/go/ - Golden Oaks

>>4240
I shouldn't be laughing so hard at the picture alone but as a hamstick boi, I can safely say this is basically every OC in homestuck fan works.

Also that's true pottery, 11/10

>>4237
godspeed, you glorious bastard. I'm enjoying this as I've always been, but unfortunately I've been busy this last two days. Don't think your work is going unappreciated though!

>>4237
WoW!

>>4248
Holy fuck, saved. (And set as my new linux background)

>>4249
Based Glimfriend, nano-men extermination when?

>>4250
SOON(TM).

Jokes aside Glimmernigel actually made me somewhat like Glimmer. I originally hated that Twiggles gave her not only a chance at redemption but a first-class, one-way ticket to her apprenticeship, and wished that her appearance in the show were confined to select moments if anything after her premier episode.

But I kinda like her now, and that pic is so a e s t h e t i c I can't help but like it.

>>4251
Somewhat same. Besides it's fun to see /mlp/ seethe over boop-posts.
I still hate writers for forcing Glimmer friendship with my wife, tho...

Hey whats going on in this thre-

>>4253
>siding with Glimmernigel
You must be new here, friend. Take a look at Glim Glam's posts and the lolcow responses from Nigel.

>>4254
Nigel is a cocksucking faggot but communist sympathy is communist sympathy

>>4255
Would you call sympathy for Louis Budnez communist sympathy? If they realize the error of their ways and show genuine interest in dissuading Marxism, I'd say trust but verify.

>>4253
>>4255
>Memes
If you're actually serious, and not just memeing this holds as much water as Glimmernigel calling all his criticizers lefties and reddit.

He really is the quintessential screeching aspie when anyone pictures that meme of getting upset over boop shoops. I've only just learned about him in these two threads but then while browsing /sp/ I found his autism goes all the way back for an an entire year anytime a starlight glimmer post showed up, he was there with his egotistic condescending attitude. He was banned for it too. He is an insufferable cancer and I see no value in ever unbanning him, but at least there are others willing to make something useful and entertaining out of it.

>>4244
MODS = GODS
Or Admins, in this case.

>>4237
Wow!
Beautiful trip.

>>4260
Wow!
Beautiful trips.

Also >dat blender meme

>>4233
I forget, which of my stories was 91k words?
Also that was a Trump reference, not a dig at him. I support Trump.

>>4262
You're right, I spoke too soon. I'm unfamiliar with FiM Fic's format, and I misinterpreted some of the statistics.
I get it now, and here's a rundown.
Silver Star Apple and the Search for More Money, Love, The Meaning of Life, And Magical Cards - 91k
Consisting of 6 Chapters
The SIlver Spire - 19,993
Now Its a Party - 14,916
Drifting Into a Dog Daze - 6,664
The Strength of Family - 12,506
Stacking the Deck - 4,719
The First and Final Sentence - 32,208 - This is the chapter that's being ripped to shreds.

There's ALSO:
Displaced: Human In Equestria but the Human becomes Twilight Sparkle only more, also Pokemon are there - 11 Chapters totaling 29,488 words
The Last Power Fantasy: Johnny Christie ruins his own story for everyone involved - 6452 words
TCB: Rewrite of 1996 - 10,525
And finally, Coral Phoenix and the Caged Bird - 2 chapters - 2 chapters totaling 19,646 words.

Okay, so there apparently is only 91k words pertaining to the Silver "You know what to insert here by now so hurry up and do it" Star with another 66,111 words between his other stories for a grand total of 157,117 words.
That puts Nigel's combined works at almost the exact length (~1k more than) as JRR Tolkein's The Two Towers (from LoTR).
Sorry for the inaccurate estimates.

In my dream,
the world had suffered a terrible disaster.
A black haze shut out the sun,
and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people.
Suddenly,
a small light glowed.
A candle flickered into life,
symbol of hope for millions.
A single tiny candle,
shining in the ugly dark.

I
laughed
and
blew it
out.

While we're on this topic, I think it's worth mentioning that if you're redpilling against a hostile ideology like Marxism, it's actually better, paradoxically, to have the good guys lose and the evil ideology win. This is for two reasons. First, it offers more opportunity to show rather than tell why this platform of thought is evil and to show its logical consequences. Secondly, people have a gut reaction to suffering, especially when it is inflicted by other people. When they read about pain and terror inflicted by a certain group of people, they feel an innate emotional revulsion against the violent group. Having your protagonists lose hope in the face of repression will entice more sympathy than if they go full Rambo and shoot all the baddies.

This is why I believe (and it may be an unpopular opinion on /pol/) that The Turner Diaries is terrible political fiction compared to such works as 1984 and The Camp of the Saints. These latter books present a very real possibility and, by showcasing what would happen to ordinary people down the line, serve as a timeless warning for their audience. The Diaries, on the other hand, by going full "race war now!" discouraged potential readers and, by having the protagonists commit unspeakable atrocities, disgust those who aren't already fully committed to the idea. Pierce would have had more success telling the tale of peace-loving individuals who only too late realized that the unchecked expansion of non-whites meant their doom. You have to entice from the audience the idea that even distasteful actions are necessary to prevent such a future, not actually advertise these actions. Because of the "good guys win, bad guys die" narrative the Diaries, rather than fulfilling the intended purpose, are commonly used to advertise the threat of "dangerous white supremacists."

>>4231
>>4111
>>4120
>>4222

7. You're Writing About Politics All Wrong

So, up next we've got the scene in which Silver "my cavernous punished rectum is a void from which even light cannot escape" Star undertakes the foolhardy and ultimately doomed mission of attempting to shim sham the Glim Glam (protip: the Glim Glam cannot be shim shammed). I've never been a fan of this particular kind of political writing, as it is basically the argumentative equivalent of playing a fighting game where you control both characters and want one of them to win. The author just creates a mock debate in which he can put his own arguments into the mouth of the hero and use the other characters as sockpuppets who lob softball arguments the hero can easily bat away because the author already has a response ready. It usually makes for tedious reading and usually the reader is neither convinced nor entertained. This is no exception.

There is a fantasy author named Terry Goodkind who writes this way except better. For anyone who wants to try this sort of political writing, I would recommend reading his Sword of Truth series, as it is actually a decent example of how to do it reasonably well. I will warn you that the series is I think 13 books long, he doesn't really get to the meat of the story until about book 3, and the books can be a little thick to get through at times. Mostly they're good reads though; Faith of the Fallen is one of the most inspiring things I've ever read. However, my advice for you personally, Nigel, is still Ctrl-A + Backspace.

Whether or not this kind of mock argument is a successful way to convince anyone of anything I personally doubt. The art of persuasion is a whole other topic, but the way I look at it is if you're trying to persuade someone, there's two ways you can do it. You can appeal to their mind with logic, or you can appeal to their emotions. I know that appeal to emotion is technically a logical fallacy, but the thing about it is that it works. Liberal Hollywood uses it a lot (read: exclusively). I'm not saying that right wing authors should try to emotionally manipulate their audience the way Hollywood does, because this is a disingenuous thing to do and it tends to backfire eventually, again look at Hollywood. But with fiction, the idea is to tell a story that engages the reader and creates characters that they form an emotional bond with. If you can craft stories that demonstrate the superiority of right wing ideals using characters the reader cares about, you'll do a much better job convincing the reader of your point of view than if you just wrote out the reasoning behind those ideals and dumped them into quotes. The right has an advantage here: we don't need to twist things or spin things the way the left does, all we have to do is tell the truth and make it entertaining and engaging.

I'll use Goodkind as an example. Faith of the Fallen is a story in which his protagonist, who is fighting an enemy called the Imperial Order which is basically a stand-in for Marxism, is taken prisoner by a sorceress who is a true believer to the cause. She believes that, instead of fighting the protagonist, she can convince him to join their side by demonstrating its superiority. She takes him prisoner using magic and forces him to live with her in their capital city. Basically, he has to live under their system for months on end, the idea being that he will eventually realize how much the poor people suffer and how a system of total equality is the only fair way for a society to operate. He suffers under their system but he maintains his beliefs and his spirit. He makes friends with people there and shows them small ways in which they can improve themselves and their lives, even under a system that punishes self improvement. He secretly earns gold beyond what he's rationed by working odd jobs at night. I won't spoil how it ends, but ultimately it's a story about a lone individual struggling defiantly against an oppressive order. He adapts to their system and then rises above it, and it's both emotional and inspiring. The effect on the reader is much greater than if he just had his character stand around and make speeches (well, to be fair, Goodkind does tend to have his character make a lot of speeches throughout these novels, and it's a little annoying, that's why Nigel's book made me think of it, beyond that he's good though).

I know it's tempting when putting things that interest you into a story to start going on and on about them. As much shit as I've given you here about the length of your chapter, I can understand how you got carried away; but it goes back to what I was saying about needing to develop an inner filter so you can evaluate what parts you might find interesting to write about, but that the reader might not want to read. Read your own comments section, a couple people in there tell you just as much. Imagine you're just some ponyfag who doesn't give a shit about politics, who picks this up because you want a pony story. How interested would you be in a 24,535 word long dialog about Marxism between two characters? Probably not very. A story about an individual pony's struggles in a proto-Marxist community though could be very moving. You don't need to convince someone to adopt your ideology, you just need to present it in a positive light for them to absorb and leave them to draw their own conclusions. A person who reads it might not respond immediately, but later on in a class where a Marxist professor is pushing his ideology could recall it and realize he doesn't agree with the professor. That's how you persuade people. If you just bludgeon them over the head with your ideology at most you'll be ignored and at worst you'll end up driving them in the opposite direction, again as the left is beginning to finally discover.

Show, don't tell.

>>4265
Also, this guy knows his shit. Listen to him.

>>4267
>>4111
>>4120
>>4222
Anyways, slogging my way through the argument. Ironically enough this is so far the easiest section of the text to read simply because it mostly focuses on ideology so there are less things here that make me want to facepalm while reading. There are still a few things though. We are intermittently reminded that nopony ever really liked Glimmer to begin with, she just had them all under a spell which forced them to like her (I reject your canon and embrace my own, t. Nigel). We also have plenty of Nigel-esque self-aggrandizement. The crowd is naturally sympathetic to Silver "it is literally impossible to rape me because I will never say no to anything you want to shove up my ass, but I'll still pretend not to like it if that's what you want" Star, he really doesn't have to do anything to win them over except to keep on being awesome. That always helps to create a ripping narrative. You accuse Glimmer of "shooting a filly" at one point, not quite sure what the hell that was about, but whatever. Maybe that was in one of the earlier chapters you keep insisting we all need to read before we can comprehend this masterwork.

Here's another classic Nigel-ism:
>You think you’re right, I think I’m right, but if we never talk this out like rational adults, we’ll never find out who’s really right. Now, let’s discuss how wrong you are.

Even in a mock argument where both participants are your sockpuppets, you can't even pretend you're actually having a real debate here. Really from the get-go this was never meant to be a debate, it was meant to be an inquisition. Not even a trial, because in a trial the accused gets to defend herself. You've pretty much already concluded that she's wrong about everything, this is just the part where put her in the stocks and humiliate her before leading her to the gallows.

Glimmy does get the chance to defend herself a little:
>I hate it. And I hate you. I want all your excess money taken away from you, so you’ll be left with nothing but the scraps you need to survive.
Have to be honest here, I'd read that fanfiction.

Naturally, it wouldn't be complete without more bragging from Silver "I can deepthroat an entire eggplant" Star:
>I’ve taken down white-collar criminals, golden-collar criminals, evil nobles, evil Kings and Queens, even evil Princesses. I’ve taken down monsters who tried to feed virus-infected meat to the world, so their friends can sell cures at a premium. I’ve even made life considerably harder on unethical businessponies who use Planned Obsolescence to sell marginal upgrades to pointless devices at high prices, without actually taking them down properly, because what they were doing was unethical, but not really an offense punishable by a ruined career. I’ve saved multiple Equestrias, including this one. I’m a hero.

This is just pointless bragging, and a lot of it is shit you already mentioned before. Even just cutting out filler text like this would improve quality.

Anyway, more predictable Commie-patter from Glimglam:
>You’re rich, and that’s wrong. Rich ponies are greedy, because they hoard wealth and resources. You should all be forced share them with everypony else.

You know, I have to say that as little as I came in expecting, you still manage to disappoint me. Not only did you bloat your text with an obscenely long fake argument, the argument isn't even interesting to follow. This is just typical strawman crap, where you reduce the other side's point of view down to simplistic statements that can be easily batted away. It's just reddit-tier amateur debate. It pretty much just goes "muh equality" "but muh wealth" "but muh poverty" "but muh hard work", back and forth just like that. This conversation has been had millions of times across the internet and it's not any more interesting to read here.

The least you could do is try to make this argument seem serious. Don't make your communists argue communism the way you see it, you have to try to get inside their head and argue it the way they would see it, and try to refute it from there. It doesn't just make the dialog more interesting, it's good mental exercise for you. Pretend you're a communist and you honestly believe it, then try to think of the best argument you can for Communism. Then try to refute that.

Anyway, a few more minor things. You refer to a city called "Las Haygas." If I'm not mistaken the MLP universe already has a parody Las Vegas called Las Pegasus, which is a better horse pun anyway. I'd just use that. Also, that fourth wall shit you do where you talk about "the camera" moving from the fillies back to Silver and Glimmer? Don't do that, it's cringey. I can visualize the type of gag you were going for, but if you can't figure out a better way to describe it just leave it out.

*sighs heavily*
*rubs temples*
Look Nigel, on some level I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but this really is just a very mediocre effort. You construct huge paragraphs that tediously lay out what ultimately amounts to some pretty basic arguments. I'd like to grab a snippet from your own comments section for a moment:
>While I agree with silver's ideals (communism is a horrible thing), I found myself rolling my eyes halfway through the story. If I wanted a lecture on politics, I could go watch Ben Shapiro, Steven Crowder, or Gavin McGinnis.
This guy was actually fairly polite and it looks like you responded to him nicely, I'm guessing he's one of a handful of readers who periodically strokes your cock so you don't want to piss him off. Here's an even more poignant observation:
>Also, while I get some people hate starlight glimmer, I'm personally indifferent to her character, and this chapter did not feel like her character at all (ooc). It felt like you were beating on her for no other reason than you hate her, and that's something I can't get behind.
Straight from the horse's mouth, as it were. If you won't listen to me, you should listen to this guy.

>>4265
I think the Turner Diaries is a case study in multiculturalism and what happens when you abandon your founding/majority stock.

It's no masterpiece but I think the way Naked Ape describes the "turner effect" in his video on the alt-right is pretty spot on.

>>4269
I think the "you're rich and that's wrong, you should be forced to give that away" line is just the most shitty attempt at "debate" I've ever seen. Like I said before, actually get in the head of a communist and there will be more substance. Imagine, if you will, how the scene would play out with this kind of dialogue:
>"But for you to become rich, you must take advantage of and exploit others."
>"I don't want to take everything away from rich people but what reason could you have for all this needless luxury?"
>"With the money of just one of the top 1% of America, you could give every homeless man $100,000 housing, or even up to $10,000,000 to live off if we were to take from the absolute top-earners. All those people are starving in a ditch with no way out, uneducated and illiterate, with no inheritance or safety net. And then those who are both poor and suffering a severe disability!"

Again, I don't agree with these points, since no matter how wide the gap between rich and poor, capitalism raises living standards across the board, and I believe stocks and inheritance are legitimate forms of wealth. But if you show that Glimmer is a corrupted idealist, someone who did all her commie shit out of a desire to help the helpless, as commies universally claim to, that at least draws a little bit of character around her instead of her literally being blamed for all the world's problems and accused of forcing everyone to like her to bleed them dry. That kind of characterization is inherently childish and does nothing to prove a real life political point.

>>4271
An addendum to the green in this post: remember that much of the issue is an issue of definitions and beliefs. To communists, organization and heirarchy are inherently abusive, because of the force they could potentially exert on the lower ranks. We understand a boss needs his workers and has to treat them well enough to encourage productivity, hence negotiable wages and promotions, but to them the very idea of organizing out of necessity (and not out of love for the job/desire for the end product) is immoral.

The trick to convincing a communist is not to simply screech in their face, it's to argue from their perspective. For instance:
>"If my employees wish to leave the business, outside extreme circumstances, they can. In fact I owe them severance for any overtime done in that time, which stacks up quite fast. There are market forces that dissuade bad treatment of a workforce, and often extra motivators like raises give them added satisfaction. It may seem predatory, but my role as a business-owner is important too, for without this heirarchy and my organizing of labor and resources, the business would be less efficient, or worse, stagnate and die out."
>"The alternative of a classless society without market forces is one in which the only motivation is the greater good of man, and while it is a noble goal, it's not enough for many other people, and different interpretations of morality and philosophy mean one view of a greater society is the death penalty while the other is imprisonment. The fact we're in this debate only proves this point; religions, governments and businesses all have differing beliefs for the greater good. I think the greater good is to innovate technology so that we can work towards eco-friendly alternatives that are more affordable than fossil fuels. How do I enforce that without stepping on a few hundred million people? No, by organizing a company, shaking hands and making deals to please shareholders, I'm doing as much as I can for my greater good."
>"Why equality? What makes it so appealing? We are all different, with both inborn traits and cultural ones pushing us toward a certain set of skills. This fits very neatly with the division of labor. Wouldn't it be better that a tall and athletic man works a physically demamding job relating to his interests and skills? Even if it's a sport or olympian feat like sprinting or football, if it makes him and those around him happy and his service of entertainment or exercise-related science benefits his consumers, why make him a farmer and a baker and a factory worker? He has no reason to find farming or baking interesting in his eyes, and factory work is often demeaning and low-skill labor that may very well be phased out with technological development. Let him be a basketball star or competitive runner!"

Again these are just on-the-spot ideas. Really not that hard to construct around a capitalism v. communism debate if you know your characters, setting, and ideologies.

>>4269
>>4111
>>4120
>>4222

I think that >>4271 made a good point that a lot of what is wrong with this is just how you present your arguments and portray Glimmer. I've said a lot of this before I suppose, but it bears repeating. You pretty much just use Glimmer as a mouthpiece for spouting boilerplate Communism with some weak horse puns on ideology names to connect it to MLP. As usual with you it's just bad writing and shows a lack of understanding of the universe you're writing in.

I'd like to return for a moment to what I wrote about earlier, when I went over your lack of respect for the canon characters of the show. It definitely applies here, because you're doing the same thing to Glimmer that you do to Twilight and the others. Now, when I say that you need to "respect" the canon characters, I'm not saying you necessarily need to like them, since it's pretty obvious at this point that you don't like Glimmer. However, even if you're writing about a character that you don't like, you still need to make an effort to understand who that character is and what her motivations are, otherwise why write about her? One of the biggest problems you have is that you frankly just don't write believable dialog, and that combined with the fact that you go completely off the rails here with all the politics just completely destroys the believability of the story. If you didn't occasionally throw in weak nods to your setting like saying "Marksism" instead of "Marxism" or describing Glimmyglam's utopia as "unlimited carrots for all" because haha horses eat those, I would forget I was even reading an MLP story.

Your problem is you superficially understand this world and its characters but you don't think any deeper about them. It's not even enough to just understand their backstories and basic personalities, you have to go deeper than that. Who are these characters? If you create some arbitrary situation like being lost in the woods, how differently would Twilight respond to that situation than say Rainbow Dash? You have to learn to think like that. It's not enough to just know their names and speech patterns and details of events that happened in the show, you have to think of them as real people (or horses or whatever) and try to see situations from their individual perspectives if you want to write them well. That goes just as much for Glimmer even though you don't like her.

You go way off the deep end with speculation about what Glimmer's plans were. You basically accuse her of plotting to take over the world and subject it to some kind of pony proto-Communism. Even though you're allowed to take creative license, is that really what she would try to do? Is that what she wants? Most of the arguments you put in her mouth are just boilerplate Antifa-tier commie arguments about wealth inequality. Is that really the type of inequality that Glimmer cares about? Seems to me she's more concerned about unequal distribution of talents and abilities, not material wealth.

The way I see it, at the core of Glimmer's character is loneliness. Her character basically parallels Twilight's in that she's a very smart pony but kind of a socially awkward sperg. She manages to make one friend but he goes off to magic school and she gets left behind, so she feels abandoned. Rather than try to make new friends she isolates herself and dedicates all of her time to her evil plans. There's nobody around to tell her she's being a retard and she just needs to go out and try to make some new friends. This is actually a fairly common scenario in real life, people have shot up high schools over shit like this. For a kids' show it's actually a pretty good story angle, because there's probably kids watching who can relate to Glimmy. I guess what I'm saying is, even if you want to make this character the villain, you still need to write her arguments from her viewpoint, not yours.

The difference between Twilight and Glimglam is that Twilight had Celestia to teach her and eventually push her into a situation where she was able to make friends and come out of her shell, Glimmer didn't have anyone. One of the complaints you make over and over (and I've heard this complaint elsewhere) is that Tirek did similar things to what Glimmer did, but didn't get a redemption. Well, Tirek was basically a centuries-old entity, for all practical purposes a mythical creature like Angra Mainyu or some shit. Creatures like that get vanquished and sent to Hell, that's just how fantasy works. Any chance for redemption he might have had probably passed thousands of years ago, now he's just a monster. Glimmer has a human (equine?) component and the writers apparently felt she deserved a second chance. You don't have to like this or agree with it, but that's her character and any attack on her should start from that. Don't just dump human ideologies into her mouth and have her vomit them out, it's bad writing and makes for tedious reading.

The other thing is understanding your setting from a technical perspective. *ism type ideologies are a post-enlightenment development in human thought, and are largely the product of a liberal social order. Politics don't really come up much in MLP, but to me it seems like it's basically a benevolent monarchy, with pony communities being largely autonomous in the details of how they run things. The average pony probably doesn't think much about politics on a scale larger than his local community, and what academia exists is mostly devoted to the study of unicorn magic. Ponies all seem to have race-based roles and be content with them. You can think of it as a more or less medieval social order, so aside from maybe the occasional Martin Luther type crackpot running around, you probably aren't going to have a lot of treatises and ideologies. Especially since it seems ponies are mostly content with the existing social order; there's really not much fertile ground for revolution here. That's my take, anyway.

>>4273
>>4111
>>4120
>>4222

Anyway, some more nitpicky things I guess. You mention the steel industry, but I don't know that I've seen evidence Equestria would have knowledge of making steel, although it's difficult to tell just how industrialized their society is.

>She groaned in exhaustion. “Could you stop over-analyzing everything?”
Once more, Glimmer, the pony you hate, is proving surprisingly insightful here. You go through several examples that really just emphasize the same point over and over, which is that in a society with no personal incentive to work, where everyone is expected to share labor regardless of interest or ability, work will probably not get done as efficiently, and there will be less food/wealth/whatever. Your points aren't wrong, but you don't need to make the same ones over and over. t. guy who keeps making the same points over and over

You then start talking about Equalist countries without citing examples of which countries you're talking about. I guess in a world like this where lands outside the main setting aren't very clearly laid out you've got some room for creative license, but do a teensy bit more world building here. What countries are Equalist? How does Glimmer know about them? Has she ever been to one? You go into exhaustive detail about how these places work but don't really talk about where they are in the world or who lives there, again it just feels like you're writing an essay about human politics and draping a thin layer of Pony over it. Also, you spend a lot of this paragraph restating the same points you've made multiple times already.

>One thousand, five hundred, and seventeen. This might sound strange, but after you beat down as many unrepentant and incurably evil villains as me, you start to hear the same bad, fallacious justifications for evil actions over, and over, and over again... And, you start to hear the same ways to gloat about being evil over, and over and over again... So, I decided to make a little game out of it. I count how many times I hear a certain fragment of a villainous mindset announced, such as ‘Others cannot be trusted to make the right choices, so I had to choose for them!’, or ‘I had to do it, because only I can do it! I am blameless because I was chosen by fate!’, or ‘But this is the only solution to the problem at hoof I can think of!’. After all, villains aren’t particularly unique or interesting.

Just for fun, you, the author, should do the same thing with your story. Count up how many times in this chapter Silver "pound my butt at the speed of light" Star or Starlight Glimmer makes the same point about muh wealth or muh inequality. Listening to people argue in circles in real life is tedious enough, nobody wants to read the play by play in text. TRIM THIS DOWN.

>I’m saying you’re a really boring villain. I mean, really, come on. Look at you. Put all the supposedly-reformed friend-backstabbing evilly-gloating stuff aside for a moment and look at you. You aren’t some brilliant free-thinking visionary. You aren’t some overly-idealistic, tragically deluded wannabe-hero. You’re just another run-of-the-mill god-wannabe who wishes she could change the world to better fit her vision of what reality should be. Just another idiot too dumb to see anything wrong with her own idea of a perfect world, and too much of a jerk to consider taking advice from somepony who knows more than you.
More unintentional irony. I'll say it for the umpteenth time: your hero is a really boring hero. He's a walking pile of cliches and super-powers ripped off from anime and comics and God knows what else. His backstory is corny, nothing about him is original, entertaining or believable. People in glass houses, Nigel, people in glass houses.

Jesus Christ, your paragraphs are practically long enough to be their own self-contained works. Anyway, blah blah blah, more blathering about muh poor dirt farm backstory, more pointless bragging about all the crazy shit this character can do, blatant plug for his new line of Extreme Gear (really curious now to find out what this shit is lol), more arguing in circles. The crowd naturally cheers Silver and boos Glimmer, Trixie tries to defend her and gets a tomato launched down her throat, hopefully somepony knows the Heimlich. Not even going to waste time commenting on this part. Moving on.

Oh, lol. "The Equalism that _____ tried wasn't REAL equalism." Was wondering if you'd include that one. As long as you're having Glimmyglam rattle off tired, cliche arguments you might as well throw in the kitchen sink.

So, now it looks like Rainbow Dash punches Glimmy in the face, you make a specific point of mentioning that Twilight is gone without even hinting at where she went or why (my guess is she went off to find a better fanfiction to appear in), the crowd starts getting angry, then a few more essay-length paragraphs of arguing in circles. I just want to mention too that you keep calling Glimmy's ideology Equalism, but you branded it Marksism in a previous paragraph. You should probably just pick a made-up term to use as your preferred allegory and just stick with it. Also you never really elaborate on what "Harmonism" is exactly. You throw around a lot of words, some of which are real ideologies in the human world, others seem to be part of your fictional world. You don't really elaborate on most of them and just sort of leave it to the reader to decide what they mean.

Looks like Applejack makes a token appearance, although the only dialogue you give her are Big Mac's catch phrases. Oh okay, here's a paragraph explaining the naming convention for Marksism and Equalism. I guess Marksism is Marxism and Equalism is Communism. Cleared that up I guess.

>>4274
>>4111
>>4120
>>4222

Anyway, it looks like you're finally wrapping this up, thank God. Silver finishes off Glimmer with this sick burn:
>You keep saying hierarchies are unnatural fake social constructs, but hierarchies can be seen in all natural societies across the world, across the multiverse, even in animals. Wolves, Monkeys, Rabbits... Even Lobsters have hierarchies.
<So you’re saying we should organize our society along the lines of the lobsters?
>I’m saying even Lobsters are too smart to be Equalist.

How will Glimglam ever recover?

Anyway, turns out she won't have to, as your massive raging hateboner is finally transformed into a flaming sword of justice, to finally slay the mean pastel-colored cartoon pony whose mere existence offends you so.

You know what, I'm just going to drop this next bit in verbatim instead of summarizing it, because I don't think I could even muster enough sarcasm to do it proper justice:
>Screams of awe flooded the room, and Silver grinned victoriously as he found himself lifted up by crowds of cheering ponies as they collectively lost their marbles. Across the world, birds, cats, dogs, squirrels, rabbits, cats, dogs, howls and meows and screeches and rabbit noises could be heard worldwide. Underwater, dolphins, sharks, and sea monsters cheered, bubbles flying from their mouths to the surface, a bubble popping above the ocean blue every few seconds to unleash the sound of cheering sea life. Even the sun grew a temporary face, just so that it could scream.
And yes, this paragraph is 100% unironic.

Anyway, Glimglam is so completely and utterly BTFO by Silver's sick bantz that she starts to cry, summons all of her magics, and tries to destroy him (or something). Since we couldn't possibly expect any less from him at this point, Silver "check it out lol I am now literally a flaming faggot" Star summons a corona of fire around himself, which turns out to be a spell that can literally fucking freeze time, and naturally doesn't affect him "as much," so only he can move around. He informs Glimmer that he created this spell in two hours "because he was bored", makes fun of her for taking 20 years (again I'm curious where you got this number from) to create her magic-stealing spell (because who needs to spend time and effort actually learning stuff when all you really need to do is be super-totally-awesome to begin with, amirite?), and proceeds to summon a metal ball from the earth and ram it directly into Glimmer's jaw so she bites down on her tongue. He then proceeds to physically beat the shit out of her, which he apparently justifies by the fact that his spell protects her from actual injury...somehow...though she still feels all the pain. And just to clarify, the pain we are talking about here is biting down on your tongue after getting uppercut in the jaw with a metal ball "the size of a boulder", followed by a direct kick to the face while being thrown across the room. I would also like to take this moment to remind everyone that none of this is in self-defense; Silver picked this fight himself with a pony who was eating cake at a party and apparently minding her own business.

Naturally, the only reaction to this display of unwarranted violence from the crowd is from Rainbow Dash, who only sees fit to remark on how cool it is that Silver's horn didn't even glow while he was using magic. Yes, Silver "somepony literally fist this character to death I'm not even joking anymore" Star is just that cool.

Once again, I'd like to quote something verbatim:
>“Just a little something I’ve been working on.” Silver shrugged casually, and then a wide grin broke out on his face as his eyes grew cold and his breathing grew deeper and slower. “Something to make this a little more equal.”

That's right kids at home, you read that right. Nigel's stupidly overpowered character, who has all the powers and is pretty much deus ex machina incarnate, considers magically immobilizing an opponent and beating the everliving fuck out of her while she can't move to be some kind of leveling of the playing field.

As if all this wasn't enough, Silver then casts some kind of blue tornado spell on the crowd to whip them into a fury, so that even fucking Fluttershy for fuck's sake is screaming and howling for Glimmer's blood. Yes, the text specifically mentions that Fluttershy is screaming the loudest.

Once more, verbatim:
>Glimmer sensed a pony teleporting behind her, and she turned in time to see Silver standing there, a long sword in his mouth. “Nothing personal, filly,” He muffled around the blade’s handle.

Anyway, I'm not even going to bother with a play-by-play for the rest of this. They fight for a while, if you can even call it that; it's mostly just Silver sadistically torturing Glimmer for about a page while the rest of the ponies cheer.

Some choice dialog, from the great and virtuous hero of this story about pastel cartoon ponies:
>典he best part is, no matter how hard I hurt you, it’ll never be enough! You’ll always deserve worse. Oh, the things I could do to you... Do you think, when Twilight comes back, she’ll question it when I tell her you went on a journey to find yourself? Do you think anypony in town will question it when I sell a new cow to some farmer on the other side of Equestria? Or, perhaps, I’ll turn you into a Parasprite. Those things only live for a week, you know. Or I could turn you into chocolate, and eat you.
This part isn't even in quotes, it might even just be part of the narration.

This scene is over the top even for you, Nigel. This is downright ghoulish, the only parts that redeem any of this are the parts where its unintentionally hilarious. You need actual psychiatric help. Also, what the fuck kind of wapanese keyboard do you have that allows you to hit a kanjii as a typo?

Anyway, I feel like I need about a bottle of aspirin after that scene. I'll be back.

>>4269
>You’re rich, and that’s wrong. Rich ponies are greedy
After all the amount Nigel talked up 'beating her' at a debate this is the most underwhelming copout he could have ever come up with. I guess it's not surprising when he calls all his critics reddit (irony) and communists and glimmerfags but I was hoping he could come up with a stronger argument than what a fucking third grader could LARP.

>>4274
>One thousand, five hundred, and seventeen
So is this faggot oc supposed to be immortal or what? there havent even been 10 big time villains we've seen in MLP and the reader is supposed to swallow that he's taken out more than a thousand of them. And when did that happen, when he was working in the fields as a pony he was saving the world in his spare time as a colt? This is incredibly trashy consistency, I dont even think he goes back and checks if anything lines up except dumb irrelevant shit like '2extreme 4ugear'. As always a huge red flag that the writers self insert is more important than any other character in the show and undermines all of the Elements of Harmony instantly being dwarfed by the size of his ego.

>>4275
Making up powers on the spot that this OC has never had to begin with all so he can have his a cheering crowd including the whole MLP universe apparently and have an orgy pile later. And then launches into fully psychotic, and sociopath assault and monologue that sounds like the true villain right there. Such a bad writer that he made Starlight the victim instead of the one people want to see put down, and the one actual humans with a concept of guilt and morality to sympathize with. Anyone else besides this disgusting OC would put a stop to it, not cheer it on. Makes me think that the spell he accused Starlight of using, making everyone like her is what's going on in reverse. But of course, Nigel has no self awareness.

The whole thing is a flaming dumpster fire and an insight into his warped mind. Why would he think anyone would ever want to read this and think they would agree with him? He's legitimately insane.

>>4275
">典he best part is, no matter how hard I hurt you, it’ll never be enough! You’ll always deserve worse. Oh, the things I could do to you… Do you think, when Twilight comes back, she’ll question it when I tell her you went on a journey to find yourself? Do you think anypony in town will question it when I sell a new cow to some farmer on the other side of Equestria? Or, perhaps, I’ll turn you into a Parasprite. Those things only live for a week, you know. Or I could turn you into chocolate, and eat you."

That reminds me of Handsome fucking Jack from Borderlands. You hear me Nigel? You're like Handsome Jack. You sick fuck.

>"See, I can’t just have some psychopathic murderers getting The Vault before I do. Don’t get me wrong, it’s cute that you all think you’re the heroes of this little adventure, but you’re not. You’re bandits. You’re the bad guys. And I am the goddamn hero."
>"You see, this is what I don’t get about you bad guys. You know the hero’s gonna win but you just don’t die quickly. Example. This one guy in New Haven. City’s burning, people are dying left and right, yadda yadda yadda. This jackhole rushes me with a spoon! A fricking spoon! And I’m dying laughing right? So I scoop out his stupid little eyeballs with it, and his kids are all ‘waaaaagh’! and - hahahahahaha -he can’t see where he’s going, and he’s bumping into stuff and… hahahaha. I don’t know, maybe you had to be there. The moral is: you’re a total bitch."
>"I can actually see why you'd wanna tear that particular statue down. Clearly, you're illiterate, and the image of me enjoying a good book just makes your head hurt somethin' awful."
>"Oh, get over it. I shot ONE baby. And, in fairness, it was being a dick."
>"I bet you’re feelin’ pretty great about killing that no-name bandit king, huh? Sometimes I envy you bandits, you’re so...unburdened with things like intelligence, culture, morality, honor, ambition, good looks...I could go on. I won’t. But I could. [...] DIGNITY! I forgot dignity!"

>>4275
>>4111
>>4120
>>4222

8. Your Hero is the Most Morally Reprehensible Character in Your Entire Story

So, my scroll bar is nearing the bottom of the page, the fight scene seems to be wrapping up, so it seems we are nearing the end of this particular tome of autism (thankfully).

A couple of things, here. I notice that you have Twilight inexplicably leave the scene at some point. You don't say at what point she got up to leave or where she went or for what purpose, but you make a specific point of mentioning that she isn't there anymore. My suspicion is that even with your complete dearth of anything resembling talent in the realm of characterization, on some instinctive level you probably understood that the Princess of Friendship might object to your character sadistically torturing her protege. I highly suspect that your decision to remove her from the scene had less to do with consideration for Twilight's feelings and more to do with the fact that witnessing this side of Silver's personality might harm his chances of eventually boning her. We certainly wouldn't want to introduce anything resembling an actual challenge for Silver into the story, now would we?

In any case, displaying his trademark level of callous arrogance, Silver offhandedly refers to his love interest as an "idealistic amateur (reminder that this is Celestia's protege he's talking about)" who made a grave, childish mistake in assuming that a creature such as Glimmer could possibly reform. I'm assuming, though, that Silver's desire to stick it up her vagooper will cause him to be kind enough to overlook this massive character flaw in Twilight. What a great guy.

Anyway, apparently Silver is not quite done yet. Even though Starlight is completely incapacitated at this point, he summons a bunch of his faggot-clones and has them gather around and kick the shit out of her while she lies helpless on the ground, making snarky jokes while they do it.

One might think you'd be done dumping block paragraphs full of ideological blabbering into the story since the argument scene is concluded, but one would be wrong. The Silverfags continue to make speeches about the flaws inherent in Equalism as they beat Glimmer into a near-lifeless pulp on the ground.

Silver then performs some kind of stupid over-the-top finishing move on her involving hundreds of his clones while (naturally) the crowd roars with delight (one might think that at least a couple of these candy-colored ponies residing in magical-friendship-land might be at least a little disturbed by this level of over-the-top sadism, but again one would be wrong, at least in Nigelworld). He kicks her into a metal wall he creates, drops it on her, she explodes it somehow, he is considerate enough to stop the shrapnel from flying before it tears the crowd to shreds (what a great guy), beats her up with pieces of earth he levitates from out of the ground...

Jesus H. Christ. Every time I think this is about to end it just keeps going and going. Anyway, he tortures her for a while longer, makes some more arrogant speeches about how awful she is, takes her under some kind of metal dome, threatens her some more, tortures her some more, and finally passes sentence on her. This is done in another massive block paragraph that is probably five times as wordy as it needs to be. The basic gist of it is that Starlight is forbidden to harm ponies and can never return to this dimension. In quite possibly his most arrogant act yet, he has the sentence "witnessed" by clones of himself, then opens a portal for her and orders her to go through each of the worlds she "ruined" and "fix" them. She naturally doesn't go quietly, so he finally kicks her in there and closes the portal behind him, thankfully drawing this horrendous scene to a close finally.

Anyway, blah blah blah, some shit about a magic gem, who cares. Silver pauses for a moment, reflecting on how benevolent and great he is, and how heavy is the burden of his responsibility. To quote the poet: "Sometimes it was rough being a rich and handsome superpowered genius who was an all-powerful magician and time-travelling quantum physicist who could bend time and space to his will and was also the world's greatest ninja."

Silver then chugs a Monster™ Zero-Ultra™ Energy Beverage (literally this happens), does some more reflecting on what a benevolent genius he is (literally this happens), then he goes back to the barn, where the assembled ponies all cheer him (naturally). The scene ends with Trixie being left to reflect upon how foolish she was to ever try to be Glimmer's friend. Hopefully Silver "ingestion takes too long, just put the semen in a glucose bag and hook it up to my veins" Star will find it in his magnanimous heart to forgive her.

Anyway, there's an epilogue to all this but fortunately it's only a couple of paragraphs. It basically is the big reveal for why Silver "I can literally go fuck myself" Star and his fuck-buddies that all look like him were ransacking Twilight's home, in case anyone is still reading and still cares (doubtful). As I mentioned before, they are attempting to install a hot tub into her home without her permission, because that makes sense. The chapter concludes with one of the clones exclaiming that he would like to "get a picture of her reaction" when she gets home and discovers what they did. I'll admit, I would be curious to see that reaction too, although frankly I'd be more curious to see her reaction to the surveillance footage from Applejack's barn.

>>4278
I am starting to think that this is Nigel's attempt at reverse psychology. In actuality, he loves Glimmer and communism but he is trying to do some kind of insider sabotage. Not because I think that people that have a similar ideology as myself can't be assholes, stupid or something like that. His craziness just breaks my suspense of disbelief in real life that's all.

>>4280

>I am starting to think that this is Nigel's attempt at reverse psychology.

You are giving him way too much credit. Usually, most behavior can be explained by simple reasoning. dont go for the conspiracy theories when you can just slap him on his ass.

as far as i could tell during the material i could find, Nigel has a history with disrupting and antagonizing himself against other communities. allegedly, he was active on MLPchan and did much of the same there before he was expelled. He later went on to reddit, just to get banned from there as well. IF he is only pretending to be a functional retard (which i highly doubt), this has been an OPs that has been going on for the better part of the last 3-4 years, largely offsite.

after being exposed to Nigel and his filth for a year now i can say he lacks the brain cells to pull something like that off. And even if he did, he would have gained very little but the scorn of some random pony losers on the internet. Nigel is a selfmade Internet Leper with a rat tail of A-logs.

>>4280
>Nigel is ironically this bad
Sorry, not buying it. There's far too much 'dialogue' and 'discussion' to cite and indicate that he is quite literally that bad, outside of a diabolical scheme. No sense blaming artifice when stupidity is so evident.

>>4278
>>4111
>>4120
>>4222

Lol I'm Canadian now.

Probably the most disturbing thing about this character is his extreme megalomania. The issue here is not only his blatant disregard for the feelings and general well-being of the ponies around him, but the distorted lens he sees everything through. In his mind, he genuinely seems to believe that he is not only behaving morally, but righteously. The thought never even crosses his mind that he might not have the automatic right to act as judge, jury and executioner in the case of Ponykind v. Starlight Glimmer, regardless of what she might have done. It never even crosses his mind that Twilight might not like having her house broken into and remodeled without permission. It never occurs to him either that maybe he shouldn't murder his girlfriend's protege, or that maybe having her only real friend taken away will hurt Trixie, or that at the very least if he's going to torture poor Glimmy maybe he shouldn't do it in front of a room full of ponies who probably aren't accustomed to witnessing that level of brutality. You even included the CMC in that scene ffs; did the thought even cross Silver's (or your) mind that maybe he shouldn't be brutalizing a defenseless pony in front of impressionable foals? No, not even once. He doesn't actually kill Glimmer, but the thought clearly crosses his mind and he sadistically dangles the idea in front of her, and probably sees his choosing not to go through with it as an act of magnanimity that others should praise him for.

The irony is, all of this could actually make him an interesting character in the hands of a competent writer, particularly if he wanted to write something dark and edgy. I could see Silver being a character similar to Patrick Bateman; a wealthy killer who looks at the world through the distortions of lunacy. The trouble is, Silver is written without even a hint of irony or awareness; you're just as oblivious to the insanity of his behavior as he is. His sadistic treatment of Glimmer is completely justified to you. His invasion of Twilight's privacy to you seems like a sweet romantic gesture. The fact that you had Twilight inexplicably excuse herself from the party so that she was conveniently absent during the worst of the fight scene indicates that you have some dim inkling that his actions might not be well received, but it never seems to register in either of your minds as being actually wrong. Silver doesn't want Twilight to see what he does to Glimmer, but it isn't because he's trying to shield her or spare her feelings, he just doesn't want it to interfere with his romantic pursuit of her. As soon as he traps Glimmer in an alternate dimension, the next thought on his mind is surprising Twilight with her new hot tub.

Really, if one can ignore how shitty your writing is and all the logical inconsistencies and continuity errors and general awfulness of this story, and take everything in it at face value, the only rational conclusion one can draw is that not only is your hero actually the villain, he is probably the most dangerous villain in Equestria. He has an absurd level of magical power, is demonstrably capable of excessive cruelty, is almost completely oblivious to the emotions of others, has a god complex, has nearly unlimited wealth and resources, and seems able to rationalize even the most heinous deeds into acts of heroism or love. Villains like Sombra, Tirek, Queen Chrysalis, and the like behave fairly predictably. Their motivations are pretty much the standard "I'm evil and do evil because I'm evil" routine that can only exist in cartoons and melodrama. Silver "o mighty Thor please pound me in the pooper" Star, by contrast, lives in a world of perpetual delusion. He believes he's a hero sent to rid the world of tyrants and commies and whatever the fuck else he deems fit for removal, and he doesn't care what he has to do in order to remove them.

Ironically, the idea of justice you present in this story is closer to Antifa's "I can punch Nazis because they're Nazis" logic than it is to any sort of right-wing or conservative ideal. As much time as you spend dissecting and redissecting Glimmer's ideology of "Equalism", you never really clarify what it is exactly that Silver believes in. He clearly advocates some kind of free-market capitalism, but his views on law and order are never really discussed. He seems to at least verbally express respect for Celestia and her right to rule, yet he has no problem bypassing Celestia's rule and passing judgement on a pony that Celestia's own protege, and a Princess in her own right, chose to forgive and accept as protege herself. Even if Glimmer were guilty of everything you accuse her of (once again I'd like to point out that most of it is just your autistic headcanon), and if her repentance of these acts had not actually been genuine, shouldn't she be brought before Celestia and Twilight to be judged by proper authority in light of this new information? Silver just takes it upon himself to punish her and doesn't even fucking tell Twilight about it. This isn't even frontier justice; at least there you have a criminal being condemned and sentenced by the consensus of the community. This is just one crazy unicorn going around beating the fuck out of everyone he doesn't like for no better reason than that he can.

>>4283
Oh shit, do you have custom flags now, or are you using a VPN?

>>4284
I believe that he is probably in Canada. It sounds like that to me atleast when he says: "
Lol I'm Canadian now." I can't put my finger on why right now though.

>>4285
I mean, he could just be channeling the leafy-green magic in order to piss off Nigel further. But yeah, if he is actually in the country now, enjoy your time and stick to the forested regions over the metropolitan regions.

>>4283
>the idea of justice you present in this story is closer to Antifa's "I can punch Nazis because they're Nazis" logic than it is to any sort of right-wing or conservative ideal

The irony is beyond the pale. Holy fuck. All this time talking mad shit about commie scum, and he acts almost exactly like them. It's almost like, he has less in common with the majority of the right wing and more in common with the enemy.

>>4286
Well, if he is channeling the >leaf magic, he has my blessings as a high priest of shitposting. I only ask that he returns it before the next new moon, as the magic's requirements demand.

>>4287
Now now, you only say that cuz you're an SJW-leddit-glimmernigger-commie. If you were really right wing, you'd realize the superiority of his position.

>>4288
>>4283
Lending my Burger energy through the power of the eternally bickering siblings.

INB4: Glimmernigel returns with >A FUCKING LEAF and DotR memes.

>>4288
A week and a half? Should be enough time to finish reviewing this chapter.

Jokes aside, I'm hoping that Glim!Glam decides to go back to the beginning of the fic and work forward, then give a sort of summary or analysis with this newfound context. Then the old fics if anyone's archived 'em. I've been thinking about where we're gonna get our keks if he deleted his whole fimfic, hope someone archived it all

>>4291
Your respect of the shitposting arts, and your dedication, have pleased me. Allow me to bestow upon you a small gift, in return.

Tis a tale as old as the 'Net itself,
Purging cyberspace of your works,
But in Fimfarchive's vast digital shelf,
This dream is squashed, like a Turk.

>>4278
>Your Hero is the Most Morally Reprehensible Character in Your Entire Story
I know you skimmed over it but I feel like this part deserves a little more emphasis on this point. Thanks for laying out the general flow so I can skip massive chunks of this verbal puke and just use searches.

>They're disgusted by what you've done. They're disgusted by what you ARE Glimmer!
As always this sums up everyone's reaction to reading this Silver Shitfest.

>Do you hunt down ponies worse than you, if you can find any?
Because in a universe where friendship and forgiveness is the universal concept what matters is making sure to murder or maim other ponies would definitely be something that her tutor Twilight and Celestia would approve of. Even though Starlight has already shown that she learned using force is not the answer and proved it in Shadow Play II.

>No, you’re dancing around with your new best friend, some pathetic charlatan, the only pony who sucks almost as much as you, while-”
Of course to Silver by mere guilt by association, Trixie is nearly just as bad as Starlight in Silver's eyes even though she has done nothing even close to what Starlight has done and had already turned over a new leaf with an apologetic tour when she met Starlight.

>“Don’t talk about my friend like that!” Glimmer
>As if he was catching a sword with two hooves, Silver grabbed Glimmer’s face and slammed her into the dirt, cancelling her spell. “NEVER!” He screamed, lifting her up and slamming her down again, face first. “INTERRUPT! ME!” He shouted, punching her hard where her jaw met the upper part of her head.
>“Now,” Silver said in a calmer manner, “As I was SAYING...
And here for the crime of speaking up to defend her friend, which demonstrates that she has indeed even started to learn the core fundamentals of Equestrian principles for this SIN of speaking over Silver she is brutally assaulted by this disgusting megalomaniac OC.

>>4292
I shouldn't be seeing this as much, but my immediate mental background music was this:
https://youtu.be/5Dq01x-oxWM

This entire lolcow-milking session has been a damn journey. It's more of an honor than it should be, to receive such a splendid gift.

>>4293
Thank you, you've helped me to realize a glaring issue
>>Do you hunt down ponies worse than you, if you can find any?
>Because in a universe where friendship and forgiveness is the universal concept what matters is making sure to murder or maim other ponies would definitely be something that her tutor Twilight and Celestia would approve of.
This illustrates the point; Nigel (and Silver "cruising for an anal bruising" Star by proxy) thinks he knows better than every pony in Equestria. Princesses be damned, forget the elements of harmony, Friendship is Magic (it IS a FiM fic,... right?), everything else.

This story is a FiM fic in name only, just so that Nigel can posture himself as better than everyone and everypony.
>inb4 I'm diagnosed with ligma XDDD