/mlpol/ - My Little Politics


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Writefag Support Circle: A Gathering of Based Gentlemen Who Smoke Pipes.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.359064
360978
Thread number three. Last one is apparently at bump limit.

Previous thread: >>336928 →

I'm lazy so I'm just going to copypaste the OP text from the last one since it still applies. Important bits have been bolded for emphasis.

Basically all that is said in that OP applies to this one but I'll go through the 'rules' of this thread here as well.

So, the main point of this thread is to facilitate and enable Anons' writefagging; in a similar way pride facilitates and enables aids.;^P The Anons in this thread can be separated into two camps: Anons who wants help with their writing project(s) and Anons that feel inclined to help those aforementioned shrek-colored skinheads.

Crafting and beta-reading is what we do here, any critique of literature not made by a guy submitted for this thread should be incidental; it should be when you —as a beta-reader of fics posted ITT— make a comparison between the fic your reviewing and some other story for the sake of demonstrating your point, whatever it is.

This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.

Read this again, because it's important:

This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a reference in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparison in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.

I hope that I haven't scared anybody off. This is still suppose to be a chill af thread. Funposting is very much allowed and encouraged. It really is more that some type of posting —like, things that are completely irrelevant to the thread— does not belong here. I know, rocket-science and a rule that is seldom seen and highly unique for this thread. Perhaps you could call it a... Novelty. (You) intelligent lurker, obviously get the subtext of this OP so you probably won't need to worry about any of this. I'd say if you're unsure if what you're about to post belongs in the thread, then post it anyway. The worst that can happen is that someone tells you to move it to another thread and you get a better insight of what post belongs in thread. If you consist on fish and chips, however, I'd suggest you think twice on what you're posting and perhaps even ask beforehand if your rant about lefties and Undertale belongs here.

If there are any questions on the OP, ask away?
278 replies and 143 files omitted.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.367909
367929
>>367898
I feel like you should be right, but honestly? I've tried ignoring him, and that doesn't work either.
Anonymous
bb5d1ea
?
No.367929
>>367898
He's been bullied off the site a couple times. It is amusing to watch it unfold. The key to enjoy niggel slander, starts with knowing the clown will always be back.
>>367909
This.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.367930
367934 367936
_ecbbc44f-dc9e-4e7d-801f-57b6967e4737.jpg
>>367741
>>367908
Also:

>the "best" advice I ever got was "read a lot on your own and figure it out for yourself"
For one thing, this actually is very good advice. If you want to learn how to write fiction, you should read as much fiction as possible, for the same reason that someone wanting to play the guitar should listen to other guitar players. Not only are there plenty of little technical things you can pick up this way, but every writer has their own unique, nuanced approach to telling stories. By reading different books by different authors, you'll expose yourself to different techniques and approaches, and you can decide for yourself which ones you like and which ones you don't. And as far as figuring it out for yourself, there are large aspects of this that you literally just have to learn by doing, and it's a continuous process of trial and error.

For another, you've been given plenty of advice beyond this. I myself have spent untold hours combing through the dreck you write, and attempting to hold your hand and walk you through the most basic things you do wrong, usually over and over and over. So have plenty of other people here. You never seem to absorb a word of it or follow any advice you're given.

>I've figured out a lot for myself
No, you haven't. In fact, not only have you failed to figure out much of anything for yourself, you've failed to implement any of the reams upon reams of practical advice you've been given, that you claim you haven't been given.

I can show you examples of this in real time. Let's have a look at what's in your current fimfic profile. This is you, isn't it?
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/466312/SparkapocalypseVanguard

Interestingly, I notice you have ratings disabled for most of your stories. I wonder what could have possibly motivated you to do that? Hmm. Anyway, the story you posted to this thread:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/543055/1/my-little-brony-this-is-a-fanfic/this-is-a-chapter
I refuse to even look at on principle.

However:

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/532479/1/twilight-sparkle-and-the-casino-of-doom/casinos-more-like-casi-no
This entire "story" can be summed up thusly: Spike comes home one day excited about visiting a casino that was apparently just built. Twilight lectures him about why the author she thinks casinos are bad. After listening to her massive block-paragraph lecture, Spike concludes that he was wrong. Then, Twilight writes a massive block-paragraph letter to Princess Celestia that repeats, basically word for word, everything she just told Spike about casinos in her massive block-paragraph lecture.

The entire text consists of your own thinly-veiled opinions, written out in massive block paragraphs and dumped into quotes which are then forced into the mouth of a character. How many damned times have you been told to stop doing this? You did this constantly throughout your old Silver Star thing, and you were called out on it then. I call this sort of writing "sockpuppet dialog." I've also seen a lot of it in other fics I've reviewed, and I have called it out every time I've seen it.

Since you clearly don't respect my opinion anymore, maybe you should go through your own fucking comments section and see how literally every fucking person tells you exactly the same fucking thing that I just did.

Then, there's your most recent one:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/543688/1/morbino-morblo/morb-morb-morb
Like almost everything you write, this one reads like it was written ironically or as a dumb joke, and subsequently very little serious effort was put into it. The plot is barely worth summarizing: a guy named Morbius lives in a place called Morbino Land, he can shapeshift or something I guess, and he does battle with an evil wizard named Morblo. The name of just about everything in the story is some variation on the word "morb." This feels like a reference or an in-joke, and a quick google search confirms this: apparently, "morb" is a meme that originated from the film Morbius, which was apparently some capeshit movie that came out last year and bombed. Anyway, Morbius uses...a bunch of magic cars ???...to somehow...defeat this evil wizard I guess, and then...he starts ranting about the Federal Reserve. I'm not even making this up.

Anyway...Jesus Christ. This is seriously some next-level autism. The guy drones on about the Federal Reserve for like four paragraphs, and we once again see the grim specter of sockpuppet dialogue raising its ugly head. Oh, this here is interesting:

>Suddenly the story reveals this was all a story. It was all written by Pinkie Pie in an afternoon for a book club writing assignment, and Twilight Sparkle tells her this is definitely a better story than the last time she tried writing and looks out the window to see they were in space all along. Then Twilight praises Pinkie's novel and tells her what to improve on.
>ChatGPT
Yes, it seems the exciting plot-twist was that this whole ridiculous thing was actually written by Pinkie Pie. This is honestly the least plausible direction this story could possibly have taken, since not even Pinkie would be this autistic. However, more interesting than this is that "ChatGPT" is actually part of the text. I'll go out on a limb here and say that ChatGPT wrote at least some of this (probably not the Federal Reserve stuff; that's all clearly vintage Nigel), and you probably marked off the ChatGPT portions for reference. I'm also guessing that you forgot to delete this line when you pasted the text in. Because of this, I'm going to go even further out on a limb, and say that you probably still don't bother to even cursorily proofread any of the crap you write before you post it to fimfiction.

Anyway, fuck it; I'm feeling the itch, and I've got nothing better to do for a couple of hours. Anyone up for a good old-fashioned "Glim Glam dunks on Nigel's Shitty Fimfiction Ramblings" session? I am.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
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No.367934
_5313da5c-de00-4754-b509-906e8a93f8a4.jpg
>>367930
>>367741
Continuing with the "morb" thing. There's not really much else to say about the actual story that I haven't already covered, however there are a couple of quotes that are worth calling attention to.

Apparently, typing out a four-paragraph rant about the Federal Reserve didn't quite satiate your urge to shart out your own moronic opinions as block paragraphs and dump them down the throats of your characters. There's another one from Pinkie towards the end:

>Pinkie giggled. "Isn't it funny that a show that once visually mocked the cliche of bad futures and alternate timelines with a joke episode went on to unironically self-seriously depict numerous bad timelines wiped away without a second thought by a pony that is clearly, according to her fans, the greatest idea Hasbro ever had? I mean, isn't that a little messed up? Glimmer literally created ponies, and uncreated ponies, as casually as I might create a loud toot! Time was a plaything for her, all to make you sad, Twilight, and make sure you can't beat her in a fight, so you'd decide you had to forgive her for everything and try to force her to see why friendship is good even though it took her WAY too long to figure out the concept of respecting the rights of others. It almost seems like awful terrible objectively bad contrived writing and if anyone in this accursed fandom who thought season 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or any other season was too bad for their tastes and moved on with their life came back to check this out they'd laugh and leave the fandom all over again! Then again season one bronies liked Fallout Equestria and Past Sins so maybe their taste was never more important than feeling like they were a part of something."

There are some gems hidden in this dense web of autism. First, and probably most hilarious, is that, despite all the time that's passed and all your claims to the contrary, it's clear that you still haven't quite managed to get over your intense hateboner for Starlight Glimmer. Second is this:

>Then again season one bronies liked Fallout Equestria and Past Sins so maybe their taste was never more important than feeling like they were a part of something
Apart from your usual condescension towards a fandom upon which you are clearly still very dependent for your hourly fix of dopamine, I notice you specifically bring up Past Sins and Fallout Equestria. Gee willickers, aren't those the same fics I reviewed? I also remember that, in the Lion Man story you posted here which according to your profile is actually called Fallout Equestria: Lionheart, you went on a long, long rant about the original Fallout Equestria story. It was the same sort of thing, where you wrote out your own opinions as long, incoherent block paragraphs and stuffed them into your character's mouth. However, they weren't so much your opinions as they were my opinions, culled directly from my review of Fallout Equestria, and paraphrased in your own rambling schizo style. It's almost like...you have no ability to assess the worth of stories on your own, so you have to take my views and regurgitate them. I don't take offense, mind you, I honestly think it's adorable. You hate me so much, but you want to be me so badly.

Also:

>Twilight continued, "However, there's always room for improvement. In the future, try to focus on pacing and structure. Sometimes your story felt a bit chaotic, and it can be helpful to have a clear beginning, middle, and end."
Irony levels off the charts.

>"And you really need to learn to integrate political messages better. But at least you didn't awkwardly shoehorn in any feet or anything like that, so you're a better writer and person than at least 40% of writers already." Twilight smiled warmly at her friend. "But don't ever lose your boundless creativity, Pinkie! It's what makes your stories so unique and enjoyable!"
IRONY LEVELS CRITICAL

Anyway, the story ends with Twilight and Pinkie kissing for some reason, and a completely inappropriate Monty Python reference is thrown in as a final cherry to top off this shit sundae.

Next up:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/536353/1/a-pointless-story/i-dont-know-what-you-expected

This one is titled "A Pointless Story," and the description reads "a pointless story in which nothing happens." The accompanying image is a distended portrait of Maude Pie, who does not appear in the story at all. I notice that both ratings and comments are turned off for this one.

Anyway, this story feels like most of it was also written by ChatGPT. Nothing really happens and there's very little in the way of character interaction, so it's basically just words. It maintains a pretty consistent dark mood, there are a lot of references to ancient prophecies and finding the truth, but in the end...nothing really happens. Twilight and her friends journey across Equestria for some vaguely-defined reason, and then eventually Discord shows up, and Pinkie Pie makes the following dumb joke:

>"Grabahan!" she exclaimed, unable to contain her mirth.
>Twilight Sparkle tilted her head in confusion.
>Pinkie Pie grinned. "Grabahan full of deez nuts!"
Again, I'm fairly certain that ChatGPT wrote at least 90% of this story, but I'm assuming "Grabahan full of deez nuts" was your own personal contribution. Congratulations: every time I think you can't possibly lower the bar for yourself any further, you manage to surprise me.

Anyway, that's basically the end of it. I actually have to say, this is probably some of your best work. You promised us a pointless story in which nothing happens, and you delivered exactly that. You set a reasonable goal for yourself, and you achieved it. Nice job. Why on earth you would ever choose to publish something like this is another matter entirely.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.367936
367938
_ed4cf2ca-379b-4db0-8ea1-f49300c91e13.jpg
>>367930
>>367741

Next on the docket:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/543307/1/unmasking-the-shadows/the-hoof-of-suspicion

This story is called "Unmasking the Shadows," and the description reads: "The Thunder Hooves Gang can't keep getting away with it. Rainbow Dash embarks on an epic quest to infiltrate the menacing Thunder Hooves biker gang. But when they blackmail her, who can she trust?"

Anyway, the story begins with some dull narration. Apparently, Ponyville has been overrun by a biker gang called the Thunder Hooves for some reason or another. Rainbow Dash overhears ponies at Sugar Cube Corner discussing how the Thunder Hooves are planning to attack the town library. How exactly ordinary ponies hanging out at a sweet shop would be aware of the biker gang's plans is never clarified. Also unclear is why bikers would want to attack a library. Anyway, Dash decides to infiltrate the gang so she can expose their "nefarious plans."

>Rainbow Dash approached the Thunder Hooves' secret hideout, a rundown shack on the outskirts of Ponyville. She had dyed her hair blue and white. Hopefully that was a sufficient disguise.
Why would that be a sufficient disguise? Do the bikers use those colors or something? You don't clarify what the significance of dying her hair blue and white would be. You also don't clarify why Dash would even need a disguise. Do they know who she is? Does she want to keep her identity a secret from them? Because in literally the next sentence:

>She took a deep breath and walked in, hoping her reputation as a fearless daredevil would earn her a place among the gang.
Already, this story makes absolutely no sense. She's going to disguise herself, but also her whole plan depends on the bikers recognizing her and being familiar with her reputation? What the shit, dude? Is this another ChatGPT, or do you just not even bother to think these things through?

Anyway, the issue is moot. Dash introduces herself as "Thunderstrike," and for some reason the gang just immediately allows her to join, no initiation or interview or anything. She hangs out with them for a few weeks, participating in their various shenanigans, and then, for no apparent reason, they decide to blackmail her.

>One evening, Doomthunder cornered Rainbow Dash. "Listen up, Thunderstrike," he sneered. "We've got some plans for you. You're gonna tag the Ponyville Library tonight, and you're gonna talk like you've gone completely bad. Also you're gonna get close to this Twilight loser and earn her trust and get her to say embarassing stuff. If you refuse, we'll expose your true identity to the whole town! And if we get arrested, keep this in mind. If we go down, you go down with us!"
I am so fucking confused. Does this gang know who she really is, or don't they? Why are they doing any of this in the first place? Also, "embarrassing" is misspelled.

Anyway, I guess Rainbow Dash has to go and write poopoo-peepee graffiti on Twilight's library now. She feels morally conflicted about this for a bit, and then decides she has to do it for some reason, because she's trying to bring this biker gang to justice or whatever.

>Unbeknownst to Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle had noticed her strange behavior and the graffiti on the library. Twilight's analytical mind couldn't ignore the inconsistencies in her friend's actions. She began to suspect that something was amiss with Rainbow Dash.
Something amiss, like the fact that she now has blue and white hair for some reason, plus her friends are all bikers and she's apparently been spending a lot of time inside the library spraying graffiti on the walls? Twilight is clearly a master detective.

Anyway, Twilight I guess figures out that Rainbow Dash is acting peculiar, and meanwhile Rainbow Dash is recording the biker gang's phone calls or something, and then eventually Rainbow Dash breaks down and confesses to Twilight that she was the one who sprayed graffiti all over her library. Which I understood to be something that Twilight already knew. Anyway, after this, Twilight and Rainbow Dash go to Celestia together, and they present whatever evidence Dash collected on the biker gang. The gang gets arrested.

>As Rainbow Dash stood before her friends, her secret exposed but her intentions clear, Twilight approached her with a warm smile. "Rainbow, I'm so proud of you for trying to protect Ponyville. I should have trusted you from the beginning."
What is her secret again? That she was in the biker gang? I thought she was only pretending to be in the gang to expose them? Is that what the gang was planning to blackmail her with? The fact that she was in the gang? Did they know that she was actually Rainbow Dash? Because they were calling her Thundercheeks or whatever the whole time. Were they blackmailing Dash because she was in the gang, or were they blackmailing Thundercheeks because...reasons? This literally makes no goddamn sense.

Anyway, Twilight and her friends all forgive Rainbow Dash for doing whatever she is supposed to have done exactly, and the gang is in jail. The day is saved. Hooray.

Seriously, Nigel, what the fuck? I honestly can't tell if you're intentionally writing mediocre stories as some kind of autistic joke that only makes sense to you, or if this literally is what you trying your absolute best looks like. I just...I don't even understand what this is. Why did you write this? Who is it for? Did you write this to be ironic or something, or do you honestly believe this has some sort of entertainment value? So far all of your stories are like this.

I mean, really dude. The Silver Star thing was bad, but it was bad in a funny way, and at the very least it seemed like you actually gave a shit about what you were writing. This is just...pure mediocrity, and what's more, the mediocrity feels intentional. Why would you even write something like this, let alone publish it for people to read?

All jokes aside, I am legitimately embarrassed for you right now.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.367938
367939
_3db8b5b8-687c-42bb-8a77-b4810f7be942.jpg
>>367936
>>367741

Anyway, next up:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/536214/twilight-sparkle-and-rainbow-dashs-love

"Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash's Love." Description is a short poem: "Gleaming hearts take flight, Twilight and Rainbow unite, Love's colors ignite." This one is divided into three chapters.

Romance Blossoms

Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle have been living together for awhile, as part of something called the "Interspecies Cultural Exchange Program." The text never clarifies what this is, or how exactly it would affect their living situation, since both are presumably of the same species. Anyway, Twilight comes home from some kind of workout or something, and Rainbow Dash is sitting there. After a very brief preamble, Dash announces that she is in love with Twilight, and Twilight responds by saying that she feels the same way. For the next few paragraphs, they exchange some overly saccharine dialogue about how much they love each other. Since we've been given absolutely no background on either of these characters, or any kind of setup for them to have a relationship at all, absolutely none of it feels even remotely genuine. We are then informed that this goes on for several more weeks. Eventually, we rejoin them one afternoon on the couch. However, nothing else happens besides more saccharine descriptions of them snuggling with each other. This is literally a complete synopsis of the entire chapter.

Trial of the Moon

>The next full moon approached, casting its ethereal glow upon the land. But for Twilight's new Alicorn body, the full moon brought with it unique challenges that she and her love faced together.
So I guess she's an alicorn now? Was she not one before? As with all of the other selections we've looked at tonight, this is not so much a story as it is a crude outline of an idea. We've been given essentially no information about either of these characters, other than the fact that they lived together as part of some kind of same-species interspecies exchange program, and that, for no explicable reason, they are suddenly in love with each other.

Anyway, it's not really clear how or why, but it seems that the full moon does something to Twilight Sparkle. Maybe she's a werewolf or something, who knows? The text doesn't clarify. In any event, Dash, her "lover" apparently, decides to help her with whatever her problem is by throwing javelins at her, so she can take her mind off of the moon by dodging them seriously people, I promise I am not exaggerating or distorting any of this; read this autism for yourself if you don't believe me.

>But as the night wore on, the full moon's influence seemed to intensify, and Twilight Sparkle's struggle became more challenging. She could feel her instincts tugging at her, urging her to break free from the restraints of her human form.
Wait, she's a human in this? The story is tagged MLP:FIM, the image shows pony versions of Twilight and Dash, and we haven't been told otherwise, so I've been assuming these were horse versions of both characters. Is this what the "Interspecies Exchange" business was about? Twi is a human and Dash is a pony? Or something? As with everything else we've read tonight, this story is clumsily written and makes little sense, almost as if the person writing it gave absolutely zero fucks about either his characters or his subject matter. Jesus Christ, Nigel.

Anyway, I guess the two of them are flying around at night, because Twilight is an alicorn now, and also a human apparently, and she's afraid of the moon for some reason. They throw javelins at each other for awhile, there's some more schmultzy description of how deeply they love each other, then I guess the moon goes away and whatever problem Twilight was having basically resolves itself.

>As dawn broke, the full moon began to wane, its power diminishing. Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash looked at each other, a mixture of relief and gratitude evident in their eyes. They had faced the challenges of the full moon together, and nothing exploded this time, thanks to their love and unwavering support guiding them through the darkest of nights.
You have still given us absolutely zero clarification about whatever Twilight's deal with the moon is.

>Hand in hand, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash walked back home, the echoes of their shared triumph still resonating within them.
So they're both human? But also they can fly and one of them is an alicorn? And they're both enrolled in something called the Interspecies Exchange Program? And Twilight is afraid of the moon for some unspecified reason? Just making sure we're on the same page here.

Anyway, after this, they go back home and that's the end of the chapter.

Their First Kiss

Apparently, the next chapter is the story of their first kiss. Even though we are told that they have been madly in love with each other for a period of actual months now, and they have done nothing besides snuggle and cuddle and hurl javelins at each other for that entire period of time...it seems they haven't kissed yet. Maybe they're saving it for marriage, the way Pony and/or Human and/or Alicorn Jesus would want them to.

Anyway, Twilight and Dash decide to go to some library in Ohayo. They pick out some books.

>Derpy Hooves was there, with her foal. She quickly extended her wings so her foal didn't see two mares holding wings in public.
Who is Derpy Hooves? You haven't introduced this character. Also: you refer to them as mares, but in the previous paragraph you mention fingers. Are these characters humans? Horses? Anthro whatever-the-fucks? You give us absolutely nothing to go on.

Anyway, they read books at the library for awhile, and then they go home. On the way, they kiss. That's literally it. The text spends more time building up the kiss itself than it ever does explaining who either of these characters are or why they are in a relationship with each other.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.367939
367940
_89b562df-c01b-47a8-b388-f804f914728d.jpg
>>367938
>>367741
Anyway, Jesus. This one was, by a wide margin, the worst one of the batch. And that's saying something, because literally every single thing I've read on your fimfic so far I would grade on a scale ranging from mediocre to awful. I'm not even trying to bantz on you anymore, this one was just horrendously, embarrassingly bad. What was this story even supposed to be about? Two characters with absolutely no depth or substance, or even a rough description of who the fuck they are or even what species, suddenly fall in love for no reason, spend copious amounts of time snuggling and calling each other schmoopy-doopy, then they go to a library and kiss. Oh right, and there was this absolutely ridiculous thing about one character being afraid of the fucking moon that was just wedged in out of absolutely nowhere.

The subject matter of this story reminds me of another one you submitted to the previous writing thread:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/530649/1/science-and-ponies-and-love/ka-boom

I'm not going to go over it again because I already reviewed it, but here's the interesting thing: this current story, "Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash's Love", is a considerably worse story than "Science and Ponies and Love." However, "Science" was published in February of 2023, whereas "Twilight & Rainbow's Love" was published in May of 2023. I just went back to the old thread and verified that I reviewed "Science" in February. So, this means that you wrote a story, asked for feedback, received feedback, and then, three months later...went on to produce an even worse story about the same subject matter. You not only blatantly ignored all of the notes I gave you on that story, you actually managed to take all of that story's problems and somehow make them even worse. Instead of a story about poorly-defined characters who are in love for some poorly-defined reason, you wrote a story about characters with no definition at all, who fall in love for no reason whatsoever. Instead of writing a story where the reader is wondering whether these two characters are supposed to be friends or dating or married or what, you wrote a story where the reader can't even tell whether the characters are supposed to be humans or horses. Instead of a story with a weird conflicting plot, that feels like it's half supposed to be about Dash confessing her love to Twilight, and half about some kind of science experiment gone wrong, you've managed to write a story with no plot at all, where the most interesting thing going on is that Twilight is afraid of the moon and you flat-out refuse to tell us why.

Anyways, up next:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/530646/hay-burger

This story is called "Hay Burger." The description reads: "Twilight Sparkle wants a burger. So does Rainbow Dash. And they were lesbians. Except it was all a story written by Maud. But they're still lesbians. Trigger Warning: Contains lesbians (don't read if you're homophobic)"

Nothing much really happens in this story. Twilight and Rainbow Dash are married, and they decide to order some hay burgers. They argue back and forth about whether or not to order fries, because fries are unhealthy. They ultimately decide to order hayburgers with a side-salad, and split an order of fries, thus finding a middle-ground between flavor and good nutrition. The section concludes with a letter to Princess Celestia, summarizing what they have both learned about balancing desire against responsibility.

>Rainbow Dash was a Pegasus pony who lived in Equestria, a land filled with magic and wonder. She was known for her lightning-fast speed and her love of adventure. And her big heart. And her gorgeous lesbian wife.
This is literally the most information you've given us about any character in any of your stories thus far. I'm inclined to give this story a higher rating simply because of that.

Actually, this is probably one of your better stories in general, at least in comparison to everything else here. The story focuses on a simple conversation, the dialogue feels more or less natural, the characters mostly stay on topic except for a couple of places, and, probably most impressive of all, the story is actually about something. That's right, you read it here first folks: Nigel actually managed to write a story with a point.

The focus of the story is a simple conflict between Twilight and Dash: Twilight wants them to have a healthy dinner, Dash wants to pig out a little. They argue back and forth, and ultimately they compromise. The story ends with a simple moral about responsible eating that is summed up in a "Dear Princess" letter. Simplistic? Yes, but for what it is it's actually pretty decent.

Congratulations, Nigel. I have been on you for literal years now to practice writing stuff like this in order to learn basic, rudimentary storytelling, and you finally managed to do it. Granted, you've only managed it once so far, and based on your later stories you don't seem to have learned much from doing it, but still; credit where credit is due. I guess if you let a blind, autistic, borderline-retarded pig sniff around in the mud long enough, he'll eventually find an acorn.

Or at least, that's what I would have said to you if you hadn't made the inexplicable choice to toss in a needless page break and then end the story this way:

>“So, what did you think of Maud's story?” Pinkie Pie danced around Twilight Sparkle and literally bounced off the walls while waiting for Twilight Sparkle's verdict.
>Twilight wasn't certain what to say.
>Rainbow Dash opened her mouth wide to tell everypony exactly what she thought of Maud's story, and Twilight cringed.
Just...why? It was fine the way it was. What could have possibly motivated you to tack this bullshit on at the end? I am docking you every single point I gave you on this story; you're officially a cum-gargling faggot again.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.367940
367941
_bbcaeb89-daa5-4f1b-af77-930afb4a9c25.jpg
>>367939
>>367741

Next:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/534816/1/rainbow-dashs-nightmare-jar/and-he-took-the-cup-and-gave-thanks-and-gave-it-to-them-saying-drink-ye-all-of-it

This story is called "Rainbow Dash's Nightmare Jar," and I'm assuming it's about exactly what it appears to be about. Most notably, it's one of the few stories on the list that you've actually enabled ratings on, and even more surprisingly for a Nigel story, it has a net-positive rating.

It's...okay for what it is, I guess. Rainbow Dash has a recurring nightmare in which she is trapped in a jar that keeps filling up with sticky white liquid. She almost drowns, and then she wakes up. Eventually, she seeks out Twilight's advice on the dream. After talking things out, they decide that Rainbow is feeling trapped because she spends too much time flying or something, so she decides to branch out and try new things. She learns to paint and do some other stuff, and the dream stops happening. That's about it.

The main problem with this is that it can't really decide what it wants to be. Obviously, the subject matter suggests that it's just going to be a funny, shitposty story about a well-traveled meme. However, the subject matter is only funny if you already know what the jar and the white liquid are about, while the story itself isn't really humorous. At first, it feels like it might turn into a horror story, what with the foreboding depictions of drowning, and the recurring nightmare and all. However, that never really pans out either. In the end, there's just some middle of the road conversation that doesn't really move the emotional needle one way or the other, and then eventually, with Twilight's help, Dash sorts her shit out and stops having the dream. The story introduces a problem, sends the character on a journey to solve said problem, ultimately she finds the solution she needs by talking things out with her friend, and then the problem resolves, with Dash having made some level of personal growth as a result. Technically, it's a complete story, it's just kind of...meh. You could probably make the case that there's a simple message in here about confiding in friends instead of suffering in silence, but...that's about it.

Anyway, I'm going to just go ahead and toss you a few points here, since again, this is the kind of "learn basic storytelling" exercise I've been telling you to do for awhile now, and you basically pull it off.

And now, finally, as I think this is the last one on the list that I haven't already reviewed:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/509286/1/twilight-and-rainbows-gay-old-time/hitchcocks-bomb-theorem

This one is called "Twilight and Rainbow's Gay Old Time." Seriously Nigel, wtf is it with you and this pairing? I mean, I guess everyone has their favorite characters and things to write about, but still. There are other characters in this show that you could pair up and write terrible romance stories about.

Anyway, the story starts out with Twilight and Dash in bed together. There is a storm outside, and they are hiding from the thunder, and then they start making out. It actually starts out more or less decently, until:

>“Is that a Jojo's reference?” Pinkie Pie asked happily, popping up from nowhere between them, causing the two lovers to scream and back away, falling off their bed.
Jesus fucking Christ, Nigel.

>“Pinkie, what are you doing here?” Twilight held up some papers. “You're not in this episode!”
Jesus fucking Christ, Nigel.

>“Whoopsie!” Pinkie smiled, suddenly on a pink motorcycle (Available in all kid's toy stores now!) as she drove through their bedroom window and flew away, leaving flaming pink trails behind in the sky.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Nigel.

Anyway, after that nonsense happens, the two of them launch into a discussion about coming out of the closet and telling their friends that they're into each other. Some more nonsense ensues. Spike is downstairs taking a shit. Twilight yells down to Spike that she's a flaming homo, Spike yells back that he already knows and that he's also a flaming homo and so is the author of the story, and then they start talking about Rainbow Dash's grandparents, and how neither of them are aware that Twilight and Rainbow are flaming homos.

Eventually it's revealed that, for some completely unknown reason, Twilight invited Dash's homophobic grandfather to visit them in the middle of a thunderstorm. He shows up, bellows "I hate gays" at the top of his lungs, and asks to meet Dash's boyfriend. At this point, it is revealed that Dash told her grandfather that Twilight was a boy. Also, he apparently found a comic that she was drawing or something, and since he apparently also hates comics, Dash had to tell him that she was drawing a picture of her boyfriend. Or something. So now, Grandpa Dash is under the impression that Twilight is a "blond dude with a lightning mane."

Despite it being a completely inappropriate time to do so, Dash shows Twilight the comic book she's been working on, and Twilight compliments her on it. They yammer autistically about it for longer than is appropriate. Then, they remember that Dash's grandpa is still downstairs, so Twilight uses her magic to transform herself into Rainbow Dash's comic book OC, because she can do that apparently. It now appears that, until we are told to do otherwise, we must now refer to Twilight Sparkle as a male character named Daybreak Dawn.

Dash spends a considerable amount of time licking her chops over boy-Twilight, which seems to imply that she's less gay than she thinks she is. There is some more autism that is a little hard to follow, and then eventually they wind up downstairs. Dash's Grandpa apparently hasn't given up and gone home yet.

>He had a mane just like Rainbow Dash, only black, though with added golden highlights at the tips.
You haven't described Rainbow Dash's mane in this story, so this comparison is invalid.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.367941
367943
_36795405-708a-4ddf-8601-3049c698f72f.jpg
>>367940
>>367741

There's some more autism, and then Rainbow Dash introduces her grandfather to Dawn Surprise, or whatever boy-Twilight's new name is. Grandpa sends Dash off to the kitchen to fix breakfast because she's a woman, and Dash realizes that she doesn't now how to cook, because she's bad at being a woman.

>“I know how to cook,” Rainbow Dash told herself as she picked up an egg, and put it into a big glass mixing bowl.

>“I know how to cook,” Rainbow Dash told herself as she picked up another egg, and put it into a big glass mixing bowl.

>“I know how to cook,” Rainbow Dash told herself as she picked up another egg, and put it into a big glass mixing bowl.

This text is copypasted exactly as it appears. I'm getting some weird flashbacks all of a sudden:

>“Daga kotowaru!” The Dragon-mare declared, appearing behind Twilight with a mouth full of flames.

>“Nothing personal, kid!” Silver announced, appearing behind the Dragon mare with his Spellblade out.

>“Daga kotowaru!” The Dragon-Mare declared, appearing behind Silver with a mouth full of flames.

>“Nothing personal, kid!” Silver announced, appearing behind the Dragon mare with his Spellblade out.

>“Daga kotowaru!” The Dragon-Mare declared, appearing behind Silver with a mouth full of flames.

>“Nothing personal, kid!” Silver announced, appearing behind the Dragon mare with his Spellblade out.

>“Daga kotowaru!” The Dragon-Mare declared, appearing behind Silver with a mouth full of flames.

>“Nothing personal, kid!” Silver announced, appearing behind the Dragon mare with his Spellblade out.

>“Daga kotowaru!” The Dragon-Mare declared, appearing behind Silver with a mouth full of flames.

>“Nothing personal, kid!” Silver announced, appearing behind the Dragon mare with his Spellblade out.

>“Daga kotowaru!” The Dragon-Mare declared, appearing behind Silver with a mouth full of flames.

>“Nothing personal, kid!” Silver announced, appearing behind the Dragon mare with his Spellblade out.

Anyway, Dash is trying to bake a cake or something, and she's not very good at it. She goes out to tell her grandfather that, eventually, he will need to eat all the eggs. However, she will have to figure out how to cook them first. Some more incomprehensible autism ensues.

>"Steamed hams!" Rainbow blurted for no reason.
Jesus fucking Christ, Nigel.

>"What?" Her grandfather whatted.
Jesus fucking Christ, Nigel.

>"I mean creamed hams! Dawn's creamed in my hamstrings before!"
Jesus fucking Christ, Nigel.

ANYWAY, there's a knock at the door all of a sudden. Rainbow flies over to answer it, and Big Mac is there. Apparently, Apple Bloom left her lunchbox at Twilight Sparkle's house for some inexplicable reason, and for some equally inexplicable reason, Big Mac decided to come over in the middle of a thunderstorm to pick it up. He sees man-Twilight, and immediately begins salivating over his massive horse dong. Then, he leaves.

Then, once again for some completely inexplicable reason, lightning suddenly strikes the treebrary, and because Rainbow Dash conveniently left the gas on in the kitchen from when she was trying to make cookies or whatever, the treebrary explodes. Man-Twilight casts a spell to protect them all, and in the process turns back into Twilight Sparkle, so thankfully there will be no further confusion about names or genders.

At this point, it seems the jig is up. Twilight and Rainbow Dash kiss in front of grandpa and confess that they are actually ponut-bumpers. Grandpa confesses that he actually doesn't care and he's only been saying "I hate gays" over and over throughout the story because he likes to troll gays. Since he had no way of knowing that Dash and Twilight were gay, it's unclear who exactly he thought he was trolling, but...we'll put a pin in that for now.

Anyway, at this point the story takes a rather bizarre turn. Since Twilight's house is now destroyed, and presumably there's still a thunderstorm going on, Twilight and Dash decide to go to Rarity's house to fuck, because "she isn't in this episode" and that means her house is free. This feels like a good time to mention that I really, really hate this kind of fourth-wall humor.

Meanwhile, Dash's grandfather flies off and makes the following cryptic statement:

>“I can't believe Dashie asked me to do this, just to see if her gay lover would do anything awful when confronted by a situation like this. What a strange little pony! Well, before I go home...”
Yes, it would seem that the shocking twist in this week's episode is that Dash knew all along that her Grandfather wasn't actually homophobic, and that the whole thing was just a ruse to see how Twilight would react. This completely negates all of Dash's motivations throughout the entire story and renders all of her actions nonsensical, but...we'll put a pin in that as well.

Also, it turns out that Dash's grandpa is gay himself, so he flies off to the local gay club to watch Big Mac, who is also gay, do his gay dance.

The story concludes with a letter from Dash to Princess Celestia, informing her that she and Twilight are gay.

Wew. Alrighty then.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.367943
368011
_ce167f4b-54d9-447d-88ce-1c30352ff26b.jpg
_117df446-79b3-45fc-9c53-a7ddc10e246b.jpg
_d9435f4b-db52-442e-9b22-70c17f4e2cd9.jpg
_c4c30351-df61-41ea-87af-a47694ee11de.jpg
>>367941
>>367741
Well, Nigel, that is all of the stories on your current fimfiction page, so you can't ever say that I haven't given your writing a fair shake. As far as I am aware, I have now read everything you've ever written (except for the thing you specifically asked this thread to read, which I refuse to read on principle). Suffice it to say I am unimpressed overall. In fact, that's actually kind of an understatement. I was unimpressed to begin with; now I'm actually even less impressed than I would have been if you'd written nothing.

As much as you seem to think that everyone on this site is obsessed with you, the truth is that nobody here really cares all that much. You're really only an issue when you're here causing drama, when you're gone I don't really give much thought to where you are or what you're doing. As such, I've only ever read the stories you've specifically submitted to this board. This is probably the most actual attention I've paid to any of your writings since Glimmergate. As I said, I didn't really come into this expecting much, but what really struck me about these selections is not just how bad they are, but how little you seem to actually care.

Most of these stories are not showpieces by any stretch of the imagination. "Hayburger" is decent for what it is. "Rainbow Dash's Nightmare Jar", surprisingly, is passable. "Twilight and Rainbow's Gay Old Time" is probably the only thing in here with any actual entertainment value, and that's mostly just due to it having obviously been written to be shitposty and silly. Incidentally, I noticed you titled the chapter in that story "Hitchcock's Bomb Theory," and I notice you seem to have made an effort to maintain some degree of constant tension in that story, so...that's something, I guess. The main problem there is that most of the tension came from nonsensical events being piled on top of each other: Dash's gay-hating grandpa shows up in the middle of a storm for basically no reason, Rainbow Dash has to cook food for basically no reason, she leaves the gas on for basically no reason, Big Mac shows up for basically no reason, the house explodes for basically no reason...

However, what really stands out more than anything else is the mediocrity present in the rest of the pieces. Most of these read like you just don't even care what you're writing about. I mean, you literally have a story in here called "A Pointless Story." And sure enough, it delivers on what it advertises. Why even write something like this? Your romantic stories are incredibly dull. "Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash's Love" was particularly horrendous. Many of these stories are not even fully developed ideas; they're barely even fully developed outlines of ideas. What's striking is that these pieces are actually, measurably worse than your Silver Star thing. It's as I said: as bad as that story was, it was at least clear you cared about it and were putting real effort into it. This stuff? It's like your whole attitude is like "here's some shit I wrote on autopilot, read it or don't."

Anyway, that's about all I've got for now. Thank you all for coming to my TED Talk.
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.368011
368012 368063
192303b6f8e7516b29537daca759aab5.png
>>367943
I love u GG.
If I was a cute pony mare with a hawt plot, I'd let you rail me.
But I'm not.
I don't want to break your princples but I do want some more GG dunks on Noigel reviews. Tho, somepart of me wonders what that says about me, however, it is really funny. I died a few times. Sry, Nigel. Nothing personal, kid.
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.368012
320F7B78F196D47858EA483EF7875C5C-9624.jpg
>>368011
>If I was a cute pony mare
In fact, you kind doxed me with those latest images of yours.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368063
368068
_89be8991-1af4-407c-9ec3-bbc6fbaa3e64.jpg
>>368011
>I don't want to break your princples but I do want some more GG dunks on Noigel reviews
Actually I didn't notice this but for some reason I had the "hide mature" switch set on fimfiction, so there were a couple of stories in there that I missed. I suppose for the sake of completion I could do those too.
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.368068
368070
6667385__safe_alternate+version_artist-colon-vultraz_editor-colon-sersys_starlight+glimmer_oc_oc-colon-anon_human_pony_unicorn_female_open+mouth_rejection_sad_s.png
>>368063
Yay but aslo neigh. I realized something after I made that post: I rather you finished the next chapter in our collab. However, I will never force you to do anything and also maybe you can do both, just that I remember you saying something about how you'd use this month for writing it or something.

Regardless to whatever your next project may be, I look forward to it.

>pic Glimmer talking lewds
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368070
368073
>>368068
I should have my 4chan story wrapped up in the next day or two and then I will focus on getting our collab done. Nigel's stuff isn't a huge priority either way lol, I mostly just did that for keks because I had some late-night time to kill but was too tired to spend it doing anything that required brainpower.
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.368073
368074
fluttershy_winking_by_sniper6vs7rocket_d588h7v-fullview.png
6796482__safe_artist-colon-whitediamonds_imported+from+derpibooru_opalescence_rarity_cat_pony_unicorn_beauty+mark_bipedal_broom_clothes_costume_duo_female_g4_gr.jpg
>>368070
Well, then. Chop chop. Those reviews aren't gonna write themselves.
jk^^

Also, I look forward to being spooked.^^
Anonymous
a72153a
?
No.368074
smile.jpg
>>368073
That didn't actually make much sense. I just don't into reading comprehension.
Anonymous
dfc5ca0
?
No.368093
>>367737
>You have NOT been around long enough
Nigger, I've been here since day one. Shove off with your nonsense.
>doesn't get the dopamine rush
How? You're still replying to him.
Anonymous
8133279
?
No.368150
368242
Ants fight.png
Ant backstab.png
Ant close up.png
Ants kiss ooooh.png
Ant party.png
>>367625
I wanted to add that I really appriciate the art. I like the ones to the left most but it's a hard decision.^^

>The queen of ants decreed that she wished there to be a tunnel from the hive to a tree.
>A builder ant saw this as his ticket up.
>He began to dig a hole in the ground near the tree.
>That's when he uncovered a couple of rocks.
>He pull them out of the hole and made a square with them.
>He went back to his hole but on his way he saw some thick fallen branches.
>He picked them up and added walls and a roof to the stone square.
>He returned to the hole again but saw on his way some moss on the ground and some leaves on the trees.
>He grabbed a lot of them and made the branch-roof waterproof with the leaves and made a floor of moss.
>He kept working with his building till sunset.
>In the end he had a beautiful house.
>He then returned to his tunnel and found a hole.
>The whole dya had been spent.
"Argh! Why am I so worthless?" he shouted out to the heavens above.
Anonymous
13af019
?
No.368186
369090
_faf24184-8898-4808-a095-f08edd87c1a2.jpg
Finished my /mlp/ story if anyone wants to read it:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/544043/night-of-the-autumn-moon
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.368240
Hey Nigel, if you're still lurking and sulking the way you normally do, you might want to check out this group I found on fimfic:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/217075/ai-reviews

Completely unbiased reviews written by an AI. No human element whatsoever other than the guy feeding it prompts. Literally the most objective criticism you could possibly ask for. It gives surprisingly insightful advice.
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.368242
368304 368386 368387
_7d9403de-fa6d-41e2-8834-02092fe68c35.jpg
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>>368150
Also, Sven, since I am now finished with the /mlp/ story, I am once again officially working on our collab.
/mlp/ writing contest entry backups
Not Glim Glam
2b808b4
?
No.368287
368360
I am double-posting this text from NHNB:

>Back in September, we had a Writefag General thread on /mlp/, in which a friendly writing contest was proposed:

>Theme: Nightmare Night
>Word Count: 10,000 words max
>Due Date: October 13 (due date has been extended)
Archived original thread: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/40277733/

>Current active thread:
https://boards.4channel.org/mlp/thread/40420593

NHNB thread with the same links:
https://nhnb.org/fim/res/16593.html

>I am creating this thread as a backup where links to contest entries can be posted in case the /mlp/ thread dies. In the event that this happens, whoever creates the new thread can repost these links in the OP. This way we are guaranteed to have all contest entries preserved, in the event that an Anon disappears or didn't save their work locally or something.

I do not claim personal ownership of these stories except the one I wrote, which I already posted, I am just the archivist.

Entries so far:

The Countess by Anon:
https://ponepaste.org/9409

Night of the Autumn Moon by DFW:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/544043/night-of-the-autumn-moon
Anonymous
9803353
?
No.368304
>>368242
Okay, then I know.^^
Thanks for drawing made me happy. ^^
Anonymous
0ef4ccf
?
No.368360
368361 368362 368370
>>368287
Writer of The Countess here (from the writing contest mentioned above). Would it be obnoxious if I posted my story here? I'm not normally on mlpol, so wanted to ask so that I don't ruffle any feathers. Thanks.
Anonymous
dfc5ca0
?
No.368361
>>368360
If you're so concerned, you could just make your own thread.
Anonymous
9803353
?
No.368362
368363
>>368360
Welcome. You can totally post it here. We're grateful for any posting. ^^
Anonymous
9803353
?
No.368363
>>368362
Though a link to you story has already been posted here:>>368287
jfyi. You can still post it if you feel like making it go in greenish format but u probably don't wanna got through the hassle.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.368370
>>368360
You're welcome to post it here, I notice it was also posted on NHNB.

Also, I made a new thread on 4chan:
https://boards.4channel.org/mlp/thread/40446932
Anonymous
9803353
?
No.368386
368440
6749030__safe_artist-colon-gosha305_imported+from+derpibooru_lyra+heartstrings_pony_unicorn_fanfic-colon-background+pony_book_clothes_cold_dig+the+swell+hoodie_.png
1411176211981.png
1624460565.png
2113534(1).png
il_1588xN.3979749271_lyti.png
>>368242
Thanks for the ants. They a cute. I like the first one the best but I also like the fourth one.

U don't have to do this, you can describe Rave Smite's appearence however u want but attached image to this post is what I imagined for her:
>>365190

Regardless, feel no preassure. U can go total slice-of-life or intense plot focused storytelling if u like. You can do whatever u feel like. I know u know this but just a reminder. Also, as there is no deadline for me, there's none for u. Feel free to end postpone this if u don't feel up for it right now. Though, at the same time u also don't need to worry about quality either.

So feel free to crash this plane with no survivors. ^^
Anonymous
f912f4c
?
No.368387
368433
>>368242
Is NO ONE gonna make the 4 ants joke?
Anonymous
0db9c5d
?
No.368432
368438
>>359392
Just downloaded the ZIP. There's a lot to go through. Which do you think would be most helpful for writing first person narrative?
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.368433
8DEC4B67BACF0E11C182D590A850D34C-236134.png
>>368387
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368438
368439
_d0cbad67-e79e-44af-ba38-12b18281b8f7.jpg
>>368432
Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything in that collection that specifically focuses on first-person writing. You might try this:
https://self-publishingschool.com/how-to-write-in-first-person/
I haven't read it closely, but it looks like a decent guide from what I can tell.

You could also try one of these commercial books I found, just search for title/author on Amazon:
>Who Says?: Mastering Point of View in Fiction by Lisa Zeidner
This one actually looks fairly promising, and it's only like ten bucks. Or, if you'd rather have something that (((echoes))), you could try:
>Trauma in First Person: Diary Writing During the Holocaust by Amos Goldberg

As far as where to start with the ebooks in my collection, the relevant question is about experience and how much technical help you need. If you've never written or have barely written anything, and you need a complete noob-level guide to getting a story started, I would say start with one of these:

>The Everything Guide to Writing Your First Novel
>The Guide to Writing Fantasy and Science Fiction
>The Everything Guide to Writing a Romance Novel
These are basically top-level guides that will show you how to map out a story from start to finish. The ones about fantasy and romance are more specifically tailored to those genres, but can still be helpful even if you're trying to do a different sort of story.

This one:
>The Everything Creative Writing Book
is more of an overview of creative writing in general, but is still worth going over. You can pick and choose the sections that are relevant to you.

Honestly most of the "Everything Guide" ones are at least worth skimming, even if you're not trying to write the specific type of thing a given one deals with. Not everything will be directly relevant to what you're trying to do, but odds are there will be something in there you can use at some point.

Next up:
>The Plot Whisperer
kek This one goes into a lot more detail about plot-mapping and timing events correctly. I recommend doing this after reading one or more of the top-level guides, though if you're reasonably confident you could probably also just start with it. It also comes with a book of writing prompts (different book in the same collection), which I recommend actually doing:
>The Plot Whisperer Book of Writing Prompts

Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't call attention to these:
>The Only Grammar Book You'll Ever Need
>Grammar Sucks
>Style and Circumstance
>Roget's Thesaurus of Words for Writers
Grammar is not a super-exciting subject to read about, but if you struggle with it, the grammar books all do a good job of explaining it. I wouldn't say any specific one is better than any of the others, although "Grammar Sucks" is probably the most enjoyable to actually read. The thesaurus is just a good one to have on hand. Disclaimer: the Ezn guide on fimfiction [ https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide ] is also quite good and covers pretty much everything you'll need to know in the way of grammar, and will take less time to read. His non-technical and more subjective advice I can take or leave, but in general it's a good guide. Also, a thesaurus is kind of an outdated tool at this point since you can just google synonyms, but it's still a good idea to have a decent one on hand. Same with some of the dictionaries that are in here.

If you're pretty comfortable with the nuts and bolts of writing and want to try something a little more advanced, this is probably the one in this batch that I've personally gotten the most use out of:
>Write Like Hemingway
Disclaimer: this book references Hemingway a lot. If you don't like Hemingway or don't give a shit about Hemingway or don't know who Hemingway is or don't care who he is, you're gonna have a bad time. This book references many specific stories that he wrote, and in order to know what the hell it's talking about you'll want to also have "The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway" on hand which unfortunately for you I only have in print (no ebook). I think quite a few of his stories are on project gutenberg, though. Anyway, the advice here is more abstract and deals with building technique, but if you want a challenge I'd recommend it.

Also noteworthy:
>101 Habits of Highly Successful Novelists
>A Cup of Comfort for Writers
There's not a ton of super-detailed help in here, these are more just tips and tricks that will help with attitude, mindset, etc. 101 habits has a bit of practical advice as well. There are some other books in this collection that are also like that but these were the two that stood out for me. Some of them veer into hippy-esque spiritual territory that may or may not be up your alley (The Tao of Writing is the one I remember being like this).

>The 1-Minute Writer
This one has some decent prompts and exercises you can try.

>The Bibliophile's Devotional
Some good classic book recommendations to thumb through if you're looking for something to read.

The books that are specifically tailored to screenwriting and getting yourself published you can probably ignore unless you're interested in those subjects. The rest are just books about oddball subjects like dealing with writer's block (Write.), setting up a physical space to write in (A Writer's Space), or are specialized dictionaries (the ones titled after the seven deadly sins). These you can skim through at your leisure.
Anonymous
4fbe2ce
?
No.368439
368441
>>368438
Top man.
You have no idea how helpful this is.
Cheers.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368440
368453
_f8405ddd-cef7-4e3f-875e-9eea4fbd3a17.jpg
>>368386
>U don't have to do this, you can describe Rave Smite's appearence however u want but attached image to this post is what I imagined for her:
U can't tell me what to do. Just for that, Rave Smite is now a penguin with a twelve inch dick.

>U can go total slice-of-life or intense plot focused storytelling if u like. You can do whatever u feel like.
U can't tell me what to do. Just for that, this collab is now a deep-lore fantasy epic with over 9000 pages of complicated backstory.

>So feel free to crash this plane with no survivors. ^^
U can't tell me what to do. Just for that, I'm going to not crash this plane with all the survivors.

> Also, as there is no deadline for me, there's none for u.
U can't tell me what to do. Just for that, I'm going to try and have this done by October 31st.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368441
>>368439
NP fren, happy to help.
Anonymous
327bc52
?
No.368453
368458 368677
Milo Teaching Starlight about the Glory of Football.png
I love rewriting posts...^^
>>367741
>>367744
<I don't care
>Uhm, why are you back again?
Im in my Sven cycle, where I feel bad over previous things I have said, so let me just clarify this.
I meant that, 'If you don't care for our oponions, why are you back again?'

>>368440
Welp, Ig I'd been told.^^
>1st pic
Which one of your personalities is the Mr. Hyde and who is Dr. Jekyll?
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.368458
368681
_1936b0ba-adc0-4551-ae6d-1ba28987f314.jpg
>>368453
The Mr. Hyde personality is Derpy with her eyes uncrossed.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368677
368680 368681 368758
>>368453
Hey Sven, quick update. I said October 31 and we are now technically past that, but I actually expect I'm close enough to being finished that I'll still come in more or less on time and under budget. I've got about 3500 words done that covers a little over half of what I have outlined, so I'm going to try and power through the rest of it today. If I end up falling asleep I will definitely have it finished sometime tomorrow.
Anonymous
34c1d72
?
No.368680
>>368677
>"3497. 3498. 3499. 3500..."
"Glimglam-kun why don't you take a break," I say as saunter in carrying a tray of steamy dinner. "You been at this for days now. Surely you can-"
>"Don't you get it, Sven-chan?" he shouts out as he stops mid push-up. "I wasn't strong enough!"
>I only catch a glimpse of his clenched teeth behind his crazy, spikey hairdo.
>I gasp and bring meek hand to my lips.
>A fat-ass demon named survivor's guilt weighs down on him.
"Please, let me help you!!!"
>"No. You would only get in the way."
>My fingers go numb, the tray slip out of them and clatter onto the floor spilling its contents across the room.
"You wanna know what I think. I think you act like you know the know but you don't know, you know?"
>Then I turn and run away.
>Glimglam-kun listens to me run away before going back to his training.
>He has a melancholic smile on his lips.
>"Don't worry I'll obtain the power to protect everyone."
>With renewed vigor he pushes one, literally.
>"3501. 3502. 3503. 3504..."
Anonymous
34c1d72
?
No.368681
368683 368903
>>368677
As said before don't worry about it, any outcome is fine.
However, I do look forward to it. >>368458
>>368458
Is that Derpy in R'lyeh?^^
Anonymous
34c1d72
?
No.368683
OIG (35).jfif
>>368681
Or I hope u don't stress about is better.
Anonymous
2914126
?
No.368758
368761 368780
>>368677
Tho, I must say. Knowing you put some effort into it, I'm hyped out of my body.
Anonymous
2914126
?
No.368761
368780
>>368758
>some
"so much" more like^^
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368780
368783
>>368758
>>368761
Alright, so a few days later than I said. It's totally on its way though, I swear for realzies this time.
Anonymous
cc5afab
?
No.368783
368884
>>368780
Get away from me! Get away! I don't believe in you anymore, desu!
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.368884
368893
3a203155917bce1c40fa92d46a31da23.jpg
>>368783
Alright, here we go. Sorry about the delay, but I think I did a pretty decent job and the extra time was worth it:
https://hackmd.io/@KrythonOssban/BkjXRn7F2
Anonymous
1f50bfc
?
No.368893
368903
d11ba.png
>>368884
I have read it. I recorded myself reading it for the first time and my unevitable commantary or reation to it. It's mostly just me gushing over how much I love it.

Will figure out how to upload it here, I think.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
457061d
?
No.368902
368905
8fbf6d3b590248e470e80e19d0ffaf9c.jpg
Oh, by the way Nigel. Since we both know perfectly well that you haven't really gone anywhere, and that you probably reload this thread multiple times per day just to see if anyone is talking about you, I guess might as well leave this here for you to find. I did in fact read your latest fimfic opus. Congratulations on your clever ruse. Here I was thinking that I've been critiquing your most recent mediocre work, when all along it was just ChatGPT being mediocre on your behalf, and silly me I couldn't even tell the difference. You've trolled me most expertly. Scrambled eggs all over my face.

I remember at one point I told you that I thought you had a lot of raw creative energy, and that you could potentially turn that energy into something great, if only you could figure out how to harness it and make it work for you rather than against you. While I no longer expect you to ever take steps toward actually doing this, for whatever it's worth I do still believe that same potential is in there somewhere. It's buried under a mountain of bitterness, irrational anger and autism, mind you, but it's there nevertheless. So on that note, I will leave you with this one last piece of serious advice.

You invest almost all of your energy into being angry, and most of it is just petty butthurt stemming from internet drama that you yourself created. You're engaged in a constant one-sided holy war against your various "haters" and adversaries, whether it's me, or Chatoyance, or Vril, or that HC Legend guy, or the Glimmerniggers, or whoever happens to be rustling your jimmies at any given moment. You've elevated these conflicts to the level of some kind of Herculean struggle, but really it's just you behaving like a jackass while a couple of trolls egg you on. This is not only an accurate assessment of your entire five-year history on mlpol.net, but it also explains why you were banned from DeviantArt, FimFiction, Reddit, and whatever other forums have banned you.

If you took even a fraction of the energy you invest into being angry at strangers online and applied it towards one of these phantom "serious" projects you keep alluding to, you might eventually make real progress on your goal. I'm still confused as to what that goal is, mind you; sometimes it sounds like you're trying to develop a game, other times it sounds like you want to write an epic fantasy novel. In any case it doesn't matter; I don't personally care, and I doubt if even you yourself have a clear picture of what you're trying to do. Either way, all I can tell you is that if your ultimate goal is to create something serious and marketable, you've got a long, hard journey ahead of you. Doubly so if you're planning to market a work that is explicitly white nationalist. Seriously, bro; if you think I'm a harsh critic, you should send your half-assed drafts about Nazi lion-men to an actual publisher or literary agent, and hear what they have to say.

Based on what I've seen from you so far, I have little confidence that you're up to the task at all. Not just because you consistently produce low-quality work, but because you don't seem particularly serious about ever trying to get any better. Think about it: 2023 is almost over. That's one whole year of your life. You could have spent that time working on your novel, or your game, or whatever your thing is supposed to be, or at the very least spent it working on some small study-projects that you could have gotten serious feedback on and learned something from. Instead, you chose to spend that time stalking Chatoyance on fimfiction, arguing with random anons on this board, and using ChatGPT to generate low-quality MLP fanfics, apparently for the sole purpose of trolling me into reviewing them, which proves...actually, I'm not even sure what you were trying to prove. That I can't tell the difference between the nonsense you shart out and the nonsense a machine sharts out, I guess. What exactly have you achieved?

Look dude, whatever warped perception you have of me or my motivations, I really don't take any of this too seriously. I write stories for fun, I critique stories for fun, I post on this board for fun. I mess with you because it's fun. I don't expect much recognition for any of it beyond a couple of (You)s and maybe a like or two on fimfic. I'm certainly not trying to be the "second coming of the Angry Video Nerd," or whatever you called me btw, for the last time I don't know who that guy is or why you keep bringing him up. I can keep going back and forth with you like this for as long as you want, because for me this is all just goofing around. However, you're the one with the supposedly lofty goals, and for all your bloviating, you don't seem to be any closer to achieving them now than you were five years ago. Maybe you should take some of the energy you expend arguing with trolls and stalking trannies and divert it towards something positive.

Incidentally, have you ever read Sonichu by Christian Weston Chandler? I think you would like it. It has Pokemon and Sonic the Hedgehog references up the wazoo, and there are entire story arcs that consist of nothing but the author taking imaginary revenge on people who made fun of him online. I really think you'd enjoy it, as many of its significant themes overlap with the topics you seem to most enjoy writing about. Plus, it's at about your reading level, so it probably wouldn't challenge you too much. Just a little nudge to get you started on your writing journey.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
457061d
?
No.368903
>>368893
Nice, I'm glad you enjoy it. I actually think this story is coming together quite nicely, considering we've just been pulling it out of our asses as we go. I've got some ideas for where it could potentially end up.

>>368681
>Is that Derpy in R'lyeh?^^
Basically, yes. I was having the AI do some 1920s style pulp art involving Derpy and Lovecraftian monsters, in hopes it would generate something I could use as cover art for my NaNo project which I now need to get started on since November is already 1/4 over. I'm not sure if this one works for that purpose, but it's probably my favorite out of the pictures it generated. It looks like a Fritz Lang poster or something.
Anonymous
06c57fc
?
No.368905
>>368902
>for fun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMCYNH1EJTg&ab_channel=JonathanYoung
Anonymous
48465b5
?
No.369066
369090
601963__safe_artist-colon-mayde-dash-m_derpibooru+import_edit_oc_oc-colon-aryanne_unofficial+characters+only_earth+pony_pony_animated_blonde_cute_danci.gif
OIG (134).jfif
6252691__safe_artist-colon-shinodage_imported+from+ponybooru_oc_oc+only_oc-colon-aryanne_earth+pony_human_pony_aryanbetes_behaving+like+a+dog_blonde_blonde+hair.png
6722650__safe_artist-colon-xppp1n_imported+from+derpibooru_oc_oc+only_oc-colon-aryanne_earth+pony_pony_apron_clothes_female_mare_nazi_oven_solo_squat_swastika.png
jews.png
This: https://stlcc.edu/student-support/academic-success-and-tutoring/writing-center/writing-resources/replacing-to-be-verbs.aspx
is something I been practicing lately. Tho, imo, it's secondary to the substance of ur story (what ur story is actually about). Like a drawing of a woman can be a done in multiple ways but we can all tell that its suppose to be a woman if done comptently, uknow?

Still good stuff tho I tink.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
2b808b4
?
No.369090
369104 370213
>>369066
It's interesting you should bring that up. I actually got some feedback on the last thing I wrote [ >>368186 ] and one of the things I was told is that I was using far too many to-be verbs. It's not a rule I'd ever heard of or anything I'd ever thought about, but now that I've had it pointed out to me it really does make a difference. I wasn't paying super close attention to on my last installment of the collab, since I was mostly focused on trying to get the chapter done. But I think going forward I'm going to try to give everything I write a separate pass to look for this.
Anonymous
7d6f9cf
?
No.369104
FxF ch7 plan.txt
>>369090
^^
Nice. For u I imagine that it will be more useful. I kinda feel like I probably won't apply it much to my writing. It's hard enough as it is, I don't really feel up for putting more on my shoulders. Tho, I have thought about applying your idea of a "second pass" for it, but knowing myself, I probably won't do that anyway, lol.

I also think that I want to prioritize the substance of writing, so like planing, brainstorming, and figuring out the plot rather than the presentation but I do respect the impact it has. I have gotten better at it too ^^, attached is the plan(notes) for my next chapter in our collab.
Anonymous
0a20acf
?
No.370020
>Be Sunset Shimmer.
>Your phone vibrates against your thigh as it rings.
>You look toward at AJ, who takes another peek out the window before turning back to you and gives you a nod, you answer the phone as AJ does a double-check of her rifle.
"Yes, hello?" You say.
>"Do you know what and who that girl you're harboring is?" A feminine voice growls through the phone.
>You look over at Lemon Zest.
>She is chained up and imprisoned in a wooden constructions of beams that AJ built for her.
>Fluttershy had been hand-feeding her but when the phone rang she stopped eating.
>Lemon reads by your look who is on the phone and looks terrified.
"Yes, I do know," you answer back.
>There's a pause on the other end.
>"Mmm-k? There will be a full-moon tonight. What then? Will you let her run rampant or, will you do the right thing?"
>You grimace your face in disgust.
"We're not monsters like you-"
>"Ah, but the people she'll kill tonight are not your responsibility by not doing the hard, but right choice?"
"We have her caged. She can't even move and inch as is."
>Something about the voice on the phone disturbs you but you can't put a finger on it.
>"Hmph. Maybe. So is this your life now?"
>The question took you by surprise.
"What do you mean?"
>"Well, she's cursed for life y'know. Are you gonna check in on her every month for the rest of your life."
"Welllll, I don't know about that." You scratch the back of your neck.
>"Exactly,
A Christmas writefag special
Anonymous
e6512fe
?
No.370065
370076 370108
Spoilered
Hello friends, it's that time of year that indigestion motivation has struck.
Chuck a word salad (story prompt) at me and I'll write approximately 6,000 characters worth of story (~1k words) each day for one week.
Then we can tenderly brutally rip into it to extract some tasty tasy improvements and amusements.
or chuck one of those Choose Your Own Adventure write prompt things with pre-selected choices.
Anonymous
3d078dd
?
No.370076
370077
>>370065
Sure, tho do promise me u will make time for frens n family on Christmas. ^^

>Princess Flurry Heart brings Anon with her to the Grand Galloping Gala as her plus one.
Anonymous
e6512fe
?
No.370077
>>370076
Alright.
1/7
Anonymous
e6512fe
?
No.370086
370091 370175
2545464.jpg
Greetings I am Princess Flurry Heart of the Crystal Empire. Daddy and Mommy finally got me my very own Grand Galloping Gala ticket to go there as my own pony. The enchanted gold says to bring one extra special pony and I can't think of anypony more extra special than Anonymous.
Mommy, Daddy, Aunty, Grammy, Grampy, Grand Aunties and all their friends says so.
Walking up the red carpet to the castle with my plus one that I got to pick on my very own, guests and guards eyes grew wide to marvel at our color coordination. Some too excited by the sweat being dabbed away and calls to freshen up.
At the top getting guests my Auntie Twilight gapped at us. Impeccable choice choosing a swauve colorful ensemble, matching my plus one.
Trotting up to the now short refreshment needing line that has her waiting just for us, "Auntie! I mean, greetings princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria I am princess Flurry Heart of the Crystal Empire and this is the special plus one Anonymous."
He holds up his not-a-hoof waving for a moment, smiling grandly, "Long time no see Purple."
It's then my Aunt says one of the strangest things, "Why are you back?"
Sometimes she gets like this when she misses a checklist. "Auntie, the ticket said to bring the extra special pony and nopony is more extra special than Mr. Anonymous." Still she's on a verge of a Twilight Breakdown, better to stop her Twilighting now.
"You said he was extremely extra special." It's then she snaps and pays attention to our color coordination otherwise why else would she be sweating and her eyes growing even larger. "Repeatedly."
Looming with his specialness over Twilight "Extremely extra special, hunh. You really said that."
Being the extra helpful pony princess I am, I keep going bouncing on my royal hoovesies. "And everypony I've ever met."
That seems to push him away from Twilight like a great gale blowing over a toy boat, "Everypony you've met?"
Tugging on his fancy 'bish pimmpin glove' with magic toward the fun, "Yeah! Everypony! Come on we have to go inside and do gala things. Bye Auntie!"
Auntie makes a whine signaling ending C of her Twilighting as we enter through the giant doorway.
The grand music and all the ponies all talking around what they want to talk about. More importantly all the colors!
Anonymous now keeping pace with you speaks his mind, "So want to introduce me to the ponies who say I'm extremely extra special the most often."
Turning around to face Anon with a scrunch of confusion, "But don't you already know each other?"
He's fighting to not say something then says something entirely different, "Well let's meet up with them it's been a while."
Maybe it's a mistake bringing Anonymous here...
Clapping my hooves we head out, "Let's go find my grand Aunties."
Following, he murmurs. "Them too?"
"We'll do all the gala things and meet up oh that's a good idea!" Finally Anonymous gets in the mood of things and peps up at my words.
Shoes tapping on fine stone flooring, every part dressed up as each pony. None are as dressed up quite like my grand aunties. With both too much and too little. Color matching their regalia and dresses to their hair.
"Grand Aunties!" With they strip down looking at me with fondness.
"Yo sky cheeks." Bare naked, flabbergasted. Quickly they look at each other, making magic sign language too fast to read. Now even more overdressed than before.
Luna quickly goes to hug first, "it's such a joy dear Flurry Heart, but I must go to the watch room." Celestia interjects quickly, "the restroom now sister." Luna strangely instead of biting back agrees, "yes, the restroom not washroom, and a pleasure to see you again Sir Anonymous." Trotting as fast as politely to use the little fillies room. Leaving us and her older sister.
"So the best princess said you called me extremely extra special all the time-" grand aunty's eyes look as if seeing for the first time in amazement "-but let's talk about our first activity." Wow aunty Celestia is shaking in excitement like the banners.
She stops like a pony petrified, "ticket said one extra special pony didn't it-" Grand aunties are real smart it takes all I can to not go bouncing and flying. However she continues redundantly, "and that's an invitation."
She keeps on breaking the flow of conversation, "how did you two meet?"
"Face to face." Anonymous is right, but grand aunty Celestia wants something juicier so she can gossip with all the other old ponies, so I keep going. "It was when I was playing with myself all alone when I saw Anonymous playing with himself all alone." Celestia once again stripping at my words.
Celestia about to shout is interrupted by Anonymous doing one of his not-a-hoof things, "patty cake with an illusion."
"Mhmm. Then we talked about all sorts of stuff and now we're here." Celestia just sighs getting older, banners dead still. "You're our guest..."
He does another not-a-hoof thing. "Sure am hot flanks."
It's my time to shine, "Now everypony did the meet and greet, we can do what I want to do first at the gala." With that Celestia almost looks as she usually does, and Anonymous still looks like Anonymous. "Count the monocles! We'll meet everypony else, but meet back at the dancing area with everypony. Make sure to grand aunty Luna comes too."
We walk away. "Counting monocles?" Oh! Something Anonymous didn't know? "My tutors showed my how to play. I think the fun part is if they match the pony. I've never lost at this game before Anonymous."
He keeps up with me, and I continue, "the cool part is we also keep adding other games and keep track of the conversations we have."
Windows detailing historic events glimmer and reflect off the stone floor, "being early means seeing this view too".
Anonymous
3d078dd
?
No.370091
>>370086
I <3 it
Flurry is so innocent and pure^^
Anonymous
2a0af8c
?
No.370108
>>370065
Well if I no one else requests anything I will. Missed opportunties guys^^

>RGRE: 10/10 stallion is intrested in marely Anonmare bu Anon's no gay, or straight, or whatever...
Anonymous
88d5798
?
No.370175
>>370086
It was great while it lasted. Don't feel bad, I have left projects many times. ^^

>Be Aryanne.
>Eating your lunch while you and your crew listen in on the Queen Fury Heart's patriotic speech for the ultimate sacrifice for the homeland.
>Then suddenly, the door to the bunker is flung open and in rushes comrade, Teabag Fag, before she spins around and locks and bars the door.
"What's happening?" you say as you grab your rifle.
>She scramble to find her own gun as she looks at you with wide eyes.
>"The zebras," she says seemingly unable to comprehend the possibility of her own words, "they are here."
"What! How?"
>But your line of questioning is cut off as door is reduced to nothing but splinters flying through the air.
>You see teabag getting tossed away by the explosion before you take cover under the table.
>You hear shots and hooves following that enter the bunker.
>You see more of your crew meet their end as they ragdoll onto the floor.
>You flip the table over before popping up and taking aim with your rifle.
>The Colt-Lover 69 does the job and repaints the walls with blood splatter from a pair of striped mares.
>These are good zebras, you think as you look at their bodies on the floor but chastise yourself for not worrying about helping your crew.
>You run over to Teabag, hoping that she might still be alive, when you are suddenly tackled and pinned to the wall.
>A bison, another vile creature sworn to the covenant.
>With a knife in her mouth she's about to end you.
>You struggle against her bulk but its to no avail.
>You mind flashes to your sweet little filly at home, Luftkrieg.
>You will never see her again, you realize, and a tear rolls down your cheek.
>...
>A flash of red illuminates the bunker.
>At first your mind went to all those Con-mane films where at the start he shoots the camera man.
>But then you realize that's some unicorn's magic aura's color.
>So crimson.
>An arching hindleg slashes through the air from close t othe ceiling to down and into the head of hte bison.
>Crack!
>The bison's head is twisted and he just drops onto the floor without any fanfare.
>There's a searing burn mark in the shape of a hoof on his cheek.
>You look down at the horseshoes that did this to the bison and find them burning orange.
>You look up and come face to face with the Daymare herself, Fair Star, also known among the zebras of the Savannah as, Blood Oasis.
>A zinc mare with a white mane and red eyes and red jewel in her horn.
"Thank you," you say with tears in your eyes.
>She nods and then Zap! she is gone in another flash of red.
>You burst into movement, first things first: Is Teabag still alive?

Plot practice:
Aryanne in sand bunker-> Zebras break in->about to die->Blood Oasis tps in and destorys them
Anonymous
88d5798
?
No.370176
>Be Nurse Goodheart.
>The endless groaning of the ponies in the long tent had mostly ceased by the night came with it sleep even for the pained if sometimes forced through sleeping spells.
>For most med ponies that worked in camp four, the camp aimed at healthcare for the many casualties of Queen Fury Heart's campaign in the Great Savannah, the night brought with the a most needed sense of peace.
>For you, night and day was the same.
>You were good at your job.
>In two ways:
One, you were just good and usually made the right calls, which made for less stress to begin with cause you always knew what to do;
two, you, some part of you was ashamed to admit it, didn't feel the pain of others, that much at least, anymore, so you didn't care enough to be stressed.
>You been at this job in since the beginning of the war.
>Three whole years.
>At first you felt too much and the job broke youu but there were no respite to you.
>Eventually you overcame it but not without cost.
>No it feels like the job can not longer break you.
>At least you can't imagine how it would anymore.
>You seen ponies die, even because of your own ineptitude.
>You have regrets over that somewhere deep down if you stop but you never stop, but you never run either.
>You are more like a machine that does the specific work it's desgined for than a pony, you feel whenever you have time to reflect.
>You wander amongst the bedded and wounded ponies.
>You see a foal start to spasm.
>It seems you time to a be a pony for today has ended; time to be the machine.

Character Practice:
Goodheart has grown numb to the pains of others to her overexposure to others suffering through her job and the amount she has done during the war.

I pulled these stories out my ass, take htem with a grain of salt. I don't know what I'm talking about lol^^
Anonymous
88d5798
?
No.370179
>Be Funeral Pyre.
>I thinks it been a about a month now, give or take a few days I suppose.
>So much time not breathing normally, not getting suffed with disgusting green goo, and not being stuck upside down in transparent tube.
>You see a changeling take the shape of a foal in front of it's father.
>The changeling had at first pretended to be the foal and had told the stallion a ridiculous story about how Queen Chryssalis was keeping her alive so long as the father produced love for her.
>The love would then take shape of magic and be sucked out of the tube via an organic cable.
>It was clear this drained the stallion of life-energy as well.
>Now days he'd caught on to the changelings tricks and so he raged at the foal, still though it was his foals body.
>He was also quite frail at this point.
>You had been more lucky.
>The changelings had no background one you and had therefore struggled to prod your love.
>You had therefore lived longer than others that had eventually been absorbed into the cable completely.
>Still, you felt your life-force being drained day by day.
>Even more luckily for you, you have brought something with you when you were captured and you'd finally used it to repay them.
>You had GoodHeart to thank for the surgery and daymare's magic tinkering for your little gift.
>With enough focus and intent, your will made your body glow in magical circles.
>Nearby sadistic, arrogant, torturer changelings looked up for the first time since you got here with a look of fear.
>A whole section of that hive burnt down.

Setting Practice:
About how the changelings wring as much love as they possibly can from their subjects.
Anonymous
e6512fe
?
No.370182
370193
Good news I'm still here, bad news there's nothing to post at the moment. Been caught up in other stuff.
Anonymous
b33863e
?
No.370193
>>370182
It's nice to have you back friend^^
Anonymous
4d2f523
?
No.370213
370239
6749606__safe_artist-colon-blex_imported+from+derpibooru_trixie_oc_oc-colon-anon_human_pony_unicorn_animated_annoyed_clothes_dialogue_distracted_doodle_duo_earb.webm
>>369090
Btw, GG, currently working on ch 7 of our collab tho I don't know when I'll be done.
Just so u know I haven't abandon it^^
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
2b808b4
?
No.370239
>>370213
No worries, take your time.
Anonymous
a7016e4
?
No.370354
billions must watch MLP.png
>>362528
heres epubs too

files.catbox.moe/ltjweu.epub
files.catbox.moe/lsp6cd.epub
files.catbox.moe/e41yja.EPUB
Anonymous
918612d
?
No.370729
370730
2636761__safe_artist-colon-ponerino_twilight+sparkle_pony_unicorn_g4_chemicals_clothes_colored_do+not+eat_female_food_levitation_magic_maid_maid+headdress_maidl.jpg
silica-gel-do-not-eat-congratulations-youve-escaped-the-simulation-welcome-to-the-real-world-comic.jpg
So, I'd like to try my hand at writing on request but as always I'm not promising anything. It will be a short story.

So feel free to give me a request and I'll write a short story (probably like 1k) of it.
Anonymous
fdab382
?
No.370730
370732 370733
2254666__safe_female_pony_oc_oc+only_pegasus_earth+pony_filly_zebra_pegasus+oc_blank+flank_zebra+oc_oc-colon-filly+anon_artist-colon-shinodage_oc-col.png
1374724__safe_female_pony_oc_clothes_oc+only_simple+background_pegasus_smiling_earth+pony_transparent+background_cute_dialogue_filly_text_cutie+mark_.png
>>370729
Write a story about Anonfilly being sent to Luftkrieg's summer camp, where the two of them do fun activities related to Hoofler Youth. Could feature them doing volunteer work fighting fires with Firexe as a reference to Artur Axmann. Maybe some fun games like "chase the griffon". Has a potential to be a very wholesome story about fascist principles and community service.
Anonymous
918612d
?
No.370732
370734
6869801__safe_artist-colon-gsuus_imported+from+twibooru_oc_oc+only_oc-colon-anon_oc-colon-aryanne_human_pony_classroom_clothes_comic_dialogue_geography_image_na.png
6869800__safe_artist-colon-gsuus_imported+from+twibooru_oc_oc+only_oc-colon-aryanne_pony_clothes_dancing_female_image_mare_music_nazi_nazipone_png_sieg+heil_sol.png
6089183__safe_artist-colon-shinodage_imported+from+ponybooru_oc_oc-colon-aryanne_oc-colon-kyrie_oc-colon-luftkrieg_earth+pony_pegasus_pony_armband_clothes_coat_.png
6405564__safe_artist-colon-pestil_imported+from+twibooru_oc_oc+only_oc-colon-kyrie_oc-colon-luftkrieg_pegasus_pony_bow_brushing+mane_female_filly_hair+bow_image.png
2874145__safe_female_pony_oc_mare_clothes_simple+background_pegasus_earth+pony_smiling_alicorn_open+mouth_wings_eyes+closed_meme_filly_glasses_spread.png
>>370730
Here it is:

>"Hurry Anon!" Luftkrieg, a white pegasus filly with a blonde mane and no cutie mark, shouted. "We don't wanna miss mom's morning call."
>Be Anonfilly, a green a earth pony filly dressed in a in stupid light brown uniform of the Hoofler youth and so is your friend Luftkrieg.
"Yes, indeed. Another day of indoctrination and wagecucking without the actual wages," you reply before yawning.
>Luftkrieg keeps running ahead of you before having to run back because she's gotten too far away.
>"Oh, please what's wrong with learning about history? Besides, Hoofler said that-"
"One day everypony will suck my dick."
>Luftkrieg giggles.
>"Oh come on! One one sucks Hoofler's dick, he was just a great pony."
>The two of you turned the corner; and find Aryanne, Luftkrieg's mother, teaching a group of fillies the romane salute.
>"Hail victory!" shouts the group of foals but Aryanne shouts "Hail Hoofler!"
>You give Luftkrieg a look and she looks away with a blush on her face.
>"Well, okay. I'll give you that one but mom is just really dedicated to him that's all. And why wouldn't she Hoofler is well, perfect husbando material."
>That's when Aryanne spots you.
>"Oh, Luftkrieg und Anonymous, ich been waiting for you to join us. Arbeit macht frie Anonymous, sind zee bereit?" asked Aryanne with a big smile on her face.
"Indeed I do know the truth: I don't know germane. But I have a sneaking suspicion that you're threatening me with work."
>Aryanne shone like the black sun.
>So not only did you have to work at home, on sweet apple acers, but also here?
>Why weren't you reincarnated as Fluttershy's foal instead of AJ's?
>It would have been the best thing, getting pampered by her all day.
>She would probably not have made you spend most of the summer on this camp (except for the time of the harvest, just a conincidence poy).
>"Oh, Anon. You can't sit in all day playing videogames that aunt Applejack told me you do. You don't wanna grow up to become a burden on society, do you?" Luftkrieg chirps.
>You give a stoney-face of annoyance to show her what you think of her words, then you say:
"Weed lmao."
>She still seems happy you're here.

---

>So to convert you to the ways of pony national socialism, they decided to play game called 'Chase the Griffon' and somehow you became the griffon.
>Yeeah...
>You, being chased by a group of fundemtalistic foals, will probably convert you anytime now.
>Meanwhile...
"Aaaaaaaaahhh!" you scream as the horde of nazi foals chase you through nature.
>You get tackled to the group and subsequently caught by the one honorary pony at the camp, the zebra Zala.
"Oh my Celestia! Help me, I'm being attacked by a zigger. She wants to eat my heart to cure me in her queer woodoo ways."
>The rest of the fillies has catch up to you two and start laughing out loud.
>At first, you feel like doing a 'hoof?' pump but then you see Zala laughing along.
>Then you hear one of the fillies say the dreaded, "She doesn't know."
>What the fuck is this?
>Ugh, whatever. Enough of this.
"Get the buck away from me ziggah, you smell like manure, is that what you're ugly plot stripes are?"
>Everyone goes silent.
>You smirk.
>That's right, get fucked. There's still one mare in Equestria that won't stand the striped menace.
>Zala's eyes grow... Full of love?
>She embraces you tightly where you lay and shouts:
"Come onn Everponee, märe pile."
>And soon you're lay at the bottom of a pile of snuggling and laughing fillies.
"Hope pony ZOG kills you all," you manage to wheeze out.

---

>"Ooo oo, it's Fireaxe, we gotta help her. A building is burning," Luftkrieg says
"Good riddance, why should I care for this community? Just because I hate ziggers doesn't mean that I like ponies. Maybe next time don't be a retard and set your house on fire," you say.
>"No, Anon. I'm not gonna do this right now. Ponies are in danger. Come along, now!"
>An hour later.
>You and Luftkrieg managed to save a foal while Fireaxe was busy saving some other pony.
>No one died because the Hoofler Youth's assistance.
>The small little baby filly, the two of you saved is being embraced by both her parents in moment of pure joy.
>You blink a few times trying and failing to keep the tears from rolling down your face.
>Luftkreig also has tear tracks on her somewhat dirty face but also smug smile directed at you.
>"You're crying?" she says.
"Becuase I caught shit in my eyes," you reply.
>"Ah-haa, we had masks."
"Yeah, and look at you face."
>"But I know, why I'm crying and it's not cuz o something in my eye."
"Well, count yourself lucky then. I certainly don't give a buck that... That... That little foal almost- Ah-oo-ugh."
>Your face contorts as your remember how close it was.
>It's hard to hold it together.
>Suddenly the downpour rupts and you can't stop.
>A wing is draped over your back.
>A wet cheek is pressed next to yours.
>"Don't worry. I'm here for you. We are here for each other."
Anonymous
918612d
?
No.370733
370734
>>370730
Hope it was to your satisfaction.

I still like to get more requests. So if anyone has a request for a short story for tomorrow, then please tell.
Anonymous
87cb4dd
?
No.370734
370735
>>370732
>>370733
Excellent work, fren! Excellent portrayal of all of the involved characters (I enjoyed the inclusion of Zala). Anonymous definitely learned from this state-mandated friendship indoctrination.
Anonymous
918612d
?
No.370735
>>370734
Ty so much. ^^
Anonymous
ca00250
?
No.370741
370742 370753
I could definitely go for another request btw, so frens if u got any then don't be shy.^^
Anonymous
ca00250
?
No.370742
370743
>>370741
I think the reason I ask is that: Whenever I get to decide on what to write I keep second-guessing my choice for a premise and the story never takes off.
Anonymous
ca00250
?
No.370743
370744
>>370742
dat and attention^^
Anonymous
ca00250
?
No.370744
>>370743
Tho, technically I think I should try to find the passion to write for it's own sake.
Anonymous
254a5c6
?
No.370753
370772
1293760__safe_sonata+dusk_adagio+dazzle_aria+blaze_pony_cute_human_food_floppy+ears_heart_ponified_prone_looking+up_size+difference_micro_hand_eyes+o.png
>>370741
I actually had an idea that might be fun to try here. One Anon posts an image with no context and the next Anon writes a short story or green about that image. If the last post in the chain was an image, you write a green. If the last post in the chain was a green, post an image. in all honesty this idea should probably be its own thread, but I'm willing to try it here for a bit before spinning it off

Anyway, here is the first image if anyone wants to take a crack at it.
Anonymous
c58a781
?
No.370772
370796 370805
>>370753
Cool. So the idea is that someone reply's to this green with an image of their own?

>Be Anon.
>You found three tiny horses one day when you were out one a walk.
>They were small like mice but expressed emotions like humans.
>Emotions such as fear, sorrow, and despair.
>You first meeting was short as they immidately turned and ran.
>You'd probably be able to catch up if they didn't disappear in under some bushes.
>As they disappeared out of sight, your mind kinda quickly went from 'woah, what is that?' to 'Did that really happen?'
>You hunched down and tried to coax the creatures, you thought you saw, out of the bushes with sweet words.
>They didn't reappear again, making you again question your sanity.
>Despite the odds, you still decided tear up the sandwich you'd been eating and drop the crumbs where the horses had been when you saw them first.
>You return the next day and hunch down next to the bush to see if you could find them.
>You couldn't so, you ripped another sandwich apart again and left it there.
>On the third day, your returned again, full with worry that the tiny horse might have meet somekind of predator or that you indeed had gone mad.
>When you hunch down at the bushes, you don't have to sit long before the one of the three horses, the blue one, approaches you.
>You can see the two others further in the back filled with fear as the blue one moves towards you tentively.
>You don't move more than when you sit down.
>Then you decide to take it even further by lying down on your back.
>This gives the blue horse the courage to move next to you and nudge your side.
>As you sense this, you peek over at her and give her a gentle smile.
>Her face lit up like a rocket and she hops ontop of you where she continues to bounce.
>You laughed and reach out a hand, still carefully mind you, to pet her.
>Before you even reached her, she brushed up against your hand.
>Then you felt a nudge to your side.
>You turned and saw the other two ponies.
>The yellow one looks as you with chesire cat smile, meanwhile the purple one looks away with sour face and little 'hmph.'
>...
>Now, it's been about two weeks since the trio moved into your apartment.
>Things have settled.
>You have come to learn about the trio.
>The yellow one is clearly the leader who is also quite the proud tiny horsie.
>Then you got the purple one that you suspect might be a tsundere but without the dere, you would have said if it wasn't for yesterday when she joined you and the blue one in bed.
>And finally the blue one.
>She's the happiest one.
>Always bouncy, always smiling.
>While you have made their own sleeping places for them, she prefers to sleep next to you on a pillow of her own.
>You also notice how intelligent they are.
>Once you were reading your cockbook with the blue one and once she understood waht it was, she started to turn the pages to the best of her ability a tiny horse can till she arrived at the recipe for tacos, which she pointed at.
>So you made her a tiny taco for a tiny horse.
>Life is just peachy.
Anonymous
df646b7
?
No.370796
370799 370831 370962
b46aefihq_-3xwebfofuzgahxywhfyws_p-aygpvpg8.png
>>370772
Look at the image or title. OK?
Anonymous
51177fa
?
No.370799
370805
>>370796
Sure. Tho, I'm busy today and tomorrow so it will take a little longer than the last two.
atlas
!!TfPnjW/K.2
8b261ed
?
No.370805
370831
>>370799
>>370772
nani?
Anonymous
ca051c7
?
No.370831
370855
>>370796
I'm back on working on it now.
>>370805
aww atlas<3
I'm addicted to hoers puss now and it's all your fault. You need to take responsibility.
atlas
!!TfPnjW/K.2
8b261ed
?
No.370855
370962
>>370831
I will do no such thing
Anonymous
2011c6d
?
No.370962
370973
>>370796
So what happened was that I wrote one ver. thought it was kinda meh. Thought about the premise for a while and came up with a really neat way to tackle the premise imo. but it requires a bit more work.

I wanna do the best ver. but I also wanna finish up my ch. in my collab with GG, so I'll do that first and then return to this premise. ^^

>>370855
^^
Anonymous
df646b7
?
No.370973
371180
>>370962
That sounds like a (ultra/very) meticulous ghostwriter,With a high/strong (towards exaggerated) sense of responsibility, ethics and morals. With low professionalism and esteem(/inferiority complex, maybe). In any case, don't be in a big hurry and don't forget.
Anonymous
1325001
?
No.371180
371189 371202
Sadly it seems real life is getting in my way and my collab ch. will be delayed for probably two months, GG. Just so u know.

>>370973
Yh, maybe. I find it hard to correctly identify myself but I do think your descriptions fits well.
Anonymous
df646b7
?
No.371189
>>371180
OK. I can wait until , April and, just don't forget. I hope your collaboration is a shock. You don't give details about it? Secret? Anyway thanks for telling me.
Anonymous
1325001
?
No.371198
371202
"My best advice about writer’s block is: the reason you’re having a hard time writing is because of a conflict between the GOAL of writing well and the FEAR of writing badly. By default, our instinct is to conquer the fear, but our feelings are much, much, less within our control than the goals we set, and since it’s the conflict BETWEEN the two forces blocking you, if you simply change your goal from “writing well” to “writing badly,” you will be a veritable fucking fountain of material, because guess what, man, we don’t like to admit it, because we’re raised to think lack of confidence is synonymous with paralysis, but, let’s just be honest with ourselves and each other: we can only hope to be good writers. We can only ever hope and wish that will ever happen, that’s a bird in the bush. The one in the hand is: we suck. We are terrified we suck, and that terror is oppressive and pervasive because we can VERY WELL see the possibility that we suck. We are well acquainted with it. We know how we suck like the backs of our shitty, untalented hands. We could write a fucking book on how bad a book would be if we just wrote one instead of sitting at a desk scratching our dumb heads trying to figure out how, by some miracle, the next thing we type is going to be brilliant. It isn’t going to be brilliant. You stink. Prove it. It will go faster. And then, after you write something incredibly shitty in about six hours, it’s no problem making it better in passes, because in addition to being absolutely untalented, you are also a mean, petty CRITIC. You know how you suck and you know how everything sucks and when you see something that sucks, you know exactly how to fix it, because you’re an asshole. So that is my advice about getting unblocked. Switch from team “I will one day write something good” to team “I have no choice but to write a piece of shit” and then take off your “bad writer” hat and replace it with a “petty critic” hat and go to town on that poor hack’s draft and that’s your second draft. Fifteen drafts later, or whenever someone paying you starts yelling at you, who knows, maybe the piece of shit will be good enough or maybe everyone in the world will turn out to be so hopelessly stupid that they think bad things are good and in any case, you get to spend so much less time at a keyboard and so much more at a bar where you really belong because medicine because childhood trauma because the Supreme Court didn’t make abortion an option until your unwanted ass was in its third trimester. Happy hunting and pecking!" - Dan Harmon

I saw this while taking a break and surfing the web on our arch nemesis site (Reddit, https://www.reddit.com/r/writing/comments/8djsq3/how_do_you_get_over_writers_block/ ) Maybe we can have this post be exorcised somehow.

Anyway, I thought that while the quote is bit overwritten for my tastes, I think the advice could be solid. What u guys think? ^^
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
254a5c6
?
No.371202
371204 371267
>>371198
>What u guys think?
I think it's inspiring. If Dan Harmon can be considered a writer, there's hope for literally anyone.

>>371180
np take your time
Anonymous
e6512fe
?
No.371204
>>371202
Topkek.
Anonymous
25561b4
?
No.371267
>>371202
^^

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM&ab_channel=Benjamin%E2%80%99sEnglish%C2%B7engVid
Happened to watch this. You don't need to, to get my points but I thought I add it in my post as a point of reference.

Here's an unsorted list of thoughts:

So in the video, the presenter goes through a list of sentences and 'improves' them by turning them from 'telling' to 'showing' sentences.

>The stadium was full. <-telling v.
<The sound from the stadium was deafening.<-showing v.
I don't think this first sentence is a problem. I will get into it later, but I think that statements of facts don't need this show-treatment. Or, maybe I'll get into it right now: I feel like sentences that are vague are the ones that should be improved upon by the showing-method. So for example, he has another example that goes like this:
>It was hot. <- telling v.
<The sun melted the ice-cream, or something, etc. <-showing v.
which I think is indeed improved by having a showing version, because, while we know how a hot day is, there's a difference between a hot day on the beach and one in the desert.

So to be more precise in one should use the rule, "show, don't tell."

However, while we're on this hot example, I'll comment that I think it's easy to fall into what I think is a bit of a trap. Well, it depends. If you want you're story to take a bit of a life on it's own when you write it, it's not a problem then but I feel there's a bit of a common problem that arises here, especially for people starting out implementing this technique.

It reminds me of how a lot of people will emphasize the importance of having a catching hook. This is an advice I also think can be detrimental to newer writers.

The problem arises in that one either characterizes, well, the character in not desired ways or as with the hook, the story in an unwanted direction.

Idk, why I struggle to explain this in simpler terms but for an example, if you're story is a high-stakes drama with a grave-mood, then starting it something like this:
>You might be wondering how I found myself crossing the oceanic border towards the Alaskan mainland followed by hot pursuit by the Alaskan coastguard, with cocaine smuggled up my ass.
will create problems with consistency with clashing themes if the story then continues in a very serious and tense tone, or vice versa.

It's easy to wanna rewrite the sentence,
>He was stressed. <-which was another one of his examples.
into something exaggerated. I have done this and I think this is one of the things that make people write melodrama. Because, it's vague so we try to be more precise but in doing so we decide on what "stressed" means here.

Is it,
>He was puking, spinning around, and tore out his hair till he was left bald.
or,
>He tapped his fingers on his desk while waiting for her.
?

There's also the other aspect, that whatever we go with above defines our character going forward and subtle details do after all matters.

So a question then becomes, are discovering who are character is, or do we know who they are?

That's about it, tell me what you thought? ^^
Anonymous
25561b4
?
No.371315
371318
AdobeStock_472713009-1200x900.jpeg
puppy-socialization.jpg
Golde33443.jpg
>There were once four puppies that arrived at crossroad.
>The wolf-like puppy told the others that he felt strongly for the left path.
>The one with the big snout, disagreed with his feelings, and therefore wanted to go down the opposite path.
>The one with the flappy, hanging ears decided it be best to stop here as not to walk down a wrong path.
>The three puppies set off on their own paths.
>The last, and fourth puppy, a golden and fluffy one, set off after them.
>He didn't know the path whatsoever but he didn't wanna lose either of his friends.
Anonymous
2b808b4
?
No.371318
371322 371324
>>371315
>>The last, and fourth puppy, a golden and fluffy one, set off after them.
Which one did he set off after? Only two of the puppies actually went anywhere, and they both went in different directions.
Anonymous
c0b5c09
?
No.371322
>>371318
Both, the story doesn't state which one he goes after first, it's more that his goal is to bring them together again.
Ty for reading. ^^
Anonymous
c0b5c09
?
No.371324
371328
>>371318
Do you think there is a more clear way to write this?
Anonymous
66630e5
?
No.371328
>>371324
Not him, but I might say
>The fourth and last puppy, golden and fluffy, set off to reunite them.