This thread continues the ongoing RP/Shitposting game. Its based on D&D 3.5e core rules with exceptions made for just about anything. Its essentially a play-by-shitpost RPG with structural additions. Games get hairy on Saturdays, but weekends in general; weekdays are for meta and shitposting.
Most pressing of the situations is that involving Infernius, Trump, and Tracy; the former finds himself being surrounded by robots, while flying robots seem to have cut off his escape. As nimble as Uatchit is, his situation doesn't look good. Trump has fled outside the Cardashil wall, and his pursuit disengaged to secure the perimeter of the city. In short, Cardashil is now a Panopticon. Meanwhile, Tracy - er, a praying mantis who is clearly identifiable as Frank (or any of 3 other identities) - is amongst a throng headed for the teleportation gates along the perimeter of the park area.
Oh yes, and those grenades. One of the robots has char marks and scraping on it.
Meanwhile Stix, Torcuil, Snek, and Thez are having an otherwise constructive conversation in the Tower.
1013 replies and 97 files omitted.
>>61166Speaking of that, how big is Vadereim's ego? Surely over 20, right?
>>61164Cucking nice dude, saved.
>>61167I suspect it is.
Taking these Blackguard levels was a very poor choice...
>>61174F. Maybe gm would let you switch.
GM, after some discussion on the discord today, we decided we would like you to railroad the campaign this weekend (if you would like to) so we can actually play without us trying to do fifty different side quests and split the party. And once again thanks for putting up with our autism for this.
>>61185MAA: Mutual Autism Agreement
>>61190As long as there's an Autism Exchange Program
>"I WANNA FIGHT SOMETHING"
"One second Death. Snek, I already told you I'm on a date."
>"I'LL FIGHT YOUR GIRLFRIEND"
"That's a terrible idea"
>>611981: Tomorrow
2: Fucking hell my edit will look like shit. Why so complecated
>>61164Awww
>>61166Potentially
>>61167Way
>>61199Yeah, too many gradients desu
How long does it take to create a weapon with a +4 bonus?
>>6120224 days off the top of my head, I'd have to check
>>61203I was just thinking about that like sabre stuff...
*chainsaw runs out of gas*
*revs engine on top of Clyde*
*stares at crowd awkwardly with headlights*
>>61206Right now?
>>61205Lightsabres would be a unique item
As in, maybe it can be figured out
>>61209Nah, nothing big. I was just thinking of a bastard sword of brilliant energy, since it's be made of light and would pass right through armor.
>>61211Don't have the time or the spells for that though.
>>61210Alright, but where did he take her?
>>61213Weren't they having a drink for Friar Patrichke's day?
>>61214>>61213I was gonna say, Death said she wanted a drink, so I assumed a pub or maybe an inn.
>>61214>>61215Yes, it is Friar Patrichke's day, but assuming Port Barry there are two obvious choices. Outside (~_~) involves a bit of brainstorming
>>61217Well it would be Port Barry
*finds old rusty light saber*
*throws away because dead batteries*
>>61206>>61219Reeeee light sabers are 4 me, you can have chainsword!
>>61220You should make one then.
>>61223>implying that's ever stopped him from rolling to tryI was referring to the Brilliant Energy sword, but whatever.
*goes to bed irl*
What''s Infernius's base Str?
>>61238Isn't it like 35 with the arms?
>>61239Without the arms.
Just wondering if he qualified for the Awesome Blow feat.
>>61240Might be 2 Str short...
Too bad. The image of him pimp-smacking enemies across the battlefield makes me chuckle.
>>61241Screw Cloak Dance. I'm going to have Tracy train towards Whirlwind Attack next chance she gets. She still needs Combat Expertise to get there though.
>>61252If you can shit up the thread with your wanting things or thinking out loud, then I can do the same with a hypothetical battle between Trumpaladin and the bots
\r
>>61254I didn't say you couldn't, m8.
>>61254Also, what's wrong with thinking aloud?
When you sunder parts of those bots, do their parts count as worn items?
>>61259It depends on the bot, but yes as far as the shazbots are concerned
>>61260Alright, just wondering if they got opposed attack rolls. Pretty simple then.
>>61261Try that on Ed, and yes there will be opposition. The mailboxes are far too simple tho. They were designed to take out small-large groups quickly and effectively/autonomously, not engage protracted fights
>Torc considers turning Death into a pony
>>61263If it means moar fug, she'd probably be down desu
>>61267Do it. It'll afford the two of you some privacy from that lech.
>>61268I guess they're heading to the tower then
Was the infrastructure in Durpistan in poor condition? I'm wondering how long it could take to rebuild the city.
Torc leans over and whispers to Death.
"We gotta go to the Tower"
>>61274You should have sayed want to suck on my tower.
>>61274Stix leaves the tower to go find his dagger.
should he run into Torc on the way there? Tracy continues sitting, wondering where her daggers could be.
>>61279Stix walks by and sees Torc with a strange figure.
He walks over to him.
“Hey there Torc! Who is your friend here?”
>>61280"Oh, hey Stix. This Death... my.... uh..."
>>61284
Didn’t GM say we shouldn’t do more on off days and not focus on game days only? I forget.
>>61286I prolly did, but I wasn't thinking.
I don't promise I won't miss stuff tho
>>61281Stix seems a little nervous about the identity of your friend.
“Death... interesting name.”
>>61289Torc leans down and whispers in Stix ear
"No, this is literally fucking Death. Black robe, scythe, whole 9 yards"
>>61290“Umm... should we be worried then?”
He takes a step backward.
I've come to realize how important those birds are: if it weren't for them, I would've wandered all over the goddamn continent by now.
The Elway statue in this game is greatly underutilized.
>>61297I'd like to hear some of the things it has to say, but I'm vaguely concerned of being vaporized/nerfed by it..
Tracy wouldn't be inclined to go near it after that 'baptism' either, as far as character goes.
>>61297At who'd neglect?
>>61298Oh why? She's literally been baptized unto Elway. What could go wrong?
I'm going to place this on the board, since I feel like it's one of the better things I've made up and wrote o the spot, and it got no response in the discord:
Trumpaladin pulls out a Football, while talking to Stix
Stix: “Mind telling me how you found this instrument?”
Trumpaladin: "This specific one, or in general?"
"“I didn’t know there was a general one. Which story do you like to tell the best?”
"It's hard to say when I saw my first football. Almost like asking when you saw your first car, or ate your first basket of chicken tenders from Whataburger."
"It's been around as long as I can remember"
"But I do remember that first game my father took me to"
"It was just a high school game, really, we were there because a friend of the family had a son who was playing. My older brother was in middle school, and was going to be in high school eventually, so my dad decided to take him. And once they took him, they thought it would be pointless to get a babysitter just for me, so they took me as well
"Friday night, early October. Sun started to set as we stood in the stands"
"First I didn't pay too much attention. Went down with my mother and we got a hotdog. Way too much chili on the thing"
"But I began to watch. No, I didn't know quite what was going on. But the family friend - she was into it. Every single touch down, every movement of the ball, she was on it. It really left an impression on me. How interested she was. It made me start watching. So I watched. I knew some of the rules of the game because I would watch it on TV. Not enough to truly follow every play, but enough. I asked my dad some questions, as he pointed out the son of the family friend who was playing"
"They lost that night. But in a way, I won. I learned what it meant to route for a team. It wasn't a team I was on, but I could feel it. Taking on it's successes and its glories as your own. Assuming a sort of duty towards it. To make sure it succeeds and prospers. That's what I took away from Football that night, watching that woman, and with the excessive chili of the hotdog running down my hand. It's stuck with me"
>>61299Last time she did something related to football, she was nearly drowned in Gatorade, and got nerfed on top of it.
Now she's just sort of weirded out by the prospect of it. Not that she had very much motivation to approach the statue in the first place.
>>61301I could figure out a reason for her to want to talk to it though.
*Passes out*
>>61304Confused. Who is banging who?
>>61306
%100
This is the best conceivable afterlife
>>61305John Elway, but beyond consideration.
For one, John Elway's phallus is magnificent. I can't talk about it without causing distress to those not blessed of Elway?
"Hey Vadereim, how many wielders have you had before Flashy?"
>>61310REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
I wanted to ask him that
>>61292"Scared? Nah. Anyway, what are you up to?"
Why was this deleted from last night? >>61312Then ask him yourself,
now.
You hardly ever talk to him. Intelligent items are counted as NPCs, you know.
*i have no mouth and must REEEE*
>>61315*infernuis sees a little Dwelf girl with horns in the distance*
*infernuis stares at her for what feels like a lifetime*
*she has the hair of the 45th president and is wereing a trump brans suit*
*infernuis cries since no mouth*
>>61316*a gigantic ravine opens-up beneath the sea of opened letters, dumping you down a seemingly-infinite mail shoot. You free-fall for what feels like days, more envelopes twirling around you in a horrible cyclone, but there is no end in sight.
"The delivery never ends!" cackles an papery voice though the chaos
Trumpaladin, meanwhile, is tired
>>61319Tracy gets off of his face so he can stretch a bit.
*sobs at the thought that addy might be trump*
>>61322Let's focus on one form of supernatural horror at a time....
*without warning, thousands of razor-sharp living envelopes burst out of your anus, creating a painfully powerful thrust that rockets you deeper and deeper down into the bottomless void into at blinding speed*
>>61323The other thing is worse.
Do outsiders take their loot with them, if they return to their home plane after being killed?
*peeks at mimic jar*
"Now what should I call you, little guy.."
Trumpaladin gets up, slowly. He moves forward. Slowly, very slowly. He makes it only a few steps before his left knee seems to collapse on him. He saves the fall with his right hand, and assumes a sitting position, legs crossed
>>61313“I’m headed to find my dagger. I just don’t feel right without it. Just a habit of having it right near me at all times. What are you up to?”
>>61330>>61331*whimpers uncontrollably*
>>61330*contemplates sitting on*
>>61331"Not much. We where thinking about going to watch a trebuchet demonstration or just hanging out at the tower.
Oh, if you need help looking for something I could have Mr. Snek help you."
>"ARE YOU VOLUNTEERING ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT? THIS VIOLATES THE NAP""I'm sure he'd be happy to help"
>>61334“Cool. Is your snake friendly to strangers though?”
>>61335"Friendly enough as long as your not a gnome"
>>61336“I have no clue what a gnome is exactly, so I’m guessing I’m good then. Have fun!”
Stix takes Mr. Snek
>>61337>"You owe me one"Snek slithers along with Stix until he's out of Torc's sight
"Sometimes it feels like raising a child with him..."
>"I CAN STILL HEAR YOU" >>61338Stix continues to the port.
“So, think someone took my dagger by now Snek?”
Trumpaladin turn his eyes up towards the Heavens, and utters a secret prayer. It is not a prayer to Elway, who has served him well, for he knows that what he requires is beyond him. It is not a prayer to Hitler either. No, he prays now to a hidden god, but one of immense power. In this prayer he places hope.
>>61340From this god he requests a wish. nothing less than altering the fabric of reality itself. Nothing less would do
>>61339Snek does his best to shrug his shoulders, considering he doesn't have any.
>>61343Probably trying to erase himself.
*stares awkwardly at the crowd*
"~Vrooooooooooooooom!"
>>61349It pleases me when I get home and there's a grip of posts. ^_^
considering my depression was on overdrive today ~_~ >>61350You're not the only one with crippling depression. Do you feel tired too?
>>61351Yeah I'm fine, thanks for asking though.
Alright, gimme a few minutes to get caught up
>>61352Yeah but I did just work a 10 so its not surprising
>>61354That image is funnier than I want it to be.....
>>61355An anime girl offing itself brings joy to me as well, anon
>>61354That's better than being tired after waking up from a seven or more hours' sleep
>>61355I love me some doki memes
>still hasn't played doki doki
I've been such a lazy fuck these past few months...
>>61358Why the hell would you play that. Play something good
>>61358Yeah, once you know about the surprises and how the game is scripted, it loses its appeal
>>61360That's how most games are. Surprises are good.
I'll be available this weekend. Will everyone else?
>>61362Yep. I may get distracted by a few things here and there, but I will be around.
Not only will I be available, but I am back on 3-day weekends ^_^
Its friday bitches
>>61366Didn't expect THAT response,....
My computer is being a bitch...
I hope I can kill something this session.
>>61376*squishes gently"
"Of course I do, Flashy. That's why I'd only ever want to sit on you."
>>61378Yes. She sat back on him after he finished praying.
>>61382What is that supposed to mean? Is it a sexual innuendo?
>>61384Its an old joke reference. A chick is sitting on Pinnochio's face