RP/Shitposting thread - D&D 3.5 base rules, subject to interpretation, review, and elaboration. Open for all to spectate, bantz, shitpost, or full-on play.
We begin this thread in anticipation of the weekend, where most of the party is gradually infiltrating the grand city of Cardishore. With disguises varying from an Emu, Barney the dinosaur, and a mexican clown,... as well as Fae who is entirely without costume, Trump, Tracy, and Infernius try to get a handle on whatever the hell is going on in Cardishore now or in general.
Meanwhile, Torcuil is working to get that damn cannon fixed on the Stray Cat. Meanwhile Stix returns (to the tower?) with not many answers, an over-sized acorn, and definitely no other surprises.
Meanwhile Thez,... poor forgotten and alone Thez who is babysitting the port so that none of the party's enemies see their departure and think "Wah ha ha ha! With them gone I will destroy their precious city!" I mean she gets it,... but still.
>sad dwelf noises
1411 replies and 104 files omitted.
>>58847Trumpaladin enters the crowd. He watches and listens to the Raven haired woman
>>58841Rounding a corner and proceeding through a doorway, Stix makes visual contact with the intruder. Around them several of the troops are down or incapacitated, while a trio are attempting a coordinated defense.
"You should have held your fire! You might have had a chance in that event!" they arrogantly shout as they wade in taking several attacks of opportunity. Stix has not been detected.
>>58847>>58850Dismounting and standing immediately next to Fae so he isn't
as obvious
>>58839I thought Druids and Rangers were the only classes that could cast divine spells without a divine focus.
>>58851Stix attempts to sneak up behind the intruder for a strike.
>>58854Doesn’t surprise me at this point... 9,8, then 7...
>>58845I would consider it, but you'll need to do more than
just carve it,... I mean there would need to be some sort of sanctification ritual involved for that to work,... but that fits into one of the plot devices that I was going to work in.
>>58853Oh yeah, I forgot about them.
>>58849Yes
>>58848>>58852Drawing slight glances, but no particular scrutiny, both make their way into the assembly to hear the address.
"Before we kick off this year's Extravaganza, there are a few points that I need to go over. First," she says, retrieving an elaborate and fine card-pendant from her neck, "NEVER GO ANYWHERE without your identification. We have had a string of intruders lately, and so we've amped up security. This here," she says, walking to the edge of the stage where several of those weird robots are positioned, "is our security detail. If you are found without identification, you will be summarily killed. Nothing personal," she says, caressing the dome of one of them.
Tracy disguises herself as a two-headed naga.
>>58858She can't hide while standing amidst a crowd. e_e
>>58856Shit.
Tracy searches the crowd for a goy who looks like he'd be easy to pickpoket.
>>58859I meant to have her do that before she got up there.
>>58861It's not important though.
Trumpaladin enters a state of existential horror: he is the illegal alien without documentation
>>58860What are you looking for?
>>58865Someone I can steal an id from, and them promptly disguise myself as.
>>58856Trumpaladin listens, and switches the ring shield for the ring of fire resistance
>>58866Which you will return once you are done if he is white.
>>58864Better go back and go get your visa lawfully, m8.
I kid. Tracy stands back from the crowd and makes herself scarce, waiting for the performance to start so that she can swipe an id while everyone's distracted.
*changes back into wojack*
Can I get a better description of the raven-haired woman?
The woman goes on to describe the workings of the city. Rather than using any particular form of transportation, the city employs a network of teleportation gates. In this way, they are not required to landscape or modify existing structures, instead they can erect a doorway than connect it to other areas. The city that is apparent is actually the top-floor of a city that expands underground, and the full capacity of the city is many times larger than it appears. But that's all for the mundane performers. The city level is for the finest of talent, and everyone (here) has been selected for their merit and ability. She describes that the gate system is linked to their identification, enabling access to whatever facilities that their particular position (ala a hierarchy) that the individual is authorized to utilize.
>>58876Does she give any hint on where new residents can pick-up their possessions from security?
>>58875>pic>>58877No, this doesn't seem the sort of crowd that would need to know something like that. As she continues her address, she describes more mundane shit that has little relevance, about how to contact agency representatives and such, finally concluding the address with an invitation to all to enjoy themselves, and to get ready, as this is the latest group that will change the way that the world views entertainment.
Oh, and she introduces herself (by name) as "That Bitch".
>>58878>How to contact agency representativesDesire to know more intensifies
What is this... Extravaganza?
>>58878*contemplates murder*
What about the crowd? What kind of people are around?
More importantly, are they paying attention to what's behind them?
>>58878*Degeneracy senses tingling*
>>58854Without showing any advance warning and as Stix approaches the for a strike, the figure deftly side-steps his attack and squares on him, ignoring the remaining troops who had braced for an attack. Only one of their strikes had landed, but it doesn't seem to have been effective against whoever this is.
"Well now, this is a surprise," the intruder says. "And where might you have come from?"
>>58882“I’m not completely sure on that. I happen to last remember coming from a certain tower. I don’t suppose you know about it do you?”
He takes a step back and braces for combat.
>>58878*reeeeees*
*spaghetti flys out of pocket at mach 2*
>>58879Its essentially a welcoming party. All along the sides of the park are kiosks and booths with a variety of food and entertainment.
>>58880All sorts of artsy/contemporary/fashionable individuals. There are even some non-human races in attendance, and the level of gaudiness would make Thez blush.
>>58883"Another one from the tower then? Unexpected. Well let's see what you're made of!"
Stix gets an attack of opportunity as the figure darts toward him with incredible speed.
>>58885Alright, Trumpaladin nears a booth to see what it contains. What is this entertainment like?
>>58885Having understood the importance of acquiring a visa, Tracy steps back and bides her time, eyeing each individual and contemplating when she'd get a chance to swipe a high-ranking card.
"I'll get those knives if it's the last thing I do.."
>>58885"Reeeeeeeee b-burn the c- coal pay the t- toll"
>>58886Knick-knacks and trinkets, party favors and accessories. Jeweled cases for the "ID cards", one booth says something about "Why Fie",....
>>58887And almost on cue, That Bitch signals for a number of performers to take the stage. Some are vocalists, others are coreographed dancers, with musical accompaniment from the edge of the stage. The performance has the effect of drawing pretty much everyone's attention.
>>58885Stix lunges at the figure with his dagger, aiming for his throat.
>>58890Please that be because i interrupted with
>>58889 >>58890All these people are new to the city?
>>58891I hate luck based gameplay! It is just not good except on rare occasion...
>>58891Use the double-ended shortsword. You can attack multiple times.
>>58894You can rank up your skills.
Rangers have a high base attack bonus too.
>>58894How do you think i feel? Ive been doing that for like 6 months.
>>58892>trying to get himself killed>>58893With the exception of the current performers, yes
>>58891The figure effortlessly side-steps the dagger, and in fact grabs the tip of the blade (disarm).
"Oh no no no, you'll have to do better than that!"
>>58896Your not making me feel better...
>>58898And there was almost no one elsewhere in the city on this level?
>>58898“Hmm... I see you went to disarm me instead of stiking me down. Why is that?”
Stix draws his double sided short sword.
>>58901I'm not sure I follow. There's a couple hundred people in attendance, of which maybe 20 are
not new arrivals. There's undoubtably others throughout the city, this is just the newbie-party.
>>58902Taking the dagger and <thunk> tossing it into a nearby support-beam, the figure assumes a particularly self-assured posture.
"You'd prefer I finished this quickly? What fun would that be?"
>>58903“Eh... not fun maybe, but it seems a little soft if you ask me.”
He takes another swing at the intruder.
The troops are quite bewildered, and more of them (from the other flanking position) are filling in behind Stix, forming a loose perimeter around him and the figure. They look nervously from Stix to the figure, and to one another.
>>58903I see.
Trumpaladin approaches a new arrival
"Why hello there"
>>58890>>58898I was going to wait until Infernius created chaos, but after moving away from the crowd to change herself into something vaguely humanoid, Tracy discreetly moves through the crowd and attempts to pull an ID card off of the classiest-looking goy she can see.
Rolling Sleight of Hand
>>58904Reaching up with one arm, the figure blocks the incoming strike, emitting purplish sparks as the weapon makes contact, but not seeming to cause damage.
"I'd planned for them, " indicating the troops, "You however, are something of a wild-card in this."
The intruder does an exaggerated back-flip, to land squarely on thin air, now positioned slightly outside the wall (but otherwise held aloft by artificial means). One hand begins to glow with a dark-purple energy.
>>58906"And who are
you supposed to be?" they look at Fae. "Sigfried and Roy?"
>>58907Success, but not without bumping into the individual such that they become agitated. "Hey, you, watch where you're going! Do you have any idea who I am?" they accuse, drawing looks from those around.
>>58909"Oh, you think you're better than me?"
>>58909"Shes better than some race mixing whore!"
>>589111. Tracy is still disguised
2. you're probably not that close
3. There is no context for that statement
>>58909“Why are you destroying the place? Did one of the soldiers here steal your wife?”
Seeing the glow, Stix immediately thinks of unicorns charging a blast. He ducks for cover.
>>58913I’m just about fed up with this...
Wait. Are there ponies in the crowd?
>>58909*Tips hat* (she's disguised as a leprechaun btw)
With the card in her pocket, Tracy bows apologetically, stepping back towards the mailboxes.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm new to this land. Do you perform?" she asks, with a flattering tone
>>58912You're still an ostrich.
>>58911Trump isn't talking to That Bitch, she's left the stage. Trump is talking to some random cunt.
>>58910"Ha! My dog," she says indicating a small poodle, "is better than you!"
>>58913You don't need to roll to attempt to take cover, but since you rolled a 1, we'll assume that he lost his footing and doesn't have the opportunity. They seem amused at the suggestion about a soldier stealing their wife.
"Why? Cuz I do what I want!
THATS why!" they say, loosing a small fireball at Stix.
>>58917"Hold on a second, I'm not done with you!" the fellow says, drawing more attention. "What's your name! I demand an apology!"
>>58916No
As the fireball zips in and collides with Stix, another fireball erupts around the figure, sending it flying outside the city wall.
"Bullseye!" yells a relatively dainty-looking unicorn, standing next to a large war-machine, positioned just around the corner of the wall, to maintain concealment (kek, a concealed trebuchet)
>>58918"My name.."
*takes a step towards mailboxes*
"..Is Bridget Cloverfield.."
*takes another step*
"May I have the privilege of knowing yours?"
>>58921"Well now MISS Cloverfield, you've offended me, you've disrupted my fine clothing, and you've disturbed an otherwise delightful party! I demand satisfaction!" he says storming in the direction of one of the Shazbots.
>>58919"Look at this guy! He's actually entertaining challenging a
dog!"
>>58920“Augh!”
Stix falls to the ground and starts to panic.
“Please, stop the burning... anything to stop it!”
>>58922"So you came here to prove your dog's talent?"
>>58922"Oh, I beg your pardon, fine sir. If you'd just tell me your name..?" The young leprechaun says quickly stepping to the side.
>>58926"Oh don't you worry, you'll be getting much more than my name!" he says shaking his finger at Tracy, while approaching the Shazbot. "You there, I require your assistance."
"INTRUDER DETECTED" the bot says, opening up a hole.
>>58924"What a noob! Are you even in the right place? You MUST have been misclassified!" the random cunt laughs.
>>58927Bridget nervously steps back as the bot aims it blast.
>>58927Trumpaladin shrugs, and walks away
>>58929And the random fellow is summarily reduced to a pile of ash. The concert/performance is momentarily stalled, as everyone's attention is drawn to the spectacle of the guy getting burned alive before their very eyes.
That Bitch emerges from the crowd near the Shazbot. "Fool, I literally just finished telling him to keep his ID on him,...."
>>58931"O-oh.. What a shame.." Bridget says quietly, backing away slowly
>>58923From his position on the wall, Stix can see that the figure has landed outside the wall, and is in a smouldering heap, its robes torn to shreds revealing a grey-skinned female with vibrant-red hair.
"Damn Slovenia, that wasn't a normal shot was it?"
>>58931How many shazbots are there?
>>58934In the entire area? A dozen maybe?
>>58933Are the new entrants essentially enjoying a concert?
Bridget sneaks off to a corner, and reads the Fancy Anon's ID tag
>>58933Stix, after his panic attack, runs out to continue the fight.
“Where did you go off to? You think I’m going down that easy?”
>>58936After That Bitch's dismissal of the guy who "forgot his ID", yes. The concert resumes.
>>58938Alfonzo G. Gorplemonger
Before Stix' eyes, the dainty unicorn smugly walks up to the grey-female. "No it wasn't, and you're lucky too. That was just a clay-pot filled with lamp oil. If that tartan-fellow ever completes my refined munitions, then you'll REALLY be hurting." Slovenia and Thez make their way back into the town. The troops who were downed are roused and awakened by the remaining troops, and Stix realizes that though knocked unconscious, no one was actually harmed. Limping slightly, the grey-female (Thez, hereafter) approaches Stix. "You showed a great deal of courage. We haven't met yet, but you've already mentioned that you came from the tower."
Well that was unfortunate timing
>>58940Now what are the people attending doing?
>>58942Varying. Some are watching the show, some are talking into their ID cards (think smart phones, so I can stop being implicit), others are engaged in shit-talking with each-other not unlike the random cunt was.
>>58940Stix eyes twitch.
“What are you talking about? You just attacked this place... I... if this was all some act, why the hell shoot me with fire?”
>>58943Now surely there must be a place to repair or update or what gave you IDs?
>>58943Observing this, Tracy attempts to activate Alfonzo's card.
>>58945You probably get yours at the front gate.
>>58944"Yeah, sorry about that. I got bored and so I decided to scrimmage with the troops. I figure "why wait for someone to attack to test our defenses, when I can just pretend to attack and test them myself?". I hadn't expected your arrival. Don't worry, its just ki-fire. It won't burn you, and at the moment I'm using it non-lethally."
>>58945Yes. IDs were already distributed during the application process. Though not detected (yet), Trump, Tracy, and Fae have targets on their backs.
Excuse me, Trump, *Infernius, and Fae
>>58946What's Tracy's Use Magical Device skill?
>>58949But is there a place to repair IDs?
>>58949Stix is still shaken from the attack.
“Listen... apparently your supposed to be a friend... but get this through your head before we continue. Me and fire... DONT MIX. Got it? I don’t know why, but I freak out when I get near it.”
>>58951Shit.. I don't have my notes atm. I think it was only 13.
Can she take 10 on that check?
>>58954Thez crosses her arms in front of her and cocks her head to the side while looking at him thoughtfully. "Lenos will be a problem," she off-handedly remarks. Then directly, "Fair enough, though for reference," she says holding her hand out and drawing on the purplish energy, "You can see its more of an aura than actual fire, it just looks like fire from a distance," and from up close, Stix can see that it has more of a shape and movement of fluid than fire, though with observably different properties as far as gravity and localization.
>>58956Now where can Trump find an agency representative?
>>58956He still takes a step back.
“My brain doesn’t seem to care right now what it technically is... it is still telling me to... well... best not say that. Anyway, my name is Stix.”
>>58952If there are, this is unknown to Trump
>>58955Yes, that's fine
>>58958Well, last I checked Infernius was attempting to heckle the person running the show. Did you want me to not overlook that part? Is he still flying or has he decided to land?
>>58960Trump walks around through the crowd and around the perimeter, looking for the equivalent of an Apple Store
>>58960After fiddling with the device for a long period of time, and guessing various pet-names, Tracy tries to access any information on the device in an attempt to steal Gorplemonger's identity.
>>58959"Pleased to meet you Stix, I'm Thez," she thinks for a moment and chuckles, "Isn't filly out looking for sticks?" shakes her head, "Nevermind. Anyway, I can promise that you'll have no more firey-whats-it from me, but you should probably not mention that,... quirk,... in front of the short, shiny-haired guy. He's a dick. He's the reason that there's that "firetrap" sign in the hallway.
>>58962That device
is gorplemonger's identity
>>58961I should warn you, most of the Shazbots are around the perimeter. Additionally, there don't seem to be stores in this area, though there are gates which undoubtably lead to other areas. If one has an ID that is.
>>58963Obviously or covertly?
>>58964Can she find anything about Gorplemonger? Where he lived, what level access he had?
>>58964Heads to the center and tries to find someone who looks like they are not a new arrival
>>58964“I see. Well, glad to meet you Thez. Do you happen to be from the tower as well?”
>>58966Use Symbol of Stunning and spraypaint a swastika on your chest.
>>58970~Yay! Infernius rolled a 20!
>>58973On a roll that will attract attention to himself and get himself killed
>>58974Oh not
just killed. I'm having to think hard here, cuz that 20 could go a number of ways. It could be a spectacular success or a magnificent failure and considering his choice of action that could be equally bad or good.
>>58974He rolled for a flashy entrance, not necessarily to get himself killed.
>>58979What happens to people who are present without IDs?
>>58977REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
DELET.
So I'm figuring that since Infernius was going for as flashy as possible, and he rolled a 20, he somehow magnificently times his arrival with the climax of the song, which the audience generally receives as being part of the show. Additionally, a chorus of "INTRUDER DETECTED" is heard from throughout the crowd, and he sees about a dozen shiny metal mailbox-looking things headed his way on the ground.
>>58969"Yep. The glassy-walled rooms? Same. You know, you're like the 5th pony I've seen here, where before there weren't any."
>>58987Surely they didn't think the performance was over?
Atop a gilded lioness rides a shimmering man with sword drawn, charging towards the nearest Shazbot
>>58988"Rock You Like a Hurricane" plays, and Trumpaladin casts Eagle's Splendor upon himself
https://youtu.be/CGfKi6kpdTQ >>58987“Maybe the tower is less picky now?”
He chuckles
“So, this port is under attack a lot?”
>continues munching on popcorn
My money's on Infernius dying first, then Trump. Tracy will be the only one to survive
[1d20+31 = 51]
[3d20 = 56]
Pounce on Shazbot. Sunder nozzle
>>58992"That's an understatement. Its complicated, but the short version is that the Port is upsetting alot of established and entrenched groups and structures. It used to be a run-down pirate port, but now its a thriving and emergent socio-economic power, particularly because we - yourself included - have used our abilities to aid and develop the community. There's plenty of people who are upset, threatened, and not to pleased about this. I think the place has been attacked 3 times? 4 times? 5? Its been hairy."
>>58993o_o
>>58997Holy fucking shit mate.
This just got interesting
>>58998“Anything I can do to help you out then?”
Bridget moves a good distance away from the bots, before they explode.
Fae kicks off from the bot, nozzle severed and presumably about to enter self destruct sequence - disarmed regardless - and runs at full speed towards the next bot
>>58997>sighTrump, oblivious to the fact that no one else is apparently armed, draws Vandereim and charges the nearest of Shazbots. Shazbot.
This immediately disperses the crowd in a frenzied panic, screams and cries issuing from every corner of the park as masses stream away and toward the gates. That Bitch is talking furiously into her ID, and the remaining Shazbots divide and close in on Trump and Infernius respectively. Now, am I interpreting it as Fae did the 20 pounce, and the rest is Trump breaking the bot's toys?
[1d20+21 = 40]
While everyone's distracted, Bridget takes advantage of the chaos to swipe another card.
>>59001In the Napoleanic wars the armies of the Austrians and the Prussians were unambiguously stronger than the army of France... but there were three of them, each one of them smaller than the French force. Napolean double marched his men to engage first an Austrian army, annihilate it, then double marched them to the next army, destroyed it, and then the same to the third force. In WW1, the Russians invaded East Prussia with a force much larger than the German force - in two armies. The Germans attacked and destroyed one, then used the rail network to quickly move their army to attack the other russian army at Tannenburg.
These Shazbots are very difficult to defeat. But taken down one by one
>>59006The 20 is Trump with sugoito, the other three are Fae
>>59006How fast are they? Fae is 180 in a charge and 360 in a run. You said they were dispersed along the perimeter. They must have started far apart
>>59012160 in a charge and 320 in a run, whatever
>>59010Gotcha
>>59011Kek, sure why not?
>>59012^Sugoito
Pouncing eliminates Fae's movement speed, and though they're not in range, they're bee-lining toward. I assumed Fae attacked the closest one, which would have been near him as it had not detected him as a threat.
>>59013Yes, except above
And yes, the one Fae attacked is beginning its self-destruct sequence.
Now then, roll for initiative u fags
>>59016Rolling initiative, I guess.
>>59016She can go 160 feet in the same round she pounces, but sure
"Okay, listen. If you stop until I get this cannon ordered, I'll help you get a gnome dinner."
Bluff [1d20 = 3]
>"I'll consider it"
Check motive [1d20 = 3]
>>59019>3&3Well, uh...
Snek is pretty sure Torc is lying, but he's hoping Torc isn't.
Torc is wary that Snek knows he's lying, but he really need to get back to ordering this cannon
>>59018Yes, but upon pouncing her movement is halted
>many keksThese fuggin dice
Rolling for bots and That Bitch
>>59016Can Trumpaladin have Aura of Protection? It's a class feature of the 5e Paladin
>>59026I want that too. Or its ebil opposite.
says the faggot without even knowing what it is. >>59026>can I have a previously unmentioned abilityNot in the middle of a fight
>>59027A rock hits Tracy in the head. It must have gotten kicked up or something. It doesn't do damage, but it really hurts.
>>59030"Ouch!" cries the leprechaun
>>59002Thez looks Stix up and down appraisingly, again crossing her arms. "Hmmm. How does a pony use a bow exactly?"
... was Infernius going to roll initiative?
>>59032“Apparently, I don’t do it well. My father could though, but I suppose I didn’t pay enough attention to how he did it to actually hit anything.”
>>59034A compelling argument.
>>59035The cocks her head again, this time looking up in a random direction. She looks again in another direction before her face brightens. "I've got just the thing! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!" she yells.
"As far as helping, it really depends. I mean there's always stuff that can be done around here, and probably more still than I'm even aware of. Currently the party has made opponents of 1. An unidentified band of pirates, 2. The former/current emperor of this geographical area - who himself is batshit crazy and stupid OP - , and potentially many other groups who haven't so much as named or identified themselves. Oh, and we've also been pissing off/on the jews.
>>59036XD
Tracy uses her superior speed to dash far away to a safe distance where she can hide and observe, pretending to be screaming and panicking like a sane person would.
From her hiding spot she keeps an eye on That Bitch, who seems to be a figure of authority.
"And," she whispers, "I'd bet my life that they're pissing off yet another faction as we speak."
>>59040She also picks up anything that may have been dropped by the crowd, especially cards, and places her two additional ID cards (not Gorplemonger's) in her bag of holding.
>>59041“Any idea where they went off to then? Maybe I should help them out if they are into trouble.”
>>59044Yes. I hadn't considered Tracy as a combatant at this point, and she can interject herself if she desires, but is otherwise 'concealed' by the surging crowd who are increasingly grouping together by the gates,one by one jumping through to whatever their destination is, away from here. Some of them are holding up their IDs and talking at them in ridiculously dramatic displays.
*urge to start looting like a nigger intensifies*
Tracy stays back at a very, very safe distance and observes.
Tracy reads the names of the other two identities she stole.
>>59046I guess Trumpaladin can talk as a free action out of sequence:
To the Lady:
"I came to see what was going on. I entered with my girlfriend, but then she ran off and left me and so now I do not have my ID. I was going to ask about a replacement with a representative but there were none. I mean no harm."
>>59048Otto von SchnitzelpuskraukengeBcheit Meyer
That German "B" that stans for a "sss" soundand Frank
"Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine"