[ mlpol / qa / go / 1ntr / vx / sp / üb / a ] [ Overboard ] [ Statistics / Banlist / Search ] [ PonyX ] [ Policy / Store ] [ home ]

/go/ - Golden Oaks

Thread Repository
Password (For file deletion.)

  [Go to bottom]   [Catalog]   [Return]   [Archive]

File: 1534122533431.jpeg (74.7 KB, 612x912, 1510551708934-0.jpeg)

05b43 No.4045[View All]

I tried to sneak a redpill into my pony fanfic, by including a scene in one chapter where someone argues with Glimmer over her dumb commie ideas, and the communist ideology is debunked.

I got carried away, so it's at 107,920 words right now, and only 80% finished.
341 posts and 156 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

76796 No.4387

>He stopped his reading when his secretary walked into his office and put a tray on his desk. He scanned the tray and saw that it had the can of coffee, an empty cup and a sandwich that he had asked for but he also noted something he hadn't asked for. There was a blueberry muffin on the tray.
”Coffe, sir?” Aquilla his Griffin secretary said.
>He put down his book and rolled his eyes before he pointed at the muffin.
”What is that?” he asked.
>Aquilla being a little taken aback by his weird question answered with the obvious.
”A muffin.”
”No, I mean why is it on my tray. If you are trying to bribe me with baked goods, then you should know it is futile and I will not give you an increase for that.” He stared at her coldly with eyes piercing into her.
”No, that wasn't my intent sir… Really, I just baked some for my children back home before I got here and thought that you might want one too.” Aquilla blather nervously as she looked at the hem on her maid outfit that she was fiddling with her talons.
”Aha.” Silence filled the room for a moment before Silver spoke up. ”Well, are you going to fill my cup today or…”
”Sorry, sir.” Aquilla a bit stressed got into action and poured him a cup. She managed to even with her hasty movements not to spill anything. When she had was done, she put the edibles and the cup on his desk with the exception of the muffin. When she kept the muffin on the tray, Silver said.
”I will eat the muffin but I only wanted to make sure that you didn't get any false hopes up.” He pointed on the muffin and with dragging motion towards his desk. In the beginning, it seemed like Aquilla was annoyed by this but when she meets Silver's gaze she gave him a smile but it seemed forced.
>She was about to turn and walked out of the office with her tray when she remembered something.
”By the way, sir. You had an appointment with a Mr. Grounds in about a half an hour but it seems he is already here. He is currently sitting in the waiting room. I am not saying that you need to take his appointment now, sir. I just wanted to tell you tha-”
”Um-ch Sen-*Swallows*-d him *slurp* in.” Silver said. His voice barely audible because he was in the middle of stuffing his mouth the muffin.
>He shook his head.
”Yes, now. What are you waiting for, a promotion? Go and fetch him.”
>A grimace of irritation displayed itself on Aquilla's face for but a moment before she left through the door.
>Silver had just managed to finish eating his sandwich and muffin before Mr. Grounds entered his office.
”Mr. Coffe Grounds, you are here because you wanted to discuss and potentially sell your coffee shop in Ponyville. Is that about right?” Silver said. His voice seemed almost monotone and he looked generally bored. He wasn't even looking at Ground direction but instead seemed to be searching for something in his drawer.
”Yes, and I think you will pleasantly surprised by what I am offering. Ehh?” Coffee looked around and then back to Silver. ”Do you perhaps have a chair that I may borrow?”
”No, you may not. Or Rather. You will soon be leaving anyway since I am not even remotely interested.” A grin formed on Silver's lips as he found what he was looking for and therefore looked back to face Coffee.
”But sir. I assure you that this is a great offer. If I didn't need a change of pace, I won't sell it. The shop has an interior designed by the local famous fashionista, Rarity herself. It has a great location; there exist no competing coffee shop in the district. And-” Coffee Grounds ranted on desperately until Silver interrupted him.
”That was well worded, Coffee Grounds. Kudos to you. Indeed it is the only coffeeshop in the area but there is this little bakery you see. Called Sugercube corner. Do you know about it perhaps? It has the address Ponyville Square fourteen and your shops has the same name but number seventeen.” A smirked had formed on Silver's lips. His voice was calm and quiet but there seemed to be some kind of taunting glee in his voice as he spoke.
>Coffee breathed at a faster rate and tears of sweat were starting to form on his forehead.
”Well, you see-” He began.
”And what do we have here.” Silver levitated the thing he had found in the drawer from before. It was an article that had been cut out from its newspaper but any keen news follower could clearly see by its layout that it belonged to the prestigious newspaper, Horesenews.
”This article is from five years ago. It reads: The Paraspryte Infestation in Ponyville Threatens the Local Stores in longterm. Mhm, why is that I wonder

76796 No.4388

I need to go to bed I will finish this part here. more than so I cannot say.
If you "have to" and you feel like there is "only" one way to do so, do so.

f3908 No.4389

And that, Nigel, is how you prepare a character with advance knowledge of the situation without making it overbearing. Details flow through natural dialogue, instead of "Silver knows all this already, except it hasn't been mentioned"

c2000 No.4390

I meant if I had to do it with that "Can only add, not take away" restriction. I can not into words goodly sometimes.
Jesus, Silver's an asshole in this. He's even an asshole about eating! And about getting food, too. But I'm curious to see where you're going with this.
And working the Parasprites from S1 into this was genius! Sometimes I think that even though I came up with some smart ways to unfuck the damage bad nu-fim decisions did to the setting of FIM, I should just skip the unfuckening parts and make the fic an AU where none of that crap happened in the first place. No friendship school to restock with proper teachers and better-written students, no dumb castle to turn into something that'd make Skyrim-playing mod-users jealous, and no "And then every poochie independently decided to fuck off over to the Crystal Empire, where they remained offscreen for the rest of the fic". It'd also remove the "I need to make Silver someone Twilight would reasonably be interested in, and could date without the 'OMG twilight is dating beneath her station! What a scandal! How unprincesslike!'" crap.
Could you call me "Ash"? I get that a name needs to be assigned to me, but Nigel is also the name of that one dumbass on 4chan who hates MLP for "Being a kiddy thing" so much he set up a bot to tell him when people post stuff that's also on Derpibooru outside of 4/mlp/.
I don't hate MLP. Or MLPFIM. Hell, the show's nu episodes adopting that kind of "Kiddy stuff like songs and friendship are dumb and lame" attitiude for the sake of shallowly seeming "Enlightened and self-aware and above it all" is one of those things I hate about nu-FIM.

f3908 No.4391

Nigel please. For one, you're not Lee Goldson - aka Barneyfag - who is so notorious on 4chan that he's even featured in some anon's OC, including Tracy Cage. For two, why would you be called Ash when your name is Nigel, Nigel? We could call you by your real name, but that would be impolite.
Besides, you had your chance. I was willing to call you King Britanon if you had cut the crap a year ago; no such luck now! XDDD

0e244 No.4392

>Adding 5000 words
>I meant if I had to do it with that "Can only add, not take away" restriction.
There is no restricting you stupid retard, and there is no compromise on this either.
Learn how to kill your babies and throw out your extremely bad drafts of autistic rambling like what you wrote that are failures.

>If I had to make Silver a more consistent and liked character what would you suggest

One of the main problems with your fic and characterization of Silver as a whole is how you waste everyones time with extremely long winded blathering, either with what Silver is doing or what he's saying. And your portrayal of Silver someone to be redeemed falls flat on its face as because no pony actually reacts to him being a scumbag, so he's just getting away with murder. Look at the rewrite of the first introduction of Aquilla. >>4387 While sweedenfag uses her as a way to compare Silver to scrooge, a secretary that means well but keeping her head down is nothing new, it's better than the inconsistent garbage that you put out.

In your Chapter 1 one minute shes annoyed, the next she's impressed over stupid time magic, then shes hyped about more stupid speed magic, and then shes flying along being proud of him. There is no real consistency or depth with her character other than she gets impressed by magic and shes a lacky. But she isnt being used to contrast Silver and put him in a negative light, instead it's positive reinforcement as an empty cheer leader, compared to sweedenfag's Aquilla she is kind of disgusted by his idea of stuffing his face while he fetches the appointment. But puts up with it for the sake of job, this is a relatable character the audience can sympathize with right off the bat and puts Silver in a bad light.

In your fic the later cut-aways back to her building the house alone while Silver is at the party is out of place because its already been established she doesnt really care about being treated as a second class slave. The repeated attempts to make the audience sympathetic to her and make Silver look bad do nothing for emotional impact because she doesnt mind it, and she isnt having a hard time. The cuts away to her from Silver, then back with nothing happening. The scenes with her feel completely pointless as they neither add to the overall narrative of Silvers development, or the animu action plot. It's pure filler every time and it sucks ass. If you refuse to take away retarded pointless filler then you will still be left with ass. One more bit of information that Sweedenfag gives us is the muffin doesnt just serve that Silver is an asshole, but also shows that she (a griffon) has a better understanding of FiM's principles with friendship of sharing with no underhanded motives, than a pony which flips the usual roles on it's head.

>And working the Parasprites from S1 into this was genius! Sometimes I think that even though I came up with some smart ways to unfuck the damage bad nu-fim

>I should just skip the unfuckening parts and make the fic an AU where none of that crap happened in the first place.
This kind of response makes it clear you dont actually know why Sweedenfag actually put in the parasprites, and you just go off on your usual retarded rants about FiM. So I'm just going to point it out.

Your fic is over bloated with dumps of crammed useless information, and the handling of Silver is the biggest offender of this. You've given no time to develop any character else beyond maybe one scene and the fic is suffocated with focusing every inch of your effort on what Silver thinks, or what hes doing, or what he is saying. Filler is littered throughout your fic thats only purpose is to make Silver look good and/or demonstrate one of his '200 spells he invented', it quickly becomes obnoxious and never ends. The first scene of the fic is another prime example, there are characters like Coffee Beans and the other two that are quickly introduced but then dropped completely after Chapter 1 never to be heard from again. Meanwhile Sweedenfag cuts out all of the magic parkour crap that took up 2+ pages. Sweedenfag does a better job at giving us small bits about Silver and others, he doesnt even need to mention a retarded 8 year olds idea of kewl magical feats, something like that can be saved for later. Overloading the audience with new information is one of the quickest ways to lose them, and thats not even when it's in the form of autistic walls. In Sweedenfag's rewrite Silver still doesnt know the mane6, because he disregards that Rarity has given Coffee's a make over and raised the value, this scene doubles it's use as we dont need to repeat that Silver doesnt know the mane6 when chapter 2 starts. Sweedenfag used the newspaper to establish that Silver has more interest in Ponyville than the meeting as a hint to give us the idea that the story will involve Ponyville, it's not a way to 'fix' 'nu fim' and until you get over your bitter bias, that the ideas can have merit it's just the execution that's the problem (just like your case) then you're not going to be able to be a good story teller.

cfa9b No.4393

”Let's see if we can figure it out okay?” Silver said with a juvenile voice.
”There are three things in this article that I think is interesting. Number one: One of the most affected by the parasite swarm is the store's owner Earl Grey, who runs a coffee shop in Ponyville Square- Wait a minute, Ponyville Square? Isn't that where your coffee shop is? Was there another one in Ponyville just recently?”
Coffee Beans swallowed and had a weird out of place laugh and grin.
”Uhm, Earl Grey was the last owner of the coffee shop. I bought it from him.”
”Did you now. How long time ago was this, if I may ask?”
Looking really uncomfortable Coffee answered.
”Two and half years ago.”
Silver nodded in a mock understanding.
”Let's keep reading. There is three interview in this article. They are interviewing the mayor here about some new law she has implemented. ”The municipality of Ponyville can't afford to pay for potential parasite egg merging in the future but we cannot let this happen again. Therefore I have decided that there has to be a law that if you find parasites in your home or store, you yourself most ensure that they are dealt with. So it is the law that you to take care of any parasprites if you find them since if they multiply they can cause us all damaged but the municipality won't help you with the removal of them,” said Mayor mare to our reporter.
”If you had read your scientific paper like I do, you could have read last week, I think it was, in the latest number of Dora the Explorer that parasprite reproduced asexually by vomiting out a bunch of ”eggs”. These eggs later merge together to form a new parasprite, however, this ”later” can vary. The eggs have a biological clock on them that decides when they will merge. The time it takes can vary from immediately to, well the oldest specimen so far is from three-hundred years ago. It is speculated that they this is a mechanism to ensure that the parasprites survive even if a major catastrophe happens.”
”What means for your store is that unless there is a complete utter top-to-bottom renovation were you remove all the eggs that possibly could exist there almost wrecking your own coffee shop in the process, there can always pop-up one little parasprite that can cause havoc in Ponyville. And if I then own the store from where the parasprite, I will need a good lawyer.”
Coffee Beans seemed to be turning pale even though he had fur.
”I by no means meant to deceive you. It is not as bad as it sounds. It-” Coffee said quickly.
”I am not done.” Silver said, which caused Coffee to stop promptly.
”Not only do I have to be on constant alert that no parasprites minutes from my shop but I also have to pay professionals to remove them. They do mention that in the article, by the way, that the poison used to kill off parasprites and their eggs are completely different. The first one is harmless against ponies, the other one is hazardous and costs a fortune, which they speculate that none of the stores could reasonably afford to do.”
Before Coffe could interject Silver continued talking.
”And to top it off. I have tasted a cake made by your competition. They along with some other chefs made a collaboration of some sort that won the national dessert competition that was held in Canterlot a few years back. And what do I have to compete with them with Coffee and FUCKING sandwiches!” Silver had suddenly realized that he was justified to be angry at this pony who tried to trick him so he shouted out the last part and slammed his hooves on his desk.
”B-but s-sir!” Coffee had backed away with his hooves in the air.
”You got duped two years ago and now you're trying to dupe me!”
”Two and a half.”
”It doesn't matter! You idiot!”
Silence lingered in the air for a moment before Coffee turned for the door. When he had reached the door, Silver called.
”Come back.” Silver said. He seemed to have calmed down and was now leaning back in his armchair with a bored expression.
Coffee did as he was told and walked back to the desk. His face showed signs of fear as if he feared that Silver would reprimand him in some way.
”What prized had you imagine to sell it for?”Silver asked.
Coffee braced himself.
”Two-hundred-thousand bits,” he said as he braced himself.
”Make that fifty-thousand bits instead. I am not going to bid higher for this-” He trailed off for a moment as he made circler motions with his hoof while he was searching for the right word.”-place.”
>Coffee pondered it for a moment before he agreed. The transaction went fast enough. Silver read thoroughly through the contract to make sure everything was well with it. Aquilla had come in during this an offered coffee to them but Silver had declined on Coffee Beans behalf before he had could answer. Saying that something along the line that, ”He wanted a change of pace away from coffee.” After both Silver had signed the two copies of the contract with their signatures and Silver had handed Coffee a check of fifty-thousand bits, Coffe who was fuming at this point walked out of the office.

cfa9b No.4394

>Silver drank from his new cup of coffee. While looking at the newly signed contract, his eyes began to wander over to the news article. As previously stated there were three ponies interviewed in it: Earl Grey, Mayor Mare, and the last one, Applejack.
>He stared grimly at the last name and then looked back at the contract again.
”Honesty, huh, Applejack? ” He whispered to himself.
>Letting go of those thoughts. He swiveled around in his chair and looked out at Canterlot through the window that could only be described as a glass wall.
>The sun was sinking down behind the horizon. He looked over his shoulder and to the clock on his desk.
>He snickered a bit to himself as he saw what time it was and spun a few laps in his chair before he stopped at his desk.
>Then there was a knock on the door.
”You may enter.”
>Aquilla walked in.
”I will soon be taking my leave for today, sir. I just wanted to know if there was anything you want me to do before I go,” Aquilla said.
”Oh, nothing really… Perhaps you could pour me a shot of that whiskey by Emerald whiskers. I feel like celebrating It is a transparent bottle with a big label that reads Liquid Emeralds. It is in that cupboard, the second shelf from the top to the right.” He pointed at cupboard in the corner of the room. ”Also before you leave today I would like you to book a chariot flight for tomorrow I am going to visit my newly bought shop in Ponyville.”
>Aquilla nodded and said.
”I'll make sure that I do it before I leave.”
She waited for a thank you but Silver had already begun staring out the window again.
>Aquilla then went into action and found the bottle and a shot-glass rather quickly in the cupboard. As she began to screw the cork into the cork of the bottle, Silver stood with his back turned towards her and looked out the window.
”Hehehe, the princess lowered the sun too early today. Tsk tsk, Princess what are you doing?” Silver said in a chirpy voice.
>This caused Aquilla to giggle a little, which caused Silver to smiled proudly over himself but the smile faltered as quickly as it had come.
”How's your day sir? You sound cheerful.” Aquilla had finished removing the cork from the bottle and was ready to pour him a shot.
He turned around and sat down in at his desk again.
”Ha, we don't know yet. I might regret this day later but I believe I should be able to turn this location into something beneficial in the end. Can you believe that that guy intended to sell such a place for such a prize? That he even dared to try to trick me.” Silver said, seemingly fascinated by the nerve of Coffee Beans.
”He tried to trick you?” Aquilla said as she glanced at the door.
”Indeed he did.”
”Then I understand that you are upset and didn't want to offer him any coffee before. How shameless,” she said. Then she saw that he still had some coffee in his cup. ”Do you want to pour you shot now even though you still got some coffee left.” She pointed with a claw at the cup.
”Yes, do that. I will drink it now.”
>As Aquilla held both the bottle and the glass as she pours it, Silver mumbled something.
”Like you are any different.”
>Aquilla's face contorted to that of complete rage for a second and threw down the glass into the floor. It shattered in thousands of pieces and left a transparent green puddle on the wooden floor.
”No! I am not like that!”
>Both of them seemed stunned and shock by what had just transpired. Aquilla woke up first from the shock and put the bottle back on the desk. Before her eyes went searching for a paper or a rag to wipe it up with.
”I am sorry sir.”
>This shock Silver out of his slumber.
”You better be! Do you know how much that brew and glass cost? The things I own are not for breaking! They are expensive, you moron!” he shouted at her and practically stood on his desk with his hooves planted on it.
>Aquilla had already gotten past her point of patience so it was easy to make her angry again.
”You can not call me that! I'm not a moron or some con-artist after your money! If you keep on berating me like this, I'll quit! I 'll quit. I tell you.”
”No, you don't quit because you're fired!”

cfa9b No.4395

>Those words made Aquilla lose her breath. Slackjawed she just stared straight into the wall. Then she turned to Silver with tears in her eyes and a pleading look.
”P-p-please sir. I-I have kids… I need this job…” Aquilla was now sitting on her haunches with her claws clasped together as if she prayed.
>Silver still looked angry and sort of disgusted. His upper lip rose and crinkle displayed itself between his eyebrows and he was practically shaking.
”Well, you should have thought about that before you threw a temper tantrum in my office. Now leave and don't show your face here again,” he said.
>At fist Aquilla didn't seem to want to move. She just sat there as if this was all bad dream that she soon would wake up from. She only got up and walked to the door when Silver said, ”Are you deaf? I said get out.”
>Just before she was about to close the door after her, she leaned on its handle like she needed to support herself and stuck her head in through the crack of the door into Silver's office. Her head low and she wasn't looking at Silver but the floor when she spoke.
”You know. You are right. I lied this morning. I didn't bake those muffins for my children. I baked them for you.” She looked up at him. He looked surprised. ”I wanted to thank you for getting this job two weeks ago and also… Because I pity you. In my life, I have never met someone, pony nor Griffin, as lonely as you. You spend all your day occupied in the top of this tower isolated. To me, it seems as if you don't have any loved ones in your life.” She noticed his perplexed expression. ”Do you?”
>Her question was meet with silence because Silver was thinking about the question.
”I thought so,” Aquilla said before she closed the door behind her and left the office.
>Waking up from his shellshock, Silver sprung into action and tried to catch up to her. As he opened the door to exit his office he saw that Aquilla was half-way through the corridor that leads to the elevator.
>With quick steps he caught up to her and walked alongside her as he spoke.
”Ha, pretty clever retort you had back there. Yeah, I am the bad guy because you actually thought about me. Right. I believe in that.” As he talked the got to the elevator and Aquilla pushed a button and the doors opened and she walked inside leaving Silver there.”It was more like you wanted to secure your position not by actually hard work but by milking my.”
Aquilla looked at him with almost pitiful eyes as she said.
”Goodbye, Silver Star.”
>Then the elevator doors shut close.
”Yeah, that is right no rebuttal!” He screamed at the elevator and then began walking back to his office. Well, there he saw the mess on the floor looked at the open bottle that still stood on the desk. He grabbed it as he walked by the desk and to a doorway that leads out on his balcony. He opened it and walked out. The day had turned into night and the moon and the stars were out.
>Above his head on the wall of his incredibly high skyscraper stood the logo for his company, ”Silver's Industries” in pop-out black color contrasted from the rest of the silver colored skyscraper.
>As looked down on the city below but couldn't see any ponies from this height. His tower was only rivaled by Canterlot's castle itself.
>Something stung in his chest and he took a large swig of his bottle.
”No, it is not I who is the bad.guy. I have just realized the truth.” He whispered to himself. ”All ponies are by nature selfish and only gullible fools believe that anyone genuinely cares for another.”He looked back at the door in his office as if he was addressing it. ”Anyone who believes that they actually have friends are fools. You are stupid!” He shouted the last part, then he turned towards the city below again and screamed from the top of his lungs down at them. ”YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS!” In his scream, his voice cracked.
>Howver, since he was so high up the ponies below, didn't see and even less hear him.

>And then he farted.

cfa9b No.4396

That's how I imagine the first chapter be like. I do however lacck more ideas right now so won't continue it because I am not sure how I would go about. I probably get him to mett Twi in some way and have him fall head over hels for her.

cfa9b No.4397

>that she (a griffon) has a better understanding of FiM's principles with friendship of sharing with no underhanded motives, than a pony which flips the usual roles on it's head.
I didn't actually occur to me that is actually displayed reversed roles. I was just intrested in showing how cynical Silver is, that he actually thinks there is something underhanded with such a simple kind gesture.
>newspaper to establish that Silver has more interest in Ponyville than the meeting
I actually in the begining thought that he had done reseach in a libarary. They usually keep a copies of newpaper numbers and archive them but you gave me an idea. Since Silver has apple in his name, I thought that I could take the liberty of implying that he has some kind of past history with Applejack.
You see my orignal intent with having Rarity be the one who designed the interior was to build some kind of natural connection for Silver to meet Twilight when he visited ponyville. Now there is three options.
1) Be impressed by interior design think about hire rarity ffor job meets TWi
2) Scout out the competetion, the cakes, and meet pinkie->Twi
3)Visit (sister,cousin,frined,sister-in-law,ex) Applejack for whateever reaon that has to do with past->twi
4) Be unorignal an have pinkie throw a party for Silver like she did Twilight so you don't have to be imaginitive. Then again why waste time on something trivial if you have something more exciting futher into the plot.
Why i am so focused on TWi is because she would be the key to change his behavoir since he wants to be with her an therefore must change his behavior. Unlike other characters who he simply don't care for if they don't like him.
Also the idea i had however consious it might have been. About this first "chapter" was basicly aout to things. I hope that this comes thrrough in my text.
1) Silver is cynical and therefore he ddoesn't believe that anyone can want to genuinly be friends.
2)A reason for why he went to Ponyville.
1)I used Coffee beans to show his reason for cynism because there are actually ponies who tries to trick him.
Aquilla is there to show that since he assumes everyone is out to get him. His cynism hurt inocent and keeps him lonely.
2)I changed the shops location to ponyville and made sure that Silver bought the place so that he could go there. I guess this is one of my problems since it comes off as why the fuck wouldd anyone want to own that place wel well
>Details flow through natural dialogue
Ah, you don't know how much that warmths my heart.
<And working the Parasprites from S1 into this was genius!
Thanks, I often try to use fim's rules to my advantage.

bf002 No.4398

I'm unironically enjoying this rewrite. Not only is Silver not a wholly self-absorbed megalomaniac, but his financial and personal motivations are both understandable and quite shrewd without being (((excessive))).
>inb4 Mlpol hijacks Silver and makes him a presentable, believable, and identifiable (to the reader) OC

0e244 No.4399

>I didn't actually occur to me that is actually displayed reversed roles.
Consider it a happy accident for something Nigel did making her a Griffon but if it were a Pony it wouldnt have as much of an impact. Nigels Aquilla is boring as hell, because its just the very start of everyone licking his OCs balls being impressed by everything magical Silver does. You know if Aquilla has spent so long with him it would have been a better dynamic if she wasnt impressed by his 12 year old magic tricks. Desensitizing is a thing, and theres only so long before it just becomes the same ol Silver trying to show off to impress other ponies. About the only thing that remains consistent about Silver that Nigel wrote, he is an egomaniac but he wants to be the center of attention.

> Since Silver has apple in his name, I thought that I could take the liberty of implying that he has some kind of past history with Applejack.

If you read ahead or looked at the other thread he does have some loose relation as her cousin but again, iit's just inconsistent trash the way ihe portrayed that suddenly hes all sentimental about her but doesnt show it. It's honestly just bad and a complete contradiction to how much of an asshole he has been to everyone else in the previous chapter without actually going through any development. And then he is still an asshole, not to Rarity directly, but it's implied after being an autist to PinkiePie with the random petting.

Maybe he only cares about the successes of his own family IE the apples, so he kept applejack articles about her heroism around as a comparing competition or motivation, so he set out to be the best of the family in an insecure manor, the riches and whatever he accomplishes are still overshadowed by AJ's simple life and they can provide a counter to his unabashed in-your-face showboating and gaudy branding. Silver could even hold some resentment towards AJ because of this, but he wouldnt show it.

ANY of the options are better than whatever mary sue shit Nigel came up with, which is just empty connections to the mane6 with no interesting dynamics.

2f3fa No.4400

>Maybe he only cares about the successes of his own family IE the apples, so he kept applejack articles about her heroism around as a comparing competition or motivation, so he set out to be the best of the family in an insecure manor, the riches and whatever he accomplishes are still overshadowed by AJ's simple life
It is good that I have you that way I don't need to think. If I continue, I will incorporate this into the story. I, as stated, just drew the connection between Applejack and the newspaper so that I could explain why he would have a old newspaper in his drawer. I didn't think much more about it but I actually thought about the opposite of what you did. I thought that I could have Applejack being the one that resented Silver due to the fact that he got rich through George Soros-tier bullshit econmics and stock exchange instead of hard wrok in the form of manual labour or at least something that provided something to society.
But your idea works better withh the story since if applejack is the one with the resentment, then Silver doesn't have a concrate reason for keeping those articles around. With your idea, he does.
Maybe I will use both if I continue, which I really feel like doing but you know real life.
I thought about making their past be next door neightbors in manehatten. When AJ lived with the oranges he lived in the apartment next door and they were eachothers first friend and pretty much did everything togather. Or his adopted into the oragne family or whatever. The important thing is that they meet there.
I just realised something I could do. What do you think about this?
Silver and AJ are childhood friends but when AJ leaves for Ponyville, Silver is left alone. Silver therefore builds up his cynism and disbelief of friendship. In ponyville he falls for Twi but in the end he ends up with Glimmer due to the fact that they share so much incommen.

2f3fa No.4401

> the riches and whatever he accomplishes are still overshadowed by AJ's simple life
I think I would want to have Silver be unaware of the fact that these things do overshaddow his stuff but I don't know.
>they can provide a counter to his unabashed in-your-face showboating and gaudy branding.
This Silver has yet to display the trait of showboating. I am not saying that couldn't have this character trait he has but it is not something I have yet given him. I guess there is one thing though when i think about it.
>gaudy branding
If you refering to the logo on his skyscraper than I agree that it is gaudy. The reason I put it there in the first place was actually not because I wanted to show of his showboating side but because I relaise how similar his character and situation was to Tony Stark's. I am not a marvel fan but I have watched the first Avengers movie in which Tony Stark's Tower is mention. I realised that Star and Stark are so similar that I could refernce it. I have some kind of neptune syndrome and therefore I try to put in refernces everywhere. If you looked through the text, if you haven't already noticed, there are a number of them. If I am going to be more serious however, then I will tone down the use of refernces since they only take away from the story.
Now that I the character has a gaudy brand I could either go two way, at least from what I see. I could have Silver be a cocky fuck or I could have it just a simple name he took because he didn't want to overthink it.
My version of Silver is someone who has gotten rich by making deals not developing a company and then I got to a point were could buy smaller companies and sudddenly he had an empire.
What are your thoughts?
>makes him a presentable
I am not being sarcastic when I ask but genuinly curious of what it means for a character to be presentable. Can you elaborate?
>I'm unironically enjoying this rewrite
Muh Feelings

dd25a No.4402

Not: embarrassing, an eyesore, an insult to the franchise, nauseating to behold, a waste of everyone's time, an affront to the practice of writing.
Please continue

2f3fa No.4403

>Oranges-Silver Star
Maybe a family fued?
Hehehe, thanks.

0e244 No.4404

>I thought that I could have Applejack being the one that resented Silver due to the fact that he got rich through George Soros-tier bullshit econmics and stock exchange instead of hard wrok in the form of manual labour or at least something that provided something to society.
You could do both actually. Silver can be someone who started off with good intentions but got lost in the greedy egotistic factor. The kind of person who wanted to expand the apple family 'brand' but and went into the business side to do it, without their approval because it's not the Apple way.

As far as AJ resenting him, it can be more like he knows of her but she doesnt know of him because hes the black-sheep of the apple family and was kept secret from her, ashamed of what he became. AJ would definitely still side against his Soros like methods especially now, but with your idea of involving the Oranges (Learning the business side) would be like a fate that Applejack narrowly avoided. So she could be conflicted about Silver as a whole over time and play a good part in his development unlike in the Nigel-fic where she's just practically irrelevant and it's just there to make Silver look good in comparison.

The gaudy branding Silver does I was talking about is a reference to how he remakes literally everything he touches with that stupid orange and blue star. it's part of chapter one, he breaks into a window then remakes the window but with his stainglass star 'brand'. its just more egotism from him, he has to let everyone know that he was there and changed the window. he does this a lot with anything he owns. He is basically obsessed with orange and blue combination, and has his house having orange or blue windows, and likewise the door. The orange/blue is the same colors of his cutiemark, so as always with silver it's all self-absorbed with no sense of awareness. Unlike Nigel's version where he's their pride and joy gag worthy, if the Apple family turned their backs on him then it gives a good reason for his insecurity and lone wolf egotism.

I think the fact they might have known eachother when AJ ran away from home to the Oranges and learn the higher classlife has some potential, and it would work with Silver's ego/insecurity that he thought AJ would agreewith him, since they both wanted a different path from the typical apple family life. Just going on a re-write of the Nigelfic for Chapter2,I would imagine it would be a real sting if AJ didnt recognize him at the party and then he has a sort of breakdown over this and needs to get out for air and teleports out. Instead of the retarded and autistic unfunny Nigelfic "i needed to fart" reasonin the original version.

d49bd No.4405

Lol, I leave for a couple of days and Swedanon hijacks my hijacking of Nigel's thread.

4d51c No.4406

Allah Akbar!;)

ba49a No.4407

I like how you flesh out this character. Judging by the shitstorm for this fic, I guess it's a great improvement on your part. Consider a pastebin when you finish planning this story out.

d49bd No.4408

Also just so you know I'm interested to read your interpretation of this story and will post my thoughts once I've read it, I just haven't quite gotten to it yet.

4d51c No.4409

>He is basically obsessed with orange and blue combination,
>it's all self-absorbed with no sense of awareness.
I wasn't aware of this. It is like Silver has OCD. It is actually hilarious!
>without their approval because it's not the Apple way.
>because hes the black-sheep of the apple family
>if the Apple family turned their backs on him then it gives a good reason for his insecurity and lone wolf egotism.
I like this idea and pretty much this entire post is intressting. I, however, don't have much to add at least not now. Thank you for your input. It was great.
>then he has a sort of breakdown over this and needs to get out for air and teleports out. Instead of the retarded and autistic unfunny Nigelfic "i needed to fart" reasonin the original version.
I don't know. You have to ask yourself which one is more dramatic?
Thanks so much. I actually have pastebin account but I have yet to upload anything.

cfa9b No.4410

Please do. I would love some input.

c9243 No.4411

File: 1537123017137.png (206.58 KB, 1135x1364, Opera Snapshot_2018-09-16_….png)

Nigel samefagging on qa and con sidering to leave MLPOL due to trolling

exposed by mod ban notice

55a12 No.4412

Not that I disapprove given the circumstances, Nigel was unironically praising reddit which is everything this site was founded against, but isn't there a policy against using information gained through staff positions to out people?

f8b89 No.4413

I have seen mods using hashes to out samefagging trolls before with little complaint, but you do raise a good point.

55a12 No.4414

To be clear again, I don't disapprove, since samefagging is a form of shilling. It's simply a precedent we should keep in mind for future reference in case someone tries to define 'information' as 'knowledge gained through moderation tools' which would include spotting samefags samefagging in a thread with no post IDs or flags. Atlas might have to add more legalese to the policy page if it starts coming up as an issue in the future.

bf077 No.4415

To respond with clarity
>No staff member shall use the information he obtains in his position on staff for personal gain, lulz, or to harass/humiliate a user or other staff members

The purpose of the notice was not to harass/humiliate the user, but to indicate that the shilling (same-fagging) had not gone unnoticed and to make a statement about derailing the RWSS thread.

55a12 No.4416

Nigel probably wouldn't view it that way, if he hasn't left the site completely in shame, and good riddance if he has.

c9243 No.4417

File: 1537129218385.png (195.88 KB, 750x800, 77d822215330b8a82efb5e8f7d….png)


obviously this is an underground mass harassment campaign against Jason organized offsite and all staff that formerly trollshielded him are in fact radical glimmerniggers that have displaced the original staff

55a12 No.4418

Vril please

d5f4e No.4419


So far my impression of this is that it is indeed a much better handling of the Silver Star character and the story than in Nigel's work. I do have a couple of minor issues: one is that the sentence structure and grammar is a bit awkward at times. I'm guessing from your flag that English is not your first language so that can probably be allowed to slide, but you may want to go back over it at some point and do some editing. Most of it is fairly minor but nonetheless noticeable, like saying "He wasn't even looking at Ground direction" instead of "He wasn't even looking in Grounds' direction"; things like that. Also I notice you introduce the shop owner as Coffee Grounds (which is the character's name in Nigel's work), but by the end of the exchange you're calling him Coffee Beans.

That said, the actual structure of the story is again much better than the original. Probably the best thing about this is that it eliminates the massive blocks of speech and inner monologue and tediously detailed action sequences that bog down Nigel's story. Nigel, if you're paying attention, this is a fine demonstration of how to properly build a scene.

Most notable is that the dialogue between Silver and Coffee Grounds/Beans reads like an actual conversation. Each speaker says something, and then the next speaker speaks. This sounds like an obvious way of putting it but in Nigel's story the conversations are mostly dominated by huge walls of text spoken by Silver "your nutsac belongs in my butt crack" Star. Probably the most excruciating example is the "date" scene, which consists of Twilight asking single-sentence questions and Silver going on for pages and pages explaining how he is able to do cool magic tricks.

In any dialog between two characters, no single character should be speaking for for more than a sentence or two. Occasionally a character will need to make a big speech or explain something which requires a larger section of quoted text, but this should definitely be used sparingly. If you find your characters doing this a lot it's usually a good indicator that you need to go back over your dialogue and cut some stuff out. To Nigel's credit it's actually very easy to fall into the trap that he does. The problem is that the way we think is different from the way we communicate. Thought is usually a continuous stream of ideas flowing in a somewhat incoherent stream through your head. If you sit down and attempt to write out anything you have to say on a given topic, you find that even though you know exactly what to say in your head, putting it into words can be difficult. However, with discipline you can generally compose solid, coherent paragraphs that convey everything you want to convey.

Speech is different. The next time you have a conversation with someone, pay attention to how much you are able to say before it becomes apparent that the other person wants to say something. Most of the time you are only able to get a sentence or two out before the other person will speak, and they will do the same until you speak again. You also only have a short time to translate your ideas into something that can be communicated and often you won't be as articulate on a given topic in conversation as you are on paper. A conversation on a complex topic will generally play out as a long, convoluted back and forth that may have completely deviated from the original topic by the time you get to the end. This is vastly different from a written essay, where the author has the ability to sit and think for a while, then write, then think, then write.

That's what is so unnatural about Nigel's dialogue; his characters don't interact with each other, they give speeches. Or rather, Silver gives speeches and all other characters just stand around and listen. The difference between your version of this scene and Nigel's illustrate this perfectly. In Nigel's, Silver just berates and lectures Coffee for paragraphs and paragraphs at a time, and it just makes the person reading it instantly hate the character. Your version of this character is really as much of a dick as Nigel's. The end result is functionally the same; Silver cuts through the shop owner's sales pitch, assesses that he is in a more vulnerable position than he lets on, and chooses to take advantage of this and acquire the shop at well below asking price (though I also notice you make the monetary figures add up more sensibly, good job there too). However, Silver keeps most of his thoughts to himself. We get to learn who this character is by observing his behavior, rather than listening to his philosophies and ideologies in his own words. The standard mantra is "Show, don't tell" and this does a fine job of demonstrating that principle.

d5f4e No.4420


Also of note is that you do a good job of doing what I've been trying to convince Nigel to do for a long time now: filter out unnecessary crap. These first two posts basically take the first major scene in Nigel's first chapter and condense it down to its essential elements.

What fundamentally happens? Silver "my ass is like a roller coaster baby baby you want to ride" Star meets with Coffee Grounds and buys his shop. What is the subtext here? Coffee Grounds is trying to present his business as successful but ultimately he needs to get rid of it. You alter the specific reason he's trying to get rid of it from the original text but in this case it's not important, as it only really affects the reader's perception of the Coffee Grounds character, who is incidental. You also move the location of the coffee shop from Canterlot to Ponyville.

In any event, the central focus is Silver Star, who we are being introduced to. Which leads us to the final significant element: what is this scene trying to communicate? Mainly that Silver is a savvy businesspony, somewhat ruthless, probably more than a little arrogant, who is not above taking advantage of others in a weak position. He is successful and knows his way around a negotiating table. This is a very good introduction to Silver. Bear in mind that we learn all of this about him just from these two posts, and that is all I have read so far. The total word count for this section of text is 1,756. For comparison, Nigel's original text does not arrive at this point in the narrative until 11,938 words in.

Now, to be fair, that is just a raw word count from the beginning of the text until the end of the Coffee Grounds interview. In your text you cut out a couple of major scenes that consume a lot of text in Nigel's work. Again most of what you cut out is just unnecessary bullshit that needed to be trimmed anyway: we are spared the excruciatingly dull scene where Silver straps on his magic rocket boots and goes flying around all over Canterlot, for instance. You also reduce the initial exchange between Silver and Aquilla down to a couple of lines of dialogue before moving on to Coffee and Silver. This is also probably a good choice; Nigel's scene basically consists of a conversation with Aquilla where Silver admits to some feelings of discontentment and boredom. This really shouldn't happen before the character has been properly introduced; with a character like this, who is meant to be an initially unlikable character who you gradually learn there is more to than meets the eye, you want to peel back layers gradually like an onion. You want your introduction to the character to pique curiosity while only showing a single side of him. In this case, making the reader's first impression of Silver to be of his business acumen and ruthlessness was a good choice, particularly since you revealed this through events rather than just having Silver blather.

The scene I personally would not have cut, however, is the opening scene where Coffee Grounds is going up the elevator. That scene was one of a handful of things Nigel actually managed to do well, and I was basically enjoying the story up until the point where he switched over to Silver and his time spells and rocket boots. It's a good scene for a number of reasons: it introduces the story from the perspective of an incidental side character rather than the main character, which allows the reader to get an initial impression of characters and events from a distance. We learn that Coffee is going to meet with someone named Silver Star, and all we know about him is that he is mysterious and important. This piques initial reader curiosity and gives the author something to build on as he gradually presents the character. It's also good because it fleshes out the Coffee Grounds character and gives him a motivation and personality. Any opportunity you can take to humanize a side character, even if the character will only appear once, should be taken, so long as it doesn't make you deviate too much from the main story. It fleshes out your world and makes it feel more like a real place inhabited by real people/horses.

3cae0 No.4421

Thank you for your thoughts. I will comment on it later when I have time.
Also, not because I really feel that this is needed to be said, you don't have to sugercoat any of your criticism. I want to improve.

3cae0 No.4422

And I can take it.

18ff0 No.4423

Alright, here are my thoughts on the rest of it, Swedanon.

Again, while it may not be something you can reasonably be blamed for due to your living in a Swahili-speaking country, your English is a bit awkward and it interferes with the telling of your story. One thing you may want to pay attention to is comma use. It's not a mistake you make consistently but there are multiple places in this story where a sentence goes on longer than it should without any punctuation like this one that I am right here writing like this see what I am doing it reads funny when there are no commas being used. Also, while your dialog is generally better than Nigel's it is still somewhat awkward. You may want to go back over your characters' speaking parts and experiment a little with rewriting their sentences. Try to use fewer words and make them flow more like natural speech.

Here's an example:
>I will soon be taking my leave for today, sir. I just wanted to know if there was anything you want me to do before I go.
This sentence is grammatically correct and there's nothing wrong with it from a technical perspective, but as dialog it's a bit stiff. Silver's response is not much better:
>Oh, nothing really… Perhaps you could pour me a shot of that whiskey by Emerald whiskers. I feel like celebrating It is a transparent bottle with a big label that reads Liquid Emeralds. It is in that cupboard, the second shelf from the top to the right.

Although the nod to the illustrious King Battlebrit's iconic Emerald Whiskers character is noted and appreciated, the homage might work better if these characters didn't sound like robots reading lines from an Aaron Sorkin script. Again, aim for a natural flow of words, and try not to use more words than are necessary to communicate what you want the character to say. Here's a rewrite of that short exchange between Silver and Aquilla for comparison:

>I'm leaving for today, sir. You need anything else before I go?

>Not really. I suppose you could pour me a drink. Use the new stuff I bought, the Emerald Whiskers brand. Liquid Emeralds, I think it's called. You'll find it in the cupboard, second shelf from the top on the right. I rather feel like celebrating.

See how it feels a bit more natural? Writing natural-sounding dialog is more of an art than a science, and it's a fairly common thing to struggle with. I still find myself rewriting dialog more often than any other part of a story. Just play around with it and see what sounds better. I've found it also helps to listen to other people's conversations and make a note of how they say things. Pay attention both to what words the person used to say what they had to say, as well as the information they were trying to convey. People have different ways of speaking and it's a good idea to think how one character in your story uses language vs. another. The differences don't need to be huge, but each character should have a speaking style that fits their character. For instance, with Applejack you can use a lot of Southernisms and country slang; Pinkie Pie speaks very hyperactively; Rainbow Dash speaks casually and says "awesome" a lot; Twilight sounds like a bookworm; Rarity is overly polite and well mannered; you get the idea.

If you want a really interesting study in dialog writing you should read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Mark Twain literally went around to different regions of America with a notebook taking detailed, autistic notes about all the various dialects and speaking styles in America. He replicated nineteenth century Nigger-speak so effectively it eventually caused the book to be banned in American high schools because muh racism.

Something you do well that I think is worth developing is the way you intersperse dialog with descriptions of events, and conveying information through conversation rather than narrative whenever possible. For instance, the way you have Silver and Aquilla do a back-and-forth while she's pouring him a drink. You have a sentence or two of dialog from one character, then something happens, then the other character responds. Tiny little slice of life type scenes like this are the best way to bring characters to life. I think if you could learn to write more naturally flowing dialog you could really tell some engaging and convincing stories using this technique.

I'd like to delve more into the meat of this section of story as well, but I think I will use another post to do it as I only have about 1500 chars remaining and there are a few things I want to address.

>And I can take it.
that's right you can

efed0 No.4424


The events that transpire in this scene don't feel natural. Part of it is your dialog as I explained in the previous post, but that's not all. Your characters' actions and behaviors don't feel natural. Basically, the sequence of events here is: Silver is sitting in his office gloating about how he got one over on Coffee Beans/Grounds, and Aquilla is pouring him a drink. It's a perfectly natural situation for these two to be in and, except for the awkward dialog, feels reasonably natural. However, the situation gets weird fast. Silver makes some offhanded remark to her that she takes offense to, she gets angry and yells at him, then breaks his glass. He reacts by getting even angrier and firing her. Then she immediately becomes penitent and teary eyed, begging for her job back. Silver shows her no pity and tells her to leave again. Then, as she is leaving, she tells him she pities him for being lonely. The scene ends with Silver stewing by himself.

I get what you were going for here, and it wasn't a bad idea. The idea here was to illustrate that Silver is cold and arrogant and tends to look down on beings he considers less intelligent than he, which is basically everypony. Aquilla, who cares for him on some level, takes offense at this, and explodes on him when he insults her in this way. By having him get angry and fire her over something relatively minor, even as she's begging him to reconsider, you illustrate both that Silver is a coldhearted and arrogant pony, and that this is really just a front that conceals his loneliness and ennui. You establish his initial motivation for (assuming your story will follow the same trajectory as Nigel's) the main plot of the story, which is basically "Silver moves to Ponyville and learns to make friends." In theory it's a great scene and a much better means of conveying this information than the cringe-inducing emo ballad in Nigel's text. By all means you are on the right track here. However, in execution, it sadly falls flat.

The issue here as with the dialog is that the exchange just doesn't feel natural. Your characters' emotions go from zero to 60 and back again with very little warning. Aquilla is just pouring Silver a drink, you don't get any insight into her thoughts as she's doing it. There is nothing in any of the exchange up until this point suggesting that she might be about to get angry. She just explodes on him out of nowhere. Silver, too, overreacts in a way that the reader will likely puzzle at.

Getting characters to emote convincingly is one of the hardest things to do when writing fiction, and I myself admit to struggling with it. A common mistake is to assume that making your characters behave more emotionally will amplify the emotional content in a scene. This is a yuge mistake; the kind of fiction this type of pseudo-emotion produces is the stuff cringe threads are made of. Unless you're writing about characters who are bipolar, transgendered, or otherwise psychologically unstable, usually it's safe to assume that they won't just burst into tears for no reason, or get majorly angry out of nowhere.

It ties into something I've been trying to drill into Nigel's skull over the course of many, many posts: characterization. The key to writing effective emotional content is understanding who your characters are at a fundamental level. What defines them? What's important to them? What makes them tick? Even if you're just writing some simple piece of flash fiction like this, where you're just going to write a single scene and never touch these characters again, you still need to flesh them out and make them into real individuals.

Who is Aquilla, for example? We know she's a griffon, and you establish that she has kids and has been working for Silver for two weeks. Based on that information, does it make sense that she would get this angry over such a minor insult? She clearly needs the job, and has responsibilities that preclude her being reckless and impulsive the way someone without kids could afford to be. While she might have some initial spark of interest in her boss (this doesn't necessarily mean sexual interest, btw), her thoughts are likely going to be more focused on her kids and her family and her life outside of work than on Silver at this point. She probably just wants to pour this faggot a drink and get home; his comment would likely annoy her but she'd probably let it slide. Imagine yourself in this situation. Do you cuss out your boss every time he says or does something that annoys you? A more appropriate reaction would be to just suck it in, say "Yes sir no sir" the way she's supposed to, then go out for drinks later with friends and make fun of her lame, pathetic, lonely boss behind his back.

If it's crucial to your scene that she react more emotionally to Silver's insults, you need to establish an initial connection between her and Silver more effectively. Why does she care what this douchebag thinks of her enough to get this mad over it? The fact that she baked him muffins isn't enough; why did she bake him muffins? Why does she give a shit even though he's clearly a thoughtless asshole? To achieve this effect you'd be better off establishing Aquilla as kind of a Wayland Smithers to Silver's Mr. Burns, or a Miss Moneypenny to Silver's James Bond: the tireless, loyal, underappreciated assistant who has stuck by her cad boss through thick and thin, and remains loyal no matter how badly he treats her.

Also, however you end up structuring your characters and their relationships to each other, you need to lead into the outburst better. Build tension; don't just have them go from casual conversation to heated argument in the space of a line or two. Writing is a lot like acting in that you need to understand your characters thoroughly in order to present them effectively to an audience. Overacting is not an effective substitute.

efed0 No.4425

>And then he farted.
Okay, I totally didn't see that twist ending coming.

ddcb1 No.4426

File: 1537992343499.gif (4.81 MB, 640x480, 1714334__safe_artist-colon….gif)

Because I haven't posted here in a while, have a retro Glimmy, everyone.

5b4ad No.4427

On a completely random and unrelated topic, does anyone know how to get Unity to render in a lower resolution and color depth? I want to make a game with that type of N64 look.

2ceff No.4428

You can set resolution via Screen class (not sure about color depth)

5b4ad No.4429

Oh shit, that will probably work. Thank you.

538af No.4430

Man, why do so many people want Silver Star Apple to be a cunt to everyone, even his own secretary?
Is this some kind of "I need to rationalize away why he was so mean to my waifu" or is this just supposed to annoy me? Because greentext of my OC is still greentext of my OC.

93bab No.4431

Hey Nigel, there's some Glimmerniggers on 8ch/trap/ ,… I think they would appreciate your take on the matter

a4e8f No.4432

He was a cunt before hand tho

87281 No.4433

File: 1538708200045.png (178.2 KB, 841x951, silver_star_apple__colour_….png)


Is there a character that could even possibly EVEN TOUCH Silver Star? Let alone defeat him. And I'm not talking about Edo Tensei Silver Star. I'm not talking about Gedou Rinne Tensei Silver Star either. Hell, I'm not even talking about Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Silver Star with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan and Rinnegan doujutsus (with the rikodou abilities and being capable of both Amateratsu and Tsukuyomi genjutsu), equipped with his Gunbai, a perfect Susano'o, control of the juubi and Gedou Mazou, with Hashirama Senju's DNA implanted in him so he has mokuton kekkei genkai and can perform yin yang release ninjutsu while being an expert in kenjutsu and taijutsu. I’m also not talking about Kono Yo no Kyūseishu Futarime no Rikudō Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Silver Star with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan (which is capable of Enton Amaterasu, Izanagi, Izanami and the Tsyukuyomi Genjutsu), his two original Rinnegan (which grant him Chikushōdō, Shuradō, Tendō, Ningendō, Jigokudō, Gakidō, Gedō, Banshō Ten’in, Chibaku Tensei, Shinra Tensei, Tengai Shinsei and Banbutsu Sōzō) and a third Tomoe Rinnegan on his forehead, capable of using Katon, Fūton, Raiton, Doton, Suiton, Mokuton, Ranton, Inton, Yōton and even Onmyōton Jutsu, equipped with his Gunbai(capable of using Uchihagaeshi) and a Shakujō because he is a master in kenjutsu and taijutsu, a perfect Susano’o (that can use Yasaka no Magatama ), control of both the Juubi and the Gedou Mazou, with Hashirama Senju’s DNA and face implanted on his chest, his four Rinbo Hengoku Clones guarding him and nine Gudōdama floating behind him AFTER he absorbed Senjutsu from the First Hokage, entered Rikudō Senjutsu Mode, cast Mugen Tsukuyomi on everybody and used Shin: Jukai Kōtan so he can use their Chakra while they are under Genjutsu. I'm definitely NOT Talking about sagemode sage of the six paths Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Super Saiyan 4 Silver Star with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan, Rinnegan, Mystic Eyes of Death Perception, and Geass doujutsus, equipped with Shining Trapezohedron while casting Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann as his Susanoo, controlling the Gold Experience Requiem stand, having become the original vampire after Alucard, able to tap into the speedforce, wearing the Kamen Rider Black RX suit and Gedou Mazou, with Hashirama Senju's DNA implanted in him so he has mokuton kekkei genkai and can perform yin yang release ninjutsu while being an expert in kenjutsu and taijutsu and having eaten Popeye's spinach. I'm talking about sagemode sage of the six paths Juubi Jinchuuriki Gedou Rinne Tensei Legendary Super Saiyan 4 Silver Star with the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan, Rinnegan, Mystic Eyes of Death Perception, and Geass doujutsus, equipped with his Shining Trapezohedron while casting Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann as his Susanoo, controlling the Gold Experience Requiem stand, having become the original vampire after having absorbed Alucard as well as a God Hand, able to tap into the speedforce, wearing the Kamen Rider Black RX suit, with Kryptonian DNA implanted in him and having eaten Popeye's spinach while possessing quantum powers like Dr. Manhattan and having mastered Hokuto Shinken.

132ee No.4434

This is an amazing list of character traits and development. Thank you for analyzing the character so thouroughly

f8b89 No.4435

File: 1538710935173.gif (1.73 MB, 244x180, tenor (6).gif)

>having eaten Popeye's spinach
I nearly choked there.

ddcb1 No.4436

File: 1538714100474.jpg (31.55 KB, 512x512, 1522284582600.jpg)

I think I've found my new pasta.

[View All] (341 posts and 156 image replies omitted)
[Go to top] [Catalog] [Return][Post a Reply]
Delete Post [ ]
[ mlpol / qa / go / 1ntr / vx / sp / üb / a ] [ Overboard ] [ Statistics / Banlist / Search ] [ PonyX ] [ Policy / Store ] [ home ]