/mlpol/ - My Little Politics

>>356733
That makes sense, thank you.

Do you remember when The Last Of Us 2 attacked Islam in a Jewish way by painting it as a bunch of hyper christian crazies who could quit the movement at any time but instead choose to wrongfully persecute jews who cannot change what they are and just want to defend their new home? There was this weird shit where one chrismuslimian shaved her head and was strongly implied to be a faggot, I forgot the exact details because this was pretty old but there was a great video on this by American Krogan and how it was designed to prepare the American viewer to view Jews as the innocent victims who need help in the middle eastern conflict. It kept calling Jews the most forgiving people and the girl you saved in TLOU 1 is dating a jew girl who dumps her for wanting revenge upon her father's killer more than she wants to do what the Jew says (didnt she end up letting the killer go in the end anyway?). It kept calling jews the most peaceful people, even though they have that eed halalya earfest religious holiday where they eat bread and call it the ears of some guy they hate and hang fake people around the house to celebrate how the jews hung him for getting in the way of a jewish plot or something. Earsgiving sounds so retarded that if I presented this to unaware viewers in my story, or that Kaparott festival where they scream and murder a chicken and whip their backs with it or stone a scapegoat goat to death in as a herd of jews while throwing stones at it to "transfer their sins into the animal" people would think I am making this shit up.

The ironic thing is that Muslims could abandon their child bride fetish and religion but they would still be low IQ and descended from desert barbarian warmongers. If we stopped being christian and stopped believing what our ancestors said about Jews and started believing what Jews say about our ancestors we would still be smarter better people and we would be hated for that.

>>356735
*the american krogan video and its sequel exposed the game TLOU2 by a jewish director who wanted the game to jew people into viewing the middle eastern conflict wrong.

Also a proofreader said my opening where the hero's a flawed down on his luck hard working guy mistreated by the system who does his best, gets the "No McFly ever amounted to anything! Mr Anderson, you will go back to your office wagecage and stop torrenting music or else! Rocky, you will never win!" speech from his asshole boss, still struggles to heat his home and feed his family despite working so hard at a dangerous construction site, goes to church and feeds the starving homeless and freezing elderly and beats an atheist in a religious debate, goes to the store to get milk because his libtard mom wants milk but feels unsafe going outside unaccompanied by a man but refuses to admit it, gets his cuckservative atoptive dad a newspaper full of "ORCS KILL WHITES. ORCS RAPE WHITES. ORC SUICIDE BOMBER KILLS 30. GROOMING GANG OF ORCS GET AWAY WITH IT. LOOK AT ALL THESE ORC FACES." only to ignore all of that and laugh at the boomer facebook meme tier political cartoon about how "dumb" leftists are(the dumb act is an act, they are pure fucking evil), thinks "I really shouldn't do this" but can't stop himself from saving a woman from an orc gang anyway, and later finds out she is rich and he saves her from her controlling aristocrat libtard family and gives her the life of a good housewife, and he joins the rebellion after it saves his life and his little sister and his girlfriend...

The proofreader said this isn't going to work right now. It's not what audiences want to see, because right now people don't want something so close to reality. Even if I make all the characters fantasy races or furries, people don't want to be told who's responsible for the real problems facing their country, they want to forget those problems and escape from reality and play simplistic vidyagames about slaughtering enemies to save the good kingdom instead of a complicated game about properly planning and creating a home within a fallen nation that belonged to your ancestors once but now wants you dead. So if I wanted this to redpill anyone, I'm better off saving this for later and starting with baby steps, and constructing a fake world where the righteous heroes live in their wonderful ethnostate for a while and then join the army to defend it from Orcs. He said I should try to recapture the impossible beauty of places like Equestria and make the audience want to protect it, and just giving the down on his luck hero a little sister who is also his last surviving family member isn't enough, the work needs a group of good heroic people introduced to the audience quickly, maybe a military unit or considering the target audience of RPG players, a group of high school students at Not Hogwarts.

One of the worst things about my old shit brony fanfic was the shit I put in thinking it would appeal to bronies just because it was in stories they liked.

I don't want to repeat this mistake. How do I make sure I'm taking inspiration from something correctly and not copying something shit?

>>356735
>>356742
>>356770
Get. A. Life. You. Autistic. Nigger.

>>356713
>Kramer's lines from Shadow the Hedgehog were recycled for Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games, but only Adam Blaustein was credited for this, who would later become a troon called Maddie Blaustein.
lmao is there seriously a Sonic character named Kramer? I thought I was just shitposting.

>>356725
>>356726
I should have something relatively soon. If there's no rush I may aim for mid January for having the next installment done.

>>356742
Something you might want to consider if you're having trouble being subtle is aiming for comedy instead of drama. You can get away with more exaggerated and ridiculous depictions of things when you're clearly trying to make it funny, whereas when you try too hard to make things dramatic and serious you usually end up with comedy anyway. In a game you can also get away with making things cartoony and exaggerated.

If you're planning on trying to release this as a serious title, you might want to consider scaling back the vitriol against jews and blacks and whatnot and focus your attacks on white leftists and woke culture. It's a little more generally accessible and is less likely to get you in trouble since there's already a pushback against that sort of thing in normie-conservative circles. You'll still probably get some grief over it, but in general attacking sanctimonious leftoid whites is safer than attacking any of the diversity directly. However, if you're just planning to self-publish or release it by word of mouth on chans or whatever it probably doesn't matter that much.

>>356713
>And the first time the ponies were disgusted at how gory the violence was, that was great, but that sort of joke is kind of Family Guy-ish. Like those Family Guy cutaway gags where Bugs Bunny is shot in the face. It's surprising the first time, but the reaction cute cartoon characters have to such excessive violence is funnier than the gory details.
I was kind of curious how people were going to react to that. Honestly the joke is pretty much exactly what you said: it's just over the top for the sake of being over the top. If I had to fabricate some kind of intellectual-sounding justification for it, I'd probably say it was a commentary on a lot of the edgelord stuff people like kkat put in their fanfics to shock people, but if we're being perfectly honest here I just did it for cheap lulz. I'm probably going to let a couple of other people read it and see how they react, and then make the final decision about whether or not to scale it back; I know people have different levels of tolerance for that sort of thing. honestly the pineapple in the vagina gag might have been a bit much

>>356772
I have no idea how I could make such serious subject matter comedic. I guess I could make the villains comically over the top and their enablers comically oblivious and hypocritical to the point that Catch-22 characters would laugh at this.

There was this part in a poorly written official Fire Emblem game where two generals in the evil army say "Are we the baddies?" to each other and then attend a meeting with ridiculously obviously evil characters in the evil army and while it's played completely straight with child level writing I kept waiting for the punchline where someone notices how absurd this is but the punchline never came. Any comedy needs a scene taking the piss out of that sort of scene, I've seen it done better but I have never seen it done worse. Books for children have more subtlety. I'd love to do a parody where I take the piss out of everything I'm sick of seeing in FE and bad fantasy stories in general. Like the hypocrisy in which villains are or are not recruitable to the heroes side. Like only recruiting the pretty boy enemy amongst the horde of extremely ugly bandits, or recruiting villains who should die for their sins while refusing to recruit villains you wish you could spare but cannot because game mechanics, or sending one woman to seduce an enemy by babbling about love for ten seconds, or the sheer absurdity of an enemy flipflopping to your side for life just because you send Lord Goodguy to talk to him. There could be a bit where the evil chosen one guy uses that same Talk No Jutsu trick against one of your playable characters to turn them against you.

You know the joke that Harry Potter fans literally never read another book or book series? It seems to be true for most FE fans who never read any books darker than "the darkest" FE games or better written than "the best written" FE games. Watching them praise trash makes me feel like I'm overthinking things. Then again, I'm making this game for a reason, so it has to be good.

Also Kramer was a voice actor who voiced the killer robot E-123 Omega in the Sonic The Hedgehog spinoff Shadow The Hedgehog. The one where you play as Sonic's grumpy black 50-something rival who rides a motorcycle and shoots a gun while saying E10+ rated words like damn and hell.

>>356771
That kind of talk isn't going to help anyone. Don't you want to be better than this?

You know what's fucking retarded?

Jews and unwittingly jew influenced writers keep using magic-fearing fantasy kingdoms as this retarded metaphor for homophobia and xenophobia and their other buzzwords. Jewed fantasies of jackbooted christian inquisitor crusaders tearing families apart and locking kids up because their kid just hit puberty and got noticed by the Wizard-Hunting Gestapo who have vays of makink you talk, shwinehund.

The retarded feminist fantasy of witch girls goes nowhere because unlike fantasies of magical or chi powered or elemental kung fu oe scientifically inclined alchemists or even DND wizards, gaining more power is as boring as the writer deciding you have more now. There is no attribute prized as the secret, usually, unless it is something vaguely feminine. There is nothing for limitless magic users to do all day except sit around being all important gods in human clothing unless they have a villain to fantasize about fighting.

If you had the potential to do magic you could be very useful to the state. The state would be retarded to try and kill most or even all of its magic users when it could just control them by controlling who can and cannot learn magic and do magic and what magic can and cannot be used for.

It's such a boring take on what magic could be. Magic can be anything. Magic can be used to explore characters. But it would be interesting to see it used as an exploration of power and the responsibilities that come with it. An exploration of freedom and the responsibilities that come with it. An exploration of the cultural heritage that shapes how magic is used and taught and passed down through the generations and what this means for the different nations. You can start conversations on how power should be utilized to rule over those without it, or if power should be used that way in the first place. The Gods can be more than plot devices who dispense power when the writers tell them to, they can be characters whose failings help explore themes.

Seems making my protagonist's adoptive father a cuckservative boomertard in denial about how his pozzed proto-wokeness made his generation the jewish stepping stone that sold his country out and helped Jews get this far, and his adoptive mother who's a kind and sweet but stupid libtard who turns nasty the second libtardism is questioned might have been the wrong move.

The hero's struggling to survive as a worker, feed himself and his little sister, warm his home, talk to his sister about the propaganda that wants her ashamed of her race's successes and sins they never committed.

Making his parents good people who died for expecting better from their government and actually protesting peacefully without expecting to be brutalized by zogbots helps the message that peaceful protest won't dethrone the enemy. Now he and his sister are orphans and they have to live somewhere.

But if his new adoptive parents are cunts, doesn't that harm the message? Feels like it might.

Mom's a middle-manager at some supermarket who thinks she's more important than she is, dad sits around getting disability cash even though he's fine, and even though he gets more than enough money from this and the adoptive family fund, he squanders it. If he was a good adoptive father his son wouldn't need to work full-time to support his family. His son could be educating himself and making a career out of what he's good at. His son's the man he relies upon and he's in denial about that. He grumbles to the walls of his living room sitting in his favourite chair and sometimes he sleeps or shits.

Mom and dad, they're wasteful hoarders who listen to overly loud unbearable boomer music about doing drugs and getting STDs and being rockstar whores when they're not listening to "Imagine no possessions! All you need is love! Life is meaningless and some day we gonna die, we all gon get so high!" shit. Despite being on "opposite ends of the political spectrum" they married because neither really believes in anything. If anything, mom's more of a conservative than him and he's closer to a real liberal than her, because he whines about new wokeness but won't tolerate any criticism of old wokeness while she acts soft and sweet (almost traditional if you ignore her woketard views) but she drops her soft sweet harmless soft girl mask the second she thinks something is an existential threat to her spot in the oppression stack. She's got something she wants to conserve, because it's hers. He's got nothing he wants to conserve, because he's a cuckservative unwilling to believe anything his generation did or allowed was wrong. He whines about this week's shit but he'll defend it next week because next week will have new shit to whine about and he'd rather not admit he was the reason it was allowed to happen.

I might have been too literal with these two characters. It's certainly made them unbearable to read about. They're too close to reality and too far from anyone fictional enough to be likable. I thought just making them like my parents in that regard while keeping everything else that made my parents awful people out of these characters would be a welcome dash of realism. But it's too much. My father was a better parody of a cuckservative than anything the left could dream up.

I've read stories where the protag's parents are wrong at first, then see the truth when they're forced to and change for the better. Maybe they'll forbid their child from something they're good at because they're old tards afraid of new shit and unwilling to grow up instead of growing older, then they'll get over this when their kid saves the day. But people this don't seem like they'll ever change or grow. They're just dead weight. How many more need to die before they change? There is no answer, because nothing can change them. The world would be a better place today if everyone like them died yesterday.

I watched Arcane again. The heroes have a dad, and he's wrong. His name is Vander. Vander's story hits hard. So does he. He wants what's best for his people, and doesn't want to use violence. That's the conflict at the core of his character. That's holding his people back, gives them nothing to bargain with against the corrupt rich and powerful, allows Silco to take control by offering his people power. Vander's too soft, but he's not evil. He's not stupid, just wrong. He dies fighting to conserve what he's got left when he has no choice but to fight, but he'd never choose to fight for a cause that could get his people more, whether that's Silco's cause or anyone else's. He preaches about togetherness, but that's not enough. In that way, he's a mirror of Heimerdinger. Maybe that's a better level to fight for. Or maybe the hero's new adoptive parents should be good people, and a friend of the hero should have the unbearable boomers for parents. I have no idea what I'm doing.

What if the hero's adopted dad fought in the military for his country and got crippled?

>>356772
That sounds good.

>>356735
>>356742
>>356773
>>356790
>>356805
Okay, this is a lot to go through.

>The proofreader said this isn't going to work right now.
Best thing he's ever said to you. You know that obscenely rambling paragraph that just preceded this sentence? You're so emotionally invested in all that, that you've thrown away basic writing principles. That's as good an example as any for why you shouldn't make this story about stuff you're emotionally tormented by, and instead just have that stuff obliquely referenced. You are trying too hard to make this game "woke" but in the opposite direction. Let this project be a form of escapism for you.

>If you had the potential to do magic you could be very useful to the state. The state would be retarded to try and kill most or even all of its magic users when it could just control them by controlling who can and cannot learn magic and do magic and what magic can and cannot be used for.
That's already a trope and, of course, it's already used for crappy purposes: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SuperRegistrationAct

Don't stress too much over what other people have done with concepts, instead focus on making your concepts and execution good.

>I might have been too literal with these two characters. It's certainly made them unbearable to read about. They're too close to reality and too far from anyone fictional enough to be likable. I thought just making them like my parents in that regard while keeping everything else that made my parents awful people out of these characters would be a welcome dash of realism. But it's too much. My father was a better parody of a cuckservative than anything the left could dream up.
Yes, exactly. If the story is just a self-insert of your life it ruins the whole idea of this being a fantasy world. At least use metaphor or something.

>In that way, he's a mirror of Heimerdinger.
https://youtu.be/EbIx0dGY7B0
Sorry, couldn't resist.

What if the only real world element that made it into fantasy land was a down on his luck everyman human protagonist?
And it's basically an isekai harem anime game aesthetically.
The everyman effortlessly gets busty elf bitches, centaur bitches, all the bitches. It's everything the average man wants in a story these days.
But then I work politics in subtly. With even more subtlety than before.
The fantasy kingdom is surrounded by enemies, the king is betraying his people for cash by importing these enemies and demanding we all get along because he fears we could not win a war against them but is actually a huge pussy bitch, the (((aristocrats))) made the King their puppet and they control the Dai Li fantasy gestapo glow-in-the-darks, and the heroic everyman must marry the princess and overthrow the king even though the king would rather marry her off to a rich Aristocrat for cash. He must do a Rocky training montage and become gigachad and live without sin and eat healthily and learn to fight properly. He must become dangerous and heroic. He must become the hero even though the chosen one cheating supersword stops working when he stops doing as the King says. He and his private army monstergirl harem must learn what makes you different makes you stronger than a normie. He overthrows the government and exiles all the niggorcs and arrests those who resist or stay and those who riot over this get shot. Then he immediately makes polygamy legal so he can have a monster girl harem. Nobody will even notice the niggers. They will be too focused on white women with large milky tits and Monster Musume body bits. There could be a scene where the hero is accused of genociding six million orcs and he says "That didn't happen but I wish it did because they deserve it". And there could be a scene where the hero trips and falls onto a centaur woman's giant tits. Anime does that sort of shit all the time. Anime fans love it. It will help my subtlety hide in plain sight. Probably. Am I on the right track here? Media these days is hypersexualized and horny. Must I become hornier?

>>356825
No. Just no.

>>356826
Good call. I like drawing women but I don't think I'm very good at writing them. I'm still relatively new to writing.

>>356827
Your Fire Emblem game is really good at its core, just don't make it a stand-in for real-world politics. I realize that's hard for you but good allegory is a difficult art.

>>356828
Lord Of The Rings was said to not be an allegory but it still works as one. Is that what I should aim for?

>>356829
It's the ideal. Whatever you make doesn't have to be perfect but as long as players aren't left with the message "I'M THE AUTHOR AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT MOSLEMS AND JEWS SUUUUUUUCK" you should be fine.

>>356831
In LOTR the evilness of the Orcs is written by an author who expects the audience to understand Orclike behaviour such as killing and stealing is wrong, just like destroying nature for the military industrial complex and destroying beauty for brutalism. It trusts the audience to understand that old mind-controlled faggot king is a faggot and breaking free from old age and decay and foolishness and evil means healing and being himself again.
Since that story's release the jew has worked tirelessly to damage society's moral framework.
There are even contrarian retards who side with the Orcs because they're too jewish or jewed to believe the hyperwhite elves can be right about the Orcs.
Can I really trust the audience to understand the barbarians are the bad guys, and understand the aristocrats are evil for importing them and using them against whites, and understand the king is a faggoted cuck traitor for working with the aristocrats to preserve his power and position at the expense of his people and responsibilities to his people?

How the hell did the writing in my fighting game with Sonic The Hedgehog characters and an OC end up so introspective and contemplative?
I wrote whatever came naturally to me with this story and ended up with something that works as Sonic Adventure 3 and its own thing entirely.
It's got deep themes and big ideas without trying to shoehorn in a political agenda or rants about Islam and Globohomo.
I went into the character design phase thinking "Let's have fun and make this a crazy party and turn everything up to 11", but the writing turned out... natural? Natural feels like the right word here.
I wasn't thinking about this from a political angle.
I wouldn't expect to redpill somebody with Sonic the Hedgehog fanfiction within a game where Sonic has a 20F overhead 6H and an upper body invincible 6P. But then again, isn't that as ridiculous a goal as trying to redpill someone with the fantasy story within a real time strategy game?
I was just having fun writing about what interested me about these characters instead of asking how I could use them to explore a political message.
Maybe that's the secret to writing well?

>>356834
Nigel, I've been sitting on this for a while. So here it is. And no, it doesn't have to do with the quoted post.
If you want to rewrite FoE but NOT shit, the main thing it needs is more protagonists.
One pony, let alone a small handful of ponies, cannot be expected/accepted to have accomplished ALL THE SHIT that the story credits the small handful (and really only one) pony of doing. Gaykat was extremely (can't emphasize that enough) in making Littlepip (and co, but barely) the 'source' of all the 'progress/development'.
If FoE were to be rewritten 'properly', it would probably involve a sole/group protagonist starting a MOVEMENT, with individual ponies doing THEIR part throughout the world. Instead of 'everywhere at once and at the right time', it should have been 'everyONE at once and at the right time'.
That's what would make the story a shit-ton better in a few easy(?) steps.
Merry christmas

>>356845
The missing word is 'lazy'

>>356845
Damn right. That's a smart idea there. Gaykat kept saying Littlepip was inspiring ponies all over the wasteland to be better but how much of that did we really see? Not to mention all the retarded shit at the end where we get introduced to retarded shit like the pink cloud dragon mouse.

If Kkat didn't want to do an anthology series of standalone adventures telling the story of the world of FE and what created it, and emotionally needed LP to take center stage, fine. Fallout Equestria should have had the heroes travel the world on a quest to gain power and allies to overthrow the end goal established early on: The evil overlord character. But the heroes would keep stopping along the way to help ponies now and then even though the designated cynical Sokka kind of character in the party keeps saying "Guys, no, stop, we need to get our asses in gear and focus on the main plot, we can't stop to have fun penguin sledding or stop to help the local small village. We will help all small local villages way more by taking out the Evil Overlord!".
Some friends would join the party. LP's crew had what, four people? Littlepip, some shotguns with wings, a healer with a lethal metal needle rifle the author thought was a sleeping dart gun, and a personality-free zombie inside a suit of armour with guns and grenade launchers. Oh, and a zigger with unarmed super martial arts and bullshit potions. And a radioactive phoenix.

She needed more people. More scenes where she relied on people. Monkey D Luffy's pirate crew in One Piece was bigger. His crew, the Straw Hat Pirates, were better written, too. Offered a better range of contrasting personalities and power levels and mindsets. Luffy needs his crew. There are all sorts of things this loveable idiot with a heart of gold can't do. They're all things his friends can do. This keeps him from feeling half as overpowered as LP even though LP would be crushed by literally any of the Straw Hats. If you think LP dropping a boxcar onto Luffy would phase him you haven't even watched episode one, and anyone who could be harmed by LP would be too smart to give her the chance to try.

Remember the story arc where Ussop felt useless and left the crew temporarily? Why did Velvet never leave the party in a way that mattered, even temporarily? Why did nothing interesting ever come of Velvet or Calamity's backstories, their personalities, their relationship, or how Calamity used to be an Enclave member yet has nothing interesting to say about the Enclave and nothing useful to tell his party about the Enclave?

FE would have been great if a competent writer wrote it. Sometimes there are temporary guest star party members as the village of the week gives the party a guide who knows the area and can guide the heroes, or the questgiver of the week demands to come along with the party on the killquest, or whatever. Sometimes the quest is to save a life. Bandits kidnapped someone. A bandit killed someones dad and the son wants revenge and he has to decide how far he is willing to go for revenge and/or justice. There can be small episodic adventures, and multi episode story arcs about overthrowung bigger villains to serve as season openers and season enders. A guy who used to be a raider and then gave up violence when he found a town willing to take him in and make a farmer of him might be reluctant to ever use violence again even in the towns defense until someone says the right words to him. LP and friends go around helping ponies and doing the right thing and learning moral lessons. Sometimes friends join the crew and sometimes they do not.

Then at the end before the big final battle, all sorts of friends made along the way by helping this little village here and that pony there join together. Imagine if everything the story set up came clashing together in a big war with big stakes and permanent losses and a fundamental shift in the world's status quo.

I wish I could go back in time and make Gaykat watch One Piece (the One Pace edit that improves pacing and removes filler, I'm not a monster) so this story would be more like a good story and less like a confused writeup of some tard aimlessly fucking about in Fallout 3 with overpowered Companion allies and cheats on.

Littlepip's Respect Thread is a hilarious highlight reel of all the dumb feats of bullshit Gaykat allowed LP to get away with. Fucking "Convinces an opponent to provide her with a balefire bomb, despite the fact this opponent was using the bomb to coerce her into a mission" is still my favourite. Remember that if LP and her rugmunching girlfriend had taken that bomb threat seriously and searched the tower from top to bottom and found no bomb because it was in Zigger's possession so she could sneak it into Alicorn land while LP was there, instead of enjoying the spa and taking it easy, LP's retarded "wipe my memories of how Ziggo has the nuke I took from Red Eye, which Red Eye was using to threaten Tenpony Tower to blackmail me, and have Ziggo nuke the Alicorns while I walk into Alicorn territory" plan would have fallen apart. It's so much funnier than the time laserblasts turn people to ash, then only turn LP's rib to ash, then only turn people to ash sometimes. What's your favourite moment of bullshit in Fallout Equestria? https://www.reddit.com/r/respectthreads/comments/4yp04k/respect_littlepip_fallout_equestria/

>>356850
One Piece is an excellent example, as are some of the suggestions you made. If Velvet had gone off and participated with another group of lesser protags and then built them up before returning to the main party, it would allow for a final boss fight like you describe, with awesome moments of the main protags getting their bacon saved because of the frens they made and the ponies they had helped.
Additionally, perhaps a comic medium - like Noblesse, Tower of God, Dice, etc. - would be more suitable, though unless a gaming/graphics engine were explored that would require artistic talent/effort.
Personally, I think that a novelized/story rendition of actual RPG sessions is the best way to get going, but you know that already XD

>>356895
Yeah. You remember that part in Avatar The Last Airbender when all the people from earlier showed up to invade on The Day of Black Sun, right? Katara and Sokka's dad, and his friend from earlier, the swampbenders, Haru, the flying wheelchair guy, some of Jet's freedom fighters, Earth Kingdom Wrestling guys like The Boulder, it was great. That tongue lizard girl shows up later, but she doesn't ahow up here as part of Team Avatar because that wouldn't fit her character. Really makes this world feel like a place that exists even when characters aren't looking at it, and rewards the audience for paying attention and remembering these places. All these setups finally pay off, but they stay smart and avoid going overboard. And for the viewers who have no idea who these people are, the reactions of our main heroes to these guys tell you what you need to know.

Wonder what it would look like if they tried that in Fallout Equestria. There was a retarded little filly obsessed with Pinkie Pie who somehow intimidated Littlepip into fearfully backing up into a... was it a safe? Gawd had her retarded plan to kill her own assigned boss and take over the prison and betray Red Eye but she kept insisting "I think he might be working against Red Eye and I am an honourable contract obsessed merc" because Kkat can't write even though "I'm sick of serving evil and so is my family. If you give me control of this prison colony full of slaves I was hired to guard I will make this a refugee camp for you" would have been simpler and easier to write. A character named Crane existed in one town and strengthened LP's telekinesis further for no reason but he had no personality. Derpy Hooves existed as a 200 year old joke character able to pull off radioactive sonic rainbooms because the author is a talentless hack with no self control. There was that town full of cannibals- oh, wait, Littlepip killed them all. Well, there was the Brotherhood of Steel that had a civil war over whether you should steal and hoard tech for no real reason or do what AJ wanted and protect ponies. A chapter of them could show up but they were never really named charactdrs who had personalities that mattered. She could have made friends during the arc where LP became a slave and she could have led a slave revolt to freedom and it would have been better than what ended up in the final story. I'm sure cartoons for children have already done these cliche ideas like save the character, save the town, help free slaves as a slave, shit Kkat could have ripped off if he wasn't trying so fucking hard to seem smarter than everyone else while failing horribly.

Come to think of it, Kkunt does that a lot. Tons of characters are nameless faceless props. Maybe they have names assigned to them. But they don't have character traits, and if they do, they don't matter enough to ever get in the way of playing their role in the Littlepip power fantasy. LP can go around killing every last Radioactive Scorpion or Radioactive Manticore or Radioactive Diamond Dog and Raider and Bandit and everything else in the way of plundering tombs of the old world and feel nothing because that's what this story is really about. Not the world, not the characters, not setup or payoff, not the ways in which it differs from FIM and Fallout 3/NV or the way it rips them off, not the incomplete history of Equestria's fall, it'a about LP clicking on heads and picking up loot until she feels like having Spike use the Fire Breath glitch to Wrong Warp her to Celestia and trigger the end credits without actually truly sacrificing anything.

>>356845
>>356850
>>356895
>Imagine if everything the story set up came clashing together in a big war with big stakes and permanent losses and a fundamental shift in the world's status quo.
>just write Project Horizons bro
If y'all want to rewrite FoE properly without making it "Not Fallout" (as Glim's suggestions will do) or "literally just PH with different anime/minus the anime" as yours do, more protags/starting a movement is not an option.
Your idea is "she can't accomplish all those events in timeframe given", and your choice is making it so there's more capability of doing things - while the correct decision would be to
>1: make the timeframe make sense
Get rid of video game time. Stuff does not wait for the Divine Protagonist to come and do things. This doesn't mean that things should happen outside her role as an agent of change - this means she shouldn't be getting randomly distracted because she knows that'll put everything else on pause. If something is urgent, like the whole Canterlot business, the arc should be about it and nothing else, and the events should take reasonable amount of time and be in a sequence instead of being stuffed whenever and the reader having to figure out when. This leads into...
>2: get rid of extraneous events
It stops being "too much to accomplish" if you remove all the fucking superfluous side-quests. No, Littlepip doesn't need to end up in the cat-thing vault and violate future lore in the process Stealthbucks don't mask smell, unlike zebra cloaks. She wouldn't be able to get through a bunch of cat-derived predators., it makes no sense and doesn't even set up Calamity's character up. No, she doesn't need to come into possession of a town that is then reduced to a footnote. No, she doesn't need a zebra loredump or Little Lamplight ripoff in the middle of fucking rushing to Canterlot so that her munching-rug can not explode (or so she thinks). No, she doesn't need fucking bogus Arbu/Bucklyn detour. No, she doesn't need fucking bogus Friendship City detour.
Chekhov's Gun is not "set things up so they can be used later". Chekhov's Gun is "if you're not going to use a thing, do not add it at all. If the gun is on the wall in first act, it must fire in the fourth - if it does not fire, remove it from the scene entirely. Conservation of detail, with foreshadowing as a consequence rather than a cause. And Fo:E is in short supply of Chekhov's guns.
Fixing the timeline also requires fixing the map, because as-is it's nonsense that does not match anything, not even Fo3's map. Official FiM map shouldn't be used because it's retarded and USA-like (and consequently, not genuine).

Speaking of her companions, one option to make Velvet Remedy not retarded while preserving one of the things that made Fo:E popular (worldbuilding) would be to make her escape, realize that Wasteland is nowhere near like how she imagined it, be coerced into working for raiders instead of MUHPASIFISMHELPEVERYPONY, saved by Littlepip and Calamity (this also can give a legitimate reason for the slaver town assault/destruction rather than "muh sense of justice"), have a crisis of faith and, after seeing the "RGRE confirmed" Stable for herself (and thus realizing that her historical knowledge is sorely lacking), decide to figure out how everything happened - thus giving justification to all the log-reading and orb-watching, and making the "Followers of the Apocalypse" moniker make sense instead of being a retarded namedrop that fits PH's Morning Glory better anyway Followers are ex-Enclave, they still have a vertibird and their power armor suits, and you can get them to do a last hurrah during assault of the Hoover Dam. Incidentally, this also allows reframing Fo:E itself as Littlepip's biography written by Littlepip rather than Littlepip remembering events herself and being a terrible fucking storyteller.
For Calamity, similarly, instead of a few pointless drops like him being called Deadshot Calamity by other Enclave pegasi or the non-conflict with the Wonderbolts, it needs to have him have suspicious amounts of knowledge of the old world and more stuff in his history than he lets on - but reveal of the "why"s and "how"s should be in a different story entirely, because this one is Littlepip's. In fact, personality-wise I think he should take from Arcade Gannon, the companion Follower of the Apocalypse, in this regard, and more than a dollop of Joshua Graham, shared with all other Dashites as "disgraced and disfigured castaways from a culture of powerful antagonist who weren't expected to survive the disgracement".

>>356897
Respectfully, no you're wrong.
Let's look at Game of Thrones for example; a whole myriad of characters and personalities all operating on each other throughout - adversaries one minute, and tentative allies the next - but all banding together against the White Walkers.
I concede that much of the minutiae could be omitted and/or loosely referenced, but all the side questy bullshit should NOT be done by the main protagonists excepting when intentionally developing a rapport between specific characters. Such activity could be included through exposition/report/communique, rather than narrating the entire scene.
Another thing, is the reader supposed to conclude that LP is the greatest bestest murderhobo evar, or is there the chance that a proper protagonist could enlist the assistance of a strike team. Maybe the main protag is combatitively INEPT and the story is about trying to appeal to more capable ponies; MLP meets Fallout, meets Bug's Life. But, I do agree that a One Piece sort of dynamic - where the main protag IS a badass, but with legitimate and easily exploited weaknesses, leading them to formulate a larger group of badasses that are COLLECTIVELY a mary sue - is the best course.
Its merely a series of ideas at this point, but being as though it has long been one of Nigel's more pressing inquiries ("Can FoE be a decent story, and if so, how?") I thought to offer it while I'm watching the festivities in the sad aryanne thread.

>>356897
Whoever wrote that pic is a fucking genius.
A good crossover between Fallout and MLP should write itself. Fallout is about society, and Equestria in MLP is a society. How does it fare against the challenges of a communist enemy, a nuclear threat, subversion, and nuclear annihilation? How does it pull itself back from annihilation after a nuclear apocalypse? Would ponies decide that niceness isn't working out? Would ponies decide niceness to ponies is good, but being nice to nonponies isn't working out? Even at their most aggressive and driven to defend themselves, I can't ever see ponies as a whole becoming evil.

Gaykat isn't interested in answering these questions, he's interested in making torture porn to prop up his OC and justify the murderhobo playset she lives in until the author decides it's time to rush this story to its awkward conclusion even if it requires cheating logic so hard even the protagonist and author working together can't contrive an excuse for why Spike's breath didn't kill LP but did kill some other bitch.

Hell, at that point, just to get the story over with, I would have accepted "Spike's breath destroys things and recreates them somewhere else, but this process kills living beings due to the pain. And who is recreated on the other end is a different pony completely. Burn multiple things at once and they show up on the other end mixed together. LP trusted in her statuette collection to make her Rainbow Dash enough to get through the barrier, trusted in her retarded radioactive healing factor to keep her alive, and trusted her own values and moral lessons enough to think whoever ends up inside Celestia's cum cavern would make the right choice.".

Actually, fuck that whole weather thing. The Gardens Of Equestria should not have been a red herring, it should have been the end goal. Kill the Enclave Commander Red Eye atop Mount Doom formerly known as Canterlot, blow up the Death Star-esque laser satellite thing he created there, and reach The Gardens Of Equestria which is underground in the crystal catacombs beneath his Fortress Of Evil.

Gaykat forgot ponies fundamentally aren't humans. They wouldn't descend into fetishistic cannibalism or nihilistically decorating their ugly homes with corpses for the sake of edge. If they had to use corpses for anything, it would be for attracting edible things like bugs and whatever else eats ponies, or mounting heads on sticks for scaring others away. Kkat never questions why the Raiders would have gore in their own homes and shit on their own beds, or why Rarity's home is still identifiable as Rarity's home and only looks like niggers lived in it for a week instead of 200 years, they just do because they're Evil(TM) and Littlepip is Good(TM) and anything between isn't good enough for LP.

Almost every Fallout Vault was an experiment to gather data for the Enclave's planned spacefaring seed ships, or test assorted bullshit like mind control devices. FIM's Stables were supposed to protect ponies, so why were so many retarded experiments from day one? Scootaloo wanted to experiment with various societies from the start because she didn't like present day Equestrian society very much? That's fucking retarded! Isolated communities can change over time and experiment with new ideas without needing to literally be designated experimental stables from day one. But there's gaykat's faulty logic again, assuming things can only be what they're meant to be, and only change if they are forced to by someone with sufficient force, and the use of this force is only justified if it is a designated good guy character.

>>356898
Again, that ends up being either not Fallout, or already-done-by-Project-Horizons.
If you want to write a crossover with GoT, or a story inspired by it, that is fine, but we're discussing (re)writing Fallout: Equestria rather than "completely different thing". Also, GoT requires more competence to write well than anyone here has.
>Another thing, is the reader supposed to conclude that LP is the greatest bestest murderhobo evar, or is there the chance that a proper protagonist could enlist the assistance of a strike team.
If you want to keep the tone of the story intact, she needs to be combat-capable. And the story still needs to be about her rather than about any other character. Fallout itself does permit having companions do stuff for you, though.
>>356900
>she

>>356901
>combat capable
I think it might improve the story if Littlepip sucked at as many things as possible, and needed friends for all of the things she sucks at. Combat should be one of them, sort of. She can have scenes where she overcomes superior foes, but it should be due to ingenuity, not the retardity of her enemies or the bullshit overwhelming power of her guns/telekinesis/invisibility/radioactive regeneration/healing item stash/plot armour. She should need Calamity to teach her how to fire a gun correctly, instead of knowing more about Kkat-logic gun condition than the tard using it right after seeing a gun for the first time. She should be a real underdog, and the protagonist who holds her group together and keeps it focused on its journey, while Velvet is its sappy voice of morality who exists to be wrong when she's arguing with Calamity in Star Trek style debates, and Calamity is the guy who knows the wasteland like the back of his hand and plots the course to the end, but LP and Velvet keep getting the party involved with "sidequest of the week" problems even when there is no "you can't progress past this point without doing the sidequest" shit.

>she
ctrl+f says the only uses of she in that post refer to the artificial and unconvincing shooting-gallery playset of a world Gaykat's cringe self-insert fursona lives in, and Scootaloo choosing to make the retarded choice to turn most of the Stables into experiments nonconsensually.
Gaykat is a retarded tranny.
And if he ever went to the Middle East, K-kat's new name would be K-SPLAT!

>>356904
>I think it might improve the story if Littlepip sucked at as many things as possible, and needed friends for all of the things she sucks at
Close, but what would really improve her character is if her abilities were simply in line with the character concept that kkat came up with for her. Moreover, the abilities she does have should have reasonable limits imposed.

Most of her life prior to the story's opening was spent training as a PipBuck technician, so her skills should largely be in that area. She should have a working knowledge of her PipBuck, and maybe some basic aptitude for working with similar devices. Her "hacking" ability is reasonable for her to have, since the terminals are probably based on similar technology, but it should have reasonable limits (ie, she shouldn't be able to repair SteelHooves's power armor). Her lockpicking ability is also reasonable since it's established that she spent a fair amount of her free time tinkering with locks and whatnot. However, the idea that she is the only person in the Wasteland to have figured this power out is incredibly stupid, so that should be axed.

As far as combat goes, since it stands to reason she would have to learn to defend herself once she gets out of the Stable, she should pick up some reasonable weapons skills over a reasonable period of time. By "reasonable weapons skills" I mean that she has a basic pistol that she finds somewhere, and she learns how to fire it effectively enough that she can defend herself if she gets in a scrape. Any challenges she has to face solo should be tailored to her skill level.

Her levitation power I still maintain is the stupidest Mary Sue bullshit that kkat grafted onto this stupid Mary Sue character, and I would have absolutely zero complaints about it being axed entirely. I still like the idea of her being a "weak" unicorn who only has the basic levitation ability that all unicorns have, but it should be made into an actual weakness, not the superpower-disguised-as-weakness that it is currently. In other words, she shouldn't be able to levitate anything heavier than what the average person could lift with their hands. If the author of a rewrite were to absolutely, positively insist on giving her a superpowered levitation ability, it should, again, have reasonable limits imposed: weight, range, visibility, etc.

Personally, I still think it would massively improve this story if the focus were shifted off of Littlepip and solving challenges became more of a group effort. Littlepip could still be the protagonist and even narrate it without needing to be the hero in every single scene. As with LP, each character should have talents and abilities in line with their character concepts, with reasonable limits imposed. LP could be the group's technician/thief/lockpicker/hacker what-have-you. Most of the fighting could reasonably be handled by Calamity and SteelHooves since they're obviously more adept at it. Since the author specifically gave SteelHooves the nickname of "Mighty Alicorn Hunter," it stands to reason he should have some particular talent at dealing with the alicorns, thus most of the alicorns the group encounters should be dispatched by SteelHooves. Velvet would mostly be the group's healer. Xenith, as I recall, was supposed to be some kind of ninja or stealth expert, so she would handle anything that required sneaking around unseen.

In-world objects that modify a character's natural abilities artificially, ie StealthBucks, crack mints, etc, imo should be used sparingly if at all.

Doing things this way would not only make the story more plausible and the Littlepip character less of an obnoxious Mary Sue, it would be more in line with the "friendship" theme. Whatever the specifics of the group's adventures turn out to be, LP as the protagonist should learn two main lessons. First that she needs her friends, and second that she has her own important role to play within the group. Littlepip is a weird character in that she simultaneously suffers from unreasonably low self-esteem and unreasonably high self-esteem. A reasonable growth arc for a character like her would be for her to learn that she is not worthless, but she isn't the absolute center of the universe either. Her mission to "fix" the Wasteland doesn't have to culminate in some grand solution that defeats every enemy and solves every problem; it could simply mean discovering that she is a valued member of her group of friends, and that together they make a positive impact on the world, even if the world is still shitty.

>>356909
Would it be correct to say her party should have six members because the Mane Six were six ponies, or would that be stupid?
The personalities of LP and friends aren't well-defined and they don't have arcs, they just act however they need to act in one scene, as if the author wrote assorted scenes out of order before figuring out who these characters are and aren't and who they will be by the end of it.
Calamity and Velvet hooked up almost immediately. It didn't feel natural. They were complimenting each other for traits they weren't doing much to display around each other. Surely these two should detest each other for much of the runtime because of their different personalities and worldviews(would kill vs wouldn't, too much idealism to see what's necessary vs too much cynicism to see what other options are on the table besides the most cynical one, etc), before that turns to begrudging respect, before they start deepening their relationship and he's deep-enside her, and then that physical attraction becomes something more meaningful.
But the Mane Six, all these characters contrast with each other in some way. They all have character traits that can be flaws in some situations if the writer wants. They all have something they can disagree with the other characters about without having to be the designated right or designated wrong character.

>>356919
>Would it be correct to say her party should have six members because the Mane Six were six ponies, or would that be stupid?
Depends on where you're going with it. When I was first reading FoE, I had the impression that LP's party would end up being analogues of the M6: each one would be a bearer of an Element, they would activate the Gardens of Equestria, save the world, etc. My guess is kkat was going to take it that direction originally but decided somewhere along the line that people would react to it badly or something, so he decided to have a bunch of random ponies like Derpy and the radio DJ be the element bearers. The whole thing was very badly thought out. But anyway, if you needed there to be six main characters for some plot-specific reason like the Elements of Harmony then yes, you'd want to create a party of six friends. If not, then it wouldn't really matter; you could have as many ponies in your party as you wanted.

>But the Mane Six, all these characters contrast with each other in some way. They all have character traits that can be flaws in some situations if the writer wants. They all have something they can disagree with the other characters about without having to be the designated right or designated wrong character.
The M6 were deliberately created with varied personalities. Each pony is meant to represent a general personality type: there's the smart studious girl, the athletic girl, the bouncy extroverted girl, the fashion-conscious girl, the shy girl who likes animals, and the traditional country girl. The idea is that the personality traits cover a broad enough spectrum that most of the little girls who view the show will be able to relate to one or more of them. It also gives the writers a broad group of personalities to work with so they can tell different kinds of stories, and as you point out, it gives them different flaws and strengths, and differences that can create interesting conflicts. You'll notice that a lot of the early episodes focused on one or two of the main ponies having some kind of conflict or misunderstanding with each other.

Something like FoE doesn't necessarily need the same setup. The characters should have distinct personalities because you don't want to be writing five different versions of the same character, but you don't need to cover as broad a spectrum as FiM did. The main thing is that the characters need to have some dynamics between them. For instance, with the Calamity/Velvet romance, it would be best to establish the two characters as opposites who initially butt heads with each other, but discover common ground along the way. The author seemed to be trying to do this, but he mostly failed. SteelHooves and Xenith needed more distinct personalities as well. SteelHooves probably had the most complex backstory of any of the characters, but he contributed almost nothing to the main story. Xenith was the same, except she had less of a backstory.

For a rewrite of the sort you guys are discussing, it might almost make more sense to eliminate SteelHooves and Xenith altogether and have the primary group be a trio. Having Velvet, who is LP's original crush, end up falling for Calamity, who is LP's best friend (apparently), gives you a natural dynamic to work with. There isn't really any dynamic with the other two characters; they're just dead weight. As I recall, kkat tried to make something out of Xenith being a zebra and SteelHooves not trusting zebras because of the whole thing where he killed Zecora while proposing to Applejack (at least I think that's what happened), but again, it was badly handled. At any rate, this angle should either be developed more fully, or the extra characters should be dropped.

>>356832
>Can I really trust the audience to understand the barbarians are the bad guys, and understand the aristocrats are evil for importing them and using them against whites, and understand the king is a faggoted cuck traitor for working with the aristocrats to preserve his power and position at the expense of his people and responsibilities to his people?
If you are a decent enough writer that should be very apparent on its own. You don't need a "designated bad guys" label to accomplish this. If some members of the audience are too stupid to understand, why do you consider it worthwhile to try to convince them at all?

>>356909
>>356927
Well said.

>>356909
>In-world objects that modify a character's natural abilities artificially, ie StealthBucks, crack mints, etc, imo should be used sparingly if at all.
On the contrary: crack mint addiction could be a legitimate arc with parallels to Pinkie's experiences before her death. The difference that is needed is, as you've pointed out repeatedly, the addiction needs to be both established and consistent instead of being flicked on and off.
In fact, it can be tied right into her backstory and abilities: apprentice of a lazy hack pipbuck technician, the guy brews chems in his spare time, she snuck one and got addicted, and learned how to break locks as well as caught kleptomania to get more drugs while addicted. Stable security eventually found out, disciplined the guy and submitted LP to medical for addiction treatment, but owing to absence of Twilights-who-really-wanted-to-help-her-friend-and-researched-addiction-fixing-spells in the Stable, it was insufficient and while she's not actively crippled, she still gets cravings and thus cracks and crumbles once the drugs are available to her again.
>>356919
>>356927
Having the group have six ponies and them being the M6 equivalent is not fitting thematically for the fic as-is, and I also think it would be too boring, obvious, and "overused". Having her not be a Bearer and her quest not be about anything M6-related would be better. Her finding the Bearers should be tangential to the story rather than the focus.
>SteelHooves probably had the most complex backstory of any of the characters, but he contributed almost nothing to the main story.
ft. "you fell off the truck and we completely forgot about you until LP needed an infodump"
Removing Steelhooves would also allow eliminating the fucking Steel Rangers nonsense events, but personally I'm in favor of keeping him and making him a larger presence in the story. Especially if Velvet is remade into a historian - it then sets up direct interaction/conflict between her and the guy who literally lived through those events, moreso if he initially appears like a regular Ranger, and they only figure out he's Applesnack after a bunch of exploration and/or having him not fucking die when he should be dead.
Also, move the "his armor is fucked so he can't move and others need to find help" episode waaaay further in his timeline. Gaykat literally tried to do that too, what with him ending up paralyzed again in Canterlot arc. It's just retarded, has absolutely fucked video game time, and makes others appear retarded too for failing to figure out that normal ponies would be dead very quickly from what he withstood.

When I designed the protagonist's sister I was proud of how she turned out. This is a child, this is the future, this is life that he's protecting, this is his last family member.

I thought about it, and maybe the hero should have one more family member. An elderly one the heroes must take care of. The hero's parents were killed peacefully protesting against the regime's war on the poor because peace was never an option, but their parents survived war.

From this first hand source of information the hero and his sister (they will both become heroes) can learn about what really happened in the past, from someone who was there. Someone who survived all of it.

The obnoxious boomers can be the parents of one of the hero's friends who joins his army later, so we have more sympathy for that character.

That's another thing Fallout Equestria fucked up, too. LP's life pre wasteland and her family is boring and uninteresting. Not used to explore who she is and isnt or influence her life choices in interesting ways.

>>356936
If the crack mint addiction is going to give her parallels with Pinkie, she should beat crack mint addiction because she had something Pinkie didn't, or learned something Pinkie didn't in time, right?
At least if this fic wants all that talking about the past to mean something to the ponies of the present and what they can learn from it.
This fic insisted on splitting up the mane six and writing them all as stupid irrational people with no idea what they're doing and no experts or assistants able to guide them, for some reason. Probably so it would be easier to degrade and humiliate and hurt them before eventually killing them for the sake of cruel torture porn and maudlin sympathy porn.

>>356936
>On the contrary: crack mint addiction could be a legitimate arc with parallels to Pinkie's experiences before her death.
As far as addiction as a story arc goes, sure. I was talking more about the mints being used as a stat booster at convenient moments so the author can have his protagonist outsmart characters without having to explain how she outsmarted them. I also like having her pick up the habit from her PipBuck technician mentor; that hadn't occurred to me but it's a great idea.

Something else I think would have helped FoE would be to skip forward in time a bit once the first couple of chapters are finished instead of trying to cram the entire story into a period of a few weeks. Let's say that the first chapter or so is about LP in the stable, then Velvet tricks her and escapes, and she chases after Velvet and all of that. As soon as she's outside she gets a cold splash of reality when she's abducted by slavers. She escapes more or less by accident when the slavers get slaughtered by a raider party. The initial encounter with Monterrey Jack I'd probably leave in there, though I would leave out all that autism about her counting the bullets in the shotguns; she should be basically helpless at this point in the story. Meanwhile, Velvet is having a rough time of it as well. She has a similar rude awakening when she gets captured by raiders or slavers or whatever they were and coerced into working for them, as described in >>356897

After these events time skips forward and we rejoin LP maybe two or three years later. She's had enough time to get used to the rough life in the wasteland, so she could probably have built up a reasonable set of skills. Again, the key word here is reasonable; she probably has some basic firearms knowledge but she isn't Rambo the Pony by any means. I would probably have her living and working in New Appleoosa, probably in some area where her technical skills would be useful. Maybe she works in a repair shop or something. At this point she's a much more jaded and worldly version of herself, particularly since she escaped from the stable only to end up in an even shittier version of the life she tried to escape. She's forgotten all about Velvet by now. She knows Calamity since they live in the same town, but she isn't especially close to him. Also, her crack mint addiction is worse now, since she has greater access to them (and probably knows how to cook them herself by now), as well as more reasons to do drugs in the first place.

Blah blah blah they hear about some slavers that took over the nearby town of Old Appleoosa, or maybe Old Appleoosa was in ruins and the slavers just set up shop there. The town figures they should do something about it before they get overrun. Somehow, LP ends up overhearing that there is a skilled healer working there, who is also reputed to have a beautiful singing voice. Blah blah blah she figures out it's her long-lost crush Velvet, and because of this she volunteers to join the expedition that's going over there to investigate it. Calamity is leading the force and doesn't want her along, but she goes anyway.

Alternatively, Old Appleoosa could exist the way it does in the original story, as an established slaver town that has a prior relationship with New Appleoosa. LP bullshits her way into one of the trading caravans going up there, which is being led by Calamity, with the hidden agenda of trying to find Velvet and help her escape.

Either way, there's a major fracas (possibly even a ruckus). Calamity and LP end up escaping with Velvet; the rest of their party they are either separated from, or they are killed. Once they escape, they are unable to return to New Appleoosa, either because they fucked up the town's relationship with the slavers, or because the battle went south and the slavers are now heading out there to slaughter everyone in NA, depending on how it was set up. At this point, LP, Calamity and Velvet decide to team up because none of them have anywhere else to go.

That's probably how I'd handle the early part of the story.

>Having her not be a Bearer and her quest not be about anything M6-related would be better. Her finding the Bearers should be tangential to the story rather than the focus.
This would be my preference as well.

>>356939
>If the crack mint addiction is going to give her parallels with Pinkie, she should beat crack mint addiction because she had something Pinkie didn't, or learned something Pinkie didn't in time, right?
The direction the author was trying (read: TRYING) to take it was actually decent; the problem was his piss-poor execution. Basically the idea was to have LP learn about how Pinkie's life and friendships deteriorated due to her crack mint problem, which would then influence LP to kick the habit herself so she doesn't lose her own friends. The main problems here were that kkat didn't really build her addiction arc properly, and that he wasted so much page space on random autism that he forgot to build any serious friendships between his characters; ultimately, none of it felt genuine.

If LP's mint problem is established early on, ie she picked up the habit from her PipBuck mentor and it got worse during the 2-3 years she was out in the Wasteland, and we see her struggle with it in real time as the story progresses, then it's a genuine part of her character arc and not just some bullshit the author tacked on to force sympathy for her. If the characters actually build real relationships with each other instead of just being unceremoniously dumped together and declared to be friends by the author, then friendship would mean something; if LP's drug use causes actual strain on those friendships then it's a real problem. At that point, witnessing Pinkie's similar drug use via memory orbs or whatever would be more meaningful, and could ultimately prompt LP to change herself before she ends up destroying herself and alienating all of her friends like Pinkie did.

>>356919
>her party should have six members because the Mane Six were six ponies
I would suggest yes, her party should be mane 6 analogues, however there should also be significant ponies to operate as analogues to Celestia and Luna who could be either/and/or inside the party but leaving at interval, or outside the party and performing a significant task/role in their own right; the leader(s) of outside/allied/enemy(?) factions perhaps.

>>356964
Would a good chapter of the Brotherhood Of Steel be the best place for a Celestia ripoff?
F3 is a basic bitch good vs evil story where the protagonist leaves his Stable because his dad did, and his dad went on a quest to magically remove the radiation from all water sources in DC, which is a radioactive desert after 200 years because the creators didn't understand why the Mad Max and Wasteland and Retrofuture and Duck And Cover and GURPS inspired Fallout 1 took place 60 years after the nukes fell. The villains are cartoon fascists who "hate everyone who isnt pure like them and they call them mutants and want to kill them" because the libcuck creators of Fallout 2 AND Fallout 3 can't critically think about fascism. The creators of Fallout 2 would try a bit harder in FNV with the Enclave Remnants and Caesar's Legion. But in F3 the Enclave's goal is to kill everyone by using the magic machine to infect all the water with a virus that kills irradiated people or something. The point is if they win everyone dies, because in a game with a good ending and bad ending, they didn't want anyone to have any kind of reason to ever pick the bad options. The Brotherhood Of Steel in F3 are really just wannabe Power Rangers in slightly enchanted -+2ish STR plate mail. No ideological foundation. Just "we decided helping people is good and hoarding their tech is wrong". Retards call the BOS "technofascist" because anything they don't like is fascist unless it's democratic, then it's "just corrupt" if they don't like it.

Making the BOS into a cult obsessed with trying to emulate the Mane Six and worshipping Celestia (and maybe Luna?) and helping Spike protect the Gardens Of Equestria would give the group something to do and an interesting gimmick. That stupid fucking wannabe Pinkie character could be reworked into a character who's hurting herself trying to smile and laugh through the tears for the sake of her friends. The wannabe Pinkie character in a cult all about trying to be like the Mane Six in the hopes of triggering the Gardens Of Equestria would be a more interesting window into that cult's pros and cons than a boring walking suit of armour like Steel Hooves. What a lazy name. And a fitting one. Fits better than Applesnack. "Har har har his name is similar to his wife's" isn't funny. It's just another piece of laziness in a story devoid of originality.

>>356960
>the mints being used as a stat booster so that gaykat can skip over having to write convincing arguments
Yeah, that's stupid and part of "video game logic" that should be removed, same as the fucking charisma dress.
>skip forward in time a bit after first chapters
Well yeah, that's one of the things I mean by getting rid of vidya time.
It also lets you put all those sidequests and other inane bloat into a set of side-stories, letting you have the worldbuilding/vidya autism cake and eat it too.
>She's forgotten all about Velvet by now.
It's a valid option, but I personally wouldn't do this. She's (intended to be) too important for Littlepip to just forget about.
I'd make it that she doesn't forget, but moreso is too busy surviving/being a fucking addict to go out and search for her, until she doesn't pay Velvet any mind.
>could exist the way it does in the original story
Opens up too many plotholes if the characters are kept roughly as-is. Calamity is unlikely to work with slaver-friends, and Littlepip would be too morally plot-pounded about them. It could be set up as LP being in debt to NA that she's working off (and having trouble doing so because she's a junkie and keeps getting more debt), but that undermines her being exiled.
>LP ends up overhearing that there is a skilled healer working there
Can also be put as "she fails to rescue Velvet before the timeskip due to overconfidence and lack of experience, but manages to avoid becoming enslaved or killed herself, and in the process overhears a dialogue to the point of "slaver group X is the most likely to buy her", and group X is the one that takes over", to keep the theme of autistically making connections/remembering minor details from way before of the original.
>or because the battle went south and the slavers are now heading out there to slaughter everyone in NA
I'd make it so slavers make it their next target, but don't go there immediately because they're busy/drained of forces after the fight, and then get hijacked by Red Eye and can't do it anymore. It lets NA still exist and be on roughly the "good" side of the divide by the time of Enclave making their move, thus making their attack meaningful to the heroes and something to prevent (instead of original's >derpy and literally who filly are there and must be saved !!11!oneone).
>because none of them have anywhere else to go
Or Velvet manages to talk Calamity into teaming up despite him having somewhere to go (he's a pegasus who can easily move, and has a long history of surviving in the Wasteland = knows lots of ponies), which lets you foreshadow both their future relationship and Velvet's ability to sweet-talk/manipulate ponies.
>At that point, witnessing Pinkie's similar drug use via memory orbs or whatever would be more meaningful, and could ultimately prompt LP to change herself before she ends up destroying herself and alienating all of her friends like Pinkie did.
It also allows showing the difference between junkie-klepto LP and actually-respectful-to-the-dead, kicked-the-addiction LP instead of her looting Pinkie's skeleton one moment, burning Luna's bones out of "respect" the next, and then immediately after. doing a 540 and stealing Luna's statuettes. Imagine her chewing out the Steel Rangers for failing to bury Apple Bloom's remains.
Said looting should be kept, it can be made pretty symbolic of how similar Pinkie and LP are at that point.

I think statuettes should be kept too, they're a neat idea. Just instead of vidya "bonuses to unmentioned stats so kkunt can bullshit her succeeding at everything" they should be a subtle assistance like how kkat actually tried to do eventually, influencing LP's perceptions and decisions. They shouldn't be decisive, though, or it undermines her actual friendships, but more stuff like "she figures out an option is available that she wouldn't think about without the quiet voices of the Elements helping her along".
Also, speaking of plot holes. Why is LP aware of M6, Celestia, and Luna, but not aware of the Ministries and other things? Those are large enough that either knowledge about them was still preserved in the Stable, or M6 faded into myth entirely too and her knowledge about them is either missing or wildly inaccurate.
>>356937
>LP's life pre wasteland and her family is boring and uninteresting.
It's not just boring, it's handwaved away and then pulled back to the front with "SEE SEE HER MOTHER DOESN'T CARE FEEL EMOTIONS NOW" despite the reader caring about as much about LP's family and the stable as much as her "drunkard" mother cares about LP, because kkat failed to establish them.

>>356968
P.S. Also, I think Velvet should be bitter at Littlepip for bogus reasons (because she's manipulative and immature) after she gets saved post-timeskip, but eventually have character growth and actually apologize for exploiting LP and getting her into all this mess in the first place.

Also, the fucking retarded bit about Velvet being an idiot and reciting Fluttershy's speech inside a bunch of poison gas can actually be kept if it's made to be a side effect of her own memory orb addiction; "watch memory orbs too much and you might end up compelled to repeat their events in reality against your will". Requires foreshadowing by having that happen before, preferably to LP so that Velvet's orb-addiction matters more than a literal footnote. While it's a bit redundant with having a literal normal drug addiction, it can serve as a "Velvet helped LP kick the habit, but then developed and was hiding an addiction of her own, with LP not realizing how serious it has gotten until this happens, and then LP using her own experiences to to help her back".

>>356968
Would I be correct to say Fallout Equestria should have had a chapter or half a chapter dedicated to Littlepip's daily life before shit hits the fan and home must be left for good?
That could be the chance to establish who LP is before the wasteland, who her mother is, what her relationships are like, what skills she does and does not have, how she saves some lost pony and is beloved by the Stable, but this is quickly forgotten and she is hated by her Stable for being a small faggot with an embarassing mom, or... something. Christ did Kkunt plan any of this out?

>be good man
>girl you saved takes you shopping
>expect her to just take you along to carry her shit
>to your surprise she wants to spend money on you and buy clothes for you
"This is too much, you don't have to-"
>her friend is also there
"Just say yes already, you're boring me" friend says
>feel guilty and ask if she can buy your family warm clothes instead because they need them more
Girl calls this adorable
"Jesus fucking christ" girl's friend rolls her eyes
>girl says she'll buy them clothes if she can make you wear something that isn't black pants and a black shirt for once
Man: I like black, it goes with everything.
They stare.
Man: "fine. As long as it's not something gay like a maid outfit, I'll wear it."
Both girls laugh
>puts different mens clothes on you
>hilariousshoppingmontage.midi
>eventually gets you an outfit that is good enough but not too expensive looking
>finally wearing a colourful outfit now to symbolize how he's happier now than he was when he was wearing black

Is this scene a good idea? It's inspired by a shopping trip I was taken on once but I didn't save that person's life in a literal sense. The "can you get my family clothes instead?" bit seems like something the hero would say. He's a pure soul in this draft, innocent and kind, but at the story's start he doesn't know everything. He has to learn stuff over time from others. He has to learn that he has value. He has to make mistakes and grow from them. He has to learn to stand up for himself and others. He can't do everything all by himself. He never "goes too far and needs to be pulled back into the light" because it's love for those he can save that motivates him moreso than hatred for those who need to be destroyed. There is no "edgy arc" moment where he yells "KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!". His arc is his growth from good boy to good man. There is no darkness within him.

I've seen people in different communities praise fimfiction.net as the very best of fanfiction hosting sites. They cite good layout, good old story recommendations balanced with new stories, moderation being comparatively much better than fanfiction.net, and an excellent tagging system far superior to AO3.

What would you say are the strongpoints of Fimfiction and what are its weakpoints? It's closed source but do you think the owner would willingly give the code to someone who wants to set up a similar site for a different community?

>>357010
Archive Of Our Own, and countless other Booru sites, allow people to tag stories with whatever the hell they want. Some sites even let you tag the stories of other people with whatever the hell you want, but ban obvious tag abuse. Derpibooru is controlled by incompetent homosexual communists so the rules about "harassment" don't apply to cunts fucking with the tags on an artist's work to harass them, but do somehow apply to an artist telling those cunts to fuck off. Some boorus insist everyone use particular tagging standards, particular turns of phrase for commonly used tags, maybe a "tag what you see, not what you know" rule. Fimfiction has a ridiculously anal tagging system. Not only are you limited on how many tags you can use, some tags have bullshit limits even though it's possible to make stories that break these limits.

Your only hope of finding stories you want to read is to use the Search function and manually scroll through countless stories that use a key word you're after, or rely on others to do this for you and hopefully add these stories to Group folders. You can either sort through stories by how new they are, or by how many other users on a site mostly full of retards liked or disliked the story.

This system is great for perverts who can type the name of their fetish and wank to anything, and terrible for people after specific story concepts Fimfiction doesn't have tags for. It's great for trend-hopping retards who will crank out another story in a "Verse" with an easily-searched title and a group dedicated to it, and it's great for retards who want to see these formulaic minor variations on a cliche idea for a "verse", and it's terrible for anyone after unique interesting literature. The world may never know how many writers on this site went ignored and gave up on writing, or gave up on writing after dealing with abuse or subsequent incompetent site moderation.

There are no rules on Fimfiction. There are no rules the moderators follow when deciding to enforce their will upon the site. Meta fics (fics about fimfiction and its users) are supposedly not allowed, except they are, unless staff don't like them. Making a group for the explicitly stated purpose of harassing authors and mocking stories with bad reddit scores is allowed, unless the staff don't like your group politically. Staff are fine with child harassment, teen harassment, adult writer harassment, but they do what they can to censor users and maintain a stranglehold on the majority to create the illusion that their views are the norm. You will never hear worse writing advice on this site chanted like it's gospel. When it comes to group moderation, it's a two-headed coin flip whether the staff will side with the user being attacked and ganged up on for making something the group didn't like, or claim the victim's out of line for responding (insert adjective here) and side with the entitled abusers mad that a child or teenager or adult who writes like a teenager is writing what he wants to write for his own fun and not to suit specific subjective niche tastes abusers narcissistically treat like inherent objective measurements of quality. You'll struggle to find stupider people anywhere else on the internet. Fimfiction is where intellectual writing critique goes to light itself aflame and commit seppuku in front of a laughing jeering crowd of genuine retards who think Past Sins and Fallout Equestria are what all good fanfictions should strive to be. The analysts are on youtube, not on fimfiction.net. Well, they were on youtube. I wonder how many of them moved on over the years, and how many are still trying to convince dwindling youtube audiences to see "the blue curtains represent existential nihilism" in the pastel pony girl's house with blue curtains.

I'm convinced this is the reason why so many artists on that site are obscure and ignored (unless a hate group targets them and becomes their problem), and so many are overhyped and lavished with undue praise for getting about 100 followers or more and creating a hugbox of around 10 circlejerkers for writing mediocre practically-masturbatory or literally-masturbatory fandom-fanservicey shite. It's hard to get a following on that site, or to even get your work read at all, without the cooperation of the Featured Box (Which does not use an algorithm, and is literally used to advertise whatever stories site staff like, and if you criticize this they'll use the excuse that algorithms are easily gamed once their rules are figured out) or large Groups.

There are groups on the site for stories of a specific length. Groups that will only take in stories under 5k words, or over 50k words, or over 100k words, or over 1 million words. Writers are encouraged to needlessly bloat the shit they write in order to get their stories into these groups in the hopes that some dipshit in these groups will look at these stories and give them a chance. The site is dogshit. Filled with retards obsessed with their own ego, and the undue feelings of importance granted to them by a site that seemed fucking designed to treat the only life form lower than discord moderators, fimfiction group moderators, as though they're somehow more important than any writer alive.

Archive Of Our Own is a better site for fanfiction, or it was back when I used it. Are the staff censorious libtards now?

>>357013
Pretty interesting points, but you rambled on way too much. It's possible to give the gist of your argument, and all important points, in only half the length.

Speaking of, where is that link to the other person's review of Fallout Equestria? It's very inconvenient to search through these threads.

>>357017
The google document reviewing Fallout Equestria?

>>357022
yes

>>357023
Here you go:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ywwzsBKN9cNvxTmfzEfON_qVVqr0FR4t2v4Za_nHo4w/edit

>>357010
I haven't used it as extensively as some people here, but I actually don't have any huge complaints about it so far.

If you're looking for a specific story their search engine isn't great; I've actually found it's easier to just google "fimfiction" + story title. As far as finding something general or how the site recommends stories, I guess it depends on how specific your needs are. As Nigel pointed out, a certain kind of user might benefit more from a booru-style tagging system that allows for a greater number of more specific tags to help users narrow down what they're searching for. I honestly don't read a ton of this stuff, so I'm generally okay just clicking around and skimming summaries until I find something that sounds interesting. However, I can see how someone looking for something hyper-specific might get frustrated with the way the site is organized.

As far as publishing stories, my experience thus far has been more or less positive. I've only published a couple of things and they've managed to get a couple of hundred views each and a few comments, without my really doing anything to boost them beyond submitting them to a couple of groups. A lot of times these sites can be like youtube or something, where you have to work and build up a social following if you want anyone to notice you at all. One thing I rather like about fimfiction is that everything that gets published or updated is just listed on the front page in the order it was posted, so just about anything is guaranteed at least some degree of visibility. Apart from the feature box, there don't seem to be any algorithms that boost or suppress certain content, which I like. "Mature" stories are hidden by default I think, but you can turn that off.

I haven't run afoul of any of the moderators so far. The rules seem reasonable, and stories get approved quickly. Your mileage may vary I guess.

As far as the community itself goes...it's an online community dedicated to My Little Pony fanfiction, so it is what it is. People who write fanfiction are usually not great writers, and unfortunately many of the people who read it seem to be borderline illiterate so...it is what it is. Stories that have no business being popular can end up being very popular, and there's probably a lot of high-quality stuff that's gotten buried; that's just how it goes sometimes. I've decided to stop reading people's comments on stories I dislike; it's just too depressing sometimes.

>do you think the owner would willingly give the code to someone who wants to set up a similar site for a different community?
I have no idea, but if I had to guess I'd say probably not. According to the FAQ there's an API in development, but that doesn't really help someone trying to build their own site from scratch. It seems like this would be the guy to ask:
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/11771/Xaquseg

Posting some free books and writing shit if anyone wants them.
https://archive.is/gjaxO
https://archive.vn/nUHAC
https://www.theotherpages.org/poems/books/tennyson/tennyson08.html
https://collections.ushmm.org/search/catalog/irn537029
https://archive.org/details/pulpmagazinearchive

Been reading more pulp stories from before writing got jewed. It's like reading books from another planet.