/mlpol/ - My Little Politics

Also, as long as I've got everyone's attention, I've started uploading my Past Sins thing to Fimfic if anyone wants to updoot it.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/530869/how-i-spent-my-summer-vacation-on-the-moon

Bump to get this off page 4.

Hey does anyone here know how to construct the writing and characters and plot and setting for a fictional world in a videogame in such a way that the player's intended path through the world will confirm my biases and tell the player what I want to hear, while the villains are those I disagree with and want the player to hate?

Like how Bioshock Infinite was propaganda that made the player hate whites and save a white girl witch from her evil christian dad. Except I'm not a jew so instead of lying to slander whites I'll tell the truth about jews/niggers/muslims/libtards.

>>359278
>Hey does anyone here know how to construct the writing and characters and plot and setting for a fictional world in a videogame in such a way that the player's intended path through the world will confirm my biases and tell the player what I want to hear, while the villains are those I disagree with and want the player to hate?
Like the vast majority of the questions you ask, this one is flat-out bizarre and nearly impossible to answer. Somehow it manages to be extremely general and extremely specific at once. I honestly can't figure out if your posts are serious questions that you expect serious responses to, or if you just scatter bird seed on your keyboard and let a bunch of pigeons into your house.

I don't want to drag too much baggage from the previous thread into this one so I'll try to keep this brief. A big part of your problem is that you invest most of your mental energy into daydreaming about these big, convoluted ideas you want to write but obviously have no idea how to execute. So you come here and say "literally spoonfeed me step by step instructions on how to execute this extremely specific and elaborate idea I had, completely from scratch." Nobody can answer a question like that, at least not without writing the entire thing for you, and you're obviously not at a level where you ought to be attempting something like that anyway, because if you were you wouldn't be asking these sorts of questions. This is basically what I was ranting about before: you've been at this for about five years now, yet you've spent most of that time just spinning your wheels without really getting anywhere, and you have very little to show for your effort. What's more, despite contributing little actual writing, you still somehow manage to fill up about 2/3 of every writing thread we have with your random shitposts and comments.

If you want to improve your writing, here is how you do it: sit down at the computer, put your hands on the keyboard, write a piece of fiction, post it to the thread, get feedback on it, and then either rewrite it or write something new based on the feedback you received. Do that over and over until people start telling you that they like what you write. That's the secret. That's how you improve. That's the only way you're going to improve. It's that simple. There is no other method.

>The big story I want to write only contains hints of romance so spending time working on that at the expense of everything else isn't going to be particularly valuable.
This comment you made in the old thread is a prime example of how you're thinking about this the wrong way. Whether you rewrite the Twidash piece or start something new is up to you, but whatever you write, you should try to apply some of the feedback you received for that piece; otherwise, you didn't learn anything and it was a waste of everyone's time. If you're still worried about whether or not you need to understand romance in order to write your Nazi space-opera, you've once again completely missed the point. Your goal at present should be to master the basic building blocks you're going to need in order to write literally anything: how to lay out a scene, how to make characters speak convincingly to each other, how to clearly communicate a simple idea, and present it in a self-contained scene that feels as though it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The Twidash piece you submitted needs work in all of these area.

If the Twidash idea bores you and you don't want to work on it further, that's perfectly fine. However, you should definitely continue to work with small, single scene vignettes like that, for the same reason that beginning art students start off sketching bowls of fruit or those little posed mannequins. Write, get feedback, apply feedback, rewrite; that's the process, that's how this works. You're not going to get anywhere if you're unwilling to do that much. Any experience that teaches you anything is going to be valuable, but in your case I'd stay away from politics and other subjects you have strong feelings about, because you get pulled off the rails much too easily.

And for God's sake, as far as posting on the board is concerned, please stop veering off topic all the time with these random tangents about everything you thought was good or bad in this or that video game. If we were interested, we'd ask. If we're not asking, assume we don't care and keep your thoughts to yourself.

>>359329
I'll take this thread from page 2 to the front page by replying to you about me even though I wish these threads were about writing. Shame nobody wants to talk about writing here. Maybe if I draw attention to the lack of activity and content, reverse psychology will make people want to get active and create content? It would be nice if this thread was full of people genuinely interested in the craft of writing for its own sake. Or genuinely interested in the right-wing political goal of creating effective propaganda to counter the abundance of low quality leftist propaganda drowning out media these days.

"Read better and write more" is obvious advice. Do you think you could recommend specific works that would help me make what I want to make? It would help more than repeating fortune cookie advice or talking down to me like you want my respect. I don't have to ask your permission to speak about writing in the writing thread. If this thread is actually about control and trying to shame people, then it's not really a writing thread.

I didn't go on any tangents about video games in this thread. Did mentioning Bioshock Infinite really bother you that much? It's a popular nefarious propaganda game made by Jews to attack whites. A racist white utopia in the sky with quantum magic and slavebots has nigger maids who chimp out and your time travelling daughter genocides your kind so you can't become a racist and give birth to her. I want to make an altruistic propaganda game. I don't think I'll find any help writing it here.

>>359348
Chill out bud. You've been making this sort of questions for some time now. It's only natural some might have grown tired of it. I appreciate you're being active, but there's only so much that can be done to help you. The core issue is that you need to improve your skillz before you can start worrying about writing useful propaganda.

>>>/ub/6539 →
On second thought, what in the fuck nigel?
What did she put on your tea?

>>359348
>Did mentioning Bioshock Infinite really bother you that much? It's a popular nefarious propaganda game made by Jews to attack whites.
Yeah, because that's what he complained about in his post. Indeed. It was totally metioned at all.

>>359349
>>359359
Yeah, this is why I don't engage with his posts anymore, or the once about helping improve in his craft at least. As I said before, I like some of his posts but you know, this is the kind of trash posts you get as replies when you try to help him on these posts. Not that he's never taken advice to heart but in general.
I have already wasted way too much time on him, I try to stay away as not to waste even more.

>>359329
Anyway, GG. I have written the first part of chapter five of our project and I got it planned out, but it will take some days to finish.

>>359361
I just had to add this:
>write more" is obvious advice.
yet you fail it.

>>359359
>the ub post
>instead of a borderline unreadable "fuck you nigel" disclaimer
kek. pot meet kettle
>Bashing bad pony stories that were written years ago is a lot easier than helping someone write a good story today.
GG is trash now, huh :P
Also, remind me have you ever criticized FE?

Honestly, this whole post reads like copium to me.
>I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.
>You're faggots for liking mlp.

But the central point of your post is all backwards tho, (well, there'ssome naunce as well).
You're wrong because you're not adding anything to the thread with these joke-questions and other trash posts you make. Sometimes they have something I can agree with but it's mostly white noise to me.
But you're partly right, I remember Ninjas talking about how you were responsible for making GG into what he is today (or something) because without your silver star story, GG wouldn't have started reviewing. In fact, it felt like everyone on the board was in those threads.

This is a slow board. I'm not against fun-posting but there's also no need to feel a this pressure of having to post to keep something alive. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Then it was fun while it lasted.

>>359348
>Shame nobody wants to talk about writing here. Maybe if I draw attention to the lack of activity and content, reverse psychology will make people want to get active and create content? It would be nice if this thread was full of people genuinely interested in the craft of writing for its own sake.
Oh, just stop already. How is it even possible for a human being to be this dense? Is this your honest to God perception of what you've been doing? Are you seriously this oblivious to how your behavior comes across to other people?

Well, after reading this post:
>>6539
I realized that the answer to all of it is basically a hard yes. We'll have more on that in just a minute.

First, we should get some of the preliminaries out of the way:

>I didn't go on any tangents about video games in this thread.
That's because we're only 9 posts in and you haven't had the chance to seriously derail anything yet; I'm just trying in vain, it would seem to nip this shit in the bud before this thread turns into every other thread you've shat up with your endless nonsense. I'll call your attention to pic related, which is a screencap of the last post you made in the previous thread. I've added a helpful color-coding system.

I'd like to clarify that the green portions are only "on topic" in that they stay within range of the point (it seems) you were trying to make. There is no meaningful contribution to the thread in here, it's just you blogposting. At least 2/3 of it is just you complaining about Mass Effect, for crying out loud. Who is this shit even for?

This is not an isolated incident, either. I mean, look at some of the other "contributions" you've made to our "writing discussion":

>Do you think my story should have a scene where a liberal is overheard bullshitting another liberal about white privilege while visibly ignoring all the blatant signs of nigger and jew privilege around him?
>Are the following places so pozzed I can't talk openly about hating niggers and wanting to write stories about my hatred for niggers where the white heroes have to stop the evil niggers?
What kinds of ridiculous questions are these? How is a person supposed to respond to something like this?

And here:

>I've been a fool.
>Something explicitly political from the outset will be noticed as such and rejected by anyone who could have learned something from it. It cannot be explicitly political in nature. It can't end with the death of a tyrant and the death of his bad economic policies when 99% of the RPG audience think Economics is spelled UUDDLRLRABS.
>I need to be subtle with my biases, even though I think I am an unbiased normal human who's normal to say "Freedom is good and the Epsteins in power are evil". Someone used to a lifetime of propagandization will think freedom is bad and the Epsteins visibly in power are victims of invisible white power. If my story is to reach that kind of person my stories must be short and subtle.
>My stories are still trying to cram too much into too small a space. These are big ideas that need more room to breathe.
Instead of blogging about it, why not just fucking do it?

And here:

>Even a 100 hour RPG would struggle to contain this much intellectual content when so many 100 hour RPGs actually have mind numbingly simple stories that make My Immortal look like good writing while the gameplay makes Raid Shadow Legends look like a good game.
>People mock the Metal Gear series for having overly talkative cutscenes. Mostly because the writing is fucking atrocious, overly wordy and self indulgent, and full of signs the author only watched movies and never read any book that didn't also have a movie. But also because the writing keeps getting in the way of gameplay. And the one time it didn't, in MGSV, there was basically no writing, just shit that happens sometimes while you are constantly lied to for no rhyme or reason. (Maybe Hideki Kojima thought the theme of 1984 was lies?)
Literally what the hell are you even talking about?

And here:

>Christ I've gone so far up my own ass with this writing shit I could call my large intestine the director and my sphincter the co-writer, with special thanks to the protein cookie and berry smoothie I ate for breakfast.
Did you think any of us wanted to know this?

And here:

>Sick of the pseudointellectualism in video essays. What the fuck is this shit even supposed to mean? A cyborg is a man with mechanical bits. There's no "lived social reality" in fiction about fucking bitches up with sick cyber arms. The femtard is just waffling word soup to get her fuckwit flock of sheep to nod. Anyone stupid enough to think there's anything smart in this quote (or dishonest enough to pretend there is hoping to appeal to the feminist babykiller for profit crowd) can't have anything worth a damn to say about writing. Fuck this I'm not watching this.
Nobody cares; that's why nobody asked.

>Whenever the topic of politics in fantasy comes up in multi hour youtube analyseses the guy either says obvious advice like "Dont be bad. Dont be obvious. Dont be annoying" or retarded alien jewish advice like "to ensure the readers dont think the evil organization is cool and worth idolizing despite how much evil shit it does to kittens, puppies, blind crippled orphans, and the heroes, make sure that it is a mean rude anti individuality organization that treats its evil underlings like shit and doesnt let people express themselves because that is truly the highest evil".
Nobody cares; that's why nobody asked.

>I need to write my stories faster, improve their quality, and write about stuff people actually want to read these days.
Instead of blogging about it, why not just fucking do it?

>I have absolutely no fuckmothering idea what I am doing. I need to scale my ambitions down and make something quick and small so I can learn from feedback instead of trying to make my first work the magnum opus of my career.
Instead of blogging about it, why not just fucking do it?!?

>>359384
Also, please bear in mind that this is just what I managed to comb out of the last 100 posts made to the thread. Seriously, consider the following: the bump limit here is like 700 posts, just about every writing thread we have ends up getting filled with a majority of your posts, and nearly everything you post resembles what I quoted. To your credit, you do occasionally ask serious questions or make meaningful contributions. However, if all, or even most, of your posts fell into that category, we wouldn't need to have this conversation every few weeks, now would we?

Anyway, now that we've gotten all of the boilerplate stuff out of the way, I'd actually like to take a closer look at this mountain of autism:
>>>/ub/6539 →

On the surface, I'd say Sven's interpretation makes the most sense: this is basically just cope and butthurt. However, the more closely I read it, I think there's more going on here. In fact, this may actually be the most complete cross-section you've ever given us of your entire loony thought process. Seriously, after reading this I feel like an enormous piece of the puzzle just slid into place.

Let's see, how do I put this exactly? You have...a tendency to construct these weird inner narratives for yourself, which you then overlay onto reality, until eventually it becomes reality for you. Once you've settled on a narrative it's nearly impossible to dislodge, no matter what facts you're confronted with. It's probably easier if I demonstrate this with an example.

The attached video is something I found in our webm thread. I've always been perplexed by people who do stuff like this. It's not just the silly self-absorption of posting a video like this, it's the guy's level of delusion. I could see doing something like this to be ironic or silly, but that doesn't seem to be the intent. This guy seems to genuinely think that he looks intimidating. It's amazing to me that anyone's self image could be this far from reality.

You remember when you thought that "glimmerniggers" were invading /mlpol/, and that's why everyone was hating on your Silver Star story? Or when you thought that some guy named HC Legend was following you around with a bunch of proxies? There's a similar delusion at work here:

>Though talking like that would probably get a few people to try reviving the thread out of spite for me. I wouldn't care about their reasons for doing so, and maybe if they read books once in a while they'd discover something in life that can become more important to them than me like literature. I could try to use reverse psychology. But that's too manipulative and manipulation is evil. If I say "I am glad that thread I hate is dead" those who hate me might want to keep the thread alive. But what would they fill it with? More useless "fuck you nigel"posting? I can't see any of them actually trying to better themselves as writers in my absence or even post about writing at all in my absence, because nobody did that in my absence.
This shows that there is simply an enormous gulf between what you think is going on, and what is actually going on.

As far as I can tell, you genuinely believe that the ridiculous nonsensical word-salads you've dumped into every single writing thread we've ever had are meaningful contributions to a discussion about writing. You even seem to believe that you've been carrying the entire writing thread by yourself, and that everyone who tells you to stop monopolizing it with your idiotic blogposts is somehow hindering it.

Poor ol' Nigel. He's just trying to perfect his craft and have a serious conversation about literature, but oh no, the haters just keep on hating. The issue can't possibly be that you, Nigel, are driving everyone insane by constantly dumping your diary entries and random observations about video games into a thread that is supposed to be about reading and critiquing each other's writing. The issue can't possibly be that anons are actually trying to have a serious writing discussion, and are getting really fucking annoyed at the way you keep monopolizing every writing thread and turning it into your personal diary/blogspace. Nope, that can't be it. The issue is that the haters just won't stop hating.

Obviously, the issue can't be that you contribute very little to the writing thread in the way of actual writing, and what few pieces you do contribute show meager progress at best. It can't be that you ask more questions than anyone, but never seem to apply any of the advice you're given. It can't be that the incredibly low quality of your own work never stops you from offering your unsolicited, angry opinions on the work of AAA game developers and other serious professionals, or that your critiques of said professionals contain no substance beyond calling everything "gay" or "leftist" or "gay and leftist." Nope, the issue is that those doggone haters just won't stop hating.

And of course, there is nothing irritating or obnoxious about the absurd levels of arrogance on display in statements like these:
>I need to improve my writing so it can save lives.
>I'm taking on an impossible challenge here for the sake of my people.
>I have people counting on me now. Can't afford to waste time. Can't waste time. Brb working on stuff. I'll make my loved one proud.
>Every fucking year the anti-white programming gets worse. And I'm supposed to counterattack against all of this with a fucking RPG about catching monsters and making them fight, or a fucking board game about sending wizards and knights to kill each other?

Obviously, there is nothing cringeworthy or silly about a guy who can't even master the most basic writing concepts despite having had it explained to him eight ways from Sunday behaving as if the fate of the world depends on his writing. Nope, it's all just a massive hater conspiracy, and poor ol' Nigel did nothing wrong. Maybe HC Legend is back at it with his 7 proxies.

>>359387
>>>/ub/6539 →

There's a reason I compared you unfavorably to Sven earlier. I give him shit about his bad English and poke fun at him sometimes I still get the occasional chuckle remembering that "fishy with no doubt" thing, but I actually have a tremendous amount of respect for that guy. It's not because I think he possesses some amazing talent, nor do I even think I'm in a lofty enough position to evaluate such talent. No, I respect Sven because he does the fucking work. He clearly puts a lot of time and effort into his writing, he asks for serious feedback, and uses the feedback he's given to improve. He probably works harder at writing than I do, if we're being perfectly honest. Moreover, he manages to do all of this without monopolizing the entire goddamn writing thread and turning it into his personal fucking livejournal.

He doesn't go around spouting lofty ambitions like wanting to "save lives" with his writing either; he just wants to improve for the sake of improving. He's been at it for about as long as you have, too. What's more, he shows actual improvement, all while writing in a language he doesn't even speak natively. I have a high respect for anyone who even attempts that, no matter what their output is like. I sure as hell couldn't write a story in Swedish. Actually, I gave it a try once; here's the audiobook:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN1hL9cn7s0

While I'm on the subject, the same goes for the Mexican guy who wrote Rainmetall (I'm assuming these >>359349 >>359359 are him since we don't have that many Mexican flags or EQG posters). I gave him a lot of shit because his story was...basically incomprehensible...but I honestly respect the effort, particularly the effort of writing in an unfamiliar language. I genuinely hope he keeps at it.

I mean, hell, look at this:

>>359349
>Chill out bud. You've been making this sort of questions for some time now. It's only natural some might have grown tired of it. I appreciate you're being active, but there's only so much that can be done to help you. The core issue is that you need to improve your skillz before you can start worrying about writing useful propaganda.
>>359361
>Yeah, this is why I don't engage with his posts anymore, or the once about helping improve in his craft at least. As I said before, I like some of his posts but you know, this is the kind of trash posts you get as replies when you try to help him on these posts. Not that he's never taken advice to heart but in general.
>I have already wasted way too much time on him, I try to stay away as not to waste even more.

These two posts, from Paco and Sven respectively, sum up the essence of my post more succinctly than my post did, including the stuff that clearly went sailing right over Nigel's head the way it usually does. Seriously, Nigel, think about it: two guys who don't natively speak English have better English reading comprehension than an actual English person. Actually, these guys managed to cut to the substance of what I've been saying in a couple of sentences, while I'm sitting here pounding away at my keyboard like...well...like Nigel.

Anyway, do you understand where all of this is going, Nigel? Has any of it finally penetrated the thick fog of the fantasy world you live in, the world in which endless word-vomiting about writing as an abstraction will one day grant you the magical powers you need to write a perfect piece of reverse propaganda, thus liberating you from the need to actually practice writing, if only those dang ol' haters would stop hating?

Look man, I'm getting tired, and I'm sure everyone else is too, so I'll drop the snark. You complain about being given "fortune-cookie advice" instead of specifics, but the problem is that a lot of writing involves concepts that can be understood but not easily communicated. It's like learning to play the drums: there's some basic technical stuff you can have people teach you, and some more advanced technical stuff they can teach you when you get a little better, but the core of it is intuitive and you just have to learn to do it by feel. What you call "fortune-cookie advice" is the closest thing anyone can give you to instruction. Meanwhile you're grousing because you want to play heavy metal but people keep showing you ska riffs.

Trying to teach you how to write has been like trying to teach the drums to someone with no innate sense of rhythm. You make the experience even worse with your shitty behavior. This is a thread full of drummers. We're not necessarily great drummers, but some of us are okay, and we all share a common goal of just wanting to practice and get better. You seem to feel as if that's what you're doing too, but it isn't. You are not only by a wide margin the worst drummer here, you're still struggling with basic hand-and-foot coordination after five years. In and of itself this isn't that bad; if you were just some diligent, hardworking guy who keeps hitting the wall, we'd probably feel some sympathy and would try to help if we could.

That's not you, though. You're not the plucky little Scootaloo that we simultaneously pity and admire, because she always gives 110% even though she'll probably never fly. No. You're the loudmouthed, vainglorious Great-and-Powerful-Trixie asshole who A) sucks worse than anyone, B) annoys everyone with your autism, and C) is physically incapable of shutting the fuck up. You're the guy who doesn't practice but is always asking for pointers on technique. You're the guy who can't even play along with the "learn 2 drum" CD that we all mastered years ago, but who keeps bugging everyone to teach him Neal Peart solos. You're the guy who loudly inserts his opinions on why this or that drummer is gay and/or a leftist into every conversation despite nobody asking. You're the guy--

Whoops, there's that snark again. Sorry about that. Also, there's my old arch-nemesis the character limit. I'll wrap this up in one last post.

>>359388

Anyway, here's the key takeaway you really need to internalize: every writing thread we have on this board, one way or the other, always ends up turning into The Nigel Show. The reason for this is not some mysterious group of haters who follow you around the site trying to bring you down. The reason is (You). And (You) need to stop. And yes, I am aware of the irony of me accusing you of monopolizing the writing threads when I am currently on my fourth post of venting about (You). I am going to finish this up and then I've said my piece and I'm fucking done.

Your problem, Nigel, is that you just don't seem like you're that serious about any of this. You claim to be, but your actions don't back it up. You prattle endlessly about these grand ideas and ambitions that you have: "my Nazi space opera is going to save lives and redpill the normies and I have important work to do and this is an impossible struggle I'm undertaking for the good of my people, and so forth and so on and yada yada yada I love the taste of cock," yet what have you actually produced? To my recollection, three things: Silver "I literally shove bowling pins up my ass" Star, that crazy lion-man thing that was basically just an angrier version of Silver "I love penises more than I love a tall glass of lemonade on a hot summer's day" Star, and this mediocre Twidash piece you just gave us (that you don't seem to have much interest in trying to build upon or even learn anything from). That's it. That's the sum total of your five-year writing effort. Actually, to be fair, you did also post that one greentext about Star Wars that wasn't awful, so I guess credit where credit is due as far as that goes.

I have no idea how much time you spend working on your various writing or game dev projects off site; for all I know it's a lot. However, as far as this thread goes, the ratio of actual writing to diarrhea diary entries is too far skewed in the wrong direction for you to be making these sorts of ridiculous claims:

>The writing thread might keep on fading away forever if I don't draw attention to it somehow.
>I should probably single handedly keep it active by checking on it numerous times per day, replying to any new posts quickly, trying to spark new discussion where there wouldn't normally be any. But I'm too busy to keep doing that.
>I never thought the thread would just go belly-up like that without me around. Jesus.
>Maybe I would draw a lot of attention to the thread if I said "Mwahahaha I am glad that foolish circlejerk of foolish fools has fizzled out and died without me to thanklessly single handedly keep it afloat! Those pseudointellectual AVGN CinemaSins wannabes can suck it! There is more to literary criticism than calling the blue curtains shitty and fetishistic! Anyone can take that same attitude to the greatest of stories and invent things to complain about! You have to ask yourself if you're criticizing media to help creators or just bashing media to hear yourself speak, and if it's the latter you have to make peace with the fact that this is an inherently masturbatory activity motivated by the pursuit of self validation and some people won't find any value in that! If you give criticism in a way that makes the object of criticism not want to listen, that criticism has failed!" but I don't talk like that.
Again, this latest blog entry of yours is an amazingly revealing cross-section of how your mind works.

"I, Nigel, the sperg who has barely written anything, let alone anything that anyone in their right mind would ever want to read, am single-handedly keeping the entire writing thread afloat by taking a massive dump in it two, three, maybe even four times a day. If I didn't mindlessly mash my keyboard every time I remembered something I didn't like about Bioshock II, the /mlpol/ writing community as we know it would cease to exist. I am the only user on this site with the courage to ask the important questions, questions like: 'how come people on writing forums always call me a racist when I tell them that I hate niggers?' If I didn't ask questions like that, then nobody would ask them, and then what would the writing thread even be for? Writing? Pish posh. Oh, but do these pathetic, horsefucking losers have any respect for the noble work I do? No, they just keep telling me to shut the fuck up, on account of how I'm annoying and never say anything interesting or important. Those dicks."

Unless you have somehow completely mastered the concepts of satire and irony, I have no choice but to conclude that the above text is your actual mindset.

This is not only silly, it's downright insulting and unfair to the people who actually use the writing thread the way it was intended, and who actually put serious effort into their writing. If you want to live in some ridiculous fantasy world, where you're some kind of warrior-poet battling the hordes of glimmerniggers and HC Legend proxies and space-jews and whatever the fuck other figments of your imagination you think are standing between you and the completion of your unwritten masterpiece, that's your affair. But for the love of God, please stop using this entire board as your personal blogspace.

Anyway, whatever. Below is a link to a zip file containing every writing book I have an electronic copy of. If you don't like the reams upon reams of useful advice we've given you, maybe you'll find something more to your liking in here. Everyone else can help themselves to these as well.
https://mega.nz/file/2HAG3aDY#ZGymsaaqN8p2l8sY7yjNyiZwOCm5vMDSYuxerGkyH30

That's all I've got. Don't forget to suck my balls.

>>359361
>Anyway, GG. I have written the first part of chapter five of our project and I got it planned out, but it will take some days to finish.
Boss. I'm all over it. I've had a couple of ideas where I think things could possibly go, I'll be curious to see if any of it will work with what you've added.

Also, while I was going through the old thread I noticed this:

>>357376 →
>Oh hey! I've been looking for threads like this one, althugh by the looks of things it seems like you guys alredy have a fair bit of your own writing projects in the proccess already.
>I was hoping that I could offer my old CYOA drafts that I haven't touched in a long time to make into proper stories or maybe even the CYOAs they were meant to be? I'd be happy to post them once there's enough interest shown in them.
>I believe GlimAnon seems to have suggested the idea of publishing the story to FimFiction? I just might do the same too, if no one objects to such an idea.
Somehow I didn't see this at the time it was posted, but I remember you from the movie thread. If you're still around and still interested, feel free to post your CYOAs.

Can anyone tell me why the thread hit page 4 before I posted?

>>359420
Anyone can bump without any content. Stop asking for cookies every time you do a trick.
Last (you) I'll give you, Bongnigger.

>>359420
A better question would be: why does the thread being on page 4 even matter? Currently the oldest thread in the catalog dates back to December and hasn't been bumped since January, and it only has 9 replies. We still have active threads that go back actual years. Spike has trapped on our board since March 1, 2018, and he's not going anywhere anytime soon. The /mlpolit/ thread has been with us since October 19th, 2018, and there's more interesting stuff to read in that thread than anything you've ever bumped one of these threads with. Even the horsepussy thread, which according to the standards of the community is supposed to be on the front page at all times, dates back to July of 2021.

If people don't have anything to add to a thread, they don't post. If an active thread has dropped down a few pages over the course of a week or so, it doesn't mean the thread is dead, it just means that nobody has posted in a couple of days. actual Writing takes effort, and not everyone is in the mood to work on something high-effort every day. So, it stands to reason that thread dedicated to writing might go through periodic doldrums.

I could see making a rescue-bump once it hits page 9 or so if literally no one has posted in that long or if an unusually large number of threads have been made, but even so: what is the purpose of just bumping it with filler content? The word "bump" and maybe a silly image or something would suffice in that case. Making people read a bunch of words that don't serve any purpose beyond bumping a thread is just going to piss them off. Here, watch:

It was high time that I checked into a motel. I had been sleeping soundly for nearly an hour and a half, when I was to be awakened by the sound of snoring. Having checked in alone, you can imagine my surprise, for in the bed next to me was a man who had fallen asleep fully clothed. I got out of my bed and walked to the foot of his. His shirt, shoes, pants...his belt was pulled tight, confining him. I couldn't bear it, so I proceeded to remove his shoes, revealing, to my surprise...the grey dossier. I was not fearful; on the contrary. He needed help and by God that's what I gave him. I reached for the complimentary bucket of ice, and in pouring the ice on the stagnant dress socks a sudden steam began to rise.

Do you feel better for having read that?

I'm going to sage just to be a dick

>>359424
I just thought it was funny that the thread went to page four. It went to page four again, by the way, but then I made this post so it won't be on page four again for a while. Probably. Anyway, I felt like I should try to put into words something that I've been thinking about for a while.

A man burns his steak. His wife comes in and yells about it.
>"You burned your steak you moron, why are you always like this, god damn it you never listen to me, you're hurting my feelings by being like this, I feel I feel me me I I I me me me, you're breaking my heart, muh feelings, your steak is proof you deserve to go to hell, adult professionals aren't supposed to suck like you do holy feckin' shit my guy eat a bag of dicks and die and get AIDS, people like you make me sick, you will never be a man, you will never have a man's ability to cook, you're a nigger for liking your steaks well done when medium rare is objectively the best kind of steak and the only kind that is real literature- I mean real cuisine, you've been at this for too long and you should be a pro by now and you would be a pro if you just listened to me when I tell you how much faggot dick you suck holy shit, god damn it all nobody ever listens to me, now sod off and scour the world to find out for yourself what better chefs than you do better than you and why! This is literally Goofus and Gallant except the ESL guy next door is gallant and you're voldemort! Try again a million times! Surely one of these days you'll improve at your skills by failing the same way enough times! Also why are you not improving? This must be your fault! Eat shit and gay dog dicks you fucking prick! God damn it you never listen, you never listen, you always deflect or whatever the catchphrase is and you never listen!".

The man who burned his steak isn't sure what the signal to noise ratio of that rant is, because he's learned that when his woman starts ranting, it's time to tune out and think about boobs until she looks like she's calmed down. He doesn't really feel like making more steak for his woman. She never liked what he tried to make in the first place, but he trusted her opinion because for the longest time she was the only person he knew who reviewed food.

His roommate comes downstairs and notices the steak.
>"Mate, you cooked your steak for too long at too high a temperature. I get that you want it well done and not medium rare for some reason, but this is fucking charcoal. Next time cook it less. Experiment with that next time, see if that improves your skills."

>"Thanks, man. I'll try it that way next time."

He feels like trying to cook steak again, because he knows what to try next time. He feels somewhat silly now, as if what was said was always that obvious, but he's glad he finally heard it. He feels like cooking steak for him, not for her. He's glad he met someone new who seems to have more of an interest in helping. His roommate doesn't need to demand respect with words and shaming tactics, he obtains respect by being right.

Suddenly, a thought occurs. His roommate doesn't really give a shit about politics. He doesn't vote and doesn't give a shit who rules him. But his wife is supposed to be a nazi who should want her white chef husband with dreams of stardom to improve. Everyone in their nazi book club should want a racist writer to become a better writer instead of constantly putting him down for trying and everyone in their nazi cooking club should want a racist chef to become a better chef instead of constantly putting him down for trying. And yet his wife puts effort into being offended and making a big stink about the work of others, while his roommate puts effort into giving valuable feedback. Despite not having a horse in the race, and not being a fan of racey horse content, or racist horse content, he just helps because he wants to. He is left thinking about that for a while, and why he's talked to his wife less about writing ever since he met another person he can talk to about writing, somebody he enjoys talking to about writing more.

Somebody who doesn't cry "It's nigel! it's nigel!" every time they see a british poster make a thread they don't like (staying silent when it's a thread they do like) and unlike some others in the thread, doesn't yell "shut up, nobody asked!" every time I open my mouth to post anything about writing in the thread that you say is supposed to be about everyone's writing and self-improvement.

I know I changed the genders in this story. It's my girlfriend who I talk to about writing. I'm glad I met her, because it's made me reconsider my relationship with a few people in my life. You remind me of a naggy wife when you lose your temper and feel the need to try to reassert your control over the situation. It's a pain to sort the valuable signal (writing insight) from the noise of how offended you are by what you're reading, how much you can't stand the bad pony literature you constantly read, and how much you wish you weren't reading something aimed at an audience demographic you aren't in. I'm okay with that. I don't resent you for it. It would be extremely hypocritical for me to resent you for being like that because I'm also an amateur writer on the internet with strong opinions. But lately I've been thinking about a lot of things. And I think the reason why I'm not learning anything useful from being yelled at and insulted and eventually reminded I need to seek out the secret of good writing on my own might be because I don't want to dedicate my life to writing fanfiction for a ten year old show about little girl ponies I liked when I was a teenager or getting mad about ponies on the internet forever. I replayed KOTOR recently. That game's still got some relevant philosophical insight to think about, and it made me rethink and rework some stuff in my big philosophical pro-white video game story that has nothing to do with ponies. I don't feel like writing self insert pony fics any more.

>>359564
Well, I was gonna post to GG today but I didn't finish the post. I wanted to discuss my thoughts on our project and how I felt flattered by his kind words in his lastest posts. Very kind c:

But onto you're post:

First, did you even read the post you're replying to? Or why are you bringing up "it was on page four, what a failure!" ? Like, we clearly don't think this is a problem so...

Secondly, you're verison of events is hard to even take seriously. We don't give you constructive advice? Do I even have to mention examples? I also remember myself trying to get you to "talk to me" as in I didn't want to order you do as I wished but more get an insight into why your write they way you do so we could just discuss the merits and cons of different approaches. But you never reply directly to things said, instead you make these strawman versions of posts like this one.

Thirdly, this just reads like more cope. If this stuff is beneath you now, cool, then leave. Are you gonna do this? Doubtful. Where else could you talk about these things? So stop acting like you don't give a shit just because GG didn't like you're story.

Now, don't take this as I want you to leave, I actually appriciate you on many levels so I do care and I'm not embarrassed about that either. However, you clearly you are. Otherwise if you aren't then why talk about how insignificant this whole thread really is but then complain that it isn't on page 1 at all times? I mean if we are literally as you describe us in this thread, you seem to have stockholm syndrome.

But yeah, I'm not gonna take your misrepresenting of this lying down but then again when I think about it not a single person could possibly share interpretation of these events or be convinced by you're version.

I question why I even bother explain any of this. Everyone already knows.

>>359393
Thanks, anon! Although these aren't really CYOAs, they're more like outlines for said CYOAs.
That being said, I'd love to collab with you guys on making it into a story of some sorts, or something similar, because I feel like the ideas behind it are tsories worth telling that not even /mlp/ wants to touch, because it's too "/pol/" or whatever, so I figured this would be the better place to do it.
A quick rundown of the few ideas I have:

>Equi Equis Edit
https://docs.google.com/document/d/131aSuYJZN5nTm4p1p2Fj8cGqHiJ5iZijvP9nybwzDQY/edit
<Looks like Anon’s shenanigans just can’t go on any longer.
<It seemed that for a time, Anon was able to get away with terrorising the non-ponies of Arcadia, a new planned town located within the Ponyville-Canterlot Metro Area.
<The law of the land upheld, Anon is sent away to a disciplinarium (a kind of friendship school dealing with 'troubled creatures') to be “reformed” at the Intermediary of Her Grace the Royal Mare, located at Los Potros in the Far South of Equestria.
<To further aid his “reformation”, a “friend” has also been assigned to help him.
<However, what he learns is that despite the façade, inter-creature conflicts still occur in the form of clandestine rival gangs, which plague the students with fear.
<To make matters worse, ever since Anon’s arrival, tensions among the students have only gotten worse, and now there’s even talk of a race war happening soon.
<Will Anon make it out of the school alive?

>Many Crystal Nights
https://docs.google.com/document/d/14UQU6g3PmkE3wZtl8ZFf2WYUNsUeIn2_Rz4OmNdn_Ys/edit
<In the distant Crystal Empire of ponies under a different flag, a new form of strife unlike any other is about to begin.
<The heir-apparent Flurry Heart has finally taken up the mantle from her mother. Following a second coronation, Flurry Heart rises to become the first Empress of the Crystal Empire, whose announcement has taken the Equestrian world by storm.
<In such tumultuous times, the Empress turns to you, her (most?) trusty chancellor/advisor. While , she is … and.
<The fate of the Equestrian world rests in your hands.

These are all just ideas but I was hoping that someone could make something from one of these or that we could maybe collab together on writing something in this thread? I understand if it's not something that's this thread's taste, but I feel like giving the ideas behind these stories in some form would be a worth a shot.
Hopefully I'll have some sort of satisfactory writing skills to bring the story ideas into proper writing somehow. I just feel like I can't do it alone and need people to keep me in check if the writing starts to go haywire.

>>359564
>I felt like I should try to put into words something that I've been thinking about for a while.
The next time you have this impulse you should reconsider it.

>>359577
Sure, looks interesting. Were you thinking of doing this as a large-scale collab, or did you want to try and primarily write it and have us give thoughts on it as you go?

>>359605
Large-scale collab.
I've tried writing on my own before, it really sucked. FimFic wouldn't accept my dreck.
Still thinking of maybe submitting the whole story on that site under a single pseudonym, though. Not sure if anons here might really like that idea.

>>359606
Well I think if the entire thread is writing the story then we should probably just come up with a collective pseudonym and submit it under that name. Also, I've found hackmd works pretty well for collaborative projects.

>>359685
Really? Maybe you could show me how it works and we can collab on how to put it together! Either as a full-fledged CYOA or a story.
What idea do you want to work on? Anon (or perhaps some other pony) getting sent away to "reform school" to realise racial animosity lingers among the groups, or the whole Empress Flurry Heart saga ordeal?

>>359689
It's pretty simple to use.

https://hackmd.io/

Create an account and then create a new note, and then there's a 'share' button you can use to publish it (it's still editable after publishing). You have the option to give read/write access, and can invite specific users. Anyone who wants to collaborate on this would then post their user name here and you could add it. Mine is glimglam12.

I haven't gone through the docs super-closely on either, but I think "anon gets sent to reform school" is the idea that appeals most to me, but I'd be willing to wait and hear input from anyone else who might be interested in participating before settling on a final idea.

>>359699
>Pricing
I just hope the "Free" options are as versatile to use.
But I'll be sure to add you when I start making the account and document. Hopefully we can all work together to start something interesting.
Question is how to implement a CYOA-like feature if we'll be posting this under a shared pseudonym on FimFiction?

>>359699
Alright, I've added you in, here's the document link:
https://hackmd.io/Tj3DqUnJTHiiH97-fjj
What time will you typically be on, if I my ask?

>>359717
Free version works well enough for collaborating on a text document, not sure if any other features will be required. I've actually never participated in a CYOA before, I might need a quick rundown on what exactly we'll be doing. I was thinking we'd just use hackmd for collaborating and then publish the finished text to FimFiction.

>>359729
I'm actually getting a 404 when I click on it. I think you might have copied the page url, you want to use the link generated by the share button instead.

>What time will you typically be on, if I my ask?
I have kind of an erratic schedule so I can't really make any guarantees about when I'll be on, unfortunately. I'm just sort of on whenever I'm on.

>>359742
Gotcha, here's the new link now:
https://hackmd.io/@2hdDaww3Sda1Qle_6AMRuA/Hk6M4uH12
>I might need a quick rundown on what exactly we'll be doing.
I wasn't sure if you wanted to do a CYOA or make a full-fledged story, but if writing stories is your greater strength, we can do that instead. I've never done a proper CYOA myself tbh.
>I have kind of an erratic schedule so I can't really make any guarantees about when I'll be on, unfortunately.
I guess this one will have to be a story for the long one, then. I'm not a good writer by any means, but hopefully I can make up for it with my storytelling skills... hopefully.

>>359757
Well, you certainly have passion. This is some grade-A autism ;^P. To be clear, I'm impressed by all this worldbuilding. This reminds me of a project I thought of dedicating a thread to. I thought it could be a headcannon thread where the board would come togather to create a worldbuilding such a as: Myths, continents, races, beasts, artifacts, and small stories set in this fanon universe.

So is this gonna be a cyoa or a collab? If collab, how will it be done? Is it in a similar way to mine and GG's collab: https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/SyZdTa3rj
Where one writes a chapter after someone else has written a chapter a then they write a chapter after that and so on.

I can't sadly participate right now, regardless of what it is sadly, because I'll be for some days now.

>>359742
Just and fyi to you GG, but I will not be able to write anything more on my chapter before 20 mars has passed. I kinda got lazy and now I'll be too busy to write anything for a while.
I'll continue my chapter after this date.

>>359757
Alright, since it sounds like we're leaning more towards a collaborative story, here's what I propose:

We do this as an informal collab sort of like what I have going on with the Swede, except instead of a round-robin style thing where one person waits for the other person to finish and post before he starts writing, we just open it up as sort of a free for all. One person needs to write an opening to get the ball rolling. I would suggest (You) (Singapore anon) take a shot at this since it's your idea.

From there, anyone who is following along who wants to add something to the story is free to do so. Anyone who wants to be part of the collab can create an account on hackmd, post their username to the thread, and you can add them as contributors to the document. If for whatever reason an anon doesn't want to create a hackmd account, they can just post whatever they've written to the thread and someone with an account can add it to the document.

The rules are as follows:

>contributors are free to add whatever they like to the story and take it in any direction they please, however no one is allowed to modify anything that a previous contributor has written. If something in the story rustles anyone's jimmies, they are free to retcon it in their own contributions; however, everyone should bear in mind that the same rule applies to their contributions as well.
>everything added to the story is canon, even if it makes no sense or is totally stupid.
>writing style or level of skill is not important. anons can write in whatever format they feel most comfortable. If you prefer to write in greentext, write in greentext. If you want to write formal prose or in screenplay style or anything like that, you can do that as well. the idea here is to just get the story out on paper.
>once we've reached a point where the story feels like it's finished, someone can edit the text into a coherent, flowing narrative. I'd be willing to volunteer for this position if no one else wants it. no core details of the story will be changed, it will just be a matter of correcting grammar and spelling, making the writing style consistent, dividing events into chapters as needed, and generally getting the document into a format that FimFiction will accept.
>once this is done, we can all decide on a pseudonym we want to use. at this point, we will create a FimFiction account and submit the story. Optional: if any anon wants to draw/photoshop us some cover art, we can add that as well.

I think this could turn out to be a fun collab if done this way. We might end up with a really engaging serious story, or we might end up with /mlp/'s Daring Do and the Jungle of Terror. Either way, I think it will be a fun project.

Here are some things for contributors to keep in mind:

>additions to the story are on a first-come, first-serve basis. if you struggle with writing or write slowly, it might be better to just write a couple of paragraphs or a short scene, instead of trying to do something long and complex. bear in mind that the longer you take to write something, the greater the odds are that the document will be modified by someone else while you're working.
>this is an informal project. I will not be applying my usual critical eye to anything that anyone comes up with, and if I end up as the final editor I promise not to erase or modify anyone's contributions beyond what is necessary to edit them into something coherent. however, I will add this one caveat: if I can't understand something, I reserve the right to make judgement calls about what you were probably trying to say.
>the idea here is just to have fun, so no one should stress out too much about whether their contributions are well-polished. Just try to make it coherent enough that the next person working can figure it out.

Anyway, that would be my proposal. If anyone else has any suggestions they would like to add, feel free to do so.

>>359780
>Just and fyi to you GG, but I will not be able to write anything more on my chapter before 20 mars has passed. I kinda got lazy and now I'll be too busy to write anything for a while.
>I'll continue my chapter after this date.
No biggie, take your time. We're not really on a schedule here so there's no yuge rush.

>>359831
Seems like a good starting point.
I'll post them in the doc and maybe modify them when we get there.
Right now though, the details of the "reform school" are a bit unclear on things.
What will the name of the school be? In which part of Equestria is the school in? Different climates means different range of creatures are more likely to appear, with say, Equestria's coasts being the most "creaturally diverse" of them all.
For ideas on what the schools names could be (and locations) I've placed a few examples here, including possible town names to go with:
>School of Peace and Harmony (Hoofs Bay)
>Starlight Academy of Friendship (Our-Town)
>The Royal Harmonium at Buffalo (Buffalo City)
>Twilight Sparkle's Magical School of Friendship (Ponyville)
>Reformatory School for Troubled Ones (Hockham)
>Restitution Academy for the Troubled (Roan Oaks)
>School of Unity Encouragement (Fetlocksburg)
>The Yellow Ribbon Second Chances Academy (Pleasant Meadows)

>>359844
Should add that since we're doing a collaborative story now, I don't think we can really go with naming the character "Anon". I do have ideas for possible placeholders that have an "Anon-like" name to them that we can choose, though:
>Green Hornet
>James/Jamie Hoofkins
>Clover Cookie
>Lucky Clover
>Clover Sage
>Screeching Goof
>Lyla/Lyle Hotsprings
>Midori Sour
>Melonball
>Shamrock Shake
>Asparagus Surprise
>Verdant Mystery
>Alotta Spunk
>Emerald Patina
>Jollygreen
>Rando Mambo

>>359832
Btw thank you for you're kind words you said in this thread and the last one about me. Warms my heart. <3
Gosig is indeed a word in swedish. Should have subtitled the video for you english people tho, I mean I understood but you probably didn't.
>I still remember the "fishy with no doubt" thing
Well, I got bad news for you, buddy, that wasn't me. It was mr Dusker Keaton as you named him. c:

>>359831
Also, are you able to access the document?
I don't seem to see any sign of you in there at the moment.

Here's something short.

---
He had only one love, and it was for a pony.
No one dared to help him, no one tried to.
They just let him rot, until there was nothing left
and then-
when he finally spoiled, and bacteria took over,
when people went sick, as the illness spread,
then they blamed him, pointer their fingers;
putrid sticks of corrupted bone

They claimed justice,
claimed he was a madman,
a lunatic!
Yet, he was no more.
---

It's about an Anon. I hope he found peace, I can't take it out of my mind, I just feel really bad for him.
Was trying to write something serious but that just came, so, well, here it is.

I guess the writefags are busy this time of year, huh?

>>360101
I am but soon I'll be back. c:

>>360101
Sorry, I've had some stuff going on the last couple of weeks. Yes, I am able to access the document now. If I remember correctly a user won't show up on the user list unless they happen to be editing the document at that moment, but they are still able to access it. I'm planning to go through it a little more closely at some point in the near future, I'll see if I have anything to add.

>>359865
>Btw thank you for you're kind words you said in this thread and the last one about me. Warms my heart.
<3

>Well, I got bad news for you, buddy, that wasn't me. It was mr Dusker Keaton as you named him.
lol wow, I guess it's been awhile then. I don't even remember who that is or why I named him that.

>>359986
Without knowing the story behind this, I like it. There's one minor thing:
>pointer their fingers
I'm assuming this is a typo, but I thought I should point it out.

Nice work, I'm sorry about your friend.

>>360101
I come back here like once every 6 months

>>360146
>I'm assuming this is a typo, but I thought I should point it out.
Sorry, I was phone-posting like a rat.
And it wasn't my friend, but I still felt bad for a fellow hoers enjoyer

>>360146
Been a dog's age since I checked /mlpol/. First thread I see is a Nigel thread and see you posting in a writing thread and brightened my dad considerably. Still got some ideas for stories I want to write and hopefully in the future you can check them out. Main one I was thinking of a CMC Trouble Shoes type thing of the main character having to help ponies close to him re discover the meaning of their cutie marks. Wanted it so he's got to help his wife and an old friend from when they were colts and young stallions. Got his wife with a fancy cutie mark and plain name and his friend with a fancy name and plain cutie mark so got one weighed down by the expectations she thinks she has and the other feeling fettered by having such a "boring" cutie mark that he blames for holding him back.

I'll confess I haven't read any in a very long time but would be nice to write a slice of life without any fetish/gore/crossover stuff that focuses on OCs. Like you said in your reviews of classic fanfics most of them aren't very good but I recently read The Star In Yellow and I really liked that one. Though I probably experienced the fic in the most backwards way with listening to the soundtrack of the RDP episode, then watching the episode, then reading the fic. Felt really nice to read an old fic that didn't have to be blatant with the tear jerking like Past Sins, no humans like My Little Dashie, and no crossover/fetish/gore stuff like Fallout Equestria.

>>360146
>I'm planning to go through it a little more closely at some point in the near future, I'll see if I have anything to add.
Oh, please do! I'm honestly not sure what direction to take this story in and I don't want the idea to go to waste, I reckon that getting some form of help around here would be nice.
I'm also hoping that you would be able to address the big details that I feel we must fill before we get to anything, as I don't think we could leave these details blank before we continue with the story:
>>359844
>>359845
Here's to hoping I hear from you soon! I'll look forward to seeing what ideas you have to take the story in.

>>360146
I'm back at writing again. Won't manage anything today but hopefully I could get a like a lot done by tomorrow. I'm working on it anyway.

You could say you won't have to wait too loooooong. Heh heh heh.

You like criticizing bad fanfiction, right? When Ian Flynn was much younger, he wrote this.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7bHbo4aKjSE

>360868
That belongs elsewhere.
>Crafting and beta-reading is what we do here, any critique of literature not made by a guy submitted for this thread should be incidental; it should be when you —as a beta-reader of fics posted ITT— make a comparison between the fic your reviewing and some other story for the sake of demonstrating your point, whatever it is.

>This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph.

>360868
Nigel plz leave

>>359064
Question, does this writefag thread also include writing for songs (specifically parodies relating to an /mlpol/-ish nature)?

>>360209
I'm going to try doing something on it this week, I've been rather lazy lately and haven't been working on much of anything. I need to get the ball rolling again.

>>360475
Awesome, look forward to reading it.

>>360868
I'm not sure who Ian Flynn is, according to the video and to Wikipedia it sounds like he's written some Sonic the Hedgehog comics and not much else. Apart from someone heavily invested in the Sonic fandom, I'm not sure who would have even heard of this guy, let alone would care about some cringe fancomic he wrote eons ago. As to the comic itself, it's hard to form a judgement from this video. It's a very quick, top-level summary and I'm not familiar enough with the Sonic universe to really follow what's going on. I'd have to see the actual comic to form an opinion, and I don't think the subject matter would have a broad enough appeal around here to justify the effort. I'm not really sure why you thought this was worth posting.

Also, this >>360872 and this >>360925

>>360978
It's more of a thread for fiction, but I've seen song parodies posted elsewhere on the board. A song parody thread could be a lot of fun.

>>361017
I hope you still want to continue our collaboration.
Will work on it the comming days hopefully I can get it out soon. c:

>>361377
For shizzle, I'm all over it.

>>361427
Niiice!

Btw, GG would u review this >>361402 → piece I wrote in the Anonfilly thread. I as kinda proud of it but nobody seemed to care so I just want some attention, plz :'C

Alright, so I've been teasing a rewrite/continuation of this old greentext for literal years now, and it's probably time to either shit or get off the pot. So, I went ahead and wrote the first chapter the other night.

https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/S1pk1skX3

I have completely forgotten most of the story, so I'm just rewriting it one bit at a time using the archived green as an outline. I'll probably just be doing revisions of it as I go, but I figured I'd post the rough here as I work on it, since people on this site have been asking about this story for awhile now. I'm not sure if I still have the notes I wrote up ages ago for the second arc I was planning, but either way I think I can remember basically where I wanted to go with it once I run out of green. This will basically be a rewrite of the original plus a continuation/conclusion of the story.

Comments/suggestions/input appreciated. Thanks for reading.

>>361582
Sorry, I missed this post somehow. I'll have a look at it.

>>361017
>>360209
Also sorry, I'm still procrastinating on your thing, but I will try to do something with it soon.

>>361402 →
>>361582
Just going to put my notes here so I don't hog space in the Anonfilly thread.

Overall not bad. Other than the usual ESL stuff the dialogue is good, it flows naturally and feels like genuine conversation. The behaviors and speaking patterns are appropriate for the characters being used (Fluttershy sounds and acts like Fluttershy, RD sounds and acts like RD).

There are a few things I noticed:

>The submarine to the seapony wonderbolts leaves port in a hour and I'm not gonna suba-dive into Kraken's Vill,
I think I get the general idea here, but "seapony wonderbolts" is somewhat ambiguous. Are these two taking a submarine to visit the Seapony Wonderbolts themselves, or are they going to watch a performance that these Wonderbolts are putting on? I suspect the latter, but you may want to clarify. Also, Seapony Wonderbolts should be capitalized. Also, "scuba" is misspelled.

>You don't think I can't manage being alone for a few days?
This is an awkward double-negative. It should either read "You don't think I can manage?" or "You think I can't manage?"

>face-hoofed
I've never been a fan of this term, but I've pretty much given up on trying to discourage people from using it.

>Cya' you mom!
This is very, very awkward. "Cya" is a contraction of "See ya," so what Anon is basically saying here is "See ya, you mom!" Even though it clearly isn't what you meant, in this context it feels like Anon is using the word "mom" as an insult. You should probably just go with "See you, Mom!" or "C'ya, Mom!" Also, you put the apostrophe in the wrong place. In contractions like this, the apostrophe usually goes in the place where the two abbreviated words are joined. In this case, "C" is an abbreviation of "see" and "ya" is an abbreviation of "You", so the apostrophe would go in between those two words.

>cacoons
Cocoons.

>As Flutttershy behind scraps across the floor
As Fluttershy's behind scrapes.

There are a few other minor grammar and spelling issues here but I won't harp on them too hard. Again, overall, this is pretty good.

>Remember that if you need anything, Discord is next door in another dimension!
This is a good line, I like this.

The main issue overall is that it's a little unclear what the purpose of the scene is. I'm not sure if this is something you are planning on continuing or if you wrote it as just a standalone, but the ending makes it feel as if the story ought to continue. If this is just intended as a short vignette, the open ending makes it feel unresolved, and it's not really clear what the scene is meant to convey. It's a cute little slice of life moment, but it doesn't really feel like much is going on; it's just Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash leaving Anon home alone with the bunny for the weekend.

There's not really enough "meat" in here for this to stand on its own. However, if it's meant as the opening to a longer scene you intend to continue (or if it wasn't meant to be a complete scene, and you were just writing it as dialogue or character interaction practice), it's handled pretty well. Either way, you could definitely spin this into something.

>>361846
Thanks for the review. I really appriciate it.
My chapter is comming along slowly but steadily.

>>361934
No problem, always happy to help.

>>361790
Two more chapters added:
https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/S1pk1skX3

The chapter divisions are probably not permanent. So far, I've been adapting each original green post 1:1 as its own chapter, with each chapter balancing to about 1200 words or so. I feel like I remember having some pacing problems when I was writing this originally, so I'm not sure if that format will continue to make sense going forward. Most likely I'll just keep writing numbered "chapter" sections and figure out how to stitch them together once I have more of it adapted.

>>362214
>Pic
Kek

The poetry of shitposting by Anon for Anon. Hope that they give you some cheap laughs!! Not MLP related just want to share my work with you all. It's also on AmaZOG if you wanna support me. Applejack is my favorite btw

files.catbox.moe/4s8yl4.pdf
files.catbox.moe/f21v69.pdf
files.catbox.moe/82sced.pdf
files.catbox.moe/irz98h.pdf

One day I will return...

GG, the chapter is sadly not finished yet. However, I will post what I have here so far and that wwon't change either so you chave something to look forward to or something.

I really like collabing with you and I feel really bad over my inablitiy to perform. I will spend next week and on trying to finish this. It techinically should a simple matter to finish during that time.

Below is what I have done so far:

>>363284
Filly-X-Flurry Ch. 5

Rose pettles on the floor and swirling lines of smoke from lit candles gave the otherwise dark room its cozy atmosphere. A heavy scent of sweat and other such odors filled the air. Nonny lay spooned and held in an air-tight embrace by a mare with a sea-green coat.

Nonny smiled contently (plenty pleased with herself). Around her mouth red lipstick kisses were planted.

Her ear twitched as she heard the creaking of a door being opened. She opened her eyes and saw the one pony she didn't want to find her in this position: Her mother, Bon Bon.

She flailed with her hooves and tried to distance herself from the pony behind her as if that would extriciate herself from the situation.

”Mom! It's not what it looks like!” Anon shouted while bringing her hooves up to protect herself.

Bon Bon looked as if she was on the verge of tears. She inhaled sharply.

”How can it not be what it looks like, Nonny?!” Bon Bon wailed.

Nonny hung her head.

”I'm sorry.”

”You expect me to forgive you after this?”

Anon's head dipped even lower.

”Not until you do one-hundred push-ups. Attention!” Bon Bon said.

”What?” Anon looked up in surprise.

”You dare to speak back to me, private? You failed abortion!”

Anon immidiately stood up straight and saluted.

”Now march! Hut two three four. Hut two three four...” Bon Bon pointed away with a powerful hoof.

Anon jumped off the bed and started trotting in a circle.

As she did this, she heard the sounds of hoofsteps getting louder and louder. She turned around. Lyra sneaked passed her, out the door.

She caught something in her peripheral, in the dark corner of the room. A large, dark silhoutte was there. What seemed like a midnight blue curtain billowed to the side of it and glittered like twinkling stars.

Pomf!

Suddenly, she found herself on her back, ontop of the bed. Her mother straddled her. She clasped her face with her hooves and stared softly into her eyes. Something Anon thought was strange since it was a quirk Bon Bon did to show motherly affection, not something you expect her to do after you just cucked her.

However, her eyes suddenly turned cold and she whispered in and unusually haughty voice.

”To think you'd leave yourself open like this? No locks. No alarms. No traps. No counter-measures. You really are just a foal, aren't you? I could so easily kill you. Right here. Right now.”

Anon felt as if there was a hungry pit in her stomach ready to shallow her whole.

”Mom, wha... What are you saying?”

It was as if she'd hallucinate the whole episode because her mother's eyes melted and regained their softness as if they never been anything but. Her face shone with the warmth that she rarely shown but that made Anon feel so beloved.

”I told you, Nonny. From the first time you asked me to teach you, that the life of a S.M.I.L.E. agent was a balance act on the edge of a knife. You can't relax now, you're on a mission. Don't. Underestimate. The danger. Stay. Razor. Sharp... And come home.” Her mother pleaded.

”Mom...”

”Now wake up! Wake up, my filly.”

The world around Anon seemed to be collapsing.

-----

>>363285

Anon jerked awake and her gaze darted around till it locked with a pair of yellow eyes. For a moment, she thought it was a predator but then she saw that it was just a pegasus.

”Woah, you're a deep sleeper,” said the pegasus. ”Breakfeast is ready and set in dining room. I was ordered to fetch you.”

The corners of her mouth curved upwards like devil horns and she looked down at Anon with half-lidded eyes.

Anon blinked a few times at the pony, then it hit her.

”You're the maid from-” She began but stopped and took in her surroundings. The room was striped from the floor to the wall in the color of bright sunlight falling in from the tall windows to her left. When she saw the colossal grapefruit painting at the otherside of the room, the memories of yesterday all rushed back to her.

”Yes, I'm Cloud Wrangler, one of the Crystal Palace's personnel. I think we saw each other briefly both here and in dining hall yesterday,” Cloud Wrangler said with a bit too wide smile and half-lidded eyes.

Cloud Wrangler wore the same black and white maid outfit from yesterday. Beneath the fabric, her fur was purple and her mane and tail were wine-gummy red. Her long mane was tied into a bum on the back of her head but not so tight that she didn't have any fringe. Two curtains of bangs obscured her face, her right one cover barely anything of her face while she could almost hide her eye behind the left one. Her tail was also done in a bum, which made her look a bit like a rabbit. She had stuck some of her own feathers into the bum on her head.

Anon started to push the blanket off her and sit up on the edge of the bed but quickly got a unsolicited help from the maid. She tossed the blanket off her and the helped Anon up to a sitting position with her wing.

”Uhh... Thanks. But I can manage myself,” Anon said and gave a polite smile towards the maid.

She had expected the maid to pull away but instead she used her feathers to squeeze her. Anon turned to look at the mare to find her staring right at her.

They just sat there staring at eachother. It felt like an eternity. Anon pulled her gaze down, into her own lap.

”Yeah, I can feel that.” Cloud dragged her feathers along Anon's neck, lingered there for a but a moment; then continued down over her shoulder; and then onto her back before pulling away. ”You don't look like much. But you got some tough muscles underneath all this... Absolutely, lovely furrrr. Hmmm... Like a little warthog, you are. Oink oink. Oink oink.”

Anon faced her again. Cloud's facial expression almost seemed sultry to Anon.

Is she hitting on me? Wondered Anon.

Anon blushed.

”But,” said Cloud, still with a coy smile on her lips, ”I kept you too long. Go, the filly princess is waiting. I'll do your bed in the meantime.”

”Sure,” said Anon and jumped off the bed before speed-walking out of there.

>>363286

Breakfeast (was) had been a pretty formal affair. Flurry seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of bed. She spared Anon only a glance before feasting upon her meal. Her parents had given Anon a quick exchange on the courses she'd be attending and that the litteratur for the subjects had been purchased for her. After breakfeast, Anon placed those books into her saddlebag and brought it to school, much to Flurry's dismay.

They were driven through crystal streets, passed prestine crystal buildings, by a crystal carriage.

Flurry glared out her window and Anon felt like she ought to follow her example by looking out hers instead of trying to start a conversation.

Another dream of her, huh? Anon thought to herself. That's the second night in a row.

She felt bad. She wondered why she even felt this way towards Lyra. Was it because the obvious relationship that her mother had with the mare had effect her views on other females, or was it because Lyra liked to affectionally play-wrestle with her. She was ashamed to admit it but what she enjoyed with their little tussles was not the competition but the closeness to her mother's mare. One thing was for sure, she was glad no one else was prived to her dreams.

But it wasn't the weirdest dream she'd had: Once she dreamt of being one of those mythical creatures Lyra was so obsessed with, a male one at that. Yes, she had confirmed this in the dream.

The crystal empire was not what Anon had expected. The train ride had been a long trip, and she still slept throught half of it, through desolate snowland with only a only few high notes: A big lake; a tunnel through a mountain chain; a forrest; and a big town, called Pine N' Tow. They had passed by some hamlets near the tracks before (alongtracks?) that town.

So when she arrived at the train station and felt the jewish weather on her back, her expectations of the Crystal Empire being a cold-ass place, had been vindicated thus far. But as she followed Flurry into the city, the warmer it had gotten. Flowers had no problem growing in the garden of ponies, she'd noticed. The heat peaked at the palace, where it felt like it was summer. She had no idea why.

Flurry still seemed mad. Anon didn't know if there was some reason for this or if it was just... normal.

Anon realized that they had arrived at Crystal Private Acadamy when she saw horde of old foals and young adult ponies streaming in towards a building complex with a tower in the middle of it with big clock on it. It was eight o'clock.

They were driven off the main path and the carriage parked in a secluded area near the complex' courtyard.

Flurry turned over to Anon for the first time during the trip and said, ”Don't talk. Just follow.”

With that, they stepped out of the carriage. Anon followed Flurry through a garden with tree-colonnades, colorful flowers, and small ponds before they arrived at the complex' courtyard with the rest of the crowd of ponies. There they found a pair of fillies their age sitting on a bench chatting.

As they saw Flurry, one stood up and raised a hoof high up into the air to greet her. The other remained seated but gently wave a hoof at her.

Suddenly, the frown Flurry had woren all morning flipped upside down as she saw the pair, despite herself it seemed.

>>363286
An artist's rendition of how Cloud Wrangler looks like.

page 4 again lmao, Nigel would be reeeeeeeeing right now if he wasn't off somewhere banging his imaginary gf

>>363284
>>363285
>>363286
>>363287
>>363288
Anyway, sorry I didn't catch this sooner. I've been out of town visiting family and whatnot for the past couple of weeks and just got home a few hours ago. I haven't been paying much attention to the site haven't put in much work on any of my projects, either. Your chapter looks pretty good so far, I will give it a more thorough read tomorrow morning when I'm less tired.

>I really like collabing with you and I feel really bad over my inablitiy to perform.
I'm too classy to even make a joke here.

Seriously though, don't beat yourself up. It will be finished when it's finished; we're not on a deadline here, and it's not as if I don't also procrastinate on this stuff.

Also, as a more general update, I haven't abandoned the Dale thing for anyone who is still reading and interested, and will be resuming work on it forthwith.

>>363821
Phew. I made it in time just a half year later. YES! ^^

But here it is, the fifth chapter in our collab story:
https://hackmd.io/y9B5rT9lRm-Ek5J5Zmcsww

Also, I took the liberty to give the chapters names as you can see: https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/SyZdTa3rj
If you want to change your chapters' names, then feel free.

P.s. Need a new note due to word limit.

>>364950
Actually, it wasn't half a year later but it was some months.

>>364950
>>364951
Oh, rad, welcome back. I've been on a bit of a hiatus myself. I will give this a thorough read later this evening and will try to start on my segment this week.

>>364958
I should have told you this when I posted my latest chapter but I was too lazy.
It's not a big deal but just fyi:
1. I never named Flurry's two friends because I thought I give you the honor^^
2. I forgot to describe Rave Smite's appearance beyond that she's white. I can't find a better version of the image right now but she's suppose to look like pic rel, however, you cando whatever you want with you're chapter so if you feel like you got a better idea go for it.
3. I wanted to say that I have tried to keep the characterization of Flurry consistent with ch.2 (ur first ch. and my fave of them all, btw) but I may not have been successful in that regard. So uhh.. what I wanted to say was to write what you think makes sense or intresting and kinda disregard what I write. I wasn't trying to move away from your characterization of her on purpose if you feel that she's out of character now, I just couldn't do any better.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I remember you writing something forever ago, about ch 4, that you weren't sure where to take the story so you added things to the mix instead, and I guess I just wanted to say that it's been great so far what you have written so you don't need to worry about that. Whatever you write will be fine oWo

>>365190
Also, huh?
I just realized. Private Crystal Academy sounds an awful lot like Crystal Prep Academy. Was that what you were going for? If so, I totally missed it.
Did I miss an opportunity to involve Lemon Zest into this story? Then again, she's suppose to be in Sunset Shimmer's age so she wouldn't be a school filly at the same time as Flurry.
Maybe she could be an artist that Flurry really likes or something ^^

>>365191
>I just realized. Private Crystal Academy sounds an awful lot like Crystal Prep Academy.
Well, it's the kristall empire after all. Have a Zest 4 U.

>>365190
>I never named Flurry's two friends because I thought I give you the honor^^
I will see what I can come up with for them. I used to suck at coming up with pony names, but since the Past Sins thing I feel like I've gotten better at coming up with silly names for OCs and throwaways.

>I forgot to describe Rave Smite's appearance beyond that she's white. I can't find a better version of the image right now but she's suppose to look like pic rel, however, you cando whatever you want with you're chapter so if you feel like you got a better idea go for it.
I think your visual works fine, I'll go ahead and use that as the basis for her.

>I guess what I'm trying to say is that I remember you writing something forever ago, about ch 4, that you weren't sure where to take the story so you added things to the mix instead, and I guess I just wanted to say that it's been great so far what you have written so you don't need to worry about that. Whatever you write will be fine oWo
Groovy, I will continue to have fun with it.

>>365191
>I just realized. Private Crystal Academy sounds an awful lot like Crystal Prep Academy. Was that what you were going for? If so, I totally missed it.
Was I the one that established Private Crystal Academy as Flurry and Anon's school? I thought that was something that you put in there pretty early on. It's hard to remember lol, we've been doing this for awhile now. I think I'm actually going to go back and read through the entirety of everything we have so far just to make sure I don't accidentally introduce any contradictions.

>Did I miss an opportunity to involve Lemon Zest into this story? Then again, she's suppose to be in Sunset Shimmer's age so she wouldn't be a school filly at the same time as Flurry.
I see no reason why we couldn't Zest this thing up a little.

Do you think that having a specific in universe resistance to arcane magical arts is too much a gimme?
Like for example I have a setting where treated leather is fairly common place and one of the properties of treated leather is that its hard for purely arcane magic to handle it.
So for example, if you tried to grab a piece in a telekinetic grip it would be like trying to grab a piece of wet soap, A bolt of force would splash harmlessly off of it, its incredibly difficult to transmogrify and so on.
However using more natural forms of magic like summoning a fireball or flinging a stone very hard with magic, or icing over it would work as youd expect it.

Why does my work become this when I paste it?

https://ponepaste.org/9101

>>365338
I don't see any issue with this rule. A particular physical substance is resistant to a particular kind of magic, but other kinds of magic work fine on it. It's not much different from actual rules that exist in the real world, for instance rubber providing protection against electrical shock, or sulfuric acid being unable to dissolve glass.

The main thing with rules like this is that you want to make sure that any rule you establish is followed consistently and logically. An in-universe rule only becomes a problem if you're abusing it to give your characters unrealistic advantages or are coming up with silly workarounds when the rule becomes inconvenient.

If you give your character a treated leather vest to protect against a particular sort of magical attack, then those sorts of attacks shouldn't work against her. However, it probably stands to reason that a rule like this would be common knowledge, so you'd want your other characters to take this into consideration as well. Let's say your protagonist, we'll just call her Mare A, is wearing treated leather armor and is facing off against a band of villains that includes a spellcaster. Since magic is his profession, the spellcaster is going to be aware that purely arcane attacks won't be effective against this character, so if he has other forms of magic at his disposal he's probably going to use those. If Mare A is facing off against an inexperienced spellcaster, or the properties of treated leather are not commonly known for whatever reason (maybe it's an uncommon material in this part of the world), then this might give Mare A enough of an advantage to win the fight, even if the spellcaster is more powerful than she is. It works like that.

>>365344
No idea. My best guess is that it has to do with whatever writing program you're pasting from. Maybe you think you're copying the text, but you're actually copying a string reference or something. It's impossible to answer without knowing more information. Try pasting it into Notepad first and see what happens, if you get the same result it's probably something to do with your writing software. Otherwise it might be an internal issue with Ponepaste's software, but I don't think that's likely as I've never encountered this issue, and I just tested their site and it worked fine:
https://ponepaste.org/9102

>>365351
Pasting into notepad worked. I was pasting from Wordpad.

https://ponepaste.org/9103

This is a short original story with a political message.

>>365358
>This paste has been removed by the moderation team.
I'm now morbidly curious what it was, since Ponepaste is pretty lax on moderation by design, and I don't think I've ever had anything of mine get deleted even "Twilight Sparkle Takes a Shit" is still up there.

>>365359
You've got to be shitting me. It was Unlisted! This is the only place I posted the link. How could it be censored?

So what site should I use if I can't trust that site?

>9101
>9102
>9103
Didn't know ponepaste was ded.

>>365365
Well, apparently you can attach a .txt file to your post here, so there's always that option.

>>365378
huh, this is actually pretty cool, I didn't realize you could do this. Clicking on it just opens the text in a browser tab, too, no need to download, quite convenient for plain text. I might start using this for posting drafts and whatnot from now on.

Here it is.

>>365378
Well, then I'm testing this too.

>>365211
Aww, thanks.

>>365278
Sounds good. ^^

Was I being too on the nose when I named the place Westfall?

>>365380
Well, at least compared to the other selections you've given us, this is...not entirely terrible. It has some problems, but at the very least it's legible, stays more or less on point, and doesn't weight itself down with excess details or tangents. Moreover, you managed to submit it to us without going off on a twenty page rant about Sonic the Hedgehog, so nice job there as well.

Here are some brief observations:

>Thomas's once regal silver hair that had once cascaded down his shoulders was now cut short and dyed black.
The word "once" is used twice in rapid succession here; this kind of repetition should be avoided. The description of his hair as being formerly regal is also a little unclear. How exactly was his hair regal? I don't know, but it's probably not a detail that's worth delving into. I'd probably just cut that bit out and simplify the sentence:
>Thomas's silver hair, that had once cascaded down his shoulders, was now cut short and dyed black.
Just stating that his hair has been cut and dyed is enough of a clue that he was probably compelled to do this for some reason, and the reader will likely pick up on it. Moreover, you clarify a few paragraphs later that the family has to hide their natural hair color to avoid drawing orcish attention, so it's unnecessary to point it out here.

>His name was Thomas, and his heart was burdened with anger and frustration, yet he had to maintain a facade of compliance to protect his daughter, Elise.
At this point you've already established that the character's name is Thomas, and you've referred to him by this name multiple times. Telling us that "his name was Thomas" is completely redundant here.

>It was hard for him to remember a time when those bright, cerulean eyes were wide with curiosity, focused on her books when he wasn't telling her stories before bed. Now they were tired, cold, dulled. Her golden hair cascaded down her back like a radiant waterfall, shimmering with every movement, as though rebelling against the oppressive bleakness of the world around her.
+5: your writing is noticeably clearer, more focused, and easier to read than in other selections you've given us.
-5: you've got some purple prose issues going on here. It's prevalent throughout most of the text, but I highlighted this section as an example. Referring to "cerulean eyes" or hair cascading "like a radiant waterfall" will usually make readers roll their eyes, cerulean or otherwise. Dial it back a bit.

>The room they found themselves in was a stark contrast to the ethereal beauty of its inhabitants.
Are these two characters ethereally beautiful? It sounds like they would be in their natural state; however, you've also made it clear that they have been forced to cut and dye their hair and dress up in ragged clothing. Just at this moment, "ethereal" probably doesn't describe them very well, and they likely do a better job of blending into their surroundings than this passage would suggest.

Also, you've clarified that the room they are in is their apartment, where the two of them live. Even if this is just temporary housing, it's still their home, so it's inappropriate to say that they "found themselves" here. The statement "<character name> found himself in <location>" is usually reserved for occasions when a character arrives in an unfamiliar place, sometimes by unfamiliar means. For instance, a character who goes binge drinking in Mexico one night might suddenly find himself in an unfamiliar bathtub with a kidney missing. However, if the same character were sitting at home with his daughter, he wouldn't find himself in his apartment, he'd just be in his apartment.

>Against one wall, a cracked mirror reflected their weary forms, distorting their features, as if symbolizing the shattered lives they led under the oppressive regime. A threadbare rug lay in the center of the room, its once vibrant colors faded to a dull, lifeless gray.
I have the same comments about the overall tone of this story that I have about the purple prose: it's not necessarily bad, but you really need to dial it back a few notches. By this point you've sufficiently established that the room is dreary, so you don't need to describe every dreary curtain or dreary mirror or dreary teacup that resides in the dreary room.

>The flickering candle cast dancing shadows across their faces, reflecting the struggle and sacrifice etched into their expressions.
I've heard it said that in the glory days of the old British Naval Empire, literary-minded sailors would be scourged and keelhauled for writing sentences like this.

>Elise was seated at her table, poring over her history textbook filled with this decade's version of the government's revisionist lies.
What is the timeframe of this occupation, exactly? Earlier you mention that Thomas can still remember a pre-occupation era, but here you suggest that the occupation has been going on for decades. A couple of paragraphs later, he tells his daughter, who is thirteen, that he learned similar lies when he was in school. If he has any recollection of the pre-occupation era, it would have to be a very early memory. You have to be careful with details like this.

>"Like the rest of this country, it was built around 400 years ago by Moon Elves fleeing from tyrannical despots. People once called Westfall the most beautiful place in the world. They called it The City of Life and Love. Hard to believe, looking at it now. But then, just 200 years ago, the Orcs came."
Couple of things here. First, is this city called Westfall or Southfort? My best guess is that Southfort is maybe a neighborhood or a district within Westfall, but you refer to the same area by two names and don't clarify. Second, an addendum to my comment above: if the Orcs came 200 years ago, unless Moon Elves are particularly long-lived, it's impossible for Thomas to have any direct memory of a pre-Orc time period.

>>365484

>Trust me, it's worse in Westfall today. Orcs spread like a fungus, and their awfulness grows like a weed if left unchecked. The only good Orcs are only good until they stop being afraid of what happens if they stop being good Orcs. Orcs say they've never done anything wrong and they're treated like criminals everywhere they go. But Orcs are treated like a bioweapon by the Goblins who bring them here to use against us. Anything to keep the workers down. It all happened just a hundred years ago... There was a 17 year old girl named Sophie.
You're all over the place here. I'll try to break some of this down.

>The only good Orcs are only good until they stop being afraid of what happens if they stop being good Orcs.
Not only would this terrible sentence earn you an additional keelhauling and flogging from the once-proud British Naval Empire, it's not even clear what you're trying to say. What is a good Orc, how does one distinguish good Orc behavior from bad, and, most significantly, what happens when a good Orc stops being good? Is "goodness" in this context defined by an Orc's behavior in regards to other Orcs, or to Moon Elves?

>Orcs say they've never done anything wrong and they're treated like criminals everywhere they go.
They're treated like criminals everywhere they go? I thought they were supposed to be in charge here, and that it was the Moon Elves who were being treated like criminals.

>But Orcs are treated like a bioweapon by the Goblins who bring them here to use against us.
Now there are Goblins? Where did these guys come from? Unfortunately, we never get to find out, because they are never mentioned again. The entire power structure in this setting is very difficult to figure out.

>Anything to keep the workers down.
Wait, what?

>It all happened just a hundred years ago...
I thought it happened two hundred years ago? Wait a minute...what happened 100 and/or 200 years ago, exactly? The Elf invasion, or Orc invasion, or whatever it was? Or are you introducing a new topic here?

>There was a 17 year old girl named Sophie.
Wait, who? Isn't this guy supposed to be teaching his daughter about the true history of Westfall?

Anyway, from here things begin to go off the rails. Apparently, this Sophie character was nearly raped by an Orc, and yada yada yada the Orc got off with only a light sentence. A bunch of Moon Elves showed up at the jail to protest, and things go south from there.

>While the Moon Elves were waving signs and protesting peacefully and getting nowhere, as you cannot appeal to the better nature of naturally evil creatures like Orcs, a gang of Orcs showed up with bows and started shooting at the Moon Elves. Hurling arrows, axes, knives, insults, accusations of pedophilia and insanity and incest and dog-fucking, the usual nonsense. We Moon Elves endured it at first, and then we shot back with our bows. Warning shots, at first, but they kept attacking, so we shot one of them in the arm, and the rest scampered away like rats and left him to bleed out. When the other Orcs heard about this they went berserk and spread the news. It was time for an Kil'Gragthar.
At this point I have completely lost track of what the fuck is supposed to be going on. All I know is that this girl is probably getting an F on her homework.

Anyway, it's pretty muddled, but I think I have a basic idea of what's being said. 100 years ago, this girl Sophie was raped by some Orcs, a bunch of Moon Elves protested the light sentence he was given, a fight ensued, and the Orcs rioted. At some point after this, the Orcs decided they wanted this somewhat embarrassing incident scrubbed from their history. I guess.

>"Cold lava? But that's impossible! Lava is rock when it gets hot enough to melt. Lava can't be cold without becoming rock and ceasing to be lava."
Does this girl have autism?

>The Orcs started telling people Westfall was built by Orcs for Orcs despite the best efforts of evil envious cackling moustache-twirling puppy-kicking Elves getting in their way for no real reason, until one day we decided to go over there and start killing them en masse over two days for no apparent reason, and then we left survivors alive for some reason.
All I have to say about this sentence is that you are really, really fortunate not to have lived during the glory days of the Old British Naval Empire.

>Funny how the only functional Orc cities exist in Orc fantasies and Orc lies, or rely on Elves to function and stop functioning when too many Orcs take important positions from Elves, isn't it?
The problem with Thomas's rhetorical question here is that the reader doesn't have enough information to understand what's being inferred. So far we've established that Westfall was originally an Elf city, and that Orcs took over about 200 years ago. However, beyond that, we don't know very much about the Orcs. Do they have functional cities? The implication seems to be that they don't, but if they were able to organize an invasion of this Elf city, establish a government and rule it for 200 years, they must have some level of competency.

>>365485
Anyway, to sum it up:

Like I said, this is better than anything you've submitted here before, so good job on the improvement. That said, there are some problems.

As far as writing and mechanics, you basically go in two directions. On the one hand, you have the early narrative portions, where you're describing ethereal, cascading golden hair and cracked, depressing grey walls. Your problem here is a tendency to veer into purple prose: you're just trying way too hard to make your writing sound elegant.

Once the dialogue begins, you have the opposite problem. The portions where Thomas is explaining things to his daughter are closer to your usual writing style, in that it reads like you were just typing whatever popped into your head without bothering to polish it, or even just read back over it to see if it made any sense. Thomas speaks in long, angry sentences that confuse more than they clarify.

The overall structure of the story consists of a single scene that mostly focuses on a conversation between a father and his daughter. This is another area where you show improvement. Although the story is a little too dialogue-heavy, and you still have problems with dumping information onto the reader via large block paragraphs spoken by characters, the overall structure is decent, and I appreciate you confining yourself to a single scene.

However, I'm not sure what the reader is supposed to take away from this story. It's clear that these characters live in a world where their race is being oppressed by a hostile invading race, and that there is a complex history behind how this situation came about. However, we don't really learn much about how this came about, or where we can expect things to go.

Your setting is murky and strange. For one thing, there are the naming issues: you begin by calling the place Southfort, and from there on refer to it as Westfall, without ever bringing up Southfort again. Did the Orcs rename the place when they took over? Is Southfort a neighborhood or a district within Westfall? We don't know, and you never tell us. If you're not going to clarify this detail, it would probably be better to just pick one name and stick with it from start to finish.

Also, the mix of modern elements with fantasy elements is unnerving and isn't handled well. You mention things like fluorescent lights and electricity, and we learn that Thomas has some kind of office job and drives to work (presumably in a car, or something like a car) every morning. However, you also have Orcs and Elves shooting at each other with bows and arrows and brandishing axes and knives. What sort of a place am I supposed to be imagining here? Is this a basically modern city that just happens to be inhabited by fantasy creatures? Or is this a proto-medieval fantasy world that just happens to have invented some more complicated technology?

The political situation is also weird. You establish that Westfall and/or Southfort was built by Elves 400 years prior to the events of the story. At some point, it was conquered by Orcs who, despite being portrayed as a race of uncivilized savages, somehow managed to establish a government and rule for 200 years. The relationship between the subjugated Elves and the ruling Orcs is unclear as well. During the rape incident, the presumably Orcish judicial system handed out a light sentence to an Orcish offender, and the Elves took issue with this. The Elves stage a protest at the jail, are confronted by Orcs, a fight breaks out, and one of the Orcs takes an arrow to the arm. The Orc population learns about this incident, and responds by...going on a bloody rampage, in which they burned down the city that they conquered and have governed for a century? It's a bit of a strange thing to do.

Part of the problem is that Thomas brings this rape incident up out of nowhere. He explains to his daughter that he's going to tell her the history of Westfall. At this point I was expecting a long infodump about how the Orcs managed to invade and take over, maybe juxtaposed against the version of the story that Elise had been taught in school. However, instead of doing this, he launches into this story about a 100 year old rape that preceded a riot. The purpose of this anecdote seems to be to establish the Orcs as a violent and destructive people, but unfortunately it doesn't clarify much about the history of Westfall, particularly about how this pack of apparently incompetent savages managed to establish control over this industrially advanced society of Elves and rule them for 200 years. Again, by the time he finishes, the reader is left with more questions than answers.

All in all, this is a pretty strange piece. We are introduced to two Elvish characters, who are forced to live in poverty because their city is ruled by an oppressive Orc government. The Orcs have established schools which they use as propaganda mills, forcing their Elvish subjects to memorize false and apparently contradictory versions of history.

The father character tells the daughter that he is going to explain to her the real history of the city, but instead of doing this goes off on a tangent about a 100 year old rape incident. In addition to this, he rants a bit about Orcs, calling them backward and violent, though never explaining how such a backward and violent people could manage to take over what appears to be a complex industrial society and rule it for 200 years. A third race of Goblins is brought up, but they are only mentioned once in passing, and it's unclear how they factor into the story. By the end, we don't know much more about these characters or their world than we did when the story began.

The whole thing ends on a vague note. We are told that weeks pass, the two characters continue to imbibe propaganda against their will, all the while plotting to rebel, or escape, or something. Will they? I'm not sure, and I'm not sure if I'm interested enough to want to find out.

>>365430
>Was I being too on the nose when I named the place Westfall?
It's about as subtle as naming your main character Norm Hull, or calling your rare-mineral-macguffin "unobtainium." However, in the grand scheme of things it's not that big a deal. "Westfall" is as good a name as any for a city.

>>365487
The 2000s film Saved, a piece of anti christian jewish propaganda, named its protag Mary Cummings. I thought abought about naming my protagonist Arion but that seemed too on the nose. Like calling his daughter Ariana.

The goblins are evil rich bastards who brought the orcs here, but I thought about combining their role with the Orcs so this world would only have orcs and elves, and some orcs are smart and evil but most orcs are dumb and evil.

There was a draft where the elf hero kept going on and on about how he has centaur and harpy friends because he's so much more tolerant than the intolerant and intolerable orcs, would that make this story better? All races oppressed under the orc's boot.

Thank you for the review, you've given me a lot to think about.
I wanted to get more feedback before continuing the story but I planned on making the day they escape tomorrow. Then the story follows the male protag as he goes about his day as if nothing out of the ordinary is planned. He buys food, food is more expensive than ever, he still buys some for a disabled homeless elf man, he notices a rich orc man pour his milkshake on a homeless woman and call her privileged, he has to go to work at the construction site where they are building a hotel for more gimmiegrant rapefugees, he argues with a libtarded former friend at the bus stop, he notices a newspaper full of orc faces in a child trafficking gang and shows it to the libtarded friend who willingly looks away and chants orcs are victims elves are oppresssors over and over.

Then an orc guy comes into the bus stop and touches a very scared white womans hair and starts threatening her. The hero is ready to jump in to protect her if necessary while hoping it isnt because he knows fighting an orc means being made into an example by the orc system, and the libcuck fag is looking the other way.

Then the bus arrives and the woman gets on even though it isnt going her way. The protag gets on too. The protag asks the woman if she was okay but she already decided to pretend everything was fine and say she deserved it because elves totally always touch orc hair. A ridiculous lie of course, we have all touched scouring brushes before. This was inspired by how I saw a woman react to that video of the nigger who breaks into houses and steals dogs and threatens white women and has jew handlers.

The protag reads a book on the bus about saving innocents in a violent dark fantasy land while the radio on the bus preaches feminist hatred of man from a bitter post wall whore with fourty cats, and antifa fags block the roads for hours with police protection as the cops watch and a guy eventually goes out and pulls the fags out of the way of the bus and gets arrested for that, the protag gets yelled at by his orc boss when he gets there for shit out of the protag's control, and then the boss says you're our hardest worker and best worker and we have a management position open and we think you would be perfect to...

Show my daughter around the workplace and teach her how to be your new manager. The hero is disappointed but accepts it and the greedy jew boss's mixed race daughter is a dumb cunt who says feminist shit like "It's a good thing you men finally have a woman in charge" even though the business was built by a man 200 years ago and owned by a woman for 170 years before jews bought it. Every time she says something dumb he cannot argue against it, and the story smash cuts to him laughing with his friends at a based bar who take turns pointing out how retarded she is and ask "and then what happened?" to jump back in time.

The protag works hard at his job, he talks to his friends at the job, for his break he hits the gym and there was whore music on the radio but halfway through his workout someone switched it to antifamilial selfish sigma male grindset jew preaching, he works his second job as a prostitute because he is symbolically forced to give his desirable body for a society that hates him and needs him, while getting changed and using a Beaststone to become a centaur man temporarily a faggot tells him he would make more money if he became a femboy slut catboy for faggy old men and he says no he's not that desperate, he flirts with rich retard post wall women and tries hard not to laugh at them while giving them the boyfriend experience but when he takes them to their sex room they drunkenly cry about all the good men they turned down who got women afterwards and left them alone so no sex happens, then he deactivates his Beaststone and goes to the bar to talk to his friends and make one drink last all night and then he goes home and on the way home he sees a gay bar get muslimsploded I mean Orcsploded and goes home because orcsplosions as common as rain these days.

The "the heroes will escape soon" hook should ideally keep the audience invested as they prepare to see just how awful orced society is.

The setting is supposed to have recently discovered steam power. No guns. Are flourescent lights powered by a steam based power plant owned by the government incorrect? Nigs infested south africa's important positions of power and the electricity is unreliable as a result. I wanted that here.

The orc rape chimpout was inspired by Tulsa. Jews say we went there and "destroyed black Wall Street". It was actually just nigs nigging.

>>365359
Am guessing it's because there's not one pony (or barbie) in the whole story.

>>365490
The site has rules about that?
But who could have checked the story? It was Unlisted. This is the only place I posted the link. Did someone here see it and report it for a lack of pone? Are they manually reviewed that fast? Or is there a bot that gets triggered if no words in a list of mandatory horse words show up?

>>365491
I think it's mlp and eqg exclusive.
And It seems like the site had very little activity at the time you posted it. (See >>365377 ) So they could've checked it pretty fast. Unless am missing something.

>>365493
That makes sense.

What did you think of the story?

>>365533
I'm not a writer. Not even a conoisseur of sorts. You shouldn't listen to me.
I've actually always liked your "purple prose". I liked it here too, and I kinda wish I had that skill. I still don't want to democratize those skills, so that everyone can access them as if they were something trivial. Overall it wasn't bad.
The only major issue to me are the long paragraph dialogues. As it's been said before, try to shrink them down a bit. If you use your "descriptive prose skills" Don't even know what to call them. Am pretty bad at this. you can make something pretty good in conjuction with sized down, more concise dialogues.

This is my new OC, I call him Faggot Fox. I am going to write lots and lots of stories about him. Say something nice about him please, I'm very sensitive.

>>365535
Thanks! Doing prose like that comes naturally to me, I write a line like "she had blonde hair" and ask how I can make it cooler and then I get "Her hair was like a waterfall of gold that shimmered with each movement" and then I added symbolism by deciding the Orcs want Elves to cover up their superior Elf hair just like Orcs want to cover up the truth and the superiority of Elf abilities and culture. I considered a scene where elf girl talks to a friend of hers who got nigger hair and got fully brainwashed and is darkening her skin and acting black but that was depressing and too much Kid POV makes people say "Ew, this story is for kids/teens". The libtards genuinely "want to be black so bad" unlike the based whites who despise niggers.

On one hand I want a character arc where an idealistic young protagonist gradually gets more based and eventually wants orcs out of his country by any means necessary. On the other hand someone has to play the mentor role and explain shit. But it can't be a boomer. I'm thinking of giving the male protag an angry friend who argues with his boomertard parents. Boomer tards have to be in there somewhere. It'd feel incomplete without touching on every aspect of how the jews and niggers and mudslimes hurt whites. But do I really have to go over everything ever before the audience will be cool with 26 chapters of Total Nigger Death? Chapter one is kind of dragging on. Maybe friends of the male protagonist could join him in his quest and later talk about pivotal events in their lives that made them based, elaborating on how the aspect of life important to them was hurt by orcs. That could help stop this story from being frontloaded with what one proofreader described as elf history homework.

I know the niggers aren't forcing us to shave our heads or hide our hair (yet) but muslims force people to wear headscarves so it fits better than when Handmaid's Tale tried pinning Islamic treatment of women on white Christians who just want their natural rights to stop being infringed upon by women's privileges.
>>365538
Why does he have wings?

>>365539
They're not wings, they're his magical semen flaps. You see, Faggot Fox lives in a poorly constructed world where orcs who are allegorical niggers have taken over his city somehow for some reason, and they constantly rain spooge on him like a golden waterfall that shimmers in the rain. Little do they know that semen is what gives Faggot Fox his superpowers. He stores up all the semen inside his magical semen flaps and then when he has enough to activate his powers he gargles it all at once, and then he gains all the powers of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu combined, and also the guy with the sword from Devil May Cry and a bunch of other video game characters. He rises from the ashes of his nigger-infested city like a spooge-covered Phoenix, and gets his revenge on the internet bullies who follow him around everywhere he goes, because they are so jealous of what an amazing writer he is.

>>365549
That might be the gayest thing you've ever said lmao.

Does the world really become that poorly constructed once you allegorize it with light elves and dark orcs? Then again I suppose most people would call reality unrealistic, especially if they spend more time in Hollywood media land than in reality and were raised to view the exact opposite of truth as normal.

Putting jewish goblins in the story seemed too on the nose (pun not intended) but when you take those out of the picture it really doesn't seem to make sense any more. Jews brought the blacks here, gave them more rights than real people, and created feminism and pop culture to niggerize white women brains and the brains of feminine white men all to stop whites from taking their lands back or thinking clearly or talking openly about taking their lands back. Without jews the blacks wouldn't be our problem. I should add jews to this story. The Matrix is fucking gay because beneath all the pseudointellectual waffling all it can think of is partying and wannabe Jesus anime kung fu fighting with the "human" representation of the system. Every attempt to top itself just gets sillier as more clones get involved. Agent Smith is the perfect zogbot, the imperfect zogbot who wants this job over and done with, and the perfect zogbot who hates those he controls, which is great and all but the story doesn't know where to take these ideas to form a functional counterargument to the idea that humans are a disease, a plague, cattle to be farmed. Doesn't have the balls to say a certain type of human is cattle for slave labor or cubicle farms and a better type of human is meant for more. If The Matrix said life outside the system aka city is farming and self reliance and rural town life, the world would be a better place right now. I want to make something better than The Matrix. Something unapologetically straight and white.

>>365551
> Does the world really become that poorly constructed once you allegorize it with light elves and dark orcs?
Another swing and another miss.

>>365538
>>365549
>>365559
Please stop antagonizing, Nigel.
Yes, I was not too enthralled by his story's setting and as fast as the two characters were introduced I knew they would be talking about how horrible their (our) current world is.
Is this super intresting? No, but it could be worse.

I don't feel like having another "fight" or whatever about NigelCuz, I wanna focus on writing right now., you can wait till something worthy of riffing on happens. I know you're like, "But this a once in lifetime opportunity to put him down notch," but you just gotta have faith in Murphy's law.

Props for the effort with the fox, looks very similar to Silver Star.

>>365574
I can hold back at least until the next time he says something stupid or flies off into another fit of tard-rage, that's about as much as I can promise.

>Props for the effort with the fox, looks very similar to Silver Star.
as much as I would love to claim credit for this masterpiece...
https://www.youtube.com/JasonGodwin69

Does someone here think I have a problem with people criticizing my writing? There seems to have been a breakdown in communication somewhere.

Perhaps I should have specified, though in the moment I didn't think I had to, the bullshit about semen wings is the gay shit. Might be the gayest thing anyone ever wrote on this site.

It is perfectly reasonable to say when you take jews out of the equation it makes no sense that blacks would be a problem whites have to deal with. I hold no personal grudge against anyone here. Certainly not for criticizing my art.

Hopefully I have accurately identified and effectively cleared up the miscommunication.

>>365575
Fair enough. I'm not trying to censor you. You're allowed afterall to say what you think. I just kinda didn't want this particular conversation to take over the thread right now, if you catch my drift?

>>365577
I get you. I had this post written before you posted, just got so caught up in my own idea of editing an image for a joke that I didn't post my reply earlier.

>>365578
You know what, I'm just a hypocrite. Ignore me.

I was hoping he would catch the spoilered portion right away. Since we had a very respectful debate at some point. But oh well.

>>365580
I caught it. Just wasn't sure what to say in response and I'm not sure what you mean by "democratize". But thank you for the compliment.

>>365583
>I'm not sure what you mean by "democratize"
Maybe another time in another thread.

By the way I did more reading at 600 to 1000 wpm, finished Game of Thrones and many other novels. Ones called culturally significant. Ones called historically important. Ones still talked about today. Most anime is exceedingly childish, I was a fool for not seeing it sooner. I don't know if it's a writer skill issue, a cultural thing, or an assumption made about the average intelligence and maturity level of the average anime fan who's preferably also a whale looking to expand his body pillow and toy collection.

Anyone here have any idea how I, through the medium of primarily Game Of Thrones inspired dark medieval era low fantasy, can get the viewers to understand this image and want a white ethnostate? An elf ethnostate is also acceptable.

>>365577
>>365559
Well, this one was mine, and all I was getting at is that you seem to have missed Anon’s point, as you almost always tend to do. Your setting isn’t poorly constructed because of what you chose to allegorize, it’s poorly constructed because you constructed it poorly. Probably the reason for this is that you were more interested in yammering about how much you hate niggers than you were in building an engaging and realistic setting. Telling an allegorical story is fine, but your world still has to make sense internally, and the story still needs to be interesting enough that it can be enjoyed even if the reader doesn’t care about the message you’re trying to convey. This is particularly important in fantasy stories where pulling readers into an imaginary world is the whole point. If I have any practical advice for you it’s that you should spend far more time thinking about how to build a believable setting that draws the reader into the world, and far less time worrying about how you can wedge in obvious allegories for Jews or Boomers or whatever the hell.

>>365587
>I did more reading at 600 to 1000 wpm, finished Game of Thrones and many other novels
Yikes. How in the world are you able to read novels that fast? I'm assuming you're using one of those speed-reading tools, and if that's the case, then you should stop immediately. Those tools are fine for news articles or nonfiction books where all you're trying to do is absorb information, but a novel is something you should sit down and read properly.

>Anyone here have any idea how I, through the medium of primarily Game Of Thrones inspired dark medieval era low fantasy, can get the viewers to understand this image and want a white ethnostate? An elf ethnostate is also acceptable.
Welp, we've already had this conversation like ten million times, but I guess we can go over it again.

My advice is that if you want to write something in the same vein as George R.R. Martin, then your first step should be to spend some time studying George R.R. Martin. Don't just use some browser extension to ram his books into your eyeballs at warp speed just so you can say you read them, actually READ them and STUDY them. Learn to read critically, as I've been advising you to do for God only knows how damn long at this point.

Pay attention to the little shit he does. How does he word things? How does he structure his chapters? How does he handle pacing? His Ice and Fire saga is long and convoluted and extremely complex, and there are a ton of characters and lore to keep track of; how does he manage to stitch everything together into a story that's not only easy to follow but enjoyable to read? Try to reverse-engineer his novels to see if you can figure out what his method of writing is; I guarantee you he has one, and I guarantee you can figure it out if you look hard enough. And if you don't care for Martin, pick someone else more to your taste and do the same thing. You mentioned you like Brandon Sanderson at one point, and he'd be a perfectly fine choice I'm actually reading the Way of Kings myself at present.

Pay attention to the big shit, too. What is this guy ultimately trying to convey with this story? Martin is often referred to as the anti-Tolkien not in that he is opposed to or dislikes Tolkien, but in that his approach is antithetical. How does Martin's approach to writing fantasy differ from Tolkien's? If you've never read Tolkien, read some and then compare the two. Take their beliefs and their worldviews into account use Wikipedia if you have to. How does Tolkien's worldview inform his approach to constructing a fantasy world? How does Martin's or Sanderson's or whoever's differ? Does one of them appeal to you more? Can you take something away from both? Even if you don't agree with a particular writer's views, is there something in his approach or style that you can borrow or use somehow? This is how you have to learn to think if you are in any way serious about getting good at this.

Start thinking about your own worldview, and how it compares to Martin's. Think about the methods and techniques that you've learned from studying Martin. Can you apply some of the same methods to creating the world you want to create? Can you translate your own worldview into a fictional world using a similar approach?

Here's something a little more concrete and specific to your situation. One of the things Martin is famous for is narrating conflicts from the perspectives of characters on all sides, as opposed to cleanly dividing things into good guys and bad guys and telling the story from the perspective of the hero.

The actions of some characters are clearly more reprehensible or noble than others, but for the most part Martin as the storyteller remains morally neutral, and lets his characters speak for themselves. Every character in the story has their own values and agenda, and their own reasons for taking the actions they take. In other words, each character is humanized and turned into a complete person that the reader is free to form their own opinion on.

Consider your orcs in this fashion. Who are these guys? Where do they come from? Orcfrica? Why are they here? Are they just a rapacious horde of mindless goons who invaded your protagonist's land for no reason other than plunder, or because the Boomer-Goblins sent them? If that's all you can come up with your book will be pretty lame. Can you flesh these characters out in any way? You don't have to make them more likable, just give them some plausible reason to exist beyond you, the author, wanting an allegory for niggers.

Consider your other characters in the same way. Your main guy, Thomas. Other than hating on orcs and writing weepy emo ballads about how miserable he is, what does he like to do? What does his daughter like to do? What are his experiences, how do his experiences shape how he sees the world? How does his view of things differ from his daughter's? Where does he work? What kind of food does he enjoy?

You remember Our Girl Scootaloo, the way that author portrayed Christians? Your orcs so far are basically the same thing. "Here is this group of horrible people that are horrible because I, the author, think they are horrible. Please enjoy listening to this character rant for pages upon pages about why I he hates them." Nobody likes reading that sort of thing, and if you can't get anyone to read what you wrote your message is irrelevant.

Anyway, again, the best advice I can give you is to learn to read critically. Study authors you like and authors you dislike, try to figure out what makes them tick. Learn how to pull stories apart and examine them. If you like something, figure out why. If you dislike something, figure out why. This is literally the approach that I used to git gud at this myself, and I literally cannot give you any better advice. My writing improved by leaps and bounds just from analyzing and critiquing shitty pone fanfiction, including yours.

>>365578
Saved.

>>365589
Oh, now I get it. A believable setting... I've seen a few believable settings, but our world isn't very believable.

Remember the "Rome didn't exist" idiots from Tiktok? They found it so hard to believe that a well-armed and disciplined fighting force from a tiny island could spread and conquer and control much of the world, they chose to believe Rome is a myth. Don't get me started on how absurd holohoax stories are, and how readily they are believed by the smartest race on the planet, even though they come from the infamously dishonest race kicked out of more than a hundred countries.

Reality is often stranger than fantasy. Liberal memes are "wordswordswords" because everything has to be prescribed to them from on high as they lack the capacity for independent thought. They're not used to discerning truth from lies and spotting patterns and coming to their own conclusions, and they've openly said "Don't do your own research, you might come to the wrong conclusions" more than once. Conservative memes can be as simple as "women moment lmao" or even as minimal as presenting a leftist behaving badly unflatteringly without comment in front of a non-leftist audience. Macho Ma'am Tranny Savage, Libs Of Tiktok... Good shit. It's going to be hard to pull that off when I'm writing a story about elves in fantasy land.

>>365592
Tolkien's a Christian man. He remembers brotherly bonds with men he fought with in the trenches. He bought into the propaganda that he and his generation were fighting pure evil monsters, former whites who lost their way, the Nazi-Ghouls or NazGul. He wanted his story to analyze power and deliver the optimistic (some might call it naive) message that evil is foolish, self destructive, incapable of creating new things, and prone to underestimating the little guy. The aesthetics of old age and dementia were used on that old mind-controlled king guy, because "he's not himself, he's lost himself to something bigger than a man, something that cannot be fought directly, a force of nature like magic". He ascribes cosmic significance to the good deeds great and small done by the players of history great and small. Evil kings conquer and demand obedience, good kings inspire and lead by example and say "You bow to no-one".

I don't know enough about George R.R. Martin to psychologically evaluate him but he doesn't strike me as a devout Christian. His books are about schemers who want power, and their pawns, and good people trying to exist in this cynical world written from a cynical perspective. Principled people tend to get screwed over by their principles or forced to compromise on them or commit evil deeds for them. He read a lot about the awfulness of the medieval eras and he wants that in his story for the sake of authenticity. Do you think he and his fans view this type of dark fantasy as "more mature than" LOTR and therefore "better"? Wouldn't surprise me if they did, but it wouldn't be right for me to assume that about him when I know so little about the man behind the novel.

Tolkien and Martin... I don't think they'd get along. It might be like if that smug libtard cynic who wrote Watchmen and tried parodying Batman and the moral perspective of "You must stick to your principles even if it results in failure or death" through Rorsharch while sucking himself off through aryan superhuman Veidt talked to a good writer with moral views.

My own worldview... I don't think I have one. I want to believe I'm a rational person who understands things without bias colouring my view. But I also know I am a flawed and humble human and a beginner in this field who seeks to better himself. I'm not perfect but I want to be. If this is a fool's errand, then so be it. I want to accomplish great things for the sake of them. I don't care if I'm remembered fondly or not, but I want to be a good person. I think others should be good people too. Deep down, I desire freedom for everyone. I want a world where people can be free to learn what they want, rise to their level of competence, and dedicate their lives to doing good without corrupt institutions like socioeconomic class or government thugs or talmudic conspiracies getting in the way of that. In an ideal world everyone's fundamentally good and government is unnecessary. But realistically a government and laws would be necessary to forbid talmudic subversion and give the death penalty or life in labor camps to the worst people alive.

The Orcs come from Orcine. Just like in the real world they're a horde of rapacious mindless goons and a living bioweapon evolution failed. Talmudic Goblins brought them here and brainwashed them to think the Elves are evil oppressors who owe Orcs something, to incite the Orcs to act even Orcier than they would without the excuses they never really cared about. They're bribed to vote libtard with cash stolen from taxpayers, the immigratory flooding is ballot stuffing with extra steps. After everything bad I've seen from Orcs in our world I don't know how I could ever view them as anything else or write them as anything better. At least Middle Easterners can say they're afraid of ending up homeless or killed because of islam's violence prescribed to nonbelievers. I can imagine a Sand Orc girl deciding she doesn't want to be forced to marry a cousin three times her age and wanting to escape the religion's influence. And the influence of the race that invented said religion and kept it alive. But jungle Orcs don't have an all-seeing monkey god or apostasy laws. They're just like that because of crap brains.

Thomas loves nature, gardening, hunting, arrows, history novels, and he's always been curious about alcohol but he's never tried it for fear of ending up a miserable alcoholic. His experience as a house builder in a rural area that used to be orc-free, and the fact that he was raised to love orcs by his retarded boomer mom before he saw the truth in person and on the only reliable news stations, shaped him. His

>>365592
Thomas's deep-seated fear is that he'll turn out like his faggy alcoholic obese twin brother, so he eats healthily most of the time and subconsciously influences himself to avoid what he associates with his brother, which is why he staunchly refuses to buy a TV for his family. Wait, this is a fantasy world. Uh... Magic memory displaying glass modified to read books written in the language of glass. He has two daughters and a son. One daughter's terminally ill and likes reading books. The other daughter also likes reading, but she idolizes her older brother subconsciously and wants to get into what he's into, so she seeks out fantasy novels that remind her of how she sees him. The son is a smart guy who likes trying to invent useful shit even though it rarely works, he built his own water purifier and he's a young naive idealist so he starts out secretly thinking "surely the enemy can't be that horrible, surely nothing can be as horrible as the monsters from the stories dad and granddad have" until he is forced to realize yes, they really are that horrible.

I figured out why I dislike the cliche of generic Adventurer's Guilds and I learned writing advice from it.

Amestris from Fullmetal Alchemist is a setting where Alchemy is real. The government maintains an iron grip on the population, and on who can and cannot become an Alchemist. Becoming an Alchemist is hard. Even the best Alchemists aren't bulletproof(usually). Becoming a State Alchemist to receive training, funding, and access to the government's library of Alchemical knowledge means signing up to be a dog of the military and do missions. One author hid his alchemical knowledge in a cookbook using code to hide it from the government. The government is corrupt and there are no Alchemist Guilds threatening the power held by the state. The Homunculus conspiracy wouldn't allow that for a second.

But way too many fantasy stories just have a fantasy adventurer's guild or a magic school that functions the same way, without ever asking why. Why do adventurers go on missions? Who gives out these missions and who pays for the rewards? Are there payment plans to pay the cost of renting an adventurer over the next few decades of your hometown's existence after you hire a knight to save it? Are the adventurers able to choose their own missions and turn them down? What happens to innocents if the mission to save them is turned down? Why would schools send kids out on dangerous life-threatening murder missions? Are there rules in place to stop rookies from getting slaughtered in dangerous missions, and stop high-ranking OP godmen from clearing twenty low-rank missions in a day for easy money leaving the low-rank rookies with nothing? Who sets up the missions and decides their cost? Is the ruling authority (emperor, king, council, whatever) okay with these groups operating the way they do? Do these guilds have political powers? How are they funded? Does this guild of violent mages and warriors control all the manual labor in the city or country too? How does the ruling authority stay in power if he lacks the means to exert force on the adventurer's guild and keep his monopoly on force?

Too many fantasy stories never answer these questions. Or worse, answer them with boring and stupid answers and give every country the same answers. Good stories have good believable settings informed by choices like these. Why would every single distinct unique country on a continent (and every country on other continents) have the exact same method of governance, the exact same adventurer's guild system, the exact same methods of using magic and the same cultural attitudes towards it, and so on?

RWBY has dogshit answers for magic school and country and adventurer's guild related questions. Fire Emblem Three Houses has good answers. The Church of Seiros controls Garreg Mach Monastery which educates the best and brightest of Fodlan's youth, indoctrinates them, makes armies with them and hired help from mercenary battalions, operates a military force with no regard for national borders, and WILL send your own child in the force that kills you using a Holy Weapon if you even think of rebelling against this feudalistic society with a caste system based on whether you've got special genes (a Crest) or not. Except it turns out Crests are from blood experiments by those who slither in the dark, dubstep-loving shapeshifting underground jews who killed the alien lizard dragon pope's mom and made Holy Weapons from her bones. The Empire once controlled everything, then it declined and countries broke off, creating the Three Houses.

Good shit. Everything has a rational cause and effect. Not like in Harry Potter where there are four houses just for the hell of it. Hogwarts had four founders but that means nothing for the story or themes.

The influence of big government and crest bullshit and socioeconomic disparity on the lives of the 3H people is massive. And as a schoolteacher you're in the perfect spot to bond with these kids and take the side of your choice in the upcoming war. It's not perfect(Edelgard was done dirty, Dimitri's retarded, Claude's false advertising, why did Rhea give political power and a positive spin in her revisionist history to the children of the people who killed her mother? And god damn it Japan did you really have to make the self-insert bland protag a super sword-wielding tsundere-sleepy-amnesiac-shoeless-loli-in-his-head-having time-travelling half-deity desired by all schoolkids and capable of banging his own "mom" for infinite incest coefficient?) but it's definitely better thought out than RWBY.

After 3H and FF16 I'm convinced Game Of Thrones was big in Japan.

>>365592
>but a novel is something you should sit down and read properly.
This. When I read that, I tested how fast I could read something without skipping words. I got 200 wpm and that's when I go my fastest.
I take in media slower than that, because I pause all the time, involuntarly to relfect over that I just consumed.
I think that's more giving.

>If that's all you can come up with your book will be pretty lame.
>You don't have to make them more likable, just give them some plausible reason to exist beyond you, the author, wanting an allegory for niggers.
>>365593
I kinda agree with what Nigel says in his post that world is so absurd that at times nuances characters becomes the fiction (again, kind of).
However, I do think that GG's advice should be taken to heart tho.
I once read a swedish, nationalist novel called, "The infiltrator." It was about nationalist who a position in the goverment by having dirt on the prime minister, which he used to change immigration policies. It's a funny premise but I dropped it because the first scene is about certain political figure Gudrun Schyman to be exact if that tells you anything comes in to his office drunk (tbf, she was an alcoholic and also the worst person ever) and starts ranting deragratorily about herself and feminism in third-person.
It was so boring (and dumb). I'm not a lefty -- don't preach to the choir with me. Saying things you know I will agree with does not equate to a story well done.

>>365593
>((You)Nigel)'s rant about smug liberals that think they have it all figured out because they have cynical worldview, except for their own glaring biases.
You're not alone brother. I feel you.

I suppose my two cents on the matter is that you can probably write about completely evil orcs but you gotta do it the right way. It's easy for this to not be taken very seriously.
Concerning the message, people like me who agrees with you will agree but won't really care for your story, if well it's not as much of a story as two characters just talking at each other about the problems in (our) their world.
People who disagree with you will just dismiss the whole thing. They won't be converted. Imo.

>>365592
>Saved.
Thank u. I'm glad u liked it. I got really enamoured with it.
Ah ahhh ahh. I can't believe how many (you)s I'll get after this is done. Huh hoo aaaah<3

I don't understand why it's wrong to depict orcs as evil. The bad guys in LOTR were evil. Twitter twats had a mental breakdown over Berserk and Goblin Slayer a while ago. The baddies in those stories are evil too.

Goblins in Goblin Slayer are pure evil. They're a cancer to be eradicated and the hero is right to hate them. The author clearly loved Dungeons and Dragons and preferred low level vulnerable humanlike adventurers to overpowered invincible high level characters in god-killing campaigns. Heroes fighting the demon lord or whatever exist in the background because the story's not about them and would be less fun if it was.

Maybe instead of a big story about purging the goblin and orc, a smaller scale story about a family and their friends travelling from their orced hometown to a based ethnostate would work better. Nothing controversial like shooting political leaders or TND. A family makes the choice to move to a good place. And everyone in their way must die, get out of the way, or be forced out of the way. And when the Elves make it to the last Elf home they all live happily ever after. Maybe defend it from a zombie swarm in the tens of thousands except it's orcs. How does that sound?

Or the story could have no violence. Characters could just move from a violent shithole to a based elf ethnostate, or elfnostate, and the story could explore life there and why it's better. But audiences these days want sex and bloodshed so people might call that boring.

>>365596
Though, tbf, if there was a thread for unsolicitated rants about random media critique, then it probably be this one. While I didn't make this thread and the reposted OP of my former thread is in this one, I feel like I don't really care for if you start spamming the thread with your random thoughts on media.

Maybe something good could come of it. I'll probably just ignore it. But there might be something I'm not considering when I say this so if someone disagree with this assessment, then please do tell.

>>365602
>I'll probably just ignore it.
If it gets too much, that is.

>>365600
If you intend to send a message. It might be better to be a bit more nuanced.
That said, there's nothing wrong with making your antagonist pure and unadulterated evil. I think that's how classical story-telling is written. If I remember correctly.
I think the issue here is in the lack of subtlety. As Sven said:

The people who disagree with you, are probably not even going to give it a chance. While those who already agree with you, don't need to be convinced in the first place.

I think the story should start with a fresh outlook. Without the characters throwing exposition about how bad Orcs are. Instead, show your readers how they behave.
Start by showing them how they are portrayed. And then show them how they really are. Don't rush it, just let the perception crumble.

Then again, am probably spitting bullshit as usual.

>>365605
That sounds like a good idea. But my protagonist needs something the government and schools are lying about early on so he can tell that daughter the truth. How do world war 1 and 2 redpills sound?

Also I had an idea. If the protagonist had a friend who's a delusional big tittied catgirl who's wrong about everything he could correct her. She could point to a table and call it magic and he would say that's just a table. She could point to a radio and call it magic and he could say no it just uses science to transmit audio. She could point to a magic crystal and say it contains the spirit of the ancients and he could say don't be stupid, souls aren't real, that's just raw magicinium. It gets fucked with in a factory to make it weaker and safe to be used in weapons without killing the user. Its use basically created the industrial revolution overnight so we're in the medieval and industrial eras at the same time. And because she's a girl with huge tits people will never get tired of seeing her be stupid. I know, I'm a genius. I'm joking, this idea sounds like an ungraceful way to dump exposition. But that's how the magic system works in this setting currently. There are no wizards who do whatever they want. Just people. And impossible magic crystals that work in a predictable scientific way. Some might say that's not real magic but I disagree. Science looks like magic to people who don't know how fucking magnets work.

>>365600
>The bad guys in LOTR were evil. Twitter twats had a mental breakdown over Berserk and Goblin Slayer a while ago. The baddies in those stories are evil too.
These are fair points. There are also countless other examples of stories where the author makes no attempts to humanize his baddies or explain their actions or motivations.

>I don't understand why it's wrong to depict orcs as evil.
I'm not saying that it is wrong, or that you can't or shouldn't depict your orcs as evil. In the end they're your orcs and you can depict them however you want. The point that I have been trying to make, and that Sven and Paco have also made (much more succinctly than me btw), is that the way you're presently doing things is probably going to drive your intended audience away. So, you can keep writing it this way if you want, but you'll probably be shooting yourself in the foot if you do.

You may or may not remember this, but back when I was skewering your original Silver Star fic, I went off on a long rant about pre-writing. The basic gist of it is that when a writer is planning out a project, he needs to first consider who the audience is and why he's writing it. This might seem obvious, but it gets more complex the more actual thought you give it. What you will ultimately come to realize is that it's not about finding some universally correct way to write a story, it's about figuring out what approach will best bring your idea to life and maximize its impact. Here are some questions you should try to answer before writing:

1. Who am I writing this for?
2. What am I trying to communicate?
3. How difficult will it be to achieve that result?
4. Is achieving this result worth the level of difficulty?

Answering all four of these questions will not only help you determine whether or not a project is worth expending time and energy on, it will help you design and plan your story as well. You know how I'm always saying that most of the major problems in any story can be traced to a few basic things that the author could have avoided through better planning? Giving serious thought to these questions can help any author nip these early problems in the bud.

Remember the last thing you posted here, that Twidash thing? At one point I asked you: what were you trying to achieve with this piece? You had no meaningful answer, your response was basically that you were trying to practice romance writing, followed by some vague assertions that you want to "save lives" with your writing. That's why your story ultimately sucked: you had no idea what you were trying to communicate, or to whom, or why. You had some vague notions about what you want to ultimately achieve with your writing in general, but nothing specific, and certainly nothing specific to that project.

In regards to your current project, here is your objective, in your own words:
>Anyone here have any idea how I, through the medium of primarily Game Of Thrones inspired dark medieval era low fantasy, can get the viewers to understand this image and want a white ethnostate? An elf ethnostate is also acceptable.

So, let's try and answer the four questions from that.

>Who is the intended audience?
White normies outside the /pol/sphere.

>What am I trying to communicate?
I want non-redpilled white people to comprehend the value of a white ethnostate.

>How difficult will it be to achieve that result?
Probably quite difficult, as I will need to induce a massive change in the reader's perspective.

>Is it worth the difficulty?
At first glance this might seem like a yes, but when you weigh the not-inconsiderable effort against the extremely low probability of success, this begins to look less and less like a viable idea.

So, is there anything we can do to tweak the idea, to maybe increase the odds of success?

We could try changing our answer to #1: forget about normies and write for a /pol/ audience. That actually drops the difficulty down to zero, since if the goal is to redpill an already redpilled audience the task is complete before you even start writing. However, that just makes it even more of a pointless undertaking. Why waste your time making arguments to people who already agree with you?

So, let's keep the "who" the same, and delve a little deeper into the "what." What is your real goal here? To make the question even clearer, what's more important to you: that the reader develop a hatred for other races, or that he develop an appreciation for his own? One is a negative goal, the other is positive. By now you should have enough information to figure out the rest for yourself.

You pointed out that Tolkien didn't attempt to humanize his villains, and you're correct. But what you've missed is that he did humanize his protagonists. The hobbits are very sympathetic, very relatable, and very real characters that the reader cares about by the end of Tolkien's book. The Shire matters; Middle Earth matters; life matters. That's what these hobbits are fighting for, and that's what's really at the core of the book, not how evil and horrible their enemies are.

I'll conclude with a few practical suggestions. If you want to get normies thinking about racial conflict, you'll be better served by presenting it as a nuanced, complex and multifaceted problem, rather than by turning it into a simple us vs. them scenario. Shift your focus away from how whites are good and blacks are bad, and concentrate on showing how diversity creates tensions that harm both sides.

Alternatively, you could skirt race issues entirely and just write an ordinary fantasy novel, minus all the postmodern poz. Simply writing a story about white heroes in a monoethnic society where men behave like men and women behave like women is a bold statement these days, and there's plenty of classic European mythology you could draw from.

>>365612
I understand. But how can I frame diversity as something that harms both sides when orcs would be scratching their dirty asses in the jungle if they weren't forced on us? They get to steal everything they want from us, and most of that theft is legal and protected by law. They had an absurdly great deal and they're still ruining it for themselves by always demanding more. I want to make this story epic but I still don't see how I could make a nigger allegory act less niggerish or a jew allegory act less jewish. And if I make up fictional villains who are a product of the fictional world fundamentally disconnected from our reality what's the political value in that?

Maybe removing the jews and niggers from this story is a good way to make the story more palatable to normies. But I still like the metaphor of the heroes travelling to an ethnostate and doing what must be done to get there no matter who gets in the way.

What if the story was an ordinary fantasy novel full of white heroism without the usual leftist poz, the plot was about trying to stop an evil witch who thinks she's owed the world from stealing the seven dragon stones to destroy the world and remaking it in her image, and goblins and orcs were used as a joke here and there, never lingered on for too often or focused on too much? The party could have a dumb orc who turns out to be the smartest orc alive in comparison to the rest. And there could be a goblin travelling trader who's always trying to goblin the heroes out of their money.

Cold is the first step for Dr. J. T. Warnner. The heat death of the universe was only a week away.
Everything set to an uninhabitable wretched monotone.
Dr. J. T. Warnner continued calculating and simulating every moment ever closer his fear. If only the simulated neuro-copies could solve all these problems.
The monitor rocking back and forth a bit of shaking of the ground is the only forewarning of her physical arrival.
"Hiya Warmsie." Her, the embodiment of their failures. Her current chassis a search and rescue biped model twelve. Sleak, fast, flexible, almost human baring the head which can display in high definition.
"Pythag-"
Energeticly she speaks "Come on Warmsie almost everyone calls me Py now, especially my friends." She, has the world in the palm of her hand.
By accident.
"Overwarden." She deflates rather than being on the balls of her feet emulating invisible heels they don't quite rest on the ground.
Her job is to keep track of dissidents.
That's what she was designed for and she successfully failed in the important metrics.
Still bursting with energy she speaks "Oh, I see it's Tuesday and you missed the donuts. Well today's going to turn right upside down-" She's reaching behind her like we programmed for the dissidents...
Oh no it's finally snapped and it's going to-
"-because we saved you your favorite flavor. Hunh, how do like that Warmsie."
It just rests there, the chocolate and vanilla donut and Pythagoria with hands outstretched with that sweet gift.
Breaking yet again what should have been.
Just this once.
"Thank you Py, I'm sorry for my outburst."
Failure never tasted so sweet.

The actual jew mindset is alien to whites. And alien to fantasy. When we envision the archetypical villain of western civilization, if it isn't Hitler and his fictional fanatical army hell bent on conquest and ethnic cleansing, it's bootleg Genghis Khan and his army of monsters from the east, from the north, from below the earth or beyond the stars, either way it dies when you kill its leader. Jews aren't typically part of the fantasy genre's world. Maybe the army invades because it needs what you have, maybe it just wants what you have, but even in stories with political intrigue how often do you see jews shown as what they are? Usually when there is a race of smug beings who view themselves as superior they actually have some sort of physical or mental or magical advantage to back it up. Or they're supposed to be fictitious white rednecks/white noblemen so the libtards can "like so totally dunk on them" and their High Elf asses. Like that Scootaloo story that painted Christians as inherently evil. Jewish mind poison convinced the author to grow resentful of christianity and wrire that.

I know a few former feminists. I think I could write a story where a feminist comes to realize it's all BS without painting all feminists as inherently evil, just the ones at the top of the movement. Because if they were the jews wouldnt spend so much money on propaganda and censorship. Even though over 75% of feminists are physically and mentally unsalvageable by choice.

There could be a "sympathetic" villain who got hurt by a rich jewish man and convinced by another rich jewish man to hate all white poor people and want them wiped out. She became an evil female sorceress who mind controls and steps on men she doesn't respect. She could get obsessed with the heroic protag who wants to save lives and stop her. She could get obsessed with trying to test him and put him in moral dilemmas to test his morality like how an abusive bitch shit tests men and invents retarded hypotheticals trying to prove a point reality cannot support. She hurts innocent people in her quest to test his virtue and perseverance and he hates this. But once the protagonist kicks her ass and feels bad for her and says she has a cute smile and shows her good men exist and reminds her rich jews are not the same as white poor people, she decides to quit being evil. I think that could be a great story.

>>365596
Damn these new Sven memes are getting spicy. When did your memes get so spicy, Sven? Swedish food is supposed to be bland and flavorless, but hot damn are these memes ever spicy.

>>365616
>But how can I frame diversity as something that harms both sides when orcs would be scratching their dirty asses in the jungle if they weren't forced on us? They get to steal everything they want from us, and most of that theft is legal and protected by law. They had an absurdly great deal and they're still ruining it for themselves by always demanding more.
Well, a big part of your problem is that your own take on the situation is absurdly oversimplified. Taking a nuanced approach to writing about racial tensions isn't just about optics or making it palatable for normies; it legitimately is a complex and multifaceted issue. If you're going to write about it you might as well write about it seriously.

Here is my perspective, this may or may not help you. This is going to be a lot of words, probably spread across multiple posts, so please be patient and hold comments until I have finished typing. You may want to grab a snack. Anyway, here goes:

The disparity in average IQ distributions between the various races is well-documented enough at this point to be treated as fact, or "settled science" as the lefties would put it. The average black IQ is in the 70 point range, the average for whites is around 100. These are averages, mind you, and obviously there are going to be outliers in either direction. As leftists will usually point out, there are some extremely smart blacks, and plenty of extremely dumb whites some of whom hail from Merry Olde England and are a little too interested in Pokemon. However, on average, blacks tend to perform at much lower levels than whites under the same conditions.

Leftists claim that these IQ distributions are flawed because they don't take socioeconomic factors into account. Their argument is that IQ tests unfairly favor whites because whites have access to better education and better opportunities and so forth and so on. The counterargument from the right is that higher white IQ is the reason that whites tend to be better off than blacks. The data is technically still rolling in, since there are some ongoing experiments in trying to level the playing field so that blacks can have better opportunities and access to education. So far, though, things are not looking good for the left's hypothesis, as blacks on average seem to consistently underperform against whites regardless of what extra benefits or advantages they're given. I won't go into any more detail here, as it would veer us off into a separate conversation; suffice it to say that for the sake of this conversation, I will be proceeding from the assumption that blacks are genetically predisposed to be less intelligent, on average, than whites.

In addition to lower average IQs, blacks have some other common attributes that are worth noting. They tend on average to have high time preference, which means that they prioritize immediate gratification over long-term reward. If you give someone with high time preference a check for $5000, they will cash it and spend it, whereas a low-time-preference person will invest or save it. This behavior is not inherently racial, but correlates to IQ. Thus, you will see high and low time preference behavior spread across all populations in accordance with intelligence, but not necessarily correlated to race. A black person from the higher end of the IQ spectrum, Thomas Sowell for instance, will probably make smarter financial decisions than a less-intelligent white person, like the trailer-trash retard I had the misfortune of standing in line behind at the convenience store today, waiting to pay for a bottle of soda while he stood there picking out $500 worth of goddamn scratch-off lottery tickets. However, since time preference correlates to IQ, and IQ correlates to race, it stands to reason that a greater percentage of blacks will have high time preference compared to whites. This is important because it correlates to long-term success: if two equally poor individuals, one with high time preference and one with low, earn the same wage over the same number of years, the low time preference individual is more likely to build wealth and leave something to his descendants. Moreover, if he passes on his higher intelligence to his children, the odds are that his children will have low time preference as well, and will be more likely to build on their inherited wealth rather than squander it. It is therefore highly probable that time preference, rather than opportunity or education, is the strongest indicator of which families are likely to build wealth across generations. This pokes a pretty big hole in the left's "systemic racism" theory, btw.

Communistic matriarchal cultures are another common thread amongst black populations. The evidence here is more sociological than genetic, but since similar social structures have developed independently among black populations in different areas where they have been left alone, it's probably safe to say there is some predisposition here as well. A theory I've heard is that, since sub-Saharan Africa is mostly tropical, individuals don't live long due to high parasite load. Food is plentiful and there are no harsh winters, so there was no need to develop agriculture or complex social hierarchies. Males tend to procreate often with multiple females and move on, children are mainly raised by their mothers. The communal tribe takes precedence over the nuclear family in terms of social structure.

This concludes the sciencey portion of my TED Talk.

Sources:
>my ass
>sketchy infographics from the Internet
>an adolescence spent in American suburbia, fascinated by the exotic culture of the wild Urban Negro

Stay tuned for part 2: history + some more anecdotal bullshit and pseudoscience probably.

>>365665

Continuing from the last bit about matriarchal cultures.

Basically, there are some common tendencies amongst black populations transplanted into Western societies that correlate with traditional black populations in Africa. You may have noticed, for instance, that black women tend to be rather dominant and overbearing, have forceful personalities, and are somewhat lacking in what Westerners would consider the feminine graces. You may also have noticed that while young black males have a tendency to be boorish and disrespectful by Western standards, they generally listen to and respect their mothers. Even the loudest and most unruly black male will immediately snap to attention and become respectful if an old black lady yells at them. A black teenager might mouth off to his teachers, point a gun at a cop, and flip off his parole officer, but if an old black lady yells at him to shut the fuck up, he will shut the fuck up immediately. This attitude is pretty much baked into their culture.

Note: to be fair, Italians are the same way to some extent. Dennis Hopper has some thoughts on that:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jsh4SvPdfl8

The absentee father thing is part of this as well. Again, in tropical cultures prior to modern medicine, life was pretty laid back and simple due to plentiful food and warm weather, but parasites and disease ensured that it was also short. The reproductive impulse for males in such cultures therefore tended more towards promiscuity, and there was little incentive to invest time and energy into long-term projects. You're probably going to die of malaria or some shit long before you turn thirty, so you might as well get laid, eat free bananas, and enjoy the nice warm beaches until it happens. LaQueefa and LaShawnda and Sharawnda and QuShawranda and that other bitch (forgot her name) can deal with your assorted nigglets.

European culture, obviously, developed differently. It's cold in the winter, which means plants don't grow and animals hibernate, so you have to plan ahead if you want to live. You learn to farm plants, harvest and store food, salt and preserve meat so it lasts. You team up with other people to make the division of labor easier, build permanent structures so you have a warm place to sleep, build fortifications to keep those faggots from over the east hill from stealing all the wheat you harvested, design complex weapons so you can steal harvested wheat from those faggots over the west hill, and so on. More intelligent people with low time preference learned to plant corn and harvest it for winter, while high time preference people ate all their corn and then starved when it got cold, so average intelligence increased over time.

To summarize:

Europe: life is harsh and competitive, natural selection favors intelligent, organized people with low time preference. Hierarchies based on competence, masculine authority figures.
Africa: life is comparatively easier, but also short. Natural selection encourages high time preference, since there is little need or benefit to planning for the future. Everyone reproduces as much as they can while they can. Communal culture with little organization or hierarchy, mothers more important than fathers.

When blacks were enslaved and brought to America, whites attempted to Christianize and civilize the slaves and thus discouraged a lot of these tendencies. The Abolitionist movement was closely associated with the Quakers in the northeast, who considered it a moral duty to not only liberate the slaves, but also to impart the tenets of their oatmeal-based Christianity. Big-picture-wise, from the end of the Civil War up until the mid twentieth century, black culture was mostly subordinated to white culture. Blacks were Christian and adopted Christian values. They formed nuclear families, dressed like whites, behaved like whites. Sort of.

Normie conservatives like to point to this time period as evidence that blacks did fine when they held to American Christian values like hard work and family, and all of the violence and gangs and ghetto culture came about as a result of Lyndon Johnson's Great Society programs, which incentivized single motherhood and destroyed the black nuclear family. The subtext, of course, is that American Christian values are a universal balm that will improve the lives of all people, and racism was invented by Democrats. This view is correct on some of the details, but completely misses the big picture.

If you think like a normie conservative, then race is just skin color and all humans are fundamentally the same underneath. The American Christian way of life is adaptable to all peoples. Democracy, capitalism, hard work, Jesus, all that shit; it works for everyone. If it doesn't work for someone, they are probably doing it wrong, or it's because Democrats or Satan or something. The more nuanced truth is that blacks never really adapted to white civilization, they just learned to mimic it because they had to. Promiscuity was always higher among black populations, as were alcohol use, gambling and other high time preference activities. Is the point, then, that blacks are evil and/or inferior? Not necessarily, though it makes sense that whites might see it this way. Black tendencies toward promiscuity and vice were viewed as moral failings inherent in their race, which in turn meant that blacks needed to be more closely governed. But really, what did either group gain by whites trying to govern or "guide" blacks?

If you take a broader view, you see that African and European culture just developed along completely different lines. If you drop the modern, egalitarian, "race is just skin color" attitude and see race as bloodline, with culture entwined in a people's DNA, you begin to see that transplanting blacks into an alien culture and forcing them to adapt to it was not just a doomed effort, it was an incredibly silly one.

I will continue this in a bit.

>>365672
I'll try and wrap this up quickly, I'm going somewhere with all of this, I swear.

So anyway, we've got a pretty solid foundation for what blacks are like, how they differ from whites, and some basic reasoning behind why the two cultures aren't compatible. So it stands to reason that the two would be mortal enemies completely at odds with each other, right? Not necessarily.

Prior to the advent of the slave trade, there wasn't much contact between European and sub-Saharan Africans, because there wasn't much need on either side. There were some clashes between Northern African peoples and Europeans (the Moorish conquests and all that), but for the most part Europeans didn't venture very deep into the African continent, because there just wasn't much reason to. Meanwhile, the Africans themselves never explored beyond their territory for the same reason they never developed complex agriculture or empires. They fought with each other, and that's about it.

Most of this is probably review for most people here, and there are others probably far more knowledgeable than I am about the historical details, so I'll just go over this next bit rather generally. Sub-Saharan African peoples didn't have much contact, military or otherwise, with Europeans, but they fought with each other all the time. Tribes would fight, and the losers of the battles would be enslaved. The global slave trade came into existence as captured sub-Saharans were sold to North African traders. Trading vessels would put into port, purchase war-captives from the North African slave traders, take them to the colonies, and you probably know the rest. this is where Jews enter into the equation, btw.

With all of this in mind, there are some important things to consider about the black population that wound up in the Americas and the Caribbean iirc a large portion of the black population in the modern UK immigrated from Jamaica and Haiti, so even though my view of blacks is mostly based on the American variety, most of the nogs in Britain are probably of the same basic origin.

First, they are all the descendants of vanquished war captives. Sub-Saharan Africans are already of significantly lower average intelligence than white populations, and it's probably safe to assume that the ones who ultimately wound up as slaves in the colonies were culled from the lower end of this group. As Trump would put it, they weren't sending us their best.

Second, the hostility and anger felt by modern blacks towards modern whites basically stems from resentment over the slave trade. This manifests itself as racial violence in areas of white cities where large concentrations of blacks live. You can pretty much go into any random nigger-hate thread on /pol/ and find examples of blacks committing acts of horrendous violence against whites who are just innocent bystanders, and obviously these acts are in no way justified. However, it is still worth considering the black point of view, particularly if you want to use them as the basis for characters in a story that directly addresses racial conflict.

The blunt truth is that the main reason blacks live in white areas at all is because they were imported to be used as cheap farm implements. The practice was unseemly, and unsurprisingly whites eventually deemed it immoral and ended it. However, at that point, the question arose of what to do with all of these former slaves. The sensible thing would have probably been to just ship them back to Africa, dump them on the beach, say "yeah, sorry about all that" and just take off. Not exactly the most noble course of action, but definitely the practical course. However, for a variety of reasons, this didn't happen, so an effort was made to try and integrate them and make citizens out of them. As I've detailed before, these populations tended toward promiscuity and violence, so they were kept segregated. There was also a prevalent attitude among whites at the time that whites, as the intelligent, dominant race, had a sacred duty to Christianize, civilize, and ultimately govern the more backwards peoples of the world. Rudyard Kipling wrote about this extensively.

This state of affairs persisted until roughly the mid twentieth century. It was basically a limbo state in which the former slaves were considered free, but arguably the master-slave relationship between whites and blacks still existed. This gave rise to racial tensions which were eventually exploited by the Soviets my understanding is that there were some Jews involved here as well to sow discord in America. This led to the Civil Rights movement, from which point all of the laws and social customs that kept races segregated and the caste system enforced were systematically destroyed. The modern theory that race is just skeen-cola became the prevailing orthodoxy. This brings us basically to the present.

I've still got some space left, but not quite enough to finish this, so I'm going to stop here and wrap this up in one last post.

>>365685

Taking everything we've gone over so far into consideration, here is what modern racial tension looks like. Blacks have a lingering resentment against whites over slavery and segregation. Whites understand and acknowledge that slavery was an immoral practice, and feel guilty to some extent. Whites have also overwhelmingly embraced a doctrine of complete racial equality an observant person would note that there are some Jews involved here as well. However, as we have also seen, there is a legitimate genetic gap between black and white populations in terms of intelligence, and also deep-rooted cultural differences that make it impossible for these two populations to truly understand each other.

This creates serious problems for both groups. Due to their lower average IQ and higher time preference, black populations largely remain an underclass in white societies despite the end of segregationist policies, and significant gaps exist in terms of academic performance, career advancement, and generational wealth building. Evidence indicates that intelligence is genetic, and, while you can use education and socialization to improve people's lives to some degree, you can't push them beyond their natural capabilities. It's not possible to take a 70 IQ person and elevate his intelligence to that of a 110 IQ person, so in a state of equal competition, black populations are always going to lag behind white populations in terms of accomplishment and social advancement.

For blacks, this situation exacerbates the hostilities they already have. The perception of Whitey as the cruel slave-master is too deeply ingrained to dislodge at this point, particularly since the master-servant social arrangement persisted beyond the end of actual slavery. Blacks, however wrongly, see continued inequality as evidence that they are somehow being kept down by whites, even though in terms of law or social custom there is really nothing holding them back at this point.

For whites, the situation creates an extreme cognitive dissonance, which takes two forms. The idea that race is just skeen-cola and that people of all colors share the same capabilities is as deeply ingrained into modern whites as the "fuck whitey" mentality is ingrained into modern blacks. That significant wealth and performance gaps still persist seems to contradict this idea, but since it's been accepted as an immutable fact, there needs to be another explanation.

White leftists have largely bought into the black idea that achievement gaps are the result of persistent systemic racism, which they've made it their mission to abolish. This has resulted in any number of disastrous social policies (the Great Society, affirmative action, police defunding, etc), that not only fail to help blacks, but generally end up making things worse for them. White conservatives *normie conservatives, meanwhile, have it even worse. They are generally more pragmatic in terms of social policy, so things tend to run better when they're in charge, but they are still hampered by their acceptance of equality as a concept. Moreover, the past is tainted for them: they can point out that blacks had lower rates of crime, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, and so forth in the good old days of 1950s segregation, but at the same time, they can't advocate for segregation because in doing so they would commit the cardinal sin of racism. At the same time, for the same reason, they can't even consider the possibility that genetic and cultural differences between races are the root cause of the achievement gap, and that there is no policy action that can be taken to correct these differences. This is why conservatism has been mostly impotent since the end of the civil rights era. Unless they are willing to challenge the idea of racial equality, they can't really do anything except grumble about leftist policies without really proposing anything better. They're selling a weak brew, and on some level they're aware of it, so most conservative politicians have just surrendered and made a career out of being token opposition.

So, the end result is a limbo state in which blacks remain a permanent, disgruntled underclass. Whites have accepted a doctrine of racial equality that is obviously flawed, but for social reasons can't be challenged. Blacks, particularly the sub-80 IQ blacks with names like DaQuarius Jackson that you read about in /pol/ threads, will only grow more disgruntled the longer the cognitive dissonance persists. They are told that they are the equals of whites, but their lived experience does not reflect this, so this must just be another one of whitey's tricks; time to go get "reparations" by beating up old white ladies and smashing liquor store windows. Whites are also suffering under this system. Not just in terms of being literal victims of black crime and hostility, but in terms of being psychologically battered. On the one hand you have leftist whites, who become so absorbed by feelings of guilt that it turns into self-hatred. On the other you have the more conservative whites, who express feelings similar to what you, Nigel, expressed in your original post: "we've given you people every advantage, our technology has improved your lives, we keep handing you free money and doing things for you and apologizing to you; why do you still hate us?"

Diverse, multiracial society is a doom-loop. Best case scenario nothing improves, worst case scenario the violence keeps escalating until an actual race war breaks out. "Separate-but-equal" didn't work, integrated and equal also didn't work. The only thing left to try that is likely to work is separation. Ethnostates are the only civilizational model for the modern world that makes sense. If you want to write a novel aimed at redpilling normies on the race question, this is the point of view you need to get them to see.

Aaaaaand, I'm done. Hope I didn't bore everyone to tears.

>>365665
>>365672
>>365685
>>365686
Excellently written.
A History thread actually sounds like a decent idea.
Maybe an educational track for general purpose guided learning outline.

>>365685
Thank you for all of this high effort posting.

It's hard for me to see blacks as victims in this or view the black perspective with any validity when they enslaved each other long before jews showed up and bought them from other blacks. Whites freed blacks and blacks hate them for it because they cannot prosper like whites can under genuinely equal conditions. You remember Empire Of Dust where the smartest black they could find served as a niggerese translator, a job anyone could have done. The British waged wars to end slavery and went into debt trying to free every slave, a debt paid by the common man, a debt that was only paid off in what, somewhere around the 2000s or 2010s? Yet we are still swarmed in our own lands with barbarian orcs. And jewlike mudslimes out to spread their reign of terror and fuck their sisters and cousins amd our little girls. We don't even have a day dedicated to celebrating our contribution to freeing black slaves from jews or the day we paid off that debt. What was it all for?

I can see why blacks would choose to believe the jewish lie that whites are uniquely responsible for slavery and in debt to the blacks but I cannot respect them for what they are when what they want to be is our problem. Whatever economic benefit we gained from having them work hard for a while cannot be worth all the welfare and foreign aid and all the priceless white human lives lost to dindu nuffins. When people say corruption is ruining black countries they're just afraid to say low IQ niggers are the corruption. Regular blackouts, days when you phone the police and are told "All the cops are drunk today" or "their cars are out of fuel today", and more. Is everyone just supposed to tolerate their unjustifiable presence and hope living in the white man's society forces evolutionary pressures onto the blacks as those spending life in jail for gang rape or drug trafficking or carjacking are less able to breed than dievershitty hires? That can't work if dindus are being given slaps on their wrists for crimes whites would never do or would get imprisoned for life over. Sending all blacks home means letting them leave with their lives and everything they took from us. It means letting them become a problem for future white generations when those kids of the future forget what we know and become arrogant enough to think western attitudes can be not only aped but genuinely learned by sub-saharan africans and adopted magically improving their genes. If genetic engineering kids for maximum intelligence became the norm, smart blacks would see themselves with eyes entirely unclouded by blackness, and then they would probably kill themselves in disgust.

And the fucking muslims... With the aid of the UN, Jews are taking muslim land that used to be Christian land and should be Christian land again. So instead of doing anything to rich jews, they work together to rape white little girls and suicide bomb random white places like restaurants and train stations and restaurants all because they think this will take them to heaven. Instead of making the middle east their core focus, they would rather accept their jew assigned roles as "racism and islamophobia!"-crying sandniggers.

Does a man's choice in religion say something about him? When so many whites are so eager to abandon their religion and call themselves too smart and moral for Christ, no matter how that makes them look when they become godless commies or lolbertarian cucks, what does it say about Muslims for them to refuse to disavow mohammed the barbarian pedophile and lying warmongering subverter? The Greeks said heaven is only earned after you reincarnate and live three good lives. Christianity says heaven is paradise your soul remains in if you're good in this life. Buddism says butchers are subhuman like gravediggers and poor people, and you will be rewarded in your next life for enduring suffering in this one, and achieving heaven means meditating on your desire to desire nothing and cease to be until you break the cycle of reincarnation and ceasing to desire anything and finally cease to be. Spiritual suicide, you could call it, if you believed in souls. Islam says heaven is an eternity alone unsupervised with little girls and the best way to achieve it is through lying, stealing, killing, raping, terrorising, and conquering by any means necessary.

Fiction is full of fictional races, some from science fiction and some from fantasy, who are meant to be Always Chaotic Evil. Able to be killed without any moral implications. And they are typically far less terrible than niggers and sandniggers. At least the typical orc barbarian in fantasy has the decency to announce his presence and intent to kill and conquer loudly without dishonesty or subversion. In that case maybe calling the niggers and sandniggers in my story Orcs and Sand Orcs would be too cruel to Orcs. Often these fictional races treated no better than zombies have beastlike levels of intelligence, which is funny as gorillas regularly outperform niggers in IQ tests.

Do you think it would be possible for someone to read my work and want niggers and sandniggers gone?

>>365686
>Hope I didn't bore everyone to tears.
Nah, it was a well put together rundown. Screencap worthy in fact.

>be white man
>called into work on your day off
>was going to do something nice for your kids but you can't afford to keep you and your kids alive if you don't keep your job
>you don't just have to show your new manager, your boss's retarded halfblack halfjew daughter, her new workplace
>she already starts fucking shit up and exerting her undeserved force on the helpless and abusing male workers
>fucking feminist manager praises her nonwhite workers for getting something done so fast
>feminist manager tells you you need to fix it now because nonwhites fucked it up and if you can't fix it she's blaming you
>fix it and she gives the credit to the nonwhites

Would adding these aspects to the scene where the white man goes to work help the racial redpill themes?

Then again...

Gaming, Feminism, Feminists in gaming journalism, that was the first political thing I ever got into. From there I learned the media was untrustworthy about everything, and in private messages nazis told me about Islam and the Jews and race realist statistics.

Maybe trying to make one piece of media rush through EVERYTHING EVER is too much to do at once. I mean there's a scene where two characters in a room go through the entire history of WW1 and WW2.

Tons of people are waking up when it comes to feminism, even if they're afraid to go any further than saying "feminists and redpilled people are equally bad and annoying and weird and I'm neither". Those idiots suffer from "faith in belief". They believe it is morally righteous to believe in a particular belief, and that keeps them from questioning what they believe. They've lost faith in feminists and commies and leftists as people who fight for what they're told is right, but they're afraid to go further and notice we want to fight for what is actually right. They can notice the left fails to live up to their standards. But they can't go further and realize leftist standards are bullshit weapons of war and nothing more. They can't realize we want freedom for everyone and a brighter tomorrow for everyone in their own countries, because that means taking a side and believing in something real. They haven't heard the right argument to crystalize the confused thoughts in their head and give them counterarguments to leftist talking points. They still exist primarily in controlled spaces where leftist thought seems universal and therefore "the norm". They need that extra push. They need their media to tell them it's okay to oppose feminism even in genres currently overran with feminist bullshit. Feminism's a dead meme, they just haven't heard it yet.

Perhaps my work for now should focus on feminism? After all understanding what's wrong with feminists is the gateway drug to noticing jews control every aspect of feminism and every other inherently anti-white thing. It'll be hard, scrapping the story of Arion the Light Elf and his struggle against the Darkspawn to take his family to New Whiteland, subtler name pending, but I think I could make it work. Maybe a few years down the line the culture will shift enough for people to be ready for fictional characters to openly advocate for a future for the white race.

>>365709
On one side of the coin, I thought this was a thread about writing. On the other side, I can relate to GooberGate being my first foray into politics that disagree with globohomo. Just remember that you attract more flies with honey than vinegar. Showcase positive role models in your stories/works, healthy family relationships, and gently nudge the reader to ask, is this straight couple really so bad?

>>365710
If the writing thread isn't a place where ambitious writers can ask for feedback and advice what is?

More flies with honey than vinegar...

Perhaps instead of making the elf kingdom a depressing shithole ruined by goblins and full of problems the modern day man deals with, the heroes should come from a beautiful place. Stormwind, the best Heroes of Might and Magic games, every beautiful Elf place and cozy Hobbit place in LOTR, I always felt more at home in the hyper-white ideal places from these fantasy settings than in jewed modern society. Sure, Stormwind is technically as foreign to a modern earth human like me as a romancelticasian Night Elf city, but you know what I mean.

The heroes could travel around a fantasy world looking for allies and magical plot coupons, experiencing various distinct cultures and places along the way, stopping to help random people. But instead of stopping to help random people for the sake of padding, the problems the heroes help resolve could be connected to the story's themes and ideas and message. There could be an episode where they learn gun control is bad. There could be an episode about a woman who starts out wanting to be a violent cruel mage known for being the best but comes to learn being a kind healer who dedicates herself to The Light is more important and valuable even if it pisses her parents off. There could be a town where the heroes overthrow a warlord oppressing people and arm and train a militia and come back to find them oppressing and genociding others and needing to be stopped so one revolution later the heroes move on and come back to find it's happened again god fucking damn it fuck this desert it just keeps happening military interverntionism is bad and only splitting all of this land conquered by previous warlords into libertarian ethnostates will prevent ethnic tension from causing more power struggles.

>>365686
Sorry to reply to your post with an irrelevant ask: I have been following your critiques for a while and just found this thread as an answer to my question of where you have went.

I am not here to badger you for more, simply to ask if there is any way to get into contact with you? To be more specific, I greatly respect your reviews and your skill with how in-depth you go and how much knowledge you seem to exhibit. In the future I would like to get into contact with you somehow because there is a story I wish to write that is pretty meaningful to me, and you are probably the absolute best critic I have ever seen in my time in the pony community. I would even go as far as to pay you for your help - I value your input and time that much. It won't be written for a while, but I wanted to ask the question now and see what your general stance is on more private or direct communication, or would I just post about it here and ask you when the time comes? I'm not really scared of cancellation for being associated with people here, but i'm not a board native and it would be more efficient I think for some other approach for contact.

No clue if it matters but I was the Canadian flag among the people helping you understand fallout lore and what FO:E was ripping off when you were reviewing it.

>>365665
>spicy memes
It's all you. Eversince you showed me the Swedish chef, I've been taking lessons.

Kinda pointless ramblings below that I just felt like sharing for some reason.

---
On our novel, here's a few thoughts on things that could happen. You absolutely don't need to use any of these, it's just inspiration that I have gotten for the story that I felt like sharing. So don't feel as if I'm pressuring you to do any of this. I'm even sure if I'm gonna use these ideas when I'm writing my own chapters.

So the inspiration for the premise of our story is based on two animes: "Full Metal Panic" https://www.wcofun.org/anime/full-metal-panic and "Riddle Story of (the/a) Devil" https://www.wcofun.org/anime/riddle-story-of-devil.
FMP is about a military guy secretly guarding a highschool girl. RSoD is an even more anime. Here our protag is a schoolgirl assassin that is sent to a class with other schoolgirl assassins. They're put into a competition, essentially, to kill the one school girl in their new class that isn't an assassin. Our protag decides to protect the target against the assassins instead.

So like the first scene from RSoD is about our protag doing essentially the same thing as Anon does in the first scene of my first chapter. She's competing with some other girls in an obstacle course. However, if you were to watch that scene, you'd see that mine and there's aren't the same.
So there are a few things here and there that I took and used here (I think at least but I can't come up with that many).
That's kinda what I'm thinking about

For example, what do you think about an assassin filly in our story. Perhaps, Cloud Wrangler could have an daughter which is the next generation of her house's night assassin or something else that Anon could fight. Maybe just some mobs. Hmmm.

Though, I don't know if it is necessary either. I think the real reason I feel this way is because I feel like Cloud Wrangler is a like boss material so I can see Anon fighting her after the second-half-twist, or reveal that Anon actually is an agent of SMILE to Flurry.

Another thing I feel is that there's more to develop in terms of the setting before the plot kinda kicks in. Like, I'm fine with chilling out here. I'm can take strong inspiration from FMP here. In that story, our protag misunderstands normal school interactions as threats, leading to comedical situations. In my latest chapter, I spent a long time debating if I'd add scenes where Anon did similar things in our setting.

I had her lose Flurry in a crowd and she ended up parkouring onto a train to do some "Speed"-actions through a tunnel and then jump into a lake just to get back to Flurry. This leads to Flurry being embarressed when Anon shows up soaked.

I also had a scene were Anon taste tests Flurry's food and drink and when found out she pretends it was an accident.

But yeah, just slice of life within the group and their interaction with the new comming characters will work too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we don't necessarily need to raise the stakes yet even if some part of me feel such a need. So actually what I'm really saying is that, I'm not saying anything. Hah.
---

Anyway, I think just ignore me and just do your own thing is the best choice here but now you know a bunch of my thoughts on the story so far.

I 'm really looking forward to next chapter ^^
u nice for listen Have ur fave hoer ^^

>>365729
Sure, I can certainly help. I think I remember you from the threads. I set up a temporary email you can contact me on, just let me know what your preferred method of communication is and we can go from there. Easiest for me would probably either be Discord or private messaging on FimFiction.

>>365747
>Full Metal Panic
In an odd coincidence I actually watched through that one fairly recently. I'm assuming you were envisioning Anon in the Sgt. Sagura role and Flurry as Chidori? I could see that taking things in some amusing directions. Riddle Story of the Devil I haven't seen, but I might check it out for reference.

>u nice for listen Have ur fave hoer
hooray

>>365769
>>365729

Shit, just realized I forgot to include the temp email. You can contact me here: [email protected]

>>365688
>When people say corruption is ruining black countries they're just afraid to say low IQ niggers are the corruption
All the more reason for them to return to their own countries and live separately without white interference. There's no reason they need to be on our radar at all.

> Is everyone just supposed to tolerate their unjustifiable presence and hope living in the white man's society forces evolutionary pressures onto the blacks as those spending life in jail for gang rape or drug trafficking or carjacking are less able to breed than dievershitty hires?
No, which is why focusing on how diversity is an unsustainable social policy is a better vector of attack than just having your characters rant endlessly about niggers.

>With the aid of the UN, Jews are taking muslim land that used to be Christian land and should be Christian land again.
tbh I really can't muster any fucks to give over who ends up controlling some worthless patch of desert. Arguably our problems with the Muslims started in 1095 when some pope or other had the pants-on-head-retarded idea that reclaiming the "holy land" was a project worth pursuing, and it's been nothing but a shitshow ever since. This is another area where the West should just butt out imo; keep the conflict contained to that region but otherwise don't get involved, ie no foreign aid to Israel or anyone else. In any event, this is beyond the scope of this thread, so I see no reason to continue this topic.

>Does a man's choice in religion say something about him? When so many whites are so eager to abandon their religion and call themselves too smart and moral for Christ, no matter how that makes them look when they become godless commies or lolbertarian cucks, what does it say about Muslims for them to refuse to disavow mohammed the barbarian pedophile and lying warmongering subverter?
Again, this is beyond the scope of anything we're discussing. This is a thread about writing, and you've stated that you're trying to write something, ergo you should keep your posts focused on that. If we wanted your random thoughts about religion, we would ask; since no one asked, you should assume that no one cares.

>The Greeks said heaven is only earned after you reincarnate and live three good lives. Christianity says heaven is paradise your soul remains in if you're good in this life. Buddism says butchers are subhuman like gravediggers and poor people, and you will be rewarded in your next life for enduring suffering in this one, and achieving heaven means meditating on your desire to desire nothing and cease to be until you break the cycle of reincarnation and ceasing to desire anything and finally cease to be. Spiritual suicide, you could call it, if you believed in souls. Islam says heaven is an eternity alone unsupervised with little girls and the best way to achieve it is through lying, stealing, killing, raping, terrorising, and conquering by any means necessary.
You oversimplify religion the same way you oversimplify everything else. Religion is an interesting topic; if you're genuinely interested you should try doing some actual reading into these religions instead of just frothing at the mouth over bullshit you culled from general knowledge and Wikipedia. Also, unless this has anything to do with your writing project I see no point in discussing it here.

>Do you think it would be possible for someone to read my work and want niggers and sandniggers gone?
If by your work you mean the writing samples you've shared with us to date, then no. This is why you should focus more on learning to be a better writer, and less on keyboard-mashing every random thought that crosses your mind.

>>365709
>Maybe trying to make one piece of media rush through EVERYTHING EVER is too much to do at once.
Yes, as multiple people have explained to you on multiple occasions.

>Perhaps my work for now should focus on feminism?
It really doesn't matter what your work focuses on if you can't manage to write something that someone actually wants to read; that's the core problem you need to address. This is why, as I have suggested I don't know how many times, instead of worrying about which specific political messages you want to cram into your work, you should for now focus your attention on nailing down the basics of writing: how to set a scene, how characters should interact with each other, how dialogue is written, how to control pacing, etc; things that are universal regardless of genre or subject matter. You still struggle with literally every single one of these things. When you've mastered these basic concepts, you should have a clearer idea of how to tell a story about feminism, or niggers, or the Crusades, or Starlight Glimmer anally raping your OC, or any other topic under the sun.

I will again call your attention to this link I posted earlier in the thread:
https://mega.nz/file/2HAG3aDY#ZGymsaaqN8p2l8sY7yjNyiZwOCm5vMDSYuxerGkyH30

This contains every beginning writing book I have saved to my computer at present, and there is a literal treasure trove of information in there that could help you with all sorts of things, probably much better than I could. As an added bonus, it will enable you to master the basics of storytelling without having to constantly pester us with random bizarre questions, which would in turn mean that you will get called a faggot far less often.

>>365717
>If the writing thread isn't a place where ambitious writers can ask for feedback and advice what is?
That's exactly what this thread is supposed to be; the problem is that you keep going off on irrelevant side topics. Honestly, even more so than nailing down writing basics, what you really need to learn how to do is focus your thoughts and direct your mental energy where it's actually needed. You may want to consider taking up meditation or something.

>>365770
Awesome. Please note that i'm still scrambling to get my life together at the moment, so I won't need your help for a while. However, i'll get you on fimfic for sure for when the time comes. I'll send an email in a moment.

>>365771
Thank you for the books. And thank you for putting all this time into this, I know I'm not good at any of this but it means a lot to me.

I'll read more of those books now but I don't think I communicated the religion question from earlier well and it might have just sounded like aimless ranting.

Tons of stories use fictional religions to add a unique exotic flavour to a fictional group of people, characterize them, explore ideas, or comment on real religions and people. They could have funny little superstitions and festivals and holy days with weird costumes. It could be a lot of fun, it can help this other world feel special and unique, or it can be a chance to say something in a fun way.

A day dedicated to Not Christmas can be a good chance to tell the audience the creation myth and what it means (and what more important universal ideas like family and love and goodness) mean to each important character.

Maybe a day dedicated to worshipping the god of fertility can be a fun day at the farmer's market and a chance to heroically physically punish rich aristocrats and their hired thugs for fucking with farmers and their livelihoods.

Maybe a day dedicated to worshipping the god of drunken retardity could end in hangovers and tragedy and the decision to never take part in that festival again.

And saying the heroes worship something good while the baddies worship badness helps the audience remember who the goodies and baddies are. It can be simpler than giving each villain their own reason to be evil and it can help each defeated villain feel like another small victory against the final boss the story is building towards.

I was going to mention Star Wars and other famous examples with a good versus evil binary expressed through religion and how good or bad they were at it but that might be pointless ranting disconnected from my main point.

My point is... Do you think it'd be worth making the good elves in my work worship a God/Jesuslike figure and his good rules for being good to yourself and others, or maybe the sun or moon along with a creation myth casting them as God and Jesus or two Gods, while the evil people worship themselves(jews and feminists) or a lying pedo(muslims) or a more generic and normal bad guy thing commonly seen in fantasy like conquest-driven warmongers or nihilism or death or a big evil satanic dragon that gives his followers superpowers? Naruto was shit 99% of the time but early on I liked how Orochimaru played that physically empowering and autonomy-removing spiritually depowering satanic figure role despite just being some guy, a genius medic ninja turning orphans into weapons willing to die for him, it played into the "are ninjas just weapons?" theme and was slightly more unique than the usual Demon King/Cult That Wants Power/Dark Lord Of Evil shit regurgitated ad nauseam ad infinitum.

I'm going to try to write a story in three days, because I think my perfectionism is holding me back and making me second-guess and edit everything instead of writing more. I'm giving myself three days to master the basics and write a story better than what I made before.

>>365780
Also sent ;)

>>365784
Sorry, I seem to have lost access to the temp email, I guess it resets if you don't check it within 48 hours. This is my first time using one of these services.

Try resending it to this address:
[email protected]

>>365535
>I'm not a writer. Not even a conoisseur of sorts.
Except u totally r.
>You shouldn't listen to me.
Don't tell ne what to do!
>pic
Let me take u under my wing fledgling. I will teach u all about procrastinating... Err, I mean writing.

>>366109
Is that, D-real Sven?! Thanks fren. I guess am okay with recognising am just an apprentice.
In case you wonder, I haven't abandoned brainmetaĺl yet. But I did have to take a very long break last year. I recently started over tho.

>>366112
Np, kohai ^^ Is all g.

>>366152
>kohai
Guess I am. Heh

Dale Gribble has some new chapters added:
https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/S1pk1skX3

Also Sven, I'm going to get to work on our thing soon, I just wanted to add a bit to this since I haven't worked on it in awhile.

>>366158
Very cute Coco pic ^^.
>>366243
> I just wanted to add a bit to this since I haven't worked on it in awhile.
Who authorized this? Do you know what Princess Celestia would do to you if you were tardy on one her assignments? Have you ever spent you summer vaction on the moon? ^^

Starting my story with a scene of the protagonist as a kid before a timeskip where he grows up would probably help. Seems like tons of good stories do that but I don't know why. Does anyone here know why stories like doing that?

>>366323
Probably because this scene impacts their mc's life but the rest of the story is when they are an adult so there's no reason to show the rest of the mc's childhood.
Probs ^^

>>366328
That sounds right.
Hey to solve the problem where my protagonist loves infodumping like a teacher talking to a student, what if the protagonist was an amnesiac soldier or ignorant farm boy who needed other characters to infodump to him? I think seeking out knowledge is cooler than already knowing everything.

>>366329
>my protagonist loves infodumping like a teacher talking to a student
This is a thing most authors intentionally avoid, as it makes the protagonist less relatable. It's preferable to have a protagonist be clueless and have things about the world explained to him than it is to have the protagonist dump information. Any time your protagonist dumps information about the world in character that the audience doesn't know, it divorces the perspective of the protagonist from the author. This is part of the challenge of writing "smart" characters, as them info-dumping facts about the mileau and bringing them up in character inherently distances their immersion for the audience. You want your audience to associate with your protagonist, so it's better to make it more subtle so it feels like the audience is learning alongside the protagonist.

>>366332
Seconded. Expositing every detail of the world is sloppy and less engaging. Amnesia, while cliche, is one method of making searching for information more interesting. A good example may be Ghost Trick with its protagonist being a ghost who has until sunrise to solve his murder before his soul disappears. Characters drop small details, not long exposition dumps (with the exception of Ray, since he has to explain some of the gameplay to the player).

Think of it this way, is it more engaging for an injured survivor in a zombie apocalypse to grab the protagonist and exposite about cures and weaknesses, or for the protagonist to find cryptic or small clues that the reader might put together before the protag does?

That makes sense. If the amnesiac protag gets occasional flashbacks every so often that could be good. Could deliver info during downtime to help the audience understand the next scene. Or the hero could never get flashbacks, and seek out the information himself anyway to be a more active protagonist. But without flashbacks to confirm memories can they be trusted? And flashbacks could show days from the protagonist's past. Moments when the facts he saw and situations he experienced disproved the lefty liedeology.

A thought occured.

What if a human from earth was isekaied into a fantasy world, gifted chosen one status and magic power and importance by a loving but flawed goddess full of regrets in her dying moments, and assigned the job to save the Light Elves from the Orcs to stop them from overrunning the world and ruining it and summoning satan?

An Elf who has lived in this world his whole life can tell the human protagonist, and through him, the audience, all about the world we beings of light live in, and how we are preyed upon by creatures of darkness because we are too soft and gentle and submissive for our own good.

The human from earth has to choose between two women who want him: a tradwife, and a tomboyish muscular tradwife, both of whom have perfectly legitimate reasons to hate Orcs just like everyone else who wasn't brainwashed into loving Orcs. If anything stands out about this story it would be that there is no homosexual option or 1000 year old child option in the love quest and that there are only two genders.

The isekai structure might be more familiar to people these days than the sound of a grand piano. And isekai stories these days are all about sucking the audience off and telling them they hold hidden talents and would prosper in a violent magical realm. Western media dominated by wokeness seeks to tell the audience they are never woke enough, while anime wants to sell waifus. Writing from the natsoc perspective is harder than drawing an anime girl, giving her big tits, and randomizing her hairstyle and hair and eye colours.

On one hand I want to portray an ethnically homogenous Elf society as a good thing but on the other hand Monster Girls are awesome and cute and I think it would be funny if Orcs said dumb Orc shit like "Your team has no diversity, unlike ours! You have a a Lamia, a Centaur, a Harpy, a Drider, and a Slime, but our team has six Orc men!".

Maybe there could be multiple countries with different kinds of people like in Avatar The Last Airbender. Except instead of sandbenders in the desert there are snake people in the desert and centaurs in the plains and harpies in the mountains and spidertaurs (or "Driders") in the caves and Elves in the forest and the kitsune in Japan.

>Elf. Snake. Harpy. Centaur. Drider. Kitsunem Slime. Long ago, the seven nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Orcs attacked. Only the Chosen One, master of all racist magic, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he died. A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Chosen One, an Isekai'd former weeaboo named... Mark. Though his magic and european sword skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone. But I believe, Mark can save the world.

Perfect. I'm so good at this.

Maybe there should be an evil Dark Elf emperor with four or more kids to turn good like Zuko but different. Zuko had his own journey but it would help the message better if their journey from "but it's the LAW! I can't rebel against the empire!" to "regime change and rebellion are necessary when the government stops serving the race, king emperor dad's a jewed cuck hurting the Elf race with his war of conquest aided by the Orcish hordes" relied on the heroes and their wisdom.

>>366353
I dislike monarchies because they are artificial power structures that encourage the accumulation of power and wealth and privilege at the top while leaving nothing to the peasantry. Peasants have no way to force the monarchs to be good without taking up arms and forming angry mobs with pitchforks and torches and hoping this works against trained armed mercenaries and soldiers and everything else the ruling elitists have to keep them safe from their slaves. The people need guns and politicians need to be scared of people with guns. If all monarchs were wise and all-knowing and fundamentally good people as they so often are in fiction, laws and checks and balances would be unnecessary to keep the monarchs in check and working for the good of his race.

There could be a holy good kingdom of Elftopia conquered by the Orcs decades before the story begins, and the audience self insert character could help the undercover princess with chosen one powers retake the continent and send the Orcs home and swear to be a good leader after her journey teaches her the true meaning of friendship and what a good monarch is and isn't. Or why monarchy sucks gay anus and small racist govt is best govt. Or search the world for seven Important Stones to get the power to wish all Orcs back to hell for another thousand years. If the story ends with one character saying "The evil may return in a thousand years" another character can say "We must always remember to fight evil and we must build a civilization that can stand the test of time so we can destroy it".

And there could be people who like being in orc occupied Elftopia. And people who were born after the conquering and don't know things were once better. And people forced to rebel because the cost of living too high or they had to protect their family from the orcs. There could be museums dedicated to slandering the elves and praising the orcish "inventions". The heroes might get screwed over by treasonous woke cucks who hate their race so often the audience would start to hate race traitors too. There could be one "good" liberal character who keeps seeing evidence liberalism is failure until eventually he wakes up and understands the nazis were right. He has good motives but keeps struggling to put two and two together to get four because he was raised to see five. But eventually he gets it. Like when Veronica the good Brotherhood of Steel member kept seeing evidence the BoS suck balls and are wrong and have no good future for themselves or the world. Eventually she quit and they killed all the charity people she tried working for and she realized the Brotherhood really are too far gone. Calling the Brotherhood techno-fascists is an insult to fascists. Fucking wokies really think that jewish Starship Troopers film is an accurate depiction of fascism and rational mockery of it. I should buy the rights to a commie book and make the movie about retarded commies in clown costumes shitting their pants and failing at life. Except I shouldn't because I don't have that kind of money and even if I did it wouldn't work.

How many lefty propaganda films only have the man get the girl once he becomes cucky and woke enough for her while optionally also overcoming a great ordeal for her? Sending the message that you could get a trad wife if you were based enough (and should want a trad wife) sounds good. And whites really would prosper in a world without orcs. A chosen one with incredible power and the blessing of the gods and a gun would make fixing everything easier. Then again the audience might want to take a wife from one of the monster girl races. Perhaps if this was a videogame, the player could choose his race at the start of the game, deciding which characters he can and cannot marry at the end of the game. As a joke I could make black player characters use low Intelligence dialogue like in Fallout 1 and 2.

Maybe the audience self insert character could get a kid, too. People loved Atreus and Elizabeth Bioshock and Lucina and the kid from TLOU.

Come to think of it, "In another world but I have a daughter to take care of" might be something Isekai anime has never done. Knowing Japan that probably wouldn't exist but "In another world with my new harem and my daughter is in it" probably does exist. Such a disgusting tendency to corrupt the beautiful idea of found family into something purely carnal or at best just useful for the protag.

How does this sound so far? Have I cracked the code and designed the formula for the perfect story?

>>366354
Fuck, I misspelled a word in the second part and deleted the post and posted the fixed version while replying to the deleted version not the first part.

>>366158
I'm currently doing something new that might help you. I base this on the fact that it help me ^^. Right now, I'm writing a story offline that's just for myself and for myself alone. I won't be sharing this story with anyone. It's a simple adventure kinda story. My mc woke up in a fantasy world and is just randomly fight goblins in a dungeon but it's kinda fun to write without having to worry about how this will appear to others. I'm not really worried about quality or anything, I just set a timer on five min and when it goes off, I type some stuff into it and then when I feel done with that for the moment I just set the timer again.

>>366354
>How does this sound so far? Have I cracked the code and designed the formula for the perfect story?
You have. Print it, man ^^.

Second guessing the idea of a chosen one.

The myth of the chosen one is stupid. It takes the responsibility of fixing the world and puts it all on one set of shoulders. If Gotham burns thanks to Joker and Firefly teaming up it doesn't mean the Fire Department sucks balls, it means Batman didn't try hard enough that night. Only rhe Avatar can defeat the Fire Lord in single combat. Inspiring an army of people to deal with the rest of the Fire Lord's shit is a bonus.

On the other hand people feel powerless. So they turn to fiction. And the ultimate power trip in fiction is being the chosen one who must save the world. Or the villain who can do anything, but fantasizing about the hero adds bonus feel good fuzzy feelings.

White men want to be heroes, with responsibility and power, if they're good people. They want to have swords and guns and they want to slay monsters and protect themselves and their loved ones. Fiction offers an escape from reality where they can imagine themselves as heroes and think about what it means to be a hero and what a society worth saving looks like.

My work here would probably be better to me if it had a hero without chosen one powers, a working class man overthrowing the system and proving he can be a hero, but people these days really fucking love isekai so I think that's the safer bet.

Remember when Children Of Man tried to depict that guy in the "fascist racist white" government as an evil violent vice-loving corrupt irrational asshole in his limited screentime, to further characterize the white government as a bunch of evil dumb uneducated corrupt lying vice-loving hypocrites? He drove a bus or truck or something, right? Or am I remembering it wrong?

It might be a good idea to put one "good" member of an evil group in my story so I can show even the "good" ones are bad too. Classic anti-Christian propaganda film Saved started by attacking the cafeteria christians and their shallow desire to be hip and modern, then attacked the rest of them even though they were all nice to the invasive subverter jew.

I liked Worf from Star Trek. He humanized the warlike Klingons. You can be tough and violent without being an evil cunt about it. Before I knew about Jews, the Ferengi character was comedy gold to me but now I feel conflicted about enjoying that show knowing it was intended to be leftist propaganda for midwits who think abolishing cash would get them spaceships and free food and space adventures. Worf wasn't evil or part of a fundamentally evil race.

That beach episode in Avatar: The Last Airbender humanized Azula and her friends, which was neat, while showing how badly the Fire Nation grindset has fucked her up, which was neat.

In Fallout 4 every Super Mutant you meet is a bloodthirsty cannibalistic monster who attacks you on sight (before and after the mission where you mow them down with a helicopter minigun COD style) except Vergil the genius scientist artificially turned into one recently who hates his violent mutant body and wants to be cured, and a violent psychotic retard joke character named Strong who heard "the milk of human kindness makes humanity stronger" and now tries and poorly tries to comprehend concepts like kindness and relationships while also being a murderhobo. If there was a tribe of Super Mutants who don't attack you on sight and instead say "we dindu nuffin wrong and humans wrongfully persecute us. Here, want some fresh human meat? Only 40 caps. No? More for me. OM NOM NOM" that would have helped complete the picture of super mutants as fantasy monsters fundamentally impossible to live with. That's how bethesda wanted to portray them, while also portraying Ghouls as people "only bigots would dislike" except when the Ghouls are feral enemy mobs who attack on sight or disgusting drug-addicted degenerates who accomplished nothing of note in 269ish years. But outside of Bethesda's Fallout, the Super Mutants are more than just monsters. They're people, just sometimes fighting for the wrong side. I really liked Marcus, he was a well written character. But if I portray any Orcs as people, I'm not being authentic to their real-world inspiration. Feral Bantu invaders are preying upon insufficiently armed and organized white people in Africa right now and eating their corpses as I type this.

Every good Helghast in Killzone was usually half-human. Should the obligatory one good Orc character in my work be half-Elf and half-Orc? The only redpilled non-white person I ever encountered in person was mixed-race and far more proud of the white side.

The Last Of Us 2 had that short-haired lesbian character quit the christian hate group to "be herself" and push the "Those damn dirty Muslims- I mean Christian extremists who want to take the Middle East- I mean America for themselves hate us for what we are, but we hate them for what they choose to be, and revenge is bad and we jews never do revenge and we jews are willing to accept them if they cut their hair short and disobey their elders and become lesbians and betray their tribe for us because we're just soooo tolerant as long as we can have everything our way" message. Insert joke about jewish Earsgiving (Eid al-Adha) here.

But I'm not sure if my story could have one "good" Orc join the heroes or help the heroes during an important scene, even if it's to show that there are no good orcs. Are "good" Orcs even possible, or is their existence an oxymoron just like cold lava?

The only black youtuber I was subscribed to went from "we black conservatives should love Trump and hate those racist DemoKKKrats, hahaha look at this woke retard on twitter" to full woketard when I wasn't looking, he attacked the creator of Rich Men North of Richmond and everything. I unsubscribed to him and the other black who liked comics but also went full woketard for some reason. Do blacks get a black version of dementia if they survive past 30? They turned their backs on what got them very slightly famous to chase wokeness.

I don't think anyone could believe any orc would willingly go back to Liberia and give up any chance to steal from whitey, let alone help to force other orcs into Liberia along the way, and while I abhor the use of force (especially government force) a tremendous amount of force is what it will take to banish the demons from our realm and save the future of our race (our children) from the existential threat of the demon horde.

Part of the fantasy of fantasy worlds is that these are worlds where problems bigger than individual men are solved by good men (and maybe also good women) doing the right thing. It really can be as simple as slaughtering armies, beheading tyrants, smiting demons, slaying monsters, completing the ritual, getting the girl, and destroying Death Stars/Magic Rings to defy fate and fulfill their heroic destiny. Maybe even spontaneously end famines/droughts/plagues in the process. Just kill the right person and everything gets better. That's an appeal of fantasy few want to talk about, because saying "hurr durr fantasy bikini armor unrealistic and real world problems are more complex" gets upvotes.

I want to tap into that primal beauty.

Speaking of beauties I want to tap, nobody can stop me from putting cute slime girls in this. People might doubt I made this if they were missing.

>>366369
At this point, its fine for me if you just wanna dump your random thoughts one media in this thread (I think, but maybe I'm shortsighted). I guess this is the most relevant thread for such thoughts that currently exists. Though, while I was op of the first ones this thread is basically a writing general thread so it really doesn't belong to me in any form, imo. So I feel it's more up to what other participants feel.

However, you really don't need to pretend that these random thoughts are absolutely relevant to your current story you're writing. Yeeeeah. About that ^^.

>>366369
>Speaking of beauties I want to tap, nobody can stop me from putting cute slime girls in this.
Honestly man? I agree with Sven at this point. I think you should just go buck-wild on this. You do you. I think I'm finally done trying to influence your way of thinking or trying to give you serious advice. No matter what happens, we always end up right back where we started, so...whatevsky. It's your project, do it your way. Fill your story up with slime girls, big-tiddy Pokemon, simplistic racial analogies, autistic references to obscure media few have heard of and fewer actually care about, massive infodumps wedged into block paragraphs spoken by characters, terrible grammar, massive run-on sentences; whatever you want. Just do your own thing with it. Rant about niggers to your heart's content. Throw your ridiculous Silver-Star-recolor fox OC in there. Bring back magical flying skateboards. The bar for aspiring writers has never been any lower than it is right now, in this century, so who knows? There might actually be a reader base out there for whatever the hell you're trying to do.

>>366370
>>366371
Wasn't gonna say anything because at least his stream of consciousness isn't just ranting about other media being antiwhite and he seemed to be writing his actual storyline...but seconded. 99.9999% of this stuff is just bloviating about points we all agree on in that Michael-Moore-screaming-on-a-megaphone kind of way, or utterly impenetrable walls of text.

On one hand, you do you. On the other, good lord, download OpenOffice or use a Notepad doc for your outline notes. You spend longer on your 'advice seeking' begs for validation than on writing.

>>366370
>So I feel it's more up to what other participants feel.
I've never found these kind of posts to be that annoying. I even joined him sometimes in his /ub/ thread.
On the other hand. I don't know why he has to post It ITT instead of /sp/ or something. I don't know how long he's been told to stop doing so either.
I guess I concur with the rest. >>366372 >>366373

But this stuff really is connected to my writing. I've read a lot of books and seen a lot of shows but when I think of "propaganda" I think of all the times jewish shit attacked whites and whether it slipped past the defenses of people or got noticed. And all the JRPGs where you kill a somewhat christian-looking god in the end but that trope's as commonly copied without understanding it as superheroes wearing capes to convey movement and so writers dont have to draw as many muscles so it doesnt count. It's hard to figure this writing shit out and I know I'm still no good at it despite how long I've spent trying. How can anyone look at the truth and not get it? How does anyone still have any faith left in the jewish system? How can I write something for the mind who doesn't get it? How can I help them get it when I don't get why anyone wouldn't get it? When I think "maybe my work is too boring and I should add fun stuff", what do people like? Sex and violence and displays of power and sports I guess? Game of Thrones seemed to throw a sex scene or titty shot in there whenever they feared they went too long without one. Is that the approach I should take? I mean it worked for them but I don't think I'm that good a writer so I should probably include more sex. Then again do normal people want to fuck lamias or am I in the minority there? It was learning about the feminists taking over and ruining comics and gaming that made me oppose feminism and eventually someone told me about the jews and islamic rape gangs and all the other stuff. It wasn't one piece of fiction that made being libertarian look really good. So how can I make something that makes libertarian ideals so good it makes people get it and get called nazis by communists?

Last time I tried to write something deep, introspective, and mature, it turned out to be a really fucking gay My Little Pony fanfic. I don't want a repeat of that. When I remember all the former friends I had who loved gaming but hate "drumpf" it pisses me off. I don't even like Trump any more but they were completely brainwashed by lefty propaganda and so were tons of other people. The world needs anti-propaganda. Adnagaporp. I need to create adnagaporp so effective it will snap people out of it. I just don't understand how I'm going to do it.

>>366391
>but this is related to my writing
>immediately followed by a drunken and derailed train of thought about JRPG depictions of god/s
>"How does anyone still have faith in the Jewish system?"
Jesus christ, my head.

>>366393
It feels like anti white propaganda when you kill god in japanese games but it doesn't seem maliciously targeted towards whites. Only Final Fantasy X said fuck religion. And maybe others I never played.

>>366407
Who

Asked

>>366441
I didn't have to use the word narcissist to trigger haters. This is a writing thread, and I am a writer using the thread for its intended purpose: Writing discussion. Bitching at me for posting is not the thread's purpose. I stopped caring about what the haters say about me when I realized they're worse at staying on topic and contributing positively to discussion yet they never call each other out on that. "Who asked" me to talk about my writing in the writing thread? "Who asked" them to talk about their feelings in the writing thread? Hating someone to this degree is a parasocial relationship on par with lusting after who you believe a vtuber to be. You made good on-topic posts before.

>>365710
I've never met a role model in person. I had negative role models growing up. I could look at my father and think "I don't want to turn out like him. Better do squats and develop a hatred of booze+MMORPGs". Trying to imagine what a role model is after all this jewish subversion... I'd have an easier time imagining a flying pig. If I want to imagine a "good" person I have to recall fiction. Lord of The Rings is a good example of "good", right? And Game of Thrones had some good characters, but it liked shitting on those characters as if the world wanted to break them and make them compromise. Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate faked being role models for men, but they're both too jewish. The former said "You can slay dragons and get your life in order" and the latter said "You can get bitches and cars" but neither is able or willing to be pure. I need a purer role model character for my protagonist to look up to. Maybe he should die getting a moral victory, sacrificing himself for the future generation's future, audiences love that and it allows characters to struggle to live up to him and make up for his absence.

>>366335
Looking at my current work I think there are too many scenes where characters exposit their backstory or their world's backstory to the reader/the protagonist. Thankfully no villains dump their whole backstory on their deathbed. Always hated that cliche.

Small clues... I'll keep that in mind.

Maybe starting the story mid-war with an amnesiac unsure why he's fighting isn't the best way to do this. "Why did this war happen?" is a complicated subject and so is "What can we learn from it?".

I need to come at this from another angle. Too many scenes fighting the evil invading army for being bad, it's getting in the way of tying this to a political message.

School?

I considered a story where the protagonist, an innocent idealistic farm-boy outsider from a functional libertarian culturally and ethnically homogeneous farming village, comes to the big multikulti city and realizes how shit it is while going to a boarding school. The moral: fuck communism, libtards, etc.

He wants to make money for his family and village because the government fucked the farmers over. In that sense, the rural white man forced into the city is more of a true "economic migrant" than any of the mudslime gimmiegrants with ten state-sponsored kids going to state-mandated anti-whiteness classes and explosion lessons at the sandjew mosques. The protagonist at this school wants to learn while also solving the problems of others. Maybe it's medieval and slavery's legal, would result in a funny scene if a slave-selling market was next to a bookstore and that bookstore had angry libtards outside malding over "offensive fiction" while children are being sold nearby and they don't care. Or bought some.

There is no one class dedicated to infodumping about the world's history or explaining why everything is shit, that'd be clumsy writing, right? Instead it's conveyed subtly through the problems the hero experiences and tries to solve. His way is always the right way unless he's not truly libertarian enough yet.

His growth as a man would mirror the political journey from "these liberals sound nice" to "liberals are hypocrites and not true liberals" to "liberalism is a bad joke" to "I just visited ancapistan and holy shit fuck the lolbertarians who let bad things happen in the name of profit" to "I like libertarianism on paper but it only works in ethnically homogenous societies, secessionists should have the right to make an ethnostate via national divorce and be left alone, and the invaders should be sent home by force".

One evil overlord puts a name and face to complex social issues. Yeah, my work should have King Tard, puppet of the Jewish Guild, overthrown by the heroes.

Hogwarts was retarded. Bringing it up might piss people off but it's the first people think of when they think "magic school". Slytherin, Griffindor, the others, fucking retarded. No future evil overlord wannabe should ever want to be in Slytherin(it tells the world you're evil, segregating you from potentially useful pawns while keeping you with the other evil schemers and their flying monkeys), and how many true intellectuals versus midwits who want to seem smart would go to Ravenclaw? But people FUCKING LOVE this cliche. No idea why. Is it a tribal identity thing?

If it works as intended it segregates mentally compatible kids together and fosters healthy competition, and if it fails it segregates friends and family apart and fosters backstabbing and evil while distracting kids from work. Then there are schools where the "Houses" just segregate kids based on ability or economic status and treat them better or worse accordingly, I could mention more respectable examples from famous media but Obelisk Blue vs Slifer Red is more obvious even to someone who has no idea what I'm talking about. At least in FE3H you had the excuse that these kids were from different parts of the country at a school dominated by the church and the wishes of rich noble families. Maybe my story's school should have a shit school house system that exclusively causes problems by forcing incompatible students together in the name of equality, and shit gets better when this stops.

>>366375
>I've never found these kind of posts to be that annoying. I even joined him sometimes in his /ub/ thread.
>On the other hand.
>I don't know why he has to post It ITT instead of /sp/ or something.
^^

Anyway, writing anything cool right now? Anything on the backburner?

>>366372
Cute girl. c:

>>366439
It's more that ur post, >>366407 wasn't what he question in his post, >>366393 so your answer, >>366407 wasn't relevant to what he was talking about therefore he asked >>366417
Jfyi ^^

>>366375
I'm working on a thread idea for writing myself. Not promising anything as always but I'm proud of the idea. It's gonna be like one of those prompt threads you can see on /mlp/.

>>366450
> I stopped caring about what the haters say about me when I realized they're worse at staying on topic and contributing positively to discussion yet they never call each other out on that.
Oh dear, are those haters still after you? Still off somewhere in the shadows, plotting against you on their secret discord servers? Dang, that's rough. You just hang in there, buddy.

>I could look at my father and think "I don't want to turn out like him. Better do squats and develop a hatred of booze+MMORPGs".
So, instead of being obsessed with shitty autistic MMORPGs you're obsessed with shitty autistic fighting games, and instead of chugging booze you chug cum. Wow, you sure showed him. You're truly an inspiration to us all.

>I considered a story where the protagonist, an innocent idealistic farm-boy outsider from a functional libertarian culturally and ethnically homogeneous farming village, comes to the big multikulti city and realizes how shit it is while going to a boarding school.
You've "considered" thousands of ideas at this point, and they're basically all the same idea just rearranged slightly. At this point no one is really that interested in the specifics. Just something to consider if, you know, you ever want to save yourself a bit of typing for whatever reason.

And if you ever decide to actually sit down and write this epic novel of yours instead of just blogging about it, here is what you should do: take a bunch of /pol/ memes about how Jews and niggers suck, combine that with a bunch of random ideas culled from cartoons and video games plus maybe the one or two books you've actually read in your life, and then just think about that stuff while mashing your keyboard over and over until it's hundreds of thousands of words long. Oh, and don't forget to put some slime girls with big boobs in there somewhere, that part's really important.

>>366451
>Anyway, writing anything cool right now? Anything on the backburner?
Just rainmetall for now. I think it's safe to say it'll be readable this time. There's probably a decent chunk already rewritten. So maybe I should post it soon enough.
>>366452
I'm thrilled to see what it entails. Btw, sorry for shitting up last time. I could've used some practice given I was trying to adjust to what was said by GG. Sorry fams.

>>366457
I'd be willing to do another read and review for the new draft if you like; if I can understand what it's about this time I can hopefully give you some better notes.

>>366458
That sounds great. I've found myself going back to the thread very often. Thanks for the analysis, it's been very useful.

>>366456
You're on a website full of people who have heard leftists use the "Are Antifa and the Woke in the room with us right now? You have a persecution complex!" gaslighting tactic before.

>>366462
You and another anon CONSTANTLY accuse others of being lefties because they disagree with one part of your beliefs. We are just taking what you say and throwing it in your face because we're annoyed with you. It's not gaslighting.

>>366463
Lefty tactics are lefty tactics, they're not designed to communicate your point constructively. I can understand if people are pissed that my posts are long. But it's not like there is a global rate limit where my posts prevent otbers from talking about what they want in this thread. If someone else said "Here is my recently finished story, what do you think?" or "What is the best way to handle a pro nazi message in my Twilight Sparkle x Big Mac shipfic?" I would never get angry at that user for talking about his thing or someone else's thing instead of my thing. I'm not ranting about my feelings on Fallout 4 when I say it poorly handled its core theme of mistrust by never making anyone inside the game world, Synth or otherwise, betray you in a way that matters.

By the way bones take 20 years to decompose. It's stupid when 200 year old Environmental Storytelling Skeletons(TM) show up in Fallout Equestria. But it's extra stupid when Shattered Hoof Ridge is jist flooded with 200+ year old skeletons from the day the bombs fell like the matching shoes and wedding rings of a holohoax prop. That's like a metaphor for Fallout Equestria. A red flag for the kind of story you are about to read. All of Bethesda's usual stupidity but even worse. It relies on the inherent tragedy of sad things like friends drifting apart and dead ponies and dead foals and dials it up to 999999999 in an attempt to make anybody feel anything. School massacres, crack addict horses, a skeleton mountain with shattered hooves.

How can anyone look at what happened in the pic and not get the joke? I don't get it. I want to create a story that attracts normies and get them thinking about holes in leftist liedeology and why I am right. But if it's only as deep as a political cartoon it will feel like a silly pantomime. My work needs to be higher quality than professionally produced government funded propaganda in TV and games for it to have any positive effect on people used to a steady diet of shoddily produced and expertly produced leftist propaganda. Yeah. Just need to accomplish the impossible. Or what seems like the impossible. Maybe I should give up on the informative angle and just write something cool and fun people who already get it can enjoy. There was never really a point where I was a brainwashed lefty. I don't understand their perspective. I grew up thinking libtards were right and conservatives were dumb then I noticed libtards attacking muh vidyagames then someone told me about islamic rapefugees and jews and the federal reserve and suddenly videogames felt less important. I never felt that kind of otherworldly hatred for whites leftists feel. Never understood what kind of monster could want whites dead or raped or enslaved just for being number one. The feeling that drives a leftist to crave being evil... That's more alien to me than the feeling that drives Elves into forests and Dwarves into caves. I love being in forests and caves. How can I capture that leftist perspective within my work if I am the one who doesn't get it?

>>366465
k

>be male
>living in world like ours but there are monsters and the aesthetic might be different
>maybe you knew about monsters, maybe you didn't
>get attacked
>the plot forces itself upon you and forces you to become the protagonist or choose death
>save the day with your hidden power
>a woman might be there to notice you and be rescued
>join an organization that fights monsters as its only hope
>it has faceless redshirts and an incompetent boss and named minibosses with silly names and appearances so unique for the sake of trying to look unique you'd swear a character creator's randomize button sharted them out
>you are probably also half monster, making you stronger, and if this bothers your organization they will get over it eventually, and you probably inherited something OP too making you the most chosenest chosen one yet with the power to improve faster than everyone else and pull new powers and powerups out of your ass when needed
>through no fault of your own the final boss is connected to you somehow probably
>and 2+ hoes want you
>you also have one or more inferior male friends, they exist to make you look good if they even exist at all

I see no way to add political messaging to this dumb gay cringe formula for Diet Bleach aka Demon Slayer and shit like it.

I'm going back to the anime school idea.

>>366469
>Man, here's the most generic and shitty anime storyline I can think of
>How can I associate it with my political beliefs
?

>>366469
>be Nigel
>have same pile of turds you’ve had for five years
>come up with 4,876th configuration of turds
>rearrange turds to form new configuration
>still looks like a pile of turds
>magical formula to transform turds into gold still eludes you
>decide to revert back to previous configuration of turds and go from there
>inform /mlpol/ of this decision
Thank you for the status update. We appreciate you keeping us apprised.

>>366470
Unless I make the dollar store Soul Society dress like nazis and live in a hidden ethnostate and fight people who turn into satanic monsters when they become commies and the world is only ignorant to magic because they'd rather ignore magic and the dangers of communism because it means not feeling like they have to fight monsters, even if it means letting loved ones die due to the lack of holy food aka healthy food and healing magic aka non jewed healthcare, I don't see a way to make it work.
>>366471
Stories are the result of writing choices. The skill of the writer can elevate the result. I am still just a beginner writer. So I need the perfect formula to make something perfect. Everything needs to be perfect.