This thread continues the ongoing RP/Shitposting game. Its based on D&D 3.5e core rules with exceptions made for just about anything. Its essentially a play-by-shitpost RPG with structural additions. Games get hairy on Saturdays, but weekends in general; weekdays are for meta and shitposting.
Most pressing of the situations is that involving Infernius, Trump, and Tracy; the former finds himself being surrounded by robots, while flying robots seem to have cut off his escape. As nimble as Uatchit is, his situation doesn't look good. Trump has fled outside the Cardashil wall, and his pursuit disengaged to secure the perimeter of the city. In short, Cardashil is now a Panopticon. Meanwhile, Tracy - er, a praying mantis who is clearly identifiable as Frank (or any of 3 other identities) - is amongst a throng headed for the teleportation gates along the perimeter of the park area.
Oh yes, and those grenades. One of the robots has char marks and scraping on it.
Meanwhile Stix, Torcuil, Snek, and Thez are having an otherwise constructive conversation in the Tower.
I hope Tracy levels up before I run out of parodies of this painting...
I might just post sequels to the series from now on
Is everyone free tonight?
9 hours from now,...
Is That Bitch still visible, or did she leave already?
That depends. Is Tracy going to make like she's actually an innocent bystander (cuz everyone here is disarmed,... remember?) and maybe do some eavesdropping while offering tactical information to Trump via empathic link and think of a workable resolution, or is she just going to stab her?
>>60328Tbh, I just originally wanted to stab/shoot a high-ranking target because bloodlust.
At the moment, she's in stealth/theft/eavesdropping mode; she'll stay in that mode until further due, gathering any information/keys she can find, remaining opportunistic and communicated as need be.
In that case, she can still see That Bitch. She's in a small group, talking animatedly to them and into her phone.
And with that, I'm out>>60331
Trips confirm what Infernius does when he wakes up after dying
[1d10000 = 6564]
I thought GM might like this chart...
Who did you cast that on?
>>60339>Target reacts violently to elves who know his name
The only elf around is Thez, m8..
[1d100 = 25]>>60340>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHE CAN'T KNOW MY NAME."
"What have I done?"
I guess duration roll
>>60343>all within 50 yards are suddenly extremely drunk
I got a 4967 in the discord when they showed it to me.
>>60346>Target appears to be wearing a cloak of shimmering fire
Stix has bad luck doesn’t he?
>>60348>appears to be
Badass cloak, imo.
Stix is afraid of fire.
If you had to slowly be consumed by fire and slowly watch yourself die, then wake up afterwards to constantly be reminded of it, maybe.. just maybe... you would be scared of it too...
But Tracy s afraid of fire as well. Like a bitch
*cough* "Bitch" *cough*
Her want overrides her bitchiness.
[1d10000 = 6088]>>60356>>60355
"You both bitches"
>>60357>target is immune to illusions until dawn tomorrow
I might be up then..
Only 2 hours to go.
Gotta hold out a little longer.
Thats the new sourcebook for the rod(s) of random
>>60368>he shows up within 20 minutes of Torcuil's faggot going to sleep
Death wanders into the tower, wearing her grim-reaper cloak as a hoodie.
>>60370>Rapes thez loudly
It was more the image>tfw my brain-child is someone else's,...
>>60376>tfw i unintentionally cuck you.
I think it was for you, but ants stole it.
I still hold the record for cucking, anon
"Tied, anon." Thez challenges
Trumpaladin looks at Thez. He thinks of replying "oh really now?" But he figures no good will come of it, so he stays silent
"How many points do other players count for?" Thez wonders aloud.
You have to be fucking shitting me
Told ya it would happen>>60370
Oh that's cute, please excuse me as I look for some insulin
>>60374>someone has a rare Tracy that I don't
I made this image a while ago, but I never posted it..
>>60370Someone ask her where she got the awesome hoodie (do WANT).
I didn't post it because I thought it'd be mistaken for a cuck joke.
It's not cuckolding; it's just a very weird position to be in...
It's pretty badass that Torc get's to talk to Death casually, let alone fug her.
He'd make for a great necRomancer.
I see what you did there.
NecRomancer memes because bored.
Speaking of board... we are back on the overboard. Sorry all!
Actually seems like the most legitimate prereq for the lichloved perk.
10/10 will learn necromancy spells now
>>60397>>60395(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS PUN)
*drinks third glass of black tea*
So, how's the cardashil mission going?
I'm ready to resume
Role call for Infernius and Brad.
Um.... here, but there's sort of something going on and I hopefully will be out most of the day
Your character fled Cardashil, right?
I think so? It would be what happened last saturday
What is this?>>60409
Did he get away safely, or was he still in the process of escape?
My best guess is that he'd be flying out through the top (in the alternative, just running on the ground) so I think in the process of escape
He fully escaped the city, is an indeterminate distance away from the city, still in sight of the "hole" area as well as the ring of flybots along the wall.
By the "city" do you mean the entire dome?
Also, what's That Bitch doing?
May as well initiate communications>"PONY! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU"
"I'm still in the plaza."
"I'm disguised as a leprechaun. I was hiding, until the bull made his grand entrance."
>>60421>"Well get the fuck out of there before the robots find you too"
>>60422>'I'm not worried about that for the moment. I'm currently at a distance, trying to see what'll happen to the bull now.'
>>60423>"He hasn't fled? And why the hell not?"
>>60424>'I can't just leave him without seeing what's up. Don't worry, I'm far enough away from the action to be safe. I'm hiding in the crowd currently.'
Well, he can't run off. Run for the hole
Are they running or flying?
Trumpaladin? He'll be running now
So, he's riding Fae and running towards the hole?
Hey, could we use certain potions as splash weapons? Like a potion of Cloudkill as a gas grenade?
I think that would work.
Don't you boop my pony. I'll boop you!
I dont think torc is.
Dont you boop my waifu, ill boop you faggot.
*wants to play now, but is patient*
Nigger you've got the biggest, most boopable nose of all. You'd best be careful...
You want to go? Fuckboi.
*is less than patient*
I haven't mentioned it anywhere but on the discord
, but Tracy hasn't cut her mane once since she lost her favorite knives.
>>60446REEEEEEEEE I want to play!
Don't make me shoop, color gradients are my weakness ~_~
misses those knives..>tfw dyke-ish butch hairstyle is ruined!
[Reeeeeees in stealth]
[4d20 = 29]>>60451
So booped. Not even the first roll, but booped
>>60452>realizes is playing a long-haired, pregnant, traditionally-married, non-promiscuous Tracy Cage now>haven't even murdered anyone in a while
I've abused this OC quite a bit over these past 7 months...
Does booping provoke a boop of opportunity?
[3d20 = 36]>>60453
Youve made tracy cage your own.
[1d20 = 7]
Rolling to boop Death
[pent-up serial killer noises]
"What does a mare need to do to find some enemies who actually bleed..!" She says under her breath, weighing the cost of blowing her cover with the thrill of stabbing one of these drama queens
[1d30 = 23]>>60459>is booped
"Come on now old son," she chides
Just kill a fucking robot
Robots don't bleed.
It's not even murder, just destruction of property.
>>60452>is a fucking dyke
How much control over her hair does he have?
You've had a hell of a lot of chances for ogres and shut that you explicitly passed up, so be patient
>>60467>explicitly passed up
In that moment, ensuring the safety of her angels was more important to her than stabbing strangers.
>tfw discord has crashed and refused to come back online
Poor timing too. You guys are going to have to be patient with me until I can get it fixed
>>60461>old son>tfw Death's proverbs are older than logic itself
Im having a problem as well might be a server issue.
I did too.
Never really liked using it anyway tho.
Can you tell me what it means?>>60476
Idk, but it sounds like an old proverb of some sort.
>>60462>RIP in peace Torc>>60480
Snek is laughing his off in the corner
So, are Brad/Fae outside the dome?
Trumpaladin would boop, pet, or hug a pony...
IF HE HAD ONE!
Fucking running back inside
*changes into male dirt pony*
Yes, Brad is currently just outside of the wall. about 5- yards, hes seen by both drones and spectators. He's shiny, so most eyes r on him
He's still an ostrich. Although Fae is shiny.
Recasts eagle's splendor
Tracy tries to get closer to That Bitch, while observing Infernius's situation.
Where is infernuis?
Ok just making sure.
says he's on utachit.
..unless he's in the air, in which case she advances towards the gates.
I thought they were escaping?
Anyway, she's only moving towards the gates, not entering them.
He's reentering. It was supposed to be the plan from last Saturday, but that isn't happening, so he'll fight through them I guess
We'll get to that when the players are present then.
I stayed up way too late last night.. I'm already falling asleep..
Oh no. Think you can set an alarm so you can join later tonight?
Sleep now. I won't be available until later anyways
I'm on meds that prevent me from sleeping during the day..
I'll just tough it out.
*Get's drunk and wanders through the streets yelling*
"I think this disguise is having some kind of effect on me.."
Reeeeeeee fetal alcohol syndrome
>>60509>*is merely hallucinating drunkenness due to the effects of the leprechaun disguise on Saint Patrick's Day*
[tipsy leprechaun noises]
*hic* "What the f-fuck is wrong with me..?"
Are you drawn to local taverns and get in bar fights?
*instinctively waves fists in front of herself*
[1d20 = 2]>>60515
Punches in the face
Ye fooked that one lad
Where the fuck did the "up" go?
Anyway, GM is there anything in the area of entertainment around the port?
>>60516>misseg Tracy by a mile>faggot still passed out irl before he could finish his response
Tracy juggles and does flips in the streets sometimes.
You feel a craving for a certain cereal...
[1d20+21 = 28]>>60523
Search check, to find lucky charms.
*drinks a bottle of absinthe*
*eats a different potato*
*eats same potato*
She ate him. It doesn't count.
*starves to death because no potato*
Dammit. I can't top that.
Sprinkle lucky charms over his grave
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man?
Some people think that potatoes are too starchy for the Denver Broncos, but not me, no siree bob. When I was just a small potato, I would occasionally salt myself and become that entity known to The French as Le Pomme de Terre, and I would cause the cholesterol of my enemies to rise through the buttery menace of my potato hide.
Je suis la
pomme de terre
If sex "doesn't count" just because you eat your lover afterwards, then several insect species shouldn't be able to reproduce
*stores all of her money in a pot*
That might be the weirdest post I've read all day
It all disappears when the rainbow proceeding out of it vanishes.
I was shitposting; It would count, if it weren't just another married female masturbating with non-living household vegetables.
*forgets about it, because drunk*
This shall be remembered
Every housewife fucks the salad. This is training.
*eats a whole raw potato*
If the discord online status is to be trusted, he is currently idle. I guess he is busy at the moment.
I am partial to the idea of using gas-based weapons.
It might come as a shock, but me too.
Poisons are such a badass way to painfully kill/incapacitate your enemy.
I'm glad assassins and Blackguards are proficient in poison use.
Would tracy help Infernuis make gas weapons?
I hope we get to play tonight.
Digits confirm poisons are badass.
Don't make me break out the runes again
*crushes u with truckload of potatoes*
"You gonna sleep with all them too? Hmmm?"
"I found a whole bunch of gold, Flashy!"
*claims it in the name of the Queen*
*divides and oppresses u*
*leeches your welfare system*
>tfw "last 50 posts" isn't nearly enough
Finds stray horseshoe>>60526
Waste of a good potato>>60531>Irish>>60538
... it got weird from there
You know, play house, is the fight clubs still standing, etc.
Things to do
>is still angry over the tuberous adultery
At least she had the courtesy to kill her lay.
The fight club was burned to the ground.
The whorehouse burned to the ground, but the fight club still has members>>60579
>>60582tracy masturbated with a potato.
*eats corned beef*
>>60584I was hoping to avoid mentioning it
>probably has ~2-3 hours before passing out
So, what is Tracy able to see from her position?
I guess Torc could go see what Saw-horse wanted
Alright! Well my day was absolute shit! But enough about that! Aside from raping potatoes, where are we at?
Tracy is still in the crowd, observing That Bitch, and remaining opportunistic.
Sorry about your day.
Sorry to hear that... I hope things get better soon.
Being angry about raping potatoes
What's he actually doing tho?
Reentering the structure through the hole
No worries, with any luck it will play out reasonably>>60594
That Bitch is still in a small groups, alternating between giving instructions to the ppl there, and giving instructions into her phone. Something about
Not subtle enough to be those
invaders, but still a pain in the ass," have I mentioned she has a huge ass?
Sorry to hear that GM.
Torc is currently deciding if he should ask Death to come with him to see the trebuchets
Tracy makes herself discreet, but inches closer.
Well, Death didn't stop by for a group-chat, so intrigued.
Is Death a visible entity, or can only Torc see Death?
But aren't there increasing bots on both sides now?
[1d20+10 = 25]
Rolling to stay flaccid.
Is it bigger than thezs?
Death is visible. No "Torcuil is talking-to/fugging the air" shenanigens
Trumpaladin renters on Fae, making use of the fact that Fae is a hell of a lot faster than the bots to evade them - or at least, to evade masses of the bots attacking at once.
He was supposed to meet up with Infernius and Tracy so they could all get IDs and not have to constantly worry about the bots, but nooooooooo, we can't have that now, can we?
Yes, but its all fat. That Bitch has no athleticism
He was supposed to meet Tracy on the other side but we have to replay Saturday and now you want to do something else that will result in That Bitch getting away anyways
Relax, Tracy just has to venture outside
Tracy takes note of this, judging to see how easily she'd go down if she wanted to dispose of her.
Sound's good enough for me
"Hey, do you wanna go watch some trebuchet demonstrations?">>60604
Good to know
Quick hint. Its a society based on non-aggression, where the robots do all the fighting
>>60611>all these rich squishy targets
An assassin's paradise.
Are their any soyboys around?
Aren't you about to get BBQ'd?
Just fly out of there. He's out of range in the very first round
>>60615>Roast beef>McRib>Big Mac>Brisket>Steak
Tracy observes Infernius from her position.>>60617
The bots have formed a ring by the hole. Going through would give them all a point blank shot, wouldn't it?
He has a round or many rounds before they form a ring. He has just refused to specify "I fly away" for some reason
[14d8 = 57]>>60620
And speaking of crispy-fried Infernius, he still
(cuz this is the point that the game was stopped) is taking damage from 2 1/2 breath weapons.
It hurt last time, but we'll re-roll for keks
Kentucky Fried Minotaur?
He had a round before Trump. He could have fled before Trump fled
Im still alive.>>60622Shhhhh its meta. Infernuis leg it traped on something.
You know Cardishil is enormous, right? It'd take several rounds to get back to the hole from the plaza.
Its super rare at this point, but yeah>>60625
Infernius seemed pretty set on making an entrance.
Making an entrance doesn't involve running away.
I don't fucking care. Cardishore can be how ever the fuck large it wants to be, Infernius has a flying mount that can move a hell of a lot faster than any of these, and he's higher in the order of initiative
Meh. Didn't seem that way to me.
You might wanna cast a spell to protect yourself.
It's not a matter of "seems," it's a matter of objective fact. Initiative is set and Infernius had a move before the bots next move. Movement and range are mathematical and Infernius had and has the better numbers
The bots are coming through a hole in the cieling tho. They could've put themselves between him and the door.
We don't even know what feats they have.
For now, Infernius only took 1 direct blast.>>60633
This is or would be the point that Trump actually made his escape.>>60634
Cuz that's saved him before.
At this point, Infernius has the option of fighting being reduced to an ash-pile, or relegating himself to an ash-pile.
Loved that Anne Frank meme btw
Then give us the IDs you piece of shit
I wonder if the bots target people with too many IDs per heat signature. There's no way anyone with more than one would have good intentions, and could only be a criminal. So why not fry them?
[d20 = 10]>>60636
I attack with multiple over head strikes.
I don't want to answer, you fags will meta for days>>60641>>60642>Super rare? I want extra crispy!
Tracy places the other 3 IDs in her Bag of Holding, to keep them out of the bots' watch.
I would've started with Protection from Energy, but suit yourself...
What do the other people in the group look like? Do they seem like they're of higher status?
*inches toward group*
>>60610Ask her about her wardrobe.
What does the BOT distribution look like?
There's a few uniformed dudes, as well as some obviously theatrical types. The uniforms are more official looking.
This. Bitches like hearing about their wardrobe
Tracy appreciates Death's sense of fashion.
Tracy figures these individuals may be staff serving in the cardishore government/system/whatever, and observes them cautiously, trying to get a sense of how things work around here.
As far as she can tell, is That Bitch highest ranking in the visible posy at the moment?
That style of wardrobe is actually increasingly popular in Europe these days
"I like your cloak. How'd you get it?">>60653
That's not a cloak damn it
[1d20+26 = 32]
Fae spot check on bots
When'd she get a +26 Spot?
Fae is outside with Trump, so aside from a hastily concealed (so not) hole in the wall, and a ring of angry bots maintaining perimeter along the top of the wall, not much
Take a Dragonne, which already has spot skills maxed out, max out spot skills when you get paladin mount die and additional levels, add the wisdom bonus, add the +4 racial bonus dragonnes get, and you've got a very high spot modifier.
Trumpaladin can't spot shit by himself, he can't rely on teammates, and he doesn't have any way of casting "detect invisibility," so he needs Fae to be able to do this for him
>>60658>add the wisdom bonus, add the +4 racial bonus
The Dragonne stats, as listed, include all bonuses.
She does have 8 skill points to allocate from advancement tho.
Dive for the hole, with all haste. While we're at it, Trump detects alignment on visible bots, using Vanderium's at will detect alignment.
"Vanderiem, can you tell me if these bots are neutral, or something else?"
I don't give a shit what you think. Go back to playing your character and leave me to mine
"They're bots lad. They don't have alignments, they just do stuff that they're told to,"
How many drama queens have advanced thru the Gate at this point?
Lawful neutral, alright. Two questions: is the Eagles splendor from earlier still in effect, and would resistance to energy (fire) stack or not with the ring of fire resistance?
Ninja-tier if you take the sandnigger out of the picture.
Yeah, islam ruined it for ninjas ~_~>>60665
Eagle's splendor would still b in effect, though resistance doesn't stack
'when did he pick that ring for himself?' asks the theif
*shoots self in head for pointless loot-faggotry*
More importantly, do the high-ranking targets Tracy is observing show any signs of leaving soon?
Correct, it's actually a scarf.
[8d20 = 104]>>60669
No, they seem to feel that the danger (?) is contained.
Oh yes, Infernius was attacking/ No effect (6's).
Rolling to continue barbecue
>>60675>"What the fuck is going on"
>>60676>'Situation isn't good. Infernius just got BBQ'd, and he smells delicious. It might be over for him...'
᚛ᚔ ᚐᚋ ᚁᚑᚏᚓᚇ᚜>>60672
Too done for my liking
>>60677>"Mother fucker. Where are you? I'm holding position outside the walls near the location where we entered. Are you next???"
Tracy lets out an exaggerated gasp and pretends to take a selfie, imitating the behaviors of the drama-queens around her.
Beneath that, she's wincing at how much that had to hurt.
Eating over-cooked meals just builds character.
>>60679>'I'm in the crowd blending in. Don't worry about me.'
He's kill, isn't he?
>>60682>"No I'm fucking worrying about you because those bots are coming for you next. Should I come to you?"
>>60684>"I'm fine. Stay where you are for now. You'll just draw more attention as it. It seems these guys have some kind of recording equipment, and they might have pictures.'
This is entirely out of character for Trumpaladin. The only reason I had him flee last Saturday was because I thought Infernius would do the same and because I thought the bots had a higher save DC. That why when we replayed again, I had him stay and fight. Because him being in the fight was crucial to making sure Infernius faced half the number of bots, and to give him a chance. Trumpaladin could never leave an ally, especially Infernius, to die, as he ran. That's part of why I wanted to just play out the battle without the bullshit. Because it was the only thing Trumpaladin could have done in that situation. Now we have an awkward situation where Infernius is kill after Trumpaladin ran,
and what is there to say about it?
>>60685>"You're not fucking fine they'll kill you next. They attacked you earlier. You were hiding in your disguise but it didn't work. They attacked you anyways. They'll get you if I do not come for you. And so what if they have pictures? What does that matter? Are you afraid they'll see an ostrich? And if my disguise doesn't work, why do you think your disguise will work?"
>>60686>half the number of bots.
Pretty sure they can target multiple creatures with their flammenwerfers. Remember that mailbox that cornered Brad and Tracy in that alley.
>>60687>'you may be in disguise, but Fae isn't. That dust was only a precaution; I can't just dress her up if people are already looking for her. I'm fine for now. Let me see what's up with the bull before we meet up.'
Because they were standing right next to each other. That's what flame weapons do. They affect small cone. Last Weekend it was 5 bots against Trumpaladin and 6 against Infernius, or 11 against Infernius with no Trumpaladin in the equation. Pay attention
Whats with those ansi shits?>>60680
Well,... no,... he's regenerating,... but he is well done>>60688
With the ease of pointing a hose
Ogham runes cause reasons
Death seems to think its some sort of holiday or celebration of some sort. Something about friar Patchske or whatever. She wants to have a drink.
What about the bots around him? Are they getting ready to finish him off?
Also, does Utachit ever take damage in her animated form?
>>60689>"They might recognize Fae next time? If only I had another mount, someone else strong and fast enough to carry me and save me from danger, that way I wouldn't be forced to rely on Fae. And if only there were some way to disguise Fae in the future if need be, like a dust maybe. Oh well....
The celebration of Saint Patrick driving the "snakes" Jews
out of Ireland!
She literally just explained that the dust won't do shit if someone's already looking for you.>'I'll be there in a few moments, Flashy. Just let me see what happens to the Bull.'
>>60698>"Do you think you can retrieve him?"
>>60699>'Well, I'm not so sure about that, but maybe I might be able to sweep up what's left at this rate..."
Torc offers to take her for drinksHoping it will go better than last time he went for drinks with a female.>>60697
Mr. Snek doesn't like that story>"#SNAKELIVESMATTER"
[1d20+24 = 38]
Rolling to Hide.
>>60698>"If only Fae were faster, bigger, stronger, a much faster flier, had even better saving throws like if she had her own divine grace to share my eagle's splendor, could do ride by attacks, was able to create her own smoke screen, and maybe even able to blink out if need be - all while assuming a form that would be different than the form she would take the next time she tried to enter... I could definitely snatch the remains of Infernius, while gaining xp for killing bots and maybe even having a shot to loot other things and do other damage.>A man can dream, can't he? A man can dream..."
He's pretty finished off. And yes, he smells delicious, aside from the burned hair.
That Bitch makes a mention to several of the ppl and wanders away talking on her phone, attended by a nearby bot, exclaiming "Definitely not those assholes who looted the museum,">>60702
And the mantis becomes a living stick
The reason I'm such an asshole tonight is because of other things...
There there, thats not true, you're always
an asshole, at least to me,....
>>60703>[flattered pony empathy]>'Yes, Flashy, I'll be there in a jiffy; you don't need that kitty. Just let me collect that bull's remains.'
She feels/thinks, as she makes her way over closer to Infernius's situation.>>60704
Tracy slowly creeps towards his charred remains in stealth.
Have the bots around him dispersed?
No, they're intent on making sure he doesn't move, aside from the steam wafting from his remains,... which are still regenerating.
Thez meanwhile, thinks for a second, "I wonder what I'nis is doing. I hope he's not getting charred to a crisp."
>>60708>"How are you going to collect the bull's remains and why would it be easier than if you had more speed and three times the hp?">>60706
Channing's no good for me
For whom is that intended?
To go with my "asshole" shitpost
Approximately, how many squares away is he from the crowd (need to know because speed/range and stuff)?
"Faust almighty..!" Tracy exclaims under her breath, eyeing the sizzling tender smoked ribs, in both exasperation and peculiar interest
So, are they just continuously burning him, or are they waiting for some kind of signal?>>60704>Susan's colleagues looted the museum>security is on high because of that>That Bitch has high enough card-access to have a personal bot guard her
Tracy absorbs all of this info.
*screams in bovine*
Someone add flames.
Yes. That Bitch is clearly running the show. Continually talking into her device, she makes toward the gates. Occasionally one of the bots spurrrrts the body with more flames (regenerating) but no, they're (and he's) pretty much done at this point
>>60720Tbh, I'm waiting for the demon to emerge, but don't want to be a metafag about it.
Tracy appears visibly torn between attempting to retrieve Infernius's remains (at risk of exposing herself) and trying to follow the crown into the gate.
She takes a gander at the crowd around her assessing the situation and trying to figure out where to go from here.
Night faggots. Get this shit done will ya?
I've already doomed myself to no-sleep.
It'll be a bit before anyone bothers to remove the ring, I wouldn't wait on it, especially since Tracy doesn't know about that
On her way toward the gates, That Bitch stops mid-stride. She has a visible but short exchange over the phone, before slouching her shoulders and making her way back to the stage.
>>60721>"Tracy, what is going on?"
I would try harder to stay up right now, but I decided it wasn't worth it to watch you faggots debate cardishil Again
Does he not die until the ring is removed? Even with negative hit points?
Anyway, Tracy figures trying to retrieve Infernius's stuff is too risky at this point, and proceeds to follow the crowd as she ponders her next move, still absorbing info.
How many rounds would it take to get back to the hole? The city seems pretty big, so Idk.
Well, he is
dead, but regeneration does and will continue until the ring is removed, yes.>rounds
A few, nothing extensive since she'd be making a direct line
What's the rush to go through the gates? All that's going to happen if it waits three minutes is that there will be less security then
Tracy makes a bee-line for the hole in the dome.>>60732>less security>implying
Tracy wanted to follow That Bitch, but figured responding to Brad's request was more important.
So long as she makes note of which hole she went through
Well, then she'd have to watch her go through the gate.
Does he want her to come or not?
Several of the surrounding people seem surprised when the mantis takes off and starts flying, but sure.>>60734
The hole in the roof is huge, there's no mistaking it. As she flies through the top, she notices that the robots don't seem to give a shit
TF meant the location near where Trumpaladin is
I had her change to a leprechaun a while ago (thus the irish stereotypes).
Is the hole they originally went through at ground level or in the roof?
Noted>still sees her as a mantis>>60738
Its at ground level, I misinterpreted which hole kek
My bad, thought the roof
[1d20 = 7]
Tracy dives through the hole in the dome and tackles Brad affectionately at full speed.
Spirited Bull Rush
Can I roll reflex save?>>60740
Again, though there is an observable overhead presence that is constantly observing, none of the bots seem to care.
Almost like, if you have an ID they DGAF, but if you don't they cook you.
You can roll an opposed Strength check if you give a fuck.
She's bigger tho.
[1d20 = 14]
Reflex save on Pony
Or Strength check, I have no idea
Huzzah! He might have been not tackled
>>60745>tfw two size categories bigger than u
Brad is lovingly knocked back 5 ft.
He side-stepped, if that's his desired outcome
Reeee! It's a bull rush, not an overrun!
"Pony, what happened? Where is Infernius?">>60747>>60748
"Infernius is kill."
[sad paladin noises]>>60752reeeee
"There was nothing I could do. Couldn't even sweep him up because of all of those mailboxes..."
[1d20 = 4]>>60754
"Then Let's go in to sweep him up"
Rolling to mount horsey
Not sure if horse is mounted or mounted by horse
Now then. While Infernius is Well, he is not technically kill. This is evident by the fact that he's not waking up in the entertron still hungry. Instead, his remains are being collected by waste removal bots.
Tracy successfully reunites with Trump, replete with +3 IDs for full access
[1d20+21 = 40]
"Let me change your disguise."
Sleight of Hand to slip a card in Brad's pocket.
"Are we going to get him or not?"
"That's the plan."
Directs horse to go to where ever the remain are, having more faith in speed than in stealth
Tracy throws some dust in Fae's face that makes her look like a giant goldfish with tarantuala legs, despite having no intention of bringing her along.>>60762
Tracy does this, while ethereal.
The Mantis pastor and Bridget were actually characters I made up in my old creative writing class btw.
>>60763>Fae is now a goldfish with tarantula legs
As Tracy and Trump return to the scene, unmolested by flsmr cuz IDs, they find that what remains of Infernius is being loaded onto a trolley, by a grip of bots with specialized nozzles
[lurking ghost-pony noises]
I need to break something. Not in game, but in real life. Like really break something.
I remember an episode of Deadliest Catch, season 2, that I watched many years ago where a guy gets pissed off, throws a large plastic tray in the water an starts shooting at it with an assault rifle. I really envy that guy
Sorry about that, m8.
>>60770No. Never had any money for one
Screams. But there's no one to hear his screams
Its my fault, I thought for a moment that I was sociable
No problem, m8. Do what you need to do.
*throws glitter in Brad's face*
Pocket sand... er, glitter!
Btw, Brad's disguise is now that of an orangutan named Clyde.
Tracy's disguise shifts into that of a huge construct that resembles a monster truck.
Mind that the dust that originally changed Brad's appearance still hasn't worn off, so he's currently disguised as an ostrich disguised as an orangutan named Clyde.
This is relevant because if anyone were looking for an ostrich (which some factions probably are), they would recognize the ostrich beneath the orangutan illusion. He could use the hat to solidify the illusion tho, and still roll for a Charisma-based disguised check.
*polishes lucky horseshoe*
*checks to see if mimic is still alive, and feeds it a pastrami sandwich from a zip-lock bag*
[sad/confused pony noises]
*sighs, then looks ahead*
>>60799>"Where were you earlier?"
"In the crowd." Revs the monster truck
I'm here, I'm just having trouble getting going today
I've been there before...
Rake all the time you need.
I'm going, but the problem is I'm pic related... which is me all the time.
Also I'll be on mobile the whole day
I know that feeling.
I think it is the irritation inside behind the frozen outside
You can't play today?
*rolls towards mailboxes sweeping up Infernius*
A shazbot positions its self in between Tracy and the scene.
"ALL OF YOU PLEASE STAY BACK FOR YOUR SAFETY." The bot monotones.
[1d20+6 = 10]>>60813
Diplomacy check to convince the wheel-lets to stand aside while a real machine handles the cleanup.I'm that bored..
Nevertheless, Tracy stands back and observes the machine loading Infernius's remains.
How many clean-up bots are there? Are they the same model as the other bots?
The shazbot seems unimpressed. "THE FOUR OF YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED."
Speaking of which, all of Tracy's IDs emit notification pings.>>60816
No, they're different than the shazbots.
Tracy realizes she's being an idiot, and moves away from the center of action and parks herself in an alley as she considers her next course of action.
She checks Gorplemonger's ID-thingy.
She also takes note that the bot was able to detect the IDs in her back, and stops to consider that carrying extra IDs might reveal her in the presence of non-robot creatures.
"Um, ugh.." Tracy trails off, not deciding against attempting to conceal her stolen electronics.
*yes deciding against
The IDs display a lengthy explanation of the incident moments ago. It claims that Infernius and Trump were participants of the Arena level who had managed to reach the city level. It also makes an additional reminder to keep one's ID on themselves at all times, as there were several participants who had neglected to do so, offering meager condolences to anyone who may have known whomever it was.
Does it show any indication of knowing exactly who it was that failed to keep their IDs with them (important, because I was intending to potentially assume their identities later on)?>It claims that Infernius and Trump
Does it mention them by name, or does it mention 'some red cow and an ostrich?'
"Arena level..? I wonder what that could be..." Tracy ponders, trying to wrap her head around the scope of the dome's security communications
"I'm not entirely sure.." Tracy says, fidgeting with Gorplemonger's device.
"Whatever it is, it has some kind of news message on it: it looks like the whole city knows we're here."
"Well where did you get them and why?"
"Well, I.. you see.."
No. Frank, Otto, Alfonso, and ??? were all quite squishy and were reduced to ash quite readily, due to their clothing, as well as whatever cosmetics and/or hair-products they may have been using. I didn't really come up with a back-story for them, I was hoping I could shirk that. In any case, they were beyond identification by the administration.>>60826
That's an inaccurate statement
Tracy backs further into the alley, making sure she's out of sight from the crowd.>>60829
Tracy is only as clever as her faggot, so she's still on alert, considering the possibility that other residents might be aware of their break in.
I didn't really care to use their disguises, it was just a fallback idea.>>60830
"Will you promise me you won't be mad?"
"No. Now what is it pony?"
I assume that Tracy gave Trump one of the IDs, cuz I can't think why he wouldn't be getting set on fire. In that event, Trump's ID displays the same information.
*tosses him off of her back and sits on him*
"It's some kind of ID card. I'm not really sure how it works, but it seems like the robots will believe you're one of the residents while you're carrying it, as far as can tell.">>60833
Tracy slipped one in his pocket without him knowing, but it would've binged by now to alert him of it.
I'm guessing Trumpaladin would finally notice the ID in his pocket, so he pulls it out
"How did this get there?
So these IDs... Why do you have 3 of them?"
"I kind of.. got them from some of the localresidents."
"What do you mean?"
"I picked them up.."
Tracy curiously fidgets with the device some more, using her floating hands (claws retracted).
Is there any information available on it other than the notifications that just popped up? Perhaps a map for local residents?
"I stole them." Tracy says flatly
"I subtly picked the cards out of the pockets of several individuals in the plaza and watched contently as the mailboxes reduced them to piles of fine powder."
Yes, there's a fully indexed section with information, I'm just having difficulty with descriptions at the moment. Additionally, my persistent critical nature is more active than usual. the part of me that says "ITS SHIT!"
Trumpaladin inspects the device himself
Tracy takes a while, fidgeting and trying to figure out how to handle the device (despite being able to hold weapons easily, she's still not used to having fingers), and takes a peak at the bots cleaning up Infernius's remains.>>60843
Brad feels a ripple in Tracy's plot from his position, indicating that the mare just made a movement to shrug.
"... Are you mad at me..?" She asks, sheepishly
"Yes." Trumpaladin responds with a bit of anger, but otherwise seems enraptured by the device. Without looking up, he says "did you do anything else?"
"Not really. You and Infernius showed up just afterwards.. and then that
happened..." Tracy says, grimly gesturing towards the smoldering pile in the plaza
"Learn anything about Great Leader" he says staring at the ID
Can Trumpaladin get to the home screen?
The cleaning bots finish loading Infernius onto the trolley, then proceed to clean up the remains of the other victims.>>60850
Yes. Uh, which ID did Tracy give him?
"You mean the fatass who was speaking in the square earlier?"
*smushes with fat ass*
"Not much, except it looks like the hierarchy is pretty clear around here. It seems generally lawful. I see why Susan's colleagues like it around here.">>60851
I didn't bother to pick which one, let's say Frank's.
She's currently holding Gorplemonger's device, since Tracy's faggot thinks of it like some kind of trophy.
Trumpaladin trues to collect any parts of these remains, while at the same time trying to figure out how to operate the device
Scratch that, just stay near and follow the trolley
Ur still under her ass.
Tracy does get up, let him on her back, and advance after the trolley while ethereal tho.
"Susan's colleagues? The transgender elves got in?"
Hopefully horse can do that with no hands on the reins. Is riding a horse while texting dangerous?
If you wanna be insufferably meta about it, you'd have to make various ride or even concentration checks to do shit while mounted, but he's not in control anyway, so it's fine for him to sit back and shitpost as a passenger.
There will be no traps in the game, IDC what Wizards decided to include>>60855
Finishing their task, the cleaning bots and trolley venture to one of the available gates. They're designed such that whatever activates the gates does so automatically and without apparent input. Unfortunately, since the process is automated Tracy is unable to tail the trolley through the gate.
"That Bitch mentioned something about some guys breaking into the museum; it seems security has been uptight because of that too. I wouldn't rule out the idea that they could be the same faggots who robbed us." Tracy says, gnashing her razor-sharp teeth
"Think of it. This a lawful city, full of squishy targets with more money than they know what to do with, and a security system that could work for
you if you know the right tricks: it's an assassin's paradise." Tracy continues, her tone a bit too upbeat for comfort.
[reeeeees at unresponsive gate]
"Well.. That's going nowhere.." she says, stamping her hoof in frustration
I still find it funny to call him Susan though.
Look up waste management on device
"So hopefully we can find those fuckers who took our money and get it back"
"Any idea where my knives could be?" Tracy asks, peaking over her shoulder>>60865
[snorts smoke in agreement]
"They must have a central location for confiscated weapons"
After materializing, Tracy ducks into an alley and turns around discreetly, to spot if the crowd that stampeded earlier is still there.>>60867
"I hope so.." Tracy says, letting out an impatient sigh
Are there any other cleaning bots anywhere? Did you say that the gate the trolley went through is closed?
The cleaning bots also depart through the gate. The gate automatically activates for the bots, opening and closing as the bot proceeds through using an automated system. While it was designed with efficiency in mind, it prevents individuals from accessing restricted and/or dangerous areas.
I think it's like a teleportation circle that activate on a trigger, with a racial aspect of the cleaning bots as the device activation.
>>60870It'd be pure bullshit if I attempted to take 10 to emulate the bots' race with a Use Magick Device check, wouldn't it?
Tracy looks back to observe the crowd, particularly looking out for That Bitch and the uniformed personnel
Tracy lurks closer to the crowd, using her ability too phase through buildings and maintain stealth.
*steps out of enteron*
Good afternoon, m8.
Can Trumpaladin access Social on his device?
Sorry i fell asleep last night.
Except he's not in the Entertron>>60877
Its all good, I haven't been at my best lately
Well he got over that quickly.
He's still regenerating?
Can he still feel pain?
No, he's completely incapacitated>>60876
Like,... twitter for example?
Describe what i see (if i can)
Infernius is still quite unconscious, so nothing at the moment. I'm trying to determine when he would regain consciousness, and what situation he would find himself in when he does.
Describe my dreams
Do you know what happens when you give Trump a blackberry?
Please don't shitpost until we get Tracy's knives back.. but then please shitpost super hard.
I'm really hoping desu>>60884
Hitler trips confirm.
Trumpaladin checks out anything that looks like social media of any kind at all. Now, about these accounts. Can you make more of them? Is he limited to Frank's? Is it possible to have several? Are any forms anonymous or use pseudonyms?>>60887>Delete your account>please stop tweeting>president's shouldn't tweet>your blackberry is the greatest threat to the free world>56% of people polled want Donald Trump to stop tweeting
>>60884>Infernius dreams that he has somehow become a one-dimensional being trapped on a sheet of paper. He senses himself being written on by a faceless being, folded, and placed in a mailbox. Surrounded only by paper and darkness in his prison in a place between pages, he futilely rages against his paste bindings. Unable to move, he can only scream into the darkness of his envelope, trapped in postal limbo for Hitler knows how long.
What's the status on That Bitch and her lackeys?>>60892
Look for Tracy's blades first.
"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *whispers* will me ever see thez again?"
Thanks, I needed that>>60895
That Bitch is mingling with some of the apparently more prominent individuals, using the opportunity to network and associate.>>60896
>>60896>stamp is expired
[1d20+24 = 36]>>60897
Tracy stealthily lurks closer (juanting where she can) as she continues to gather information, moving as discretely as a monster truck carrying an orangutan can move
Rolling to Sneak closer
*un-opened letters fly around Infernius like a flock of harpies, diving and tormenting him with gruesome paper-cuts all over his body*
Which is a mental projection of the excruciating pain his body is in in the real world.
[1d20+5 = 13]
Wisdom check on how to opperate these accounts
[1d20+10 = 24]
It's a fucking smart phone. Not a wand. But whatever, since he has a vastly higher charisma bonus.
I deleted that because I realized what I said was misleading.
It's not the first time he's shitposted with a tablet-shaped device, so he'd get a +2 bonus on top of that.
He's got it figured out.
Its a story of an improvised NPC
Good story so far.
Gosh this story is awesome.
Penalty, excessive use of feels. 15 yards
Damn, I am glad I watched that whole thing
He's a good dwarf ;^;7
G O O D D W A R F A L E R T !
*sniffles a bit*
An inspiring story.
"Horse, can you get us to the bodies?"
"You mean those piles of ash?"
"Yes. Can you take us to them?"
"What do you want from them?"
Trumpaladin looks with disbelief. "Are you shitting me? Infernius is there"
I g2g for a while, sorry.
Fuck, you really threw me with the Ohgie story. I went on a half hour rant to Lenos' faggot about how I deliberately avoid tragic elements like that cuz feels
Oohgie died a hero's death.
Dont be a faggot, gibe feels i love feels.
I fucked up.
"I would.. It's just I'm not sure exactly where they went..." Tracy says, unsure..
*"or how to get there." she says, staring at the gate where the robots were moments ago.
"Well, if we had some way of passing through solid matter, we could go through the floors until we eventually found the level with waste disposal. We could also maybe try to ride one or hijack one the next time they show up. Of course, we'll need to wait until someone makes a mess
Wait, is it a physical barrier gate, or a teleportation gate?
"Did you find out anything while playing with your toy, Flashy?" she asks curiously
"Oh no no no, my little pony. It's not about what I
found out. It's about what the world shall soon find out."
Trumpaladin's thumbs hover dangerously over the super weapon, as he ponders its power""
"You knob-end, you do realize that I'm a direct manifestation of his inability
to adequately process and cope with feels,....">>60935
I am greatly appreciating this line of dialogue
>>60931>Oohgie has been admitted into the celestial planes of the game
10/10 crafty-smiths would pray to.
I'm not entirely sure I understand how anything around here works, but Tracy advances forward and attempts to phase through the gate/floor/wherever she's told.
You steer her, because I don't think I understand the layout anymore..
I think the other floors are beneath the main one, with the park area having solid matter beneath it, and the other areas more likely to have other floors
*sinks thru floor*
>>60940>adds ohgie to pantheon with hitler.
Ask Siri what the level is.
Let's put a statue of him in the forge.
Trumpaladin presses down on the center button
"Where does trash go?"
Well technically the party is unaware of Oohgie,... but I can definitely work him into upcoming developments.>>60945
Trash, waste, and excess material is sent to a processing facility, where its properties are analyzed and recycled for optimum efficiency. I'm figuring that Infernius will wake up in a bit of an unfavorable situation
Tracy looks at her device, desperately searching for the area where her beloved cutlery may have been stored.
She begins by searching for where the front gate is situated in relation to them.
Is she able to find anything about the "arena level"?
*is still sinking through the floor because Brad told her to*
To Sirlexitana: "what level is utilities?"
I'm assuming you mean the phone
"You are not cleared for that degree of informatin."
As an "act" (Frank was a magician btw) Trump's ability to directly interact with or affect infrastructure is limited
Tracy tries the same, only with Gorplemonger's phone.
"Where does Cardishore offer opportunities for women in engineering careers?"
"Quit whining, you're lucky he considered it at all. And look at me, getting all Dissociative Identity with it,....">>60956
None of the IDs are c;eared for utilitarian processes>>60957
There are wamen in engineering?kek
REEEEEE look for baggage claim!
'It seems like I'll need a better card I I wanna really get around this place..' Tracy thinks to herself, looking around briefly
Are the IDs cleared for virtue signaling by elites?
"Pony, that's not necessary. Just wait for someone to set the center stage on fire, and then the utility bots will be back. Ride or hijack one or take its clearance mechanism"
You can make your own feels if you roleplay hard enough. It's not something that's given to you.
She didn't say that aloud>wait for someone to set the center stage on fire
"When would that ever happen?"tbqh desu senpai, I've been wanting to cut off That Bitches ass and hang it over the fireplace for quite a while now, but I figured now's not the time to kill her.
>>60966>expecting me to carefully read and observe minutia on this shitty safari browser while mobile posting at a restaurant, when a post has quotation marks
"Well, I don't know. I just know we failed to follow the bots through last time"
>"so when can I go get my well done gnome dinner? I've heard gnomes are extra spicy and an explosion of flavor.">>60966>Spoiler
Y tho? That Bitch has only just been introduced, there's no cause.>>60963
"Fine, what do you want to know?" she says, rolling her eyes and blushing immensely cuz this is embarrassing AF
>>60966I think you are vastly underestimating the difficulty of that. The only thing I can think of is have Trumpaladin distract her by talking about business or IRL shitposting or by seducing her. But I don't think that will get Tracy close enough to swipe the ID. Except maybe for seduction. That might get that bitch to leave her guards long enough for Tracy to sneak up unobserved
I'm just bloodthirsty; don't mind me. I have literally no reason to, she just happens to be the nearest warm-blooded NPC.
I'm not going to kill her or any other NPCs (yet)
, but I'm in "looking for targets to assassinate and reasons to assassinate them" mode right now.
"You said gibe feels. I said (essentially, not literally) 'which feels?',">>60970
I appreciate this post
I get it. I wan't planning to.
Tracy's incredibly broken while mounted tho.
"So, where do we go from here?" Tracy asks Brad
Good feels bad feels sad feel any feels will do.
"I don't know. Maybe we could ask the lady on the stage earlier very nicely to take us to the utilities. Maybe try to buy an advertising contract. Bitches love advertising contracts.
The Trump brand could do well here"
I like high stakes feels, especially the feeling of raking-in a huge reward after taking an equally huge risk.
You're still an orangutan.
"You're free to try it if you like.." Tracy says, a bit unsure
Can she change him into a professional looking businessman of pure seduction? Someone who, when he tells you he wants you to advertise a brand worth billions, and he can make Mexico
pay for it, you believe him
That's literally what it's for.
What more can I say?
Put it on. It's made for the purpose of greeting people.
It's named Hector btw (not sure if I mentioned that earlier).
Alright, so you seem to want to acquire an extremely high level ID, and more to the point, want to fuck over That Bitch. I think that getting her alone is going to be obscenely difficult, that her security will be hard to get past. I also think that she herself is extremely high level. So you'll probably want to distract her. I think Brad could help in one of two possible ways:
1. Try to buy advertising for the AFL. Now That Bitch is extremely arrogant and dismissive. She's probably not going to be impressed by anything Tracy or Trumpaladin do. But entertainers survive off of branding and selling advertising. They are going to treat people who come to but adds more favorably than people who come to sell talents. If you want to try selling, Trumpaladin can sell an idea for a reality TV series
2. Seduction. Trumpaladin is really good at Fucking things, with 20 ranks in each of the two relevant skills. That Bitch is arrogant as fuck, but I'm betting she's a slut. This idea has the advantage that it would give her cause to be alone in a room with Trumpaladin, which Tracy could then break into and take the ID. She'd even take off her pants for it, so that makes it easier
Go give it a shot.
I just want to keep moving forward.
Fuck it, puts on the hat
Should we get her attention by performing mounted as we approach, or just approach simply?
Roll a Will save.>>60990
I don't think she's in the mood for performance, but it's work a shot.
I'm in the mood for a monster truck rally.
Brad (aka Clyde) still looks like an orangutan, but he now looks like an orangutan so well-dressed and professional that anyone who met with him would forgive the fact, voiding any circumstantial penalty he would've taken.
Before doing anything charisma based, Trumpaladin casts Eagles Splendor on self and mount
Oh come on. Let him look like a reality tv host billionaire sports league owner all around winner
>>60996>Talking to people while a team mate is dead.
Well, the purpose is to get her to be willing to let them access the trash, or to steal her ID so they can access the trash
He does though: an amazing, fashionable, professional reality tv host billionaire sports league owner all around winner.. etc, named Clyde.
It's a Hat of Glammering: It makes the user look dressed to impress, even in circumstances that he normally wouldn't. Even if the character is covered in blood and dirt, the helm changes their appearance to that of professional and proper attire for meeting even royalty.
Tl;dr, it's made so that the character's charisma-based checks function normally even in poor circumstances by glammering any clothing (or just lack of) that the character may be wearing into the best possible attire for that meeting, because the right outfit can impress anybody. Think of it like a cross between a Hat of Disguise and a Rod of Splendor.
Torcuil needs ales now that I understand more about his name
There is no command word to activate it. The hat immediately glammers the characters appearance to the appropriate outfit for that circumstance when put on, and maintains it until it is taken off. To change the outfit, the character can simply to put the hat back on.
I would go for selling an idea about a tv series. You can always try seduction later if it fails, right?
Were you planning on starting a monster truck rally in the square?
>>61001>Torcuil's new and improved battle strategy>charisma check to make the victims friendly>give them ale>lightning>ignites alcohol in victims body somehow
Uh, what exactly would that do to a person?>victim dies
Gotta live up to his name.
Okay seriously, what the hell are these disguises, what do they do, how do they work, and why can Trumpaladin not just look like captain Kirk? He's supposed to be fuckable, and an orangutan is not fuckable
>>61002>"Little pony, I think I know a way to make the lady give us access to the utilities level. Do you trust me?"
Oh, I thought you were referring to the "sacrificial cauldron" meaning to the name.>>61006
The disguise is generated with Dust of Illusion: it disguises the creator as if with the Disguise Self spell. The illusion lasts two hours. You could get a reflex save to avoid being disguised if you wanted to. I disguised Brad as an orangutan named Clyde because memes.
The hat is an item that I made up, that is meant to adorn the wearer in the most professional clothing imaginable, so that the character looks dressed to impress in any circumstance: it makes for a good prop in role-play, but also a helpful tool in the case of hasty diplomacy checks (which can take all kinds of circumstantial penalties).>orangutan is not fuckable
This one is.
He looks sharp, confident, and ready to pick up bitches by the dozen.
Tracy could use her dust to make him look like captain kirk, but I like the professional Mr. Clyde gig better.
Nah, his name orginally meant: Thor's cauldron.
Turn's out Thor used his league deep cauldron for almost endless ale.
Truely a norse story
>>61010>Decanter of Endless Ale
Best artifact ever.
>>61008>This orangutan is fuckable
But it's an orangutan
A very well-dressed, handsome, properly-groomed and charming orangutan. We're running on cartoon logic here.
That Bitch is a racemixer anyway.
>>61011>two different command words>one brings forth pretty much normal ale.>the second brings forth a magical ale that is highly flamible when exposed to electricity>Torc shoots lightning from his arse
>>61013>That Bitch is a racemixer anyway.
She fucks monkeys.
But it's an Orangutan
Whatever. If she says no, He'll call her a racist, and if she's hesitant, explain that it's the current year
Now you're thinking.
This is one good-looking orangutan too.
I'm not about to give up on this Clyde business, m8.
OrangutanXmonster truck fetish?
Don’t give the internet more ideas! Darn it... I feel it, people are already drawing it...
Just no, okay. It's weird enough to jack off to a human on a horse. That's enough
Because I find the idea of a tall, handsome well-dressed, cartoonishly human-proportioned orangutan showing up to the city in his electric blue monster truck and immediately becoming the most popular man in the country, because everyone wants to get with the cool reality tv ape, to be hilarious beyond measure.
He doesn't literally turn into an orangutan: he just looks like one.
And the hat makes him look so well-dressed that everyone treats him like they would a human celebrity.
Its like that movie with regan.
You know what, fuck it. I'm done fighting Tracy's faggot's autism.>>60969
As That Bitch stands on or near the stage, she hears a massive revving of the kind that would bring tears to the eyes of any youth, because goddamn it's an awesome revving sound. A particularly impressive large green Monster Truck appears, and in it's window the most charming orangutan you've ever seen, wearing a red trucker's hat and a stripped black suit. The monster truck revs furiously as it demolishes a stand. Then another stand, the store keepers fleeing but admiring the awesomeness of the destruction of property. Flames shoot from the monster truck's exhaust tubes as it damn near dances about the fair grounds. The Orangutan gives That Bitch a wink as he does so.
The monster truck settles down and comes nearer that Bitch. The orangutan walks out in the coolest walk ever seen in a primate, like he already owns the world. "Hey now. My name ain't important, but my business is. You see, I hear you in the business of being fabulous, and I'm looking for some one to sell my brand. I got branches accross two cities, and we're expanding further. Selling everything from T Shirts to live entertainment. Got a whole league going. And I'm bettin' you could hook me up with some talent."
He gives her a charming look and approaches closer, letting her league of guards know just how awesome he is. "But if you're buyin', boy I got reality TV shows like you wouldn't believe. Tell me now, how many minorities - orangutan's like myself, you got hostin' TV series? What's your best ratings on those? Boi, you ain't got nothing like the splended crowds I draw over yonder, that I can tell you."
>>61027EMBRACE THE AUTISM
Can Torc go talk to saw-horse if he can convince Death to bring her drink?
[1d20+25 = 34]>>61027
Rolling a perform check (dance+tumble) to do monster truck tricks in the square and entertain the audience to show them that they are in fact performers.
Add the bonus for Trump's Eagle's Splendor if you haven't already
*mumbles something about never getting to see ana again*
*whimpers with the sadness of 10000 abandoned corgis*