RP/Shitposting thread - D&D 3.5 base rules, subject to interpretation, review, and elaboration. Open for all to spectate, bantz, shitpost, or full-on play.
We begin this thread in anticipation of the weekend, where most of the party is gradually infiltrating the grand city of Cardishore. With disguises varying from an Emu, Barney the dinosaur, and a mexican clown,... as well as Fae who is entirely without costume, Trump, Tracy, and Infernius try to get a handle on whatever the hell is going on in Cardishore now or in general.
Meanwhile, Torcuil is working to get that damn cannon fixed on the Stray Cat. Meanwhile Stix returns (to the tower?) with not many answers, an over-sized acorn, and definitely no other surprises.
Meanwhile Thez,... poor forgotten and alone Thez who is babysitting the port so that none of the party's enemies see their departure and think "Wah ha ha ha! With them gone I will destroy their precious city!" I mean she gets it,... but still.
>sad dwelf noises
1411 replies and 107 files omitted.
>>59049So then, the Shazbots circle Trump and Infernius. They're not in immediate proximity, but that's okay cuz their breath weapon occurs at range if permitted.
Infernius rolls a 6d20 and Trump rolls a 5d20.
>>59049"Lost your ID? An example will have to be made. Pretty sure I don't recall your image from the admission forms though," she sneers.
>>59052The ring of evasion means that if he wins a saving throw, he takes no damage, rather than half damage. He has a +18 to his saving throws with eagle's splendor (added earlier). And 10 fire resistance
>>59053"Indeed one shall be made"
>>59054His saving rolls are 34, 25, 26, 27, and 31
"Tell her to make me a cambric shirt
Parsley sage rosemary and thyme
Without no seams nor needle work
Then she'll be a true love of mine"
>>59050>two guysOne more card, from a girl this time.
>>59058Are you assuming Frank's gender?
>>59059Oh fuck!
*Turns self in to police*
>>59059Uh... if Trumpaladin has taken little damage, then the following
Fae: Pounce on Shazbot
Trumpaladin: Sunder nozzle on shazbot
>>59058>>59060Nevertheless, she still streaks another card.
>>59062
Oh, nice try, Mr. Moderator.
>>59068I asked if Fae succeeded on her saves or not.
>>59043"Yeah, they headed off to Sparintenar, a city of one of our (few) allies. Don't worry though, I'm sure they deserve every bit of the trouble they're creating for themselves."
>>59070"And on that note, let me show you the Entertron!" she beams.
>>59070“Well, if you say so. I guess I will look around this place for a little bit and then see what kind of trouble I can get myself into... I just hope I don’t have my ass handed to me again.”
>>59071“What’s an... Entertron?”
So, what happens next?
And who's identity did Tracy steal this time?
[3d20 = 44]
Trumpaladin figures that he has misjudged the city of Cardishore. He has misjudged the portals. He misjudged his allies. And he misjudged the present situation. With no purpose, and no options, he orders Fae to jump, and to take to the sky - to fly out of range of the bots, and through the hole in the dome that lets in natural light. He self deports.
As he does so, he leaves a parting gift. A few months ago, he got in an argument with Infernius. Infernius got angry and punched him. But in compensation, he gave Trumpaladin three of the grenades that were taken from Korak's body. With quickdraw and a free action, he draws out these grenades and a lighter. With a standard action, he lights them. And with a move action, he tosses them all to the ground to the shazbots
>>59072"Oh please, that was nothing! The Entertron," she says, leading him toward a large medical facility/area, with all manner of supplies and features, "is this weird fancy gadget that can keep you alive. Basically, if your body is ever destroyed beyond repair, it does some technological shit ant makes you whole again." she putzes with a display and brings up a data screen, which list a bunch of names, including Thez, Torcuil, Trumpaladin, Tracy, etc.
"Basically, it pricks your finger and then if you get blown up it uses your blood as a template to reconstitute your(a?) body."
I g2g for at least half an hour
>>59078“But I don’t have fingers...”
Okay, sorry for the delay. The issue with the breath weapons is that I've been attempting to determine how mounted creatures count as far as sharing area-of effect symptoms. Basically what I'm finding is that due to immediate proximity, both Trump and Fae are subject to all 5 breath weapons. 2 of them hit Trump (so full damage all considered).
>>59080>deadpan stare"It takes a blood sample then."
>>59079No worries
>>59077Good question, he's being set on fire
>>59081He bursts out laughing.
“What, im not allowed to joke around with you? Oh well, it is rather impressive... I hope I don’t have to use it anytime soon.”
Thinks about it for a while.
“So, do our enemies know about this?”
>>59082"Sorry, again I'm not accustomed to dealing with so many ponies. Some of them do know about this, particularly the Emperor. We're not sure exactly what his game is, but he's from the tower
also."
"Allow me to demonstrate," she says, pulling out a ridiculously ornate mini-scythe (kama) and - with an observable wince - cuts her finger off. She then enters the Entertron and the finger immediately reconstitutes. "I should explain that in addition to reviving you if you get turned into a grease-spot, it also heals any damage you've sustained if you go into it willingly. The only consequence is that when you're healed, you find that,"
Its probably absurd how much I love saying this
You're still hungry.
>>59084“Cool... and slightly disturbing. And I guess it makes sense that you’re still hungry... it would be weird if it constructed food for you based off of your blood.”
>>59086I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say she acts like a bitch
>>59086Well, I was waiting on Infernius' saving throws, but I suppose I can roll them myself. That Bitch is engaged in a heated discussion with someone over her ID, the general gist of it being "A dozen? I want hundreds! Arial and land! The big ones!"
>>59089What did they think was going to happen, going Leeroy Jenkins on one of the wealthiest nation-states in the world?
Tracy continues fiddling with her stolen devices.
It's a communication device, right? Can it tell her anything about the city?
>>59090There was literally no other option. He can't use stealth. They will not respond to diplomacy. He does not have sleight of hand to steal IDs. He could not obtain an ID by any means at all. The only option was to kill the robots one by one while they were separated on the perimeter. But apparently they can all move together in a single round. So
>>59076 is all that remains to be said
>>59076How did I miss this post?
Okay. For starters, he could have just kind of gone with the crowd, waiting for an opportunity to present its self. Perhaps one of his allies might have procured an ID that he could move freely with, or perhaps some other form of circumstance could have allowed the avoidance of the spectacle.
As is, Trump attempts to make haste from the scene (prudently so) and flee the city. As he does so, he notices a number of shiny objects begin to tail him as Fae flies toward the open sky above the city.
At the same time, Infernius (or rather, Uatchit to her credit) engages some brilliant maneuvers and arial acrobatics, essentially negating any of the incoming breath weapons. To do so, he would have to have either not dismounted entirely, or he would have to have remounted, but considering the alternative is getting set on fire from 4 different directions, I'm assuming he's ok with that.
>>59095>opportunityThat's what this was. The opportunity.
>allyThe one who ran off?
>flying thingsThey fly on, through the opening, then down the sides of the dome, then down the road leading to Krenshall and towards his original destination
>>59094Tracy was going to offer him an ID that someone "dropped", and then disguise him with her dust.
>>59085"A decent point, except we also have replicators, which synthesize any food imaginable. I mean, it seems to me that someone could cross-reference the replicator and the entertron, especially since in a manner of speaking the entertron
is a "ppl" replicator, but that's way too technical for me," she says waving her hand dismissively.
>>59097True, Tracy did run off,... 2x,... but she's also carrying Trump's babeh, and she's not likely to abandon babeh's father. Not lastingly anyway.
>>59098This, she's got 4 now.
>>59098She waited a hell of a while to do it
Tracy move's away to the garden area that the party passed by earlier, in stealth, and buries one of her stolen ID cards there.
>>59099“Now a food replicator is something I got to see sometime. Real quick, how do you activate this thing to take a blood sample?”
>>59101She had to be discreet to steal shit. She literally just murdered Alfonso in front of a crowd to keep her cover.
>ran offTracy can't do shit to firebreathing robots. It's more productive to stay at a distance and do what she can with her own skills.
>>59103"Put your hand,... er,... hoof here," she says, indicating what looks like a touch-screen keyboard that displays a hand-icon.
>>59104She did no such thing. The Shazbots simply dealt with an obvious intruder.
>>59104If she wants to send a message, now is her chance
>>59105“Like this?”
He places his hoof on the screen.
>>59107And with a slight prick on his hoof, Stix probably won't die. I mean he might still, there's plenty of ways to die that supersede the Entertron, but its better than nothing!
>>59106Yeah, that whole empathic link has been kinda neglected desu
>>59109I forgot about it, desu.
>>59106Tracy isn't exactly sure what to say or do atm.
Tracy looks towards the flying lion.
>'Is.. Is it time to go yet?' >>59109He was attacked by a robot and she fled, then he went to get Fae and Tracy wondered off... Hasn't been seen or heard from since... Suffice it to say he's changing his relationship status on Facebook
I put dust on Brad and changed Tracy's disguise several times so that they'd have the option to re-enter lawfully if things went sour. I didn't account for Fae or Infernius though...
>>59108 O_o “Now with that taken care of, I suppose I will start wandering around this place and see what a pony has to do around here to earn a coin. I spent the last of what I had on a string for this darn bow I can’t seem to use right.”
>>59114At least I'm not as bad as Torc.
Tracy looks towards the flying figures figures as she contemplates her next step.
How many flying bots are there?
>>59116I don't ask for shit except maybe a level or two in bard...
Though I have no defense on forgetting shit...
Tracy's options
1. Issue some sort of stay to Trumpaladin, sleight of hand an ID into Infernius of he doesn't fly off, meet up with Trumpaladin and give him an ID, then proceed as a team deeper in. Sneak attack robots if necessary with chain, or possibly ask Trumpaladin to ca her
2. Just go deeper in alone
3. Leave Cardishore
4. Some combination of the above
>>59118Things to consider
1. You cannot Sneak attack robots.
2. To give a card to Infernius, she'd have to walk up to him and hand it to him, putting herself in danger
3. Before she does anything else, she has to consider what's about to happen to her husband.
Torc wonders if the gnomes are ignoring him for fun
>>59119Tracy waits for further intentions from Brad, not sure if she should (attempt to) fly after him.
Are there any more bots in sight?
>>59121>Fly after himand expose herself to the robots?
If she wants to meet up, he can run away from the bots and meet her at the hole, then he sneaks back in the dome and they both go in
>InferniusAt least he can fly fast
Yeah.. I really dropped the ball on communication this session.. sorry..
>>59123>Expose selfShe'd just fly while ethereal. It was only a suggestion.
Also, are you sure you can out-fly those bots?
*Waits for dialogue*
>sneaks back in
Is he bringing Fae this time? Tracy never disguised her
>>59126She can disguise her easy I am sure. Make her look like Pepita from Coco
Apologies, I had business related
>>59115>coin"Oh, you needn't worry about that. I mean, we're not to the level of a kingdom, but we have finances on lock."
>>59120Sorry, I forgot where he left off at, other than Snek wanting to eats and getting the cannon re-fit. I recall he mentioned the Stray Cat to the gnomes, so it would make sense that they would be retrieving the necessary schematics.
>>59129“I’m not sure I understand. By this you mean you are willing to lend me some money to purchase gear?”
>tfw you realize that the shitty coffee you were given earlier was actually decaf and ur passing out
I don't even like coffee..
>>59132The IDs we're going to be a surprise, but okay..
>'I'll meet you there then.' >>59136They're still going to be a surprise, because he still doesn't know
>>59137I just didn't want to cause Drama over stealing things and potentially killing Innocents.
>>59131"In a manner of speaking. We've lots of resources, means, and accounts for procuring mundane-to-fine items, and refined items are certainly negotiable. For example, we (and by that she means the port) are responsible for the most thriving jewelry trade this world has ever seen! So to say, if you need equipment or provisions, it can probably be supplied gratis."
>>59134"Huh,you'restillhere.Iwould'vethoughtyou'dhavegottentiredofitall.IwasabletolocatealltheessentialdocumentationsurroundingtheStrayCat,includingthecannonschematics.Ithinkwecanhaveaserviceablereplacementinnomorethanaweek,dependingoncraftingrolls," that older gnome casually vomits in Torcuils direction (referring to their speech method, not literally)
>>59138She did? That's news to me,... no surprise there
nobully >>59140In the message where she told him to come to Cardashil...
...fuck!
>>59140>(referring to their speech method, not literally)Gladly noted
"Thankyou"
Torc pulls out some gold he keeps for moments like this
"Here'smydownpayment"
>"Steak time?" >>59140“Doesn’t feel right to get things for free, but I suppose I will earn my keep with the gear. I will take a look at the shops then. Thanks for you help, Thez.”
>>59142Careful myah, Snek may find himself some food, but the party might also wind up with another tag-along,...
>>59144>' I don't know.. maybe he forgot..?'*Dashes off to where the hole may or may not be*
>>59145"I can appreciate your reticence, but consider it a dynamic where certain members of the party are strategically minded, while others are borderline jews when it comes to money (and even a legit jew). The result is that there's always more available than is needed, excepting when we get robbed by elveniggers.
"Hey!" says a voice in the distance.
>>59146>tag-alongUh...
Sure, I totally understand what you mean"Listen, we gotta pick up the cannon in a week," Torc begins to leave saying his goodbye to the gnomes. "Until then I would like to keep good relations with these guys."
>"What are you saying?""You've been seen with me. Next time we'll enter the city separately and you can have a disguise."
>"Fine, I guess that makes sense""Good. Now, Back to the tower. The others should be back by now."
>>59147Dashes towards the hole, hoping Fae is faster than the bots
>>59148“I see... but what is a jew?”
Turns to see where the new voice is coming from.
>>59151Wait,... not through the open-top roof?
>>59152"Oh don't mind him, that's darkie. He's an elvennigger."
"
DROW!"
"Yeah, like I said, an elvennigger. He's harmless, since he realizes that we can subject him to worse than he ever imagined."
>>59153“I would love to hear that story sometime.”
>>59153He flies out through the open roof, and has land and run as soon as she is outside, to meet Tracy at the hole
Tracy wait to see what the bots are doing before she acts.
>>59154"Well, he was part of the group of elvenniggers who robbed us,... twice, but was caught because he was too cocky. Then he got tortured and mutilated, and then almost killed everyone (yes, while tortured and mutilated) and then his head got put into a bucket, and then into a metal body-cast, and then we starved him.
Then he decided to plau along," she smiles, as though detailing the process of obtaining groceries.
>>59156She should run to the hole either way. She's safe
>>59157“Wow. I’m in over my head around here aren’t I?”
>>59157She's waiting to see if the bots are about to follow them outside.
>>59148Oh yeah, Susan. I was just reading that bread the other night.
>>59161I'd forgotten the Susan bit
>>59159"Doubtful. I mean you may not know/appreciate it, but
someone thought you were an apt addition, else you wouldn't be here. No one winds up "here" unless someone/thing nominates (in a manner of speaking) them. What that means is anyone's guess, but if you're here, its cuz something powerful enough decided to put you here. Though, come to think of it, we are rather avant garde as far as our methods are concerned.
>>59162“Well, I wish I can remember what makes me worth being here... all I seem to recall from back home is my father’s disappointment and my death”
>>59162>I remembered something GM didn'tThat's surprising
Anyway, Torc and Snek ride the airship back to the Tower with generous amounts of sea shanties and threatening to throw each other overboard
>>59162Where are the bots headed?
Has That Bitch gotten her order shipped yet?
>>59166She just wants to see what happens.
If they're outside, they won't be able to re-enter so easily.
>>59167They won't be able to fit through a hole of one exists, so he can go through and change disguise.
>>59163"Well, we're not the ones who determine worth. In some cases - darkie for example - characters were brought here so that they could continue to suffer. In other cases, characters were brought because some entity found them delightful. There are other examples, but the simplicity of it all is that there are no end of reasons why one finds themselves here, and often times it is to fulfill a purpose that is outside of what the individual may previously have assumed."
>>59165The bots form a perimeter ring around the top of the wall, maintaining constant visual with at least 3 others, and collectively maintaining 360x360 surveilance.
Including the spot with the hole in the wall
>>59169“I guess that makes sense. From my memory, I committed suicide. So I guess this is my second chance of sorts.”
>>59170"Oh," she says, visibly affected by the mention.
>>59171Stix takes notice of this.
“Does that surprise you?”
>>59170"I rolled a 1 on my Spot check." Tracy says aloud for no reason
Tracy tries to see if Infernius is still not-incinerated.
>>59173"No its,... I mean I suppose not,... I just wasn't expecting,..." her voice trails off.
>>59174When?
>>59175He did well on his saving throws, so "not yet" at the moment, but he's also non-responsive
"I wonder if Death would mind dinner when I get back."
>"I'm still trying to figure out how you actually got her to date you.""Fucking mystery to me mate."
>>59175>inb4 Infernius becomes an inferno>>59176>whenI was referring to how she died: didn't even get the privilege to know what hit her.
>>59176“You seem a little upset by this. Do you want to talk about it?”
>>59181“I don’t mind if you don’t”
Gotta run for about 1/2 hour, sorry
>>59183Will respond asap
>>59186I look forward to your return
>"Yes but WHY where there fifteen men on the chest with a bottle of rum?""I don't know, it's just a song"
I think I might make Bridget my main Disguise (like Thez's hippie guy). She's grown on me.
>>59192Idk how else to spin it, so she'll be blunt:
>'I murdered a guy for his card. I swiped a couple others too; their owners are probably dead' >>59194Tbqh desu senpai,
that was actually why I didn't use the link. I figured Paladins plausibly couldn't accept stolen things, or those pilfered through murder.
But he'll forgive her because she's cute, right?
>>59194You could have worded it differently>"........
....
....
....
....
Fuck it. I'm running for the hole. Meet me there. I'm either figuring out what the hell is going on now or never"
>>59195>But he'll forgive her because she's cute, right?STOP ABUSING YOUR SPECIAL PONY POWERS >>59195On the bright side, with Gorplemonger dead, she can assume his ego.
>>59196Tracy moves towards wall where the hole was, flipping through Alfonso's card and looking at various selfies and whatnot to try to get a grasp of his personality.
This should summon Infernius' faggot
Hopefully
>>59186"LEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYY Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenkiiiiiiins!"
On Fae he runs straight for the hole
>>59200Weren't there mailboxes there too though?
Be careful.
>>59199I hope you don't think I drew that
>>59202Editing colors as good as you do is still worth cheering on.
Shit, I guess I outta edit some moar then..
>>59201Watching, yes. The point is to go through before they can do much damage
That Bitch never made her turn on that initiative.
Did she do anything besides yell on her phone?
>>59207Yelling on the phone is doing something
Tracy moves back to monitor Infernius's situation.
>>59197Mr. Gorplemonger is quite alive, see here he's adopted this lovely mantis outfit cuz reasons
>>59207She's the reason there's a grip of arial bots in pursuit, as well as a variety of other bots that haven't gotten introduced yet cuz>flee
It would (and still may, waiting on Infernius) be a slaughter.
>>59187Thez <whooof> vanishes into a swirling tuft of smoke. A few moments later (less than a minute) she reappears with an ornate flask full of a clear liquid. She looks at Stix for a moment, shakes her head and sits down in one of the available chairs.
They're a the tower now yes? Torcuil would be arriving imminently.
>>59210Can Tracy make out what level of access Gorplemonger had with his card? He
acted like he was important.
>>59212Everyone around here acts important. Assuming that Tracy ventured near one of the gates, she would find that the ID lights up with several options including:
Home, Shopping, and Social.
>>59213Tracy decides to give the gate a shot.
>Home >>59211Trumpaladin darts to get through the hole as quickly as possible
>>59212>"If you have an extra card, come to the hole Tracy, now or never" >>59215Isn't Tracy involved in a plot to get an ID to Trump, Infernius, and Fae? I'm not saying "don't", but seriously, she's not that ADD is she?
>>59219Are there bots by the hole or not?
>>59220>ITT Tracy overestimates the sophistication of the Shazbot programming>>59221No, but they are in view of the hole, as well as the entirety of the perimeter.
>>59222Fuck it then.
Tracy leaves Infernius for dead and moves towards the wall.
>>59214"The green stuff gives me heartburn," she says. "Plus, I've so many inhibitions that I can't speak candidly without booze. Something to work on I suppose, but for now it works."
Drinking during pregnancy is not to be advised.
>>59226Tracy goes towards the hole.
>>59228>>59227Fucking squeezes through the hole as quickly as he can. Fae first, since she has a lower save bonus
>>59224“I don’t remember too much... think you can help me out and ask me questions? That may jog my memory on some details.”
>>59233Damn right! I could have made all kinds of more or less douchy-calls based on whim, that this is the one I've done so far is a testament! Xp
>>59231So Trump is seriously making straight for the hole in spite of surveilance?
>>59235Fine, he throws a rock in another direction first.
Then runs straight for the hole
>>59237His options are 1. give up on Cardishore, and 2. go through the hole and hide once inside
>>59238Those aren't his only options, those are just the only options he's entertaining, right now, that justify immediate involvement/participation Xp
>>59240If he waits an hour Tracy will be gone and the window will have passed.
I guess Infernius is a pretty good distraction, but again, tracy will be gone by that time
>>59241>'How do we meet once we're through? I don't want to blow my cover..'Tracy disguises herself as a janitor, getting ready to feign sweeping up Infernius's ashen remains, should he be incinerated.
>repeats of last voyage with slight differences
>>59244>slight differencesDid Snek actually throw Torc off this time?
>>59242Yeah srsly, wtf happened to Infernius?
>>59244Not sure what you mean by that, but considering this was a scenario where "Observe, do nothing." was the A++ answer,....
>>59245No, this time it was a Broadway musical retelling of the voyage
>>59248>'You'll need to make sure your disguise matches your ID one we go through the gates. Not sure how well I can dress up Fae though..'Tracy walks in that direction
>>59246Torc and Snek are heading back to the tower in the ship
>>59245No, Torc almost threw Snek off...
Don't ask me how that works
>>59247SOOOO put that thing back where it came from or so help me!
>>59250You've pushed ten feet of snek off.... but most of him is still on the airship
>>59249>"alright..." >>59251The dust is only +10 disguise btw.
I was going to use it as a fallback, so that the party would have the option to re-enter lawfully as their own selves if they got caught.
It'll still work on her, but she might be recognized. It won't be easy to dress her up as her card ID though.