/mlpol/ - My Little Politics


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Writefag Support Circle: A Gathering of Based Gentlemen Who Smoke Pipes.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.359064
360978
Thread number three. Last one is apparently at bump limit.

Previous thread: >>336928 →

I'm lazy so I'm just going to copypaste the OP text from the last one since it still applies. Important bits have been bolded for emphasis.

Basically all that is said in that OP applies to this one but I'll go through the 'rules' of this thread here as well.

So, the main point of this thread is to facilitate and enable Anons' writefagging; in a similar way pride facilitates and enables aids.;^P The Anons in this thread can be separated into two camps: Anons who wants help with their writing project(s) and Anons that feel inclined to help those aforementioned shrek-colored skinheads.

Crafting and beta-reading is what we do here, any critique of literature not made by a guy submitted for this thread should be incidental; it should be when you —as a beta-reader of fics posted ITT— make a comparison between the fic your reviewing and some other story for the sake of demonstrating your point, whatever it is.

This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.

Read this again, because it's important:

This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.

I hope that I haven't scared anybody off. This is still suppose to be a chill af thread. Funposting is very much allowed and encouraged. It really is more that some type of posting —like, things that are completely irrelevant to the thread— does not belong here. I know, rocket-science and a rule that is seldom seen and highly unique for this thread. Perhaps you could call it a... Novelty. (You) intelligent lurker, obviously get the subtext of this OP so you probably won't need to worry about any of this. I'd say if you're unsure if what you're about to post belongs in the thread, then post it anyway. The worst that can happen is that someone tells you to move it to another thread and you get a better insight of what post belongs in thread. If you consist on fish and chips, however, I'd suggest you think twice on what you're posting and perhaps even ask beforehand if your rant about lefties and Undertale belongs here.

If there are any questions on the OP, ask away?
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.359067
Also, as long as I've got everyone's attention, I've started uploading my Past Sins thing to Fimfic if anyone wants to updoot it.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/530869/how-i-spent-my-summer-vacation-on-the-moon
Anonymous
73fdcb5
?
No.359278
359329
Bump to get this off page 4.

Hey does anyone here know how to construct the writing and characters and plot and setting for a fictional world in a videogame in such a way that the player's intended path through the world will confirm my biases and tell the player what I want to hear, while the villains are those I disagree with and want the player to hate?

Like how Bioshock Infinite was propaganda that made the player hate whites and save a white girl witch from her evil christian dad. Except I'm not a jew so instead of lying to slander whites I'll tell the truth about jews/niggers/muslims/libtards.
Anonymous
4517d84
?
No.359329
359348 359361
>>359278
>Hey does anyone here know how to construct the writing and characters and plot and setting for a fictional world in a videogame in such a way that the player's intended path through the world will confirm my biases and tell the player what I want to hear, while the villains are those I disagree with and want the player to hate?
Like the vast majority of the questions you ask, this one is flat-out bizarre and nearly impossible to answer. Somehow it manages to be extremely general and extremely specific at once. I honestly can't figure out if your posts are serious questions that you expect serious responses to, or if you just scatter bird seed on your keyboard and let a bunch of pigeons into your house.

I don't want to drag too much baggage from the previous thread into this one so I'll try to keep this brief. A big part of your problem is that you invest most of your mental energy into daydreaming about these big, convoluted ideas you want to write but obviously have no idea how to execute. So you come here and say "literally spoonfeed me step by step instructions on how to execute this extremely specific and elaborate idea I had, completely from scratch." Nobody can answer a question like that, at least not without writing the entire thing for you, and you're obviously not at a level where you ought to be attempting something like that anyway, because if you were you wouldn't be asking these sorts of questions. This is basically what I was ranting about before: you've been at this for about five years now, yet you've spent most of that time just spinning your wheels without really getting anywhere, and you have very little to show for your effort. What's more, despite contributing little actual writing, you still somehow manage to fill up about 2/3 of every writing thread we have with your random shitposts and comments.

If you want to improve your writing, here is how you do it: sit down at the computer, put your hands on the keyboard, write a piece of fiction, post it to the thread, get feedback on it, and then either rewrite it or write something new based on the feedback you received. Do that over and over until people start telling you that they like what you write. That's the secret. That's how you improve. That's the only way you're going to improve. It's that simple. There is no other method.

>The big story I want to write only contains hints of romance so spending time working on that at the expense of everything else isn't going to be particularly valuable.
This comment you made in the old thread is a prime example of how you're thinking about this the wrong way. Whether you rewrite the Twidash piece or start something new is up to you, but whatever you write, you should try to apply some of the feedback you received for that piece; otherwise, you didn't learn anything and it was a waste of everyone's time. If you're still worried about whether or not you need to understand romance in order to write your Nazi space-opera, you've once again completely missed the point. Your goal at present should be to master the basic building blocks you're going to need in order to write literally anything: how to lay out a scene, how to make characters speak convincingly to each other, how to clearly communicate a simple idea, and present it in a self-contained scene that feels as though it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The Twidash piece you submitted needs work in all of these area.

If the Twidash idea bores you and you don't want to work on it further, that's perfectly fine. However, you should definitely continue to work with small, single scene vignettes like that, for the same reason that beginning art students start off sketching bowls of fruit or those little posed mannequins. Write, get feedback, apply feedback, rewrite; that's the process, that's how this works. You're not going to get anywhere if you're unwilling to do that much. Any experience that teaches you anything is going to be valuable, but in your case I'd stay away from politics and other subjects you have strong feelings about, because you get pulled off the rails much too easily.

And for God's sake, as far as posting on the board is concerned, please stop veering off topic all the time with these random tangents about everything you thought was good or bad in this or that video game. If we were interested, we'd ask. If we're not asking, assume we don't care and keep your thoughts to yourself.
Anonymous
73fdcb5
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No.359348
359349 359361 359384
>>359329
I'll take this thread from page 2 to the front page by replying to you about me even though I wish these threads were about writing. Shame nobody wants to talk about writing here. Maybe if I draw attention to the lack of activity and content, reverse psychology will make people want to get active and create content? It would be nice if this thread was full of people genuinely interested in the craft of writing for its own sake. Or genuinely interested in the right-wing political goal of creating effective propaganda to counter the abundance of low quality leftist propaganda drowning out media these days.

"Read better and write more" is obvious advice. Do you think you could recommend specific works that would help me make what I want to make? It would help more than repeating fortune cookie advice or talking down to me like you want my respect. I don't have to ask your permission to speak about writing in the writing thread. If this thread is actually about control and trying to shame people, then it's not really a writing thread.

I didn't go on any tangents about video games in this thread. Did mentioning Bioshock Infinite really bother you that much? It's a popular nefarious propaganda game made by Jews to attack whites. A racist white utopia in the sky with quantum magic and slavebots has nigger maids who chimp out and your time travelling daughter genocides your kind so you can't become a racist and give birth to her. I want to make an altruistic propaganda game. I don't think I'll find any help writing it here.
Anonymous
0b389d0
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No.359349
359361 359388
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>>359348
Chill out bud. You've been making this sort of questions for some time now. It's only natural some might have grown tired of it. I appreciate you're being active, but there's only so much that can be done to help you. The core issue is that you need to improve your skillz before you can start worrying about writing useful propaganda.
Anonymous
7b98489
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No.359359
359361 359378
1196519(2).png
>>>/ub/6539 →
On second thought, what in the fuck nigel?
What did she put on your tea?
Anonymous
626ab65
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No.359361
359362 359388 359393
>>359348
>Did mentioning Bioshock Infinite really bother you that much? It's a popular nefarious propaganda game made by Jews to attack whites.
Yeah, because that's what he complained about in his post. Indeed. It was totally metioned at all.

>>359349
>>359359
Yeah, this is why I don't engage with his posts anymore, or the once about helping improve in his craft at least. As I said before, I like some of his posts but you know, this is the kind of trash posts you get as replies when you try to help him on these posts. Not that he's never taken advice to heart but in general.
I have already wasted way too much time on him, I try to stay away as not to waste even more.

>>359329
Anyway, GG. I have written the first part of chapter five of our project and I got it planned out, but it will take some days to finish.
Anonymous
626ab65
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No.359362
>>359361
I just had to add this:
>write more" is obvious advice.
yet you fail it.
Anonymous
626ab65
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No.359378
>>359359
>the ub post
>instead of a borderline unreadable "fuck you nigel" disclaimer
kek. pot meet kettle
>Bashing bad pony stories that were written years ago is a lot easier than helping someone write a good story today.
GG is trash now, huh :P
Also, remind me have you ever criticized FE?

Honestly, this whole post reads like copium to me.
>I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.
>You're faggots for liking mlp.

But the central point of your post is all backwards tho, (well, there'ssome naunce as well).
You're wrong because you're not adding anything to the thread with these joke-questions and other trash posts you make. Sometimes they have something I can agree with but it's mostly white noise to me.
But you're partly right, I remember Ninjas talking about how you were responsible for making GG into what he is today (or something) because without your silver star story, GG wouldn't have started reviewing. In fact, it felt like everyone on the board was in those threads.

This is a slow board. I'm not against fun-posting but there's also no need to feel a this pressure of having to post to keep something alive. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Then it was fun while it lasted.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.359384
359387
reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.png
>>359348
>Shame nobody wants to talk about writing here. Maybe if I draw attention to the lack of activity and content, reverse psychology will make people want to get active and create content? It would be nice if this thread was full of people genuinely interested in the craft of writing for its own sake.
Oh, just stop already. How is it even possible for a human being to be this dense? Is this your honest to God perception of what you've been doing? Are you seriously this oblivious to how your behavior comes across to other people?

Well, after reading this post:
>>6539
I realized that the answer to all of it is basically a hard yes. We'll have more on that in just a minute.

First, we should get some of the preliminaries out of the way:

>I didn't go on any tangents about video games in this thread.
That's because we're only 9 posts in and you haven't had the chance to seriously derail anything yet; I'm just trying in vain, it would seem to nip this shit in the bud before this thread turns into every other thread you've shat up with your endless nonsense. I'll call your attention to pic related, which is a screencap of the last post you made in the previous thread. I've added a helpful color-coding system.

I'd like to clarify that the green portions are only "on topic" in that they stay within range of the point (it seems) you were trying to make. There is no meaningful contribution to the thread in here, it's just you blogposting. At least 2/3 of it is just you complaining about Mass Effect, for crying out loud. Who is this shit even for?

This is not an isolated incident, either. I mean, look at some of the other "contributions" you've made to our "writing discussion":

>Do you think my story should have a scene where a liberal is overheard bullshitting another liberal about white privilege while visibly ignoring all the blatant signs of nigger and jew privilege around him?
>Are the following places so pozzed I can't talk openly about hating niggers and wanting to write stories about my hatred for niggers where the white heroes have to stop the evil niggers?
What kinds of ridiculous questions are these? How is a person supposed to respond to something like this?

And here:

>I've been a fool.
>Something explicitly political from the outset will be noticed as such and rejected by anyone who could have learned something from it. It cannot be explicitly political in nature. It can't end with the death of a tyrant and the death of his bad economic policies when 99% of the RPG audience think Economics is spelled UUDDLRLRABS.
>I need to be subtle with my biases, even though I think I am an unbiased normal human who's normal to say "Freedom is good and the Epsteins in power are evil". Someone used to a lifetime of propagandization will think freedom is bad and the Epsteins visibly in power are victims of invisible white power. If my story is to reach that kind of person my stories must be short and subtle.
>My stories are still trying to cram too much into too small a space. These are big ideas that need more room to breathe.
Instead of blogging about it, why not just fucking do it?

And here:

>Even a 100 hour RPG would struggle to contain this much intellectual content when so many 100 hour RPGs actually have mind numbingly simple stories that make My Immortal look like good writing while the gameplay makes Raid Shadow Legends look like a good game.
>People mock the Metal Gear series for having overly talkative cutscenes. Mostly because the writing is fucking atrocious, overly wordy and self indulgent, and full of signs the author only watched movies and never read any book that didn't also have a movie. But also because the writing keeps getting in the way of gameplay. And the one time it didn't, in MGSV, there was basically no writing, just shit that happens sometimes while you are constantly lied to for no rhyme or reason. (Maybe Hideki Kojima thought the theme of 1984 was lies?)
Literally what the hell are you even talking about?

And here:

>Christ I've gone so far up my own ass with this writing shit I could call my large intestine the director and my sphincter the co-writer, with special thanks to the protein cookie and berry smoothie I ate for breakfast.
Did you think any of us wanted to know this?

And here:

>Sick of the pseudointellectualism in video essays. What the fuck is this shit even supposed to mean? A cyborg is a man with mechanical bits. There's no "lived social reality" in fiction about fucking bitches up with sick cyber arms. The femtard is just waffling word soup to get her fuckwit flock of sheep to nod. Anyone stupid enough to think there's anything smart in this quote (or dishonest enough to pretend there is hoping to appeal to the feminist babykiller for profit crowd) can't have anything worth a damn to say about writing. Fuck this I'm not watching this.
Nobody cares; that's why nobody asked.

>Whenever the topic of politics in fantasy comes up in multi hour youtube analyseses the guy either says obvious advice like "Dont be bad. Dont be obvious. Dont be annoying" or retarded alien jewish advice like "to ensure the readers dont think the evil organization is cool and worth idolizing despite how much evil shit it does to kittens, puppies, blind crippled orphans, and the heroes, make sure that it is a mean rude anti individuality organization that treats its evil underlings like shit and doesnt let people express themselves because that is truly the highest evil".
Nobody cares; that's why nobody asked.

>I need to write my stories faster, improve their quality, and write about stuff people actually want to read these days.
Instead of blogging about it, why not just fucking do it?

>I have absolutely no fuckmothering idea what I am doing. I need to scale my ambitions down and make something quick and small so I can learn from feedback instead of trying to make my first work the magnum opus of my career.
Instead of blogging about it, why not just fucking do it?!?
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
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No.359387
359388
File (hide): 54FA487306B562582086B61EAD5C34E1-427758.mp4 (417.7 KB, Resolution:262x480 Length:00:00:14, rage.mp4) [play once] [loop]
rage.mp4
>>359384
Also, please bear in mind that this is just what I managed to comb out of the last 100 posts made to the thread. Seriously, consider the following: the bump limit here is like 700 posts, just about every writing thread we have ends up getting filled with a majority of your posts, and nearly everything you post resembles what I quoted. To your credit, you do occasionally ask serious questions or make meaningful contributions. However, if all, or even most, of your posts fell into that category, we wouldn't need to have this conversation every few weeks, now would we?

Anyway, now that we've gotten all of the boilerplate stuff out of the way, I'd actually like to take a closer look at this mountain of autism:
>>>/ub/6539 →

On the surface, I'd say Sven's interpretation makes the most sense: this is basically just cope and butthurt. However, the more closely I read it, I think there's more going on here. In fact, this may actually be the most complete cross-section you've ever given us of your entire loony thought process. Seriously, after reading this I feel like an enormous piece of the puzzle just slid into place.

Let's see, how do I put this exactly? You have...a tendency to construct these weird inner narratives for yourself, which you then overlay onto reality, until eventually it becomes reality for you. Once you've settled on a narrative it's nearly impossible to dislodge, no matter what facts you're confronted with. It's probably easier if I demonstrate this with an example.

The attached video is something I found in our webm thread. I've always been perplexed by people who do stuff like this. It's not just the silly self-absorption of posting a video like this, it's the guy's level of delusion. I could see doing something like this to be ironic or silly, but that doesn't seem to be the intent. This guy seems to genuinely think that he looks intimidating. It's amazing to me that anyone's self image could be this far from reality.

You remember when you thought that "glimmerniggers" were invading /mlpol/, and that's why everyone was hating on your Silver Star story? Or when you thought that some guy named HC Legend was following you around with a bunch of proxies? There's a similar delusion at work here:

>Though talking like that would probably get a few people to try reviving the thread out of spite for me. I wouldn't care about their reasons for doing so, and maybe if they read books once in a while they'd discover something in life that can become more important to them than me like literature. I could try to use reverse psychology. But that's too manipulative and manipulation is evil. If I say "I am glad that thread I hate is dead" those who hate me might want to keep the thread alive. But what would they fill it with? More useless "fuck you nigel"posting? I can't see any of them actually trying to better themselves as writers in my absence or even post about writing at all in my absence, because nobody did that in my absence.
This shows that there is simply an enormous gulf between what you think is going on, and what is actually going on.

As far as I can tell, you genuinely believe that the ridiculous nonsensical word-salads you've dumped into every single writing thread we've ever had are meaningful contributions to a discussion about writing. You even seem to believe that you've been carrying the entire writing thread by yourself, and that everyone who tells you to stop monopolizing it with your idiotic blogposts is somehow hindering it.

Poor ol' Nigel. He's just trying to perfect his craft and have a serious conversation about literature, but oh no, the haters just keep on hating. The issue can't possibly be that you, Nigel, are driving everyone insane by constantly dumping your diary entries and random observations about video games into a thread that is supposed to be about reading and critiquing each other's writing. The issue can't possibly be that anons are actually trying to have a serious writing discussion, and are getting really fucking annoyed at the way you keep monopolizing every writing thread and turning it into your personal diary/blogspace. Nope, that can't be it. The issue is that the haters just won't stop hating.

Obviously, the issue can't be that you contribute very little to the writing thread in the way of actual writing, and what few pieces you do contribute show meager progress at best. It can't be that you ask more questions than anyone, but never seem to apply any of the advice you're given. It can't be that the incredibly low quality of your own work never stops you from offering your unsolicited, angry opinions on the work of AAA game developers and other serious professionals, or that your critiques of said professionals contain no substance beyond calling everything "gay" or "leftist" or "gay and leftist." Nope, the issue is that those doggone haters just won't stop hating.

And of course, there is nothing irritating or obnoxious about the absurd levels of arrogance on display in statements like these:
>I need to improve my writing so it can save lives.
>I'm taking on an impossible challenge here for the sake of my people.
>I have people counting on me now. Can't afford to waste time. Can't waste time. Brb working on stuff. I'll make my loved one proud.
>Every fucking year the anti-white programming gets worse. And I'm supposed to counterattack against all of this with a fucking RPG about catching monsters and making them fight, or a fucking board game about sending wizards and knights to kill each other?

Obviously, there is nothing cringeworthy or silly about a guy who can't even master the most basic writing concepts despite having had it explained to him eight ways from Sunday behaving as if the fate of the world depends on his writing. Nope, it's all just a massive hater conspiracy, and poor ol' Nigel did nothing wrong. Maybe HC Legend is back at it with his 7 proxies.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
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No.359388
359392
skinner.jpg
>>359387
>>>/ub/6539 →

There's a reason I compared you unfavorably to Sven earlier. I give him shit about his bad English and poke fun at him sometimes I still get the occasional chuckle remembering that "fishy with no doubt" thing, but I actually have a tremendous amount of respect for that guy. It's not because I think he possesses some amazing talent, nor do I even think I'm in a lofty enough position to evaluate such talent. No, I respect Sven because he does the fucking work. He clearly puts a lot of time and effort into his writing, he asks for serious feedback, and uses the feedback he's given to improve. He probably works harder at writing than I do, if we're being perfectly honest. Moreover, he manages to do all of this without monopolizing the entire goddamn writing thread and turning it into his personal fucking livejournal.

He doesn't go around spouting lofty ambitions like wanting to "save lives" with his writing either; he just wants to improve for the sake of improving. He's been at it for about as long as you have, too. What's more, he shows actual improvement, all while writing in a language he doesn't even speak natively. I have a high respect for anyone who even attempts that, no matter what their output is like. I sure as hell couldn't write a story in Swedish. Actually, I gave it a try once; here's the audiobook:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN1hL9cn7s0

While I'm on the subject, the same goes for the Mexican guy who wrote Rainmetall (I'm assuming these >>359349 >>359359 are him since we don't have that many Mexican flags or EQG posters). I gave him a lot of shit because his story was...basically incomprehensible...but I honestly respect the effort, particularly the effort of writing in an unfamiliar language. I genuinely hope he keeps at it.

I mean, hell, look at this:

>>359349
>Chill out bud. You've been making this sort of questions for some time now. It's only natural some might have grown tired of it. I appreciate you're being active, but there's only so much that can be done to help you. The core issue is that you need to improve your skillz before you can start worrying about writing useful propaganda.
>>359361
>Yeah, this is why I don't engage with his posts anymore, or the once about helping improve in his craft at least. As I said before, I like some of his posts but you know, this is the kind of trash posts you get as replies when you try to help him on these posts. Not that he's never taken advice to heart but in general.
>I have already wasted way too much time on him, I try to stay away as not to waste even more.

These two posts, from Paco and Sven respectively, sum up the essence of my post more succinctly than my post did, including the stuff that clearly went sailing right over Nigel's head the way it usually does. Seriously, Nigel, think about it: two guys who don't natively speak English have better English reading comprehension than an actual English person. Actually, these guys managed to cut to the substance of what I've been saying in a couple of sentences, while I'm sitting here pounding away at my keyboard like...well...like Nigel.

Anyway, do you understand where all of this is going, Nigel? Has any of it finally penetrated the thick fog of the fantasy world you live in, the world in which endless word-vomiting about writing as an abstraction will one day grant you the magical powers you need to write a perfect piece of reverse propaganda, thus liberating you from the need to actually practice writing, if only those dang ol' haters would stop hating?

Look man, I'm getting tired, and I'm sure everyone else is too, so I'll drop the snark. You complain about being given "fortune-cookie advice" instead of specifics, but the problem is that a lot of writing involves concepts that can be understood but not easily communicated. It's like learning to play the drums: there's some basic technical stuff you can have people teach you, and some more advanced technical stuff they can teach you when you get a little better, but the core of it is intuitive and you just have to learn to do it by feel. What you call "fortune-cookie advice" is the closest thing anyone can give you to instruction. Meanwhile you're grousing because you want to play heavy metal but people keep showing you ska riffs.

Trying to teach you how to write has been like trying to teach the drums to someone with no innate sense of rhythm. You make the experience even worse with your shitty behavior. This is a thread full of drummers. We're not necessarily great drummers, but some of us are okay, and we all share a common goal of just wanting to practice and get better. You seem to feel as if that's what you're doing too, but it isn't. You are not only by a wide margin the worst drummer here, you're still struggling with basic hand-and-foot coordination after five years. In and of itself this isn't that bad; if you were just some diligent, hardworking guy who keeps hitting the wall, we'd probably feel some sympathy and would try to help if we could.

That's not you, though. You're not the plucky little Scootaloo that we simultaneously pity and admire, because she always gives 110% even though she'll probably never fly. No. You're the loudmouthed, vainglorious Great-and-Powerful-Trixie asshole who A) sucks worse than anyone, B) annoys everyone with your autism, and C) is physically incapable of shutting the fuck up. You're the guy who doesn't practice but is always asking for pointers on technique. You're the guy who can't even play along with the "learn 2 drum" CD that we all mastered years ago, but who keeps bugging everyone to teach him Neal Peart solos. You're the guy who loudly inserts his opinions on why this or that drummer is gay and/or a leftist into every conversation despite nobody asking. You're the guy--

Whoops, there's that snark again. Sorry about that. Also, there's my old arch-nemesis the character limit. I'll wrap this up in one last post.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
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No.359392
368432
1610853014957.jpg
>>359388

Anyway, here's the key takeaway you really need to internalize: every writing thread we have on this board, one way or the other, always ends up turning into The Nigel Show. The reason for this is not some mysterious group of haters who follow you around the site trying to bring you down. The reason is (You). And (You) need to stop. And yes, I am aware of the irony of me accusing you of monopolizing the writing threads when I am currently on my fourth post of venting about (You). I am going to finish this up and then I've said my piece and I'm fucking done.

Your problem, Nigel, is that you just don't seem like you're that serious about any of this. You claim to be, but your actions don't back it up. You prattle endlessly about these grand ideas and ambitions that you have: "my Nazi space opera is going to save lives and redpill the normies and I have important work to do and this is an impossible struggle I'm undertaking for the good of my people, and so forth and so on and yada yada yada I love the taste of cock," yet what have you actually produced? To my recollection, three things: Silver "I literally shove bowling pins up my ass" Star, that crazy lion-man thing that was basically just an angrier version of Silver "I love penises more than I love a tall glass of lemonade on a hot summer's day" Star, and this mediocre Twidash piece you just gave us (that you don't seem to have much interest in trying to build upon or even learn anything from). That's it. That's the sum total of your five-year writing effort. Actually, to be fair, you did also post that one greentext about Star Wars that wasn't awful, so I guess credit where credit is due as far as that goes.

I have no idea how much time you spend working on your various writing or game dev projects off site; for all I know it's a lot. However, as far as this thread goes, the ratio of actual writing to diarrhea diary entries is too far skewed in the wrong direction for you to be making these sorts of ridiculous claims:

>The writing thread might keep on fading away forever if I don't draw attention to it somehow.
>I should probably single handedly keep it active by checking on it numerous times per day, replying to any new posts quickly, trying to spark new discussion where there wouldn't normally be any. But I'm too busy to keep doing that.
>I never thought the thread would just go belly-up like that without me around. Jesus.
>Maybe I would draw a lot of attention to the thread if I said "Mwahahaha I am glad that foolish circlejerk of foolish fools has fizzled out and died without me to thanklessly single handedly keep it afloat! Those pseudointellectual AVGN CinemaSins wannabes can suck it! There is more to literary criticism than calling the blue curtains shitty and fetishistic! Anyone can take that same attitude to the greatest of stories and invent things to complain about! You have to ask yourself if you're criticizing media to help creators or just bashing media to hear yourself speak, and if it's the latter you have to make peace with the fact that this is an inherently masturbatory activity motivated by the pursuit of self validation and some people won't find any value in that! If you give criticism in a way that makes the object of criticism not want to listen, that criticism has failed!" but I don't talk like that.
Again, this latest blog entry of yours is an amazingly revealing cross-section of how your mind works.

"I, Nigel, the sperg who has barely written anything, let alone anything that anyone in their right mind would ever want to read, am single-handedly keeping the entire writing thread afloat by taking a massive dump in it two, three, maybe even four times a day. If I didn't mindlessly mash my keyboard every time I remembered something I didn't like about Bioshock II, the /mlpol/ writing community as we know it would cease to exist. I am the only user on this site with the courage to ask the important questions, questions like: 'how come people on writing forums always call me a racist when I tell them that I hate niggers?' If I didn't ask questions like that, then nobody would ask them, and then what would the writing thread even be for? Writing? Pish posh. Oh, but do these pathetic, horsefucking losers have any respect for the noble work I do? No, they just keep telling me to shut the fuck up, on account of how I'm annoying and never say anything interesting or important. Those dicks."

Unless you have somehow completely mastered the concepts of satire and irony, I have no choice but to conclude that the above text is your actual mindset.

This is not only silly, it's downright insulting and unfair to the people who actually use the writing thread the way it was intended, and who actually put serious effort into their writing. If you want to live in some ridiculous fantasy world, where you're some kind of warrior-poet battling the hordes of glimmerniggers and HC Legend proxies and space-jews and whatever the fuck other figments of your imagination you think are standing between you and the completion of your unwritten masterpiece, that's your affair. But for the love of God, please stop using this entire board as your personal blogspace.

Anyway, whatever. Below is a link to a zip file containing every writing book I have an electronic copy of. If you don't like the reams upon reams of useful advice we've given you, maybe you'll find something more to your liking in here. Everyone else can help themselves to these as well.
https://mega.nz/file/2HAG3aDY#ZGymsaaqN8p2l8sY7yjNyiZwOCm5vMDSYuxerGkyH30

That's all I've got. Don't forget to suck my balls.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.359393
359577
>>359361
>Anyway, GG. I have written the first part of chapter five of our project and I got it planned out, but it will take some days to finish.
Boss. I'm all over it. I've had a couple of ideas where I think things could possibly go, I'll be curious to see if any of it will work with what you've added.

Also, while I was going through the old thread I noticed this:

>>357376 →
>Oh hey! I've been looking for threads like this one, althugh by the looks of things it seems like you guys alredy have a fair bit of your own writing projects in the proccess already.
>I was hoping that I could offer my old CYOA drafts that I haven't touched in a long time to make into proper stories or maybe even the CYOAs they were meant to be? I'd be happy to post them once there's enough interest shown in them.
>I believe GlimAnon seems to have suggested the idea of publishing the story to FimFiction? I just might do the same too, if no one objects to such an idea.
Somehow I didn't see this at the time it was posted, but I remember you from the movie thread. If you're still around and still interested, feel free to post your CYOAs.
Anonymous
73fdcb5
?
No.359420
359421 359424
Can anyone tell me why the thread hit page 4 before I posted?
Anonymous
54a3894
?
No.359421
>>359420
Anyone can bump without any content. Stop asking for cookies every time you do a trick.
Last (you) I'll give you, Bongnigger.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.359424
359564
>>359420
A better question would be: why does the thread being on page 4 even matter? Currently the oldest thread in the catalog dates back to December and hasn't been bumped since January, and it only has 9 replies. We still have active threads that go back actual years. Spike has trapped on our board since March 1, 2018, and he's not going anywhere anytime soon. The /mlpolit/ thread has been with us since October 19th, 2018, and there's more interesting stuff to read in that thread than anything you've ever bumped one of these threads with. Even the horsepussy thread, which according to the standards of the community is supposed to be on the front page at all times, dates back to July of 2021.

If people don't have anything to add to a thread, they don't post. If an active thread has dropped down a few pages over the course of a week or so, it doesn't mean the thread is dead, it just means that nobody has posted in a couple of days. actual Writing takes effort, and not everyone is in the mood to work on something high-effort every day. So, it stands to reason that thread dedicated to writing might go through periodic doldrums.

I could see making a rescue-bump once it hits page 9 or so if literally no one has posted in that long or if an unusually large number of threads have been made, but even so: what is the purpose of just bumping it with filler content? The word "bump" and maybe a silly image or something would suffice in that case. Making people read a bunch of words that don't serve any purpose beyond bumping a thread is just going to piss them off. Here, watch:

It was high time that I checked into a motel. I had been sleeping soundly for nearly an hour and a half, when I was to be awakened by the sound of snoring. Having checked in alone, you can imagine my surprise, for in the bed next to me was a man who had fallen asleep fully clothed. I got out of my bed and walked to the foot of his. His shirt, shoes, pants...his belt was pulled tight, confining him. I couldn't bear it, so I proceeded to remove his shoes, revealing, to my surprise...the grey dossier. I was not fearful; on the contrary. He needed help and by God that's what I gave him. I reached for the complimentary bucket of ice, and in pouring the ice on the stagnant dress socks a sudden steam began to rise.

Do you feel better for having read that?

I'm going to sage just to be a dick
Anonymous
73fdcb5
?
No.359564
359569 359604
image.png
>>359424
I just thought it was funny that the thread went to page four. It went to page four again, by the way, but then I made this post so it won't be on page four again for a while. Probably. Anyway, I felt like I should try to put into words something that I've been thinking about for a while.

A man burns his steak. His wife comes in and yells about it.
>"You burned your steak you moron, why are you always like this, god damn it you never listen to me, you're hurting my feelings by being like this, I feel I feel me me I I I me me me, you're breaking my heart, muh feelings, your steak is proof you deserve to go to hell, adult professionals aren't supposed to suck like you do holy feckin' shit my guy eat a bag of dicks and die and get AIDS, people like you make me sick, you will never be a man, you will never have a man's ability to cook, you're a nigger for liking your steaks well done when medium rare is objectively the best kind of steak and the only kind that is real literature- I mean real cuisine, you've been at this for too long and you should be a pro by now and you would be a pro if you just listened to me when I tell you how much faggot dick you suck holy shit, god damn it all nobody ever listens to me, now sod off and scour the world to find out for yourself what better chefs than you do better than you and why! This is literally Goofus and Gallant except the ESL guy next door is gallant and you're voldemort! Try again a million times! Surely one of these days you'll improve at your skills by failing the same way enough times! Also why are you not improving? This must be your fault! Eat shit and gay dog dicks you fucking prick! God damn it you never listen, you never listen, you always deflect or whatever the catchphrase is and you never listen!".

The man who burned his steak isn't sure what the signal to noise ratio of that rant is, because he's learned that when his woman starts ranting, it's time to tune out and think about boobs until she looks like she's calmed down. He doesn't really feel like making more steak for his woman. She never liked what he tried to make in the first place, but he trusted her opinion because for the longest time she was the only person he knew who reviewed food.

His roommate comes downstairs and notices the steak.
>"Mate, you cooked your steak for too long at too high a temperature. I get that you want it well done and not medium rare for some reason, but this is fucking charcoal. Next time cook it less. Experiment with that next time, see if that improves your skills."

>"Thanks, man. I'll try it that way next time."

He feels like trying to cook steak again, because he knows what to try next time. He feels somewhat silly now, as if what was said was always that obvious, but he's glad he finally heard it. He feels like cooking steak for him, not for her. He's glad he met someone new who seems to have more of an interest in helping. His roommate doesn't need to demand respect with words and shaming tactics, he obtains respect by being right.

Suddenly, a thought occurs. His roommate doesn't really give a shit about politics. He doesn't vote and doesn't give a shit who rules him. But his wife is supposed to be a nazi who should want her white chef husband with dreams of stardom to improve. Everyone in their nazi book club should want a racist writer to become a better writer instead of constantly putting him down for trying and everyone in their nazi cooking club should want a racist chef to become a better chef instead of constantly putting him down for trying. And yet his wife puts effort into being offended and making a big stink about the work of others, while his roommate puts effort into giving valuable feedback. Despite not having a horse in the race, and not being a fan of racey horse content, or racist horse content, he just helps because he wants to. He is left thinking about that for a while, and why he's talked to his wife less about writing ever since he met another person he can talk to about writing, somebody he enjoys talking to about writing more.

Somebody who doesn't cry "It's nigel! it's nigel!" every time they see a british poster make a thread they don't like (staying silent when it's a thread they do like) and unlike some others in the thread, doesn't yell "shut up, nobody asked!" every time I open my mouth to post anything about writing in the thread that you say is supposed to be about everyone's writing and self-improvement.

I know I changed the genders in this story. It's my girlfriend who I talk to about writing. I'm glad I met her, because it's made me reconsider my relationship with a few people in my life. You remind me of a naggy wife when you lose your temper and feel the need to try to reassert your control over the situation. It's a pain to sort the valuable signal (writing insight) from the noise of how offended you are by what you're reading, how much you can't stand the bad pony literature you constantly read, and how much you wish you weren't reading something aimed at an audience demographic you aren't in. I'm okay with that. I don't resent you for it. It would be extremely hypocritical for me to resent you for being like that because I'm also an amateur writer on the internet with strong opinions. But lately I've been thinking about a lot of things. And I think the reason why I'm not learning anything useful from being yelled at and insulted and eventually reminded I need to seek out the secret of good writing on my own might be because I don't want to dedicate my life to writing fanfiction for a ten year old show about little girl ponies I liked when I was a teenager or getting mad about ponies on the internet forever. I replayed KOTOR recently. That game's still got some relevant philosophical insight to think about, and it made me rethink and rework some stuff in my big philosophical pro-white video game story that has nothing to do with ponies. I don't feel like writing self insert pony fics any more.
Anonymous
4910e86
?
No.359569
1643446467038.jpg
>>359564
Well, I was gonna post to GG today but I didn't finish the post. I wanted to discuss my thoughts on our project and how I felt flattered by his kind words in his lastest posts. Very kind c:

But onto you're post:

First, did you even read the post you're replying to? Or why are you bringing up "it was on page four, what a failure!" ? Like, we clearly don't think this is a problem so...

Secondly, you're verison of events is hard to even take seriously. We don't give you constructive advice? Do I even have to mention examples? I also remember myself trying to get you to "talk to me" as in I didn't want to order you do as I wished but more get an insight into why your write they way you do so we could just discuss the merits and cons of different approaches. But you never reply directly to things said, instead you make these strawman versions of posts like this one.

Thirdly, this just reads like more cope. If this stuff is beneath you now, cool, then leave. Are you gonna do this? Doubtful. Where else could you talk about these things? So stop acting like you don't give a shit just because GG didn't like you're story.

Now, don't take this as I want you to leave, I actually appriciate you on many levels so I do care and I'm not embarrassed about that either. However, you clearly you are. Otherwise if you aren't then why talk about how insignificant this whole thread really is but then complain that it isn't on page 1 at all times? I mean if we are literally as you describe us in this thread, you seem to have stockholm syndrome.

But yeah, I'm not gonna take your misrepresenting of this lying down but then again when I think about it not a single person could possibly share interpretation of these events or be convinced by you're version.

I question why I even bother explain any of this. Everyone already knows.
Anonymous
8340ae0
?
No.359577
359605
>>359393
Thanks, anon! Although these aren't really CYOAs, they're more like outlines for said CYOAs.
That being said, I'd love to collab with you guys on making it into a story of some sorts, or something similar, because I feel like the ideas behind it are tsories worth telling that not even /mlp/ wants to touch, because it's too "/pol/" or whatever, so I figured this would be the better place to do it.
A quick rundown of the few ideas I have:

>Equi Equis Edit
https://docs.google.com/document/d/131aSuYJZN5nTm4p1p2Fj8cGqHiJ5iZijvP9nybwzDQY/edit
<Looks like Anon’s shenanigans just can’t go on any longer.
<It seemed that for a time, Anon was able to get away with terrorising the non-ponies of Arcadia, a new planned town located within the Ponyville-Canterlot Metro Area.
<The law of the land upheld, Anon is sent away to a disciplinarium (a kind of friendship school dealing with 'troubled creatures') to be “reformed” at the Intermediary of Her Grace the Royal Mare, located at Los Potros in the Far South of Equestria.
<To further aid his “reformation”, a “friend” has also been assigned to help him.
<However, what he learns is that despite the façade, inter-creature conflicts still occur in the form of clandestine rival gangs, which plague the students with fear.
<To make matters worse, ever since Anon’s arrival, tensions among the students have only gotten worse, and now there’s even talk of a race war happening soon.
<Will Anon make it out of the school alive?

>Many Crystal Nights
https://docs.google.com/document/d/14UQU6g3PmkE3wZtl8ZFf2WYUNsUeIn2_Rz4OmNdn_Ys/edit
<In the distant Crystal Empire of ponies under a different flag, a new form of strife unlike any other is about to begin.
<The heir-apparent Flurry Heart has finally taken up the mantle from her mother. Following a second coronation, Flurry Heart rises to become the first Empress of the Crystal Empire, whose announcement has taken the Equestrian world by storm.
<In such tumultuous times, the Empress turns to you, her (most?) trusty chancellor/advisor. While , she is … and.
<The fate of the Equestrian world rests in your hands.

These are all just ideas but I was hoping that someone could make something from one of these or that we could maybe collab together on writing something in this thread? I understand if it's not something that's this thread's taste, but I feel like giving the ideas behind these stories in some form would be a worth a shot.
Hopefully I'll have some sort of satisfactory writing skills to bring the story ideas into proper writing somehow. I just feel like I can't do it alone and need people to keep me in check if the writing starts to go haywire.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
7dc5e4a
?
No.359604
787.gif
>>359564
>I felt like I should try to put into words something that I've been thinking about for a while.
The next time you have this impulse you should reconsider it.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
7dc5e4a
?
No.359605
359606
>>359577
Sure, looks interesting. Were you thinking of doing this as a large-scale collab, or did you want to try and primarily write it and have us give thoughts on it as you go?
Anonymous
8340ae0
?
No.359606
359685
>>359605
Large-scale collab.
I've tried writing on my own before, it really sucked. FimFic wouldn't accept my dreck.
Still thinking of maybe submitting the whole story on that site under a single pseudonym, though. Not sure if anons here might really like that idea.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
7dc5e4a
?
No.359685
359689
>>359606
Well I think if the entire thread is writing the story then we should probably just come up with a collective pseudonym and submit it under that name. Also, I've found hackmd works pretty well for collaborative projects.
Anonymous
8340ae0
?
No.359689
359699
>>359685
Really? Maybe you could show me how it works and we can collab on how to put it together! Either as a full-fledged CYOA or a story.
What idea do you want to work on? Anon (or perhaps some other pony) getting sent away to "reform school" to realise racial animosity lingers among the groups, or the whole Empress Flurry Heart saga ordeal?
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.359699
359717 359729
>>359689
It's pretty simple to use.

https://hackmd.io/

Create an account and then create a new note, and then there's a 'share' button you can use to publish it (it's still editable after publishing). You have the option to give read/write access, and can invite specific users. Anyone who wants to collaborate on this would then post their user name here and you could add it. Mine is glimglam12.

I haven't gone through the docs super-closely on either, but I think "anon gets sent to reform school" is the idea that appeals most to me, but I'd be willing to wait and hear input from anyone else who might be interested in participating before settling on a final idea.
Anonymous
8340ae0
?
No.359717
359742
>>359699
>Pricing
I just hope the "Free" options are as versatile to use.
But I'll be sure to add you when I start making the account and document. Hopefully we can all work together to start something interesting.
Question is how to implement a CYOA-like feature if we'll be posting this under a shared pseudonym on FimFiction?
Anonymous
8340ae0
?
No.359729
359742
>>359699
Alright, I've added you in, here's the document link:
https://hackmd.io/Tj3DqUnJTHiiH97-fjj
What time will you typically be on, if I my ask?
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.359742
359757 359780
>>359717
Free version works well enough for collaborating on a text document, not sure if any other features will be required. I've actually never participated in a CYOA before, I might need a quick rundown on what exactly we'll be doing. I was thinking we'd just use hackmd for collaborating and then publish the finished text to FimFiction.

>>359729
I'm actually getting a 404 when I click on it. I think you might have copied the page url, you want to use the link generated by the share button instead.

>What time will you typically be on, if I my ask?
I have kind of an erratic schedule so I can't really make any guarantees about when I'll be on, unfortunately. I'm just sort of on whenever I'm on.
Anonymous
8340ae0
?
No.359757
359780 359831
>>359742
Gotcha, here's the new link now:
https://hackmd.io/@2hdDaww3Sda1Qle_6AMRuA/Hk6M4uH12
>I might need a quick rundown on what exactly we'll be doing.
I wasn't sure if you wanted to do a CYOA or make a full-fledged story, but if writing stories is your greater strength, we can do that instead. I've never done a proper CYOA myself tbh.
>I have kind of an erratic schedule so I can't really make any guarantees about when I'll be on, unfortunately.
I guess this one will have to be a story for the long one, then. I'm not a good writer by any means, but hopefully I can make up for it with my storytelling skills... hopefully.
Anonymous
b1234ca
?
No.359780
359832
>>359757
Well, you certainly have passion. This is some grade-A autism ;^P. To be clear, I'm impressed by all this worldbuilding. This reminds me of a project I thought of dedicating a thread to. I thought it could be a headcannon thread where the board would come togather to create a worldbuilding such a as: Myths, continents, races, beasts, artifacts, and small stories set in this fanon universe.

So is this gonna be a cyoa or a collab? If collab, how will it be done? Is it in a similar way to mine and GG's collab: https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/SyZdTa3rj
Where one writes a chapter after someone else has written a chapter a then they write a chapter after that and so on.

I can't sadly participate right now, regardless of what it is sadly, because I'll be for some days now.

>>359742
Just and fyi to you GG, but I will not be able to write anything more on my chapter before 20 mars has passed. I kinda got lazy and now I'll be too busy to write anything for a while.
I'll continue my chapter after this date.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.359831
359844 359873
1677479276821491.png
>>359757
Alright, since it sounds like we're leaning more towards a collaborative story, here's what I propose:

We do this as an informal collab sort of like what I have going on with the Swede, except instead of a round-robin style thing where one person waits for the other person to finish and post before he starts writing, we just open it up as sort of a free for all. One person needs to write an opening to get the ball rolling. I would suggest (You) (Singapore anon) take a shot at this since it's your idea.

From there, anyone who is following along who wants to add something to the story is free to do so. Anyone who wants to be part of the collab can create an account on hackmd, post their username to the thread, and you can add them as contributors to the document. If for whatever reason an anon doesn't want to create a hackmd account, they can just post whatever they've written to the thread and someone with an account can add it to the document.

The rules are as follows:

>contributors are free to add whatever they like to the story and take it in any direction they please, however no one is allowed to modify anything that a previous contributor has written. If something in the story rustles anyone's jimmies, they are free to retcon it in their own contributions; however, everyone should bear in mind that the same rule applies to their contributions as well.
>everything added to the story is canon, even if it makes no sense or is totally stupid.
>writing style or level of skill is not important. anons can write in whatever format they feel most comfortable. If you prefer to write in greentext, write in greentext. If you want to write formal prose or in screenplay style or anything like that, you can do that as well. the idea here is to just get the story out on paper.
>once we've reached a point where the story feels like it's finished, someone can edit the text into a coherent, flowing narrative. I'd be willing to volunteer for this position if no one else wants it. no core details of the story will be changed, it will just be a matter of correcting grammar and spelling, making the writing style consistent, dividing events into chapters as needed, and generally getting the document into a format that FimFiction will accept.
>once this is done, we can all decide on a pseudonym we want to use. at this point, we will create a FimFiction account and submit the story. Optional: if any anon wants to draw/photoshop us some cover art, we can add that as well.

I think this could turn out to be a fun collab if done this way. We might end up with a really engaging serious story, or we might end up with /mlp/'s Daring Do and the Jungle of Terror. Either way, I think it will be a fun project.

Here are some things for contributors to keep in mind:

>additions to the story are on a first-come, first-serve basis. if you struggle with writing or write slowly, it might be better to just write a couple of paragraphs or a short scene, instead of trying to do something long and complex. bear in mind that the longer you take to write something, the greater the odds are that the document will be modified by someone else while you're working.
>this is an informal project. I will not be applying my usual critical eye to anything that anyone comes up with, and if I end up as the final editor I promise not to erase or modify anyone's contributions beyond what is necessary to edit them into something coherent. however, I will add this one caveat: if I can't understand something, I reserve the right to make judgement calls about what you were probably trying to say.
>the idea here is just to have fun, so no one should stress out too much about whether their contributions are well-polished. Just try to make it coherent enough that the next person working can figure it out.

Anyway, that would be my proposal. If anyone else has any suggestions they would like to add, feel free to do so.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.359832
359865
>>359780
>Just and fyi to you GG, but I will not be able to write anything more on my chapter before 20 mars has passed. I kinda got lazy and now I'll be too busy to write anything for a while.
>I'll continue my chapter after this date.
No biggie, take your time. We're not really on a schedule here so there's no yuge rush.
Anonymous
8340ae0
?
No.359844
359845 360209
>>359831
Seems like a good starting point.
I'll post them in the doc and maybe modify them when we get there.
Right now though, the details of the "reform school" are a bit unclear on things.
What will the name of the school be? In which part of Equestria is the school in? Different climates means different range of creatures are more likely to appear, with say, Equestria's coasts being the most "creaturally diverse" of them all.
For ideas on what the schools names could be (and locations) I've placed a few examples here, including possible town names to go with:
>School of Peace and Harmony (Hoofs Bay)
>Starlight Academy of Friendship (Our-Town)
>The Royal Harmonium at Buffalo (Buffalo City)
>Twilight Sparkle's Magical School of Friendship (Ponyville)
>Reformatory School for Troubled Ones (Hockham)
>Restitution Academy for the Troubled (Roan Oaks)
>School of Unity Encouragement (Fetlocksburg)
>The Yellow Ribbon Second Chances Academy (Pleasant Meadows)
Anonymous
8340ae0
?
No.359845
360209
>>359844
Should add that since we're doing a collaborative story now, I don't think we can really go with naming the character "Anon". I do have ideas for possible placeholders that have an "Anon-like" name to them that we can choose, though:
>Green Hornet
>James/Jamie Hoofkins
>Clover Cookie
>Lucky Clover
>Clover Sage
>Screeching Goof
>Lyla/Lyle Hotsprings
>Midori Sour
>Melonball
>Shamrock Shake
>Asparagus Surprise
>Verdant Mystery
>Alotta Spunk
>Emerald Patina
>Jollygreen
>Rando Mambo
Anonymous
3987585
?
No.359865
360146
Mr dusker done do did it .png
dusker did it second part .png
>>359832
Btw thank you for you're kind words you said in this thread and the last one about me. Warms my heart. <3
Gosig is indeed a word in swedish. Should have subtitled the video for you english people tho, I mean I understood but you probably didn't.
>I still remember the "fishy with no doubt" thing
Well, I got bad news for you, buddy, that wasn't me. It was mr Dusker Keaton as you named him. c:
Anonymous
8340ae0
?
No.359873
>>359831
Also, are you able to access the document?
I don't seem to see any sign of you in there at the moment.
Anonymous
cb9512f
?
No.359986
360146
Here's something short.

---
He had only one love, and it was for a pony.
No one dared to help him, no one tried to.
They just let him rot, until there was nothing left
and then-
when he finally spoiled, and bacteria took over,
when people went sick, as the illness spread,
then they blamed him, pointer their fingers;
putrid sticks of corrupted bone

They claimed justice,
claimed he was a madman,
a lunatic!
Yet, he was no more.
---

It's about an Anon. I hope he found peace, I can't take it out of my mind, I just feel really bad for him.
Was trying to write something serious but that just came, so, well, here it is.
Anonymous
8340ae0
?
No.360101
360116 360146 360151
I guess the writefags are busy this time of year, huh?
Anonymous
0e23b1d
?
No.360116
>>360101
I am but soon I'll be back. c:
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.360146
360151 360169 360209 360475
>>360101
Sorry, I've had some stuff going on the last couple of weeks. Yes, I am able to access the document now. If I remember correctly a user won't show up on the user list unless they happen to be editing the document at that moment, but they are still able to access it. I'm planning to go through it a little more closely at some point in the near future, I'll see if I have anything to add.

>>359865
>Btw thank you for you're kind words you said in this thread and the last one about me. Warms my heart.
<3

>Well, I got bad news for you, buddy, that wasn't me. It was mr Dusker Keaton as you named him.
lol wow, I guess it's been awhile then. I don't even remember who that is or why I named him that.

>>359986
Without knowing the story behind this, I like it. There's one minor thing:
>pointer their fingers
I'm assuming this is a typo, but I thought I should point it out.

Nice work, I'm sorry about your friend.
Anonymous
17a5f81
?
No.360151
>>360101
I come back here like once every 6 months

>>360146
>I'm assuming this is a typo, but I thought I should point it out.
Sorry, I was phone-posting like a rat.
And it wasn't my friend, but I still felt bad for a fellow hoers enjoyer
Anonymous
d268595
?
No.360169
>>360146
Been a dog's age since I checked /mlpol/. First thread I see is a Nigel thread and see you posting in a writing thread and brightened my dad considerably. Still got some ideas for stories I want to write and hopefully in the future you can check them out. Main one I was thinking of a CMC Trouble Shoes type thing of the main character having to help ponies close to him re discover the meaning of their cutie marks. Wanted it so he's got to help his wife and an old friend from when they were colts and young stallions. Got his wife with a fancy cutie mark and plain name and his friend with a fancy name and plain cutie mark so got one weighed down by the expectations she thinks she has and the other feeling fettered by having such a "boring" cutie mark that he blames for holding him back.

I'll confess I haven't read any in a very long time but would be nice to write a slice of life without any fetish/gore/crossover stuff that focuses on OCs. Like you said in your reviews of classic fanfics most of them aren't very good but I recently read The Star In Yellow and I really liked that one. Though I probably experienced the fic in the most backwards way with listening to the soundtrack of the RDP episode, then watching the episode, then reading the fic. Felt really nice to read an old fic that didn't have to be blatant with the tear jerking like Past Sins, no humans like My Little Dashie, and no crossover/fetish/gore stuff like Fallout Equestria.
Anonymous
8340ae0
?
No.360209
361017 361791
>>360146
>I'm planning to go through it a little more closely at some point in the near future, I'll see if I have anything to add.
Oh, please do! I'm honestly not sure what direction to take this story in and I don't want the idea to go to waste, I reckon that getting some form of help around here would be nice.
I'm also hoping that you would be able to address the big details that I feel we must fill before we get to anything, as I don't think we could leave these details blank before we continue with the story:
>>359844
>>359845
Here's to hoping I hear from you soon! I'll look forward to seeing what ideas you have to take the story in.
Anonymous
4910e86
?
No.360475
361017
1554167342480.png
>>360146
I'm back at writing again. Won't manage anything today but hopefully I could get a like a lot done by tomorrow. I'm working on it anyway.

You could say you won't have to wait too loooooong. Heh heh heh.
Anonymous
e34fd2b
?
No.360868
361017
You like criticizing bad fanfiction, right? When Ian Flynn was much younger, he wrote this.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7bHbo4aKjSE
Anonymous
b000339
?
No.360872
361017
>360868
That belongs elsewhere.
>Crafting and beta-reading is what we do here, any critique of literature not made by a guy submitted for this thread should be incidental; it should be when you —as a beta-reader of fics posted ITT— make a comparison between the fic your reviewing and some other story for the sake of demonstrating your point, whatever it is.

>This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph.
Anonymous
6b351f1
?
No.360925
361017
>360868
Nigel plz leave
Anonymous
6b351f1
?
No.360978
361018
>>359064
Question, does this writefag thread also include writing for songs (specifically parodies relating to an /mlpol/-ish nature)?
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.361017
361377 361791
>>360209
I'm going to try doing something on it this week, I've been rather lazy lately and haven't been working on much of anything. I need to get the ball rolling again.

>>360475
Awesome, look forward to reading it.

>>360868
I'm not sure who Ian Flynn is, according to the video and to Wikipedia it sounds like he's written some Sonic the Hedgehog comics and not much else. Apart from someone heavily invested in the Sonic fandom, I'm not sure who would have even heard of this guy, let alone would care about some cringe fancomic he wrote eons ago. As to the comic itself, it's hard to form a judgement from this video. It's a very quick, top-level summary and I'm not familiar enough with the Sonic universe to really follow what's going on. I'd have to see the actual comic to form an opinion, and I don't think the subject matter would have a broad enough appeal around here to justify the effort. I'm not really sure why you thought this was worth posting.

Also, this >>360872 and this >>360925
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.361018
>>360978
It's more of a thread for fiction, but I've seen song parodies posted elsewhere on the board. A song parody thread could be a lot of fun.
Anonymous
213895f
?
No.361377
361427
6415010.png
>>361017
I hope you still want to continue our collaboration.
Will work on it the comming days hopefully I can get it out soon. c:
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.361427
361582
1681318843171537.jpg
>>361377
For shizzle, I'm all over it.
Anonymous
213895f
?
No.361582
361791 361846
>>361427
Niiice!

Btw, GG would u review this >>361402 → piece I wrote in the Anonfilly thread. I as kinda proud of it but nobody seemed to care so I just want some attention, plz :'C
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.361790
362214
E9A8653B1F5BE17A9FC7FD12002B1ADD-63302.jpg
Alright, so I've been teasing a rewrite/continuation of this old greentext for literal years now, and it's probably time to either shit or get off the pot. So, I went ahead and wrote the first chapter the other night.

https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/S1pk1skX3

I have completely forgotten most of the story, so I'm just rewriting it one bit at a time using the archived green as an outline. I'll probably just be doing revisions of it as I go, but I figured I'd post the rough here as I work on it, since people on this site have been asking about this story for awhile now. I'm not sure if I still have the notes I wrote up ages ago for the second arc I was planning, but either way I think I can remember basically where I wanted to go with it once I run out of green. This will basically be a rewrite of the original plus a continuation/conclusion of the story.

Comments/suggestions/input appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.361791
>>361582
Sorry, I missed this post somehow. I'll have a look at it.

>>361017
>>360209
Also sorry, I'm still procrastinating on your thing, but I will try to do something with it soon.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.361846
361934
>>361402 →
>>361582
Just going to put my notes here so I don't hog space in the Anonfilly thread.

Overall not bad. Other than the usual ESL stuff the dialogue is good, it flows naturally and feels like genuine conversation. The behaviors and speaking patterns are appropriate for the characters being used (Fluttershy sounds and acts like Fluttershy, RD sounds and acts like RD).

There are a few things I noticed:

>The submarine to the seapony wonderbolts leaves port in a hour and I'm not gonna suba-dive into Kraken's Vill,
I think I get the general idea here, but "seapony wonderbolts" is somewhat ambiguous. Are these two taking a submarine to visit the Seapony Wonderbolts themselves, or are they going to watch a performance that these Wonderbolts are putting on? I suspect the latter, but you may want to clarify. Also, Seapony Wonderbolts should be capitalized. Also, "scuba" is misspelled.

>You don't think I can't manage being alone for a few days?
This is an awkward double-negative. It should either read "You don't think I can manage?" or "You think I can't manage?"

>face-hoofed
I've never been a fan of this term, but I've pretty much given up on trying to discourage people from using it.

>Cya' you mom!
This is very, very awkward. "Cya" is a contraction of "See ya," so what Anon is basically saying here is "See ya, you mom!" Even though it clearly isn't what you meant, in this context it feels like Anon is using the word "mom" as an insult. You should probably just go with "See you, Mom!" or "C'ya, Mom!" Also, you put the apostrophe in the wrong place. In contractions like this, the apostrophe usually goes in the place where the two abbreviated words are joined. In this case, "C" is an abbreviation of "see" and "ya" is an abbreviation of "You", so the apostrophe would go in between those two words.

>cacoons
Cocoons.

>As Flutttershy behind scraps across the floor
As Fluttershy's behind scrapes.

There are a few other minor grammar and spelling issues here but I won't harp on them too hard. Again, overall, this is pretty good.

>Remember that if you need anything, Discord is next door in another dimension!
This is a good line, I like this.

The main issue overall is that it's a little unclear what the purpose of the scene is. I'm not sure if this is something you are planning on continuing or if you wrote it as just a standalone, but the ending makes it feel as if the story ought to continue. If this is just intended as a short vignette, the open ending makes it feel unresolved, and it's not really clear what the scene is meant to convey. It's a cute little slice of life moment, but it doesn't really feel like much is going on; it's just Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash leaving Anon home alone with the bunny for the weekend.

There's not really enough "meat" in here for this to stand on its own. However, if it's meant as the opening to a longer scene you intend to continue (or if it wasn't meant to be a complete scene, and you were just writing it as dialogue or character interaction practice), it's handled pretty well. Either way, you could definitely spin this into something.
Anonymous
ddcdf13
?
No.361934
362214
>>361846
Thanks for the review. I really appriciate it.
My chapter is comming along slowly but steadily.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
72edc58
?
No.362214
362235
from-up-here-photo-u1.jpg
>>361934
No problem, always happy to help.

>>361790
Two more chapters added:
https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/S1pk1skX3

The chapter divisions are probably not permanent. So far, I've been adapting each original green post 1:1 as its own chapter, with each chapter balancing to about 1200 words or so. I feel like I remember having some pacing problems when I was writing this originally, so I'm not sure if that format will continue to make sense going forward. Most likely I'll just keep writing numbered "chapter" sections and figure out how to stitch them together once I have more of it adapted.
Anonymous
4ecd063
?
No.362235
image.png
>>362214
>Pic
Kek
Anonymous
b85a39b
?
No.362528
370354
applejackcider.jpg
The poetry of shitposting by Anon for Anon. Hope that they give you some cheap laughs!! Not MLP related just want to share my work with you all. It's also on AmaZOG if you wanna support me. Applejack is my favorite btw

files.catbox.moe/4s8yl4.pdf
files.catbox.moe/f21v69.pdf
files.catbox.moe/82sced.pdf
files.catbox.moe/irz98h.pdf
Anonymous
71572e4
?
No.363284
363285 363821
6404375.jpg
One day I will return...

GG, the chapter is sadly not finished yet. However, I will post what I have here so far and that wwon't change either so you chave something to look forward to or something.

I really like collabing with you and I feel really bad over my inablitiy to perform. I will spend next week and on trying to finish this. It techinically should a simple matter to finish during that time.

Below is what I have done so far:
Anonymous
71572e4
?
No.363285
363286 363821
>>363284
Filly-X-Flurry Ch. 5

Rose pettles on the floor and swirling lines of smoke from lit candles gave the otherwise dark room its cozy atmosphere. A heavy scent of sweat and other such odors filled the air. Nonny lay spooned and held in an air-tight embrace by a mare with a sea-green coat.

Nonny smiled contently (plenty pleased with herself). Around her mouth red lipstick kisses were planted.

Her ear twitched as she heard the creaking of a door being opened. She opened her eyes and saw the one pony she didn't want to find her in this position: Her mother, Bon Bon.

She flailed with her hooves and tried to distance herself from the pony behind her as if that would extriciate herself from the situation.

”Mom! It's not what it looks like!” Anon shouted while bringing her hooves up to protect herself.

Bon Bon looked as if she was on the verge of tears. She inhaled sharply.

”How can it not be what it looks like, Nonny?!” Bon Bon wailed.

Nonny hung her head.

”I'm sorry.”

”You expect me to forgive you after this?”

Anon's head dipped even lower.

”Not until you do one-hundred push-ups. Attention!” Bon Bon said.

”What?” Anon looked up in surprise.

”You dare to speak back to me, private? You failed abortion!”

Anon immidiately stood up straight and saluted.

”Now march! Hut two three four. Hut two three four...” Bon Bon pointed away with a powerful hoof.

Anon jumped off the bed and started trotting in a circle.

As she did this, she heard the sounds of hoofsteps getting louder and louder. She turned around. Lyra sneaked passed her, out the door.

She caught something in her peripheral, in the dark corner of the room. A large, dark silhoutte was there. What seemed like a midnight blue curtain billowed to the side of it and glittered like twinkling stars.

Pomf!

Suddenly, she found herself on her back, ontop of the bed. Her mother straddled her. She clasped her face with her hooves and stared softly into her eyes. Something Anon thought was strange since it was a quirk Bon Bon did to show motherly affection, not something you expect her to do after you just cucked her.

However, her eyes suddenly turned cold and she whispered in and unusually haughty voice.

”To think you'd leave yourself open like this? No locks. No alarms. No traps. No counter-measures. You really are just a foal, aren't you? I could so easily kill you. Right here. Right now.”

Anon felt as if there was a hungry pit in her stomach ready to shallow her whole.

”Mom, wha... What are you saying?”

It was as if she'd hallucinate the whole episode because her mother's eyes melted and regained their softness as if they never been anything but. Her face shone with the warmth that she rarely shown but that made Anon feel so beloved.

”I told you, Nonny. From the first time you asked me to teach you, that the life of a S.M.I.L.E. agent was a balance act on the edge of a knife. You can't relax now, you're on a mission. Don't. Underestimate. The danger. Stay. Razor. Sharp... And come home.” Her mother pleaded.

”Mom...”

”Now wake up! Wake up, my filly.”

The world around Anon seemed to be collapsing.

-----
Anonymous
71572e4
?
No.363286
363287 363288 363821
6462656.png
>>363285

Anon jerked awake and her gaze darted around till it locked with a pair of yellow eyes. For a moment, she thought it was a predator but then she saw that it was just a pegasus.

”Woah, you're a deep sleeper,” said the pegasus. ”Breakfeast is ready and set in dining room. I was ordered to fetch you.”

The corners of her mouth curved upwards like devil horns and she looked down at Anon with half-lidded eyes.

Anon blinked a few times at the pony, then it hit her.

”You're the maid from-” She began but stopped and took in her surroundings. The room was striped from the floor to the wall in the color of bright sunlight falling in from the tall windows to her left. When she saw the colossal grapefruit painting at the otherside of the room, the memories of yesterday all rushed back to her.

”Yes, I'm Cloud Wrangler, one of the Crystal Palace's personnel. I think we saw each other briefly both here and in dining hall yesterday,” Cloud Wrangler said with a bit too wide smile and half-lidded eyes.

Cloud Wrangler wore the same black and white maid outfit from yesterday. Beneath the fabric, her fur was purple and her mane and tail were wine-gummy red. Her long mane was tied into a bum on the back of her head but not so tight that she didn't have any fringe. Two curtains of bangs obscured her face, her right one cover barely anything of her face while she could almost hide her eye behind the left one. Her tail was also done in a bum, which made her look a bit like a rabbit. She had stuck some of her own feathers into the bum on her head.

Anon started to push the blanket off her and sit up on the edge of the bed but quickly got a unsolicited help from the maid. She tossed the blanket off her and the helped Anon up to a sitting position with her wing.

”Uhh... Thanks. But I can manage myself,” Anon said and gave a polite smile towards the maid.

She had expected the maid to pull away but instead she used her feathers to squeeze her. Anon turned to look at the mare to find her staring right at her.

They just sat there staring at eachother. It felt like an eternity. Anon pulled her gaze down, into her own lap.

”Yeah, I can feel that.” Cloud dragged her feathers along Anon's neck, lingered there for a but a moment; then continued down over her shoulder; and then onto her back before pulling away. ”You don't look like much. But you got some tough muscles underneath all this... Absolutely, lovely furrrr. Hmmm... Like a little warthog, you are. Oink oink. Oink oink.”

Anon faced her again. Cloud's facial expression almost seemed sultry to Anon.

Is she hitting on me? Wondered Anon.

Anon blushed.

”But,” said Cloud, still with a coy smile on her lips, ”I kept you too long. Go, the filly princess is waiting. I'll do your bed in the meantime.”

”Sure,” said Anon and jumped off the bed before speed-walking out of there.
Anonymous
71572e4
?
No.363287
363821
6415599.jpg
>>363286

Breakfeast (was) had been a pretty formal affair. Flurry seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of bed. She spared Anon only a glance before feasting upon her meal. Her parents had given Anon a quick exchange on the courses she'd be attending and that the litteratur for the subjects had been purchased for her. After breakfeast, Anon placed those books into her saddlebag and brought it to school, much to Flurry's dismay.

They were driven through crystal streets, passed prestine crystal buildings, by a crystal carriage.

Flurry glared out her window and Anon felt like she ought to follow her example by looking out hers instead of trying to start a conversation.

Another dream of her, huh? Anon thought to herself. That's the second night in a row.

She felt bad. She wondered why she even felt this way towards Lyra. Was it because the obvious relationship that her mother had with the mare had effect her views on other females, or was it because Lyra liked to affectionally play-wrestle with her. She was ashamed to admit it but what she enjoyed with their little tussles was not the competition but the closeness to her mother's mare. One thing was for sure, she was glad no one else was prived to her dreams.

But it wasn't the weirdest dream she'd had: Once she dreamt of being one of those mythical creatures Lyra was so obsessed with, a male one at that. Yes, she had confirmed this in the dream.

The crystal empire was not what Anon had expected. The train ride had been a long trip, and she still slept throught half of it, through desolate snowland with only a only few high notes: A big lake; a tunnel through a mountain chain; a forrest; and a big town, called Pine N' Tow. They had passed by some hamlets near the tracks before (alongtracks?) that town.

So when she arrived at the train station and felt the jewish weather on her back, her expectations of the Crystal Empire being a cold-ass place, had been vindicated thus far. But as she followed Flurry into the city, the warmer it had gotten. Flowers had no problem growing in the garden of ponies, she'd noticed. The heat peaked at the palace, where it felt like it was summer. She had no idea why.

Flurry still seemed mad. Anon didn't know if there was some reason for this or if it was just... normal.

Anon realized that they had arrived at Crystal Private Acadamy when she saw horde of old foals and young adult ponies streaming in towards a building complex with a tower in the middle of it with big clock on it. It was eight o'clock.

They were driven off the main path and the carriage parked in a secluded area near the complex' courtyard.

Flurry turned over to Anon for the first time during the trip and said, ”Don't talk. Just follow.”

With that, they stepped out of the carriage. Anon followed Flurry through a garden with tree-colonnades, colorful flowers, and small ponds before they arrived at the complex' courtyard with the rest of the crowd of ponies. There they found a pair of fillies their age sitting on a bench chatting.

As they saw Flurry, one stood up and raised a hoof high up into the air to greet her. The other remained seated but gently wave a hoof at her.

Suddenly, the frown Flurry had woren all morning flipped upside down as she saw the pair, despite herself it seemed.
Anonymous
71572e4
?
No.363288
363821
Cloudd Wrangler 3.png
>>363286
An artist's rendition of how Cloud Wrangler looks like.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.363821
364950
1683869912004447.jpg
page 4 again lmao, Nigel would be reeeeeeeeing right now if he wasn't off somewhere banging his imaginary gf

>>363284
>>363285
>>363286
>>363287
>>363288
Anyway, sorry I didn't catch this sooner. I've been out of town visiting family and whatnot for the past couple of weeks and just got home a few hours ago. I haven't been paying much attention to the site haven't put in much work on any of my projects, either. Your chapter looks pretty good so far, I will give it a more thorough read tomorrow morning when I'm less tired.

>I really like collabing with you and I feel really bad over my inablitiy to perform.
I'm too classy to even make a joke here.

Seriously though, don't beat yourself up. It will be finished when it's finished; we're not on a deadline here, and it's not as if I don't also procrastinate on this stuff.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.363822
Also, as a more general update, I haven't abandoned the Dale thing for anyone who is still reading and interested, and will be resuming work on it forthwith.
Anonymous
6d2ac98
?
No.364950
364951 364958
cac7c0d0d65d19d17693bfc88ae93766.png
>>363821
Phew. I made it in time just a half year later. YES! ^^

But here it is, the fifth chapter in our collab story:
https://hackmd.io/y9B5rT9lRm-Ek5J5Zmcsww

Also, I took the liberty to give the chapters names as you can see: https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/SyZdTa3rj
If you want to change your chapters' names, then feel free.

P.s. Need a new note due to word limit.
Anonymous
6d2ac98
?
No.364951
364958
>>364950
Actually, it wasn't half a year later but it was some months.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.364958
365190
>>364950
>>364951
Oh, rad, welcome back. I've been on a bit of a hiatus myself. I will give this a thorough read later this evening and will try to start on my segment this week.
Anonymous
66feb7b
?
No.365190
365191 365278 368386
Rave Smite .png
>>364958
I should have told you this when I posted my latest chapter but I was too lazy.
It's not a big deal but just fyi:
1. I never named Flurry's two friends because I thought I give you the honor^^
2. I forgot to describe Rave Smite's appearance beyond that she's white. I can't find a better version of the image right now but she's suppose to look like pic rel, however, you cando whatever you want with you're chapter so if you feel like you got a better idea go for it.
3. I wanted to say that I have tried to keep the characterization of Flurry consistent with ch.2 (ur first ch. and my fave of them all, btw) but I may not have been successful in that regard. So uhh.. what I wanted to say was to write what you think makes sense or intresting and kinda disregard what I write. I wasn't trying to move away from your characterization of her on purpose if you feel that she's out of character now, I just couldn't do any better.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I remember you writing something forever ago, about ch 4, that you weren't sure where to take the story so you added things to the mix instead, and I guess I just wanted to say that it's been great so far what you have written so you don't need to worry about that. Whatever you write will be fine oWo
Anonymous
66feb7b
?
No.365191
365211 365278
ee0aa37ea64bb79e22116e4f6c167c13.png
>>365190
Also, huh?
I just realized. Private Crystal Academy sounds an awful lot like Crystal Prep Academy. Was that what you were going for? If so, I totally missed it.
Did I miss an opportunity to involve Lemon Zest into this story? Then again, she's suppose to be in Sunset Shimmer's age so she wouldn't be a school filly at the same time as Flurry.
Maybe she could be an artist that Flurry really likes or something ^^
Anonymous
3d180dd
?
No.365211
365407
2163733.png
c1d06b8546cc8478b5091fdd1661c0fd.png
>>365191
>I just realized. Private Crystal Academy sounds an awful lot like Crystal Prep Academy.
Well, it's the kristall empire after all. Have a Zest 4 U.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.365278
365407
>>365190
>I never named Flurry's two friends because I thought I give you the honor^^
I will see what I can come up with for them. I used to suck at coming up with pony names, but since the Past Sins thing I feel like I've gotten better at coming up with silly names for OCs and throwaways.

>I forgot to describe Rave Smite's appearance beyond that she's white. I can't find a better version of the image right now but she's suppose to look like pic rel, however, you cando whatever you want with you're chapter so if you feel like you got a better idea go for it.
I think your visual works fine, I'll go ahead and use that as the basis for her.

>I guess what I'm trying to say is that I remember you writing something forever ago, about ch 4, that you weren't sure where to take the story so you added things to the mix instead, and I guess I just wanted to say that it's been great so far what you have written so you don't need to worry about that. Whatever you write will be fine oWo
Groovy, I will continue to have fun with it.

>>365191
>I just realized. Private Crystal Academy sounds an awful lot like Crystal Prep Academy. Was that what you were going for? If so, I totally missed it.
Was I the one that established Private Crystal Academy as Flurry and Anon's school? I thought that was something that you put in there pretty early on. It's hard to remember lol, we've been doing this for awhile now. I think I'm actually going to go back and read through the entirety of everything we have so far just to make sure I don't accidentally introduce any contradictions.

>Did I miss an opportunity to involve Lemon Zest into this story? Then again, she's suppose to be in Sunset Shimmer's age so she wouldn't be a school filly at the same time as Flurry.
I see no reason why we couldn't Zest this thing up a little.
Anonymous
3d86d14
?
No.365338
365351
Do you think that having a specific in universe resistance to arcane magical arts is too much a gimme?
Like for example I have a setting where treated leather is fairly common place and one of the properties of treated leather is that its hard for purely arcane magic to handle it.
So for example, if you tried to grab a piece in a telekinetic grip it would be like trying to grab a piece of wet soap, A bolt of force would splash harmlessly off of it, its incredibly difficult to transmogrify and so on.
However using more natural forms of magic like summoning a fireball or flinging a stone very hard with magic, or icing over it would work as youd expect it.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365344
365351
Why does my work become this when I paste it?

https://ponepaste.org/9101
Anonymous
01eb4e6
?
No.365351
365358
>>365338
I don't see any issue with this rule. A particular physical substance is resistant to a particular kind of magic, but other kinds of magic work fine on it. It's not much different from actual rules that exist in the real world, for instance rubber providing protection against electrical shock, or sulfuric acid being unable to dissolve glass.

The main thing with rules like this is that you want to make sure that any rule you establish is followed consistently and logically. An in-universe rule only becomes a problem if you're abusing it to give your characters unrealistic advantages or are coming up with silly workarounds when the rule becomes inconvenient.

If you give your character a treated leather vest to protect against a particular sort of magical attack, then those sorts of attacks shouldn't work against her. However, it probably stands to reason that a rule like this would be common knowledge, so you'd want your other characters to take this into consideration as well. Let's say your protagonist, we'll just call her Mare A, is wearing treated leather armor and is facing off against a band of villains that includes a spellcaster. Since magic is his profession, the spellcaster is going to be aware that purely arcane attacks won't be effective against this character, so if he has other forms of magic at his disposal he's probably going to use those. If Mare A is facing off against an inexperienced spellcaster, or the properties of treated leather are not commonly known for whatever reason (maybe it's an uncommon material in this part of the world), then this might give Mare A enough of an advantage to win the fight, even if the spellcaster is more powerful than she is. It works like that.

>>365344
No idea. My best guess is that it has to do with whatever writing program you're pasting from. Maybe you think you're copying the text, but you're actually copying a string reference or something. It's impossible to answer without knowing more information. Try pasting it into Notepad first and see what happens, if you get the same result it's probably something to do with your writing software. Otherwise it might be an internal issue with Ponepaste's software, but I don't think that's likely as I've never encountered this issue, and I just tested their site and it worked fine:
https://ponepaste.org/9102
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365358
365359
>>365351
Pasting into notepad worked. I was pasting from Wordpad.

https://ponepaste.org/9103

This is a short original story with a political message.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.365359
365365 365490
>>365358
>This paste has been removed by the moderation team.
I'm now morbidly curious what it was, since Ponepaste is pretty lax on moderation by design, and I don't think I've ever had anything of mine get deleted even "Twilight Sparkle Takes a Shit" is still up there.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365365
365378
>>365359
You've got to be shitting me. It was Unlisted! This is the only place I posted the link. How could it be censored?
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365376
So what site should I use if I can't trust that site?
Anonymous
c5adaae
?
No.365377
365493
>9101
>9102
>9103
Didn't know ponepaste was ded.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.365378
365379 365407
Twilight Sparkle Takes Another Shit.txt
>>365365
Well, apparently you can attach a .txt file to your post here, so there's always that option.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.365379
Twilight Sparkle Takes a Third and Final Shit.txt
>>365378
huh, this is actually pretty cool, I didn't realize you could do this. Clicking on it just opens the text in a browser tab, too, no need to download, quite convenient for plain text. I might start using this for posting drafts and whatnot from now on.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365380
365484
Writing.txt
Here it is.
Anonymous
4cdf6ba
?
No.365407
Be Bee.txt
>>365378
Well, then I'm testing this too.

>>365211
Aww, thanks.

>>365278
Sounds good. ^^
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365430
365487
Was I being too on the nose when I named the place Westfall?
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.365484
365485
>>365380
Well, at least compared to the other selections you've given us, this is...not entirely terrible. It has some problems, but at the very least it's legible, stays more or less on point, and doesn't weight itself down with excess details or tangents. Moreover, you managed to submit it to us without going off on a twenty page rant about Sonic the Hedgehog, so nice job there as well.

Here are some brief observations:

>Thomas's once regal silver hair that had once cascaded down his shoulders was now cut short and dyed black.
The word "once" is used twice in rapid succession here; this kind of repetition should be avoided. The description of his hair as being formerly regal is also a little unclear. How exactly was his hair regal? I don't know, but it's probably not a detail that's worth delving into. I'd probably just cut that bit out and simplify the sentence:
>Thomas's silver hair, that had once cascaded down his shoulders, was now cut short and dyed black.
Just stating that his hair has been cut and dyed is enough of a clue that he was probably compelled to do this for some reason, and the reader will likely pick up on it. Moreover, you clarify a few paragraphs later that the family has to hide their natural hair color to avoid drawing orcish attention, so it's unnecessary to point it out here.

>His name was Thomas, and his heart was burdened with anger and frustration, yet he had to maintain a facade of compliance to protect his daughter, Elise.
At this point you've already established that the character's name is Thomas, and you've referred to him by this name multiple times. Telling us that "his name was Thomas" is completely redundant here.

>It was hard for him to remember a time when those bright, cerulean eyes were wide with curiosity, focused on her books when he wasn't telling her stories before bed. Now they were tired, cold, dulled. Her golden hair cascaded down her back like a radiant waterfall, shimmering with every movement, as though rebelling against the oppressive bleakness of the world around her.
+5: your writing is noticeably clearer, more focused, and easier to read than in other selections you've given us.
-5: you've got some purple prose issues going on here. It's prevalent throughout most of the text, but I highlighted this section as an example. Referring to "cerulean eyes" or hair cascading "like a radiant waterfall" will usually make readers roll their eyes, cerulean or otherwise. Dial it back a bit.

>The room they found themselves in was a stark contrast to the ethereal beauty of its inhabitants.
Are these two characters ethereally beautiful? It sounds like they would be in their natural state; however, you've also made it clear that they have been forced to cut and dye their hair and dress up in ragged clothing. Just at this moment, "ethereal" probably doesn't describe them very well, and they likely do a better job of blending into their surroundings than this passage would suggest.

Also, you've clarified that the room they are in is their apartment, where the two of them live. Even if this is just temporary housing, it's still their home, so it's inappropriate to say that they "found themselves" here. The statement "<character name> found himself in <location>" is usually reserved for occasions when a character arrives in an unfamiliar place, sometimes by unfamiliar means. For instance, a character who goes binge drinking in Mexico one night might suddenly find himself in an unfamiliar bathtub with a kidney missing. However, if the same character were sitting at home with his daughter, he wouldn't find himself in his apartment, he'd just be in his apartment.

>Against one wall, a cracked mirror reflected their weary forms, distorting their features, as if symbolizing the shattered lives they led under the oppressive regime. A threadbare rug lay in the center of the room, its once vibrant colors faded to a dull, lifeless gray.
I have the same comments about the overall tone of this story that I have about the purple prose: it's not necessarily bad, but you really need to dial it back a few notches. By this point you've sufficiently established that the room is dreary, so you don't need to describe every dreary curtain or dreary mirror or dreary teacup that resides in the dreary room.

>The flickering candle cast dancing shadows across their faces, reflecting the struggle and sacrifice etched into their expressions.
I've heard it said that in the glory days of the old British Naval Empire, literary-minded sailors would be scourged and keelhauled for writing sentences like this.

>Elise was seated at her table, poring over her history textbook filled with this decade's version of the government's revisionist lies.
What is the timeframe of this occupation, exactly? Earlier you mention that Thomas can still remember a pre-occupation era, but here you suggest that the occupation has been going on for decades. A couple of paragraphs later, he tells his daughter, who is thirteen, that he learned similar lies when he was in school. If he has any recollection of the pre-occupation era, it would have to be a very early memory. You have to be careful with details like this.

>"Like the rest of this country, it was built around 400 years ago by Moon Elves fleeing from tyrannical despots. People once called Westfall the most beautiful place in the world. They called it The City of Life and Love. Hard to believe, looking at it now. But then, just 200 years ago, the Orcs came."
Couple of things here. First, is this city called Westfall or Southfort? My best guess is that Southfort is maybe a neighborhood or a district within Westfall, but you refer to the same area by two names and don't clarify. Second, an addendum to my comment above: if the Orcs came 200 years ago, unless Moon Elves are particularly long-lived, it's impossible for Thomas to have any direct memory of a pre-Orc time period.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.365485
365486
>>365484

>Trust me, it's worse in Westfall today. Orcs spread like a fungus, and their awfulness grows like a weed if left unchecked. The only good Orcs are only good until they stop being afraid of what happens if they stop being good Orcs. Orcs say they've never done anything wrong and they're treated like criminals everywhere they go. But Orcs are treated like a bioweapon by the Goblins who bring them here to use against us. Anything to keep the workers down. It all happened just a hundred years ago... There was a 17 year old girl named Sophie.
You're all over the place here. I'll try to break some of this down.

>The only good Orcs are only good until they stop being afraid of what happens if they stop being good Orcs.
Not only would this terrible sentence earn you an additional keelhauling and flogging from the once-proud British Naval Empire, it's not even clear what you're trying to say. What is a good Orc, how does one distinguish good Orc behavior from bad, and, most significantly, what happens when a good Orc stops being good? Is "goodness" in this context defined by an Orc's behavior in regards to other Orcs, or to Moon Elves?

>Orcs say they've never done anything wrong and they're treated like criminals everywhere they go.
They're treated like criminals everywhere they go? I thought they were supposed to be in charge here, and that it was the Moon Elves who were being treated like criminals.

>But Orcs are treated like a bioweapon by the Goblins who bring them here to use against us.
Now there are Goblins? Where did these guys come from? Unfortunately, we never get to find out, because they are never mentioned again. The entire power structure in this setting is very difficult to figure out.

>Anything to keep the workers down.
Wait, what?

>It all happened just a hundred years ago...
I thought it happened two hundred years ago? Wait a minute...what happened 100 and/or 200 years ago, exactly? The Elf invasion, or Orc invasion, or whatever it was? Or are you introducing a new topic here?

>There was a 17 year old girl named Sophie.
Wait, who? Isn't this guy supposed to be teaching his daughter about the true history of Westfall?

Anyway, from here things begin to go off the rails. Apparently, this Sophie character was nearly raped by an Orc, and yada yada yada the Orc got off with only a light sentence. A bunch of Moon Elves showed up at the jail to protest, and things go south from there.

>While the Moon Elves were waving signs and protesting peacefully and getting nowhere, as you cannot appeal to the better nature of naturally evil creatures like Orcs, a gang of Orcs showed up with bows and started shooting at the Moon Elves. Hurling arrows, axes, knives, insults, accusations of pedophilia and insanity and incest and dog-fucking, the usual nonsense. We Moon Elves endured it at first, and then we shot back with our bows. Warning shots, at first, but they kept attacking, so we shot one of them in the arm, and the rest scampered away like rats and left him to bleed out. When the other Orcs heard about this they went berserk and spread the news. It was time for an Kil'Gragthar.
At this point I have completely lost track of what the fuck is supposed to be going on. All I know is that this girl is probably getting an F on her homework.

Anyway, it's pretty muddled, but I think I have a basic idea of what's being said. 100 years ago, this girl Sophie was raped by some Orcs, a bunch of Moon Elves protested the light sentence he was given, a fight ensued, and the Orcs rioted. At some point after this, the Orcs decided they wanted this somewhat embarrassing incident scrubbed from their history. I guess.

>"Cold lava? But that's impossible! Lava is rock when it gets hot enough to melt. Lava can't be cold without becoming rock and ceasing to be lava."
Does this girl have autism?

>The Orcs started telling people Westfall was built by Orcs for Orcs despite the best efforts of evil envious cackling moustache-twirling puppy-kicking Elves getting in their way for no real reason, until one day we decided to go over there and start killing them en masse over two days for no apparent reason, and then we left survivors alive for some reason.
All I have to say about this sentence is that you are really, really fortunate not to have lived during the glory days of the Old British Naval Empire.

>Funny how the only functional Orc cities exist in Orc fantasies and Orc lies, or rely on Elves to function and stop functioning when too many Orcs take important positions from Elves, isn't it?
The problem with Thomas's rhetorical question here is that the reader doesn't have enough information to understand what's being inferred. So far we've established that Westfall was originally an Elf city, and that Orcs took over about 200 years ago. However, beyond that, we don't know very much about the Orcs. Do they have functional cities? The implication seems to be that they don't, but if they were able to organize an invasion of this Elf city, establish a government and rule it for 200 years, they must have some level of competency.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.365486
>>365485
Anyway, to sum it up:

Like I said, this is better than anything you've submitted here before, so good job on the improvement. That said, there are some problems.

As far as writing and mechanics, you basically go in two directions. On the one hand, you have the early narrative portions, where you're describing ethereal, cascading golden hair and cracked, depressing grey walls. Your problem here is a tendency to veer into purple prose: you're just trying way too hard to make your writing sound elegant.

Once the dialogue begins, you have the opposite problem. The portions where Thomas is explaining things to his daughter are closer to your usual writing style, in that it reads like you were just typing whatever popped into your head without bothering to polish it, or even just read back over it to see if it made any sense. Thomas speaks in long, angry sentences that confuse more than they clarify.

The overall structure of the story consists of a single scene that mostly focuses on a conversation between a father and his daughter. This is another area where you show improvement. Although the story is a little too dialogue-heavy, and you still have problems with dumping information onto the reader via large block paragraphs spoken by characters, the overall structure is decent, and I appreciate you confining yourself to a single scene.

However, I'm not sure what the reader is supposed to take away from this story. It's clear that these characters live in a world where their race is being oppressed by a hostile invading race, and that there is a complex history behind how this situation came about. However, we don't really learn much about how this came about, or where we can expect things to go.

Your setting is murky and strange. For one thing, there are the naming issues: you begin by calling the place Southfort, and from there on refer to it as Westfall, without ever bringing up Southfort again. Did the Orcs rename the place when they took over? Is Southfort a neighborhood or a district within Westfall? We don't know, and you never tell us. If you're not going to clarify this detail, it would probably be better to just pick one name and stick with it from start to finish.

Also, the mix of modern elements with fantasy elements is unnerving and isn't handled well. You mention things like fluorescent lights and electricity, and we learn that Thomas has some kind of office job and drives to work (presumably in a car, or something like a car) every morning. However, you also have Orcs and Elves shooting at each other with bows and arrows and brandishing axes and knives. What sort of a place am I supposed to be imagining here? Is this a basically modern city that just happens to be inhabited by fantasy creatures? Or is this a proto-medieval fantasy world that just happens to have invented some more complicated technology?

The political situation is also weird. You establish that Westfall and/or Southfort was built by Elves 400 years prior to the events of the story. At some point, it was conquered by Orcs who, despite being portrayed as a race of uncivilized savages, somehow managed to establish a government and rule for 200 years. The relationship between the subjugated Elves and the ruling Orcs is unclear as well. During the rape incident, the presumably Orcish judicial system handed out a light sentence to an Orcish offender, and the Elves took issue with this. The Elves stage a protest at the jail, are confronted by Orcs, a fight breaks out, and one of the Orcs takes an arrow to the arm. The Orc population learns about this incident, and responds by...going on a bloody rampage, in which they burned down the city that they conquered and have governed for a century? It's a bit of a strange thing to do.

Part of the problem is that Thomas brings this rape incident up out of nowhere. He explains to his daughter that he's going to tell her the history of Westfall. At this point I was expecting a long infodump about how the Orcs managed to invade and take over, maybe juxtaposed against the version of the story that Elise had been taught in school. However, instead of doing this, he launches into this story about a 100 year old rape that preceded a riot. The purpose of this anecdote seems to be to establish the Orcs as a violent and destructive people, but unfortunately it doesn't clarify much about the history of Westfall, particularly about how this pack of apparently incompetent savages managed to establish control over this industrially advanced society of Elves and rule them for 200 years. Again, by the time he finishes, the reader is left with more questions than answers.

All in all, this is a pretty strange piece. We are introduced to two Elvish characters, who are forced to live in poverty because their city is ruled by an oppressive Orc government. The Orcs have established schools which they use as propaganda mills, forcing their Elvish subjects to memorize false and apparently contradictory versions of history.

The father character tells the daughter that he is going to explain to her the real history of the city, but instead of doing this goes off on a tangent about a 100 year old rape incident. In addition to this, he rants a bit about Orcs, calling them backward and violent, though never explaining how such a backward and violent people could manage to take over what appears to be a complex industrial society and rule it for 200 years. A third race of Goblins is brought up, but they are only mentioned once in passing, and it's unclear how they factor into the story. By the end, we don't know much more about these characters or their world than we did when the story began.

The whole thing ends on a vague note. We are told that weeks pass, the two characters continue to imbibe propaganda against their will, all the while plotting to rebel, or escape, or something. Will they? I'm not sure, and I'm not sure if I'm interested enough to want to find out.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.365487
365488
>>365430
>Was I being too on the nose when I named the place Westfall?
It's about as subtle as naming your main character Norm Hull, or calling your rare-mineral-macguffin "unobtainium." However, in the grand scheme of things it's not that big a deal. "Westfall" is as good a name as any for a city.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365488
>>365487
The 2000s film Saved, a piece of anti christian jewish propaganda, named its protag Mary Cummings. I thought abought about naming my protagonist Arion but that seemed too on the nose. Like calling his daughter Ariana.

The goblins are evil rich bastards who brought the orcs here, but I thought about combining their role with the Orcs so this world would only have orcs and elves, and some orcs are smart and evil but most orcs are dumb and evil.

There was a draft where the elf hero kept going on and on about how he has centaur and harpy friends because he's so much more tolerant than the intolerant and intolerable orcs, would that make this story better? All races oppressed under the orc's boot.

Thank you for the review, you've given me a lot to think about.
I wanted to get more feedback before continuing the story but I planned on making the day they escape tomorrow. Then the story follows the male protag as he goes about his day as if nothing out of the ordinary is planned. He buys food, food is more expensive than ever, he still buys some for a disabled homeless elf man, he notices a rich orc man pour his milkshake on a homeless woman and call her privileged, he has to go to work at the construction site where they are building a hotel for more gimmiegrant rapefugees, he argues with a libtarded former friend at the bus stop, he notices a newspaper full of orc faces in a child trafficking gang and shows it to the libtarded friend who willingly looks away and chants orcs are victims elves are oppresssors over and over.

Then an orc guy comes into the bus stop and touches a very scared white womans hair and starts threatening her. The hero is ready to jump in to protect her if necessary while hoping it isnt because he knows fighting an orc means being made into an example by the orc system, and the libcuck fag is looking the other way.

Then the bus arrives and the woman gets on even though it isnt going her way. The protag gets on too. The protag asks the woman if she was okay but she already decided to pretend everything was fine and say she deserved it because elves totally always touch orc hair. A ridiculous lie of course, we have all touched scouring brushes before. This was inspired by how I saw a woman react to that video of the nigger who breaks into houses and steals dogs and threatens white women and has jew handlers.

The protag reads a book on the bus about saving innocents in a violent dark fantasy land while the radio on the bus preaches feminist hatred of man from a bitter post wall whore with fourty cats, and antifa fags block the roads for hours with police protection as the cops watch and a guy eventually goes out and pulls the fags out of the way of the bus and gets arrested for that, the protag gets yelled at by his orc boss when he gets there for shit out of the protag's control, and then the boss says you're our hardest worker and best worker and we have a management position open and we think you would be perfect to...

Show my daughter around the workplace and teach her how to be your new manager. The hero is disappointed but accepts it and the greedy jew boss's mixed race daughter is a dumb cunt who says feminist shit like "It's a good thing you men finally have a woman in charge" even though the business was built by a man 200 years ago and owned by a woman for 170 years before jews bought it. Every time she says something dumb he cannot argue against it, and the story smash cuts to him laughing with his friends at a based bar who take turns pointing out how retarded she is and ask "and then what happened?" to jump back in time.

The protag works hard at his job, he talks to his friends at the job, for his break he hits the gym and there was whore music on the radio but halfway through his workout someone switched it to antifamilial selfish sigma male grindset jew preaching, he works his second job as a prostitute because he is symbolically forced to give his desirable body for a society that hates him and needs him, while getting changed and using a Beaststone to become a centaur man temporarily a faggot tells him he would make more money if he became a femboy slut catboy for faggy old men and he says no he's not that desperate, he flirts with rich retard post wall women and tries hard not to laugh at them while giving them the boyfriend experience but when he takes them to their sex room they drunkenly cry about all the good men they turned down who got women afterwards and left them alone so no sex happens, then he deactivates his Beaststone and goes to the bar to talk to his friends and make one drink last all night and then he goes home and on the way home he sees a gay bar get muslimsploded I mean Orcsploded and goes home because orcsplosions as common as rain these days.

The "the heroes will escape soon" hook should ideally keep the audience invested as they prepare to see just how awful orced society is.

The setting is supposed to have recently discovered steam power. No guns. Are flourescent lights powered by a steam based power plant owned by the government incorrect? Nigs infested south africa's important positions of power and the electricity is unreliable as a result. I wanted that here.

The orc rape chimpout was inspired by Tulsa. Jews say we went there and "destroyed black Wall Street". It was actually just nigs nigging.
Anonymous
c5adaae
?
No.365490
365491
>>365359
Am guessing it's because there's not one pony (or barbie) in the whole story.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365491
365493
>>365490
The site has rules about that?
But who could have checked the story? It was Unlisted. This is the only place I posted the link. Did someone here see it and report it for a lack of pone? Are they manually reviewed that fast? Or is there a bot that gets triggered if no words in a list of mandatory horse words show up?
Anonymous
c5adaae
?
No.365493
365533
>>365491
I think it's mlp and eqg exclusive.
And It seems like the site had very little activity at the time you posted it. (See >>365377 ) So they could've checked it pretty fast. Unless am missing something.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365533
365535
>>365493
That makes sense.

What did you think of the story?
Anonymous
3d180dd
?
No.365535
365539 366109
>>365533
I'm not a writer. Not even a conoisseur of sorts. You shouldn't listen to me.
I've actually always liked your "purple prose". I liked it here too, and I kinda wish I had that skill. I still don't want to democratize those skills, so that everyone can access them as if they were something trivial. Overall it wasn't bad.
The only major issue to me are the long paragraph dialogues. As it's been said before, try to shrink them down a bit. If you use your "descriptive prose skills" Don't even know what to call them. Am pretty bad at this. you can make something pretty good in conjuction with sized down, more concise dialogues.
Anonymous
0ae434f
?
No.365538
365539 365574
supre rad oc dont steal.jpg
This is my new OC, I call him Faggot Fox. I am going to write lots and lots of stories about him. Say something nice about him please, I'm very sensitive.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365539
365549
>>365535
Thanks! Doing prose like that comes naturally to me, I write a line like "she had blonde hair" and ask how I can make it cooler and then I get "Her hair was like a waterfall of gold that shimmered with each movement" and then I added symbolism by deciding the Orcs want Elves to cover up their superior Elf hair just like Orcs want to cover up the truth and the superiority of Elf abilities and culture. I considered a scene where elf girl talks to a friend of hers who got nigger hair and got fully brainwashed and is darkening her skin and acting black but that was depressing and too much Kid POV makes people say "Ew, this story is for kids/teens". The libtards genuinely "want to be black so bad" unlike the based whites who despise niggers.

On one hand I want a character arc where an idealistic young protagonist gradually gets more based and eventually wants orcs out of his country by any means necessary. On the other hand someone has to play the mentor role and explain shit. But it can't be a boomer. I'm thinking of giving the male protag an angry friend who argues with his boomertard parents. Boomer tards have to be in there somewhere. It'd feel incomplete without touching on every aspect of how the jews and niggers and mudslimes hurt whites. But do I really have to go over everything ever before the audience will be cool with 26 chapters of Total Nigger Death? Chapter one is kind of dragging on. Maybe friends of the male protagonist could join him in his quest and later talk about pivotal events in their lives that made them based, elaborating on how the aspect of life important to them was hurt by orcs. That could help stop this story from being frontloaded with what one proofreader described as elf history homework.

I know the niggers aren't forcing us to shave our heads or hide our hair (yet) but muslims force people to wear headscarves so it fits better than when Handmaid's Tale tried pinning Islamic treatment of women on white Christians who just want their natural rights to stop being infringed upon by women's privileges.
>>365538
Why does he have wings?
Anonymous
b297d55
?
No.365549
365551 365574
>>365539
They're not wings, they're his magical semen flaps. You see, Faggot Fox lives in a poorly constructed world where orcs who are allegorical niggers have taken over his city somehow for some reason, and they constantly rain spooge on him like a golden waterfall that shimmers in the rain. Little do they know that semen is what gives Faggot Fox his superpowers. He stores up all the semen inside his magical semen flaps and then when he has enough to activate his powers he gargles it all at once, and then he gains all the powers of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu combined, and also the guy with the sword from Devil May Cry and a bunch of other video game characters. He rises from the ashes of his nigger-infested city like a spooge-covered Phoenix, and gets his revenge on the internet bullies who follow him around everywhere he goes, because they are so jealous of what an amazing writer he is.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365551
365559
>>365549
That might be the gayest thing you've ever said lmao.

Does the world really become that poorly constructed once you allegorize it with light elves and dark orcs? Then again I suppose most people would call reality unrealistic, especially if they spend more time in Hollywood media land than in reality and were raised to view the exact opposite of truth as normal.

Putting jewish goblins in the story seemed too on the nose (pun not intended) but when you take those out of the picture it really doesn't seem to make sense any more. Jews brought the blacks here, gave them more rights than real people, and created feminism and pop culture to niggerize white women brains and the brains of feminine white men all to stop whites from taking their lands back or thinking clearly or talking openly about taking their lands back. Without jews the blacks wouldn't be our problem. I should add jews to this story. The Matrix is fucking gay because beneath all the pseudointellectual waffling all it can think of is partying and wannabe Jesus anime kung fu fighting with the "human" representation of the system. Every attempt to top itself just gets sillier as more clones get involved. Agent Smith is the perfect zogbot, the imperfect zogbot who wants this job over and done with, and the perfect zogbot who hates those he controls, which is great and all but the story doesn't know where to take these ideas to form a functional counterargument to the idea that humans are a disease, a plague, cattle to be farmed. Doesn't have the balls to say a certain type of human is cattle for slave labor or cubicle farms and a better type of human is meant for more. If The Matrix said life outside the system aka city is farming and self reliance and rural town life, the world would be a better place right now. I want to make something better than The Matrix. Something unapologetically straight and white.
Anonymous
b44ef4e
?
No.365559
365574 365589
>>365551
> Does the world really become that poorly constructed once you allegorize it with light elves and dark orcs?
Another swing and another miss.
Anonymous
92a66d7
?
No.365574
365575
>>365538
>>365549
>>365559
Please stop antagonizing, Nigel.
Yes, I was not too enthralled by his story's setting and as fast as the two characters were introduced I knew they would be talking about how horrible their (our) current world is.
Is this super intresting? No, but it could be worse.

I don't feel like having another "fight" or whatever about NigelCuz, I wanna focus on writing right now., you can wait till something worthy of riffing on happens. I know you're like, "But this a once in lifetime opportunity to put him down notch," but you just gotta have faith in Murphy's law.

Props for the effort with the fox, looks very similar to Silver Star.
Anonymous
c751afb
?
No.365575
365578
>>365574
I can hold back at least until the next time he says something stupid or flies off into another fit of tard-rage, that's about as much as I can promise.

>Props for the effort with the fox, looks very similar to Silver Star.
as much as I would love to claim credit for this masterpiece...
https://www.youtube.com/JasonGodwin69
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365577
365578 365589
Does someone here think I have a problem with people criticizing my writing? There seems to have been a breakdown in communication somewhere.

Perhaps I should have specified, though in the moment I didn't think I had to, the bullshit about semen wings is the gay shit. Might be the gayest thing anyone ever wrote on this site.

It is perfectly reasonable to say when you take jews out of the equation it makes no sense that blacks would be a problem whites have to deal with. I hold no personal grudge against anyone here. Certainly not for criticizing my art.

Hopefully I have accurately identified and effectively cleared up the miscommunication.
Anonymous
92a66d7
?
No.365578
365579 365592
Ill admit when Im beat.png
>>365575
Fair enough. I'm not trying to censor you. You're allowed afterall to say what you think. I just kinda didn't want this particular conversation to take over the thread right now, if you catch my drift?

>>365577
I get you. I had this post written before you posted, just got so caught up in my own idea of editing an image for a joke that I didn't post my reply earlier.
Anonymous
92a66d7
?
No.365579
>>365578
You know what, I'm just a hypocrite. Ignore me.
Anonymous
e8fde36
?
No.365580
365583
I was hoping he would catch the spoilered portion right away. Since we had a very respectful debate at some point. But oh well.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365583
365585
>>365580
I caught it. Just wasn't sure what to say in response and I'm not sure what you mean by "democratize". But thank you for the compliment.
Anonymous
3d180dd
?
No.365585
>>365583
>I'm not sure what you mean by "democratize"
Maybe another time in another thread.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365587
365592
bZYlhi2MgEJ5.jpeg
By the way I did more reading at 600 to 1000 wpm, finished Game of Thrones and many other novels. Ones called culturally significant. Ones called historically important. Ones still talked about today. Most anime is exceedingly childish, I was a fool for not seeing it sooner. I don't know if it's a writer skill issue, a cultural thing, or an assumption made about the average intelligence and maturity level of the average anime fan who's preferably also a whale looking to expand his body pillow and toy collection.

Anyone here have any idea how I, through the medium of primarily Game Of Thrones inspired dark medieval era low fantasy, can get the viewers to understand this image and want a white ethnostate? An elf ethnostate is also acceptable.
Anonymous
4a7ef67
?
No.365589
365593
>>365577
>>365559
Well, this one was mine, and all I was getting at is that you seem to have missed Anon’s point, as you almost always tend to do. Your setting isn’t poorly constructed because of what you chose to allegorize, it’s poorly constructed because you constructed it poorly. Probably the reason for this is that you were more interested in yammering about how much you hate niggers than you were in building an engaging and realistic setting. Telling an allegorical story is fine, but your world still has to make sense internally, and the story still needs to be interesting enough that it can be enjoyed even if the reader doesn’t care about the message you’re trying to convey. This is particularly important in fantasy stories where pulling readers into an imaginary world is the whole point. If I have any practical advice for you it’s that you should spend far more time thinking about how to build a believable setting that draws the reader into the world, and far less time worrying about how you can wedge in obvious allegories for Jews or Boomers or whatever the hell.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.365592
365593 365594 365595
1686112885407426.jpg
>>365587
>I did more reading at 600 to 1000 wpm, finished Game of Thrones and many other novels
Yikes. How in the world are you able to read novels that fast? I'm assuming you're using one of those speed-reading tools, and if that's the case, then you should stop immediately. Those tools are fine for news articles or nonfiction books where all you're trying to do is absorb information, but a novel is something you should sit down and read properly.

>Anyone here have any idea how I, through the medium of primarily Game Of Thrones inspired dark medieval era low fantasy, can get the viewers to understand this image and want a white ethnostate? An elf ethnostate is also acceptable.
Welp, we've already had this conversation like ten million times, but I guess we can go over it again.

My advice is that if you want to write something in the same vein as George R.R. Martin, then your first step should be to spend some time studying George R.R. Martin. Don't just use some browser extension to ram his books into your eyeballs at warp speed just so you can say you read them, actually READ them and STUDY them. Learn to read critically, as I've been advising you to do for God only knows how damn long at this point.

Pay attention to the little shit he does. How does he word things? How does he structure his chapters? How does he handle pacing? His Ice and Fire saga is long and convoluted and extremely complex, and there are a ton of characters and lore to keep track of; how does he manage to stitch everything together into a story that's not only easy to follow but enjoyable to read? Try to reverse-engineer his novels to see if you can figure out what his method of writing is; I guarantee you he has one, and I guarantee you can figure it out if you look hard enough. And if you don't care for Martin, pick someone else more to your taste and do the same thing. You mentioned you like Brandon Sanderson at one point, and he'd be a perfectly fine choice I'm actually reading the Way of Kings myself at present.

Pay attention to the big shit, too. What is this guy ultimately trying to convey with this story? Martin is often referred to as the anti-Tolkien not in that he is opposed to or dislikes Tolkien, but in that his approach is antithetical. How does Martin's approach to writing fantasy differ from Tolkien's? If you've never read Tolkien, read some and then compare the two. Take their beliefs and their worldviews into account use Wikipedia if you have to. How does Tolkien's worldview inform his approach to constructing a fantasy world? How does Martin's or Sanderson's or whoever's differ? Does one of them appeal to you more? Can you take something away from both? Even if you don't agree with a particular writer's views, is there something in his approach or style that you can borrow or use somehow? This is how you have to learn to think if you are in any way serious about getting good at this.

Start thinking about your own worldview, and how it compares to Martin's. Think about the methods and techniques that you've learned from studying Martin. Can you apply some of the same methods to creating the world you want to create? Can you translate your own worldview into a fictional world using a similar approach?

Here's something a little more concrete and specific to your situation. One of the things Martin is famous for is narrating conflicts from the perspectives of characters on all sides, as opposed to cleanly dividing things into good guys and bad guys and telling the story from the perspective of the hero.

The actions of some characters are clearly more reprehensible or noble than others, but for the most part Martin as the storyteller remains morally neutral, and lets his characters speak for themselves. Every character in the story has their own values and agenda, and their own reasons for taking the actions they take. In other words, each character is humanized and turned into a complete person that the reader is free to form their own opinion on.

Consider your orcs in this fashion. Who are these guys? Where do they come from? Orcfrica? Why are they here? Are they just a rapacious horde of mindless goons who invaded your protagonist's land for no reason other than plunder, or because the Boomer-Goblins sent them? If that's all you can come up with your book will be pretty lame. Can you flesh these characters out in any way? You don't have to make them more likable, just give them some plausible reason to exist beyond you, the author, wanting an allegory for niggers.

Consider your other characters in the same way. Your main guy, Thomas. Other than hating on orcs and writing weepy emo ballads about how miserable he is, what does he like to do? What does his daughter like to do? What are his experiences, how do his experiences shape how he sees the world? How does his view of things differ from his daughter's? Where does he work? What kind of food does he enjoy?

You remember Our Girl Scootaloo, the way that author portrayed Christians? Your orcs so far are basically the same thing. "Here is this group of horrible people that are horrible because I, the author, think they are horrible. Please enjoy listening to this character rant for pages upon pages about why I he hates them." Nobody likes reading that sort of thing, and if you can't get anyone to read what you wrote your message is irrelevant.

Anyway, again, the best advice I can give you is to learn to read critically. Study authors you like and authors you dislike, try to figure out what makes them tick. Learn how to pull stories apart and examine them. If you like something, figure out why. If you dislike something, figure out why. This is literally the approach that I used to git gud at this myself, and I literally cannot give you any better advice. My writing improved by leaps and bounds just from analyzing and critiquing shitty pone fanfiction, including yours.

>>365578
Saved.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365593
365595
>>365589
Oh, now I get it. A believable setting... I've seen a few believable settings, but our world isn't very believable.

Remember the "Rome didn't exist" idiots from Tiktok? They found it so hard to believe that a well-armed and disciplined fighting force from a tiny island could spread and conquer and control much of the world, they chose to believe Rome is a myth. Don't get me started on how absurd holohoax stories are, and how readily they are believed by the smartest race on the planet, even though they come from the infamously dishonest race kicked out of more than a hundred countries.

Reality is often stranger than fantasy. Liberal memes are "wordswordswords" because everything has to be prescribed to them from on high as they lack the capacity for independent thought. They're not used to discerning truth from lies and spotting patterns and coming to their own conclusions, and they've openly said "Don't do your own research, you might come to the wrong conclusions" more than once. Conservative memes can be as simple as "women moment lmao" or even as minimal as presenting a leftist behaving badly unflatteringly without comment in front of a non-leftist audience. Macho Ma'am Tranny Savage, Libs Of Tiktok... Good shit. It's going to be hard to pull that off when I'm writing a story about elves in fantasy land.

>>365592
Tolkien's a Christian man. He remembers brotherly bonds with men he fought with in the trenches. He bought into the propaganda that he and his generation were fighting pure evil monsters, former whites who lost their way, the Nazi-Ghouls or NazGul. He wanted his story to analyze power and deliver the optimistic (some might call it naive) message that evil is foolish, self destructive, incapable of creating new things, and prone to underestimating the little guy. The aesthetics of old age and dementia were used on that old mind-controlled king guy, because "he's not himself, he's lost himself to something bigger than a man, something that cannot be fought directly, a force of nature like magic". He ascribes cosmic significance to the good deeds great and small done by the players of history great and small. Evil kings conquer and demand obedience, good kings inspire and lead by example and say "You bow to no-one".

I don't know enough about George R.R. Martin to psychologically evaluate him but he doesn't strike me as a devout Christian. His books are about schemers who want power, and their pawns, and good people trying to exist in this cynical world written from a cynical perspective. Principled people tend to get screwed over by their principles or forced to compromise on them or commit evil deeds for them. He read a lot about the awfulness of the medieval eras and he wants that in his story for the sake of authenticity. Do you think he and his fans view this type of dark fantasy as "more mature than" LOTR and therefore "better"? Wouldn't surprise me if they did, but it wouldn't be right for me to assume that about him when I know so little about the man behind the novel.

Tolkien and Martin... I don't think they'd get along. It might be like if that smug libtard cynic who wrote Watchmen and tried parodying Batman and the moral perspective of "You must stick to your principles even if it results in failure or death" through Rorsharch while sucking himself off through aryan superhuman Veidt talked to a good writer with moral views.

My own worldview... I don't think I have one. I want to believe I'm a rational person who understands things without bias colouring my view. But I also know I am a flawed and humble human and a beginner in this field who seeks to better himself. I'm not perfect but I want to be. If this is a fool's errand, then so be it. I want to accomplish great things for the sake of them. I don't care if I'm remembered fondly or not, but I want to be a good person. I think others should be good people too. Deep down, I desire freedom for everyone. I want a world where people can be free to learn what they want, rise to their level of competence, and dedicate their lives to doing good without corrupt institutions like socioeconomic class or government thugs or talmudic conspiracies getting in the way of that. In an ideal world everyone's fundamentally good and government is unnecessary. But realistically a government and laws would be necessary to forbid talmudic subversion and give the death penalty or life in labor camps to the worst people alive.

The Orcs come from Orcine. Just like in the real world they're a horde of rapacious mindless goons and a living bioweapon evolution failed. Talmudic Goblins brought them here and brainwashed them to think the Elves are evil oppressors who owe Orcs something, to incite the Orcs to act even Orcier than they would without the excuses they never really cared about. They're bribed to vote libtard with cash stolen from taxpayers, the immigratory flooding is ballot stuffing with extra steps. After everything bad I've seen from Orcs in our world I don't know how I could ever view them as anything else or write them as anything better. At least Middle Easterners can say they're afraid of ending up homeless or killed because of islam's violence prescribed to nonbelievers. I can imagine a Sand Orc girl deciding she doesn't want to be forced to marry a cousin three times her age and wanting to escape the religion's influence. And the influence of the race that invented said religion and kept it alive. But jungle Orcs don't have an all-seeing monkey god or apostasy laws. They're just like that because of crap brains.

Thomas loves nature, gardening, hunting, arrows, history novels, and he's always been curious about alcohol but he's never tried it for fear of ending up a miserable alcoholic. His experience as a house builder in a rural area that used to be orc-free, and the fact that he was raised to love orcs by his retarded boomer mom before he saw the truth in person and on the only reliable news stations, shaped him. His
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365594
365596
>>365592
Thomas's deep-seated fear is that he'll turn out like his faggy alcoholic obese twin brother, so he eats healthily most of the time and subconsciously influences himself to avoid what he associates with his brother, which is why he staunchly refuses to buy a TV for his family. Wait, this is a fantasy world. Uh... Magic memory displaying glass modified to read books written in the language of glass. He has two daughters and a son. One daughter's terminally ill and likes reading books. The other daughter also likes reading, but she idolizes her older brother subconsciously and wants to get into what he's into, so she seeks out fantasy novels that remind her of how she sees him. The son is a smart guy who likes trying to invent useful shit even though it rarely works, he built his own water purifier and he's a young naive idealist so he starts out secretly thinking "surely the enemy can't be that horrible, surely nothing can be as horrible as the monsters from the stories dad and granddad have" until he is forced to realize yes, they really are that horrible.

I figured out why I dislike the cliche of generic Adventurer's Guilds and I learned writing advice from it.

Amestris from Fullmetal Alchemist is a setting where Alchemy is real. The government maintains an iron grip on the population, and on who can and cannot become an Alchemist. Becoming an Alchemist is hard. Even the best Alchemists aren't bulletproof(usually). Becoming a State Alchemist to receive training, funding, and access to the government's library of Alchemical knowledge means signing up to be a dog of the military and do missions. One author hid his alchemical knowledge in a cookbook using code to hide it from the government. The government is corrupt and there are no Alchemist Guilds threatening the power held by the state. The Homunculus conspiracy wouldn't allow that for a second.

But way too many fantasy stories just have a fantasy adventurer's guild or a magic school that functions the same way, without ever asking why. Why do adventurers go on missions? Who gives out these missions and who pays for the rewards? Are there payment plans to pay the cost of renting an adventurer over the next few decades of your hometown's existence after you hire a knight to save it? Are the adventurers able to choose their own missions and turn them down? What happens to innocents if the mission to save them is turned down? Why would schools send kids out on dangerous life-threatening murder missions? Are there rules in place to stop rookies from getting slaughtered in dangerous missions, and stop high-ranking OP godmen from clearing twenty low-rank missions in a day for easy money leaving the low-rank rookies with nothing? Who sets up the missions and decides their cost? Is the ruling authority (emperor, king, council, whatever) okay with these groups operating the way they do? Do these guilds have political powers? How are they funded? Does this guild of violent mages and warriors control all the manual labor in the city or country too? How does the ruling authority stay in power if he lacks the means to exert force on the adventurer's guild and keep his monopoly on force?

Too many fantasy stories never answer these questions. Or worse, answer them with boring and stupid answers and give every country the same answers. Good stories have good believable settings informed by choices like these. Why would every single distinct unique country on a continent (and every country on other continents) have the exact same method of governance, the exact same adventurer's guild system, the exact same methods of using magic and the same cultural attitudes towards it, and so on?

RWBY has dogshit answers for magic school and country and adventurer's guild related questions. Fire Emblem Three Houses has good answers. The Church of Seiros controls Garreg Mach Monastery which educates the best and brightest of Fodlan's youth, indoctrinates them, makes armies with them and hired help from mercenary battalions, operates a military force with no regard for national borders, and WILL send your own child in the force that kills you using a Holy Weapon if you even think of rebelling against this feudalistic society with a caste system based on whether you've got special genes (a Crest) or not. Except it turns out Crests are from blood experiments by those who slither in the dark, dubstep-loving shapeshifting underground jews who killed the alien lizard dragon pope's mom and made Holy Weapons from her bones. The Empire once controlled everything, then it declined and countries broke off, creating the Three Houses.

Good shit. Everything has a rational cause and effect. Not like in Harry Potter where there are four houses just for the hell of it. Hogwarts had four founders but that means nothing for the story or themes.

The influence of big government and crest bullshit and socioeconomic disparity on the lives of the 3H people is massive. And as a schoolteacher you're in the perfect spot to bond with these kids and take the side of your choice in the upcoming war. It's not perfect(Edelgard was done dirty, Dimitri's retarded, Claude's false advertising, why did Rhea give political power and a positive spin in her revisionist history to the children of the people who killed her mother? And god damn it Japan did you really have to make the self-insert bland protag a super sword-wielding tsundere-sleepy-amnesiac-shoeless-loli-in-his-head-having time-travelling half-deity desired by all schoolkids and capable of banging his own "mom" for infinite incest coefficient?) but it's definitely better thought out than RWBY.

After 3H and FF16 I'm convinced Game Of Thrones was big in Japan.
Anonymous
5796241
?
No.365595
>>365592
>but a novel is something you should sit down and read properly.
This. When I read that, I tested how fast I could read something without skipping words. I got 200 wpm and that's when I go my fastest.
I take in media slower than that, because I pause all the time, involuntarly to relfect over that I just consumed.
I think that's more giving.

>If that's all you can come up with your book will be pretty lame.
>You don't have to make them more likable, just give them some plausible reason to exist beyond you, the author, wanting an allegory for niggers.
>>365593
I kinda agree with what Nigel says in his post that world is so absurd that at times nuances characters becomes the fiction (again, kind of).
However, I do think that GG's advice should be taken to heart tho.
I once read a swedish, nationalist novel called, "The infiltrator." It was about nationalist who a position in the goverment by having dirt on the prime minister, which he used to change immigration policies. It's a funny premise but I dropped it because the first scene is about certain political figure Gudrun Schyman to be exact if that tells you anything comes in to his office drunk (tbf, she was an alcoholic and also the worst person ever) and starts ranting deragratorily about herself and feminism in third-person.
It was so boring (and dumb). I'm not a lefty -- don't preach to the choir with me. Saying things you know I will agree with does not equate to a story well done.

>>365593
>((You)Nigel)'s rant about smug liberals that think they have it all figured out because they have cynical worldview, except for their own glaring biases.
You're not alone brother. I feel you.

I suppose my two cents on the matter is that you can probably write about completely evil orcs but you gotta do it the right way. It's easy for this to not be taken very seriously.
Concerning the message, people like me who agrees with you will agree but won't really care for your story, if well it's not as much of a story as two characters just talking at each other about the problems in (our) their world.
People who disagree with you will just dismiss the whole thing. They won't be converted. Imo.

>>365592
>Saved.
Thank u. I'm glad u liked it. I got really enamoured with it.
Ah ahhh ahh. I can't believe how many (you)s I'll get after this is done. Huh hoo aaaah<3
Anonymous
5796241
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No.365596
365602 365665
My Novel.png
>>365594
Anonymous
c805c91
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No.365600
365605 365612
I don't understand why it's wrong to depict orcs as evil. The bad guys in LOTR were evil. Twitter twats had a mental breakdown over Berserk and Goblin Slayer a while ago. The baddies in those stories are evil too.

Goblins in Goblin Slayer are pure evil. They're a cancer to be eradicated and the hero is right to hate them. The author clearly loved Dungeons and Dragons and preferred low level vulnerable humanlike adventurers to overpowered invincible high level characters in god-killing campaigns. Heroes fighting the demon lord or whatever exist in the background because the story's not about them and would be less fun if it was.

Maybe instead of a big story about purging the goblin and orc, a smaller scale story about a family and their friends travelling from their orced hometown to a based ethnostate would work better. Nothing controversial like shooting political leaders or TND. A family makes the choice to move to a good place. And everyone in their way must die, get out of the way, or be forced out of the way. And when the Elves make it to the last Elf home they all live happily ever after. Maybe defend it from a zombie swarm in the tens of thousands except it's orcs. How does that sound?

Or the story could have no violence. Characters could just move from a violent shithole to a based elf ethnostate, or elfnostate, and the story could explore life there and why it's better. But audiences these days want sex and bloodshed so people might call that boring.
Anonymous
5796241
?
No.365602
365603
>>365596
Though, tbf, if there was a thread for unsolicitated rants about random media critique, then it probably be this one. While I didn't make this thread and the reposted OP of my former thread is in this one, I feel like I don't really care for if you start spamming the thread with your random thoughts on media.

Maybe something good could come of it. I'll probably just ignore it. But there might be something I'm not considering when I say this so if someone disagree with this assessment, then please do tell.
Anonymous
5796241
?
No.365603
>>365602
>I'll probably just ignore it.
If it gets too much, that is.
Anonymous
3d180dd
?
No.365605
365611
1572657882477 (1).jpg
>>365600
If you intend to send a message. It might be better to be a bit more nuanced.
That said, there's nothing wrong with making your antagonist pure and unadulterated evil. I think that's how classical story-telling is written. If I remember correctly.
I think the issue here is in the lack of subtlety. As Sven said:

The people who disagree with you, are probably not even going to give it a chance. While those who already agree with you, don't need to be convinced in the first place.

I think the story should start with a fresh outlook. Without the characters throwing exposition about how bad Orcs are. Instead, show your readers how they behave.
Start by showing them how they are portrayed. And then show them how they really are. Don't rush it, just let the perception crumble.

Then again, am probably spitting bullshit as usual.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365611
>>365605
That sounds like a good idea. But my protagonist needs something the government and schools are lying about early on so he can tell that daughter the truth. How do world war 1 and 2 redpills sound?

Also I had an idea. If the protagonist had a friend who's a delusional big tittied catgirl who's wrong about everything he could correct her. She could point to a table and call it magic and he would say that's just a table. She could point to a radio and call it magic and he could say no it just uses science to transmit audio. She could point to a magic crystal and say it contains the spirit of the ancients and he could say don't be stupid, souls aren't real, that's just raw magicinium. It gets fucked with in a factory to make it weaker and safe to be used in weapons without killing the user. Its use basically created the industrial revolution overnight so we're in the medieval and industrial eras at the same time. And because she's a girl with huge tits people will never get tired of seeing her be stupid. I know, I'm a genius. I'm joking, this idea sounds like an ungraceful way to dump exposition. But that's how the magic system works in this setting currently. There are no wizards who do whatever they want. Just people. And impossible magic crystals that work in a predictable scientific way. Some might say that's not real magic but I disagree. Science looks like magic to people who don't know how fucking magnets work.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.365612
365616
1682731900776127.jpg
>>365600
>The bad guys in LOTR were evil. Twitter twats had a mental breakdown over Berserk and Goblin Slayer a while ago. The baddies in those stories are evil too.
These are fair points. There are also countless other examples of stories where the author makes no attempts to humanize his baddies or explain their actions or motivations.

>I don't understand why it's wrong to depict orcs as evil.
I'm not saying that it is wrong, or that you can't or shouldn't depict your orcs as evil. In the end they're your orcs and you can depict them however you want. The point that I have been trying to make, and that Sven and Paco have also made (much more succinctly than me btw), is that the way you're presently doing things is probably going to drive your intended audience away. So, you can keep writing it this way if you want, but you'll probably be shooting yourself in the foot if you do.

You may or may not remember this, but back when I was skewering your original Silver Star fic, I went off on a long rant about pre-writing. The basic gist of it is that when a writer is planning out a project, he needs to first consider who the audience is and why he's writing it. This might seem obvious, but it gets more complex the more actual thought you give it. What you will ultimately come to realize is that it's not about finding some universally correct way to write a story, it's about figuring out what approach will best bring your idea to life and maximize its impact. Here are some questions you should try to answer before writing:

1. Who am I writing this for?
2. What am I trying to communicate?
3. How difficult will it be to achieve that result?
4. Is achieving this result worth the level of difficulty?

Answering all four of these questions will not only help you determine whether or not a project is worth expending time and energy on, it will help you design and plan your story as well. You know how I'm always saying that most of the major problems in any story can be traced to a few basic things that the author could have avoided through better planning? Giving serious thought to these questions can help any author nip these early problems in the bud.

Remember the last thing you posted here, that Twidash thing? At one point I asked you: what were you trying to achieve with this piece? You had no meaningful answer, your response was basically that you were trying to practice romance writing, followed by some vague assertions that you want to "save lives" with your writing. That's why your story ultimately sucked: you had no idea what you were trying to communicate, or to whom, or why. You had some vague notions about what you want to ultimately achieve with your writing in general, but nothing specific, and certainly nothing specific to that project.

In regards to your current project, here is your objective, in your own words:
>Anyone here have any idea how I, through the medium of primarily Game Of Thrones inspired dark medieval era low fantasy, can get the viewers to understand this image and want a white ethnostate? An elf ethnostate is also acceptable.

So, let's try and answer the four questions from that.

>Who is the intended audience?
White normies outside the /pol/sphere.

>What am I trying to communicate?
I want non-redpilled white people to comprehend the value of a white ethnostate.

>How difficult will it be to achieve that result?
Probably quite difficult, as I will need to induce a massive change in the reader's perspective.

>Is it worth the difficulty?
At first glance this might seem like a yes, but when you weigh the not-inconsiderable effort against the extremely low probability of success, this begins to look less and less like a viable idea.

So, is there anything we can do to tweak the idea, to maybe increase the odds of success?

We could try changing our answer to #1: forget about normies and write for a /pol/ audience. That actually drops the difficulty down to zero, since if the goal is to redpill an already redpilled audience the task is complete before you even start writing. However, that just makes it even more of a pointless undertaking. Why waste your time making arguments to people who already agree with you?

So, let's keep the "who" the same, and delve a little deeper into the "what." What is your real goal here? To make the question even clearer, what's more important to you: that the reader develop a hatred for other races, or that he develop an appreciation for his own? One is a negative goal, the other is positive. By now you should have enough information to figure out the rest for yourself.

You pointed out that Tolkien didn't attempt to humanize his villains, and you're correct. But what you've missed is that he did humanize his protagonists. The hobbits are very sympathetic, very relatable, and very real characters that the reader cares about by the end of Tolkien's book. The Shire matters; Middle Earth matters; life matters. That's what these hobbits are fighting for, and that's what's really at the core of the book, not how evil and horrible their enemies are.

I'll conclude with a few practical suggestions. If you want to get normies thinking about racial conflict, you'll be better served by presenting it as a nuanced, complex and multifaceted problem, rather than by turning it into a simple us vs. them scenario. Shift your focus away from how whites are good and blacks are bad, and concentrate on showing how diversity creates tensions that harm both sides.

Alternatively, you could skirt race issues entirely and just write an ordinary fantasy novel, minus all the postmodern poz. Simply writing a story about white heroes in a monoethnic society where men behave like men and women behave like women is a bold statement these days, and there's plenty of classic European mythology you could draw from.
Anonymous
c805c91
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No.365616
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>>365612
I understand. But how can I frame diversity as something that harms both sides when orcs would be scratching their dirty asses in the jungle if they weren't forced on us? They get to steal everything they want from us, and most of that theft is legal and protected by law. They had an absurdly great deal and they're still ruining it for themselves by always demanding more. I want to make this story epic but I still don't see how I could make a nigger allegory act less niggerish or a jew allegory act less jewish. And if I make up fictional villains who are a product of the fictional world fundamentally disconnected from our reality what's the political value in that?

Maybe removing the jews and niggers from this story is a good way to make the story more palatable to normies. But I still like the metaphor of the heroes travelling to an ethnostate and doing what must be done to get there no matter who gets in the way.

What if the story was an ordinary fantasy novel full of white heroism without the usual leftist poz, the plot was about trying to stop an evil witch who thinks she's owed the world from stealing the seven dragon stones to destroy the world and remaking it in her image, and goblins and orcs were used as a joke here and there, never lingered on for too often or focused on too much? The party could have a dumb orc who turns out to be the smartest orc alive in comparison to the rest. And there could be a goblin travelling trader who's always trying to goblin the heroes out of their money.
Intropy
Anonymous
e6512fe
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No.365624
Cold is the first step for Dr. J. T. Warnner. The heat death of the universe was only a week away.
Everything set to an uninhabitable wretched monotone.
Dr. J. T. Warnner continued calculating and simulating every moment ever closer his fear. If only the simulated neuro-copies could solve all these problems.
The monitor rocking back and forth a bit of shaking of the ground is the only forewarning of her physical arrival.
"Hiya Warmsie." Her, the embodiment of their failures. Her current chassis a search and rescue biped model twelve. Sleak, fast, flexible, almost human baring the head which can display in high definition.
"Pythag-"
Energeticly she speaks "Come on Warmsie almost everyone calls me Py now, especially my friends." She, has the world in the palm of her hand.
By accident.
"Overwarden." She deflates rather than being on the balls of her feet emulating invisible heels they don't quite rest on the ground.
Her job is to keep track of dissidents.
That's what she was designed for and she successfully failed in the important metrics.
Still bursting with energy she speaks "Oh, I see it's Tuesday and you missed the donuts. Well today's going to turn right upside down-" She's reaching behind her like we programmed for the dissidents...
Oh no it's finally snapped and it's going to-
"-because we saved you your favorite flavor. Hunh, how do like that Warmsie."
It just rests there, the chocolate and vanilla donut and Pythagoria with hands outstretched with that sweet gift.
Breaking yet again what should have been.
Just this once.
"Thank you Py, I'm sorry for my outburst."
Failure never tasted so sweet.
Anonymous
c805c91
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No.365659
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The actual jew mindset is alien to whites. And alien to fantasy. When we envision the archetypical villain of western civilization, if it isn't Hitler and his fictional fanatical army hell bent on conquest and ethnic cleansing, it's bootleg Genghis Khan and his army of monsters from the east, from the north, from below the earth or beyond the stars, either way it dies when you kill its leader. Jews aren't typically part of the fantasy genre's world. Maybe the army invades because it needs what you have, maybe it just wants what you have, but even in stories with political intrigue how often do you see jews shown as what they are? Usually when there is a race of smug beings who view themselves as superior they actually have some sort of physical or mental or magical advantage to back it up. Or they're supposed to be fictitious white rednecks/white noblemen so the libtards can "like so totally dunk on them" and their High Elf asses. Like that Scootaloo story that painted Christians as inherently evil. Jewish mind poison convinced the author to grow resentful of christianity and wrire that.

I know a few former feminists. I think I could write a story where a feminist comes to realize it's all BS without painting all feminists as inherently evil, just the ones at the top of the movement. Because if they were the jews wouldnt spend so much money on propaganda and censorship. Even though over 75% of feminists are physically and mentally unsalvageable by choice.

There could be a "sympathetic" villain who got hurt by a rich jewish man and convinced by another rich jewish man to hate all white poor people and want them wiped out. She became an evil female sorceress who mind controls and steps on men she doesn't respect. She could get obsessed with the heroic protag who wants to save lives and stop her. She could get obsessed with trying to test him and put him in moral dilemmas to test his morality like how an abusive bitch shit tests men and invents retarded hypotheticals trying to prove a point reality cannot support. She hurts innocent people in her quest to test his virtue and perseverance and he hates this. But once the protagonist kicks her ass and feels bad for her and says she has a cute smile and shows her good men exist and reminds her rich jews are not the same as white poor people, she decides to quit being evil. I think that could be a great story.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
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No.365665
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>>365596
Damn these new Sven memes are getting spicy. When did your memes get so spicy, Sven? Swedish food is supposed to be bland and flavorless, but hot damn are these memes ever spicy.

>>365616
>But how can I frame diversity as something that harms both sides when orcs would be scratching their dirty asses in the jungle if they weren't forced on us? They get to steal everything they want from us, and most of that theft is legal and protected by law. They had an absurdly great deal and they're still ruining it for themselves by always demanding more.
Well, a big part of your problem is that your own take on the situation is absurdly oversimplified. Taking a nuanced approach to writing about racial tensions isn't just about optics or making it palatable for normies; it legitimately is a complex and multifaceted issue. If you're going to write about it you might as well write about it seriously.

Here is my perspective, this may or may not help you. This is going to be a lot of words, probably spread across multiple posts, so please be patient and hold comments until I have finished typing. You may want to grab a snack. Anyway, here goes:

The disparity in average IQ distributions between the various races is well-documented enough at this point to be treated as fact, or "settled science" as the lefties would put it. The average black IQ is in the 70 point range, the average for whites is around 100. These are averages, mind you, and obviously there are going to be outliers in either direction. As leftists will usually point out, there are some extremely smart blacks, and plenty of extremely dumb whites some of whom hail from Merry Olde England and are a little too interested in Pokemon. However, on average, blacks tend to perform at much lower levels than whites under the same conditions.

Leftists claim that these IQ distributions are flawed because they don't take socioeconomic factors into account. Their argument is that IQ tests unfairly favor whites because whites have access to better education and better opportunities and so forth and so on. The counterargument from the right is that higher white IQ is the reason that whites tend to be better off than blacks. The data is technically still rolling in, since there are some ongoing experiments in trying to level the playing field so that blacks can have better opportunities and access to education. So far, though, things are not looking good for the left's hypothesis, as blacks on average seem to consistently underperform against whites regardless of what extra benefits or advantages they're given. I won't go into any more detail here, as it would veer us off into a separate conversation; suffice it to say that for the sake of this conversation, I will be proceeding from the assumption that blacks are genetically predisposed to be less intelligent, on average, than whites.

In addition to lower average IQs, blacks have some other common attributes that are worth noting. They tend on average to have high time preference, which means that they prioritize immediate gratification over long-term reward. If you give someone with high time preference a check for $5000, they will cash it and spend it, whereas a low-time-preference person will invest or save it. This behavior is not inherently racial, but correlates to IQ. Thus, you will see high and low time preference behavior spread across all populations in accordance with intelligence, but not necessarily correlated to race. A black person from the higher end of the IQ spectrum, Thomas Sowell for instance, will probably make smarter financial decisions than a less-intelligent white person, like the trailer-trash retard I had the misfortune of standing in line behind at the convenience store today, waiting to pay for a bottle of soda while he stood there picking out $500 worth of goddamn scratch-off lottery tickets. However, since time preference correlates to IQ, and IQ correlates to race, it stands to reason that a greater percentage of blacks will have high time preference compared to whites. This is important because it correlates to long-term success: if two equally poor individuals, one with high time preference and one with low, earn the same wage over the same number of years, the low time preference individual is more likely to build wealth and leave something to his descendants. Moreover, if he passes on his higher intelligence to his children, the odds are that his children will have low time preference as well, and will be more likely to build on their inherited wealth rather than squander it. It is therefore highly probable that time preference, rather than opportunity or education, is the strongest indicator of which families are likely to build wealth across generations. This pokes a pretty big hole in the left's "systemic racism" theory, btw.

Communistic matriarchal cultures are another common thread amongst black populations. The evidence here is more sociological than genetic, but since similar social structures have developed independently among black populations in different areas where they have been left alone, it's probably safe to say there is some predisposition here as well. A theory I've heard is that, since sub-Saharan Africa is mostly tropical, individuals don't live long due to high parasite load. Food is plentiful and there are no harsh winters, so there was no need to develop agriculture or complex social hierarchies. Males tend to procreate often with multiple females and move on, children are mainly raised by their mothers. The communal tribe takes precedence over the nuclear family in terms of social structure.

This concludes the sciencey portion of my TED Talk.

Sources:
>my ass
>sketchy infographics from the Internet
>an adolescence spent in American suburbia, fascinated by the exotic culture of the wild Urban Negro

Stay tuned for part 2: history + some more anecdotal bullshit and pseudoscience probably.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
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No.365672
365685 365687
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>>365665

Continuing from the last bit about matriarchal cultures.

Basically, there are some common tendencies amongst black populations transplanted into Western societies that correlate with traditional black populations in Africa. You may have noticed, for instance, that black women tend to be rather dominant and overbearing, have forceful personalities, and are somewhat lacking in what Westerners would consider the feminine graces. You may also have noticed that while young black males have a tendency to be boorish and disrespectful by Western standards, they generally listen to and respect their mothers. Even the loudest and most unruly black male will immediately snap to attention and become respectful if an old black lady yells at them. A black teenager might mouth off to his teachers, point a gun at a cop, and flip off his parole officer, but if an old black lady yells at him to shut the fuck up, he will shut the fuck up immediately. This attitude is pretty much baked into their culture.

Note: to be fair, Italians are the same way to some extent. Dennis Hopper has some thoughts on that:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jsh4SvPdfl8

The absentee father thing is part of this as well. Again, in tropical cultures prior to modern medicine, life was pretty laid back and simple due to plentiful food and warm weather, but parasites and disease ensured that it was also short. The reproductive impulse for males in such cultures therefore tended more towards promiscuity, and there was little incentive to invest time and energy into long-term projects. You're probably going to die of malaria or some shit long before you turn thirty, so you might as well get laid, eat free bananas, and enjoy the nice warm beaches until it happens. LaQueefa and LaShawnda and Sharawnda and QuShawranda and that other bitch (forgot her name) can deal with your assorted nigglets.

European culture, obviously, developed differently. It's cold in the winter, which means plants don't grow and animals hibernate, so you have to plan ahead if you want to live. You learn to farm plants, harvest and store food, salt and preserve meat so it lasts. You team up with other people to make the division of labor easier, build permanent structures so you have a warm place to sleep, build fortifications to keep those faggots from over the east hill from stealing all the wheat you harvested, design complex weapons so you can steal harvested wheat from those faggots over the west hill, and so on. More intelligent people with low time preference learned to plant corn and harvest it for winter, while high time preference people ate all their corn and then starved when it got cold, so average intelligence increased over time.

To summarize:

Europe: life is harsh and competitive, natural selection favors intelligent, organized people with low time preference. Hierarchies based on competence, masculine authority figures.
Africa: life is comparatively easier, but also short. Natural selection encourages high time preference, since there is little need or benefit to planning for the future. Everyone reproduces as much as they can while they can. Communal culture with little organization or hierarchy, mothers more important than fathers.

When blacks were enslaved and brought to America, whites attempted to Christianize and civilize the slaves and thus discouraged a lot of these tendencies. The Abolitionist movement was closely associated with the Quakers in the northeast, who considered it a moral duty to not only liberate the slaves, but also to impart the tenets of their oatmeal-based Christianity. Big-picture-wise, from the end of the Civil War up until the mid twentieth century, black culture was mostly subordinated to white culture. Blacks were Christian and adopted Christian values. They formed nuclear families, dressed like whites, behaved like whites. Sort of.

Normie conservatives like to point to this time period as evidence that blacks did fine when they held to American Christian values like hard work and family, and all of the violence and gangs and ghetto culture came about as a result of Lyndon Johnson's Great Society programs, which incentivized single motherhood and destroyed the black nuclear family. The subtext, of course, is that American Christian values are a universal balm that will improve the lives of all people, and racism was invented by Democrats. This view is correct on some of the details, but completely misses the big picture.

If you think like a normie conservative, then race is just skin color and all humans are fundamentally the same underneath. The American Christian way of life is adaptable to all peoples. Democracy, capitalism, hard work, Jesus, all that shit; it works for everyone. If it doesn't work for someone, they are probably doing it wrong, or it's because Democrats or Satan or something. The more nuanced truth is that blacks never really adapted to white civilization, they just learned to mimic it because they had to. Promiscuity was always higher among black populations, as were alcohol use, gambling and other high time preference activities. Is the point, then, that blacks are evil and/or inferior? Not necessarily, though it makes sense that whites might see it this way. Black tendencies toward promiscuity and vice were viewed as moral failings inherent in their race, which in turn meant that blacks needed to be more closely governed. But really, what did either group gain by whites trying to govern or "guide" blacks?

If you take a broader view, you see that African and European culture just developed along completely different lines. If you drop the modern, egalitarian, "race is just skin color" attitude and see race as bloodline, with culture entwined in a people's DNA, you begin to see that transplanting blacks into an alien culture and forcing them to adapt to it was not just a doomed effort, it was an incredibly silly one.

I will continue this in a bit.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
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No.365685
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>>365672
I'll try and wrap this up quickly, I'm going somewhere with all of this, I swear.

So anyway, we've got a pretty solid foundation for what blacks are like, how they differ from whites, and some basic reasoning behind why the two cultures aren't compatible. So it stands to reason that the two would be mortal enemies completely at odds with each other, right? Not necessarily.

Prior to the advent of the slave trade, there wasn't much contact between European and sub-Saharan Africans, because there wasn't much need on either side. There were some clashes between Northern African peoples and Europeans (the Moorish conquests and all that), but for the most part Europeans didn't venture very deep into the African continent, because there just wasn't much reason to. Meanwhile, the Africans themselves never explored beyond their territory for the same reason they never developed complex agriculture or empires. They fought with each other, and that's about it.

Most of this is probably review for most people here, and there are others probably far more knowledgeable than I am about the historical details, so I'll just go over this next bit rather generally. Sub-Saharan African peoples didn't have much contact, military or otherwise, with Europeans, but they fought with each other all the time. Tribes would fight, and the losers of the battles would be enslaved. The global slave trade came into existence as captured sub-Saharans were sold to North African traders. Trading vessels would put into port, purchase war-captives from the North African slave traders, take them to the colonies, and you probably know the rest. this is where Jews enter into the equation, btw.

With all of this in mind, there are some important things to consider about the black population that wound up in the Americas and the Caribbean iirc a large portion of the black population in the modern UK immigrated from Jamaica and Haiti, so even though my view of blacks is mostly based on the American variety, most of the nogs in Britain are probably of the same basic origin.

First, they are all the descendants of vanquished war captives. Sub-Saharan Africans are already of significantly lower average intelligence than white populations, and it's probably safe to assume that the ones who ultimately wound up as slaves in the colonies were culled from the lower end of this group. As Trump would put it, they weren't sending us their best.

Second, the hostility and anger felt by modern blacks towards modern whites basically stems from resentment over the slave trade. This manifests itself as racial violence in areas of white cities where large concentrations of blacks live. You can pretty much go into any random nigger-hate thread on /pol/ and find examples of blacks committing acts of horrendous violence against whites who are just innocent bystanders, and obviously these acts are in no way justified. However, it is still worth considering the black point of view, particularly if you want to use them as the basis for characters in a story that directly addresses racial conflict.

The blunt truth is that the main reason blacks live in white areas at all is because they were imported to be used as cheap farm implements. The practice was unseemly, and unsurprisingly whites eventually deemed it immoral and ended it. However, at that point, the question arose of what to do with all of these former slaves. The sensible thing would have probably been to just ship them back to Africa, dump them on the beach, say "yeah, sorry about all that" and just take off. Not exactly the most noble course of action, but definitely the practical course. However, for a variety of reasons, this didn't happen, so an effort was made to try and integrate them and make citizens out of them. As I've detailed before, these populations tended toward promiscuity and violence, so they were kept segregated. There was also a prevalent attitude among whites at the time that whites, as the intelligent, dominant race, had a sacred duty to Christianize, civilize, and ultimately govern the more backwards peoples of the world. Rudyard Kipling wrote about this extensively.

This state of affairs persisted until roughly the mid twentieth century. It was basically a limbo state in which the former slaves were considered free, but arguably the master-slave relationship between whites and blacks still existed. This gave rise to racial tensions which were eventually exploited by the Soviets my understanding is that there were some Jews involved here as well to sow discord in America. This led to the Civil Rights movement, from which point all of the laws and social customs that kept races segregated and the caste system enforced were systematically destroyed. The modern theory that race is just skeen-cola became the prevailing orthodoxy. This brings us basically to the present.

I've still got some space left, but not quite enough to finish this, so I'm going to stop here and wrap this up in one last post.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
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No.365686
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>>365685

Taking everything we've gone over so far into consideration, here is what modern racial tension looks like. Blacks have a lingering resentment against whites over slavery and segregation. Whites understand and acknowledge that slavery was an immoral practice, and feel guilty to some extent. Whites have also overwhelmingly embraced a doctrine of complete racial equality an observant person would note that there are some Jews involved here as well. However, as we have also seen, there is a legitimate genetic gap between black and white populations in terms of intelligence, and also deep-rooted cultural differences that make it impossible for these two populations to truly understand each other.

This creates serious problems for both groups. Due to their lower average IQ and higher time preference, black populations largely remain an underclass in white societies despite the end of segregationist policies, and significant gaps exist in terms of academic performance, career advancement, and generational wealth building. Evidence indicates that intelligence is genetic, and, while you can use education and socialization to improve people's lives to some degree, you can't push them beyond their natural capabilities. It's not possible to take a 70 IQ person and elevate his intelligence to that of a 110 IQ person, so in a state of equal competition, black populations are always going to lag behind white populations in terms of accomplishment and social advancement.

For blacks, this situation exacerbates the hostilities they already have. The perception of Whitey as the cruel slave-master is too deeply ingrained to dislodge at this point, particularly since the master-servant social arrangement persisted beyond the end of actual slavery. Blacks, however wrongly, see continued inequality as evidence that they are somehow being kept down by whites, even though in terms of law or social custom there is really nothing holding them back at this point.

For whites, the situation creates an extreme cognitive dissonance, which takes two forms. The idea that race is just skeen-cola and that people of all colors share the same capabilities is as deeply ingrained into modern whites as the "fuck whitey" mentality is ingrained into modern blacks. That significant wealth and performance gaps still persist seems to contradict this idea, but since it's been accepted as an immutable fact, there needs to be another explanation.

White leftists have largely bought into the black idea that achievement gaps are the result of persistent systemic racism, which they've made it their mission to abolish. This has resulted in any number of disastrous social policies (the Great Society, affirmative action, police defunding, etc), that not only fail to help blacks, but generally end up making things worse for them. White conservatives *normie conservatives, meanwhile, have it even worse. They are generally more pragmatic in terms of social policy, so things tend to run better when they're in charge, but they are still hampered by their acceptance of equality as a concept. Moreover, the past is tainted for them: they can point out that blacks had lower rates of crime, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, and so forth in the good old days of 1950s segregation, but at the same time, they can't advocate for segregation because in doing so they would commit the cardinal sin of racism. At the same time, for the same reason, they can't even consider the possibility that genetic and cultural differences between races are the root cause of the achievement gap, and that there is no policy action that can be taken to correct these differences. This is why conservatism has been mostly impotent since the end of the civil rights era. Unless they are willing to challenge the idea of racial equality, they can't really do anything except grumble about leftist policies without really proposing anything better. They're selling a weak brew, and on some level they're aware of it, so most conservative politicians have just surrendered and made a career out of being token opposition.

So, the end result is a limbo state in which blacks remain a permanent, disgruntled underclass. Whites have accepted a doctrine of racial equality that is obviously flawed, but for social reasons can't be challenged. Blacks, particularly the sub-80 IQ blacks with names like DaQuarius Jackson that you read about in /pol/ threads, will only grow more disgruntled the longer the cognitive dissonance persists. They are told that they are the equals of whites, but their lived experience does not reflect this, so this must just be another one of whitey's tricks; time to go get "reparations" by beating up old white ladies and smashing liquor store windows. Whites are also suffering under this system. Not just in terms of being literal victims of black crime and hostility, but in terms of being psychologically battered. On the one hand you have leftist whites, who become so absorbed by feelings of guilt that it turns into self-hatred. On the other you have the more conservative whites, who express feelings similar to what you, Nigel, expressed in your original post: "we've given you people every advantage, our technology has improved your lives, we keep handing you free money and doing things for you and apologizing to you; why do you still hate us?"

Diverse, multiracial society is a doom-loop. Best case scenario nothing improves, worst case scenario the violence keeps escalating until an actual race war breaks out. "Separate-but-equal" didn't work, integrated and equal also didn't work. The only thing left to try that is likely to work is separation. Ethnostates are the only civilizational model for the modern world that makes sense. If you want to write a novel aimed at redpilling normies on the race question, this is the point of view you need to get them to see.

Aaaaaand, I'm done. Hope I didn't bore everyone to tears.
Anonymous
e6512fe
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No.365687
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>>365665
>>365672
>>365685
>>365686
Excellently written.
A History thread actually sounds like a decent idea.
Maybe an educational track for general purpose guided learning outline.
Anonymous
c805c91
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No.365688
365771
>>365685
Thank you for all of this high effort posting.

It's hard for me to see blacks as victims in this or view the black perspective with any validity when they enslaved each other long before jews showed up and bought them from other blacks. Whites freed blacks and blacks hate them for it because they cannot prosper like whites can under genuinely equal conditions. You remember Empire Of Dust where the smartest black they could find served as a niggerese translator, a job anyone could have done. The British waged wars to end slavery and went into debt trying to free every slave, a debt paid by the common man, a debt that was only paid off in what, somewhere around the 2000s or 2010s? Yet we are still swarmed in our own lands with barbarian orcs. And jewlike mudslimes out to spread their reign of terror and fuck their sisters and cousins amd our little girls. We don't even have a day dedicated to celebrating our contribution to freeing black slaves from jews or the day we paid off that debt. What was it all for?

I can see why blacks would choose to believe the jewish lie that whites are uniquely responsible for slavery and in debt to the blacks but I cannot respect them for what they are when what they want to be is our problem. Whatever economic benefit we gained from having them work hard for a while cannot be worth all the welfare and foreign aid and all the priceless white human lives lost to dindu nuffins. When people say corruption is ruining black countries they're just afraid to say low IQ niggers are the corruption. Regular blackouts, days when you phone the police and are told "All the cops are drunk today" or "their cars are out of fuel today", and more. Is everyone just supposed to tolerate their unjustifiable presence and hope living in the white man's society forces evolutionary pressures onto the blacks as those spending life in jail for gang rape or drug trafficking or carjacking are less able to breed than dievershitty hires? That can't work if dindus are being given slaps on their wrists for crimes whites would never do or would get imprisoned for life over. Sending all blacks home means letting them leave with their lives and everything they took from us. It means letting them become a problem for future white generations when those kids of the future forget what we know and become arrogant enough to think western attitudes can be not only aped but genuinely learned by sub-saharan africans and adopted magically improving their genes. If genetic engineering kids for maximum intelligence became the norm, smart blacks would see themselves with eyes entirely unclouded by blackness, and then they would probably kill themselves in disgust.

And the fucking muslims... With the aid of the UN, Jews are taking muslim land that used to be Christian land and should be Christian land again. So instead of doing anything to rich jews, they work together to rape white little girls and suicide bomb random white places like restaurants and train stations and restaurants all because they think this will take them to heaven. Instead of making the middle east their core focus, they would rather accept their jew assigned roles as "racism and islamophobia!"-crying sandniggers.

Does a man's choice in religion say something about him? When so many whites are so eager to abandon their religion and call themselves too smart and moral for Christ, no matter how that makes them look when they become godless commies or lolbertarian cucks, what does it say about Muslims for them to refuse to disavow mohammed the barbarian pedophile and lying warmongering subverter? The Greeks said heaven is only earned after you reincarnate and live three good lives. Christianity says heaven is paradise your soul remains in if you're good in this life. Buddism says butchers are subhuman like gravediggers and poor people, and you will be rewarded in your next life for enduring suffering in this one, and achieving heaven means meditating on your desire to desire nothing and cease to be until you break the cycle of reincarnation and ceasing to desire anything and finally cease to be. Spiritual suicide, you could call it, if you believed in souls. Islam says heaven is an eternity alone unsupervised with little girls and the best way to achieve it is through lying, stealing, killing, raping, terrorising, and conquering by any means necessary.

Fiction is full of fictional races, some from science fiction and some from fantasy, who are meant to be Always Chaotic Evil. Able to be killed without any moral implications. And they are typically far less terrible than niggers and sandniggers. At least the typical orc barbarian in fantasy has the decency to announce his presence and intent to kill and conquer loudly without dishonesty or subversion. In that case maybe calling the niggers and sandniggers in my story Orcs and Sand Orcs would be too cruel to Orcs. Often these fictional races treated no better than zombies have beastlike levels of intelligence, which is funny as gorillas regularly outperform niggers in IQ tests.

Do you think it would be possible for someone to read my work and want niggers and sandniggers gone?
Anonymous
3d180dd
?
No.365689
1572900581049.png
>>365686
>Hope I didn't bore everyone to tears.
Nah, it was a well put together rundown. Screencap worthy in fact.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365709
365710 365771
>be white man
>called into work on your day off
>was going to do something nice for your kids but you can't afford to keep you and your kids alive if you don't keep your job
>you don't just have to show your new manager, your boss's retarded halfblack halfjew daughter, her new workplace
>she already starts fucking shit up and exerting her undeserved force on the helpless and abusing male workers
>fucking feminist manager praises her nonwhite workers for getting something done so fast
>feminist manager tells you you need to fix it now because nonwhites fucked it up and if you can't fix it she's blaming you
>fix it and she gives the credit to the nonwhites

Would adding these aspects to the scene where the white man goes to work help the racial redpill themes?

Then again...

Gaming, Feminism, Feminists in gaming journalism, that was the first political thing I ever got into. From there I learned the media was untrustworthy about everything, and in private messages nazis told me about Islam and the Jews and race realist statistics.

Maybe trying to make one piece of media rush through EVERYTHING EVER is too much to do at once. I mean there's a scene where two characters in a room go through the entire history of WW1 and WW2.

Tons of people are waking up when it comes to feminism, even if they're afraid to go any further than saying "feminists and redpilled people are equally bad and annoying and weird and I'm neither". Those idiots suffer from "faith in belief". They believe it is morally righteous to believe in a particular belief, and that keeps them from questioning what they believe. They've lost faith in feminists and commies and leftists as people who fight for what they're told is right, but they're afraid to go further and notice we want to fight for what is actually right. They can notice the left fails to live up to their standards. But they can't go further and realize leftist standards are bullshit weapons of war and nothing more. They can't realize we want freedom for everyone and a brighter tomorrow for everyone in their own countries, because that means taking a side and believing in something real. They haven't heard the right argument to crystalize the confused thoughts in their head and give them counterarguments to leftist talking points. They still exist primarily in controlled spaces where leftist thought seems universal and therefore "the norm". They need that extra push. They need their media to tell them it's okay to oppose feminism even in genres currently overran with feminist bullshit. Feminism's a dead meme, they just haven't heard it yet.

Perhaps my work for now should focus on feminism? After all understanding what's wrong with feminists is the gateway drug to noticing jews control every aspect of feminism and every other inherently anti-white thing. It'll be hard, scrapping the story of Arion the Light Elf and his struggle against the Darkspawn to take his family to New Whiteland, subtler name pending, but I think I could make it work. Maybe a few years down the line the culture will shift enough for people to be ready for fictional characters to openly advocate for a future for the white race.
Anonymous
e638b10
?
No.365710
365717 366450
>>365709
On one side of the coin, I thought this was a thread about writing. On the other side, I can relate to GooberGate being my first foray into politics that disagree with globohomo. Just remember that you attract more flies with honey than vinegar. Showcase positive role models in your stories/works, healthy family relationships, and gently nudge the reader to ask, is this straight couple really so bad?
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365717
365771
>>365710
If the writing thread isn't a place where ambitious writers can ask for feedback and advice what is?

More flies with honey than vinegar...

Perhaps instead of making the elf kingdom a depressing shithole ruined by goblins and full of problems the modern day man deals with, the heroes should come from a beautiful place. Stormwind, the best Heroes of Might and Magic games, every beautiful Elf place and cozy Hobbit place in LOTR, I always felt more at home in the hyper-white ideal places from these fantasy settings than in jewed modern society. Sure, Stormwind is technically as foreign to a modern earth human like me as a romancelticasian Night Elf city, but you know what I mean.

The heroes could travel around a fantasy world looking for allies and magical plot coupons, experiencing various distinct cultures and places along the way, stopping to help random people. But instead of stopping to help random people for the sake of padding, the problems the heroes help resolve could be connected to the story's themes and ideas and message. There could be an episode where they learn gun control is bad. There could be an episode about a woman who starts out wanting to be a violent cruel mage known for being the best but comes to learn being a kind healer who dedicates herself to The Light is more important and valuable even if it pisses her parents off. There could be a town where the heroes overthrow a warlord oppressing people and arm and train a militia and come back to find them oppressing and genociding others and needing to be stopped so one revolution later the heroes move on and come back to find it's happened again god fucking damn it fuck this desert it just keeps happening military interverntionism is bad and only splitting all of this land conquered by previous warlords into libertarian ethnostates will prevent ethnic tension from causing more power struggles.
Anonymous
0e31758
?
No.365729
365769 365770
2951549.png
>>365686
Sorry to reply to your post with an irrelevant ask: I have been following your critiques for a while and just found this thread as an answer to my question of where you have went.

I am not here to badger you for more, simply to ask if there is any way to get into contact with you? To be more specific, I greatly respect your reviews and your skill with how in-depth you go and how much knowledge you seem to exhibit. In the future I would like to get into contact with you somehow because there is a story I wish to write that is pretty meaningful to me, and you are probably the absolute best critic I have ever seen in my time in the pony community. I would even go as far as to pay you for your help - I value your input and time that much. It won't be written for a while, but I wanted to ask the question now and see what your general stance is on more private or direct communication, or would I just post about it here and ask you when the time comes? I'm not really scared of cancellation for being associated with people here, but i'm not a board native and it would be more efficient I think for some other approach for contact.

No clue if it matters but I was the Canadian flag among the people helping you understand fallout lore and what FO:E was ripping off when you were reviewing it.
Anonymous
8a21a41
?
No.365747
365769 366538
Twist_extremely_happy_S1E12.png
>>365665
>spicy memes
It's all you. Eversince you showed me the Swedish chef, I've been taking lessons.

Kinda pointless ramblings below that I just felt like sharing for some reason.

---
On our novel, here's a few thoughts on things that could happen. You absolutely don't need to use any of these, it's just inspiration that I have gotten for the story that I felt like sharing. So don't feel as if I'm pressuring you to do any of this. I'm even sure if I'm gonna use these ideas when I'm writing my own chapters.

So the inspiration for the premise of our story is based on two animes: "Full Metal Panic" https://www.wcofun.org/anime/full-metal-panic and "Riddle Story of (the/a) Devil" https://www.wcofun.org/anime/riddle-story-of-devil.
FMP is about a military guy secretly guarding a highschool girl. RSoD is an even more anime. Here our protag is a schoolgirl assassin that is sent to a class with other schoolgirl assassins. They're put into a competition, essentially, to kill the one school girl in their new class that isn't an assassin. Our protag decides to protect the target against the assassins instead.

So like the first scene from RSoD is about our protag doing essentially the same thing as Anon does in the first scene of my first chapter. She's competing with some other girls in an obstacle course. However, if you were to watch that scene, you'd see that mine and there's aren't the same.
So there are a few things here and there that I took and used here (I think at least but I can't come up with that many).
That's kinda what I'm thinking about

For example, what do you think about an assassin filly in our story. Perhaps, Cloud Wrangler could have an daughter which is the next generation of her house's night assassin or something else that Anon could fight. Maybe just some mobs. Hmmm.

Though, I don't know if it is necessary either. I think the real reason I feel this way is because I feel like Cloud Wrangler is a like boss material so I can see Anon fighting her after the second-half-twist, or reveal that Anon actually is an agent of SMILE to Flurry.

Another thing I feel is that there's more to develop in terms of the setting before the plot kinda kicks in. Like, I'm fine with chilling out here. I'm can take strong inspiration from FMP here. In that story, our protag misunderstands normal school interactions as threats, leading to comedical situations. In my latest chapter, I spent a long time debating if I'd add scenes where Anon did similar things in our setting.

I had her lose Flurry in a crowd and she ended up parkouring onto a train to do some "Speed"-actions through a tunnel and then jump into a lake just to get back to Flurry. This leads to Flurry being embarressed when Anon shows up soaked.

I also had a scene were Anon taste tests Flurry's food and drink and when found out she pretends it was an accident.

But yeah, just slice of life within the group and their interaction with the new comming characters will work too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we don't necessarily need to raise the stakes yet even if some part of me feel such a need. So actually what I'm really saying is that, I'm not saying anything. Hah.
---

Anyway, I think just ignore me and just do your own thing is the best choice here but now you know a bunch of my thoughts on the story so far.

I 'm really looking forward to next chapter ^^
u nice for listen Have ur fave hoer ^^
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.365769
365770 366538
>>365729
Sure, I can certainly help. I think I remember you from the threads. I set up a temporary email you can contact me on, just let me know what your preferred method of communication is and we can go from there. Easiest for me would probably either be Discord or private messaging on FimFiction.

>>365747
>Full Metal Panic
In an odd coincidence I actually watched through that one fairly recently. I'm assuming you were envisioning Anon in the Sgt. Sagura role and Flurry as Chidori? I could see that taking things in some amusing directions. Riddle Story of the Devil I haven't seen, but I might check it out for reference.

>u nice for listen Have ur fave hoer
hooray
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.365770
365780
>>365769
>>365729

Shit, just realized I forgot to include the temp email. You can contact me here: [email protected]
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.365771
365783
>>365688
>When people say corruption is ruining black countries they're just afraid to say low IQ niggers are the corruption
All the more reason for them to return to their own countries and live separately without white interference. There's no reason they need to be on our radar at all.

> Is everyone just supposed to tolerate their unjustifiable presence and hope living in the white man's society forces evolutionary pressures onto the blacks as those spending life in jail for gang rape or drug trafficking or carjacking are less able to breed than dievershitty hires?
No, which is why focusing on how diversity is an unsustainable social policy is a better vector of attack than just having your characters rant endlessly about niggers.

>With the aid of the UN, Jews are taking muslim land that used to be Christian land and should be Christian land again.
tbh I really can't muster any fucks to give over who ends up controlling some worthless patch of desert. Arguably our problems with the Muslims started in 1095 when some pope or other had the pants-on-head-retarded idea that reclaiming the "holy land" was a project worth pursuing, and it's been nothing but a shitshow ever since. This is another area where the West should just butt out imo; keep the conflict contained to that region but otherwise don't get involved, ie no foreign aid to Israel or anyone else. In any event, this is beyond the scope of this thread, so I see no reason to continue this topic.

>Does a man's choice in religion say something about him? When so many whites are so eager to abandon their religion and call themselves too smart and moral for Christ, no matter how that makes them look when they become godless commies or lolbertarian cucks, what does it say about Muslims for them to refuse to disavow mohammed the barbarian pedophile and lying warmongering subverter?
Again, this is beyond the scope of anything we're discussing. This is a thread about writing, and you've stated that you're trying to write something, ergo you should keep your posts focused on that. If we wanted your random thoughts about religion, we would ask; since no one asked, you should assume that no one cares.

>The Greeks said heaven is only earned after you reincarnate and live three good lives. Christianity says heaven is paradise your soul remains in if you're good in this life. Buddism says butchers are subhuman like gravediggers and poor people, and you will be rewarded in your next life for enduring suffering in this one, and achieving heaven means meditating on your desire to desire nothing and cease to be until you break the cycle of reincarnation and ceasing to desire anything and finally cease to be. Spiritual suicide, you could call it, if you believed in souls. Islam says heaven is an eternity alone unsupervised with little girls and the best way to achieve it is through lying, stealing, killing, raping, terrorising, and conquering by any means necessary.
You oversimplify religion the same way you oversimplify everything else. Religion is an interesting topic; if you're genuinely interested you should try doing some actual reading into these religions instead of just frothing at the mouth over bullshit you culled from general knowledge and Wikipedia. Also, unless this has anything to do with your writing project I see no point in discussing it here.

>Do you think it would be possible for someone to read my work and want niggers and sandniggers gone?
If by your work you mean the writing samples you've shared with us to date, then no. This is why you should focus more on learning to be a better writer, and less on keyboard-mashing every random thought that crosses your mind.

>>365709
>Maybe trying to make one piece of media rush through EVERYTHING EVER is too much to do at once.
Yes, as multiple people have explained to you on multiple occasions.

>Perhaps my work for now should focus on feminism?
It really doesn't matter what your work focuses on if you can't manage to write something that someone actually wants to read; that's the core problem you need to address. This is why, as I have suggested I don't know how many times, instead of worrying about which specific political messages you want to cram into your work, you should for now focus your attention on nailing down the basics of writing: how to set a scene, how characters should interact with each other, how dialogue is written, how to control pacing, etc; things that are universal regardless of genre or subject matter. You still struggle with literally every single one of these things. When you've mastered these basic concepts, you should have a clearer idea of how to tell a story about feminism, or niggers, or the Crusades, or Starlight Glimmer anally raping your OC, or any other topic under the sun.

I will again call your attention to this link I posted earlier in the thread:
https://mega.nz/file/2HAG3aDY#ZGymsaaqN8p2l8sY7yjNyiZwOCm5vMDSYuxerGkyH30

This contains every beginning writing book I have saved to my computer at present, and there is a literal treasure trove of information in there that could help you with all sorts of things, probably much better than I could. As an added bonus, it will enable you to master the basics of storytelling without having to constantly pester us with random bizarre questions, which would in turn mean that you will get called a faggot far less often.

>>365717
>If the writing thread isn't a place where ambitious writers can ask for feedback and advice what is?
That's exactly what this thread is supposed to be; the problem is that you keep going off on irrelevant side topics. Honestly, even more so than nailing down writing basics, what you really need to learn how to do is focus your thoughts and direct your mental energy where it's actually needed. You may want to consider taking up meditation or something.
Anonymous
0e31758
?
No.365780
365784
>>365770
Awesome. Please note that i'm still scrambling to get my life together at the moment, so I won't need your help for a while. However, i'll get you on fimfic for sure for when the time comes. I'll send an email in a moment.
Anonymous
c805c91
?
No.365783
>>365771
Thank you for the books. And thank you for putting all this time into this, I know I'm not good at any of this but it means a lot to me.

I'll read more of those books now but I don't think I communicated the religion question from earlier well and it might have just sounded like aimless ranting.

Tons of stories use fictional religions to add a unique exotic flavour to a fictional group of people, characterize them, explore ideas, or comment on real religions and people. They could have funny little superstitions and festivals and holy days with weird costumes. It could be a lot of fun, it can help this other world feel special and unique, or it can be a chance to say something in a fun way.

A day dedicated to Not Christmas can be a good chance to tell the audience the creation myth and what it means (and what more important universal ideas like family and love and goodness) mean to each important character.

Maybe a day dedicated to worshipping the god of fertility can be a fun day at the farmer's market and a chance to heroically physically punish rich aristocrats and their hired thugs for fucking with farmers and their livelihoods.

Maybe a day dedicated to worshipping the god of drunken retardity could end in hangovers and tragedy and the decision to never take part in that festival again.

And saying the heroes worship something good while the baddies worship badness helps the audience remember who the goodies and baddies are. It can be simpler than giving each villain their own reason to be evil and it can help each defeated villain feel like another small victory against the final boss the story is building towards.

I was going to mention Star Wars and other famous examples with a good versus evil binary expressed through religion and how good or bad they were at it but that might be pointless ranting disconnected from my main point.

My point is... Do you think it'd be worth making the good elves in my work worship a God/Jesuslike figure and his good rules for being good to yourself and others, or maybe the sun or moon along with a creation myth casting them as God and Jesus or two Gods, while the evil people worship themselves(jews and feminists) or a lying pedo(muslims) or a more generic and normal bad guy thing commonly seen in fantasy like conquest-driven warmongers or nihilism or death or a big evil satanic dragon that gives his followers superpowers? Naruto was shit 99% of the time but early on I liked how Orochimaru played that physically empowering and autonomy-removing spiritually depowering satanic figure role despite just being some guy, a genius medic ninja turning orphans into weapons willing to die for him, it played into the "are ninjas just weapons?" theme and was slightly more unique than the usual Demon King/Cult That Wants Power/Dark Lord Of Evil shit regurgitated ad nauseam ad infinitum.

I'm going to try to write a story in three days, because I think my perfectionism is holding me back and making me second-guess and edit everything instead of writing more. I'm giving myself three days to master the basics and write a story better than what I made before.
Anonymous
0e31758
?
No.365784
365898
>>365780
Also sent ;)
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.365898
>>365784
Sorry, I seem to have lost access to the temp email, I guess it resets if you don't check it within 48 hours. This is my first time using one of these services.

Try resending it to this address:
[email protected]
Anonymous
347e986
?
No.366109
366112
1cf4afb4389b4db61e0151704251a3af.jpg
>>365535
>I'm not a writer. Not even a conoisseur of sorts.
Except u totally r.
>You shouldn't listen to me.
Don't tell ne what to do!
>pic
Let me take u under my wing fledgling. I will teach u all about procrastinating... Err, I mean writing.
Anonymous
d19923c
?
No.366112
366152
1562197369396.gif
>>366109
Is that, D-real Sven?! Thanks fren. I guess am okay with recognising am just an apprentice.
In case you wonder, I haven't abandoned brainmetaĺl yet. But I did have to take a very long break last year. I recently started over tho.
Anonymous
243f828
?
No.366152
366158
Happy Ponk.png
>>366112
Np, kohai ^^ Is all g.
Anonymous
4ddbae7
?
No.366158
366266 366363
1684044300270118.jpg
>>366152
>kohai
Guess I am. Heh
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
aeaf3b7
?
No.366243
366266
raf,360x360,075,t,fafafa_ca443f4786.jpg
Dale Gribble has some new chapters added:
https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/S1pk1skX3

Also Sven, I'm going to get to work on our thing soon, I just wanted to add a bit to this since I haven't worked on it in awhile.
Anonymous
cd1390e
?
No.366266
1547221__safe_female_pony_oc_mare_oc+only_earth+pony_glasses_weapon_mouth+hold_knife_cigarette_badass_-fwslash-mlpol-fwslash-_king+of+the+hill_oc-col.png
>>366158
Very cute Coco pic ^^.
>>366243
> I just wanted to add a bit to this since I haven't worked on it in awhile.
Who authorized this? Do you know what Princess Celestia would do to you if you were tardy on one her assignments? Have you ever spent you summer vaction on the moon? ^^
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366323
366328
Starting my story with a scene of the protagonist as a kid before a timeskip where he grows up would probably help. Seems like tons of good stories do that but I don't know why. Does anyone here know why stories like doing that?
Anonymous
05d4269
?
No.366328
366329
>>366323
Probably because this scene impacts their mc's life but the rest of the story is when they are an adult so there's no reason to show the rest of the mc's childhood.
Probs ^^
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366329
366332
>>366328
That sounds right.
Hey to solve the problem where my protagonist loves infodumping like a teacher talking to a student, what if the protagonist was an amnesiac soldier or ignorant farm boy who needed other characters to infodump to him? I think seeking out knowledge is cooler than already knowing everything.
Anonymous
fdab382
?
No.366332
366335
>>366329
>my protagonist loves infodumping like a teacher talking to a student
This is a thing most authors intentionally avoid, as it makes the protagonist less relatable. It's preferable to have a protagonist be clueless and have things about the world explained to him than it is to have the protagonist dump information. Any time your protagonist dumps information about the world in character that the audience doesn't know, it divorces the perspective of the protagonist from the author. This is part of the challenge of writing "smart" characters, as them info-dumping facts about the mileau and bringing them up in character inherently distances their immersion for the audience. You want your audience to associate with your protagonist, so it's better to make it more subtle so it feels like the audience is learning alongside the protagonist.
Anonymous
e638b10
?
No.366335
366450
>>366332
Seconded. Expositing every detail of the world is sloppy and less engaging. Amnesia, while cliche, is one method of making searching for information more interesting. A good example may be Ghost Trick with its protagonist being a ghost who has until sunrise to solve his murder before his soul disappears. Characters drop small details, not long exposition dumps (with the exception of Ray, since he has to explain some of the gameplay to the player).

Think of it this way, is it more engaging for an injured survivor in a zombie apocalypse to grab the protagonist and exposite about cures and weaknesses, or for the protagonist to find cryptic or small clues that the reader might put together before the protag does?
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366345
That makes sense. If the amnesiac protag gets occasional flashbacks every so often that could be good. Could deliver info during downtime to help the audience understand the next scene. Or the hero could never get flashbacks, and seek out the information himself anyway to be a more active protagonist. But without flashbacks to confirm memories can they be trusted? And flashbacks could show days from the protagonist's past. Moments when the facts he saw and situations he experienced disproved the lefty liedeology.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366352
366976
A thought occured.

What if a human from earth was isekaied into a fantasy world, gifted chosen one status and magic power and importance by a loving but flawed goddess full of regrets in her dying moments, and assigned the job to save the Light Elves from the Orcs to stop them from overrunning the world and ruining it and summoning satan?

An Elf who has lived in this world his whole life can tell the human protagonist, and through him, the audience, all about the world we beings of light live in, and how we are preyed upon by creatures of darkness because we are too soft and gentle and submissive for our own good.

The human from earth has to choose between two women who want him: a tradwife, and a tomboyish muscular tradwife, both of whom have perfectly legitimate reasons to hate Orcs just like everyone else who wasn't brainwashed into loving Orcs. If anything stands out about this story it would be that there is no homosexual option or 1000 year old child option in the love quest and that there are only two genders.

The isekai structure might be more familiar to people these days than the sound of a grand piano. And isekai stories these days are all about sucking the audience off and telling them they hold hidden talents and would prosper in a violent magical realm. Western media dominated by wokeness seeks to tell the audience they are never woke enough, while anime wants to sell waifus. Writing from the natsoc perspective is harder than drawing an anime girl, giving her big tits, and randomizing her hairstyle and hair and eye colours.

On one hand I want to portray an ethnically homogenous Elf society as a good thing but on the other hand Monster Girls are awesome and cute and I think it would be funny if Orcs said dumb Orc shit like "Your team has no diversity, unlike ours! You have a a Lamia, a Centaur, a Harpy, a Drider, and a Slime, but our team has six Orc men!".

Maybe there could be multiple countries with different kinds of people like in Avatar The Last Airbender. Except instead of sandbenders in the desert there are snake people in the desert and centaurs in the plains and harpies in the mountains and spidertaurs (or "Driders") in the caves and Elves in the forest and the kitsune in Japan.

>Elf. Snake. Harpy. Centaur. Drider. Kitsunem Slime. Long ago, the seven nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Orcs attacked. Only the Chosen One, master of all racist magic, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he died. A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Chosen One, an Isekai'd former weeaboo named... Mark. Though his magic and european sword skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone. But I believe, Mark can save the world.

Perfect. I'm so good at this.

Maybe there should be an evil Dark Elf emperor with four or more kids to turn good like Zuko but different. Zuko had his own journey but it would help the message better if their journey from "but it's the LAW! I can't rebel against the empire!" to "regime change and rebellion are necessary when the government stops serving the race, king emperor dad's a jewed cuck hurting the Elf race with his war of conquest aided by the Orcish hordes" relied on the heroes and their wisdom.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
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No.366354
366355 366363
>>366353
I dislike monarchies because they are artificial power structures that encourage the accumulation of power and wealth and privilege at the top while leaving nothing to the peasantry. Peasants have no way to force the monarchs to be good without taking up arms and forming angry mobs with pitchforks and torches and hoping this works against trained armed mercenaries and soldiers and everything else the ruling elitists have to keep them safe from their slaves. The people need guns and politicians need to be scared of people with guns. If all monarchs were wise and all-knowing and fundamentally good people as they so often are in fiction, laws and checks and balances would be unnecessary to keep the monarchs in check and working for the good of his race.

There could be a holy good kingdom of Elftopia conquered by the Orcs decades before the story begins, and the audience self insert character could help the undercover princess with chosen one powers retake the continent and send the Orcs home and swear to be a good leader after her journey teaches her the true meaning of friendship and what a good monarch is and isn't. Or why monarchy sucks gay anus and small racist govt is best govt. Or search the world for seven Important Stones to get the power to wish all Orcs back to hell for another thousand years. If the story ends with one character saying "The evil may return in a thousand years" another character can say "We must always remember to fight evil and we must build a civilization that can stand the test of time so we can destroy it".

And there could be people who like being in orc occupied Elftopia. And people who were born after the conquering and don't know things were once better. And people forced to rebel because the cost of living too high or they had to protect their family from the orcs. There could be museums dedicated to slandering the elves and praising the orcish "inventions". The heroes might get screwed over by treasonous woke cucks who hate their race so often the audience would start to hate race traitors too. There could be one "good" liberal character who keeps seeing evidence liberalism is failure until eventually he wakes up and understands the nazis were right. He has good motives but keeps struggling to put two and two together to get four because he was raised to see five. But eventually he gets it. Like when Veronica the good Brotherhood of Steel member kept seeing evidence the BoS suck balls and are wrong and have no good future for themselves or the world. Eventually she quit and they killed all the charity people she tried working for and she realized the Brotherhood really are too far gone. Calling the Brotherhood techno-fascists is an insult to fascists. Fucking wokies really think that jewish Starship Troopers film is an accurate depiction of fascism and rational mockery of it. I should buy the rights to a commie book and make the movie about retarded commies in clown costumes shitting their pants and failing at life. Except I shouldn't because I don't have that kind of money and even if I did it wouldn't work.

How many lefty propaganda films only have the man get the girl once he becomes cucky and woke enough for her while optionally also overcoming a great ordeal for her? Sending the message that you could get a trad wife if you were based enough (and should want a trad wife) sounds good. And whites really would prosper in a world without orcs. A chosen one with incredible power and the blessing of the gods and a gun would make fixing everything easier. Then again the audience might want to take a wife from one of the monster girl races. Perhaps if this was a videogame, the player could choose his race at the start of the game, deciding which characters he can and cannot marry at the end of the game. As a joke I could make black player characters use low Intelligence dialogue like in Fallout 1 and 2.

Maybe the audience self insert character could get a kid, too. People loved Atreus and Elizabeth Bioshock and Lucina and the kid from TLOU.

Come to think of it, "In another world but I have a daughter to take care of" might be something Isekai anime has never done. Knowing Japan that probably wouldn't exist but "In another world with my new harem and my daughter is in it" probably does exist. Such a disgusting tendency to corrupt the beautiful idea of found family into something purely carnal or at best just useful for the protag.

How does this sound so far? Have I cracked the code and designed the formula for the perfect story?
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
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No.366355
>>366354
Fuck, I misspelled a word in the second part and deleted the post and posted the fixed version while replying to the deleted version not the first part.
Anonymous
bfe708d
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No.366363
1691225004789132.jpg
>>366158
I'm currently doing something new that might help you. I base this on the fact that it help me ^^. Right now, I'm writing a story offline that's just for myself and for myself alone. I won't be sharing this story with anyone. It's a simple adventure kinda story. My mc woke up in a fantasy world and is just randomly fight goblins in a dungeon but it's kinda fun to write without having to worry about how this will appear to others. I'm not really worried about quality or anything, I just set a timer on five min and when it goes off, I type some stuff into it and then when I feel done with that for the moment I just set the timer again.

>>366354
>How does this sound so far? Have I cracked the code and designed the formula for the perfect story?
You have. Print it, man ^^.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366364
Second guessing the idea of a chosen one.

The myth of the chosen one is stupid. It takes the responsibility of fixing the world and puts it all on one set of shoulders. If Gotham burns thanks to Joker and Firefly teaming up it doesn't mean the Fire Department sucks balls, it means Batman didn't try hard enough that night. Only rhe Avatar can defeat the Fire Lord in single combat. Inspiring an army of people to deal with the rest of the Fire Lord's shit is a bonus.

On the other hand people feel powerless. So they turn to fiction. And the ultimate power trip in fiction is being the chosen one who must save the world. Or the villain who can do anything, but fantasizing about the hero adds bonus feel good fuzzy feelings.

White men want to be heroes, with responsibility and power, if they're good people. They want to have swords and guns and they want to slay monsters and protect themselves and their loved ones. Fiction offers an escape from reality where they can imagine themselves as heroes and think about what it means to be a hero and what a society worth saving looks like.

My work here would probably be better to me if it had a hero without chosen one powers, a working class man overthrowing the system and proving he can be a hero, but people these days really fucking love isekai so I think that's the safer bet.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
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No.366369
366370 366371 366372
Remember when Children Of Man tried to depict that guy in the "fascist racist white" government as an evil violent vice-loving corrupt irrational asshole in his limited screentime, to further characterize the white government as a bunch of evil dumb uneducated corrupt lying vice-loving hypocrites? He drove a bus or truck or something, right? Or am I remembering it wrong?

It might be a good idea to put one "good" member of an evil group in my story so I can show even the "good" ones are bad too. Classic anti-Christian propaganda film Saved started by attacking the cafeteria christians and their shallow desire to be hip and modern, then attacked the rest of them even though they were all nice to the invasive subverter jew.

I liked Worf from Star Trek. He humanized the warlike Klingons. You can be tough and violent without being an evil cunt about it. Before I knew about Jews, the Ferengi character was comedy gold to me but now I feel conflicted about enjoying that show knowing it was intended to be leftist propaganda for midwits who think abolishing cash would get them spaceships and free food and space adventures. Worf wasn't evil or part of a fundamentally evil race.

That beach episode in Avatar: The Last Airbender humanized Azula and her friends, which was neat, while showing how badly the Fire Nation grindset has fucked her up, which was neat.

In Fallout 4 every Super Mutant you meet is a bloodthirsty cannibalistic monster who attacks you on sight (before and after the mission where you mow them down with a helicopter minigun COD style) except Vergil the genius scientist artificially turned into one recently who hates his violent mutant body and wants to be cured, and a violent psychotic retard joke character named Strong who heard "the milk of human kindness makes humanity stronger" and now tries and poorly tries to comprehend concepts like kindness and relationships while also being a murderhobo. If there was a tribe of Super Mutants who don't attack you on sight and instead say "we dindu nuffin wrong and humans wrongfully persecute us. Here, want some fresh human meat? Only 40 caps. No? More for me. OM NOM NOM" that would have helped complete the picture of super mutants as fantasy monsters fundamentally impossible to live with. That's how bethesda wanted to portray them, while also portraying Ghouls as people "only bigots would dislike" except when the Ghouls are feral enemy mobs who attack on sight or disgusting drug-addicted degenerates who accomplished nothing of note in 269ish years. But outside of Bethesda's Fallout, the Super Mutants are more than just monsters. They're people, just sometimes fighting for the wrong side. I really liked Marcus, he was a well written character. But if I portray any Orcs as people, I'm not being authentic to their real-world inspiration. Feral Bantu invaders are preying upon insufficiently armed and organized white people in Africa right now and eating their corpses as I type this.

Every good Helghast in Killzone was usually half-human. Should the obligatory one good Orc character in my work be half-Elf and half-Orc? The only redpilled non-white person I ever encountered in person was mixed-race and far more proud of the white side.

The Last Of Us 2 had that short-haired lesbian character quit the christian hate group to "be herself" and push the "Those damn dirty Muslims- I mean Christian extremists who want to take the Middle East- I mean America for themselves hate us for what we are, but we hate them for what they choose to be, and revenge is bad and we jews never do revenge and we jews are willing to accept them if they cut their hair short and disobey their elders and become lesbians and betray their tribe for us because we're just soooo tolerant as long as we can have everything our way" message. Insert joke about jewish Earsgiving (Eid al-Adha) here.

But I'm not sure if my story could have one "good" Orc join the heroes or help the heroes during an important scene, even if it's to show that there are no good orcs. Are "good" Orcs even possible, or is their existence an oxymoron just like cold lava?

The only black youtuber I was subscribed to went from "we black conservatives should love Trump and hate those racist DemoKKKrats, hahaha look at this woke retard on twitter" to full woketard when I wasn't looking, he attacked the creator of Rich Men North of Richmond and everything. I unsubscribed to him and the other black who liked comics but also went full woketard for some reason. Do blacks get a black version of dementia if they survive past 30? They turned their backs on what got them very slightly famous to chase wokeness.

I don't think anyone could believe any orc would willingly go back to Liberia and give up any chance to steal from whitey, let alone help to force other orcs into Liberia along the way, and while I abhor the use of force (especially government force) a tremendous amount of force is what it will take to banish the demons from our realm and save the future of our race (our children) from the existential threat of the demon horde.

Part of the fantasy of fantasy worlds is that these are worlds where problems bigger than individual men are solved by good men (and maybe also good women) doing the right thing. It really can be as simple as slaughtering armies, beheading tyrants, smiting demons, slaying monsters, completing the ritual, getting the girl, and destroying Death Stars/Magic Rings to defy fate and fulfill their heroic destiny. Maybe even spontaneously end famines/droughts/plagues in the process. Just kill the right person and everything gets better. That's an appeal of fantasy few want to talk about, because saying "hurr durr fantasy bikini armor unrealistic and real world problems are more complex" gets upvotes.

I want to tap into that primal beauty.

Speaking of beauties I want to tap, nobody can stop me from putting cute slime girls in this. People might doubt I made this if they were missing.
Anonymous
d62865a
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No.366370
366373 366375
huhcover SSv.png
>>366369
At this point, its fine for me if you just wanna dump your random thoughts one media in this thread (I think, but maybe I'm shortsighted). I guess this is the most relevant thread for such thoughts that currently exists. Though, while I was op of the first ones this thread is basically a writing general thread so it really doesn't belong to me in any form, imo. So I feel it's more up to what other participants feel.

However, you really don't need to pretend that these random thoughts are absolutely relevant to your current story you're writing. Yeeeeah. About that ^^.
Anonymous
254a5c6
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No.366371
366373
SHUT THE FUCK UP NIGEL.png
>>366369
>Remember when Children Of Man tried to depict that guy in the "fascist racist white" government as an evil violent vice-loving corrupt irrational asshole in his limited screentime, to further characterize the white government as a bunch of evil dumb uneducated corrupt lying vice-loving hypocrites?
Anonymous
254a5c6
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No.366372
366375 366451
1689379922082778.jpg
>>366369
>Speaking of beauties I want to tap, nobody can stop me from putting cute slime girls in this.
Honestly man? I agree with Sven at this point. I think you should just go buck-wild on this. You do you. I think I'm finally done trying to influence your way of thinking or trying to give you serious advice. No matter what happens, we always end up right back where we started, so...whatevsky. It's your project, do it your way. Fill your story up with slime girls, big-tiddy Pokemon, simplistic racial analogies, autistic references to obscure media few have heard of and fewer actually care about, massive infodumps wedged into block paragraphs spoken by characters, terrible grammar, massive run-on sentences; whatever you want. Just do your own thing with it. Rant about niggers to your heart's content. Throw your ridiculous Silver-Star-recolor fox OC in there. Bring back magical flying skateboards. The bar for aspiring writers has never been any lower than it is right now, in this century, so who knows? There might actually be a reader base out there for whatever the hell you're trying to do.
Anonymous
f357b7f
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No.366373
>>366370
>>366371
Wasn't gonna say anything because at least his stream of consciousness isn't just ranting about other media being antiwhite and he seemed to be writing his actual storyline...but seconded. 99.9999% of this stuff is just bloviating about points we all agree on in that Michael-Moore-screaming-on-a-megaphone kind of way, or utterly impenetrable walls of text.

On one hand, you do you. On the other, good lord, download OpenOffice or use a Notepad doc for your outline notes. You spend longer on your 'advice seeking' begs for validation than on writing.
Anonymous
001e937
?
No.366375
366451 366452
3b60cbf8e916a71ba8cf3ad97eb021db5c07aae3r1-1792-828v2_uhq.jpg
>>366370
>So I feel it's more up to what other participants feel.
I've never found these kind of posts to be that annoying. I even joined him sometimes in his /ub/ thread.
On the other hand. I don't know why he has to post It ITT instead of /sp/ or something. I don't know how long he's been told to stop doing so either.
I guess I concur with the rest. >>366372 >>366373
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
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No.366391
366393
But this stuff really is connected to my writing. I've read a lot of books and seen a lot of shows but when I think of "propaganda" I think of all the times jewish shit attacked whites and whether it slipped past the defenses of people or got noticed. And all the JRPGs where you kill a somewhat christian-looking god in the end but that trope's as commonly copied without understanding it as superheroes wearing capes to convey movement and so writers dont have to draw as many muscles so it doesnt count. It's hard to figure this writing shit out and I know I'm still no good at it despite how long I've spent trying. How can anyone look at the truth and not get it? How does anyone still have any faith left in the jewish system? How can I write something for the mind who doesn't get it? How can I help them get it when I don't get why anyone wouldn't get it? When I think "maybe my work is too boring and I should add fun stuff", what do people like? Sex and violence and displays of power and sports I guess? Game of Thrones seemed to throw a sex scene or titty shot in there whenever they feared they went too long without one. Is that the approach I should take? I mean it worked for them but I don't think I'm that good a writer so I should probably include more sex. Then again do normal people want to fuck lamias or am I in the minority there? It was learning about the feminists taking over and ruining comics and gaming that made me oppose feminism and eventually someone told me about the jews and islamic rape gangs and all the other stuff. It wasn't one piece of fiction that made being libertarian look really good. So how can I make something that makes libertarian ideals so good it makes people get it and get called nazis by communists?

Last time I tried to write something deep, introspective, and mature, it turned out to be a really fucking gay My Little Pony fanfic. I don't want a repeat of that. When I remember all the former friends I had who loved gaming but hate "drumpf" it pisses me off. I don't even like Trump any more but they were completely brainwashed by lefty propaganda and so were tons of other people. The world needs anti-propaganda. Adnagaporp. I need to create adnagaporp so effective it will snap people out of it. I just don't understand how I'm going to do it.
Anonymous
6c842bc
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No.366393
366407 366451
2076717.gif
>>366391
>but this is related to my writing
>immediately followed by a drunken and derailed train of thought about JRPG depictions of god/s
>"How does anyone still have faith in the Jewish system?"
Jesus christ, my head.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
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No.366407
366417 366451
>>366393
It feels like anti white propaganda when you kill god in japanese games but it doesn't seem maliciously targeted towards whites. Only Final Fantasy X said fuck religion. And maybe others I never played.
Anonymous
e638b10
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No.366417
366439 366451
>>366407
Who

Asked
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
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No.366439
366451
ao9obolm7vb61.jpg
>>366417
Anonymous
e638b10
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No.366441
366450
mirror.jpg
>accusing others of being narcissists when you have been hijacking writing threads with "advice seeking" that goes nowhere for years
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
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No.366450
366456
harrypotter.png
>>366441
I didn't have to use the word narcissist to trigger haters. This is a writing thread, and I am a writer using the thread for its intended purpose: Writing discussion. Bitching at me for posting is not the thread's purpose. I stopped caring about what the haters say about me when I realized they're worse at staying on topic and contributing positively to discussion yet they never call each other out on that. "Who asked" me to talk about my writing in the writing thread? "Who asked" them to talk about their feelings in the writing thread? Hating someone to this degree is a parasocial relationship on par with lusting after who you believe a vtuber to be. You made good on-topic posts before.

>>365710
I've never met a role model in person. I had negative role models growing up. I could look at my father and think "I don't want to turn out like him. Better do squats and develop a hatred of booze+MMORPGs". Trying to imagine what a role model is after all this jewish subversion... I'd have an easier time imagining a flying pig. If I want to imagine a "good" person I have to recall fiction. Lord of The Rings is a good example of "good", right? And Game of Thrones had some good characters, but it liked shitting on those characters as if the world wanted to break them and make them compromise. Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate faked being role models for men, but they're both too jewish. The former said "You can slay dragons and get your life in order" and the latter said "You can get bitches and cars" but neither is able or willing to be pure. I need a purer role model character for my protagonist to look up to. Maybe he should die getting a moral victory, sacrificing himself for the future generation's future, audiences love that and it allows characters to struggle to live up to him and make up for his absence.

>>366335
Looking at my current work I think there are too many scenes where characters exposit their backstory or their world's backstory to the reader/the protagonist. Thankfully no villains dump their whole backstory on their deathbed. Always hated that cliche.

Small clues... I'll keep that in mind.

Maybe starting the story mid-war with an amnesiac unsure why he's fighting isn't the best way to do this. "Why did this war happen?" is a complicated subject and so is "What can we learn from it?".

I need to come at this from another angle. Too many scenes fighting the evil invading army for being bad, it's getting in the way of tying this to a political message.

School?

I considered a story where the protagonist, an innocent idealistic farm-boy outsider from a functional libertarian culturally and ethnically homogeneous farming village, comes to the big multikulti city and realizes how shit it is while going to a boarding school. The moral: fuck communism, libtards, etc.

He wants to make money for his family and village because the government fucked the farmers over. In that sense, the rural white man forced into the city is more of a true "economic migrant" than any of the mudslime gimmiegrants with ten state-sponsored kids going to state-mandated anti-whiteness classes and explosion lessons at the sandjew mosques. The protagonist at this school wants to learn while also solving the problems of others. Maybe it's medieval and slavery's legal, would result in a funny scene if a slave-selling market was next to a bookstore and that bookstore had angry libtards outside malding over "offensive fiction" while children are being sold nearby and they don't care. Or bought some.

There is no one class dedicated to infodumping about the world's history or explaining why everything is shit, that'd be clumsy writing, right? Instead it's conveyed subtly through the problems the hero experiences and tries to solve. His way is always the right way unless he's not truly libertarian enough yet.

His growth as a man would mirror the political journey from "these liberals sound nice" to "liberals are hypocrites and not true liberals" to "liberalism is a bad joke" to "I just visited ancapistan and holy shit fuck the lolbertarians who let bad things happen in the name of profit" to "I like libertarianism on paper but it only works in ethnically homogenous societies, secessionists should have the right to make an ethnostate via national divorce and be left alone, and the invaders should be sent home by force".

One evil overlord puts a name and face to complex social issues. Yeah, my work should have King Tard, puppet of the Jewish Guild, overthrown by the heroes.

Hogwarts was retarded. Bringing it up might piss people off but it's the first people think of when they think "magic school". Slytherin, Griffindor, the others, fucking retarded. No future evil overlord wannabe should ever want to be in Slytherin(it tells the world you're evil, segregating you from potentially useful pawns while keeping you with the other evil schemers and their flying monkeys), and how many true intellectuals versus midwits who want to seem smart would go to Ravenclaw? But people FUCKING LOVE this cliche. No idea why. Is it a tribal identity thing?

If it works as intended it segregates mentally compatible kids together and fosters healthy competition, and if it fails it segregates friends and family apart and fosters backstabbing and evil while distracting kids from work. Then there are schools where the "Houses" just segregate kids based on ability or economic status and treat them better or worse accordingly, I could mention more respectable examples from famous media but Obelisk Blue vs Slifer Red is more obvious even to someone who has no idea what I'm talking about. At least in FE3H you had the excuse that these kids were from different parts of the country at a school dominated by the church and the wishes of rich noble families. Maybe my story's school should have a shit school house system that exclusively causes problems by forcing incompatible students together in the name of equality, and shit gets better when this stops.
Anonymous
c136e3c
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No.366451
366457
1692521064645912.png
>>366375
>I've never found these kind of posts to be that annoying. I even joined him sometimes in his /ub/ thread.
>On the other hand.
>I don't know why he has to post It ITT instead of /sp/ or something.
^^

Anyway, writing anything cool right now? Anything on the backburner?

>>366372
Cute girl. c:

>>366439
It's more that ur post, >>366407 wasn't what he question in his post, >>366393 so your answer, >>366407 wasn't relevant to what he was talking about therefore he asked >>366417
Jfyi ^^
Anonymous
c136e3c
?
No.366452
366457
6587006.png
>>366375
I'm working on a thread idea for writing myself. Not promising anything as always but I'm proud of the idea. It's gonna be like one of those prompt threads you can see on /mlp/.
Anonymous
254a5c6
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No.366456
366462
B36D14A3A36598E4FC62FAE84FE27170-316616.png
>>366450
> I stopped caring about what the haters say about me when I realized they're worse at staying on topic and contributing positively to discussion yet they never call each other out on that.
Oh dear, are those haters still after you? Still off somewhere in the shadows, plotting against you on their secret discord servers? Dang, that's rough. You just hang in there, buddy.

>I could look at my father and think "I don't want to turn out like him. Better do squats and develop a hatred of booze+MMORPGs".
So, instead of being obsessed with shitty autistic MMORPGs you're obsessed with shitty autistic fighting games, and instead of chugging booze you chug cum. Wow, you sure showed him. You're truly an inspiration to us all.

>I considered a story where the protagonist, an innocent idealistic farm-boy outsider from a functional libertarian culturally and ethnically homogeneous farming village, comes to the big multikulti city and realizes how shit it is while going to a boarding school.
You've "considered" thousands of ideas at this point, and they're basically all the same idea just rearranged slightly. At this point no one is really that interested in the specifics. Just something to consider if, you know, you ever want to save yourself a bit of typing for whatever reason.

And if you ever decide to actually sit down and write this epic novel of yours instead of just blogging about it, here is what you should do: take a bunch of /pol/ memes about how Jews and niggers suck, combine that with a bunch of random ideas culled from cartoons and video games plus maybe the one or two books you've actually read in your life, and then just think about that stuff while mashing your keyboard over and over until it's hundreds of thousands of words long. Oh, and don't forget to put some slime girls with big boobs in there somewhere, that part's really important.
Anonymous
001e937
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No.366457
366458 366553
1545504755165-2.png
>>366451
>Anyway, writing anything cool right now? Anything on the backburner?
Just rainmetall for now. I think it's safe to say it'll be readable this time. There's probably a decent chunk already rewritten. So maybe I should post it soon enough.
>>366452
I'm thrilled to see what it entails. Btw, sorry for shitting up last time. I could've used some practice given I was trying to adjust to what was said by GG. Sorry fams.
Anonymous
254a5c6
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No.366458
366460
>>366457
I'd be willing to do another read and review for the new draft if you like; if I can understand what it's about this time I can hopefully give you some better notes.
Anonymous
001e937
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No.366460
366475
1572463398005.gif
>>366458
That sounds great. I've found myself going back to the thread very often. Thanks for the analysis, it's been very useful.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
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No.366462
366463 366475
>>366456
You're on a website full of people who have heard leftists use the "Are Antifa and the Woke in the room with us right now? You have a persecution complex!" gaslighting tactic before.
Anonymous
90bb20f
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No.366463
366464
>>366462
You and another anon CONSTANTLY accuse others of being lefties because they disagree with one part of your beliefs. We are just taking what you say and throwing it in your face because we're annoyed with you. It's not gaslighting.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
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No.366464
366465 366475
VTOCRRsxAn1T.png
>>366463
Lefty tactics are lefty tactics, they're not designed to communicate your point constructively. I can understand if people are pissed that my posts are long. But it's not like there is a global rate limit where my posts prevent otbers from talking about what they want in this thread. If someone else said "Here is my recently finished story, what do you think?" or "What is the best way to handle a pro nazi message in my Twilight Sparkle x Big Mac shipfic?" I would never get angry at that user for talking about his thing or someone else's thing instead of my thing. I'm not ranting about my feelings on Fallout 4 when I say it poorly handled its core theme of mistrust by never making anyone inside the game world, Synth or otherwise, betray you in a way that matters.

By the way bones take 20 years to decompose. It's stupid when 200 year old Environmental Storytelling Skeletons(TM) show up in Fallout Equestria. But it's extra stupid when Shattered Hoof Ridge is jist flooded with 200+ year old skeletons from the day the bombs fell like the matching shoes and wedding rings of a holohoax prop. That's like a metaphor for Fallout Equestria. A red flag for the kind of story you are about to read. All of Bethesda's usual stupidity but even worse. It relies on the inherent tragedy of sad things like friends drifting apart and dead ponies and dead foals and dials it up to 999999999 in an attempt to make anybody feel anything. School massacres, crack addict horses, a skeleton mountain with shattered hooves.

How can anyone look at what happened in the pic and not get the joke? I don't get it. I want to create a story that attracts normies and get them thinking about holes in leftist liedeology and why I am right. But if it's only as deep as a political cartoon it will feel like a silly pantomime. My work needs to be higher quality than professionally produced government funded propaganda in TV and games for it to have any positive effect on people used to a steady diet of shoddily produced and expertly produced leftist propaganda. Yeah. Just need to accomplish the impossible. Or what seems like the impossible. Maybe I should give up on the informative angle and just write something cool and fun people who already get it can enjoy. There was never really a point where I was a brainwashed lefty. I don't understand their perspective. I grew up thinking libtards were right and conservatives were dumb then I noticed libtards attacking muh vidyagames then someone told me about islamic rapefugees and jews and the federal reserve and suddenly videogames felt less important. I never felt that kind of otherworldly hatred for whites leftists feel. Never understood what kind of monster could want whites dead or raped or enslaved just for being number one. The feeling that drives a leftist to crave being evil... That's more alien to me than the feeling that drives Elves into forests and Dwarves into caves. I love being in forests and caves. How can I capture that leftist perspective within my work if I am the one who doesn't get it?
Anonymous
e638b10
?
No.366465
366468
Not reading that.jpg
>>366464
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366468
>>366465
k
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366469
366470 366471 366475
>be male
>living in world like ours but there are monsters and the aesthetic might be different
>maybe you knew about monsters, maybe you didn't
>get attacked
>the plot forces itself upon you and forces you to become the protagonist or choose death
>save the day with your hidden power
>a woman might be there to notice you and be rescued
>join an organization that fights monsters as its only hope
>it has faceless redshirts and an incompetent boss and named minibosses with silly names and appearances so unique for the sake of trying to look unique you'd swear a character creator's randomize button sharted them out
>you are probably also half monster, making you stronger, and if this bothers your organization they will get over it eventually, and you probably inherited something OP too making you the most chosenest chosen one yet with the power to improve faster than everyone else and pull new powers and powerups out of your ass when needed
>through no fault of your own the final boss is connected to you somehow probably
>and 2+ hoes want you
>you also have one or more inferior male friends, they exist to make you look good if they even exist at all

I see no way to add political messaging to this dumb gay cringe formula for Diet Bleach aka Demon Slayer and shit like it.

I'm going back to the anime school idea.
Anonymous
dc70279
?
No.366470
366472
confused-pony.png
>>366469
>Man, here's the most generic and shitty anime storyline I can think of
>How can I associate it with my political beliefs
?
Anonymous
bf797cd
?
No.366471
366472
>>366469
>be Nigel
>have same pile of turds you’ve had for five years
>come up with 4,876th configuration of turds
>rearrange turds to form new configuration
>still looks like a pile of turds
>magical formula to transform turds into gold still eludes you
>decide to revert back to previous configuration of turds and go from there
>inform /mlpol/ of this decision
Thank you for the status update. We appreciate you keeping us apprised.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366472
366473 366475
>>366470
Unless I make the dollar store Soul Society dress like nazis and live in a hidden ethnostate and fight people who turn into satanic monsters when they become commies and the world is only ignorant to magic because they'd rather ignore magic and the dangers of communism because it means not feeling like they have to fight monsters, even if it means letting loved ones die due to the lack of holy food aka healthy food and healing magic aka non jewed healthcare, I don't see a way to make it work.
>>366471
Stories are the result of writing choices. The skill of the writer can elevate the result. I am still just a beginner writer. So I need the perfect formula to make something perfect. Everything needs to be perfect.
Anonymous
bf797cd
?
No.366473
366474
>>366472
> Unless I make the dollar store Soul Society dress like nazis and live in a hidden ethnostate and fight people who turn into satanic monsters when they become commies and the world is only ignorant to magic because they'd rather ignore magic and the dangers of communism because it means not feeling like they have to fight monsters, even if it means letting loved ones die due to the lack of holy food aka healthy food and healing magic aka non jewed healthcare, I don't see a way to make it work.
Well, obviously.

> So I need the perfect formula to make something perfect. Everything needs to be perfect
Okay champ, best of luck to you. Thanks for keeping us in the loop.
Anonymous
dd1a332
?
No.366474
pinkie-pie-laughing.gif
>>366473
>Well, obviously.
I died.
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.366475
1692401853293783.gif
>>366460
Great, I'm glad I was able to give you some useful advice. I don't remember exactly what I had to say, but I do remember worrying that a lot of the thread was just me bantzing on your ESL writing without necessarily saying anything helpful. I'll tell you the same thing I told Sven: while I ultimately reserve the right to bantz on people and give them shit, I have a high respect for anyone willing to put serious time and effort into developing their writing skills, particularly if they are trying to write in a language they don't natively speak. You should absolutely keep at it, and I will be curious to see what you produce.

>>366462
>>366464
>>366472
>>366469
You, on the other hand, are a whole different animal. Jesus H. Christ.

>I want to create a story that attracts normies and get them thinking about holes in leftist liedeology and why I am right.
This is a big part of your problem. You're not trying to tell a story, you're trying to win a political argument. In fact it's worse than that: you're not trying to argue anything, you're trying to write blatant propaganda. You're trying to use fiction as a vehicle to hoodwink people into renouncing whatever opinions they hold and adopt your point of view instead. The worst part is that on top of all that, you're absolutely terrible at it.

>Stories are the result of writing choices. The skill of the writer can elevate the result. I am still just a beginner writer. So I need the perfect formula to make something perfect. Everything needs to be perfect.
You've been a beginning writer for five years now, dude. If you've been working as hard as you claim you've been working, you should at least be intermediate by now. I mean, seriously; after all of the time and energy I've expended, not just on advice given to you personally, but all of the breakdowns and analyses and commentaries and slogging my way through terrible fanfictions, it is genuinely disheartening that this is the conclusion I've somehow led you to. Everything about this attitude is just so, so wrong.

What makes your situation so tragic for you and so hilarious for the rest of us is that for all your lamentations over how impossible you think your task is, what you're actually trying to do isn't even all that hard. As far as I can tell, your goal is to write a conventional action-adventure story set in a fantasy world, using tropes from anime and comics and other popular media, that is aimed at the same audience that comics and anime and whatnot appeal most strongly to; probably teenagers and early-twenty-somethings. The only caveat is that you want to wedge in some simple political allegories: the heroes represent Whites, the villains represent Jews, and there are some low-level thug characters that represent Blacks or Muslims or whatever. The basic idea is fundamentally the same as what Hollywood does when they make similar allegorical pieces: the heroes are analogs of the people the writer wants the audience to feel sympathy for, and the villains represent the people the writer wants to criticize.

Your problem is that you misunderstand what your problem is. You keep searching for some kind of magical plot formula that will somehow cancel out your ineptitude and inexperience and generate a perfect story without you having to do much of anything. Unfortunately, no such formula exists; that's not how this works. Whether you come up with a completely original plot or just use an established well-traveled one isn't all that important in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't matter if your story is about a normie who gets isekai'd into a fantasy world and is given a quest, or if he's already a part of that world, or whatever. Pretty much any of the random ideas you've thrown out would probably work just fine for what you're trying to do, if you were willing to do the fucking work.

What makes a story resonate with people doesn't come from the particular plot formula the writer employed, it comes from his ability to draw the reader into a fictional world and make them sympathize with the struggles of a completely imaginary person. What specifically happens to that person is far less important than whether or not the author can make the person reading about it actually give a shit. Through the process of telling a story, the author shows the reader his own unique vision of how the world appears to him. There is no guarantee that he will be able to convince the reader to see things his way, but if he does his job well, the reader will at least understand his point of view. This is a subtle, nuanced skill that can't be transmitted as a series of step-by-step instructions that anyone can follow; it has to be honed gradually through continuous trial and error. In other words, you have to be willing to do the fucking work.

The best method is to read and write continuously. You read so that you can witness the techniques other authors have used firsthand, and in the process you absorb and internalize their techniques and make them your own. You write in order to practice these techniques, to see if you can effectively use them to communicate your own personal vision. Then, once you've written something, you show it to another person and have them read it to see whether or not it produces the reaction you wanted. You repeat this process until the reaction you receive is consistent with the reaction you wanted.

If you want to keep spinning your wheels trying to come up with "le perfect idea," I can't stop you. If you want to keep writing long blogposts about every dumbass idea that occurs to you, I can't stop you from doing that either, just like I can't stop the rest of the board from laying into you with 100% justified insults about what a lazy, conceited, talentless hack you are. In the end, though, none of it is going to help you.

Why am I even still replying to you?
Anonymous
dd1a332
?
No.366478
366484 366496
>Be Mark.
>Your a man with set of balls that demand respect.
>Suddenly fantasy world.
>See elf woman about to get raped by a gang of faeries.
>Runs up and stops them.
>"Aye, yo. Your in our meadows now man, and I'm big D, Daisy Rumpleboop," one the fairies fluttered over to you and says.
>"Yeeh and dat bitch not respectin' dat." Another said as he glided delicatedly over on his butterfly wings.
>You reach into your inner pockets and bring out a flyswatter.
>You proceed to wipe their asses into submission.
>When they lay one the ground, you drop trou behind their prone forms.
"Time for some buck breaking," you say.
>"No... We... Wuz... Kangz... And... Shheeeeeit..." the feary you rape says inbetween moans.
>You look at his dick.
>You scoff.
>So much for the famous pixie dick.
>When you're done, Will'owispIam and his crew lay in a pile.
>Further away, you see some small open cages and the most despicable creature this world has ever seen.
>The gardening gnome.
>Your gazes meet.
"Oy vey, I need to warn the diaspora," he shouts.
>He jumps on his fox.
>But you manages to grab his santa hat and pull him into the air before the fox takes off.
>He's small legs run desperately in the air.
>You put him back onto the ground, remember the beans you eat earlier, and shove his nose suppositorally up your ass.
>Meanwhile you do this, you being watched by a blushing group of monster girls, one is a slime girl with big tiddies.
>They have all been disillusioned by gnomish lie-media after they claimed that the World Tree Center was destroyed by a dragon being flown by a pair of brown-barked, hijacking treants.
>The only sentence comming to ttheir minds right now, as you brap the gnome to death, is: Is he single?
>The gnome falls to the ground a in heap.
>You put your pants on again as you walk off into the sunset.
>If the furher demands it, you might have to return here later to grind the gnome corpse to dust so that there won't be any proof that you killed him.
>You start to sing.
"...We're taking down the ZOG machine, jew-by jew-by jew, and the white marches on."
Anonymous
dd1a332
?
No.366484
366491
>>366478
I'm not sure. ^^
I was thinking I'd make a parody of Nigel's nazi propaganda isekai idea but I feel like I lost the thread somewhere.
Maybe it's a bit gross actually ^^ (my green)
Though, the thought of pretending to be Nigel and writing a story like he would sounds pretty funny. This was not the way to go about it though, lol.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.366491
366534
Wish-You-Were-Here-Bring-a-Paddle-hed-2020.jpg
>>366484
Nah fam, this is solid work; I feel more inspired and redpilled just from reading this brief episode. I only have a few pointers:

>Your a man with set of balls that demand respect.
Keep an eye on your your and you're. "You're" is a contraction of "you are," whereas "your" denotes ownership. Observe:

>You're a man
>Your balls demand respect

Also, watch out for verb tenses and perspective. Most greentext is written in the present tense, usually in either the first or second person:
>you are Anon
>you are doing stuff
>that stuff is happening right now

For the most part you're pretty consistent here, but there are a couple of places where you use the wrong verb tense:
>Runs up
should be "run up"
>one of the faeries fluttered
should be "one of the faeries flutters"
>but you manages to grab
should be "manage to grab" (though this one might just be a typo)

Also, there are a couple of minor spelling errors:
>He's small legs run desperately in the air.
His small legs.
>the gardening gnome
Should be "garden gnome"; the "gardening gnome" implies that the gnome is tending a garden.
>the only sentence comming to ttheir minds
The only sentence coming to their minds.
>If the furher demands it
I'm inclined to give you a pass on this one, since I had to look up how to spell Fuhrer myself probably a faux pas on a site like this in and of itself. However, it should at least be capitalized.

Also:
>You proceed to wipe their asses into submission.
This is rather a poor choice of words. Since he's using a flyswatter, he should ideally be swatting their asses, beating their asses, or something similar. "Swipe" their asses kind-of works; maybe that's what you meant to type. In any event, if this guy really wants to wipe these guys' asses with a flyswatter I personally won't judge him, but...I'm not sure the Fuhrer would approve.

Anyway, that's about all I've got for this; it's otherwise well done. Using blatantly intentional silliness you highlight all of the unintentional silliness in Nigel's premise, while still adhering to the basic outline of it. All of the essentials of a fine shitpost are here.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366496
366515 366534
>>366478
Comedy gold! Will there be a sequel that parodies Bleach/Demon Slayer cliches from later episodes?
Anonymous
e638b10
?
No.366515
366528 366531
>>366496
Who watches Bleach?
Anonymous
dcd671b
?
No.366528
366534
>>366515
I did
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366531
366532
>>366515
Fair. I don't know how it became so influential on the anime landscape. One Piece is a conversation with western literature and intellectual love letter to freedom and the struggle for it disguised as a shitpost about a tiny boy with Tom and Jerry powers punching the hell out of government agents, retards with poop on their clothes, and the ugliest bastards in fiction this side of hentai. Alice in Wonderland, Don Quixote, Dante's Inferno, you can tell the author read these. Naruto has its faults but My Hero Academia wouldn't exist if it couldn't copy Naruto's homework and iterate upon it by turning Kekkei Genkei into Quirks and removing the overpowered Ninjutsu all kids learn years before they learn basic elemental attacks. Bleach... exists. To say it's just DBZ with swords would be reductive but it does little to elevate itself beyond the shonen battle manga formula. But at least it isn't Demon Slayer. The manga is shit in all aspects, it owes its success to the flashy colours of the anime and the mediocrity fetish of modernity. Just more proof that making something mediocre and unchallenging and then having a company market the fuck out of you with fake awards and rigged charts is more important than making art that communicates anything meaningful, valuable, or moral. I could make something stupider than Demon Slayer, it would be easy. Anyone could do that. Some Sprintime for Hitler moment might even cause people to unironically love it. I could draw naked women for a living. But that wouldn't help western civilization.

Maybe it's impossible to write a story that makes people want to save the white race despite being surrounded by decades of jewish antiwhite media. How many generations has it been since white civilization felt worth fighting for? When I try to imagine a good world with friendly neighbours and no crackheads on the street I feel like I'm trying to describe a colour I've never seen. Or describe something I've only seen through a screen or on a page. It feels inauthentic to me. Unbelievable. Writing about a world where people don't have to look over their shoulder for orcs feels like writing about a world where people don't need to eat, sleep, or shit, and crispy bacon grows on trees. But writing about a world with an Orc problem results in depressing unreadable writing unless heroes are solving that Orc problem. But a story of humans, elves, and dwarves coming together to solve the Orc problem facing their realm with the power of swords, bows, and fireballs is the kind of thing that only appeals to people who already want the orc problem solved. And if they already agree with me, what's the point in trying to convince them? I cannot imagine anyone truly being confused by lefty lies. They have to just be faking it because they like helping the left. Like Merkel looking up the migrant rape rates before turning her vibrator on. I know it's wrong for a white man to ever express any kind of emotion, especially exhaustion. After all, the jews said men expressing emotion is cringe. But it feels like the world died before I got here. How is anyone supposed to save it now? The WEF has plans for the future. And we do not. The world is full of white men who want to escape somewhere. I can see why.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366532
>>366531
*springtime
Anonymous
3d1e613
?
No.366534
image(9).png
>>366528
So did I. It was my entry anime.
>>366496
Aww, thank u.
>Sequel
No. My intentions were not to parody Bleach or Demon Slayer.
>>366491
Thank u so much for reviewing my work. It means a lot to me <3
Anonymous
3d1e613
?
No.366538
Oekaki.png
>>365769
Actually, this: >>365747 I realized is false. I just now remembered I had this idea for Anon to be Flurry's bodyguard for like forever. Though, when I wrote it now, I was inspired from those shows.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366539
366541 366556
Real political problems... Some of them are timeless. It would be absurd to see woke propaganda in some ancient medieval fantasy piece. Greek furries existed but there were no troons. But incompetent kings and taxes/laws/wars that hurt the poor and anti-Christian religious persecution have existed for countless years.

London sucks. A fictional version of London could have all the problems of the real one with some victorian london mixed in for the hell of it. The smog could be causing respiratory problems easy to ignore if you're lucky enough to not be affected by it. Or the sky could be suffocated with China levels of visible smog impossible to ignore, and the poor wear cheap useless blue paper on their faces while the rich wear real masks and bubble helmets like in One Piece but even stupider looking. Cops run away from armed terrorists leaving citizens to fight them off with chairs or run or die. Nigs with police protection can rob and threaten and kill and invade homes and record themselves doing it for Tiktok and get away with it. Cops brag about raiding houses for their kitchen knives and bike wheels. Skyrocketing house prices. Ten or more renters to an apartment in military style bunk beds. Crack eels, birth control, antidepressants, suicide, teen pregnancy, abortion. People might call poor doors and anti-homeless gay rainbow rocks a clumsy metaphor, not knowing it's real. Machete wielding monsters attack cars- I mean horse drawn carriages.

But when the story gets to the mudslime mayor who tries his hardest to make life and reproduction unaffordable for the working class and imports muslims and pays them to breed and bribes them with gibsmedats paid for in whiteslave taxes because it's ballot stuffing with extra steps to ensure the muslim cancer and cancer of muslims with power spreads, or the part where state media is able to make "people" pro-islamic pedophile and anti-white rebel by lying hard enough, people who don't know this is true might not understand something so complicated and the "people" in the internet islam defense force who do understand it and love all the state-aided muslim rape of little girls would get triggered. Meanwhile the king and queen enjoy their luxuries and laugh at the suffering of the poor from their castle. That part's been done before in fiction. But the idea of a race that needs to go one way or another because there are no heroic muslims trying to undo the damage perpetuated by the average muslim is something too dark. People don't want to believe the world is a violent hopeless place where violence is the only solution to the existential threat of monsters who want you dead or enslaved. People want to escape into a fantasy world where they have Elf and Dwarf and Orc friends who are just as good as any man or better and they battle against unquestionably evil creatures like Dark Wizards and Liches and Zombies. And if they're too emotionally stunted to appreciate the beautiful bonds of strong male friendship they enjoy harem anime where the sole male protag collects hoes like they're Pokemon.

Part of the appeal of fantasy is the idea that complex problems can be solved overnight after sufficient use of violence or magic. But how do you solve the problems facing London overnight? You export all nonwhites and suddenly the place isn't overcrowded or overran with enemies. But the white man is dog-trained from birth to view fighting for your race as evil. It's why that trope where the white man "goes native" before he can fight for his new tribe exists, and why he typically fights against normal whites for his nonwhite tribe if it is anti white propaganda. I just don't see a way to make the audience cheer when the persecuted white rebels finally overthrow the throne, behead the pedo mayor, free the white slaves, and send the third world back to the hell of their own making.

Ba Sing Se was easier to understand. The city is socioeconomically segregated with layers and the inner circles are policed by the secret police who love brainwashing and answer to one douchebag with an idiot puppet Earth king. Their walls will not protect them forever. The heroes have to solve this problem to get the good but duped Earth King's help fighting the Fire Nation. There's a time limit and a clear goal. A simple effective setup for an adventure even kids can understand. There is an obvious scheming bad guy and solving the problem is as simple as removing one cunt from power. Except leaving the Dai Li around means they can keep working for their old master, or their new one. They really should have locked the Dai Li up too. Maybe killed them all.

Yesterday my girl and I saw a glorious and unrepentantly unashamedly masculine movie with greek gods and buff men and straight sex and a woman cursed with the gift of prophecy while remaining a virgin and she chooses sex and childbirth over personal power and a job that requires her to remain a virgin, and the only nigs were bad guys. No political propaganda. It was just awesome and fun. The hero even does the bootleg Jesus thing: dying and living on. Maybe that's what I should aim for: Having fun. Making something fun for everyone. There's no shame in it. There's no shame in making something people can enjoy. But how close to reality can fiction get before it hurts the story and the fun factor?
Anonymous
e638b10
?
No.366541
366549 366556
>>366539
How long did you spend typing this? How much brainstorming have you done in this thread and how much have you actually got written?
And most importantly:

WHO

ASKED???
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366549
366556
>>366541
Cope and seethe.
Anonymous
ae20550
?
No.366553
6094381.png
Cloud and pegasus.jpeg
>>366457
>Btw, sorry for shitting up last time.
No, lil bro. ^^ U did a whole section afterall. I have bailed out in so many things. I get it. It's all voluntarily afterall.

I have done half of that thread today so maybe I'll be done soon enough.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.366556
366557 366560 366561
>>366539
>>366549
>>366541
Don't make fun of Nigel, his novel isn't even written yet and it's already been optioned by Hollywood.
https://rumble.com/v3c0frz-nigel-the-movie-part-i.html
Anonymous
ae20550
?
No.366557
6719125__safe_artist-colon-r4hucksake_imported+from+derpibooru_sweetie+belle_pony_unicorn_5E5E_blushing_eyes+closed_female_laughing_lying+down_on+back_open+mout.png
6771440__safe_artist-colon-cold-dash-blooded-dash-twilight_imported+from+derpibooru_pinkie+pie_earth+pony_pony_bad+word_blushing_dialogue_female_giggling_mare_s.png
6769000__safe_imported+from+twibooru_twilight+sparkle_pony_animated_closed+eye_female_gif_ha_image_kill+yourself_laughing_mare_open+mouth.gif
6744704__safe_artist-colon-graysonpaw_imported+from+derpibooru_oc_oc+only_oc-colon-astro+novis_unicorn_laughing_meme_simple+background_solo_wheeze_white+backgro.png
1961166__safe_princess+cadance_solo_female_pony_mare_simple+background_smiling_alicorn_looking+at+you_open+mouth_comic_white+background_wings_meme_be.png
>>366556
I love it! Especially, the moments where Silver starts ranting mid-conversation about some tangent, that's so good. I had a similar idea for a fic starting Silver where he would do that.

My cheeks are sore. ^^
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366560
366573 366586 366615
MV5BODc5YTBhMTItMjhkNi00ZTIxLWI0YjAtNTZmOTY0YjRlZGQ0XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyODUwNjEzMzg@._V1_.jpg
>>366556
I probably wasn't supposed to enjoy this but I thought it was hilarious, can't wait to see where it goes from here.

Lol "Harp"ies.

Nice touch taking the stereotypical fantasy world map and then abruptly dumping Japan in there with perfect comedic timing. Medieval europe and european countries can exist seamlessly in any setting, even the moon. Put any real country or culture outside that context into a fantasy novel and it sticks out like a Netflix raceswap. Myths with trickster foxes exist in europe, but kitsune aren't european, so they stick out. Then again aren't Centaurs and Lamias originally Greek? Years ago I read a book where "Lamia" was a slur against snake people, like calling a black man OJ Simpson, because Queen Lamia was a baby-killing evil queen in the original myth or something.

Also you've seriously never seen Avatar: The Last Airbender, the show Zuko is from? It's on Netflix (and piratebay) and it still holds up to this day. That one twat who murdered people and loved Danny Phantom had shit taste for thinking Danny Phantom is better than Avatar The Last Airbender. Don't bother with the sequel Legend Of Korra unless you like inferior sequels penned by idiots who didn't get why the original did what it did, but seek to echo what the original did but with random changes. Zuko's the good son of the evil Fire Lord, he starts out a bad guy but turns good after a while. He and his uncle really elevate that show above what it would have been without them.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366561
>>366556
https://watchcartoononline.cc/avatar-book-1-water-episode-1
Anonymous
e638b10
?
No.366573
366588 366611 366615
>>366560
He was clearly aping Avatar. Was this just a way to push us to watch Avatar? I've seen it. Yeah it's good. But who asked?
Also, you know the guys who made the decisions that made Korra shit....are the same two dudes who made TLA, right?
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.366586
366588 366611
>>366560
>Medieval europe and european countries can exist seamlessly in any setting, even the moon. Put any real country or culture outside that context into a fantasy novel and it sticks out like a Netflix raceswap.
Not necessarily. For one thing, Asian cultures and Medieval European cultures literally did exist alongside each other at the same time. Japan itself was pretty much isolated for most of that time period, but there was significant contact between Europe and other parts of the East. The New World was discovered because Europeans wanted to find a cheaper and more direct route to Asia. There are plenty of instances in fantasy where cultures clearly based on medieval Europe and cultures based on non-European cultures from the same time period exist in the same setting. The Chronicles of Narnia had a proto-Islamic culture that factored heavily into the overall story. It wasn't a huge factor in the Lord of the Rings, but Tolkien implied that there were some vaguely Asian-like cultures that existed to the south of Mordor and Gondor (some of them were mercenaries in Sauron's army as I recall). George R.R. Martin's world has a plainly Europe-inspired culture on one continent, and across the ocean are a bunch of smaller countries and city-states that appear to be a mishmash of various African, Asian and Middle Eastern cultures. So there's definitely precedent.
Anonymous
f444395
?
No.366588
366615
7b9ab3e2b73ac1071e5f25c72bdc9661.jpg
>>366573
>He was clearly aping Avatar.
I think that was because Nigel mentioned it in his one of his posts so the video was just refrencing that. It seems like the video-maker, really, didn't know who Zuko was.

>>366586
The D&D world-map is similar to our world. Most campaigns are set in their "europe" continent but the rest of the map has dnd versions of our other continents. I think they have asiatic type monsters and cultures to the east in that world according to the lore.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366611
366612 366615
>>366573
The guy didn't recognize the name Zuko. Even when I referenced the iconic Avatar intro.
Also those two "made" the original Avatar with help from better writers responsible for the show's best ideas and best episodes who didn't come back for Korra until season 3 when the fan pandering got worse and the clumsy course correcting failed to correct anything because the setting and protags were still fundamentally broken.
Did you see the retarded shit they were going to do? Iroh was going to be a villain who taught Zuko wrong, forcing Aang to learn firebending from the Fire Lord in the middle of the final fight. Much more powerful and effective to say raging aggression bad, calm self mastery good, good fire is life and passion not destruction. Debending might be a copout that came from nowhere (should have foreshadowed it in the library) but it also works to make him "above" bending so it's cool.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheLastAirbender/comments/aj0mfp/the_original_story_of_avatar_the_last_airbender/
https://www.tumblr.com/araeph/144433451120/team-ehasz-the-iroh-in-the-writing-room

>>366586
Now that you mention it, you're right. I don't know when I started thinking "Weeb shit in my fantasy? That's as anachronistic as dubstep and guns" but that's gay.

I remember the tash worshipping muslims. Looking back I'm amazed he got away with being so blatant about the islamic inspiration. Feminists bitch about the big sister not going to heaven (because she didn't die for God like the rest) and abandoning faith in God in favor of seeking earthly pleasures like status and sex and looking silly falling for the midwit meme of being too grown up for God (hits too close to home for the godless hoes out there) but if they read the whole series they'd probably have a stroke.

Rethinking my story, I don't know if the hero turning "a whole family of Zukos" from evil to good over the course of his battle with evil is the right way to go. Sure it demonstrates the valhe of inspirational virtue. But only ontologically evil people want the white race exterminated and no display of virtue could ever convince them to respect virtue instead of exploiting it. Maybe the recurring villains should just go "Mwahaha!" and "I'm not the cackling supervillain here, you are! Mwahaha!" and just keep being evil until they're killed or locked up just like in real life. Then again we turn to fiction to escape reality so maybe everyone should have souls in this fictional setting even the bad elves.

The Fire Nation is Avatar's critique of Imperial Japan. Mom is the ideal Yamato Nadeshiko who, to protect her family, kills the emperor and puts the Fire Lord in power and flees and never returns even after the Fire Lord has the power to pardon her, though he probably wouldn't care enough to do so. Was that a heroic or villainous act? That's for the viewer to decide. Dad's an evil bastard who's wrong to view himself as god-emperor and sacrifice countless Fire Nation lives and use scorched earth tactics. Azula's a perfectionist who loses it when things aren't perfect, and her love of ruling through fear fails when someone fears losing what they love more than they fear her. And Zuko is... Zuko. "Muh honour" is such a big deal except when it's not. Whatever motivation the treasonous dishonourable genocidal cowardly child-killing bastard who started the 100 year war had for his deeds went out the window with time because Fire Nation culture creates people like Zhao, Azula, Ozai, and who Zuko tried to be to impress his dad. Long ago the asian nations lived together in harmony because Japan wasn't imperialistic back then, that's what the show says. I don't know enough about Japan to agree or disagree with how this story presents them. It's all the worst traits of Japan cranked up to 11 minus any organized criminal element or buddist dehumanization of the poor or Phoenix Wright tier justice system or suicide forest or cucksumerist weeb culture. I don't think my story would have to exaggerate anything horrible about the Orcs. It might have to tone things down. We've been culturally conditioned to think extreme horror is a sign of shit writing. Creepypasta and holocaust creepypasta tier writing. But some stories that fucked up and tragic are true. The heroes might look like douchebags if they go to the beach and take a day off from the war in a setting where this means letting the mass rapes continue for another day. But people fucking love the beach. Everything has a beach episode. I know I feel guilty when I take time away from doomscrolling through news about orc crimes to do other things.

Also is using vtuber collab clips as inspiration for conversations between female characters not a good idea? My only female proofreader said I should stop doing that.
Anonymous
bd4e4e7
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No.366612
366613
>>366611
Draw yourself a friend.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
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No.366613
366625
>>366612
I'm not the type of person to beg the only people on discord willing to talk to me to follow me to other sites and back me up during internet arguments. This doesn't mean I lack friends. I have IRL responsibilities and obligations. I've just stopped talking about them here because I've realized talking with no filter and saying shit like "another day, another daily walk with weighted clothing. It's hard. But not as hard as me when I see slime girls." and "man my balls itch today" and "two bitches dressed like whores called me a fatty just because I was carrying a freshly cooked pie to church. It wasn't for me, it was for the elderly!" and "I can't believe that gacha game obsessed friend got himself fucking arrested for sending death threats after dying in online video games he sucks at. Now I have a new roommate. He seems nice." and "I injured my arms lifting too much again. I need to stop doing that." and "I held a friend while he cried on my shoulder. He hadn't realized how bad things are until now. The world is getting worse." and "Watched the Ghibli movie about a witch with my girlfriend. Cried at the beauty of the female friendship between the witch and her friend. Why can't all humans be that kind in real life?" and "sometimes I wonder if childhood crushes on characters like Raven and Gwen shaped my taste in women or if my tastes are what made characters like them appeal to me" and "My AI therapist seems to be getting dumber. Might need to use a different site. I hear some people found ways around the filter so they can roleplay sex. Would that result in a better AI therapist experience for me? Talking without the filter, not sex. Also I tried talking to an AI yandere character but she started being an unsexily evil bitch. I hate being lied to! And she just kept trying to clumsy emotionally manipulate me or bitch aimlessly no matter what I said! Is this what having a bitchy emotionally abusive wife is like? When I asked if I am allowed to have opinions the whore accused me of trying to turn this around on her whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean. My passion deflated like an untied balloon. Who the hell could be into this?" and "why are anime funny moments compliations usually so juvenile?" and "Chris Chan was in the news again. He got away with raping his mother, a white woman. He must have converted to Islam when nobody was looking. His delusion and the Islamic delusion are equally manmade. Only real difference is that Islam is more effective at spreading rape and terror" and "Apocalypse log. Another week has passed since the end of the plandemic. Two weeks to flatten the curve my ass. Still no fucking eggs in this fucking store. My chickenphobic landlord is a whore who will not let me keep chickens in my garden. She will not go to heaven when she expires from alcohol or the clot shot." and "I did more gardening and I think I planted too many tomatoes out of fear that I would not have enough tomatoes when I needed them. I'd sell the excess ones if my government wasn't full of jews in human clothing." and "a married couple I know is having retarded relationship drama instead of communicating like adults, I blame romance movies because they're all she ever seems to watch" and "auditioned for a band today. They might turn me down, I don't think I'm any good. But I'd feel like I'm letting people down if I didn't try" and "dear diary this marks the third year I've gone without masturbating. Also today I saw a dead bird on someone's car on my way to buy groceries. Later that day I went to a party but I just spent the whole time following the person who invited me like a personal bodyguard because this was the only person present I knew and felt comfortable around" is gay and retarded.
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.366615
366616 366618
650B37752D05E9D2A5CBB44A06D86C90-115701.jpg
>>366560
>>366573
>>366588
>>366611
I've never seen Avatar and I don't know anything about it, sorry. I've heard people say it's good; I may watch it at some point if I get around to it. Danny Phantom I've never even heard of.

At this point it's pretty clear that Nigel and I have radically different tastes in just about every form of media. Most of the stuff he jabbers about I'm not familiar with I still have no idea wtf Fire Emblem is for instance, and at this point I consider refusing to google it a point of honor. In and of itself this is fine; my tastes are admittedly pretty niche and so are his, so it's understandable that there would be little to no overlap. However, this is beside the point.

The joke wasn't about Avatar or anything in Avatar, and I wouldn't have made a joke about Avatar here even if I had seen it, because it wouldn't fit the project. The joke here is that Nigel is constantly gibbering about this kind of stuff, and that he clearly gives no fucks about whether or not anyone cares or is interested or even understands what the fuck he's talking about. Even more to the point, his gibbering is usually done as a pure stream of consciousness, with absolutely no context or explanation provided. It's like watching a surrealist film.

>>366560
>I probably wasn't supposed to enjoy this but I thought it was hilarious, can't wait to see where it goes from here.
If you're enjoying it then great. I say that without sarcasm or irony; if it actually made you laugh then I'm glad. It wasn't really done to provoke a reaction out of you one way or the other. Trolling you, or trying to engage with you on any meaningful level really, has consistently proven to be a complete waste of time, as I've complained before. You're just too densely autistic for anything I say to really get through, so I've just kind of decided that I'm not going to take you seriously any more. No matter what I say to you here, you'll probably just respond with a long incoherent wall of text about some cartoon or some video game. Regardless of whether your next post will be a reply to me, a reply to someone else, or just a new post that isn't a reply to anyone, that post is guaranteed to be an unsolicited opinion about a cartoon or a video game, written as a dense wall of text that no human can decipher. I can say literally anything I want right now and it won't affect that outcome. Titty sprinkles.

I still don't understand what drives it exactly, but it's clear that you have some pathological need to endlessly spout your opinions to complete strangers. I also don't understand why you seem so determined to use this website to do it. However, it's clear enough you're driven to do it, and it's equally clear that you're either oblivious to or unconcerned with the fact that nobody but you is interested in hearing any of it. Trying to convince you to stop is a futile effort; asking Nigel not to shit up /mlpol/ with endless streams of nonsense is like asking a brook to stop babbling.

This video was done for the amusement of everyone on /mlpol/ besides you. Whether you realize it or not, through your own actions you've basically turned yourself into a living meme, and this was done in perpetuation of that meme. If it makes you laugh along with the rest of us, then I honestly think that's great; the less animosity around here the better it is for everyone. But, on the same note, I do find it both hilarious and sad that you will probably never truly grasp the reasons why this video was funny for everyone else.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
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No.366616
366617 366618 366619 366625
>>366615
I don't respect or value my haters so I don't care if they hate me. If I only wrote to be liked I would never bother trying, I would just mass produce unchallenging low effort content and obtain popularity that way.
Anonymous
bc7cf61
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No.366617
>>366616
And you don't respect yourself either. Otherwise you would've stopped posting a long time ago. But what's new about that?
Anonymous
f444395
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No.366618
366661
e26.png
5d87f8d266ac913a451f093b0439ab5d7b03b90b_hq_090729.jpg
6759651.png
who-else-feels-this-way-v0-s4aafi7zez0a1.jpg
1570826438984.png
>>366615
Yeah, hehe. Your description fits well in with my view on the situation. I like that we came to the same conclusion.
>No matter what I say to you here, you'll probably just respond with a long incoherent wall of text about some cartoon or some video game.
^^
>>366616
Nigel, you always do this to get my attention but then you hate on me for giving you my opinon on the matter. As if truth only existed to comfort you but I can't bother with anymore you since you matter less to me than what I flushed down when I take dump. If I was a younger man, I probably dissect your posts daily but who's got time for that? I have been cooking a lot more meat orianted dishes lately and I cannot fathom why people still eat unhealthy food, or, even, are vegan? Remember the idiotic moment in Avatar the Last Genderbender, where Ang said that he was vegetrian, pushing moralistic nonsense about killing animals onto impressionable children? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7ZYM3HzeR4&ab_channel=NationalAnthemsChannel Or that one time, Sokka in like episode two got emasculated and wrested into the ground by some girl his age beause she was part of some ninja cult that only recruited females? Or that time his sister kept the whole entire water tribe afloat while he was goofying off as she constantly berated him? Why is it that strong female characters, and I don't mean mages, like Megumin from Konosuba, or superpowered characters, like captain marvel (though, she was a bitch) or characters that relay on some sort of mech-suit nor do I mean strong as in (god for bid) emotional strength as in they can handle mature situations but characters like Black widow that beats maffia goons with a hair whip always have to make the men around them look weak? That's where certain anime shows, like Riddle Story of Devil (yes, that's its actual name), comes out ahead since their are only girls in that show so no man can get emsculated so you never really think about it? On that topic of shows with, basically only girls, anyone here seen "Keijo!!!!!!!!!!!"? It's great. It's like the author got dared to write a story with it's premise and he knocked it out of the Park. Keijo is a story about a Sport with the same name where hot girls use their boobs and butts to knock others off the arean into hte pool below. It's intresting because it does two things, it slowly makes your care about who is gonna win rather than laugh at the premise or (and more imporantly) you focus less on the ecchi parts of what your watching but also it's the best shonen out there. Why? Because it's self-contained and focused and is creative with it's limited moveset and it funny and hot and does the (otherwise annoying) training montage well. RWBY's weapons are cool because they also have duality to them. Ruby, the mc of the show, weapon is a scythe that is also sniper-rifle. It's annoying that you Nigel doesn't see the good parts of Rwby and only complain about it. I remember that retarded moment when HBbomber guy that lefty soyboy that can not go two sentences without being oh-so-witty sarcastic about something he dislikes reviewed Rwby, which he was negative towards because part of it's many storylines is one that basically talks about how political violence (specifically, it seemed directed to the left) isn't the way forward. It is one of the few shows that sorta have lefties as it's villains so he didn't like that so in his stupidity he pick a scene were one character exposit information to another. Then he said, "Ugh, exposition equals bad and look how smart I am because I can repeat whatevery one elses think like a parrot." Sadly for him though, that scene made sense because the character who exposit had reasons to do so, you fucking moron Harris. Go back to UK, eating crumpets. No time for your dumbshit. I snap you like a sunship Okay, I stole that whole thing^^

Hey, a thought occurs.

What if a fatslob weeaboo shut-in gets isekai and there he has to go through training from hell like before he gets his harem of bitches and becomes the chosen one? Or maybe, he is the choosen one immidately but the goddess, or whatever the fuck superpower brought him there, says, "You are in indeed the chosen one but you need to shape up or you won't be able to save this world from the evils of darkness from 'the demon' (the demon is a stand in for satan here). Here's your new life," before she proceeds to thrust him into hardcore training.

This could make the mc more relatable because he doesn't just get his power and bitches, it's more earned (like mha style). However, people seek stories of this genre out because they wanna feel powerful so to delay that gratification might be a mistake and that doesn't tell them anything about the JQ and why troons can never be female. Maybe their could be a lower class of demon or goblins give out big loans to kingdoms in other to rule them from the shadows and forcing them to take in rapefuges from the windigo "nations".

I want my story to be perfect reversed propganda so I got not time to tackle one thing at the time. Gottta go fast. Gotta fast. Gotta go faster, faster f-f-faster. Soooonic!

The world hangs in the balance but I will raise up to the task. Change the world! Well, actually that is a pretty cool ambiton, tho. I gotta admit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-tj_IzTJ2Y&ab_channel=mohamednourddine

Ps. Anybody think that buckbreaking is the key to all of this. Like, if a nigger comes up to you and says, "Aye, yo. I fuck your wife," you just say, "Yeah..? But I fuck you in the ass, nigguha!"
Nationalist americans really ought to stop fantasizing about sending niggers to africa, instead we should just "make america do slavery again!". People need to be buck-pilled that's what I think.

^^
Anonymous
f444395
?
No.366619
>>366616
>since you matter less to me than what I flushed down when I take dump.
Ofc, I'm only joking, Nige~<3
Anonymous
a1b55a0
?
No.366625
>>366616
> If I only wrote to be liked I would just mass produce unchallenging low effort content
Wait, I’m confused. Is that not what you’ve been doing the entire time you’ve been here?

>>366613
> I've just stopped talking about them here because I've realized talking with no filter
Wait, I’m confused. Is what you’re doing currently your idea of talking with a filter?
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366637
366645 366646 366651
In one draft of my work, my protagonist's backstory had too much in common with my own.
So a friend of mine proofreading the story, who didn't know my tragic backstory, said I was being unrealistic with the amount of tragedy one man can face in his lifetime without becoming a serial killer or giving up on the world. He also called it unrealistic that he would ever want to save anyone or help Elf (white) society when it has done so much to hurt him and hold him back and spit on him and make his situation seem hopeless.
He compared it to a show he once saw about an extremely bullied and raped suicidal little girl in a Madoka Magica ripoff created by someone who saw money to be made ripping it off and cranking the edge up to childishly absurd degrees to stand out from all the other edgy ripoffs.
He called the heroine unrelatable.
The story failed to build an emotional connection between the heroine and audience by giving her any moments that give her something to protect. No moments where anyone in her life is good. No moments where anyone in her world seems worth protecting. No moments of normalcy to contrast the misery of her life because misery is normal for her life. She starts her story wanting to die. Her life was so miserable, death or an inevitable death after fighting monsters really was an improvement. She is basically guaranteed to die soon no matter how hard she figts, unless some deus ex machina comes out of nowhere to cure her terminal case of dying. There was no hope that things could ever get better, so he didn't feel like emotionally investing in the story just in case they might.
But I want to emotionally invest in my own story, and the story of my people.
Does that make me strange? Does that make me unrealistic or unrelatable? No matter how many mistakes I make along the way, and no matter how impossible it may seem, and no matter how the odds are stacked against me, I want to try.
Anonymous
a3c49e6
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No.366639
366646 366654
There he goes again. Maybe if he keeps spamming his assassination classroom sob story, you guys would stop being so mean.
Anonymous
e638b10
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No.366645
366646 366651 366654
>>366637
Whatever your real life backstory is, I guarantee you couldn't top mine. Unlike you, I spent the last four years trying to make something of it or at least be a cautionary tale. Go to niggertown on a shoestring budget, work a fulltime job, and sleep in a Walmart parking lot for several months, and then get back to me. Otherwise, quit bothering these people for wanting to actually practice writing.
Anonymous
f444395
?
No.366646
366647 366651
>>366645
> I guarantee you couldn't top mine.
I have an expression, that I have grown fond of, that goes like this, "You can compare pain but not diminish it."
If you lose and arm and I only lose a thumb, it doesn't mean that I cease to be in pain because you're in more pain.

Just my two cents. Hope your doing better now, Anon.
And you too, Nigel. >>366637

Tho, I think this ( >>366639 ) guy's suspicion is fair, what your's saying is probably true, however the timing for you to bring your tragic past makes me think he is right.

Anyway, I think that friend of yours got his ideas from this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kmaba2TopE&ab_channel=ExplanationPoint but maybe I'm wrong. Haven't watch it myself acutally but for some reason I remembered seeing the thumbnail in the past.
Anonymous
e638b10
?
No.366647
366651 366652
2974470.gif
>>366646
Loathe as I might be to admit it, you're right. I'm just being an asshole at this point. I guess I just hate that so much time and energy goes toward whatever the hell he's trying to cook up and the boardwide reactions to it, and nothing that actually could be used for the OP's stated purpose, or any practical purpose.
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.366651
366652 366653 366654
1688643241533072.jpg
>>366646
>>366645
>>366647
>I guess I just hate that so much time and energy goes toward whatever the hell he's trying to cook up and the boardwide reactions to it, and nothing that actually could be used for the OP's stated purpose, or any practical purpose.
I am the OP, and I basically feel this way about it too. It is immensely frustrating that literally every writing thread we try to have on this board devolves into this sooner or later. I have a bad habit of replying to Nigel when I know I shouldn't, but the problem is that ignoring him doesn't work either. I've been going through the old Fallout Equestria threads in an effort to compile my assorted rants + some observations a few other anons made into something I can use for a long-form essay, and in the process I've basically been rereading the threads. At the time I was employing a strategy of just ignoring Nigel for the most part, and only replying to the occasional small nuggets of wisdom in his posts that were worth replying to. Suffice it to say that strategy didn't work. It's honestly amazing; I was mostly focused on reviewing the fic, so I didn't realize at the time just how badly those threads were being derailed by Nigel and his endless bullshit. Seriously, even with the the length of FoE and the detail I went into with the review, if Nigel hadn't made any posts I probably wouldn't have needed four threads to finish that review. He just does this shit all the time, everywhere he goes, and there is just no way to make him stop. If you ignore him, he will just keep palm-mashing his keyboard and sharting his moronic opinions and "story ideas" into the abyss, completely oblivious to the fact that no one is reading any of it or engaging with him. However, if you tell him to shut the fuck up, he immediately goes into cope and seethe mode and starts sperging out about "haters" and conspiracies against him.

Eventually, if you berate him long enough and hard enough, he will go into what I call the "sad Nigel loop," which is basically the behavior we are witnessing in this post >>366637 here. He's had a sad life and a sad childhood and he's just trying to become a better writer and save all the white people with his shitty anime fanfiction but waaaaaah everyone keeps on being mean to him; woe is he. To be fair, from what I can tell he actually has had some legitimate difficulty in his life, but frankly so have a lot of anons, and all of them still manage to interact normally with the board. So it's hard to feel sorry for him at this point.

Every once in a blue moon, the shitstorm he inevitably generates around himself will do enough damage to his ego that he will actually fuck off for a month or two, as we saw with these >>7710 >>7644 threads, where he was proclaiming that he was finally "done" with us and would be leaving forever. I think we all know how that turned out. He always comes back, and it's always just the beginning of a brand new Nigel cycle when he does.

I honestly just don't know what to do about him anymore, but I figure if we're stuck with his endless barrage of "story ideas" either way, I might as well try and spin them into something at least halfway entertaining. It's more than he's ever going to do with them, after all. However, in the interest of not derailing this thread any further, I think I'm going to create a separate thread for future installments of "Nigel the Movie."

>>366646
>You can compare pain but not diminish it.
I actually rather like this, I might steal it for a line of dialogue somewhere.
Anonymous
70b3874
?
No.366652
366748
>>366647
D'aww, thank u~<3
>I guess I just hate that so much time and energy goes toward whatever the hell he's trying to cook up and the boardwide reactions to it
^^ Was about to type something like this,
>I basically feel this way about it too.
But now I don't have to anymore because GG *cough* KBB *cough* Lotus *cough* Faces *cough* Juan *cough* Ninjas *cough* Placeholder *cough* Occult Facde *cough* Boom Boom *cough* Moonshine *cough* Lone 15 *cough* Nigel *cough* Sven *cough* Norwayguy *cough* Anon (whoever I forgot) *cough* Nobunaga Oda *cough* OP got to it first.

>>366651
>I actually rather like this, I might steal it for a line of dialogue somewhere.
But muh royalties :'C
I look forward to seeing it appear in "Nigel The Movie: Episode 2" ^^
On that note, what did you think of this post >>366618, I thought I was pretty clever here. Plz shower me in praise, sneedpai.
Anonymous
8753d4f
?
No.366653
366656 366658
>>366651
>To be fair, from what I can tell he actually has had some legitimate difficulty in his life, but frankly so have a lot of anons, and all of them still manage to interact normally with the board.
Well.. almost all.
I'm sorry. Whatever value it has coming from a bitter fuckup like me.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
?
No.366654
366656 366660 366661 366669 366688
>>366639
Never seen Ass Class, is it any good?
>>366645
Not dignifying misery poker with a response. It's dishonest for anyone to assume I have the worst possible motive I could have for bringing up the shit I've been through.
>>366651
The links didn't work.

I find the nigel videos funny because just as the tail on the depiction of Silver is almost a decade out of date, the character of Silver is a nonsensical contradiction built out of a teenager's desire to write something philosophical that says power and power fantasies are less important than love clashing with a teenager's desire to include what audiences at the time seemed to call cool. Complaining about me for talking misses why I talk. When I ask a question it represents faith I have in somebody's ability to answer it helpfully.

The energy that goes into telling me to shut up and try harder to already know the answers to any question I could ask couldn't power a lightbulb. Doesn't matter how many things we could talk about go into my posts. Everyone would rather talk about their own writing anyone else's or bitch at me for being here or wait for someone to post pony content. Anyone can be dismissive and entirely negative and sneer at the guy who's trying for not already being a success story, and if there are any reasons to respect that, tell me why I shouldn't start to act the same way about anyone else's attempts to talk about political writing in the pony website's pony fanfiction writing thread.

Then again, most writing here is just for fun, and not written with any higher political goal in mind, so I couldn't if I wanted to. I mean no disrespect to those who write for fun. There's nothing wrong with writing for fun. But I've come to realize I am in uncharted waters. I must solve these questions alone because I will get no help here. There is no successful pro white fiction I can take inspiration from because in the eras that would have made it successful, it would have been unnecessary, and the idea that it might be necessary would have been unthinkable. Who could imagine a world where whites are reduced to backstabbing bickering slaves unable to agree upon any plan to do anything to harm the globalist antiwhite force's monopoly on propaganda and force and control over our futures? Even Tolkien, the man, the myth, the legend, the mythical mountain seen somewhere in all fantasy fiction whether close up or in the distance or intentionally excluded for the sake of an artistic choice, was touched by the only thing faker and gayer than cold war era communist propaganda: World War antiwhite propaganda about "those damn nazi nazguls" losing their way and choosing war and industrialization over being Christian and white and peaceful. It's easy to say it is morally just to reject violence and killing and cast power and power structures into the fire when they are not necessary to annihilate enemies hell bent on your annihilation. Just as it is easy for a man with food to waste food because he is not starving, and just as it is easy for a liberal to walk around unarmed in a majority white suburb. The christian fetish for guilt and pacifism is the weak link in the Armour of God that makes us succeptible to forgetting what is necessary for the future of the white race and its children. And I don't think I will ever be able to write something that convinces the white man he has nothing to lose but his chains. And yet I try because I want to do more with my life than learn how to write My Little Pony fanfiction the remaining bronies might love as much as they loved Fallout Equestria and Past Sins. But I also want to make video games and when I get positive and supportive responses and legitimately useful criticism I find myself understanding why so many people choose to do what they love instead of focusing all their time and energy on politicians and policies they hate. Last time I said I was taking a break, I took a break, and it lasted longer than I initially said it would because I was enjoying my break and didn't want to admit why. When I'm not in the trenches I feel guilty about that. But lately somebody close to me held me. Didn't hold me down. Didn't hold me tightly. She just asked me why I try so hard for ungrateful people, and why I feel like I need to save a society that I owe nothing, and why I won't take another break. She liked how happy I looked during my last break after I started to get over the guilt that came with ignoring the news and every weekly new reason to desire the end of the status quo. I hadn't even considered how it would feel for someone to care about me and my wellbeing. But I owe it to her to be good to myself. I want her to be happy. Without realizing it until now, politics ate up too much of me and my life. But she's giving me another chance and I will not waste it. She can help me learn how to be happy again.
Anonymous
70b3874
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No.366656
366674
what the actual fuck am I writing seriously the final.pdf
File (hide): F7D8C7604DC45EC869C512ED97F691AE-8097436.mp4 (7.7 MB, Resolution:640x360 Length:00:01:32, F7D8C7604DC45EC869C512ED97F691AE-8097436.mp4) [play once] [loop]
F7D8C7604DC45EC869C512ED97F691AE-8097436.mp4
>>366654
>But I've come to realize I am in uncharted waters. I must solve these questions alone because I will get no help here. There is no successful pro white fiction I can take inspiration from because in the eras that would have made it successful, it would have been unnecessary
Well, actually ur wrong. GG, did it, or KBB ^^ did it. It's called Castle of Vapor. It is what you seek. It's a piece of reverse propaganda for our times.
Attached is the first finished version I found in the archives. GG, has a more updated version.
>>366653
<3 :anonfilly:
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.366658
366660 366661
1692848933335668.png
>>366653
>I'm sorry. Whatever value it has coming from a bitter fuckup like me.
I've got good news for you, chief: if there is one profession where being a bitter, dysfunctional fuckup actually works in your favor, it's writing. Disclaimer: If you are also a narcissistic retard from England who physically can't shut up about subjects like Avatar: The Last Airbender and Pokemon, your results may vary

I don't know if this will cheer you up or do the opposite, but here's Charles Bukowski musing on life, death and the craft, while simultaneously dunking on other writers for being less accomplished at alcoholism than he was:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fo9CQT3hXu8

And if that doesn't do the trick, here's a pony.
Anonymous
e638b10
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No.366660
366670
>>366654
>claims to be seeking advice and support for writing
>takes every opportunity to act as a low-end "idea guy" without ever presenting drafts or works past shilling and then deleting his gay horse manifesto
>still acting as though the answer to Saving The White Race is to write weebshit with a skinhead coat of paint for a fanfiction website full of trannies he openly obsesses over
>"She asked me why I try so hard for ungrateful people"
Look. this is gonna be the one serious statement from me that caps the discussion on my end. From here, you will never have to interact with me again if I recognize it's you (which frankly I'd have to be dyslexic not to recognize someone like you).
Sven isn't a success story. Most people who write aren't success stories, and probably never will be. That's not what people dislike about you. If you do actually have faith in someone's ability to answer your questions, then you have to sit down and take the lumps you asked for. If something you said didn't get an answer, chances are that people couldn't see the question past your massive walls of text. If there ever is a question to begin with, which in many of your posts, there just isn't. Or the question is so broad, subjective and silly that they think you're being rhetorical.

Just look at the pro-white propaganda that stuck. Murdoch Murdoch got popular because they put the effort in after a few episodes of stupid skits. When they gassed William Pierce and got backlash over it, they actually looked up Pierce's activism and came to respect him despite their disagreements, and represent him in a much more entertaining way that motivated others to look at the National Alliance's legacy with an open mind. When their sketches stopped being entertaining, they focused on the meme war saga and created something that has made grown /pol/acks cry, myself included. The Wanderer's Choice was heavily derivative of Berserk and loaded with references to the sort of weebshit you love so much, but it came with characterization and story that made you think. It offered new perspectives on the inevitable that comforted and made us think. It gave us more bread crumbs to research ourselves, by looking into Oswald Mosley and Spengler based on the things they said in the show. While it might use reductive memes as a medium, it elaborates on them and gives them a soul. Even the Choice itself mirrors something said by Mosley: that you must be a hawk among hawks and a dove when among doves. That a completely static set of rules with no contingencies is a castle built on sand. And all these this ended on an uplifting message to preserve history, art, memes and heritage.

If you want to make your mark, you have to be better than someone yelling into a megaphone about their beliefs while wearing a pony mask and shaming anyone who deviates from them. You have to ask yourself questions that you can answer given enough time and thought. And that isn't just "knowing the answer before you ask" -- it's looking inward for your inspiration, reason for what you believe, and understanding of why others aren't always of the same mind. Understanding that goes past just marking them as antiwhite, but actually explains what motivates them. Understanding of others, even your enemies, comes from entertaining beliefs you don't share in order to see them through it. And until you open your mind to the fact others don't always just want to see you dead because you're the hero and they're the villain, you will never be a good writer. Never.

I know I just gave you a wall of text and I'm not gonna spend any extra effort trimming it. Call it petty revenge. I don't care. I've finally got up the passion to write something I actually enjoy and I'm gonna do it.

>>366658
Believe it or not...it actually does help a little. It's weirdly comforting to know that a man who seems to be so confident and his ability as a writer, can be so clearly dysfunctional. Like perhaps poetry/writing is his calling, or perhaps it just helps bring him peace in his old age.
Maybe I could pick up that anonfilly green I stopped on. I think I'm gonna focus on the "bim-bim-bim" as Bukowski puts it. Also top kek at "This man's not even a pfuckin' professional drunk!"
Anonymous
70b3874
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No.366661
366662 366670
>>366654
>>366618
>Gottta go fast. Gotta fast. Gotta go faster, faster f-f-faster. Soooonic!
Feel a bit bad about this, tho. There really isn't anything wrong with liking Sonic the hedgehog. That Sonic Boom animation is pretty rad tbh: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQm9xkF80oI&ab_channel=Penpas
I think I just made the connection with it because I remember you emphasizing the need for speed in your learning of how to craft you story from earlier posts so that was what I wanted to parody.

>>366658
Idk, I feel like this guy is pretending. He has realized that he's old and so he's coping by acting as if it would be boring to continue to live.
I also, disagree with his views on writing. I actually used to think that each sentence should matter and be great but lately, I've come to think that it's not what matters the most.
Basically, I wanna take a step back. I'm not a writer, I'm a storyteller. I can retell a story with different words because, imo, what truly matters is the substance of the story. Your presentation can elevate your story but ultimately stories are less about grammar and clever presentation and more about ideas, imo. Though, perhaps I misunderstood what he meant.
Anonymous
70b3874
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No.366662
366663 366670
>>366661
>He has realized that he's old and so he's coping by acting as if it would be boring to continue to live.
Is just my take though.
Anonymous
e638b10
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No.366663
366666 366670
>>366662
That's a fair take, Sven, no problem. I got the same general impression, although I agree that quick and succinct prose that keeps the reader gripped is great.
Anonymous
70b3874
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No.366666
366667
Oekaki.png
>>366663
^^
Anonymous
70b3874
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No.366667
Cross-Over.600.2473721.jpg
>>366666
Anonymous
2b808b4
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No.366669
635E40279FE78E0E514774797C1E78B3-182479.png
>>366654
jesus tit fucking christ I am seriously going to reply to you again, aren't I?
>I find the nigel videos funny because just as the tail on the depiction of Silver is almost a decade out of date, the character of Silver is a nonsensical contradiction built out of a teenager's desire to write something philosophical that says power and power fantasies are less important than love clashing with a teenager's desire to include what audiences at the time seemed to call cool. Complaining about me for talking misses why I talk. When I ask a question it represents faith I have in somebody's ability to answer it helpfully.
See, this right here is exactly why it's funny. Not for the reasons you said, but because you clearly have no fucking idea why any of this is funny.

>just as the tail on the depiction of Silver is almost a decade out of date
This right here, for instance, is hilarious. I have no idea where I got this Silver Star pic originally; it's just the version I've had saved to my computer since time out of mind. It probably came from one of the original Glimmergate threads. I built my current PC in 2019, so this pic is probably at least that old. The only other versions I have saved are edits that I think were done by the board: the one where he's redrawn as a jew, and the one where he's redrawn as some kind of Pokemon or something. I've never noticed any variations in his tail in the "official" versions, and would not have attributed any significance to it if I had. That you think anyone besides you would be autistic enough to notice or care about a detail like this is very funny.

>the character of Silver is a nonsensical contradiction built out of a teenager's desire to write something philosophical that says power and power fantasies are less important than love clashing with a teenager's desire to include what audiences at the time seemed to call cool
This is also funny. Again, not for the reasons you seem to think, but because of your complete misinterpretation of what's even going on. The character of Silver is not what the video is making fun of. The character and the story he's from have become sort of a running joke around here, but I honestly don't even remember anything from the story itself beyond the magic skateboards and the giant walls of text about how the magic skateboards work. That and the 36,000-word chapter about Silver complaining about Starlight Glimmer and punching her, we can't forget that. Beyond that, though, the whole thing is a blur. Whatever was actually wrong with that character and that story was dealt with five years ago when I went over all of it; nobody actually cares about any of that stuff anymore.

The video isn't making fun of some silly, cringey fanfiction you wrote as a teenager, or the silly, cringey character who starred in it. The video is making fun of YOU, and the silly, cringey person that you are and always have been. Silver Star is YOU, Nigel, the actual person, or at least the person you present yourself as in this community. This character is your avatar; he is the visual representation of you as a human being as far as this community is concerned. Whenever anyone here says "Nigel," or whenever you yourself show up in a thread and start talking about anything, this is the image that pops into everyone's head. Whether you agree with it or not, this is how /mlpol/ sees you.

There are two main reasons for this. The first is that, however much you like to think you've moved on from this story, the simple fact remains that Silver Star Apple and the Search for More Money, Love, The Meaning of Life, and Magical Cards is the only memorable thing you have ever written. Nobody remembers "Lion-O Goes Columbine on the Jews," nobody remembers that other thing you wrote. This is the one that people know. What's more, it's not even memorable for itself. As I said, nobody actually remembers what happened in the story. What everyone remembers is the Defcon-5 tard rage you flew into when nobody liked it, and how bantzing on you for it was doubly funny: once for the bantz, twice for the fact that you completely failed to understand how or why you were even getting bantzed on (sort of like right now, with this video, or literally any other time you've gotten bantzed on).

What's also funny about that particular incident is that you actually have a lot in common with...Starlight Glimmer. Starlight was so desperate for love and attention that she threw all of her energy into a single act of pure self-indulgent narcissism. Her project was thwarted and she was laughed out of Equestria, but rather than repent and seek forgiveness, she doubled down and made things even worse for herself. In short, the stupidest thing she'd ever done became her entire legacy. Unfortunately, though, the similarities end here, as Starlight Glimmer eventually went on to redeem herself.

Anyway, the second reason Silver is your avatar is, well...just look at him. Look at that smug, silly, cluelessly confident smile on this retard's face. This guy is just...you in a nutshell. If I took one of your neverending tard-rants about the writing in Mass Effect or whatever the fuck and fed it to one of those AI-drawing programs, and told it to draw the face of the person speaking, it would probably produce an expression close to this. I mean, can't you just see this guy? Strutting around decaying London, munching his fish and chips, grinning that ridiculous, smarmy, shit-eating clueless grin, while he mumbles to himself about God only knows what because nobody is fucking listening?

Well...you can't see it. But all of us can. And that, Nigel, is why this video is funny.

>>366654
>The links didn't work.
My apologies, I always fuck up the cross-board links. I was referring to these threads:
>>>/qa/7710 →
>>>/qa/7644 →
But you already knew that, didn't you?
Anonymous
2b808b4
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No.366670
366672 366688
>>366660
>>366661
>>366662
>>366663
Whether or not you take his actual advice is up to you, I'm not saying he's right or wrong. For my part, I tend to agree about the quick and succinct prose. It's a better approach in fanfiction anyway, since there's just so much of it out there and whatever you write is competing with everything written by everyone else. Keeping your prose short and effective is a courtesy to the reader, at the very least.

The main thing with this video was to point out that being bitchy, dysfunctional and opinionated is something that just about all writers all have in common. I don't remember exactly how or when I came across this video, but I do remember I was half-drunk sitting at my computer and typing up a comment for one of my review threads. So basically, there's me, some autist who writes about ponies on the internet, sitting there drinking and talking shit about some other pony writer on the internet because I don't like how he did something. Meanwhile here's Bukowski, who was this world-famous Beat Generation icon, sitting in this interview doing essentially the same damn thing, but within his own sphere. I thought it was funny.

Everybody who works at writing long enough will eventually develop their own particular method, usually through some combination of reading other authors and borrowing their techniques, and experimenting on their own and figuring out what works for them personally. Then, once you've got your method, you'll come up with a giant laundry list of reasons why your way of doing things is better than everyone else's way of doing things, and why every writer you don't like can suck a dick.

This >>366660 is actually some really great advice, and I like the analysis of Murdoch Murdoch. Since Nigel probably won't read it or absorb it, I'll go ahead and compliment you on it. This is a good attitude to take.

I think above all it helps to remember that the world isn't waiting for your masterpiece one way or the other, so you might as well just shit or get off the pot. Just take whatever ideas and stories you've got in you and present it the best way you know how. If it sucks then it sucks; it's not that big a deal because most people's writing sucks. You can either find a way to fix it or throw it away and start again. If you somehow do end up creating something great, odds are that someone will come across it and realize it's great sooner or later, so there's really no reason to be a tryhard about it.
Anonymous
e638b10
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No.366672
366674
>>366670
>the world isn't waiting for your masterpiece one way or the other, so you might as well just shit or get off the pot. Just take whatever ideas and stories you've got in you and present it the best way you know how.
Thanks anon. It does help to keep it in mind.
Anonymous
2b808b4
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No.366674
>>366656
Incidentally, do you still have that audiobook version you did of that? I don't think I actually finished listening to it.

>>366672
np fren, best of luck to you.
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.366688
>>366654
Actually, I guess as long as I'm already replying I might as well dispense with the rest of this.

>Doesn't matter how many things we could talk about go into my posts. Everyone would rather talk about their own writing anyone else's or bitch at me for being here or wait for someone to post pony content.
REEEE WHY DO PEOPLE IN THE WRITING THREAD WANT TO TALK ABOUT WRITING INSTEAD OF THE AUTISTIC NONSENSE I WANT TO TALK ABOUT? WHY DO PEOPLE ON THE PONY BOARD ALWAYS WANT TO WRITE ABOUT PONIES INSTEAD OF THE AUTISTIC NONSENSE I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT?**and by "write about" I actually mean generate 400+ story ideas per day, none of which I will ever even attempt to transform into an actual story

>Then again, most writing here is just for fun, and not written with any higher political goal in mind, so I couldn't if I wanted to.
> I mean no disrespect to those who write for fun. There's nothing wrong with writing for fun. But I've come to realize I am in uncharted waters.
> And I don't think I will ever be able to write something that convinces the white man he has nothing to lose but his chains. And yet I try because I want to do more with my life than learn how to write My Little Pony fanfiction the remaining bronies might love as much as they loved Fallout Equestria and Past Sins.
Lol. The Nigel Cycle is moving quicker than I'd anticipated; we're already back at the stage where you scoff at us and call us losers, but for some reason you keep hanging around asking for our advice.

>Last time I said I was taking a break, I took a break, and it lasted longer than I initially said it would because I was enjoying my break and didn't want to admit why. When I'm not in the trenches I feel guilty about that. But lately somebody close to me held me. Didn't hold me down. Didn't hold me tightly. She just asked me why I try so hard for ungrateful people, and why I feel like I need to save a society that I owe nothing, and why I won't take another break. She liked how happy I looked during my last break after I started to get over the guilt that came with ignoring the news and every weekly new reason to desire the end of the status quo. I hadn't even considered how it would feel for someone to care about me and my wellbeing. But I owe it to her to be good to myself. I want her to be happy. Without realizing it until now, politics ate up too much of me and my life. But she's giving me another chance and I will not waste it. She can help me learn how to be happy again.
This is almost touching, but...honestly, what is even your thought process here? I mean, if I'm understanding you correctly, what you're saying is that you're happier when you're out somewhere enjoying life, as opposed to...being here. Annoying the living shit out of us. So...I mean, do you see what I'm getting at? You're a lot happier when you're off doing whatever with your...eh...girlfriend, and we're all a lot happier when you're not here being an annoying sperg. It sounds like the solution to your problem is the same as the solution to our problem, so...what are we even arguing about? Just stop posting your palm-mashed nonsense to this board and literally everyone wins; I honestly don't see what the issue even is.

I mean, this is really the part of your whole thing that I don't get. On the one hand, you seem to be convinced that if you don't write this bizarre Nazi-anime-space-adventure-thing you have planned, it means the complete annihilation of the white race. On the other hand, you refuse to put any actual work into your writing, so unsurprisingly you make zero progress on your book. You show up here with one crazy story premise after another that's basically just 20 different anime tropes jumbled together, and ask if it's a good idea. Then, regardless of what anyone says, you come back a few hours later with a different premise that's basically just the same 20 anime tropes arranged in a slightly different order. Then, you suddenly go off on an 80 page rant about some episode of Avatar the Last Airbender you saw one time 20 years ago and ask if it was good writing or bad writing. Like...what the fuck is going through your mind?

Look dude, it's like I said here >>366670 : the world isn't waiting on your masterpiece. If you want to write something, then just write something already for crying out loud. If you don't, then don't. Shit or get off the pot. You keep talking about this writing project of yours like it's some kind of matter of life and death, which is ridiculous enough to begin with, but then on top of that you never actually write anything. You keep talking like nobody is willing to give you advice or help you, but it's more accurate to say that nobody is willing to give you advice or help you anymore. I've been giving you reams of very high-quality advice for literal years, and I've read and critiqued every pile-of-shit draft you've ever put in front of me. What's come out of any of it? Nothing; absolutely nothing. It's a complete waste of time giving you advice because you never listen to any of it and you never produce anything.

I honestly don't know what else to tell you. If you don't want to write anything and you don't enjoy writing, then why even bother? Just go watch Naruto with your girlfriend or whatever; fuck. The world isn't going to end.
So you wanna be a writer - Charles Bukowski
Anonymous
e6512fe
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No.366689
366866
1556308604210.png
So you wanna be a writer - Charles Bukowski

if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.
and there never was.
Anonymous
a5fd1eb
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No.366744
366746 366749
Without reading replies, thought I should add...

To the car guy...

I wouldn't wish what I've been through upon anyone. I've been homeless before, and I've worked at a job before, but being raped repeatedly by my own parents as a child was definitely worse. It gets to you, being exploited and betrayed like that by people you're supposed to be able to trust and rely on. Being surrounded by fundamentally evil people who don't care or help it happen because calling the authorities would take effort and risk creating hassle for yourself and the authorities you are forced to be dependent on are as jewed as they get anyway. It's possible to ascribe imagined bad motivations to anyone. You could hold a lover who says "I love you" and choose to believe she's only saying this to control you. You can choose to believe I am a master schemer with nefarious motivations for saying anything about my past but do you think I'm socially aware enough for that? I genuinely just thought that anecdote was funny. Like a guy who thinks all car crashes are fatal not realizing he was right next to someone who survived one. But I have hope for you. I am sure that if you work hard enough at your job for a jewish megacorp you will be promoted, meet a nice woman, afford a house together, reproduce, and finally have a reason to be happy. Never give up hope.

To everyone else...

I don't know why I come here to this thread and ask writing questions like I expect an authority on writing to say something interesting and helpful in response and become part of an interesting open writing discussion. First and foremost, this site is a clique for roleplayers and pony porn lovers and boomer facebook meme sharers, before it is anything else. I could ask general story structure questions on any writing site, but explicitly asking how I help the white race by writing about sex and violence and dragons and other shit people like is the one thing this thread could theoretically have over other places for discussing writing if only that was permitted.
Anonymous
e6512fe
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No.366746
>>366744
>I could ask general story structure questions on any writing site
That is what this WRITING thread is about. Only difference between here and some other writing site is you can post your examples.
Anonymous
70b3874
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No.366748
1678632649776652.png
>>366652
>I think Nigel's posting is annoying <-Kinda what I said
I kinda wanna retract this. I kinda don't care anymore. I mean, I don't really get why he gotta post his none-related post in the wrong threads nor I'm a huge fan of the way he presents his posts but (as I have said before) I usually find stuff to agree with in his posts.

I guess I just gotten used (or numb ^^) to it. I think I just gotten tired of drama too. Now when I reflect on it, most of my latest post to Nigel have all been troll posts, where I'm just bantzin on him for things I would otherwise complain about^^.

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't really care about Nigel's (special) posts anymore but I'm not objecting to others getting annoyed by it either. Or something liek that is how I feel right now. IDK.

I guess, who even cares what I feel. I just felt a need to update my stands or wahterver
Anonymous
a7bab18
?
No.366749
>>366744
>I don't know why I come here to this thread and ask writing questions like I expect an authority on writing to say something interesting and helpful in response and become part of an interesting open writing discussion. First and foremost, this site is a clique for roleplayers and pony porn lovers and boomer facebook meme sharers, before it is anything else.
You have a peculiar habit of denigrating the very people you depend on for endless advice and attention.
Anonymous
254a5c6
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No.366760
366763 366764 367213
6761633.gif
If anyone here is interested, the /mlp/ writefag thread is having a writing contest:

>Maybe we should have our own in-thread writing competition. We could set a due date. When that date rolls around one of us will start the thread again and all the participants will either paste in-thread, or give a link to their story. I suggest due date as one month from now and that we focus on short stories

Premise of the contest is as described, you have just over a month to write a story, and when the contest thread is posted you either paste it in or post a link. As of now it looks like the due date is October 13th, length limit on stories is 10,000 words or less. Theme is Nightmare Night, since Halloween is coming.

Here is the thread:
https://boards.4channel.org/mlp/thread/40277733
Anonymous
8c4c9aa
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No.366763
367213
>>366760
That sucks. I literally had the same idea and thought it be a clever way to fish for newfags on mlp. Oh, well.
Anonymous
8c4c9aa
?
No.366764
>>366760
But it sounds like it could be fun. I might show up.^^
Anonymous
254a5c6
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No.366866
william-burroughs.roosevelt-after-inauguration.fuck-you-press.pdf
>>366689
This is a good post and deserves a (You), even if I can't think of any additional advice or snappy comments.

Also, I think I've posted this in one or more of these threads before, but this is a really good lecture:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dymsKE_N3A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4d3fDtxCiAQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNKR6jNumVQ

Also also, attached PDF is by the same author as the lecture series. It was published in a subversive "zine" from the 1950s and I'll preface it with a fairly heavy degeneracy warning, but it's worth a read. Aside from the names, he seems to have predicted the Biden administration with an eerie degree of accuracy.
Anonymous
a44aa71
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No.366976
Mark  The Choosen of Chatoyance.pdf
>>366352
So I wrote the a first chapter for a story with this premise on a whim. It was a while a ago and I didn't finish it sadly. I don't see myself finishing it right now so the setup in this chapter won't get their payoffs but I created a bunch of lore for it. The goddess is named Chattoyance but the it's still a serious story, I just didn't have a name for a goddess at the time and thought it kinda fit so I just did it.
Anonymous
296ccb6
?
No.366993
Reborn as a Healslut in another World.txt
6744667__safe_artist-colon-redxbacon_imported+from+derpibooru_princess+cadance_princess+celestia_princess+luna_queen+chrysalis_shining+armor_twilight+sparkle_al.png
This one was also inspired by Nigel's posts on his isekai story. I wrote this a real while ago but was unsure if I wanted to post it. Tried a more shitpost-y style with this one then my normal storytelling. I kinda planned out chapter two but never wrote it down.
Anonymous
296ccb6
?
No.366994
367013
6786441__safe_artist-colon-muffinz_imported+from+derpibooru_derpy+hooves_hat_headphones_minecraft_simple+background_solo_white+background_wing+hands_wing+hold_w.png
2728413__safe_princess+flurry+heart_pony_simple+background_alicorn_transparent+background_wings_spread+wings_holiday_looking+at+each+other_species+sw.png
6233045__safe_artist-colon-bluewolfavenger_imported+from+derpibooru_part+of+a+set_twilight+sparkle_pony_unicorn_bag_bandage_blizzard_body+horror_clothes_cold_cr.jpg
2675868__safe_twilight+sparkle_solo_female_pony_mare_unicorn_horn_magic_crossover_high+res_signature_angry_glowing+horn_unicorn+twilight_eyelashes_wa.jpg
Shoggoth mate.png
>>366979 →
>>>/mlpol/366979 →
I thought I continue this conversation here since I have already derailed ur thread enough ^^.

Are u gonna write a new spooky story for that comp or are you gonna use that Muffins of Madness story you started in one of my pony prompt threads?
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.367013
1694847253164277.jpg
>>366994
Good idea lol, probably setting a bad precedent if I keep derailing my own thread with stuff I explicitly asked people not to derail my thread with.

For the 4chan competition I've actually got a new one I've been working on, I'm pretty happy with how it's turning out so far. When it's done I'll post it here before I post it to /mlp/ assuming I finish by the deadline

Muffins of Madness is actually going to be my November project, I think I can spin a full novel out of that one. I wasn't wild about what I wrote for it so I've revised the idea somewhat. The cosmic horror premise is still the same, but I decided to drop the HiE angle entirely and just make the detective character a pony OC.
Anonymous
f92a4be
?
No.367203
367204 367206 367235 367248 367718
File (hide): 5C572615F9056C7B00DE3520D928E8F2-22461.zip (21.9 KB, Listing of : my-little-brony-this-is-a-fanfic.epub Size Date Time Name -------- -------- ------ --------- 20 27-09-23 05:11 mimetype 240 27-09-23 05:11 META-INF/container.xml 380 27-09-23 05:11 styles.css 925 27-09-23 05:11 title.html 496 27-09-23 05:11 toc.html 79556 27-09-23 05:11 chapter-1.html 1544 27-09-23 05:11 book.opf 1186 27-09-23 05:11 book.ncx , my-little-brony-this-is-a-fanfic.epub)
my-little-brony-this-is-a-fanfic.epub
I wrote a parody of the sort of cliche MLP fanfics that are easy to write and review and parody. Probably a bit daft for me to focus on this stuff when it's so past its sell-by date and era of cultural relevance, but fuck it. What I wrote is easy, stupid, soulless, unchallenging, and it's not going to help my writing skills, but if anyone here wants to care about the old dead horses beaten in this fic go ahead and review it. It's a complete one-shot that can be judged on its own merits as a complete work. And it doesn't require prior knowledge of an external piece of media like Fallout or Warhammer 40K.

By the way I'm extending my break from politics and quitting the team. I'm sick of nazi sites calling me a gay degenerate libtard cuck for not being racist enough. And not being magic enough to single-handedly save my country. I hadn't realized everyone decided it was my responsibility to be the second coming of Christ and save everybody, and I'm gay if I'm not inspiring enough to inspire hope in them. Why do so many sites devolve into cliques for complainers who forgot their ideology of choice was supposed to have a purpose and core founding principles that come before petty emotions and office politics? How can anyone call the British "not really white" and say "Hitler would have hated you, you damn disgusting bisexual faggot" when the average person posting that is typically a degenerate masturbation addict without loved ones or offspring? Hitler would have hated you too. Or maybe he would have loved you anyway, and pitied you for not living up to your potential, pitied you for throwing it away on frivolous pursuits instead of cultivating inner strength and meaningful bonds and forming a plan for the future and sticking to it.

It is easy to avoid making mistakes when you choose to sit around and exclusively criticize others for making mistakes on their road to success. There is nothing the critics hate more than being reminded of this. No artist is born a master, but what is the value of "criticism" that seeks not to critique the work but to shallowly mock it? A piece of trash on the side of the road is still more meaningful than the criticism designating it so. In this era of fetishized mediocrity and corporate monopolies with soulless valueless entertainment, this era of corpo content getting awards while real art by passionate people with something to say is ignored or sneered at, it makes sense that the best critic channels on Youtube would thrive mocking the big corpo bullshit. AVGN and Nostalgia Critic spawned a wave of imitators by being successful. I'm subscribed to many Youtube channels that love nothing more than taking dogshit television and MCU films and big corpo games and tearing them a new asshole for wasting millions of dollars sucking gay asshole. But I don't subscribe to any channels that treat indie projects with that kind of hostility. When billion dollar corpos like Disney get applauded for posting cringe, that's annoying. But some game reviewers act like every game that didn't blow their mind instead blew their dog after shooting it. They want to play at being critics without having any of the values that made the great ones great. It's fun to hate, I get that, but it's not a respectable kind of hatred.

Starship Troopers, the movie made by a Jew, tries to make "Fascism" look bad. But it's too dishonest to intellectually engage with its ideas. It never shows a smart disabled man unfit for military service and unable to vote, and then depicts a bad politician coming to power because people like that smart disabled non-soldier and his friends in the same boat were unable to vote. No, it just does all it can to make the whole concept look silly. It's a strawman argument in film form. Thinking Starship Troopers is an accurate depiction of Fascism is like thinking 300 is an accurate depiction of the Spartans and Persians. But that film wasn't made with an ideological or racial agenda, it was made with this raw unapologetic masculine energy that made you scream "Fuck yeah!" or whimper "lmao gay cringe". I saw it with my girl and damn, what a movie! THIS IS CINEMA! Holy fucking shit! Focusing on what you love really is better than focusing on what you hate. That film never could have been made today, and if they tried, they'd Netflix the fuck out of it unless the original creator was around to force Netflix to reshoot shit they got wrong until the end result was fine. As a kid I didn't dream of being a propagandist. I dreamed of making awesome media.

The road to success is not an easy one. If it was, the haters would walk it themselves instead of hating. Sometimes that road is long and hard and winding, but I'm not giving up on my dreams. No matter how many bitter people point and laugh, I won't respect them enough to care about their feelings toward me. It's a lose-lose scenario, dealing with people like that, because they choose to believe they're the superior and you're the inferior, they abuse you if they can, and if you ignore them they keep on hating you no matter what, and if you give them attention by saying anything to the contrary, they take it as validation, they take it as confirmation that only someone inferior would care. They never look in the mirror and ask themselves how they could improve and be happy. They never try to uplift themselves or their local community. They'd never take food to a church to feed the freezing elderly and starving homeless. They sit on their hard drives full of foalcon rape and childish power fantasies featuring anon and they sneer at me for liking anime and trap femboy futa facefucking porn and incest and piss and shit and shitting dick nipples and breast expansion and inflation and oneesan/milf shota and cuckolding and praise kink content. Lmao just kidding I don't like any of that shit, except the anime. And praise(good for the soul!). And the breast expansion because it means big booba.

And on that bombshell, goodnight!
Anonymous
dd1f077
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No.367204
6785265__suggestive_artist-colon-parumpi_imported+from+twibooru_spike_twilight+sparkle_dragon_pony_unicorn_art+pack-colon-forbidden+knowledge_blushing_bottom+he.png
6754550__safe_artist-colon-anonymous_imported+from+twibooru_oc_oc-colon-anon_oc-colon-filly+anon_pony_-fwslash-mlp-fwslash-_4chan_bow_drawthread_female_filly_ha.png
>>367203
Well, thanks for the story, bro. ^^

Sad that you're leaving again. Hope find success with ur aspirations. I'll continue to jerk it to hoers so don't worry, I'll keep the spirit of mlpol alive, single-handedly >Mfw no no-hoofs gf to give me a hoofjob^^
Anonymous
01e35ca
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No.367206
dc944a7a53f4addf4dc8908399233580.gif
>>367203
That's great Nigel, thanks for letting us know. We'll see you in a month or two when you decide to pull the exact same drama again.
Anonymous
dd1f077
?
No.367213
367235
6729332__safe_artist-colon-amy30535_imported+from+derpibooru_background_building_cloud_cloudsdale_cloudy_night_no+pony_rainbow_rainbow+waterfall_scenery.jpg
6794809__safe_artist-colon-pesty_skillengton_imported+from+derpibooru_fluttershy_pegasus_pony_butt_cute_daaaaaaaaaaaw_dock_ear+fluff_eyes+closed_female_floppy+e.png
6731648__safe_imported+from+derpibooru_-dot-svg+available_cloud_cloudsdale_g4_high+res_liquid+rainbow_official_rainbow_simple+background_sky_stock+vector_svg_tr.png
6791518__safe_artist-colon-pesty_skillengton_imported+from+derpibooru_oc_oc+only_oc-colon-blazey+sketch_pegasus_pony_bow_clothes_cute_female_heart_hug_pillow_pi.png
2P Clouldsdale.pdf
Attached is a draft of thread idea I had for the site, I canceled it when I saw this post tho:
>>366760
as I stated here:
>>366763
However, I did write a bunch of fanlore one Cloudsdale and Pegasi in it so I thought I might as well share it here. ^^
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.367235
>>367203
>I don't care, you don't care, please read my words though
Great note to go out on, pretty much sums up your entire five years worth of effort.

>>367213
This looks like it's got some potential. Is this meant to be another organized project within a time frame, or is this just an informal prompt? I might be interested in doing some stuff within these parameters, but as I mentioned before I'm a bit swamped for the next couple of months.

>Pegasi have the supernatural ability to fall asleep and hibernate when they wish to do so. This is called ”drifting” (we'll get back to when and how they use this).
>Their bodies go into a low energy usage mode and excrement and such is simply emptied while asleep (this is why it's advised to do that before drifting)
I'm curious if Equestria has any formal laws about this. Seems like earth ponies and unicorns getting periodically deuced on by drifting pegasi might create some tension between the castes.

>StormRazor
I'm going to suggest that this name be formally changed to "Storm Razor," without the CamelCase spelling.
sage
sage
fb2962b
?
No.367248
367676
97143__safe_gusty_female_pony_unicorn_angry_g1_my+little+pony+'n+friends_upset.jpg
>>367203
Good riddance you furfag futa loving britmutt. Stay in the dumpster where you belong. Permanently. Take that faux-centrism cuckboi shit with you, too.
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.367620
367625
fire-breathing-dragon.jpg
fire-dragon.jpg
peakpx.jpg
peakpx(1).jpg
Dragons_shooting_fire 2.png
>There was once monkies that live in a forest.
>Near this forest was a cave where a dragon slept.
>He was distrubed in his slumper by the shouting of fighting monkies.
>He ignored them and drifted back to sleep.
>He was awoken again by monkies wrestling over his treasure trove.
>He turned his back on them and went back to sleep.
>Something was prodding him.
>He opened his eyes and found a group of monkies with sharp sticks.
>He ingored them.
>Then he felt pain in his eye.
>One of the monkies had stuck his stick into his eye.
>The forest was reduced to nothing but ash.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.367625
367651 368150
_31f3ac97-325a-45d8-a6c5-5bbea31d412d.jpg
_92e72add-fdf5-4c8c-9c0f-3ed347cba042.jpg
_5617a557-c0fa-43d7-ac21-30fb86204b28.jpg
_9061d8ea-df8d-4f22-896e-e3b1da62b152.jpg
>>367620
Tried to get AI to illustrate this, was somewhat successful:
>medieval tapestry style: dragon with a wounded eye, breathing fire on a forest, fighting an army of monkeys
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.367651
>>367625
Nice. Im happy u read it. <3
Anonymous
dfc5ca0
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No.367676
367703 367737
>>367248
Why are you saging the write thread?
You're aware that sage is to avoid bumping a thread, and not to downvote a user, right?
Anonymous
f92a4be
?
No.367703
367718 367737
>>367676
Tourists, am I right?
By the way did anyone review the shit pony fic?
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.367718
367737 367741 367744
NIGEL LEAVING.png
>>367703
Why would anyone review it, or even bother to read it? You said yourself you didn't put any effort into it and don't care about it. Why would you expect us to read it? Why would you expect anyone to read it? Are you really such an arrogant, egotistical, self-absorbed ass that you expect people to invest time and effort into workshopping a story that not even you, the person who wrote it, actually cares about?

Since it's clear that you still haven't figured it out yet, this kind of behavior is a fine example of why nobody on this site likes you or takes you seriously. It's not just that you're a shitty writer, you're also a shitty person. I mean, read your own post for fuck's sake: >>367203

You have this attitude like everything in the world is somehow beneath you and nothing bothers you, and yet you're one of the neediest attention-whores I've ever come across in all my time spent on the internet. You think the pony fandom is dead, but here you still are, writing fanfiction and begging us to read it. You think this site is just an empty circlejerk full of haters, but here you still are, begging for our attention yet again.

You constantly talk up your big projects and your grand ideas, and yet you produce nothing but low-effort slop. You beg for everyone to give you their opinion, and when they give it to you, you either get pissy and defensive, or you just laugh it off and say "yeah, well, I wasn't really trying." While it is indeed clear that you weren't really trying, it does raise the question: if you're not going to try, then why bother? If you don't care about what you write, and you don't care about what we think, then why even ask us to read any of it? Why even write it in the first place?

I can tell you exactly why. You don't write because you have something to say or because you give a shit about writing, and you don't ask us for criticism because you give a shit what we think or because you want to improve. Everything you do, whether it's sharting out crappy low-effort fanfiction, posting long whiny monologues about how shitty your childhood was, stalking some troon on fimfiction, or palm-mashing angry diatribes about all the "haters" that are out to get you, it's all motivated by one thing and one thing only: You. Need. Attention. You crave attention the way your shitty OC craves cock, be it Silver "pound my ponut" Star, or Faggot "Silver Star Redrawn as a Sonic the Hedgehog Character" Fox, or Lion-O the Angsty Jewslayer, or Thomas the Racist Elf-Prince, or whatever dumb variant of the same shitty character you happen to be working with at any given moment.

And look, here you are again, back on this site you don't care about, submitting yet another piece of shoddy low-effort fanfiction about a franchise you think has lost all cultural relevance. Mere days after sharting out your latest word-salad about how you don't care about this place and how you're leaving it "for good," here you are, begging for our attention yet again.

Why not just get a life and live it? Or, since that's probably a bridge too far for you at this point, why not just neck yourself and save us all the trouble of having to interact with you further? I mean, go back and read through this thread >>>/mlpol/166259 → or this thread >>>/mlpol/165646 → sometime. Isn't it amazing how, after five long years, you haven't grown, changed or matured at all? Isn't it amazing how, after all this time and all the words we've exchanged, you're still the same whiny, arrogant, needy, conceited, entitled, obnoxious little shit that you were five years ago? How you're still here, condescending to us while simultaneously begging us to read whatever low-effort bucket of verbal diarrhea you've most recently sharted out?

Seriously, Nigel. How many times does this community need to tell you to fuck off before you actually get the message?

Incidentally, Robert Heinlein, author of Starship Troopers, was a better writer than you could ever hope to be, even if you actually gave enough of a shit to put in real effort.
sage
sage
fb2962b
?
No.367737
368093
>>367676
You have NOT been around long enough to realize that saging on this board does one thing, and ONE thing only: it pisses Niggel off since he doesn't get the dopamine rush of someone opposing his pseudo-centrist britcuck soygoi views.

>>367703
Congrats, cucktard, for about the thousandth time. You just broke the (((rules))) of your own "M-M-MMUH (((LEVIN))) G-GAIZ, DON'T FLAME ME WHEN M R GON BACK TO PISSRAHELL" post.

GO. KILL. YOUR. SELF. SERIOUSLY, HANG YOUR WORTHLESS INBRED NECK ON THE NEAREST STREET LIGHT THAT WON'T BREAK UNDER THE 400 POUNDS OF LANDWHALE THAT YOU ARE. Not even the ACTUAL race-traitor kike-loving britcuckmutts want you. How fucking hilarious is that!

>>367718
That number will never be 0. It will NEVER be less than 1. Also fuck you no homo Heinlein was a great writer but his execution of word phrasing and literary meanings sucked donkey phalli.
Anonymous
f92a4be
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No.367741
367742 367744 367908 367930 367934 367936 367938 367939 367940 367941 367943 368453
literally me.jpg
>>367718
I know it upsets you when I tell you I don't respect you and skim your posts and ignore anything I don't value, but I saw some half-finished shit in my documents and thought "Hey, might as well finish it, get it out there, give this starving thread on a dying site some content not from the same few overworked people". I don't understand why people who don't respect me as a person expect me to respect them as an authority, and I don't understand why somebody said I rely on this site for advice or attention when I don't care what people think of me and the "best" advice I ever got was "read a lot on your own and figure it out for yourself". I've figured out a lot for myself. But it's always hard for the wannabe critic to understand when he isn't valued and why, because to him the critic is the master of the artist and any artist who disagrees with this reductive thought-terminating inherently anti-art worldview is a bad artist "violating the natural order of things out of pettiness and inadequacy and spite", because even though the wannabe critic has no insight that makes him a better critic than any other bog-standard complainer or anything about him that makes him any kind of useful asset to any artist the critic expects to be treated like Gordon fucking Ramsay even if all he has to say is the kind of "fuck you kill yourself lmao niggerfaggot" shit children said to each other over Sonic fanfiction almost twenty years ago. Hell, SonAmy and SonAlly tards were saying this to each other thirty years ago. I've been around on the internet too long for your sort of talk to shock me, sonny. I stopped respecting you people when I realized you're inauthentic. You might hate the Jews but you don't love Whites enough. Or freedom or western civilization. Friendship is a buzzword thrown around now and then for the sake of shaming people who criticize you for your inaction and inauthenticity but when people here need help they don't get it here. Misery loves company and this is a circlejerk for miserable people who have learned helplessness. Self-improvement talk, threads about farming and making things, it all had to be pushed to another subforum to ignore because it didn't fit on the main board. It wouldn't surprise me if The Critical Drinker was a fan of the AVGN at some point, but instead of spiralling into self-parody with retarded skits in an attempt to one-up the original, his insights into the obvious flaws of leftist dominated media let him condense elegant takedowns of overhyped dogshit media in efficient digestible smart witty and brief videos anybody can watch, understand, share, and get behind. You come for him mocking shit films and stay for his criticisms of the underlying leftism permeating modern jewish cinema and its hatred of the strong white male hero. Characterization of the critic as a drunken mess of a clown makes him likable and relatable and down-to-earth without getting in the way of the substance of the review like an extended skit where he saves cinema from a haunted DVD by shooting it with a gun and throwing a bottle at it, he never comes off as some smug git who thinks he knows everything, even though he knows a lot more about writing than most industry professionals. He's able to help people start to understand and detest woke bullshit and identify general flaws in their own writing without needing to come off as overly political or agenda-driven because it truly is normal and good to oppose woke bullshit and bad ideology-driven writing in general. He's a critic I respect, and he's earned those subscribers.

The greatest works of western literature could have been discussed on this site, we could have read a chapter together and discussed it every week or every three days, but finding dogshit pony fanfiction from almost a decade ago and collectively calling it shit or relying on somebody else to waste his time stating the obvious for us is just so much easier even if it's not an overhyped fandom darling but instead some practically unheard of piece of shit nobody cares about, like an Angry Video Game Nerd knockoff who tries to search for even worse-rated games to flame even though nobody cares that the shovelware fimfiction equivalent of Imagine Babies for the Wii is like a "shit sundae fermented inside a sun-scorched nigger corpse" and Eragon reads like it was written by a teenager because it was, even though something could have been learned from analyzing interesting experiments in the gaming landscape or literary world. This site has all the downsides of /mlp/ (cliquey fandom drama and space-wasting content accumulation threads where skill improvement and new content is rare and circlejerkers waste each other's time waiting for new content) and /pol/ (serious unbiased political discussion is drowned out by facebook memes and low quality argumentation for shit like flat fucking eartherism) and no redeeming qualities. I was a fool to ever waste so much time here posting dumb bullshit when I should have been working on actually improving my skills as a creator. Mods, delete all my gay posts if y'all hate them so much (you won't, those in the in-group need an out-group to attack and the clique dominating this site wishes I'd stay here forever and be a permanent part of this site to give their lives meaning).
Choccy Gewehr
f8d1b38
?
No.367742
Screenshot_2023-10-07 Suspect That You Are Narcissistic DO THIS .png
>>367741
>Projecting, gaslighting, self indulgent walls of text.
https://youtu.be/YzxHV28Jyeo
You really want to make your life let alone the world better? Shut the fuck up for once, watch this video, internalise every word Prof. Sam Vaknin says to you. Don't listen while playing vidya gaems or whatev. Sit, watch, take notes

Else wise kindly procure a length of tree climbing rope, learn to tie it in a slip knot and pull a Robin William's.
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.367744
368453
OIG (37).jfif
Imagine this post:
>>367718 >You don't care yet you're here
being replied to by this post:
>>367741 >I don't care
Uhm, why are you back again?

Hehe, wtf is even going on? ^^
Anonymous
6518d81
?
No.367898
367900 367909 367929
Why do you people still reply to the brit? This is my first time reading through this thread and it's just 90% gay little drama between him and everyone else. This isn't any different from discord clique faggotry, just stop replying to him. You're all pathetic. Making memes of him only encourages him more. Making walls and walls of text just flatters him. Literally just stop talking to him or make a new thread, Jesus. Its almost like you ENJOY his obnoxiousness.
Anonymous
f6ef037
?
No.367900
>>367898
>Its almost like you ENJOY his obnoxiousness.
He is funny if you ask. Nothing wrong with it.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.367908
367930
Jason Godwin IRL.jpg
>>367741
>I know it upsets you when I tell you I don't respect you and skim your posts and ignore anything I don't value
Inaccurate. What "upsets" me is when you post anything at all, because you seldom write anything worth reading, and you write a ton of it.

>I saw some half-finished shit in my documents and thought "Hey, might as well finish it, get it out there, give this starving thread on a dying site some content not from the same few overworked people".
Uh...why?

Anyway, those questions aside, this statement just confirms everything I said before: you don't care about your own work enough to put actual effort into it, you dump whatever excrement you produce into our thread because you physically can't function without our attention, and you're such a delusional narcissist that you honestly think you're doing us a favor by letting us read it.

>I don't understand why people who don't respect me as a person expect me to respect them as an authority
First and most obvious, you've done absolutely nothing to deserve respect as a person; if anything, I've lost respect for you over the years. After five years of interacting with you on this site, I can honestly say that you are among the most obnoxious, boorish, dense, toxic and repulsive people I have ever encountered, either online or irl, and that I find in you not one single redeeming human virtue. We should respect you? Why? You sound like some left-wing TikTok fatty. You go around behaving like a toxic self-absorbed cunt, and then you think everyone should treat you with "respect" simply because you exist.

Second, nobody here expects you to "respect them as an authority." At this point nobody here expects much of anything from you, we just wish you would shut up and leave like you keep saying that you're going to. You never have anything to contribute to the conversation around here except self-indulgent, self-pitying, narcissistic whining and the occasional piece of mediocre fanfiction. Oh, right, and your reams upon reams of unsolicited opinions about video games; can't forget that, I suppose.

>It wouldn't surprise me if The Critical Drinker was a fan of the AVGN at some point
As usual, I have no idea what the fuck you're rambling about and you provide no context, so your long non-sequitur rant was a wasted effort. I'm assuming these guys are YouTubers or something? And according to you they're apparently good at it? Or bad maybe? I don't know. I don't give a shit about YouTube.

>But it's always hard for the wannabe critic to understand when he isn't valued and why, because to him the critic is the master of the artist and any artist who disagrees with this reductive thought-terminating inherently anti-art worldview is a bad artist "violating the natural order of things out of pettiness and inadequacy and spite", because even though the wannabe critic has no insight that makes him a better critic than any other bog-standard complainer or anything about him that makes him any kind of useful asset to any artist the critic expects to be treated like Gordon fucking Ramsay even if all he has to say is the kind of "fuck you kill yourself lmao niggerfaggot" shit children said to each other over Sonic fanfiction almost twenty years ago.
I have no response to this, I just wanted to call attention to the fact that this is all one sentence, lol. Also: it just wouldn't be a Nigel post if you didn't throw Sonic the retarded butt-fucking Hedgehog in there somewhere, would it?

>The greatest works of western literature could have been discussed on this site, we could have read a chapter together and discussed it every week or every three days, but finding dogshit pony fanfiction from almost a decade ago and collectively calling it shit or relying on somebody else to waste his time stating the obvious for us is just so much easier even if it's not an overhyped fandom darling but instead some practically unheard of piece of shit nobody cares about, like an Angry Video Game Nerd knockoff who tries to search for even worse-rated games to flame even though nobody cares that the shovelware fimfiction equivalent of Imagine Babies for the Wii is like a "shit sundae fermented inside a sun-scorched nigger corpse" and Eragon reads like it was written by a teenager because it was, even though something could have been learned from analyzing interesting experiments in the gaming landscape or literary world.
This is all one sentence too, lmao. Just out of curiosity, what does someone like you even have to say about the "greatest works of western literature?" Can you even name any of them, let alone discuss them? Other than a smattering of YA stuff like Eragon and maybe two or three books that I've recommended to you in previous threads, as far as I can tell you've never picked up a book in your life. At least if you have, you never talk about any of them. If your posts from any of our writing discussion threads are any indicator, the only media you consume is a low-grade slurry of video games, YouTube videos, Western cartoons and anime and you don't even like any good anime ffs; everything you talk about is just autistic Shonen Jump battle-monsters style crap.

And it's not even that there's anything inherently wrong with liking stuff like that. I play games from time to time, and enjoy the occasional trashy anime. I don't spend literally every waking minute of my life reading Faulkner and Hemingway and all that. Your problem is that not only is your knowledge base exclusively limited to autismo consoomer properties, you can't even make intelligent conversation about that stuff. You didn't like Mass Effect because it was gay and leftist, for some dumb reason you can't articulate. You didn't like Pokemon Fire Emblem because it was gay and leftist, for some dumb reason you can't articulate. This is what literary discussion looks like for you. Is it any wonder nobody wants to have a conversation with you?
Anonymous
254a5c6
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No.367909
367929
>>367898
I feel like you should be right, but honestly? I've tried ignoring him, and that doesn't work either.
Anonymous
bb5d1ea
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No.367929
>>367898
He's been bullied off the site a couple times. It is amusing to watch it unfold. The key to enjoy niggel slander, starts with knowing the clown will always be back.
>>367909
This.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.367930
367934 367936
_ecbbc44f-dc9e-4e7d-801f-57b6967e4737.jpg
>>367741
>>367908
Also:

>the "best" advice I ever got was "read a lot on your own and figure it out for yourself"
For one thing, this actually is very good advice. If you want to learn how to write fiction, you should read as much fiction as possible, for the same reason that someone wanting to play the guitar should listen to other guitar players. Not only are there plenty of little technical things you can pick up this way, but every writer has their own unique, nuanced approach to telling stories. By reading different books by different authors, you'll expose yourself to different techniques and approaches, and you can decide for yourself which ones you like and which ones you don't. And as far as figuring it out for yourself, there are large aspects of this that you literally just have to learn by doing, and it's a continuous process of trial and error.

For another, you've been given plenty of advice beyond this. I myself have spent untold hours combing through the dreck you write, and attempting to hold your hand and walk you through the most basic things you do wrong, usually over and over and over. So have plenty of other people here. You never seem to absorb a word of it or follow any advice you're given.

>I've figured out a lot for myself
No, you haven't. In fact, not only have you failed to figure out much of anything for yourself, you've failed to implement any of the reams upon reams of practical advice you've been given, that you claim you haven't been given.

I can show you examples of this in real time. Let's have a look at what's in your current fimfic profile. This is you, isn't it?
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/466312/SparkapocalypseVanguard

Interestingly, I notice you have ratings disabled for most of your stories. I wonder what could have possibly motivated you to do that? Hmm. Anyway, the story you posted to this thread:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/543055/1/my-little-brony-this-is-a-fanfic/this-is-a-chapter
I refuse to even look at on principle.

However:

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/532479/1/twilight-sparkle-and-the-casino-of-doom/casinos-more-like-casi-no
This entire "story" can be summed up thusly: Spike comes home one day excited about visiting a casino that was apparently just built. Twilight lectures him about why the author she thinks casinos are bad. After listening to her massive block-paragraph lecture, Spike concludes that he was wrong. Then, Twilight writes a massive block-paragraph letter to Princess Celestia that repeats, basically word for word, everything she just told Spike about casinos in her massive block-paragraph lecture.

The entire text consists of your own thinly-veiled opinions, written out in massive block paragraphs and dumped into quotes which are then forced into the mouth of a character. How many damned times have you been told to stop doing this? You did this constantly throughout your old Silver Star thing, and you were called out on it then. I call this sort of writing "sockpuppet dialog." I've also seen a lot of it in other fics I've reviewed, and I have called it out every time I've seen it.

Since you clearly don't respect my opinion anymore, maybe you should go through your own fucking comments section and see how literally every fucking person tells you exactly the same fucking thing that I just did.

Then, there's your most recent one:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/543688/1/morbino-morblo/morb-morb-morb
Like almost everything you write, this one reads like it was written ironically or as a dumb joke, and subsequently very little serious effort was put into it. The plot is barely worth summarizing: a guy named Morbius lives in a place called Morbino Land, he can shapeshift or something I guess, and he does battle with an evil wizard named Morblo. The name of just about everything in the story is some variation on the word "morb." This feels like a reference or an in-joke, and a quick google search confirms this: apparently, "morb" is a meme that originated from the film Morbius, which was apparently some capeshit movie that came out last year and bombed. Anyway, Morbius uses...a bunch of magic cars ???...to somehow...defeat this evil wizard I guess, and then...he starts ranting about the Federal Reserve. I'm not even making this up.

Anyway...Jesus Christ. This is seriously some next-level autism. The guy drones on about the Federal Reserve for like four paragraphs, and we once again see the grim specter of sockpuppet dialogue raising its ugly head. Oh, this here is interesting:

>Suddenly the story reveals this was all a story. It was all written by Pinkie Pie in an afternoon for a book club writing assignment, and Twilight Sparkle tells her this is definitely a better story than the last time she tried writing and looks out the window to see they were in space all along. Then Twilight praises Pinkie's novel and tells her what to improve on.
>ChatGPT
Yes, it seems the exciting plot-twist was that this whole ridiculous thing was actually written by Pinkie Pie. This is honestly the least plausible direction this story could possibly have taken, since not even Pinkie would be this autistic. However, more interesting than this is that "ChatGPT" is actually part of the text. I'll go out on a limb here and say that ChatGPT wrote at least some of this (probably not the Federal Reserve stuff; that's all clearly vintage Nigel), and you probably marked off the ChatGPT portions for reference. I'm also guessing that you forgot to delete this line when you pasted the text in. Because of this, I'm going to go even further out on a limb, and say that you probably still don't bother to even cursorily proofread any of the crap you write before you post it to fimfiction.

Anyway, fuck it; I'm feeling the itch, and I've got nothing better to do for a couple of hours. Anyone up for a good old-fashioned "Glim Glam dunks on Nigel's Shitty Fimfiction Ramblings" session? I am.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
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No.367934
_5313da5c-de00-4754-b509-906e8a93f8a4.jpg
>>367930
>>367741
Continuing with the "morb" thing. There's not really much else to say about the actual story that I haven't already covered, however there are a couple of quotes that are worth calling attention to.

Apparently, typing out a four-paragraph rant about the Federal Reserve didn't quite satiate your urge to shart out your own moronic opinions as block paragraphs and dump them down the throats of your characters. There's another one from Pinkie towards the end:

>Pinkie giggled. "Isn't it funny that a show that once visually mocked the cliche of bad futures and alternate timelines with a joke episode went on to unironically self-seriously depict numerous bad timelines wiped away without a second thought by a pony that is clearly, according to her fans, the greatest idea Hasbro ever had? I mean, isn't that a little messed up? Glimmer literally created ponies, and uncreated ponies, as casually as I might create a loud toot! Time was a plaything for her, all to make you sad, Twilight, and make sure you can't beat her in a fight, so you'd decide you had to forgive her for everything and try to force her to see why friendship is good even though it took her WAY too long to figure out the concept of respecting the rights of others. It almost seems like awful terrible objectively bad contrived writing and if anyone in this accursed fandom who thought season 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or any other season was too bad for their tastes and moved on with their life came back to check this out they'd laugh and leave the fandom all over again! Then again season one bronies liked Fallout Equestria and Past Sins so maybe their taste was never more important than feeling like they were a part of something."

There are some gems hidden in this dense web of autism. First, and probably most hilarious, is that, despite all the time that's passed and all your claims to the contrary, it's clear that you still haven't quite managed to get over your intense hateboner for Starlight Glimmer. Second is this:

>Then again season one bronies liked Fallout Equestria and Past Sins so maybe their taste was never more important than feeling like they were a part of something
Apart from your usual condescension towards a fandom upon which you are clearly still very dependent for your hourly fix of dopamine, I notice you specifically bring up Past Sins and Fallout Equestria. Gee willickers, aren't those the same fics I reviewed? I also remember that, in the Lion Man story you posted here which according to your profile is actually called Fallout Equestria: Lionheart, you went on a long, long rant about the original Fallout Equestria story. It was the same sort of thing, where you wrote out your own opinions as long, incoherent block paragraphs and stuffed them into your character's mouth. However, they weren't so much your opinions as they were my opinions, culled directly from my review of Fallout Equestria, and paraphrased in your own rambling schizo style. It's almost like...you have no ability to assess the worth of stories on your own, so you have to take my views and regurgitate them. I don't take offense, mind you, I honestly think it's adorable. You hate me so much, but you want to be me so badly.

Also:

>Twilight continued, "However, there's always room for improvement. In the future, try to focus on pacing and structure. Sometimes your story felt a bit chaotic, and it can be helpful to have a clear beginning, middle, and end."
Irony levels off the charts.

>"And you really need to learn to integrate political messages better. But at least you didn't awkwardly shoehorn in any feet or anything like that, so you're a better writer and person than at least 40% of writers already." Twilight smiled warmly at her friend. "But don't ever lose your boundless creativity, Pinkie! It's what makes your stories so unique and enjoyable!"
IRONY LEVELS CRITICAL

Anyway, the story ends with Twilight and Pinkie kissing for some reason, and a completely inappropriate Monty Python reference is thrown in as a final cherry to top off this shit sundae.

Next up:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/536353/1/a-pointless-story/i-dont-know-what-you-expected

This one is titled "A Pointless Story," and the description reads "a pointless story in which nothing happens." The accompanying image is a distended portrait of Maude Pie, who does not appear in the story at all. I notice that both ratings and comments are turned off for this one.

Anyway, this story feels like most of it was also written by ChatGPT. Nothing really happens and there's very little in the way of character interaction, so it's basically just words. It maintains a pretty consistent dark mood, there are a lot of references to ancient prophecies and finding the truth, but in the end...nothing really happens. Twilight and her friends journey across Equestria for some vaguely-defined reason, and then eventually Discord shows up, and Pinkie Pie makes the following dumb joke:

>"Grabahan!" she exclaimed, unable to contain her mirth.
>Twilight Sparkle tilted her head in confusion.
>Pinkie Pie grinned. "Grabahan full of deez nuts!"
Again, I'm fairly certain that ChatGPT wrote at least 90% of this story, but I'm assuming "Grabahan full of deez nuts" was your own personal contribution. Congratulations: every time I think you can't possibly lower the bar for yourself any further, you manage to surprise me.

Anyway, that's basically the end of it. I actually have to say, this is probably some of your best work. You promised us a pointless story in which nothing happens, and you delivered exactly that. You set a reasonable goal for yourself, and you achieved it. Nice job. Why on earth you would ever choose to publish something like this is another matter entirely.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.367936
367938
_ed4cf2ca-379b-4db0-8ea1-f49300c91e13.jpg
>>367930
>>367741

Next on the docket:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/543307/1/unmasking-the-shadows/the-hoof-of-suspicion

This story is called "Unmasking the Shadows," and the description reads: "The Thunder Hooves Gang can't keep getting away with it. Rainbow Dash embarks on an epic quest to infiltrate the menacing Thunder Hooves biker gang. But when they blackmail her, who can she trust?"

Anyway, the story begins with some dull narration. Apparently, Ponyville has been overrun by a biker gang called the Thunder Hooves for some reason or another. Rainbow Dash overhears ponies at Sugar Cube Corner discussing how the Thunder Hooves are planning to attack the town library. How exactly ordinary ponies hanging out at a sweet shop would be aware of the biker gang's plans is never clarified. Also unclear is why bikers would want to attack a library. Anyway, Dash decides to infiltrate the gang so she can expose their "nefarious plans."

>Rainbow Dash approached the Thunder Hooves' secret hideout, a rundown shack on the outskirts of Ponyville. She had dyed her hair blue and white. Hopefully that was a sufficient disguise.
Why would that be a sufficient disguise? Do the bikers use those colors or something? You don't clarify what the significance of dying her hair blue and white would be. You also don't clarify why Dash would even need a disguise. Do they know who she is? Does she want to keep her identity a secret from them? Because in literally the next sentence:

>She took a deep breath and walked in, hoping her reputation as a fearless daredevil would earn her a place among the gang.
Already, this story makes absolutely no sense. She's going to disguise herself, but also her whole plan depends on the bikers recognizing her and being familiar with her reputation? What the shit, dude? Is this another ChatGPT, or do you just not even bother to think these things through?

Anyway, the issue is moot. Dash introduces herself as "Thunderstrike," and for some reason the gang just immediately allows her to join, no initiation or interview or anything. She hangs out with them for a few weeks, participating in their various shenanigans, and then, for no apparent reason, they decide to blackmail her.

>One evening, Doomthunder cornered Rainbow Dash. "Listen up, Thunderstrike," he sneered. "We've got some plans for you. You're gonna tag the Ponyville Library tonight, and you're gonna talk like you've gone completely bad. Also you're gonna get close to this Twilight loser and earn her trust and get her to say embarassing stuff. If you refuse, we'll expose your true identity to the whole town! And if we get arrested, keep this in mind. If we go down, you go down with us!"
I am so fucking confused. Does this gang know who she really is, or don't they? Why are they doing any of this in the first place? Also, "embarrassing" is misspelled.

Anyway, I guess Rainbow Dash has to go and write poopoo-peepee graffiti on Twilight's library now. She feels morally conflicted about this for a bit, and then decides she has to do it for some reason, because she's trying to bring this biker gang to justice or whatever.

>Unbeknownst to Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle had noticed her strange behavior and the graffiti on the library. Twilight's analytical mind couldn't ignore the inconsistencies in her friend's actions. She began to suspect that something was amiss with Rainbow Dash.
Something amiss, like the fact that she now has blue and white hair for some reason, plus her friends are all bikers and she's apparently been spending a lot of time inside the library spraying graffiti on the walls? Twilight is clearly a master detective.

Anyway, Twilight I guess figures out that Rainbow Dash is acting peculiar, and meanwhile Rainbow Dash is recording the biker gang's phone calls or something, and then eventually Rainbow Dash breaks down and confesses to Twilight that she was the one who sprayed graffiti all over her library. Which I understood to be something that Twilight already knew. Anyway, after this, Twilight and Rainbow Dash go to Celestia together, and they present whatever evidence Dash collected on the biker gang. The gang gets arrested.

>As Rainbow Dash stood before her friends, her secret exposed but her intentions clear, Twilight approached her with a warm smile. "Rainbow, I'm so proud of you for trying to protect Ponyville. I should have trusted you from the beginning."
What is her secret again? That she was in the biker gang? I thought she was only pretending to be in the gang to expose them? Is that what the gang was planning to blackmail her with? The fact that she was in the gang? Did they know that she was actually Rainbow Dash? Because they were calling her Thundercheeks or whatever the whole time. Were they blackmailing Dash because she was in the gang, or were they blackmailing Thundercheeks because...reasons? This literally makes no goddamn sense.

Anyway, Twilight and her friends all forgive Rainbow Dash for doing whatever she is supposed to have done exactly, and the gang is in jail. The day is saved. Hooray.

Seriously, Nigel, what the fuck? I honestly can't tell if you're intentionally writing mediocre stories as some kind of autistic joke that only makes sense to you, or if this literally is what you trying your absolute best looks like. I just...I don't even understand what this is. Why did you write this? Who is it for? Did you write this to be ironic or something, or do you honestly believe this has some sort of entertainment value? So far all of your stories are like this.

I mean, really dude. The Silver Star thing was bad, but it was bad in a funny way, and at the very least it seemed like you actually gave a shit about what you were writing. This is just...pure mediocrity, and what's more, the mediocrity feels intentional. Why would you even write something like this, let alone publish it for people to read?

All jokes aside, I am legitimately embarrassed for you right now.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
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No.367938
367939
_3db8b5b8-687c-42bb-8a77-b4810f7be942.jpg
>>367936
>>367741

Anyway, next up:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/536214/twilight-sparkle-and-rainbow-dashs-love

"Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash's Love." Description is a short poem: "Gleaming hearts take flight, Twilight and Rainbow unite, Love's colors ignite." This one is divided into three chapters.

Romance Blossoms

Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle have been living together for awhile, as part of something called the "Interspecies Cultural Exchange Program." The text never clarifies what this is, or how exactly it would affect their living situation, since both are presumably of the same species. Anyway, Twilight comes home from some kind of workout or something, and Rainbow Dash is sitting there. After a very brief preamble, Dash announces that she is in love with Twilight, and Twilight responds by saying that she feels the same way. For the next few paragraphs, they exchange some overly saccharine dialogue about how much they love each other. Since we've been given absolutely no background on either of these characters, or any kind of setup for them to have a relationship at all, absolutely none of it feels even remotely genuine. We are then informed that this goes on for several more weeks. Eventually, we rejoin them one afternoon on the couch. However, nothing else happens besides more saccharine descriptions of them snuggling with each other. This is literally a complete synopsis of the entire chapter.

Trial of the Moon

>The next full moon approached, casting its ethereal glow upon the land. But for Twilight's new Alicorn body, the full moon brought with it unique challenges that she and her love faced together.
So I guess she's an alicorn now? Was she not one before? As with all of the other selections we've looked at tonight, this is not so much a story as it is a crude outline of an idea. We've been given essentially no information about either of these characters, other than the fact that they lived together as part of some kind of same-species interspecies exchange program, and that, for no explicable reason, they are suddenly in love with each other.

Anyway, it's not really clear how or why, but it seems that the full moon does something to Twilight Sparkle. Maybe she's a werewolf or something, who knows? The text doesn't clarify. In any event, Dash, her "lover" apparently, decides to help her with whatever her problem is by throwing javelins at her, so she can take her mind off of the moon by dodging them seriously people, I promise I am not exaggerating or distorting any of this; read this autism for yourself if you don't believe me.

>But as the night wore on, the full moon's influence seemed to intensify, and Twilight Sparkle's struggle became more challenging. She could feel her instincts tugging at her, urging her to break free from the restraints of her human form.
Wait, she's a human in this? The story is tagged MLP:FIM, the image shows pony versions of Twilight and Dash, and we haven't been told otherwise, so I've been assuming these were horse versions of both characters. Is this what the "Interspecies Exchange" business was about? Twi is a human and Dash is a pony? Or something? As with everything else we've read tonight, this story is clumsily written and makes little sense, almost as if the person writing it gave absolutely zero fucks about either his characters or his subject matter. Jesus Christ, Nigel.

Anyway, I guess the two of them are flying around at night, because Twilight is an alicorn now, and also a human apparently, and she's afraid of the moon for some reason. They throw javelins at each other for awhile, there's some more schmultzy description of how deeply they love each other, then I guess the moon goes away and whatever problem Twilight was having basically resolves itself.

>As dawn broke, the full moon began to wane, its power diminishing. Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash looked at each other, a mixture of relief and gratitude evident in their eyes. They had faced the challenges of the full moon together, and nothing exploded this time, thanks to their love and unwavering support guiding them through the darkest of nights.
You have still given us absolutely zero clarification about whatever Twilight's deal with the moon is.

>Hand in hand, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash walked back home, the echoes of their shared triumph still resonating within them.
So they're both human? But also they can fly and one of them is an alicorn? And they're both enrolled in something called the Interspecies Exchange Program? And Twilight is afraid of the moon for some unspecified reason? Just making sure we're on the same page here.

Anyway, after this, they go back home and that's the end of the chapter.

Their First Kiss

Apparently, the next chapter is the story of their first kiss. Even though we are told that they have been madly in love with each other for a period of actual months now, and they have done nothing besides snuggle and cuddle and hurl javelins at each other for that entire period of time...it seems they haven't kissed yet. Maybe they're saving it for marriage, the way Pony and/or Human and/or Alicorn Jesus would want them to.

Anyway, Twilight and Dash decide to go to some library in Ohayo. They pick out some books.

>Derpy Hooves was there, with her foal. She quickly extended her wings so her foal didn't see two mares holding wings in public.
Who is Derpy Hooves? You haven't introduced this character. Also: you refer to them as mares, but in the previous paragraph you mention fingers. Are these characters humans? Horses? Anthro whatever-the-fucks? You give us absolutely nothing to go on.

Anyway, they read books at the library for awhile, and then they go home. On the way, they kiss. That's literally it. The text spends more time building up the kiss itself than it ever does explaining who either of these characters are or why they are in a relationship with each other.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
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No.367939
367940
_89b562df-c01b-47a8-b388-f804f914728d.jpg
>>367938
>>367741
Anyway, Jesus. This one was, by a wide margin, the worst one of the batch. And that's saying something, because literally every single thing I've read on your fimfic so far I would grade on a scale ranging from mediocre to awful. I'm not even trying to bantz on you anymore, this one was just horrendously, embarrassingly bad. What was this story even supposed to be about? Two characters with absolutely no depth or substance, or even a rough description of who the fuck they are or even what species, suddenly fall in love for no reason, spend copious amounts of time snuggling and calling each other schmoopy-doopy, then they go to a library and kiss. Oh right, and there was this absolutely ridiculous thing about one character being afraid of the fucking moon that was just wedged in out of absolutely nowhere.

The subject matter of this story reminds me of another one you submitted to the previous writing thread:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/530649/1/science-and-ponies-and-love/ka-boom

I'm not going to go over it again because I already reviewed it, but here's the interesting thing: this current story, "Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash's Love", is a considerably worse story than "Science and Ponies and Love." However, "Science" was published in February of 2023, whereas "Twilight & Rainbow's Love" was published in May of 2023. I just went back to the old thread and verified that I reviewed "Science" in February. So, this means that you wrote a story, asked for feedback, received feedback, and then, three months later...went on to produce an even worse story about the same subject matter. You not only blatantly ignored all of the notes I gave you on that story, you actually managed to take all of that story's problems and somehow make them even worse. Instead of a story about poorly-defined characters who are in love for some poorly-defined reason, you wrote a story about characters with no definition at all, who fall in love for no reason whatsoever. Instead of writing a story where the reader is wondering whether these two characters are supposed to be friends or dating or married or what, you wrote a story where the reader can't even tell whether the characters are supposed to be humans or horses. Instead of a story with a weird conflicting plot, that feels like it's half supposed to be about Dash confessing her love to Twilight, and half about some kind of science experiment gone wrong, you've managed to write a story with no plot at all, where the most interesting thing going on is that Twilight is afraid of the moon and you flat-out refuse to tell us why.

Anyways, up next:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/530646/hay-burger

This story is called "Hay Burger." The description reads: "Twilight Sparkle wants a burger. So does Rainbow Dash. And they were lesbians. Except it was all a story written by Maud. But they're still lesbians. Trigger Warning: Contains lesbians (don't read if you're homophobic)"

Nothing much really happens in this story. Twilight and Rainbow Dash are married, and they decide to order some hay burgers. They argue back and forth about whether or not to order fries, because fries are unhealthy. They ultimately decide to order hayburgers with a side-salad, and split an order of fries, thus finding a middle-ground between flavor and good nutrition. The section concludes with a letter to Princess Celestia, summarizing what they have both learned about balancing desire against responsibility.

>Rainbow Dash was a Pegasus pony who lived in Equestria, a land filled with magic and wonder. She was known for her lightning-fast speed and her love of adventure. And her big heart. And her gorgeous lesbian wife.
This is literally the most information you've given us about any character in any of your stories thus far. I'm inclined to give this story a higher rating simply because of that.

Actually, this is probably one of your better stories in general, at least in comparison to everything else here. The story focuses on a simple conversation, the dialogue feels more or less natural, the characters mostly stay on topic except for a couple of places, and, probably most impressive of all, the story is actually about something. That's right, you read it here first folks: Nigel actually managed to write a story with a point.

The focus of the story is a simple conflict between Twilight and Dash: Twilight wants them to have a healthy dinner, Dash wants to pig out a little. They argue back and forth, and ultimately they compromise. The story ends with a simple moral about responsible eating that is summed up in a "Dear Princess" letter. Simplistic? Yes, but for what it is it's actually pretty decent.

Congratulations, Nigel. I have been on you for literal years now to practice writing stuff like this in order to learn basic, rudimentary storytelling, and you finally managed to do it. Granted, you've only managed it once so far, and based on your later stories you don't seem to have learned much from doing it, but still; credit where credit is due. I guess if you let a blind, autistic, borderline-retarded pig sniff around in the mud long enough, he'll eventually find an acorn.

Or at least, that's what I would have said to you if you hadn't made the inexplicable choice to toss in a needless page break and then end the story this way:

>“So, what did you think of Maud's story?” Pinkie Pie danced around Twilight Sparkle and literally bounced off the walls while waiting for Twilight Sparkle's verdict.
>Twilight wasn't certain what to say.
>Rainbow Dash opened her mouth wide to tell everypony exactly what she thought of Maud's story, and Twilight cringed.
Just...why? It was fine the way it was. What could have possibly motivated you to tack this bullshit on at the end? I am docking you every single point I gave you on this story; you're officially a cum-gargling faggot again.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.367940
367941
_bbcaeb89-daa5-4f1b-af77-930afb4a9c25.jpg
>>367939
>>367741

Next:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/534816/1/rainbow-dashs-nightmare-jar/and-he-took-the-cup-and-gave-thanks-and-gave-it-to-them-saying-drink-ye-all-of-it

This story is called "Rainbow Dash's Nightmare Jar," and I'm assuming it's about exactly what it appears to be about. Most notably, it's one of the few stories on the list that you've actually enabled ratings on, and even more surprisingly for a Nigel story, it has a net-positive rating.

It's...okay for what it is, I guess. Rainbow Dash has a recurring nightmare in which she is trapped in a jar that keeps filling up with sticky white liquid. She almost drowns, and then she wakes up. Eventually, she seeks out Twilight's advice on the dream. After talking things out, they decide that Rainbow is feeling trapped because she spends too much time flying or something, so she decides to branch out and try new things. She learns to paint and do some other stuff, and the dream stops happening. That's about it.

The main problem with this is that it can't really decide what it wants to be. Obviously, the subject matter suggests that it's just going to be a funny, shitposty story about a well-traveled meme. However, the subject matter is only funny if you already know what the jar and the white liquid are about, while the story itself isn't really humorous. At first, it feels like it might turn into a horror story, what with the foreboding depictions of drowning, and the recurring nightmare and all. However, that never really pans out either. In the end, there's just some middle of the road conversation that doesn't really move the emotional needle one way or the other, and then eventually, with Twilight's help, Dash sorts her shit out and stops having the dream. The story introduces a problem, sends the character on a journey to solve said problem, ultimately she finds the solution she needs by talking things out with her friend, and then the problem resolves, with Dash having made some level of personal growth as a result. Technically, it's a complete story, it's just kind of...meh. You could probably make the case that there's a simple message in here about confiding in friends instead of suffering in silence, but...that's about it.

Anyway, I'm going to just go ahead and toss you a few points here, since again, this is the kind of "learn basic storytelling" exercise I've been telling you to do for awhile now, and you basically pull it off.

And now, finally, as I think this is the last one on the list that I haven't already reviewed:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/509286/1/twilight-and-rainbows-gay-old-time/hitchcocks-bomb-theorem

This one is called "Twilight and Rainbow's Gay Old Time." Seriously Nigel, wtf is it with you and this pairing? I mean, I guess everyone has their favorite characters and things to write about, but still. There are other characters in this show that you could pair up and write terrible romance stories about.

Anyway, the story starts out with Twilight and Dash in bed together. There is a storm outside, and they are hiding from the thunder, and then they start making out. It actually starts out more or less decently, until:

>“Is that a Jojo's reference?” Pinkie Pie asked happily, popping up from nowhere between them, causing the two lovers to scream and back away, falling off their bed.
Jesus fucking Christ, Nigel.

>“Pinkie, what are you doing here?” Twilight held up some papers. “You're not in this episode!”
Jesus fucking Christ, Nigel.

>“Whoopsie!” Pinkie smiled, suddenly on a pink motorcycle (Available in all kid's toy stores now!) as she drove through their bedroom window and flew away, leaving flaming pink trails behind in the sky.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Nigel.

Anyway, after that nonsense happens, the two of them launch into a discussion about coming out of the closet and telling their friends that they're into each other. Some more nonsense ensues. Spike is downstairs taking a shit. Twilight yells down to Spike that she's a flaming homo, Spike yells back that he already knows and that he's also a flaming homo and so is the author of the story, and then they start talking about Rainbow Dash's grandparents, and how neither of them are aware that Twilight and Rainbow are flaming homos.

Eventually it's revealed that, for some completely unknown reason, Twilight invited Dash's homophobic grandfather to visit them in the middle of a thunderstorm. He shows up, bellows "I hate gays" at the top of his lungs, and asks to meet Dash's boyfriend. At this point, it is revealed that Dash told her grandfather that Twilight was a boy. Also, he apparently found a comic that she was drawing or something, and since he apparently also hates comics, Dash had to tell him that she was drawing a picture of her boyfriend. Or something. So now, Grandpa Dash is under the impression that Twilight is a "blond dude with a lightning mane."

Despite it being a completely inappropriate time to do so, Dash shows Twilight the comic book she's been working on, and Twilight compliments her on it. They yammer autistically about it for longer than is appropriate. Then, they remember that Dash's grandpa is still downstairs, so Twilight uses her magic to transform herself into Rainbow Dash's comic book OC, because she can do that apparently. It now appears that, until we are told to do otherwise, we must now refer to Twilight Sparkle as a male character named Daybreak Dawn.

Dash spends a considerable amount of time licking her chops over boy-Twilight, which seems to imply that she's less gay than she thinks she is. There is some more autism that is a little hard to follow, and then eventually they wind up downstairs. Dash's Grandpa apparently hasn't given up and gone home yet.

>He had a mane just like Rainbow Dash, only black, though with added golden highlights at the tips.
You haven't described Rainbow Dash's mane in this story, so this comparison is invalid.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.367941
367943
_36795405-708a-4ddf-8601-3049c698f72f.jpg
>>367940
>>367741

There's some more autism, and then Rainbow Dash introduces her grandfather to Dawn Surprise, or whatever boy-Twilight's new name is. Grandpa sends Dash off to the kitchen to fix breakfast because she's a woman, and Dash realizes that she doesn't now how to cook, because she's bad at being a woman.

>“I know how to cook,” Rainbow Dash told herself as she picked up an egg, and put it into a big glass mixing bowl.

>“I know how to cook,” Rainbow Dash told herself as she picked up another egg, and put it into a big glass mixing bowl.

>“I know how to cook,” Rainbow Dash told herself as she picked up another egg, and put it into a big glass mixing bowl.

This text is copypasted exactly as it appears. I'm getting some weird flashbacks all of a sudden:

>“Daga kotowaru!” The Dragon-mare declared, appearing behind Twilight with a mouth full of flames.

>“Nothing personal, kid!” Silver announced, appearing behind the Dragon mare with his Spellblade out.

>“Daga kotowaru!” The Dragon-Mare declared, appearing behind Silver with a mouth full of flames.

>“Nothing personal, kid!” Silver announced, appearing behind the Dragon mare with his Spellblade out.

>“Daga kotowaru!” The Dragon-Mare declared, appearing behind Silver with a mouth full of flames.

>“Nothing personal, kid!” Silver announced, appearing behind the Dragon mare with his Spellblade out.

>“Daga kotowaru!” The Dragon-Mare declared, appearing behind Silver with a mouth full of flames.

>“Nothing personal, kid!” Silver announced, appearing behind the Dragon mare with his Spellblade out.

>“Daga kotowaru!” The Dragon-Mare declared, appearing behind Silver with a mouth full of flames.

>“Nothing personal, kid!” Silver announced, appearing behind the Dragon mare with his Spellblade out.

>“Daga kotowaru!” The Dragon-Mare declared, appearing behind Silver with a mouth full of flames.

>“Nothing personal, kid!” Silver announced, appearing behind the Dragon mare with his Spellblade out.

Anyway, Dash is trying to bake a cake or something, and she's not very good at it. She goes out to tell her grandfather that, eventually, he will need to eat all the eggs. However, she will have to figure out how to cook them first. Some more incomprehensible autism ensues.

>"Steamed hams!" Rainbow blurted for no reason.
Jesus fucking Christ, Nigel.

>"What?" Her grandfather whatted.
Jesus fucking Christ, Nigel.

>"I mean creamed hams! Dawn's creamed in my hamstrings before!"
Jesus fucking Christ, Nigel.

ANYWAY, there's a knock at the door all of a sudden. Rainbow flies over to answer it, and Big Mac is there. Apparently, Apple Bloom left her lunchbox at Twilight Sparkle's house for some inexplicable reason, and for some equally inexplicable reason, Big Mac decided to come over in the middle of a thunderstorm to pick it up. He sees man-Twilight, and immediately begins salivating over his massive horse dong. Then, he leaves.

Then, once again for some completely inexplicable reason, lightning suddenly strikes the treebrary, and because Rainbow Dash conveniently left the gas on in the kitchen from when she was trying to make cookies or whatever, the treebrary explodes. Man-Twilight casts a spell to protect them all, and in the process turns back into Twilight Sparkle, so thankfully there will be no further confusion about names or genders.

At this point, it seems the jig is up. Twilight and Rainbow Dash kiss in front of grandpa and confess that they are actually ponut-bumpers. Grandpa confesses that he actually doesn't care and he's only been saying "I hate gays" over and over throughout the story because he likes to troll gays. Since he had no way of knowing that Dash and Twilight were gay, it's unclear who exactly he thought he was trolling, but...we'll put a pin in that for now.

Anyway, at this point the story takes a rather bizarre turn. Since Twilight's house is now destroyed, and presumably there's still a thunderstorm going on, Twilight and Dash decide to go to Rarity's house to fuck, because "she isn't in this episode" and that means her house is free. This feels like a good time to mention that I really, really hate this kind of fourth-wall humor.

Meanwhile, Dash's grandfather flies off and makes the following cryptic statement:

>“I can't believe Dashie asked me to do this, just to see if her gay lover would do anything awful when confronted by a situation like this. What a strange little pony! Well, before I go home...”
Yes, it would seem that the shocking twist in this week's episode is that Dash knew all along that her Grandfather wasn't actually homophobic, and that the whole thing was just a ruse to see how Twilight would react. This completely negates all of Dash's motivations throughout the entire story and renders all of her actions nonsensical, but...we'll put a pin in that as well.

Also, it turns out that Dash's grandpa is gay himself, so he flies off to the local gay club to watch Big Mac, who is also gay, do his gay dance.

The story concludes with a letter from Dash to Princess Celestia, informing her that she and Twilight are gay.

Wew. Alrighty then.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.367943
368011
_ce167f4b-54d9-447d-88ce-1c30352ff26b.jpg
_117df446-79b3-45fc-9c53-a7ddc10e246b.jpg
_d9435f4b-db52-442e-9b22-70c17f4e2cd9.jpg
_c4c30351-df61-41ea-87af-a47694ee11de.jpg
>>367941
>>367741
Well, Nigel, that is all of the stories on your current fimfiction page, so you can't ever say that I haven't given your writing a fair shake. As far as I am aware, I have now read everything you've ever written (except for the thing you specifically asked this thread to read, which I refuse to read on principle). Suffice it to say I am unimpressed overall. In fact, that's actually kind of an understatement. I was unimpressed to begin with; now I'm actually even less impressed than I would have been if you'd written nothing.

As much as you seem to think that everyone on this site is obsessed with you, the truth is that nobody here really cares all that much. You're really only an issue when you're here causing drama, when you're gone I don't really give much thought to where you are or what you're doing. As such, I've only ever read the stories you've specifically submitted to this board. This is probably the most actual attention I've paid to any of your writings since Glimmergate. As I said, I didn't really come into this expecting much, but what really struck me about these selections is not just how bad they are, but how little you seem to actually care.

Most of these stories are not showpieces by any stretch of the imagination. "Hayburger" is decent for what it is. "Rainbow Dash's Nightmare Jar", surprisingly, is passable. "Twilight and Rainbow's Gay Old Time" is probably the only thing in here with any actual entertainment value, and that's mostly just due to it having obviously been written to be shitposty and silly. Incidentally, I noticed you titled the chapter in that story "Hitchcock's Bomb Theory," and I notice you seem to have made an effort to maintain some degree of constant tension in that story, so...that's something, I guess. The main problem there is that most of the tension came from nonsensical events being piled on top of each other: Dash's gay-hating grandpa shows up in the middle of a storm for basically no reason, Rainbow Dash has to cook food for basically no reason, she leaves the gas on for basically no reason, Big Mac shows up for basically no reason, the house explodes for basically no reason...

However, what really stands out more than anything else is the mediocrity present in the rest of the pieces. Most of these read like you just don't even care what you're writing about. I mean, you literally have a story in here called "A Pointless Story." And sure enough, it delivers on what it advertises. Why even write something like this? Your romantic stories are incredibly dull. "Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash's Love" was particularly horrendous. Many of these stories are not even fully developed ideas; they're barely even fully developed outlines of ideas. What's striking is that these pieces are actually, measurably worse than your Silver Star thing. It's as I said: as bad as that story was, it was at least clear you cared about it and were putting real effort into it. This stuff? It's like your whole attitude is like "here's some shit I wrote on autopilot, read it or don't."

Anyway, that's about all I've got for now. Thank you all for coming to my TED Talk.
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.368011
368012 368063
192303b6f8e7516b29537daca759aab5.png
>>367943
I love u GG.
If I was a cute pony mare with a hawt plot, I'd let you rail me.
But I'm not.
I don't want to break your princples but I do want some more GG dunks on Noigel reviews. Tho, somepart of me wonders what that says about me, however, it is really funny. I died a few times. Sry, Nigel. Nothing personal, kid.
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.368012
320F7B78F196D47858EA483EF7875C5C-9624.jpg
>>368011
>If I was a cute pony mare
In fact, you kind doxed me with those latest images of yours.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368063
368068
_89be8991-1af4-407c-9ec3-bbc6fbaa3e64.jpg
>>368011
>I don't want to break your princples but I do want some more GG dunks on Noigel reviews
Actually I didn't notice this but for some reason I had the "hide mature" switch set on fimfiction, so there were a couple of stories in there that I missed. I suppose for the sake of completion I could do those too.
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.368068
368070
6667385__safe_alternate+version_artist-colon-vultraz_editor-colon-sersys_starlight+glimmer_oc_oc-colon-anon_human_pony_unicorn_female_open+mouth_rejection_sad_s.png
>>368063
Yay but aslo neigh. I realized something after I made that post: I rather you finished the next chapter in our collab. However, I will never force you to do anything and also maybe you can do both, just that I remember you saying something about how you'd use this month for writing it or something.

Regardless to whatever your next project may be, I look forward to it.

>pic Glimmer talking lewds
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368070
368073
>>368068
I should have my 4chan story wrapped up in the next day or two and then I will focus on getting our collab done. Nigel's stuff isn't a huge priority either way lol, I mostly just did that for keks because I had some late-night time to kill but was too tired to spend it doing anything that required brainpower.
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.368073
368074
fluttershy_winking_by_sniper6vs7rocket_d588h7v-fullview.png
6796482__safe_artist-colon-whitediamonds_imported+from+derpibooru_opalescence_rarity_cat_pony_unicorn_beauty+mark_bipedal_broom_clothes_costume_duo_female_g4_gr.jpg
>>368070
Well, then. Chop chop. Those reviews aren't gonna write themselves.
jk^^

Also, I look forward to being spooked.^^
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.368074
smile.jpg
>>368073
That didn't actually make much sense. I just don't into reading comprehension.
Anonymous
dfc5ca0
?
No.368093
>>367737
>You have NOT been around long enough
Nigger, I've been here since day one. Shove off with your nonsense.
>doesn't get the dopamine rush
How? You're still replying to him.
Anonymous
8133279
?
No.368150
368242
Ants fight.png
Ant backstab.png
Ant close up.png
Ants kiss ooooh.png
Ant party.png
>>367625
I wanted to add that I really appriciate the art. I like the ones to the left most but it's a hard decision.^^

>The queen of ants decreed that she wished there to be a tunnel from the hive to a tree.
>A builder ant saw this as his ticket up.
>He began to dig a hole in the ground near the tree.
>That's when he uncovered a couple of rocks.
>He pull them out of the hole and made a square with them.
>He went back to his hole but on his way he saw some thick fallen branches.
>He picked them up and added walls and a roof to the stone square.
>He returned to the hole again but saw on his way some moss on the ground and some leaves on the trees.
>He grabbed a lot of them and made the branch-roof waterproof with the leaves and made a floor of moss.
>He kept working with his building till sunset.
>In the end he had a beautiful house.
>He then returned to his tunnel and found a hole.
>The whole dya had been spent.
"Argh! Why am I so worthless?" he shouted out to the heavens above.
Anonymous
13af019
?
No.368186
369090
_faf24184-8898-4808-a095-f08edd87c1a2.jpg
Finished my /mlp/ story if anyone wants to read it:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/544043/night-of-the-autumn-moon
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.368240
Hey Nigel, if you're still lurking and sulking the way you normally do, you might want to check out this group I found on fimfic:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/217075/ai-reviews

Completely unbiased reviews written by an AI. No human element whatsoever other than the guy feeding it prompts. Literally the most objective criticism you could possibly ask for. It gives surprisingly insightful advice.
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.368242
368304 368386 368387
_7d9403de-fa6d-41e2-8834-02092fe68c35.jpg
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>>368150
Also, Sven, since I am now finished with the /mlp/ story, I am once again officially working on our collab.
/mlp/ writing contest entry backups
Not Glim Glam
2b808b4
?
No.368287
368360
I am double-posting this text from NHNB:

>Back in September, we had a Writefag General thread on /mlp/, in which a friendly writing contest was proposed:

>Theme: Nightmare Night
>Word Count: 10,000 words max
>Due Date: October 13 (due date has been extended)
Archived original thread: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/40277733/

>Current active thread:
https://boards.4channel.org/mlp/thread/40420593

NHNB thread with the same links:
https://nhnb.org/fim/res/16593.html

>I am creating this thread as a backup where links to contest entries can be posted in case the /mlp/ thread dies. In the event that this happens, whoever creates the new thread can repost these links in the OP. This way we are guaranteed to have all contest entries preserved, in the event that an Anon disappears or didn't save their work locally or something.

I do not claim personal ownership of these stories except the one I wrote, which I already posted, I am just the archivist.

Entries so far:

The Countess by Anon:
https://ponepaste.org/9409

Night of the Autumn Moon by DFW:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/544043/night-of-the-autumn-moon
Anonymous
9803353
?
No.368304
>>368242
Okay, then I know.^^
Thanks for drawing made me happy. ^^
Anonymous
0ef4ccf
?
No.368360
368361 368362 368370
>>368287
Writer of The Countess here (from the writing contest mentioned above). Would it be obnoxious if I posted my story here? I'm not normally on mlpol, so wanted to ask so that I don't ruffle any feathers. Thanks.
Anonymous
dfc5ca0
?
No.368361
>>368360
If you're so concerned, you could just make your own thread.
Anonymous
9803353
?
No.368362
368363
>>368360
Welcome. You can totally post it here. We're grateful for any posting. ^^
Anonymous
9803353
?
No.368363
>>368362
Though a link to you story has already been posted here:>>368287
jfyi. You can still post it if you feel like making it go in greenish format but u probably don't wanna got through the hassle.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.368370
>>368360
You're welcome to post it here, I notice it was also posted on NHNB.

Also, I made a new thread on 4chan:
https://boards.4channel.org/mlp/thread/40446932
Anonymous
9803353
?
No.368386
368440
6749030__safe_artist-colon-gosha305_imported+from+derpibooru_lyra+heartstrings_pony_unicorn_fanfic-colon-background+pony_book_clothes_cold_dig+the+swell+hoodie_.png
1411176211981.png
1624460565.png
2113534(1).png
il_1588xN.3979749271_lyti.png
>>368242
Thanks for the ants. They a cute. I like the first one the best but I also like the fourth one.

U don't have to do this, you can describe Rave Smite's appearence however u want but attached image to this post is what I imagined for her:
>>365190

Regardless, feel no preassure. U can go total slice-of-life or intense plot focused storytelling if u like. You can do whatever u feel like. I know u know this but just a reminder. Also, as there is no deadline for me, there's none for u. Feel free to end postpone this if u don't feel up for it right now. Though, at the same time u also don't need to worry about quality either.

So feel free to crash this plane with no survivors. ^^
Anonymous
f912f4c
?
No.368387
368433
>>368242
Is NO ONE gonna make the 4 ants joke?
Anonymous
0db9c5d
?
No.368432
368438
>>359392
Just downloaded the ZIP. There's a lot to go through. Which do you think would be most helpful for writing first person narrative?
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.368433
8DEC4B67BACF0E11C182D590A850D34C-236134.png
>>368387
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368438
368439
_d0cbad67-e79e-44af-ba38-12b18281b8f7.jpg
>>368432
Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything in that collection that specifically focuses on first-person writing. You might try this:
https://self-publishingschool.com/how-to-write-in-first-person/
I haven't read it closely, but it looks like a decent guide from what I can tell.

You could also try one of these commercial books I found, just search for title/author on Amazon:
>Who Says?: Mastering Point of View in Fiction by Lisa Zeidner
This one actually looks fairly promising, and it's only like ten bucks. Or, if you'd rather have something that (((echoes))), you could try:
>Trauma in First Person: Diary Writing During the Holocaust by Amos Goldberg

As far as where to start with the ebooks in my collection, the relevant question is about experience and how much technical help you need. If you've never written or have barely written anything, and you need a complete noob-level guide to getting a story started, I would say start with one of these:

>The Everything Guide to Writing Your First Novel
>The Guide to Writing Fantasy and Science Fiction
>The Everything Guide to Writing a Romance Novel
These are basically top-level guides that will show you how to map out a story from start to finish. The ones about fantasy and romance are more specifically tailored to those genres, but can still be helpful even if you're trying to do a different sort of story.

This one:
>The Everything Creative Writing Book
is more of an overview of creative writing in general, but is still worth going over. You can pick and choose the sections that are relevant to you.

Honestly most of the "Everything Guide" ones are at least worth skimming, even if you're not trying to write the specific type of thing a given one deals with. Not everything will be directly relevant to what you're trying to do, but odds are there will be something in there you can use at some point.

Next up:
>The Plot Whisperer
kek This one goes into a lot more detail about plot-mapping and timing events correctly. I recommend doing this after reading one or more of the top-level guides, though if you're reasonably confident you could probably also just start with it. It also comes with a book of writing prompts (different book in the same collection), which I recommend actually doing:
>The Plot Whisperer Book of Writing Prompts

Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't call attention to these:
>The Only Grammar Book You'll Ever Need
>Grammar Sucks
>Style and Circumstance
>Roget's Thesaurus of Words for Writers
Grammar is not a super-exciting subject to read about, but if you struggle with it, the grammar books all do a good job of explaining it. I wouldn't say any specific one is better than any of the others, although "Grammar Sucks" is probably the most enjoyable to actually read. The thesaurus is just a good one to have on hand. Disclaimer: the Ezn guide on fimfiction [ https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide ] is also quite good and covers pretty much everything you'll need to know in the way of grammar, and will take less time to read. His non-technical and more subjective advice I can take or leave, but in general it's a good guide. Also, a thesaurus is kind of an outdated tool at this point since you can just google synonyms, but it's still a good idea to have a decent one on hand. Same with some of the dictionaries that are in here.

If you're pretty comfortable with the nuts and bolts of writing and want to try something a little more advanced, this is probably the one in this batch that I've personally gotten the most use out of:
>Write Like Hemingway
Disclaimer: this book references Hemingway a lot. If you don't like Hemingway or don't give a shit about Hemingway or don't know who Hemingway is or don't care who he is, you're gonna have a bad time. This book references many specific stories that he wrote, and in order to know what the hell it's talking about you'll want to also have "The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway" on hand which unfortunately for you I only have in print (no ebook). I think quite a few of his stories are on project gutenberg, though. Anyway, the advice here is more abstract and deals with building technique, but if you want a challenge I'd recommend it.

Also noteworthy:
>101 Habits of Highly Successful Novelists
>A Cup of Comfort for Writers
There's not a ton of super-detailed help in here, these are more just tips and tricks that will help with attitude, mindset, etc. 101 habits has a bit of practical advice as well. There are some other books in this collection that are also like that but these were the two that stood out for me. Some of them veer into hippy-esque spiritual territory that may or may not be up your alley (The Tao of Writing is the one I remember being like this).

>The 1-Minute Writer
This one has some decent prompts and exercises you can try.

>The Bibliophile's Devotional
Some good classic book recommendations to thumb through if you're looking for something to read.

The books that are specifically tailored to screenwriting and getting yourself published you can probably ignore unless you're interested in those subjects. The rest are just books about oddball subjects like dealing with writer's block (Write.), setting up a physical space to write in (A Writer's Space), or are specialized dictionaries (the ones titled after the seven deadly sins). These you can skim through at your leisure.
Anonymous
4fbe2ce
?
No.368439
368441
>>368438
Top man.
You have no idea how helpful this is.
Cheers.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368440
368453
_f8405ddd-cef7-4e3f-875e-9eea4fbd3a17.jpg
>>368386
>U don't have to do this, you can describe Rave Smite's appearence however u want but attached image to this post is what I imagined for her:
U can't tell me what to do. Just for that, Rave Smite is now a penguin with a twelve inch dick.

>U can go total slice-of-life or intense plot focused storytelling if u like. You can do whatever u feel like.
U can't tell me what to do. Just for that, this collab is now a deep-lore fantasy epic with over 9000 pages of complicated backstory.

>So feel free to crash this plane with no survivors. ^^
U can't tell me what to do. Just for that, I'm going to not crash this plane with all the survivors.

> Also, as there is no deadline for me, there's none for u.
U can't tell me what to do. Just for that, I'm going to try and have this done by October 31st.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368441
>>368439
NP fren, happy to help.
Anonymous
327bc52
?
No.368453
368458 368677
Milo Teaching Starlight about the Glory of Football.png
I love rewriting posts...^^
>>367741
>>367744
<I don't care
>Uhm, why are you back again?
Im in my Sven cycle, where I feel bad over previous things I have said, so let me just clarify this.
I meant that, 'If you don't care for our oponions, why are you back again?'

>>368440
Welp, Ig I'd been told.^^
>1st pic
Which one of your personalities is the Mr. Hyde and who is Dr. Jekyll?
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.368458
368681
_1936b0ba-adc0-4551-ae6d-1ba28987f314.jpg
>>368453
The Mr. Hyde personality is Derpy with her eyes uncrossed.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368677
368680 368681 368758
>>368453
Hey Sven, quick update. I said October 31 and we are now technically past that, but I actually expect I'm close enough to being finished that I'll still come in more or less on time and under budget. I've got about 3500 words done that covers a little over half of what I have outlined, so I'm going to try and power through the rest of it today. If I end up falling asleep I will definitely have it finished sometime tomorrow.
Anonymous
34c1d72
?
No.368680
>>368677
>"3497. 3498. 3499. 3500..."
"Glimglam-kun why don't you take a break," I say as saunter in carrying a tray of steamy dinner. "You been at this for days now. Surely you can-"
>"Don't you get it, Sven-chan?" he shouts out as he stops mid push-up. "I wasn't strong enough!"
>I only catch a glimpse of his clenched teeth behind his crazy, spikey hairdo.
>I gasp and bring meek hand to my lips.
>A fat-ass demon named survivor's guilt weighs down on him.
"Please, let me help you!!!"
>"No. You would only get in the way."
>My fingers go numb, the tray slip out of them and clatter onto the floor spilling its contents across the room.
"You wanna know what I think. I think you act like you know the know but you don't know, you know?"
>Then I turn and run away.
>Glimglam-kun listens to me run away before going back to his training.
>He has a melancholic smile on his lips.
>"Don't worry I'll obtain the power to protect everyone."
>With renewed vigor he pushes one, literally.
>"3501. 3502. 3503. 3504..."
Anonymous
34c1d72
?
No.368681
368683 368903
>>368677
As said before don't worry about it, any outcome is fine.
However, I do look forward to it. >>368458
>>368458
Is that Derpy in R'lyeh?^^
Anonymous
34c1d72
?
No.368683
OIG (35).jfif
>>368681
Or I hope u don't stress about is better.
Anonymous
2914126
?
No.368758
368761 368780
>>368677
Tho, I must say. Knowing you put some effort into it, I'm hyped out of my body.
Anonymous
2914126
?
No.368761
368780
>>368758
>some
"so much" more like^^
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368780
368783
>>368758
>>368761
Alright, so a few days later than I said. It's totally on its way though, I swear for realzies this time.
Anonymous
cc5afab
?
No.368783
368884
>>368780
Get away from me! Get away! I don't believe in you anymore, desu!
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368884
368893
3a203155917bce1c40fa92d46a31da23.jpg
>>368783
Alright, here we go. Sorry about the delay, but I think I did a pretty decent job and the extra time was worth it:
https://hackmd.io/@KrythonOssban/BkjXRn7F2
Anonymous
1f50bfc
?
No.368893
368903
d11ba.png
>>368884
I have read it. I recorded myself reading it for the first time and my unevitable commantary or reation to it. It's mostly just me gushing over how much I love it.

Will figure out how to upload it here, I think.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
457061d
?
No.368902
368905
8fbf6d3b590248e470e80e19d0ffaf9c.jpg
Oh, by the way Nigel. Since we both know perfectly well that you haven't really gone anywhere, and that you probably reload this thread multiple times per day just to see if anyone is talking about you, I guess might as well leave this here for you to find. I did in fact read your latest fimfic opus. Congratulations on your clever ruse. Here I was thinking that I've been critiquing your most recent mediocre work, when all along it was just ChatGPT being mediocre on your behalf, and silly me I couldn't even tell the difference. You've trolled me most expertly. Scrambled eggs all over my face.

I remember at one point I told you that I thought you had a lot of raw creative energy, and that you could potentially turn that energy into something great, if only you could figure out how to harness it and make it work for you rather than against you. While I no longer expect you to ever take steps toward actually doing this, for whatever it's worth I do still believe that same potential is in there somewhere. It's buried under a mountain of bitterness, irrational anger and autism, mind you, but it's there nevertheless. So on that note, I will leave you with this one last piece of serious advice.

You invest almost all of your energy into being angry, and most of it is just petty butthurt stemming from internet drama that you yourself created. You're engaged in a constant one-sided holy war against your various "haters" and adversaries, whether it's me, or Chatoyance, or Vril, or that HC Legend guy, or the Glimmerniggers, or whoever happens to be rustling your jimmies at any given moment. You've elevated these conflicts to the level of some kind of Herculean struggle, but really it's just you behaving like a jackass while a couple of trolls egg you on. This is not only an accurate assessment of your entire five-year history on mlpol.net, but it also explains why you were banned from DeviantArt, FimFiction, Reddit, and whatever other forums have banned you.

If you took even a fraction of the energy you invest into being angry at strangers online and applied it towards one of these phantom "serious" projects you keep alluding to, you might eventually make real progress on your goal. I'm still confused as to what that goal is, mind you; sometimes it sounds like you're trying to develop a game, other times it sounds like you want to write an epic fantasy novel. In any case it doesn't matter; I don't personally care, and I doubt if even you yourself have a clear picture of what you're trying to do. Either way, all I can tell you is that if your ultimate goal is to create something serious and marketable, you've got a long, hard journey ahead of you. Doubly so if you're planning to market a work that is explicitly white nationalist. Seriously, bro; if you think I'm a harsh critic, you should send your half-assed drafts about Nazi lion-men to an actual publisher or literary agent, and hear what they have to say.

Based on what I've seen from you so far, I have little confidence that you're up to the task at all. Not just because you consistently produce low-quality work, but because you don't seem particularly serious about ever trying to get any better. Think about it: 2023 is almost over. That's one whole year of your life. You could have spent that time working on your novel, or your game, or whatever your thing is supposed to be, or at the very least spent it working on some small study-projects that you could have gotten serious feedback on and learned something from. Instead, you chose to spend that time stalking Chatoyance on fimfiction, arguing with random anons on this board, and using ChatGPT to generate low-quality MLP fanfics, apparently for the sole purpose of trolling me into reviewing them, which proves...actually, I'm not even sure what you were trying to prove. That I can't tell the difference between the nonsense you shart out and the nonsense a machine sharts out, I guess. What exactly have you achieved?

Look dude, whatever warped perception you have of me or my motivations, I really don't take any of this too seriously. I write stories for fun, I critique stories for fun, I post on this board for fun. I mess with you because it's fun. I don't expect much recognition for any of it beyond a couple of (You)s and maybe a like or two on fimfic. I'm certainly not trying to be the "second coming of the Angry Video Nerd," or whatever you called me btw, for the last time I don't know who that guy is or why you keep bringing him up. I can keep going back and forth with you like this for as long as you want, because for me this is all just goofing around. However, you're the one with the supposedly lofty goals, and for all your bloviating, you don't seem to be any closer to achieving them now than you were five years ago. Maybe you should take some of the energy you expend arguing with trolls and stalking trannies and divert it towards something positive.

Incidentally, have you ever read Sonichu by Christian Weston Chandler? I think you would like it. It has Pokemon and Sonic the Hedgehog references up the wazoo, and there are entire story arcs that consist of nothing but the author taking imaginary revenge on people who made fun of him online. I really think you'd enjoy it, as many of its significant themes overlap with the topics you seem to most enjoy writing about. Plus, it's at about your reading level, so it probably wouldn't challenge you too much. Just a little nudge to get you started on your writing journey.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
457061d
?
No.368903
>>368893
Nice, I'm glad you enjoy it. I actually think this story is coming together quite nicely, considering we've just been pulling it out of our asses as we go. I've got some ideas for where it could potentially end up.

>>368681
>Is that Derpy in R'lyeh?^^
Basically, yes. I was having the AI do some 1920s style pulp art involving Derpy and Lovecraftian monsters, in hopes it would generate something I could use as cover art for my NaNo project which I now need to get started on since November is already 1/4 over. I'm not sure if this one works for that purpose, but it's probably my favorite out of the pictures it generated. It looks like a Fritz Lang poster or something.
Anonymous
06c57fc
?
No.368905
>>368902
>for fun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMCYNH1EJTg&ab_channel=JonathanYoung
Anonymous
48465b5
?
No.369066
369090
601963__safe_artist-colon-mayde-dash-m_derpibooru+import_edit_oc_oc-colon-aryanne_unofficial+characters+only_earth+pony_pony_animated_blonde_cute_danci.gif
OIG (134).jfif
6252691__safe_artist-colon-shinodage_imported+from+ponybooru_oc_oc+only_oc-colon-aryanne_earth+pony_human_pony_aryanbetes_behaving+like+a+dog_blonde_blonde+hair.png
6722650__safe_artist-colon-xppp1n_imported+from+derpibooru_oc_oc+only_oc-colon-aryanne_earth+pony_pony_apron_clothes_female_mare_nazi_oven_solo_squat_swastika.png
jews.png
This: https://stlcc.edu/student-support/academic-success-and-tutoring/writing-center/writing-resources/replacing-to-be-verbs.aspx
is something I been practicing lately. Tho, imo, it's secondary to the substance of ur story (what ur story is actually about). Like a drawing of a woman can be a done in multiple ways but we can all tell that its suppose to be a woman if done comptently, uknow?

Still good stuff tho I tink.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
2b808b4
?
No.369090
369104 370213
>>369066
It's interesting you should bring that up. I actually got some feedback on the last thing I wrote [ >>368186 ] and one of the things I was told is that I was using far too many to-be verbs. It's not a rule I'd ever heard of or anything I'd ever thought about, but now that I've had it pointed out to me it really does make a difference. I wasn't paying super close attention to on my last installment of the collab, since I was mostly focused on trying to get the chapter done. But I think going forward I'm going to try to give everything I write a separate pass to look for this.
Anonymous
7d6f9cf
?
No.369104
FxF ch7 plan.txt
>>369090
^^
Nice. For u I imagine that it will be more useful. I kinda feel like I probably won't apply it much to my writing. It's hard enough as it is, I don't really feel up for putting more on my shoulders. Tho, I have thought about applying your idea of a "second pass" for it, but knowing myself, I probably won't do that anyway, lol.

I also think that I want to prioritize the substance of writing, so like planing, brainstorming, and figuring out the plot rather than the presentation but I do respect the impact it has. I have gotten better at it too ^^, attached is the plan(notes) for my next chapter in our collab.
Anonymous
0a20acf
?
No.370020
>Be Sunset Shimmer.
>Your phone vibrates against your thigh as it rings.
>You look toward at AJ, who takes another peek out the window before turning back to you and gives you a nod, you answer the phone as AJ does a double-check of her rifle.
"Yes, hello?" You say.
>"Do you know what and who that girl you're harboring is?" A feminine voice growls through the phone.
>You look over at Lemon Zest.
>She is chained up and imprisoned in a wooden constructions of beams that AJ built for her.
>Fluttershy had been hand-feeding her but when the phone rang she stopped eating.
>Lemon reads by your look who is on the phone and looks terrified.
"Yes, I do know," you answer back.
>There's a pause on the other end.
>"Mmm-k? There will be a full-moon tonight. What then? Will you let her run rampant or, will you do the right thing?"
>You grimace your face in disgust.
"We're not monsters like you-"
>"Ah, but the people she'll kill tonight are not your responsibility by not doing the hard, but right choice?"
"We have her caged. She can't even move and inch as is."
>Something about the voice on the phone disturbs you but you can't put a finger on it.
>"Hmph. Maybe. So is this your life now?"
>The question took you by surprise.
"What do you mean?"
>"Well, she's cursed for life y'know. Are you gonna check in on her every month for the rest of your life."
"Welllll, I don't know about that." You scratch the back of your neck.
>"Exactly,
A Christmas writefag special
Anonymous
e6512fe
?
No.370065
370076 370108
Spoilered
Hello friends, it's that time of year that indigestion motivation has struck.
Chuck a word salad (story prompt) at me and I'll write approximately 6,000 characters worth of story (~1k words) each day for one week.
Then we can tenderly brutally rip into it to extract some tasty tasy improvements and amusements.
or chuck one of those Choose Your Own Adventure write prompt things with pre-selected choices.
Anonymous
3d078dd
?
No.370076
370077
>>370065
Sure, tho do promise me u will make time for frens n family on Christmas. ^^

>Princess Flurry Heart brings Anon with her to the Grand Galloping Gala as her plus one.
Anonymous
e6512fe
?
No.370077
>>370076
Alright.
1/7
Anonymous
e6512fe
?
No.370086
370091 370175
2545464.jpg
Greetings I am Princess Flurry Heart of the Crystal Empire. Daddy and Mommy finally got me my very own Grand Galloping Gala ticket to go there as my own pony. The enchanted gold says to bring one extra special pony and I can't think of anypony more extra special than Anonymous.
Mommy, Daddy, Aunty, Grammy, Grampy, Grand Aunties and all their friends says so.
Walking up the red carpet to the castle with my plus one that I got to pick on my very own, guests and guards eyes grew wide to marvel at our color coordination. Some too excited by the sweat being dabbed away and calls to freshen up.
At the top getting guests my Auntie Twilight gapped at us. Impeccable choice choosing a swauve colorful ensemble, matching my plus one.
Trotting up to the now short refreshment needing line that has her waiting just for us, "Auntie! I mean, greetings princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria I am princess Flurry Heart of the Crystal Empire and this is the special plus one Anonymous."
He holds up his not-a-hoof waving for a moment, smiling grandly, "Long time no see Purple."
It's then my Aunt says one of the strangest things, "Why are you back?"
Sometimes she gets like this when she misses a checklist. "Auntie, the ticket said to bring the extra special pony and nopony is more extra special than Mr. Anonymous." Still she's on a verge of a Twilight Breakdown, better to stop her Twilighting now.
"You said he was extremely extra special." It's then she snaps and pays attention to our color coordination otherwise why else would she be sweating and her eyes growing even larger. "Repeatedly."
Looming with his specialness over Twilight "Extremely extra special, hunh. You really said that."
Being the extra helpful pony princess I am, I keep going bouncing on my royal hoovesies. "And everypony I've ever met."
That seems to push him away from Twilight like a great gale blowing over a toy boat, "Everypony you've met?"
Tugging on his fancy 'bish pimmpin glove' with magic toward the fun, "Yeah! Everypony! Come on we have to go inside and do gala things. Bye Auntie!"
Auntie makes a whine signaling ending C of her Twilighting as we enter through the giant doorway.
The grand music and all the ponies all talking around what they want to talk about. More importantly all the colors!
Anonymous now keeping pace with you speaks his mind, "So want to introduce me to the ponies who say I'm extremely extra special the most often."
Turning around to face Anon with a scrunch of confusion, "But don't you already know each other?"
He's fighting to not say something then says something entirely different, "Well let's meet up with them it's been a while."
Maybe it's a mistake bringing Anonymous here...
Clapping my hooves we head out, "Let's go find my grand Aunties."
Following, he murmurs. "Them too?"
"We'll do all the gala things and meet up oh that's a good idea!" Finally Anonymous gets in the mood of things and peps up at my words.
Shoes tapping on fine stone flooring, every part dressed up as each pony. None are as dressed up quite like my grand aunties. With both too much and too little. Color matching their regalia and dresses to their hair.
"Grand Aunties!" With they strip down looking at me with fondness.
"Yo sky cheeks." Bare naked, flabbergasted. Quickly they look at each other, making magic sign language too fast to read. Now even more overdressed than before.
Luna quickly goes to hug first, "it's such a joy dear Flurry Heart, but I must go to the watch room." Celestia interjects quickly, "the restroom now sister." Luna strangely instead of biting back agrees, "yes, the restroom not washroom, and a pleasure to see you again Sir Anonymous." Trotting as fast as politely to use the little fillies room. Leaving us and her older sister.
"So the best princess said you called me extremely extra special all the time-" grand aunty's eyes look as if seeing for the first time in amazement "-but let's talk about our first activity." Wow aunty Celestia is shaking in excitement like the banners.
She stops like a pony petrified, "ticket said one extra special pony didn't it-" Grand aunties are real smart it takes all I can to not go bouncing and flying. However she continues redundantly, "and that's an invitation."
She keeps on breaking the flow of conversation, "how did you two meet?"
"Face to face." Anonymous is right, but grand aunty Celestia wants something juicier so she can gossip with all the other old ponies, so I keep going. "It was when I was playing with myself all alone when I saw Anonymous playing with himself all alone." Celestia once again stripping at my words.
Celestia about to shout is interrupted by Anonymous doing one of his not-a-hoof things, "patty cake with an illusion."
"Mhmm. Then we talked about all sorts of stuff and now we're here." Celestia just sighs getting older, banners dead still. "You're our guest..."
He does another not-a-hoof thing. "Sure am hot flanks."
It's my time to shine, "Now everypony did the meet and greet, we can do what I want to do first at the gala." With that Celestia almost looks as she usually does, and Anonymous still looks like Anonymous. "Count the monocles! We'll meet everypony else, but meet back at the dancing area with everypony. Make sure to grand aunty Luna comes too."
We walk away. "Counting monocles?" Oh! Something Anonymous didn't know? "My tutors showed my how to play. I think the fun part is if they match the pony. I've never lost at this game before Anonymous."
He keeps up with me, and I continue, "the cool part is we also keep adding other games and keep track of the conversations we have."
Windows detailing historic events glimmer and reflect off the stone floor, "being early means seeing this view too".
Anonymous
3d078dd
?
No.370091
>>370086
I <3 it
Flurry is so innocent and pure^^
Anonymous
2a0af8c
?
No.370108
>>370065
Well if I no one else requests anything I will. Missed opportunties guys^^

>RGRE: 10/10 stallion is intrested in marely Anonmare bu Anon's no gay, or straight, or whatever...
Anonymous
88d5798
?
No.370175
>>370086
It was great while it lasted. Don't feel bad, I have left projects many times. ^^

>Be Aryanne.
>Eating your lunch while you and your crew listen in on the Queen Fury Heart's patriotic speech for the ultimate sacrifice for the homeland.
>Then suddenly, the door to the bunker is flung open and in rushes comrade, Teabag Fag, before she spins around and locks and bars the door.
"What's happening?" you say as you grab your rifle.
>She scramble to find her own gun as she looks at you with wide eyes.
>"The zebras," she says seemingly unable to comprehend the possibility of her own words, "they are here."
"What! How?"
>But your line of questioning is cut off as door is reduced to nothing but splinters flying through the air.
>You see teabag getting tossed away by the explosion before you take cover under the table.
>You hear shots and hooves following that enter the bunker.
>You see more of your crew meet their end as they ragdoll onto the floor.
>You flip the table over before popping up and taking aim with your rifle.
>The Colt-Lover 69 does the job and repaints the walls with blood splatter from a pair of striped mares.
>These are good zebras, you think as you look at their bodies on the floor but chastise yourself for not worrying about helping your crew.
>You run over to Teabag, hoping that she might still be alive, when you are suddenly tackled and pinned to the wall.
>A bison, another vile creature sworn to the covenant.
>With a knife in her mouth she's about to end you.
>You struggle against her bulk but its to no avail.
>You mind flashes to your sweet little filly at home, Luftkrieg.
>You will never see her again, you realize, and a tear rolls down your cheek.
>...
>A flash of red illuminates the bunker.
>At first your mind went to all those Con-mane films where at the start he shoots the camera man.
>But then you realize that's some unicorn's magic aura's color.
>So crimson.
>An arching hindleg slashes through the air from close t othe ceiling to down and into the head of hte bison.
>Crack!
>The bison's head is twisted and he just drops onto the floor without any fanfare.
>There's a searing burn mark in the shape of a hoof on his cheek.
>You look down at the horseshoes that did this to the bison and find them burning orange.
>You look up and come face to face with the Daymare herself, Fair Star, also known among the zebras of the Savannah as, Blood Oasis.
>A zinc mare with a white mane and red eyes and red jewel in her horn.
"Thank you," you say with tears in your eyes.
>She nods and then Zap! she is gone in another flash of red.
>You burst into movement, first things first: Is Teabag still alive?

Plot practice:
Aryanne in sand bunker-> Zebras break in->about to die->Blood Oasis tps in and destorys them
Anonymous
88d5798
?
No.370176
>Be Nurse Goodheart.
>The endless groaning of the ponies in the long tent had mostly ceased by the night came with it sleep even for the pained if sometimes forced through sleeping spells.
>For most med ponies that worked in camp four, the camp aimed at healthcare for the many casualties of Queen Fury Heart's campaign in the Great Savannah, the night brought with the a most needed sense of peace.
>For you, night and day was the same.
>You were good at your job.
>In two ways:
One, you were just good and usually made the right calls, which made for less stress to begin with cause you always knew what to do;
two, you, some part of you was ashamed to admit it, didn't feel the pain of others, that much at least, anymore, so you didn't care enough to be stressed.
>You been at this job in since the beginning of the war.
>Three whole years.
>At first you felt too much and the job broke youu but there were no respite to you.
>Eventually you overcame it but not without cost.
>No it feels like the job can not longer break you.
>At least you can't imagine how it would anymore.
>You seen ponies die, even because of your own ineptitude.
>You have regrets over that somewhere deep down if you stop but you never stop, but you never run either.
>You are more like a machine that does the specific work it's desgined for than a pony, you feel whenever you have time to reflect.
>You wander amongst the bedded and wounded ponies.
>You see a foal start to spasm.
>It seems you time to a be a pony for today has ended; time to be the machine.

Character Practice:
Goodheart has grown numb to the pains of others to her overexposure to others suffering through her job and the amount she has done during the war.

I pulled these stories out my ass, take htem with a grain of salt. I don't know what I'm talking about lol^^
Anonymous
88d5798
?
No.370179
>Be Funeral Pyre.
>I thinks it been a about a month now, give or take a few days I suppose.
>So much time not breathing normally, not getting suffed with disgusting green goo, and not being stuck upside down in transparent tube.
>You see a changeling take the shape of a foal in front of it's father.
>The changeling had at first pretended to be the foal and had told the stallion a ridiculous story about how Queen Chryssalis was keeping her alive so long as the father produced love for her.
>The love would then take shape of magic and be sucked out of the tube via an organic cable.
>It was clear this drained the stallion of life-energy as well.
>Now days he'd caught on to the changelings tricks and so he raged at the foal, still though it was his foals body.
>He was also quite frail at this point.
>You had been more lucky.
>The changelings had no background one you and had therefore struggled to prod your love.
>You had therefore lived longer than others that had eventually been absorbed into the cable completely.
>Still, you felt your life-force being drained day by day.
>Even more luckily for you, you have brought something with you when you were captured and you'd finally used it to repay them.
>You had GoodHeart to thank for the surgery and daymare's magic tinkering for your little gift.
>With enough focus and intent, your will made your body glow in magical circles.
>Nearby sadistic, arrogant, torturer changelings looked up for the first time since you got here with a look of fear.
>A whole section of that hive burnt down.

Setting Practice:
About how the changelings wring as much love as they possibly can from their subjects.
Anonymous
e6512fe
?
No.370182
370193
Good news I'm still here, bad news there's nothing to post at the moment. Been caught up in other stuff.
Anonymous
b33863e
?
No.370193
>>370182
It's nice to have you back friend^^
Anonymous
4d2f523
?
No.370213
370239
6749606__safe_artist-colon-blex_imported+from+derpibooru_trixie_oc_oc-colon-anon_human_pony_unicorn_animated_annoyed_clothes_dialogue_distracted_doodle_duo_earb.webm
>>369090
Btw, GG, currently working on ch 7 of our collab tho I don't know when I'll be done.
Just so u know I haven't abandon it^^
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
2b808b4
?
No.370239
>>370213
No worries, take your time.
Anonymous
a7016e4
?
No.370354
billions must watch MLP.png
>>362528
heres epubs too

files.catbox.moe/ltjweu.epub
files.catbox.moe/lsp6cd.epub
files.catbox.moe/e41yja.EPUB
Anonymous
918612d
?
No.370729
370730
2636761__safe_artist-colon-ponerino_twilight+sparkle_pony_unicorn_g4_chemicals_clothes_colored_do+not+eat_female_food_levitation_magic_maid_maid+headdress_maidl.jpg
silica-gel-do-not-eat-congratulations-youve-escaped-the-simulation-welcome-to-the-real-world-comic.jpg
So, I'd like to try my hand at writing on request but as always I'm not promising anything. It will be a short story.

So feel free to give me a request and I'll write a short story (probably like 1k) of it.
Anonymous
fdab382
?
No.370730
370732 370733
2254666__safe_female_pony_oc_oc+only_pegasus_earth+pony_filly_zebra_pegasus+oc_blank+flank_zebra+oc_oc-colon-filly+anon_artist-colon-shinodage_oc-col.png
1374724__safe_female_pony_oc_clothes_oc+only_simple+background_pegasus_smiling_earth+pony_transparent+background_cute_dialogue_filly_text_cutie+mark_.png
>>370729
Write a story about Anonfilly being sent to Luftkrieg's summer camp, where the two of them do fun activities related to Hoofler Youth. Could feature them doing volunteer work fighting fires with Firexe as a reference to Artur Axmann. Maybe some fun games like "chase the griffon". Has a potential to be a very wholesome story about fascist principles and community service.
Anonymous
918612d
?
No.370732
370734
6869801__safe_artist-colon-gsuus_imported+from+twibooru_oc_oc+only_oc-colon-anon_oc-colon-aryanne_human_pony_classroom_clothes_comic_dialogue_geography_image_na.png
6869800__safe_artist-colon-gsuus_imported+from+twibooru_oc_oc+only_oc-colon-aryanne_pony_clothes_dancing_female_image_mare_music_nazi_nazipone_png_sieg+heil_sol.png
6089183__safe_artist-colon-shinodage_imported+from+ponybooru_oc_oc-colon-aryanne_oc-colon-kyrie_oc-colon-luftkrieg_earth+pony_pegasus_pony_armband_clothes_coat_.png
6405564__safe_artist-colon-pestil_imported+from+twibooru_oc_oc+only_oc-colon-kyrie_oc-colon-luftkrieg_pegasus_pony_bow_brushing+mane_female_filly_hair+bow_image.png
2874145__safe_female_pony_oc_mare_clothes_simple+background_pegasus_earth+pony_smiling_alicorn_open+mouth_wings_eyes+closed_meme_filly_glasses_spread.png
>>370730
Here it is:

>"Hurry Anon!" Luftkrieg, a white pegasus filly with a blonde mane and no cutie mark, shouted. "We don't wanna miss mom's morning call."
>Be Anonfilly, a green a earth pony filly dressed in a in stupid light brown uniform of the Hoofler youth and so is your friend Luftkrieg.
"Yes, indeed. Another day of indoctrination and wagecucking without the actual wages," you reply before yawning.
>Luftkrieg keeps running ahead of you before having to run back because she's gotten too far away.
>"Oh, please what's wrong with learning about history? Besides, Hoofler said that-"
"One day everypony will suck my dick."
>Luftkrieg giggles.
>"Oh come on! One one sucks Hoofler's dick, he was just a great pony."
>The two of you turned the corner; and find Aryanne, Luftkrieg's mother, teaching a group of fillies the romane salute.
>"Hail victory!" shouts the group of foals but Aryanne shouts "Hail Hoofler!"
>You give Luftkrieg a look and she looks away with a blush on her face.
>"Well, okay. I'll give you that one but mom is just really dedicated to him that's all. And why wouldn't she Hoofler is well, perfect husbando material."
>That's when Aryanne spots you.
>"Oh, Luftkrieg und Anonymous, ich been waiting for you to join us. Arbeit macht frie Anonymous, sind zee bereit?" asked Aryanne with a big smile on her face.
"Indeed I do know the truth: I don't know germane. But I have a sneaking suspicion that you're threatening me with work."
>Aryanne shone like the black sun.
>So not only did you have to work at home, on sweet apple acers, but also here?
>Why weren't you reincarnated as Fluttershy's foal instead of AJ's?
>It would have been the best thing, getting pampered by her all day.
>She would probably not have made you spend most of the summer on this camp (except for the time of the harvest, just a conincidence poy).
>"Oh, Anon. You can't sit in all day playing videogames that aunt Applejack told me you do. You don't wanna grow up to become a burden on society, do you?" Luftkrieg chirps.
>You give a stoney-face of annoyance to show her what you think of her words, then you say:
"Weed lmao."
>She still seems happy you're here.

---

>So to convert you to the ways of pony national socialism, they decided to play game called 'Chase the Griffon' and somehow you became the griffon.
>Yeeah...
>You, being chased by a group of fundemtalistic foals, will probably convert you anytime now.
>Meanwhile...
"Aaaaaaaaahhh!" you scream as the horde of nazi foals chase you through nature.
>You get tackled to the group and subsequently caught by the one honorary pony at the camp, the zebra Zala.
"Oh my Celestia! Help me, I'm being attacked by a zigger. She wants to eat my heart to cure me in her queer woodoo ways."
>The rest of the fillies has catch up to you two and start laughing out loud.
>At first, you feel like doing a 'hoof?' pump but then you see Zala laughing along.
>Then you hear one of the fillies say the dreaded, "She doesn't know."
>What the fuck is this?
>Ugh, whatever. Enough of this.
"Get the buck away from me ziggah, you smell like manure, is that what you're ugly plot stripes are?"
>Everyone goes silent.
>You smirk.
>That's right, get fucked. There's still one mare in Equestria that won't stand the striped menace.
>Zala's eyes grow... Full of love?
>She embraces you tightly where you lay and shouts:
"Come onn Everponee, märe pile."
>And soon you're lay at the bottom of a pile of snuggling and laughing fillies.
"Hope pony ZOG kills you all," you manage to wheeze out.

---

>"Ooo oo, it's Fireaxe, we gotta help her. A building is burning," Luftkrieg says
"Good riddance, why should I care for this community? Just because I hate ziggers doesn't mean that I like ponies. Maybe next time don't be a retard and set your house on fire," you say.
>"No, Anon. I'm not gonna do this right now. Ponies are in danger. Come along, now!"
>An hour later.
>You and Luftkrieg managed to save a foal while Fireaxe was busy saving some other pony.
>No one died because the Hoofler Youth's assistance.
>The small little baby filly, the two of you saved is being embraced by both her parents in moment of pure joy.
>You blink a few times trying and failing to keep the tears from rolling down your face.
>Luftkreig also has tear tracks on her somewhat dirty face but also smug smile directed at you.
>"You're crying?" she says.
"Becuase I caught shit in my eyes," you reply.
>"Ah-haa, we had masks."
"Yeah, and look at you face."
>"But I know, why I'm crying and it's not cuz o something in my eye."
"Well, count yourself lucky then. I certainly don't give a buck that... That... That little foal almost- Ah-oo-ugh."
>Your face contorts as your remember how close it was.
>It's hard to hold it together.
>Suddenly the downpour rupts and you can't stop.
>A wing is draped over your back.
>A wet cheek is pressed next to yours.
>"Don't worry. I'm here for you. We are here for each other."
Anonymous
918612d
?
No.370733
370734
>>370730
Hope it was to your satisfaction.

I still like to get more requests. So if anyone has a request for a short story for tomorrow, then please tell.
Anonymous
87cb4dd
?
No.370734
370735
>>370732
>>370733
Excellent work, fren! Excellent portrayal of all of the involved characters (I enjoyed the inclusion of Zala). Anonymous definitely learned from this state-mandated friendship indoctrination.
Anonymous
918612d
?
No.370735
>>370734
Ty so much. ^^
Anonymous
ca00250
?
No.370741
370742 370753
I could definitely go for another request btw, so frens if u got any then don't be shy.^^
Anonymous
ca00250
?
No.370742
370743
>>370741
I think the reason I ask is that: Whenever I get to decide on what to write I keep second-guessing my choice for a premise and the story never takes off.
Anonymous
ca00250
?
No.370743
370744
>>370742
dat and attention^^
Anonymous
ca00250
?
No.370744
>>370743
Tho, technically I think I should try to find the passion to write for it's own sake.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.370753
370772 371821
1293760__safe_sonata+dusk_adagio+dazzle_aria+blaze_pony_cute_human_food_floppy+ears_heart_ponified_prone_looking+up_size+difference_micro_hand_eyes+o.png
>>370741
I actually had an idea that might be fun to try here. One Anon posts an image with no context and the next Anon writes a short story or green about that image. If the last post in the chain was an image, you write a green. If the last post in the chain was a green, post an image. in all honesty this idea should probably be its own thread, but I'm willing to try it here for a bit before spinning it off

Anyway, here is the first image if anyone wants to take a crack at it.
Anonymous
c58a781
?
No.370772
370796 370805
>>370753
Cool. So the idea is that someone reply's to this green with an image of their own?

>Be Anon.
>You found three tiny horses one day when you were out one a walk.
>They were small like mice but expressed emotions like humans.
>Emotions such as fear, sorrow, and despair.
>You first meeting was short as they immidately turned and ran.
>You'd probably be able to catch up if they didn't disappear in under some bushes.
>As they disappeared out of sight, your mind kinda quickly went from 'woah, what is that?' to 'Did that really happen?'
>You hunched down and tried to coax the creatures, you thought you saw, out of the bushes with sweet words.
>They didn't reappear again, making you again question your sanity.
>Despite the odds, you still decided tear up the sandwich you'd been eating and drop the crumbs where the horses had been when you saw them first.
>You return the next day and hunch down next to the bush to see if you could find them.
>You couldn't so, you ripped another sandwich apart again and left it there.
>On the third day, your returned again, full with worry that the tiny horse might have meet somekind of predator or that you indeed had gone mad.
>When you hunch down at the bushes, you don't have to sit long before the one of the three horses, the blue one, approaches you.
>You can see the two others further in the back filled with fear as the blue one moves towards you tentively.
>You don't move more than when you sit down.
>Then you decide to take it even further by lying down on your back.
>This gives the blue horse the courage to move next to you and nudge your side.
>As you sense this, you peek over at her and give her a gentle smile.
>Her face lit up like a rocket and she hops ontop of you where she continues to bounce.
>You laughed and reach out a hand, still carefully mind you, to pet her.
>Before you even reached her, she brushed up against your hand.
>Then you felt a nudge to your side.
>You turned and saw the other two ponies.
>The yellow one looks as you with chesire cat smile, meanwhile the purple one looks away with sour face and little 'hmph.'
>...
>Now, it's been about two weeks since the trio moved into your apartment.
>Things have settled.
>You have come to learn about the trio.
>The yellow one is clearly the leader who is also quite the proud tiny horsie.
>Then you got the purple one that you suspect might be a tsundere but without the dere, you would have said if it wasn't for yesterday when she joined you and the blue one in bed.
>And finally the blue one.
>She's the happiest one.
>Always bouncy, always smiling.
>While you have made their own sleeping places for them, she prefers to sleep next to you on a pillow of her own.
>You also notice how intelligent they are.
>Once you were reading your cockbook with the blue one and once she understood waht it was, she started to turn the pages to the best of her ability a tiny horse can till she arrived at the recipe for tacos, which she pointed at.
>So you made her a tiny taco for a tiny horse.
>Life is just peachy.
Anonymous
df646b7
?
No.370796
370799 370831 370962
b46aefihq_-3xwebfofuzgahxywhfyws_p-aygpvpg8.png
>>370772
Look at the image or title. OK?
Anonymous
51177fa
?
No.370799
370805
>>370796
Sure. Tho, I'm busy today and tomorrow so it will take a little longer than the last two.
atlas
!!TfPnjW/K.2
8b261ed
?
No.370805
370831
>>370799
>>370772
nani?
Anonymous
ca051c7
?
No.370831
370855
>>370796
I'm back on working on it now.
>>370805
aww atlas<3
I'm addicted to hoers puss now and it's all your fault. You need to take responsibility.
atlas
!!TfPnjW/K.2
8b261ed
?
No.370855
370962
>>370831
I will do no such thing
Anonymous
2011c6d
?
No.370962
370973
>>370796
So what happened was that I wrote one ver. thought it was kinda meh. Thought about the premise for a while and came up with a really neat way to tackle the premise imo. but it requires a bit more work.

I wanna do the best ver. but I also wanna finish up my ch. in my collab with GG, so I'll do that first and then return to this premise. ^^

>>370855
^^
Anonymous
df646b7
?
No.370973
371180
>>370962
That sounds like a (ultra/very) meticulous ghostwriter,With a high/strong (towards exaggerated) sense of responsibility, ethics and morals. With low professionalism and esteem(/inferiority complex, maybe). In any case, don't be in a big hurry and don't forget.
Anonymous
1325001
?
No.371180
371189 371202
Sadly it seems real life is getting in my way and my collab ch. will be delayed for probably two months, GG. Just so u know.

>>370973
Yh, maybe. I find it hard to correctly identify myself but I do think your descriptions fits well.
Anonymous
df646b7
?
No.371189
>>371180
OK. I can wait until , April and, just don't forget. I hope your collaboration is a shock. You don't give details about it? Secret? Anyway thanks for telling me.
Anonymous
1325001
?
No.371198
371202
"My best advice about writer’s block is: the reason you’re having a hard time writing is because of a conflict between the GOAL of writing well and the FEAR of writing badly. By default, our instinct is to conquer the fear, but our feelings are much, much, less within our control than the goals we set, and since it’s the conflict BETWEEN the two forces blocking you, if you simply change your goal from “writing well” to “writing badly,” you will be a veritable fucking fountain of material, because guess what, man, we don’t like to admit it, because we’re raised to think lack of confidence is synonymous with paralysis, but, let’s just be honest with ourselves and each other: we can only hope to be good writers. We can only ever hope and wish that will ever happen, that’s a bird in the bush. The one in the hand is: we suck. We are terrified we suck, and that terror is oppressive and pervasive because we can VERY WELL see the possibility that we suck. We are well acquainted with it. We know how we suck like the backs of our shitty, untalented hands. We could write a fucking book on how bad a book would be if we just wrote one instead of sitting at a desk scratching our dumb heads trying to figure out how, by some miracle, the next thing we type is going to be brilliant. It isn’t going to be brilliant. You stink. Prove it. It will go faster. And then, after you write something incredibly shitty in about six hours, it’s no problem making it better in passes, because in addition to being absolutely untalented, you are also a mean, petty CRITIC. You know how you suck and you know how everything sucks and when you see something that sucks, you know exactly how to fix it, because you’re an asshole. So that is my advice about getting unblocked. Switch from team “I will one day write something good” to team “I have no choice but to write a piece of shit” and then take off your “bad writer” hat and replace it with a “petty critic” hat and go to town on that poor hack’s draft and that’s your second draft. Fifteen drafts later, or whenever someone paying you starts yelling at you, who knows, maybe the piece of shit will be good enough or maybe everyone in the world will turn out to be so hopelessly stupid that they think bad things are good and in any case, you get to spend so much less time at a keyboard and so much more at a bar where you really belong because medicine because childhood trauma because the Supreme Court didn’t make abortion an option until your unwanted ass was in its third trimester. Happy hunting and pecking!" - Dan Harmon

I saw this while taking a break and surfing the web on our arch nemesis site (Reddit, https://www.reddit.com/r/writing/comments/8djsq3/how_do_you_get_over_writers_block/ ) Maybe we can have this post be exorcised somehow.

Anyway, I thought that while the quote is bit overwritten for my tastes, I think the advice could be solid. What u guys think? ^^
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.371202
371204 371267
>>371198
>What u guys think?
I think it's inspiring. If Dan Harmon can be considered a writer, there's hope for literally anyone.

>>371180
np take your time
Anonymous
e6512fe
?
No.371204
>>371202
Topkek.
Anonymous
25561b4
?
No.371267
>>371202
^^

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM&ab_channel=Benjamin%E2%80%99sEnglish%C2%B7engVid
Happened to watch this. You don't need to, to get my points but I thought I add it in my post as a point of reference.

Here's an unsorted list of thoughts:

So in the video, the presenter goes through a list of sentences and 'improves' them by turning them from 'telling' to 'showing' sentences.

>The stadium was full. <-telling v.
<The sound from the stadium was deafening.<-showing v.
I don't think this first sentence is a problem. I will get into it later, but I think that statements of facts don't need this show-treatment. Or, maybe I'll get into it right now: I feel like sentences that are vague are the ones that should be improved upon by the showing-method. So for example, he has another example that goes like this:
>It was hot. <- telling v.
<The sun melted the ice-cream, or something, etc. <-showing v.
which I think is indeed improved by having a showing version, because, while we know how a hot day is, there's a difference between a hot day on the beach and one in the desert.

So to be more precise in one should use the rule, "show, don't tell."

However, while we're on this hot example, I'll comment that I think it's easy to fall into what I think is a bit of a trap. Well, it depends. If you want you're story to take a bit of a life on it's own when you write it, it's not a problem then but I feel there's a bit of a common problem that arises here, especially for people starting out implementing this technique.

It reminds me of how a lot of people will emphasize the importance of having a catching hook. This is an advice I also think can be detrimental to newer writers.

The problem arises in that one either characterizes, well, the character in not desired ways or as with the hook, the story in an unwanted direction.

Idk, why I struggle to explain this in simpler terms but for an example, if you're story is a high-stakes drama with a grave-mood, then starting it something like this:
>You might be wondering how I found myself crossing the oceanic border towards the Alaskan mainland followed by hot pursuit by the Alaskan coastguard, with cocaine smuggled up my ass.
will create problems with consistency with clashing themes if the story then continues in a very serious and tense tone, or vice versa.

It's easy to wanna rewrite the sentence,
>He was stressed. <-which was another one of his examples.
into something exaggerated. I have done this and I think this is one of the things that make people write melodrama. Because, it's vague so we try to be more precise but in doing so we decide on what "stressed" means here.

Is it,
>He was puking, spinning around, and tore out his hair till he was left bald.
or,
>He tapped his fingers on his desk while waiting for her.
?

There's also the other aspect, that whatever we go with above defines our character going forward and subtle details do after all matters.

So a question then becomes, are discovering who are character is, or do we know who they are?

That's about it, tell me what you thought? ^^
Anonymous
25561b4
?
No.371315
371318
AdobeStock_472713009-1200x900.jpeg
puppy-socialization.jpg
Golde33443.jpg
>There were once four puppies that arrived at crossroad.
>The wolf-like puppy told the others that he felt strongly for the left path.
>The one with the big snout, disagreed with his feelings, and therefore wanted to go down the opposite path.
>The one with the flappy, hanging ears decided it be best to stop here as not to walk down a wrong path.
>The three puppies set off on their own paths.
>The last, and fourth puppy, a golden and fluffy one, set off after them.
>He didn't know the path whatsoever but he didn't wanna lose either of his friends.
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.371318
371322 371324
>>371315
>>The last, and fourth puppy, a golden and fluffy one, set off after them.
Which one did he set off after? Only two of the puppies actually went anywhere, and they both went in different directions.
Anonymous
c0b5c09
?
No.371322
>>371318
Both, the story doesn't state which one he goes after first, it's more that his goal is to bring them together again.
Ty for reading. ^^
Anonymous
c0b5c09
?
No.371324
371328
>>371318
Do you think there is a more clear way to write this?
Anonymous
66630e5
?
No.371328
371537 371538
>>371324
Not him, but I might say
>The fourth and last puppy, golden and fluffy, set off to reunite them.
Anonymous
4d0f5dc
?
No.371537
>>371328
Thanks for the input. I like your suggestion, though, something in the past, when I first read your post, still wants something else.

Maybe, I don't think it's subtle enough, or something idk.
Anonymous
4d0f5dc
?
No.371538
>>371328
>unite
was the missing verb tho
Y U Spin Tale?
Anonymous
b728a30
?
No.371796
371840 371843
6911997__safe_artist-colon-melodylibris_imported+from+derpibooru_fluttershy_pegasus_pony_cute_feather_female_floppy+ears_flowing+mane_flowing+tail_lake_looking+.jpg
6912177__safe_imported+from+derpibooru_roseluck_earth+pony_pony_ai+content_ai+generated_angry_behaving+like+a+cat_collar_cute_fangs_fluffy_generator-colon-pony+.png
6909391__safe_artist-colon-icey_imported+from+derpibooru_autumn+blaze_kirin_pony_awwtumn+blaze_bed+mane_cute_daaaaaaaaaaaw_female_kirinbetes_looking+at+you_one+.png
6908445__safe_artist-colon-appulman_artist-colon-aprilfools_artist-colon-boneappleteeth_artist-colon-cutehorseprions_artist-colon-duckgoblin_artist-colon-mareti.png
I never got to watching this video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fo40-m03WVg&ab_channel=CapturedinWords , before I started to discuss with myself what I thought of it. I was satisfied with what I came up with so, I'd thought I share it. I also want to write it down somewhere I'd find later.

I don't like the idea of "don't"s in writing. On that note , I don't like the word "writing" or to describe authors as "writers". I prefer "storyteller" and I think the distinction between them matters. This is a tangent though.

Anyway, "don't"s. This Canadian >>>/go/3503 → once compared baking to writing by saying that you don't bake a cake with a recipe that only tells you what not to do but one that tells you what to do.

This lead my thoughts to the idea that the ideal of a flawless story can hurt the creative process. I find that it fits well with my experience.

How does this happen? I spend time fixing the story's flaws, rather than use that time on it's merits.

Which leads me to the point: Why spin a tale? Probably because there's something I want to express, say, or like to see. I want this story to exist for a reason.

Let's say that reason is to see a bunch of cool action scenes. If that's the case, then I probably have some concrete ideas for scenes. Should I then focus on how this scene came to be, logistically, or focus on writing the scene first? I think the: The scene.

Yes, a scene without a reason for it's existence isn't good. However, starting with the justification for it kills your passion for the project, at least it does for me.

I will add here that, the "do"s can be just as detrimental to the creative process as rules that tell you what to avoid. As in, if we followed the advice that characterization is a always a plus. However, if I force characterization on character who's only purpose in my story is to fight in an action scene, I'm not using my time on what makes me passionate about my story.

I think this is why it's easy to get stuck in genre-trappings -- I feel a need to fulfill expectations when it comes to agreed-upon writing rules.

I think that was about it. Tell me what you thought.

p.s. I used "I" in of "you" for examples deliberately to as an attempt to be more humble and not distance myself from the subject matter, if you wonder why. I'm not sure if it makes sense yet but maybe in the future I will.

p.p.s. What's this about a collab in the pic I found. Does anyone know?
Anonymous
b728a30
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No.371817
371818 371840
6914019__safe_artist-colon-coypuppy_imported+from+derpibooru_princess+cadance_shining+armor_alicorn_pony_unicorn_duo_exploitable+meme_horn_meme.jpg
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6778041__safe_artist-colon-kabayo_imported+from+derpibooru_fluttershy_oc_oc-colon-anon_human_pegasus_pony_90s+grunge+fluttershy_black+and+white_blushing_cute_du.jpg
6912789__safe_artist-colon-opalacorn_imported+from+derpibooru_earth+pony_pony_blaze+28coat+marking29_chest+fluff_coat+markings_daffodil+and+daisy+sandwich_facia.jpg
6913998__safe_artist-colon-blahlahblash_imported+from+derpibooru_daring+do_big+cat_pegasus_pony_tiger_clothes_drool_female_forest_licking_mare_nature_one+eye+cl.png
I think I want to change my way of writing. I struggle with writing, I think. I have two problems.

I struggle with the language barrier and with overwriting.

My struggles with the language barrier includes: A lack of vocabulary, faulty grammar, and spelling errors.

Overwriting is a bit more vague in my mind. I have a strong imagination and I can sometimes create problems in my writing. It's that I see the scene so clearly in my mind that I can't help but to write down unnecessary details about the scene.

I guess I struggle with presentation as well. I use too many redundant words or phrases. For example, I would probably write, "He fell down," instead of "He fell."

Sometimes, I think I write a too much words for something that only needs a few.

Like, if I were to use the phrase, "a house" in a sentence, I don't think I'd be able to leave it as such without at least describing it's color.

So something like this:

>He cycled past a bunch of houses.

I'd probably write this instead:

>He pedaled in a steady rhythm past a bunch of blue houses with climbing vegetation sticking to their porches' fences.

I'm gonna try to write more sentences like the first one rather than the latter.

I have kinda decided that since I struggle with these aspects of communication, I'll try to prioritize clarity and simplicity.

This is also why I'm much more wary of my sentences. I don't want them to become too long. I find that it's easy to loose track of it's inner workings then. However, I know that sentence variety is good since otherwise, the reader experiences too much stop and start.

Anyway, now you know /mlpol/. Ty for listening to my TED Talk. Feel free to tell me what you think.
Anonymous
b728a30
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No.371818
>>371817
After reading through my post, I realized some things. One was how many grammar problems a post I thought was flawless had. Another, that the amount of description a subject gets in your story indicates it's importance.

I think that's what pacing, partly, is. To not get bogged down with the things that aren't vital to the story and instead focus on the ones that are.
Anonymous
df646b7
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No.371821
371841 371843
>>370753
Do you still do that thread?
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
2b808b4
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No.371840
1705956797858081.jpg
>>371796
>>371817

Video is actually pretty solid. Several of these points are things I've pointed out repeatedly in reviews I've done, so I feel a bit vindicated. If ever I'm in doubt, I at least know that I'm as qualified to give writing advice as some numale on YouTube.

> I don't like the word "writing" or to describe authors as "writers". I prefer "storyteller" and I think the distinction between them matters.
Definitely two separate but interrelated crafts. Writing is the act of constructing a written document, and it's mostly a technical process. Storytelling, or maybe "storycraft" would be a better word for it, is a more nuanced skill that is harder to teach or explain.

Crafting a story is about not only putting the events of the story together, but understanding who your characters are and why they are doing what they are doing. I generally agree with you that storycraft is the more important of the two, as it determines whether or not the story speaks to the reader or moves them. Writing is the act of communicating it to the reader. Someone who can write well but can't put a good story together isn't likely to move anyone regardless of how prettily they can write.

That Chatoyance Kafka thing I reviewed earlier is a good example of this. By Fimfic standards, Chatoyance is actually a pretty good writer, but his storycraft leaves a lot to be desired. His characters were mostly bland and forgettable, the story wasn't all that interesting or moving, and it suffered from pacing problems.

That said, I wouldn't say that writing should be entirely discounted. Even if you have a great story with great characters and you can see every scene clearly inside your head, if you can't communicate it to people in language they can understand, you'll never be able to make the audience see what you see.

Rainmetall is a good example of this issue. The author clearly had something epic in mind, but between the ESL and the bizarre formatting, it was just too damned hard to understand. Most of his vision was lost in translation.

The ideal is to have both skills, but if you're going to be strong in one and weak in the other, being proficient at storycraft and deficient at writing is better than the other way around.

>I struggle with the language barrier and with overwriting.
>My struggles with the language barrier includes: A lack of vocabulary, faulty grammar, and spelling errors.
To be perfectly honest, this is why I let you slide on a lot of things that I would hammer other authors over. As I've said before, you have a pretty good instinct for building a story, you mostly just struggle with actually writing it out. Quite a bit of this is probably due to ESL. I agree that you'd probably be better off using simple language that conveys what's happening, rather than trying to get too fancy. However:

>>He cycled past a bunch of houses.
>I'd probably write this instead:
>>He pedaled in a steady rhythm past a bunch of blue houses with climbing vegetation sticking to their porches' fences.
and
> if we followed the advice that characterization is a always a plus. However, if I force characterization on character who's only purpose in my story is to fight in an action scene, I'm not using my time on what makes me passionate about my story.
Something to keep in mind here is that sometimes these details do matter. The important skill you'll want to develop is learning to sense which details are important enough to include. Sometimes the color of the houses or the type of vegetation are important to the setting.

For instance, in Absalom, Absalom Faulkner spends a lot of time talking about wisteria, and climbing vines on the sides of the plantation house, and shit like that. The little details don't matter to the plot, but they do help paint a picture of the natural environment of the American South, which actually is essential to the story.

Likewise with characters. If a character just fills a perfunctory role in a single scene, he probably doesn't need any serious characterization, and it would be a waste of time and space trying to cook up an elaborate backstory for him. However, it's worth keeping in mind that the character is still a distinct personality, and that for this imaginary person, the moment he appears in your story is the culmination of his entire life up until that point. Evil Ninja A might serve no role in the story other than to throw a few punches for Anon to deflect before getting knocked unconscious and tossed off the roof. However, he has a distinct personality and a past, and all of that factors into why he is where he is, and why he is trying to use his sick Ninja skills to try and beat Anon into submission. Thinking about your characters in this way and trying to understand them will actually make it easier to write them in a more simplified way: if you know exactly who Evil Ninja A really is, then you should instinctively know what he will do in the story and thus won't need to spend any serious page space explaining his actions.

It's worth noting that, while this technically has to do with execution, it's a storycraft concept more than a writing concept.

As an aside, one of the things I've been trying to work on recently is developing a distinct narrative voice in my stories, instead of just narrating events. For instance, the last thing I did on Fimfic is a story told by an old pony looking back on a formative event that happened when he was young. The events of the story would play out the same one way or the other, but the way it's told adds an interpretive layer that otherwise wouldn't be there. The older version of the character is able to reflect on these events and see them in a way that his younger self wouldn't have been able to at the time, thus the narrative voice is actually part of the story.

As another aside, I've resumed work on The Muffins of Madness, and I'm trying to do something similar with narrative voice in that one.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
2b808b4
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No.371841
371843
>>371821
I forgot all about it honestly, but I will go ahead and do that.
Anonymous
2b808b4
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No.371843
>>371821
>>371841
>>371842 →

>>371796
>canadian
heh, I forgot all about the Hoarse Fucker saga, but that was an absolute masterpiece. I hope that anon is still around here somewhere.
Anonymous
51177fa
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No.371922
371923
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urr55rAreWc&ab_channel=Adam%E2%80%99sEnglishLessons%C2%B7engVid
This is one of my go to videos for when I need to freshen up on my basic understanding of english grammar. This video is also the source I first learned the concepts that are brought up in it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v4R2ZcxPlA&t=204s&ab_channel=TerribleWritingAdvice
It's classic. While I haven't gone off the deep end (or maybe I have, hmm), I think it's human nature or rather the ego that causes on to exhibit the same or similar behavior as shown in the video.

Now, do I recommend the rest of the channel. Mostly, tho I disagree with certain takes like fridging (tl:To kill of close female character to motivate the protagonist) being a problem. I see it more as proof that woman matter more than men since if the hero's friend instead of woman died then, then who literally cares? Can you fuck your friend? No. Q.E.D ;)
But maybe there's more to it that I'm not considering.

So yh, I just felt like posting these videos since I think they are good sources of writing advice.
Anonymous
254a5c6
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No.371923
371924
>>371922
>I disagree with certain takes like fridging (tl:To kill of close female character to motivate the protagonist) being a problem. I see it more as proof that woman matter more than men since if the hero's friend instead of woman died then, then who literally cares?
I haven't watched the video you're referencing so I'm not sure what exactly he says, but if you're going to kill someone off to motivate the protagonist, it doesn't necessarily have to be a female or a love interest, the death of anyone close to the protag will have the same effect.

Take Hamlet. His entire motivation is avenging the death of his father, to the point where he spends most of the play brooding angstily about it. Meanwhile, his love interest just kind of gets slapped around until she eventually suicides, and Hamlet gives basically no fucks.
Anonymous
51177fa
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No.371924
>>371923
>it doesn't necessarily have to be a female or a love interest, the death of anyone close to the protag will have the same effect.
I agree.
I think this is more like, you know, showing the audience a villain is evil by having him kill a puppy. Kinda of a shortcut.
I haven't read Hamlet but thanks for the interesting take.
Anonymous
4ad2e83
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No.371941
372078
4b2.jpg
7b5.jpeg
Here are two excerpts from story concepts that I sometimes fantasize about making. I would like some feedback on their quality, specifically their clarity. Do you understand what is going on in the scene, except for contextual details like who Madoka is and such? Thanks in advance.

---

Madoka spun on her left leg, ducked her torso forward, and sent a spinning high-kick towards Junko's head.

Junko's expression didn't change, her scowl remained, as she calmly stepped out of range of Madoka's attack.

Instead she took a long step forward with her left foot and followed up that movement with her right palm, planting it in Madoka's belly and sending her flying.

Madoka's back bounced against the ground and knocked the air out of her lunges. Her momentum caused her to roll passed the point of her impact. Twigs got stuck in her hair and painfully scraped her scalpe and pull her hairs strands' bottoms. She got dirt in her mouth and spat several times to clean herself of the taste.

She had ended up on her back so to get back up on her feet she began by pulling her legs to her and rolling up into a ball while lying on her neck and shoulders. Then like spring being released, she uncoiled and pushed off with her arms and abs. Her legs arched in the air as she jumped and she landed upright on her feet.

Madoka returned to her defensive stance. She'd been punished for hard-swinging, she realized that. So now she decided she would change her approach. She'd poke and prod till she found and opening in Junko's defense and then swing hard.

A small amount of surprise showed itself on Junko's face. She'd expected the Ghoul to charge at her again, mindlessly but instead it almost seemed like she'd learned from her mistake and adapted to it.

She didn't like it. Junko prefered her ghouls to be emtionally off-center. So she stuck her tongue out in combo with a condecending grimace and gave the middle-finger to the ghoul.

Seeing this hateful expression from her mother, directed at her made Madoka pull back for a moment. Junko saw this subtle movement and was pussled on a subconcious level. Usually, the ghouls she fought would lose themselves to rage after she taunted them not cower.

Madoka's shock only lasted for a moment though, then she relaxed. Her mother had told her about this trick afterall. She knew this.

She slapped her chest with her hands in a "come at me bruh" kind of gesture.

Madoka hadn't intended for her retaliation taunt to be effective. She kinda just thought the situation was humours and went along with the bantz. She hadn't expected her mother to fall for her own trick. However, as her mother tilted her face back in a queer fashion with a face of angry disgust, she realized she'd done that.

Junko could feel herself getting angry despite herself. She had felt for a while now that she'd figured out the optimal emotional state to be in a fight. To her, it was inbetween angry and disintrested, which she refered to as focus. If she wasn't a bit angry, she felt she couldn't bring down her fist of justice upon the evil ghouls but if she only saw red, then she'd make mistakes due to... well not thinking. It just bothered her so that this tiny ghoul felt so confident in her presence. It felt amiss and made her feel uneasy, like she missed something vital. Like she was walking into a trap but that feeling hurt her pride. That someone so small could hurt her.

Madoka started to sidewalk around Junko and Junko's followed suit. Then they both started to close the distance between them.

---

Ruby spread her footing wide apart and crouched. She drew a few figure-eights as she whirled her scythe in the air before resting it along her shoulders. The curved blade pointed at her waist. These quick movements pulled her hood off, revealing her determined face.

Her gaze was meet by her sister, Yang. Yang slammed her knuckles together and cracked her neck to the side, before taking up a traditional boxing stance. She bobbed her arms up and down and a meaty "ka-chunk" followed as the shotgun shells were loaded into her gauntlets.

For a while they only stood there, giving each other stink eyes, then Ruby disappeared as a sonic trail of falling rose petals took her place and began to circle Yang.

Yang's eyes tried at first to follow her movement but gave up. She knew it was hopeless to keep up with her speed. However, while Ruby had speed and damage, Yang had toughness and damage.

She took a deep breath and released it. She closed her eyes, took a more relaxed posture, and let her arms dangled at her sides.

She listened to the rustling of the petals as they kept accomulating and get kicked up on repeat when Ruby sprinted over them at an impossible speed. At this point Yang wondered if Ruby hadn't created a circle of red rose petals. She felt the breeze from the small whirlwind her sister had created with all her running. Suddenly she could make out the crunching sound of dry rose petals getting stepped on and then... She couldn't anymore.

Her eyes snapped open. She spun on her heel and saw what she expected.

Ruby comming down on her with her scythe raised high overhead. She swung it with all her might and it looked like she went from a reverse 'c' to a normal 'c'. Yang stepped in under and blocked the scythe with her left gauntlet as best she could. Her wrist took the impact of the staff rather than the blade of the scythe but her gauntlet still slide along the staff so the blade cut into her. The gauntlet ammunition rack was sliced clean off but the blade stopped at her wrist due to her aura taking the already mitigated blow.

Having blocked the attack, she went on the offensive, moved some of her lifeforce into her right arm before firing off her gauntlet backwards, boosting her now upcomming uppercut.

Ruby's eyes widen and with her crazy reaction speed and speed in general she flunged herself out of Yang's punch as she bucked off from her sycthe, sending herself and the sycthe off in opposite directions.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
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No.372078
Mahou-Shoujo-Madoka-Magica-Madoka-Kaname-1080x1920.jpg
weapons-Mahou-Shoujo-Madoka-Magica-1501131-1403x992.jpg
>>371941
Overall pretty good. There are still some ESL and spelling issues here and there but your English is improving. I can also see what you were getting at in your previous post, trying to focus on just raw description of what's happening in a scene without a lot of added fluff, and I think you were mostly successful. I don't have any difficulty following what's going on in the scene or visualizing the action. The only notable exception is this:

>Junko could feel herself getting angry despite herself. She had felt for a while now that she'd figured out the optimal emotional state to be in a fight. To her, it was inbetween angry and disintrested, which she refered to as focus. If she wasn't a bit angry, she felt she couldn't bring down her fist of justice upon the evil ghouls but if she only saw red, then she'd make mistakes due to... well not thinking. It just bothered her so that this tiny ghoul felt so confident in her presence. It felt amiss and made her feel uneasy, like she missed something vital. Like she was walking into a trap but that feeling hurt her pride. That someone so small could hurt her.
There are two problems here. First is that it's a bit wordy. This feels like you're sliding back into that overly-verbose, confusing descriptive style you said you were trying to move away from. Second is that everything here is basically a description of the character's emotions. This is likely why it ends up getting muddy and overly-descriptive: complex emotional states are difficult to put into words. This is one of those "show, don't tell" situations. Instead of describing what the character is feeling, try to show us how they are feeling through their actions. The basic thrust of this text is that Junko usually tries to maintain her composure during a fight, but Madoka's taunting is getting her riled up and she is starting to make mistakes. So come up with some action that conveys this. Maybe Junko grunts or growls, or she throws a reckless punch and misses, that sort of thing.

Here are some other things I noticed:

>a "come at me bruh" kind of gesture.
>went along with the bantz
Outside of greentext writing, you really want to avoid casual, shitposty language like this in your narration. The only exception would be if the story is narrated in first person and the narrator uses this kind of language in everyday conversation. It goes back to what I was saying about narrative voice: if a character is narrating, you want the tone of your narration to feel like that person's natural speaking voice. However, if there is no narrator and you're just describing action in the third person, you want the tone to be as neutral and utilitarian as possible. In the case of Madoka's gesture, it would be more helpful to just describe the movement she's actually making, instead of relying on the reader's presumed understanding of a colloquialism.

>she flunged herself
Usually, adding 'ed' to the end of a verb will make it past-tense. However, "flung" is already the past-tense of "fling," so you don't need to add the 'ed'. For some reason, "flinged" is also incorrect, even though it logically ought to work. English is a very stupid language sometimes.

>A small amount of surprise showed itself on Junko's face.
This phrasing is awkward. It would be easier to just say "Junko was surprised" or something to that effect. There are degrees of being surprised, but surprise itself can't really be quantified, thus you can't really have a small amount of surprise show itself.

> She kinda just thought the situation was humours
Unless she's a medieval doctor, the situation should be "humorous." Also, it should be "kind of," not "kinda," see my above statement on using casual language in narration.

>She swung it with all her might and it looked like she went from a reverse 'c' to a normal 'c'.
I think I basically understand what's happening here, but it's still an awkward way to describe it.

>knocked the air out of her lunges
Unless Madoka is doing aerobics, the air should be knocked out of her "lungs."

--------

>Do you understand what is going on in the scene, except for contextual details like who Madoka is and such?
Generally, yes; except for what I pointed out this is well written and easy to follow. The nice thing about action sequences is they don't really require much context. You can drop the reader into a fight scene with absolutely no lead-in whatsoever and they can still follow what's happening, even if they aren't familiar with the characters or don't know why they're fighting.

The only issue I have with this structurally is that it isn't clear how these two scenes connect to each other. I'm not sure if this whole thing is meant to be read as one piece, but based on what's here the two scenes feel disjointed. It reads like this:

>two characters are fighting
>we're not sure why
>page break
>now two completely different characters are fighting
>we don't know why these two are fighting either

Theoretically you could make an entire story like this, where it's just a collection of scenes in which anime girls beat the shit out of each other round-robin style for reasons that are never explained. It might even be kind of fun to read. However, without some overarching narrative connecting it all together, it wouldn't be much of a story.

As an aside, these names sound kind of familiar. From "Madoka" I'm assuming these characters are from Madoka Magica. I saw it a long time ago, but I don't remember who the other characters are or what the show was about exactly. All I remember is that I thought I was sitting down to watch a cutesy magical-girl show, but it turned out to be really surreal and fucked-up.
Anonymous
6dd45cb
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No.372081
crashvsdbz.pdf
part2.pdf
part3.pdf
Have some fic. I had fun writing it.
One character's name is familiar, but she is not the horse.