This thread continues the ongoing RP/Shitposting game. Its based on D&D 3.5e core rules with exceptions made for just about anything. Its essentially a play-by-shitpost RPG with structural additions. Games get hairy on Saturdays, but weekends in general; weekdays are for meta and shitposting.
Most pressing of the situations is that involving Infernius, Trump, and Tracy; the former finds himself being surrounded by robots, while flying robots seem to have cut off his escape. As nimble as Uatchit is, his situation doesn't look good. Trump has fled outside the Cardashil wall, and his pursuit disengaged to secure the perimeter of the city. In short, Cardashil is now a Panopticon. Meanwhile, Tracy - er, a praying mantis who is clearly identifiable as Frank (or any of 3 other identities) - is amongst a throng headed for the teleportation gates along the perimeter of the park area.
Oh yes, and those grenades. One of the robots has char marks and scraping on it.
Meanwhile Stix, Torcuil, Snek, and Thez are having an otherwise constructive conversation in the Tower.
1013 replies and 79 files omitted.
>>60955Tracy tries the same, only with Gorplemonger's phone.
>>60955"Where does Cardishore offer opportunities for women in engineering careers?"
>>60954"Quit whining, you're lucky he considered it at all. And look at me, getting all Dissociative Identity with it,...."
>>60956None of the IDs are c;eared for utilitarian processes
>>60957There are wamen in engineering?
kek >>60957REEEEEE look for baggage claim!
'It seems like I'll need a better card I I wanna really get around this place..' Tracy thinks to herself, looking around briefly
>>60958Are the IDs cleared for virtue signaling by elites?
>>60960"Pony, that's not necessary. Just wait for someone to set the center stage on fire, and then the utility bots will be back. Ride or hijack one or take its clearance mechanism"
>>60963You can make your own feels if you roleplay hard enough. It's not something that's given to you.
>>60964She didn't say that aloud
>wait for someone to set the center stage on fire"When would that ever happen?"
tbqh desu senpai, I've been wanting to cut off That Bitches ass and hang it over the fireplace for quite a while now, but I figured now's not the time to kill her. >>60966>expecting me to carefully read and observe minutia on this shitty safari browser while mobile posting at a restaurant, when a post has quotation marks"Well, I don't know. I just know we failed to follow the bots through last time"
>>60966Y tho? That Bitch has only just been introduced, there's no cause.
>>60963"Fine, what do you want to know?" she says, rolling her eyes and blushing immensely cuz this is embarrassing AF
>>60969I'm just bloodthirsty; don't mind me. I have literally no reason to, she just happens to be the nearest warm-blooded NPC.
I'm not going to kill her or any other NPCs
(yet), but I'm in "looking for targets to assassinate and reasons to assassinate them" mode right now.
"You said gibe feels. I said (essentially, not literally) 'which feels?',"
>>60970I appreciate this post
>>60970I get it. I wan't planning to.
Tracy's incredibly broken while mounted tho.
"So, where do we go from here?" Tracy asks Brad
>>60973Good feels bad feels sad feel any feels will do.
>>60975"I don't know. Maybe we could ask the lady on the stage earlier very nicely to take us to the utilities. Maybe try to buy an advertising contract. Bitches love advertising contracts.
The Trump brand could do well here"
>>60977I like high stakes feels, especially the feeling of raking-in a huge reward after taking an equally huge risk.
pic unrelated
>>60978You're still an orangutan.
>>60978"You're free to try it if you like.." Tracy says, a bit unsure
>>60980Can she change him into a professional looking businessman of pure seduction? Someone who, when he tells you he wants you to advertise a brand worth billions, and he can
make Mexico pay for it, you believe him
>>60982That's literally what it's for.
>>60982Put it on. It's made for the purpose of greeting people.
It's named Hector btw (not sure if I mentioned that earlier).
>>60983Alright, so you seem to want to acquire an extremely high level ID, and more to the point, want to fuck over That Bitch. I think that getting her alone is going to be obscenely difficult, that her security will be hard to get past. I also think that she herself is extremely high level. So you'll probably want to distract her. I think Brad could help in one of two possible ways:
1. Try to buy advertising for the AFL. Now That Bitch is extremely arrogant and dismissive. She's probably not going to be impressed by anything Tracy or Trumpaladin do. But entertainers survive off of branding and selling advertising. They are going to treat people who come to but adds more favorably than people who come to sell talents. If you want to try selling, Trumpaladin can sell an idea for a reality TV series
2. Seduction. Trumpaladin is really good at Fucking things, with 20 ranks in each of the two relevant skills. That Bitch is arrogant as fuck, but I'm betting she's a slut. This idea has the advantage that it would give her cause to be alone in a room with Trumpaladin, which Tracy could then break into and take the ID. She'd even take off her pants for it, so that makes it easier
>>60987Go give it a shot.
I just want to keep moving forward.
>>60988Should we get her attention by performing mounted as we approach, or just approach simply?
>>60989Roll a Will save.
>>60990I don't think she's in the mood for performance, but it's work a shot.
I'm in the mood for a monster truck rally.
>>60992>+16 Willpass
Brad (aka Clyde) still looks like an orangutan, but he now looks like an orangutan so well-dressed and professional that anyone who met with him would forgive the fact, voiding any circumstantial penalty he would've taken.
Before doing anything charisma based, Trumpaladin casts Eagles Splendor on self and mount
>>60994Oh come on. Let him look like a reality tv host billionaire sports league owner all around winner
>>60997Well, the purpose is to get her to be willing to let them access the trash, or to steal her ID so they can access the trash
>>60996He does though: an amazing, fashionable, professional reality tv host billionaire sports league owner all around winner.. etc, named Clyde.
It's a Hat of Glammering: It makes the user look dressed to impress, even in circumstances that he normally wouldn't. Even if the character is covered in blood and dirt, the helm changes their appearance to that of professional and proper attire for meeting even royalty.
Tl;dr, it's made so that the character's charisma-based checks function normally even in poor circumstances by glammering any clothing (or just lack of) that the character may be wearing into the best possible attire for that meeting, because the right outfit can impress anybody. Think of it like a cross between a Hat of Disguise and a Rod of Splendor.
Torcuil needs ales now that I understand more about his name
>>60999There is no command word to activate it. The hat immediately glammers the characters appearance to the appropriate outfit for that circumstance when put on, and maintains it until it is taken off. To change the outfit, the character can simply to put the hat back on.
>>60987I would go for selling an idea about a tv series. You can always try seduction later if it fails, right?
>>60995Were you planning on starting a monster truck rally in the square?
>>61001>Torcuil's new and improved battle strategy>charisma check to make the victims friendly>give them ale>lightning>ignites alcohol in victims body somehowUh, what exactly would that do to a person?
>victim diesGotta live up to his name.
Okay seriously, what the hell are these disguises, what do they do, how do they work, and why can Trumpaladin not just look like captain Kirk? He's supposed to be fuckable, and an orangutan is not fuckable
>>61005Oh, I thought you were referring to the "sacrificial cauldron" meaning to the name.
>>61006The disguise is generated with Dust of Illusion: it disguises the creator as if with the Disguise Self spell. The illusion lasts two hours. You could get a reflex save to avoid being disguised if you wanted to. I disguised Brad as an orangutan named Clyde because memes.
The hat is an item that I made up, that is meant to adorn the wearer in the most professional clothing imaginable, so that the character looks dressed to impress in any circumstance: it makes for a good prop in role-play, but also a helpful tool in the case of hasty diplomacy checks (which can take all kinds of circumstantial penalties).
>orangutan is not fuckableThis one is.
He looks sharp, confident, and ready to pick up bitches by the dozen.
>>61006Tracy could use her dust to make him look like captain kirk, but I like the professional Mr. Clyde gig better.
>>61008Nah, his name orginally meant: Thor's cauldron.
Turn's out Thor used his league deep cauldron for almost endless ale.
Truely a norse story
>>61012A very well-dressed, handsome, properly-groomed and charming orangutan. We're running on cartoon logic here.
That Bitch is a racemixer anyway.
>>61013But it's an Orangutan
Whatever. If she says no, He'll call her a racist, and if she's hesitant, explain that it's the current year
>>61016Now you're thinking.
This is one good-looking orangutan too.
>>61018I'm not about to give up on this Clyde business, m8.
>>61020OrangutanXmonster truck fetish?
>>61021Don’t give the internet more ideas! Darn it... I feel it, people are already drawing it...
>>61021Just no, okay. It's weird enough to jack off to a human on a horse. That's enough
>>61020Because I find the idea of a tall, handsome well-dressed, cartoonishly human-proportioned orangutan showing up to the city in his electric blue monster truck and immediately becoming the most popular man in the country, because everyone wants to get with the cool reality tv ape, to be hilarious beyond measure.
>>61023He doesn't literally turn into an orangutan: he just looks like one.
And the hat makes him look so well-dressed that everyone treats him like they would a human celebrity.
>>61018>>61025Its like that movie with regan.
You know what, fuck it. I'm done fighting Tracy's faggot's autism.
>>60969As That Bitch stands on or near the stage, she hears a massive revving of the kind that would bring tears to the eyes of any youth, because goddamn it's an awesome revving sound. A particularly impressive large green Monster Truck appears, and in it's window the most charming orangutan you've ever seen, wearing a red trucker's hat and a stripped black suit. The monster truck revs furiously as it demolishes a stand. Then another stand, the store keepers fleeing but admiring the awesomeness of the destruction of property. Flames shoot from the monster truck's exhaust tubes as it damn near dances about the fair grounds. The Orangutan gives That Bitch a wink as he does so.
The monster truck settles down and comes nearer that Bitch. The orangutan walks out in the coolest walk ever seen in a primate, like he already owns the world. "Hey now. My name ain't important, but my business is. You see, I hear you in the business of being fabulous, and I'm looking for some one to sell my brand. I got branches accross two cities, and we're expanding further. Selling everything from T Shirts to live entertainment. Got a whole league going. And I'm bettin' you could hook me up with some talent."
He gives her a charming look and approaches closer, letting her league of guards know just how awesome he is. "But if you're buyin', boy I got reality TV shows like you wouldn't believe. Tell me now, how many minorities - orangutan's like myself, you got hostin' TV series? What's your best ratings on those? Boi, you ain't got nothing like the splended crowds I draw over yonder, that I can tell you."
*acts charming*
>>61027EMBRACE THE AUTISMAlso, kek...
Can Torc go talk to saw-horse if he can convince Death to bring her drink?
[1d20+25 = 34]>>61027Rolling a perform check (dance+tumble) to do monster truck tricks in the square and entertain the audience to show them that they are in fact performers.
"~Vroooooooooooom! Vroooooooooom!"
>>61029Add the bonus for Trump's Eagle's Splendor if you haven't already
>>61029>>61027*mumbles something about never getting to see ana again*
*whimpers with the sadness of 10000 abandoned corgis*
>>61031I feel like you don't appreciate how far we have to go to try to get Infernius back
>>61030It's already more than 30 (Extraordinary performance), but sure.
>>61031*pays respects to minotaur lost in postal limbo*
>>61034He's not dead, so he's not in the Entertron.
>>61037>hundreds of people are waiting to be taken to the underworld>Death finally appears>a chorus of "WHERE WERE YOU?" Rings out>"On a date" Death says smuggly>all these dead people wondering what kind of evil devil like man Death is dating>...>meanwhile>"I still want that gnome dinner""I'll fucking fireball you"
>"Do it you fucking wimp">Casts fireball>Snek somehow reflects it>Torc blows all his facial hair off with a fireball >Is not actually sure where to go from here
>>61040Neither am I..
Roll Diplomacy after seeing their reaction, I guess...
It'll either work and we'll somehow get exclusive celebrity VIP access, or end up very awkward and potentially fatal...
>>61041I was imagining more tennis style
>cue wii tennis music >>61042*Polishes Shoe of Good Fortune*
>>61042So is the idea that he makes high level access a condition of buying adds?
>>60997Infernius isn't dead, he's sleeping
>>61000I missed something, nice footballs tho
>>61011Korak had one of those you know
>>61027wut
>>61049>wutExactly what it sounds like.
I need to stay off of 8chan...
>>61050Doubtle-wut? I still haven't figured out wut with the last wut
>>61052Brad is disguised as a well dressed and fashionable orangutan, named Clyde. He's riding Tracy, who is aptly disguised as a huge, flame-spewing smoke-snorting monster truck.
The two had the idea to use their combined Charisma checks make themselves look like big shots to impress the locals, in hopes of following That Bitch towards wherever she's going, to get some VIP celebrity access deeper into the dome.
Tracy just made a performance check to impress the crowd with her monster truck maneuvers here
>>61029 , and Brad is getting ready to roll Diplomacy after gauging their reactions.
>>61053And the crowd is as stunned as I am. I'm actually curious as to how this is going, and you can consider that a degree of receptivity in the audience.
>>61054"~Vrooooooooom!
~VROOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!"
*snorts twin steams of smoke and does another backflip*
[1d20+60 = 71]>>61054Rolling for fucking everything
Combined profession and diplomacy with Eagles Splendor attached. If you don't like that just use something else, like +38 for diplomacy, +32 for seduction, or something... >>61056He woos them with tales of the magnificence of the American Football League
>>61057May Elway guide him\r
>>61059Well, "plan" is a strong word...
I'm just having fun and seeing where it takes us.
>>61059The original plan was to get That Bitch away from her guards and to take her pants off long enough for Tracy to swipe her ID... But no way in hell Tracy is cooperating with that, so I am less sure now
>>61063I don't know any more. At this point it's really more of "is That Bitch interested in branding or selling Advertisements," as well as "would she like to make a hit reality TV series staring a diverse cast"?
>>61064[glamorous monster truck noises]
>>61065I don't know if that is quite the way to go about it. The point is not to impress them with your talent, but to make them want to sell you their talent.
I figure all of culture industry, all of it, from news organizations to music to films to social media - are there primarily either to sell advertisements, or to sell tickets and albums. And when you approach them to try to be an actor or a musician, you're not going to be treated with much respect by them because there's a shit load of competition, and because you
are the product, to be packaged up and sold off to advertisers and movie watchers. But the Advertisers.... now they are in a different position. The roles are reversed. The owner of the Record company, or the super star trying to be her own agent... They are trying to sell themselves to you. And even if there is much competition, they are greedy and will want to sell more. I bet you the CEO of Nike or Coca Cola is treated with a hell of a lot more respect and niceties than even the most successful super stars in Hollywood.
But do a show anyways, just to show them we have talent too. Just don't hinge your value to them on it
>>61068Don't ask me. I'm just a pony jumping through hoops.
>>61071*pets car seat*
Don't forget to make a mess, so there's something for the bots to clean up
>>61072Wait, are we trying to follow the bots, or are they following the crowd?
>>61073If you knocked over a stand, cleaning bots would need to be summoned sooner or later. As to whether the bots would be followed, or if Tracy killed one to take essential parts or whatever, who knows. It's more options in case diplomacy doesn't work, and could conceivably be done by Tracy at the same time Trumpaladin pursues other options
Trumpaladin keeps his swords in his tie, right?
>>61078He can hold one sword in his tie, but not both.
Also, what do you guys wanna watch tonight, if stream? I recall a request for Iron Sky, but I'm open to additional suggestions.
>>61079I’m ok with wherever is decided.
>>61080MLP Movie twelve times consecutively it is then.
>>61081Sounds good. My brother watched the strangest things and would never stop watching them on repeat for what seemed like all eternity. So I have no problems watching things on loop anymore.
>>61079Tracy's illusion dust that she used on Brad can't conceal weapons, can it?
>>61083Actually, she should be more conservative with that..
>>61088I asked the same thing in Discord, to see if Brad would respond to it.
>>61083Tracy politely asks Brad if she can put Vadereim in her bag, to avoid suspicion.
>>61090Trumpaladin glares at Tracy
>>61092[Shrugs in monster truck]
*makes it look like Clyde is just changing the oil to his truck*
>>61095*smushes u*
>"So how's the date going?"
Torc just about has a heart attack at the table.
"Excuse me for a moment"
Torc gets up and steps outside
While Death waits for Torc, she hears a couple of assorted phrases like "I CAN'T EVEN GET DRINKS WITH OUT YOU INTERRUPTING" and "I'm starting to see why they call people snakes" before Torc comes back in, looking a bit more flustered than usaual.
>>61102Actually, I guess she's not sitting on Trumpaladin.
*scurries off*
>>61103>implying*chases Brad down and sits on him*
Torc, ask Death how she came to get into her peculiar profession.
>>61107"No running off now, Flashy. We're meeting with someone important."
>>61108"Why you do this to me, pony?"
Brad is for sitting.
(REEEEEEEEEEEE!)
>>61114[sitting pony noises]
>>61115I just felt like posting it.
>>61118*reeees at cryptic faggot*
>>61118Reeeeeee! What does it mean?!
>>61121I only got the fucking vowels?
Eh fuck it, file name includes the name
Here we go
I is also J and Y
Q is also K
F is also V
S is also X
*is too lazy to decipher Torc's autism*
>>61125Are you incorrectly translating my autism?
>᚛ᚈᚏᚔᚌᚌᚓᚏᚓᚇ᚜>>61123Oh yeah
U is also W
*revs engine over oil-changing orangutan while the crowd watches*
Stop trying to have gay sex with new players.
>>61130Are you kidding? It hasn't been awkward at all! For one, Death doesn't get out much. For two, I'm being remiss with my descriptions. A whole lot has happened, I just haven't described it yet.
*Tracy sits on top of the oil-changing orangutan passionately for a week until crowd responds*
[1d20 = 10]>>61134Rolling to hit the ape with lightning bolt for being gay
>>61133I know it might sound odd considering the NPC array, but I'm not the best at rp'ing females
>>61134She's waiting for what sort of crowd response exactly?
>>61136Idk, Brad got out earlier and addressed That Bitch directly, so I guess they're waiting for her comment.
[1d20+5 = 20]>>61136Fair enough
Eh, seduction check for fun
>tfw rolled lowest Char stat
[sad, unoriginal pony noises]
>>61139Does she need seduction powers?
>>61140Well, also for Intimidate, Bluff, and Magick Device checks. Blackguard is a Charisma-based class, and I was hoping to get Undead Mastery one day..
*blows un-cut mane out of face*
"Reeeeeee Where are my knives!"
[frustrated pony noises]
>>61143"Calm down you sperg. You've waited several months, you can wait a few hours longer. But Infernius cannot wait for us"
>>61144"It's because I've waited all this time that I can't wait any longer! I carried those things everywhere I went for seven years."
Stix goes to the port, looking for his dagger.
>>61145"You can wait a little longer. First, we get Infernius. He cannot wait"
>>61150"You wouldn't be saying that if you lost your favorite weapons."
>>61151"I lost my favorite Bull"
*checks if mimic is still alive*
See y'all ztpmprrow, faggots.
*goes to bed*
>>61156I made another rare Thez.
>What GM sees at the front door every time he comes home from work >>61110This was pirated from an Albany pic btw.
I read an intelligent item can potentially take over the mind of its wielder, but could it also control a mindless creature, like a skeleton or zombie?