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1595889953689.png
Get It Off Your Chest
Anonymous
4009a3a
?
No.2676
2788 3130 3259 3261 4114
>Nazi Horsefucker Edition
Vent frustrations and life issues that don't deserve their own thread here.
124 replies and 79 files omitted.
Anonymous
4893e2a
?
No.3267
3268
>>3265
Faggot.
Anonymous
7627dde
?
No.3268
3269
>>3267
nigger
Anonymous
4893e2a
?
No.3269
3270
>>3268
Nigger faggot.
Anonymous
7627dde
?
No.3270
3272
>>3269
> not sageposting
As OP I request this thread be loved to /sp/ for purpose of shitposting
faggot nigger
Apply Dave Chapelle's Nigerian accent from his special about Juicy Somoulier
Anonymous
dd9ef0b
?
No.3271
3279 3283
>>3264
It's sort of like brainwashing, they convince you this AGP fetish is a genetic thing and it goes on.
>>3265
I thought like that too, until I got turned into a homosexual and then tranny, turns out it's just perversion disguised. Sexuality isn't real. Gender isn't real either it was a term developed in the 50s to differ people from their biological sex, it's propaganda, you have a sex and you deal with it, anyone who says otherwise is a liar. The first ever "non-binary" person literally came out and said "Being non-binary and transgender is mental illness" and got cancelled for it.
>>3266
As for the faggotry: They tell you it's natural and that it's human they twist the truth into this big satanic lie it's disgusting, a work of evil even.
As for the commie shit: they just parade it around like oh everyone will be a community together but it's really just one giant slave fest.
Anonymous
4893e2a
?
No.3272
3273
faggot detector.jpg
>>3270
>T. Mr. Nigger Faggot. AKA OP.
Anonymous
61049c0
?
No.3273
>>3272
I hope you got it out of your system. Until this thread is moved to /sp/ it is clearly not a shitposting thread
Anonymous
49c29d6
?
No.3279
3280
>>3271
How did you break free from that shit? These days it seems like those that become indoctrinated are completely hopeless. Is there anything that can be done to help other people that are trapped in the situation you were in?
Anonymous
dd9ef0b
?
No.3280
3281
>>3279
It's a matter of snapping mentally and completely. I honestly have no idea how I did it.
Anonymous
c27dac3
?
No.3281
3282
>>3280
Perhaps if you will, describe what about you mentally and completely snapped? This seems to be at the crux of the equation. In my case (with the gays and their info campaign) I quickly lost interest and stopped responding. Your experience could shed more light. In what way did you snap?
Anonymous
dd9ef0b
?
No.3282
>>3281
Imagine everything in your room becoming dark, going completely schizo and then screaming at the top of your lungs while you seek out to destroy everything in your path, you break a bunch of shit before your brain snaps and you see in your mind what has been causing it this whole time as if it was something of pure darkness and you kill said thing as if the darkness you fight is inside you. Then you look around and snap back to reality as you stand above a knocked over monitor and broken shards of glass and plates. And you go to lay down and you stare at the ceiling. And your next goal is to put your life back together.
Anonymous
ef10e05
?
No.3283
>>3271
Found it https://ifapray.org/blog/first-non-binary-person-admits-it-was-a-sham-back-to-being-a-man/
That site's CSS is cancer, it won't even let me zoom out.
Anonymous
4893e2a
?
No.3826
the trixie party.jpg
Today is Wednesday which is the day of Mercury, the 3rd day of the week, it is the full moon tonight and it's the last super one until next year. La Luna is so beautiful, many nights have been spent upon the observation of her rise and fall, the 28 days of constant waxing and waning.
>>2784
Eh, I didn't really need to get rid of that video but whatever, I know where she is but it's fairly far away. Still miss her.
There is another clandestine equine that's caught my eye anyways. Albeit, more moodier than she ever was, their hormones change the way they behave like it does with women but this one is extra bitchy in heat, sometimes it appears as if they have split personalities, though it is merely the estrus cycles that change their mad mare minds. Lessons can be learned from these ponies.

Seems like it's somewhat smooth sailing from here onwards, perhaps by the 3rd quarter of the moon it shall be sunnier ahead than it is currently, the clouds shall dissipate and there will be a golden glow before long.
That's it for todays forecast.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.3832
4009
A weird old prick insulted me today with the nonsensical stock insult "you think you know things but you don't. Uh... *points to head* knowledge" right after I fixed his computer for him. Clearly I fucking do know things because I just fixed his fucking computer for free. I'm not mad, I was surprised. Still surprised. You'd think a guy like that would want to be a holier man considering his age. He's related to a friend of mine who asked for help today with this. I don't think I gave the old fart any excuse to get butthurt at me but there are many reasons why his generation loves niggers. Oh, those wacky pseuds. They'll never change.
Anonymous
55cbf86
?
No.4009
shrugPony.png
>>3832
Anonymous
332b90d
?
No.4012
4022
They took my foreskin.
I want it back.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4022
>>4012
Don't they make creams to promote foreskin growth?
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4027
A woman flirted with me in the supermarket until she saw the healthy apple juice I was buying and then decided to fuck off halfway through the conversation
you should have seen her reaction to the juice
she looks at the 2 liter apple juice in my arm and the 2 liter coke in both her arms cradled like a baby and then walks off to a corner of the store to pretend to keep shopping even though we were both in the queue.
what the fuck. She was cute aside from how fat she was and if she ate healthily she would probably be a solid 6/10. I know an apple a day keeps the doctor away but she didn't look like a doctor unless they were forced to accept fatassed diversity hires from Mass-achushits.
Anonymous
c6f73f0
?
No.4028
4029
I have realized that all of my hobbies, from art to roleplaying characters to writing to horseback riding to ponies to fantasy books, have been derivative of a person who died 15 years ago.
Now I feel haunted as fuck.
I didn't believe repressed memories were a thing...
Anonymous
7c1ee34
?
No.4029
4030 4059
>>4028
This needs elaboration
Anonymous
c6f73f0
?
No.4030
4031 4059
>>4029
I'd rather not go further than that, tbh. I just got over an existential crisis.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4031
4059
>>4030
There's nothing wrong with picking up new hobbies from friends whether they're dead or alive. Hell I still celebrate the birthday of a friend of mine who died years ago.
Anonymous
c6f73f0
?
No.4059
4061 4062
>>4029
>>4030
>>4031
>Cus,... i wanna talk with that anon....
Hello?
Are ghosts real, or are they not?
Ninjas
49eac44
?
No.4061
>>4059
Yes
Anonymous
d917b71
?
No.4062
ghost_pony__adoptable.jpg
>>4059
Yup.
Anonymous
c6f73f0
?
No.4066
f03.gif
Well then...
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4067
4068 4069 4070 4073 4109
x8.png
I'm madly in love with a self-hating black guy right now. He and I have talked for a little over a year and it ended up turning into more than that. I plan on leaving the state to visit him again, and this time pick him up in a bike camper and start a business together in the hopes of moving out of the city and becoming service-contractors for an inexpensive lifestyle. He's probably more hesitant about the race aspect than I am, and he's always worried about whether he has the capacity for "straightness" because he's a kissless virgin, while I've had one partner of both sexes over the years. He's basically a NEET (despite having work before, COVID basically turned him over the last year into one). I always coddle and obsess over making sure he's taking care of himself because his self-hatred has manifested before in some extreme ways, because I can't help but see myself from 2018 in him.

I don't have any questions or anything, I just...wanted to get it off my chest today.
Anonymous
7c1ee34
?
No.4068
stare.jpg
>>4067
Anonymous
c6f73f0
?
No.4069
4071
>>4067
That is quite bold of you.
I commend your shitpost.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4070
4071 4074
>>4067
Your shitpost-fu is lacking
watch this

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female horse breeding, my self-replicating tulpa pony is the most compatible ultimate life form for humans? Not only does she have huge tits, which is mostly a trait of mammals, my tulpa is fourteen feet tall and an unknown number of pounds. this means she's large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with her impressive physical toughness and soft durable fur I can be rough with her. Due to their (any one instance of her will do) entirely idea based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused tulpa would be incredibly wet, wetter than any physically possible thing in meatspace could ever be, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. She also knows the spells Mind Control, Time Stop, Grow, Shrink Ray and Transform along with having fur to hide her inverted nipples before they harden and extend, so it'd be incredibly easy for my tulpa to get me in the mood. With her enhanced metabolism she can easily recover from fatigue with enough food or even just the idea that she is no longer tired can be enough to rid her of fatigue. No other being comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, her fur is already white. Pony tulpas are literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + perfect health + Fur Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4071
Spoilered
>>4069
>>4070
Yeah....shitpost...
Anonymous
d917b71
?
No.4073
965.jpg
>>4067
WTF
Anonymous
c6f73f0
?
No.4074
4075
1487811299304.png
>>4070
Nice tulpa you got there.
T'would be a shape if someone impregnated her.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4075
>>4074
The "headband" around the guy's head makes the brain sex thing look like a hat
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4083
Once I wanted to copypaste the 1984 quote about women and how they root out unorthodoxy but it was removed from WikiQuotes.

Memory-Holed.

However when I web-searched the quote I found a shitty feminist blog bitching about the quote and calling 1984 sexist. So I was able to find and copypaste the quote.
Anonymous
7212801
?
No.4084
4085 4101
I am following the EasyPeasyMethod and am doing a good job, but when I see Fluttershy, even if not sexual, I often times fail.
Anonymous
d917b71
?
No.4085
>>4084
Damn. I forgot that book. I'll start reading it today.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4101
4103
>>4084
Do you have a PDF for that book? I'm flat broke for the next few weeks.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4102
Now and then some niggerlover will try to blame everything wrong with the niggers on white liberals or jews.
Yes, liberal cities offered free shit to niggers to get them away from mostly-black southern cities with their family values and into all-black ghettoes full of crime and rape, but Niggers chose to say yes to that offer.
Yes, the CIA pushed crack into black neighbourhoods but Niggers chose to take it.
Yes, the jews and white liberals (especially women) love using niggers as weapons of economic and demographic and social warfare against whites. And niggers are happy to be mercenaries of the jew because they prioritize pretty cars and silly expensive outfits and whores and free food over being human.
Niggers are not fellow humans set on a dark path by jews, they are an evolutionary error that spits in the face of the idea of intelligent design unless you truly believe God made niggers stupid and evil for a reason. A reason like giving whites someone to fight and defeat to earn all the riches in their disgustingly opulent easy-mode land. There are no such thing as based blacks. There are no such thing as good blacks. Rare "conservative" blacks aren't taking real conservative values back to their shithole nations or raising better black generations or leading an organization that fights against jews and jewish organizations for white rights, they're taking up room and jobs meant for whites despite their severe lack of legitimate qualifications. I'm sick of niggerlovers telling me I'm "purity spiralling" and "bad optics" by not wanting to live in a nation overwhelmed with fucking niggers and forced to compromise with them. Whitey doesn't need black friends. Your favourite white-black buddy film is a lie. If you see a black man with a job you can never be sure if he really earnee it or not unless he's self-employed... oh wait, how many governments pay black-owned businesses to exist regardless of quality?

Countless years and trillions of dollars couldn't civilize the blacks, their top percentage is barely a match for our average man and outside of a breeding program that forces rare smart blacks to breed while sterilizing the worst of the lot nothing can save that race from the fate it's evolutionarily destined for. After everything nigs have done to us we don't owe them anything nice. Cutting their welfare for good and mandating life sentences and death row for any rioting thieving niggers caught on camera is nicer than they deserve. Kicking them all back to africa and cutting foreign aid(or plundering their country's natural resources for reparations before China gets everything) is a far nicer fate than they deserve. It's a nicer fate than they'd give us if we didn't kick them out in time.

If we're going to live in a "civilized modern" society where women do not have to be breeding housewives owned by the father until a marriage contract sells her for life, if we're to live in a society where divorce can make a woman rich for the rest of her life instead of simply breaking couples apart without any obligations or fees to one another, if we're to live in a society where women have a monopoly on their own eggs, then we need to recognize how this harms white birth rates. Financial and social incentives currently discourage women from becoming housewives. Every woman wasting her most breedable years working 9 to 5 to make a foreign corporation richer is a woman killing the kids she could have had. Literally, if she gets abortions after every nightclub visit that ends in bathroom stall or back alley sex. A society that wants to "free women" from doing their civic duty has to recognize it's also stopping men from doing their civic duty and reproducing with the aid of women. A society like that can't have rival races outbreeding it in its own lands if it wants a stable future and a free market able to adapt to a fluctuating population. Lower birth rates could result in lower house prices and less overpopulation if we weren't flooded with filthy fucking "Joggers" and similar opportunists here to take advantage of us and our species's self-loathing-driven anti-white mandatory diversity fetish.
Anonymous
7212801
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No.4103
4105
1628956557.pdf
>>4101
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4105
>>4103
Thank you, brother.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4107
4108 4109
1298840.png
I'd just like to affirm that that post I made before, wasn't a shitpost. He and I both know the degeneracy in the gay community at large, we're both very racially conscious...but I still do love him. Maybe it's just misplaced feelings of friendship, who can say until we've actually gotten out there? But it certainly feels like it's real. Not really expecting asspats and encouragement, more just, updating anyone who might know who I am, unlikely as it might be after the last year.

Have a Flutterbutterstutter for your time.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4108
>>4107
Why the hell would anyone love a nigger?
If you are gay, wouldn't you prefer a man who looks like Thor? I'm not gay but he's the best-looking character.
Anonymous
b0443c9
?
No.4109
4110
1626683570303.jpg
411842.png
>>4067
>>4107
Meeting a statistic. Well might as well ask what you think of Israel to complete the trifecta.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4110
>>4109
As a concept I have no qualms with a Jewish ethnostate. As it is right now, sucking resources from the US through AIPAC and its many parallel orgs, stealing land from Palestine, and taking advantage of apocalyptic Christians' belief system to agitate for nothing short of global war? I fucking hate Israel.
Anonymous
55cbf86
?
No.4111
Luna.45.jpg
I'm madly in love with a(nother) hot as fuck JRHNBR mini mare, she's a nice pony and I hold emotion unto her femininity that has coagulated into a solid bond. At the first synopsis of our introduction my expectations could not have foreseen how deeply entranced this mountain mare has made me, she is unique and has awesome ass cheeks, odd eyes and a pink nose with grey skin while her coat is also that of the palette grey.
She has a fine coat in the summer and grows an extra thick one in the winter, she's started growing her beard again and her fur has thickened because it's starting to get cold she doesn't like the rain and is a lot happier when it's sunny.
My astrological associates have approved of out courting but the rest remain in the dark about my clandestine affair with this magical mare. They do not need to know nor should they be informed for it is irrelevant to spread such doings with the unenlightened or unbeknownst, those that are aware are accepting of my otherwise forbidden horse fucking.
My shadow knows too as well as that of La Luna but they have their disagreements more so with problematic people and likewise the rest of my schizoid entourage encourage me to do what lies within the realm of cultural taboo.
Her vulva is like that of velvet laced leather while the pony's pussy is loose but had not been used until I was let loose, she comes into heat when it's hot and the sun is scorching while the smell of her piss changes slightly the only other signs are that of her tail becoming dirtied when she pisses. I adore her more so than I ever did Fionn, the only downside is that her pussy isn't as tight as hers was.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4114
4115
1534809320481.jpg
>>2676
I know that this is ground that's been trod for centuries, even millennia. But with the people I've met, the changes they've made to their lives in just about every direction...do you guys think that anyone with an open mind can help the cause of societal flourishing and racial/ethnic/cultural revival, regardless of background? And if you don't think so, why is that?

I've seen a porn-addicted, manic-depressive fat fetishist with no life prospects, grow up into a handsome and productive citizen doing backbreaking labor and lifting for his health and wellbeing.
I've seen trannies speak out against and even disavow the entire alphabet-soup community, supporting traditional values with sexually dimorphic, masculine/feminine ideals.
I've seen NEETs abandon their past lives to work as construction workers and farmers, even with weak bodies that at first buckle from a single shift of real work.
I've seen former Antifa members become anti-globalist tankies and stand up for what they believe in by living lives that actually match their stances on things like co-ownership and community leadership.
I've seen ardently gnostic atheists find themselves in the spiritual through meditation and philosophy, even if they don't believe in the dogma and metaphysics of any establishment religion.
And I've seen tech-obsessed, product-consooming people aching for the life of a humble laborer so badly that they pack up and leave. No savings. No job prospects in advance. Just, leave their wagecuck jobs without a thought and start walking the countryside with a briefcase and a shave bag.

What I'm getting at is, is it possible that some depressive, porn-addicted autist could end up with another, and still help the cause of a fascist future by mutually lifting one another up? Even if, say, the other autist was a guy of another race?
For who actually needs to read this.
Anonymous
b0443c9
?
No.4115
4116
1538572834710.gif
1537414655555.jpg
>>4114
STATISTICS
Who gives a fuck? The likely hood you'll do something awful is increased with all the risk factors you're trying to stack on yourself.
Just don't do awful shit. It's that simple.
STATISTICS
Will they do something good with their life? Unlikely. Feasible, but unlikely.
I judge people solely on their merits in every aspect. Always keeping in mind the STATISTICS of the situation and person(s).
You're a work in progress like many people, don't get full of yourself, something something here's your (You). Keep working on yourself internally.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4116
4117
>>4115
I'm just playing with the hand I'm dealt, man. I'm not seeking out the most degenerate thing I can. I already found someone who's improving themselves in a way I've also started to, I want to see them succeed, his success is motivating to me and helps me succeed.

If all you ever see is statistics, then how haven't you committed suicide at the birthrates yet? I know I was damn close to it when I was that deep.
Anonymous
b0443c9
?
No.4117
4118
1538445260500.jpg
>>4116
>If all you ever see is statistics, then how haven't you committed suicide at the birthrates yet? I know I was damn close to it when I was that deep.
<<<<<<<<<<<HOW DO I CHANGE STATISTICS FOR DUMMIES?
<<<<<WHY ARE STATISTICS A STATISTIC?
<<WHAT DO STATISTICS MEAN?
Because I look at the world as it really is. That's all. Because I am soaked in truth, why the hell would I kill myself over the situation? That's idiotic.
Because the people trying to ruin the world tell me I should give the fuck up? No. I do what works, and everything is falling into place.
<I judge people solely on their merits in every aspect.
You have to keep in mind Statistics done by many people are fucktarded. You're better off with the standard bell curve and adjust emergency expectations to match.
Because if you really look at statistics it's about hope, besides the raw numbers and the fuckery.
Because tossing out outliers is the normal, which means I see more than most statistictions.
Besides if you're going to just take it that's on you. Not me, I have rebuilt my psychology, physiology, multiple times and spiritually and revamped my world view to be the apex it can be as of this moment and for moments ever after.
It's possible.
I've seen it.
Because I've looked under the hood of reality and made my choices and educated myself on what is actually possible.
You do you, just don't be a shit person. I know many people from all walks of life. And that doesn't matter.
It's all about the choices.
The data says one thing, and that's just one part of everything.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4118
4119
>>4117
But that's my point. If statistics can be altered through conscious effort, then why not support, for instance, the Man Up Campaign and other social groups which uplift nigboys without father figures and help them become said father figures? Just like we can change birthrates through our own actions, and the demographic stats are simply the prologue to our statistics-defying future successes, we can show solidarity between the races and support the aware and capable and improving of those groups.
Anonymous
b0443c9
?
No.4119
4122
>>4118
Because some people choose to be shit people no matter what. Doesn't matter how much social programs you indoctrinate into someone.
You and I have a fundamental missunderstanding.
I prioritize good people first. Then in the scope that I am able that which has no negative on me or mine or those good people. Then and only then do I reach.
Because lofty cloud in the sky goals without the hard as hell reality means you will tear the heavens and spite everyone.
That means alot is possible.
An insane amount is possible through the right methods and means.
But I do what works.
I offer what I can to who I can when I can with full regards to the full situation.
You're thinking too small, and too big. You need your feet under you to walk or run.
>How?
Esoteric bullshit, or trade secret if you want. The how doesn't matter all that much for this post.
What that means is there are some people who just want to be evil. You're definition of evil is a bit juvenile, but I'm sure you are grasping my jist.

There's more to it than that as well, because depending on the scale of how much good you do it's imperative to accelerate to the highest potential you can reach especially when it's more than exponential.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4122
4124
>>4119
>What that means is there are some people who just want to be evil. You're definition of evil is a bit juvenile, but I'm sure you are grasping my jist.
Evil is desiring a parasitic lifestyle over an independent one because it's convenient to let someone else feed and house you. Evil is putting your luxury over the lives of millions of sweat shop workers because your favorite phone needs to have that slightly stronger vibration, or that special Taiwanese chip that you won't have use for in three years.

He's not evil. He's a sheltered kid in the body of a young adult, much like half the people who use /ub/. I met him and care about him because he's introspective, wants to learn how to be independent and productive, and is willing to sacrifice luxury and comfort if it means that he can live a lifestyle free of globalist exploitation and slavery.

There are blacks out there who believe in these things, or at the very least, understand that it's in their best interest to seek these things instead of being slaves to the globohomo wage plantation. I know that there are abstract things that people under certain IQs won't understand. And it's not necessarily our responsibility to train the dolphins to speak or narrow the education gap. We can acknowledge differences, while still uplifting those who show promise.
Anonymous
b0443c9
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No.4124
4125
>>4122
You don't get it. You will one day... maybe not.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4125
4126
>>4124
If evolutionary pressures shape the path that other races took in the development of their cultures, languages, and physiology, then similar pressures can at least slightly alter them to the ends of self-sufficiency and goodwill. I know we can't entirely recreate the circumstance each race was born into, but would you prefer we kicked them back to a small nation like Liberia and waited for them to go extinct before we take that land back? Is it any more humane to do that than it is to selectively uplift the brightest of a people and leave the rest to shoot dope and kill each other?
Anonymous
b0443c9
?
No.4126
4127
1538682905995.png
>>4125
You don't understand.
Choices are what make people.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4127
4129
>>4126
No choice is fully informed anymore. We were ALL indoctrinated growing up to favor comfort over strife. We were ALL given a worldview as children that said the end goal of society is just to make survival easy. Maybe if you were a librarian specializing in Latin-to-English translation of ancient philosophy, you could make an informed decision on the lifestyle of old, but today that's a pipe dream.

I wanted to move out to a farmland environment, but was summarily pushed out of it because nobody was willing to teach me. I have been kept away from the environment of my forebearers, and the only way to truly make the choice to commit to that life is with resources I don't have. Knowledge I don't have, experience I can't get, money I do not yet have and won't have for a long time.

No man is an island. We work together to achieve our ends or we don't achieve our ends. We share with those who want to make the choice but don't know where to start. I don't see how this stance is controversial.
Anonymous
b0443c9
?
No.4129
4131
>>4127
No man is an island indeed.
You reap what you sow.
You plow what you till.
You harvest when it's time.
>No choice is fully informed anymore.
Then you make the most of the choices you have and understand what choices are.
You must understand that your actions and choices define you.
You have two options. Improve or fail.
That's all. Life is good at fucking you over when you fail so improve and learn.
If you can't, that sucks, your life is going to blow.
But it is possible.
One of the greatist things is this thing called the internet, and the spirit of humanity!
Are you grateful everyday?
You ought to be even when shit is hailing it is the fastest way to gain experience, and to raise up out of the depths.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4131
4132
>>4129
What do words on a screen or a book mean if you have no context for them? I know nothing of the natural world. The only way to learn is hands-on, and I am not able to be hands-on until I have saved up enough money to leave this state.

It's easy to claim that you reap what you sow from behind your screen. What device are you using to post? $800 phone? $1000-$2000 PC? I use a $20 flip phone and a $150 laptop for my posting, using someone else's internet. I have $50 in my bank accounts, which will be just enough to pump four days' worth of gas in the morning and nothing more for the next week and a half because my paycheck didn't arrive in the mail.

I am thankful that I have my muse, this limited housing situation, and my current job with which to save up my money. Past that, I am not going to be thankful for being so separated from nature for all my life that I'd die the instant I have to set foot on an unpaved dirt path.
Anonymous
b0443c9
?
No.4132
4134
>>4131
>It's easy to claim that you reap what you sow from behind your screen.
Yeah it is easy to claim that.
>The only way to learn is hands-on, and I am not able to be hands-on until I have saved up enough money to leave this state.
Practice in your mind first. It's infinitely cheaper. Know that the grass is not always greener on the otherside, it's just the otherside.
In the crime thread (((people))) are making getting out of cities impossible for a reason.
Making ends meet is hard, I understand. What you have right now is yourself. Maybe a friend, but for now work on yourself.
If you have the resources to eat to build a body do it. If not build your mind. If you can't build your soul.
All your efforts will be hindered to the degree that falsehood plague you, you know (((who))) wants you to be weakened into a subservient state to drain you to a corpse as you die unfulfilled.
It will hurt, massively. In such a way you might not yet know.
But that's the first step.
You have to seek only the truth, and speak only the truth when you can.
You have to laugh. Everything if nothing else. Hopefully yourself as well. Because it hurts, in such a way you'll have character and body.
You'll have to toss loads of bullshit that was stuffed into your mind. It's designed to mentally incapacitate people.
Depending if your ends meet you need to plan. Prepare for the future.

The thing that can change the fastest is your mind and attitude.
Because you can always choose what choices you make right now.
Not back then, you're not there yet. Not in the future that's called preparing.
Right Now You Have A Choice.
Will you be a slave?
No.
Now what are you going to do about it?
How are you going to go about it?
What do you have right now. Will it improve yourself in a meaningful way?
Is your emotions in check? Is your intent focused? Do you have your will?
What assets do you have (increase in value over time) it sounds like you just have yourself. What assets are draining you dry?
Do you have time? Do you have no time? Are you terminally ill?
What is your time and effort worth? Is it accurate?
Can you learn?
Learn as much as possible from everywhere and anywhere.
Sometimes books just can't have the same experience. I know. But you can get substitutes.
Feel gour body and how it moves. Try to move it with intention to be.
Feel your mind.
Feel your spirit.
If you can't that's normal for many.

Make your choices. I recommend improving its almost always the right choice.
Anonymous
b0443c9
?
No.4133
4134
How else can you make yourself useful for others so that your time and effort is exchanged accurately?
How clearly do you understand?
Are you plagued with fear?
Why? Or why not?
What options do you have? What options do you really have?
What is the ethical thing to do? Whos ethics are they?

Basically asking alot of questions as you break down decades of poision to become more functional. Contemplating them is what makes a healthy mind. Dwelling is not healthy, dwelling means that you're sheltering poison. Ponder, ruminate, think, toy with, analyze, imagine!
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4134
4135 4137 4180
I didn't deserve that much detail but thank you anon, really.gif
>>4132
>>4133
To tell you the truth, I've already done a lot recently. I bought notetaking tools and started doing summaries and notes on finance, trade, and credit books like Rich Dad Poor Dad, the Fanny Farmer 1896 cookbook, and Debt Cures. I've filled an entire notebook on just book summaries and financial notes, followed by removing all my monthly bills except insurance from the credit card. I paid it all the way down after years of never fully paying it off, and all my talk of leaving the state is because of that progress.

I've made an asset/liability chart and....nothing I own or can think of buying would generate income, not even a little bit. It's a bleak chart, even if it's been whittled down to the bare essential liabilities this last month. I recently sold my appliances, and all I have left are a crockpot and a microwave to sell. I don't have any clothes now except for two pairs of basic business pants, one button-up shirt, some plain tees and jeans. As we speak, I'm halfway through using my old cleaning stuff so I can lighten the load when I leave. It should all fit in my small car, along with a cooler and collapsible charcoal grill. In taking my book-notes, I've whittled down my book collection to two small shin-high stacks, consisting of the more complex stuff like Whiteshift, Meditations, a biography on Hitler, an old study book on anthropology, and the Republic of Plato.

In terms of diet, I've cut out fast food completely. I've had rice and chicken whenever I don't get leftovers from work, and right now I can afford nothing to eat at all, so lots of black tea, water and spicy rice. My job requires me to stay on a post, so I'm not getting any exercise anymore. And in my current situation, nobody's gotten back to me about temp work, let alone a second job.

The more I learn, the more stupid and small I feel. I feel like I've been told the ultimate truth of the universe now that I know how to un-fuck my bank account, and even then, I feel like I will still be playing catch up on my 24th birthday at the end of the year. I'm exhausted after work simply because I'm doing so much studying, note-taking, and talking to him on the job.

I get anxious waiting for the day I'll be safe to get out of here. I'm sorry for getting snippy at you. It just feels like all I can ever find are more questions and problems, and nowhere I go seems to offer any clarity. And it doesn't help that half of /ub/ is full of spiritual shit and I'm just some...stupid fucking muggle. The daily journaling and contemplation haven't helped that at all. In fact they've only given me more anxious nights, and that's why I stayed in bed all day today thinking about the overdraft fees I'll get hit with if my office doesn't have any way to replace the missing check.

Thank you for putting up with me tonight, anon...
Anonymous
b0443c9
?
No.4135
4136
>>4134
I didn't expect much, but there might be hope for you yet.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4136
4137
>>4135
We might both be anons, but that means a lot to me. It's one thing to say that to him, when he fixes his simple habits, but I'm a lot harsher on myself for being stagnant.
Anonymous
b0443c9
?
No.4137
4138 4139
2209563__safe_artist-colon-gangrene_oc_oc-colon-filly+anon_earth+pony_pony_3d_animated_blender_blender+cycles_female_filly_gif_loop_mare_pixel+art_simp.gif
>>4134
>>4136
Spiritual shit is basically being really really quiet.
Some people never grow at all ever. I don't mean people with black skin. Because I know the statistics. It's everyone.
>In fact they've only given me more anxious nights
You have to choose if they give you anxiety if that's within your mental makeup.
Be a stoic if possible, if not smile and laugh more. But honestly.
If you can do something then do it. If you can't don't worry it's out of your influence of control.
But seriously improve yourself, and get better sleep.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4138
Spoilered
>>4137
I don't know if I'm capable just yet of proper stoic practice. I've tried, but I'm so neurotic and high-strung that I eventually-
...well, you saw my posts.

I think, as I escape my current sort of wage-life, I'll have less to be worried about, and less reason to stress over rapid developments. At least when I get to a small town in Montana or something, I'll be in a place that's safer for me. My plan is to get a firearms permit wherever I move to, get a .357 Taurus or .38 detective special, and begin preparing for any boog waves that might encroach in the near future. Agriculture, preferably portable agriculture, would be a great start to keeping myself fed without the need for money, as an example.

Well...goodnight. Or, morning...I'll be driving around San Diego in about 4 hours with the last of my current tank before I refill.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4139
fitting.png
>>4137
>listen to music to fall asleep
>youtuber I don't know is in autoplay queue
>this line shows up
Synchronicity at work, it feels like.
Anonymous
b05ea39
?
No.4144
>>4142
I wasn't asking for further advice, I was just saying it's funny, that after my being stubborn and bitchy, I got that indirect message from happenstance, and it kind of put things in context. Like, why should I be mad, I basically asked for this advice.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4179
Forget nutting and forget sex and forget video games. Exercise is the purest source of good feelings there is beside completing incredibly significant steps in making my personal project. I didn't just beat my usual exercise routine record I fucking destroyed it. I've never been this fit at any point in my life. I feel like I've been blessed with some kind of divine power. I've always fucking hated faggots who can only understand something after relating it to normie fiction but I legitimately feel like I went Super Saiyan today for a while and made it count when exercising. It's such a pure, absolute feeling of success and pride that overpowers the agony and overpowers the pain of being alive and makes me want to share it with others. I want to tell people how great exercise feels because I want to motivate others to do it. If you're reading this do push ups. It took years of hard work and smart dieting and avoiding porn and avoiding nut even with others(ok there was this one woman but aside from that I'm as nut-free as a vegan. That's a genius pun because vegans hate nuts and lack nuts) fuck i wonder if this is how drugs feel or something. SAIKYO NI HIGH TE YATSU DA or whatever the fuck Dio said. This really is the greatest high. Exercise. My body shakes with each heartbeat. My legs burn. I can feel my life force growing stronger. I'm not sexy yet but I am getting there. I am growing fitter. I am growing stronger. I can feel pride in myself as a man.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4180
4183
>>4134
Hey have you considered replacing the hitler book and anything similar with a ditigal copy while selling the original? Corrupt cops love using anti-jew material to "prove intent" and give their political prisoners harsher sentences.
Anonymous
d917b71
?
No.4183
4184
d34.png
>>4180
>while selling the original?
You must be new around here fren.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4184
4187
>>4183
The knowledge within a good book is priceless. But the book itself is paper. Paper the feds could use to screw you over. Then again they could probably screw you over with or without the book so fuck it and fuck the feds.
Anonymous
3f92c69
?
No.4187
>>4184
Just further reason not to give a fuck. Live your life like the feds are on the verge of being bulldozed into a mass grave. Because they are. Fuck the glowniggers. By looking over my shoulder all the time out of fear, I would be forfeiting my expression and letting their surveillance and threatening affect how I live.

Nice Guy NatSocs live their ideology by uplifting the better men of the nationfolk, helping their local community, speaking out about poisonous communist actions when prompted, and looking out for their own in times of danger. No ineffectual, kakistocratic government can suppress that and you shouldn't let the threat of that suppression stop you from being your best self.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4204
4205 4206 4213 4234
Screenshot_20210828_173245.png
I'm on my final week in this house before I drive out of state to live debt free. And what do you think happens? $10k claim from someone's lawyer for a car accident six months ago that was supposed to be handled by my insurance, naturally. Whole family's on defcon 1, can't call insurance, can't call family lawyer, can't call the claimant's lawyer, I threw the guy's info away after not hearing from him for almost six months. And now, while I'm unemployed, with a net worth of under $6k and a cash total of $400 on my person, I am now returning to major debt.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4205
4234
>>4204
Oh, and in case anyone here was at the edge of their seat about my paycheck. I quit my job after spending the entire day strongarming the office to pay me. When I finally got paid, I spent it on camping supplies to leave California. After two weeks of preparing for the trip out of state, I got this claim letter.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4206
4207
>>4204
I'm gonna be honest. This last three months I've been at my most energized and motivated and even that was fragile. I had a goal to strive for, a means to get there, and clear progress being made on my debts. I finally paid everything off. I was days from a detailed financial plan where I could see the world and minimize costs to boot.

Now I'm back to spending all my day trying to sleep in order to avoid being awake. And what a fucking time for me to discover Omori.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4207
4208
>>4206
Omori'a a video game like Undertale, right?
what do you like so much about it?
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4208
4209 4211
>>4207
>main character's name comes from "hikikomori" (Jap word for "shut-in")
>spent four years in his own head, deathly afraid of the outside world to the point of paralysis
>used to have friends, dreams of them every day even as now everyone's separated from the circle
Gee I dunno man, probably the artstyle.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4209
4210
>>4208
I've been there. What do you think it was that sent you from energized and motivated to a downwards spiral?
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4210
4212
>>4209
Finding out that I have a $10k bounty pending was a big one. The other is that after cutting off everyone in my family except my dad, everyone's still actively involving themselves in my decision to essentially run away. So the whole family knows I owe $10k and don't have a means of paying it off myself.

Even the boyfriend's suddenly gone into overdrive, talking about withdrawing from his educational IRA and getting work to help me get past this when I'm just...paralyzed. I don't even know if I want his help. I almost just want to lie down and rot.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4211
4215
omori comic 4 and relevant question.jpg
omori comic 3.jpg
omori comic 2.jpg
omori comic 1.jpg
>>4208
"To be in WHITE SPACE is to be nothing.
WHITE SPACE is emptiness, a home without warmth.
A place to survive, but not to live.
Even still, your conscience cannot be erased.
It will always find a way in.
Even in WHITE SPACE, it will take the form...
and if one wills it, something will be formed to subdue it.
A hanging black light bulb... the repression of an idea."


A room stocked with things to pass time and distract myself. A notebook, a computer, a place to cum into. Endless dreams with no end in sight until forced awake, either by outside stimuli or by killing myself in my dream. (This morning I got a call I thought was from my mom, before I thought I heard my dad at my door. It was in my head, but it woke me up.) When I wake up, I see a blue light from my PC case painting a distorted circle onto the ceiling. A room loaded with supplies to leave the state, now worthless without the legal protection that I will need to settle this claim in order to guarantee. A jug of water I haven't drank from in 24 hours. A box of hard seltzers I hate to drink warm but don't want to go out to grab from the fridge until dad's gone.

Yeah. I'm Sunny, and in my dreams I am Omori.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4212
4213
>>4210
Bounty? What's the bounty for?
Why not get their help?
Do you not want to owe them something?
Do you not want them to have anything to do with your life/success?
Do you have other plans for paying that debt off?
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4213
4214 4216 4217 4218 4219
>>4212
The claim. The thing I posted about here. >>4204

I don't have any plans for paying it off except figuring it out with Statefarm tomorrow, which I hope will work out. If not...I'll have to file for chapter 7 bankruptcy before I leave, then continue as I planned, this time with every intent of cutting off everyone I know in the process. I don't want their help, I want to drown or float on my own terms for once instead of feeling like a leech. Everyone I talk to except /mlpol/ sees me as a parasite, a retarded zoomer who doesn't know anything and should just grow up. Well, here I am, having spent three months doing everything I can think of to grow up, and I've failed. So, if all else fails, live out of your car until it gets impounded.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4214
4220
>>4213
Maturity isn't about rejecting help when it's offered. Responsibility is about taking ownership of yourself and your future. If you're afraid of making a bad choice, write down all options on a computer file you can delete when done, then figure out what benefits you the most.
Why are you moving out? Where are you moving to? What are your long term plans for making money and living somewhere? Do you plan on driving to super cheap land in the middle of nowhere and making a living online?
Anonymous
d388d75
?
No.4215
4220
34afa.jpg
>>4211
>WHITE SPACE is emptiness, a home without warmth.
Try BLACK SPACE and see how it goes.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4216
4220
>>4213
Would it help whar you're going through if I spoiled the ending of Omori?
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4217
4220
>>4213
https://youtu.be/5LKMu5qcATk
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4218
4220
>>4213
Jokes aside when I was young I moved away from abusive parents who got away with everything including taking my sister from me. I remember being paralyzed with fear over the simplest choices and how they used to make me do stupid arbitrary things just to remind me of the feeling of powerlessness. I remember how they used to try their hardest to make me feel ashamed to exist and ashamed to be a burden on them even though they were the ones who chose to have me and chose not to give me up for adoption. They fed me shit food and made me obese as a teenager and I spent the rest of my life fighting for my fitness even though I think I might be diabetic now. They sent me to a shpeshul school that doesn't offer qualifications so I'd have no ability to get a worthwhile job that might help me get away from them. But despite their best efforts I grew. I got over the mental issues they pounded into me. I taught myself to code. And sprite. And compose music. And do everything else I need to do to make my dream game a reality. I live "alone" with fellow animufag roommates and spend hours every day on my game when not exercising or taking personal breaks. I'm allowed to waste time during personal breaks as long as I don't waste time when working.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4219
4220
>>4213
The trick is to ask yourself why you feel the way you do, and don't accept the easy answers. My parents used to put no effort into the bare minimum and put actual effort into going out of their way to be awful people while constantly gaslighting me and sabotaging me and fucking up my sleep schedule and lying to me and lying to others about me. It took me a while to figure out that they are evil people and I owe them nothing for the food they fed me. Mom had narcissistic personality disorder and dad was a violent petty brute from a single mom household with no idea what a man is or should be. Kids aren't supposed to pay their parents rent. Kids arent supposed to be shamed at eight whenever their school wants money for a trip.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4220
4223
>>4215
I memed about that with the boyfriend. I already have White Space Online bookmarked on this computer. But there actually is a Black Space in the game. I think I only need the C key to see it. If the black light bulb represents the repression of an idea, I'm hesitant to enter Black Space. Just playing the game probably hasn't done much good for me.

>>4216
>>4217
I recognize the "Beta Mix" and channel name. Still not listening to it. Usually like SiIvaGunner, but not right now.

>>4214
My plan is literally....live out of my car, use gyms for hygiene, apply anywhere I can, park in campsites and parks. I will never be able to afford rent without someone to share it with...that's part of why I'm driving to my boyfriend's state, even though he says he wants to live with his family.

>>4218
I still remember when I was in middle school. 250 pounds and only a little over five feet. I would wear my PE uniform under my normal clothes to hide it. I was so humiliated by it that it turned into some kink for me to fantasize eating myself to death. I would come home and do homework at the kitchen table, and dad would serve me a literal two-liter wine glass shaped bowl filled with root beer float. Wouldn't ask if I wanted it, and would get mad if I told him I didn't want it. Every day after work he brings home a burger and fries, or a sandwich with tater tots. I tried to get by on chicken and rice for a while but I just didn't have the energy or even the basic understanding to cook rice.

When I first moved out of my parents' houses, I lived across town near the highway. I would drive 20 minutes to Vista to work as a courtesy clerk (grocery bagger), and come home and drink Jameson until I fell asleep. Maybe I internalized the diet dad imposed on me, or maybe I just can't be trusted with my money, but every lunch break I would either not eat, or go across the parking lot for Jack in the Box. I eventually couldn't pay rent, had to empty my educational IRA to pay it for three months before giving up and coming home to dad. I thought living with grandpa on his farm would help but his habits are even worse, and he smokes indoors. Combine that with the aforementioned years of debt problems, and the cost of broadband internet for the house which only had satellite TV, and you have a recipe for worse debt. That's how I was driven to leave again and live in North Carolina. Even that fell through, and I was forced to come home to dad to afford my car registration.

>>4219
All that stuff I wrote above doesn't excuse my actions. I'm broken and it's my fault I haven't been fixed. That's the hard answer.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4221
4222
Ultimatum letter.png
In theme with this thread's title, here's the first thing I'm about to say to my mom in three months.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4222
>>4221
She replied. I'm going out and vacuuming my car then.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4223
4224
>>4220
You sound like a man who knows what's wrong in his life and wants to fix it.
Don't blame yourself for how they raised you or what they did to you. Instead, focus on what you can do to grow your new life.
Anonymous
9678248
?
No.4224
>>4223
I don't know about grow. But I'm going to start by going through with this homelessness idea. Then survive. After that...if I grow, great. If not, I don't care anymore.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4225
4226
Is it normal after making difficult choices to feel like you've been hollowed out? Like you've reached your choice quota for the day and need something to keep from shutting down?
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4226
4227 4228
>>4225
Fuck yes.
Esoecially if it was a huge choice you've been thinking about for a long time or putting off for a long time.
Don't beat yourself up over your feelings, bro. You can feel whatever you want as long as you don't choose to do stupid shit based on emotions.
I peobably shouldn't guess at shit like this but do your parents have a habit of trying to control your life and shame you for accepting their help now and then? Does it ever seem like any nice things they do for you are only power plays to try and get you to feel what they want out of you? My parents did shit like that, it took me years to recover from the psychological damage. I've got my shit together now but as a kid and teenager I was a fucking wreck.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4227
>>4226
*especially
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4228
4230 4231
>>4226
I don't know what gave me more grief from outside: accepting their health or shutting down. But inside, the latter didn't hurt as much as the former.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4230
>>4228
help* I'm a wreck right now, took me hours to realize it.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4231
>>4228
Give yourself time to recover and plan optimally for your future. Someone living out of a car can go almost anywhere.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4233
Now that I've actually watched breaking bad, it's been surreal to recall those times I heard women say shit like...
>"Walter White from Breaking Bad is a big fat meanie who had absolutely no reason to start making meth and killing people and dragging poor harmless adorable sexy cute stupid widdle Jessie through awful things because he had family members and male in-laws who could have totally covered ALL his medical expenses if he just asked!"

That kind of thinking is just peak woman. If I see someone say that, I know it's a woman, even if it claims to be a man.
And what the fuck kind of person gloats online about their lack of empathy towards fictional white men, as if that's a form of virtue-signalling in their feminist culture?

I know fiction is fiction. I know it doesn't matter that retards have wrong opinions on fiction. It's funny, that's all. It's funny that women are so open with their loathing of men and dependence on them, gloating about their lack of empathy towards men and saying "Lmao why doesn't he just mooch off his family like I would if I got cancer?" is a thing they do.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4234
>>4204
>>4205
Liabilities covers this. Thank goodness. Most I'll see is an increase in my rate, no copays or deductibles. So...I can still make my trip east. My fresh start is still possible this month. I just have to wait for my credit card in the mail for the gas bill, and I'm home free.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4236
4237
Have you ever seen someone ritualistically self-flagellate who they used to be?

Some 20 year old confessing "When I was a kid, I was so into Spyro The Dragon I ran around the playground with my arms stuck out after jumping off a few stairs. I'd pretend I was gliding. Or ask someone else to run around so I could chase them and pretend they were an egg thief."
or "When I was a kid I actually did the Naruto run unironically and practiced every ninja handsign"
or "When I was a kid I had a crush on Sally Acorn and argued with retards four times my age online about Tailsream vs Tailsmo"

These are adults, acting like they're confessing their sins to priests.

But where men once entered special boxes to quietly confess their sins to trustworthy priests, these people confess their "sins" of uncoolness to the entire internet and every self-appointed "priest of internet coolness" desperate to root out cringe like it's something actually harmful like heresy or treasonous blood-libel.

What the fuck?
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4237
4244 4245
>>4236
God, I hate that but I also know that I've done it before when I was a late-teen. I can get making fun of yourself or something but when it gets to the point of self-hatred or seeking approval for repenting for your cringe, that's when it's nothing but conspicuous consumption.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4244
>>4237
Yep, it's like symbolic book-burning except the books are trash fanfics you wrote when you were ten.
Congrats, bro, that media you liked when you were eight isn't the best thing you've ever seen any more because you experienced better media and can understand the writing flaws in Naruto now. But the kid you were when he wrote those, he had a genuine passion, he wanted to share it with the world even if some big kids were going to call him cringe for it. Congrats, kid, you grew up to become one of the big kids bullying you for trying, even though he'd be nothing if you didn't try back then.
It kind of reminds me of those mediocre adults who love telling you how advanced they were in school. Congrats, bro, you were literate at eleven or something while getting good test scores, and you're still telling me about it now that you're thirty, but did that ever matter to your life? Did you ever read anything great with wisdoms that reshaped your life or did you just stick to teenager fiction? Were you a Twilight kid, that kid insisting Twilight is inferior to Harry Potter, that kid insisting both are inferior to Fullmetal Alchemist, or that kid who thinks reading Worm and Star Trek makes him a genius, the jojos bizarre adventure meme kid, or that kid reading Starship Troopers? There but for the grace of God I go.

I could have been one of those pop culture faggots my whole life if I didn't encounter people even futher down that waterslide than me and think they were annoying. I think my self improvement journey started when I realized I didn't want to turn out like those faggots whose lives begin and end at the media they consoom and the false identities they craft from their delusions like building clashing parts from preselected playsets into a lego house. Plus I needed to get away from my shit family. My journey accelerated when I got hardcore about my fitness and learned about the rapefugees, jews, white genocide, all that stuff. Looking back there's a lot of shit I'd change. A lot of advice I wish I heard.

Can you believe child-me's dream was to work for one of the big gaming companies I liked back then, like Nintendo or Sony? Companies now practically synonymous with EA after all their sins. I remember Game Maker... was it 7 or 8? I remember learning code from youtube tutorials while fucking with Pokemon roms. There were plans for a sonic fangame. There were plans for a pokemon romhack with every feature an optimistic kid could want minus the ones I sidn't know how to program. And now I'm making a real-ass goddamn video game. With big tits and menus and variables and everything. Indie gaming master race, solo dev for life. The only good reason to put any game on a console is so TASers can emulate it and do their thing.
Anonymous
fe57fcc
?
No.4245
4246
>>4237
Make sure to tell yourself the right stories about what happened.
https://youtu.be/u2PP7HxyOCY
As someone who spent years recovering from abusive parents including a narcissistic mother, trust me, it helps. That and exercise and a healthy diet. Eating greens won't magically make you feel better, that's crazy talk. What will help is being able to take pride in what you eat and how you exercise and what stage in your plan you have to look forward to tomorrow. For me it's more tiddy animation.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4246
4257
>>4245
I cherish those childhood memories, and regret deleting my old greentexts and RPs and chat logs after the fact. I enjoy reading fragments of my old stuff back, or getting back into the nostalgic mindset. Even if .Hack//SiGN is full of tween angst, I still listen to the music and think on the plot the same way my boyfriend thinks about Oban Star Racers. Even if I don't care for modern Sonic games and avoid DeviantArt like the plague now, I still appreciate it and can enjoy every game I've played up until Unleashed.

You're right that self-image and "the story" are important to your foundation. When you see your younger years as a stepping stone to becoming a better man, when you see your days of eating rice hard as the early stages of improving your diet, you can appreciate the here and now as part of that process. I think Bojack Horseman sums it up well in the episode "Ruthie:"

>"You wanna know what I do when I have a really bad, awful, terrible day?"
>"What?"
>"I imagine my great-great-great granddaughter in the future, talking to her class about me. She's poised and funny and tells people about me and how everything worked out in the end. And when I think about that, I think about how everything's going to work out. Because how else could she tell people?"

Board users have a similar idea when they talk about being main characters in the universe. It might sound like a narcissistic idea, but, it's something we do a lot in our lives and it's important when we cope with issues in life to focus on ourselves first. We've got to look after number one. That applies to us as individuals, us as a family, a neighborhood, a city, a state, a nation, a race, a civilization, and as a species. We may broaden the scope based on our personal preferences or our needs, but what we need the most, is to look out for ourselves first. Selflessness is a noble trait, but it can only be helpful if we are prepared to be selfless. One cannot fight for others when he's tied up to a chair with a knife to his throat.
Anonymous
0ac7a9f
?
No.4255
4256 4262
I'm leaving as soon as dad goes to bed tonight. Wish me luck on the trip east, fillers.
Anonymous
f169a7b
?
No.4256
>>4255
Why can’t you be a man and actually tell him to his face you are leaving? Ditching in the middle of the night is the most bitch move that solves nothing. If it is something that can’t be talked out, a resolution of mutually agreed ending of te relationship is far better than just vanishing.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4257
4258 4259
>>4246
What if homosexuality is actually an evolutionary advantage, because it helps gay men tell when they're sexy to women and other gay men?
Resist the urge to get AIDS rammed up your arsehole and you could be straight anyway.
Anonymous
d917b71
?
No.4258
4260 4261 4273
84c.png
>>4257
>What if homosexuality is actually an evolutionary advantage
I sense subversion.
Anonymous
61049c0
?
No.4259
>>4257
I think youre onto something, you should try it
Anonymous
c5f58a2
?
No.4260
>>4258
I think (((Milo))) said the same thing, or at least that the genes that turn a man gay also raise their IQ? It's stupid but this is Milo, so...
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4261
Sorry.jpg
>>4258
Nah.
Anonymous
d02a027
?
No.4262
4275
>>4255
This might help, reading about https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder NPD helped me come to terms with what narcissists my parents were.
What are your parents like? Why do you want to escape from your family?
Anonymous
a6199de
?
No.4273
>>4258
Nope.
Anonymous
52db42d
?
No.4275
>>4262
It's not my problem anymore, I'm meeting with the bf today and my dad doesn't have any idea where I am. All according to keikaku.
Anonymous
61049c0
?
No.4298
4299 4300 4302 4303 4304 4329
I killed a hoers today.
I prepared for her for months. I made an exclusive pen, I sectioned off areas for grazing, and I gave her ple ty of brushies and itches
But she got out. Its nuanced, but tldr she got out. and I live on a highway, so thats where she ran to cuz less fencing. and thats where she was hit, and thats where I put her down.
I thought I could provide a good enviroment for a mini hors, and instead I was putting one down.
Please frens, be careful with your animals. Be good and kind to them. Always.
Anonymous
b0443c9
?
No.4299
4301
FCB12DA5C629401A0329FDFCFC69E4B1-163300.png
>>4298
Anonymous
7c1ee34
?
No.4300
4301
AEC07F2E-EF7C-4770-A3E9-85BFF23B9C70.jpeg
>>4298
Anonymous
61049c0
?
No.4301
>>4299
>>4300
Yeah. Life's a bitch at times. I failed, heres hoping y'all dont
Anonymous
d917b71
?
No.4302
75.jpg
>>4298
Anonymous
fed01c0
?
No.4303
>>4298
that's so sad :derpy-hooves:
Anonymous
c6f73f0
?
No.4304
>>4298
That's so sad.
I'm sorry for your loss, Anon.
Anonymous
61049c0
?
No.4305
4309 4310 4329
f-1.png
20210831_194902.jpg
I posted a picture of her in another thread. I prepared for her for over a year, getting all my ducks in a row, doing all the necessary preparations and research, and 2 weeks to the day I had to put her down because at thr end of the day I failed in my responsibility. I have never been so ashamed of myself.
Anonymous
c6f73f0
?
No.4309
4311
>>4305
You did what you could. It didn't seem like she died for any lack of you trying. You seemed excited and eager and prepared to build the best environment, but this world is chaotic and things like this just happen sometimes, so you shouldn't blame yourself too much for it.
I've had pets get hit by cars before, and it's one of the worst feelings...
Anonymous
c6f73f0
?
No.4310
4311
>>4305
I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better about what you just experienced, but just try not to beat yourself up too much about it. I'm sure it must be digging into all kinds of latent feelings of personal inadequacy and guilt right now, and that that must be agonizing to feel on top of the loss of losing your horse, but you can grow to forgive yourself eventually. You as a person don't necessarily need to be defined by your mistakes.
Anonymous
61049c0
?
No.4311
4312 4313 4314
mlp.png
>>4309
I did everything I thought of to do, thats not the same as everything I could. I let my excitement get the better of me and made several critical design flaws to the pen and the area around it. As a holding area it was fine, but I neglected several easily-implemented fail-safes that could have prevented this, and most damningly I never even asked myself the question of 'what do I do if she gets out?'. That question alone could have prevented this.
>>4310
No, I think beating myself up over this is precisely what needs to happen.
I do appreciate the consolation though
Anonymous
2833521
?
No.4312
4315
381.gif
>>4311
Fren. its not your fault i promise. how could you have known she would get out? you couldn't have.
Anonymous
f169a7b
?
No.4313
4315
>>4311
No, beating yourself up about it isn’t going to help. Sometimes, even the most well thought out plans for wrong, despite our best efforts. You might not think your planning was enough now, but hindsight always will allow you to see flaws that you couldn’t before. You need some time, but if this is your dream, you can’t let this stop you.

I am sorry for your loss, but I hope you understand that you are going to learn from this and you shouldn’t give up. You are going to be ok.
Anonymous
58849fd
?
No.4314
>>4311
Don't be to hard on yourself anon. It is understandable and natural to feel bad and thinking all sorts of what ifs, hindsight is always 20/20. You did not will this or want this so you didn't do anything wrong. You wanted to give her a good home and I would also say you did do that. Accidents happens and no one can foresee and prevent them all. Your motives were pure and you should not feel bad for trying to do something good.
Anonymous
61049c0
?
No.4315
4316 4317 4318 4320
>>4312
Thats where you're wrong, its literally all my fault. The responsibility, obligation, onus, all falls on me. I should have known she would get out, I should have planned for it. I should have set up an elaborate system of fences beyond and around her pen.
I SHOULD have made it inevitable that even upon getting out, leading her back would be easy, because there would be nowhere for her to go. Instead, it was in3v8table that she escape, and the rest is history.
I appreciate you saying so, but I reject the notion that its not my fault.
>>4313
I disagree. This experience has shown ways in which I have become contemptible, and self-loathing is a powerful impetus for change.
Anonymous
f169a7b
?
No.4316
4319
>>4315
I know you don’t want to hear it right now, but that is an unreasonable outlook. I have neighbors that have horses and they don’t have backup fences or anything. Where you see a lack of planning, I see just a normal set up.

If you are encouraged to make back ups to prevent it happening again, then that is great. However, you couldn’t have foreseen this. All the self loathing couldn’t have changed that and it won’t change it in the future. If you are blinded by those thoughts, you may harden your heart towards life, making it worthless to continue your dream. You will tie your dream to the negative emotion you are experiencing.

I wish the best for you in all you do.
Anonymous
2833521
?
No.4317
4319
>>4315
Bro. you cannot foresee the future. its impossible. you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. its a tragedy it happened. but its not your fault.
Anonymous
87caeb9
?
No.4318
4319
>>4315
You could try and upgrade your fencing now to stop this from happening again
Whenever a friend of mine catches me beating myself up he tells me to look at what I can learn from it to improve something, and then stop, because it's always easier after a change.
Anonymous
61049c0
?
No.4319
4329
>>4316
Again, I must disagree. I absolutely could have forseen this, and I was derelict in not having done so. Also, dream is a bit of a misnomer. I simply love animals fluttershy is best pone btw, and my situation has developed to where it was not only feasible to get a horse, but it is beneficial in keeping the grass down without having to mow. And, while others may not have fail-safes, everyone I know who has livestock does including the breeder (who - fun fact - didnt charge me for her adoption because "she knew she was going to a good home and she would be well taken care of"), who has no less than 4 perimeter fences surrounding the horse pens, as well as an i tricate network of gates many of which cant be open at the same time. I get what you're trying to convey, but you're not going to convince me that this was an accident; this was an abject failure, and Im coming from the school where if I lose sight of that, Ive failed twice.
>>4317
>you cant see the future
Its not as difficult as you might think actually
>its not your fault
I didnt do it deliberately thats true, but again the responsibility was mine. My behavior was insufficient to express my Intent, and so my Will couldnt manifest. My Will was to keep her safe. The failure stands.
>>4318
>upgrade your fencing
You're goddamn right I will

And if nothing else, I hope my example serves as a lesson for anyone reading.
Anonymous
415b31d
?
No.4320
4321 4329
>>4315
Do you have enough money to get a new one?

One of the main things about horses is they respond to pain the most. It has something to do with how their brains are wired, and a lot of it gets short-circuited with some pain. This is how they are trained. Spurs and bits are to induce enough pain to train them. Breaking in a horse (or pone... lul) to not do annoying things like get out of the pen or stay off the road unless someone is on their back is a process. Heh, I guess children are similar in this regard.
You can't just give them all your love and expect an animal (or even most ppl) to do what is decent or good. While I suspect you know this already, it is worth repeating.

Having grown up on a farm, maybe its a bit different to my outlook on life. Raising a cow, laying out in the sun with it on lazy summer days... then shooting it in the head, butchering it and eating it. Death (at the moment) is part of life. There are billions of what-if's... don't let the what-if's bog you down.
Anonymous
c176dcc
?
No.4321
>>4320
Money isnt/wasnt the issue, and yes I have the means to adopt another. The point there is the gesture and the trust placed. And in time I will get another one, but I have alot of shit to get together first. And the area is such that I will see the breeder again, one way or another. Before I face her again, I absolutely owe it to correct every reasonable flaw in my setup
Anonymous
809e82d
?
No.4326
4327 4328 4329 4418
-w5dWqA4BSrE.png
My final word before returning this thread to its regularly scheduled random outbursts.
After a little over a day of raking myself over the coals, Ive determined the failing perceptions that led to this tragedy. I'll forever blame myself for what happened, but from a 'never again' position as opposed to a 'Im a horrible person' position. Please dont let my exceedingly critical tone give a false impression; it is a posture geared toward producing almost immediate results by harnessing the adverse emotions that come from such experiences. And for a day I truly hated myself, but now that I know how to exhaustively prevent this from happening again, NOW I can begin to mourn for her, and to forgive myself. But thats just how I do it; business first, personal after.
Thanks everyone, you all helped in ways I cant articulate but it meant alot.
Anonymous
f169a7b
?
No.4327
>>4326
We will always be here for you anon. If you ever need anything, let us know.
Anonymous
d917b71
?
No.4328
63749.jpg
>>4326
Best wishes poner.
Anonymous
55cbf86
?
No.4329
4330 4332 4336 4418
deus ex.jpg
>>4298
Quite a lot of horses have died over the past week, it's fairly phenomenal in how these occurrences have rapidly transpired although there is more to be seen it seems.
>>4305
She looks like a Shetland, her ears are pointing back while the stance she poses is defensive rather than trusting or relaxed.
>>4319
An experience to show exampling.
You have no one to blame but yourself.
>>4320
Death is a necessarily harsh step towards change, it is a process we are all a part of. Yet desperate times call for dire measures before defeat is accepted.
>>4326
The abyss is a nasty place for your mind to be, it's a challenge in keeping your head during such phases. Sorrow leads to regret which spirals downward into misery, further down the darker it gets.
Anonymous
f169a7b
?
No.4330
4336 4339
>>4329
The fuck are you on anon?
Anonymous
d917b71
?
No.4332
4336 4339
afafa.png
>>4329
>a narcissist trying to spread mysery
Your inner self is so transparent.
Anonymous
f9e212a
?
No.4336
4339 4418
mlp-1.png
>>4329
>more to be seen
Please elaborate
>ears back
Yes, that was the day we brought her home. I only have 2 pictures of her, regrettably
>no one to blame
Quite
>the abyss
Im coming from the school where one doesnt fear the abyss and abandoning one's self to it is an essential part of one's potentiation. The trick is to not lose one's self in the process, which is what many/most other aspects of the work are geared toward in some capacity, but I digress.
>>4330
>>4332
His words mirror many my own, I see no fault

As a surprise addendum, a very "Applejack-esque" cowgirl Im aquainted with had this to say about the matter.
>Dont you dare let this break you. Dont you dare. You cant keep horses without losing them eventually. But not everyone who loses a horse internalizes it. Alot of them wouldn't obsess about what they did wrong, and alot of them wouldnt shed a tear in putting them down. Alot of them dont care. And there are alot of horses who need the love and affection you can give them. You know what you did wrong now so get up, dust yourself off, and get back in the saddle cuz theres alot of horses out there dying without knowing any human affection. She bonded to you in a week. I dont know many first-time horse owners who have managed that.
>pic related
Anonymous
55cbf86
?
No.4339
4418
aryanne pixel art.png
>>4330
Long story short. Nutmeg.
>>4332
>Transparency
Perhaps, although not every glass is clear nor is all water either.
There is more than meets the eye, as usual.
Narcissism could be numbered against my long list but as of yet it isn't for it would be another labeled smear on the records, self obsession is common amongst the modern populace. Generosity is a rare commodity nowadays, unfortunately so.
>>4336
>Please elaborate
To phrase it abruptly, there are always going to be more dead horses. The desensitization of deceased domestic animals is hard to acquire if one's heart is ever too caring and sharing.
Elaborated accordingly.
>Yes, that was the day we brought her home.
Unaccustomed to the strange environment that appeared before her, she saw the flaws and manipulated them but had not anticipated the danger of the roaring roads.
>Im coming from the school where one doesnt fear the abyss
The fear of sadness, is but a phobia of depression.
Anonymous
87caeb9
?
No.4340
4341 4343
We should have a thread for nice music.
There's a political music thread but I mean one specifically for this sort of thing https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_cLprhx7JE that just sounds nice. Based lyrics about a happy housewife being good to her ploughman, a cheerful tone, not a nigger to be heard, it's a traditional song advocating for traditionalism while sounding nice.
Anonymous
d917b71
?
No.4341
4342 4343
>>4340
We already have it.
Non political music goes here: >>>/sp/2487 →
Anonymous
87caeb9
?
No.4342
4343
>>4341
You're right, another thread specifically for that sort of music would be a bit much
Anonymous
55cbf86
?
No.4343
The Clancy Brothers  Tommy Makem  The Nightingale  Johnsons Motor Car.mp4
>>4340
>>4341
>>4342
Who doesn't like a bit of Irish music every once in a while?
Anonymous
bd6d220
?
No.4414
4415
Spoilered
Spoilered
Spoilered
Spoilered
Spoilered
Life is pretty great all things considered. Should go out and experience it.
>Numbers Go Here
It's also in diminishing returns it's been a while. Running negative for myself due to a combination of outside circumstances. Having a dummy that goes on the same jig everytime gets old. Yet some amount of attention has to be there because it still is someone who'll ruin the fun and games.
I'll even play devil's advocate if I need to, to fill that spot.
>Numbers Go Here
Rules and regulations isn't the game here, the implied interests of Anons sure, it's getting up in the morning with a smile instead of a sigh and a slog.

Anonymous
55cbf86
?
No.4415
4416
Spoilered
>>4414
Dark and mysterious, numberless numbers. Who could possibly be the perpetrator of the posts?
Only time will tell in this thread of the damned!
Anonymous
bd6d220
?
No.4416
4417
Spoilered
>>4415
Anonymous
55cbf86
?
No.4417
magical realm.png
>>4416
Never forget, never forgive.
Anonymous
481e39a
?
No.4418
4419 4422
>>4329
>>4339
Be killing your self. Anon did nothing wrong. He does not need you to be poisoning the well of his mind with unkind words. This is not friendship,Juden.
>>4336
>>4326
Do not letting him fuck with you anon. He is retard.
Anonymous
d35095a
?
No.4419
4422
>>4418
But, I apprrciate his perspective. He's not wrong, nor was he any harsher on myself than Ive been. Its important to be brutally honest with yourself, ESPECIALLY when you fuck up. I know we're all on about ponies and shit, but sometimes you gotta be brutal; its not deviant to do so and I wouldnt tell him or anyone ITT (specifically) to kill themselves.
Anonymous
ea82a15
?
No.4420
4421
Perfectionism is a form of masturbation in which narcissistic faggots paralyze themselves with their fear of making mistakes and looking foolish, and then scare themselves into doing nothing besides saying "At least I'm not fucking up right now".
But they are fucking up. They're failing to reach their true potential, if they have any.
Anonymous
ea82a15
?
No.4421
>>4420
fuck lmao didnt mean to send that

anyway whenever I feel that old sin creeping up on me, I shitpost. I produce some low-effort art and shit it into the world and I don't care who sees it. Sometimes I produce low-effort art for fun, not for therapy, so it wouldn't be right to say that's the only reason I make low-effort art in addition to high-effort art. Sometimes bad jokes don't need high quality art.
Anonymous
55cbf86
?
No.4422
love me hores.jpg
>>4418
>Be killing your self.
Seems literacy isn't your strong suit, fella, hehehe.
>Anon did nothing wrong.
And neither did Hitler.
>He does not need you to be poisoning the well of his mind with unkind words.
The harsh reality is something to not be scared of, as opposed to the sloth of a lazy life where death is a primary fear and effort is forgotten or disregarded entirely in feeble mindedness.
Telling someone upfront what their faults are is ego breaking and so is either accepted as criticism or an intimidation, not everyone is perfect but they can aspire to be better than to wallow in their own despair and pity. Surely you should understand the reasoning behind such directly worded merits, otherwise assuming you might not be so good at words, you may have misinterpreted my purposes and intentions.
>This is not friendship,Juden.
Then what is it nigger?
Adversarial rivalry? Harsh critique? Denouncing allies?

>He is retard.
Judging by your demeanor, you appear to be as thick as 3 bricks. Comprehension of the situation is a bit hard eh?
>>4419
>But, I apprrciate his perspective.
Thanks.
>He's not wrong, nor was he any harsher on myself than Ive been.
More often than most times, oneself can be the own worst enemy possible.
>Its important to be brutally honest with yourself, ESPECIALLY when you fuck up.
To live by denial of failure is to exist within the entrapment of egotistical self delusions, mistakes will be made but they can be corrected given enough time.
>I know we're all on about ponies and shit, but sometimes you gotta be brutal;
Practicality supersedes emotional morality. Death is a part of life, after all, we're all on our way there so we might as well make the most the most out of it whilst we're here instead of making matters worse for ourselves and others.
Ponies are something truly magical, indeed they are uniquely special.
>its not deviant to do so and I wouldnt tell him or anyone ITT (specifically) to kill themselves.
I personally agree with your statement, anon.
Anonymous
ce55761
?
No.4475
4476 4477 4478 4479
I don't enjoy anything anymore. I used to take a lot of enjoyment in pony and all of the shit surrounding it but it's kinda just become stale for me, I still enjoy it but the spark of discovering something new is dead. I try to distract myself with anything really, exercise, vidya, writing or whatever but nothing works. At the end of the day it all just seems completely pointless to even pay attention to or do at all.

Just in general I'm fucked up, for a lot of very deep-rooted reasons and they've warped me in ways I can't change even though I know it's wrong. If I were to talk about all of them I'd need a lot longer than 6000 characters as I typically don't talk about shit that bothers me or that has happened in my life. I learned not to a long time ago from lived experience - even though not doing so has gotten me in deep shit more than once. It's all I know.

My emotions wander from apathetic, to angry, to pissed off. I haven't truly been 'happy' in years now and I honestly can't remember what being happy felt like to begin with. I have a vague idea but can't quite really summon the words to describe it. I'm just a ball of apathy and anger towards certain (((people))), their enablers and whoever else is on my personal shit-list.

TL;DR
I'm dead inside.
Anonymous
cce0fa9
?
No.4476
kscn6xI.jpg
>>4475
>I'm dead inside.
Not quite.
That foggy mind is sign of a idle poner.
A busy mind + a busy body is the ancient remedy for most ills.
Anonymous
2a32659
?
No.4477
>>4475
If you were truly dead inside you wouldn't see any reason to tell us about it. There's hope for you, lift weights to get your blood pumping and find a positive constructive hobby to enjoy/skill to learn.
Anonymous
bd6d220
?
No.4478
7118.jpg
799302.jpg
1538450515357.png
3684__safe_artist-colon-rhorse_twilight+sparkle_oc_oc-colon-anon_reversed+gender+roles+equestria_timber+wolf.png
>>4475
Why not be happy?
Go down into the hole of the dead be reborn by and against chaos to fight malevolence suffering greatly, yet pluvk out your remaining eye so the dead culture/traditions can finally see then rise together to rule together.
Be manifested as Both Watcher and All That Was for All That Is.
"You can rewire yourself quite completely by placing negative things in a positive context and the degree to which you can do that is quite remarkable." Jordan B. Peterson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3n5qtj89QE

You will suffer, choose how.
There is one more aspect to the Watcher and the Old (yet now can see) They Live.
In the depths of the dead they have nothing to live for, that lies in the living. To climb out of the death you must live that is a journey. To Live is where Malevolence always prowls.

The Old has no eyes but it has power and is among the living. Malevolence will strike the Old at the best opportunity to fell it.
The one who comes forth from this has Eyes seeing the dead, the living, the Malevolence, the corruption, the scattered Old.

To transform and remake yourself is to kill who you were that's part of sacrifice. It's extremely painful in large chunks. A constant eating away and renewal is less so.
Distraction from what?
People need Purpose. That comes with Responsibilities and then the fruits of their labor.
You have to take and extract happiness whenever and where ever you can find it. The meaning though lasts longer and can fortify you in remembrance.
Anonymous
bd6d220
?
No.4479
6238539.png
1580615271.png
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>>4475
On a far lesser scale years ago nothing was funny for me. Enjoyment denied. So I watched cartoons hoping for something that would light that inner spark.
Instead I found something mind numbing, in idiocy. It was stupid.
Despair, Anger, Resignation, Apathy, Curiosity, Testing, Application, Contentment.
Now that I'm me now I'd like to think I harnessed the infested Malevolence ('forcing' it to the edge) and the Old traditions by forcing them to see the dumb fuckery and the slightest silver lining.
That show wasn't My Little Pony.
One thing I've noticed of myself now-a-days is that raw primal monster unleashes the positive emotions in mania. Always there, just now it knows the wider world and of bigger fish. Of where it can tred with its leash and when. Then on the edge of that thin line it plays with devilish glee.
It knows who/what it could do, yet chained in such a way that it would rather rest than be a force to drive forward.
The only reason why is because I didn't see that before. That conceptulization to talk/communicate (First came the Word) and see.
You know as a childish kid I remember once when playing a game in school a thought occurred that if others got sick they wouldn't be able to play, that the temporary game (in this instance) is never worth the long term costs. That maybe incidentally at the time emulating a plague bearer was a fucking dumb idea.
Align your goals because they are one and the same what matters is how it's communicated across.

The inner monster understands it all but reveling in spite shrugging off the blows finishing it after the hunt (of which it's futile moments where filled with horror) is something it (at least mine) lives for. Living in joy and happiness and meaning will spite (((them))).
It's healthier which means you are more ready for the hunt which it will enjoy.
Your in a better mental state because being happy increases your intelligence and creativity, once it understands the implications that what you could have access to if properly cared for it will help you.
Your job is to hold those chains and the cage and awareness and the direction to be the leader and on the ground unit holding the thing which will and can destroy everything including yourself.
The inner monster concept of power is one of the languages it holds, so to emotions, and images, and words. Actions however is what it enjoys mentally or made manifest.
It can turn on you, but that's part of its charm.
The tarot Devil card holds chains, that is the improper order, yet many fall prey to that illness. You must hold those chains over it because that is its job, it's task, it's sole purpose to do as you command. It's always unequal of master to slave, but it revels in it either way.
It will exist inside of you. (The Jungian Shadow, the Monster, why? A singular part (of the HERO) to get and survive the chaos to get the treasures!)
Like the immune system it can fuck you up hard if it thinks you're the enemy, in its proper functions invaders die and you are more than well. To destroy.

You also need the regenerative aspect to tend and heal to gather and place things into categories or boxes or baskets. To create.
The limits placed on the monster which is yourself defines an operating area for which the 'inner' area of that 'civil' operation can create freely barring snakes lurking (which the monster can hunt).
See what awakens the vicious grin and ask why. It'll be informative.
The wolves you feed will be the ones who win.
Remember these five. Vampire, Werewolf, Billionaire, Pirate, Surgeon.
Your goal is to master the set that enables to win every set ever afterwards.

So actually feeling happy see what flickers the tiny titillation. Like fire it needs fuel, air and heat. When all is right it bursts forth like over filling cups if that is what you let it do.
Change is painful inherently because you burn who and what you were. Killing neural connections and forging new ones.
Faking it till you make it is possible, because everything has to start somewhere. Keeping in mind what really matters to you.
Anonymous
1e0ea6a
?
No.4502
Hey is that Omori fan still here?
He'd probably like this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GnjcRQI6a6Q
Anonymous
2fca922
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No.4641
4780
1640392896162.png
>Be me
>It Christmas! All the Christmas things are doing all the things!
>Younger brother gibes gift, Jordan Peterson: 12 Rules
>knows I liek cuz I keep telling him
>literally audio-book chapters while we're driving
>want him to clean his room
I know Im being a sperg about this and I appreciate its an opportunity to further our relationship, and thats probably the real intent behind the gift.
I also appreciate that he's listening.
This post is merely to satisfy the frustration I felt in not being able to hand it back and say "No, you read it."
Anonymous
aeab8ac
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No.4779
FCD2ABFF04866A08F5FE37C22AD4F858-566304.png
I fucking hate non-castizo spics
Anonymous
15be124
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No.4780
>>4641
You can talk to him about it after listening to an audiobook of it in the car together, get him to understand what's in the book and how he can apply it to his life.
Anonymous
f00d3b1
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No.5070
5071
EE40D845FCD528678617415D9E133A9D-520751.png
I did my absolute best, i've tried everything, i've abandoned everything i ever enjoyed, and it might not be enough, not even close.
But i am not worried, i do not feel concerned nor nervious, why should i?, a man can only do its best.
For a while now, i've decided not to worry anymore, even if i could end up dying all alone in a shithole town, what gives?, just do your best, give it your best try and never give up, you may always think you could have done something better, but things are easy to spot in hindsight, learn from it and improve, but don't be too harsh on yourself, simply do your absolute best, and make sure you can't blame yourself, at least because you didn't tried hard enough.

Gnight poners, see you on the other side
Anonymous
bd6d220
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No.5071
5079
6230527.jpg
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>>5070
See you when you wake. Ensure you have some care for yourself as well, and that can be a tall order at times. It's important though.
Anonymous
825500f
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No.5073
5075 5077
1646616254518.gif
I rented a small upstairs apartment with no ac years ago and I had to cool it down with a window fan. Y'know, the kind with two fans in the frame; one blew air outwards while the other blew inwards.
My bed was next to that window and I would try to aim my nut at the exhaust fan, hoping that it would spray a foul mist of hot cum into the alleyway and onto the trees out there.
I only stopped after accidentally nailing the bull dyke that lived downstairs as she walked her dog. I had no idea she was down there in the alley and she couldn't have heard me fap over the sound of my music and the fans. I heard her loudly say "what the fuck" as I quickly got up to take a shower. I peaked out my blinds and saw her draw her hand to her forehead at the base of her hairline in confusion. I just took a shower and hoped to God my secret cum technique had not been discovered. I never meant to hit anyone.
Our apartment complex had a shared laundromat and she was still friendly and never said anything when we crossed paths, but she started to give me weird looks of contemplation. I still wonder if she ever figured out about the accidental aerial facial she received.

I've never told anyone about this since it's so embarrassing.
Anonymous
cdd290b
?
No.5075
>>5073
>Nutting on a dyke
That's based dude. nothing to be embarrassed about.
Anonymous
55cbf86
?
No.5077
5080
Spoilered
>>5073
Stealth of 100, she never knew what hit her.
Once a few years ago there was a cat in my garden at night and because my bedroom is above it and i sometimes took a piss out of my window since it was more fun than doing it in the toilet, i decided it would be perfect to do a golden shower on a pussy. The feline was situated below my window at a angle that couldn't be better and it had no idea what warm waterfalls would be unleashed upon it or that i was looming ominously a few metres above it, ready to rain hell down onto the nocturnal predator, i began the assault of urine on the cat and immediately it screamed in utter shock as well as terror then bolted off into the darkness while i continued my stream. I don't know if the owner might have smelled my piss off of it the next day but then again i don't really care.
Anonymous
cdd290b
?
No.5079
File (hide): E849C0152145DCEB8AC7B2351726793E-2475148.mp4 (2.4 MB, Resolution:1920x1080 Length:00:00:07, Spring noises_Final.mp4) [play once] [loop]
Spring noises_Final.mp4
>>5071
>Pic 3
Anonymous
cdd290b
?
No.5080
5099
>>5077
Poor Kitty
Anonymous
55cbf86
?
No.5099
Spoilered
>>5080
It deserved the punishment for treading on my property. The cat had it coming for awhile since it kept hanging around my garden.
Anonymous
1f0e1ad
?
No.5138
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I really, really, really hope i am wrong here.
But i have the feeling certain anon might take a step further in minecraft one of these days.
And i really don't want to feel like i've contributed to it; Cuz he's not exactly a bad dood, he's just...deranged af
Anonymous
56f4ad5
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No.5779
5799
I'm sick, it looks like intoxication.
- muscular weakness
- last night I've got shivers and I woke up at least 20 times
- dizziness
Now I'm getting better, but my autism is dead.
Anonymous
0f93706
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No.5780
5781 5782
I vomited this morning. I wonder what caused it.
Anonymous
56f4ad5
?
No.5781
5783
>>5780
Your body is getting rid of toxicity.
Anonymous
fda0e3a
?
No.5782
5783
>>5780
Too much semen
Anonymous
0f93706
?
No.5783
5784
>>5782
I knew it... the dark side of nofap nobody talks about. ...lol jk
>>5781
Makes sense. But what toxic thing could I have eaten? I only eat fresh meat and veg. Or rice. Sometimes frozen veg if running low on fresh veg. The water purifier boils water and filters it through activated charcoal, and while it smells like shit after use because I live somewhere with shit water nothing foul in the water should be able to survive that water cooking.
>Jesse. Jesse we need to cook water, Jesse.
Anonymous
3ca5619
?
No.5784
5786
>>5783
probably cancer
Anonymous
0f93706
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No.5786
5787
>>5784
What cancer causes one session of vomiting and a day's worth of diarrhea? I feel fine now anyway. Whatever sickness got into me has been thoroughly and intensely ejected.
Anonymous
fda0e3a
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No.5787
5788
>>5786
All kidding aside, its beginning to sound like food-borne contamination
Anonymous
0f93706
?
No.5788
5790 5791
>>5787
I blame the chicken and pasta I ate before this started. Must not have cooked the chicken enough. Cooked it for the proper time and the meat thermometer said it was fine. Guess that was just some bad chicken.
Anonymous
fda0e3a
?
No.5790
>>5788
Checked.
Eh, it wont be your last random/inexplicable vomit. Git gud.
Anonymous
3ca5619
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No.5791
derpychick.jpg
>>5788
You always gotta be careful with chicken, crazy eights. Especially since store-bought cock can very easily be a mixed bag depending on where you get it from.
You can get great cocks from rising guys like me via Tractor Supply every fall/winter. Give 'em enough attention and you'll have great, godly mouthfulls of cock for free that won't make you sick if you clean it right.
Just make sure to keep a cock around to keep your hens laying eggs, teighty teights.
You could also consider raising ducks, but they stink like (You)s.
Anonymous
0f93706
?
No.5792
5793
I wish my landlord wasn't a faggoted karen. She says "No pets on the property. No dogs, cats, or chickens". I tried saying "Chickens aren't pets, they're food. I'll keep them outside at all times. I won't even give them grandma names." But no, she just hates fun.
Why are chickens given grandma names anyway?
Anonymous
3ca5619
?
No.5793
5794
>>5792
>landlady
Why don't you get a job and buy at least a small piece of land?
>grandma names
I have no idea what you're talking about. I've never referred to any livestock by name except for a favorite cow that wasn't even mine. Daphne was a big, slobbering sweetheart that birthed many calves and was beloved by everyone in the tri-county area that was worth a fuck, excepting subhuman carpetbaggers that will be pig food someday. Probably did more for the White race than you ever will. You would do well to honor her, faggot.
Daphne is not a "granny" name and you will love and respect the righteous Aryan cow.
Anonymous
6abee97
?
No.5794
5795 5798
>>5793
>just get land
You know land isn't cheap and neither are houses, let alone in driving distance of sustainable jobs, right? Most people who don't own land wish they could, and that's probably the case for Anon here.
Anonymous
56f4ad5
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No.5795
5796 5798
>>5794
>Most people who don't own land wish they could
In the States the federal government grabbed huge portions of land to itself. Americans have the land, only the government is on the way.
Anonymous
6abee97
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No.5796
5797
>>5795
That in addition to the fact that bankers (Jews) control the real estate market, and are more interested in buying up housing for corporations to rent instead of making that housing available for consumers to buy.
Anonymous
fda0e3a
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No.5797
5798
>>5796
If you looked, you might find an amenable anon who might share their land, if that was of interest to you
Anonymous
3ca5619
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No.5798
5800
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>>5794
You can get arable land for $1250/acre if you know literally anyone in a rural area. The problem is covering legal and zoning bullshit for sectioning off land or otherwise not having enough money to buy in bulk. It could be even cheaper if you want a starter lot in a tiny town.
Travel shouldn't be a problem for white collar wiz kids that can work remotely or for a blue collar guy worth a fuck that wasn't raised by a single mother and knows basic vehicle maintenance.
>>5795
This issue warrants its own thread. Billionaires and kikes should be executed en masse, French Revolution style.
>>5797
Not gonna happen. Said anon would either get murdered by one of his own /pol/tard serfs or black bagged by feds. No one really wants Ram Ranch IRl but with sperg wars. Plus, I'm committed to being a degenerate horsefucker. Only cute mares (redundant, I know) allowed.

In closing, cartoon equine vagina.
Anonymous
56f4ad5
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No.5799
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>>5779
I'm getting better and my autistic levels little by little are returning to normal.
Anonymous
fda0e3a
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No.5800
>>5798
>Said anon would either get murdered by one of his own /pol/tard serfs or black bagged by feds
Either attempt would be hilarious, Ill let you know in such a case
Anonymous
0f93706
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No.5814
5815
If faggot roommate isn't watching copaganda on tv he's watching Netflix jew fantasies about blacks being enslaved by whites and mistreated. It's loud, it's obnoxious, it's divorced from reality. It's another shameless display of his failure as a man. He feels guilty for being a spoiled rich bastard now and then and if he doesn't feel like acting feminine and shopping his woes away, comforting his habit of purchasing overpriced clothes by telling himself second hand purchases of overpriced clothes makes them a good deal and not a massive waste of money, he watches something to make the world feel safe and reasonable and orderly, like tv shows where the cops hurt unruly poors, or """true stories""" of fictional white people long ago acting almost as badly as the BLMafia niggers today. If only I had any say in who my chicken-hating cunt landlord chose to be my roommates.
Anonymous
825500f
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No.5815
5816
>>5814
I hate your roomie, too. He sounds like an over socialized fagazoid. You know what you have to do, Anon.
Bleach+Ammonia=Mustard Gas. Make it look like he somehow accidentally locked himself in the bathroom while cleaning it.
Anonymous
0f93706
?
No.5816
>>5815
Lmao no.