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I think I might have a problem
Anonymous
OtQ86
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No.4045
2889 4047 4049 4050 4052 4055 4058 4134 4311 4365 4433 226293 307213
I tried to sneak a redpill into my pony fanfic, by including a scene in one chapter where someone argues with Glimmer over her dumb commie ideas, and the communist ideology is debunked.

I got carried away, so it's at 107,920 words right now, and only 80% finished.
341 replies and 137 files omitted.
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4146
4147 4153
>>4144
I've only posted occasionally for Anonfilly (no offense to you guys, you have some good green and I like anonfilly, but it's not exactly a huge creative venue and were I to write a lot I might slip into a lot of bad habits writing-wise). But lately I've felt like coming up with something either original or pony-based that's politically based but nowhere near what Nigel's been doing.

I was more thinking of a character's slow transition from nihilist to an archetypical natsoc Adventurer. Something like Murdoch, with slightly less comic relief. But I'm going to let it incubate for a while, don't want to rush things or let it take over my work and other things.
Anonymous
YeeFt
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No.4147
>>4146
>>4145
I was doing a story about Humans breaking their isolation to grt help as a storm approached their lands, trying to use all the OCs to give them more background story on how they all met. I ran into a block and kinda gave up on it, but this is some great great advice
Anonymous
g++v5
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No.4148
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>>4093
lol

>>4096
>moments later
>>4098
>noooooo my leeegacyyyyy! iiitsss faaaaaaaadiiiiiiiing noooooooo
Anonymous
QX3so
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No.4149
4150
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>>4142
It's been four hours. Anyone else getting some more popcorn ready for the next act?
Anonymous
X4+Gg
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No.4150
4151
>>4149
Hey fellas I'm back, just getting my thoughts together.
Anonymous
QX3so
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No.4151
>>4150
Please, take whatever time you need to make it exceptional! I'm just getting ready for the show.
Anonymous
X4+Gg
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No.4152
4153 4154 4183 4229 4240
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>>4142
>>4111
>>4120

3a. You Literally Do Not Understand the Craft of Writing At All

This relates to the previous section about blaming the audience, and will expand upon several points from that section.

One of the most important parts of writing well that is sadly seldom discussed in panels or taught in classes has nothing to do, directly, with writing. It is the art of deciding what to write about, and, once the idea is selected, evaluating whether or not it's something you should actually write. This skill is completely separate from the mechanical task of actual writing. An individual can have all other aspects of writing down: mechanical aspects such as grammar and language, creative aspects such as what I've mentioned before (building good characters, developing good stories), as well as things like pacing and scene structure, and still completely fall flat on his face trying to write anything because he chose an idiotic subject. If I had to pick a single area where you have shown absolutely, positively, 100% for certain no demonstrable talent at all, it would be this area. Which is a shame, because it's the hardest thing to teach, but I will do my best to explain it.

Part of it ties directly into what I said earlier about knowing your audience. In order to write something that will be well received, you have to understand who you are writing for and what they are likely to want to read. It is therefore essential that you be open to criticism, especially when first starting out and testing the waters in a genre you're not familiar with, because the things that people tell you they like or don't like will give you clues about what sorts of things you should do or not do in future projects. If multiple people are telling you they hate the same thing in your work, it's a pretty good indicator that you should stop doing what you're doing, and focus more on things that multiple people are telling you that they like. Since you've demonstrated unbelievable levels of density throughout this thread, I am going to plainly state what would be obvious to any other person: pretty much everyone in this thread has told you that they hate pretty much everything about this work, and so far nobody has mentioned anything that they like. That would be an alarm bell for most competent writers.

That said, there are some things you do well, but the problem is everything you do well is in the mechanical realm. You have a good mastery of the English language (which is impressive seeing as how you live in a mostly African country) and can lay out scenes and describe things well. I think someone in this or the other thread mentioned that already, but it bears repeating because it's a strength. Sadly, it's pretty much your only strength.

Writing fiction is similar to building a physical structure, except you're doing all the work yourself. You need to be both the architect and the builder. If all you can do is mechanically write well, you are a good builder. However, if you don't know what to build or why you're building it, that skill is useless. So, basically, if you want to write something, first you need to select a good idea; so part one of the process is figuring out what to write. Second, you need to evaluate whether or not the idea you have is good and is something that people will want to read. This part is a little trickier and involves a bit of introspection, which unfortunately seems to be a major deficiency with you. Basically you have to figure out why you chose the subject that you chose and what you want to communicate by writing about it. Both parts require you to evaluate and understand both your audience and yourself.

I would like to deal with each of these concepts separately and will begin with topic selection in the next post.
Anonymous
g++v5
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No.4153
25826__safe_solo_fluttershy_humanized_cute_anime_artist-colon-mirakurunaito.png
>>4146
Colony fags look at this as well: >>166259
>>4152
>part of this is knowing your audience
Oh no sweety. ^:)
Anonymous
X4+Gg
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No.4154
4155 4158 4159 4183 4229 4240
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>>4152
>>4111
>>4120

3b. You Have No Fucking Idea Why You're Even Doing This

Let's deal with subject selection first.

As an example, I will take King Battlebrit's fine work from this very thread. Let's see if we can figure out together why he was able to write something that people enjoyed despite it being probably very low-effort and arguably even low-quality, whereas your work, which is much more verbose and probably required greater levels of human effort to vomit upon the page, has earned only scorn and derision. There is an external and an internal component to how this works. We will start with the external, which is the evaluation of one's audience and what the writer thinks he can offer them.

Here is how I imagine King Battlebrit's mind works when choosing what to write:

>Step One: Who is our audience?
Anons on /mlpol/
>who, specifically?
Anons in Nigel's gay-ass thread
>why are they there?
Nigel wrote some stupid fanfiction and is fishing for compliments, anons are gathering to shit on it and trigger him for lols

Alright, so we have an audience. We know who this group of people is, and what the common thread (pun unintentional) between them is.

>Step Two: What do they seem to be interested in?
Based on the above information, we can infer that they probably do not much care for Nigel's work
>what do they like?
making fun of Nigel
>what specifically?
poking fun at his weaknesses and trigger points

Alright, so we know what our audience probably wants.

>Step Three: What do we want to give our audience?
Probably a parody of Nigel's story would get some keks
>how would we execute this?
First we would have to slog our way through Nigel's original work, probably the hardest part of the job. A parody should have the same feeling and texture as the original so as to be recognizable as a parody. This requires a familiarity with the source material. It is also helpful to understand what aspects you want to poke fun at. For this work, we should focus on making fun of the narrative's obvious deficiencies, primarily its overpowered and highly unlikable main character, as well as the author's irrational hatred for Best Pony.
>what elements should we avoid?
Things the audience doesn't care about, obviously. Since we know they didn't like Nigel's story we can probably assume they don't give a shit if our narrative fits into his world or not. Thus we can ignore the complex world mechanics he so painstakingly outlined for us instead of paying attention to poor neglected Twiggles, who for reasons unknown loves his shitty OC anyway, whose name, simply because I haven't mentioned it for a while, is Silver "I'm like a wine connoisseur but with penises instead of wine" Star.

Alright. So, we now know what we are writing, what elements we should prioritize and what elements are less important. Now let's evaluate.

>Who are we writing for?
Anons who hate Nigel and his faggot OC
>What are we writing?
A parody of Nigel's story that makes fun of Nigel and his faggot OC
>How specifically do we want to execute it?
We're going to make our protagonist his OC, with literally nothing changed except the addition of a layer of irony that will probably sail over Nigel's incredibly dense head. We will then have his character get fucked in the ass by Starlight Glimmer with a cock, because Nigel hates Starlight Glimmer and it will be funny.
>Will our story have things in it our audience will like?
Yes
>Can we avoid things they won't like?
Yes
>Will the audience like this story?
Probably
>Should we write this?
Yes

See how easy that was? Now, let's apply the same process to your story's premise.

>Step One: Who is my audience?
My Little Pony: FiM fans
>who specifically?
FiMfiction users (I'll exclude /mlpol/ since according to you we're not part of your audience)
>why are they there?
Because they are interested enough in FiM to read fanfiction of it

>Step Two: What do they seem to be interested in?
Stories involving the universe and characters of FiM
>what do they like?
probably the same things that drew them to the show in the first place
>what specifically?
stories that focus on the show's themes and characters, possibly with original or external elements added for spice and excitement

>Step Three: What do we want to give our audience?
I have this totally awesome OC that I want to show off, he's super powerful and rich and handsome and also the world's greatest magical ninja. I want to write a story where he argues with Starlight Glimmer about politics and also shows Twilight Sparkle how cool he is so he can date her because she is a qt.
>how would we execute this?
Divide the story into two parts. Part One will involve my rad OC telling Twilight about all the cool stuff he can do and having her be amazed at how great he is. Part Two will involve my rad OC telling Glimmer she's stupid and her ideology is stupid and her stupid face is stupid. The approximate length of this will be literally almost half the length of The Great Gatsby.
>what elements should we avoid?
plot, character development, quality dialog

Now, let's evaluate:
>Who are we writing for?
Pony fans
>What are we writing?
A story about my awesome OC beating a character from the show in an argument
>how to execute?
Put everything I want to say about politics and how awesome my OC is into quotes and have the OC say it
>Will I include things they like?
ponies I guess, although they don't factor in much
>Can I avoid what they don't like?
that would eliminate most of the story
>Will the audience like this?
doubtful
>Should I write this?
No

Again, easy peasy. See how much work you could have saved just by evaluating your idea from the perspective of your audience?

Next: Evaluation: Why am I writing?
Anonymous
g++v5
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No.4155
4156
5d4.jpg
>>4154
>when you get btfo by a story that only uses third person narration
oh nooooo

Silver where are you now?
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4156
4159
>>4155
Probably hugging his shimmy bodypillow waiting for the meanie anon to go away so he can start talking his fic up again :'^)
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4157
Screenshot_2018-08-24-00-21-39.png
>>4111
>You children barely have the comedic understanding that made Epic Movie what it was.

Hoping it's sarcasm but with someone like you I frankly cannot tell.
Anonymous
X4+Gg
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No.4158
4162 4183 4229 4240
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>>4154
>>4111
>>4120
3c. Seriously, You Have NO FUCKING IDEA Why You're Even Doing This

Alright, we've covered evaluation of an idea from the audience's perspective. Fortunately for you, this is a largely mechanical process similar to marketing a product, that even an autist like you could probably handle if you gave it a shot. Next is the slightly more mercurial process of introspective evaluation, which experience tells me will probably be next to impossible for you, but what the hell; this is more for the other anons reading this than it is for you at this point, so I will give explaining it a shot and maybe you will pleasantly surprise me one day. This process can basically be summarized as "Why do I even want to write in the first place?"

Writing is a form of communication. That seems obvious (to most of us at least, I'm not sure about you), but it's worth emphasizing. Writing anything, from a letter to a business memo to a novel, is usually done for the purpose of communicating something to others. If you are writing a piece of fiction, then you ought to have some sort of message you would like to convey, be it about yourself, the world around you, something you believe in, whatever. Even if the only objective of your story is to tell an entertaining tale or make people laugh you should still give thought to what you want to convey and keep the story focused on that. A story with no message, or that tries to have multiple messages at once, ends up messy and usually tedious.

Let's take a look at what you wrote. What are you trying to convey here? Well, as far as I can tell, your story has three central messages (listed in order of apparent priority to you):
>Your Silver "Rock Out With Your Cock In My Ass" Star OC is super awesome at everything and everyone should love him
>You hate Starlight Glimmer and by extension so should everyone else
>Communism is a bad ideology with a history of failure

We'll go into each of these at length in a minute. I'll give you a little spoiler though: one of these is actually decent and worth communicating in a story. If communicated effectively, you could theoretically write something of real literary value. The other two are moronic and should have remained in your head. If you can guess which one is the good one, you will win a prize.

You can evaluate messages in a similar way to how we evaluated premises in the previous section. Simply put, the question you need to ask is: What do I want to say, and who, if anyone, is going to care? After that, you will want to ask yourself: How can I communicate this in a way that will make the audience respond the way I want? Giving serious thought to these principles will help guide your writing, and will further assist you when deciding what elements to include in a narrative and what to leave out. It even helps in revision and editing (you do actually do that part, right?), because a lot of times you'll read back over your text and realize that a lot of what you wrote is irrelevant or off-message. If your text is too long (20,000 words for a story basically about a date and an argument is definitely in this category) this will help you trim down what's not important, and you will be left with a text that adequately conveys your message.

Really, now that I think about it, I probably wrote these sections out of sequence. Deciding in advance what you want to communicate is even more important than determining who your audience is, and should be done first. The message you want to convey and who you want to convey it to should be first in your mind before you even start thinking up actual story ideas. Having a clear message in mind will also help you filter out dumb ideas from the get go without even having to fully evaluate them, which again if you'd done you probably wouldn't have written this steaming pile of shit in the first place.

Let's look at your messages from this perspective:
>Silver "I came to kick ass and chew bubble gum and suck thousands of dicks and not do the first two things" Star is totally super awesome at everything he can do, which is literally everything
It should be completely obvious to everyone but you that this is a dumb thing to want to communicate. Who cares about this? Nobody. Nobody cares how awesome you think your OC is. You can make your OC into anything you want since it's just fiction and you're making it up, so there's nothing really amazing about him even if you make him amazing. Here's an example:

"Once upon a time, there was a pony named Jimmy Buttlicker. He was the greatest of all ponies. He could shoot deadly laser beams out of his butthole and also travel through time. One day he traveled back in time to 2009 and shot laser beams out of his butthole at Barack Obama and that nigger died and wasn't President anymore. America was saved. Then Applejack had sex with him because why not I like Applejack. The end."

Pretty compelling narrative, huh? See, here's the thing: all of these things would be remarkable if they happened in real life. A pony who shoots lasers out of his butt and then gets laid? Pretty cool. In a story though, it's nothing remarkable, because the character is just the author's creation, and can do whatever the author says he can do. There is a concept called "suspension of disbelief" that basically states that you have to follow the rules you establish within your own narrative (or the rules of your chosen universe if you are writing fanfiction) in order for people to believe it, but aside from that you can pretty much do whatever you want in fiction. That is a power you have to use wisely.
Anonymous
g++v5
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No.4159
4160 4163
1399674__safe_edit_edited screencap_screencap_sunset shimmer_no second prances_autoboop_boop_glimmerposting_lidded eyes_pony_raised eyebrow_self-dash-b.png
>>4156
nuu muh waifu

He's actually pretty obsessed with using Twilight in his stories actually.
If he told you anything about it he'd probably say, "but that's because i'm parodying self-insert and HIE stories with the main 6," or something like that.

>>4154
You should read some of his parody ideas / stories, one of them is on Fimfic and is the kind of horrendous overblown writing he likes to use. He only ever made on parody that was pretty workable, but that was before he made the Fimfic one and it did use the same overblown style of writing and definitely overused exaggeration of too many literary concepts themselves.

I think he has a badcase of 'never change.'
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4160
4161
>>4159
From the way he constantly talks up Barbie shit and defends Shimmy, I coulda sworn she'd be his go-to waif. But then again he wouldn't be a proper lolcow if he didn't ship his self insert with his waifu, would he?

Seriously though how can the guy enjoy a movie centered around a villain whose entire evil plot is retarded? Get the crown? Well this is only school security so you could steal it or wait until the prom queen is....no? You want to win the crown yourself? .....by doctoring photos of one singular competitor who doesn't even know how to human in order to frame and disqualify them?

Shim is even more shit than Glim and I don't even think either of them deserved a redemption arc.
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4161
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>>4160
OH WAIT, DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT NIGEL
Anonymous
X4+Gg
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No.4162
4165 4173 4183 4229 4240
starlight_glimmer_wants_hugs_by_pink1ejack-daqf2ky.png
>>4158
>>4111
>>4120
3c. Seriously, You Have NO FUCKING IDEA Why You're Even Doing This - Continued

Alright, what's next on the agenda?

>You hate Starlight Glimmer
I haven't read anything else you've written, but I'm guessing this is a recurring theme in your work. It's definitely a recurring theme in your posts on this board. Clearly, it is a very important subject to you; Captain Ahab had his whale, Don Quixote had his windmills, Al Gore had Manbearpig, and Nigel has Starlight Glimmer. That is why this next part is going to be very difficult for you to hear, but it is absolutely CRUCIAL for you to get this through your incredibly dense autistic head if you ever want to become even a marginally passable author of fanfiction or anything else, including dirty limericks written in bathroom stalls. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER. I am going to say this again for emphasis: NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER. On its own line, in bold, just in case you missed it the first two times:

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER.

Literally. No. One. On. Earth. Or. Equestria. Or. Anywhere. Fucking. Cares. What. You. Think. About. Starlight. Glimmer.

Autistic individuals tend to have warped interpretations of reality and tend to skew events in actual reality to fit those beliefs. In your case, you seem to have gotten it into your head that everyone who doesn't like the dreck you churn out is a covert Glimmer fan and their criticism of you is just damage control because you insulted Best Pony. After all, that's the only logical explanation, right? I mean, it's not like anyone in their right mind wouldn't enjoy a 20,000 word My Little Pony fanfiction where a character nobody ever heard of or cares about beats up a canon character from the show and sends her into another dimension for no better reason than that the author hates her, right? So obviously you can just ignore all criticism because all your critics are just Glimmerniggers; I mean what else could possibly be going on?

Look, past efforts to convince you of these points have proven fruitless and I have no reason to believe that this time will be any different. But it nonetheless bears repeating:

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER.

Bottom line, you can hate on Glimmyglam all you want, that doesn't mean that mere hatred of her is a good or even passable theme for a story. If you ever bother to improve as a writer and somehow, one day, become capable of approaching the subject with enough subtlety to be convincing, you could probably write Glimmer stories that depict her as buffoonish or unlikeable, or make a proper villain out of her. I could probably teach you how to do it. However, you are going to have to prove that you can handle basics before I will feel comfortable enrolling you in the advanced course.

Okay, on to the last message:
>Communism is bad

Do you remember last time, when I asked you to guess which of your three messages was the only good one worth developing? Well, pencils down. Here's the answer. Are you ready? This is the one. Did you guess correctly? If so, here is your prize: Pic related: it's Glimglam

While your story is objectively awful for a number of reasons, this message is a good message and is worth keeping if you decide to do a rewrite (protip: your only other option besides a complete and total rewrite is to kill this story with fire and never speak of it again). I am going to avoid delving into the actual politics here, not because I'm not interested or I don't care, but because it's a separate conversation and I suspect we would mostly agree, and because I want to focus on writing fiction, not political ideology. So, when I say you should keep this because it's a good message, I mean that it is a good, solid message to write a story around. It's something you believe in, that has value to people besides you, and is worth communicating. Now, that said, the way you chose to communicate it is fucking awful, and we will go into that in a bit. But the message itself is good and you should keep it.

The other two messages though? Not at all. These are things that only you care about. People don't want to read about how overpowered your OC is or how much you hate Glimmer. Including these messages in your story just clog up the works and make the reader stop giving a shit. You actually do everything so badly here that you end up conveying the opposite message about Communism and Glimmer, but we'll go into that later. What I want you to take away from this for now is that your OC sucks and, once again:

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER.
Anonymous
igKpN
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No.4163
4164 4166
>>4159
SHIMMY A COOT!
Anonymous
QX3so
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No.4164
1725034__safe_artist-colon-mirroredsea_sunset shimmer_bust_cute_female_jewelry_jungle_looking at you_mare_necklace_pony_portrait_shimmerb.png
>>4163
She a QT.
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4165
4167
>>4162
>I am going to avoid delving into the actual politics here, not because I'm not interested or I don't care, but because it's a separate conversation and I suspect we would mostly agree, and because I want to focus on writing fiction, not political ideology.

I was hoping you'd go into detail on this Q_Q oh well. I already know there are better political fics out there, especially original works like Animal Farm. Still would have been nice to hear your perspective.
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4166
>>4163
Almost every pony in the show a coot.

Shim is no exception but that ain't too high a bar to set.
Anonymous
X4+Gg
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No.4167
4168
>>4165
I might yet go into it later, I will see how I feel once I start delving back into the actual text. TBH I skipped most of the argument scene because I found it almost impossible to slog through, so I'm not entirely sure what specific points he made. For now I just want to talk about the craft of writing and how Nigel knows nothing about it. I might have to pick this up again tomorrow, but I should be able to get a little more done before I turn in.
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4168
4169
>>4167
Either way this is as entertaining as listening to E;R tear Steven Jewniverse a new one. Take your time, I await with bated breath. For the next couple days I don't really have anything to do, and my desktop is out of commission, so my days are going to be spent refreshing this page and reading Warhammer 40K: Horus Rises.
Anonymous
QX3so
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No.4169
4170
>>4168
>...this is as entertaining as listening to E;R tear Steven Jewniverse a new one.
Goddamn, I love that video. I wish he'd do more.
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4170
4171
>>4169
Bro he just released part 1 of a mini-series on the netflix death note adaptation. Shit's pretty high quality, delves into his infamously autistic detail talking about music, characterization and Da Rules of the note.
Anonymous
QX3so
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No.4171
4172
>>4170
Literally just watched that, too. Can't wait for the next part.
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4172
>>4171
It made my dick rock-hard to know that he made a bitchute and Gab that he now publishes his videos with. What a guy. /ourguy/ even.

Now that pleasantries are over, back to work, slave! ....<3
Anonymous
X4+Gg
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No.4173
4174 4183 4187 4229 4240
C7ZMBliU4AA6lJp.jpg
>>4162
>>4111
>>4120
3c. Seriously, You Have NO FUCKING IDEA Why You're Even Doing This - Summation

This has been a long section, but it's an important one. Thoroughly understanding what you want to write and why you want to write it is probably the most important part of writing anything. Even someone with horrible grammar and spelling and a tin ear for language can write a quality story if they tell it with passion and conviction. Your story, however, proves that this concept does not work in reverse; no matter how well you can technically write, if you just blather for 20,000 words about shit your autism compels you to blather about, throw in some random explosions and battles because your autism tells you it's cool, and try to work in some disconnected political blathering in the most autistic way possible, the end result will be a steaming bowl of rancid diarrhea made out of the gallons of cum your OC chugs on a daily basis and fragments of 50 Shades of Grey, a novel literally 50 shades superior to anything you have ever written in your life and probably the worst thing I ever read before I picked up your fanfiction.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, how to write like someone who isn't terrible at it. Basically, the problem with your story from a bird's eye view is that it is a convoluted mess of conflicting ideas with no real narrative structure that can't decide on a central theme. Silver "fuck my throat until the choker breaks, then put it back on and fuck me again" Star is the protagonist, but he is written in a way that makes the reader hate him worse than the villain (I know you probably still don't get that he's unlikable yet, but bear with me). His backstory and laundry-list of special abilities dominate most of the dialog, until he runs into Glimmer. Then, the whole thing is nothing but him lecturing her about why her ideology is wrong and she's how she's the evilest pony who ever eviled evil. Then, they fight a little and he sends her into an alternate dimension. Your MC's method of defeating her focuses again on a lot of the magic and world mechanics you devised, which I don't doubt are very interesting to you and maybe would be somewhat interesting to someone as autistic as you, but you spend way too much time explaining how everything in your world works and it detracts from what (I presume) you are trying to say, which is basically that Communism is Bad. Remember: show, don't tell.

Anyway, your clumsy storytelling and insistence on overstating points beyond the level of ridiculousness utterly negates your ability to describe scenes and action decently. After untangling this bloated mess of words, one can reasonably assume that what you are trying to do here is convince the reader of the evils of Communism, embodied here in the character of Starlight Glimmer. Your hero, Silver "can you please get this bowling pin out of my ass doctor I have to poop, put it back in when I'm done though please" Star defeats her, both literally and ideologically, and presumably saves the day for Not Communism. The problem with it though is your execution. Your OC is completely unlikable, and you shit on Glimmer so much that you actually end up making the reader feel sympathetic to her. I don't even like Glimmer and I found myself getting angry at your over the top bashing of her. I now want to go back and rewatch her episodes just to see if I view her differently now. That and writing this autistic criticism is literally all your work has inspired me to do. From a psych perspective, if you're trying to convince someone of something by embodying the negative ideology in a fictional character, then metaphorically defeating her, you need to make sure the person reading it is rooting for the right character. Your problem is you let your personal emotions get too involved in the story. You get so carried away ranting about muh commies and muh Glimglam that you end up repelling the reader from your point of view.

This is ironically the same mistake that leftists are currently making with a lot of their media and behavior. For example that comedian, I forget her name, the one who did the WH correspondents' dinner and got panned, recently had her Netflix show canceled because no one was watching. She did a sketch where she had a marching band doing a "salute to abortion" and all kinds of horrendous unfunny stuff. She got so carried away with her messaging that it never occurred to her that people watching might find her obnoxious, and start to subconsciously move to the other side of the argument just to spite her. Your fanfic does the same thing. Get that through your head. YOU ARE LITERALLY HURTING THE RIGHT MORE THAN THE LEFT WITH THIS STORY BECAUSE OF HOW BADLY YOU WROTE IT. The only redemption is that no one is going to read it because it sucks so badly most people would get cancer from the first paragraph. For those who do manage to read the whole thing, this is a reverse redpill, and it's all because of how you portray your characters.

I'm a little off topic here, I wanted to delve into the political angle later, but this still ties in to thinking about the message and who your audience is before writing. You need to learn how to filter out things that are interesting to you but would not be interesting to anyone who is not you. You need to learn how to make your characters interact with each other. You need to do a lot of fucking things and I only have like 400 chars left. You need to stop being such a fucking sperg. Barbie Glimmer this time because why not.

Also, Shimmer a cute
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4174
4175
1717882__questionable_artist-colon-cold-dash-blooded-dash-twilight_fluttershy_oc_oc-colon-anon_-dot--dot--dot-_adorasexy_anonymous_blushing_blushing pr.png
>>4173
>YOU ARE LITERALLY HURTING THE RIGHT MORE THAN THE LEFT WITH THIS STORY BECAUSE OF HOW BADLY YOU WROTE IT
>She got so carried away with her messaging that it never occurred to her that people watching might find her obnoxious, and start to subconsciously move to the other side of the argument just to spite her

A big part of why the politically inclined of us here are so annoyed! Murdoch sometimes paints a strawman of the leftist, but that's solely for irony and memes in an otherwise thematically and character-consistent story that sends its message well. The Wanserer's Choice posits that the problem with the modern wings are that the right are unkillable but forced to be (((other countries)))' guard dogs, and the left breeds subservience. It portrays this in a manner referencing the deals with the God Hand, since they charge a steep fee for essentially limitless power and brutality. That's actually a good homage with respectable writing. But the more centrist faggots screech SJW at the slightest deviation rom their views, the more the center is eroded and lines are drawn more finely, ironically making the less extreme positions less respected by both sides and putting the potential converts on the defensive.
Anonymous
X4+Gg
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No.4175
4180 4182
vector__196___starlight_glimmer__6_by_dashiesparkle-d8yomvv.png
>>4174
Murdoch uses humor and ironic exaggeration well which is why his stories are both funny and carry a good message. Irony is frankly a topic that is too complex for Nigel and would take forever to explain, he might not even be physically capable of understanding it due to literal autism. However, if you want to write anything humorous or any sort of parody (either a direct parody of a single work, or a parody of an abstract concept the way Murdoch parodies the modern NatSoc movement) it's something you have to learn and master. Like I said Murdoch parodies NatSoc anons perfectly while still arguing on their behalf; that requires you to have both a sense of humor about yourself and your own beliefs, as well as the ability to look at them from an outsider's perspective and guess what things they might criticize about them, then make fun of them before they have a chance to. All things that neither the left nor Nigel are capable of mastering at present.

Also, that comic is very well written. It's a wonderful short story about a pony who wanted to try something out of character to spice things up in the bedroom with Anon, but got so carried away with psyching herself up for it that she forgot the central component, the choker she intended to wear that completed the fetish (or whatever you want to call it). She ends up slipping back into character, which for her is shyness and embarrassment, and ends up being comforted by Anon. Presumably later they still fuck, but you don't even need to see that part. It's both arousing and cute, and endears the reader to Flutters in a way that straight up porn wouldn't.

Nigel, read that comic, it's a good lesson. You should be focusing on telling short, simple stories anyway, it's better exercise than trying to write epics when you don't know what the fuck you're doing. This kind of thing is perfect for teaching the emotional interactions that I was talking about earlier, and you can even fap to it if you want.

Anyway I was going to write another section but it's 4 am and I need to reread some more of Nigel's dreck for the next part which I just don't have the energy to do right now. I will go to sleep now, wake up tomorrow, collect whatever (You)s that have accrued, and resume my work in the morning.

One more Glimglam before I go to sleep though. Goodnight, folks.
The absolute state of this thread
Anonymous
vbPDq
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No.4176
4177
File (hide): A639AC368692AF3564C846AAA485F9BC-1438305.m4v (1.4 MB, Resolution:1280x720 Length:00:00:55, dearest leanna dsp phil letter.mp4) [play once] [loop]
dearest leanna dsp phil letter.mp4
It has been a rare occasion in of which i have someone get so absolutely and repeatedly destroyed as Glimmernigel here, be it IRL or on the Internet. this thread took a rocket ride and rose in thread quality. first the detractor fic, now the ER tier deconstruction of Nigel and his fic. I doubt Nigel will ever read a single fucking word of the analysis giving how self-centered and he dismissive he always has been about anything that was not emotional dicksucking, but it has been a highly entertaining display for literally everyone else in here.

This thread is suitable to banish Nigel from the site forever how profoundly it obliterates him on an artistical and psychological basis. He would not want to be in this place anymore, and even if he did, people will never let go of this event and perpetually remind him of it (especially after he publicly went full gamergate against us). My admiration and respects belong to the 2 lolcow butchers who made this thread worthwhile.
Anonymous
zfZrq
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No.4177
PtzUL0M.png
>>4176
MODS....
Plz put in /go/...
Anonymous
zerl6
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No.4178
4179
I would ask how Nigel would ever recover, but I realize dead people can't recover.
Anonymous
zfZrq
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No.4179
4180
>>4178
Im waiting for him to claim everyones a glimmernigger, say hes not bothered and continue his self praise
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4180
1526953132806-4.jpg
>>4175
>That wonderful summary of my half-meme half-related pic
You're too good to me, anon. If you live in California I want to buy you breakfast and tea for your time here.
>>4179
Punished Glimmernigel when? Bahahaha
Anonymous
7vJ1D
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No.4181
7.BOOBIES1.jpg
Plz put me in the screencap
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4182
>>4175
Maybe after you finish I might go read the fic myself and make a hot-take comparison for stories or parodies. Discussing how overpowered characters can be lovable, especially.

For instance Guts' absolute autismo with Casca, emotional disconnection and difficult upbringing full of loss and near-death experiences cements him as someone who is both pitiable and admirable, and because he's so absurdly strong as to wield a greatsword twice his weight with one fucking hand you can guarantee he'll still live - but the dramatic tension is still there because every major fight scars him, leaves him in grave danger, breaks bones and brings him to a state of...well, Berserk-mode. I mean his armor later on literally forces broken bones into normal shape, even if it shreds his skin and harms his body even further. He's so absolutely, assfuckingly absurd in his destructive behavior that you can't look away. His autismo is a big part of his development and becoming a better man and even knight - when he joins the White Hawks he is a selfish and angry person only driven by instinct and self interests, but as he gets to know Griffith he gains a purpose that strengthens his resolve, he learns about finding a purpose in a world so brutal, and he learns that while pure strength is powerful, teamwork can fell many dastardly foes. When Griffith betrays the hawks, kills every remaining man, rapes Casca and brands both her and Guts with a sacrificial mark that attracts demons, all in the name of regaining control over his life after a year of being stripped of his reputation and independence, Guts regresses into his lone-wolf personality, leaves a traumatized and mute Casca for a small family to take care of her, and starts seeking out his revenge on Griffith. But that revenge is a strange kind of hatelove; Guts admires his power and dedication, and while he can't see why Griffith would do what he did (I mean he saw Casca raped while his arm was torn in half), he understands that the two of them are still friends with competing dreams, they're mutually willing to fight each other to attain.

See, that's some amazing writing for an overpowered character. Blows most fiction out of the water, of most mediums. It's got its messages about organized religion, petty revenge, friendship, motivation, and PTSD, and it goes about telling them in a way that is never condescending, or annoying, or direct. Guts isn't an arbiter of truth - he's a wise man but not very intelligent,and while his author shares some views with him, for the most part he's an independent character with his own beliefs that can be wrong or exaggerated without harming the ego of his writer.

Fuck man now I wanna start reading it again. I stopped around issue 110, rip.
Chinanon
mwldU
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No.4183
4184
OctaviaAndVinylScratchWriting.png
>>4128
>>4130
>>4135
>>4136
>>4142
>>4152
>>4154
>>4158
>>4162
>>4173

Brilliant. I came to milk a lolcow and stayed to learn about writing.
Anonymous
elvUw
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No.4184
4185
>>4183
I'm up for unironically turning every Glimmernigel thread in future into a writing advice/review thread.
Anonymous
vbPDq
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No.4185
4186
cwc rage.gif
>>4184

I doubt there will be much more of them from this point onwards. If Nigel does not outright leave MLPOL after ousting himself (which he pretty much already did), he will never post about fiction here again. He*s trapped in a devils cycle of rejecting criticism and being entrenched in his overarching glimmernigger conspiracy. I guess he will just leave for another community, maybe erect a hugbox on fimfiction. I also heard a rumor that he's a drug addict on top of all this narc autism, so dont expect any rational reaction from him.

In any case, i suggest you and the other writers take what this thread offered and transplant it into a dedicated writing thread.
Anonymous
elvUw
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No.4186
>>4185
Yeah, we might not see the poor assblasted bastard for another six months. But still if we see Glimmernigel rear his head again, I'm hype to raid the thread with general writing advice and examples of better work.
Anonymous
X4+Gg
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No.4187
4188 4189 4229 4240
88b.png
>>4173
>>4111
>>4120

3C. Seriously, You Have NO FUCKING IDEA Why You're Even Doing This - seriously the final

Good morning everyone. And a good morning to you, Nigel, if you're still here.

In just a moment I am going to tear myself away from this beautiful August day and plunge back into what soldiers during the Vietnam War darkly referred to as "The Shit," which in this case means holding my nose and delving back into the actual text of your story, but I just have a few final thoughts on last night's subject.

As I said before, writing is a form of communication. If you are going to write anything at all, you need to understand what it is you want to communicate and who you would like to communicate it to. With fanfiction, you really need to stop and give extra special consideration to this question, before beginning any project. Why am I writing this? It sounds like a simple question to answer, but it really is very complex.

Individuals like you, Nigel, tend to write fanfiction for the stupidest and most autistic reasons, which, unsurprisingly to literally everyone but you, usually result in stories that are god-awful and have no serious value at all, that unless they are exceptionally well written are usually dismissed or ridiculed by audiences. Usually these individuals select premises from the source material revolving around some completely superficial imagining of the world or its characters that relflects no deeper understanding of that world or characters, or any of the themes and ideas present in the original work. These are the same kind of people who sit around arguing over whether an Imperial starship from Star Wars could beat The Enterprise from Star Trek in a gun battle, or who would win in a fight between Goku and Inuyasha, shit like that. Individuals like this also tend to be the ones behind the self-gratifying cringey romance stories that usually just serve as an embodiment of the author's fantasies, with an appropriately bad OC that is just a stand-in for the author himself (protip: read back over what I wrote about your "date" scene between Twily and Silver "can you get AIDS from French kissing a male camel's butthole? asking for a friend) Star if you would like an example of the latter kind of story).

This isn't to say that these kinds of stories can't be fun or that you shouldn't write them, it's just crucial to understand what you're writing, who you're writing it for, and why you're writing it. If you just really want to get your dorky fantasies on paper and don't care if it has literary value or not, then God bless you, there's nothing wrong with that. In that case, basically, the audience is you, and you're writing it purely because you want to. You don't need to worry about impressing anyone else in that case. I do plenty of this myself, I'm sure we all do. It can even be good exercise. Stories that are just pure action and not intended to be deep aren't necessary off limits either. A story about Darth Vader's fleet vs. a Federation fleet could be exciting and fun if told correctly, and you wouldn't necessarily have to know anything except the technical capabilities of those universes' respective technologies and how their commanders behave in battle. However, if you tried to sneak a serious message or emotional subplot armed only with that knowledge your story would probably veer off into cringe town and OP would be eternally branded a faggot.

Writing porn is a virtually identical to writing all-action stories, in that you only need to be able to superficially describe what's happening to do it effectively. You could write or draw pony porn without having ever seen a single episode of Pony; however, if you want the content to resonate emotionally, you have to understand the characters. Don't attempt this if you haven't given serious thought to who these ponies are and why they're doing what they're doing. If you just try to compensate for your lack of understanding by layering on sappy dialog, you'll fail and be mocked. If you just project your own fantasies onto characters you don't understand, you'll fail and be mocked.

If you want to learn characterization, writing greentext from a prompt is a good way to practice. You start out with a simple premise and are not bogged down by trying to write anything of any great length or complexity. "Rarity and Rainbow Dash are lost in the woods, Rainbow's wing is broken." Okay, why are they there? How did they get lost? How did Rainbow break her wing? Technical questions about what's happening and why. Then go deeper. Who are these ponies? How do each of them react to this situation? Do they work together well or do they get on each others' nerves? Go back and rewatch the show, entire episodes have been built around these premises.

Once you understand how to do shit like this, you can start creating larger stories with more characters and more complex premises. But above all, you need to give thought to the following no matter what you want to write or how big or small the project is: what am I writing? Why am I writing it? Who is it for? Learn to answer those questions correctly and OP will never be a faggot again.
Anonymous
elvUw
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No.4188
4200
>>4187
>morning
Bahaha, I'm eating Golden Corral buffet fare while reading. Morning to you too, mister windowless-bedroom. I still like you though, don't worry uwu

Also wew lad, I've never gotten such an extensive crash course on such a specific field of pre-writing and planning.
Anonymous
X4+Gg
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No.4189
4190 4191 4227 4229 4240
tumblr_oqaflcn0PH1uzqz6do1_500.gif
>>4187
>>4111
>>4120
4. Burglary isn't Romantic, plus One (1) Thing You Did Well

Alright, back to the rancid meat of your text. Before we get too deep into the argument/fight between Starlight Glimmer and Silver "grab me by my flanks and launch me into orbit, Rocket Man" Star, I just want to say a few words about the short interlude between the date scene and the party.

There is a short, somewhat confusing, segment broken by dividers in which Silver "fist me Daddy" Star and his Silver "there's ten of us now so let's make an equine centipede" Spares apparently show up at Twilight's crystal castle, summon Spike out of the house and take him off somewhere, presumably for some kind of butt stuff, and then proceed to ransack the castle for unknown reasons. This section, and its subsequent follow-up at the end of the story, are a prime example of you having, on some level, some innate instinct for how to build a scene and pique reader curiosity, but your autism keeps getting in the way of your understanding what's a good idea and what isn't.

Basically, as I mentioned, the setup here is that the clones all show up and ransack Twilight's house for reasons that are not explained, leaving the reader to wonder why. You then ask them to set that curiosity aside for, sweet Pony Jesus, 24,535 words, before you get back to it.

Okay, hold on, stop the presses for a moment. I'll get back to this in a second, but holy shitcock. I have been operating thus far on the assumption that the length of your entire text is, give or take, 20k words long. This is based on >>4046 where your screencap shows a total document length of 19,129 words; I hadn't bothered to do a word count of my own. In the OP post you claim a length of over 100k words, but you seem to have confused word count with character count so I ignored that boast. However, I need to look deeper into this, hold the fuck on for a second.

The complete word count of this story is 32,223. Let's all take a moment and let that sink in.

32,223 words, 24,535 of which consist of a single scene. The argument scene between Glimglam and Silver "yummy cummy in my tummy" Star accounts for about 76% of this incredibly bloated text. For a point of reference, The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald clocks in at 48,413 words. Do the math. Your autistic pony story, which can be summarized in its entirety as "MC goes on date, talks about himself, robs girlfriend's house, shim shams the Glim Glam spoiler alert: you can't shim sham the Glim Glam, the end", is approximately 67% the length of one of the most highly regarded novels ever written in the English language. 24,535 words into TGG takes us to roughly the part where Gatsby is showing Daisy his house. In the length of time it takes you to lay out one scene, F. Scott Fitzgerald lays out his exposition, introduces all major characters along with their conflicts and backstories, and is chugging along at a fair clip through the rising action portion of his narrative. That is literally insane.

Anyway, back to what I was on about. After the bloated fight scene, if anyone is still reading and still remembers what happened earlier (protip: this is literally no one), you then provide the payoff for the earlier scene in which poor Twilight, as if her cad boyfriend didn't treat her badly enough to begin with, gets her house robbed by Mr. Smith style copies of him.

The cliffhanger payoff, for anyone who cares (protip: this is literally no one), is that it turns out Silver "if this van's a rockin it's what I'm suckin cock in" Star wasn't robbing the place, he was actually remodeling her house and installing a hot tub. I'm sure that in the dark, twisted maze of your creepy little autistic brain, this probably seems like some kind of sweet romantic gesture. Well, I'm going to give you a piece of advice that may one day save your life, in the event that (God save us all) you ever end up with an actual, human girlfriend: it isn't. Breaking into a woman's house in order to install major features that will affect home value, mess with plumbing and rearrange her furniture isn't romantic or sweet. It's insane. She will call the police.

In any case, I don't doubt that Silver's motivations here, like the rest of his (and your) motivations in this story, are completely self-serving. If I had to predict where you were planning to go next with this, I'd say you were going to have poor little Twiggles become even more smitten with her dashing faggot of a boyfriend, and no doubt reward him for his kind, sweet behavior with a romantic hot tub scene. Weren't you, you perv? This scene would no doubt also last the length of another great American novel, and would probably also be filled with lengthy novellas about Silver's time travel abilities dumped into quotes.

Oh yeah, there was one other thing. In the interlude space between the date and The Shit, in a rare moment of actual thoughtfulness, Silver "just stick it in, the cum from the last guy is lube enough" Star asks Pinkie Pie to throw Twilight a party, and she uses her typical cartoon logic to accomplish this. Silver is then left trying to analyze how she did it. This is actually pretty clever. Trying to analyze cartoon physics from the perspective of actual physics is always fun and can make for some good gags. This is good, I would keep this. Just don't get carried away.
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4190
Spoilered
>>4189
>Breaking into a woman's house in order to install major features that will affect home value, mess with plumbing and rearrange her furniture isn't romantic or sweet. It's insane. She will call the police

There is only one fictional character I can recall who's that creepy without it being ironic or a horror story.
Anonymous
X4+Gg
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No.4191
4192 4193 4195 4197 4199 4229 4240
EF-45-front.jpg
>>4189
>>4111
>>4120
5. Jesus Christ Please Save Me From This Autism

I was almost starting to feel sorry for you and was thinking about easing up for a bit, so I went back and reread some of your posts in this thread. Now I'm better. I will now resume mercilessly raping your anus, so that you and your shit OC can finally have something in common beyond an overinflated sense of self-importance.

Also, the more I dig into this story the more in awe I am of just how deep this rabbit hole actually goes. I had come into this assuming that this story was a self-contained work. A greater part of a longer narrative, perhaps, but still a standalone work. But no, this story is just Chapter 6 of an even greater, longer, ongoing story. 32k words for one chapter, and there's five other chapters before this one. The more I unravel this, the more fascinated I get. You are like the Black Dahlia of autism cases. It's almost unsettling to think of how long this work probably is already and how long it will eventually be if you keep writing it. It's like sitting in a dark room and giving serious thought to just how large the gaseous planet Jupiter actually is, and then imagining yourself falling it and being consumed. I'm unironically disturbed here.

Okay, so here comes the big one. The people will now hear the case of Starlight Glimmer v. Silver "fist my asshole and use me as a boxing glove to fight Antifa, it's literally all I'm good for" Star.

>Silver’s eyes locked on to the pinkish mare with a purple mane with pale greenish highlights and a Cutie Mark of a falling star. He recognized her. He doubted there was a pony alive who wouldn’t.
>Silver began to rush forwards and his horn lit up as he leapt, and he teleported. He reappeared in the air just behind Starlight, his forehooves grabbing the back of her head and pulling it down as his horn’s magic destabilized her front legs by pushing them apart, slamming her face into the crystal ground as he landed beside her. He turned and glared at the screaming mare while his horn blazed with blue magic, a flick of his horn’s power tossing the mare up and flipping her over twice in the air before letting her fall on her back, the angle and point of rotation calculated to rotate her head and inner ear as much as possible for the effort the move expended.

So, right off the bat, we have Silver "are people still laughing at these?" Star walking into a party he had Pinkie throw for Twilight. As usual, Twilight is completely ignored in the narration; she may not even be attending the party that was thrown in her honor. I'll keep an eye out for her as I read this though. It can be like Where's Waldo, which incidentally is one of any number of books I would much rather be reading than this dreck. Anyway, without even a "Hey, how you doing, want to talk about how great I am?" to his poor, inexplicably faithful waifu, Nigel's insufferable OC immediately zeros in on Starlight and attacks her.

The basis for this is apparently supposed to be that Silver "I'm so Reddit I drew a Pickle Rick face on my dick to surprise my dad" Star sees Glimmy at the party, recognizes her as the infamous dictator who ruined the lives of so many ponies and blah blah blah she's evil, and his super-sweet ninja instincts kick in and he immediately does a super-sweet ninja move to pin her to the ground. Already we've got a number of issues.

For one thing, assuming this world follows the same basic trajectory of the series, we can assume from the fact Glimmy is at this party and the way other ponies react to Silver's actions that we are probably at a point in time shortly following her redemption story. So, season 6 somewhere I think? Let's go with that for now, if we can nail it down as we delve deeper we'll adjust. At this point in the series, Glimmer is not just a regular fixture around Ponyville, she literally fucking lives in Twilight's house. The same one which, incidentally, Silver "I'm not gay I just suck a lot of zebra dick" Star's minion-clones are currently tearing the plumbing out of. Apparently though, this is the first time Silver has noticed her. Given the amount of attention this character typically pays to his girlfriend, or really anypony that isn't licking his balls and telling him how awesome he is at any given moment, it's actually unsurprising that he hasn't noticed a particular pony around town before. However, considering the author's, and by extension his terrible OC's, raging hate-boner for this particular pony, it's a little surprising he didn't notice his arch-nemesis living in his girlfriend's fucking house. But I digress.

The other issue here is that he describes her as some kind of universally reviled dictator, known far and wide across Equestria.

>He recognized her. He doubted there was a pony alive who wouldn’t.
His exact words. It's been a while since I've watched the later seasons of the show so I might be remembering it incorrectly, but I don't remember Glimmer ever being anything on the level of a famous dictator. She basically enslaved one town of ponies and that was it. The Mane 6 would know her of course, the townsponies she enslaved likely don't have a high opinion of her at this point, and I imagine her reputation has spread somewhat around Ponyville. That seems like that would be about the extent of her infamy though. Really, attributing this much infamy to her seems less like something that would really happen in-world and more like another distortion of reality brought on by Nigel's raging hate-boner.

Aaaaaaaand I have to go to work again. I will pick this up in a few hours.
Anonymous
2bGH1
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No.4192
4195
>>4191
>Silver "are people still laughing at these?" Star
Yes, yes I am. But if you're running out of jokes, I don't blame you for stopping. There's only so many ways you can call him a faggot while intimately detailing every way in which he is a faggot, hah.

>upheaves a party like Tommy Wiseau because his archnemesis suddenly seems to have shown up in the town in which she lives, when he should have met her earlier and likely had this exact encounter months prior
Jesus christ, I knew this fic would be autistic but that's beyond the pale of peak autism. We really will need a new spectrum for this level of 'tismus.

Anyway, you go tend to your real life, still avidly enjoying this takedown and await with bated breath still. It's surprisingly calming to listen to the music playlist thread while reading all this.
Anonymous
zerl6
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No.4193
4194
>>4191
Godspeed Anon, we eagerly await your return.
Maybe Nigel can expend a couple brain cells to write a coherent reply to your criticisms while you're gone.
Anonymous
2bGH1
?
No.4194
>>4193
>implying more than two brain cells to spare
lel nah
Anonymous
QX3so
?
No.4195
>>4191
>>4192
>Yes, yes I am. But if you're running out of jokes, I don't blame you for stopping. There's only so many ways you can call him a faggot while intimately detailing every way in which he is a faggot, hah.
Same here. I haven't replied much because I want to see the full extent of this literary breakdown.