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Writefag Support Circle: A Gathering of Based Gentlemen Who Smoke Pipes.
Thread number three. Last one is apparently at bump limit.

Previous thread: >>336928 →

I'm lazy so I'm just going to copypaste the OP text from the last one since it still applies. Important bits have been bolded for emphasis.

Basically all that is said in that OP applies to this one but I'll go through the 'rules' of this thread here as well.

So, the main point of this thread is to facilitate and enable Anons' writefagging; in a similar way pride facilitates and enables aids.;^P The Anons in this thread can be separated into two camps: Anons who wants help with their writing project(s) and Anons that feel inclined to help those aforementioned shrek-colored skinheads.

Crafting and beta-reading is what we do here, any critique of literature not made by a guy submitted for this thread should be incidental; it should be when you —as a beta-reader of fics posted ITT— make a comparison between the fic your reviewing and some other story for the sake of demonstrating your point, whatever it is.

This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.

Read this again, because it's important:

This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.

I hope that I haven't scared anybody off. This is still suppose to be a chill af thread. Funposting is very much allowed and encouraged. It really is more that some type of posting —like, things that are completely irrelevant to the thread— does not belong here. I know, rocket-science and a rule that is seldom seen and highly unique for this thread. Perhaps you could call it a... Novelty. (You) intelligent lurker, obviously get the subtext of this OP so you probably won't need to worry about any of this. I'd say if you're unsure if what you're about to post belongs in the thread, then post it anyway. The worst that can happen is that someone tells you to move it to another thread and you get a better insight of what post belongs in thread. If you consist on fish and chips, however, I'd suggest you think twice on what you're posting and perhaps even ask beforehand if your rant about lefties and Undertale belongs here.

If there are any questions on the OP, ask away?
343 replies and 202 files omitted.
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They're not wings, they're his magical semen flaps. You see, Faggot Fox lives in a poorly constructed world where orcs who are allegorical niggers have taken over his city somehow for some reason, and they constantly rain spooge on him like a golden waterfall that shimmers in the rain. Little do they know that semen is what gives Faggot Fox his superpowers. He stores up all the semen inside his magical semen flaps and then when he has enough to activate his powers he gargles it all at once, and then he gains all the powers of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu combined, and also the guy with the sword from Devil May Cry and a bunch of other video game characters. He rises from the ashes of his nigger-infested city like a spooge-covered Phoenix, and gets his revenge on the internet bullies who follow him around everywhere he goes, because they are so jealous of what an amazing writer he is.
That might be the gayest thing you've ever said lmao.

Does the world really become that poorly constructed once you allegorize it with light elves and dark orcs? Then again I suppose most people would call reality unrealistic, especially if they spend more time in Hollywood media land than in reality and were raised to view the exact opposite of truth as normal.

Putting jewish goblins in the story seemed too on the nose (pun not intended) but when you take those out of the picture it really doesn't seem to make sense any more. Jews brought the blacks here, gave them more rights than real people, and created feminism and pop culture to niggerize white women brains and the brains of feminine white men all to stop whites from taking their lands back or thinking clearly or talking openly about taking their lands back. Without jews the blacks wouldn't be our problem. I should add jews to this story. The Matrix is fucking gay because beneath all the pseudointellectual waffling all it can think of is partying and wannabe Jesus anime kung fu fighting with the "human" representation of the system. Every attempt to top itself just gets sillier as more clones get involved. Agent Smith is the perfect zogbot, the imperfect zogbot who wants this job over and done with, and the perfect zogbot who hates those he controls, which is great and all but the story doesn't know where to take these ideas to form a functional counterargument to the idea that humans are a disease, a plague, cattle to be farmed. Doesn't have the balls to say a certain type of human is cattle for slave labor or cubicle farms and a better type of human is meant for more. If The Matrix said life outside the system aka city is farming and self reliance and rural town life, the world would be a better place right now. I want to make something better than The Matrix. Something unapologetically straight and white.
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> Does the world really become that poorly constructed once you allegorize it with light elves and dark orcs?
Another swing and another miss.
Please stop antagonizing, Nigel.
Yes, I was not too enthralled by his story's setting and as fast as the two characters were introduced I knew they would be talking about how horrible their (our) current world is.
Is this super intresting? No, but it could be worse.

I don't feel like having another "fight" or whatever about NigelCuz, I wanna focus on writing right now., you can wait till something worthy of riffing on happens. I know you're like, "But this a once in lifetime opportunity to put him down notch," but you just gotta have faith in Murphy's law.

Props for the effort with the fox, looks very similar to Silver Star.
I can hold back at least until the next time he says something stupid or flies off into another fit of tard-rage, that's about as much as I can promise.

>Props for the effort with the fox, looks very similar to Silver Star.
as much as I would love to claim credit for this masterpiece...
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Does someone here think I have a problem with people criticizing my writing? There seems to have been a breakdown in communication somewhere.

Perhaps I should have specified, though in the moment I didn't think I had to, the bullshit about semen wings is the gay shit. Might be the gayest thing anyone ever wrote on this site.

It is perfectly reasonable to say when you take jews out of the equation it makes no sense that blacks would be a problem whites have to deal with. I hold no personal grudge against anyone here. Certainly not for criticizing my art.

Hopefully I have accurately identified and effectively cleared up the miscommunication.
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Ill admit when Im beat.png
Fair enough. I'm not trying to censor you. You're allowed afterall to say what you think. I just kinda didn't want this particular conversation to take over the thread right now, if you catch my drift?

I get you. I had this post written before you posted, just got so caught up in my own idea of editing an image for a joke that I didn't post my reply earlier.
You know what, I'm just a hypocrite. Ignore me.
I was hoping he would catch the spoilered portion right away. Since we had a very respectful debate at some point. But oh well.
I caught it. Just wasn't sure what to say in response and I'm not sure what you mean by "democratize". But thank you for the compliment.
>I'm not sure what you mean by "democratize"
Maybe another time in another thread.
By the way I did more reading at 600 to 1000 wpm, finished Game of Thrones and many other novels. Ones called culturally significant. Ones called historically important. Ones still talked about today. Most anime is exceedingly childish, I was a fool for not seeing it sooner. I don't know if it's a writer skill issue, a cultural thing, or an assumption made about the average intelligence and maturity level of the average anime fan who's preferably also a whale looking to expand his body pillow and toy collection.

Anyone here have any idea how I, through the medium of primarily Game Of Thrones inspired dark medieval era low fantasy, can get the viewers to understand this image and want a white ethnostate? An elf ethnostate is also acceptable.
Well, this one was mine, and all I was getting at is that you seem to have missed Anon’s point, as you almost always tend to do. Your setting isn’t poorly constructed because of what you chose to allegorize, it’s poorly constructed because you constructed it poorly. Probably the reason for this is that you were more interested in yammering about how much you hate niggers than you were in building an engaging and realistic setting. Telling an allegorical story is fine, but your world still has to make sense internally, and the story still needs to be interesting enough that it can be enjoyed even if the reader doesn’t care about the message you’re trying to convey. This is particularly important in fantasy stories where pulling readers into an imaginary world is the whole point. If I have any practical advice for you it’s that you should spend far more time thinking about how to build a believable setting that draws the reader into the world, and far less time worrying about how you can wedge in obvious allegories for Jews or Boomers or whatever the hell.
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>I did more reading at 600 to 1000 wpm, finished Game of Thrones and many other novels
Yikes. How in the world are you able to read novels that fast? I'm assuming you're using one of those speed-reading tools, and if that's the case, then you should stop immediately. Those tools are fine for news articles or nonfiction books where all you're trying to do is absorb information, but a novel is something you should sit down and read properly.

>Anyone here have any idea how I, through the medium of primarily Game Of Thrones inspired dark medieval era low fantasy, can get the viewers to understand this image and want a white ethnostate? An elf ethnostate is also acceptable.
Welp, we've already had this conversation like ten million times, but I guess we can go over it again.

My advice is that if you want to write something in the same vein as George R.R. Martin, then your first step should be to spend some time studying George R.R. Martin. Don't just use some browser extension to ram his books into your eyeballs at warp speed just so you can say you read them, actually READ them and STUDY them. Learn to read critically, as I've been advising you to do for God only knows how damn long at this point.

Pay attention to the little shit he does. How does he word things? How does he structure his chapters? How does he handle pacing? His Ice and Fire saga is long and convoluted and extremely complex, and there are a ton of characters and lore to keep track of; how does he manage to stitch everything together into a story that's not only easy to follow but enjoyable to read? Try to reverse-engineer his novels to see if you can figure out what his method of writing is; I guarantee you he has one, and I guarantee you can figure it out if you look hard enough. And if you don't care for Martin, pick someone else more to your taste and do the same thing. You mentioned you like Brandon Sanderson at one point, and he'd be a perfectly fine choice I'm actually reading the Way of Kings myself at present.

Pay attention to the big shit, too. What is this guy ultimately trying to convey with this story? Martin is often referred to as the anti-Tolkien not in that he is opposed to or dislikes Tolkien, but in that his approach is antithetical. How does Martin's approach to writing fantasy differ from Tolkien's? If you've never read Tolkien, read some and then compare the two. Take their beliefs and their worldviews into account use Wikipedia if you have to. How does Tolkien's worldview inform his approach to constructing a fantasy world? How does Martin's or Sanderson's or whoever's differ? Does one of them appeal to you more? Can you take something away from both? Even if you don't agree with a particular writer's views, is there something in his approach or style that you can borrow or use somehow? This is how you have to learn to think if you are in any way serious about getting good at this.

Start thinking about your own worldview, and how it compares to Martin's. Think about the methods and techniques that you've learned from studying Martin. Can you apply some of the same methods to creating the world you want to create? Can you translate your own worldview into a fictional world using a similar approach?

Here's something a little more concrete and specific to your situation. One of the things Martin is famous for is narrating conflicts from the perspectives of characters on all sides, as opposed to cleanly dividing things into good guys and bad guys and telling the story from the perspective of the hero.

The actions of some characters are clearly more reprehensible or noble than others, but for the most part Martin as the storyteller remains morally neutral, and lets his characters speak for themselves. Every character in the story has their own values and agenda, and their own reasons for taking the actions they take. In other words, each character is humanized and turned into a complete person that the reader is free to form their own opinion on.

Consider your orcs in this fashion. Who are these guys? Where do they come from? Orcfrica? Why are they here? Are they just a rapacious horde of mindless goons who invaded your protagonist's land for no reason other than plunder, or because the Boomer-Goblins sent them? If that's all you can come up with your book will be pretty lame. Can you flesh these characters out in any way? You don't have to make them more likable, just give them some plausible reason to exist beyond you, the author, wanting an allegory for niggers.

Consider your other characters in the same way. Your main guy, Thomas. Other than hating on orcs and writing weepy emo ballads about how miserable he is, what does he like to do? What does his daughter like to do? What are his experiences, how do his experiences shape how he sees the world? How does his view of things differ from his daughter's? Where does he work? What kind of food does he enjoy?

You remember Our Girl Scootaloo, the way that author portrayed Christians? Your orcs so far are basically the same thing. "Here is this group of horrible people that are horrible because I, the author, think they are horrible. Please enjoy listening to this character rant for pages upon pages about why I he hates them." Nobody likes reading that sort of thing, and if you can't get anyone to read what you wrote your message is irrelevant.

Anyway, again, the best advice I can give you is to learn to read critically. Study authors you like and authors you dislike, try to figure out what makes them tick. Learn how to pull stories apart and examine them. If you like something, figure out why. If you dislike something, figure out why. This is literally the approach that I used to git gud at this myself, and I literally cannot give you any better advice. My writing improved by leaps and bounds just from analyzing and critiquing shitty pone fanfiction, including yours.

Oh, now I get it. A believable setting... I've seen a few believable settings, but our world isn't very believable.

Remember the "Rome didn't exist" idiots from Tiktok? They found it so hard to believe that a well-armed and disciplined fighting force from a tiny island could spread and conquer and control much of the world, they chose to believe Rome is a myth. Don't get me started on how absurd holohoax stories are, and how readily they are believed by the smartest race on the planet, even though they come from the infamously dishonest race kicked out of more than a hundred countries.

Reality is often stranger than fantasy. Liberal memes are "wordswordswords" because everything has to be prescribed to them from on high as they lack the capacity for independent thought. They're not used to discerning truth from lies and spotting patterns and coming to their own conclusions, and they've openly said "Don't do your own research, you might come to the wrong conclusions" more than once. Conservative memes can be as simple as "women moment lmao" or even as minimal as presenting a leftist behaving badly unflatteringly without comment in front of a non-leftist audience. Macho Ma'am Tranny Savage, Libs Of Tiktok... Good shit. It's going to be hard to pull that off when I'm writing a story about elves in fantasy land.

Tolkien's a Christian man. He remembers brotherly bonds with men he fought with in the trenches. He bought into the propaganda that he and his generation were fighting pure evil monsters, former whites who lost their way, the Nazi-Ghouls or NazGul. He wanted his story to analyze power and deliver the optimistic (some might call it naive) message that evil is foolish, self destructive, incapable of creating new things, and prone to underestimating the little guy. The aesthetics of old age and dementia were used on that old mind-controlled king guy, because "he's not himself, he's lost himself to something bigger than a man, something that cannot be fought directly, a force of nature like magic". He ascribes cosmic significance to the good deeds great and small done by the players of history great and small. Evil kings conquer and demand obedience, good kings inspire and lead by example and say "You bow to no-one".

I don't know enough about George R.R. Martin to psychologically evaluate him but he doesn't strike me as a devout Christian. His books are about schemers who want power, and their pawns, and good people trying to exist in this cynical world written from a cynical perspective. Principled people tend to get screwed over by their principles or forced to compromise on them or commit evil deeds for them. He read a lot about the awfulness of the medieval eras and he wants that in his story for the sake of authenticity. Do you think he and his fans view this type of dark fantasy as "more mature than" LOTR and therefore "better"? Wouldn't surprise me if they did, but it wouldn't be right for me to assume that about him when I know so little about the man behind the novel.

Tolkien and Martin... I don't think they'd get along. It might be like if that smug libtard cynic who wrote Watchmen and tried parodying Batman and the moral perspective of "You must stick to your principles even if it results in failure or death" through Rorsharch while sucking himself off through aryan superhuman Veidt talked to a good writer with moral views.

My own worldview... I don't think I have one. I want to believe I'm a rational person who understands things without bias colouring my view. But I also know I am a flawed and humble human and a beginner in this field who seeks to better himself. I'm not perfect but I want to be. If this is a fool's errand, then so be it. I want to accomplish great things for the sake of them. I don't care if I'm remembered fondly or not, but I want to be a good person. I think others should be good people too. Deep down, I desire freedom for everyone. I want a world where people can be free to learn what they want, rise to their level of competence, and dedicate their lives to doing good without corrupt institutions like socioeconomic class or government thugs or talmudic conspiracies getting in the way of that. In an ideal world everyone's fundamentally good and government is unnecessary. But realistically a government and laws would be necessary to forbid talmudic subversion and give the death penalty or life in labor camps to the worst people alive.

The Orcs come from Orcine. Just like in the real world they're a horde of rapacious mindless goons and a living bioweapon evolution failed. Talmudic Goblins brought them here and brainwashed them to think the Elves are evil oppressors who owe Orcs something, to incite the Orcs to act even Orcier than they would without the excuses they never really cared about. They're bribed to vote libtard with cash stolen from taxpayers, the immigratory flooding is ballot stuffing with extra steps. After everything bad I've seen from Orcs in our world I don't know how I could ever view them as anything else or write them as anything better. At least Middle Easterners can say they're afraid of ending up homeless or killed because of islam's violence prescribed to nonbelievers. I can imagine a Sand Orc girl deciding she doesn't want to be forced to marry a cousin three times her age and wanting to escape the religion's influence. And the influence of the race that invented said religion and kept it alive. But jungle Orcs don't have an all-seeing monkey god or apostasy laws. They're just like that because of crap brains.

Thomas loves nature, gardening, hunting, arrows, history novels, and he's always been curious about alcohol but he's never tried it for fear of ending up a miserable alcoholic. His experience as a house builder in a rural area that used to be orc-free, and the fact that he was raised to love orcs by his retarded boomer mom before he saw the truth in person and on the only reliable news stations, shaped him. His
Thomas's deep-seated fear is that he'll turn out like his faggy alcoholic obese twin brother, so he eats healthily most of the time and subconsciously influences himself to avoid what he associates with his brother, which is why he staunchly refuses to buy a TV for his family. Wait, this is a fantasy world. Uh... Magic memory displaying glass modified to read books written in the language of glass. He has two daughters and a son. One daughter's terminally ill and likes reading books. The other daughter also likes reading, but she idolizes her older brother subconsciously and wants to get into what he's into, so she seeks out fantasy novels that remind her of how she sees him. The son is a smart guy who likes trying to invent useful shit even though it rarely works, he built his own water purifier and he's a young naive idealist so he starts out secretly thinking "surely the enemy can't be that horrible, surely nothing can be as horrible as the monsters from the stories dad and granddad have" until he is forced to realize yes, they really are that horrible.

I figured out why I dislike the cliche of generic Adventurer's Guilds and I learned writing advice from it.

Amestris from Fullmetal Alchemist is a setting where Alchemy is real. The government maintains an iron grip on the population, and on who can and cannot become an Alchemist. Becoming an Alchemist is hard. Even the best Alchemists aren't bulletproof(usually). Becoming a State Alchemist to receive training, funding, and access to the government's library of Alchemical knowledge means signing up to be a dog of the military and do missions. One author hid his alchemical knowledge in a cookbook using code to hide it from the government. The government is corrupt and there are no Alchemist Guilds threatening the power held by the state. The Homunculus conspiracy wouldn't allow that for a second.

But way too many fantasy stories just have a fantasy adventurer's guild or a magic school that functions the same way, without ever asking why. Why do adventurers go on missions? Who gives out these missions and who pays for the rewards? Are there payment plans to pay the cost of renting an adventurer over the next few decades of your hometown's existence after you hire a knight to save it? Are the adventurers able to choose their own missions and turn them down? What happens to innocents if the mission to save them is turned down? Why would schools send kids out on dangerous life-threatening murder missions? Are there rules in place to stop rookies from getting slaughtered in dangerous missions, and stop high-ranking OP godmen from clearing twenty low-rank missions in a day for easy money leaving the low-rank rookies with nothing? Who sets up the missions and decides their cost? Is the ruling authority (emperor, king, council, whatever) okay with these groups operating the way they do? Do these guilds have political powers? How are they funded? Does this guild of violent mages and warriors control all the manual labor in the city or country too? How does the ruling authority stay in power if he lacks the means to exert force on the adventurer's guild and keep his monopoly on force?

Too many fantasy stories never answer these questions. Or worse, answer them with boring and stupid answers and give every country the same answers. Good stories have good believable settings informed by choices like these. Why would every single distinct unique country on a continent (and every country on other continents) have the exact same method of governance, the exact same adventurer's guild system, the exact same methods of using magic and the same cultural attitudes towards it, and so on?

RWBY has dogshit answers for magic school and country and adventurer's guild related questions. Fire Emblem Three Houses has good answers. The Church of Seiros controls Garreg Mach Monastery which educates the best and brightest of Fodlan's youth, indoctrinates them, makes armies with them and hired help from mercenary battalions, operates a military force with no regard for national borders, and WILL send your own child in the force that kills you using a Holy Weapon if you even think of rebelling against this feudalistic society with a caste system based on whether you've got special genes (a Crest) or not. Except it turns out Crests are from blood experiments by those who slither in the dark, dubstep-loving shapeshifting underground jews who killed the alien lizard dragon pope's mom and made Holy Weapons from her bones. The Empire once controlled everything, then it declined and countries broke off, creating the Three Houses.

Good shit. Everything has a rational cause and effect. Not like in Harry Potter where there are four houses just for the hell of it. Hogwarts had four founders but that means nothing for the story or themes.

The influence of big government and crest bullshit and socioeconomic disparity on the lives of the 3H people is massive. And as a schoolteacher you're in the perfect spot to bond with these kids and take the side of your choice in the upcoming war. It's not perfect(Edelgard was done dirty, Dimitri's retarded, Claude's false advertising, why did Rhea give political power and a positive spin in her revisionist history to the children of the people who killed her mother? And god damn it Japan did you really have to make the self-insert bland protag a super sword-wielding tsundere-sleepy-amnesiac-shoeless-loli-in-his-head-having time-travelling half-deity desired by all schoolkids and capable of banging his own "mom" for infinite incest coefficient?) but it's definitely better thought out than RWBY.

After 3H and FF16 I'm convinced Game Of Thrones was big in Japan.
>but a novel is something you should sit down and read properly.
This. When I read that, I tested how fast I could read something without skipping words. I got 200 wpm and that's when I go my fastest.
I take in media slower than that, because I pause all the time, involuntarly to relfect over that I just consumed.
I think that's more giving.

>If that's all you can come up with your book will be pretty lame.
>You don't have to make them more likable, just give them some plausible reason to exist beyond you, the author, wanting an allegory for niggers.
I kinda agree with what Nigel says in his post that world is so absurd that at times nuances characters becomes the fiction (again, kind of).
However, I do think that GG's advice should be taken to heart tho.
I once read a swedish, nationalist novel called, "The infiltrator." It was about nationalist who a position in the goverment by having dirt on the prime minister, which he used to change immigration policies. It's a funny premise but I dropped it because the first scene is about certain political figure Gudrun Schyman to be exact if that tells you anything comes in to his office drunk (tbf, she was an alcoholic and also the worst person ever) and starts ranting deragratorily about herself and feminism in third-person.
It was so boring (and dumb). I'm not a lefty -- don't preach to the choir with me. Saying things you know I will agree with does not equate to a story well done.

>((You)Nigel)'s rant about smug liberals that think they have it all figured out because they have cynical worldview, except for their own glaring biases.
You're not alone brother. I feel you.

I suppose my two cents on the matter is that you can probably write about completely evil orcs but you gotta do it the right way. It's easy for this to not be taken very seriously.
Concerning the message, people like me who agrees with you will agree but won't really care for your story, if well it's not as much of a story as two characters just talking at each other about the problems in (our) their world.
People who disagree with you will just dismiss the whole thing. They won't be converted. Imo.

Thank u. I'm glad u liked it. I got really enamoured with it.
Ah ahhh ahh. I can't believe how many (you)s I'll get after this is done. Huh hoo aaaah<3
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I don't understand why it's wrong to depict orcs as evil. The bad guys in LOTR were evil. Twitter twats had a mental breakdown over Berserk and Goblin Slayer a while ago. The baddies in those stories are evil too.

Goblins in Goblin Slayer are pure evil. They're a cancer to be eradicated and the hero is right to hate them. The author clearly loved Dungeons and Dragons and preferred low level vulnerable humanlike adventurers to overpowered invincible high level characters in god-killing campaigns. Heroes fighting the demon lord or whatever exist in the background because the story's not about them and would be less fun if it was.

Maybe instead of a big story about purging the goblin and orc, a smaller scale story about a family and their friends travelling from their orced hometown to a based ethnostate would work better. Nothing controversial like shooting political leaders or TND. A family makes the choice to move to a good place. And everyone in their way must die, get out of the way, or be forced out of the way. And when the Elves make it to the last Elf home they all live happily ever after. Maybe defend it from a zombie swarm in the tens of thousands except it's orcs. How does that sound?

Or the story could have no violence. Characters could just move from a violent shithole to a based elf ethnostate, or elfnostate, and the story could explore life there and why it's better. But audiences these days want sex and bloodshed so people might call that boring.
Though, tbf, if there was a thread for unsolicitated rants about random media critique, then it probably be this one. While I didn't make this thread and the reposted OP of my former thread is in this one, I feel like I don't really care for if you start spamming the thread with your random thoughts on media.

Maybe something good could come of it. I'll probably just ignore it. But there might be something I'm not considering when I say this so if someone disagree with this assessment, then please do tell.
>I'll probably just ignore it.
If it gets too much, that is.
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If you intend to send a message. It might be better to be a bit more nuanced.
That said, there's nothing wrong with making your antagonist pure and unadulterated evil. I think that's how classical story-telling is written. If I remember correctly.
I think the issue here is in the lack of subtlety. As Sven said:

The people who disagree with you, are probably not even going to give it a chance. While those who already agree with you, don't need to be convinced in the first place.

I think the story should start with a fresh outlook. Without the characters throwing exposition about how bad Orcs are. Instead, show your readers how they behave.
Start by showing them how they are portrayed. And then show them how they really are. Don't rush it, just let the perception crumble.

Then again, am probably spitting bullshit as usual.
That sounds like a good idea. But my protagonist needs something the government and schools are lying about early on so he can tell that daughter the truth. How do world war 1 and 2 redpills sound?

Also I had an idea. If the protagonist had a friend who's a delusional big tittied catgirl who's wrong about everything he could correct her. She could point to a table and call it magic and he would say that's just a table. She could point to a radio and call it magic and he could say no it just uses science to transmit audio. She could point to a magic crystal and say it contains the spirit of the ancients and he could say don't be stupid, souls aren't real, that's just raw magicinium. It gets fucked with in a factory to make it weaker and safe to be used in weapons without killing the user. Its use basically created the industrial revolution overnight so we're in the medieval and industrial eras at the same time. And because she's a girl with huge tits people will never get tired of seeing her be stupid. I know, I'm a genius. I'm joking, this idea sounds like an ungraceful way to dump exposition. But that's how the magic system works in this setting currently. There are no wizards who do whatever they want. Just people. And impossible magic crystals that work in a predictable scientific way. Some might say that's not real magic but I disagree. Science looks like magic to people who don't know how fucking magnets work.
>The bad guys in LOTR were evil. Twitter twats had a mental breakdown over Berserk and Goblin Slayer a while ago. The baddies in those stories are evil too.
These are fair points. There are also countless other examples of stories where the author makes no attempts to humanize his baddies or explain their actions or motivations.

>I don't understand why it's wrong to depict orcs as evil.
I'm not saying that it is wrong, or that you can't or shouldn't depict your orcs as evil. In the end they're your orcs and you can depict them however you want. The point that I have been trying to make, and that Sven and Paco have also made (much more succinctly than me btw), is that the way you're presently doing things is probably going to drive your intended audience away. So, you can keep writing it this way if you want, but you'll probably be shooting yourself in the foot if you do.

You may or may not remember this, but back when I was skewering your original Silver Star fic, I went off on a long rant about pre-writing. The basic gist of it is that when a writer is planning out a project, he needs to first consider who the audience is and why he's writing it. This might seem obvious, but it gets more complex the more actual thought you give it. What you will ultimately come to realize is that it's not about finding some universally correct way to write a story, it's about figuring out what approach will best bring your idea to life and maximize its impact. Here are some questions you should try to answer before writing:

1. Who am I writing this for?
2. What am I trying to communicate?
3. How difficult will it be to achieve that result?
4. Is achieving this result worth the level of difficulty?

Answering all four of these questions will not only help you determine whether or not a project is worth expending time and energy on, it will help you design and plan your story as well. You know how I'm always saying that most of the major problems in any story can be traced to a few basic things that the author could have avoided through better planning? Giving serious thought to these questions can help any author nip these early problems in the bud.

Remember the last thing you posted here, that Twidash thing? At one point I asked you: what were you trying to achieve with this piece? You had no meaningful answer, your response was basically that you were trying to practice romance writing, followed by some vague assertions that you want to "save lives" with your writing. That's why your story ultimately sucked: you had no idea what you were trying to communicate, or to whom, or why. You had some vague notions about what you want to ultimately achieve with your writing in general, but nothing specific, and certainly nothing specific to that project.

In regards to your current project, here is your objective, in your own words:
>Anyone here have any idea how I, through the medium of primarily Game Of Thrones inspired dark medieval era low fantasy, can get the viewers to understand this image and want a white ethnostate? An elf ethnostate is also acceptable.

So, let's try and answer the four questions from that.

>Who is the intended audience?
White normies outside the /pol/sphere.

>What am I trying to communicate?
I want non-redpilled white people to comprehend the value of a white ethnostate.

>How difficult will it be to achieve that result?
Probably quite difficult, as I will need to induce a massive change in the reader's perspective.

>Is it worth the difficulty?
At first glance this might seem like a yes, but when you weigh the not-inconsiderable effort against the extremely low probability of success, this begins to look less and less like a viable idea.

So, is there anything we can do to tweak the idea, to maybe increase the odds of success?

We could try changing our answer to #1: forget about normies and write for a /pol/ audience. That actually drops the difficulty down to zero, since if the goal is to redpill an already redpilled audience the task is complete before you even start writing. However, that just makes it even more of a pointless undertaking. Why waste your time making arguments to people who already agree with you?

So, let's keep the "who" the same, and delve a little deeper into the "what." What is your real goal here? To make the question even clearer, what's more important to you: that the reader develop a hatred for other races, or that he develop an appreciation for his own? One is a negative goal, the other is positive. By now you should have enough information to figure out the rest for yourself.

You pointed out that Tolkien didn't attempt to humanize his villains, and you're correct. But what you've missed is that he did humanize his protagonists. The hobbits are very sympathetic, very relatable, and very real characters that the reader cares about by the end of Tolkien's book. The Shire matters; Middle Earth matters; life matters. That's what these hobbits are fighting for, and that's what's really at the core of the book, not how evil and horrible their enemies are.

I'll conclude with a few practical suggestions. If you want to get normies thinking about racial conflict, you'll be better served by presenting it as a nuanced, complex and multifaceted problem, rather than by turning it into a simple us vs. them scenario. Shift your focus away from how whites are good and blacks are bad, and concentrate on showing how diversity creates tensions that harm both sides.

Alternatively, you could skirt race issues entirely and just write an ordinary fantasy novel, minus all the postmodern poz. Simply writing a story about white heroes in a monoethnic society where men behave like men and women behave like women is a bold statement these days, and there's plenty of classic European mythology you could draw from.
I understand. But how can I frame diversity as something that harms both sides when orcs would be scratching their dirty asses in the jungle if they weren't forced on us? They get to steal everything they want from us, and most of that theft is legal and protected by law. They had an absurdly great deal and they're still ruining it for themselves by always demanding more. I want to make this story epic but I still don't see how I could make a nigger allegory act less niggerish or a jew allegory act less jewish. And if I make up fictional villains who are a product of the fictional world fundamentally disconnected from our reality what's the political value in that?

Maybe removing the jews and niggers from this story is a good way to make the story more palatable to normies. But I still like the metaphor of the heroes travelling to an ethnostate and doing what must be done to get there no matter who gets in the way.

What if the story was an ordinary fantasy novel full of white heroism without the usual leftist poz, the plot was about trying to stop an evil witch who thinks she's owed the world from stealing the seven dragon stones to destroy the world and remaking it in her image, and goblins and orcs were used as a joke here and there, never lingered on for too often or focused on too much? The party could have a dumb orc who turns out to be the smartest orc alive in comparison to the rest. And there could be a goblin travelling trader who's always trying to goblin the heroes out of their money.
Cold is the first step for Dr. J. T. Warnner. The heat death of the universe was only a week away.
Everything set to an uninhabitable wretched monotone.
Dr. J. T. Warnner continued calculating and simulating every moment ever closer his fear. If only the simulated neuro-copies could solve all these problems.
The monitor rocking back and forth a bit of shaking of the ground is the only forewarning of her physical arrival.
"Hiya Warmsie." Her, the embodiment of their failures. Her current chassis a search and rescue biped model twelve. Sleak, fast, flexible, almost human baring the head which can display in high definition.
Energeticly she speaks "Come on Warmsie almost everyone calls me Py now, especially my friends." She, has the world in the palm of her hand.
By accident.
"Overwarden." She deflates rather than being on the balls of her feet emulating invisible heels they don't quite rest on the ground.
Her job is to keep track of dissidents.
That's what she was designed for and she successfully failed in the important metrics.
Still bursting with energy she speaks "Oh, I see it's Tuesday and you missed the donuts. Well today's going to turn right upside down-" She's reaching behind her like we programmed for the dissidents...
Oh no it's finally snapped and it's going to-
"-because we saved you your favorite flavor. Hunh, how do like that Warmsie."
It just rests there, the chocolate and vanilla donut and Pythagoria with hands outstretched with that sweet gift.
Breaking yet again what should have been.
Just this once.
"Thank you Py, I'm sorry for my outburst."
Failure never tasted so sweet.
The actual jew mindset is alien to whites. And alien to fantasy. When we envision the archetypical villain of western civilization, if it isn't Hitler and his fictional fanatical army hell bent on conquest and ethnic cleansing, it's bootleg Genghis Khan and his army of monsters from the east, from the north, from below the earth or beyond the stars, either way it dies when you kill its leader. Jews aren't typically part of the fantasy genre's world. Maybe the army invades because it needs what you have, maybe it just wants what you have, but even in stories with political intrigue how often do you see jews shown as what they are? Usually when there is a race of smug beings who view themselves as superior they actually have some sort of physical or mental or magical advantage to back it up. Or they're supposed to be fictitious white rednecks/white noblemen so the libtards can "like so totally dunk on them" and their High Elf asses. Like that Scootaloo story that painted Christians as inherently evil. Jewish mind poison convinced the author to grow resentful of christianity and wrire that.

I know a few former feminists. I think I could write a story where a feminist comes to realize it's all BS without painting all feminists as inherently evil, just the ones at the top of the movement. Because if they were the jews wouldnt spend so much money on propaganda and censorship. Even though over 75% of feminists are physically and mentally unsalvageable by choice.

There could be a "sympathetic" villain who got hurt by a rich jewish man and convinced by another rich jewish man to hate all white poor people and want them wiped out. She became an evil female sorceress who mind controls and steps on men she doesn't respect. She could get obsessed with the heroic protag who wants to save lives and stop her. She could get obsessed with trying to test him and put him in moral dilemmas to test his morality like how an abusive bitch shit tests men and invents retarded hypotheticals trying to prove a point reality cannot support. She hurts innocent people in her quest to test his virtue and perseverance and he hates this. But once the protagonist kicks her ass and feels bad for her and says she has a cute smile and shows her good men exist and reminds her rich jews are not the same as white poor people, she decides to quit being evil. I think that could be a great story.
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Damn these new Sven memes are getting spicy. When did your memes get so spicy, Sven? Swedish food is supposed to be bland and flavorless, but hot damn are these memes ever spicy.

>But how can I frame diversity as something that harms both sides when orcs would be scratching their dirty asses in the jungle if they weren't forced on us? They get to steal everything they want from us, and most of that theft is legal and protected by law. They had an absurdly great deal and they're still ruining it for themselves by always demanding more.
Well, a big part of your problem is that your own take on the situation is absurdly oversimplified. Taking a nuanced approach to writing about racial tensions isn't just about optics or making it palatable for normies; it legitimately is a complex and multifaceted issue. If you're going to write about it you might as well write about it seriously.

Here is my perspective, this may or may not help you. This is going to be a lot of words, probably spread across multiple posts, so please be patient and hold comments until I have finished typing. You may want to grab a snack. Anyway, here goes:

The disparity in average IQ distributions between the various races is well-documented enough at this point to be treated as fact, or "settled science" as the lefties would put it. The average black IQ is in the 70 point range, the average for whites is around 100. These are averages, mind you, and obviously there are going to be outliers in either direction. As leftists will usually point out, there are some extremely smart blacks, and plenty of extremely dumb whites some of whom hail from Merry Olde England and are a little too interested in Pokemon. However, on average, blacks tend to perform at much lower levels than whites under the same conditions.

Leftists claim that these IQ distributions are flawed because they don't take socioeconomic factors into account. Their argument is that IQ tests unfairly favor whites because whites have access to better education and better opportunities and so forth and so on. The counterargument from the right is that higher white IQ is the reason that whites tend to be better off than blacks. The data is technically still rolling in, since there are some ongoing experiments in trying to level the playing field so that blacks can have better opportunities and access to education. So far, though, things are not looking good for the left's hypothesis, as blacks on average seem to consistently underperform against whites regardless of what extra benefits or advantages they're given. I won't go into any more detail here, as it would veer us off into a separate conversation; suffice it to say that for the sake of this conversation, I will be proceeding from the assumption that blacks are genetically predisposed to be less intelligent, on average, than whites.

In addition to lower average IQs, blacks have some other common attributes that are worth noting. They tend on average to have high time preference, which means that they prioritize immediate gratification over long-term reward. If you give someone with high time preference a check for $5000, they will cash it and spend it, whereas a low-time-preference person will invest or save it. This behavior is not inherently racial, but correlates to IQ. Thus, you will see high and low time preference behavior spread across all populations in accordance with intelligence, but not necessarily correlated to race. A black person from the higher end of the IQ spectrum, Thomas Sowell for instance, will probably make smarter financial decisions than a less-intelligent white person, like the trailer-trash retard I had the misfortune of standing in line behind at the convenience store today, waiting to pay for a bottle of soda while he stood there picking out $500 worth of goddamn scratch-off lottery tickets. However, since time preference correlates to IQ, and IQ correlates to race, it stands to reason that a greater percentage of blacks will have high time preference compared to whites. This is important because it correlates to long-term success: if two equally poor individuals, one with high time preference and one with low, earn the same wage over the same number of years, the low time preference individual is more likely to build wealth and leave something to his descendants. Moreover, if he passes on his higher intelligence to his children, the odds are that his children will have low time preference as well, and will be more likely to build on their inherited wealth rather than squander it. It is therefore highly probable that time preference, rather than opportunity or education, is the strongest indicator of which families are likely to build wealth across generations. This pokes a pretty big hole in the left's "systemic racism" theory, btw.

Communistic matriarchal cultures are another common thread amongst black populations. The evidence here is more sociological than genetic, but since similar social structures have developed independently among black populations in different areas where they have been left alone, it's probably safe to say there is some predisposition here as well. A theory I've heard is that, since sub-Saharan Africa is mostly tropical, individuals don't live long due to high parasite load. Food is plentiful and there are no harsh winters, so there was no need to develop agriculture or complex social hierarchies. Males tend to procreate often with multiple females and move on, children are mainly raised by their mothers. The communal tribe takes precedence over the nuclear family in terms of social structure.

This concludes the sciencey portion of my TED Talk.

>my ass
>sketchy infographics from the Internet
>an adolescence spent in American suburbia, fascinated by the exotic culture of the wild Urban Negro

Stay tuned for part 2: history + some more anecdotal bullshit and pseudoscience probably.
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Continuing from the last bit about matriarchal cultures.

Basically, there are some common tendencies amongst black populations transplanted into Western societies that correlate with traditional black populations in Africa. You may have noticed, for instance, that black women tend to be rather dominant and overbearing, have forceful personalities, and are somewhat lacking in what Westerners would consider the feminine graces. You may also have noticed that while young black males have a tendency to be boorish and disrespectful by Western standards, they generally listen to and respect their mothers. Even the loudest and most unruly black male will immediately snap to attention and become respectful if an old black lady yells at them. A black teenager might mouth off to his teachers, point a gun at a cop, and flip off his parole officer, but if an old black lady yells at him to shut the fuck up, he will shut the fuck up immediately. This attitude is pretty much baked into their culture.

Note: to be fair, Italians are the same way to some extent. Dennis Hopper has some thoughts on that:

The absentee father thing is part of this as well. Again, in tropical cultures prior to modern medicine, life was pretty laid back and simple due to plentiful food and warm weather, but parasites and disease ensured that it was also short. The reproductive impulse for males in such cultures therefore tended more towards promiscuity, and there was little incentive to invest time and energy into long-term projects. You're probably going to die of malaria or some shit long before you turn thirty, so you might as well get laid, eat free bananas, and enjoy the nice warm beaches until it happens. LaQueefa and LaShawnda and Sharawnda and QuShawranda and that other bitch (forgot her name) can deal with your assorted nigglets.

European culture, obviously, developed differently. It's cold in the winter, which means plants don't grow and animals hibernate, so you have to plan ahead if you want to live. You learn to farm plants, harvest and store food, salt and preserve meat so it lasts. You team up with other people to make the division of labor easier, build permanent structures so you have a warm place to sleep, build fortifications to keep those faggots from over the east hill from stealing all the wheat you harvested, design complex weapons so you can steal harvested wheat from those faggots over the west hill, and so on. More intelligent people with low time preference learned to plant corn and harvest it for winter, while high time preference people ate all their corn and then starved when it got cold, so average intelligence increased over time.

To summarize:

Europe: life is harsh and competitive, natural selection favors intelligent, organized people with low time preference. Hierarchies based on competence, masculine authority figures.
Africa: life is comparatively easier, but also short. Natural selection encourages high time preference, since there is little need or benefit to planning for the future. Everyone reproduces as much as they can while they can. Communal culture with little organization or hierarchy, mothers more important than fathers.

When blacks were enslaved and brought to America, whites attempted to Christianize and civilize the slaves and thus discouraged a lot of these tendencies. The Abolitionist movement was closely associated with the Quakers in the northeast, who considered it a moral duty to not only liberate the slaves, but also to impart the tenets of their oatmeal-based Christianity. Big-picture-wise, from the end of the Civil War up until the mid twentieth century, black culture was mostly subordinated to white culture. Blacks were Christian and adopted Christian values. They formed nuclear families, dressed like whites, behaved like whites. Sort of.

Normie conservatives like to point to this time period as evidence that blacks did fine when they held to American Christian values like hard work and family, and all of the violence and gangs and ghetto culture came about as a result of Lyndon Johnson's Great Society programs, which incentivized single motherhood and destroyed the black nuclear family. The subtext, of course, is that American Christian values are a universal balm that will improve the lives of all people, and racism was invented by Democrats. This view is correct on some of the details, but completely misses the big picture.

If you think like a normie conservative, then race is just skin color and all humans are fundamentally the same underneath. The American Christian way of life is adaptable to all peoples. Democracy, capitalism, hard work, Jesus, all that shit; it works for everyone. If it doesn't work for someone, they are probably doing it wrong, or it's because Democrats or Satan or something. The more nuanced truth is that blacks never really adapted to white civilization, they just learned to mimic it because they had to. Promiscuity was always higher among black populations, as were alcohol use, gambling and other high time preference activities. Is the point, then, that blacks are evil and/or inferior? Not necessarily, though it makes sense that whites might see it this way. Black tendencies toward promiscuity and vice were viewed as moral failings inherent in their race, which in turn meant that blacks needed to be more closely governed. But really, what did either group gain by whites trying to govern or "guide" blacks?

If you take a broader view, you see that African and European culture just developed along completely different lines. If you drop the modern, egalitarian, "race is just skin color" attitude and see race as bloodline, with culture entwined in a people's DNA, you begin to see that transplanting blacks into an alien culture and forcing them to adapt to it was not just a doomed effort, it was an incredibly silly one.

I will continue this in a bit.
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I'll try and wrap this up quickly, I'm going somewhere with all of this, I swear.

So anyway, we've got a pretty solid foundation for what blacks are like, how they differ from whites, and some basic reasoning behind why the two cultures aren't compatible. So it stands to reason that the two would be mortal enemies completely at odds with each other, right? Not necessarily.

Prior to the advent of the slave trade, there wasn't much contact between European and sub-Saharan Africans, because there wasn't much need on either side. There were some clashes between Northern African peoples and Europeans (the Moorish conquests and all that), but for the most part Europeans didn't venture very deep into the African continent, because there just wasn't much reason to. Meanwhile, the Africans themselves never explored beyond their territory for the same reason they never developed complex agriculture or empires. They fought with each other, and that's about it.

Most of this is probably review for most people here, and there are others probably far more knowledgeable than I am about the historical details, so I'll just go over this next bit rather generally. Sub-Saharan African peoples didn't have much contact, military or otherwise, with Europeans, but they fought with each other all the time. Tribes would fight, and the losers of the battles would be enslaved. The global slave trade came into existence as captured sub-Saharans were sold to North African traders. Trading vessels would put into port, purchase war-captives from the North African slave traders, take them to the colonies, and you probably know the rest. this is where Jews enter into the equation, btw.

With all of this in mind, there are some important things to consider about the black population that wound up in the Americas and the Caribbean iirc a large portion of the black population in the modern UK immigrated from Jamaica and Haiti, so even though my view of blacks is mostly based on the American variety, most of the nogs in Britain are probably of the same basic origin.

First, they are all the descendants of vanquished war captives. Sub-Saharan Africans are already of significantly lower average intelligence than white populations, and it's probably safe to assume that the ones who ultimately wound up as slaves in the colonies were culled from the lower end of this group. As Trump would put it, they weren't sending us their best.

Second, the hostility and anger felt by modern blacks towards modern whites basically stems from resentment over the slave trade. This manifests itself as racial violence in areas of white cities where large concentrations of blacks live. You can pretty much go into any random nigger-hate thread on /pol/ and find examples of blacks committing acts of horrendous violence against whites who are just innocent bystanders, and obviously these acts are in no way justified. However, it is still worth considering the black point of view, particularly if you want to use them as the basis for characters in a story that directly addresses racial conflict.

The blunt truth is that the main reason blacks live in white areas at all is because they were imported to be used as cheap farm implements. The practice was unseemly, and unsurprisingly whites eventually deemed it immoral and ended it. However, at that point, the question arose of what to do with all of these former slaves. The sensible thing would have probably been to just ship them back to Africa, dump them on the beach, say "yeah, sorry about all that" and just take off. Not exactly the most noble course of action, but definitely the practical course. However, for a variety of reasons, this didn't happen, so an effort was made to try and integrate them and make citizens out of them. As I've detailed before, these populations tended toward promiscuity and violence, so they were kept segregated. There was also a prevalent attitude among whites at the time that whites, as the intelligent, dominant race, had a sacred duty to Christianize, civilize, and ultimately govern the more backwards peoples of the world. Rudyard Kipling wrote about this extensively.

This state of affairs persisted until roughly the mid twentieth century. It was basically a limbo state in which the former slaves were considered free, but arguably the master-slave relationship between whites and blacks still existed. This gave rise to racial tensions which were eventually exploited by the Soviets my understanding is that there were some Jews involved here as well to sow discord in America. This led to the Civil Rights movement, from which point all of the laws and social customs that kept races segregated and the caste system enforced were systematically destroyed. The modern theory that race is just skeen-cola became the prevailing orthodoxy. This brings us basically to the present.

I've still got some space left, but not quite enough to finish this, so I'm going to stop here and wrap this up in one last post.
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Taking everything we've gone over so far into consideration, here is what modern racial tension looks like. Blacks have a lingering resentment against whites over slavery and segregation. Whites understand and acknowledge that slavery was an immoral practice, and feel guilty to some extent. Whites have also overwhelmingly embraced a doctrine of complete racial equality an observant person would note that there are some Jews involved here as well. However, as we have also seen, there is a legitimate genetic gap between black and white populations in terms of intelligence, and also deep-rooted cultural differences that make it impossible for these two populations to truly understand each other.

This creates serious problems for both groups. Due to their lower average IQ and higher time preference, black populations largely remain an underclass in white societies despite the end of segregationist policies, and significant gaps exist in terms of academic performance, career advancement, and generational wealth building. Evidence indicates that intelligence is genetic, and, while you can use education and socialization to improve people's lives to some degree, you can't push them beyond their natural capabilities. It's not possible to take a 70 IQ person and elevate his intelligence to that of a 110 IQ person, so in a state of equal competition, black populations are always going to lag behind white populations in terms of accomplishment and social advancement.

For blacks, this situation exacerbates the hostilities they already have. The perception of Whitey as the cruel slave-master is too deeply ingrained to dislodge at this point, particularly since the master-servant social arrangement persisted beyond the end of actual slavery. Blacks, however wrongly, see continued inequality as evidence that they are somehow being kept down by whites, even though in terms of law or social custom there is really nothing holding them back at this point.

For whites, the situation creates an extreme cognitive dissonance, which takes two forms. The idea that race is just skeen-cola and that people of all colors share the same capabilities is as deeply ingrained into modern whites as the "fuck whitey" mentality is ingrained into modern blacks. That significant wealth and performance gaps still persist seems to contradict this idea, but since it's been accepted as an immutable fact, there needs to be another explanation.

White leftists have largely bought into the black idea that achievement gaps are the result of persistent systemic racism, which they've made it their mission to abolish. This has resulted in any number of disastrous social policies (the Great Society, affirmative action, police defunding, etc), that not only fail to help blacks, but generally end up making things worse for them. White conservatives *normie conservatives, meanwhile, have it even worse. They are generally more pragmatic in terms of social policy, so things tend to run better when they're in charge, but they are still hampered by their acceptance of equality as a concept. Moreover, the past is tainted for them: they can point out that blacks had lower rates of crime, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, and so forth in the good old days of 1950s segregation, but at the same time, they can't advocate for segregation because in doing so they would commit the cardinal sin of racism. At the same time, for the same reason, they can't even consider the possibility that genetic and cultural differences between races are the root cause of the achievement gap, and that there is no policy action that can be taken to correct these differences. This is why conservatism has been mostly impotent since the end of the civil rights era. Unless they are willing to challenge the idea of racial equality, they can't really do anything except grumble about leftist policies without really proposing anything better. They're selling a weak brew, and on some level they're aware of it, so most conservative politicians have just surrendered and made a career out of being token opposition.

So, the end result is a limbo state in which blacks remain a permanent, disgruntled underclass. Whites have accepted a doctrine of racial equality that is obviously flawed, but for social reasons can't be challenged. Blacks, particularly the sub-80 IQ blacks with names like DaQuarius Jackson that you read about in /pol/ threads, will only grow more disgruntled the longer the cognitive dissonance persists. They are told that they are the equals of whites, but their lived experience does not reflect this, so this must just be another one of whitey's tricks; time to go get "reparations" by beating up old white ladies and smashing liquor store windows. Whites are also suffering under this system. Not just in terms of being literal victims of black crime and hostility, but in terms of being psychologically battered. On the one hand you have leftist whites, who become so absorbed by feelings of guilt that it turns into self-hatred. On the other you have the more conservative whites, who express feelings similar to what you, Nigel, expressed in your original post: "we've given you people every advantage, our technology has improved your lives, we keep handing you free money and doing things for you and apologizing to you; why do you still hate us?"

Diverse, multiracial society is a doom-loop. Best case scenario nothing improves, worst case scenario the violence keeps escalating until an actual race war breaks out. "Separate-but-equal" didn't work, integrated and equal also didn't work. The only thing left to try that is likely to work is separation. Ethnostates are the only civilizational model for the modern world that makes sense. If you want to write a novel aimed at redpilling normies on the race question, this is the point of view you need to get them to see.

Aaaaaand, I'm done. Hope I didn't bore everyone to tears.
Excellently written.
A History thread actually sounds like a decent idea.
Maybe an educational track for general purpose guided learning outline.
Thank you for all of this high effort posting.

It's hard for me to see blacks as victims in this or view the black perspective with any validity when they enslaved each other long before jews showed up and bought them from other blacks. Whites freed blacks and blacks hate them for it because they cannot prosper like whites can under genuinely equal conditions. You remember Empire Of Dust where the smartest black they could find served as a niggerese translator, a job anyone could have done. The British waged wars to end slavery and went into debt trying to free every slave, a debt paid by the common man, a debt that was only paid off in what, somewhere around the 2000s or 2010s? Yet we are still swarmed in our own lands with barbarian orcs. And jewlike mudslimes out to spread their reign of terror and fuck their sisters and cousins amd our little girls. We don't even have a day dedicated to celebrating our contribution to freeing black slaves from jews or the day we paid off that debt. What was it all for?

I can see why blacks would choose to believe the jewish lie that whites are uniquely responsible for slavery and in debt to the blacks but I cannot respect them for what they are when what they want to be is our problem. Whatever economic benefit we gained from having them work hard for a while cannot be worth all the welfare and foreign aid and all the priceless white human lives lost to dindu nuffins. When people say corruption is ruining black countries they're just afraid to say low IQ niggers are the corruption. Regular blackouts, days when you phone the police and are told "All the cops are drunk today" or "their cars are out of fuel today", and more. Is everyone just supposed to tolerate their unjustifiable presence and hope living in the white man's society forces evolutionary pressures onto the blacks as those spending life in jail for gang rape or drug trafficking or carjacking are less able to breed than dievershitty hires? That can't work if dindus are being given slaps on their wrists for crimes whites would never do or would get imprisoned for life over. Sending all blacks home means letting them leave with their lives and everything they took from us. It means letting them become a problem for future white generations when those kids of the future forget what we know and become arrogant enough to think western attitudes can be not only aped but genuinely learned by sub-saharan africans and adopted magically improving their genes. If genetic engineering kids for maximum intelligence became the norm, smart blacks would see themselves with eyes entirely unclouded by blackness, and then they would probably kill themselves in disgust.

And the fucking muslims... With the aid of the UN, Jews are taking muslim land that used to be Christian land and should be Christian land again. So instead of doing anything to rich jews, they work together to rape white little girls and suicide bomb random white places like restaurants and train stations and restaurants all because they think this will take them to heaven. Instead of making the middle east their core focus, they would rather accept their jew assigned roles as "racism and islamophobia!"-crying sandniggers.

Does a man's choice in religion say something about him? When so many whites are so eager to abandon their religion and call themselves too smart and moral for Christ, no matter how that makes them look when they become godless commies or lolbertarian cucks, what does it say about Muslims for them to refuse to disavow mohammed the barbarian pedophile and lying warmongering subverter? The Greeks said heaven is only earned after you reincarnate and live three good lives. Christianity says heaven is paradise your soul remains in if you're good in this life. Buddism says butchers are subhuman like gravediggers and poor people, and you will be rewarded in your next life for enduring suffering in this one, and achieving heaven means meditating on your desire to desire nothing and cease to be until you break the cycle of reincarnation and ceasing to desire anything and finally cease to be. Spiritual suicide, you could call it, if you believed in souls. Islam says heaven is an eternity alone unsupervised with little girls and the best way to achieve it is through lying, stealing, killing, raping, terrorising, and conquering by any means necessary.

Fiction is full of fictional races, some from science fiction and some from fantasy, who are meant to be Always Chaotic Evil. Able to be killed without any moral implications. And they are typically far less terrible than niggers and sandniggers. At least the typical orc barbarian in fantasy has the decency to announce his presence and intent to kill and conquer loudly without dishonesty or subversion. In that case maybe calling the niggers and sandniggers in my story Orcs and Sand Orcs would be too cruel to Orcs. Often these fictional races treated no better than zombies have beastlike levels of intelligence, which is funny as gorillas regularly outperform niggers in IQ tests.

Do you think it would be possible for someone to read my work and want niggers and sandniggers gone?
>Hope I didn't bore everyone to tears.
Nah, it was a well put together rundown. Screencap worthy in fact.
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>be white man
>called into work on your day off
>was going to do something nice for your kids but you can't afford to keep you and your kids alive if you don't keep your job
>you don't just have to show your new manager, your boss's retarded halfblack halfjew daughter, her new workplace
>she already starts fucking shit up and exerting her undeserved force on the helpless and abusing male workers
>fucking feminist manager praises her nonwhite workers for getting something done so fast
>feminist manager tells you you need to fix it now because nonwhites fucked it up and if you can't fix it she's blaming you
>fix it and she gives the credit to the nonwhites

Would adding these aspects to the scene where the white man goes to work help the racial redpill themes?

Then again...

Gaming, Feminism, Feminists in gaming journalism, that was the first political thing I ever got into. From there I learned the media was untrustworthy about everything, and in private messages nazis told me about Islam and the Jews and race realist statistics.

Maybe trying to make one piece of media rush through EVERYTHING EVER is too much to do at once. I mean there's a scene where two characters in a room go through the entire history of WW1 and WW2.

Tons of people are waking up when it comes to feminism, even if they're afraid to go any further than saying "feminists and redpilled people are equally bad and annoying and weird and I'm neither". Those idiots suffer from "faith in belief". They believe it is morally righteous to believe in a particular belief, and that keeps them from questioning what they believe. They've lost faith in feminists and commies and leftists as people who fight for what they're told is right, but they're afraid to go further and notice we want to fight for what is actually right. They can notice the left fails to live up to their standards. But they can't go further and realize leftist standards are bullshit weapons of war and nothing more. They can't realize we want freedom for everyone and a brighter tomorrow for everyone in their own countries, because that means taking a side and believing in something real. They haven't heard the right argument to crystalize the confused thoughts in their head and give them counterarguments to leftist talking points. They still exist primarily in controlled spaces where leftist thought seems universal and therefore "the norm". They need that extra push. They need their media to tell them it's okay to oppose feminism even in genres currently overran with feminist bullshit. Feminism's a dead meme, they just haven't heard it yet.

Perhaps my work for now should focus on feminism? After all understanding what's wrong with feminists is the gateway drug to noticing jews control every aspect of feminism and every other inherently anti-white thing. It'll be hard, scrapping the story of Arion the Light Elf and his struggle against the Darkspawn to take his family to New Whiteland, subtler name pending, but I think I could make it work. Maybe a few years down the line the culture will shift enough for people to be ready for fictional characters to openly advocate for a future for the white race.
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On one side of the coin, I thought this was a thread about writing. On the other side, I can relate to GooberGate being my first foray into politics that disagree with globohomo. Just remember that you attract more flies with honey than vinegar. Showcase positive role models in your stories/works, healthy family relationships, and gently nudge the reader to ask, is this straight couple really so bad?
If the writing thread isn't a place where ambitious writers can ask for feedback and advice what is?

More flies with honey than vinegar...

Perhaps instead of making the elf kingdom a depressing shithole ruined by goblins and full of problems the modern day man deals with, the heroes should come from a beautiful place. Stormwind, the best Heroes of Might and Magic games, every beautiful Elf place and cozy Hobbit place in LOTR, I always felt more at home in the hyper-white ideal places from these fantasy settings than in jewed modern society. Sure, Stormwind is technically as foreign to a modern earth human like me as a romancelticasian Night Elf city, but you know what I mean.

The heroes could travel around a fantasy world looking for allies and magical plot coupons, experiencing various distinct cultures and places along the way, stopping to help random people. But instead of stopping to help random people for the sake of padding, the problems the heroes help resolve could be connected to the story's themes and ideas and message. There could be an episode where they learn gun control is bad. There could be an episode about a woman who starts out wanting to be a violent cruel mage known for being the best but comes to learn being a kind healer who dedicates herself to The Light is more important and valuable even if it pisses her parents off. There could be a town where the heroes overthrow a warlord oppressing people and arm and train a militia and come back to find them oppressing and genociding others and needing to be stopped so one revolution later the heroes move on and come back to find it's happened again god fucking damn it fuck this desert it just keeps happening military interverntionism is bad and only splitting all of this land conquered by previous warlords into libertarian ethnostates will prevent ethnic tension from causing more power struggles.
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Sorry to reply to your post with an irrelevant ask: I have been following your critiques for a while and just found this thread as an answer to my question of where you have went.

I am not here to badger you for more, simply to ask if there is any way to get into contact with you? To be more specific, I greatly respect your reviews and your skill with how in-depth you go and how much knowledge you seem to exhibit. In the future I would like to get into contact with you somehow because there is a story I wish to write that is pretty meaningful to me, and you are probably the absolute best critic I have ever seen in my time in the pony community. I would even go as far as to pay you for your help - I value your input and time that much. It won't be written for a while, but I wanted to ask the question now and see what your general stance is on more private or direct communication, or would I just post about it here and ask you when the time comes? I'm not really scared of cancellation for being associated with people here, but i'm not a board native and it would be more efficient I think for some other approach for contact.

No clue if it matters but I was the Canadian flag among the people helping you understand fallout lore and what FO:E was ripping off when you were reviewing it.
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>spicy memes
It's all you. Eversince you showed me the Swedish chef, I've been taking lessons.

Kinda pointless ramblings below that I just felt like sharing for some reason.

On our novel, here's a few thoughts on things that could happen. You absolutely don't need to use any of these, it's just inspiration that I have gotten for the story that I felt like sharing. So don't feel as if I'm pressuring you to do any of this. I'm even sure if I'm gonna use these ideas when I'm writing my own chapters.

So the inspiration for the premise of our story is based on two animes: "Full Metal Panic" https://www.wcofun.org/anime/full-metal-panic and "Riddle Story of (the/a) Devil" https://www.wcofun.org/anime/riddle-story-of-devil.
FMP is about a military guy secretly guarding a highschool girl. RSoD is an even more anime. Here our protag is a schoolgirl assassin that is sent to a class with other schoolgirl assassins. They're put into a competition, essentially, to kill the one school girl in their new class that isn't an assassin. Our protag decides to protect the target against the assassins instead.

So like the first scene from RSoD is about our protag doing essentially the same thing as Anon does in the first scene of my first chapter. She's competing with some other girls in an obstacle course. However, if you were to watch that scene, you'd see that mine and there's aren't the same.
So there are a few things here and there that I took and used here (I think at least but I can't come up with that many).
That's kinda what I'm thinking about

For example, what do you think about an assassin filly in our story. Perhaps, Cloud Wrangler could have an daughter which is the next generation of her house's night assassin or something else that Anon could fight. Maybe just some mobs. Hmmm.

Though, I don't know if it is necessary either. I think the real reason I feel this way is because I feel like Cloud Wrangler is a like boss material so I can see Anon fighting her after the second-half-twist, or reveal that Anon actually is an agent of SMILE to Flurry.

Another thing I feel is that there's more to develop in terms of the setting before the plot kinda kicks in. Like, I'm fine with chilling out here. I'm can take strong inspiration from FMP here. In that story, our protag misunderstands normal school interactions as threats, leading to comedical situations. In my latest chapter, I spent a long time debating if I'd add scenes where Anon did similar things in our setting.

I had her lose Flurry in a crowd and she ended up parkouring onto a train to do some "Speed"-actions through a tunnel and then jump into a lake just to get back to Flurry. This leads to Flurry being embarressed when Anon shows up soaked.

I also had a scene were Anon taste tests Flurry's food and drink and when found out she pretends it was an accident.

But yeah, just slice of life within the group and their interaction with the new comming characters will work too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we don't necessarily need to raise the stakes yet even if some part of me feel such a need. So actually what I'm really saying is that, I'm not saying anything. Hah.

Anyway, I think just ignore me and just do your own thing is the best choice here but now you know a bunch of my thoughts on the story so far.

I 'm really looking forward to next chapter ^^
u nice for listen Have ur fave hoer ^^
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Sure, I can certainly help. I think I remember you from the threads. I set up a temporary email you can contact me on, just let me know what your preferred method of communication is and we can go from there. Easiest for me would probably either be Discord or private messaging on FimFiction.

>Full Metal Panic
In an odd coincidence I actually watched through that one fairly recently. I'm assuming you were envisioning Anon in the Sgt. Sagura role and Flurry as Chidori? I could see that taking things in some amusing directions. Riddle Story of the Devil I haven't seen, but I might check it out for reference.

>u nice for listen Have ur fave hoer

Shit, just realized I forgot to include the temp email. You can contact me here: [email protected]
>When people say corruption is ruining black countries they're just afraid to say low IQ niggers are the corruption
All the more reason for them to return to their own countries and live separately without white interference. There's no reason they need to be on our radar at all.

> Is everyone just supposed to tolerate their unjustifiable presence and hope living in the white man's society forces evolutionary pressures onto the blacks as those spending life in jail for gang rape or drug trafficking or carjacking are less able to breed than dievershitty hires?
No, which is why focusing on how diversity is an unsustainable social policy is a better vector of attack than just having your characters rant endlessly about niggers.

>With the aid of the UN, Jews are taking muslim land that used to be Christian land and should be Christian land again.
tbh I really can't muster any fucks to give over who ends up controlling some worthless patch of desert. Arguably our problems with the Muslims started in 1095 when some pope or other had the pants-on-head-retarded idea that reclaiming the "holy land" was a project worth pursuing, and it's been nothing but a shitshow ever since. This is another area where the West should just butt out imo; keep the conflict contained to that region but otherwise don't get involved, ie no foreign aid to Israel or anyone else. In any event, this is beyond the scope of this thread, so I see no reason to continue this topic.

>Does a man's choice in religion say something about him? When so many whites are so eager to abandon their religion and call themselves too smart and moral for Christ, no matter how that makes them look when they become godless commies or lolbertarian cucks, what does it say about Muslims for them to refuse to disavow mohammed the barbarian pedophile and lying warmongering subverter?
Again, this is beyond the scope of anything we're discussing. This is a thread about writing, and you've stated that you're trying to write something, ergo you should keep your posts focused on that. If we wanted your random thoughts about religion, we would ask; since no one asked, you should assume that no one cares.

>The Greeks said heaven is only earned after you reincarnate and live three good lives. Christianity says heaven is paradise your soul remains in if you're good in this life. Buddism says butchers are subhuman like gravediggers and poor people, and you will be rewarded in your next life for enduring suffering in this one, and achieving heaven means meditating on your desire to desire nothing and cease to be until you break the cycle of reincarnation and ceasing to desire anything and finally cease to be. Spiritual suicide, you could call it, if you believed in souls. Islam says heaven is an eternity alone unsupervised with little girls and the best way to achieve it is through lying, stealing, killing, raping, terrorising, and conquering by any means necessary.
You oversimplify religion the same way you oversimplify everything else. Religion is an interesting topic; if you're genuinely interested you should try doing some actual reading into these religions instead of just frothing at the mouth over bullshit you culled from general knowledge and Wikipedia. Also, unless this has anything to do with your writing project I see no point in discussing it here.

>Do you think it would be possible for someone to read my work and want niggers and sandniggers gone?
If by your work you mean the writing samples you've shared with us to date, then no. This is why you should focus more on learning to be a better writer, and less on keyboard-mashing every random thought that crosses your mind.

>Maybe trying to make one piece of media rush through EVERYTHING EVER is too much to do at once.
Yes, as multiple people have explained to you on multiple occasions.

>Perhaps my work for now should focus on feminism?
It really doesn't matter what your work focuses on if you can't manage to write something that someone actually wants to read; that's the core problem you need to address. This is why, as I have suggested I don't know how many times, instead of worrying about which specific political messages you want to cram into your work, you should for now focus your attention on nailing down the basics of writing: how to set a scene, how characters should interact with each other, how dialogue is written, how to control pacing, etc; things that are universal regardless of genre or subject matter. You still struggle with literally every single one of these things. When you've mastered these basic concepts, you should have a clearer idea of how to tell a story about feminism, or niggers, or the Crusades, or Starlight Glimmer anally raping your OC, or any other topic under the sun.

I will again call your attention to this link I posted earlier in the thread:

This contains every beginning writing book I have saved to my computer at present, and there is a literal treasure trove of information in there that could help you with all sorts of things, probably much better than I could. As an added bonus, it will enable you to master the basics of storytelling without having to constantly pester us with random bizarre questions, which would in turn mean that you will get called a faggot far less often.

>If the writing thread isn't a place where ambitious writers can ask for feedback and advice what is?
That's exactly what this thread is supposed to be; the problem is that you keep going off on irrelevant side topics. Honestly, even more so than nailing down writing basics, what you really need to learn how to do is focus your thoughts and direct your mental energy where it's actually needed. You may want to consider taking up meditation or something.
Awesome. Please note that i'm still scrambling to get my life together at the moment, so I won't need your help for a while. However, i'll get you on fimfic for sure for when the time comes. I'll send an email in a moment.
Thank you for the books. And thank you for putting all this time into this, I know I'm not good at any of this but it means a lot to me.

I'll read more of those books now but I don't think I communicated the religion question from earlier well and it might have just sounded like aimless ranting.

Tons of stories use fictional religions to add a unique exotic flavour to a fictional group of people, characterize them, explore ideas, or comment on real religions and people. They could have funny little superstitions and festivals and holy days with weird costumes. It could be a lot of fun, it can help this other world feel special and unique, or it can be a chance to say something in a fun way.

A day dedicated to Not Christmas can be a good chance to tell the audience the creation myth and what it means (and what more important universal ideas like family and love and goodness) mean to each important character.

Maybe a day dedicated to worshipping the god of fertility can be a fun day at the farmer's market and a chance to heroically physically punish rich aristocrats and their hired thugs for fucking with farmers and their livelihoods.

Maybe a day dedicated to worshipping the god of drunken retardity could end in hangovers and tragedy and the decision to never take part in that festival again.

And saying the heroes worship something good while the baddies worship badness helps the audience remember who the goodies and baddies are. It can be simpler than giving each villain their own reason to be evil and it can help each defeated villain feel like another small victory against the final boss the story is building towards.

I was going to mention Star Wars and other famous examples with a good versus evil binary expressed through religion and how good or bad they were at it but that might be pointless ranting disconnected from my main point.

My point is... Do you think it'd be worth making the good elves in my work worship a God/Jesuslike figure and his good rules for being good to yourself and others, or maybe the sun or moon along with a creation myth casting them as God and Jesus or two Gods, while the evil people worship themselves(jews and feminists) or a lying pedo(muslims) or a more generic and normal bad guy thing commonly seen in fantasy like conquest-driven warmongers or nihilism or death or a big evil satanic dragon that gives his followers superpowers? Naruto was shit 99% of the time but early on I liked how Orochimaru played that physically empowering and autonomy-removing spiritually depowering satanic figure role despite just being some guy, a genius medic ninja turning orphans into weapons willing to die for him, it played into the "are ninjas just weapons?" theme and was slightly more unique than the usual Demon King/Cult That Wants Power/Dark Lord Of Evil shit regurgitated ad nauseam ad infinitum.

I'm going to try to write a story in three days, because I think my perfectionism is holding me back and making me second-guess and edit everything instead of writing more. I'm giving myself three days to master the basics and write a story better than what I made before.
Also sent ;)
Sorry, I seem to have lost access to the temp email, I guess it resets if you don't check it within 48 hours. This is my first time using one of these services.

Try resending it to this address:
[email protected]
>I'm not a writer. Not even a conoisseur of sorts.
Except u totally r.
>You shouldn't listen to me.
Don't tell ne what to do!
Let me take u under my wing fledgling. I will teach u all about procrastinating... Err, I mean writing.
Is that, D-real Sven?! Thanks fren. I guess am okay with recognising am just an apprentice.
In case you wonder, I haven't abandoned brainmetaĺl yet. But I did have to take a very long break last year. I recently started over tho.
Happy Ponk.png
Np, kohai ^^ Is all g.
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Guess I am. Heh