>>15788>He has no way of knowing that"...I just like to bully weebs."
>>15790I really want to go on a mission to the lower planes.
>>15787What the hell just happened?
Actually, I don't want to know.
Fuck this for now, I'm going to bed
>>15788Not just stab, she gutted him from head to toe.
>>15786There's already a (small) army, but he's (Ponimaru) the only hoers.
>>15785It is
>>15792Fuck this is what just happened. I could explain it technically, but for now Torcuil is getting violently humped.
>>15791I thought it was talked about? I know you admitted to killing the horses, But I was just hoping just how embarrassing Ponimaru's initial death was was spread around so he could be made fun of
"They are indeed fun to bully"
"Want to tell me about yourself?"
>>15794Oh...
Oh god
This isn't what I had predicted at all
>>15796It makes a certain degree of sense, given Troll's personality and 'status' in the hoers world.
>>15796He's not a virgin anymore at least,....
Though he wasn't the dom Xp
>>15800Lets just say she was leading the dance.
>>15796I thought I would piss her off that much but I'm really surprised you did it
>>15793She slashed him straight from shoulder to seem (was immitating samurai-kill, but didn't expect perfect roll)
>>15794I see why she was suspicious of alcohol
...God dammit! I wanted them to have a "normal" date, but I can't let another equine out>rape Tracy..!
>>15803Better step up your game. I didn't plan that, but it made sense given the context and all
>>15790"Don't worry I'nis, its only a matter of time" tail whaps the ground
>>15789No, that's just for rowdy paladins.
"Tracy, do don't want to tell me about yourself, or your day? Pony Things?"
*Sad Flashy noises*
>>15805A horn up the ass sounds a lot more pleasant than whatever happened to Tourcil
I'm goign to sleep, I'll deal with the horny ass unicorn in the morning
>>15805Sorry, Trump's faggot. No character development tonight: I'd be doing her character a great injustice if I allowed her to be out>raped.
>>15806"Well, that sounds really great, but I'm not the best at explaining things like this.."
*pretends to down a pitcher of alcohol, but doesn't actually drink it because she doesn't want to hurt her baby*
[pseudo-tipsy hoers noises]
".. ~Why don't I
show you..?"
*Gets up and assumes hybrid shape*
"My way."
>looming shadow of horny hoers
[1d20 = 13]>>15812>no ride check*grapple the man and drag him into the shadows*
>>15809Oh, you'll deal with the horny unicorn all night long. Couldn't resist.
>>15810>>15812And now I get why Germanon called this the gay bath-house
>>15813You forgot Nicholas Cages's greatest weakness
As a free action, call,
THE BEES
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVCrmXW6-Pk
[2d20 = 16]>>15815>implying you have alliesFirst, intimidate check on any suicidal faggot who dare to interfere
Then, improved Bull Rush to push him against the wall and kiss forcefully
>>15817And, she trips over herself
Trumpaladin goes home, realizing why he didn't want to marry her in the first place
"That's not how you woo a man, Tracy"
>>15814Combat ERP is
that ga- oh who am I fucking kidding...
I'm SO glad I decided Kefka fell asleep for all this.
>>15822Yes, no
>>15821>rape (just a suggestion)
>>15810"I am really disappointed in you Tracy. And your faggot too"
>>15823Can we have one horse, just one, who isn't psycho?
>>15825Mayb...
>>15826And there you just killed it.
>>15821>we'd be over by now if you'd just grabbed her by the pussy earlier[confused hoers noises emanate from every direction as you walk home]
>>15824How would you play a >rape-proned character?>>15825NO!!!
>>15828>NOThis, the non-psycho hoerses are the domestic ones.
>>15828Is she amenable to being violently raped herself?
>>15830O.O I'm not sure you're up to the level of >rape that could subdue Tracy,... I'll leave that to her faggot
>>15830You have to be
REALLY violent, desu, but that wouldn't be very Paladin-like and it could hurt the baby...
Better to go to bed and wait until she inevitably teleports into your room, and then just endure.
>>15831I feel like she'd say "you just ruined it by asking first. How the fuck is it rape if you ask first"
>>15832Don't worry, I won't target the womb area when I beat the ever living fuck out of you, and then fuck it back in
>>15834If yours ran full charge at a wall, and then rolled a 1, she's probably in a hospital
>>15837She could just phase through the wall.
>>15835In bed?
>>15840Not if she were intending to plant a kiss. She rolled a 1
>>15840Sitting and thinking about how disappointed he is in Tracy. It's like she wants to stay single forever.
>>15839"Hey there and welcome to NOT what is going on elsewhere in thread! Can I interest you in blah de blah blah, just to further divert attention from blah blah. Can I interest you in blah? If not we have a lovely selection of blah. Please peruse the blah to your heart's content. Blah blah, praise Football"
>>15841Bull Rush is a maneuver to push a target 5 feet; that means she would've had 5 feet to save herself.
>>15841If your character isn't about to go to bed, I'm going to do other things.
>>15843I'm guessing none of those things involve being an attractive potential waifu
>>15844It matters what your kink is.
Gosh... Chikun was kind of right...
>>15844"I'm disappointed in you Tracy"
>>15845Unless you want to get punched repeatedly, chocked by your dog collar, and maybe strung up by it, well, I'm not sure I have anything to offer you
>>15842infernuis wish to comminsion a piece.
>>15850The amulet will ensure that her fetus gets all the oxygen it needs.
>>15849>>15850I can also try to drown her I guess
>>15848"I'll be happy to oblige. What did you have in mind? Are we talking a piece to be enchanted, or perhaps some bling for style and aesthetics?"
>>15851I'm sorry, but if you want a realistic experience, you're going to have to take it off. Where is the thrill otherwise? Don't worry, the child can go longer without blood than you can
>>15854"me actually bring drawing with me here you go"
>>15856but instead of dollar signs they are swastikas
[1d20 = 3]>>15853Also, endurance feat (extra check on constitution while holding breath)
>>15855>the child can go longer without blood than you canThis isn't even close to true.
"You'll have to grab me first, ~Flashy."
*grapples*
>>15858Why do all my >rape attempts keep failing?
Your turn.
>>15856"Hmmmm, a diamond-encrusted bracelet,... or garter,... or wherever one decides to put it... on the body. Well, mounting the stones will take some time (there's >100), but its not outside my skillset. Is this a rush order, or are you flexible for time?"
"Um... Are you sure you want to do this?"
>>15860Oh! OH! Thats gonna sting. I know, you MAY know, but that was NOT inconsequential. Carry on. ^_^
[1d20 = 12]>>15860You have no shackles!
momentarily phases out of your grasp and grapples again
>>15862"Show me what you're made of, ~Flashy."
>>15861its a belt, me have time also why is big lizard in the football field?
>>15864Hold on, I'm filling up a pale of water
>>15868Those are in the vest, which is in the bag, he'd have to roll a 50+ Sleight of Hand check to pull them out.
>>15870>Refering to the D&D rules set every single turn to try to do BDSM Erotic RoleplayI'm not that autistic, and I am not playing that game
>>15870They must have slipped out
>>15872You don't even have the Skill to pull them out of the bag, even I can't make a pickpocketing check like that.
>>15873I know what they do.
>>15875Well
someone is getting >raped tonight...
>>15878Yeah, Tourcil. I can act out murdering you though if you like
Which legs did he apply the shackles to?
>>15880Torc is in the process of being >raped.
>>15883He was raped
>>15882Which ever disable you and leave you unable to attack
>>15885>four legsPick a pair, because the rodeo is starting now.
>>15885>unable to attackThat was never part of the 'bargain', those just eliminate teleport/phase/w/e shenanigens
>>15886Lets assume the forelegs.
>>15886Nah, I think I'll just leave you shackled and tied up, probably hanging from the ceiling by your dog collar, as I go to sleep because I have class at 8AM tomorrow
>>15889How do you rig a 1.5 ton animal to the ceiling?
>no Use Rope Skill
>>15887Hmmm... Nah. I don't like these terms. Chain the bitch up and hang her from the ceiling. I'd like to waterboard her, but I am tired and value sleep more
>>15890>Still thinks his D&D bullshit will help himTie rear legs next and now she's disabled
>>15890I'll just tighten the collar to where she is constantly strangled. Swipe her Bowler hat and her amulet in the process
>>15890Ooh. I'll take your bracelets as well. I like those
[3d20 = 48]roll to pick locks this round
>>15892>attack of opportunity*buck with both hooves*
[3d20 = 29]>>15895Bees
Quick draw Vanderiem
Slash, Slash, Slash at your hooves with Vanderiem
Why am I dignifying this? Go to sleep
I'm going to sleep
>>15896>OuchWhich hooves?
>*picked lock**phase through the ground*
Take regen potion once reaching floor beneath
USER WAS SHACKLED FOR THIS POST
>>15898Yeah no. I'm going to sleep. You are tied up and shackled because you fucked with a guy stronger than you, took risks, and they didn't work
>>15900>>15898>>15899"Engagement's over Tracy"
[5d8 = 2010]Sigh. Are we going there? Are we REALLY going there? Okkay, but just note that this was not my idea.
>>15889It will take a few rounds to accomplish this since it wasn't arranged in advance.
>>15895Tracy's pick lock skill can't be over 18, so those 18s don't make it (DC 40)
>>15890I'm wondering that too
>>15901Out of nowhere, a purplish hand clutches Trump's.
"What did I say?"
"JYUKEN"
not sure the dice will work, but its 5d8x10Steam and magic roiling off her, she admonishes. "You fucks! I leave you alone for,... how long has it been? I don't even know how long its been. I leave you fucks alone and this is the sort of shit you get up to! For FUCK'S sake! I though I was gonna jump in to fight the Terrasque with you guys, but NOOOOOO. I gotta jump in to keep you from tearing your fucking eyes out! OOoooh. I give you credit for surviving this far, and doubly for killing Korak (I was hoping for the opportunity) but this,... this is beyond the pale."
Thez is back by the way, and not to pleased about it.
Shall we adjourn?
The dice didn't work the way I wanted, but Trump is knocked the fuck out
>>15903I was going to reply to Thez, but okay
>>15904You're welcome to,... except Trump is KTFO
>>15902oh she goes to trump first huh? i see.
[jealous minotuar noises]
>>15902>>15905"I hope you don't think I wanted it to be this way. Nor do I think it had to be this way. But here we are"
\r
>>15908>pokes Trump with the stick so he's awake."Oh really? It didn't have to be this way but just is? "Take off the necklace, it'll be fine!" How long HAVE you been planning this? Since my faggot allowed you those shackles? BEFORE perhaps? OOOOOOHHH!"
"YOU'RE not off the hook either!" um, she's pointing at me,....
I'd uh, tell you about her appearance and such
"SHUT THE FUCK UP FAGGOT!"
"Fucking ROCKWELL you lot! For a day now you've sat and dramatized, while an incredibly large wrecking-ball of a monster sat in your Football stadium! "Oh nevermind that, we're going to go on a date"! I want to tear your guts out!"
Should I mention she's
"I SAID"
K
"Its a DAMN fine thing that Kefka is bored, tired, and asleep, and HOPEFULLY no one gets wind that I ceased the travel-ban cuz otherwise Heaven, Hell, and all things in between can and will rain down on this world and these people. I HOPE your little drama was worth it!"
She finds Infernius.
"YOU. ME. WUBS. NAO"
...
...and with that,... lets conclude the session.
>>15909>>15910"You know damn well it's not the shackles or the neckless
I treat her on a date, it's going well so far, but when I ask her to tell me about herself - because she's been reticent to open up in any way - what does she do? She transforms into a goddamn monster to try to rape me. She charges at me to try to pin me on the wall, but misses and hits the wall instead and hurts herself. Date is over, I go home after trying to calm down the other patrons in MY restaurant. Oh did I mention? She specifically tried to intimidate all of the other guests in the restaurant. But I am home and I tell her I am very disappointed, and what does she do? She comes into my room and tries to grapple me to do the same damned thing as before. She fails - again - and I grapple her and shackle her, having had about enough of this. And THEN what does she do? She fucking kicks me with both hooves and tries to get free so she can planar jaunt bullshit to attack me. No. Just no.
Tell me. Would you date that? Would you marry that? No. You'd send that to prison. Which is exactly what I did. It cannot work between us.
tracy asked repeatedly about the monster and you said don't worry about it
>>15913Tracy's faggot: I got b8, because salt.
>>15915>saltBecause I'm not putting up with your autism while I have class in less than 8 hours