845 replies and 58 files omitted.
>>34877They can dismount
>>34878Fucking Torcuil and his pet fucking things up for us
"That was Torcuil damn it! He attacked! I, by contrast, never break a convanent. I would never do as he did.
After all, you all are so much more valuable to me alive"
>>34882>dismountSure, but to Sneak Attack something by herself, wouldn't she have to leave him alone at a distance, which she wouldn't do..
>>34881She can turn into a heavy warhorse too with a Control Shape check, can't she?
>>34883They can be on either side of a road as bandits approach, Trump in the open in the front and her sneaking up on the flank
>>34885... maybe..
Will we have time to get to any combat tomorrow?
It's late. I'm going to bed.
>>34884Do you mean while mounted?
>>34883Technically, she just has to be behind them or striking from concealment
>>34886Yes
>>34891
Does she need a Concentration check?
>>34894To assume hybrid shape. Does Control Shape require a check every round?
>>34896If you're mounted, which was what we agreed turns her into a cauchemar entirely, yes.
>>34897Oh, so she has to stay in monstrous form while mounted? It doesn't just require a Control Shape check to evade involuntary transformation?
Alright then, noted for the future.
Also, to fake death, does that require a Bluff check or a perform check?
>>34897>>34897But if she stops smoking and flaming, she just looks like a dark blue Shire plow horse in a weird amount of black leather, right?
I'm sorry. I can't meta any longer. Passing out.
>>34898Pick your poison, either one could be put to the dice.
>>34901Why would Thez have intervened to save Torcuil, but she didn't give a shit when he shot me, and a while ago, when I asked Thez "can you please stop Torcuil from coming to kill me" she basically responded "don't be afraid of death you coward"?
>>34901Can a player make itself appear dead with a bluff check.
I was exhausted, so I had the shitty idea to use her +19 Bluff check to play possum, since a nightmare's flames go out when it dies. It's a retarded idea. I need to sleep...Can her glasses create an illusion that overshadows the illumination affect?
>>34902It was a good shot.
There was little time to intervene anyway. Drawing the gun is a free action with those cuff-links.
>>34902Because I told you, it didn't
harm you, it just stung.
>cowardThez is a shitposter
>>34903Sleep, I'll think on it.
>>34905You said before that Tracy can control the smoke and flames at will right?
>>34906Being mounted turns her into +1600 pounds of pure sex; she'd have to roll every turn to avoid involuntary transformation, like a werewolf, apparently.
Alright, now I'm absolutely going to bed.
>>34907Think of it as an involuntary response to being so close to Flashy Kun, since you keep insisting on that e_6
>>34907>+1600 pounds of pure sexOkay, that made me laugh for a solid minute. I remember going through the old threads and seeing "1200 pounds of pure sex" and that was hilarious as well
>>34909So can she not turn fire and smoke off while riding her?
>>34909A psychosomatic change seems appropriate. It implies that she has the latent power to take that form, but just doesn't have any idea how to use it unless she's in the mood.
>Didn't sleep
>>34909>>34911A Paladin's mount gives god tier buffs, so I'm going with "Elway stepped in to channel and maybe add power so she can be full form"
>>34912You're implying that a Divegrass playing Fiend is channeling football energy? Nah, i'd say it's just that she discovers the necessary excitement to attain a complete transformation.
>>34913Hardly. Tracy is an evil of the sort that needs to be either Destroyed or in someway harnessed and controlled. Destruction was not possible or at least not desirable under the circumstances, so a creative method of harnessing is used - make her a paldin's mount, which makes full use of the Jew powers and adds in Elway powers as well
>>34915Gasp! The power to harness the jew!
>>34916It's a pretty Kick Ass deity
>>34915>Jew powersIt wasn't all Jewish power. Half of that was Thez's blood too. I made a point of having her take both beakers so she would be neither lawful nor Chaotic from it (because nightmares are neutral), and instead find her create her own form of ebil.
>>34918You mean the powers Thez got from that psycho uber-feminist? So you have jew powers and feminist powers?
>>34919>Uber-feministWat?
Are there any other fiends Tracy can eat? They can't all be Jewish.
>>34919>>34920What kind of powers does feminism give you?
>>34920Thez's devil sire was the Golden Lady, who is a bitch so feminist she could work in Hollywood. When you take Thez's demon powers, you are taking the Golden Lady's demon powers
>>34921You tell me
>>34922*devil
>>34921Not all devils and fiends are feminists and jews, these ones happen to be.
>>34922What about her was feminist? She just seemed like the kind of high-and-mighty, condescending sort of character you'd expect from a literal god.
>You tell meAlright
*Throws him off her back*
*Sits on*
We on top nao
>>34924My Character and Infernius had a very long conversation with Thez that you were not present for that explained the Golden Lady
Bad pony
If she has Jew power, can she smell gold and weasle out of tipping at restaurants?
>>34925>you were not present forQuick rundown?
*Butt obscures world*
*Tears off shoes and pants*
>>34926"Be gentle with those damn it!"
I asked a large number of questions about why the Golden Lady paralyzed Torcuil, Infernius and I, while Tracy and Tay were ignored. The answer was something along the lines of those two responding in a particularly "feminine" form of defiance that she wanted to hear while I attempted to talk my way out and Torcuil and Infernius, while defiant, weren't defiant in quite the right way. She said that in general the golden lady is a sort of upholder of that which is feminine, I guess in the lawful evil sense
>>34927If i can call a mount I can deflate a mount right?
>>34927It'll only be that way if he has the gall to resist, but yes.
I'm too exhausted to type it out though. Whatever happened, she sat on him the whole time.
>>34928>DeflateHe'd still have a 1200-1400 pound warhorse on his face, and this position could arguably count as mounted, from a psychosomatic perspective (it's all in her head, after all).
>>34926Seriously though, Trump is in full plate, and Tracy is sitting on him. Its not as simple as declaring 'ripping his pants off'.
>>34928>deflateAs in dismiss? No.
>>34930She can use her jaws to tear things off, can't she?
She could at least open the armor hatch (all medieval suits of armor have one) for easy access.
>>34929>it's all in her head, after allNo it ain't. A Paladin's mount is a gift from the deity to help him in his quest
>Whatever happened, she sat on him the whole timeLike what could she do?
>>34930I can't dismiss a mount?
>>34931>hatchYes, but there's Korak's pimp suit to contend with in that event.
>>34932Not a
player mount, no
69
>>34932I remember at least four verses that included having secks with horses as part of the "Quest".
>>34933... Hypothetically could the Pimp suit be repaired?
>>34933What do I have to roll to get myself out of this? An opposed grapple check? An attack of opportunity? Can I put the helm on?
>>34934Oh don't you dare damage that pimp suit you faggot!
>>34935She's got both his arms, torso, and head pinned under her Yuge-class butt.
..You wanted to see the feminist powers in action...
*Refrains from ripping through suit*
*Carefully unbuttons*
>>34934The pimp suit exceeds anyone's current ability to modify or repair.
>>34935Technically, the whole thing is contestable since no dice have been rolled yet.
>>34936I think she's too big for a successful 69
>>34938Long neck, high dexterity.
>>34937Oh well then he sure as shit better not damage it if we can't even find a tailor for it
>>34937>>34940It can't be tailored? Wasn't it originally made to fit a Dwarf?
>>34937GM, is
>>34939 accurate and Cauchemar tracy could at once sit on a guy's torso but also suck him off?
>>34941I would think a Paladin's mend spell could do something
>>34942Ever seen a horse sit? She could reach.
He should focus on his part, because he's not moving until she's happy.
>>34943I thought that only worked on non-magical objects?
>>34942You seriously want a ruling. Thats not a question, I'm marveling. Since you asked, I wonder if he can stick his head up innit.
>>34944>reachYou're not helping
>>34944....I don't like oral sex
>>34945That was a legit question because I have no idea
>>34946Neither do I. This is feminism.
>>34947No feminism! Do it the way God intended - with the semen in the horse vagina. She can be on top if she wants
>>34946Logistically speaking, yes, she could reach.
I gotta crash, catch you guys later
>>34948Alright, you sexist, bigot.
*Turns around and does whatever until her faggot recovers from hibernation, pinning him the whole time*
Goodnight
>>34950*Is milked by demon horse*
>*is sat on until passed out*
>*wakes up the next morning in camp*
>>34820Can I get an answer to that multi-weapon fighting feat?
I want to impale targets three times at once.
>>34955Yes, while it doesn't afford any additional attacks/round, it could enable a simultaneous triple-stab sneak attack.
>>34956>triple-stab sneak attackThat's all I needed.
Can I make a Triple Death Attack too?
>>34958As long as the victim is studied for 3 rounds before performing the 3x, the sneak attack (so damage) can also be a death attack (save or die).
>>34959Does a Death Attack stack with a sneak attack? Do targets still take sneak attack damage if they succeed their saving throws?
>>34960It can, yes. Sneak attack by its self is easier to do, but sneak/death attack is perfectly permissible.
>>34961Great.
For the sake of range estimate, what kind of monster (hit-dice wise) can she one-shot with a good sneak attack at her level? I just want to figure out what I can hope will die on the first strike.
>>34962A level 12 rogue can deal 6d6, or about 21 additional damage with a sneak attack. If all three strikes land, that's 63 damage. So you could kill a Torcuil, for example
Also, can she go hunting in the morning during the time Trumpaladin is asleep in the cuckshed she built overnight?
>>34961Why would Tracy have three attacks per round? A level 12 rogue only has 2 attacks per round
Tracy is 1 Blackguard, 1 Assassin, and 14 Rogue yes?
Assuming all three hit it would be: [A+B+C weapon damage (including bonuses)]+45d6, in that each attack (weapon) is a separate sneak attack, gaining the 15d6 damage off the weapon's specific damage.
So lots.
>>34783tries not to get erect... fails.>>34772>>34788where is infernuis on the list?
>>34785this.
>>34787i do.
>>34786its in my backstory queer.
>>34796dont feel so down, this is the song i think of when it comes to tracy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdpt4W7_XNg>>34810this.
>>34819what scimitar?
>>34822i said i give an infernuis stunner (like stone cold.)
>>34838if you murder any of my men we will have an issue.
>>34967Now where the hell do those numbers come from? The wiki says
The rogue’s attack deals extra damage any time her target would be denied a Dexterity bonus to AC (whether the target actually has a Dexterity bonus or not), or when the rogue flanks her target.
This extra damage is 1d6 at 1st level, and it increases by 1d6 every two rogue levels thereafter. Should the rogue score a critical hit with a sneak attack, this extra damage is not multiplied.
>>34969Excuse me, I used the wrong multiples. Yes, it would be 24d6, not 45d
>>34966Ponies mouths count as hands for the purpose of holding tools.
The multi-weapon fighting feat allows for characters with three or more "hands" to hold an equal number of weapons without penalty.
>>34967I think I'll only advance her as a Rogue from now on.. I wanted Aura of Despair, but I think she'll be better off getting to ebin level first, so she can get one of those ebin bonus feats.
>>34968She'll only murder pirates who cause trouble, alright? She won't touch anyone who might be missed.
>where is Infernuis on the list?not telling (also, I threw away the key to the point system)
I really like your character though>>34970How much damage is that per turn?
>>34965Like what kind of game is there in the forest?
What's Trumpaladin's base attack bonus?
>>34971That would depend on the weapons used (must be piercing), but its that's an increased damage of + 24<x<144 over the modified damage all the combined weapons,... so yeah, murder.
>>34972There's game. You can hunt if you want, but I'm not gonna do full combat for it. Roll a survival check to catch something.
>>34974I think you're including the assassin and blackguard levels into it, when only the rogue levels count. It should be 7d6 per attack that lands, for 21d6 if all three land. Also, does she have 12 ranks in rogue and 3 in blackguard or 14 ranks in rogue and 1 in black guard?
[1d20+19 = 30]>>34974*duct-tapes snoring Trumpaladin to back*
Rolling survival
>>34975Is the cumulative the "base"? Or is it just 16 as the base?
>>34976No, assassin also gets sneak damage dice, which expressly stack with rogue sneak.
>levelsThat's my one question. I don't remember which.
[1d20+20 = 30]>>34977Also, Move Silently, so he doesn't wake up.
>>3497716 is the base, and each additional attack gets 5 less for bonus
>>34980Epic prestige classes like Divine Emissary require a 23 base attack bonus. How does one attain that if their attack bonus doesn't increase after 20th level?
>>34982Epic BAB increases by 1 every 2 levels.
>Is the least liked character here
*sad blackguard noises...*
>>34984That's not true, the least-liked character has been starving for days in a body-cast.
>>34982>>34983i want to be a divine emissary.
>>34982I want to figure this out, so I can decide weather or not to advance as a Rogue to become a Perfect Wight, or as a Blackguard/Assassin to get other cool stuff.
>>34983So, a paladin/Cleric/blackguard would have to be level 26 to become a Divine Emissary?
>>34986Get weapon focus in that Fash-axe. You get automatic proficiency in it since Hitler is a war god, not to mention that Minotaur's also get proficiency in battleaxes.
*wakes up and starts tearing the shit off of him to get off the horse's back*
\r
>>34985>>34987how long would it take to get weapon focus in the training room??
>>34987Without knowing the level distribution, that sounds about right
>>34986All in good time. While Tracy is catching boars (its boars btw), did you want to continue trolling Darkie?
>>34986Also, you'd have to complete some great mission/feat/quest in the name of Hitler to earn the class as your deity's favorite champion.
I suggest gassing the kikes (for real this time).
>>34993Thanks for the reminder. Also, if Infernius does a stunner, wouldn't it also be kind of like a gore, since he's got a horn?
>>34995yea that's what i was thinking.
How can he do a "stunner"?
Trumpaladin frees himself of the devil horse
>>34990What's the clearest path for Tracy to become a Perfect Wight?
>>34988>>35001No staph. he was were supposed to wake up in the cuckshed to the smell of bacon. Don't ruin muh scene.The duct-tape is fucking inescapeable anyway, so better off snoozing until she finishes cooking breakfast.>>34996Why? It's still 7 levels away until he has the attack bonus.
>>34999>>34998Stunning Fist (if that's what you meant) requires a selected feat, unless you're a Monk.
>>35004i would have to get hitlers attention.
>Torc's faggot dies from exhaustion
>>35005I don't think he was going for the stunning strike, it was just a meme-reference
>>35004Yeah about that duct tape,...
>clearest pathI don't know, and it would take me time to figure out
>>35006Still on about that are you? How many times have you heiled?
>>35009Exhaustion? o_O
[1d20 = 8]*lays sleeping husbando in cuckshed*
*roasts boar*
Rolling to buck tree for an apple or something to put in its mouth.
>>35007She has more ranks in survival while he's touching her.Would he have tried to escape? If so,
yes.>>35006Did you consider putting more ranks into Knowledge-Religion? You could probably discover the quest yourself if you studies the holy book.
>>35012yea i have 10 ranks in it.
>>35010Actually, could they have also made some non-magical duct tape for day-to-day utility, using regular glue? Sovereign Duct tape is for more extreme issues, like holding dams together in an earthquake...
>>35009Alas poor Torcuil's Faggot, we hardly knew ye
>>35010>How many times have you heiled?This. Trumpaladin is one of the shittiest paladins in the history of Paladins, but Elway is at least getting a return on his investment. He built a stadium, mentions football in every public speech which is often, goes to games, and is well on his way to expanding the franchise to a second city
>>35012Kek, that's resourceful at least >>35014Try rolling a knowledge check to find out your lord's mission for you.
Is a Cleric answering his lord's ambition an easy, basic, or tough question DC?
>>35016Kek, that they are
Well, Tracy is roasting a boar in unknown place #7, Torcuil and Thez are still on a beach finding their bearings, Infernius is still trolling Darkie, and I'm free for the day, so can actually do stuff.
"I don't suppose you know how to Teleport?" Thez asks.
>>35015Duct tape
is magic tho.
>>35018>Is finding out the purpose God has set for you an easy or difficult question......
>>35019>Duct tape is magic thoThis. Wait. Can we manufacture it and sell it?
>>35020>TapeSure, Sparintenar would love that shit, especially if its camo'd.
>>35013*wipes away tears*
sieg heil! sieg heil! sieg heil!
>>35019"Yeah, I can teleport. To the tower I assume?"
>>35017Try walking througfh town and healing the poor or other kinds of charity. From logs I've read, it's normal for Clerics and Paladns to get swamped with poor people begging for healing wherever they go. Charity/sacrifice earns them Good Boi Points.
>>35020Well, a Cleric should at least have a good hunch about what his god wants him to do, maybe he can get a bonus for Reading the whole Mein Kampf 6 gorillion times (also, Read Magick spell + Divination).
>>35022Deutschland Deuschland über alles!
>>35024That reminds me, we can charge for medical services. I think we can also sell use of the entertron to people far away who have someone they want resurrected
>>35025Möge das deutsche Volk für immer regieren!
>>35021so have i made it to the drow with his soup yet?
>>35024Can they get tendies with good boi points?
>>35023"Unless you're keen on exploring. Gimme a sec." <whoooof>
>>35027It suddenly occurs to Infernius that there is no possible way that the party could have eliminated all the (((rats))). Knowing how they work and operate, they are sure to have multiple bases of operation, and be inter-connected across the map.
>>35023<whoooof> "...left the goddamn glider-wings in the Court City. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh well," she ports in mid-rant."There's several settlements and smaller cities to the north, and a few larger cities to the west. I don't recognize any of them, but if you want to gather information we can do that, but I'd just as soon get back. I had an idea for the Fight Club, especially with the potential for liches and vampires from the Court,"
>>35028Uh, unless you stopped on the way. "Not to be cheeky, but how am I to eat it?"
>>35029For Clerics, I guess you'd need a certain number to get good effects from Spells like Planar Ally. Also, their Holy scripture probably has it's own requirements for charity.
Paladins are (normally) required to do everything they can to help those in need, so long as it doesn't require performing ebil acts to do so.
>>35031Ikr.
>>35030>Wakes up>Wonders if it was all just a bad dream>Demon Horse is there>Nope, it's real>She's at least pretending to be nice, so there's that"Hey Tracy"
*pets horsey or pony as appropriate*
"D'aww, you made me breakfast? That's so sweet"
*inspects bacon for authenticity*
>>35032can you describe the way the cast is made around his head?
>>35035I was absent during the casting (I wanted to leave his head in a bucket, remember? Xp) but I would assume it would fully encapsulate his body from the neck down.
>>35036*pets pony*
"Good morning Tracy"
*removes knife from pony mouth*
*inserts tongue into pony mouth*
>>35032"Is there a way I could leave a... a...
Ah fuck what was it called..."
Torc paces a bit before remembering
"Ah yes, a waypoint here so I could teleport back if I wanted? Either way I'm ready to head back."
>>35037>only the neck downDoes it impair his Concentration? Otherwise, couldn't he just use the Alter Self spell and an Escape Artist check to turn into a viper and slip out?
>>35038"~Hmmmmmm..!"
>>35039"You don't need to waypoint this location. Now that you're aware of it, you can teleport here at will. I'm rdy to go."
>>35041Alter self requires movement and gestures to cast, even as an assassin; not an option.
>>35040"As undignifying as it is, I'll take it."
>>35038*takes knife back*
*cuts into pork and serves it*
"Are you ready to go on an adventure today, ~Flashy?"
>>35042>gesturesThis is news to me, what does Tracy need to do for her spells? It doesn't require some ninja hand-sign, does it?
>tfw no fingers >>34951D'aww. Has breakfast with pony
>>35044"I have things I need to do, but sure. What do you have in mind?"
>>35045"open mouth or me cant feed."
>>35042"Ah okay"
Torc teleport to the tower
>>35044>ninja-sealDepends on the spell. Alter self requires verbal and somatic (body movement) to cast. Each spell has particular requirements (materials negated)
>>35047"Oh fine, AHHH," he says with a bit of spite.
>>35048Where in the tower?
>>35049*makes sure to get all of the vegetables in the spoon.*
>>35051K. Torcuil and Thez <POP> back to the tower. Distantly, they hear a very irritated "AHHHH".
"IIIIIIIIIIIIII'NIIIIIIIIIIS!" Thez yells.
>>35046"It irks me to let those targets get away... What do you say we investigate the area and see where they went today?"
>>35053"Now what the hell is he doing?"
Torc heads to the room where the voice came from
>>35054"Do you mean in the Ethereal realm? I personally am just fine to be the target that got away"
>>35056"There were several Ebil auras, don't you think we should investigate?"
Also, I'm starving for XP. >>35055Torcuil arrives and Thez <whoooof> appears to see Infernius about to spoon-feed Darkie, who's got his mouth open like,... well like a hospital patient in a body cast.
>>35058"Uhhh, Infernius, what are you doing?
>>35058>>35059"hey ana, darkie was hungry."
>>35059>>35060"Uh yeah, I thought we were starving him. Have you tried interrogating him first?"
>>35061"We where leaving him in solitary containment!
Trust me, its effective..."
>>35061"no but he might be more inclined to talk if we feed him."
>>35062"I know, that's why not being solitary
and feeding him baffles me."
>>35063"This! Bloody hell, don't stop, please. I'll tell you what I know! Ahhhhh!" he says much more graciously, hoping Infernius will continue.
>>35064Torc considers punching Darkie in the face
>>35064*continues feeding*
"here comes the luftwaffe."
>>35057"If while wondering through the mountains here we stumble upon a Great Wyern Red Dragon, we can teleport out, you can jaunt, and we can run like hell. What happens if we encounter something too strong to kill in the Ethereal realm? Does it have a way to follow us if we juant? Is it faster than us? We can't teleport. You can't hide or do sneak attacks. I can't dismount and do flank attacks. If we die on the material plane, Thez can get out stuff. If we die on the Ethereal plane, it's gone forver. And our souls may even be taken.
You tell me just precisely
what those things are, how you are sure they won't kill us, and how you plan to kill them, then maybe we'll go."
>>35057>fast forwarding a bit to finish breakfast and get the show on the road>*slices out large, generous portion of the porkbelly for Trumpaladin*>[hungry hoers noises]>*ferociously into the remains of the carcass and eats as ferociously as a pregnant monster-hoers would* (says something about cravings)*munch* "I've always been so fucking hungry these past few months..!"*munch*
>*looks at body, ribs no-longer exposed*"...and I've been putting on a lot of weight too..." *munch*
>>35066Okay, now Thez is embarrassed
for him, but mutters "I hope the Tower surveillance system is getting all this, for blackmail purposes."
>>35067>we can teleport out"Um, how exactly?
>>35067>If we die on the Ethereal plane, it's gone forver.Her Etherealness would end as soon as she's incapacitated.
"I'm not afraid, Flashy. I'm confident if we're together."
[affectionate hoers noises]
>>35069>Tower surveillance systemWat?!
>>35069>how exactlyDoesn't he have a Helm of Teleportation?
>>35071Pls gib bootz for Sneak Attacks. They're more useful on her. >>35069*infernuis turns his head in such a way that darkie cant see and flashes the biggest smile to thez then goes back to regular infernuis expression and continues feeding him*
>>35070GM explicitly said we'd both get killed and we would have lost our equipment if we got too close to those who-knows-whats. What more do you want?"Why though? If we kill bandits here we make it safer for travelers and can take the loot. If we kill a dragon we can take a hell of a lot of loot. If we locate a city we can add a trading partner, and I have been meaning to find a source of iron so we can send it to Krenshall. The material realm gives us much more to gain and is a hell of a lot less risky"
>>35075Bandits probably aren't ebil, let alone ebil enough to have auras."What bandits?Are you saying you just want to make our way home on hoof, Flashy?"
She never implied she want to be ethereal again, btw. >>35072>>35071Helm of Flash-Step (quickened Dimension Door, range limit 100')
>>35075This. Etherealness doesn't end when incapacitated
>>35075She'll go wherever he wants to; just decide where to go so we can get to the exploring/combat/whatever.
>>35076>>35079"Why don't we follow that footpath to the base of the mountain?"
>>35073"You uh,... seem to,... know
? what you're doing, so I'll be back," she says with a <whoooof>.
>>35080"That's fine by me, ~Flashy."
*buries bones, stamps out fire, and tramples cuckshed*
>a few minutes laterThey're on the road.
[1d20+21 = 37]
*follows path to the base of the mountain*
Rolling to Spot any nearby creatures