>>357658Chapter 10:
After the assembly, everyone had to go to the cafeteria to be sorted into their houses, because it had been like three weeks already and they hadn't done that yet.
"Hey there, Twilight
Dorkle," came a familiar voice.
Twilight turned around to see the blond-maned unicorn, Draco Malfoy, standing there with his flunkies on either side of him.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"What house are you trying to get in, Dorkle? You'd better not be thinking of getting into Slytherin. That's the best house, all the best wizards go there, they don't allow
nerds to join!"
His flunkies laughed. Twilight made an annoyed grunt.
"I don't really care which house I get into, honestly," she said. "I'm only at this school because I'm investigating the murders that have been going on."
"Oh yeah, I heard about that," said Draco. "I'll bet whoever is doing those murders is a total nerd. He probably couldn't even get into Hufflepuff. That's probably the house you're gonna end up in, Dorkle!"
His flunkies laughed. Twilight grunted again.
"Look, I don't really care which house I end up in, but if you see anything suspicious, I'd appreciate it if you'd please tell me. Whoever is doing the murders seems to be targeting males. You could be on his hit list for all you know."
Draco scoffed.
"There's no way some nerd is going to murder me," he said. "If some nerd tried to murder me, I'd just suck his dick in front of everyone. Then everyone at school would know that he was totally gay. Anyway, talk to you later, Twilight
Dorkle. And don't even think about trying to get into House Slytherin, they don't let
nerds in!"
He walked off, his laughing flunkies trailing behind him.
After that, the students were all lined up for the sorting ceremony. One by one, they were led to the front of the room, where Professor Dingledong would place the sorting hat on their head.
Soon it was Twilight's turn. The hat, which could talk for some reason, began mumbling to itself like an autist.
"Hmm, what have we here?" said the hat. "Yes, I sense great power in you, great power! You could grow to be a famous wizard some day. So, what house would be best for a promising student like you. Perhaps...yes...House Slytherin might do..."
"Um, if it's just the same to you, Mr. Hat, I really don't want to be in House Slytherin," said Twilight.
"Hmm?" said the hat. "Not Slytherin eh? But in Slytherin you could be great...possibly even the most powerful wizard who has ever lived..."
"Uh, well, the thing is sir, I actually don't give a rat's ass about any of this," said Twilight. "I'm just here on assignment. Plus, that Malfoy guy keeps talking about House Slytherin, and I'd really just as soon not get mixed up in whatever his deal is."
"Hmmmmm...interesting...." said the hat. "Well, if that's the case...I will place you in........Gryffindor!"
And the Gryffindor ponies cheered.
Chapter 11:
After the sorting ceremony, they had a big celebration with punch and pie. Twilight was standing in the corner, eating punch and pie, and looking around at the students, trying to figure out who the murderer was. So far she wasn't having much luck with this murder case.
"I'm really not having much luck with this murder case," she said to herself. She turned around to fill her punch cup, when she heard a familiar voice behind her.
"So, you made it into Gryffindor, eh Dorkle?"
Twilight sighed heavily, and turned to face Draco Malfoy and his flunkies.
"I don't really care that much, but yes; that stupid talking hat decided to put me in Gryffindor, so that's where I am I guess."
"I knew you'd end up in Gryffindor, Dorkle," said Draco. "All the losers get sorted into Gryffindor. I got into Slytherin. That's where all the
real wizards are."
"Good for you," said Twilight mirthlessly.
Draco Malfoy reached out with his hoof and slapped at the cup of punch she'd just filled. It spilled all over the floor.
"Oops!" he said. His flunkies laughed.
"What the fuck is your problem anyway?" Twilight demanded. She used her horn to levitate herself another cup of punch, because she was a unicorn and could do that. Actually, I think they're all unicorns. It's getting hard to keep track of this shit. Anyway whatever; she got herself some more punch.
"My problem is dorks like you, dorking up the school with dorkery," said Draco. "This school is full of dorks now; it's like they just let any dork enroll here."
"They literally
do let any dork enroll," Twilight pointed out. "All you have to do is pay the fifty bucks for tuition. My roommate Harry Pothead made the Dean's List already, and he hasn't done anything except smoke pot and listen to Pink Floyd records since he got here."
"Back in my grandfather's time, they had standards," scoffed Draco. "They only let pureblood wizards join the academy. Now they just take any muggle that applies. There's muggles all over this school now. My father would be rolling in his grave if he were dead!"
"What the fuck is a muggle?"
"My father owns this school, did you know that, Dorkle?" continued Malfoy as if he hadn't heard her. "He wants to just bulldoze it and make it into a parking lot, or maybe an apothecary or a haberdasher, since this is supposed to be a steampunk world I think. Maybe I should let him; the school is full of muggles now anyway. What do you think about that, Dorkle?"
"I really don't give a shit either way," said Twilight. "Anyway, I really need to get back to solving this murder case--"
"Are you going out for quidditch this term, Dorkle?" demanded Malfoy.
"What the fuck is quidditch?"
"Yeah, you shouldn't even bother. You'd just embarrass yourself. The Gryffindor team hasn't won a game of quidditch in 200 years."
"Good to know," said Twilight. "I probably won't bother with it, then."
"See you on the quidditch field, Dorkle!" said Malfoy, walking away with his laughing flunkies in tow.