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bread.jpg
Stale Nut Bread
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10705
The last thread got stale, so I baked anew. This bread is filled with nuts, so it might aggravate allergies or bother anons with sensitive teeth.
Seriously though this is an RP thread; you've been warned.
876 replies and 206 files omitted.
Anonymous
lYLhA
?
No.10760
>>10758
>Tracy has the fantasy equivalent of ankle bracelets
Good
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10761
>>10754
What exactly are the tarot cards for? More jewelry?
>does not know what a tarot card is
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10762
>>10759
Yep
"And it also makes for a wicked sled!"
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10763
10764
>>10758
Wait, wat? Is that a weapon?
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10764
10767 10769
>>10763
It was discretely put in play, but yes. Its a composite longbow, and it floats of its own accord. There's an arrow attached by a thin strand of rope, but it floats along and follows you. There's a shadowy essence that seems attached to it.
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10765
10766
Did any of those infernal leave any weapons behind when they vanished?
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10766
>>10765
Nope, their equipment and trappings vanished with them. No swag, sorry
Anonymous
lYLhA
?
No.10767
10768 10769
>>10764
Can I take it?
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10768
10770
>>10767
No, it maintains its distance
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10769
10771 10774
>>10764
>non-edged, ranged weapon
I'll have to do some character gymnastics to get her to even touch it...
Can it be concealed?
>>10767
You could use it all you want if you were on her back.
Anonymous
lYLhA
?
No.10770
10774
>>10768
Distance from Tracy. Can I get close enough
Anonymous
lYLhA
?
No.10771
10772
>>10769
If you were in Arizona and stumbled upon a wild and unbroken mustang, would you get on its back? No? Now imagine the same, but it flies, is on fire, and has weird demonic powers. That goes in the "Hell no I ain't touchin' that shit" category
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10772
10773
>>10771
>not taming the magical hoers into a powerful mount that only you can ride
Some legendary hero you are.

Anonymous
lYLhA
?
No.10773
>>10772
Trump is too busy to learn the art of breaking demonic horses
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10774
10775
>>10769
kek. Probably not (concealment)
>>10770
>distance
Depends on environment, but its usually no less than 60' if allowed, and its deliberately moving to avoid both scrutiny and notoriety.
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10775
10776 10777
>>10774
Rooooooooo stealth is important!
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10776
10778 10781
"His name is Bob! Balthazar Ozymandius Bestimus!"
You be quiet.
>>10775
Don't worry, he's good at that, I only thought I'd mention so I don't have to roll for spot checks every so often
Anonymous
lYLhA
?
No.10777
10780
>>10775
Paladins think stealth is dishonorable
Anonymous
lYLhA
?
No.10778
10779
>>10776
Look on my works, ye mighty?
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10779
10782
>>10778
o_O o_o
IDK what you mean
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10780
10782 10783 10808
Spoilered
>>10777
She's not a Paladin.
*teleports behind you (literally: she jumped planes) and hugs your back affectionately*
*hums* "~Hhhmmm, hello, ~Flashy."
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10781
10786
>>10776
It.. it doesn't talk, does it..?
Anonymous
lYLhA
?
No.10782
10785 10786 10790
>>10779
You named him Balthazar Ozymandius Bestimus. Balthazar is a real name and I'm not sure if it's a reference to something, but Balthazar was the name of a character (the poison seller?) in Romeo and Juliet, and I think of the traitor in the Battlestar Galactica remake series. Ozymandias, an alternative name for Pharaoh Ramses II of Egypt, is the name of Percy Shelly's famous poem. It includes the lines "My name is Ozymandius. King of Kings. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair"
>>10780
"Gah!"

Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10783
10784
>>10780
*became momentarily ethereal

Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10784
>>10783
Noted.
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10785
10787
>>10782
[affectionate hoers noises]
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10786
>>10782
You're correct, but Balthazar is also one of the 3 wise men in the nativity legend. Bestimus was a bit of a phone-in, so that (WAAAAY earlier) he could
call himself "The Best Man". Its part of Thez' history.
>>10781
Not talk, but he can thump the bowstring. One means yes, two means no, and "Swift defeat to mine enemies" means something is up (cuz he's shooting at something).
Anonymous
lYLhA
?
No.10787
10788
>>10785
Trumpaladin makes a mental note of why he had marked down "jump scare" in his journal entry for the blue one
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10788
10791
>>10787
*nuzzles and hugs*
Anonymous
X1XsV
?
No.10789
>>10757
of course trump and i have founded a pantheon remember.
Anonymous
X1XsV
?
No.10790
10792
>>10782
ozzymanas is bad guy in movie me see once.
Anonymous
lYLhA
?
No.10791
10797
>>10788
"Um... hi?" Trump says scared

"I see the parts of the machines that were missing have turned up"
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10792
>>10790
Ozymandius was also a historical king noted for his fairness and rigid adherence to common law.
Anonymous
y8eg6
?
No.10793
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert... near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:

And on the pedestal these words appear:
'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away
Make Port Barry Great Again - Part 2
Anonymous
lYLhA
?
No.10794
10795 10796 10810
This is the second set of Making Port Barry Great Again. Whereas most of what was said in the previous post involved Trumpaladin’s independent Football League/religious organization, this will mostly involve the civilian government of Port Barry. These changes will be very expensive, and could not possibly be expected to be completed even halfway by the conclusion of the three week period. They will be financed as logic dictates by the party’s finances, by the public treasury, by private investment, or by sheer borrowing where there is no other money available.

Trumpaladin shall have to look for anyone who could find the missing Jew gold AND could be relied upon to hand it over to the city treasury.
>If only there were a level 15 rogue who could find the missing Jew gold and then actually return it to the city
A man can dream, a man can dream

First, the town declares a corvée to clean up the streets and other mess from the destruction wrought by the demon attack. (not rebuilding, just cleaning up). Then, begins an assessment by adjustors and surveyors of the damage to the city. They shall determine the extent of the damage, and what areas should be destroyed altogether.

Second, retrieve all books on engineering, architexture, and city planning from the Trump Tower library, and begin planning the reconstruction of the relevant sections. Private property will be seized by the city via eminent domain. The exact specifications of the reconstruction shall have to wait for a report on the damage to the city, but in general, Trump would like to see the following changes

First, a street pattern that is arranged in a grid pattern rather than at random, In the alternative, streets radiate out from a central point Parisian style, the center point being either a plaza or a public building. But the big changes are these
A grand new city hall to be the center of city government, unless of course the existing one is sufficient for this purpose, and is sufficiently undamaged (paid for by the public)
A tower to use as the headquarters of the United States Football League. Obviously the Church needs its Vatican (party funded)
A new Diamond exchange. This will involve the relevant jeweler and the jewel industry in Port Barry that Thez helped set up (private funder)

A new tower hotel (Trump?)
Upscale Housing (Trump/borrowed money. It will pay for itself
A new shopping complex
A church for Inferius’s religion
>The brother survived unscathed somehow
It shall be burned to the ground. Tracy is welcome to help, but it’s coming down one way or another. It shall be replaced with the Port Barry Courthouse.

As mentioned in the previous section, the monestary and the raining grounds, like the stadium, are to the north of the city outside the walls. It seems that it will be wise to expand the walls up North to enclose this new section. Trumpaladin loves building walls, so this should be fun. The new enclosed area should include space for a few farms and probably also low income housing.

I believe a citadel should be built, should another assault fall upon Port Barry

As for rebuilding industry, the following things should occur. Please note that they would be financed by private funds and contracts, foreign investment, or borrowing with the expectation of future returns
Expand the already yuge forge to include a full-scale rolling mill and blast furnace. Build a warehouse as well, if there isn’t already one
Build an Armory, probably as an expansion of what exists already at the forge
Build a tannery
Build a textile mile
Build a paper mill
Build a printing press
Build a shipyard, or expand the existing one
These will be built near the water, preferably by the harbor, and to the west of the city (or perhaps the east) outside of the walls if necessary

Of course, three large ocean going vessels should be purchased, commissioned, or commandeered, for the Mendicant Order. These shall spread the word of Football across all continents and to all corners of the world

Naturally, Trumpaladin will give a speech, probably several, to the citizenry. He will speak of the fighting against the evil forces of globalism and Soccer that tried to attack the town, and that really were lurking and waiting to attack for just the right time, seizing upon an opportunity when the group was away. But thanks to the brave men and wo men of the Port Barry defense force, casualties were minimized. Thanks to the power of Football and the devotion of the party, they were able to distract the demons from the city, then fight through them, slaying hordes of them, killing the lieutenants, and leading right into Soros, the one armed-bastard. Thez, having seen the light of Football, placed a permanent travel ban on all outsiders except spooky horse apparently, and in the process, deported herself. Now Trump asks all citizens of Port Barry to display the same devotion and willingness to sacrifice in rebuilding the city, and in helping to spread the word of Football, which delivered the city from evil. He also tells them to be on the look out for Soccer – that most evil of “sports” – as it is a demonic plot, existing to pervert national love. He tells them of his plans for Port Barry and for the USFL, and asks them to join, He tells of the Football powered miracle of the resurrection booth, and how he is using it to revive casualties
Anonymous
y8eg6
?
No.10795
10796 10801
>>10794
Only if I get to stick a sword in some stone
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10796
10798 10799 10801
>>10794
>burn the brothel
"YOU SHALL DO NO SUCH THING! Oooooh, this motherfucker! You're lucky that me escaping means that Soros escapes! Wait a second,...."
A disembodied purple fist appears in the air above Trump and <WHONK> he has another lump on his head.
"It was business."
>>10795
Is that a metaphor, or am I not following?
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10797
10800 10801
>Is reading Guardian Paramount abilities
Fug! She's indestructible. It's great to play a class that can defend other characters too.
Can Tracy also get a good armor upgrade somewhere? She has good reason to protect her body now. Maybe some of those gold-steel plates?
>>10791
>Paladin not being immune to fear
*is still nuzzling you*
"~Hmmmh..! Oh, yes, it seems the pirates who looted them fled when the infernals attacked and left their treasure behind. I picked the parts up while I was looking for infernal weapons.. ~hhmm." Tracy says nonchalantly, clearly glad to see you.
Anonymous
y8eg6
?
No.10798
10800
>>10796
>metaphor
Uh
>sword
>in
>fucking
>stone
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10799

>>10796
>metaphor,
He's based on Merlin, remember?
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10800
>>10797
Quite literally, Lenos is the only person who's ever forged anything out of golded steel. Its a sound idea though.
>>10798
I was just checking, I first thought it was a vaguely lewd joke is all.
Anonymous
vI1sh
?
No.10801
10802 10803 10805
>>10796
I see the travel ban was only partly successful.

"TRACY! Want to burn something? Like a large building?"
>>10795
So long as that isn't code for sex with Trollestoa, then sure
>>10797
"I know you're lying"
Anonymous
y8eg6
?
No.10802
>>10801
Not being continent with your wife and son/daughter
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10803
>>10801
"Ooooh, this,... okay fine, if thats how he wants to play it."
No violation of the travel ban has occurred, since no one has traveled anywhere and no goods or information was exchanged. I will suggest that you should probably leave the brothel alone.
ZV3KL
?
No.10805
10806 10807 10813 10820
Spoilered
[2d20 = 29]
>>10801
Bluff (dispel suspicions) + Perform (acting: appear extra innocent)
"~Hhhmmm.. Now why would I lie to you about that, ~Flashy?"
>burn
[inquisitive hoers noises] You do realize this'll bring her closer to the Chaotic Path, right?
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10806
>>10805
Per those rolls, Trump is unable to detect any duplicity. She seems to be telling the truth.
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10807
10808
>>10805
Y spoiler tho? Just asking
Mrs. Sentry
ZV3KL
?
No.10808
10811
>>10807
Left the spoiler on from the jumpscare in >>10780

Also, did any of those golem cores have user-viable parts? Could they be fashioned to craft a magical weapon?
Anonymous
X1XsV
?
No.10810
10812
>>10794
i track down jews trump.
Anonymous
Kyteo
?
No.10811
10812
>>10808
>magical crafting
And little else. Some of those sprockets, gears, and shafts are pure mythril, adamantite, and a variety of alloys. Aside from being literally gold-plated, those robots are crafting GOLD.