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Writefag Support Circle: A Gathering of Based Gentlemen Who Smoke Pipes.
Thread number three. Last one is apparently at bump limit.

Previous thread: >>336928 →

I'm lazy so I'm just going to copypaste the OP text from the last one since it still applies. Important bits have been bolded for emphasis.

Basically all that is said in that OP applies to this one but I'll go through the 'rules' of this thread here as well.

So, the main point of this thread is to facilitate and enable Anons' writefagging; in a similar way pride facilitates and enables aids.;^P The Anons in this thread can be separated into two camps: Anons who wants help with their writing project(s) and Anons that feel inclined to help those aforementioned shrek-colored skinheads.

Crafting and beta-reading is what we do here, any critique of literature not made by a guy submitted for this thread should be incidental; it should be when you —as a beta-reader of fics posted ITT— make a comparison between the fic your reviewing and some other story for the sake of demonstrating your point, whatever it is.

This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.

Read this again, because it's important:

This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.

I hope that I haven't scared anybody off. This is still suppose to be a chill af thread. Funposting is very much allowed and encouraged. It really is more that some type of posting —like, things that are completely irrelevant to the thread— does not belong here. I know, rocket-science and a rule that is seldom seen and highly unique for this thread. Perhaps you could call it a... Novelty. (You) intelligent lurker, obviously get the subtext of this OP so you probably won't need to worry about any of this. I'd say if you're unsure if what you're about to post belongs in the thread, then post it anyway. The worst that can happen is that someone tells you to move it to another thread and you get a better insight of what post belongs in thread. If you consist on fish and chips, however, I'd suggest you think twice on what you're posting and perhaps even ask beforehand if your rant about lefties and Undertale belongs here.

If there are any questions on the OP, ask away?
304 replies and 171 files omitted.
Welcome. You can totally post it here. We're grateful for any posting. ^^
Though a link to you story has already been posted here:>>368287
jfyi. You can still post it if you feel like making it go in greenish format but u probably don't wanna got through the hassle.
You're welcome to post it here, I notice it was also posted on NHNB.

Also, I made a new thread on 4chan:
Thanks for the ants. They a cute. I like the first one the best but I also like the fourth one.

U don't have to do this, you can describe Rave Smite's appearence however u want but attached image to this post is what I imagined for her:

Regardless, feel no preassure. U can go total slice-of-life or intense plot focused storytelling if u like. You can do whatever u feel like. I know u know this but just a reminder. Also, as there is no deadline for me, there's none for u. Feel free to end postpone this if u don't feel up for it right now. Though, at the same time u also don't need to worry about quality either.

So feel free to crash this plane with no survivors. ^^
Is NO ONE gonna make the 4 ants joke?
Just downloaded the ZIP. There's a lot to go through. Which do you think would be most helpful for writing first person narrative?
Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything in that collection that specifically focuses on first-person writing. You might try this:
I haven't read it closely, but it looks like a decent guide from what I can tell.

You could also try one of these commercial books I found, just search for title/author on Amazon:
>Who Says?: Mastering Point of View in Fiction by Lisa Zeidner
This one actually looks fairly promising, and it's only like ten bucks. Or, if you'd rather have something that (((echoes))), you could try:
>Trauma in First Person: Diary Writing During the Holocaust by Amos Goldberg

As far as where to start with the ebooks in my collection, the relevant question is about experience and how much technical help you need. If you've never written or have barely written anything, and you need a complete noob-level guide to getting a story started, I would say start with one of these:

>The Everything Guide to Writing Your First Novel
>The Guide to Writing Fantasy and Science Fiction
>The Everything Guide to Writing a Romance Novel
These are basically top-level guides that will show you how to map out a story from start to finish. The ones about fantasy and romance are more specifically tailored to those genres, but can still be helpful even if you're trying to do a different sort of story.

This one:
>The Everything Creative Writing Book
is more of an overview of creative writing in general, but is still worth going over. You can pick and choose the sections that are relevant to you.

Honestly most of the "Everything Guide" ones are at least worth skimming, even if you're not trying to write the specific type of thing a given one deals with. Not everything will be directly relevant to what you're trying to do, but odds are there will be something in there you can use at some point.

Next up:
>The Plot Whisperer
kek This one goes into a lot more detail about plot-mapping and timing events correctly. I recommend doing this after reading one or more of the top-level guides, though if you're reasonably confident you could probably also just start with it. It also comes with a book of writing prompts (different book in the same collection), which I recommend actually doing:
>The Plot Whisperer Book of Writing Prompts

Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't call attention to these:
>The Only Grammar Book You'll Ever Need
>Grammar Sucks
>Style and Circumstance
>Roget's Thesaurus of Words for Writers
Grammar is not a super-exciting subject to read about, but if you struggle with it, the grammar books all do a good job of explaining it. I wouldn't say any specific one is better than any of the others, although "Grammar Sucks" is probably the most enjoyable to actually read. The thesaurus is just a good one to have on hand. Disclaimer: the Ezn guide on fimfiction [ https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide ] is also quite good and covers pretty much everything you'll need to know in the way of grammar, and will take less time to read. His non-technical and more subjective advice I can take or leave, but in general it's a good guide. Also, a thesaurus is kind of an outdated tool at this point since you can just google synonyms, but it's still a good idea to have a decent one on hand. Same with some of the dictionaries that are in here.

If you're pretty comfortable with the nuts and bolts of writing and want to try something a little more advanced, this is probably the one in this batch that I've personally gotten the most use out of:
>Write Like Hemingway
Disclaimer: this book references Hemingway a lot. If you don't like Hemingway or don't give a shit about Hemingway or don't know who Hemingway is or don't care who he is, you're gonna have a bad time. This book references many specific stories that he wrote, and in order to know what the hell it's talking about you'll want to also have "The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway" on hand which unfortunately for you I only have in print (no ebook). I think quite a few of his stories are on project gutenberg, though. Anyway, the advice here is more abstract and deals with building technique, but if you want a challenge I'd recommend it.

Also noteworthy:
>101 Habits of Highly Successful Novelists
>A Cup of Comfort for Writers
There's not a ton of super-detailed help in here, these are more just tips and tricks that will help with attitude, mindset, etc. 101 habits has a bit of practical advice as well. There are some other books in this collection that are also like that but these were the two that stood out for me. Some of them veer into hippy-esque spiritual territory that may or may not be up your alley (The Tao of Writing is the one I remember being like this).

>The 1-Minute Writer
This one has some decent prompts and exercises you can try.

>The Bibliophile's Devotional
Some good classic book recommendations to thumb through if you're looking for something to read.

The books that are specifically tailored to screenwriting and getting yourself published you can probably ignore unless you're interested in those subjects. The rest are just books about oddball subjects like dealing with writer's block (Write.), setting up a physical space to write in (A Writer's Space), or are specialized dictionaries (the ones titled after the seven deadly sins). These you can skim through at your leisure.
Top man.
You have no idea how helpful this is.
>U don't have to do this, you can describe Rave Smite's appearence however u want but attached image to this post is what I imagined for her:
U can't tell me what to do. Just for that, Rave Smite is now a penguin with a twelve inch dick.

>U can go total slice-of-life or intense plot focused storytelling if u like. You can do whatever u feel like.
U can't tell me what to do. Just for that, this collab is now a deep-lore fantasy epic with over 9000 pages of complicated backstory.

>So feel free to crash this plane with no survivors. ^^
U can't tell me what to do. Just for that, I'm going to not crash this plane with all the survivors.

> Also, as there is no deadline for me, there's none for u.
U can't tell me what to do. Just for that, I'm going to try and have this done by October 31st.
NP fren, happy to help.
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Milo Teaching Starlight about the Glory of Football.png
I love rewriting posts...^^
<I don't care
>Uhm, why are you back again?
Im in my Sven cycle, where I feel bad over previous things I have said, so let me just clarify this.
I meant that, 'If you don't care for our oponions, why are you back again?'

Welp, Ig I'd been told.^^
>1st pic
Which one of your personalities is the Mr. Hyde and who is Dr. Jekyll?
The Mr. Hyde personality is Derpy with her eyes uncrossed.
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Hey Sven, quick update. I said October 31 and we are now technically past that, but I actually expect I'm close enough to being finished that I'll still come in more or less on time and under budget. I've got about 3500 words done that covers a little over half of what I have outlined, so I'm going to try and power through the rest of it today. If I end up falling asleep I will definitely have it finished sometime tomorrow.
>"3497. 3498. 3499. 3500..."
"Glimglam-kun why don't you take a break," I say as saunter in carrying a tray of steamy dinner. "You been at this for days now. Surely you can-"
>"Don't you get it, Sven-chan?" he shouts out as he stops mid push-up. "I wasn't strong enough!"
>I only catch a glimpse of his clenched teeth behind his crazy, spikey hairdo.
>I gasp and bring meek hand to my lips.
>A fat-ass demon named survivor's guilt weighs down on him.
"Please, let me help you!!!"
>"No. You would only get in the way."
>My fingers go numb, the tray slip out of them and clatter onto the floor spilling its contents across the room.
"You wanna know what I think. I think you act like you know the know but you don't know, you know?"
>Then I turn and run away.
>Glimglam-kun listens to me run away before going back to his training.
>He has a melancholic smile on his lips.
>"Don't worry I'll obtain the power to protect everyone."
>With renewed vigor he pushes one, literally.
>"3501. 3502. 3503. 3504..."
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As said before don't worry about it, any outcome is fine.
However, I do look forward to it. >>368458
Is that Derpy in R'lyeh?^^
OIG (35).jfif
Or I hope u don't stress about is better.
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Tho, I must say. Knowing you put some effort into it, I'm hyped out of my body.
"so much" more like^^
Alright, so a few days later than I said. It's totally on its way though, I swear for realzies this time.
Get away from me! Get away! I don't believe in you anymore, desu!
Alright, here we go. Sorry about the delay, but I think I did a pretty decent job and the extra time was worth it:
I have read it. I recorded myself reading it for the first time and my unevitable commantary or reation to it. It's mostly just me gushing over how much I love it.

Will figure out how to upload it here, I think.
Oh, by the way Nigel. Since we both know perfectly well that you haven't really gone anywhere, and that you probably reload this thread multiple times per day just to see if anyone is talking about you, I guess might as well leave this here for you to find. I did in fact read your latest fimfic opus. Congratulations on your clever ruse. Here I was thinking that I've been critiquing your most recent mediocre work, when all along it was just ChatGPT being mediocre on your behalf, and silly me I couldn't even tell the difference. You've trolled me most expertly. Scrambled eggs all over my face.

I remember at one point I told you that I thought you had a lot of raw creative energy, and that you could potentially turn that energy into something great, if only you could figure out how to harness it and make it work for you rather than against you. While I no longer expect you to ever take steps toward actually doing this, for whatever it's worth I do still believe that same potential is in there somewhere. It's buried under a mountain of bitterness, irrational anger and autism, mind you, but it's there nevertheless. So on that note, I will leave you with this one last piece of serious advice.

You invest almost all of your energy into being angry, and most of it is just petty butthurt stemming from internet drama that you yourself created. You're engaged in a constant one-sided holy war against your various "haters" and adversaries, whether it's me, or Chatoyance, or Vril, or that HC Legend guy, or the Glimmerniggers, or whoever happens to be rustling your jimmies at any given moment. You've elevated these conflicts to the level of some kind of Herculean struggle, but really it's just you behaving like a jackass while a couple of trolls egg you on. This is not only an accurate assessment of your entire five-year history on mlpol.net, but it also explains why you were banned from DeviantArt, FimFiction, Reddit, and whatever other forums have banned you.

If you took even a fraction of the energy you invest into being angry at strangers online and applied it towards one of these phantom "serious" projects you keep alluding to, you might eventually make real progress on your goal. I'm still confused as to what that goal is, mind you; sometimes it sounds like you're trying to develop a game, other times it sounds like you want to write an epic fantasy novel. In any case it doesn't matter; I don't personally care, and I doubt if even you yourself have a clear picture of what you're trying to do. Either way, all I can tell you is that if your ultimate goal is to create something serious and marketable, you've got a long, hard journey ahead of you. Doubly so if you're planning to market a work that is explicitly white nationalist. Seriously, bro; if you think I'm a harsh critic, you should send your half-assed drafts about Nazi lion-men to an actual publisher or literary agent, and hear what they have to say.

Based on what I've seen from you so far, I have little confidence that you're up to the task at all. Not just because you consistently produce low-quality work, but because you don't seem particularly serious about ever trying to get any better. Think about it: 2023 is almost over. That's one whole year of your life. You could have spent that time working on your novel, or your game, or whatever your thing is supposed to be, or at the very least spent it working on some small study-projects that you could have gotten serious feedback on and learned something from. Instead, you chose to spend that time stalking Chatoyance on fimfiction, arguing with random anons on this board, and using ChatGPT to generate low-quality MLP fanfics, apparently for the sole purpose of trolling me into reviewing them, which proves...actually, I'm not even sure what you were trying to prove. That I can't tell the difference between the nonsense you shart out and the nonsense a machine sharts out, I guess. What exactly have you achieved?

Look dude, whatever warped perception you have of me or my motivations, I really don't take any of this too seriously. I write stories for fun, I critique stories for fun, I post on this board for fun. I mess with you because it's fun. I don't expect much recognition for any of it beyond a couple of (You)s and maybe a like or two on fimfic. I'm certainly not trying to be the "second coming of the Angry Video Nerd," or whatever you called me btw, for the last time I don't know who that guy is or why you keep bringing him up. I can keep going back and forth with you like this for as long as you want, because for me this is all just goofing around. However, you're the one with the supposedly lofty goals, and for all your bloviating, you don't seem to be any closer to achieving them now than you were five years ago. Maybe you should take some of the energy you expend arguing with trolls and stalking trannies and divert it towards something positive.

Incidentally, have you ever read Sonichu by Christian Weston Chandler? I think you would like it. It has Pokemon and Sonic the Hedgehog references up the wazoo, and there are entire story arcs that consist of nothing but the author taking imaginary revenge on people who made fun of him online. I really think you'd enjoy it, as many of its significant themes overlap with the topics you seem to most enjoy writing about. Plus, it's at about your reading level, so it probably wouldn't challenge you too much. Just a little nudge to get you started on your writing journey.
Nice, I'm glad you enjoy it. I actually think this story is coming together quite nicely, considering we've just been pulling it out of our asses as we go. I've got some ideas for where it could potentially end up.

>Is that Derpy in R'lyeh?^^
Basically, yes. I was having the AI do some 1920s style pulp art involving Derpy and Lovecraftian monsters, in hopes it would generate something I could use as cover art for my NaNo project which I now need to get started on since November is already 1/4 over. I'm not sure if this one works for that purpose, but it's probably my favorite out of the pictures it generated. It looks like a Fritz Lang poster or something.
>for fun
OIG (134).jfif
This: https://stlcc.edu/student-support/academic-success-and-tutoring/writing-center/writing-resources/replacing-to-be-verbs.aspx
is something I been practicing lately. Tho, imo, it's secondary to the substance of ur story (what ur story is actually about). Like a drawing of a woman can be a done in multiple ways but we can all tell that its suppose to be a woman if done comptently, uknow?

Still good stuff tho I tink.
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It's interesting you should bring that up. I actually got some feedback on the last thing I wrote [ >>368186 ] and one of the things I was told is that I was using far too many to-be verbs. It's not a rule I'd ever heard of or anything I'd ever thought about, but now that I've had it pointed out to me it really does make a difference. I wasn't paying super close attention to on my last installment of the collab, since I was mostly focused on trying to get the chapter done. But I think going forward I'm going to try to give everything I write a separate pass to look for this.
FxF ch7 plan.txt
Nice. For u I imagine that it will be more useful. I kinda feel like I probably won't apply it much to my writing. It's hard enough as it is, I don't really feel up for putting more on my shoulders. Tho, I have thought about applying your idea of a "second pass" for it, but knowing myself, I probably won't do that anyway, lol.

I also think that I want to prioritize the substance of writing, so like planing, brainstorming, and figuring out the plot rather than the presentation but I do respect the impact it has. I have gotten better at it too ^^, attached is the plan(notes) for my next chapter in our collab.
>Be Sunset Shimmer.
>Your phone vibrates against your thigh as it rings.
>You look toward at AJ, who takes another peek out the window before turning back to you and gives you a nod, you answer the phone as AJ does a double-check of her rifle.
"Yes, hello?" You say.
>"Do you know what and who that girl you're harboring is?" A feminine voice growls through the phone.
>You look over at Lemon Zest.
>She is chained up and imprisoned in a wooden constructions of beams that AJ built for her.
>Fluttershy had been hand-feeding her but when the phone rang she stopped eating.
>Lemon reads by your look who is on the phone and looks terrified.
"Yes, I do know," you answer back.
>There's a pause on the other end.
>"Mmm-k? There will be a full-moon tonight. What then? Will you let her run rampant or, will you do the right thing?"
>You grimace your face in disgust.
"We're not monsters like you-"
>"Ah, but the people she'll kill tonight are not your responsibility by not doing the hard, but right choice?"
"We have her caged. She can't even move and inch as is."
>Something about the voice on the phone disturbs you but you can't put a finger on it.
>"Hmph. Maybe. So is this your life now?"
>The question took you by surprise.
"What do you mean?"
>"Well, she's cursed for life y'know. Are you gonna check in on her every month for the rest of your life."
"Welllll, I don't know about that." You scratch the back of your neck.
A Christmas writefag special
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Hello friends, it's that time of year that indigestion motivation has struck.
Chuck a word salad (story prompt) at me and I'll write approximately 6,000 characters worth of story (~1k words) each day for one week.
Then we can tenderly brutally rip into it to extract some tasty tasy improvements and amusements.
or chuck one of those Choose Your Own Adventure write prompt things with pre-selected choices.
Sure, tho do promise me u will make time for frens n family on Christmas. ^^

>Princess Flurry Heart brings Anon with her to the Grand Galloping Gala as her plus one.
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Greetings I am Princess Flurry Heart of the Crystal Empire. Daddy and Mommy finally got me my very own Grand Galloping Gala ticket to go there as my own pony. The enchanted gold says to bring one extra special pony and I can't think of anypony more extra special than Anonymous.
Mommy, Daddy, Aunty, Grammy, Grampy, Grand Aunties and all their friends says so.
Walking up the red carpet to the castle with my plus one that I got to pick on my very own, guests and guards eyes grew wide to marvel at our color coordination. Some too excited by the sweat being dabbed away and calls to freshen up.
At the top getting guests my Auntie Twilight gapped at us. Impeccable choice choosing a swauve colorful ensemble, matching my plus one.
Trotting up to the now short refreshment needing line that has her waiting just for us, "Auntie! I mean, greetings princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria I am princess Flurry Heart of the Crystal Empire and this is the special plus one Anonymous."
He holds up his not-a-hoof waving for a moment, smiling grandly, "Long time no see Purple."
It's then my Aunt says one of the strangest things, "Why are you back?"
Sometimes she gets like this when she misses a checklist. "Auntie, the ticket said to bring the extra special pony and nopony is more extra special than Mr. Anonymous." Still she's on a verge of a Twilight Breakdown, better to stop her Twilighting now.
"You said he was extremely extra special." It's then she snaps and pays attention to our color coordination otherwise why else would she be sweating and her eyes growing even larger. "Repeatedly."
Looming with his specialness over Twilight "Extremely extra special, hunh. You really said that."
Being the extra helpful pony princess I am, I keep going bouncing on my royal hoovesies. "And everypony I've ever met."
That seems to push him away from Twilight like a great gale blowing over a toy boat, "Everypony you've met?"
Tugging on his fancy 'bish pimmpin glove' with magic toward the fun, "Yeah! Everypony! Come on we have to go inside and do gala things. Bye Auntie!"
Auntie makes a whine signaling ending C of her Twilighting as we enter through the giant doorway.
The grand music and all the ponies all talking around what they want to talk about. More importantly all the colors!
Anonymous now keeping pace with you speaks his mind, "So want to introduce me to the ponies who say I'm extremely extra special the most often."
Turning around to face Anon with a scrunch of confusion, "But don't you already know each other?"
He's fighting to not say something then says something entirely different, "Well let's meet up with them it's been a while."
Maybe it's a mistake bringing Anonymous here...
Clapping my hooves we head out, "Let's go find my grand Aunties."
Following, he murmurs. "Them too?"
"We'll do all the gala things and meet up oh that's a good idea!" Finally Anonymous gets in the mood of things and peps up at my words.
Shoes tapping on fine stone flooring, every part dressed up as each pony. None are as dressed up quite like my grand aunties. With both too much and too little. Color matching their regalia and dresses to their hair.
"Grand Aunties!" With they strip down looking at me with fondness.
"Yo sky cheeks." Bare naked, flabbergasted. Quickly they look at each other, making magic sign language too fast to read. Now even more overdressed than before.
Luna quickly goes to hug first, "it's such a joy dear Flurry Heart, but I must go to the watch room." Celestia interjects quickly, "the restroom now sister." Luna strangely instead of biting back agrees, "yes, the restroom not washroom, and a pleasure to see you again Sir Anonymous." Trotting as fast as politely to use the little fillies room. Leaving us and her older sister.
"So the best princess said you called me extremely extra special all the time-" grand aunty's eyes look as if seeing for the first time in amazement "-but let's talk about our first activity." Wow aunty Celestia is shaking in excitement like the banners.
She stops like a pony petrified, "ticket said one extra special pony didn't it-" Grand aunties are real smart it takes all I can to not go bouncing and flying. However she continues redundantly, "and that's an invitation."
She keeps on breaking the flow of conversation, "how did you two meet?"
"Face to face." Anonymous is right, but grand aunty Celestia wants something juicier so she can gossip with all the other old ponies, so I keep going. "It was when I was playing with myself all alone when I saw Anonymous playing with himself all alone." Celestia once again stripping at my words.
Celestia about to shout is interrupted by Anonymous doing one of his not-a-hoof things, "patty cake with an illusion."
"Mhmm. Then we talked about all sorts of stuff and now we're here." Celestia just sighs getting older, banners dead still. "You're our guest..."
He does another not-a-hoof thing. "Sure am hot flanks."
It's my time to shine, "Now everypony did the meet and greet, we can do what I want to do first at the gala." With that Celestia almost looks as she usually does, and Anonymous still looks like Anonymous. "Count the monocles! We'll meet everypony else, but meet back at the dancing area with everypony. Make sure to grand aunty Luna comes too."
We walk away. "Counting monocles?" Oh! Something Anonymous didn't know? "My tutors showed my how to play. I think the fun part is if they match the pony. I've never lost at this game before Anonymous."
He keeps up with me, and I continue, "the cool part is we also keep adding other games and keep track of the conversations we have."
Windows detailing historic events glimmer and reflect off the stone floor, "being early means seeing this view too".
I <3 it
Flurry is so innocent and pure^^
Well if I no one else requests anything I will. Missed opportunties guys^^

>RGRE: 10/10 stallion is intrested in marely Anonmare bu Anon's no gay, or straight, or whatever...
It was great while it lasted. Don't feel bad, I have left projects many times. ^^

>Be Aryanne.
>Eating your lunch while you and your crew listen in on the Queen Fury Heart's patriotic speech for the ultimate sacrifice for the homeland.
>Then suddenly, the door to the bunker is flung open and in rushes comrade, Teabag Fag, before she spins around and locks and bars the door.
"What's happening?" you say as you grab your rifle.
>She scramble to find her own gun as she looks at you with wide eyes.
>"The zebras," she says seemingly unable to comprehend the possibility of her own words, "they are here."
"What! How?"
>But your line of questioning is cut off as door is reduced to nothing but splinters flying through the air.
>You see teabag getting tossed away by the explosion before you take cover under the table.
>You hear shots and hooves following that enter the bunker.
>You see more of your crew meet their end as they ragdoll onto the floor.
>You flip the table over before popping up and taking aim with your rifle.
>The Colt-Lover 69 does the job and repaints the walls with blood splatter from a pair of striped mares.
>These are good zebras, you think as you look at their bodies on the floor but chastise yourself for not worrying about helping your crew.
>You run over to Teabag, hoping that she might still be alive, when you are suddenly tackled and pinned to the wall.
>A bison, another vile creature sworn to the covenant.
>With a knife in her mouth she's about to end you.
>You struggle against her bulk but its to no avail.
>You mind flashes to your sweet little filly at home, Luftkrieg.
>You will never see her again, you realize, and a tear rolls down your cheek.
>A flash of red illuminates the bunker.
>At first your mind went to all those Con-mane films where at the start he shoots the camera man.
>But then you realize that's some unicorn's magic aura's color.
>So crimson.
>An arching hindleg slashes through the air from close t othe ceiling to down and into the head of hte bison.
>The bison's head is twisted and he just drops onto the floor without any fanfare.
>There's a searing burn mark in the shape of a hoof on his cheek.
>You look down at the horseshoes that did this to the bison and find them burning orange.
>You look up and come face to face with the Daymare herself, Fair Star, also known among the zebras of the Savannah as, Blood Oasis.
>A zinc mare with a white mane and red eyes and red jewel in her horn.
"Thank you," you say with tears in your eyes.
>She nods and then Zap! she is gone in another flash of red.
>You burst into movement, first things first: Is Teabag still alive?

Plot practice:
Aryanne in sand bunker-> Zebras break in->about to die->Blood Oasis tps in and destorys them
>Be Nurse Goodheart.
>The endless groaning of the ponies in the long tent had mostly ceased by the night came with it sleep even for the pained if sometimes forced through sleeping spells.
>For most med ponies that worked in camp four, the camp aimed at healthcare for the many casualties of Queen Fury Heart's campaign in the Great Savannah, the night brought with the a most needed sense of peace.
>For you, night and day was the same.
>You were good at your job.
>In two ways:
One, you were just good and usually made the right calls, which made for less stress to begin with cause you always knew what to do;
two, you, some part of you was ashamed to admit it, didn't feel the pain of others, that much at least, anymore, so you didn't care enough to be stressed.
>You been at this job in since the beginning of the war.
>Three whole years.
>At first you felt too much and the job broke youu but there were no respite to you.
>Eventually you overcame it but not without cost.
>No it feels like the job can not longer break you.
>At least you can't imagine how it would anymore.
>You seen ponies die, even because of your own ineptitude.
>You have regrets over that somewhere deep down if you stop but you never stop, but you never run either.
>You are more like a machine that does the specific work it's desgined for than a pony, you feel whenever you have time to reflect.
>You wander amongst the bedded and wounded ponies.
>You see a foal start to spasm.
>It seems you time to a be a pony for today has ended; time to be the machine.

Character Practice:
Goodheart has grown numb to the pains of others to her overexposure to others suffering through her job and the amount she has done during the war.

I pulled these stories out my ass, take htem with a grain of salt. I don't know what I'm talking about lol^^
>Be Funeral Pyre.
>I thinks it been a about a month now, give or take a few days I suppose.
>So much time not breathing normally, not getting suffed with disgusting green goo, and not being stuck upside down in transparent tube.
>You see a changeling take the shape of a foal in front of it's father.
>The changeling had at first pretended to be the foal and had told the stallion a ridiculous story about how Queen Chryssalis was keeping her alive so long as the father produced love for her.
>The love would then take shape of magic and be sucked out of the tube via an organic cable.
>It was clear this drained the stallion of life-energy as well.
>Now days he'd caught on to the changelings tricks and so he raged at the foal, still though it was his foals body.
>He was also quite frail at this point.
>You had been more lucky.
>The changelings had no background one you and had therefore struggled to prod your love.
>You had therefore lived longer than others that had eventually been absorbed into the cable completely.
>Still, you felt your life-force being drained day by day.
>Even more luckily for you, you have brought something with you when you were captured and you'd finally used it to repay them.
>You had GoodHeart to thank for the surgery and daymare's magic tinkering for your little gift.
>With enough focus and intent, your will made your body glow in magical circles.
>Nearby sadistic, arrogant, torturer changelings looked up for the first time since you got here with a look of fear.
>A whole section of that hive burnt down.

Setting Practice:
About how the changelings wring as much love as they possibly can from their subjects.
Good news I'm still here, bad news there's nothing to post at the moment. Been caught up in other stuff.
It's nice to have you back friend^^
Btw, GG, currently working on ch 7 of our collab tho I don't know when I'll be done.
Just so u know I haven't abandon it^^
No worries, take your time.
billions must watch MLP.png
heres epubs too

So, I'd like to try my hand at writing on request but as always I'm not promising anything. It will be a short story.

So feel free to give me a request and I'll write a short story (probably like 1k) of it.
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Write a story about Anonfilly being sent to Luftkrieg's summer camp, where the two of them do fun activities related to Hoofler Youth. Could feature them doing volunteer work fighting fires with Firexe as a reference to Artur Axmann. Maybe some fun games like "chase the griffon". Has a potential to be a very wholesome story about fascist principles and community service.
Here it is:

>"Hurry Anon!" Luftkrieg, a white pegasus filly with a blonde mane and no cutie mark, shouted. "We don't wanna miss mom's morning call."
>Be Anonfilly, a green a earth pony filly dressed in a in stupid light brown uniform of the Hoofler youth and so is your friend Luftkrieg.
"Yes, indeed. Another day of indoctrination and wagecucking without the actual wages," you reply before yawning.
>Luftkrieg keeps running ahead of you before having to run back because she's gotten too far away.
>"Oh, please what's wrong with learning about history? Besides, Hoofler said that-"
"One day everypony will suck my dick."
>Luftkrieg giggles.
>"Oh come on! One one sucks Hoofler's dick, he was just a great pony."
>The two of you turned the corner; and find Aryanne, Luftkrieg's mother, teaching a group of fillies the romane salute.
>"Hail victory!" shouts the group of foals but Aryanne shouts "Hail Hoofler!"
>You give Luftkrieg a look and she looks away with a blush on her face.
>"Well, okay. I'll give you that one but mom is just really dedicated to him that's all. And why wouldn't she Hoofler is well, perfect husbando material."
>That's when Aryanne spots you.
>"Oh, Luftkrieg und Anonymous, ich been waiting for you to join us. Arbeit macht frie Anonymous, sind zee bereit?" asked Aryanne with a big smile on her face.
"Indeed I do know the truth: I don't know germane. But I have a sneaking suspicion that you're threatening me with work."
>Aryanne shone like the black sun.
>So not only did you have to work at home, on sweet apple acers, but also here?
>Why weren't you reincarnated as Fluttershy's foal instead of AJ's?
>It would have been the best thing, getting pampered by her all day.
>She would probably not have made you spend most of the summer on this camp (except for the time of the harvest, just a conincidence poy).
>"Oh, Anon. You can't sit in all day playing videogames that aunt Applejack told me you do. You don't wanna grow up to become a burden on society, do you?" Luftkrieg chirps.
>You give a stoney-face of annoyance to show her what you think of her words, then you say:
"Weed lmao."
>She still seems happy you're here.


>So to convert you to the ways of pony national socialism, they decided to play game called 'Chase the Griffon' and somehow you became the griffon.
>You, being chased by a group of fundemtalistic foals, will probably convert you anytime now.
"Aaaaaaaaahhh!" you scream as the horde of nazi foals chase you through nature.
>You get tackled to the group and subsequently caught by the one honorary pony at the camp, the zebra Zala.
"Oh my Celestia! Help me, I'm being attacked by a zigger. She wants to eat my heart to cure me in her queer woodoo ways."
>The rest of the fillies has catch up to you two and start laughing out loud.
>At first, you feel like doing a 'hoof?' pump but then you see Zala laughing along.
>Then you hear one of the fillies say the dreaded, "She doesn't know."
>What the fuck is this?
>Ugh, whatever. Enough of this.
"Get the buck away from me ziggah, you smell like manure, is that what you're ugly plot stripes are?"
>Everyone goes silent.
>You smirk.
>That's right, get fucked. There's still one mare in Equestria that won't stand the striped menace.
>Zala's eyes grow... Full of love?
>She embraces you tightly where you lay and shouts:
"Come onn Everponee, märe pile."
>And soon you're lay at the bottom of a pile of snuggling and laughing fillies.
"Hope pony ZOG kills you all," you manage to wheeze out.


>"Ooo oo, it's Fireaxe, we gotta help her. A building is burning," Luftkrieg says
"Good riddance, why should I care for this community? Just because I hate ziggers doesn't mean that I like ponies. Maybe next time don't be a retard and set your house on fire," you say.
>"No, Anon. I'm not gonna do this right now. Ponies are in danger. Come along, now!"
>An hour later.
>You and Luftkrieg managed to save a foal while Fireaxe was busy saving some other pony.
>No one died because the Hoofler Youth's assistance.
>The small little baby filly, the two of you saved is being embraced by both her parents in moment of pure joy.
>You blink a few times trying and failing to keep the tears from rolling down your face.
>Luftkreig also has tear tracks on her somewhat dirty face but also smug smile directed at you.
>"You're crying?" she says.
"Becuase I caught shit in my eyes," you reply.
>"Ah-haa, we had masks."
"Yeah, and look at you face."
>"But I know, why I'm crying and it's not cuz o something in my eye."
"Well, count yourself lucky then. I certainly don't give a buck that... That... That little foal almost- Ah-oo-ugh."
>Your face contorts as your remember how close it was.
>It's hard to hold it together.
>Suddenly the downpour rupts and you can't stop.
>A wing is draped over your back.
>A wet cheek is pressed next to yours.
>"Don't worry. I'm here for you. We are here for each other."
Hope it was to your satisfaction.

I still like to get more requests. So if anyone has a request for a short story for tomorrow, then please tell.
Excellent work, fren! Excellent portrayal of all of the involved characters (I enjoyed the inclusion of Zala). Anonymous definitely learned from this state-mandated friendship indoctrination.
Ty so much. ^^
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I could definitely go for another request btw, so frens if u got any then don't be shy.^^
I think the reason I ask is that: Whenever I get to decide on what to write I keep second-guessing my choice for a premise and the story never takes off.
dat and attention^^
Tho, technically I think I should try to find the passion to write for it's own sake.
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I actually had an idea that might be fun to try here. One Anon posts an image with no context and the next Anon writes a short story or green about that image. If the last post in the chain was an image, you write a green. If the last post in the chain was a green, post an image. in all honesty this idea should probably be its own thread, but I'm willing to try it here for a bit before spinning it off

Anyway, here is the first image if anyone wants to take a crack at it.
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Cool. So the idea is that someone reply's to this green with an image of their own?

>Be Anon.
>You found three tiny horses one day when you were out one a walk.
>They were small like mice but expressed emotions like humans.
>Emotions such as fear, sorrow, and despair.
>You first meeting was short as they immidately turned and ran.
>You'd probably be able to catch up if they didn't disappear in under some bushes.
>As they disappeared out of sight, your mind kinda quickly went from 'woah, what is that?' to 'Did that really happen?'
>You hunched down and tried to coax the creatures, you thought you saw, out of the bushes with sweet words.
>They didn't reappear again, making you again question your sanity.
>Despite the odds, you still decided tear up the sandwich you'd been eating and drop the crumbs where the horses had been when you saw them first.
>You return the next day and hunch down next to the bush to see if you could find them.
>You couldn't so, you ripped another sandwich apart again and left it there.
>On the third day, your returned again, full with worry that the tiny horse might have meet somekind of predator or that you indeed had gone mad.
>When you hunch down at the bushes, you don't have to sit long before the one of the three horses, the blue one, approaches you.
>You can see the two others further in the back filled with fear as the blue one moves towards you tentively.
>You don't move more than when you sit down.
>Then you decide to take it even further by lying down on your back.
>This gives the blue horse the courage to move next to you and nudge your side.
>As you sense this, you peek over at her and give her a gentle smile.
>Her face lit up like a rocket and she hops ontop of you where she continues to bounce.
>You laughed and reach out a hand, still carefully mind you, to pet her.
>Before you even reached her, she brushed up against your hand.
>Then you felt a nudge to your side.
>You turned and saw the other two ponies.
>The yellow one looks as you with chesire cat smile, meanwhile the purple one looks away with sour face and little 'hmph.'
>Now, it's been about two weeks since the trio moved into your apartment.
>Things have settled.
>You have come to learn about the trio.
>The yellow one is clearly the leader who is also quite the proud tiny horsie.
>Then you got the purple one that you suspect might be a tsundere but without the dere, you would have said if it wasn't for yesterday when she joined you and the blue one in bed.
>And finally the blue one.
>She's the happiest one.
>Always bouncy, always smiling.
>While you have made their own sleeping places for them, she prefers to sleep next to you on a pillow of her own.
>You also notice how intelligent they are.
>Once you were reading your cockbook with the blue one and once she understood waht it was, she started to turn the pages to the best of her ability a tiny horse can till she arrived at the recipe for tacos, which she pointed at.
>So you made her a tiny taco for a tiny horse.
>Life is just peachy.
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Look at the image or title. OK?
Sure. Tho, I'm busy today and tomorrow so it will take a little longer than the last two.
I'm back on working on it now.
aww atlas<3
I'm addicted to hoers puss now and it's all your fault. You need to take responsibility.
I will do no such thing
So what happened was that I wrote one ver. thought it was kinda meh. Thought about the premise for a while and came up with a really neat way to tackle the premise imo. but it requires a bit more work.

I wanna do the best ver. but I also wanna finish up my ch. in my collab with GG, so I'll do that first and then return to this premise. ^^

That sounds like a (ultra/very) meticulous ghostwriter,With a high/strong (towards exaggerated) sense of responsibility, ethics and morals. With low professionalism and esteem(/inferiority complex, maybe). In any case, don't be in a big hurry and don't forget.
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Sadly it seems real life is getting in my way and my collab ch. will be delayed for probably two months, GG. Just so u know.

Yh, maybe. I find it hard to correctly identify myself but I do think your descriptions fits well.
OK. I can wait until , April and, just don't forget. I hope your collaboration is a shock. You don't give details about it? Secret? Anyway thanks for telling me.
"My best advice about writer’s block is: the reason you’re having a hard time writing is because of a conflict between the GOAL of writing well and the FEAR of writing badly. By default, our instinct is to conquer the fear, but our feelings are much, much, less within our control than the goals we set, and since it’s the conflict BETWEEN the two forces blocking you, if you simply change your goal from “writing well” to “writing badly,” you will be a veritable fucking fountain of material, because guess what, man, we don’t like to admit it, because we’re raised to think lack of confidence is synonymous with paralysis, but, let’s just be honest with ourselves and each other: we can only hope to be good writers. We can only ever hope and wish that will ever happen, that’s a bird in the bush. The one in the hand is: we suck. We are terrified we suck, and that terror is oppressive and pervasive because we can VERY WELL see the possibility that we suck. We are well acquainted with it. We know how we suck like the backs of our shitty, untalented hands. We could write a fucking book on how bad a book would be if we just wrote one instead of sitting at a desk scratching our dumb heads trying to figure out how, by some miracle, the next thing we type is going to be brilliant. It isn’t going to be brilliant. You stink. Prove it. It will go faster. And then, after you write something incredibly shitty in about six hours, it’s no problem making it better in passes, because in addition to being absolutely untalented, you are also a mean, petty CRITIC. You know how you suck and you know how everything sucks and when you see something that sucks, you know exactly how to fix it, because you’re an asshole. So that is my advice about getting unblocked. Switch from team “I will one day write something good” to team “I have no choice but to write a piece of shit” and then take off your “bad writer” hat and replace it with a “petty critic” hat and go to town on that poor hack’s draft and that’s your second draft. Fifteen drafts later, or whenever someone paying you starts yelling at you, who knows, maybe the piece of shit will be good enough or maybe everyone in the world will turn out to be so hopelessly stupid that they think bad things are good and in any case, you get to spend so much less time at a keyboard and so much more at a bar where you really belong because medicine because childhood trauma because the Supreme Court didn’t make abortion an option until your unwanted ass was in its third trimester. Happy hunting and pecking!" - Dan Harmon

I saw this while taking a break and surfing the web on our arch nemesis site (Reddit, https://www.reddit.com/r/writing/comments/8djsq3/how_do_you_get_over_writers_block/ ) Maybe we can have this post be exorcised somehow.

Anyway, I thought that while the quote is bit overwritten for my tastes, I think the advice could be solid. What u guys think? ^^
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>What u guys think?
I think it's inspiring. If Dan Harmon can be considered a writer, there's hope for literally anyone.

np take your time

Happened to watch this. You don't need to, to get my points but I thought I add it in my post as a point of reference.

Here's an unsorted list of thoughts:

So in the video, the presenter goes through a list of sentences and 'improves' them by turning them from 'telling' to 'showing' sentences.

>The stadium was full. <-telling v.
<The sound from the stadium was deafening.<-showing v.
I don't think this first sentence is a problem. I will get into it later, but I think that statements of facts don't need this show-treatment. Or, maybe I'll get into it right now: I feel like sentences that are vague are the ones that should be improved upon by the showing-method. So for example, he has another example that goes like this:
>It was hot. <- telling v.
<The sun melted the ice-cream, or something, etc. <-showing v.
which I think is indeed improved by having a showing version, because, while we know how a hot day is, there's a difference between a hot day on the beach and one in the desert.

So to be more precise in one should use the rule, "show, don't tell."

However, while we're on this hot example, I'll comment that I think it's easy to fall into what I think is a bit of a trap. Well, it depends. If you want you're story to take a bit of a life on it's own when you write it, it's not a problem then but I feel there's a bit of a common problem that arises here, especially for people starting out implementing this technique.

It reminds me of how a lot of people will emphasize the importance of having a catching hook. This is an advice I also think can be detrimental to newer writers.

The problem arises in that one either characterizes, well, the character in not desired ways or as with the hook, the story in an unwanted direction.

Idk, why I struggle to explain this in simpler terms but for an example, if you're story is a high-stakes drama with a grave-mood, then starting it something like this:
>You might be wondering how I found myself crossing the oceanic border towards the Alaskan mainland followed by hot pursuit by the Alaskan coastguard, with cocaine smuggled up my ass.
will create problems with consistency with clashing themes if the story then continues in a very serious and tense tone, or vice versa.

It's easy to wanna rewrite the sentence,
>He was stressed. <-which was another one of his examples.
into something exaggerated. I have done this and I think this is one of the things that make people write melodrama. Because, it's vague so we try to be more precise but in doing so we decide on what "stressed" means here.

Is it,
>He was puking, spinning around, and tore out his hair till he was left bald.
>He tapped his fingers on his desk while waiting for her.

There's also the other aspect, that whatever we go with above defines our character going forward and subtle details do after all matters.

So a question then becomes, are discovering who are character is, or do we know who they are?

That's about it, tell me what you thought? ^^
>There were once four puppies that arrived at crossroad.
>The wolf-like puppy told the others that he felt strongly for the left path.
>The one with the big snout, disagreed with his feelings, and therefore wanted to go down the opposite path.
>The one with the flappy, hanging ears decided it be best to stop here as not to walk down a wrong path.
>The three puppies set off on their own paths.
>The last, and fourth puppy, a golden and fluffy one, set off after them.
>He didn't know the path whatsoever but he didn't wanna lose either of his friends.
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>>The last, and fourth puppy, a golden and fluffy one, set off after them.
Which one did he set off after? Only two of the puppies actually went anywhere, and they both went in different directions.
Both, the story doesn't state which one he goes after first, it's more that his goal is to bring them together again.
Ty for reading. ^^
Do you think there is a more clear way to write this?
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Not him, but I might say
>The fourth and last puppy, golden and fluffy, set off to reunite them.
Thanks for the input. I like your suggestion, though, something in the past, when I first read your post, still wants something else.

Maybe, I don't think it's subtle enough, or something idk.
was the missing verb tho
Y U Spin Tale?
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I never got to watching this video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fo40-m03WVg&ab_channel=CapturedinWords , before I started to discuss with myself what I thought of it. I was satisfied with what I came up with so, I'd thought I share it. I also want to write it down somewhere I'd find later.

I don't like the idea of "don't"s in writing. On that note , I don't like the word "writing" or to describe authors as "writers". I prefer "storyteller" and I think the distinction between them matters. This is a tangent though.

Anyway, "don't"s. This Canadian >>>/go/3503 → once compared baking to writing by saying that you don't bake a cake with a recipe that only tells you what not to do but one that tells you what to do.

This lead my thoughts to the idea that the ideal of a flawless story can hurt the creative process. I find that it fits well with my experience.

How does this happen? I spend time fixing the story's flaws, rather than use that time on it's merits.

Which leads me to the point: Why spin a tale? Probably because there's something I want to express, say, or like to see. I want this story to exist for a reason.

Let's say that reason is to see a bunch of cool action scenes. If that's the case, then I probably have some concrete ideas for scenes. Should I then focus on how this scene came to be, logistically, or focus on writing the scene first? I think the: The scene.

Yes, a scene without a reason for it's existence isn't good. However, starting with the justification for it kills your passion for the project, at least it does for me.

I will add here that, the "do"s can be just as detrimental to the creative process as rules that tell you what to avoid. As in, if we followed the advice that characterization is a always a plus. However, if I force characterization on character who's only purpose in my story is to fight in an action scene, I'm not using my time on what makes me passionate about my story.

I think this is why it's easy to get stuck in genre-trappings -- I feel a need to fulfill expectations when it comes to agreed-upon writing rules.

I think that was about it. Tell me what you thought.

p.s. I used "I" in of "you" for examples deliberately to as an attempt to be more humble and not distance myself from the subject matter, if you wonder why. I'm not sure if it makes sense yet but maybe in the future I will.

p.p.s. What's this about a collab in the pic I found. Does anyone know?
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I think I want to change my way of writing. I struggle with writing, I think. I have two problems.

I struggle with the language barrier and with overwriting.

My struggles with the language barrier includes: A lack of vocabulary, faulty grammar, and spelling errors.

Overwriting is a bit more vague in my mind. I have a strong imagination and I can sometimes create problems in my writing. It's that I see the scene so clearly in my mind that I can't help but to write down unnecessary details about the scene.

I guess I struggle with presentation as well. I use too many redundant words or phrases. For example, I would probably write, "He fell down," instead of "He fell."

Sometimes, I think I write a too much words for something that only needs a few.

Like, if I were to use the phrase, "a house" in a sentence, I don't think I'd be able to leave it as such without at least describing it's color.

So something like this:

>He cycled past a bunch of houses.

I'd probably write this instead:

>He pedaled in a steady rhythm past a bunch of blue houses with climbing vegetation sticking to their porches' fences.

I'm gonna try to write more sentences like the first one rather than the latter.

I have kinda decided that since I struggle with these aspects of communication, I'll try to prioritize clarity and simplicity.

This is also why I'm much more wary of my sentences. I don't want them to become too long. I find that it's easy to loose track of it's inner workings then. However, I know that sentence variety is good since otherwise, the reader experiences too much stop and start.

Anyway, now you know /mlpol/. Ty for listening to my TED Talk. Feel free to tell me what you think.
After reading through my post, I realized some things. One was how many grammar problems a post I thought was flawless had. Another, that the amount of description a subject gets in your story indicates it's importance.

I think that's what pacing, partly, is. To not get bogged down with the things that aren't vital to the story and instead focus on the ones that are.
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Do you still do that thread?

Video is actually pretty solid. Several of these points are things I've pointed out repeatedly in reviews I've done, so I feel a bit vindicated. If ever I'm in doubt, I at least know that I'm as qualified to give writing advice as some numale on YouTube.

> I don't like the word "writing" or to describe authors as "writers". I prefer "storyteller" and I think the distinction between them matters.
Definitely two separate but interrelated crafts. Writing is the act of constructing a written document, and it's mostly a technical process. Storytelling, or maybe "storycraft" would be a better word for it, is a more nuanced skill that is harder to teach or explain.

Crafting a story is about not only putting the events of the story together, but understanding who your characters are and why they are doing what they are doing. I generally agree with you that storycraft is the more important of the two, as it determines whether or not the story speaks to the reader or moves them. Writing is the act of communicating it to the reader. Someone who can write well but can't put a good story together isn't likely to move anyone regardless of how prettily they can write.

That Chatoyance Kafka thing I reviewed earlier is a good example of this. By Fimfic standards, Chatoyance is actually a pretty good writer, but his storycraft leaves a lot to be desired. His characters were mostly bland and forgettable, the story wasn't all that interesting or moving, and it suffered from pacing problems.

That said, I wouldn't say that writing should be entirely discounted. Even if you have a great story with great characters and you can see every scene clearly inside your head, if you can't communicate it to people in language they can understand, you'll never be able to make the audience see what you see.

Rainmetall is a good example of this issue. The author clearly had something epic in mind, but between the ESL and the bizarre formatting, it was just too damned hard to understand. Most of his vision was lost in translation.

The ideal is to have both skills, but if you're going to be strong in one and weak in the other, being proficient at storycraft and deficient at writing is better than the other way around.

>I struggle with the language barrier and with overwriting.
>My struggles with the language barrier includes: A lack of vocabulary, faulty grammar, and spelling errors.
To be perfectly honest, this is why I let you slide on a lot of things that I would hammer other authors over. As I've said before, you have a pretty good instinct for building a story, you mostly just struggle with actually writing it out. Quite a bit of this is probably due to ESL. I agree that you'd probably be better off using simple language that conveys what's happening, rather than trying to get too fancy. However:

>>He cycled past a bunch of houses.
>I'd probably write this instead:
>>He pedaled in a steady rhythm past a bunch of blue houses with climbing vegetation sticking to their porches' fences.
> if we followed the advice that characterization is a always a plus. However, if I force characterization on character who's only purpose in my story is to fight in an action scene, I'm not using my time on what makes me passionate about my story.
Something to keep in mind here is that sometimes these details do matter. The important skill you'll want to develop is learning to sense which details are important enough to include. Sometimes the color of the houses or the type of vegetation are important to the setting.

For instance, in Absalom, Absalom Faulkner spends a lot of time talking about wisteria, and climbing vines on the sides of the plantation house, and shit like that. The little details don't matter to the plot, but they do help paint a picture of the natural environment of the American South, which actually is essential to the story.

Likewise with characters. If a character just fills a perfunctory role in a single scene, he probably doesn't need any serious characterization, and it would be a waste of time and space trying to cook up an elaborate backstory for him. However, it's worth keeping in mind that the character is still a distinct personality, and that for this imaginary person, the moment he appears in your story is the culmination of his entire life up until that point. Evil Ninja A might serve no role in the story other than to throw a few punches for Anon to deflect before getting knocked unconscious and tossed off the roof. However, he has a distinct personality and a past, and all of that factors into why he is where he is, and why he is trying to use his sick Ninja skills to try and beat Anon into submission. Thinking about your characters in this way and trying to understand them will actually make it easier to write them in a more simplified way: if you know exactly who Evil Ninja A really is, then you should instinctively know what he will do in the story and thus won't need to spend any serious page space explaining his actions.

It's worth noting that, while this technically has to do with execution, it's a storycraft concept more than a writing concept.

As an aside, one of the things I've been trying to work on recently is developing a distinct narrative voice in my stories, instead of just narrating events. For instance, the last thing I did on Fimfic is a story told by an old pony looking back on a formative event that happened when he was young. The events of the story would play out the same one way or the other, but the way it's told adds an interpretive layer that otherwise wouldn't be there. The older version of the character is able to reflect on these events and see them in a way that his younger self wouldn't have been able to at the time, thus the narrative voice is actually part of the story.

As another aside, I've resumed work on The Muffins of Madness, and I'm trying to do something similar with narrative voice in that one.
I forgot all about it honestly, but I will go ahead and do that.
>>371842 →

heh, I forgot all about the Hoarse Fucker saga, but that was an absolute masterpiece. I hope that anon is still around here somewhere.
This is one of my go to videos for when I need to freshen up on my basic understanding of english grammar. This video is also the source I first learned the concepts that are brought up in it.

It's classic. While I haven't gone off the deep end (or maybe I have, hmm), I think it's human nature or rather the ego that causes on to exhibit the same or similar behavior as shown in the video.

Now, do I recommend the rest of the channel. Mostly, tho I disagree with certain takes like fridging (tl:To kill of close female character to motivate the protagonist) being a problem. I see it more as proof that woman matter more than men since if the hero's friend instead of woman died then, then who literally cares? Can you fuck your friend? No. Q.E.D ;)
But maybe there's more to it that I'm not considering.

So yh, I just felt like posting these videos since I think they are good sources of writing advice.
>I disagree with certain takes like fridging (tl:To kill of close female character to motivate the protagonist) being a problem. I see it more as proof that woman matter more than men since if the hero's friend instead of woman died then, then who literally cares?
I haven't watched the video you're referencing so I'm not sure what exactly he says, but if you're going to kill someone off to motivate the protagonist, it doesn't necessarily have to be a female or a love interest, the death of anyone close to the protag will have the same effect.

Take Hamlet. His entire motivation is avenging the death of his father, to the point where he spends most of the play brooding angstily about it. Meanwhile, his love interest just kind of gets slapped around until she eventually suicides, and Hamlet gives basically no fucks.
>it doesn't necessarily have to be a female or a love interest, the death of anyone close to the protag will have the same effect.
I agree.
I think this is more like, you know, showing the audience a villain is evil by having him kill a puppy. Kinda of a shortcut.
I haven't read Hamlet but thanks for the interesting take.
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Here are two excerpts from story concepts that I sometimes fantasize about making. I would like some feedback on their quality, specifically their clarity. Do you understand what is going on in the scene, except for contextual details like who Madoka is and such? Thanks in advance.


Madoka spun on her left leg, ducked her torso forward, and sent a spinning high-kick towards Junko's head.

Junko's expression didn't change, her scowl remained, as she calmly stepped out of range of Madoka's attack.

Instead she took a long step forward with her left foot and followed up that movement with her right palm, planting it in Madoka's belly and sending her flying.

Madoka's back bounced against the ground and knocked the air out of her lunges. Her momentum caused her to roll passed the point of her impact. Twigs got stuck in her hair and painfully scraped her scalpe and pull her hairs strands' bottoms. She got dirt in her mouth and spat several times to clean herself of the taste.

She had ended up on her back so to get back up on her feet she began by pulling her legs to her and rolling up into a ball while lying on her neck and shoulders. Then like spring being released, she uncoiled and pushed off with her arms and abs. Her legs arched in the air as she jumped and she landed upright on her feet.

Madoka returned to her defensive stance. She'd been punished for hard-swinging, she realized that. So now she decided she would change her approach. She'd poke and prod till she found and opening in Junko's defense and then swing hard.

A small amount of surprise showed itself on Junko's face. She'd expected the Ghoul to charge at her again, mindlessly but instead it almost seemed like she'd learned from her mistake and adapted to it.

She didn't like it. Junko prefered her ghouls to be emtionally off-center. So she stuck her tongue out in combo with a condecending grimace and gave the middle-finger to the ghoul.

Seeing this hateful expression from her mother, directed at her made Madoka pull back for a moment. Junko saw this subtle movement and was pussled on a subconcious level. Usually, the ghouls she fought would lose themselves to rage after she taunted them not cower.

Madoka's shock only lasted for a moment though, then she relaxed. Her mother had told her about this trick afterall. She knew this.

She slapped her chest with her hands in a "come at me bruh" kind of gesture.

Madoka hadn't intended for her retaliation taunt to be effective. She kinda just thought the situation was humours and went along with the bantz. She hadn't expected her mother to fall for her own trick. However, as her mother tilted her face back in a queer fashion with a face of angry disgust, she realized she'd done that.

Junko could feel herself getting angry despite herself. She had felt for a while now that she'd figured out the optimal emotional state to be in a fight. To her, it was inbetween angry and disintrested, which she refered to as focus. If she wasn't a bit angry, she felt she couldn't bring down her fist of justice upon the evil ghouls but if she only saw red, then she'd make mistakes due to... well not thinking. It just bothered her so that this tiny ghoul felt so confident in her presence. It felt amiss and made her feel uneasy, like she missed something vital. Like she was walking into a trap but that feeling hurt her pride. That someone so small could hurt her.

Madoka started to sidewalk around Junko and Junko's followed suit. Then they both started to close the distance between them.


Ruby spread her footing wide apart and crouched. She drew a few figure-eights as she whirled her scythe in the air before resting it along her shoulders. The curved blade pointed at her waist. These quick movements pulled her hood off, revealing her determined face.

Her gaze was meet by her sister, Yang. Yang slammed her knuckles together and cracked her neck to the side, before taking up a traditional boxing stance. She bobbed her arms up and down and a meaty "ka-chunk" followed as the shotgun shells were loaded into her gauntlets.

For a while they only stood there, giving each other stink eyes, then Ruby disappeared as a sonic trail of falling rose petals took her place and began to circle Yang.

Yang's eyes tried at first to follow her movement but gave up. She knew it was hopeless to keep up with her speed. However, while Ruby had speed and damage, Yang had toughness and damage.

She took a deep breath and released it. She closed her eyes, took a more relaxed posture, and let her arms dangled at her sides.

She listened to the rustling of the petals as they kept accomulating and get kicked up on repeat when Ruby sprinted over them at an impossible speed. At this point Yang wondered if Ruby hadn't created a circle of red rose petals. She felt the breeze from the small whirlwind her sister had created with all her running. Suddenly she could make out the crunching sound of dry rose petals getting stepped on and then... She couldn't anymore.

Her eyes snapped open. She spun on her heel and saw what she expected.

Ruby comming down on her with her scythe raised high overhead. She swung it with all her might and it looked like she went from a reverse 'c' to a normal 'c'. Yang stepped in under and blocked the scythe with her left gauntlet as best she could. Her wrist took the impact of the staff rather than the blade of the scythe but her gauntlet still slide along the staff so the blade cut into her. The gauntlet ammunition rack was sliced clean off but the blade stopped at her wrist due to her aura taking the already mitigated blow.

Having blocked the attack, she went on the offensive, moved some of her lifeforce into her right arm before firing off her gauntlet backwards, boosting her now upcomming uppercut.

Ruby's eyes widen and with her crazy reaction speed and speed in general she flunged herself out of Yang's punch as she bucked off from her sycthe, sending herself and the sycthe off in opposite directions.
Overall pretty good. There are still some ESL and spelling issues here and there but your English is improving. I can also see what you were getting at in your previous post, trying to focus on just raw description of what's happening in a scene without a lot of added fluff, and I think you were mostly successful. I don't have any difficulty following what's going on in the scene or visualizing the action. The only notable exception is this:

>Junko could feel herself getting angry despite herself. She had felt for a while now that she'd figured out the optimal emotional state to be in a fight. To her, it was inbetween angry and disintrested, which she refered to as focus. If she wasn't a bit angry, she felt she couldn't bring down her fist of justice upon the evil ghouls but if she only saw red, then she'd make mistakes due to... well not thinking. It just bothered her so that this tiny ghoul felt so confident in her presence. It felt amiss and made her feel uneasy, like she missed something vital. Like she was walking into a trap but that feeling hurt her pride. That someone so small could hurt her.
There are two problems here. First is that it's a bit wordy. This feels like you're sliding back into that overly-verbose, confusing descriptive style you said you were trying to move away from. Second is that everything here is basically a description of the character's emotions. This is likely why it ends up getting muddy and overly-descriptive: complex emotional states are difficult to put into words. This is one of those "show, don't tell" situations. Instead of describing what the character is feeling, try to show us how they are feeling through their actions. The basic thrust of this text is that Junko usually tries to maintain her composure during a fight, but Madoka's taunting is getting her riled up and she is starting to make mistakes. So come up with some action that conveys this. Maybe Junko grunts or growls, or she throws a reckless punch and misses, that sort of thing.

Here are some other things I noticed:

>a "come at me bruh" kind of gesture.
>went along with the bantz
Outside of greentext writing, you really want to avoid casual, shitposty language like this in your narration. The only exception would be if the story is narrated in first person and the narrator uses this kind of language in everyday conversation. It goes back to what I was saying about narrative voice: if a character is narrating, you want the tone of your narration to feel like that person's natural speaking voice. However, if there is no narrator and you're just describing action in the third person, you want the tone to be as neutral and utilitarian as possible. In the case of Madoka's gesture, it would be more helpful to just describe the movement she's actually making, instead of relying on the reader's presumed understanding of a colloquialism.

>she flunged herself
Usually, adding 'ed' to the end of a verb will make it past-tense. However, "flung" is already the past-tense of "fling," so you don't need to add the 'ed'. For some reason, "flinged" is also incorrect, even though it logically ought to work. English is a very stupid language sometimes.

>A small amount of surprise showed itself on Junko's face.
This phrasing is awkward. It would be easier to just say "Junko was surprised" or something to that effect. There are degrees of being surprised, but surprise itself can't really be quantified, thus you can't really have a small amount of surprise show itself.

> She kinda just thought the situation was humours
Unless she's a medieval doctor, the situation should be "humorous." Also, it should be "kind of," not "kinda," see my above statement on using casual language in narration.

>She swung it with all her might and it looked like she went from a reverse 'c' to a normal 'c'.
I think I basically understand what's happening here, but it's still an awkward way to describe it.

>knocked the air out of her lunges
Unless Madoka is doing aerobics, the air should be knocked out of her "lungs."


>Do you understand what is going on in the scene, except for contextual details like who Madoka is and such?
Generally, yes; except for what I pointed out this is well written and easy to follow. The nice thing about action sequences is they don't really require much context. You can drop the reader into a fight scene with absolutely no lead-in whatsoever and they can still follow what's happening, even if they aren't familiar with the characters or don't know why they're fighting.

The only issue I have with this structurally is that it isn't clear how these two scenes connect to each other. I'm not sure if this whole thing is meant to be read as one piece, but based on what's here the two scenes feel disjointed. It reads like this:

>two characters are fighting
>we're not sure why
>page break
>now two completely different characters are fighting
>we don't know why these two are fighting either

Theoretically you could make an entire story like this, where it's just a collection of scenes in which anime girls beat the shit out of each other round-robin style for reasons that are never explained. It might even be kind of fun to read. However, without some overarching narrative connecting it all together, it wouldn't be much of a story.

As an aside, these names sound kind of familiar. From "Madoka" I'm assuming these characters are from Madoka Magica. I saw it a long time ago, but I don't remember who the other characters are or what the show was about exactly. All I remember is that I thought I was sitting down to watch a cutesy magical-girl show, but it turned out to be really surreal and fucked-up.
Have some fic. I had fun writing it.
One character's name is familiar, but she is not the horse.
Hey! Glad you still remember my fic. Even if you remember it for those reasons. *insert an ungodly amount of elypses*
>That said, I wouldn't say that writing should be entirely discounted. Even if you have a great story with great characters and you can see every scene clearly inside your head, if you can't communicate it to people in language they can understand, you'll never be able to make the audience see what you see.

I'm starting to think execution is what truly makes the artist.
You don't actually need to be talented or skilled in order to put together a masterpiece in your head. With some luck and enough time, anyone can have a good idea eventually. Even a bunch of good ideas.
Anyone, even an autistic Vtuber fag, or a vitriolic Honkai player. It's easy enough, probable enough for the lazy to cling on.
But only a very small fraction of those people, actually put the work into making their vision a reality.
A much smaller fraction, actually see it through. And even then, only a miniscule percentage actually do it right.

Execution does override intent. And no amount of daydreaming about ebin stories is going to make you an artist. There's so much more about it besides having a vision. If you can't even express that "vision" by yourself, you're no artist.
Well, scrap that. Let just say...something of "acceptable quality".
Where is the deadpool x mlp fanfic? A month has passed.
Here's your capeshit goyslopxpony, retard.
Have a "what my fic is all about". It includes spoilers, but nobody reads it so there's no point in hiding them.
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Are there any good works written on /mlpol/? I'd like to read them if so. I remember someone posting a story (It might have been a text file) on here where an anon had pony tulpas. I think he got roped into gang warfare or something. It was badly written but there was a lot of SOVL so I'd like to read it again if anyone has it and knows what I'm talking about.
As thanks I'll post the best HiE Adventure fic in existence (up to a certain point) https://www.fimfiction.net/story/163706/bad-mondays
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>I remember someone posting a story (It might have been a text file) on here where an anon had pony tulpas
Lol that one was mine. It was my NaNoWriMo project from 2018, iirc. The title is Castles Made of Vapor.

>badly written but there was a lot of SOVL
It needs a pretty heavy rewrite as I recall, there is a lot of shit wrong with it. I remember I did moderately touch it up a few months after it was initially written, but I would still like to do a full-blown rewrite. It's one of those projects that's on my back burner for a long time now. The plot was really goofy and implausible, but I feel like it was still one of my better ideas.

Anyway, I'm not sure where it is atm. The laptop I wrote it on went kaput a couple of years ago and I haven't gotten around to dumping the contents of the hard drive. However, the PDF or whatever I posted should be archived on this site somewhere. I will dig through the old threads and see if I can find it, if I locate it I'll post it here.

>Are there any good works written on /mlpol/?
I feel like there have been at least a few. "Hoarse Fucker" is certainly a classic, though I don't think I have the exact thread it appeared in handy. If you enjoyed my novel, I also wrote a long green that was pretty well received at the time:

I've actually been working on a rewrite/continuation of that particular story. I've been meaning to start posting it, and now is probably a good a time as any. Here is the thread: 374307
>>374307 →
Forgot the post quote arrows.
>"Hoarse Fucker"
Think this is the Hoarse Fucker thread >>151058 → ( https://mlpol.net/mlpol/archive/151058 )
We had that really good Anon × Flurry green that was never finished.
Emperor Incognito is the leader we deserve.
Nice, that Dale one was a fun read.’