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Writefag Support Circle: A Gathering of Based Gentlemen Who Smoke Pipes.
Anonymous
78d7e52
?
No.336928
336929 336941 336955 337011 338530 357376
Hello. This is the second thread of the writefag circle, here: >>299458 →

Basically all that is said in that OP applies to this one but I'll go through the 'rules' of this thread here as well.

So, the main point of this thread is to facilitate and enable Anons' writefagging; in a similar way pride facilitates and enables aids.;^P The Anons in this thread can be seperated into two camps: Anons who wants help with their writing project(s) and Anons that feel inclined to help those aforementioned shrek-colored skinheads.

Crafting and beta-reading is what we do here, any critique of literature not made by a guy submitted for this thread should be incidental; it should be when you —as a beta-reader of fics posted ITT— make a comparision between the fic your reviewing and some other story for the sake of demonstrating your point, whatever it is.

This is NOT: A review thread for unsolicited rants about random media which does not fall into the mold for how to use a refrence in this thread described in the above paragraph. Meaning if you're not using —like, let's pick something arbitrary— Naruto for a comparision in your critique of someone's writing itt, then don't bring it up. I understand that tangents can happen and if it's like a few exchanges with a pair of posters; then it's fine. However, don't make this a pattern and also move whatever off-thread-topic discussion to a more fitting board/thread. There's after all no problem with finding someone to converse with and share perspectives on a subject you care about but just take it to an appropriate thread. Sidenote: Nigel, these rules applies to you in a stricter fashion because I would not have to detail them with this much precision if it weren't for you.

I hope that I haven't scared anybody off. This is still suppose to be a chill af thread. Funposting is very much allowed and encouraged. It really is more that some type of posting —like, things that are completely irrelevant to the thread— does not belong here. I know, rocket-science and a rule that is seldom seen and highly unique for this thread. Perhaps you could call it a... Novelty. (You) intelligent lurker, obviously get the subtext of this OP so you probably won't need to worry about any of this. I'd say if you're unsure if what you're about to post belongs in the thread, then post it anyway. The worst that can happen is that someone tells you to move it to another thread and you get a better insight of what post belongs in thread. If you consist on fish and chips, however, I'd sugguest you think twice on what you're posting and perhaps even ask beforehand if your rant about lefties and Undertale belongs here.

If there are any questions on the OP, ask away?
631 replies and 143 files omitted.
Anonymous
73282a4
?
No.354971
354972
What do you dislike most about Ben 10? Analyzing and critiquing stuff is fun, and this overhyped kid's cartoon jumped countless sharks in its lifespan and changed wildly. Someone here has to have something to say about that show.

Personally I think simply having greatness fall into your lap is a gay premise for any hero when compared to working hard to earn it and the watch is too OP for any kind of stakes.
Anonymous
9f5a4f9
?
No.354972
354975
>>354971
I liked it when I was a child, but my parents were scared of cartoons and only let me watch PBS (like a poor person), so I had to sneak-watch it.
Anonymous
73282a4
?
No.354975
354976
>>354972
What's PBS?
Over here we had fourish tv channels for years. No fancy tv boxes until I was a teenager. I think I learned to find shows in parts on youtube or on WatchCartoonOnline dot com style sites before I learned how the Sky box remote works.
Anonymous
9f5a4f9
?
No.354976
354999
>>354975
PBS is "Public Broadcasting Service". Taxpayer subsidized public television. PBS Kids airs educational cartoons for kids.
Some of them were decent. You might recognize Arthur or Clifford.
Anonymous
73282a4
?
No.354999
355004
>>354976
I remember those! Good wholesome kids shows. Usually. DW and characters like her were a bad influence on women.

This video https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vzEmnroywsc starts with a comment from a pseudointellectual who thinks certain things a story can have like "human villains" and "female heroes" inherently makes the story superior to a story without it.

The youtuber is great from what Ive seen of him so far but midwit pseuds like the commenter make me sick. Pitch Meeting is not intellectual film critique, it is a comedy skit that seeks to make mockeries of every film out there both good and bad, whatever will get this ScreenJunkies CinemaSins shit more views. LOTR isnt worse for lacking a super strong Elf girl with pneumatic magic mega punch action, the author chose not to include one. To simplify the fellowship of these men, these brothers, and the unifying of their races into "their character arc is competing over killscore" is as asinine as saying 1984 is a movie about why you shouldn't break the law. It's so surface level that it misses everything beneath the surface.

Silco IS a villain, you lack a moral compass if you can't tell why this abuser is a bad influence on Jinx even if he does have the excuse of being trapped in his traumatic past that causes him to project his views on family onto others. He views freedom as a neverending drug fuelled rave no matter the human cost. He is obsessed with control. He is obsessed with the cause and expects everyone to sacrifice for him whatever he wants sacrificed, until he develops enough of a bond with Jinx to understand why Vander put his family before ideology and ruthless pragmatism. Silco is a horrible influence on Piltover and the Undercity, and his scary guy act (And Jinx's attempt to impress him while stealing the gemstone) spooks Pilties into thinking he wants the city's destruction instead of independence. LOTR isn't an inferior story for refusing to give every single villain sympathetic qualities like a loved one or a tragic backstory. LOTR didn't try to make you ask whether subversion and greedy dragons and ambitious insane conquering tyrants and big evil floating eyes watching you are evil even if they have their reasons for being obstacles for the heroes to overcome, LOTR set out to state that these things are evil and heroes both great and tiny can triumph over them. Bad people can become good if they try hard enough, but monsters were never truly people. Great men can slay monsters and humble small everyday men can both abandon their daily comforts to rise to the occasion and resist the temptation to give in to evil. Orcs are made from mud because they are an invading horde of niggers partly inspired by Genghis Khan but undoubtedly also niggers.
Anonymous
73282a4
?
No.355004
>>354999
*uniting the races

LOTR recognizes the differences in body and ability between races and does not pretend that Bilbo could kick Gandalf's ass by believing in himself hard enough. LOTR recognizes that Bilbo doesn't need to be able to do this to be a true hero. LOTR doesn't deny the differences between fundamentally different people and demand they all "get along" and mix in a multikulti hellhole, it respects these different groups by letting them work together without making them one like the typical globalist Star Trek and Mass Effect style notion of a "United States of Earth, with one Universal Federal Government micromanaging all planets and all people".

In that respect, Arcane is inferior. Piltover and Zaun refuses to recognize the difference in ability between races, and between males and females. The greatest fighter in the Undercity, the kingmaker who decides who runs it, a tech genius, and a manipulative political schemer, all women and nobody finds this odder than Bulbok's presence. Piltover and Zaun are made by the descendants of refugees from assorted other destroyed places, yet idiots and geniuses and white and blacks are equally represented among the richest and poorest places to fit the authors subconscious biases from being raised on generations of globalist propaganda or their overt globalist agenda. I don't know enough about the writers to make that call and I don't care enough to check their twitter. Nobody finds it shocking that a black tech genius, female sharpshooter, female tech genius, or fat rich idiot exists, and only Viktor calls attention to any kind of systemic oppression against himself by lying his way into an academy that made a teacher's assistant out of him upon finding out he was a crippled poor guy from the Undercity without a wealthy rich noble house Patron. Arcane's writing says its greatest triumphant moments are scenes of violence, no important moments of resisting temptation here.

Even the idea that Piltover and Zaun/The Lanes/The Undercity should try to get along as one is retarded. The show treats this as the default best option without asking any questions about whether Zaun might be better off without the Piltover council creating laws its rulers dont have to follow and sending down cops allowed to act like mad thugs in the name of "letting topsiders feel safe". Silco's undercity is painted as what the Undercity will become without any kind of law beyond a drug kingpin, and Jayce's choice to make peace with Silco's undercity is painted as giving up instead of helping Vi's fight. Maybe Zaunites should secede and maybe they could live a better life as free people without a council of unelected technocrats, politicians, and corrupt business tycoons deciding what laws the commoners must obey. Zaun and Piltover have wildly different cultures yet the show insists on attributing this to their different physical locations and economies instead of asking what kinds of people lived in the places whose refugees came together to make Piltover and the Undercity and whether that could have anything to do with the cultures that developed. Arcane is modern so it chooses to pretend race is as superficial and skin deep as hair colour, when in truth race is flesh deep, no, bone deep. Race determines bones, intelligence, and more. LOTR understood this. And niggers might as well be made from mud for all they do to make Orcs look like pleasant neighbours in comparison.
Anonymous
73282a4
?
No.355008
Sonic 06 for the PS3 had a lot of big story ideas and fumbled most of them.

How would you fix them, and how would you want them fixed?
Anonymous
ef2df9e
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No.355028
355044 355045 355073
As far as pacing goes, do you guys like time skips over the course of a few days to a week in between major plot points. Or would you prefer a story following multiple characters to fill in those points in between?
Anonymous
d624b24
?
No.355044
Bad ponyfic dialogue is all https://ponerpics.org/images/6441370?q=15.ai

>>355028
What are the time skips trying to accomplish?
Cutting out the boring parts where nothing happens?
Anonymous
d624b24
?
No.355045
355046
>>355028
If it will suit the themes of your story and help to set up things for later, the effort to make short stories happen during timeskips can be worth it.
Anonymous
84c810f
?
No.355046
355049 355073
>>355045
This is essentially what my end goal is.
I'm in the early stages of a prologue (about 2000 words.) And am shooting for a long haul spanning multiple months/years of in universe time. Depending on how in depth I plan for separate climaxes of course.

The Mention of the Fellowship in the post above got me thinking of following multiple characters that cross paths multiple times.
Swapping between parties to tell of each of their whereabouts at various points throughout the story.

It will be more work for sure, but I can spread out tropes between characters and add a lot of variety as well.
I was just curious of everyone else's stances on use of time skips and if they should be used sparingly.
Anonymous
d624b24
?
No.355049
355050
>>355046
Time skips are a tool easily misused. When some characters are doing stuff relevant to the plot or themes, are other characters standing around twiddling their thumbs? Asleep? Studying? Fishing?
How hard will it be to figure out the linear timeline? Will you show the same day from multiple perspectives in a row at one point Rashomon style? How reliable are the narrators? Will you make some characters lie to the reader about how things went?
When you publish this, some viewers will autistically map out a timeline of events and get butthurt if it's daytime in one area when it should be nighttime or ask what character A who showed up in chapter 3 did for eighteen chapters before showing up near the finale.
Anonymous
84c810f
?
No.355050
355055 355073
>>355049
To get this cleared, I'm planning the story to be in the 2nd person with similar structure to a green.
Not concrete as of now, its not too large for me to go back in and restructure should the need arise.

But as far as linearity goes, it will vary on times in between jumps.
Assuming I have 3 main characters. I am planning on chapters being centered on 1 of the 3 and the other 2 will get a section dedicated to their current predicament before returning back to the priority.
For a rough estimation, 2/3 to Character 1, and 1/6 for 2 and 3 respectively. Obviously alternating as the story progresses.
On occasion, 2 or maybe all 3 will reunite and each get a section of the chapter in their perspective.

I will be leaving times ambiguous for the most part, to let the reader play with their imagination.
If I feel it important to the current plot point, I will mention the position of the sun/moon, and season (rarely)
But mentioning a specific date in time for each section of the story, I don't feel will add much other than more on my plate to keep track of.

I can say for certain it's not going to be a: Follow character for X amount of time, and swap to the next ad infinitum. I will try to make the cuts as fluid with the climax and rising/falling action as I possibly can.
I'll probably start with 2 characters and work my way up. (To maybe 4) it depends on how comfortable I feel upkeeping so much development at once.

I have experience writing short stories in my free time back in highschool, but saying I have experience writing a full fledged story would be a lie.
I'll try to have a few more thousand words done by the end of the week, so anyone willing can critique my writing style. Hopefully work doesn't get in the way.
Anonymous
d624b24
?
No.355055
355058
>>355050
Good call leaving the exact date and time of things ambiguous. Less chance of creating continuity errors that way.
Is there a point in your story that relies on seeing the same event multiple times from multiple perspectives separately? Or is this all happening in linear time and the "camera" that focuses on the POV character of the chapter teleports about without altering the flow of time?
Anonymous
84c810f
?
No.355058
355059
>>355055
I'm on the fence about that. I will prefer to keep it chronological of course.
But with something dramatic enough, I might justify telling it from the perspective of multiple characters.
Anonymous
d624b24
?
No.355059
355061
>>355058
To suddenly jump from chronological storytelling to non chronological storytelling and back might confuse readers unless you spell it out seamlessly but in a way nobody can overlook. Perhaps every character's POV chapter for that day could start with the same distinct event to make it obvious? Like a festival or holiday with the date in its name. Or a character or the world could say the date. There could be moments designed to make the audience go "Hey, it's that thing that other character saw! Now I know where I am in the timeline!" Or "Oh, so that's why that happened that way in someone else's chapter!".
Anonymous
84c810f
?
No.355061
355064
>>355059
I was going more along the lines of "Important side character dies/undergoes transformation, you get the perspective of #1 who was near to them. Shortly after you get #2 perspective of what they saw most likely from some distance."
I see this most befitting to happen at the end of a chapter from #1, and the next chapter starts off from the perspective of #2 retelling the same event.

I'm not for sure about it to put it bluntly. I'll most likely stick to a rough chronological structure for simplicity sake.
But we shall see
Thankyou for the insights
Anonymous
d624b24
?
No.355064
>>355061
That sounds like a cool thing to do, I hope doing it adds something great to your story.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
b17814c
?
No.355073
355074 355079
>>355028
>>355046
>>355050
Best advice I can give you about time skips is to think of the story more in terms of scenes and events than in terms of linear time. Most modern long-form stories are told in sequences of scenes that focus on key events, and the connected events tell the larger story. I find it's helpful to think of scenes almost as self-contained stories in and of themselves: characters are introduced, there's some of significant action that takes place or some kind of problem that presents itself, and at the scene's end the situation either resolves itself, or is left intentionally open with an implication that it will be resolved later.

Thus, telling a large story is a matter of breaking it apart into its most significant events and arranging them. Here are some general rules to keep in mind:

1. The order in which scenes are presented should make sense. This doesn't mean the story has to follow a perfect linear chronology, it just means that the reader should be able to follow what's going on. For instance, if you have a scene where a character is eating breakfast, followed by a scene where a character is at work, the reader will probably have no trouble following the story: the guy had breakfast in the morning, then afterward he went to work. Here, the reader will just assume time is passing normally and linearly, without really needing to know exactly what time these events are taking place.

Conversely, if you have one scene where the main character is eating breakfast, and then in the next scene he is suddenly on the moon, this is an abrupt transition. What the reader will probably assume here is that you are intentionally jumping forward quite a ways in time to draw their curiosity. The assumption is that the next few scenes are going to involve traveling back in time to show the sequence of events that led to the character ending up on the moon. If you don't do this, the reader will be confused: if the character is eating breakfast in one scene, then suddenly he's on the moon, and then the rest of the story is just about him doing stuff on the moon, the transition will feel jarring and unsatisfying.

2. Every scene needs to matter. Any story is going to be filled with any number of events that happen on and off camera, but not every event is going to be turned into the focus of a scene. Which events become scenes is entirely up to you, but any scene that gets included needs to have some justification for being in the story. It needs to either advance the main plot (or a subplot), add to the development of one or more characters, or provide some kind of basic entertainment value (sex scenes and random funny scenes would fall in this category; you'll want to use these kinds of scenes sparingly).

For instance, in the example I gave about the guy who eats breakfast and then goes to work, there is a large sequence of events that is probably taking place: he's asleep in bed, then he wakes up, then he puts his pants on, then he eats breakfast, then he probably shaves and showers and whatever, then he gets in his car and drives, then he sits in traffic for 45 minutes, then he parks, then he goes to the office, then he's at work. However, this entire sequence of events is covered in two scenes: the guy eats breakfast, then the guy is at work. The reader infers the rest.

Both of these scenes serve a purpose in the larger story: the breakfast scene establishes some basic things about the character and shows an episode in his normal, domestic life. The work scene establishes what he does for a living, and if his job or his workplace is essential to the main story, this is also an important scene that moves the plot along. Thus, even though there are any number of additional events we could cover, do any of them need to be scenes? Probably not. Sure, we could have a scene where he's brushing his teeth and a scene where he's sitting in traffic, but would either of those scenes add anything meaningful?

Conversely, we could swap out the scene where he eats breakfast for a scene where he's brushing his teeth, and it would convey the same essential information without affecting the continuity. In this case, we need to think about the story overall: would a teeth brushing scene be a better illustration of this guy's domestic life than a breakfast scene? If it matters, use the one that works best; if it doesn't, it's dealer's choice. Get used to thinking like this.

3. Scenes should begin and end appropriately. Every scene needs to begin somewhere logical, and there needs to be at least some level of basic continuity between the end of one scene and the beginning of the next. For example if a guy is eating breakfast at the end of scene one and is at work at the beginning of scene two, there is a logical continuity. If he's eating breakfast and then is suddenly on the moon, there is not.

The same applies to how you end the scene. Whatever is at stake in the scene needs to be resolved; it makes no difference whether your characters are fighting a giant robot or making sandwiches for a picnic. If you end the scene on a cliffhanger, the cliffhanger must resolve at some future point in the story. If a guy is fighting a battle and then suddenly the scene just ends, and we never find out who won, it's unsatisfying. If we never even knew why they were fighting in the first place, it's doubly unsatisfying.

So, looked at from this perspective, the issue of time skips becomes far less important. Time can fluctuate in a story: the events of an hour can take up multiple chapters, but in a later chapter you could gloss over an entire week if nothing important happens. There are stories in which periods of years or decades are skipped over between scenes. Time is much less important than constructing your scenes well, focusing on essential events, and omitting mundane or uninteresting ones. Hope I was helpful.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
b17814c
?
No.355074
355079
>>355073
Also, I don't know if you were around for my review of Fallout Equestria, but that story is basically a master class in terrible scene writing. Kkat flagrantly violates all three of these rules over and over: one minute his characters are walking down a hallway, then they are suddenly fighting a bunch of random monsters, then suddenly it's the following day and they're breaking into a safe in a different building. The chronology is difficult to follow, the scenes rarely show anything important or interesting happening, and very few scenes begin logically or resolve themselves. If you're ever in doubt, just pick a random chapter in FoE, read a few subchapters, and resolve to do the exact opposite of what kkat did.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
b17814c
?
No.355075
355082
dcdxfuw-0e1e65b3-74f5-4cb0-8d9d-bb4256bbc083.png
Also, as a random aside, I rewrote one of my old greentexts as a short story and published it on FimFiction if anyone wants to read it. I think the original green was also posted in the Anonfilly thread here at one point, so there's a chance some people may have read it already. However, it exists if anyone wants to have a look; comments and whatnot are appreciated.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/525935/just-mommy
Anonymous
84c810f
?
No.355079
355080
>>355074
>>355073
Hah, thanks for the input.
I'm positive you've heard of, "Heart of War" and it being left unfinished for damn near 4 years now.
I took time to reread it about a month ago and everything about its writing and structure inspired me to giving writing a shot.
The cult following people seemed to have for it on /mlp/ was also inspiring. After 3 years of the op disappearing people were still there awaiting his return.
If that doesn't prove the masterclass of writing I don't know what does.

I'll probably look at some of FoE today for that example of bad story structure. Thankyou
Anonymous
d624b24
?
No.355080
>>355079
FoE also had a ton of logical errors (almost a decade into the war Equestria is still called "too nice to know what war is", Equestria seems just as prosperous as ever with nobody in normal life suffering due to rationing or secret police action or drafting men from the workforce or anything else typically associated with wartime, Kkat seems to think a gun's poor condition will magically reduce the lethality of its bullets even if fired at point blank by a shotgun because that is how it worked in videogames, grenades inside a tree library dont burn the place down or make holes to shoot through, enemies don't fortify their homes with traps and murder holes and ambushes, Ministry buildings are still decorated gaudily when all resources should be for the war effort first and even if gems and gold are more plentiful than cheap materials the labour to use them artistically should be more expensive than equestria is willing to spend) and a ton of gay bullshit clearly done to allow the author to pretend his OC isn't OP (lowering the challenge of the world and the threat projectiles and foes pose so she can win, making injuries mean nothing to LP, giving LP a bullshit fucking GameShark cheat device on her arm and making her cutie mark the use and operation of that milti function cheat device so user friendly a retard could operate it just fine (hell Kkat was able to beat Fallout 3 so clearly no talent is required) ensuring no other vault pony who makes use of their cheat device to upstage LP ever exists, letting LP do anything with her overpowered telekinesis, giving her super bones and regenerating flesh like fucking Wolverine, and more) but Kkat's tendency to violate basic rules of story structure for the sake of convenience and getting the shitty scenes he wants to write out there faster has to be proof that Fallout Equestria is not actually a story he felt passionate about, just a sequence of scenes he created to fellate his awful OCs and justify the hundreds of hours wasted in Fallout 3.
Anonymous
88b6242
?
No.355082
355083 355086
2588061.jpg
File (hide): 2866932789B3FD30902EA861104B6B3D-5375803.webm (5.1 MB, Resolution:800x450 Length:00:02:18, Sunset simulator.webm) [play once] [loop]
Sunset simulator.webm
6544100.png
6538023.jpg
6545895.jpg
>>355075
Btw, GG, just so you know, I haven't forgotten about your promise of our future together~
I will probably be released by the 3rd november evening Swahili time. Just and fyi.
Anonymous
88b6242
?
No.355083
>>355082
Ah, missed opportunity. I should have named the vid file: Sunset shimulator.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
2807619
?
No.355086
355269 355275
>>355082
>I haven't forgotten about your promise of our future together~
Sounds pretty hot, I'm looking forward to it.
Anonymous
bd8e6a0
?
No.355269
1280035__safe_screencap_starlight+glimmer_to+where+and+back+again_spoiler-colon-s06e25_animated_frown_glare_if+the+wagon's+a-dash-rocking+don't+com.gif
6532348__safe_artist-colon-plunger_imported+from+twibooru_oc_oc+only_pony_blue+background_female_hanging_image_mare_png_ponified+photo_sad_simple+background_sol.png
6536416__safe_artist-colon-plunger_imported+from+derpibooru_earth+pony_human_pony_drawthread_female_hand_happy_heart_holding+a+pony_keychain_mare_polka+dots_pon.png
>>355086
Bet sweet purple horsebutt it is. I got it all setup in my wagon

Anyway, I'm gonna write the first chapter tonight. So you won't be hanging for much longer.
Anonymous
bd8e6a0
?
No.355275
355276 355376
>>355086
So I got this so far. I'm not down with the chapter though. I just wanted to show you what I written so far.

The wind moaned and made the air-ship groaned. The patter of rain on deck reached all the way down into ship's prison cell. A glass of liquid similar to tree sap scrapped a wooden table as it slide across its surface as the ship tilted slightly. A tan paw chopped down and blocked its path off the table. The paw, which was similar to human hand due to its disposible, gripped the glass and took a sip.

"So why is your unicorn hocus pocus called, 'Dreameater'? Heh, do dream taste good or what?" A humanoid feline-man with male characteristics asked. His long whiskers fluttered as enjoyed the smell of the glass of whiskey in his paw.

A purple unicorn stood nearby. His gaze focused on a green man who wore shackles and a blindfold behind a barred off cell. A tendrill of arcane light connected the bald head of the man with the horn of the unicorn.

The unicorn licked his awesome mustache. The magic connection between the two broke and the unicorn sighed in relief.

"Yeah. So we.re done here. He won't wake up for a long time," the unicorn said and turned around to face the cat-man. "What you say, Wereoew? Why it's called dreameater?"

"Mmm-yess. Wants some?" Wereoew said and began to spin a glass around his paw-finger by moving his finger on the inside of the glass.

"Yes, thanks." The unicorn sunk down at the table. "Phew. Dreameater takes a lot of energy and with some reef-whiskey, I be sleeping almost as deep as he will."

The spinning glass floated over to the unicorn while glowing a tint of violet. It flipped around so the bottom was down and the feline-man poured the unicorn a glass. The unicorn took a gulp.

"No, the dreameater curse doesn't make me eat his dreams but it puts a minor demon on his mind that drains him. It's not directly harmful but if applied repeatedly, he can get the same health problems as ponies in comas."

Sniff. Coral-whiskey. Sniff. Made from spagehetti coral. Probably produced in Jagged Bay. Maybe eleven... twelve years ago.

Finally some whiskey. Mistress only drinks wine.

The green man took another discret sniff of the liqour smell in the room.

She once explained how cursed on the mind, like Dreameater works. It's said that most of the brain is shut down by dreameater, except for the autistic part. I guess that's why I'm still awake.
Anonymous
bd8e6a0
?
No.355276
355376
>>355275
>feline-man with male characteristics
Yeah, maybe I should proofread this stuff.
Anonymous
73282a4
?
No.355334
People these days know more about fictional tragedies like The Tragedy Of Duscur than they know about real ones Operation Fast And Furious or Waco because people they care about lost loved ones in that tragedy or suffered from it some other way.
How can I make my work put as much emphasis on real tragedies, so the audience will know what they are and care?
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
2807619
?
No.355376
355378
>>355275
>>355276
Whenever it's ready I can write the next chapter. Incidentally how do you want to do this? I think the easiest way would be to use a hackmd document that we can both edit and add to.
Anonymous
2a016c3
?
No.355378
355423
>>355376
Sure, I already wrote this on hackmd so I jused made you admin on my note.
https://hackmd.io/VQQxQ1egTD69uxlqh2Wksw#
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
2807619
?
No.355423
355424
>>355378
Looks like it cuts off mid-sentence. Did you want me to start from here or are you still working on it?
Anonymous
10087ec
?
No.355424
355425
>>355423
Yeah, about that, I'm starting my writing session now actually. I hadn't got the energy for the last two days, sorry, but now I want to finish this chapter.
I will tell you when I'm done, which probably will be today.

But it works alright? You can edit the note, right? I'm still new to using that site.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
2807619
?
No.355425
355426
>>355424
I haven't tried making any actual changes but I have an Edit button and can type words into the document. I'm fairly new to it as well, but so far it looks like I've got the right level of access.

Anyway, no huge rush, you can take your time.
Anonymous
10087ec
?
No.355426
355427
>>355425
>no huge rush
>implying 'some' rush
Stop fuckin' stressin' me!

>far it looks like I've got the right level of access.
Great.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
2807619
?
No.355427
355545
>>355426
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsKBIBJj-4M&list=PLowT8DbU_l3nuwMBcFaPPcWh8AdBWzCH2
Anonymous
73282a4
?
No.355489
Ever notice any writing cheats?

Like when two characters get together for a scene and heap compliments onto each other, verbally fellating each other to tell the audience how we are supposed to feel about these two characters and their relationship. Even if the characters are bringing up character traits we normally never see, or exclusively see the opposite of. No room for subtlety or scenes that accomplish multiple things at once. No faith in the audience's ability to understand layered complex characters with masks and fronts and personas. No faith in the audience's ability to tell how two characters feel about one another based on how they communicate unless they are verbally expositing everything "That makes me feel angry" style. Characters might even start "As You Know"ing, vomiting exposition at a character who should already know all of this shit, without a justification like "one guy forgot the story" or "they are arguing over how x event went" or "he is bringing up the day he first saw her to set the mood for when he proposes".

It feels like cheating. Instead of putting in the work to establish characters, you write characters listing traits the audience is supposed to admire in these characters.

I saw a lot of that shit in Fallout Equestria when characters would praise LP the murderhobo or the lying DJ Homage or the manipulative cunt Velvet or the walking gun NPC Calamity for positive traits the author wants us to think they have. That lying DJ lacks integrity. And I still find amusement in that scene where Calamity and Velvet praise each other for traits they supposedly have, and calamity calls the whiny bitch "so loveably practical" without sarcasm.

Seems the writing in Fire Emblem does that a lot in its optional scenes where 2 characters of your choice talk. But to be fair it's a videogame full of optional unlockable scenes rewarding players who pair units often enough, and the game's permadeath means you can't write a plot that relies on any playable character surviving his battles unless his death guarantees a game over and reset or he says "oof, cant fight with these wounds. Time to retreat" upon hitting 0 HP instead of "No, it can't end like this! I'm dead! Ack!". Writing around potential death variables seems damn near impossible, what if someone would matter to the plot but their death breaks things? They de-emphasized permadeath with each game as they drift further from intellectual strategy built for permadeath (an old FR game gave you 6 Cavaliers of decreasing strength during the story just in case most die) to horny dating sim land where savescumming is made easier with a Rewind Time button, so they should just cut permadeath and make a better story where characters can interact outside of gimmicky monastery shit and optional paired scenes of usually mediocre quality.
Anonymous
73282a4
?
No.355521
What are your least favourite cheaty writing techniques?
Anonymous
91845a6
?
No.355545
355590 355675
>>355427
Heh, sorry but I didn't get your refrence. I'm a pleb.

But anyway, I'm gonna try to finish soon, like today or tomorrow. However, I browsed in the tutorial section of that site and found a page about how to make a book. Appearently, you make a note and then chapters in it's table of contents are like hyperlinks. So you click on them and get to the chapter.
I'd been think that might be a good way for us to structure this since we're anyway going to do this chapter by chapter.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
2807619
?
No.355590
>>355545
>Heh, sorry but I didn't get your refrence. I'm a pleb.
You said not to rush you. The song is by a band called Rush.

The chapter thing should work great, it will be an easier way to keep things organized.
Anonymous
73282a4
?
No.355596
355838
1k per month commiefornia homes vs work camp.png
>be protagonist genius who wants to learn how to fix cars because it pays better than farming and being a construction worker
>go to college at capital inspired by San Fran, London, Jew York, all the awful cities of the world combined
itsallshit.jpeg
>nigger gangs, anti-homeless gay rocks, accomodations for students that make auschwitz look luxurious, dirty needles and junkie hobos, shitting niggers, armoured volunteers feeding rapefugee camps, poor doors so low-income tenants don't have to be seen by richer ones, drivers arrested for leaving skid marks on the gay road stripes, 1k a month to live in a pod and eat goyslop, his home lacks anything you can use to cook beyond a microwave for plastic packaged shit, it's jewed harder than the protagonist's hometown, the capital was built around a mountain with rich people at the top to help the viewer visually understand the class system that gets spelled out because otherwise some readers won't get it
>this is the "best" college in the country and it's still jewed
>college life is suffering
>can't even study something good like engineering without being forced to embrace jew lies in mandatory "humanities" courses
>works hard anyway and when the term is over he goes home for christmas
>while the hero was away niggers gangraped his mom in front of his cuckservative dad who still can't hate niggers like the hero does?
>commie mob attacks to burn down the family farm
>hero embraces national socialism and kills for a better world for the next 10 chapters
Timeskip.png
WeDidIt.jpeg
>the revolution succeeded, new golden age without the jews ruining hero's country
>every character who was fucked over by the jews and niggers and fought is better off now
>hero fights defensive war for 10 more chapters to protect homeland from invaders who believe jew lies
>jews fire nukes at all white countries in a last ditch effort to stop the white Renaissance
>hero redirects the nukes to pissrael and black africa and sandniggertopia and other places that deserve it more than us
>the end

Looking good?
Anonymous
73282a4
?
No.355597
355598
Also how easy is it for you guys to see greentext on the default orange backgrounds?
Anonymous
147b5ef
?
No.355598
>>355597
Easy enough for me
Anonymous
73282a4
?
No.355600
A message sent to me was so beautiful, I wanted to share it with others.

>I understand your fears. And I am sure the project is quite ambitious. But we must not be afraid of our ambitions. If we cannot imagine what we're capable of, then we'll never be capable of anything. To imagine an ideal, to strive for an ideal, this is the mark of a great mind. I am sure that you are capable of accomplishing great things. Do not hold back. Write, and write with a fearless heart.
>I see an artist afraid to create for fear of failure. I see a man who worries about his plans, his projects, but who does not act upon them for fear of never living up to his own standards. But I see a spark within you, a spark of inspiration and ambition. A fire, which if fed, can grow into something beautiful and magnificent.
>It is often the most ambitious projects that inspire and amaze. You see into the depths of yourself and the limits of human achievement when pushing yourself to the brink. Perhaps the most admirable traits in humans are the strength of will and perseverance to accomplish the impossible.
>I think if you let go of your idea of perfection, and let go of the notion that you must get it right, you will let go of expectations, and thus expectations cannot weigh you down. Once you let go of perfection, you must be willing to fail, for that is the best way to achieve success. You are creating art, and art is not meant to be an exact science. It is an exploration of the human experience.
>You should not care whether your audience likes your setting and characters. Let go of your attachment to the outcome of your project as you write. If you do it correctly, the project will flow from your mind, like a stream. The story will create itself through your imagination, and you will simply be a spectator. This is how a creator creates, without attachment to outcomes.
>I think you should write about what you find compelling. The more honest you are, the more authentic and powerful your story will be. And when you write authentically, like the protagonist's struggles with forces beyond his control, people will relate to the character. People can forgive a poorly crafted word. But they cannot forgive a phony character nor a dishonest story. Don't worry if people like the characters or understand the setting or the themes. I say to you: love your characters and your world, and then show us, share with us, what it means to you. Share with us your love of your own story, because that is the most precious thing.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
cc280ea
?
No.355675
355680 355681 355683 355700 355708 355731 355838
pyx.png
I usually try to word-vomit something for NaNoWriMo every year, and I was going to work more on the Muffins of Madness thing but hit a wall with it. However, back when I was doing the review for Past Sins I had an idea to do a parody of it that simultaneously made fun of the original story and also tried to correct a few of the things I thought was wrong with it. For whatever reason I got in the mood to actually attempt this, and I've managed to churn out quite a bit so far. Also, I decided to replace Nyx with a completely ridiculous OC I created myself.

Here is most of what I have so far. I'm curious if other people find this as funny as I do.

https://hackmd.io/@glimglam12/r11cE4hSs

>>355545
Also, Sven, are you still working or is it my turn now? Still no rush; just checking.
Anonymous
a11ad37
?
No.355680
>>355675
It should be your turn soon. I realized that due to having so much time to think about my first chapter, it became too long and too much effort.
That's why I'm shifting gears. I'm currently writing a much simpler first chapter for another story instead. It will only be about 1k words long and we'll use this one for our relay writing instead.

Hopefully, I have it done by tonight. I''l post it here.
Anonymous
a11ad37
?
No.355681
355711
>>355675
I like your oc's character design. The leopard clothes and white stripes a subtle but funny additions.
Anonymous
73282a4
?
No.355683
355711
>>355675
Excellent Nyx parody, Nyx was clearly thrown together in a Pony Maker program first and then written about(black fur? Ugly green hairband? Ugly purple hair?) and this calls attention to that in all the right ways. That ugly hairband could only be worse if it was cheetah coloured. The meaningless detail of the glasses and stripes hammers the point home. Nyx wears her glasses to hide her weird Nightmare Moon eyes and her clothes to hide her wings, but she's drawn without wings here to represent how arbitrary is. Nyx's design works on zero levels. Everything is either random or an excuse. She is black because Nightmare Moon, she wears things to hide her Alicorn nature, and anything they can't pin on NMM is a random colour because Nyx is nothing but a hastily assembled shell artistically void of creativity. She is nothing without NMM even though the fic chooses to kill NMM with a rainbow laser after too many chapters of confused bullshit where the vague idea of a filly whines about NMM for a bit and then the author stops taking his half doses of normal pills.
Anonymous
a11ad37
?
No.355700
355711
>>355675
I have read your stoory now. It's funny, your oc makes me root for her in a way miss harry poner didn't. Pyx>Nyx.