/mlpol/ - My Little Politics


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Writefag Circle
Anonymous
161e2ce
?
No.299458
299459 299464 299478 300871 328882
Welcome. This thread is for you Anons who wishes to improve your writing or just chill among Anons that do.
This is suppose to be a chill af thread. It's fine if it becomes a slider thread. I'll only make a new one of these if there is intrest.

>What is the need for this thread when we already have Glimglam's review thread and Anonfilly?
Compared to Glimglam's thread this thread is about what we Anons will or want to create. The only reviewing that might happened here is incidental, as in providing critic to some other work through comparison with the work at hand, and when one Anon tells another what his opinions of their work is.
This thread is first and foremost about producing stories.
This cannot be done in the Anonfilly thread since it is about Anonfilly first and foremost.

>Why a thread like this? Cannot we just have threads pop up organically because an Anon chose to post a green?
Yes, you are right. And this thread is absolutely not against other threads that circle around a singular story made by an Anon.
What this thread really is, is a form of support group for anyone wanting to write but are struggling with something in their writing process, like myself.
I thought it would be a good idea to talk to other Anons who also have similar goals about our stories and are struggling in creating them. Maybe, you struggle on something I don't and maybe I struggle on something you don't and therefore we can provide advice to each other on how to overcome our problems? Maybe some mysterious wise Anonsage lurks and our discussion prompts him to tell us his method he gained from meditating on top of K2 for five years without chicken tendies.

As stated before this is relaxed thread. If you like the thread, you don't have to pressure yourself into posting something to bump it. If anyone would like a continuation of it, I'll post a new one if it hits the archive. It's also okay to get off topic sometimes as well. I understand that conversations can lead to tangents and that it can be a relief finding someone else to talk to about things with, especially if few shares the perspective. If things get out of hand, I, or someone else, will ask you to kindly take this discussion to another thread or more fitting board, even perhaps. As an actual sugguestion, not a hidden insult. You and another Anon might discover something really intresting to talk about so why not create a thread about it?
Memetexts are, of course, welcomed.
Also, you don't have to share your problems if you don't want to. If you feel like telling us about your story that's enough. Story ideas can be really intresting to listen to and it might help you in return. Again, only do that if you want to.

So that's about it for the thread's header. The rest that follows is about me.

Right now, I thought about making the most simplest story I could think off. It's a simple hero's journey story. I do this because of two reasons. First off, I wanna know that I can start a project and see it to the end. I have only succeeded in finishing short stories before, you see, so this time I wanna try something longer. I also wanna keep it simple so that I don't get overwhelmed during the process of writing it.
352 replies and 86 files omitted.
Anonymous
0614b85
?
No.329174
329178
>>329168
>>329166
So just how close are you two?
Anonymous
0a80dee
?
No.329178
329186 329214
>>329174
>lel, Im gonna pretend I didnt just get dickslapped, cuz that would be emasculating
Keep producing your totally-not-self-service-big-titty-anime-'game' while 'saving the white race' and promoting christian values (with big titty anime women,... theres no conflict therr I swear)
Anonymous
0614b85
?
No.329186
329188
>>329178
Is it really "dickslapping" for Ninjas to reveal "Psych! I'm actually a staff membet! I was only pretending to be that guy!" like it's some big "gotcha" moment?
By the way, it's funny you should mention that game. You see,
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329188
329189
Screenshot_20211222-214447_DuckDuckGo.jpg
>>329186
I havent been staff for almost a year. Deflect and stonewall moar fgt, stop trying to delegate your 'ebin creative process' to horsefuckers who dont give a fig what happpens to you and your self-claimed 'development project'.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329189
Screenshot_20211222-214957_DuckDuckGo.jpg
>>329188
For clarity, since you cant grasp differing cell nodes
Anonymous
1d5eccf
?
No.329214
329215
>>329178
>Keep producing your totally-not-self-service-big-titty-anime-'game' while 'saving the white race' and promoting christian values (with big titty anime women,... theres no conflict therr I swear)
It is against the nature of this board to imply that once cannot do both, tbh. Hobbies are not mutually exclusive with productive efforts.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329215
329216
>>329214
So youre saying that a person can be A. saving the white race and opposing degeneracy and B. write a story about a big tittied anime who gets fucked a bunch of times?
Anonymous
1d5eccf
?
No.329216
329339
1232530__explicit_artist-colon-aryanne_deleted+from+derpibooru_derpibooru+import_edit_oc_oc-colon-aryanne_unofficial+characters+only_earth+pony_human_p.png
>>329215
Yes.
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
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No.329330
329457 329761
happy_aryanne_by_aryannehoofler-d8fmve2.png
>>>328922 →
Well, it's already Christmas time, as promised, it's my first fanfic attempt but i think it's atleast enjoyable to some degree, hope you guys like it.

>No greentext
I know, sorry about that

https://ponepaste.org/6273
Anonymous
55986a2
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No.329339
329354 329393
>>329216
>textbook double-think
Discarded
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
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No.329354
329356
175AECDE8DC2B47854CC48F2F406B987-172925.jpg
>>329339
Wait, wut?!
Am new to this, explain urself
I know the structure is fucking garbage but that's why am here
Anonymous
55986a2
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No.329356
329362 329394
>>329354
tl;dr One cant legitimately oppose degeneracy while writing frivilous - and Im quoting - big titty anime sex fantasies
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
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No.329362
329372
d0294ae2-50ba-429b-961b-ffe5954f435c.png
>>329356
Well uh...i...i guess so, tho i don't think it's worth the infighting
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329372
>>329362
I agree. And if a particular sperg could take some well-intentioned (and only moderately shitposty) parody/criticism without going off the rails with character assassinatins, gaslighting, schitzo-paranoia, et al, we could avoid these episodes.
Anonymous
613c6bf
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No.329393
329396
>>329339
>Complaining about double-think on the horsefucker politics board
Who even cares?
Anonymous
613c6bf
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No.329394
329396
>>329356
How is that any different from doing it with ponies?
That's a false dichotomy. Your hobbies do not have to reflect your politics.
Anonymous
a2951f7
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No.329395
329396
>>329384
this fuckin guy lmao
You know what? Yeah sure whatever, I'm the bigger guy (for you) and you can think whatever you want. Do you have anything to contribute that might improve the story?
Anonymous
94e0d6e
?
No.329396
329432 329567
For the sake of the Hearths Warming Spirit calculate the maximum effects you are in the midst of doing. The cold calculus of horsery when done correctly should revel the way foward
>>329381
No by taking his stance the way he does he stands by his actions about reducing all degeneracy by not being a secondary accomplice in the creation of
>big titty sex fantasies
<aka degeneracy
The stance you are taking is stabbing your face to spite your foot.
Just stop assuming because your assumptions are off the mark and have been for quite some time.
>By taking this stance he gets to look "too based for porn"
Ass
Sump
Tion
>without helping me write better stories that oppose degeneracy, or better big titty anime sex fantasies.
Already covered why someine who already gave advice years ago, spurned, then demaned to have more advice but dressed in the latest lingo is a no win situation.
>By the way I was away for a while, did I miss anything?
<Completely irrelevant, answered by the most minute lurking.
Why haven't you absorbed the connection between the poster and his posts? Why? Why!? why
>>329393
>>329394
This is a political horse fucker board. All the ways to make both possibilities true and correct along with all the ways to make it immoral and dastardly come to mind.
Be more mentally limber.
It is a person becoming one with ideals and causes. Aligned physically and mentally in what they believe
It's knowing what goes on in the head and body and soul. All the possibilities.
Rainbow Dash Cum Jar man is by nearly all metrics by outside observers to be just another regular person.
>>329395
Why would he go against his principles again and be burned again?
What isn't being said is just as important.
Merry Horsemas I brought the gift of assholery.
-t. Moral Degenrate Anon erasing root problems.
Anonymous
a2951f7
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No.329432
329437
>>329396
That reminds me, do you have any ideas that could improve the story itself?
Anonymous
55986a2
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No.329437
329466 329543
>>329432
Learn and develop an actual creative process.
Your process appears to be 'think of an idea and pitch it' without any effort to determine if you can write that idea effectively.
Its been said before, it virtually doesnt matter what the story is, it matters how you execute.
The first problem is that your characters are poorly written and come across as caricatures,which makes it effectively impossible to identify with them.
>inb4 lel ur supposed to
No, you're not. Even your villains should be comprehensible and understandable, in so much as you illustrate to the audience. Reading a shit, Stupid-Evil antagonist doesnt make me want to see the hero win, it makes me want to set the book on fire and then lob it under your house.
The problem is, you're already conceptually invested in this writing project and you assume everyone else is or will be, and if you throw out ideas that you like, people will resonate. You might get a handful, but you also might have to hear them talk about how great FoE was.
Stop being lazy. Stop asking people what will make it better. Stop delegating your creative process. Wanna learn how to write better? Take a masterclass. Appeal to an actual authority to learn from. READ AN ACTUALLY GOOD BOOK. Ffs there's how much critically valuable educational material available online and youre asking a bunch of nazi horsefuckers? And then you have the temerity to play the victim when your obvious and glaring laziness is called out?
>inb4 lel he mad
Disgust, is the word. Im disgusted. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329441
Whoops, that should read
>lel, you're not supposed to
Yes, you are

Anonymous
17759f5
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No.329452
329455 329486
just a theory - a GAAAAAAME theoryyy.jpg
Okay, I'm gonna pitch you a replacement theory. Your critique would help a lot.

Changelings represent the brony fandom and queen Chrysalis is actually Lauren Faust. At the end of season two, when brony fandom was at its peak, changelings invade canterlot, just before Faust's final departure from the show. The main goal of Chrysalis was not to defeat Celestia, but to replace everyone with her drones while the originals are safely kept in chrystal cocoons and spared from being corrupted by hasbro's corporate overlords. A long time ago, Chrysalis, formelly Fausticorn - Celestia's mother, has met her future minions and accepted them. She didn't accuse them of their twisted ways. She simply accepted them. This head canon draws a parallel with Faust visiting 4chan. Despite site's notorious infamy and bad reputation among normies, Faust made herself known there. This is the day Fausticorn was reborn as a queen of all changelings. A queen of all bronies - good and bad alike. And so began the ultimate process of replacing every single pony in equestria with it's respective doupleganger. In "putting your hoof down" you begin noticing ponies acting strangely off character, like when Bon-bon hurts fluttershy. Yoou also notice copies of ponies being scattered in the background.

At the end of season 2, when changelings attack canterlot, you see mane six fighting with themselves. This fight is a breaking point for the show since there is no telling whether or not each member of mane six is real after that. They could have been easily replaced without anyone ever knowing.

And so they were.

With later seasons you see ponies becoming less of what they were and more of a copy, a parody. This was Chrysalis's plan all along. Every bit of information, every bit of fanart, is just a copy of what once was Faust's own creation.

But changelings have betrayed chrysalis.

Apparently they don't feed from Faust's love. They give their love back. Changelings have reformed and took their place as the originals once and for all. Chrysalis couldn't take it. She will never accept this. She will never allow the copy to asume it's the original. That's why she cries when Starlight offers her peace.

This is a tragic story of one individual creating a fandom only to be betrayed and forgotten. Afterall, Chrysalis was never reformed.
Anonymous
17759f5
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No.329455
329486
>>329452
The only problem I see with this theory is that faust visits 4chan on May 27th 2013 whereas season 2 concludes on april 21 2012. Maybe 4chan visit is more of a debriefing then?

Anyway, this is just a dumb idea on my mind. Feel free to call me a faustfag.
Anonymous
17759f5
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No.329457
329459
>>329330
you might want to work a bit on your world building. The difference between a story and a wall of text is that a story has a deep sense of structural coherency. One action leads to another, which leads to conflict, drama, something that a reader will want to care about. If you are a novice author, I recommend writing very simple short stories using simple words. This way it will be much easier to see the structure of your story as well as ways to improve on it.

Good luck
Anonymous
17759f5
?
No.329458
Start a story with something like this.

>Long time ago, in the paradise known as Equestria, two sisters ruled the kindom, the first beings to ever discover magic. Many outsiders that scatter the scorched remaines of what once was a heavenly place often like to recall its wonders. How you could be surrounded in a vaccum of happiness, free from any dread that you so often find dragging you down.

>What they don't know is that magic for which ponies are known became the exact reason of their demise.

It's a bit dark sided but the premice is all there. It creates intrigue that raises a line of questions in your head. What the heck happened? Are we in the future? And so on.
Anonymous.
cb9a101
?
No.329459
65-5.jpg
>>329457
Hey there! Thanks for the feedback.
I have a couple more chapters already written that i think expand a little more on that, i knew from the first chapter i was probably bitting off more than i could chew, i'll try polishing the other chapters to post again tomorrow.
That way anons can spot recurring issues.
Anonymous
a2951f7
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No.329466
329473 329476
>>329437
I don't think it's unreasonable for me to go to a place for writing advice and say "would it improve my story if I did x?". That's my goal here, to improve the story.
I will admit... I am completely new to writing propaganda. That's why I'm asking questions with people more familiar with propaganda.
I figured it would improve the "dont be degenerate" message if the cowardly lion hero went from a halfbreed prostitute who is sometimes molested and sometimes fucks strangers to a racially purified war hero whose dick is exclusively Twilight's.
If the hero never fucked at the story's start, he would sacrifice nothing by deciding to give up sluttiness and embrace marriage.
This sounds like something good for the story's message.
For the average brony, fucking Twilight Sparkle is the ultimate ideal. Even if you prefer some other personality or set of shapes and colours you can't deny Twilight is the top dog. Aside from Celly who regularly loses to foes Twilight beats and Luna who lost to Twilight and Celestia.
At the same time I was thinking... in real life you can't just get baptized in normal water to undo all your sins. Or rewrite your genes.
So maybe I should do a rewrite where the hero was pure pony all along and not a prostitute slut who sleeps with strangers.
Although I still want something awful to happen to that slutty bunny character at least once.
I can't decide if she should be a hero who accepts her body's limitations and finds ways to be useful anyway (Scout? Housewife? Courier? Farmer?) or a retarded slut who fucks strangers until one kills her. Maybe a tranny kills her for saying no to his mangled genitals or something.
Maybe I'll add two slutty bunny characters, one who accepts God and rejects slutiness and becomes a housewife, and one who rejects God and gets molested by niggers then killed or killed by a tranny, or raped and then killed, or killed and then raped, that sounds good for the message.
If an important character got raped and then the rapist got out of jail time because he snitched on a heroic drug dealer character who exclusively deals in illegal entirely-beneficial drugs like ivermectin, would that help the audience dislike the ruling class and cheer the heroes on for choosing violent justice over trusting the police?
Anonymous
94e0d6e
?
No.329473
3B5E90F70D752631BFA909BD0E99A1F5-17770.jpg
>>329466
tlrd why?
>would it improve my story if I did x?
The issue lies in two parts.
First, specific isolated examples that when changed could be technically superior to the previous version.
Second, everything has to be considered from multiple points of view.

The problem with part the first is that nothing is ever improved. That way just shifts and slides. There is no unity no unification of elements no grand building.
To improve one must break and then improve.

>If the hero never fucked at the story's start, he would sacrifice nothing by deciding to give up sluttiness and embrace marriage.
>prostitute who is sometimes molested and sometimes fucks
The sacrifice is the pay check. Addicted whore houses set up places of isolation to break all ties and support networks so that the drugged up whore has no choice but to exist and do as the owner demands. The other option for them is death or withdrawal or being bought out.
Participating in being chaste is a sacrifice.
Consider this example
Girl rides the cock carousel sometimes getting paid sometimes someone gets a free taste. Then when used, abused and meat long enough to substitute a roast beef sandwich she looks to _____ as the one true love.
One person denies that and one person accepts that. The thing is you have to account for the implied suggestions present especially for propoganda.
The How matters.
The difference between a great story and propaganda is execution. Usually the reasons start out different, but both linger well after. Propaganda fades and is spotted quickly and can be easily extinguished.
A great story exists regardless while having a bigger impact.

Second part. Audience sees fuck fucking being a bitch while getting pounded, suddenly gets top tier waifu pone.
Cunt bitching at the customer service guy while he bitches at the audience. Both are experienced.
The Why must be considered.

Below in green is all A B Testing that's after you have a fucking story and the fiddly bits. It's most of the post. Just like Fallout Equestria is unable to be fixed by simply changing the coat of colors on creatures. Same thing applies here. You need symbolism, metaphors, higher more abstract story structures. The Hero's journey, then breaking into the decent into the belly of the whale, then breaking further to the context, then to rough situation, then to scenes, then to moments, then to sentences and words.
In Fallput Equestria I said there is no story, there is no characters, there is just a place you put whatever make believe crap you want into it and that is what you get out. By changing the color of the shit insetion gloves minimally changes the whole experience.
Bringing forth great things requires creating and stress testing. Much of which can be done by thinking about it and trying to break it every way you can as it is, and then in the environment and then wigh everything else.
>I figured it would improve the "dont be degenerate" message if the cowardly lion hero went from a halfbreed prostitute who is sometimes molested and sometimes fucks strangers to a racially purified war hero whose dick is exclusively Twilight's.
If the hero never fucked at the story's start, he would sacrifice nothing by deciding to give up sluttiness and embrace marriage.
This sounds like something good for the story's message.
For the average brony, fucking Twilight Sparkle is the ultimate ideal. Even if you prefer some other personality or set of shapes and colours you can't deny Twilight is the top dog. Aside from Celly who regularly loses to foes Twilight beats and Luna who lost to Twilight and Celestia.
At the same time I was thinking... in real life you can't just get baptized in normal water to undo all your sins. Or rewrite your genes.
So maybe I should do a rewrite where the hero was pure pony all along and not a prostitute slut who sleeps with strangers.
Although I still want something awful to happen to that slutty bunny character at least once.
I can't decide if she should be a hero who accepts her body's limitations and finds ways to be useful anyway (Scout? Housewife? Courier? Farmer?) or a retarded slut who fucks strangers until one kills her. Maybe a tranny kills her for saying no to his mangled genitals or something.
Maybe I'll add two slutty bunny characters, one who accepts God and rejects slutiness and becomes a housewife, and one who rejects God and gets molested by niggers then killed or killed by a tranny, or raped and then killed, or killed and then raped, that sounds good for the message.
If an important character got raped and then the rapist got out of jail time because he snitched on a heroic drug dealer character who exclusively deals in illegal entirely-beneficial drugs like ivermectin, would that help the audience dislike the ruling class and cheer the heroes on for choosing violent justice over trusting the police?

Anonymous
94e0d6e
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No.329476
329502
1566014441802.jpeg
>>329466
Reading the post more the post only contains A B Testing.
First part
>>I don't think it's unreasonable for me to go to a place for writing advice and say "would it improve my story if I did x?". That's my goal here, to improve the story.
I will admit... I am completely new to writing propaganda. That's why I'm asking questions with people more familiar with propaganda.

It's almost completely useless.
>"would it improve my story if I did x?"
Everything past that without the deeper meanings is useless.
Everything past that without the deeper meanings is useless.
Everything past that without the deeper meanings is useless.
Everything past that without the deeper meanings is useless!
It's Rainbow Dash telling Rarity to make the dress 20% cooler.
It's HatakeNaruto bell test dude saying 'look what is hidden behind the hidden' excerpt here there is nothing.
It's Hairy Potter Dumbledoer being a fag, which makes a shitty gaylord do nothing do nothing and makes everyone else work his shaft to get off!
It's Little Pip.
It's Gary Oak without the audience and main character.
Even if the deeper meaning is maximizing fun.
You want to maximize your propoganda message? What is it, and what would support it and be detrimental and why.
>>329471
I'd suggest citing sources, coloring the sections in colors to make the point. To hammer the point. To capture the point, dance on it, then laugh uproariously. We've all seen the posts nothing ever happens. Spregging continues regardless.
Actually just add horrs then all is well.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329478
Reiterating, with emphasis.
If in what you're 'writing' you're having trouble deciding between how slutty you're going to be making the characters, and how fucking Twilight Sparkle is 'the protagonist's payoff', you're not writing anti-degerate 'propoganda'.

What you're writing is degenerate fap-fantasy.

You ARE the degenerate in this equation.
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.329486
1551642357430-3 (1).jpg
>>329452
>>329455
That's pretty interesting actually, the ending of the end might not have been what we wanted but i think it's better for the trio to go down like that, rather than being absorved into whatever the show turned into
Anonymous
a2951f7
?
No.329502
329563
>>329471
Slandering me with inapplicable buzzwords again? I'd sooner respect a woman arguing with her holes.
>>329476
A while back I saw an American Krogan video about the anti-white propaganda in Bioshock Infinite.
And it got me thinking...
On the surface level this story is a "fun" little journey through a shooting gallery.
A nonsense excuse to shoot your way through a level Elizabeth could teleport you to the other end of at any time. She could teleport you to Paris, too. Forget the debt and the girl, his debt collectors would be unable to get him in an AU where those he owes money to died in car crashes or never met him. Nobody would notice a man who shows up one day in Paris and seems suspiciously similar to some random everyman in America who died in his youth. Nobody would even know what the adult version of that kid would look like. Or know the kid.
None of this surface-level story makes sense because it doesn't have to.
The surface level story is the distraction.
It's why the rules on universal travel/amnesia are broken for the sake of the ending twist.
It's why superpowers are sold in vending machines yet the Americans only ever fight you using guns without superpowers worth a damn.
The excuse for why the white man is called destined for evil and then drowned by his suicidal antiwhite daughter is unimportant.
What matters is that the story ends like this right after the old "Would you time travel to kill baby hitler?" chestnut.

Anyway

The real focus of Bioshock Infinite is the propaganda.
It lures people in with the fun "justified" violence against a cartoonishly evil flying christian ethnostate that abuses imported black convict workers and treats its white workers like shit.
Then it starts lying about Wounded Knee and the Boxers.

I was thinking...
When Hollywood pours money into making anti-white propaganda, they target as wide a net as possible.
They didn't go for some niche crossover.
Bioshock's a big name because it was the first video game the journalists of the era ever played with (gasp) choice.
Bioshock 3? No. They didn't call it 3, they called it Infinite because a number scares away those who never touched 1 or 2.

They target people who won't know better, and if they're not hiding behind the illusion of agenda-free apoliticality while enacting their antiwhite agenda they're using vague statements that signal what it's really about to those of their international clique.
When the Jew says he will "comment on America" or "American history" that means he will demonize whites and lie to do it.
People picked up Bioshock Infinite.
And whether they consciously absorbed the antiwhite propaganda or not, it was a shooter game.
It was possible to overlook the story and focus on the physical fun of pushing buttons and pulling triggers.
Bioshock Infinite was an immensely popular shooter game with amazing graphics for the time. Even if you muted the talking you could still enjoy the action.
Many people were paid to work together on this, getting everything as good as they could.
But I am just one guy.
Making... Fanfiction for a shooter game?
Bethesda Fallout fans don't read, and real Fallout fans are too busy making vids calling Bethesda's Fallout shit to have time to read.
Fanfiction for a shooter game is niche.
fanfiction for a pony fandom except all ponies that matter died failures responsible for the apocalypse, solely so OCs can kill each other 200 years later before eventually stumbling upon the world-healing cheat machine? Niche.
Fanfiction for a faggy reimagining of a shooter game masquerading as a crossover between shoot game and this pony fanfic? More niche.
Fanfiction for that fanfiction? Even more niche.
Fanfiction for that fanfiction on an incredibly pozzed site like Fimfiction? It couldn't get any nicher.
The people who'd read this... Either they're communists who already cheer on every jackboot they witness stomping on the futures and faces of whites, or they already hate niggers and they don't need me to write a B-plot about a libtard boomer whore getting raped to death to know niggers are shit.
I'm wasting my time pretending this story can go anywhere positive.
I think if I really wanted to write something legitimately pro-white and make a positive difference with it, I'd be better off abandoning Fallout and Ponies and Fallout+Ponies and just writing something original unrestrained by anything else.
But should I be open and honest about my desire to write a pro-white story?
Or should it be subtle?
What audience that doesn't already agree with me would be the most likely to understand what my story's saying and honestly think about it?
Bioshock Infinite wasn't subtle about its hatred for whites.
But Bioshock Infinite was subtle, if you didn't know what to look for.
Anonymous
46dc6a8
?
No.329543
329545 329552
>>329437
This is a lit post. It's true.
If you're wondering why I haven't participated in this conversation, which I usually do, it's because I just gave up on Nigel some time ago Specifically, I deflated after he posted that Irrelevant naruto post in the other thread. No, it wasn't relevant just because it was a GHD inspired fanfic. Just look at it.. But arguing with him on these things has never gotten me anywhere (as that Naruto post proves) and I don't wanna waste my time anymore.
>it virtually doesnt matter what the story is, it matters how you execute.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tBWHy31w7U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9KOHChcHI0
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329545
>>329543
Glad you liked it :fluttershy:
Ive given up dozens of times, other times I get drunk and go on a rant; it goes both ways

Anonymous
a2951f7
?
No.329552
329554 329562 329563 329564
>>329543
But everyone already knows how a story's ideas are executed decides whether the story is good or not.
I'm not just trying to write a story here. I'm trying to get my point across and it would hurt my point if Sparky did something bad like cheating on Twilight Sparkle with a hooker. Sure, excellent writing skills could make this an exciting arc full of emotions and drama that would have audience members clenching their seats harder than Kkat clenches members at gay orgies. But it would harm the audience's love for a hero they're supposed to like and agree with when he says "Griffons are shit". I want the audience to cheer Twilight and her husband on. And I don't even know if that's possible in a fandom where most people fantasize about Twilight marrying themselves or anybody except themselves.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329554
329573
>>329552
>cant write a good story to save his soul, but will totally nail writing a good story while beating the audience over the head with 'the message'
And this is why you will always be shit; you're not here to entertain the audience, you're here to convince the audience. You ARE 'that asshole' who is more interested in lecturing the viewer than figuring out how to write a compelling narrative.
You write in bad faith. All your justifications and deflections, excuses and self-service only serve emphasize the fact. This is why your creative process is so shit; you really dont care whether the audience actually likes it, you've already made up your mind that they're 'supposed' to
>the audience's love for a hero they're supposed to like
(and consequently, anyone who doesnt is a hater who doesnt understand your greatness).
All the while, not even bothering to try to veil your narcissistic self-assurance that if people were 'smarter' they would 'naturally' fawn and celebrate your 'work' for 'enlightening' them to whatever 'propaganda' you're 'hiding' in the 'meaning' of the 'story'. Protip: all the indicated words are a deliberate misnomer, in context; I know how well you take subtlety, so I felt a need to clarify.
You wanna know how that comes across to a reader? It reeks of contempt. You have contempt for your audience, for not having already made you the celebrated author that you know in your bones you are. Thats why you make the most meager attempts to appear to improve, but dont; deep down, you dont feel you need to improve, you feel its the audience who needs to, so you'll go through the motions until THEY come around.
You feel entitled to dictate to people who you deem to be lesser than you, and its glaringly obvious.
Peen Stroke did that. Gaykat did that. At least they moved on, but not (you).
Good luck with that.
Anonymous
46dc6a8
?
No.329562
jhkhkh.jpg
>>329552
>I want the audience to cheer Twilight and her husband on.
>her husband
>And I don't even know if that's possible in a fandom where most people fantasize about Twilight marrying themselves or anybody except themselves.
Anonymous
94e0d6e
?
No.329563
1566018710749.png
>>329552
>it would hurt my point if Sparky did something bad like cheating on Twilight Sparkle with a hooker
It's how you do it and who is the butt monkey.
>it would harm the audience's love for a hero they're supposed to like
>agree with when he says "Griffons are shit".
Great characters are the connections and what they do with them and how and why and where.
In debate making the opposite side's argument the strongest it can be, then proving why the argument you support is superior to even that is a good tactic.
In stories it is show don't tell.
In arguments it is show don't monologue.
In memes it's show don't post long useless paragraphs.
>>329502
>Elizabeth could teleport you to the other end of at any time
Except they make it a plot point that no it's impossible for the glorified plot hole generator because an incestuous science pair want to havest more magic dust. Using science.
IE, they hold the leash and reigns and cage.
>Bioshock Infinite wasn't subtle about its hatred for whites.
>But Bioshock Infinite made it easy to ignore, if you didn't know what to look for.
Anonymous
46dc6a8
?
No.329564
Spoilered
>>329552
>I'm not just trying to write a story here.
Anonymous
9a91fd9
?
No.329567
329574 329577
>>329396
>This is a political horse fucker board
The politics is not mutually exclusive with horniness. We had this discussion 4 years ago.
Anonymous
a2951f7
?
No.329573
329574 329577
>>329554
But if I secretly hated and resented everybody why would I be here asking others how I can improve my story? Clearly I respect others besides myself. An egotistical fuck would just half-ass the story alone and then say "By the way if you don't like it form a line behind my dog and kiss his ass. and if you take the wrong lesson from it you're retarded".
Making propaganda is hard. That's why I don't want to fuck it up. If propaganda fails to convince the audience of the rightness of its message it has failed.

Remember that song "Keep your rifle by your side"?
It was from a Far Cry game that tried to demonize whites and Christians and the South and secessionist movements by depicting an insular christian mostly-white ethnostate as an evil clusterfuck full of drugs and deadly gun-toting whites and possibly-magic cult leaders, opposed by local southerners who fear the "different" and "religious" cultists.
"hey its not anti white because the whites are the bad guys and that isn't anti white because the christians um *chokes on dog cum* have more in common with non christians therefore I'm not an enemy-supporting jewed pozzed faggot for supporting EA" - a jewed enemy-supporting pozzed faggot who supported EA and feels guilty about it.
Anyway this game was clearly intended to be political antiwhite antichristian propaganda. Even if there are SJWs mad that when they play as a fedboy the white christians they are encouraged to genocide aren't also trump supporters in MAGA hats, the facts are obvious.
The makers of this game accidentally made the singers right.

Remember Watchmen?
After reading this story you'd never guess the hero intended Rorsharch to be a parody of right-wingers.
Well making the libtard vegan "smartest man alive" agree with the author on the necessity of purges for the public's best interests was a good hint.
But the author thought simply depicting how he sees the right-wing superhero fantasy would make the audience hate him.
All the cool stuff he said about looking into the abyss and choosing to be a hero anyway and rejecting nihilism? The author wanted you to hate it and him, even though it inspired heroism from others.

Then there's Fallout.
Fallout's America is property of the US Military which is property of globalist billionaires in bed with the government. But the authors are afraid to call out globalism and the jew so they instead blame it all on "Americanism" aka white americans and their culture of cheeseburgers, apple pie, civic nationalism, and whatever freedom means this week. They don't know how to make The Enclave villains without making them cackling smug supervillains with Bond Villain doomsday plans and gunning innocents down for fun as their hobby. They don't have intelligent critiques of American culture. The best they can manage is mocking those old PSAs and the 60s. When a Liberal says the Enclave is "fascist", they mean it is their fantasy depiction of one: cartoonish supervillains who go mwahaha. That's all the Enclave amounted to, and that's why Caesar's Legion is a more interesting villainous faction even though it was supposed to villify Rome and spit on Romeaboos by depicting Rome as a barbarian horde in love with dishonourable tactics and slavery.
Why do you think there are fans of Fallout who love Caesar's Legion and The Enclave even though the authors hate them?
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329574
329706
>>329573
>if I secretly hated
Its not a secret, its plain to see. If you didnt hate your audience you would make a concerted effort, rather than typing out a fap-fantasy that you then label as anti-degenerate propaganda.
>>329567
Theres nothing wrong with porn , literary or otherwise but theres alot wrong, see sentance 2 above.
Anonymous
94e0d6e
?
No.329577
>>329573
>If I hated everybody
>Hates the audience
Watchmen had tons of effort to accurately and truthfully portray that image. The creator thought that truth was horrible. The creator's interpretation was fucking wrong about the intended effect on the readers.
>If propaganda fails to convince the audience of the rightness of its message it has failed.
Are you shoeing and telling untrue things? If so you need the whole indoctrination system and more.
If you tell and show truth in action it doesn't matter if they agree with it or not. They will look outside and wonder why the hell an internet story is predicting shit that is going on.

To be fair you are writing to people who love Fallout Equestria, I greatly dislike that story and can sympathize with the frustration of imagining to write to brainlettes.
Here's the thing Ender's Game said a funny thing, you have to love them and understand them as they love and understand themselves. That is how you completely destroy them. (IE do anything)
In this case the mental framework they exhibit to resonate with the Fagout Equestria 'characters'.
I dislike the evil that has taken root and usurped otherwise okay people.

The goals are demanding and rigoursous than a regular story.
The story, theme, world, style, characters, symbolism, connections, audience interpretation, everything has to be compelling.
Not only that it has to keep their attention.
Even harder is to make them think the idea they just had is actually their own thought.
>((())) propaganda
Is based on smearing credibility by diminishing the person and group. Everything (((they))) have is based on lies, big lies and small lies. The insidious lies are ones that misuse truth that makes the truth incorrect, when otherwise would be correct.
>>329567
Political horniness is just another choice you choice. Always, that's what politics boils down to is what do you choose.
Be a hedonist, just don't make it my problem. Except people rolled over and got raped by ((())) for being too kind and generous and honest and loyal. Eventually using the other points to attack.
Let's say a large project starts.
The issue is that longer term projects have that evil echo to intrude upon domains to maximize bring about cold alien bug like thinking. Mandated bloat caused (((overtime))) that eats away health and time and effort is evil. The invasion to prevent jokes, memes, funny things and talking about it is evil.
By respecting the boundaries (((they))) keep abusing without being prepared means death.
Anime hentai fanservice fags got the memo, everything they like is being killed. Only way the things they like to survive is to make their own. They are bunkering down and ready to blast outsiders who seek to subvert and destroy.
They get gate keeping as a means to turn away the common (((pawn-like foot soldiers))). They have something they believe in and are going to keep, improve, grow and maintain it.
It's not the horniness that ends societies it's (((evil))) that does. The quick violent bursts and the creeping crawling unseen touches.
They use every attribute humanity possesses to try to manipulate, corrode and corrupt.
That includes horniness and political shenanagains.
I am saying if someone wants to live their life how they want to live it that isn't fucking (((evil))) they should. That said there are big over reaching issues across the human experience that must be addressed.
Anonymous
94e0d6e
?
No.329582
>>329579
>But leftists don't even love themselves.
That's correct. The question is how do you break them. That means fully completely understanding them that you could imitate without fail if need be.

>But now I want to write something pro-white more than I want to tell a good story.
You MUST tell a Good Story First and foremost.
>a faggot who wanted people to like my self-insert more than I wanted to tell a good story.
Same problem, the story comes first.
Unless you are suggesting being prowhite doesn't make for a good story, in which case you're wrong go fuck yourself.
I don't think you are suggesting that it's simple if hard.
You must write a good story. Just copying (((shlock))) and (((tropes))) for the sake of having it in there is retarded. It's not having long ass word counts that never go anywhere, I've read quite a few pretentious fuck wit stories. Sometimes they do the job, but the joy is extinguished. By the same token half baked sentence or two without anything solid sucks.

The thing is you must put the story first and the story and being pro-white is one and the same. In stories awful thing can occur to characters, but that isn't the whole point. The Whole Point is the Whole Point.
Anonymous
a2951f7
?
No.329658
329659
>>329652
How would you write the story, then?
Anonymous
69aeacd
?
No.329659
329685
>>329658
Wrong fucking question
Why is this story worth writing?
THATS the right question.
Anonymous
69aeacd
?
No.329660
329685
Lets get into the meta of writing.
Who are you writing for? Males and/or females? What age group? What are the stories that appeal to them as an audience?
Anonymous
a2951f7
?
No.329685
329701
>>329659
>>329660
I'd love to say my story is for mature males, but it's a pony fanfic so that would be dishonest. Plus it's not only a crossover of Fallout and Ponies, excluding any potential fans who love one but not the other, it's a counterargument to Fallout Equestria, and that's something even more niche than fanservice-ridden prolefeed written specifically to appeal to Fallout Equestria fans would already be on its own.
When it comes to marketing I think this story will only get any kind of attention if it pisses the right people off. We all know how bad bronies are at judging writing by its quality.
Anonymous
a2951f7
?
No.329686
329695 329701
>>329652
>"I haven't even read his story yet but I'm sure it's shit"
bruh
Anonymous
11bff0c
?
No.329695
1569952689441.png
>>329686
Well, I guess I was a bit unclear with how I view things. That video that I posted above about execution fits well with my own ideas for storytelling, or rather it's basically the same. I don't need to read your whole story to know that the way the story is executed will continue like that regardless of what path the narrative takes.

That's why I'm sure it sucks because, you know, that first scene sucked. A filly is chased by cardboard cutouts for villains and then Sparky saves her. The duo starts quip about meta commentary.
It really doesn't matter if this is a setup for, "It was just a dream" or whatever. Nothing of this shit is really endearing to me. You frontload you fic with why you wrote the story in the first place, your hatred for F:E. If you're going to write a superior F:E story, then do so in the first place.

But seriously, can you even tell me that you don't have moments in your story where Sparky starts talking about Yugioh cards or some other external reference out of nowhere. Or don't have scenes were characters talk in textblocks to one another?

Just the things you have mention so far in his thread makes me confused about the tone of this fic. You bring up seemingly arbitary ideas for scenes that I don't see how they remotely mesh up.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329701
329708
>>329685
So, you're writing for horsefuckers. But what percentage of the horsefucker community reads fanfics? 5% maybe? Id guess less than that, but we'll run with it.
So, your audience is adult (if you're writing for underages, Ill find you and kill you myself) horsefuckers who still read fanfics in current year.
Oh, but you wanna get propagandist with it too. You know how small the subset of adult horsefuckers who are okay mixing ponies and politics is?
Ill give you a hint.
>where do you think you are?
But wait, what percentage of mlpol reads fanfiction?
Moreover, what percentage of mlpol reads fanfiction AND has a sufficiently undeveloped political awareness that your basic-ass story would serve as 'propoganda' for?
The answer? 0%
Stop it, get some help.
>>329686
Everything you have written and posted has been WORSE THAN FOE; across the board. You heard me. You're worse than Kkat. Let that sink in.
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.329706
329710
>>329574
>If you didnt hate your audience you would make a concerted effort, rather than typing out a fap-fantasy that you then label as anti-degenerate propaganda.
This is just nonsense. You're saying that the amount of effort (or lack thereof) he devotes to a piece of work that you happen to dislike somehow implies that he "hates the audience"? That makes no sense at all.
People write these things for fun. It's a hobby. Do you treat every low-effort greentext poster on /mlp/ with the sme sentiment?
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.329707
329709 329710
>>329650
This is really getting off-topic... I came here to touch up on fanfic writing and see what other users had to offer, no bear witness to a 4-5 year old pissing contest.
34 posts from this IP and all you've done is complain about other users. You keep citing ambiguous things about his attitude or his arguments, but you hardy ever say anythig about what he could do to improve other than to stop writing/posting at all.
Why are you even in this thread? Do you have your own fanfics, or are you just here to fling shit?
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.329708
329710
>>329701
Does he really need a reason to want to write political pony fanfaction on this board? Just because the audiece it small oesn't mean he shouldn't write. If the product is bad, just don't read it.
Anonymous
11bff0c
?
No.329709
329711 329712
>>329707
I suppose that's fair but also not really. Look at Nigel's posts in this thread and as well in the GG threads. Where are you in those threads telling him to stop his derailing, huh?

The truth is that this >>329625
where he taliking about how his fic is trying to acomplish too much is a prime example of how little he actually learns. This was established years ago. This is obviously not news. And it's not like he will actually write a story or trash his current one due to this revelation.

The problem isn't that his writing sucks either. I think I can talk for Ninjas when it comes to this and say that he and I are both just annoyed by Nigel's way of handling criticism, specifically not listening. Like for example, I can't fucking believe that I told him not to post irrelevant shit in the GG thread and then he went ahead and posted his Naruto post, which I again will point out was not fucking relevant to that thread. I actually thought that we'd come to some understanding but that's not the case.
Endlessly, just posting about what the fuck ever in what ever thread.

What really gets to me is when I goes onto deflect or gashlights, like the example above with the "Y you mad" dialogue chain. What are you sugguesting happened there if not deflection? This sort of shit pisses me off.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329710
329719
14-142665_crying-pepe-png-pepe-cry-png.png
>>329706
>>329707
>>329708
Forgive him lord, he knows not what it do. My contributions to the thread is the negativity I apply to ideas and strategies that are not actionable. On the one hand it satisfies an overlooked responsibility of observable posters, on the other hand it forces me to apply the same critical analysis to my own creative projects (DND GM) and ensure Im not doing likewise. Negativ8ty is an efficient, versitile, and comprehensive mindset to cut through the bullshit.
In any case, the primary benefit is that I represent someone who has versed themselves in him specifically through/alongside his work and has a diametrically opposed position when qualifying this work; if we're to help work on his writing ITT, we gotta cut out the cancer (the incongruous mindset). In this case it will be at interval, and I apologize for the hijacking of the thread.
Anonymous
11bff0c
?
No.329711
329712
>>329709
>I goes onto deflect or gashlights
He goes onto deflect-
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329712
>>329709
>>329711
Checked, Sven got 9 and 11, so it was an inside job. But he's also not wrong
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.329713
329760 329897
Why do these threads which should ideally be a fun place to contructively critique and encourage content creators have to devolve into ancient drama? You don't even get this bullshit on /mlp/; this is derpibooru/reddit tier bullshittery, since a quarer of this board seems to have forgotten the ettiqute that comes with anonmitity.
Years ago, I had hoped that the tendency to constantly complain about everything like an autist an discourage other posters without personally making and significant contribtions to content creation could have been a thing we would have left behind on 4chan, but no, I guess that's just a fate that all chansites have to endure. I just wished we could have brought the content-cration, lack of personal drama and the anonimity with us.
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.329719
329724
>>329710
>it forces me to apply the same critical analysis to my own creative projects (DND GM) and ensure Im not doing likewise.
Changing the subject, I'm curious about this from a writefag/gamer perspective. How have you applied these ideas in wrting your games? I'd like to see what methods you use for that.
In my experience, writing games and writing fanfiction are pretty different, although it's been quite a while since I've actually produced any fanfiction...
Anonymous
11bff0c
?
No.329723
>>329721
>I also partly feel that it was necessary since he doesn't seem to listen to anything else.
As in, no diplomacy but bluntness and harshness. Or rather that I thought he might react to that more.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329724
329725
>>329719
Well for example, a good segment involved the Bogdanoff twins as recurring villains. However, my audience was NOT-/pol/-or-/biz/tarded, so I had to build up the idea of them through encounters that were consistent with the meme; just when everything was aligning and the party neared success, the Bogs would 'doomp eet' and change the game entirely. Rather than saying "Hey look, its the Bogs in the story! Isnt that cool?" (to paraphrasically quote Nigel), i stead I described two denizens of a foul place, golden bronze skin with blue stars for eyes, and beyone-human facial structure. They stood motionless, only their eyes moved. First about the room, then across the party. And then one raized his hand, a slight buzzing noise breaking thr anxious silence. The one who moved spoke two syllables, in an unidentifiable variation of a long forgotten language, which also evolved into the common dialect.
And then fire did rain down. Roll a saving throw.
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.329725
329733
>>329721
>It's a waste of my time anyway since I have given up on the idea that he'll change.
This was my main point, tbh. The effort you spend engaging him is better spent elsewhere. Engaging shitposters doesn't mitgate shitposting; it just multiplies the amount f shitposting in the thread.
>>329724
>However, my audience was NOT-/pol/-or-/biz/tarded
>so I had to build up the idea of them through encounters that were consistent with the meme
>Rather than saying "Hey look, its the Bogs in the story! Isnt that cool?" (to paraphrasically quote Nigel), i stead I described two denizens of a foul place, golden bronze skin with blue stars for eyes, and beyone-human facial structure.
Well, this does indeed go along the same points you had earlier about knowing your audience, tbh. Was it necesarily worth it to spend that time 'educating' the party about the memes just so you could make /biz/ puns to them though? If the party still doesn't get the reference, I'm not sure how including the reference necessarily contributes to their enjoyment, although the villains do seem interesting.
In my limited DMing experience, I'm a bit wary incorporating too many internet memes/puns unless I know the party very well, because if I spend time on a joke the party doesn't get I've effectively wasted their time or broken their immersion, and that's the last thing I want to do. I'm not so much as anxious about the party not appreciating a story element (any GM feels satisfaction of having two unopened secret doors at in a dungeon), so much as I am with annoing them with a stupid reference that only I enjoyed.
Anonymous
c046eb1
?
No.329733
329744
>>329725
The Bogdanoff meme was the archetype off which I based the villains' actions and appearance, so while the players may not have gotten that part of the joke in the moment, it made it easier for me to depict overall so yes, the players did benefit. I was far more fixated on showing and not telling, as well as not letting 'who they were' affect how I presented them to the players
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.329744
>>329733
Another issue with incorporating memes into literature, especially those that revolve around real people, is that it risks putting an expiration date on your work when the perception of that meme/person inevitably changes.
An example of meme-literature I can think of is Yurope: Barrack's Apocalypse, in which Bill Cosby makes an appearance in the book and yells at the nigger protagonist at his murder trial "Do you have any idea how hard I've been trying to get white people to like us?!" the author did a youtube reading of it in 2016, and in that scene he had to pause and mention that he'd written it in 2014. He probabluy expected that his 'book' composed entirely of distilled memes would have some stale ones when he wrote it, but even then he went and mentioned Bill Cosby.

One of the Bogs recently died, revealing that the twins are not immortal irl. If your players absorbed the meme at all, they won't let you forget it, and lo and behold you might suddenly feel pressured to incorporate current events into your metaplot.
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.329748
329760 329761
gg.png
>>329746
Yeah, yeah, just let it go and read my trashfic for once>>329330
Anonymous
94e0d6e
?
No.329760
Found scribble pad too much junk per word cappita.
>>329748
Sure thing.
Well I showed me how much a spike of motivation was worth, just an hour of typing with on off down time. Feels a waste to just delete it all... >>329713
Anonymity and stabbing ideas and plans till it's bloodied and the wounds filled with truth.
The reason why there isn't more fun is due to the lack of the pony inquisition. More accurately it's the reception and reposté of such topics.
The problem of consistently newfag redditors flooding /pol/ alongside bots is the opposite problem here. There few things stick among the multitudes of garbage, trash, shitposts and astrotruff.
Standing water is where disease festers, but it is also the place where new beginings can grow. Also not extremity the problem at hand.
That's not what is going on here. What is going on here is a blood bath to purge imperfections. It's a kind slowly growing boil to minimize wide spread damage, but still the temperature grows to meet the corrosive problem at hand.
It is a flame that burns, often and soon is least painful and even invigorating.
If the fatal flaw here remains it will grow and fester out there. I think it's a life and death situation that grows in gravity. Not just simply writing a shitpost fanfic of a fanfic, but to put thoughts and ideas and meaning into existence to ensure you have the ability to live your life and safegaurd it.
This is a forge of heat and beatings and quenching. To make, adjust, become well armed and take your birthright to be a hero through these flames.
<Overly exaggerating about shitty bants much?
I don't think so. I could be wrong, but that's what I think.
You can shape multitudes of 'lion skins' but the goal is to have the one that is you that is immune to corruption. The tested and perfected personality that is you and that you would wear proudly forever.
>Fun
This is a fun place. For me it's hard to arouse my passions in much of anything as I currently am. Light hearted joyous bants and shitposts do occur and often. The heavy beats of the drums that call to put my arms. It use calls a primal final bastion motivated action to answer in hopes that it will always be useful regardless.
>Constantly complain
Because it's the same issue repeated time and time again. Other posts from the same person that doesn't harbor that issue are there just floating. Because it continues onwards regardless.

Anonymous
94e0d6e
?
No.329761
329762
>>329748
>>329330
The core of the story of war is interesting. No hooves can be ignored for the most part...
Too many breaks, too many commas, too many ellipses. Unless they have a purpose I'm not comprehending which is very likely.
That's mostly stylistic nit picking. Other thing is instead of
Name: Talking
Which works for screen plays and other similar uses. Using says, exclaimed, yelled, whispered, spoke, ect. in a sentence to denote who is speaking and how they do it would be something to consider.
Generally an enjoyable read. The sequence of events is spot on I think.
Breaking up the large chunks into seperate single sentence paragraph structure to denote the fast pace instead is my personal preference.
Spoilers spoil I think I need to double check the part where the lightning pegasus found the dying changling to get the full significance. Bit confused about the Aurora thing, and accusing them of potentially being changlings. That's most likely me being a dumb right now.

As a stand alone work without the audience in question being aware of MLP:FiM the plot would still work.
I'd argue the effectiveness would increase as you could spin it into your own original content.
Anonymous.
cb9a101
?
No.329762
329978
>>329761
Wow, thanks a lot anon!

I do need to work with the way I structure it, I think it's pretty messy.
>Breaking up the large chunks into seperate single sentence paragraph structure to denote the fast pace instead is my personal preference.
Thanks for the advice, I think I get it, but could you provide an example?

>Too many breaks, too many commas, too many ellipses. Unless they have a purpose I'm not comprehending which is very likely.
Well, I...I think I was just being autistic, i wanted to force the reader to take longer to get to the line where "the bomb goes off", to preserve suspense, it's just dumb really.

Well, the rest is pretty clear to me, can't wait for Sven's take.
I'll try to be here the earliest I can tomorrow, night poners!
Lotus
## Admin
0000000
?
No.329889
329967
481399__safe_solo_image+macro_reaction+image_braeburn_spoiler-colon-s04e02_princess+twilight+sparkle+-dash-+part+2_twilight+scepter_over+a+barrel_bad+pony.png
>>329873
Nigel, I don't read your posts, but when I skim them, there are too often a huge percentage of "I" "Me" "My" and "You"s. This is not a forum for personal discussion. If you feel the need to ever, ever use the first person pronoun while posting on this site, you need to seriously evaluate first why you are posting what you are posting, and whether it has any business on this site, because the answer to the latter is almost always "no."

>>329886
I have no idea where you have heard what you think you know about me, but I have no memory of you on this site before a few months ago. Anyways, calm down. You are going to give yourself a heart attack.
Lotus
## Admin
0000000
?
No.329897
329967 329970
370484__explicit_4chan_barely+pony+related_futurama_greentext_-fwslash-mlp-fwslash-_scruffy_start+of+darkness_the+scruffening.png
A number of posts involving personal drama made over the past week have been deleted from this thread. The reasoning for this is best captured in this post by an anon >>329713

I understand that a few of you put a decent amount of effort into some of these posts, but the drama had been ongoing for a week with no stop, so they clearly did not have the effect intended.

Nigel, you need to stop making so many "I, Me" posts. They have no place on an anonymous forum. Everyone else, I understand that there is a reason you are upset at Nigel, but it is blatantly obvious that typing the phrases "narcissist," "gaslighting," "jewcuckgoy," and "britmutt" have entirely failed to dissuade him of this behavior. If discussion about the approach to handling him is necessary, do so on the /qa/ board, and calm down.
Anonymous
e7ab86a
?
No.329967
329977
>>329889
>>329897
Contested
Vociferously
And with prejudice

>Nigel, I don't read your posts
Yes, thats been shown to be among a handful of unaddressed problems
>"I" "Me" "My" and "You"s
Almost like someone has been given carte blanche by a group who is literally tasked with maintaining the site, including quality control.
>I have no memory
Par for the course
>>329897
>everything deleted was drama
Bull
Shit
>Good effort, all that exacting analysis and effort, but no cuz drama. You had a point? No cuz drama. Something salient to contribute? No cuz drama.
Nigel should be able to post like a reasonable person after almost 5 years in which his failings have been sufficiently documented and he has no excuse? No cuz drama.
We cant be discrimiating against people for not knowing and learning chan culture right?
Cuz otherwise we'd have to ask why a non-chan poster ended up as an admin.
Wouldnt we, Lotus?

The one hand washes the other.
Anonymous
deba27c
?
No.329970
329974 329984
>>329897
>I understand that a few of you put a decent amount of effort into some of these posts, but the drama had been ongoing for a week with no stop, so they clearly did not have the effect intended.
>If discussion about the approach to handling him is necessary, do so on the /qa/ board, and calm down.
>is necessary
I suppose you are right that it doesn't solve anything by posting these posts here. It only derails the threads purpose that I can get, however, moving the discussion of these issues to /qa/, I don't think will work. First off I don't think it will happened. Most of us has already said what we want to have said if mods still don't find our position to be compelling enough we might as well bring it to /sp/ because it will only be a, as Nigel would put it, Nigel hate club.

I also don't agree with your assessment that we just used unsupported labels either. I, at least, only used one of those words, "gashlighting" and that was once and that once was with me linking to a post along with an explanation for why that was proof of this. I usually try to support why I think things with an explanation and also try to withhold insults in my posts.

I don't my mind that much that you removed them, it's been stated over and over again what Nigel does bad, but I felt that I really proved my points in those last posts and felt that like it was almost black and white clear that the major points of us detractors had been saying was true just by the last exchanges between me and Nigel. Oh, well. I guess it really wouldn't have changed things anyway. In the end, who do I imagine would change?

My real question is if you will start to delete his irrelevant posts in the future or something. I don't think this is something that can be fixed without mod intervention.
Anonymous
e7ab86a
?
No.329974
329975 329977 329984
>>329970
> if you will start to delete his irrelevant posts in the future or something
Fat chance of that. Thats literally what I was black-balled for.
Staff has 0 interest of addrssing the Nigel issue or else theyd have done so years ago when I raised the issue years ago
>deleted posts
I bet u fags thought I threw that out there arbitrarily . I hope woulk take it as credible the NEXT time I post prt of the Nigel cycle.
Lotusposting does what lotusposting does; acknwoledges the problem and does fuck-all to address it.
He IS consistent, no discredit.
Anonymous
e7ab86a
?
No.329975
>>329974
Just a quick tl;dr
Mods are not your friends.
Mods want what THEY want.
Oh, and fuck u if you want something different
(not 'ban'-fu, but drfinitely a "nah, fuck you" fu)
Cuz they know better n sheeit, havent u heard?
Anonymous
deba27c
?
No.329977
>>329974
While I have things to say, I want to wait for Lotus to respond. I don't want my big post above to be removed for being about Nigel in this thread.
I'll say some small things though.
>>329967
<Nigel, I don't read your posts
>Yes, thats been shown to be among a handful of unaddressed problems
You should really take your time to read some of his posts Lotus, then you'll see what we have been talking about is correct.
I'd like to add that I don't think that most people read his posts. His writing is so meandering and, often times, self-absorbed (Even when I agree with him on these self-absorbed occasions, I find myself almost not wanting to weirdly enough) that along with how they often seem to no have relevance to the thread makes them into white noise.

>Nigel should be able to post like a reasonable person after almost 5 years in which his failings have been sufficiently documented and he has no excuse?
This is very concise. Are we gonna continue for a few more years with this? Are we the ones that should stop? Becuase the cycle is that, he starts it, we finish it but if we don't who will?
Anonymous
deba27c
?
No.329978
329989 330001
>>329762
>>329762
>Well, I...I think I was just being autistic, i wanted to force the reader to take longer to get to the line where "the bomb goes off", to preserve suspense, it's just dumb really.

No, that's exactly what you use breaks in your text for. It was a good idea, thought you might have over done it.

A golden rule for you is to not implement ideas before consideration, don't just trust someone elses wisedom to be correct because they seem to like an authority on the subject to you. I did that once with an advice for writing. I blindly followed an advice until later I realized that it was a stupid advice.

>"They're coming from the east! I repeat! They're coming from the east!"

I'm gonna spend most of my time on this qoute alone. If you want someone to go through your story and give you advice for the overall structure, you need to find another person to be your critic.

Functionality and logic in stories
I think the approach should always be to create something imaginative and the restrain it, instead of focusing on logic first and foremost. So I don't mind what is happening here but I don't like the logic. It's not convincing enough.

Let me type you another post as an example on how I would have done instead and then illustrate what I think you do well and what I'd think would improve your story by comparing my example with yours.
Anonymous
deba27c
?
No.329982
329984
What's up with this dumb selective removal of posts? Why remove the y-y exchange? It clearly proved us detractors right. You haven't removed all post involving this incident but you remove the ones that prove us right?
Lotus
## Admin
0000000
?
No.329984
329985 329987 329990 330195 330726
4107507-maud_blank_stare_s4e18.png
>>329974
Ninjas, you were "blackballed" by Pupper and Pupper alone for being a complete fucking asshole who would bite the head off of anyone who spoke in staff chat, including when they tried to help you. I tried to get you and Pupper to reconcile and I think because of that you think I was a part of some grand conspiracy against you. I had to talk Pupper down in DMs from doing more against you multiple times. But because I tried to help you, I'm your arch nemeses now I guess. Elway shit-talked you and said things to us, but you hold him up as a saint and me as a villain, even as I did more to try to help you behind the scenes than he did. The reason everyone on staff does not like you is because you are rude and vicious to everyone. We agreed with you if anything that something should be done about Nigel, you just refused to be a team player.

You are as bad as Nigel on occasions. Not on the whole, but sometimes. And you lack the self awareness to recognize that.

>>329970
I want to be very clear to you Sven. I am not claiming your posts did not have a point. I am simply pointing out to you the very obvious fact that your posts failed to persuade Nigel, and failed to have the intended effect.

>My real question is if you will start to delete his irrelevant posts in the future or something
Yes.

>I don't think this is something that can be fixed without mod intervention.
Yes.

>>329982
I tried to remove off topic posts as best as I could because they were off topic. Did I get all of them, especially the ones more than a week old? Probably not.
Anonymous
deba27c
?
No.329985
>>329984
<My real question is if you will start to delete his irrelevant posts in the future or something
>Yes.
Nice.
> I am simply pointing out to you the very obvious fact that your posts failed to persuade Nigel, and failed to have the intended effect.
>I tried to remove off topic posts as best as I could because they were off topic. Did I get all of them, especially the ones more than a week old? Probably not.
Fair enough.
Anonymous
deba27c
?
No.329986
I don't even know why I do this anymore. I guess, it's something like, because I am right, I have to.
I will try to stop caring about this. I say "try" because I said I wouldn't involve myself tbefore this time as well but still ended up here, wasting my time.
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.329987
329988 329992 330726
Screenshot_2022-01-02-10-52-18-1.png
>>329984
>Ninjas, you were "blackballed" by Pupper and Pupper alone for being a complete fucking asshole who would bite the head off of anyone who spoke in staff chat.

Meanwhile
>Previously in poner Sitcom
>Pic related

Jokes aside, i think that this, along with Atlas/Pupper drama woundn't have been as bad if staff had been a little bit more open about it, it just comes off as suspicious when it inevitably comes up anyways.
Anonymous
deba27c
?
No.329988
329992
>>329987
Yeah, I just thought about that myself just a second before you posted it. Then again, he did have qoutation marks around the word.

>Jokes aside, i think that this, along with Atlas/Pupper drama woundn't have been as bad if staff had been a little bit more open about it, it just comes off as suspicious when it inevitably comes up anyways.
I think this is this. But I'll stay away from this debate because I know nothing and I mean nothing.
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.329989
330001
>>329978
>Let me type you another post as an example on how I would have done instead and then illustrate what I think you do well and what I'd think would improve your story by comparing my example with yours.

Whenever you want Sven, thanks for posting.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329990
330726
>>329984
>blackballed by Pupper and Pupper alone
Yes, and I was very clear. He felt entitled to issue orders, and I made very clear from day one that if you try to order me around you're getting nothing but non-compliance. The fact that you were abusing users when I took the actions that resulted in Pupper attempting to order me was icing on the cake
>But because I tried to help you, I'm your arch nemeses now I guess
Oh poor Lotus, it must be hard issuing an olive brach while giving users non-contact orders. Were you 'helping' me when you told everyone within reach they weren't allowed to play my game, or host their artwork where they wanted?
>you hold him up as a saint and me as a villain
Get fucked, you and Elway both! The truth is I havent lost all respect for Elway, and if I met him in person I wouldnt physically assault him. Thats far and away from 'holding him as a saint'.
>you are rude and vicious to everyone
No, just to faggots who dont do their job. Thats the job of an admin, to motivate everyonr ELSE to NOT be lazy faggots, especially ones who sit on the Internet all day.
Look at the policy! How much bitching did THAT take versus how much effort went into editing it?
Tl;dr
>suddenly and for no reason whatsoever Ninjas started being an asshole
is NOT how it went down

Lotus But Not Logged In
28f1baf
?
No.329992
09C6D239-F8B1-4796-A216-31CC2B6141EA.jpeg
>>329987
>>329988
Ninjas was “”””blackballed”””” by Pupperwoff and he did quit. There is no contradiction.

The “blackballing” that Ninjas speaks to refers to an argument in January of last year wherein Pupperwoff unilaterally declared that Ninjas was no longer an admin. I’ll post screenshots of what provoked Pupper to do this when I get back to my laptop, but it was Pupper’s move entirely.

“Admin” on mlpol is just a word. It had absolutely no bearing whatsoever what powers Ninjas’ staff account had. We didn’t have defined powers and rolls, and everyone could just speak normally. Pupperwoff didn’t do anything at all by saying “Ninjas is no longer admin” because nothing actually changed except in Ninjas perception.

Ninjas quit withdrew from the staff server and all mlpol related servers without notice or comment on a date I do not know but between February 28 and March 1st of last year. When I noticed on March 1st, his account was locked. A day or so later he sent Elway a message saying he quit.
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.329993
329997
I'm low-key fixing to make another write thread just to cut off this autism. If this off-topic bullshit is going to go on for 400 more posts, I'd rather let the thread slide.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.329997
>>329993
Apologies. Taking this to Test
Anonymous
deba27c
?
No.330001
330005
>>329978
>>329989
Yeah, so I ended up writing a bunch of explanation for why I thin certain things but got so big so I cut it.

Anyway, let's do this again and this time do what I set out to do.

>Story time.
>He smashes the safety glass in a spider-like pattern and the sirens blare inside halls, base adjecent fields, and bunkers.
>He sweeps up the microphone on the dashboard and holds it next to his lips.
>The fingers of his other hand hovers over a matrix of small metal levers and then flicks one of them on.
>As fast as the tiny lamp next to the lever lits green, the man begins to speak.
"This is Specialist Lookout Thaumat of the G27 Sun tower. Incomming throng of changelings, east-east-south. Size: Silver to lead cloud. Has reach damm G55. What are your orders, sir?"
>A gruff voice replys back in the man's earphones.
>"Exact coordinates?"

So this qoute:
>"They're coming from the east! I repeat! They're coming from the east!"
Is a proper hook and while one of my pet peeve is that importance of hooks is overhyped these days For reasons I won't go into here because that's what I cut out last time., I still respect a proper hook.

It's dialogue and set in mid-action, which is by the book when it comes to hooks. It also makes us ask questions like, "What is going on?" and so on. There is actualy a "however" here but won't bring it up now, as I said.

This is good. However, the question becomes, "Who says this line?"As in, not there name but where voice comes from. Who hears it?You think this is some sort of base then thousends of soilders are running across a uneven field. Why is it being said? Which sounds like a dumb question but it actually isn't because with context I wonder this more.Like, the war or slaughter seems to have already started as he speaks so why even bother informing anyone of something like this? Why does the speaker inform us of something vague like, they're comming from the this cardinal direction? Is everyone around always aware which direction that is?

Look, answering these questions isn't like the most important thing either. The point I'm trying to make is that while the opening does things right, it also could use some polish.

I also want to add that I might misunderstand so please correct me if I make any mistakes.

Will try to continue this. Kick me if I don't because I have more to say.
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.330005
330007
descarga.jpeg
>>330001
Yeah...i can see the issue there now.

Pretty good anon, i would be glad if you review the whole thing too, pretty sure there's a lot like it.
Anonymous
deba27c
?
No.330007
330008 330010
1864424.png
>>330005
>Yeah...i can see the issue there now.
Hmm, sorry to do this but this makes me a bit unsure. I don't want to lead you wrong. Can you specify what you see as issues now?
>How many cute Aryannes do you have?
Anonymous
deba27c
?
No.330008
>>330007
>as issues now
*as an issue now*
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.330010
330014
kinderwaffen.png
>>330007
>Can you specify what you see as issues now?
Well you said something about logic earlier, and then pointed out how the first line:

>"They're coming from the east! I repeat! They're coming from the east!"

Does not make much logical sense even if it's a decent hook.

>How many cute Aryannes do you have?
I actually lost my pony folder forever, i pick these up as i go
Anonymous
deba27c
?
No.330014
330016
>>330010
Yeah, basically. I wouldn't say that it doesn't make any logical sense either but I feel it would need to be anchored into the scene more.
Like it makes sense that this would be said but we kinda need to be able to understand from context where the voice comes from, for example. You don't need to even have a said tag for this, you could even just use the space the scene happens and then adress a speaker hanging in the corner of some room as a way to imply that the voice came from there.

The problem is that it feels like we're in several different scenes at the same time, almost like movie or something.

But again I'd like to adress that it's important that you keep your vision and that I don't overwrite it. What is happening in the first scene? I don't really get it. I get some but not all. Could you provide a small synopsis?
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.330016
330018
>>330014
>It's important that you keep your vision and that I don't overwrite it.
Don't worry about that, if i sound overly accepting of any advice is just because i want to be grateful to those who sat, read and analyzed my story.

>What is happening in the first scene? I don't really get it. I get some but not all. Could you provide a small synopsis?

Basically, the Crystal Empire is being overrun by Changelings and the soldiers are evacuating civilians when a squad gets hit by an artillery shell striking the ground a few meters from them.

Now that i think about it, i didn't empathized enough the fact that communication had broken down between the HQ and the frontlines...all i did was the female soldier shouting through the comms with no response.

>The problem is that it feels like we're in several different scenes at the same time, almost like movie or something.

Are you refering to the part where they do "scorched-earth"?. burning supplies and shit?

If so, i may need to make it more clear to the reader.
Anonymous
deba27c
?
No.330018
330024 330194
>>330016
What tone are you trying to convey? I assume tense and terrifying.

The way things were written I kinda thought the females were human since you talked about arms and legs and how there was a half-eaten human body somewhere in there but the rest of them are ponies, right?

>Are you refering to the part where they do "scorched-earth"?. burning supplies and shit?
No, ehh forget about it. I get why I got that impression but it's too complicated to get into.

I reread your the first part of your story again and I think I get it now.

Anyway, I'll get back to this.
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.330024
1554018055619.jpg
>>330018
>What tone are you trying to convey? I assume tense and terrifying.
Yup, pretty dark.

>but the rest of them are ponies, right?

Major fuck up there for me, i think i just assumed the readers would know they're all humans for no reason.

Let me explain, in case you haven't seen EQG yet, it's basically this other realm where instead of ponies, there are humans, ponies who cross from equestria to this realm become humans once they cross and viceversa.

This is basically the same, except the human realm has basically the same magical attributes as the pony world(of course i changed some stuff to fit more with the serious war-themed scenario), and it's a war-thorned shithole.
Anonymous
5d4b4d1
?
No.330033
330035 330037 330154 330191 330230
>be me
>have written pony greentexts from 2012-2020
>including a couple of novel-length ones
>try to move on from mlp greentexts into marketable lit
>write a few short stories in 2020, they get accepted to some zines but i dont get paid
>figure it's time to try and make some money
>try to write novels
>can't finish them
>try going back to short stories
>can't finish them
>try going back to mlp greentexts
>can't even get started
How the hell do I unbreak my brain, writebros?
Anonymous
94e0d6e
?
No.330035
330159
>>330033
Are you suffering from any vitamin/mineral deficiency or have too much?
Those can stop motivation. So can various emotional states.
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.330037
330159
>>330033
Nice pali.
Also, are you me? I have the same problem...
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330154
330159
>>330033
You get into the habit of working on this sort of thing every day, even if you end up redoing much of the work later once you figure out how to do it better.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330157
330195
Story's reworked, plz gib feedback

https://ponepaste.org/6313
Password is still "TwilightsAsshole"

trying to avoid saying "I" or "Me" in posts now.
some horny scenes were designed to be very unsexy, since it would hurt the "DON'T BE A SLUT" message if he was shown actually enjoying sex
all sexual activity is offscreen
also included shit designed to please the audience like giving the main hero a non-blood-related sister/daughter figure. setting her up as a red herring, the hero will marry and fuck Twilight even if the audience is rooting for something more degenerate. plus hero gets to be heroic and protect his daughter from baddies once their collars are off.

am proud of this opening line:

>Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, everypony you know and love failed the world and fucking died, the end.

seems to really set the mood when it comes to thoughts on FE, along with the edgy black-and-white power fantasy dream sequence followed by powerless reality.
The hero of the book is called a faggot by his writing teacher for writing something like Fallout Equestria.
seems funny to me.
hopefully this is right.
Anonymous
8db51fe
?
No.330159
330163
>>330035
Unironically could be it. Definitely been eating less vegetables lately. Guess I should just take the effort to throw a few on the steamer every day.
>>330037
Yes, I am literally you. How's our Ronald Reagan X Meghan McCarthy smutfic coming along?
>>330154
Guess that's always the crux of it, isn't it? Shit doesn't get written if you don't write it. But fuck if it isn't easy to just open the document and stare at it all night lately. Honestly doing a greentext might be a good way to get out of that; knowing that there's an audience waiting for updates because you're basically publishing the story as you write it can be a good motivator.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330163
330195
>>330159
A /ub/ thread on vitamin supplements would be great. Buying shit supplements or buying any supplements from jews would suck.
A ton of writers and writing guides say something like "Inspiration and motivation are fickle bitches, get yourself some discipline and determination. Replacing bad habits with good ones is what's important".
That advice helps keep one working even when one doesn't feel inspired.(yay loophole)
What did you think of the Fallout story? So far it's gotten to the bit where the hero finally gets to the good church of Twilight and pals and is finally ready to get his bomb collar taken off so he can train, undergo a timeskip, and purge the wicked from his homeland with sick guns and ammo and scifi bullshit.
The temptation to spergishly splurt over 20k words of "fuck battle saddles and fuck fallout equestria's take on Power Armour and guns and energy weapons, here's my better battle saddle and better power armour and better energy weapons" is there, but the temptation is being resisted.
No need for infodumps on engineered superior artificial arm options because the lioncorn can aim and fire handguns with his tail.
Laser guns work because they are magic. No sperging for 10k words on light diffusion here.
The magic power armour is literally blacksmithed medieval armour enchanted really really hard to speedboost and magicshield the wearer enough to make piston-assisted power armour irrelevant.
Fallout Equestria had this tendency to try to "fix" something smarter men mocked (even if Kkat didnt understand why) by including an exact copy of it then fucking with that copy by including his bad excuses for things to be almost as bad as they were in the original or worse. Nonsensically safe child-only town next to a Skyrim dungeon becomes a town (nonsensically close to fucking Canterlot) where kids exile adults "to make the town unappealing to slavers" (wtf unguarded children are very appealing to slavers), meanwhile the nonsensically-rich nothing-producing tower in the middle of fucking nowhere becomes a tourist destination (in the middle of bandit-infested enemy territory?!) full of fags that pay scavengers to get 200yr old ingredients for their fancy restaurants and somehow dont realise the "assistant to the radio dj" dyke who buys her own food secretly is the omniscient radio DJ who lives in the penthouse suite of the magical see-anything hyper-surveillance tower Tenpenny Tower secretly was all along.
That's homosexual. So it wont be done in my story where possible. The goal was to take these moments where something retarded in the original has to be here or else it isn't really FE and fix the root cause of what made them retarded as quickly and efficiently as possible. So while an arm mounted retractable gun could have been designed and explained to the audience simply letting chars shoot handguns with their Tangle The Lemur tails is faster.
and if it's faster that means it has to be better... right?
btw instead of making the character pause the story and directly explain shit to the audience the "Show dont tell" principle was used to show characters arguing or talking while seamlessly expositing info on guns or worldbuilding.
though that scene where profanity-laden fags argue over whether ballistic or energy weapons are cooler (while explaining how energy weaps work and what they do) seems to drag on for a bit too long.
Though perhaps a scene where someone points and shoots the energy weapon, melts a target, and says "good it's working the way it's supposed to" could give that exposition better.
maybe a scene where Sparky is forced to test and repair many guns, giving him an excuse to fire every gun type the audience might not be as familiar with as traditional bullet guns. Then he could repair a laser pistol and plasma rifle to explain their internals to the audience.
Might have written myself into a corner by making the Stable one big anti-magic field. Means all laser weapons need a sciencey excuse not a "because magic" excuse.
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330191
330193
>>330033
I'd advice that you break whatever you're writing into a minor but concrete pieces.
What do I mean? Well, staring at an empty page makes you ponder what to write. Writing by teh set of your pants can result in you feeling like you haven't written anything important.

The way to break free from this is to set the process up so you know you always do something. If you were to finish ten math exercies, then you would ask yourself how much you have done nor if you're actually doing something now, right?
Even a single math exercise, like 2+3*4, is about two things: The order of tasks and a binary state of completion.
You know in which order you should solve it and you know when it's done. You should break your own story into such pieces, it will help.

Like a simple action story: Anon fights off some timberwolves that attack Fluttershy's cottage.

A= Summary: Tells us that why and that Anon has been staying with Flutters since he came to Equestria.
B= Anon's description.
C= Where: Anon and FS is out and helps some bats in a tree during the night.
D= Suddenly a wolf lounges at FS but anon intercepts.
E= Action scene: He beats that faggotry out of that wolf.
F= He and Flutters snuggle together as they roasts marshmellows over a fire made by the remains of the wolf.
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330193
>>330191
>then you would ask yourself how much you have done nor if you're actually doing something now
*Wouldn't*
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.330194
330196
1554786285254-3.jpg
>>330018
Hey Sven, do you think you can find time to continue the review?

Sorry if am being kind of annoying, it's okay if you don't want to, am just a little confused cuz you suddenly stopped.
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330195
330197 330198 330206
Back then Modintervention.PNG
>>330157
>>330163
>>329984

I have been thinking about all of these and want to share my thoughts.

While I appriciate this,
<My real question is if you will start to delete his irrelevant posts in the future or something
>Yes.
there's is a bit more to unpack for me when it comes to this.

<I don't think this is something that can be fixed without mod intervention.
I kinda found myself disagreeing with my previous self.

Why? Well, uhh, how do I start? Essentially, the problem is that, for example this shitstorm or drama didn't start with Nigel posting irrelevant posts but because Ninjas criticized his creative method of pitching an idea to us, without context, and asking for specific ways to change them. Just go up and read it and see for yourself. When you do that, you can also check out that I had just had an exchange with him where I criticize him for basically the same thing but later retract what I said because I realized that he is allowed to post these posts here because, they are sorta related to the thread. I just disliked his creative process.

However, you see the problem, right? Just because his post belonged in the thread didn't make his creative process any less ridiculous.

But then the question becomes how will mod intervention take shape to stop this if this shitstorm or drama started from just in thread criticism and not from Nigel posting irrelevant posts.

The posts I have you;ed above that belong to Nigel are post that I easily could criticise, not everything but some stuff, like his *rolls hand in the air* "story".

How would that play out? Probably, like this,
>Be me.
>See dumb Nigel story.
>Give him, despite everything, genuine criticism.
>Response is half feigned ignorance and questions on how to improve other aspects of the story while giving no indication on implementing your original criticism, half is some tangentially related rant about some media, probably F:E.
>Exasperated and naively suprized of the response I got from my clear communication.
>Continue attempting to get through to him.
>Ninjas joins the party.
>"Oy oy oy, my haters, they never make any substantial arguements only throw labels at me."
>"Niggel!!!111 (((jew))) britBONGmutt-iod. Gashlight. Gashlight. Gashlight. All (((U)))kucks do is GASHLIGHT!!!!!"
"Nigel, I actually don't dislike you. I think you have a lot of merits but you can't do this stuff ->(Expains in galaxy brain levels of detail, in unambigious and crystal clear langauge, with such artful precision on how to solve all problem in the world.)"
>"There's no point in even trying, brah. Let me present to you my psycologiacl analysis of his state of mind. As you can see, dopamine goes in here, gashlight comes out here."
>"I wonder what my haters would do without me? I always try to improve. I workout, I do nofap, and I work on my game. What has change for him, he is still just obsessed over me. Has to be a sad life."
>Most of the time, the thread continues and so the storm is interrupted or we detractors let it go. In the worst case, there's mod intervention.

This leads me to prophecies the future. The staff here will have to come to a decision. Consider the following:
Either, the staff let's the drama continue* (I leave an asterisk here because I'll get back to this.) and just doesn't get involved and let's it spiral whenver and wherever it happens; or they make and intervention.

If they make an intervention, then, I believe, they will have to pick a side.
Either, they start to get comfortable with ban hammer and juast smashes Nigel around whenever he's being a sperg and post something stupid like a dumb story, take note that this isn't what I want, at all, but how it reasonably will develop if Nigel is the one being corrected.
If it is us (all involved) or us (detractors), which is unlikely so it really is just us (as all involved), that needs to be stopped to stop the drama; then nothing will really change.

I am suppose to not criticise the things Nigel post, that I find wrong, just because I know it will lead to drama? As I said, I could already from these two posts of his alone, start the cycle anew by just giving genuine criticism and him just not taking it. Like seriously though (Here's to prove it.), I could just ask about why he still have his moronic walls of text for dialogue. Obviously, since he has not fixed this in four years, and this has been brought up to him a few times since then, it's unlikely that he will do anything with that criticism now.

So I don't see how the mods will change this because I don't believe you will go to the outright lengths of banning Nigel, either (when his a sperg). Honestly, though the whole concept of banning him rubs me the wrong way as well on some level, or does it?

Here's the thing: The more freedom in your speech you have, the more drama you can expect. The more you ban, the less drama you can expect because the one side will be removed from doing anything and it's not like the other side will eat themselves up.

From my bias, I think Nigel is the one in wrong but at the same time I think that we solved it well last time when GG became a thing and the whole site did worry about how the thread was derailed due to drama but joined in to shit on Nigel for just posting a shit story. This might been an overreaction on there part but that's how it went down. The mod intervention that happened back then was pic related.

I don't wanna ban Nigel (when he's a sperg), I don't, but I'm wondering how and what kinda of mod intervention will change anything, except for that. Take note that I'm not condeming this either. If there's no other way, then so be it. But I don't want to. What is the plan? How will you solve this problem? Does the staff share my view on the situation? What is the likelihood that nothing changes and this happens over and over again? Is that preferable to a ban?
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330196
330202
>>330194
Nah, you're not annoying at all. I enjoy the fact that someone cares for what I have to say about writing so it makes me happy to know. I'm a bit lazy though so you'll probably have to remind me more n the future. I'll try to get some more thoughts about your story written down.
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330197
>>330195
I also want to add that I did not criticise Nigel's posts. I know where that leads at this point. I won't bother will Nigel again, until he shows some serious improvements when it comes to these kinds of things.

So I'm not talking to Nigel here. I'm directing the above post towards the staff. Neither, am I put much effort into convincing people of the truthfulness of my position much because that's been done by this point.

I promised myself not to bother will Nigel since he doesn't listen.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330198
330199 330203
>>330195
For quick clarification, I'm not the anon that does the over-the-top rage posts and calls him Niggel. Additionally, while you satirize my psycho-analysis, I havent yet heard anyone indicate that its wrong.
>will mod intervention accomplish anything
In my opinion - and one tbat did not make me popular among the rest of staff because I was pro-active rather than reactive - it doesnt matter.
Ill repeat that.
It doesnt matter whether or not mod intervention will accomplish a change. He should never have been allowed to flagrantly derail countless threads, and that he was is dereliction of duty. Staff gave up and gave in to Nigel years ago because 'it was too much trouble' to be consistent with him.
In this particular case mod intervention is inappropriate; Nigel came asking about his creative process, and I told him. Thats what happens in the creative writing thread. That it spiralled outside the scope of creative writing is because - you guessed it - staff has been derelict with Nigel for far too long. Maybe it has gone unnoticed, but I only started sperging again because he has been getting more brazen with his.
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330199
330201
>>330198
>I'm not the anon that does the over-the-top rage posts and calls him Niggel.
I'm fully aware. And While I can find them overwritten at times and as you say over-the-top, I can't really fault the guy for getting enraged by clear gaslighting either.
> Additionally, while you satirize my psycho-analysis, I havent yet heard anyone indicate that its wrong.
Neither did I. ;^P
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330200
330203
Dammit, didnt mean to post yet.
Tl;dr Policy is mostly clear, and it doesnt mention drama. Ergo, drama is no reason to intervene.
The important question is:
Does staff have a responsibility to work toward an increase in quality for all users, or does it have a responsibility to work toward an increase in quality for individual users?
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330201
>>330199
>I can't really fault the guy
I don't mean that you do either.
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.330202
330203
1555833604561-0.png
>>330196
That's good to know, hope you enjoyed the read anon
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330203
330221
>>330198
>>330200
The things you say sounds sound.
>Maybe it has gone unnoticed, but I only started sperging again because he has been getting more brazen with his.
What were you gonna say?
>>330202
Well, it's not against my tastes though I do think, if I'm honst that it's kinda bad or suffers a lot from coherency. Let me get back to you on that but I don't think anything is beyond hope either so don't feel bad.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330206
330207 330211
>>330195
>2018
>2022
I vaguely remember that post and thread from 4 years ago, weren't we arguing over my story back then? I remember some people calling my story shit helpfully and some people calling me assorted buzzwords.
Anyway what do you think of the story just posted?
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330207
330209
>>330206
I said I wasn't gonna give you more advice until you prove you improve and I meant it. I don't actually believe you will listen to what i have to say anyway so who cares?
Besides, I have been harping about one point of story improvement for you in the latest posts and in the posts you're referencing in this one.
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330209
>>330207
Here's a hint:
>Walls of text (as in dialogue)
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330211
330213 330220
>>330206
<2018
<2022
>I vaguely remember that post and thread from 4 years ago, weren't we arguing over my story back then?
Why do you always feign ignorance like this. As if you can't tell which thread that pic is from just from the pic alone. Yeah, sure.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330213
330214
>>330211
I wrote that green-text
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330214
File (hide): 43EBCA59719C77B82DBD0F7DF76749CA-989158.m4v (966.0 KB, Resolution:360x360 Length:00:00:16, wow glimmer-12_WnaPmPI0.mp4) [play once] [loop]
wow glimmer-12_WnaPmPI0.mp4
>>330213
Really? Wow~
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330215
330216
go still isn't updated.PNG
Went to the archived version because I wanted to see if I saw anymore mod intervention, then that one I remembered. Found this little gem. It doesn't actually bother me (anymore, though it has I won't lie), I just find it funny.

I remember some mod declaring Nigel as the faggot in one of those threads on behalf of Atlas.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330216
>>330215
look, trips
>>>/sp/18777 →
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330220
>>330211
I'm not feigning ignorance, normal people don't memorize every word of every conversation they've ever been in four or more years ago. At that point in time had I uploaded the "Silver beats Glimmer and calls communism retarded" chapter yet? Looking back it was cringe. The fight was under Silver's control for too long, it needed more moments of tension where his foe had the upper hand. Maybe Glim could steal his cutie mark forcing him to do something clever to get it back. Plus it needed more buildup. And better writing overall. If I included Glim in my rewrite I'd make Silver and Glimmer two characters that both think they can convert the other after enough talking about their political views and how surely obviously right their respective views seem to them. Glim would be done with forcing her views onto others with magic and lies but there would still be a part of her that thinks it would be good for somebody sufficiently perfect to have all the power, while Silver is libertarian and dislikes the idea of absolute power. I think it would make Silver more interesting if he was the type who would look upon an object of absolute power and say "Nobody should have all this power". The old Silver would have looked at it and said "oh sweet another one for my collection" before tossing it in his extradimensional storage space with the rest.
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.330221
330277 330281
1562260923320-0 (1).png
>>330203
You are probably asleep by now, but i'll post this so you can see it earlier.

>though I do think, if I'm honst that it's kinda bad or suffers a lot from coherency.

Well, that sucks, but that's why i wanted a review, i suspect a lot of it is just me not being clear enough, atleast i hope so.

Anyways, am looking foward for the rest anon, have a goodnight!
Anonymous
5c97ea6
?
No.330230
330251
>>330033
You can also just let go of your stress. Put on some smooth oppressive music in background, get your pepe blanket for max comf, and just type away without a care in the world.

Do you feel stress when you sit down to write? Then calm the fuck down. STOP STRESSING!
Anonymous
a230ba7
?
No.330251
>>330230
>STOP STRESSING!
So to make that it comes through, because one can never know with you autists of this board;^P, but this is a joke where I stress at the same time as I tell you not to and also a reference to Starlight Glimmer's ourburst in No Second Prances.
Anonymous
a230ba7
?
No.330277
330282
>>330221
So I won't do much tonight but I can tell you that the "..." followed by a huge gap is a bit annoying to read, imo.

I get the point but use that technique sparingly, otherwise the effect seems less delibrate and more like you had some upload problems. Stuff like that have diminishing returns. I'd sugguest you use it on three times that are dramatically opportune moments.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330279
330280
Wait a second is all discussion of the Fallout Equestria fic to be moved to the other thread or just all talk involving me and what others think of me?
Btw I bet if the sonic fans were as autistic as bronies there would be a retarded communally-accepted headcanon for Pachacamac Parking.
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.330280
330315
>>330279
Idk anymore, tbh. This thread is basically a de facto general, but specific writing topics outta have their own threads.
Anonymous
a230ba7
?
No.330281
330282 330418
>>330221
I like that your opener starts off with action and so it continues through most of what I have read of the story. This is good. While sometimes tone shits can be used to great effect, it's normally good practice to keep the tone consistent.
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.330282
330283
dc9clcg-e2e0aed7-145a-493c-8d1c-f377dcce71e7.png
>>330277
Right...that along with the "character: speak" structure kind of seem like the script of some screenplay, am going to try and cool it with that, that's two anons there sayin' it's too much.
>>330281
Noice, i think the tone does shift a little in the second chapter, but my limited criteria told me to keep it consistent in the first chapter, this with the purpose of "setting the tone", and letting the reader know what kind of story it is.

>I think i ran out of Aryanne pics
Anonymous
48a37c8
?
No.330283
330295 330297
>>330282
>>I think i ran out of Aryanne pics
If you haven't I can recommend downloading the Marenheit 451 pack for your collection of Aryannes.
https://www.marenheit451.com
Anonymous.
cb9a101
?
No.330295
Aryanne Cookie.png
>>330283
Hey!, thanks poner!
Anonymous
27b7dbc
?
No.330297
sweetie belle - natsoc.jpg
>>330283
/)
Anonymous
bcce2d5
?
No.330304
330319 330340 330726
164144686.png
Literal clown world shit guys. You're letting a tranny push you around that's so close to suicide you can smell the gunpowder already. He's not going to stop bitching until you get rid of him for good, (if I may be honest here, letting him stick around was a rather impotent move. You don't let a live-in girlfriend stay at your house after she breaks up with you). He's been causing a nonstop shitstorm ever since whenever this was, a year ago? Pretty much just accusing everyone else of what he's doing and nagging the shit out of them because what else would an antifa shitstain get up to. Ah, take the knee, see if I give a rat's ass. Stunning and brave, guys. Really.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330315
330319 330343
>>330280
It would be great if the criticism of my fic was posted here and any unrelated bullshit, like dishonest baseless accusations or whining about misremembered past events, could stay in that side thread.
Personally do you think I ruined the impact of my story's "Cold Open" prologue featuring Sparky's dream about killing raiders by adding that other prologue that started with "once upon a time everypony died" and showed Sunny's writing teacher calling him a faggot?
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330319
>>330304
<3 /)
>>330315
>baseless accusations
Citation needed
Dont worry, Im happy to shit on your fic exclusively in this thread, while the expansive meta of why youre shit goes on in the other thread
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330320
330340 330350
Addendum
The assertion that criticisms against Nigel are
>dishonest baseless accusations or whining about misremembered past event
Is a deliberate gaslighting. This gaslighting - not exclusively - is precisely why there is another thread, currently discussing his narcissism. Nigel will never admit that there is any basis for these, claims because they threaten the self-importance he has built up to shield himself from decades of being abused in a variety of manners. Nigel is a good person, but he has been conditioned by abuse to maladapt any criticism against him in an unheal5hy manner. This is why he shirks honest suggestions and blazes forward as though with a mandate.
Anonymous
7be0421
?
No.330340
330417
>>330304
>He's been causing a nonstop shitstorm ever since whenever this was, a year ago?
>a year ago?
You're quite joker, aren't you?
>>330320
This analysis sounds about right but it's hard to tell which part of this is Nigel's nature and which part is a result of his life experinces. However, I'd like to imagine that your explanation is the correct one for his sake if nothing else.
Anonymous
7be0421
?
No.330343
330350
1529099599153895429.gif
>>330315
>Do you think I ruined my cold open when I made it so that it no longer was a cold open?
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330350
330355
>>330320
Ligma balls.
>>330343
Yeah, exactly. Do you think I ruined the intended effect of the cold open when I made it no longer a cold open?

I've been thinking of rewriting this scene entirely. The vaguely-defined filly being saved from Raiders could be replaced with a more recognizeable face, and I don't think the "Haha Fallout Equestria sure is a WACKY setting full of OP characters and skeletons and lockpicking's useless" dialogue is landing right.
I like the visual of the book being used as toilet paper because I ripped that off from Shrek.
But I could mock environmental storytelling skeletons and "lockpicking=miraculously untouched loot including 200 yr old perfectly preserved food" better by making the filly run past a mountain of skeletons and lockpick her way into a room she thinks is safe, but it contains food and one environmentally storytelling skeleton, and then the raiders smash the door down and she either
>a. goes "OH FUCK I FORGOT THAT'S POSSIBLE"
>b. thinks "Why hasn't anyone smashed this door open until now for the potential loot inside?"
Perhaps if the opener has Sparky showing off his literal fanfic about saving a canon pony from raiders, I cut out much of the "You are my daughter" exposition and "This world is silly" talk, then included the "Once upon a time everypony died" dialogue in the start of Sparky's narration to the reader.
I can always just write a second cold opener with Sparky dreaming about a different scene of the simple morally black-and-white violence he fantasizes about to cope with a world gone mad.
Maybe set it up to subvert audience expectations. He gets laughed at as a kid, I show a scene of him being violent, fans assume he's snapped IRL, but nope, it's a dream he's having between sessions of fixing tech Karens keep breaking at Life Bytes.
Although... If I end up never giving the hero a PipBuck but many of his enemies use them do I need to bother saying what they do in a scene like this?

Btw I had this idea where the rabbit who sucks Sparky off in a train bathroom (how romantic, amirite?) gets beaten up by a crowd of grass-eaters for interacting with the "wrong" species, and this happens right in front of a pro-divershitty mural made by grass-eaters for grass eaters. Sparky shows up in time to save the day but she's still got injuries.
The scene could spell out to the audience how their desired diversity only ever goes one way and it's common for foreigners to loathe, even attack, those of their kind who mix with whites in a manner whites would consider exclusively reserved for fictional rednecks on TV. Her having injuries gives him an excuse to take her home and offer her first aid while muttering "I wish we had those health potions that cure everything but only the rich have that luxury. Also it's a shame I can't call an ambulance without getting arrested and sent to a work-camp under suspicion of giving you these injuries no matter what we say".
Sparky does a lot of grumbling about how much the world sucks but I think depicting him caring for someone unrelated to him would help establish him as a fundamentally good person whose kindness can extend to everyone who's not evil. I like kind protagonists, and I think I suck at writing smug assholes.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330355
330359
>>330350
>Btw I had this idea where the rabbit who sucks Sparky off in a train bathroom (how romantic, amirite?) gets beaten up by a crowd of grass-eaters for interacting with the "wrong" species, and this happens right in front of a pro-divershitty mural made by grass-eaters for grass eaters. Sparky shows up in time to save the day but she's still got injuries.
>The scene could spell out to the audience how their desired diversity only ever goes one way and it's common for foreigners to loathe, even attack, those of their kind who mix with whites in a manner whites would consider exclusively reserved for fictional rednecks on TV. Her having injuries gives him an excuse to take her home and offer her first aid while muttering "I wish we had those health potions that cure everything but only the rich have that luxury. Also it's a shame I can't call an ambulance without getting arrested and sent to a work-camp under suspicion of giving you these injuries no matter what we say".
>Sparky does a lot of grumbling about how much the world sucks but I think depicting him caring for someone unrelated to him would help establish him as a fundamentally good person whose kindness can extend to everyone who's not evil. I like kind protagonists, and I think I suck at writing smug assholes.
>I suck at writing
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330359
>>330355
Wow rude
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330361
330402
Also I was thinking
The PipBuck is a cheat device. Aims and fires your guns for you in a world where Battle Saddles already aim and reload your guns for you via magic (but rely on a manually bitten mouth trigger so only VATS users can aimbot like chinese cheaters in TF2/Counter Strike).
Also does all sorts of other shit, yet Fallout Equestria treats LP like she's some kind of special chosen one for having plot armour and "Getting the most out of this multipurpose cheat device seemingly only I have" as her Cutie Mark.
Would the hero of my story be cooler if he beat VATS users without any kind of PipBuck-like device, or if he invented and utilized a homemade device with different less cheaty features like keeping an eye on your health and that of your teammates, marking enemy and ally positions while being able to call out threats and order teammates around, having a phone, being able to call in supply drops and drone bombing runs and artillery strikes, auto-hacking enemy PipBuck to fuck with their HUD and disable their cheats, and so on?
I like the idea of a scene where he uses his "SparkBuck" (Better name pending) to hack an enemy's PipBuck and hack its targeting system, forcing that enemy to shoot himself. And a scene where he disables everyone else's autoaim, fucking with the aim of everyone who relied on that and justifying the whole "Villains with guns never shoot the heroes anywhere that matters" bit.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330402
>>330361
I'm doing it again, aren't I?
Getting distracted by what would make this story "cooler" instead of focusing on the primary message and core themes.
He should start off with no pipbuck and struggle to beat cheaters with pipbucks. He should sweat and struggle and sacrifice. It should take effort.
Making his AntiPipbuck to negate the PipBucks, a PipCuck if you will, that should be a moment of triumph after a lot of effort. Once your hero can "Lelouch Vi Britannia commands you to activate VATS and shoot your friends and then yourself" anybody within hacking distance any physical challenge posed by PipBuck wearers is pretty much over.
The first time he fucks with someone's HUD and then puppets them this should feel as earned as the first time his artillery network finally gets commanded to call down a series of attacks on enemy territory.
Anonymous
cb474a1
?
No.330417
330426 330454
>>330340
I don't know, at this point it's starting to look like you guys are all made for each other in more than a bit of a twisted sort of way. I guess you can have fun trying to fix each other's perceived problems until the website bleeds out and life support gets cut. At this point, and well before to be honest, you really don't have anyone to blame but yourselves.

>inb4 starting to, you should have known
No, fuck you, I didn't choose this bullshit. I was minding my own business. Tranny wanted to suck my cock or something, didn't know how to express it. I guess he can "ironically" blow his brains out if he wants. I could see that sufficing for sorry.
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.330418
330426 330429
1559341138420-0.png
>>330281
Uh...Sven, i think you said i might need to remind you from time to time about my shit-fic, right?
Anonymous
310f38a
?
No.330420
330421
Oh, and another thing. He's taking you guys for a ride, you do know that, right? He's going to say anything, anything at all, that he thinks will get under your skin, he doesn't actually believe any of the bullshit he's saying. Any of it, he's full of shit, to the core. Worst thing you could do to him is leave him alone so he's got nobody left to bitch at except his gun. Just take a gander at how desperate he is when it comes to avoidance of being banned. Don't you guys want to go off and get girlfriends or something, or do something else you actually like? Instead of listening to the neverending nagging of a insincere shiteater of a troon? No? Alright.
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.330421
330425
>>330420
Nothing I'm that post pertains to writing. Take it to the /sp/ or /test/ threads.
Anonymous
5af4f55
?
No.330425
>>330421
Spare me. I think I've already done far more than my fair share of trying to keep this kind of horseshit cordoned off. If I recall correctly, you guys were the ones that wanted to throw shit everywhere. Like telling people to take it to /sp/ is going to stop it the next multitude of times. I wanted no part of this, remember. The trouble found me, not the other way around.
Anonymous
63edc62
?
No.330426
330428
>>330417
You misunderstood me. I just meant it has been going one for way longer.
>>>330420
Yeah, he's latest posts have really started to hammer that in. It is a you say. I don't wanna waste my time on this guy. If he'll be like whitenoise in the background of these threads, so be it. I can do nothing about it.
>>330418
I read some more of it today. Will try to come up with some thoughs, hasn't really been good or bad exluding the things I have already mention.
Anonymous
5af4f55
?
No.330428
330429
>>330426
Sven, you were cool mate. But I'd GTFO and yesterday if I were you. Regardless, cheers.
Anonymous
63edc62
?
No.330429
330437
>>330428
>But I'd GTFO and yesterday if I were you.
Yeah. I think I'll take a break from this board for a like one or two weeks. It has started to take up too much time.
>>330418
So Miguel, if you still want feedback on your story from me, send such a request to this burner email; then I can continue doing that through it.
[email protected]
Otherwise, you'll have to wait for my return. Adios.
Anonymous.
2b6ec5b
?
No.330437
>>330429
Whatever, take your time.

All in all, i wish i had posted in a more opportune time, it's been entertaining i guess
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330454
>>330417
But all I want to fix is my story
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330468
330469
In the movie Idiocracy there's this bit where the hero is loathed by the idiot populace he's trying to save. They throw him in an arena to be killed by monster trucks. It's a literal public execution cheered on by the idiot masses whose bloodlust only fades once someone on TV tells them the hero is right and shows them his "water crops with WATER" idea is right.
It's a powerful piece of propaganda.
The average everyday man is saved from the idiots by the prostitute on TV. Trusting the TV saves the day, or the idiot's tendency to trust the TV saves the day depending on how you look at it.
For a movie meant to demonize idiots, it lets them walk away thinking it's ok if they keep trusting "the right" people on TV, whoever they are. And for the smug libtards, it blames declining IQ scores not on the turd-world immigration leftist scum enables, but on the conservative rural christians.

Maybe it wasn't right for the hero of my story to get the money he needs to move from fagland to churchtopia so easily. Maybe there should have been an arena fight against something huge (libtard sheep in giant robots?) Sparky wins by blowing up a big TV that was spewing enemy propaganda.
It's symboic. (CAW)

I got messages saying the opener of the story was too dark and turned away a few viewers. Maybe instead of thinking about how hopeless everything seems he could be thinking "My big fight is coming soon. I still have hope".
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.330469
330471
>>330468
>For a movie meant to demonize idiots, it lets them walk away thinking it's ok if they keep trusting "the right" people on TV, whoever they are.
I wouldn't go that far, tbh. The real message was to get personally involved in politics or globa affairs, even if you don't think you're he right person and are only average. It opens with "Lead, follow, or get ot of the way", but the real message was to lead, or a the very least follow who you believe in.
I may be biased because I like the movie.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330471
330504 330505
>>330469
I thought the movie opened on demographics and inheritable IQ being framed as high-IQ cityslicker jews who never get around to sex vs white redneck americans.
Personally I like the film too. It's hilarious. I'm trying to view media through the propaganda lens to improve my own.

Btw I was thinking... anyone who genuinely desires freedom ends up realizing only nazis can defend freedom from jews. Anyone who desires free speech and free thought will eventually hear a good argument for the truth and learn about how fake the holohoax is. So maybe instead of trying to make my audience hate libtards as much as me and support a white christian ethnostate I should focus on more family-friendly pro-freedom pro-truth ideas. Time can handle the rest.
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.330504
>>330471
>I thought the movie opened on demographics and inheritable IQ being framed as high-IQ cityslicker jews who never get around to sex vs white redneck americans.
It moreso opened on the "smart" people who have the means to fix society failing to do so.
>white redneck americans
Redneck yes, but I wouldn't say the focus was on him being white. They compared a bunch of intelligent educated Americans all failing to reproduce when a single redneck managed to have thousands of spawn because he didn't give a fuck. There was no shortage of niggers in the idiocracy; even UPGRAYDD mabaged to have thousands of descendants who shared his retarded surname.
The point was that waiting around for the "correct" people to fix society is stupid, because if they were competent or willing enough to fix it it wouldn't be broken in the first place: people are not suddenly going to wake up and get smarter about the shit they do; if anything, they're only getting dumber. Average people need to take matters into their own hands.
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.330505
330508
>>330471
>maybe instead of trying to make my audience hate libtards as much as me and support a white christian ethnostate I should focus on more family-friendly pro-freedom pro-truth ideas.
This is a better approach. Focusing on what you hate/exclude is a fool's errand unless you make a point to elevate what's important. Normies may seem braindead for allowing society to rot, but the problem isn't necessarily ntelligence but rather that they don't have their priorities straight. People need to be taught why family, freedom and truth are important things worth protecting; and people who are on the fence about those ideals could benefit to have them reinforced.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330508
330509
yo this looks like that kingdom hearts thingy.jpg
>>330505
That's another thing I've been thinking about...
FIM is a semi-liberal show sometimes. There are a lot of good things about this show, but when Rarity bats her eyelashes to make simps work for her it's treated with no less severity than if Fluttershy were to ask nicely to get pet bears to pull their cart. The thought that the simps might expect payment never comes into their mind. Men like Spike are called greedy if they accept too many gifts, or expect them.
FIM's take on Dragons not raised by ponies are the feminist writers take on men not "raised primarily by women": Brutish thrill-seeking bullies. No wonder so many male fans of this show self-insert or make up new male characters when there are so few male characters to use as your de facto self-insert.
Spike's treated like an afterthought and in that book where he was turned into a pony, his Cutie Mark wasn't fire or a scroll or a dragon claw, it was Rarity's face on his ass representing his talent at being a Rarity simp.
So the average audience of FIM fanfiction is already likely to lean left through deliberate evil or through not knowing better.
Then there's Fallout. Despite all its pro-libertarian messages about self-reliance and considering the fallout of your actions and being the shotgun-toting pure-hearted smart talker the world needs, despite its occasional flirtations with the conservative's power fantasy of power-armoured Power Ranger Halo Spartans and Giant Robots killing Communists and A Jew's Perception Of Nazis for you while conflating the two, the series still chose to take "1960s America bad" to an absurd degree with the Enclave. I wish I could chalk this up to Bethesda being shit writers who love their black and white villains but even Fallout 1 and 2 had this kind of shit.
The Globalist NWO ruining the world is painted as an exclusively American thing with American businessmen and politicians and generals working together. The thought that they might be working with the commie Chinese and other threats to whites never comes up and demographics? Never brought up intentionally. The idea that the descendants of these people might have good intentions for America? Laughable when they're typically written as cartoon supervillains with conquering America or genociding America before repopulating it on the mind. The most even-handed approach the franchise ever took to the Enclave was when they were depicted as countryless and tired old veterans ready to go out in a blaze of glory "making up for their past sins" by "fighting for the right side instead for a change".
Don't get me started on the "sterile" "Master Race". Sure he mentions wanting to transform the world through making them mixed mutants united under his heel but there are countless other words this collectivist racemixing transhumanist fleshcancer could have used to describe himself and the end result of his project. Would it have really killed them to call his army The Collective? Couldn't they depict a commie honestly without slipping in some "hurr durr nazis bad" buzzwords too? Hitler would have opposed The Master if he was real.
Then there's the NCR. What makes the NCR bad? Well, the same thing a Liberal would claim makes America bad minus anything that Liberal has to say about race. "Imperialism, Bureaucracy, Dumb People, Taxes, Rich Men(cow barons), and a corrupt democracy full of Evil Corrupt Individuals!" say the authors, unwilling to depict a single libtard NCR politician hurting innocents in the pursuit of pussy libtardism whether he knows he's serving communism or not.

So already, while there are certainly exceptions (Just look at this site, or any Fallout fan who prefers Obsidian!Brotherhood Of Steel or the Enclave or Caesar's Legion to the New Cuckifornia Republic or Minutemen) the average intended fan of Fallout or MLP is likely to lean left.

Then there's Fallout Equestria. It's dogshit.
It's also tremendously Liberal.
While Liberalism failed Equestria in this story, the author's intent is clearly to depict ponies as fools who "lost their way" and failed to live up to Sufficient Liberalism.
The mane six were granted absolute power and ruined Equestria by failing to be sufficiently Liberal, even as they were both being warred on by moon-phobic Luna-loathing mindlessly-religious school-bombing heartless barbaric Zebra cultists AND making refugee camps for all the Ziggers who felt like being fed and doing drugs in Equestria despite the pony and pony police presence.
Fluttershy's peacetard behaviour gives the Ziggers healing ICBMs, they reverse-engineer them into nuclear dynamite vests and smuggle them into Equestria with the help of the traitorous Four Stars corporation.
Equestria burns and dies so 200 years later, libtard murderhobos who view libtardery as the only way despite their token disagreements on shooting rapists in the act vs dragging them away to be rehabilitated and killing their enemies with needle guns and shotgun-toting allies vs killing them with shotguns yourself while claiming you've "Never killed anypony and have still never killed anypony as far as you're concerned".
FE's libtards view roaming the world and killing all who fail to live up to their leftist moral standard as their goal in life. They don't just invade bandit lands and "self-defense" any criminals protecting their stolen territory, they openly instigate fights with and remorselessly kill+rob Brotherhood Of Steel TechnoFeudalists and Arbu cannibals and Red Eye's Slavers for being "Bad"(TM).

Fallout Equestria is a tranny leftist's power fantasy and despite all its purple prose and B.S. about Values and Moral Greys, LP never has her certainty in her right to kill+take+redistribute as she pleases challenged plus all her villains are one-note villains who mwahaha. Bootleg Rita Repulsa minus the charm, Pro-Slavery Wannabe-God, and a cardboard cutout named General whatever whose goal is genociding the earth below Bioshock Infinite style.

FE Fanfic? Too niche.
Must find new angle.
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.330509
330510
>>330508
I was never really fond of Fallout in the first place, and even less so of FoE, so I can't really provide any constructive opinions on the matter.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330510
330511
>>330509
Do you think I was too obvious with my subtle gay joke in one of the later chapters?

>“Are you sure? I heard a rumor that a cat named Friday-”
>“Everyone's heard rumors about the legendary Doc Friday, and how he's so spectacularly homosexual, it can damage the space-time continuum and make the impossible happen. Everyone's heard the story of him getting the gold medal for the fastest gay cat to ever do the Olympic backstroke in front of a live audience in a literal swimming pool full of horse semen. Everyone's heard the stories of him sucking a literal six hundred and sixty six penises in one night until each one achieved climax at Club Manhole on Secret Gay Homosexual Orgy Night. They're completely fictional. If someone that gay ever existed, why would he ever go to a decidedly straight Butler cafe like this one when there are so many gay Butler cafes out there? Club Manhole has its Secret Gay Homosexual Orgy Night every Friday, so the jokes about gay shit happening 'on Friday' write themselves.”

Gay cat sounds like Kkat, and his female self-insert OC is named "Friday". But it's got plausible deniability because Doc Friday is a Fallout character.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330511
>>330510
Low hanging fruit, but no; Doc Friday sounds like Silver Star
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330517
330518 330520
I've got it.
Christian Sonic fanfiction.
That's what I need to write.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330518
>>330517
Deus vult
Anonymous
472f921
?
No.330520
>>330517
Do it.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330524
330581
A thought occurs.
Sonic isn't already a Christian. It would be awkward if I had him randomly praise Christ. I suppose I could add a new raised-Christian character. But he or she would be very out of place when most sonic plots are the same thing over and over. Sonic could go on a mission to stop Eggman from nuking famous churches but that isn't the sort of thing Eggman does.
But Sonic already fights a russian roboticist with a family connected to american conspiracies. And what does he fight to protect? The environment, individual liberty, and his animal buddies.
His sites are full of people longing for the times when he was cool. Back when Sonic had lines better than "Baldy McNosehair". Back when he went on Adventures instead of Boosting down bland rollercoaster tracks full of bowling pins.
Let's rock baby. Aw yeah, this is happening.
Libertarian Sonic Fanfiction time.
Now featuring my most subtle, mature, and hilarious writing yet!
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330579
330581
Hey, does this fic have good writing?
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/213696/the-sparkle-in-his-eye

It starts off just retelling Ratchet And Clank 1 but with Twilight added in.
However from RAC2 2 onwards it diverges more.
The villains in 2 and 4 try getting filly Twilight on their side. Which makes things more interesting than 3 which just retells 3 but with OP Twilight "improving" everything in a manner that reminds me of old Fix Fics.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330581
330600
>>330524
>>330579
Nigel, Im gonna speak from the heart here. I know, you probably have me filtered, but Im gonna try anyway. I can always reset my shit and get to yiu later, its no hurry.
Anyway.
You should stop trying to write literary stories. You suffer from much of the same writing blocks that I have, and cant realky commit to writing an actually good story; it will always be a caricature of a good story.
Which is why you would be a fantastic TTRPG GM. TTRPGS arent afforded the luxury of a deep and intricate storyline, it just needs to make enough sense to get the party motivated to go from point A to.point B. This is also why FoE would have worked as a pony MOD rather than a pony story.
I say this as a GM, you would be great. But with the most heartfelt sympathy, you will never be a real writer.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330600
330601
>>330581
But I don't want to do tabletop RPGs. I want to make video games. Fanfiction is a hobby.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330601
330606
>>330600
Vidya could work, but the market is oversaturated, and 'autistic AF' isnt a marketable selling point for a coder
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330606
330630
>>330601
But I'm not selling myself as a coder. I'm selling the games I'm making solo.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330630
330651
>>330606
So, whos your target audience?
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330651
330653 330719 331603
>>330630
The pokemon game is for geniuses ready for a higher-IQ pokemon experience, the sonic game is accessible in its gameplay to accomodate beginners and story-wise it's for my fellow adventurebros (boostfags go to a layer of hell where they run forever down a coridoor that looks like Green Hill while going nowhere due to their meaningless fixed speed. Lmao jk boost is fine adventure is just 50x better), and the original game I'm working on is for me and anyone with my highly niche tastes. I know some people and some teams have spent years working on pokemon fangames, but I plan on repeating none of their mistakes so it's fine.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330653
>>330651
Good answer
Anonymous
0ba5c9e
?
No.330719
>>330651
>X work is for all the Spic & Shorty loving cuckolds that need to be told how the plot goes through MY selective niche marketing and super unrelateable injokes
>Y work is for all those power fantasy furfags I personally know that won't be (((offended))) by m-muh flagellated normieness
>Z work is for all the hyper-sensitive furfaggots that don't yet consider me a complete niggershit even though I !!totally am!!

There, fixed your fursecution complex lies.
Anonymous
0ba5c9e
?
No.330726
330767 330878
1503287600272-2.jpg
>>329984
>I don't think this is something that can be fixed without mod intervention.
That has been the defining conundrum since I chose to come here a little over 3 years ago. I would absolutely love to get into the core of this thread, IF IT WERE NOT FOR THE CONSTANT AUTISTISPERGING OF NIGGEL. Of the >20,000,000 words I wrote for old /mlp/ (and for a CERTAIN thread here the XX million or so), it is virtually impossible to TRY and help someone with their brainblock, braindrain, writer's block, lack of motivation, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc., without that fucking dipshit involving himself as if he was the greatest author to have ever lived!

I'll be clear, this once: I did not hate you at all until a certain event last year, which you should damned well remember. Before my previous PC's hard drive died, I trawled every single conversation relating to /mlpol/. The more I came to realize how much of a control freak you were, the more my lack of care slowly became absolute, true hatred upon recognizing you were the one protecting Nigel and his pigshit insanity from any real consequences. Equally as bad, what I've come to recognize is you do not understand lacking awareness of, and being unable to mediate, along with ignoring this board's social dynamics has crippled any topical discussion that should be had.

Why are you even allowing this event to happen, lotus? Laziness? I would understand that. I've burned myself out of every single topic that I wrote for the past 9 years. At times I wake up, look at my PC, and wonder if I COULD ever finish the stories that were started. I hate that. I hate feeling complacent that 'well, maybe it shouldn't be finished since most people here are intelligent enough to finish the ending on their own'. Is it mere decadence, do you like seeing drama unfold? That I would also understand: the Late Greek Empire era showed that drama can be GOOD for people to witness so that they can learn from it, but this.. actual madness has gone on far too damned long. Do you honestly want to fix this entire situation, lotus? Then do the job you have been entrusted to by all the users of this site: get rid of Nigel for his consistently insane, never-makes-a-single-valid-point, gaslighting-for-numulp-is-great-for-flavor, bootlicking leftiness.

I don't even know who the fuck hclegend was or what he did but if you can't come to an honest decision, I will damned sure BECOME better than him if doing so makes even the slightest improvement. Make. the. correct. choice.

>>329987
Post 328456 was me. I'm not only pissed that lotus specifically chose to delete that post, which exposed his past behaviors and bias, I'm disappointed at the lack of basic decency given the 50+ anons that want Nigel gone. In the past hour, that fact alone has made me rethink ever coming to this site, especially given the painfully ignorant insult lotus gave for my 3-day ban.

>>329990
Ninjas, I sincerely apologize for how I treated you last year, and, by extension, a certain artistic person that you knew exceptionally well whom was suffering from unwarranted life problems. I cannot knowlingly apologize for every iota of harm that burning the bridge from you to me has caused. I made that choice willingly in accordance to how shit was going at the time. I regret making that choice now as nothing will heal those scars.

>>330304
Thank you, sir. You've cut down what I have had to state about Niggel to 8 total sentences. And, no, it's been (according to several posters in this thread) 4+ years of that furfag futa-apologist tranny being here without ever being banned, even temporarily. But, at this point, I'm finding it almost impossible to find a shred of empathy for most people. It's draining to consider being here.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330767
330878
>>330726
/)
>>>/sp/18916 →
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330775
>>330774
>>>/sp/18917 →
Stop derailing. Theres no excuse anymore. Theres plenty of off topic, vent, sperg threads, some of which youre OP of. If you cant cross-board link and keep appropriate material in the appropriate threads, you will be censured. Not staff, thats not a threat, its an observation. Take it as you will.
Anonymous
55986a2
?
No.330787
>>330786
>>>/sp/18918 →
Stop derailing
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.330832
An idea occured.

You know how a ton of stories have the hero refuse the call because he's not yet ready to save anyone?

My Sparky story has Sparky happily accept Twilight's call to adventure and go to see her, after living his daily life, which tells the audience the Nobles are bad.

But... Is Sparky only accepting the invitation to be a hero because I want to go on an adventure with Twilight and save the world?

What if Sparky rejected Twilight's offer and yelled in Twilight's face, calling her a faggot and pointing out faults in FE in the process? He could prove he's not ready to save anyone yet, and the day could convince him it's time to go with Twilight and risk everything anyway.

But what is left to save? FE takes place 200 years after Equestrian schizophrenic liberalism doomed the world yet it persists wherever Kkat treated it like the only good option in a neverending struggle against every childish cartoonish depiction of everything a libtard would mention if asked to define "evil": racism(enclave and Goddess) slavery(Red Eye), and pooping outside of a toilet or litterbox or designated shitting street(Raiders). There is nothing alive 200 years later the "heroes" of FE meaningfully fight against connected to the end of Equestria. Trixie survived the apocalypse in name only, "The Goddess" acts not like a Twilight and Trixie fusion gone mad but like a generic cackling baddie badly imitating The Master from F1. No matter how many sick fight scenes some shotgun-toting murderhobo could get into 200 years after Equestria is ashes, he can't make everything go back to normal no matter how many fights he wins even though Kkat pretends otherwise so his murderhobo can sacrifice herself for a fake happy ending once he got sick of writing FE.

The best thing Sparky can do for his people is get the bomb collars deactivated and kill all the Nobles to free his home, then seek to build a better world in the ashes of the old world by remembering the life lessons taught by the failure of liberalism and cuckservativism and democracy and big governments... Or time travel to before the war to prevent it from ever happening, like Trunks going back in time to give The Z-Fighters the cure for Goku's AIDS and a heads-up on who the next season's baddie is. But what kind of a story would that make? The hero portals back and talks sense into ponies and then kills all ziggers then fades away with a smile on his face now that history has been changed for the better. That's not a story, that's a meme.

I know my last character was Silver from years ago. But should this character really be Silver from 06?
Lotus
## Admin
0000000
?
No.330878
331026
7bd1fe6e3d3bb99ac210ab5ad8d6fc7d.jpg
>>330726
>IF IT WERE NOT FOR THE CONSTANT AUTISTISPERGING OF NIGGEL.
I do understand your frustration towards Nigel, yes.

>I did not hate you at all until a certain event last year, which you should damned well remember
I don't, no. Yes, I remember many of the things that happened last year, but I have no idea what one incident is the basis of your grudge, what it has to do with you, or why you care. I don't recall ever seeing or interacting with you before you started acting like I fucked your wife and pissed in your cereal. If you want to hate me for reasons, that's fine, I don't really care. But please understand I don't fucking know who you are.

>protecting Nigel and his pigshit insanity from any real consequences
Okay, let's work towards curbing the more obnoxious behavior. I agree with what I believe is the basic gist of your post which is that the previous staff response has been inadequate and there needs to be a change.

>get rid of Nigel for his consistently insane, never-makes-a-single-valid-point, gaslighting-for-numulp-is-great-for-flavor, bootlicking leftiness.
An outright permanent ban, I think, is not necessary, good, or enforceable. Limited term bans for specific behavior, however, may be fruitful. You notice how Nigel shuts up when mod intervention is possible. So I think something can be done, or at least attempted.

>I'm not only pissed that lotus specifically chose to delete that post, which exposed his past behaviors and bias
I deleted all posts relating to the argument that had been made in the thread within the past week. I don't think that anyone questions your claims that Nigel is narcistic etc., so I don't think the post is necessary. It didn't convince Nigel, in any event, and everyone else is already convinced.

>painfully ignorant insult
I apologize for my insensitivity. In my job I have had to work with and try to get help for very many persons suffering from mental illness and I do understand how it causes people to suffer, and how little help is available for such persons in the United States. So I do apologize.

>3 day ban
It was a one day ban, and to be very frank, your belligerence towards all posters on this website is at least as obnoxious as Nigel's belief that he is the greatest art critic in human history.

>4+ years of that furfag futa-apologist tranny being here without ever being banned, even temporarily
He has been banned on at least one occasion that I can remember. The thing is, Nigel actually does stop, at least momentarily, when warned. So he's been given many warnings.

Thank you for your more measured and reasonable response here. I do however have to agree with >>330767 that the proper thread for this discussion is on /sp/

Also, I'm deleting two Nigel posts, FYI.

Nigel, stop that shit
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.331026
331027
>>330878
I came here wanting my fic reviewed.
But if you think there's some other way I should act that would prevent these situations in the future, can you tell me what that is?
If a hater starts screeching every insult he knows at me trying to derail threads, how should I respond? How can I get the thread back on topic to be about writing and writing discussion?
I'm tired of those Nigelposters too.
Anonymous
f6f5f09
?
No.331027
331044
glimmerniggers.jpg
>>331026
Anonymous
6d1db3c
?
No.331043
>>331042
>>>/sp/18952 →
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.331044
331045 331046
>>331027
Why was this not removed?
Fasces
!!khOCBthFb6
34fe5ee
?
No.331045
331046 331097
7603D4B6-032F-4DEC-B5F0-A16413AA2079.jpg
>>331044
Because it is a meme. You are on thin ice if you want us to remove anything and everything negative about you and your story. This behavior is unbecoming, and this is your last warning. You will not demand that people be censored on this platform. Do I make myself clear?
Fasces
## Mod
0000000
?
No.331046
derpytech.png
>>331045
>>331044
I wasn't signed in, but you get the point.
Anonymous
94e0d6e
?
No.331070
based ai.png
Becausefuck it
Here's a reading shirpost recommendation of foriegn works
SSS Class Suicide Hunter (the translation team and the original author are fucking eloquint. It's a joy for the word usage and linking flow stuff. This nailed charactoirizing, story flow, showing with telling that works.)
Minor plot points and plotholes that arn't addressed due to still being in production. It's not finished.
s://woopread.com/series/sss-class-suicide-hunter/chapter-1/

Ending Maker
(One remark about ((())). Basically power couple doing shit. Doing power fantasy then doing powee fantasy. It's good for what it is bonus points for off handidly mentioning the odd entwinement with business and politics.) This one is finished.

FFF-Class Trash hero
(Everyone is an unlucky dumb fucker except they aren't, except for those who are. Is entertaining in the low brow expressing of 'one' trick. Succeeding.) This one is also finished.
Wait a fucking second it's all power fantasy schlock. Yes, but they succeeded in other aspects as well.)
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.331097
331098
>>331045
I do not want anything negative or positive about my story removed. I hate censorship. It was a genuine question, I'm sorry if it sounded like an attack.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.331098
>>331097
I've been thinking about how so many great protagonists have a conflict of interest somewhere in their tale.

Avatar Aang wanted to be a normal kid and a good Air Nomad monk but had to be The Avatar and defeat the Fire Lord.
Edward Elric wanted to get his limbs and his brother's body back but had to serve the State as a State Alchemist.
Ruby Rose has no conflict as she simply does as she is told by those she decides to follow.
And Silver Star has no conflict as he is simply an overpowered cunt who likes Twilight.

If I am to write a good protagonist, it's not enough that he gets involved in conflicts like the quest to gather a few important items first. He has to have an internal conflict like the desire to be doing anything else right now, or an external conflict like duties and responsibilities getting in the way of what he wants to do with his life. Right?
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.331224
331225
What conflict is intrinsic to the world of FIM?
Ponies just sort of live ordinary lives unless extraordinary circumstances present a problem only main characters can solve.
Then main characters solve it for everyone else.
Sometimes ponies aren't sure what to do with their lives for a while but nopony is ever... drafted, for example.
Perhaps if my OC was military it could create conflict in his life by giving him responsibilities that pull him away from waifu and fun adventures?
Then again Equestria's military is kind of a joke. Plus making him military would make him stronger and I'm trying to nerf him to be less OP.
Anonymous
27b7dbc
?
No.331225
>>331224
>Then again Equestria's military is kind of a joke.
Equestria doesn't need brute force.
You are underestimating the power of magic.
Anonymous
2b6ec5b
?
No.331383
331389 331391
In case, anyone's interested, a shitstorm is brewing in fim-fiction thread at /mlp/, apparently trannies and faggots fighting over some garbage related to a shit fic or collection of fics, i dunno

https://boards.4channel.org/mlp/thread/38096893#p38099065
Anonymous
27b7dbc
?
No.331389
>>331383
>shitstorm
On my way.
Anonymous
d7d3e05
?
No.331391
>>331383
God, that fimfic general is homosexual. They never provide any arguments for whether futa is gay or not, they're just actual homosexuals/actual trannies who literally have a fetish for shoving their degeneracy in your face and then spitting in your face by calling it normal. Arguing with them is like talking to a giggling homosexual junkie who doesn't even take the argument seriously and also fellates dogs.
If it was normal for human females to have four arms it would be normal to find that attractive. Same goes for if it was normal for human women to be futa. For insects that lay their eggs inside the bodies of others, this is normal. Female moles have cocks according to some book I once read. It would be normal for male moles to like that or at least not mind it. It would be normal for male birds to find female bird wings attractive. But humans? Humans will fuck horses and stick their dick in armpits and fantasize about fucking winged humans and werewolves and girls who are car-sized spiders from the waist down, and then say "At least I'm not turned on by feet. That would be weird".
Anonymous
2b6ec5b
?
No.331603
>>330651
Check this out

>>>/vx/158330 →