Thus we begin the 53rd Nuts thread. There'd be more, except I've gotten lazy and won't bake until threads are ~1500 posts now.
Its an RP thread based on core D&D rules (3.5e particularly). Anyone can shitpost, comment, or play as they prefer, though making a character does require a small bit of detail.
The party is currently almost totally divided. Not on philosophical or moral grounds, they're just not in the same place at the same time. Infernius is kidnapping Trump for some reason, who was headed to check out the Sil wall, which is a concept he's only recently heard of, but will probably like.
Tracy is headed to Cardashil to stab things and (maybe) get her previous stash of knives back from.
Stix is exploring the primeval forest, intent on finding Trollestia (?), while Torcuil and Snek - when they're not attacking one another - are taking the airship to Krenshall.
Thez hasn't been seen since learning that Kefka is still (again?) alive, which she seemed most emphatically not pleased to discover.
Its mid-week, so it won't shouldn't, but probably will get hairy until later. So then, go nuts.
1477 replies and 148 files omitted.
>>57425Don't get pissy just because I disagree with your trying to fundamentally alter the game. Not everyone has to like it
>>57429You complain about almost anything anyone tries to do on their own volition.
Hey GM, what level spell would a swarm of frogs be?
>>57432Summon swarm (virmin, spider, bats) is a 2nd level spell, so 2-3 I think?
>>57433Sure
Uhm,... please stop bickering
>>57431>>57429Stop talking shit when anyone tries to do any thing, Kikes censor anyone who disagree with them m8.
>>57434If I make it LVL 6 can the frogs have limited attack + fumble?
Each and every single one of you are acting like autistic children. Stop fighting for a Goddamn second and work things out as men. You either reason with each other or go get drunk while crying yourself to sleep.
Infernius, you need to stop rolling to make or invent stuff unless you are in a science specific area to do so. And the man is not a kike, stop pretending everyone that doesn’t believe like you do is the jew.
Trump, stop reee-in like a 12 year old that didn’t get the Xbox 1 for his birthday. Ask politely to have him change the way he is playing and suggest an alternate way of achieving what he wants.
Tracy, stop making things escalate.
GM, learn to punish those that start wasting your time. You try and make an enjoyable game for us and here they are fighting and stalling everything.
>>57436I'll consider it, but not on the fly
[1d20 = 12]
*looks for something to kill*
So, from where everyone left off, does anyone have any actions to declare, intentions to assert, etc?
>>57443Snek is not allowed to eat non-evil gnomes, and Torc is looking for a help desk
Also trips for Death [1d20 = 7]>>57443I don't want to wait in line, but I do want to retrieve Tracy's legendary knife collection.
I might just phase through the walls, because she technically already lawfully registered.
>>57444There's no help desk, but there is a large desk with a sign that says "Information" on it. Seated at the table are 4 gnomes, arguing quite agitatedly and rapidly
>>57443Stix was looking around for signs of Trollestia.
>>57448That'll do
"Hellotherefinesirs.Iwishtoinquireifthereisanyoneinthisfinetownthatknewaboutairships."
>>57443Trumpaladin approaches someone in line
"how would you like to seek fame, fortune, and glory in the greatest arena of all - the Football Stadium, playing the game of the gods!"
>>57452I would ask "why the hell would he carry around bacon?"
Then I remembered that Jews can't eat pork, and that would fully explain why he carries it around and offers it to strange people and creatures at random
>>57453Tracy picks up Brad by the scruff and circles around the exterior of the dome while ethereal.
"I don't feel like waiting this time."
>>57451The gnomes (a race not known for quiet) all quiet at Torcuil's appearance and presence.
"Whatthefuckisthisguyabout?" says one.
"Idon'tfuckingknow,hecameoutofnowhere,"
"AFUCKINGHUMAN,"
"Hespeaksdecentgnomishthough,yougottagivehimcreditforthat.Unlikemosthumans... who... talk... so... damn... slow... liketimemeansnothingtothemeventhoughthey'rethemostshort-livedofallthesentientraces,"
"Airships?" says one finally.
>>57454That's exactly what I was thinking.
If he offers it bacon, the dog will come.
If it doesn't come, it must be jewish/muslim, because no dog would refuse bacon unless something were horribly wrong with it.
>>57455I stand corrected..."Why do you want to go in?"
>>57453Blank stare, eyeroll, turns away
>>57458"My knives are in there: the collection of every stolen blade that I accumulated over the course of seven seasons. I want them back, and I won't wait even another minute."
Tracy tries to walk through the wall.
>>57456"Yesairships.Someonerecentlyattackedmy...
homewithanairship,soinretaliationIstoleit.Ibelieveittobeofgnomishcontsruction."
>>57461Tracy walks straight into the wall
>>57462"Youhavegnomishgoodsthatyoudidn'tcontractfor?"
"Thisiscatastrophic!"
"YOUSHOULDBEHANGED,"
"Nownow,wedon'tknowthesituation.Canyoudescribethevesselinquestion?"
>>57465"Hanged?Iwasbeingattacked!
Anyway,theshipis-"
Torc gives a description of the ship as fast as he can
>>57464Stone, by all appearances
>>57467"Alikelystory,"
"Revisionisthistorian,"
"AFUCKINGHUMAN,"
"Whatdoyoumeanattacked?"
>>57454>>57452*holds bacon above the dog so it would have to stand up to get it.*
"Good dog, you lost boy?"
>>57468"BroadsidesuponthertowerIlivein."
>>57464>>57468Tracy pulls out her glaive blade and attempts to cut a circular hole through the wall.
She does this after circling around the far side of the building, to avoid guards.
>>57471I feel like I should've waited in line and complained to the security guards about Tracy's lost property first, but I really don't want to...
Brad, convince Tracy
and me to be more reasonable.
>>57472No metafag! Just let the game play out and have some fun with the results. It will work out better that way.
>>57472"Little Pony, be patient. If you want to get in pull a bluff that you're a VIP from the Court City, or disguise yourself as a Guard, or maybe pretend to be an inspector or who knows what, or just do a hide check using other people as cover, or sneak in when there's a distraction.... or just wait in line"
>>57468Trumpaladin goes up to another person in line.
"Hello, how long have you been waiting?"
>>57476"I kind of want to figure out what's going on here. Something isn't right about this place at all"
Tracy waits in line like a good goy, so that her husband has a chance to ask about her lost property.
>>57456>>57465>>57468I like how their three personalities are so clear.
>>57475"Don't try and psych me out newbie," is the curt response from a vibrantly orange-faced female with way too much sequins.
>>57480"What would I psych you out of?"
>>57479Cheers, I was trying to make it methodic
[1d20+32 = 38]>>57480[Angry nightmare noises]
Intimidate to get this cocky bitch to talk
>>57483I like gnomes. I find them hilarious.
>>57481>Eyeroll>>57484"Bitch, take ur self-entitlement elsewhere. I'm here on business."
>>57486[Affectionate hoers noises]
>>57487Tracy contemplates killing the bitch, seeing as how she has enough hit dice to resist her check.
>>57490*Casts Doom*
>>57488She looks at Trump like he's daft. "The entertainment business. Duh. Where do you think you
are?
>>57492"I'm a bit new here. What do you do in the Entertainment business? Tell me about yourself"
>>57494She can use Doom once per round with her glasses. It's for low-lifes anyway.
>>57493With a "Tch" sound, she turns away, muttering something about "making friends".
>>57495Ah. Well let's try vanity, then Doom. Also,
*pets horsey*
>"no stabbing in public yet, since that would attract a crowd of the kind we don't want" >>57496"You're here to make friends?
>>57498She looks at Trump over her shoulder. "NO one is here to make friends, fag"
>>57503>'She called you a faggot: are you going to just let her get away with that?'Tracy emotes, desperate for an excuse to kill someone
>>57503>random-lady frustration noises"Fame? Wealth? Glory? How new are you?"
[1d20 = 10]>>57507>How new are youThat did it.
Tracy bites off the bitch's head.
>>57507"I see, good luck in your ventures"
Trumpaladin turns his back to the lady, hoping she will find what she deserves. He approaches any visible security guard to
distract talk to them
"Excuse me, a person seems to have left some of their belongings here, is there a Lost and Found?"
Did the dog like the bacon?
>>57511>>57509Tracy's mouth is not big enough to bite heads off, and its Trump's fault for pressing. Is Tracy really intent on engaging this bitch?
>>57513She's a huge creature, I thought she'd be big enough.
Fine then, Tracy just snaps at her threateningly.
Okay, quick idea
Has anyone ever experienced an audition?
>>57515>'We could take 'em...'Tracy emotes with anxious frustration
Being this close reminded her of just how much she really wants her knives back.
>>57516No, but I've helped with them.
Tracy gets back in line and doesn't talk with any of the drama queens until she gets to the front.
>>57516Not really since first grade. Why?
>>57516Maybe...
Why?
Mr. Snek wonders why a species known for speaking fast isn't responding
>>57518Then you know that no one is legitimately friendly, its all a big competition, and who-the-fuck-are-you, why-are-you-talking to me mentality
>>57520They're speaking too fast for mortals to hear.
>>57521Yep, it's a toxic environment.
>>57520Because I'm still developing my ability to fragment my consciousness into diverse situations.
>>57523Yes. I thought that was well established
>>57521Trump goes and politely talks to a guard.
"excuse me sir! I don't mean to bother you, but a friend of mine went in and left her items at the security check in, and she has not since gotten them back. She would like them back. Could you please show me where she could retrieve them?"
>>57525What did he mean by this?
>>57530A B S O L U T E H E R S Y
Its more that maintaining several plotlines simultaneously is not as easy as it sounds, and I'm still developing the skill to seamlessly transition from one situation to another - or all of the above simultaneously - at the same time.
>>57534That's okay. Take your time.
>>57532 She does not kno dey we >>57527The guard looks like he's dealt with 100+ people asking questions and doesn't particularly align with Trump's agenda. "Say what now? If personal belongings were left, you'll havve to file a report."
>>57536"To whom do I file a report?"
Trump really wishes there were like a Rogue or someone who could sneak past the guards while he's talking to them and go inside and find out what the hell they are auditioning for.
>>57537Tracy vanishes underneath him
>>57539Actually, scratch that, it doesn't make any sense.
There's literally nowhere to go: it's a narrow corridor full of metal detectors and guards.
>>57540Wait until their heads are turned (which should be easy, because you have a giant distraction right there) then crawl down beneath their field of vision down the hallway silently
>>57540Behind all that, there's a portal that leads to who-knows-where, and that's where Tracy was snatched up.
>>57542Surely there is more to the structure than just that? A portal sounds too scary
>>57543Nope. Just a portal.
You gotta leave all your weapons too, and that's how Tracy lost her knife-collection.
>>57545They can't be gone. I won't accept it.
>>57544>>57544Surely there must be more to the structure?
>>57547Not from the outside.
Just one straight line into the unknown.
>>57536Trumpaladin looks around. What does he see? In terms of doors and hallways and structures and such
>>57546They might have melted them down.
>>57550I'll suck out their souls.
>>57551*sprays horse with spray bottle*
Did everyone fall asleep?
>>57554Not yet, but I might just soon.
>>57554Not me, just trying to monitor a bunch of soc media platforms simultanously
Kind of weird how everyone just stopped the game, yet everyone is awake. I might try making another story element like last time since I don’t really have anything to do until tomorrow. I would probably pass out before getting much accomplished trying to find Trollestia.
>>57560*delayed dab back*
Sorry I was writing a little story like last time
>>57562More on Stix’s backstory. I won’t spoil everything though because I think it would be better told through dialogue with the party.
>>57563Im guessing gm fell asleep.
>>57566Hey stix can i pm you about some stuff?
>>57569It’s ok. Infernius just had some religious questions and didn’t want to bother everyone with them I think
>>57570I never feared conspiracies before I came here
>>57574I think he was afraid we were talking about him. He is thinking people are plotting against him or something and wanted to make sure it wasn’t us.
>>57573Am I fine
>>57572It's the ones you trust most....
>>57576Well, you have a whole lot of info to me for not trusting me. If I was anyone else I would be offended that you think I would betray you. But you have a lot going on, so I will cut you some slack.
>>57576M8 srsly? Im not plotting against you. Im hurt we would suggest that.
>>57578Fear does that to a man. He doesn’t know who is going to help him through tough times anymore.
If you want, you can DM me Trump and I can send you screenshots of the conversation. That is, if Infernius is ok with that.
>>57582I forgive you man, but come and talk to me if you have concerns and don’t go around blaming everyone. If you need to talk about something, I’m here to help.
>>57583>>57582Hes good at helping. Aand i forgive you.
>>57584>>57576And how do you propose that you finish that statement to me then? The ones you trust most... got your back? Because I think we both know you were going for something else.
>>57587Then it is about time you got a friend that will aid you and not hurt you huh?
>>57588I can’t force you to talk to me about what is going on, but I can suggest it.
>>57587Those people weren't real friends m8.
>>57589I’m going to assume that means no. I wish you the best in this hardship you face. I wish I could magically solve all of this for you, but it looks like this one has to be done the hard way for the long haul. If you ever change your mind on talking to me, I’m still around.
>>57592Sounds good. Just give me a message when you are ready.
>>57576>>57586>>57587Law #2 - Do Not Put Too Much Trust in Friends; Learn to Use Your EnemiesAn enemy or an opponent can't betray. I can count on one hand the number of IRL friends who haven't in some way betrayed, taken advantage of, or otherwise sold the friendship for "something better".
>>57598Trust no one. Not even yourself.
But seriously, what are y'all so paranoid about? It's a fucking game.
>>57599I'm not aware of the issue that prompted this discussion, but I agree with the general premise. I don't think we're talking about the game at this point.
"I don't trust anyone except that guy I see in the mirror. But I've got my eye on him,...." is how I like to summarize my position.
>"Sure I can't eat the annoying one?"
Torc then proceeds to kick Snek in the ribs, wondering why he brought him along.
>>57603Well, if something is threatening you, you'll be glad to have Snek's grapple.
>>57603Not even half that, half
Torcuil's hp (though, he does still count as a 17 HD creature)
>>57605>he does still count as a 17 HD creatureIn what way? He has the same base attack bonus as Torc, right?
I needs levels so I can get my special pet...
>>57606Uh, yes same base attack.
So either +7/+3 or +8/+2
>>57610>tfw have the coolest weapons but can't shoot for shitI recommend True Strike, if you think you ever actually need to attack.
Tracy's crossbow-claw count as a light weapon, like a hand crossbow, right?
>>57611If I take exotic weapon proficiency will you plz stop metagaming for me?
>>57613Sorry , m8. Didn't mean to offend.
I thought you already had it, and was just offering a word of advice.
Divine Power will also make your base attack bonus equal to your character level, so you can shoot like a marksman.
I'm just metaposting because I'm bored and lonely today...
Tracy feeds her mimic and pours a bit of alcohol on the side of the jar (with her magick hand) so it can move a bit.
>>57615>>57614Yeah I get it, but it seems as soon as I say "Welp, my character sheet is finally done" someone says "Well did you consider ___?"
>>57618Eh, it's better than getting to a big fight and GM says "Alight, subtract 4 from that... and you miss"
Does this mean Snek needs it too?
>>57619Meh, I don't think brad or Infernius ever took proficiency in their weapons, so it wouldn't hurt to say you trained to use it offscreen.
>>57620He could get it on his next class level or hit dice, but idk.
>>576213.5e has something of an "automatic" proficiency system, where characters automatically get blanket skill with appropriate weapons (whether explicit or allowed, like Infernius with his claymore). Additional proficiencies can be purchased with feats (but who wants to do that?!).
>>57623Ah, I'd assumed Tracy gained her proficiency with her spiked chain during that three-week period she trained with in in her dungeon.
>tfw no sekrit dungeon to hoard stolen loot >>57625She did, I don't like the proficiency system in 3.5e tbh
>>57623>blanket skillWhat exactly does that mean/cover?
Tracy is already proficient in all simple and martial weapons via class, as well as with every kind of crossbow, armor and shield. Is she proficient in kunai knives by now?