Continuing the (eh?) compelling story of Torcuil the Meme Magician, Trump the (ahem) Shining and Resplendent Paladin, Tracy the edge-lord (multiple meanings there), and Infernius the Minotaur.
The party has found its self overlooking a rocky hillock leading toward a town into which several large and small rivers connect. Chirpy birds 'bweeet' from their nests and posts, while squirrels jubilantly roll in the dirt (they do that FYI) while foraging for resources.
It is the very depiction of the phrase "Whatever could go wrong?".
Join us new viewers and anons, for a spectacle of autism and bemusement. ITT we continue,...
THE GAME
(u just lost BTW)
Previous bread
https://mlpol.net/vx/res/1799.html275 replies and 55 files omitted.
>>2629not the first time some one has called a jew a fairy
>>2625Lenos sparks the J and takes a phatty rip, then offers it to Lee.
"So, basically this is a place you can go nuts. I'm not too great on the particulars, but you're kinda supposed to."
>>2633*takes joint*
*inhales*
What am i supposed to do man?
>>2634"Whatever you want. Me, I mostly just set things on fire
and by things he means people, but whatever floats your boat. There are others by the way, but they're off doing,... well I don't know what they're doing, but they left a while ago."
>>2635Things on fire? Like doors?
>>2636He laughs cynically.
"Yeah, that was me."
>>2637Thats pretty funny, you couldn't get me though. Haha
>>2638"Challenge accepted!" he swigs the rest of his beer and then wanders over to a tap sticking out of the wall. "So. Here you'll find everything you need,... ever,... except raw materials. There's a machine or device for whatever you might want to accomplish,... you'd probably like that burlap striking pad next to the coffee-machine, but yeah this place has it all. Let me know if you have any questions. There generally aren't any actual fights unless everyone else is present, and that's a tangent in its own right, but for the most part this building is here for you and others to utilize.
>>2639I think ill go and meet the rest of the people.
*hands him a handful of seeds and another joint*
>>2640He puts the joint behind his ear and the seeds in his pocket.
"They're gonna be surprised when you show up, but when you do don't mention me. Just play it off," he winks at you before heading through the double-doors and up the stairs to the dais.
He looks irritatingly at the sphere. With a 'tch' he waves the sphere away, draws up an interface protocol and starts tapping away. The sphere is replaced by a stargate-looking orifice.
"If you really want, stepping in that will put you right next to 'em. Tell the purple one that Lenos sent you."
>meanwhileElsewhere (meaning everyone else) a weird upside-down whirlpool appears in the air about 15' up, a little ahead of your progress.
>>2641Alright, thanks man
*i jump through the portal*
Thez does a ninja-like spin as the whirlpool appears and looks at it suspiciously, but stops proceeding.
>>2641i draw my sword when the portal appears.
>>2642You jump through the portal and experience a moment of disorientation. A moment ago you were going forward, and now you're going down, all in the same direction. Since you're a monk though, you successfully land on your feet.
Not far off are a Minotaur with a freaky-big sword, a most-resplendent Trump-lookin' dude in overly shiny armor, a light-blue pony with knives and a weird expression, and a hippy in pale hide.
*continues to sharpen knife*
Scanning the horizon, you also see a nearby fellow clad in billowing tartan robes. The hills roll from higher (a large, walled edifice) to a spacious valley with rivers and a walled city.
Fuck! I didn't read any of those recent posts, and I did not know what was going on
*Looks up*
>>2649A Yak just dropped out of a hole in the sky.
>>2651>>2649A kung fu yak
[sharpening stops]
*looks up*
"Oh great, another bovine.
Welcome to our little party, Shaggy."
>>2652This. He's dressed in simple garb with clear signs of wear (he's not flush with cash, to be sure), but everything about him seems clean and disciplined.
The Minotaur is holding his massive sword, the blue pony is sharpening a knife (and is the last to notice you), while Trump seems unimpressed and the tartan fellow seems to have caught a breeze and is adopting a statuesque pose.
>>2653You're pretty cute for an earth pony
The whirlpool unceremoniously 'fa-whoomps' closed, leaving blank space.
The hippy looks at you quizzically. "Whoa man, you just sorta fell from the sky man. Thats not cool man."
>>2655"Why, thank you, you two-hooved mistake.
What brings you here? Dead, I assume?"
>>2658Hey no need to be so hostile babe, yeah i died im guessing its more of the same for you?
>>2657When I say the hippy, I don't mean you at the moment. There's a hippy in addition to you.
>>2660I know i said that to him in character.
Other hippy looks like this
>>2659"So I've been told..."
>>2530*humps leg*
Hey purple person i have something to tell you.
>>2664You don't detect a purple person
>>2656>>2663I was told there was someone that would be purple with you,where are they?
>>2668The hippy chuckles. "Whoa man, that seems far out. Who told you this man?"
>>2530*continues to hump leg, unrestrained*
>>2668The smaller blue pony seems to have an itch, that they're scratching using the armor of the TRUMP-lookin' dude
>>2669Id rather not say,man
>>2672What kind of leg armor is he using?
>>2674Trumpaladin? Only the finest in gilded, platinum-plaated and TRUMP embossed greaves.
>>2675No shit. I'm asking; what kind of armor plating does he have below the knee?
>>2676Greaves are below the knee, like shin-guards
>>2677Oh, that makes things simple then*removes greave*
*has at shin*
>>2678>he's not posting so yeh, that happens. Unless he gets mad and objects, like the time he got raped but "didn't get raped".
>>2679I fuck the back of his kneecap
>>2679"HANDS OFF, FAGGOT!!!"
[1d20 = 1]>>2680>>2679i grab him before he fucks trump friends knee
>>2681Hey,babe plenty of knees to go around ;)
>>2683What have you done?
[1d20 = 10]>>2684"YOU ASKED FOR IT!"
*unironically stabs at this dirty faggot's hoof assaulting*
>>2688Fucking shit, I meant to say *'assaulting hoof'.
>>2680You try, but the pale-blue pony prevents you, assertively.
>>2681They (the blue one) seems particularly insistant.
And, while I was typing this, you all decided to attack each-other,
>>2605Oh,
Okay
>walks off crying>>2641I dont remember summoning this shit
>yakOh shit
>>2690Uh, hi yak thing
>>2690had to stay in character.
>>2692The weird (everything is weird, but esp the blue pony) STABS U IN THE FUKKIN LEG. U have a knife in ur leg and you're not sure why.
[1d20 = 18]>>2699Elway why!!!!
I punch the bitch in the head.
[1d20 = 5]>>2700*Don't even dodge, just stab straight for the stomach*
[1d20 = 15]
I whack with my longbow whoever needs a good whacking (weirdly I think that does not include Tracy)
>>2692Fucking kek
>>2699>>2697>>2700The first person to say
"I need healing" will not get fucking healed by my dank memes
[1d20 = 3]>>2701>I get punched with no reward"Fuck!"
*triple wields*
roll to attack and take off what's left of this faggot's leg.
[1d20 = 17]>>2703i try to grapple again
>>2705>3Kek
>triple weildingBITCH NO
ALRIGHT FUCKING THOTS
WHO NEEDS THE MEME MAGE TO MAGIC TO INTO HEALING?
[1d20 = 15]>>2707>>2708*Stabs the yak*
[1d20 = 2]>>2711Wanna pull this knife out of my leg doc?
>>2712i turn as you try to stab him, "we need talk"
[1d20 = 5]>>2713I roll to remove knife
And use magic to heal
>>2715>5 Im sorry, youre dead
>>2716Hell
[1d20 = 3]
i heal him with heal minor wounds
[1d20 = 10]>>2714"DON'T YOU DARE GET IN MY WAY, YOU FUCKING SPORTS DRINK PARODY! IMMA FUCKING CUT THIS FAGGOT!!!"
*goes for the yak again*
>>2716(in baby-doll voice) "Just defending your honor, ~Flashy!"
[1d20 = 2]>>2719*takes hit for yak*
stop before you piss me off tracey MOOOOOOO
[1d20 = 20]>>2720>>2719Struggle to get away from the hold
>>2721uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
will you fucking idiots stop fighting like fucking ziggers and calm down?
[1d20 = 15]
Trumpaladin invokes the magic of Football to BLOCK attacks against himself, awhile he evaluates the situation
[1d20 = 1]>>2720"WTF is it your problem?! This faggot literally just fell from the sky and assaulted my husband, and now your defending him?!"
>>2721"Oh no you don't"
*Pursues on all fours, brandishing knife in maw*
[1d20 = 9]
Trumpaladin whacks the yak with his longbow
Okay, I've read the latest several times and this is the most accurate rendition I can come up with.
>>2725>>2726am not smart but i wont let you kill innocent yak
[1d20 = 5]>>2722Since no one is fucking listening I roll to freeze everyone
[1d20 = 8]>>2729Roll to block magic attack using power of football
[1d20 = 9]>>2725Fuck!
>I assume I tripped or some shit>>2728>innocent"IMPLYING!"
>>2729>no memes to create affect"Dumb frog-summoner!"
>>2730Roll to invert the affect of your spell using the demonic power of soccer
>>2731all he try to do is fuck your knee, like tracy do
[1d20 = 4]
i use calm on everyone
How close am i to the castle?
>>2733And Tracy would be beat with my bow just the same
>>2736tracy try to cut out guts
>>2732USING THE MAGIC OF OUR PATRON SAINT JOHN ELWAY
I
CAST
TIMEOUT
[1d20 = 8]>>2733"Fucking bovine chads have no understanding of traditional pony marriages!"
>>2734*gets angrier*
Roll to activate berserker quirks
Thez watches the proceeding calamity with a degree of reserve.
"You guys,..."
>>2738And time halts. Not in the sense that time fails to pass, but that it "waits" in a manner of speaking.
Torcuil is free to move, everyone else is in stasis
>>2741HAHA NOW YOU HAVE TO LISTEN
I paint "Thot" on tracys forhead and put her in an "intresting" positiom with infernis
And bandage up the Yak dude still confued where he came from.
After moving him safly of to the side I call "The Game" back into play
>>2743Where is the purple member of your party magi?
So Yak Lee is bandaged, Tracy is confused (and vandalized), Infernis is drooling (he is tho), and Trump disdainfully examines them all from his shiny armor.
>>2746I was told someone purple was here with your party and that i should talk to them
Trump takes mental note of who defended him and who stood by indifferently but attacked his defenders
>>2748Uhhhh
We have:
Blue
Red
Tarten
Gold
And Yak color
But no purp....
THEZ
At the mention of purple, Urri casts a sidelong glance.
"Aint seen nobody like that for a long time. Can you be more specific?" Asks the hippy.
>>2751oh shit thats right
Whoops
Thez died, crushed by a wall.
I blame Trump
>>2752>>2751Bullshit, i was told man
>>2753Go with it or die>>2754Sorry
>Is confused
I've been reviewing, IDK where we got off track. Last I checked there was a Yak that fell from the sky, and a bunch of irate (ish) adventurers making their way to a walled city.
>>2756Yes, Thez is a blood-splotch
>>2758why you no tell me!!
>>2758Okay
Im confused
WHOSE WHO?
>>2759NOT REALLY YOU ENERGY DRINK shes hiding but we cant say so
>spell wears off>anger is at maximum>barbarian quirk demands release>don't know what to do with all this anger>>2749*humps leg*
I guess ill just go back where i came from then.
[1d20 = 13]>>2762*sighs in affection and frustration*
>>2762Does anyone know of a pill that decreases sex drive?
Im gonna need to summon some anti-viagra in this bitch
>>2766I do, but you have to discover the meme yourself.
>>2768says the pastel horse with thot written on their head
>>2769Bitch, please. It's not the first time I've had stupid meme crap written all over me. It'll just disappear after a while anyway.
>>2767Hey meme man why is that horse so crazy?
>my sides
Okay, lemmme quick arrange this.
You have Trump, who is glaring-face and suspicious. You have Torcuil, who is relatively (literally) the expert, but he's not prominent in the interaction. You have Infernius who likes smashing things (and is looking for an excuse). Also there's,....
>>2749>[leg-humping intensifies]
>>2770I used sharpie>>2771Im guessing some type of brain damage
This resulted in homicidal tendancies and hyper sex drive
[1d20 = 2]
Uses bow to pry off pony
>>2774But only for the paladin?cause i tryed some advances but it didnt work, lucky for me.
>>2774>a fucking yak>homocide"Yaks aren't ponies, you dumb frog-summoner."
>>2771">Says the a bovine from a race that goes to war over improperly-baked cakes."
>>2777Cakeing is serous buissness hores
[1d20 = 7]>>2775*vacuum seals self to shin*
"Hmmm, that was weird," Thez opines as seemingly divergent storylines correct and right themselves.
>>2779If only I had thot repellant
Does any one have like a water hose or spray bottle?
>>2782Hold on, stand aack I got this
Ahem
B E G O N E T H O T
So, Tracy is all blades and wariness, Trump is resolved and resolute in his resplendent armor, Torcuil seems indifferent, Infernius has a raging (inclination to do stuff) and Lee is the new guy, steadily making his way through the group
>>2782*suggestively taps perennial port in armor*
Hey hippy come see,i need to talk to you.
>>2784>indiffernetEhh can't argue
What ever happened to my pepe summon?
>>2784i stroke my inclination.
>nobody posting for 5 minutes>>2782*licks*
>>2789Good night friends and that 1 thot
>>2787He wandered off a while ago.
>>2790I appreciate your participation, and will work to eliminate inefficiency
>>2790Good night, dumb frog-summoner.
I'm going to head in too, because it looks like things are pretty slow atm. Had loads of fun tonight though.
>>2782"~A-aaaahh..!"
*finishes all over your leg*
[1d20 = 1]>>2793No no no no. Trumpaladin casts Football block. Also the parts not protected by steel plate have thick leather. (Still gross)
>>2792infernuis need leave too.
infernuis love friends
I have to admit to being a little unprepared. It didn't (never does Xp) go how I intend, and I apologize in my inability to roll with 'the punches'. We're on the verge of some story-uniting shit tho, so any inconsistencies will be ironed out quickly.
Tracy fully climaxes on Trump, (cuz she said so), and Thez is STILL displaying an IDGAF posture in the midst of it all.
Again, it wasn't planned, but fuck it all.
>>2794>rolled a 1>sighsWhatever you intended, it went awry. We'll leave it at that. >_<
>>2795Sleep well, until next time.
>>2796Thez is out in the open?
>>2794>tfw took one last look at the screen before bedGood night, ~Flahy.
>>2797Yes of course. She's standing in the open, with her arms across her chest, not sur3e at ALL what's going on.
>>2799Thez i need to you over here
>>2800>listening>>2801"Oh? I don't recognize you, so be specific with your requests," she eyes you suspiciously. She still looks like that hippy btw, you still haven't seen the 'real' Thez yet.
>>2802Im going to be honest with you, i think you are the one i need to talk to. Lenos sent me.
>>2803>sighs at the mention of Lenos, but observably relaxes"Fantastic. You said Lenos," the hippy demeanor disappears and a purple female replaces.
"When did you see this Lenos?"
>>2802Is there a place around selling leather under armor? Because I need to burn mine
>>2804Right before he helped me meet you guys
>>2806>mutters something about Fire traps"Okay then," she crosses her arms, "What did you give him?"
>>2807*i hand thez a joint*
>>2808>doesn't know joints"Is that supposed to be food? <sniffs it>
"What? IDK what that is, but its not right."
>>2809I put my own joint in my mouth.
Naw you smoke it,babe watch.
>>2810I light nd smoke it
>she can't restrain herself and starts uproariously laughing"Sorry, sorry, I couldn't help myself. (chuckling incessantly) If you've seen Lenos, well that means a number of things."
>>2811Yea u do
"Is he around? I looked for him but I didn't see any sign. I thought he'd been reset with the Game."
Thez offers
>>2812He was in a place with alot of doors
>>2813"With a tankard, right? Why aren't you charred then?" she insists.
>>2815She sniffs the air while the other players (?) stare idly. Glancing at them, and then back at you she says finally, through squinted eyes:
"Okay! Don't die tho!" (the behavior is inconsistent with the apparent Hippy who is acting out the behaviors)
>>2816Hey i gotta go. Im tired as fuck.
We gonna play Saturday?
>>2817>TAFYes, Saturday. Ask any questions you want (Thez knows more then Lenos anyway) until then.
>>2818*gets noticeable buldge in sack cloth pants*
Holy shit, we did some actual play while I was delirious from the gas! We have another player! ROFLMAO!
>>2805Uhhh, I still got hydra scales
>>2820>The gasSeig Heil?¿
>>2826Nitrous, I had oral surgery. It looks like it was fun though. The intent was to allow the characters to interact a bit before entering the city and that seems to have occurred, though there are a couple times where I can tell my mind was wandering and I could have gotten to the fucking point. Oh well, it definitely won't happen again.
>Deep breath
Alright. This is not game time, but I'm going to start describing things.
The rocky hills slowly calm to sweeping plains as the group continues to plod toward the city in the distance. The city it becomes apparent, is a large and bustling port town at the edge of some waterways that the GM is not proficient enough with geology to render convincingly (yet), but adjacent and attached to the city is a large dock capable of housing (and indeed, is housing) several sea-faring vessels.
Excepting a single tower, the city its self is still largely obstructed by the massive walls (which upon growing nearer show signs of wear, abuse, and deliberate non-friendly fire) which are ringed with cannons and ballistae. Several distant roads and bridges can be seen snaking their way toward one another and the city its self. Its too far away yet to see individual people, but you can determine that the city is largely commercial both by land and water.
Thez and Yak Lee finished conferring with regard to his appearance, while the greater party kinda just watched confusedly. The overall perception is that Thez has an idea of what's going on - to do with someone named Lenos - and that Yak Lee is not a threat. He is a yak tho.
For Yak Lee's benefit, a description of the assembled party.
Most visably commanding is Trumpaladin, a glorious and shining example of charisma, dignity, righteousness, and Football. In brilliant shining armor, a thick tower shield slung over his back (for travel), he is both a radiant banner and a walking tank.
Ever nearby Trump is a 3 1/2 pastel-blue pony in imprecisely-torn hide with a bandolier of wickedly sharp kitchen knives. Alternating between quadraped and biped movement she also talks, and displays a personality as sharp and as particular as her cutlery.
Towering over everyone except Trump (and Lee) is Infernius, a Minotaur cleric of Adolph Hitler. Mein Kampf in hand and a massive Zweihand slung over his shoulder, he plods with deliberation and focus on his face and in his step.
Next comes Torcuil, a bearded Scotsman in a billowing tartan robe. He has a small note-pad with him that he occasionally references and makes notes with, sometimes causing slight bursts of color and magic drawing various looks of satisfaction and confusion. It can't be determined precisely what he is doing, but it is clear he is doing some experimental reasoning. Lastly there is Thez, who though having presented herself briefly in her true purple manner, has reverted to appearing as an old hippy in in worn and ragged suede blankets.
>>2869What did my thot spray do to murder horse?
Also, can someone explain monk and cleric for me?
>>2873It increased my THOT powers exponentially!
>>2873>thot spray; monk v clericUndetermined so far
With monks, think shaolin, martial arts, etc; ascetics and all that. With clerics, think anywhere between holy priests to battlefield god-champions.
>>2875>think anywhere between holy priests to battlefield god-championsThats a big difference
So your
>angelic voice heald everyone preaching the wonders of being a NaziAnd
>the god hitler smites the enemy with gas and easy bake ovens???
Infernius which are you?