>>18281
Please don't. He can use Wish spell to ressurrect it if you kill it before he is dead

>>18281
rupture his jejunum he wont stop puking.

>>18282
Is it like Fallout Dog that can't die?

>>18273
Im back and ready.

>>18285
It's a godzilla thing thing that regenerates like crazy and won't stay dead.

>>18285
I do not know

>>18284
I still think he should be targeted first, but okay...

I just want to note that keeping battle plans secret from allies will only harm the course of the battle
>>18286
Yay!

>>18285
We call it a dog because the freakish cosplaying nerd uses his mean pet to bully the residents of Port Barry out of their lunch money.

>>18289
If only we had Thez's gem horde to pay him off

>>18289
"Bad Dog!"

>>18288
Ugh fine
"I'm going to cast a symbol in the middle of the feild
DO NOT STEP ON IT OR IT WILL BE BAD"

>>18292
"what symbol?"

>>18292
Is the symbol a snek?

[1d20 = 4]
Here we go,....

Once readied, Thez (still looking like a hippy) begins transferring players to their designated positions, or behind cover but nearby, careful to avoid rousing the Dog. One by one (or in pairs as per Torc and Norfilly) she deposits characters, urging them to wait until the "purple beam". The Dog sits in the center of the field, looking rather bored and occasionally scratching its self with its foot. A tense air hangs about the stadium, and the Dog its self is far more fearsome from closer than it appeared before.
With everyone in place, Thez appears in mid-air, well above the Dog, which immediately responds to her presence, issuing a devastating roar.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a_cz-_yZS0

"What's this?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyFSVtQWc70
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSEVw7ei3YU
An absurd Jester appears in the air some distance from her.
"Well this is most unexpected! And here I had planned on destroying everything! You must know how ill advised it is to void the agreement, I am your EMPEROR after all,... wait a moment."
He fades out and fades in closer.
"You look familiar"
he fades out again, and fades in again closer and from a different side.
"Haven't I killed you before? I'm sure of it!"
T> "Whoa man, I'm just here to try and barter on behalf of the city. Our founder went and died on us, and he never left instructions on how to go about completing the transaction."
K> "That doesn't explain where you came from. You're from that one time, how is it you're here? Oh well, no matter. I'll kill you again then!"

K> Cast Arcane fire, 9 lvl.

>>18296
You're sharing with your husbando and your battle sister though

>>18295
Waiting for purple beam

>>18297
After marriage*

[1d20 = 4]
What appears to be fire mixed with lightning, with chunks of it envelop Thez. When they finally dissipate, all that is left is a charred skeleton, held aloft only by lingering magic.
K> "Well, THAT was boring." He turns away, stretches and yawns. "Well Spot, now that I've had a good nap, what do you say we destroy EVERYTHING and EVERYONE!"
The Dog roars again. As it does so, Thez appears above and to the side from the corpse, and the corpse fades away like smoke."
T> Metsu Hokenshou

>>18294
>>18293
No, but it will be bad

>waits

[20d12 = 108]
A solid beam of blackened-purple rage-hate about 4' in diameter erupts from her hands. Kefka glances just in time to see it about to hit him. Its not a direct hit, but he is knocked from the air, and comes crashing to the ground somewhere near the Terrasque.

Everyone, roll for initiative (dice 1d20 in email field)

[1d20 = 13]
>>18302
Roll

[3d20 = 44]
K> "Hahhahahahah! MARVELOUS! That actually HURT! Wait a second, you look a DIFFERENT sort of familiar. Where do I know you from?"
T> "I'll explain that at your grave!" She's trembling with rage, and charges him.
Trump has first move. Quick question, how wide is a football field?

>>18309
Charge at mage

160 feet

>>18310
TOURCIL! MAKE ME GIANT IF YOU CAN!

*downs acid resistance from hiding spot*

[1d40+6 = 41]
>>18312
Shit uh rolling 1d40+6 for Trump's final heigth after transformation

Battle order is: Trump/Dog, Thez, Trollestia, Tracy, Tay, Kefka, Torcuil, Fae, Infernius, and Norfilly

>>18315
MY POWER GROWS

>>18312
>>18315
Does that account for Fae as well?

>>18318
I hope so

[1d20 = 15]
Trump is charging from the field, while the Dog takes a swipe at Thez

[1d10+8 = 18]
Thez gets up and <whoofs> out of sight.
Trollestia flies in from the side opposite Infernius' position.
Tracy's move

*braces self, concentrating and preparing to make a stealthy dash on all fours*
Runs with all her speed on all fours and becomes ethereal as soon as she can, to phase right into the dogs abdomen.
Find bladder.

[1d20 = 20]
K> Excellent! EXCELLENT! There's LOTS of you! This is exCITING! Well then, LETS HAVE SOME FUN!
Dice for Tracy's attempt

Against all odds, Tracy manages to perfectly position herself inside the Dog's bladder.
Tay, you're up

>>18324
Ha!
Did the freak see her?

>>18324
HOLY SHIT
>also, torc's turn turns trump big

>>18326
Not with that die roll

>>18327
Please get Fae too

[1d20 = 7]
>>18325
I shoot at kefkas head.

[20d3+20 = 57]
[7d6+7 = 36]
Tay's shot ricochets off a field surrounding him.
K> Oh, this is a new sort of thing, I must see it!
K> Cast Teleport
Kefka appears about 20' in front of Tay.
Torcuil makes Trump bigly 41' tall

>>18332
MY POWER GROWS!

Fae's turn (Trump command), followed by Infernius, then Norfilly

Also Torcuil, you can pilot Trollestia if you like.

>>18334
Head to Kefka's position

>>18335
Eh, that works
Uh, what exactly can she do?

[1d20 = 1]
>>18334
i cast anti life shell on kefka.

GM, how far am I from Kefka now?

>>18338
.... Casting doesn't require rolling

>>18337
Smite evil, up to 4th lvl cleric spells

>>18339
"oh thank god!"

Doing some changes to available spells to fit my character better (personality)

Trump/Dog, Thez, Trollestia, Tracy, Tay, Kefka, Torcuil, Fae, Infernius, and Norfilly

>>18342
I think it is your turn nord filly

>>18339
He's in the bleachers, so out of range.
>>18339
It does when there's spell resistance, so fail
Fae flies in, close (but out of range) of Kefka.
Infernius's spell fizzles as it comes near Kefka.
>>18343
Correct.

>>18343
Is it. Have everyone done their turn.

If so.. I try to cast Lullaby

>>18338
I swear to god
>>18340
Ohhh, that'll work

[2d20 = 35]
>>18345
Norfilly starts singing "Jigglypuff, jig a lee-eee puff,..."
No effect
T> DIVING CRANE!

>>18345
Or will I now potentially make any of you drowsy?.... Well the fallacy of youth

>>18347
STRIKE THAT LAST ANSWER

[1d20 = 16]
[10d8 = 43]
Like a bolt from the sky, Thez comes crashing down on the Dog, possibly stunning it (d20)

>>18350
Blue Suede to Tay

>>18347
>jigglypuff
Kek
Troll casts dark stigma
https://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Dark_Stigmata_(5e_Spell)
Pain in the ass time: troll's stats?

Success, the Dog is stunned, and takes damage.
Trump (it gives flanking) a position just behind Kefka) and can attack.

>>18354
Sorry, the Dog is all-but immune to magic (spoiler alert) and Kefka is pretty much warded against all low-level spells.

[3d20 = 27]
>>18355
Can I attack this turn? If so, Smite Evil Twice on two attacks. Two castings of the spell

Attack, Attack, Attack, with Vanderiem

Pull out bees

>>18358
FUCK YOU DICE!

>>18359
ikr!!

>>18356
Thank you sir

[1d10 = 6]
One strike hits, tho neither of the smites by your phrasing.
I forget your strength/etc bonus, add it to the dice roll

(size too, add a +6 for that)

>>18357
>pretty much
....so there is a chance....

Troll's move, followed by Tracy, then Tay

[1d10+10 = 19]
>>18362
For damage roll? it's +4 plus 6 for size. 1d10 +10

>>18366
>the wizard will take all night, so I'll just type it now
The stupid dog hasn't done anything but pee all over the stadium since last week, so the tender bladder should be mostly empty.
Tracy turns her bag inside out to empty a broom-closets worth of keen-edged knives, swords, hooks, and other various sharp objects into the bladder that fill the chamber and pierce into the organs tender, vascular walls causing massive, painful, excruciating, irritating, unignorable, constant internal-hemorrhaging.
lol, good luck with that, stupid dog.

If she has time left during this turn, she promptly phases her way to the monster's left lung.

>>18366
See
>>18353

[1d20 = 14]
Whoops, almost forgot the Dog.
D> Rush
The Dog rushes (150') and climbs up just in front of Tay. Unless 20, Tay is stricken with fear and unable to move

>>18368
A brilliant strategy, except for the Dog's damage reduction. No effect.

>>18370
Cast remove fear when my turn
>if I understand correctly

>>18370
GM, if my size gives no advantage to attack rolls, does that mean that the first attack roll was a 2 +15 (first attack bonus)+ 3 (strength)+ 4 (charisma bonus) which failed while a 17 + 5 (third attack bonus)+ 3 succeeded, that means that a 24 attack roll failed but a 25 succeeded, meaning he has an AC of 25, right?

>>18371
im a 14th level cleric right? so i can cast a 7th level spell?

So after Troll moves, Tracy does her knife thing, Tay's move is negated, and after Kefka its Torcuil's turn.
>>18372
I want to hug you
>>18373
It gives strength, but diminishes dex, so null gain

>>18374
15th, and yes

>>18375
Does this mean that a 24 failed to hit and a 25 hit?

Oh, Tracy (still inside) takes crushing damage

>>18372
I love you little filly.

>>18376
and i can use arcane spells right?

>>18375
>the spell worked
Thats nice
Torc will cast Halo on Trump

But the second attack should have landed if the third one did since both were 25, unless the second one does not have the smite evil advantage

Okay, I'll shut up. One Attack landed. I just wanted to know Kefka's AC

>>18382
Yay!

>>18378
>>18371
>gets back
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(I didn't consider crushing damage)
Did she make it to the lung? Also, would having a bladder full of knives distract it at all?

[1d10+15 = 22]
>forgot to calculate for smite
No, you're right.

>>18384
Does this thing bleed at all?

>>18386
HNNNNNNNNNG

I did warn I would fug shit

>>18381
No, only divine
>>18382
Halo?

>>18389
I mostly just wanted to know what Kefka's AC was, but the first attack get's +4 smite evil, +15 Paladin first attack, +3 strength (size cancel's out, that's Trump's normal attack bonus), for the dice roll of 2 + 22 = 24, the second one was Dice of 8 + 10 +4 +3 because it was smite evil, for a total of 25. The third was not smite evil, so 17 plus 5 plus 3 or 25.

Would the first attack land as well?

[15d10 = 94]
[1d10+15 = 25]
>>18391
Fine, fine, but if you know them please designate attack modifiers in attack phrasing, I'm all over the fuggin' place and (as I said) am guaranteed to fug it up
Kefka's turn
>Cast Drain Life on Dog

>>18390
Automatic revive on 0 hp

>>18391
Its not super high, he hasn't had to REALLY fight in ages.
>>18395
e_e You're using non-canon NOW? Without a MEME? DENIED

>>18387
>>18392
it regens hella fast.

Torcuil attempts an ill advised maneuver, which fails.
Fae, then Infernius, then Norfilly

>>18396
>non canon
https://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Halo_(5e_Spell)
I believe it is pronounced
Fuck you?

>>18396
So....Did he just take a full hit from 2 smite evils and a third attack, and shook it off by taking life force from the dog? Fuck

>>18398
Fae please claw the furcker if you are there, and if not, fly closer

>>18392
TRACY KILL THE DOG! Kefka just shook off a full like 70 HP of damage by taking it from the dog

>>18397
Can it bleed though, if you stuck a sword directly into its artery and left it there, would blood continue to flow?
>>18399
It says homebrew right at the bottom.

>>18401
anatomically yes.

>>18402
That's all I need for step two.
*flips through various anatomy books*

>>18399
>5e
I'd have allowed it if you had mentioned it previous. (and will from here on, but c'mon, I'm a flurry of papers and references and shit right now!)
>>18400
Yes.
Fae closes and uses charging attack,

[1d20 = 3]
whoops

>>18401
Usually if you leave objects in the body they can help prevent bleeding, it is when you remove them the bleeding really starts.

Wait, its Tay's turn, not Fae's. That'll be soon.

>>18404
I'm a flurry of a laggy tablet because my computer hates me, I feel you bro.
>waits and plans

>>18404
Does that mean Bite and two claw attacks?
Bite +12 melee (2d6+4) and 2 claws +7 melee (2d4+2)

>>18408
I'll wait

>>18410
You need a feat to make a Full natural attack upon charging.
I think GM meant Pounce.

>>18410
No, that's a full-round. Charging attack (which would be required to make a successful attack) gets only one.
>>18409
You're after Kefka, so don't sweat it.

>>18411
That's the one

>>18411
Tracy, kefka just took about 2d10 + 15 + 15 + 10 + 10 + 19 damage, and gained it all back by draining it from the dog, with twice as much damage being done to the dog. It is weakened if only for one round. Please try to do more harm

Tay?

>>18412
K
>writing down shit in notepad furiously

Whoops! Oh well, get ready for shit
Tay's move

>>18415
FAnd of course no none knows you are there

[1d20 = 20]
>>18416
>>18408
I shoot kefka again
>sorry was making a sandwich

>>18415
Well, from inside the thing, you'll have to either cut your way out, or cut your way in. Your choice.

>>18421
I love you

[2d8 = 10]
>>18421
Its fine, I was just wondering.
OOOH! A glorious hit, upside the FACE

>>18378
>>18379
Would all the organs with smooth muscle tissue deal crushing damage?
>>18422
Is there anywhere to go without organ contraction? I was going for the lung next, although I didn't consider it completely collapsing its organs.

>>18423
I know.

>>18425
Wait, these are stupid questions...

K> Cast teleport
Kefka blinks to an elevation of about 500', ~above the 50 yard line
https://youtu.be/-O-9U_QKhgA
K> Oh my! You aren't like ANYTHING I've faced thus FAR! I THANK you for this opporTUNity! AHHAHAHAHA!
Kefka shifts form >pic related
K> VERY well then. Let us PLAY!
His head lolls to the side, like a madman

>>18427
The only thing you need to say is "attack, attack, attack"

Torcuil, Fae, Infernius, Norfilly in that order

>>18428
Should have shackled him...

Is fae big too?

>>18429
Is she still taking crushing damage though, every turn?

>>18434
>posting more non-canon, homebrew 5e spells
Look up 3.5e SRD

>>18431
>shackled
Heh, good luck
>Fae bigly
No, the spell was directed at Trump and they weren't in proximity
>>18433
Yes
>>18434
Noted

>>18433
Probably. Make the creature take damage

>>18434
I meant that I had the dimensional shackles on me when I attacked him and I could have shackled him to prevent him from teleporting

>>18435
In advance, I'll allow it

>>18435
>a faint "fuck you" is heard in tracy's ears
>>18438
Thx m8

>>18437
Kek, no. Its got damage reduction. I mentioned that. You need better than basic weapons to damage the Dog, even from inside

>>18436
Have fae come to my proximity. Within 5 feat to give her advantage of Death Ward and Protection from evil

>>18439
Oh, don't thank me yet,... e\\_/e

>>18440
She's got Cauchemar hooves!

Oh, it IS Torcuil's turn isn't it? I'm assuming the spell was cast at Kefka?

>>18445
You bet your ass

>>18425
I'm guessing that's a no for this...
She'd better get out...

>>18444
It's also immune to fire.

>>18441
I figured she had both already. You said EVERYONE
>>18444
The hooves are a different story,
>>18420
Ugh. It doesn't matter, he was able to make distance. You guys almost had him.
>>18447
You are correct.

>>18448
Do you know of anything that has 20 damage? The thing should have taken something like 140 damage when Kefka drained it, but that will refill very soon

>>18450
108, but yes. It gets 40hp/round

Had to make some food. Have I missed anything?

>>18450
How much damage has she taken? She can't just get crushed.
>>18452
Not really. The thing's virtually indestructible, even from the inside...

>>18452
Nope, you're good.
>>18446
Torcuil's magic chains (level 1 homebrew? PLEASE) dissipate upon contact.
K> HAHAHAHAHA! That was AMUSING!!!
Fae could have pounce attacked, except Kefka is no longer there. She can redirect if she likes.
After Fae its Infernius, followed by Norfilly.

>>18452
I shot kefka in the face

>>18452
I almost killed Kefka in one round, but he gained it all back. Tay Shot Kefka in the face Tracy succeeded in getting inside the beast, but she's not able to damage it.

Kefka is now too far away for any of us to harm

>>18454
I should have figured

>>18455
He's got a shield, but she did roll a 20.

>>18454
Fae goes right back charging at Kefka, if she's too small to be mounted

>>18460
Fae curves off and resumes pursuit of Kefka, who remains cackling in mid-air.
Infernius' turn (still on Uatchit, so he's got good mobility) followed by Norf(illy, calling u Norf)

>>18453
>>18454
>>18455
>>18456
So "we" need to take him out in one round or he becomes healed again...

GM, this is important so think carefully
What ethnicity is Kefka?

>>18462
Unless we kill the Tarrasque first, that is correct

>>18464
Super White. Like really white. Duh

Not labelled, but rough positions atm

>>18466
Like, albino status, yes
>>18463
So out of range,....
Norfilly, your turn

>>18468
Shit, not what I was hoping

Tracy iss annoyed at how all the knives she emptied out just sit inside the animal's organ without doing damage and is furious at getting crushed without progress
"Fuck this! I'm out." as she barks as phases right out of the beasts's body.

AAAAAAAANNND I g2g for about half an hour..
Assume she took cover (the whole field is covered in piss, so it shouldn't be able to smell her).

>>18468
So I removed the fear, and have a new turn...
Feel like I can't do too much damage at the moment, so.... Detect magic and look for treasure perhaps....

>>18470
Good choice. Using full move, you can get about 180' (in ethereal) from the beast, which is up to the other side of the field.

[1d20 = 8]
>>18471
Sorry, not a bad choice, except for the cirucmstances. The only 'treasure' detectable is in the party's hands.
Thez> TEN,... <whoof> KEN
Thez stances, and then ports to Kefka's position and strikes (maybe)

>>18471
reeeeeeeeeee! There's no treasure! And the Magic is above your head!

>>18469
Tourcil, make Fae Bigly so Trump can ride her to Kefka... Otherwise I have no idea how to close range

>>18469
TOURCIL, if Fae is Bigly, I know my next move

If GM will let me do it

Hmmm, I'm gonna have to calculate that one

[5d8 = 26]
It lands.

Shooting a good 200' away, Kefka is incapacitated (but not unconscious)
Trump/Dog move (same time)

>>18479
First, How close is Thez to Kefka?

>>18480
Actually shooting him works. Consider it the Castle Doctrine. You're in Florida right?

>>18473
Damn.... Is there anything I can do.. I suspect if I leave Torc I get mauled by the bad man.

After Trump/Dog is Troll, followed by Tracy, Tay, and then Kefka

>>18483
How close is Kefka to thez or to Trump?