/ub/ - Überhengst

Hey goys. I don't remember whether I've posted in this thread before, but I might as well tonight. This past couple weeks I've mostly been doing what I can to survive since I left home for greener pastures. Now that I'm done I can start cooking regularly.

Now that I have finished the arduous process of moving into a shared place and getting personal stuff, I have been getting up without an alarm somewhat early every day to cook a simple cheddar omelette. It feels nice not relying on an alarm to get up at a decent time, not needing to heat up the shower to feel good when washing up, not feeling like cooking is this tedious chore I HAVE to do. Made organic red pasta for the first time yesterday, loved the way it turned out when I used a little leftover cheddar and white onion chunks to add some extra flavor to it. I have more ingredients so perhaps on Thursday I can post pics of my second batch of pasta.

I'm starting a medium keto diet this week. I'm going to start at 50 grams a day of carbs, then move down 5g/day per week before settling at 20g a day. In the meantime, I have a few drinks I want to taste test now that I am of legal age, some recipes I want to try out with my remaining non-keto foodstuff, and so on. I also want to have one apple or one single slice sandwich a day, and on nights before my off-days I'll have two drinks to accompany the apple/sandwich - I have a six pack of hard cider and another of hard lemonade to enjoy for a few weeks.

For today I'm making a 3 lb chuck roast and baby back ribs.
For the roast, I lightly drizzled (just enough to coat) the roast with olive oil, and then coated/rubbed it with Sheepherder's Salt (recipe will be forthcoming). Seared the roast for 10 minutes on medium direct heat per side, then on low indirect heat for another hour+.
The ribs I boiled first for 1/2 hour, and then also on the grill for another 30-45 minutes on indirect heat.
Results (and spice mix) to follow.

Okay. The Chuck Roast went off quite well, except I didn't use enough foil for the end part.
I seared it well, and cooked it well, but for the last 1/3 of the 1.5 hour cooking process, I didn't foil it enough. As a result, when shifting it I lost alot of juicy goodness, when a hole ripped in the foil. I fixed it with more foil, but it was already too late. It came out good (moist and tasty) but alot of fluid was lost which was the point of the foil. It was good, but it could have been awesomer.
So my recommendation (using a 3 lb chuck roast) is to sear it for 10 minute per side (so a 20 minute sear), then roast it off heat for about 40 minutes (turning and flipping if it appears to need it) and then FULLY wrapping it in foil for the last 40 min and keeping it off heat.
The ribs were great. 1/2 hour boil with about 45 of low-heat grill, basting with bbq or whatever for the last 15 min.
Now, Sheepherder's Salt.
I've done some looking, so you better goddamn appreciate this, cuz apparently no one has this mix (or is willing to share it). Pay attention, this is the ultimate all-purpose seasoning. Its not a "never use anything else" seasoning, its a "use it with everything else" seasoning, especially in place of salt per recipes.
Table Salt - 6.5 oz or ~10 cups
Brown Sugar (dark) - 2 lbs
Dry Mustard - 8 oz
Garlic Powder - 2 3/8 oz
Black Pepper - 10 oz
Spicy Season Salt - 3 1/4 oz
Celery Salt - 3 1/4 oz
Seasoning Salt - 3 1/2 oz
Old Hickory Smoked Salt - 10 1/2 oz
Accent - 10 oz

Use a 5 gallon bucket and a fresh paint-mixing bit on a drill to mix it. It makes lots, so offer samples to your neighbors cuz you'll have plenty.

This is a recipe I just stumbled across, and will be attempting next week. OMG, I think I can make it better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gA_r41VNy58

Alright fgts, today I'm gonna tell you how to make correct beer bratwurst. That's right, you heard me.
Go ahead, look up recipes online. They're wrong.
>But I've eaten beer brats from festivals!
They either used the method I'm about to tell you, or they're wrong. Alright, pay attention.

You will want to start with 32-36oz of 211 Steel Reserve. You can substitute other shitty beer, but it has to be a happy shitty beer. 211 is the best beer I've used so far, cuz it's got malt in it. Miller Lite and Natty Ice also work, but if you want the sauce to come out right, use 211.

Take your largest pot and pour the beer into it. Cook that shit at medium-high for about a half hour. Open a window, cuz it's gonna smell for a bit.
Once your beer has boiled down a bit (about 1/3rd) add Bratwurst. You can use any kind, but for best results I use the Johnsonville ones that are totally uncooked (the ones in a 5 pack). Use Bratwurst, NOT Beer Brats, those are a lie.

Cover the pot for about 20 minutes, stirring the brats as needed so that they cook decently.
Remove the lid. Now, boil off almost all of the beer. Now when I say this, I mean you want to condense the beer into a sauce.

What you're doing is rendering the natural fats and oils from the bratwurst, which mixes with the condensing beer. The end result is a sauce about the texture of ketchup or barbecue sauce, but with a rich salty/savory flavor. Roll the brats in the sauce, and then either dry the sauce on a grill on indirect heat or in the oven, but don't bother with that just eat the damn things. Pic related is the finished product (after initial servings were devoured with abandon). That should give you an idea what the sauce should look like and the consistency. I started with 10 brats and 36oz of beer, and it ended with about a 1/2 cup of sauce lining the pot. You want to boil it down until it starts to really darken.

I just went by an italian restaurant and these niggers of europe may be niggers but they sure know how to cook and how to into arts.
Gotta make myself some pizza.

Here's a recipe I tried recently
Honey Garlic Chicken
You will need:
1.5lb chicken thighs or breasts (boneless)
1/3 cup soy sauce
1/3 cup honey
2 Tablespoons tomato paste
1.5 Teaspoons Dave's Insanity Sauce
4 Cloves Minced Garlic
1 Tablespoon Rice Vinegar
2 Tablespoons Corn Starch

Put the chicken in a sufficient sized slow-cooker (I used a crock pot). Whisk together the soy sauce, honey, tomato paste, insanity sauce, garlic, and rice vinegar. Pour mix over the chicken, cover and cook on low until chicken is 165deg (about 4 hours in a crock pot).
Once chicken is cooked, remove from the crock pot and set aside to cool (just a bit). Whisk the corn starch into the mixture in the crock pot, cover, and cook on high for 15 minutes until the sauce thickens (stir it every so often).
With forks or fingers (chicken should still be pretty hot) shred the chicken and place it in the crock pot with the mix, and stir the chicken until evenly coated.
Serve over rice (or make flaming hot chicken sandwiches)

Its fucking delicious, sweet and spicy. I only have pics of the leftovers, (I'll try to remember to include progress pics next time). You don't have to use insanity sauce, but I like the balance of sweet and spice (the recipe calls for chili powder, paste, or sauce). Its the kind of thing thats so good you don't want to stop eating, but you do because you need a minute to let the burn settle.

>>1747
Gonna try your recibes as soon as i get a kitchen, thanks anon.
Will post pics

Every time I make a gravy from roux there is some skin at the top. Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong?

Honey Garlic chicken, redressed (its a favorite, so here's some in progress pics)
1 - Slow cooking
2 - Ready for stripping (with some sauce set aside for starch {you can substitute flour for corn starch})
3 - Chicken shredded
4 - Mixed
5 - Ready to eat

We made this batch without spicy sauce, cuz not everyone likes it that way. Without the spice the flavor is sweet and tangy (but I emphasize, its better with alot of heat). If one mixes it with too much heat, lemon/lime juice and salt are recommended (both for flavor and to cut the heat).

>>1774
1 - Preparation for plating (note the dollup of murderously hot sauce)
2 - Ready to sweat eat. Its supposed to be hot, its supposed to make you a smidge uncomfortable. But stop eating it. Go ahead, try.

For those who have more sensitive palettes, prepare with minimum spice and mix in later. Its still delicious that way, but its missing part of the experience IMO. But be warned, you'll have a warm butthole later if you go with the spice.

Guys I think I am not cut out for cooking. I just burned my food.
I was a soup.
Most likely got to throw the pot away because of how hard I burned it.

>>1779
Try again anon. Stir that shit while you're cooking it. Don't go past medium heat. 10 years ago I could only make pancakes (with pre-made mix) and ramen. You'll get there, and you'll be healthier for it.

>>1779
Turning up to eleven makes it hard to evenly distribute thermal energy.

The point of cooking is to put the energy in specific places in just the right way in just the right amounts.

When cooking sometimes you want certain things to break, and not others. The key is moderation, foreknowldge, and wisdom.

Congrats on gathering wisdom.

>Most likely got to throw the pot away because of how hard I burned it.
Unless it really warped, or is a cheap pot soak it with hot water, and dish soap for a while to make the burnt stuff come off easier.
Soak it for as long as needed. Scrubbing, and scraping might be needed...

What kind of soup was it?

>>1781
pea soup

>>1782
Oof. That's a pain to clean when it NOT burnt. Good luck anon. But still, don't give up

>>1781
>The point of cooking is to put the energy in specific places in just the right way in just the right amounts.
Sounds like a wok is a supreme cooking tool if you master it.

>>1779
Should be cleanable unless it's a teflon coated pot. If it's teflon, learn your lesson and don't buy any more bullshit teflon pots.

Otherwise, go to the store and buy oven cleaner, not the fume free stuff, that doesn't work. You want the glorious sodium hydroxide fumes. Spray that shit on the bottom of the pot and let it soak for a while. Clean it, you might want to use gloves, oven cleaner is strong. Repeat a few times if needed. Oven cleaner works great on cast iron and stainless. You can use it on aluminum, but you shouldn't leave it on there a long time, it may discolor the aluminum.

>>1363
Workin on the ladies
They didnt Sell that one beer you mentioned so i bought the best i knew

>>1832
Ooooh! What beer are you using? The ones I've used are:
Miller Lite
Miller Genuine Draft
Fat Tire
Natty Light
Olde English 800
211 Steel Reserve

I eagerly anticipate your results! ^_^

>>1833
Patagonia km 24.7, it is some argentinian beer
First time i try bratwurst, and damn that's some fine recipe, it tastes great

>>1835
>>1835
Glad it worked out! I've heard of Patagonia, but never had the chance to try it.
I must warn you on two fronts though. 1. this recipe is like an STD,….
That statement has a bit of cruel irony, having just mustered the nerve to read some of the redpill screencaps in the Raid 4chan/gay thread :/
And 2. You may find yourself saying "Those aren't real beer brats" more than a few times.
Seriously though, I'm glad you liked it! ^_^

Alright! Today we’ll be making Garlic Herb Mushroom Chicken thighs! Recipe and description to,... oh fuck it, just read the next post

https://cafedelites.com/garlic-mushroom-chicken-thighs/?fbclid=IwAR15zCipxA668FDZE8pbG5RBDSTkbFhIAv-ssKkrfDpu3irRUTQKudVcBl8
>recipe
First off, this is a double-recipe, and even accounting for that there was only so much of the spice mix to go around. I recommend sprinkling it on the top of the the thighs and patting it against the meat. After, cook as directed. I went with 6 min/side because I like my chicken medium. Be sure to make sure the chicken doesn't stick to the pan, as even with sufficient oil it might. Once the chicken is finished, continue as usual, except feel free to use more butter than is called for. A double-recipe claim to serve 6, while in reality a double recipe serves 3 with about 30% of leftover.
When serving, be sure to drizzle from the pan and the chicken rest-plate

>>1869 (You)
Addendum:
Oregano was substituted for Rosemary (didn't have any) and it worked well. Its not a heavy flavor, but together it makes a nice herby mix. I give it a 6.5/10; relatively easy to make (the prep is the hard part).
Also, the reddish on the rice is shepherd's salt. See above for that, it goes great on anything that used to be alive (EXCEPT chili, I've recently come to find)

>>1908
I prefer snickerdoodle swastikas.

Jesus christ, am I the only aspiring chef in this thread? F
Today we're making basic (from scratch) Taco Seasoning.
This is the same sort of seasoning that you would use to make taco meat, but its from scratch, which by virtue makes it better... I hope. Here's the recipe
https://www.yummly.com/recipe/Homemade-Taco-Seasoning-2322585?prm-v1
>tl;dr
1 tablespoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
Let's see how it goes!

>>2075
I'm out of cumin, so I'm substituting chinese allspice,... but otherwise it should be okay

How to cook Pulled Pork the redpilled way?

>>2077
There's a redpilled way to cook pulled pork?

>>2075
>>2076
It worked okay
The burritos I was making were tasty

'Shawarma' Chicken
Even without browning the meat it's really good. It reminds me of this Lebanese restaurant that used to be open. It's just as good. Next up will be the yogurt garlic side dip.

Sorry guys I'm not sure how much of all this we used. About three skinless chicken breasts cut into strips, or sliced, or whatever you want. In my option cutting it up makes it much more tender and flavorful.

2 teaspoons cumin

2 teaspoons paprika

1 teaspoon allspice

3/4 teaspoon turmeric

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

1 pinch cayenne

salt to taste

black pepper (we used chinese white pepper, whatever you have works)

Lemon Juice
Red pepper flakes (Just a little bit)
Onion powder
Dried fried garlic (If you don't have it don't worry more garlic is your friend) (Can be found at your Asian market and should be shelf stable ish)
Fresh garlic
MSG
coriander
Clarified butter (Just melted butter in the microwave. Pause every once in a while so nothing burns (make sure it isn't really hot when you mix it in)) Put this in last, as in just before the meat. Should just fold in like nothing ever changed.
Seasoned salt (Lawry's)
Fresh tumeric
Jamaican Allspice
GREEK YOGURT (The only one we had as slightly expired unopened 10 days past) a slight sour taste can use fresh and a little sour cream... or a vinegar. FFS don't use sweetened yogurt. Maybe about two cups?

The fresh stuff should be minced (or finer) if possible, but no worries.

Longer you marinate the better the flavor gets into everything. We prepped it at 2:00 pm and ate at 6:35 pm ish. Just leave it on the counter if you'll be cooking it today.

Dump the yogurt into the oven safe dish (should be big enough to hold all your chicken, and sauce), mix all dry, and fresh ingredients.
TASTE it to see what is needs. It should taste and smell like shawarma without the meat.

Prepare the chicken (meat of your choice) and cut to your desired preference.
Place into the dish, and mix it in throughly. All the meat should be covered in the yogurt about equally.

Cover (OPTIONAL: Covering is not meeded stir it after the 30 minutes then whenever you feel like it) the chicken and bake in the marinade for 30 minutes, turning once. Uncover, and cook for an additional 5 to 10 minutes, or until chicken is browned and cooked through. Remove from the dish, and cut into slices.
(If you have already cut it up you can keep it in there longer up to another thirty minutes, as the liquid keeps everything moist and tender)
>The yogurt should have separated into a liquid and a solid everything is fine.)

Serve with rice, flatbread, or any kind of bread, or starch you want.

(OPTIONAL)
Brown in the pan for a more authentic shawarma as the last step. Also can do this to reheat as leftovers.

Butchered from these two recipes, and tasting it as we went. (For the yogurt just leave it alone in the oven until it's time to poke it)
The sites have advertisements ect.

https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/52407/chicken-shawarma/

And

https://www.yummly.com/recipe/Chicken-Shawarma-2198109?prm-v1

>>2090
First get alot of fresh garlic and turn it into paste however you want.
Can use some powdered garlic.
Then add yogurt.
That's it.

I did it in reverse, and needed to use much more garlic. Powdered garlic is okay, but the real flavor here is the harsh uncooked garlic.

I recommend it with any Mediterranean dish.

(Side note on the yogurt. It shouldn't have a weird smell.)

Pasteing the Garlic with just a knife.
(Cutting it up first helps)
Get some course salt (pretzel salt works good), and you push the knife down and away so the mashed garlic is on the cutting edge.
Regather the garlic, and repeat.
A lot of garlic flavor will be in the liquid the salt pulls out.

It's like getting the skins off the garlic, but at an angle. Cutting side is always tossed the board. Your hand should be in the middle and not on the cutting edge.

Have fun and dip anything and everything in it, or use it as an ingredient.

Today I'll be breaking down a household favorite, Pot Roast!

You will need:
2.5+ lbs Chuck Roast
Minced Garlic
Carrot(s)
Potatoes
Celery
Onion
Seasoning
Oh, you'll also need a crock pot.

Alright. I prefer to use chuck roast cuz its comparatively less expensive, and if you slow cook it its super tender. Pictured is a 4.8lbs Chuck roast (technically its 2). I've since been informed that they're even better if you sear them first,... who knew?
Next, dice about 1/2 an onion per 2.5 lbs.
Next, cut up your potatoes. Not smol pieces, but about 1-1.5" each so that they soften up nicely.
Next, cut up a whole carrot (you can use more, but one person in the house is on a carb-restrictive diet). This carrot was quartered before slicing, because that allows you to have thicker pieces that will cook thoroughly
And then a celery stalk, basically the same routine as the carrot.

>>2259
All that's left is to add 2 tablespoons of minced garlic per 2.5lbs of meat (we like garlic) and then your choice of seasoning. There are hundreds of decent pot-roast seasoning recipes available on the internet, but for simplicity's sake we just used a packet mix.
Yes, I know freshly minced garlic is better, as is DIY seasoning, but I was feeling lazy.
Throw everything together into the pot, and pour the seasoning broth over the mix.

Cook on high for 3-4 hours, or on low for 6+ (you'll be glad you did).

To give you an idea how good this pot roast is (and simple, if using a crock pot), 5lbs of meat and those veggies fed 3 people. 0 leftovers, but several bloated waistlines. Highly recommended.

Holy fucking shitballs!
Holy fucking shitballs!

Wait for it,....

Bacon Fried Rice

You heard me. Bacon Fried Rice. It was an experiment, and it was so phenomenally successful that I'm gonna do it again. Lots of times. Unfortunately I didn't take any pics, but dude. Try this. Start with this recipe:
https://cookiesandcups.com/easy-fried-rice-recipe/

And for the meat, cook bacon. I did about 3/4 of a pound, cooked it half the time, and then added the bacon (grease and all) to the rice mix. Oh, I was also doing a 4x mix per the recipe. Anyway, it was so good that there were no leftovers. Like, none. I made 4x the recipe, and it was gone. With 3 people. It was goddamn delicious. And I recommend you try it.

This might be interesting to those who still don't cook their own food and resort to junk food.

>Men's fertility irreversibly damaged by age of 18 thanks to Western junk food diet, study finds
>A groundbreaking investigation has established that teenagers who favour high-fat and processed foods like pizzas, chips and snacks are killing off sperm-producing cells that can never be replaced.
>It showed that a diet dominated by fish, chicken, vegetables and fruit is best is for protecting those cells and ensuring healthy levels of sperm.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/06/24/mens-fertility-irreversibly-damaged-age-18-thanks-western-junk/

More fun with Beer Brats!

So recently I tried a new beer with the brats, Frio 6.0. It was super-cheap, so I thought I'd give it a go.
Well. They came out better than with 211 Steel Reserve, but there's a catch. The condensed beer is too strong. So, instead of using the condensed beer by its self, I continued to condense it almost to the point that it glazed the pan and then added about 1/2 cup of heavy cream, and simmered it for a minute with constant stirring. It was delicious, and I highly encourage it for any anons who have taken to the beer brat recipe.
The sauce went really good with seasoned potato wedges too.

>>2305
Things needed
Corn still in the husk
Butter
Salt
Enough water to cook the corn with (Cooking method of choice)

This delicious corn recipe goes by the mantra "low amd slow".
Get the corn in husk in the water.
Don't get the water over a boil.
Cover (optional)
Wait (about a couple hours)
When ready to serve take it out of the water then remove the husk and silk by hand. (It's really hot still so be careful!)
Butter, and salt to taste.

Alternatively, you can cook the corn on the grill, (oven would work too), or the coals. The husk keeps the corn nice and moist adding an enhanced flavour.

So apparently this is possible.

>>2349
Yummy.

>>2442
What a blast from the past.
While I wouldn't do this recipe it is certainly interesting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUrLPPKOBOU

>>2444
If you arent willing to try it, what about this recipe is interesting, and why post it?

Coming soon:
Bacon-wrapped asparagus.
It's a simple recipe, but after trying it I said something I haven't said in a long time, when trying new recipes. Wow.
It's simple. Separate asparagus spears into bundles of 4-5. Wrap ba on around each bundle. Some recipes involve putting the bacon toward the center, but I wrapped the whole bundle. Add (fresh ground) black pepper and a light sprinkling of murder season (see above). Cook at 400deg for about 40 minutes.
Oh my god these are good. Pics to follow, cuz I ate them already andbIll have to make mor.

>>88
Milk(like a cup), cocoa(2 soup spoons?), some sugar(like a tea spoon) and a bit of corn starch(tea spoon).
Keep stiring whilst heating up (dont let it get too thick) and boom, you got yourself some pudding.
Let it cool down before eating.

>>2498
Alright. After a couple attempts, here's what I can report about bacon-wrapped asparagus.
1. Its fucking awesome.
2. A 1 lb bundle should be separated into 6ths. This is to accommodate thicker or thinner stalks.
3. The base of the asparagus should be trimmed to remove any stalks bits, as they wont cook or be chewed properly.
4. Use two strips of bacon to wrap. One can work, but two is better.
5. Salt, pepper, garlic powder, seasoning (murder) fairly liberally, and a thin coat of butter or oil.

Preheat oven to 400deg f, wrap, season, and place on a foiled baking sheet. Cook for 35 minutes. That's pretty much it. It's a delightful side for lots of dishes and it's more or less inexpensive to make.

>>2586
>Its fucking awesome.
I'll try it.