Continuing the (eh?) compelling story of Torcuil the Meme Magician, Trump the (ahem) Shining and Resplendent Paladin, Tracy the edge-lord (multiple meanings there), and Infernius the Minotaur.
The party has found its self overlooking a rocky hillock leading toward a town into which several large and small rivers connect. Chirpy birds 'bweeet' from their nests and posts, while squirrels jubilantly roll in the dirt (they do that FYI) while foraging for resources.
It is the very depiction of the phrase "Whatever could go wrong?".
Join us new viewers and anons, for a spectacle of autism and bemusement. ITT we continue,...
(u just lost BTW)
275 replies and 56 files omitted.
[1d20 = 17]>>2703
i try to grapple again
ALRIGHT FUCKING THOTS
WHO NEEDS THE MEME MAGE TO MAGIC TO INTO HEALING?
[1d20 = 15]>>2707>>2708
*Stabs the yak*
[1d20 = 2]>>2711
Wanna pull this knife out of my leg doc?
i turn as you try to stab him, "we need talk"
[1d20 = 5]>>2713
I roll to remove knife
And use magic to heal
Im sorry, youre dead>>2716
[1d20 = 3]
i heal him with heal minor wounds
[1d20 = 10]>>2714
"DON'T YOU DARE GET IN MY WAY, YOU FUCKING SPORTS DRINK PARODY! IMMA FUCKING CUT THIS FAGGOT!!!"
*goes for the yak again*>>2716
(in baby-doll voice) "Just defending your honor, ~Flashy!"
[1d20 = 2]>>2719
*takes hit for yak*
stop before you piss me off tracey MOOOOOOO
[1d20 = 20]>>2720>>2719
Struggle to get away from the hold
will you fucking idiots stop fighting like fucking ziggers and calm down?
[1d20 = 15]
Trumpaladin invokes the magic of Football to BLOCK attacks against himself, awhile he evaluates the situation
[1d20 = 1]>>2720
"WTF is it your problem?! This faggot literally just fell from the sky and assaulted my husband, and now your defending him?!">>2721
"Oh no you don't"
*Pursues on all fours, brandishing knife in maw*
[1d20 = 9]
Trumpaladin whacks the yak with his longbow
Okay, I've read the latest several times and this is the most accurate rendition I can come up with.
am not smart but i wont let you kill innocent yak
[1d20 = 5]>>2722
Since no one is fucking listening I roll to freeze everyone
[1d20 = 8]>>2729
Roll to block magic attack using power of football
[1d20 = 9]>>2725
Fuck!>I assume I tripped or some shit>>2728>innocent
"IMPLYING!">>2729>no memes to create affect
Roll to invert the affect of your spell using the demonic power of soccer
all he try to do is fuck your knee, like tracy do
[1d20 = 4]
i use calm on everyone
How close am i to the castle?
And Tracy would be beat with my bow just the same
tracy try to cut out guts
USING THE MAGIC OF OUR PATRON SAINT JOHN ELWAY
[1d20 = 8]>>2733
"Fucking bovine chads have no understanding of traditional pony marriages!">>2734
Roll to activate berserker quirks
Thez watches the proceeding calamity with a degree of reserve.
And time halts. Not in the sense that time fails to pass, but that it "waits" in a manner of speaking.
Torcuil is free to move, everyone else is in stasis
HAHA NOW YOU HAVE TO LISTEN
I paint "Thot" on tracys forhead and put her in an "intresting" positiom with infernis
And bandage up the Yak dude still confued where he came from.
After moving him safly of to the side I call "The Game" back into play
Where is the purple member of your party magi?
So Yak Lee is bandaged, Tracy is confused (and vandalized), Infernis is drooling (he is tho), and Trump disdainfully examines them all from his shiny armor.
I was told someone purple was here with your party and that i should talk to them
Trump takes mental note of who defended him and who stood by indifferently but attacked his defenders
And Yak color
But no purp....
At the mention of purple, Urri casts a sidelong glance.
"Aint seen nobody like that for a long time. Can you be more specific?" Asks the hippy.
oh shit thats right
Thez died, crushed by a wall.
I blame Trump
Bullshit, i was told man
>>2753Go with it or die>>2754
I've been reviewing, IDK where we got off track. Last I checked there was a Yak that fell from the sky, and a bunch of irate (ish) adventurers making their way to a walled city.
Yes, Thez is a blood-splotch
why you no tell me!!
>>2759NOT REALLY YOU ENERGY DRINK shes hiding but we cant say so
>spell wears off>anger is at maximum>barbarian quirk demands release>don't know what to do with all this anger>>2749
I guess ill just go back where i came from then.
[1d20 = 13]>>2762
*sighs in affection and frustration*
Does anyone know of a pill that decreases sex drive?
Im gonna need to summon some anti-viagra in this bitch
>>2766I do, but you have to discover the meme yourself.
>>2768says the pastel horse with thot written on their head
>>2769Bitch, please. It's not the first time I've had stupid meme crap written all over me. It'll just disappear after a while anyway.
Hey meme man why is that horse so crazy?
Okay, lemmme quick arrange this.
You have Trump, who is glaring-face and suspicious. You have Torcuil, who is relatively (literally) the expert, but he's not prominent in the interaction. You have Infernius who likes smashing things (and is looking for an excuse). Also there's,....
>>2770I used sharpie>>2771
Im guessing some type of brain damage
This resulted in homicidal tendancies and hyper sex drive
[1d20 = 2]
Uses bow to pry off pony
But only for the paladin?cause i tryed some advances but it didnt work, lucky for me.
>>2774>a fucking yak>homocide
"Yaks aren't ponies, you dumb frog-summoner.">>2771
">Says the a bovine from a race that goes to war over improperly-baked cakes."
Cakeing is serous buissness hores
[1d20 = 7]>>2775
*vacuum seals self to shin*
"Hmmm, that was weird," Thez opines as seemingly divergent storylines correct and right themselves.
If only I had thot repellant
Does any one have like a water hose or spray bottle?
Hold on, stand aack I got this
B E G O N E T H O T
So, Tracy is all blades and wariness, Trump is resolved and resolute in his resplendent armor, Torcuil seems indifferent, Infernius has a raging (inclination to do stuff) and Lee is the new guy, steadily making his way through the group
*suggestively taps perennial port in armor*
Hey hippy come see,i need to talk to you.
Ehh can't argue
What ever happened to my pepe summon?
i stroke my inclination.
>nobody posting for 5 minutes>>2782
Good night friends and that 1 thot
He wandered off a while ago.>>2790
I appreciate your participation, and will work to eliminate inefficiency
Good night, dumb frog-summoner.
I'm going to head in too, because it looks like things are pretty slow atm. Had loads of fun tonight though.>>2782
*finishes all over your leg*
[1d20 = 1]>>2793
No no no no. Trumpaladin casts Football block. Also the parts not protected by steel plate have thick leather. (Still gross)
infernuis need leave too.
infernuis love friends
I have to admit to being a little unprepared. It didn't (never does Xp) go how I intend, and I apologize in my inability to roll with 'the punches'. We're on the verge of some story-uniting shit tho, so any inconsistencies will be ironed out quickly.
Tracy fully climaxes on Trump, (cuz she said so), and Thez is STILL displaying an IDGAF posture in the midst of it all.
Again, it wasn't planned, but fuck it all.>>2794>rolled a 1>sighs
Whatever you intended, it went awry. We'll leave it at that. >_<>>2795
Sleep well, until next time.
Thez is out in the open?
>>2794>tfw took one last look at the screen before bed
Good night, ~Flahy.
Yes of course. She's standing in the open, with her arms across her chest, not sur3e at ALL what's going on.
Thez i need to you over here
"Oh? I don't recognize you, so be specific with your requests," she eyes you suspiciously. She still looks like that hippy btw, you still haven't seen the 'real' Thez yet.
Im going to be honest with you, i think you are the one i need to talk to. Lenos sent me.
>>2803>sighs at the mention of Lenos, but observably relaxes
"Fantastic. You said Lenos," the hippy demeanor disappears and a purple female replaces.
"When did you see this Lenos?"
Is there a place around selling leather under armor? Because I need to burn mine
Right before he helped me meet you guys
>>2806>mutters something about Fire traps
"Okay then," she crosses her arms, "What did you give him?"
*i hand thez a joint*
>>2808>doesn't know joints
"Is that supposed to be food? <sniffs it>
"What? IDK what that is, but its not right."
I put my own joint in my mouth.
Naw you smoke it,babe watch.
I light nd smoke it
>she can't restrain herself and starts uproariously laughing
"Sorry, sorry, I couldn't help myself. (chuckling incessantly) If you've seen Lenos, well that means a number of things.">>2811
Yea u do
"Is he around? I looked for him but I didn't see any sign. I thought he'd been reset with the Game."
He was in a place with alot of doors
"With a tankard, right? Why aren't you charred then?" she insists.
She sniffs the air while the other players (?) stare idly. Glancing at them, and then back at you she says finally, through squinted eyes:
"Okay! Don't die tho!" (the behavior is inconsistent with the apparent Hippy who is acting out the behaviors)
Hey i gotta go. Im tired as fuck.
We gonna play Saturday?
Yes, Saturday. Ask any questions you want (Thez knows more then Lenos anyway) until then.
*gets noticeable buldge in sack cloth pants*
Holy shit, we did some actual play while I was delirious from the gas! We have another player! ROFLMAO!
Uhhh, I still got hydra scales>>2820>The gas
Nitrous, I had oral surgery. It looks like it was fun though. The intent was to allow the characters to interact a bit before entering the city and that seems to have occurred, though there are a couple times where I can tell my mind was wandering and I could have gotten to the fucking point. Oh well, it definitely won't happen again.
Alright. This is not game time, but I'm going to start describing things.
The rocky hills slowly calm to sweeping plains as the group continues to plod toward the city in the distance. The city it becomes apparent, is a large and bustling port town at the edge of some waterways that the GM is not proficient enough with geology to render convincingly (yet), but adjacent and attached to the city is a large dock capable of housing (and indeed, is housing) several sea-faring vessels.
Excepting a single tower, the city its self is still largely obstructed by the massive walls (which upon growing nearer show signs of wear, abuse, and deliberate non-friendly fire) which are ringed with cannons and ballistae. Several distant roads and bridges can be seen snaking their way toward one another and the city its self. Its too far away yet to see individual people, but you can determine that the city is largely commercial both by land and water.
Thez and Yak Lee finished conferring with regard to his appearance, while the greater party kinda just watched confusedly. The overall perception is that Thez has an idea of what's going on - to do with someone named Lenos - and that Yak Lee is not a threat. He is a yak tho.
For Yak Lee's benefit, a description of the assembled party.
Most visably commanding is Trumpaladin, a glorious and shining example of charisma, dignity, righteousness, and Football. In brilliant shining armor, a thick tower shield slung over his back (for travel), he is both a radiant banner and a walking tank.
Ever nearby Trump is a 3 1/2 pastel-blue pony in imprecisely-torn hide with a bandolier of wickedly sharp kitchen knives. Alternating between quadraped and biped movement she also talks, and displays a personality as sharp and as particular as her cutlery.
Towering over everyone except Trump (and Lee) is Infernius, a Minotaur cleric of Adolph Hitler. Mein Kampf in hand and a massive Zweihand slung over his shoulder, he plods with deliberation and focus on his face and in his step.
Next comes Torcuil, a bearded Scotsman in a billowing tartan robe. He has a small note-pad with him that he occasionally references and makes notes with, sometimes causing slight bursts of color and magic drawing various looks of satisfaction and confusion. It can't be determined precisely what he is doing, but it is clear he is doing some experimental reasoning. Lastly there is Thez, who though having presented herself briefly in her true purple manner, has reverted to appearing as an old hippy in in worn and ragged suede blankets.
What did my thot spray do to murder horse?
Also, can someone explain monk and cleric for me?
It increased my THOT powers exponentially!
>>2873>thot spray; monk v cleric
Undetermined so far
With monks, think shaolin, martial arts, etc; ascetics and all that. With clerics, think anywhere between holy priests to battlefield god-champions.
>>2875>think anywhere between holy priests to battlefield god-champions
Thats a big difference
So your >angelic voice heald everyone preaching the wonders of being a Nazi
And>the god hitler smites the enemy with gas and easy bake ovens
Infernius which are you?
In fact, you've probably had to listen at some point to a rant about ziggers, kikes, both-and, or 'other', through intervening moments that we'll just assume 'happened' while walking across this plain.
"You guys need mounts," Thez offers cynically.
Can I borrow an oven?
I dont mean to brag, but I can make a mean cake>>2878
Tuump can ride Tracy
( ° ʖ °)
Infernuis want tiger!
And it didnt work
I CALL THE SCOTTISH NATIONAL ANIMAL
>>2882>TIL the headless horseman is irish
Nope, try again
>>2884>TIL Infernius sucks at guessing
I'm not welsh
What is that an actually pic?
Its ugly enough
>>2887*shrugs* It took me literally 5 minutes to make.
A very aroused Pakistani Pakistani man?
Do minotaurs not have fucking google
Also why Pakistani?>>2888
As residential meme mage,
Im sorry Trump but the trips command it
Infernuis seen things, have seen terrible things.
>missed all this
You mage, me thought you smart, haha
You're too small to ride
Don't even think about casting a spell to make Tracy large enough to be a riding horse
"Hey, I know one like that!," Thez brightens
>>2895YAY MY FAVORITE PONY IMAGE
Its a unicorm
More of a reason to be proud of my heritage>>2897
It hadnt even crossed my mind>>2898
"Well, its chi magic; its not something I can teach you. Him maybe," she says gesturing at Yak Lee.
>>2902>something about removing mask
"Well I can't do it right now, there's no threat. Chi magic works on necessity and resolve, you can't just sneeze and make it work."
Why does SHE wear the mask??
Idk Ive never seen the movie
So wheres my Unicorn mount?
>>2907Look up, "baneposting" and figure this out!
Heh shit meme kiddo
Correct me if I'm mistaken, but all you've said so far is "I summon (a unicorn)" correct? I mean you said scottish national this but essentially,....
What meme? The Bane?>>2910
I never summoned, but I mean I thought we where picking mounts
Would a Highland Cattle be better?
No, a unicon is a fine mount to choose, but Thez is talking about how you could have been there much faster if you guys had mounts. You couldn't have ACTUALLY been there faster, cuz its real-world time sensitive anyway (meaning, there is no way you could avoid her giving you shit Xp). Still noted, unicorn.
Your a fake meme lord, you never saw DKR,jej
>>2904Baneposting is an awesome meme.
Infernuis want tiger!
Do you feel in charge?I know all bout baneposting, asking why was a banepost
K, a tiger big enough for a minotaur, got it.
>Thez makes a note to make him a Mini-taur at some point
"Maybe now isn't the best time to ask,... but do any of you guys have any money?" Thez asks off-handedly. The city is about a half-hour away now (arbitrary distance, its not real-time).
No vore,Infernuis no food.
>>2914>tracy being nice to me
What universe have we entered>>2912
I shall name it Robert the Unicorn>>2918Man-o-tard>>2920
Another intresting fact, there once was a scottish curriency called the Unicorn. Not relevent but what the hell
I have a couple shekels
"What's it to you?!"
"Wellm, dat meh becurm an itthoo at shome punt," she says munching on her last piece of hydra jerkey.
Infernuis only have these reichmarks
What? I dont speak black girl
*Tracy suspiciously pats at her knife cozy and avoids eye contact*
>Thez peeks around to see if anyone is moving
>>2939>not lined up for the new episode
Infernuis understand, me go watch.
I'm lurking. I'm always lurking.
>Thez suddenly can't stop laughing.
Tracy thez gone mad, what do?
"Do I look like a fucking psychiatrist to you?!"g2g take little sister out to birthday lunch. I'm always watching though.
I'm watching you Wazowski
Thez suddenly springs to life as her faggot returns from whatever ridiculous and ill-conceived task that he got roped into doing, and she does NOT look happy. I mean, she still looks like Urri, so I suppose its Urri who does not look happy. So unhappy is she, that a red-faced fellow in navy coveralls - accented by high visibility tape - stands up out of the grass a little in front of the party. He's wearing a nametag that says "Hello, my name is BARRY", and he is quite confused to be here, now.
"What the fuck, who the fuck are, wait a minute, jesus, its not even human,..." be stammers out as he looks at the assembled group. Thez however, steps forward.
"Let me help you," she says, before ripping his head off and eating his face.
*knife sharpening proceeds*
[1d20 = 11]>>2956
"The Demon has unveiled itself!" Trumpaladin yells as he draws out his sword and shield. "For Barry!" He yells, only after uttering a prayer to football. Trumpaladin evokes OFFENSE for a coming attack
DAMN IT ALLEN
THE TIME LINE
*Draws knives, annoyed at the prospect of having to do something*
Who the fuck is Barry, anyway?