True, but we don't really need two porn threads.
I made the first "Obligatory Porn Thread", and post quite a bit in the current one. I never really intended it to be the only one though.
The 4/mlpol/ board was 60-70% porn
"Go on, lemmie hear you say it."
>"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" other-Anon grumbles.
"Like a fine wine," you smirk. "Now come on, daddy's got an ego to feed."
>"Fine, you insufferable bastard. You were right."
>"About ponies being the best thing since CH-53E Super Stallions?" coos his very anarcho-capitalist partner.
"Very observant, Leslie!"
>"L-Leslie, please!" other-Anon stutters, flushing a little bit.
>A flush that graduates to full-on face reddening, when his tastefully coloured companion sits in his lap, wraps her forelegs around his neck, and proceeds to give him a big, sloppy kiss, like only a horse could do.
"Ahh, young love!" you say, as flamboyantly as a Shakespeare performance. "How it soothes the soul so, how it makes us want for the best things in life!"
>With a loud mwah, she pulls away from her degenerate-slaying cohort, who's still trying to regain some semblance of composure, after what just happened.
>Aww, that's cute, he still thinks he's in charge.
>The young'un has much, much to learn, still.
"God, how long have you two been at this? Two, three months now?"
>"Two and a half," Leslie responds, without skipping a beat.
"Well, good to see you've been counting, m'girl!"
>"Like I count all my helicopter rides."
"Love thy enemy, as thou lovest thy big, orange pillar o' man, eh?"
>"S-stop that at once, Anon!" barks other-Anon, still rather flustered by his previous bit of spit swapping. "I won't suffer such degenerate implications!"
"But it's true! Right, girl?"
>He tries to say something, but only manages a few splutters before he gives up, and pouts at his seat.
>Or at least he tries to, until Leslie seats herself in his lap once again, lying against his chest, and prompting him to start itching her ears, his scowl melting away into nothing.
>Yeah, you totally taught him that trick.
>Mares love that ear scratching shit.
>You just let them have their little moment, taking a few sips of the lovely, lovely tea that your dear, lovely wife picked out.
>A real sucker for honey, that one.
>"Hey, you wanna tell him, babe, or should I?"
>What doth your spidey-ears detect, from her?
>"I-is it really the right time, Leslie?"
>"Your idea, not mine."
"Now what's all this I'm hearing about telling me stuff?"
>The couple looks over to you, then back to each other, their gazes lingering on each other for a few moments, before orange-Anon nods a little, steeling himself for something.
>"W-well, Anon, you see, me and Leslie have decided to, ah…"
>What's this, O-non getting nervous?
>He swallows dry, fidgets for a little, then takes a deep breath.
>"We're engaged!" he almost yells, as quick as he could.
>Nobody says anything for a moment, both parties waiting for some kind of response: one party nervous, the other party completely smug about it.
>Did you hear that right?
>Your boy O-non, engaged?
>"It's true," Leslie confirms with a dreamy sigh, pulling her tie off to reveal a thin little gold ring, hung around her neck with a little chain.
>As the moments pass, you feel the latent excitement of the Great Pink One™ flow through your veins: your smile grows ever larger, your joy reaches incalculable heights, and you begin to shake and gyrate in your seat.
>"I-is he supposed to be doing that?"
>"You tell me, hot stuff."
>With a great, girly squeal that even Sweetie Belle would have a tough time topping, you bound over to the couple, scooping them both up in your arms, and hugging them as tight as you can.
>"Aww, you're making me blush, here!"
>Oh right, he's a big pussy who's allergic to hugs.
>How does he even survive out here, man?
"So," you chirp, releasing the duo and getting into their faces, "When's the wedding? Ooh, who're you gonna invite?!"
>"Actually, we were kinda hoping to keep it low-key."
"Ahh, as private as the market, eh?"
>"You expected something different?"
"Come on, don't tell me holding the ceremony in a Chinook didn't appeal to you, at all?"
>"I… huh. Didn't think of that."
"And instead of tossing flowers, you toss out some commie bastards over Starlight's old village, instead?"
>"Oooooh," Leslie coos, "That's a great idea!"
"I always have great ideas."
>"But, uh, we're still thinking of keeping it private, you know?"
>"Don't want those damned griffons to find out, after all…"
"Aww, buddy, those catbird fucks won't stand a chance, once your unholy offspring walk the earth!"
>Huh, that's weird.
>Both of them just froze up, like they were afraid of something.
"That… is why you're doing this, right?" you query, raising an eyebrow.
>"W-we're, uh, st-still not sure about that, yet."
"Not sure?!" you exclaim, unable to believe what you're hearing. "But that's the only reason to get hitched, in the first place!"
>"Hey, don't you dare rush us!"
"The fourteen words, man! What happened to the fourteen words?!"
>"I want to make things as stable as possible, before taking that leap!"
"Stable, schable! You've got nine-- no, excuse me, eleven months of time for that!"
>"And what would you know about that, smart guy?"
>You stare down at the foolish mare, letting your silence speak first, before you do:
"Ohh, little girl, you've never had your spawn ready to go in two weeks, have you?"
>"Oh God, you've done it, now…"
>"Wait a minute, you mean you and Chrysalis…?!"
"In lots of at least a hundred. Every. Other. Day."
>Her jaw drops.
>"H-how'd you talk her into that?!"
"Hah! Oh, m'girl, she wanted it, first!"
>"Please don't share this story, again."
>"No, please do share this story, again! How do you even manage that?!"
"Well, since you asked so nicely…"
>>164927>"Oh, Chrysalis~," cheers Starlight, trotting in circles around the bug-mare's prison cell, in the middle of this big chamber. "It's time for your friendship lesson, again!">She chooses to just lie in the small bed, presumably still awake, but hoping beyond hope that this annoying pseudo-communist will just up and fuck off.>Honestly, if you were her, you'd be doing the same thing.>"Come on, lazybones! I even brought a friend along with me, for you to bond with!">And now you just feel like the biggest asshole to ever walk the planet.>When Twilight said she needed a favour from you, helping this bitch violate the Geneva convention wasn't one of them.>"Aww, come on, Chrysalis! Don't make me pull you out of there~!">How someone can torment another so gleefully, is beyond you.>"Okay, you asked for it~!">Lighting up her horn, she pulls Chrysalis out of her cot, lifting her up into the air and shaking her around a little.>"Gaaaaah," Chrysalis bellows. "What will it take to make you stop?!">"You just have to accept friendship into your life, Chrysalis!">"Never!" she screeches back.>If Starlight meant that giggle to be all reassuring and parental, it failed completely, instead coming off as the kind of giggle a serial killer gives to his victims, right before he starts torturing them.>"All right, Chrysalis, let's start off with the basics!">And from then on, Starlight proceeds to perform what you can only describe as the cute cartoon pony equivalent of the Room 101 tortures, telling Chrysalis to recite the most banal friendship tips, over and over again.>Well, maybe 'telling' her is the wrong term: it was more like she kept using magic to directly speak into her ears from far away, and keeping her from covering said ears at all times.>Starlight maintained perfect composure throughout, her face a blank, smiling mask that not even the greatest of Stepford wives could match.>Chrysalis, to her credit, stood her ground for what felt like around half an hour.>God only knows how long she could have gone for, or how many times she's had to put up with this, already.>But somewhere along the line, you decide that stopping Starlight's horrifying, psychotic torments against this odd bug-horse was worth enduring the earful from Twilight, later on.
"Uhh, Starlight?">"Ooh, Anon! Sorry, I almost forgot you were there!">If only it could have stayed that way.
"Listen, is this really what you'd call 'friendship'? I mean, 'teaching friendship'?">"Of course it is! I mean, it worked great back at Our Town, and even without all my tools, it's working great here! Ooh, I'm really looking forward to doing this at the new Friendship School!">You don't know if it was the mention of 'tools', the lack of remorse, or the prospect of her doing this shit to little horse kids that set you off, but boy, did it ever set you off.
"Listen to me, you fucking horse," you exclaim, all but shoving yourself into her face.
"You're gonna cut this shit out right fucking now!">Jesus Christ, nothing on her face moved!>"That wasn't very nice, Anon," she coos, drawing her syllables out just a little longer.
"Yeah, and neither are you! Back home, this shit's banned in every country on the planet!">"But we're not on your planet."
"And I'm positively offended at your cavalier disregard for my culture!" you exclaim, sensing an opening to shut her down.
"Why, I ought to tell Twilight about this, right now!">Her expression changes dramatically, the smile evaporating and being replaced with a panicked whinny.>As a memelord from old once said, 'got eem'.>"Wh-what? No, oh nonononono, you can't do that! I-I didn't know that you'd--"
"No," you shout with a certain dramatic tenor,
"No, you didn't! Why, I bet you didn't even think to ask, did you?!">"NononononoI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry--"
"Sorry's not good enough!" you huff, spinning 720° towards the exit.
"I'm going to tell Twilight all about this horrific display of cultural imperialism, you despicable shitlord!">You strut towards the exit, and-->"NO!">Holyfuckholyshityou'refloatingwhattheJesusfuckingChrist-->The next thing you see is Starlight's panicky face right in front of yours, only upside-down.>"No no no you can't!" she cries, definitely off her rocker more than usual, "I can't get another strike with Twilight! She'll kick me out of the castle, and won't keep me on as her student anymore! I can't handle that!"
"Put me down.">"No no no no no nononononono!"
"I'm part dilophosaur, and I'm not afraid to show it.">"Wait! Wait wait yes, I know how to fix this!">Oh God, no.>"I-I just have to teach you all about friendship, too!">What?!
"Oh, hell no! Let me down!">"Yes, that's it!" she exclaims, rubbing her hooves together feverishly as strands of her mane start sticking out at funny angles. "I just have to teach you about how friendship works here!"
"You're a disgusting cultural imperialist!">"Don't be silly, Anon! You have to assimilate to the culture of the country you immigrate to!"
you decide to get redpilled?!">She opens the doors of the cage, and gets ready to throw you in.
"Hey, I have rights!">Aaaand into the cell you're thrown.
"Am I being detained?">"Heehehehe, I'll see you both tomorrow~!" she sing-songs, crazy in both expression and voice, before moonwalking out of here.
"I do not consent! Let me outta here!">Sadly, the banging on the bars does nothing…
>"Wait," Leslie exclaims, "Starlight did that?!"
>"Why, that little--! Where is she?! She's won a first-class helicopter ride!
"Oh, please don't. What I did to her is punishment enough."
"Oh, my dear sweet anarcho-capitalist, why do you think she spends all her days drinking now? Let me finish the story, at least…"
>>164928>You bang and bang on the cell walls, but alas, nothing heeds the commotion you're making.
"Starlight, I swear to every god in the Norse pantheon, I will rain down every agony, every violation imaginable upon you, if you don't let me outta this fucking cell!">"Give it a rest, will you?">That smooth, slightly echoing voice is the only thing that's drawn you away from the door out of here, so far.>Looking back at it's source, you see none other than the strange, insectoid mare you stuck your neck out for.>Definitely had the shape of a pony going for her, but between the smooth black shell, the holey legs, the thin body, the bug wings, the fangs, the kinky horn, the green hair, and the kinda slitted eyes, that was about as pony as she got.>And boy howdy, you have to admit, she managed to do a very tasteful job of it.>"She isn't coming back until early tomorrow, so you can stop wasting your energy."
"And what the hell else am I supposed to waste it on, finding openings in the cell? Ooh, actually, that's a great idea!">Dropping to your knees, you start inspecting the bars closely for anything you can Jack Sparrow your way through.>"That… wasn't what I had in mind."
I do is what anyone has in mind, thank you very much.">"Uh-huh. You won't find anything, by the way. I looked."
"Then I'll just have to look again!">"You do that.">Her meagre sass has nothing on your extraterrestrial determination!>But as your search drags on and on, you begin to realize that said sass might have been more truthful than you gave it credit for.>And after what feels like an hour of searching, you come up empty-handed.>"Done already?"
"Hey, I thought I was onto something with those door hinges, all right?">"Hinges, really?"
"Leverage, bug-friend. Leverage.">"We're not friends," she shoots back, a scowl beginning to develop.
"Partners, then! Brothers in arms! Cellmates?">"No."
"Fine, be a grump, see if I care. Does this horse-bug-grump have a name, at least?">"First of all, I'm not a bug."
"Well, could've fooled me.">"Just full of hilarity, aren't we?"
"All day, every day, 24/7/365.">"If you say so."
"And I do.">She may try to mask it with the snout wrinkling, but she's warming to you, ever so slowly.>"You already know what my name is."
"And?">"What do you mean, 'and'?"
"Okay, I am making extremely
civilized conversation here, and you're biting my head off.">"That can be arranged."
"Well yeah, but then you'd have to deal with her
all by your lonesome.">And just like that, the teeth baring she's doing fades into a shudder.>"Chrysalis. Queen Chrysalis."
"Ahh, nice to meet you! You address Sir Anonymous von Horsefucker the third, esquire.">"Oh, that's nice--" she starts, before realizing what you just said, and standing up off her cot in surprise. "Wait, what'd you just say?!"
"Shocked, aren't we? Not surprising, really. The von Horsefucker name is renowned across these lands!">That, or it's the number of mares you'd porked since coming here, but hey, she doesn't need to know that.>"So, nerve to go with the wise guy act? How you didn't end up in jail before now, I have no idea."
"And believe me, it's not for a lack of trying. To be honest, I thought I'd be in the slammer a long time ago, from that one time where I teabagged Rainbow Dash in her sleep."
>"Pffft," Leslie snorts, failing to contain her gigglefit. "Y-you actually did that?!"
"Well, I had to use the time left on Twilight's cloud-walking spell for something!"
>Leslie proceeds to lose her shit proper, doubling over and laughing hysterically, an act that takes her a minute or two to recover from.
"Yeah, she thought it was pretty funny, too.">Chrysalis wrinkles her snout again, this time to cover her smirk, with the added side bonus of looking cute as all hell.
"As it turns out, that rainbow hairdo is not
an allusion to her sexual preferences. Ask me how I know that.">"I think I can figure it out," she grumbles.>Aww, and you really wanted to share how you moved up from von Horsefucker the first, to the second!
"So what's your deal? How'd you wind up here?">"I'm sure you can figure it out."
"Sure, I'm gonna figure it out about someone I've literally never met, nor heard of before now. Man, I should've specced into psychic powers…">"Wait, you really didn't know who I was, before now?"
"Should I have?">Oh boy, that's not a nice snarl.>"You should be trembling in fear before my name! All of you should be! That little bitch, she covered my capture up!"
"She black-bagged you? Ooh, yeah, I'd be pissed, too.">Nobody black-bags a von Horsefucker, not if they expect to live past 30.>"Listen closely, little…" she starts, all intimidating, deep-voiced, and passingly sexual, before she blanks completely at the last part. "Uhh, what are your people called, again?"
"Smooth, lady.">"Tell me now!" she hisses.
smooth.">She tries to stare you down, but all you end up doing is idly playing with that one strand of her mane, hanging down her face.>"Oh, for the love of-- please?"
"Friendship ain't magic, the words are.">"Now," she announces, sitting back on her cot, and regaining her big-and-intimidating posture. "Listen closely, little human! For I, Queen Chrysalis, ruler of the changelings, have brought Equestria to it's knees many times over!"
"Ooh, how'd you do it?" you chirp, sitting down next to her.>"What are-- You're supposed to be sitting on the floor for this!
"On that hard slab of concrete? Fuck that noise. Now, keep going! I wanna hear this!">She grumbles something under her breath, but ultimately gives in.>She tells you about the times she almost took over Equestria, first with that big wedding, and then by replacing all the important ponies, like the fucking Institute does.
>>164929>Part of you wants to start ribbing this big, boastful bug-mare for crashing and burning on all of those attempts, like every other Bond villain on the planet, but something about her retelling, how happy she was explaining it all, and that increasingly attractive voice of hers stayed your voice.>"And then, there was the time I made those evil clones of that Twilight and her friends, using just their pictures, strands of mane, and trees."
"Geez, even MacGyver's gotta go green sometime, huh?">"What?"
"Ah, nothing.">"Well, anyways, it didn't end well," she grumbles. "They never listened to a word I said. Somehow, I know it was all Starlight's fault."
"Everything is Starlight's fault.">"Is that little menace still a problem, outside of this forsaken place?"
"I wouldn't mind her so much, if everyone wasn't bending over backwards to accommodate the bitch." you grumble.
"I mean, the big human duo crashes down literally in the middle of town, and nobody gives a shit. But this one commie gets forgiven after almost torpedoing the world, and all of a sudden, she's the second coming of Christ?">"Well, that's-- Wait a minute, she almost destroyed the world?"
"Yeah, I had to really
get Twilight liquored up, to get her to spill that story.">Getting to von Horsefucker the third that day was not as pleasant as you'd imagined it would be.
"Apparently, she fucked with time to keep her pals from getting their magic tramp stamps, and Twilight kept warping after her to undo them. Actually, now that I'm seeing you, I think there was one timeline with you in it.">"Me?"
"Yeah, all the ponies were rebels camped out in the forest, and you and a bunch of tiny bug-horses were hunting them all down.">"Really?" she asks, the beginnings of a twinkle growing in her eyes.
"Well, she wouldn't tell me more than that.">"Of course she wouldn't." she grumbles. "Not that I'd be able to take over like that, now."
"Aww, don't say that! I'm sure you could rustle up an army for world conquest, in no time!">"I don't recruit others for my armies!"
"No? Then what do you do for armies?">"My soldiers are all my children!" she exclaims, before turning away with a hurt look on her face. "And they've all abandoned me, turned themselves into horrible creatures…"
"Wait, what? Hold on…">She said she was the changeling queen, right?>But the only other changelings you remember seeing were-->Oh.>Oh, God!
"Holy shit," you start,
"Your kids aren't those rainbow-shelled bugs I see at those parties sometimes, are they?">She just dips her head lower in both shame and disgust, shutting her eyes.
"Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints," you quietly say, scooching closer and throwing an arm around her withers.
"I am so sorry."
>"Holy shit, I didn't know that those 'changelings' were her kids!"
>"Every time I hear it, it doesn't get much better. Imagine your own progeny, reducing themselves to such degeneracy…"
"Yeah, there's a reason we're destroying them, first."
>"Yes, I would imagine so-- Wait, what?"
"Moving on!">"It's all Starlight's fault," she hisses, doing her best to keep from crying. "She did that to them, right in front of my eyes!"
"Starlight? She did that?">"That's what I just said!" she exclaims, her inhibition breaking just long enough for a tear to roll down her face, before she whirls back away from you.>You don't say much to her past that point, choosing instead to try and calm her down, starting with a little rubbing of the withers.>For what you thought was a sleek, hard black shell, it's surprisingly pliable, almost like skin.
"You know, here I thought today's events were enough to get me to hate Starlight. After hearing that, though? I almost want to talk to the big orange guy, to get some advice on building gas chambers."
>"My shower designs are a trade secret, there's no way I would ever share them with you!"
"Good thing I didn't ask then, huh?">She doesn't answer you, though you do feel her loosening up under your very amateurish handiwork.
"How long have you been down here?">"Too long."
"Good answer. Tell you what, one way or another, we're getting outta this dump in about a week's time.">"'We'?"
"Oh, you wanted to stay longer?">"No! Absolutely not!" she shouts, spinning around to face you.
"Then you'll just have to suffer through the co-op then, won't you?">"And I'm supposed to believe that this isn't some elaborate plan of hers, to make me 'befriend' you?"
"Starlight? Plan?">"Oh, shut up!"
"Make me, later. Or now, since I'm hitting the sack. Right now.">And with that, you unceremoniously flop back onto the cot.>"Hey, what are you doing?! This is my bed!"
your bed.">"Why, you little…! Get off of my bed!"
"Make me~.">She tries at first to shove and pull you off, but years of wrestling for bed dominance have immunized you against such manoeuvres, and she is entirely unsuccessful.>What she does do, however, is decide on flopping down on top of you.>"Fine then, subject. Have it your way. One way or another, I will get my good night's sleep.">She just barely reels back a squeak, when your arms clasp around her.
"That, queenie, is the right answer.">"Aagh, you're impossible!"
"Night-night.">She grumbles overhead, but eventually does relax, nodding off sometime before you do.
>"Aww, she was totally into you!"
"Yeah, too bad I didn't figure that out sooner. Really dumb, in retrospect."
>"But you're together now, and that's what matters, right?"
"Right! But we're not quite done yet…"
>>164930>"Rise and shine, you two~!" calls an all-too-familiar nightmarish voice, breaking you from your pleasant dreams of horse pussy and cyclonic torpedoes.>Your eyes bolt open, but you're prevented from moving by the sight of a certain bug-horse snuggled up next to you, giving you the universal sign of 'shut your fucking mouth', before her eyes shut again.>"Come on, don't make me come over there~!">Too bad for Chrysalis, but you're gonna have to respectfully disagree with her assessment.>Shimmying your pants down under the sheets, you ready yourself for the first of many unwelcome surprises for Starlight, over the coming days.>"Okay, you asked for it~!">The sheets levitate off of you, followed by Starlight dangling the two of you up into the air like ragdolls.>"Now, let's get to-- EEK!">Hook, line, and sinker.>Starlight was treated to a bird's eye view of the real star of the show, Sir Anonymous von Horsefucker the third's mighty blade, 'Maresbane', unfortunately still in it's very flaccid state, but still fearsome enough to get Starlight to drop you two the moment she saw it.>"A-A-Anon, what are you doing?!" Starlight squeaks, a furious blush overtaking what you're sure was supposed to be her blank mask from before.
"Yeah, good morning to you, too.">"I'M SERIOUS!"
"I'm serious, too! What the fuck is wrong with you?">"With me?!"
"Yes, you! Do you just go around, pulling the sheets off of every sleeping couple you see, you little freak?">"I don't--"
"And ponies don't even wear clothes, either, so you get to see all the equipment on display, all the time! God, you are one sick fuck, you know that?">"I DO NOT PULL OFF--"
"Can you believe this sicko, Chrysalis?" you adlib, looking over to her with a disgusted look.
"How little dick does this bitch get, that she has to catch couples in the act, in order to see any?">Chrysalis stops looking between you and your weapon of mass destruction, and you throw her a little wink.>It was kind of jarring, how quickly she slipped into character.>"Unbelievable! I have to survive on consuming the love of others, and even I don't stoop to such lows!">Man, she really nails the Victorian prude act, huh?>If Starlight hadn't locked the two of you in a cage, and tried to torture you like that one poor bastard in A Clockwork Orange, you might have felt bad at her 'kicked puppy' expression.
"Despicable. Despicable! Absolutely fucking despicable! And you think you're qualified to teach us
about being good friends? Yeah, why don't I call the Catholic Church to babysit my sons too, while I'm at it?">"B-but--"
"Out. Get the fuck out!">"I have nothing more to say to the likes of you!" Chrysalis adds.>Breaking down into tears, Starlight books it out of the room.
"Yeah, that's right, go back to stalking Sunburst's Grindr page, you fucking degenerate!" you call out after her.
>"Are you even cognizant of the irony of that statement?"
"What, you just figured that out? God, get on my level."
>Poor Leslie was too busy losing her shit once again, leaving you to wait for her gigglefit to cease.
"Besides, everyone knows that Sunburst's porking his mom. Like, exclusively."
>"What?! That skittish little freak engages in such filthy degeneracy?!"
"Hey, I'm fucking jealous, man! If I weren't married, forget tapping that ass, I'd be drilling a well into that plot, and living off the juices until I was 80!"
>"Stop! I don't need to hear this!"
>Fortunately, Leslie recovers just in time, so that he doesn't have to hear more of that.
"And that, my buggy little companion, is how we do it in the hood.">"I can't believe that actually worked."
"Believe it, baby. My dick pays rent, and it pays it quick.">You stand back up and stow your highly illegal weaponry back in it's fabric sheath, Chrysalis's lingering gaze on it not escaping your notice.
"Now, looks like we've got the rest of the day to ourselves, don't we?">"Against all belief, yes."
"Guess we've gotta find something to spend it on, huh? The fuck do you even do, in here?">"I make do. But we can start by talking about disclosure.">Uh-oh, here we go…>"When did you plan on telling me about your little scheme, there?"
"I, ah, came up with it on the spot?">"Hmph. You're lucky that worked."
"Seriously though, A+ acting there. Totally cut minutes off of her 'break down crying' timer!">She's not quick enough to hide that proud little smile.>"Well, you've set the precedent. You realize that you'll have to keep doing more and more risque things, to keep her from tormenting us?"
"You don't sound all that worried about the idea.">"You're talking to the shapeshifter who literally eats love to survive. I know a thing or two about pushing buttons.">Whoa nelly, that was one hell of a sexy voice, right there!
"Huh, touche.">"Besides, going from her 'lessons' to scaring her off with simple innuendo is more than worth it."
"Oh, 'simple', is it?">"Very. Only somepony stuck in a high schooler's mindset would balk at being flashed like that.">O-ouch, what did your pride do to deserve that?
>"Ooh, she's really into you!"
"I know, right?!"
"You know, you sure gawked a lot at the goods, for something so 'simple'.">"Just studying what I'll have to work with," she replies off-handedly without skipping a beat. "Very weird for ponies, which will help a lot. Lacking in the size department, otherwise."
"If I had a dollar for every dick size quip I heard from a mare…">"Don't get any ideas, by the way. I'm considering helping you do this purely to escape this cage."
"Right, right.">Somehow, you doubt that very much.
>>164931>The next day rolls in, and the two of you agreed to share the cot the previous night, facing towards one another to exchange plans come morning, which totally wasn't purely platonic cuddling.>Seriously, this gal is real warm for a bug, and somehow has a faint hint of chocolate mint ice cream as a natural scent.>How ponies, and apparently not-ponies, have these wonderful scents to them is beyond you, but you are far from complaining.>"She'll be here any minute," Chrysalis whispers. "Any bright ideas?"
"Just one, playing around with the meatsicle.">"'Meatsicle'? Really?"
"Hey, it's the most tasteful name I've got.">She rolls her eyes, and moves her back leg to-->HNNGH--!>"Such a limited imagination," she coos in that hyper-sensual voice of hers, the frog of her back leg lightly pressing into your still clothed crotch. "Rod, shaft, pillar of flesh?">G-ground control to Major Tom, we have an unexpected new launch schedule!>She starts grinding it into the rapidly expanding package, but just as it hits maximum stiffness, she pulls back.
"Wh-- Oh, come on!">"I told you not to get any ideas. I just prepared you for the next few minutes, is all."
"I'll remember this, you know.">"You do that. Now don't lose that erection, I don't want to have to get it back for you."
>"Wait, wait, hold on! I never heard anything like this, when you told the story!"
"Well, duh? You don't talk about your every stiffy with your bros, that's fucking gay."
>"What are you doing right now, then?!"
"Haven't told a lot of stories to the ladies before, have you?"
>When his look betrays confusion, you simply point him to his fiance, who is lightly blushing and panting.
>"U-uh, Anon, why'd you stop?"
"The fuck do you mean, 'unbelievable'? You didn't think Fifty Shades sold well because of it's gripping story and high-quality prose, did you?"
>"I-I will not hear any more of this!"
>O-non takes that moment to head off into another room and shut the door behind him, to shield his pure Christian ears from your impending erotic serenade.
"Ah, he'll learn. Now, where were we?">Resisting the urge to grumble, you flip onto your back and grip your mighty blade, keeping it stiff with a few errant thoughts of Chrysalis's previous little 'preparation'.>Maintenance doesn't last long, thankfully, with the door heard opening mere moments later.>That's when you start beating down upon the meat properly, making very sure to be as unsubtle as you can about it.>"Good morning, you two--" Starlight starts, before gasping at your big, exaggerated auto-ministrations. "Oh come on, really?!">Yes, really, you fucking twatsicle.>Chrysalis barely represses a snort of laughter at her reaction.>"F-fine, I'll just… wait for you to finish!">Aww, she won't toss the covers off!>Too easy, this mare!>Starlight waits, and waits, and waits, but you just keep jacking, and jacking, and jacking, maintaining a crisp pace upon your hard and dangerous stiffy for what must be, oh, ten minutes, now?>"Oh for the love of Celestia, what's taking you so long?!">Now you have to join Chryssy in suppressing a snort of laughter.>Sadly, humour and erectivity don't go hand-in-hand, so Chryssy has to poke at it a few times to keep it nice and stable, to allow for maximum jerking potential.>Another minute or so passes of nothing but fap-->"Alright, that does it!" Starlight exclaims, her horn igniting.>The covers are yanked off of you, but not before Starlight tactically spins you off to the side, where she can't see your junk.>"Y-you should have gotten that out of your system, before I came here!"
"I did! But this little monster just keeps wanting more, and more!">"Ohmygosh, don't call it a 'monster'!"
"I need some way to tame the beast, man! Ooh, you're not seeing anyone right now, are you Starlight?">"I'M NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU!">Oh, thank God for that.>You'll do a lot of things for pony pussy, but you won't do her.>"Of course you won't," intones Chrysalis in that oh-so-sexy voice of hers, one of her very holey hooves rubbing along one of your thighs. "Leave it to me, to finish what you won't even start.">"I-I don't--">"Hush, filly. The adults are talking.">Ooh, you liked that shutdown a whole lot!>Chrysalis simply looks you in the eyes, her expression somewhere between enjoyment and reluctance, before bringing a foreleg up to her mouth.>Her tongue comes out, a long, flexible item, and she begins slobbering up one of the holes on her leg.>Wait.>Wait just a minute here, she's not about to do what you think she's gonna do, is she?>"Pay attention, filly," she starts, bringing that foreleg up to your now gently throbbing member. "This is how you keep his little beast tamed.">And with minimal alignment on her part, she plunges the wet leg hole down atop your dick.>To call the sensation 'unique' would be an accurate statement, the slightly pliable skin texture meshing with both the heat from her foreleg, and the ample amount of lubrication she left in there for you.>Yeah, there was no way you weren't groaning out loud, and that's exactly what you do.>She 'hilts' the appendage in short order, the now glistening tip of your member poking out for her viewing pleasure, a pleasure she's taking great lengths to conceal from both you and Starlight.>Jesus Christ, you only just met this bug, and you love her already!>All Starlight can do is stare, slack-jawed and dumbstruck, as Chrysalis just straight-up uses her leg hole to jerk you off, right in plain sight.
>"O-ohmygosh, she actually did that for you?!"
"Well, wouldn't be telling you about it, if she didn't! Too bad she doesn't do it very often…"
>"It's wasteful, honey," coos Chrysalis from behind, wrapping her forelegs around your chest and kissing your neck. "All those potential nymphs you could have given me…"
"Hey, variety's the spice of life!" you exclaim, without skipping a beat.
>"Mmmm, all right, maybe I'll treat you tonight," she purrs. "But you're not finishing anywhere but the usual spot, got it~?"
"You could just, you know, catch the schmoo mid-air, and--"
>"It's not the same as feeling it fire inside!"
"Geez, all right. Nothing ever comes between you and the kids, huh?"
>"Nothing. And don't you forget it~."
>Rolling your eyes, you pivot around and give Chrysalis a kiss.
>It's only when you break contact, that you notice Leslie rooted to her seat, ears pinned back and her face bright red, her expression somewhere between 'god this is fucking hot' and 'holy shit i am so dead right now'.
>"Oh, I could taste your lust from all the way over at the hive," Chrysalis answers without ever being asked. "So, what's the occasion, Anon?"
"An intervention, this time. She's getting hitched, and she's not doing it for kids!"
>"Well, that's definitely a problem," she intones. "I suppose we'll have to put her in the mood, then~…"
"Damn skippy. And your timing is impeccable, because I was just about to get to that part!">Chrysalis moves her leg at a nice, steady pace, constantly adjusting her speed to keep you well under your busting limits, almost like she has a sixth sense for it.>That is to say, she's really, really good at this; toe-curlingly good, in fact.>By the minute mark, you'd stopped caring about having Starlight fuck off, instead just throwing your head back, and letting this beautiful, incredible bug-mare work her magic on you.>Somewhere along the line, she picks up her pace, bringing you ever-so-closer to the edge, and keeping you right there.>"Well, I can see why you're popular with the mares," says Chrysalis, that slight pant to her voice not escaping your notice. "Endurance is definitely your specialty, isn't it?">A throaty 'uh-huh' is all she gets in response.>"Oh, you're still here, filly? Goodness, if you wanted to join us that badly, you just had to ask. Why don't you come on in, I'm sure Anon would be happy to have you…">No you damn well wouldn't be, but you could see her game, all the same.>Couldn't see Starlight, sadly, but at this juncture, you wouldn't ever want to, anyways.>"That's it, come on." she coos, her increase in pace making you question if that was meant for you, or her.>"N-n-no… No! I-I won't be drawn into your evil schemes!">"Fine," she half-grumbles. "Have it your way. Because I know I'll be having him my way~…">She ups her pace at almost the perfect time, your finish screaming even closer.>She holds you right at that teetering point for a few moments, and-->"Look at me, Anon," she commands in that ever-sexier baritone of hers.>You're a simple man: when a lady says to look at her, that's what you do, and when you see Chrysalis facing you head-on, her head hovering over your member and her eyes locked onto yours, that's almost enough to make you blow right then, and there.>Fortunately, she has other plans.>Her maw opens, and her tongue filters out, the long, slippery appendage coiling around near the head, where she wasn't going at it with her hoof-hole.>That was entirely too much, and you grunt and jerk upwards in tandem with your release, but you get to see her take the head into her mouth, just before you throw your head back.>All semblance of control lost, you open fire into her maw, each throb drawing a gasping, shuddering groan out of you.>Even after your climax draws to a close, you feel her tongue continuing to idly stroke your still-stiff soldier, and the sudden new addition of suction around your cockhead almost makes you black out, right then and there.>Summoning whatever energy was left to you, you look back down at this masterful bug-mare, who was sitting there the whole time, waiting for you to look.>Uncoiling and withdrawing her tongue with a little slurp first, she pulls her mouth off of the head with a quiet pop, and makes a show of swirling your cum around in her mouth, before growing a mile-wide smirk, tilting her head back, and swallowing.>The throb that draws out of you is made all the better, when you realize you're still hilted inside of her hoof-hole.>You can confidently say, that this was the absolute best blow you'd ever gotten, bar none.
>"And don't you forget it~."
"Couldn't pay me enough to forget it! Really makes me look forward to your little 'treat', you know?"
>"Oh, just you wait…">Off to the side, Starlight's whimpering could be heard, and you look over just in time to see her bolt back through the door, the small puddle left where she was sitting definitely not escaping your notice.>"You know, I think you were dead-on when you called her a voyeur," Chrysalis remarks, idly stroking your slowly softening member. "Though she definitely leaves a lot to be desired in the self-control department. Honestly, I've seen old kitchen sinks less leaky than her."
"Y-you think?" you groan in response.
>>164933>"Great performance, by the way. With that kind of endurance, I wouldn't be shocked if you could keep up with an alicorn.">She pulls her hoof off of your cock before you can respond, a small gasp escaping as it lightly pops free, the spit- and pre-coated hole following the limb back to solid ground.
"A-alicorns are overrated, trust me, you chuckle.
"Heh, s-sounds like you enjoyed yourself…">"Better than I expected. And much better in terms of taste. Been a long time, since I've tasted anything quite that… bestial, that primal."
"You're welcome. Hoo
, sorry, I just need a minute…">While you catch your breath on the floor, Chryssy sits back on top of the cot, licking out the mess you left in her hoof-hole, something which takes far less time than your own recovery.
"Good," you finally say, standing back up.
"I'm good, now.">"That's quite a refractory period."
"I make do. Why, interested in another round?">"No. At least, not until she returns."
"Aww, 'cause you know, when we get out of--">"If we get out of here."
we get out of here," you continue,
"And if you're still DTF, I wouldn't mind a more long-term fling, you know? I mean, you're already way
better at this than any pony I've ever--">"Not interested."
"Aww, not even a little?">"More than a little. But I'm not interested in a 'fling', as you put it."
"Wait, really? How come?">She looks off to the side, avoiding your eyes.>"I need something more… permanent. As in, lifelong permanent."
"Ohh, I getcha. Holding out for that one true love, huh?">"I don't know if I'd quite call it that," she quietly replies, "But yes, I am."
"All right, so matchmaker it is, then!" you chirp, taking a seat next to her.
"Any strapping bachelors jumping out at ya?">"Nothing Equestrian, and certainly not here."
"Well shit, there goes just about my whole list…">"Besides, nothing would ever willingly stay by my side. Changelings shapeshift for a reason."
"Now that, my buggy partner-in-crime, is a complete load.">"Don't try to flatter me."
"Bitch, I ain't flattering shit," you say, pulling her head to face you with a tactical hand under the chin.
"Ponies have the worst fucking taste in looks, anyways. I mean, who the fuck hooks up with Mrs. Cake
at that? As in, without enough liquor in your system to kill a herd of goats?"
"I still think Mr. Cake was threatened at knifepoint to marry her, you know. She has to have mafia connections, or something."
>"Oh, she does. He had a springtime fling with her, left her a little more than good memories, and the next thing you know, his name suspiciously changes to just 'Mr. Cake'."
"Fuck, her papa couldn't have been happy about that."
>"What, you mean some strapping young stranger coming along and knocking up your only successor isn't grounds to lose your mind?"
"Hell, I wouldn't have bothered leaving him alive."
>"Ah, but you don't have any beautiful daughters to have stolen away," she coos, before leaning in and whispering into your ear: "At least, not yet~…"
"Chryssy, when we get there, promise me we'll co-op manhunt the first fucker to try putting the moves on her."
>"Promise," she finishes, sealing it with a kiss.
"Look, point is, you're smoking hot.">"You're a liar."
"No, I'm an asshole, there's a difference. Mama didn't raise no liar.">"Do I look like an idiot, to you? Every single race on this planet runs and hides at the sight of me."
"Then every single race on this planet has the worst fucking taste in the universe, because this Earthling's telling you that holy hot damn, you're the hottest thing since snorting cayenne pepper. 11-outta-10.">When the initial surprise passes by, she scrutinizes your face for any signs of lying on your part.>Evidently, she finds none.>"You… really think that, don't you?"
"Better believe it, bugbutt.">D'aww, she's blushing!>Someone's not used to getting hit on, out of costume!
>"Could you blame me?"
"Well, you've got no excuse now, hot stuff.">"Oh, sh-shut up!" she huffs, turning away in the most tsundere possible way there is to turn away. "I give you a little attention, and all of a sudden you want to take me out to dinner?"
"I wasn't going to, but that is a great
idea! Any favourite spots?">"W-would you just--"
"I vote this one minotaur-run place, off in an alley here in town. Super sketchy, and the maze motif is kinda chintzy, but boy do they have the best meat in town! And for way less than those kike griffons charge you for it!">"M-meat?" she mutters, turning back just enough to look you in the eyes.
"These puppies ain't for show," you reply, flashing your meat-shredding chompers for her.
"And I'll bet those big teeth you've got ain't for show, either.">Chrysalis spends a few moments debating internally with herself, her eyes flicking over to you every so often.>"You're serious, aren't you?" she asks quietly, almost shyly.
"Serious as can be, babe. You and me, I think we've got something to expand on, here! I can feel it in my scrote!">She snorts, turning away for a brief moment, before turning back with a cautiously optimistic smile.>"Fine. I have no idea why you're so eager to try and woo me, of all ponies. But if you're so set on getting a chance to do it, you'll get one. Just don't be surprised when you don't measure up.">Woohoo, score one for team Ape Escape!>There's no hiding the fist-pump you make, nor would you ever want to.
>>164934>"Now shut up and go to bed. I want you at least somewhat capable of getting it up, for our next attempt at a disappearing act."
"Way ahead of you, Chryssy," you yawn, splaying out across the bed.>"D-did you just call me, 'Chryssy'?"
"I did just call you Chryssy, Chryssy," you wink.
"Unless you prefer 'bugbutt', of course?">Your attempt to squeeze that rear end of hers is met with failure before it even begins, as she lights up her horn to swat those hands away from her posterior.>"No, it's… fine," she finally decides on saying, before laying herself down on top of you again. "Just remember, no funny business until she gets here."
"But I'm a funny guy! You can't just destroy the economy like that!">"Shut up and go to sleep, will you?"
>"You know, you never did take me out to that minotaur place."
"I didn't figure out until after I'd chased you down, but those same kike griffons hiked their rent so damn high, that they had to shutter the doors. Fuckers Jewed out the competition."
>"Good thing we cleared out Griffonstone, then."
"O-non's still salty about that, you know."
>"Good for him. Now, our friend here's getting a little, oh, hot and bothered. Want me to make something to cool her down, a bit?"
"Oh, I think she's earned it. Just don't cool her off too much, you know?"
>"I know, honey. The usual for you?"
>Kissing you once more, Chrysalis trots off to the kitchen to brew up those teas.
"Still with me, Leslie? Good, because the best part's just coming up!">You're woken up by the sound of the door opening, and Chrysalis's eyes shoot open at about the same time as yours.>Now, normally this is where Starlight would be cheering for you to 'rise and shine', and all that, so the fact that she isn't is more than a little concerning.>You don't even realize you're holding your black, holey partner close by, until she holds on tight, herself.>Something is definitely very wrong here.>Unfortunately, your fears are soon vindicated in the worst possible way.>All at once, the sheets are practically ripped off of you two, and with almost Herculean magic force, the two of you are lifted into the air and pulled apart like ragdolls, held in place at either side of the cells.>"No more!" Starlight all but screams, the insanity now very clearly visible in her dark-ringed, haggard eyes. "I've had enough, enough, ENOUGH OF THIS! Heeheheheh, y-you two aren't gonna s-stop me from being your f-friend, YOU HEAR ME?!">Mr. President, take us to DEFCON 1!
"Well, good! I don't want to be your friend, anyways!">"YOU'LL BE MY FRIEND, AND YOU'LL LIKE IT!"
"Oh right, because friends totally
lock each other in cells, and manhandle them around with magic! You know, if anyone's being a shitty friend here, it's you!">"DON'T BACKSASS ME, ANON!">She flips you upside-down, pre-empting any response you could have given her.>The new angle lets you see Chryssy trying to poke her horn out of the bars, deforming a weird magic forcefield you didn't notice was around the bars, as she goes.>Shit, she's trying to break out?>Okay, it's distraction time!
"You know, you can do whatever you want with me, but I'm still telling Twilight all about this!">"Nehehehehe, d-don't be silly, Anon! Sh-she doesn't have to know, ABOUT ANY OF THIS!"
"Oh, is that what you told those poor fucks, back at your village?">"YES! Heehehee, a-and it worked, IT WORKED! And it'll work juuuuust the same with you!"
"I'll pass on the brainwashing, thanks. Jesus, someone really needed to dick the commie out of you, a long time ago.">"HAH! HAHAHAHAH, ANOTHER DICKING JOKE! WHOOHOHOHO, YOU'RE SO BUCKING ORIGINAL!">"Actually, in an alternate timeline, his orange friend did boink the Marx out of you, Starlight!" calls Pinkie Pie, stretching her neck all the way down through the top bars. "In fact, that alternate timeline is over here: https://pastebin.com/dVJCbqXS"
"Wait, when the fuck did you show up?! And why aren't you helping me?!">"I'm just here for the author's shameless self-promotion, silly! Whoo, off I go!"
"Hey, wait--!">Too late, Pinkie's disappeared into the Warp.
"Come back here, you coward! Don't leave me here!">"BOY, YOU REALLY LOVE TO BRING THAT VULGAR LITTLE THING INTO EVERY CONVERSATION WE HAVE, DON'T YOU?!" screams Starlight, her voice beginning to go hoarse. "WELL, I THINK IT'S DISGUSTING!"
"I'm not boning you, you crazy fucking horse. Not even a hate-fuck!">An impish, demonic laugh escapes her throat, and she brings out…>Oh, hell no.>Oh, hell no!>Where the fuck did she get that complete set of traditional Jewish circumcision equipment, bloodstains included?!>"THE FIRST PART OF MAKING FRIENDS, IS MAKING SOME COMPROMISES!"
"Get that shit away from me, you crazy fucking horse!">She yanks your pants down and starts sharpening the blades, and in that moment, you feel true, mortal terror grip you.>"I REALLY HAD TO SCARE THOSE GRIFFONS INTO GIVING THIS UP, ANON! I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE THE LENGTHS I GO TO FOR OUR FRIENDSHIP, ANON! NOW HOLD STILL, ANON!">Oh, no, nonononono, fuck this noise!>Someone help!>Kynareth, Akatosh, Shub-Niggurath, O-non, mein Fuhrer, Atlas, the God of Succ, anyone, please hear this prayer!>FZZWT>Starlight doesn't even cry out, dropping like a sack of potatoes once that green magic bolt hits her upside the head, and by extension, dropping you out of her telekinetic grasp, where you land flat on your ass.
"I still have nightmares about that attempt, you know."
>"Oh, honey, you didn't have to mention that part…"
"No, it's fine. This gal needs the full context of what happened."
>"If you say so, Anon. Do you want me to take over from here?"
"No, I'll be fine. Thanks though, sweetheart."
>The two of you share another kiss, before you jump right back into the story.>Chryssy's painful-sounding landing draws you away from the sight of Starlight being laid the fuck out, and you turn to see her splayed out on her back, her horn glowing a dark red, and lightly smoking.
"Chryssy!" you exclaim, rushing over to her side.
"Christ, are you okay?">"S-somehow…">She tries to reject your help, right up until she realizes that she can't stand under her own power, quickly settling on letting you carry her around.>"B-bathroom…">Expecting her to hurl, you carry the surprisingly heavy bug-mare over to the toilet, where she proceeds to instead quench her still-glowing horn in the water, the porcelain cracking under the sudden heat, and leaking water everywhere.>"Ahh, much better…"
"Jesus, you sure you're all right?">"Just winded and low on magic. I'll live.">You try and run a hand through her mane, in some attempt to calm her down, but she bats it away and looks over at Starlight.>"Damn it, I didn't think she'd fall that far away! Can you reach her from here?"
"Sure, I can try.">"Then do it!">Setting her down, you head over to the bars, and try reaching your hand through towards her limp, yet still breathing body.>Key word being 'try', since you can't reach her, your hand coming up two inches short.
"Oh, get fucked!">"Let me try!">You double back and grab Chryssy again, putting her next to the bars, and letting her take a crack at reaching for Starlight.>Unfortunately, she also comes up short.>"Aaaaagh, come on!"
"Fuck my life, we're so close! Isn't there something you can do?">"Not without more magic, and I'm not waiting around for her to wake back up!"
"Hey, wait a second. Why didn't you do that magic bolt thing, before?">"Because I needed to-- Wait, that's it! I just need another shot of love, then we can get out of here!"
"Say what, now?">"Ugh, that thing I did from yesterday, the cuddling, all of that powers me up, feeds me!"
"Oh yeah, you did say something about that. Wait a minute, you mean you want to…?">"Yes!"
"Well, I've had quickies on shorter notice, I guess," you shrug, reaching down for your pants, only to find that oh yeah, they're already gone.
"So, you gonna skip the hoof-holes, and go straight for the tongue--?">"No time, that'll power me up too slowly!" she says, looking off to the side for a brief moment. "Can't believe I'm actually letting him do this…"
"Huh? Wait, you're going right for the main event?">"Oh, quiet! You're making this more awkward than it needs to be!"
"Who, me? I'm DTF anytime, what're you talking about?">"I-it's just… Oh, damn it, you'll see!">Okay, this is the same lady who just demonstrated her master's degree in succ yesterday.>She should not be getting this antsy over jumping right into a full-course screw.
"Uh, hey, is it me?">"Yes! I mean-- Ugh, just…">Ooookay, super curious about this, now.>Swallowing dry, Chrysalis begins to slowly and shakily turn in place, her tail now pinning itself down.
"Look, if you're not cool with it, we don't have to--">"No, no! It's just that, I-I--!">Yeah, this is quite enough pussyfooting for you.>Rolling your eyes, you grab hold of her rear end and turn her around, facing that thin, buggy posterior towards you proper.>"Aah! H-hold on, I--">You grab hold of her tail and lift it straight up.
"Look, if it's a scar or something, I'm sure we can work around it.">She freezes up, and you swear you hear her whimper a little, very out of character for her.>Well, you don't know what has her so worried; despite her very buggy heritage, her equipment sure looked like standard pony-issue stuff.>Well, okay, maybe the darker-green flesh making up the opening was pretty different, but hey, horse pussy's different from human pussy, so you know, you can work with it!>A shudder runs through her, and she winks at you, the dull, neon-green pearl popping out to say hello-->Oh.>Ohhhhh.>That's what she was so nervous about.>Resting directly behind her otherwise pony-like clitoris, was a set of six tiny little 'fingers', three on each side, a tiny, skin-covered point at the end of each one, almost like a covered-up fingernail.>The appendages seemed to clench gently around nothing, in time with her winking.>That's, uh…>"Go on, say it. I know what you're going to say. That it's absolutely dis--"
"Fucking hot? Why yes, yes it is.">"I knew it, I should've just-- W-wait hold on, what?!"
>"I still can't believe you think it's that attractive!"
"Oh, my dear sweet lovely wife, you have no idea how schlong-shudderingly hot it is."
>"Oh, I've got a good idea. I'm just saying, it's so strange to--"
"Forgotten who you got hitched to, already?"
>"Realized the second it left my mouth."
"Don't you forget it. Now, let's get back to the story, shall we?">"I knew you were a liar. There's no possible way you can-- Aaah~!"
"I told you, mama didn't raise herself no liar," you repeat, poking at the bug-mare's pearl.
"And my dad always taught me to appreciate the things the ladies bring to the table, ya feel me?"
>>164937>That prodding finger of yours slides on up into her opening, where you let those wet, slippery 'fingers' clasp around it, squeezing it with a fairly surprising amount of force.
"Well, I'm sure you're feeling me
right about now, huh?">No doubt about that, if the long, shuddering moan she just gave you is any indication.>"N-no way-- Aaaaaah~!">Ooh, those little digits hold on real tight; not even that little tug of yours can get them to let go!>Already, you're imagining those things going to town on your cock, and you quickly decide to not leave that in the realm of imagination for any longer.
"Say, wanna let the poor little guy go, down there? The big guy's getting a touch jealous.">You let her know just how jealous the big guy is, plopping said quickly hardening object between her thighs, where it achieves maximum stiffness in no time at all.>Funny, rubbing it along her underside a little, it doesn't feel like she's got any teats to work with.>Oh well, you can live without them.>"Nngh… f-fine," she hisses, unclenching her inner fingers and allowing you to withdraw your hand.>Without further ado, you take your member and start rubbing it along her opening, finding it's quite wet enough for you to make a smooth entrance.>Making sure to angle yourself to make as much contact with her inner fingers as you can, you begin pushing-->"W-wait.">Huh?>"Listen, okay? Th-this is really, really important."
"Sure, what is it?">She looks back at you, her flushed, lustful look being pushed out a little by a serious one.>"I just need a few minutes of sex to get a good charge going, all right? Do not, I repeat, do not come inside of me, do you understand?">Aww, what?!
"Come on, we--">"This is serious! Look, I'll finish you off with my mouth, or legs, or whatever else you want, just don't finish inside me."
"Fine," you grumble, resuming your course and slowly slipping into her surprisingly warm opening.
>Leslie looked like she wanted to ask something, but it just kind of came out as a mumble, what with her eyes glazed a little, her blush achieving new levels of redness, and the fact that she's busy nursing a nosebleed with one of your napkins.
>"Yes, that warning did go unheeded," Chrysalis answers, again without being asked.
"Don't get me wrong, though: I wasn't trying to go against the grain, that time. Hear me out, here…">The two of you groan as you work your way inside of her, the texture of her insides feeling a bit more smooth and slippery than the slightly bumpy, rippling flesh of most other mares.>That, coupled with her very present and accounted for fluids, made the extra bit of tightness a non-issue, and soon enough, your groin connects with her rear end, the tip just barely grazing something deep inside, as you bottom out.>Chrysalis gasps after you finish burying yourself inside her, those inner fingers of hers coming to life as she winks against your balls, gently wrapping themselves around the base of your penis, but never gripping onto it as tight as they did your finger.>Tight hold or not, the sensation draws a breathy groan out of you, and you stay buried in Chrysalis for a few moments, just savouring what she's doing to you.>"Oooh~," she coos, mirroring your feelings exactly. "S-sorry, I'm not used to somepony doing this, well, willingly…">She punctuates that last line with a little clench of the 'fingers', successfully milking another groan out of you as they graduate up to gentle strokes.
Y-you mean, folks don't usually-- Aah!
F-feel the extra digits?">Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it's hard enough keeping your composure when screwing a pony: this extra bit of stimulation was really jacking the difficulty, in more ways than one!>"I, uh, hide them away whenever I transform…"
"Heheh, f-fuckers don't know what they're missiiiiiii~ng
…!">D-do you even have to do anything, at this point?>She could probably just finish you off, without you ever moving!>"A-anyways, you plan on letting me do all the work?" she shoots back, regaining a good chunk of her former confidence.>Well, who are you to turn down a request like that?>You begin your thrusting in earnest, starting off nice and slow as you are wont to do, slowly ramping up the pace as the moments drag on.>And boy is there extra emphasis on drag, because holy shit, those finger things of hers are pulling off some serious multi-tasking: you get to feel the already amazing sensation of boning this stupidly hot bug-mare, while the motions of you doing so serve to have the 'fingers' jerking you off, mid-coitus.>Couple that with her rather generous output of fluids, and her constant adjustment of the finger's positions, having them rub all kinds of errant spots on your cock, and Jesus H. Christ, this may be the first ever recorded instance of 'ribbed for his pleasure'!>Chrysalis, meanwhile, gave up on keeping things under wraps a little while ago, freely moaning and shuddering with every thrust, even pressing her rear against you whenever a hilting was in order.>You know she'd never admit it, but she needed this bad, and lucky for her, you're the best delivery boy there is.
>"Come on, the bad puns are for the kids, not for me!"
"Everyone's entitled to a little pun-ishment, don't you think?"
>"Oh, shut up, you."
"But I can't keep telling the story, if I did that!>Somewhere along the line, her horn begins glowing, which you take as a sign that she's getting juiced up nicely.>Man, powered up with sweet, sweet lovin'?>If only 'heart' involved this, it'd actually be remotely useful, and might even make Captain Planet less of a raging gaylord.
>>164938>"Nngh…! A-almost theeeere~!">What a funny turn of coincidence, feeling your own finish flashing it's approach lights, at the same time as she starts to cast some kind of spell.>"J-just a minute more, and we'll be out of here!">Can't argue with results like that!>Deciding it'd be smart to not skirt her warnings about blowing inside, you ramp your pace down a touch, just enough to keep the finish line that much further away.>She does groan her disapproval a little bit, but you're pretty sure she got the memo, since she's not pressing you to go faster.>"Aaah~!">God, her moans are the best you've ever heard!>"Haaaah…!">The voice alone was one thing, but the echoing effect just made them sound so much better!>"Nngh…">Huh, what'd she stop echoing there, for?>"Oooooh~!">Ahh, there it is!>"Ooh, my head…">And now she stopped again!>The fuck is-->"Wh-who's making that noise?">The realization of who just spoke in that voice stops you both dead in your tracks: quite literally in your case, with her muscles and fingers clamping down tight enough to keep you from moving an inch, right as you finish hilting her.>The sight of Starlight picking herself up off the floor is a serious mood-killer, for the pair of you.>"Anon, get me to the bars, quick!" Chrysalis whisper-shouts your way, an order you're in no position to disagree with.>With her unyielding grip on your manhood still intact, you're forced to fill in for her back legs, all but shoving her against the bars, where she pokes her horn out between them, and starts casting a big, glowy spell of some kind.>What really grabs your attention, however, is the feeling of poking at something deep inside her, what feels like that same something you were never able to poke at again, after the first thrust into her.>Wait, shit, she's casting spells, right!>A green magic bolt flies out of her horn, zapping Starlight back into unconsciousness, thank God.>Unfortunately, it also knocked her back even further, much to Chrysalis's dismay.>"No, no! Damn it, I need another charge, fast!"
"D-don't know if I can do faster, babe…!">She gasps a little at what you're implying, and from the look she's giving you, she's pretty torn between getting out of here, and keeping you from filling her up.>"B-but, I…! Damn it, okay, listen," she half-pleads, her muscles finally releasing their hold on your dick, "Go as fast as you can, but please, please pull out. Please?">Shit, she's more scared of that prospect than you thought.
"S-sure thing, Chryssy," you groan, before resuming your pace from before.>Okay, keep yourself going longer, you can do that!>Just think about that terrible first time you had, with that Lyra chick's friend-->"No, don't think bad thoughts! That kills how much you're charging me up!"
"Well, what the fuck?!">"Just try to hold back as much as possible, okay?">Goddamn fucking Starlight, ruining this shit again!>Okay, fine, you'll just have to make do!>Chryssy doesn't leave lasting longer all to you, however: she pulls her 'fingers' off of your cock, letting just her walls do the work, and she's not trying to hilt you anymore.>Despite all the assistance, your teeter ever so closer to the finish line, with every thrust you make into her.>"I'm almost done, just hold out for another minute!">A minute, seriously?!>That's really pushing it, but you'll try!>You try to vary things up with quick, shallow thrusts, but this ultimately doesn't do very much to stave off your very close climax.>Gritting your teeth and shutting your eyes, you do your best to try and squeeze in a few more seconds for her.>"There, I've got it--!">"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" bellows Starlight.>Chrysalis gasps, and pushes herself back on instinct.>Things from that moment on proceed in slow-motion: you're knocked off-balance by the motion, and sent falling backwards onto your ass, Chrysalis's muscles and 'fingers' once again reflexively taking hold of your cock, her rear end coming along for the ride.>It's that landing, coupled with the impact of her rump against your crotch, that finally does you in.>Loosing a guttural scream of pleasure, you throb hard inside her, the first jet of spunk firing out of your cock with enough force to be heard splattering against her insides.>Everything after that first shot happens very, very quickly.>Your eyes are still shut, but you can see a bright green light flashing from somewhere, most likely Chrysalis, and ramping up in intensity with every consecutive shot you fire into her.>Her yell is the first thing that really draws your attention, however: a loud, guttural cry of her own, peaking with every throb your cock makes, trying to fill her.>Soon after that, the thing deep inside her you poked at before instead pokes at you, and you can feel whatever it is kissing the tip after the third jet, forming a seal and drinking in everything you give it.>After that, comes the sound of magic coupled with things breaking, picking up in intensity, again, with every rope of semen she receives, until it sounds like a fucking twister is all around you, come shot number four.>You're just barely aware of your iron grip on her hips, keeping her firmly held in place, and you're together enough to count seven, eight, nine, ten spurts fired into her.>Even after you finish giving her everything you've got, you can still hear her protracted cries, and feel the storm of magic around you, but you don't dare open your eyes yet, and not just for a lack of energy.>Then, after a few agonizing seconds, everything falls silent, save for the sounds of you and Chrysalis panting.>Now, you finally risk opening your eyes.>The unmoving, shaking form of Chrysalis is the first thing you see, but your focus quickly shifts off to the side, where…>Whoa.
"Holy shit," you whisper, gawking at the devastation around you.>The entire room was completely demolished, the bars of the cell uprooted and scattered, some of them staked into the walls.
" you repeat.>You powered her up enough, to do all of this?!>Sweet merciful Christ, how the fuck does that even work?!>"N-no…">Chrysalis's voice snaps your attention right back onto her, and what you see is, well, not what you'd call encouraging.>She still sat in your lap, your cock still gripped in place, but now she was clutching her belly with a hoof, her whole body shaking and her eyes wide open, her pupils the size of pinpricks.>She was in shock, disbelief, and was quickly becoming very, very scared.>"W-why did…?"
"Chryssy? You okay?">When her terrified look flips over to you, you can't help but feel like you just made a terrible mistake.>"You… I-I told you…">When said terrified look flips to rage, you know that you just made an even more horrible mistake.>"You bastard!" she all but screams at you, pulling off of your lap as fast as she possibly can. "I told you, I begged you to pull out!"
"Look, I couldn't--">SMACK
"Yeow!" you cry out, your head snapped right to the side at the smack she just delivered straight to your face.>"You're horrible! You're despicable!" she continues screaming, tears now beginning to well in her eyes.
"W-wait a minute--">"I never want to see you, ever again!">With that final line, she bolts out of the room, droplets of tears following in her wake.
"Wait, stop!" you call out to her, only to be met without any response.>Oh, dear God in heaven, how badly did you just screw up?!>Damn it, you've gotta find her!
>"W-wait, hold on, what?!" Leslie exclaims, the bad ending almost totally breaking her out of her haze. "Where did that come from?!"
>"Not exactly one of our proudest moments, I'll admit. I didn't realize that Anon couldn't pull himself out…"
"And I had absolutely no idea that I'd managed to knock her up, big time. Didn't realize that changelings did the whole cross-species breeding thing, no magic required."
>"B-but how'd you two end up back together, after that?!"
>"Well, it wasn't easy. He had a lot of explaining and apologizing to do…"
"And I had a lot of searching to do. When I read up a little, and figured out what I'd done, oh man, was I determined to track her down, to make up.">Okay Anon, watch your step down here…>You drop down the rest of the way, landing on a patch of moss in the cave.>"Who's there?" calls a familiar voice from inside.>You reach back for your light, but a green magic glow from somewhere in front handles that for you, it's source being none other than Chrysalis.>Her initial gasp of surprise, however, soon fades into a furious scowl.>"You?!" she bellows, storming her way over towards you. "What are you doing here?!"
"Oh, thank God I found you! Listen, I--">"I told you that I never wanted to see you again!">She looks about ready to rear up and kick you halfway across the planet.>"Get out! Get out and don't come back!"
"No.">The simple response comes as a surprise to her, giving you a window to keep pressing on:
"I've spent damn near a month trying to find you, and I'm not about to leave now.">Well, your opening didn't last too long, since now she's back to angry.>"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you, right now!"
"Do it.">Once again, you act on the mild surprise that reply draws out of her.
"Really, go ahead. At this stage, I'd probably deserve it, given what I went and did to you. But first, I've got just one thing I want to tell you.">While she stays surprised, you throw your arms around her neck, and pull her in close for a hug.
"I'm sorry, Chrysalis.">"Wh-what?"
"I was so fucking stupid, not catching what you meant when you wanted me to… well, you know. I screwed things up so badly for you, because of how stupid I was.">You can feel her tense up even more.
"I've spent the better part of a month trying to find you, so that I could apologize, and--">"You think you can just come in here, tell me you're sorry, and that it'll all be better?!" she half-cries, trying to push you away from her.
"No, I don't." you reply, keeping her as close as you can.
"Look, I know that I screwed things up, that I made a huge mistake, but I promise you, I'm going to do everything I can to make it right.">"Shut up! J-just shut up!"
"I'm not leaving, Chrysalis. I can't.">Her pushing gets weaker and weaker.
"I don't care how long it takes, I'm staying right here, with you. With them.">She fails to hold back a sob.
"Please, Chryssy. Give me a chance.">The last few bits of her energy are spent weakly telling you 'no', before she loses all semblance of composure, breaking down in your hold.>She doesn't fight you when you pull her in closer, or when you begin gently itching one of her ears, and in fact, ends up returning your hug when you whisper to her how sorry you are.>After several long, painful minutes, she begins to calm herself down, at least enough to speak again:>"Y-you mean it?"
"I do.">She sniffles, wipes her eyes, and pulls her head back to look at you, properly.>In those big, watery green eyes of hers, you see her distrust, her hesitance, but also a tiny glimmer of hope.>Cupping her cheek, you-->"Mom, look out!" calls a very young voice from the side.>Both of you face the source, and what greets you is a little, foal-sized changeling, it's tiny little horn glowing, and keeping itself in front of a whole bunch of other little changelings.
"Chryssy? A-are those…?">"Y-yes. Hatched a week ago.">Hey, wh-who's cutting onions, around here?…
"You know, you always hear the stories from your parents, about how big of a change having you had on them, but man, you just don't… feel
it, understand it, until it actually happens to you.">"I'll admit," Chrysalis intones, "I was really skeptical about letting Anon help me raise them."
"Gee, thanks.">"You know what I mean, shut up! A-anyways, I gave him his chance, and he really, really outdid himself. By the time he'd stayed there for a second week, I… I wanted more."
"Yeah, I still remember the look on your face, when I told you 'no'.">"You scared me to death, Anon! When you said 'no', I thought that--"
"S'alright, it all worked out in the end, didn't it?">"Somehow."
"Somehow. Yeah, after a couple weeks of five-starring the whole parent thing, she was itching for more, something fierce. But I wouldn't let her have any more. At least, not until we got married.">"Before you ask, no, we couldn't do it in Equestria."
, on the other hand? Oh, they'll marry you to anything with a pulse, and to several things without one!">"Don't ask how we know that. Just don't."
"Actually, whereabouts were you planning on getting the ole knot tied at, Leslie?">Leslie takes a few moments to realize you were asking her a question, spluttering to life from her happy little stupor.>"Wh-what?! O-oh, I mean, uh, g-gee, I never really thought of that!"
"Well, Seaquestria's a solid choice, if you don't mind the whole 'shapeshifting for the underwater ceremony' thing.">"Which I didn't," Chrysalis adds.
"Yeah, of course you
didn't. I was freaking the fuck out, until I realized I got turned into a bitching merman. Shit was so cash.">"I wish it could have turned me into something other than a sea lamprey, though…"
"Hey, at least you could still shapeshift by yourself! And besides, you're my
big, bloodsucking parasite.">"You're such a charmer," Chrysalis deadpans, not even trying to keep the smirk off her face.
"Always and forever," you chirp, stealing a kiss from her in the process.
"Anyways, only problem with Seaquestria is that those fuckers charge you a ton of money for the service.">"You could try Saddle Arabia, they've married a few cross-species couples before."
"As long as you don't mind all the terrorists, and enjoy their national delicacy: sand and rock cobbler.">"Oh, that's terrible!" Chrysalis snickers.
"I haven't even started with them. Oh yeah, you could also try the Crystal Empire, see if--">"No," Chrysalis snaps.
"Shit, I was just putting it out there! I mean, they do charge, what, 30% in sales tax, so you'd--">"They do WHAT?!" Leslie screeches.
you know what, nevermind, fuck the pink broad's kingdom. You know, how the fuck are they even 'kingdoms', when they're still ruled by princesses?">"Because they're idiots," Chrysalis coos, rubbing her cheek against yours. "But we don't make that mistake in this house, my king~…"
"No, we sure don't, my queen,
" you finish, ending that subject with a nice, long kiss.>"Aaaanon!" Leslie calls out.
"Uh, yeah, I'm right here--">"No, other Anon! My Anon! Aaaanon!">"Ah, there she goes~," Chrysalis whispers.>The doors where O-non had fucked off through fly open, revealing the orange man, himself.>"A-are you finally done, Leslie?">"You. Me. Talk. Now!">"What?">"Now!" she almost snaps, biting his jacket and dragging him towards the doors.>"A-all right, what did you want to--">"Thanks for the story, Anon! And thanks for the tips, Chrysalis!">"Wh-what?! What did they tell you?!">"Byeeee~!">"Always a pleasure," Chrysalis calls out.
"Auf Wiedersehen, mein großer Mann," you wink towards O-non.>The door shuts before he can work in a quip, probably something about degenerates.
"So, how long do you give them?">"Three days."
"Three days? That's it? Geez, I was thinking at least two weeks!">"Oh, that Leslie's a mare who gets what she wants, I could tell the second I saw her. Once those two are together, she'll be begging me for all kinds of spells, to jumpstart their newlywed life."
"Heat spells, fertility, the whole shiteree?">"Naturally."
"Ah, young love.">"The sweetest you'll ever taste."
"Heh, so what about the big guy, himself? Think he's got it in him?">"Definitely. He strikes me as a pretty strict father figure."
"Ah, so that wasn't just me.">"Great minds think alike," she coos again. "And don't think this great mind's forgotten about your treat, either~…"
"You really know how to treat a guy, don't you?">With one of her signature erotic chuckles, she locks lips with you again, only this time with some tongue action to go with it.>Sadly, you have to push her away, before she gets too into it.
"And I know just how to treat a lady, too.">"A-Anon?"
"I've got a little gift for you, honey.">Now that you've got her attention, you stand up and open the secret passage behind the fridge, and lead her down to the jail part of the hive.>Of course, you're in no rush, and defer plenty of time to playing with the swarms of hundreds of your bug-progeny, before you finally reach the jails.>"P-please let me out of here, the ropes are really starting to chafe!" calls the voice of your captive, freezing Chrysalis with a little gasp.>"You didn't.">Smirking, you turn a corner, and present the inhabitant of the cell to Chrysalis: a tied-up, thrashing Thorax.>"You did! Ohhmygosh, you shouldn't have, Anon!"
"I do a lot of things I shouldn't, what can I say?">Aww, look at the big moose bug freeze up in terror, upon seeing you two!>God, these fuckers look gross.
"So," you chirp, unveiling the table full of knives, and picking up the hooked one.[/i] "You want to start, or should I?"
>Apparently none of you are, since she's decided to suck the mother of all face with you: full body hug, tongue, all of it.
>Mmm, looks like you'll be off sick with the bug, tonight…
This? This was entirely too long, entirely too distracting to make, and I entirely ran out of fucks to give, because I just had such a rip-roarin' fantastic time writing it out. This also happens to be the longest short, one-shot green I've written to date, so hey, that's an accomplishment!
You know what else goes great with long-winded accomplishments? The fact that it took me this long to edit out all of my nice /mlpol/ formatting to make this work on Pastebin, without looking like an abortion of square brackets and almost-BBcode. Milo, how could you fail me like this? Why?!
Anyways, have your complementary end-of-story porn dump, and the Pastebin version of this story, if for some reason you want it: https://pastebin.com/2KDiLfkA
The Starlight green: https://mlpol.net/mlpol/archive/res/89100.html#115196
The Tempest green: >>138634 OR https://pastebin.com/aqXdy3JX
The Sunset green: >>149053 OR https://pastebin.com/V2JnGwUJ
The GOD OF SUCC: >>>/go/3503
my prayers were answered
so much beautyest bug
Canada, as always, you deliver greatness
I await more when you have it, and until then, I hope you get all the win that you deserve for this.
You're entirely too good to us, Canada.
Canada for president.
Are you trying to milk a sequel out of me, pal-i-o? Because if you are, you're driving a mighty hard bargain.
Oh, not a bad first attempt, I guess. Here, have some guides for your trouble. Got nothing on dicks, sorry.
Would M97-Chan be up for a little Slammin'
The fuck is going on in the last image?!
I was wondering the same, and the best guess I have come up with is that RD is blowing up an blow-up Luna in the bathtub.
This, only it's in a lake/pool.
God bless Shino.
The futa and incest is a little degenerate, tbh fam. But otherwise anal between a consenting male and female is pure and based.
Anyways, I've been slacking in keeping this thread bumped, so have a bump.
I don't view that one as futa personally, we never see the connection and a lot of strap-ons are black…
Hold your horses, every shop in the world. Its only september, nowhere near christmas yet
>>175957>he wouldn't bone the bone pone
Sounds like a faggot to me.
Holy shit, that fourth one's wider than the roastiest roastie.
At least 2 had the sense to stick an onahole in there.
It's a shame Syrianna has such a shapely butt, it hides the goods at that angle.
Anyway, does anyone have any fan animations with show-style models? I've been able to find only SFMs and gifs where a still image is shifted slightly to simulate banging. Bonus points if the animation has voice-acting similar to the characters.
>>176300>does anyone have any fan animations with show-style models?
People tend to be scared of looking too much like the show these days, show assets got leaked a few years back and a couple of notable animators got C&D'd for using them.
Try looking up JanAnimation's Button Mash Adventures (I think it's called) and some of Viva Reverie's older stuff. Unless you mean lewds, in which case TheColdsBarn, Mittsies and Tiarawhy are some good ones.
Look up where? The Button Mash Adventures were taken down, Tiarawhy's Tumblr was shoah'd, and I cannot find any trace of ColdsBarn or Mittsies (besides first pic) on DeviantArt or Tumblr. I don't want to make a Tumblr or Derpibooru account as the former is cancer and as for the latter that's what this site is for me anyway.
Also, could we post some Stradivarius? This thread shouldn't ever drop below first page.
>t. 25-year-old boomer
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Also: I know you're around here somewhere, Mkogwheel, and I'm going to have to ask you two things: why did you make this, and why did I find it arousing?
I… don't have a reaction image for this.Gives an entirely new set of implications to "face fucking"
Body shape: 7/10
Natural beauty: 6/10
Groomed beauty: 6/10
Secondary sexual characteristics: 7/10
Sexual knowledge: 3/10
Emotional connection: 8/10
Thats some quality nightmare fuel
It'd be an interesting nightmare.
Still a nightmare though.
Ah, I see you have patrician taste as well.
>smooth curves on #2
I demand sauce>>176744Starlight Glimmer
(to mess with Nigel)
Body shape: 7/10
Natural beauty: 4/10
Groomed beauty: 8/10
Secondary sexual characteristics: 5/10
Sexual knowledge: 6/10
Emotional connection: 5/10
Wasted opportunity for some blowjobs with that tagline.
There are more of these of different hoers, and i would kindly like some.
whos this semen demon?
That would be Mercedes Marten.
thats a hot way to live.
got any silver "israel is a legitimate state" star apple?
Has anyone actually done anything involving him, besides the penis-nosed kike edit?
Anyways, I don't, sorry bud. Got anything else you're wanting, or…?
gibe the butt slut coco.
got any humanXcoco?
Checked, and apologies for the delay. Dinner came up.
Here's one last batch of Coco being an anal slut, then I'll get to human on Coco action.
No it doesn't
Depends on how much you spend on vodka and how much you spend on food. I feel like if you really want to be doing depression right your vodka should ideally come in a plastic one gallon jug and should not cost you more than ten dollars. If your idea of a proper meal for two costs less than ten dollars you're probably better off just buying the vodka instead and saving yourself the trouble.
Dinner for 2 means romantic dinner
>>179506>one gallon of cheap vodka>$10 dollarydoos>a fucking gallon for $10 dollars
US prices make me cry
Didn't realise you specifially meant a real fancy dinner
Am i seriously being called a virgin in a thead full of fucking my little pony porn?
I get all the vagina sex my dude
how do talk to 3d grills anon? serious question
1. Approach 3D girl
2. Poke her to make sure she is 3D girl and not Adderall™ induced hallucination
3. Poke her again to make sure
4. Inform her you want vagina sex and that she must respond immediately or no deal
5. Breathe heavily, through mouth only so she knows your kissing mouth works also for breathing
6. Poke her again if no response
7. If still no response repeat above steps until response or vagina sex
>>179504>No it doesn't
Do you even drink? I get it cheaper and in larger quantities than even >>179520
No. If you ask them nicely most women carry special no-touching gloves which can go on the hands to make vagina sex less touching. If 3D girl does not have no-touching gloves she is probably out of them and must go to the store. Have pick up vodka while she is there. If 3D girl says she does not know what are no-touching gloves she is an Adderall™ induced hallucination that has developed sentience and corporeal form. Report her to ghost police immediately.
Thanks much. Follow up asking, can I vagina sex from across the room? I'm only allowed to have the 13 times vagina sex and I don't want wasted sex if the 3d girl cries or likes to dance the mamba. Also is restrooming allowed? Asking for friend.
At present vagina sex can only be performed from max distance of 2.51 ft (240 hectares or 1 kilojule).
Also restrooming is allowed under certain circumstances. Be sure to alert vagina girl that restrooming will commence. Obtain special wand for restrooming as glove hands will be dirty with vagina. If you touch penis with vagina gloves it will produce matter/antimatter reaction and you will explode. This is not good for several reasons. Always use proper restrooming wand and always dispose of vagina gloves in designated hamper. Most rooms have them. Vagina woman will also know where hamper is. Be sure to ask for wand, this is very important.
Much thank. Horse vagina is superior vagina and does not require gloves.
I tried to make a joke about how aids alcohol prices are in australia and proceeded to spark a discussion on how to obtain pussy
gibe moar crystal horses
There are at least 2k pictures archived by now. Where do we find them?
The last two threads were titled "obligatory porn thread".
Try searching in the archive for the word 'obligatory' in page.
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Sometimes, I wonder about the state of mind of these artists. I really do.
What type of pony could give you the best sex? Athletic Pegasi, buff Earth Ponies, or Unicorns and their weird magic shit?
Fun fact: marsminer (the artist that made that pic) got raped and he liked it.
The guy who constantly draws his OC mare getting raped?
If he liked it, was it really rape?
I require mint pone with person
Why does Lyra have so much porn?
Because she has a nice design and is particularly popular for a background pony.
There's also that hand-fetish meme.
Many people think that Aryanne was inspired by RD. When you look at this applebutt art you know the truth.
Say I was thinking of buying a fleshlight. Just one, and it could either be a horse pussy or human pussy.
Which would you recommend?
This shouldn't even be a question.
Go horse or go home.
You can get human pussy any time you want from a whore, and horse pussy is more aesthetically pleasing besides. There's absolutely no reason not to go horse.
You gotta go horse, all the way.>>182900>horse pussy is more aesthetically pleasing besides
Based and redpilled.
you sound like you speak from experience.
Tis just common sense really.
If you get caught be prepared to lose your social life with your parents for a few months it happened to me, also your parents might want you to throw it out because their house there rules so fair enough, also if you have the grave misfortune of a brother and sister you basically gave them ammunition to embarrass you in any situation
Say I get a horse pussy flashlight online. Any recommendations on the source, what firmness rating to choose if it gives me that option, whether to pick a brightly coloured pony one or general horse one, etc?
Pick the one that's most like your Waifu.
Its Nigel, he deserves it
He is Nigel, but until he spergs out, remember:
this is nice board
You're getting pretty decent at this.
You've never seen a horsedick poking out of its sheath?
Those nylons are son kinky.
I have to say the thicc look really doesn't work on Dash.
wow, what a faggot.
Here, have some taste.
That fourth pic makes me kinda sad, i wish i had a mare like that to hold in the cold moonlit sky.
That is a FURRED CREATURE, tone it the FUCK DOWN with the tumblr redspots1
The only one I know of is the centaur girl.
Anyways, daily bump.
Check the show out, it's really fun. And hot as hell in a lot of places.
Always on the front page
It's called Monster Musume.
It bugs me that she looks almost exactly like Big Mac's "New" girlfriend with a new coat of paint.
Fug. Their hairstyles really are similar, aren't they?
I guess Big Mac is a Mamma's boi. Who would have thought.
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Spoilering these, you have been warned.
Bumps for horse rumps
>>190383>dat Trixie pic
Pear butter lives up to her name.
Is they more of these?
Poor Flutters looks like she isn't enjoying it.
dear God I can only get so erect
Fingers crossed they do.
Here's hoping, Canada. We all can't wait to see it, and I hope things go your way.
>>192578>That last pic
God bless Shino.
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You know, so far I've been treating my stories for these threads as big one shots to be posted all at once, but I think this time around I'll do things a little differently. This time I think I'll chunk out the new story bit by bit, both as a little experiment for my writing process and to take some of the load off our local vigilant burger in his quest to keep this on page one.
Pic related shall be our bachelorette for this season. Oh, and expect lots of setup before we enter the bone zone. I'm a sucker for setup.
This'll be gooooooooooood. Also, I appreciate the assist.
>"Ahahahah! See, I told you the city was beautiful, my dear!"
>Oh, are you here already?
>God, you wish you weren't here at all.
>"Well, my boy?"
>"Really now, Anonymous!" your mom chides as per usual. "Travelling to such a spectacular place, and all you do is stare at that screen of yours!"
>Ugh, this again?
>Whatever, you don't need this.
>"Anonymous, are you even listening to me?!"
>"Don't you 'mmhmm' me, mister!"
>Yeah, you care so much about this dumb city you're going to.
>Stupid royal bullshit.
>"Incognito, please help me!"
>Now, back to beating your last score.
>Just a few more shots and--
>Quick as a flash, an orange blur swipes away your phone.
"What the--?! Hey!"
>"Eyes up here, my boy!"
>Oh, you've got to be kidding!
>Like you have any other choice but to look up at your stupid dad, with his stupid smile and stupid horseshoe stache.
>The game over screen flashes on your phone.
"Seriously?! I was in the middle of--!"
>"Wasting your time? Ah, yes, what a terrible loss!" he grins, totally aware of what he just did.
"Uugh, give it back already!"
>"Ahahahah! Not quite yet, my boy!"
"Stop calling me that!"
>"Shall I? But you seem so eager to play with these little children's toys!"
"Dad, I swear to God, I'll--"
>"Tell me more about where we are if you want your phone back?" he booms, smiling ever wider. "Why, yes! That's a wonderful idea, son!"
"Oh my God I'm going to fucking hang you!"
>"Anonymous Clover Augustulus!" your mom gasps, "You will mind your language this instant!"
>"My boy," dad intones, leaning down to get right into your face. "I would love to see you try."
>Whatever, he doesn't scare you!
>So what if he's built like a tank?
>So what if his stupid muscles are barely contained by his stupid military suit?
>You could take him!
>Wh-why is it so hard to look him in the eye now?!
>And would it kill him to stop with his stupid fucking smile?!
>Ugh, you hate him so much!
>"Ahahahah!" he booms like always, "I didn't think so, my boy!"
"I hate you so much it's unreal," you grumble, arms folding.
>"So, what are we doing out here, my boy?"
>What kind of sick God would just let you suffer like this?
"Going to some stupid Hearthswarming party to talk to a bunch of stupid rulers about their stupid politics," you drone, refusing to look at him.
>"That is not at all what--!" your mom tries to get in.
>"Ahahahah! Very good, my boy!"
>"Incognito, please! You know that's not what the Hearthswarming summit is all about!"
>"Ahh, but it is quite close to it, my dear sweet Innominate!"
>See, he agrees!
>What's mom's problem, anyways?
>She's never happy with anything you do, but of course doesn't fucking tell you what to do better or anything.
>Noooo, that would take actual effort on her part!
>"Now, you do remember where the summit was being held, don't you?"
"Yeah, yeah, Canterlot. Like I didn't get it the first eleventy billion times the stupid aides said it."
"Can I have my phone back now?"
>"I'm sorry, what?"
"Oh my God in heaven, you--!"
>He's such a fucking dick you hate him so much holy fucking shit why doesn't he just fucking die in a fire.
"Please can I have my phone back?"
>"I don't know, can you?"
"Aaaaagh! May I have my phone back, please?!"
>"That's more like it!"
>Finally, thank fucking God--
>"You may not."
"A-are you serious?!"
>"Your mother is quite right, my boy!" dad booms, tucking the tiny slate away into his coat. "Canterlot is such a beautiful city, it'd be a waste to spend time here with your eyes glued to that fancy little toy!"
"It's better than talking to some stupid ponies about stupid friendship magic!"
>"Ahahahah! Only one pony I know does that, my boy!"
"I don't care! I don't wanna--!"
>"Want has nothing to do with it, my boy! You're a prince, after all! Royals like us have no choice in the matter!"
"Yes I do! Give it back!"
>"Now," dad chortles, straightening out his jacket, "We're going to be escorted to Canterlot castle very shortly, my boy! We'll be led through the city for all the ponies to see, so I expect nothing less than star behaviour out of you if you ever want to use your phone again this year!"
"That's not fair!"
>"You'd best straighten your clothes out, my boy! These Canterlot types won't settle for anything less than perfection!"
>>192944>A guttural cry of anguish escapes your throat.>It's not fucking fair!>You didn't ask to be their fucking kid!>God damn it, you're almost nineteen!>You don't have to take this shit from them!>You're a grown-ass man who can-->Oh wait, mom's straightening your clothes out already, huh?>"You had best be on your best behaviour tonight, Anon! Understood?"
"Yeah, yeah.">"Don't you 'yeah, yeah' me, mister! Now come along, we're almost there!">Whatever.>The doors to your carriage open up soon after it comes to a stop, and a bunch of ponies lead you and your parents down, where they make a show out of bowing and boxing you in with their stupid guards as they lead you on through the city.>Yeah, yeah, it's so cool, because it's not.>You saw the pictures, it's nothing special.>At least that one Cloudsdale trip was actually cool, since the city was, you know, made out of fucking clouds!>And didn't have a bunch of rich fucks and nobles eyeing up your every move, like the assholes passing you by on the streets!>Ugh, just look at them!>They must have silver spoons spot welded to their fucking teeth!>Bet they're all inbred, too.>Fucking nobles, every goddamn time.>If every noble were to die today, the world would be a better fucking place.>Fucking shit fuck son of a bitch you hate this trip and you want to go home.>"S-so, dear," mom starts, "Why did you want to come to their party this year?">"Got to keep relations up with those pesky minotaurs, my love!">"They're not still upset about that mine dispute, are they?">"Oh, my dear, they're upset with just about everything we do!">Yeah, because humans are better than minotaurs in every single possible fucking way.>Even their porn is God awful.>Stupid minotaurs.>"But alas, you know how Equestria is with keeping their neighbours happy. I hardly think the two sisters want to deal with us and the minotaurs going to war, after all!">Yeah, but the Dominion of Man could totally take the stupid Bovine Federation.>The world would be a better fucking place without those stupid bulls.>They're better as steak anyways.>Stupid ponies and their stupid obsession about peace and friendship and all that gay shit.>You watch, they're gonna just declare war on everyone around them when they least expect it.>Hell, it's what you would do.>Mercifully, you all arrive at the castle entrance without any further trouble.>Okay, the castle actually does look kinda neat, but Jesus is it such a badly defensible design.>Stupid ponies.>"You must be the ones from the Dominion, yes?" the doorman-- uhh, doorpony asks dad.>"Quite right!">"Right this way, Emperor.">God, that sucks the most about being the prince!>Mom and dad have the coolest titles, and everyone else is a stupid king or a queen, or a princess pony fairy gaylord.>But you still get called the fucking prince!>What the fuck, man?>Why don't they call you a 'duke', or something?>It's so fucking lame!>Anyways, you all funnel into this big, expensive looking dining hall, where nobles and leaders of all kinds and races mill around, eating plates of shitty food and talking to each other about dumb shit.>What else are they gonna talk about, fixing their countries?>Nah, that'd take actual effort, wouldn't it?>Dad takes some kind of list from one of the ponies, and mom's busy talking to some other waiter pony about something else, leaving you hanging around with your thumb up your ass.>Why the hell do they even bring you, anyways?>It's not like you ever talk to anyone important.>All you ever do is just sit around and look pretty, like every other leader's kid.>Whatever, at least there's food for you to-->"Anon?" asks mom.>Nevermind, no there isn't.
"What?">"Anon! Use your manners!"
"Yes, mother?" you drone, rolling your eyes for good measure.>"The party doesn't start for another hour and a half, and this nice pony was wondering if you'd prefer to be somewhere else until then?">Hell yes you'd like to be somewhere that isn't this fucking hellhole!
"That sounds neat.">"They've got a whole separate area for the princes and princesses to mill around in, somewhere that you might be more, well, comfortable in.">That sounds horrible.>But still less horrible than where you are now.
"I'd be okay with that.">"Y-yes, well," she starts, almost sounding disappointed. "Just follow--"
>>192945>Just then, a loud, unnaturally long gasp sounded out from none other than your dad, who you both turned to the instant the noise cursed your eardrums.>Well, he looks excited about something on that list.>"What? Wh-what is it, love?">"It can't be! She's here?!">"What? Who's here, Incognito?">Quick as a whip, dad pulls out his old flip-phone, punching in a number and waiting for the caller with bated breath.>Uhh, what the hell's he all worked up about?>Well, more worked up than usual?>"Candy?!" he nearly shouts into the beaten up little phone, "Is that really you?! Yes, it's me, Nito!">"C-'Candy'…?">What the hell?>"Good God almighty, my girl! It's so good to hear your voice after all this time! Where have you been?! Actually, wait, don't answer that yet! Are you at the…? Yes, I'm here as well! I saw your name on the register, and-- Yes! Ahahahah! My God, I didn't think you still kept this old number, my girl!">"H-honey, who is that?">Yeah, you're just gonna… leave, before he drags you into whatever horrifying new circle of hell he's conjured up.>"Oh Candy, I'd love to catch up again! Where are…? Oh, you little devil! I'll be there right away! What do I want? Oh, do you still remember the usual? Yes, that's it! Ohh, we'll be there right away! Yes, I did say 'we'! Oh, I'll tell you when we get there! Don't you go anywhere! Alright, goodbye!">The phone flips closed, and he spins in place, grabbing mom by the wrist.>"My love, I'd like to introduce you to a dear old friend of mine!">"A-an old friend? Who?">"Bah, I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise! Come, come!">"B-but what about--?">"My boy," he calls over to you, "Me and your mother have important things to do right now, so be on your best behaviour until we get back!"
"Uhh, o… kay?">"We'll see you in about an hour, my boy!">Mom doesn't even get a chance to reply before dad runs off with her into the crowd, leaving you all alone.>Okay then, that happened.>Well, whatever.>Deciding to promptly get the hell out of this dump, you follow along with that pony mom was talking to before, who leads you into a smaller, much less populated dining hall.>Yep, exactly what you thought you'd see here.>Princes and princesses of all the same races you'd seen in the last hall.>Trading one hell for another, are you?>God, you wish you had your phone right now.>Stupid dad.>Fortunately, the dumbfuck hellspawn in the room don't pay attention to you for long, thanks to whatever commotion was coming from another set of doors in the back.>They fly open with some freaky pony magic, and-->"At least give me my phone back, damn it!" cries some girl pony.>"After your behaviour today?" answers some man pony. "Absolutely not.">"But I--">"Your mother and I are going to be talking to some friends of hers now. Stay here, and don't cause any trouble.">"Dad, would you please just--?!">"The answer is no, Flurry.">"But--">"We'll see you in an hour.">Well, of all the things you expected to see, you didn't expect to see some white, blue haired, effeminate unicorn man all but shove some other white unicorn girl into this room, before shutting the door behind him.>Somehow he'd even managed a pitch perfect 'so done with this shit' look on his face, too.>"Aaaaagh!" that girl pony screeches back at the door, her wings flaring out. "I hate you so much!">Wait, wings?>Wait holy shit, is that pony an--?>"Whoooooamygosh!" a ditzy sounding girl calls right after getting into your face. "You're one of those hyoomans!">Oh dear God no, not a fucking hippogriff.>"Hi there! My name is Seastar! Princess Seastar, but hey, we're all royalty here, right? Heeheeheehee!">Ravioli ravioli, please shoot me in the headioli.
All this in just one wine fueled night? That's a new personal best. Got a real good feeling about this one, fellas. Let's see about keeping this train choochin' along, eh buddy? Eh?
Anyways, that's all you'll get outta me for tonight. See you all later. I'll expect tributes of the finest quality maple syrup by the time I get back.
Mlpol is a beautiful and moral place full of good people.
Can't wait for the next edition!
>>192946>"So what's your name, huh?">Don't answer her.>"Aww, c'mon! You can tell me!">Fucking hippogriffs.>Should've stayed as fish people in the fucking ocean.
"Anon.">"Anon? Heehee, that's a funny name!">She'll look even funnier laughing with a broken beak.>Piece of shit bird horse thing.>"So, what brings you to Canterlot, Anon?">Jesus Christ why do they ask questions they already know the fucking answer to holy shit will somebody please end your life.>"Ahh, I get it, you're shy!">Maybe if you glare at her hard enough, she'll get the message.>"Heeheehee, that's okay! My dad's pretty shy too!">Why did you even bother raising your expectations for her?>You know, faced with situations like this, you really come to appreciate the fact that the Storm King did nothing wrong.>Just as she opens her beak back up to assault your intelligence, an explosion of confetti in the back captures everyone's attention.>"Woooooooohoooo!" an aggressively pink, impossibly energetic pony bellows from behind an honest to God cannon, "Who's ready to par-tay?!">Definitely not you.>But hey, this random bullshit got the fucking hippogriff to leave you alone, so there's that.>Whatever, they can do whatever the merry fuck they please.>You'll just be over here at the table, far the fuck away from that cesspool of degeneracy.>Eeeeexcept for a fucking pony hanging around here.>Wait a second, that's that same girl pony from before, isn't it?>Okay, so you weren't seeing things before, she's definitely an alicorn.>Great, just fantastic.>Don't know why the fuck she's wearing clothes either, but you stopped caring the moment you figured out she was a prissy fucking princess.>Just ignore her and take some punch.>So here you stand, sipping on this sugary liquid garbage while hoping and praying that you'll be left alone.>Huh.>That pony's actually leaving you alone?>Glancing over briefly, you see her looking over at you with a foul look on her face, but she turns away as soon as you look over.>Wow holy shit, you're not being pestered for once?>Maybe this won't be so bad-->"Heya there, Nonny!">Oh fuck you Murphy.>Fuck you with a chainaxe.>"And hello to you too, Flurry!">"Go away.">"Heehehehe, don't be such a grumpy-pants, Flurry! C'mon, you're missing the fun!">"What a shame," the princess deadpans.>Yes, pester the fucking princess, not you.>"What about you, Nonny? How come you're not partying?!">And fuck you too, Sod.
"I have a crippling allergy to parties.">"Pfffft, don't be such a hermit, Nonny!"
"Don't call me that ever again.">"C'mon Nonny, try it! Try it and you may!"
"I'd rather try bleach, thanks.">"Oh a bleach joke, so original," the princess mutters.>"Heehee, bleach doesn't go onto colours, silly!"
"What?">"I mean, who'd want to ruin that fancy suit of yours?">That kind of insult to your intelligence very nearly caused you to physically cringe and you want no further part of this please fuck right off posthaste you stupid fucking horse.
"I'm not joining the party.">"Gee, that's not very nice. What would your parents think?"
"You assume I give a damn," you fire back, arms folded. "That's cute.">That princess just snorted, while the pink horse began to look quite offended.>Okay, you're doing good.>Just a little more passive aggression and she'll-->"Aaaaaaaawww, come on Anon!">Oh Jesus Christ no not the fucking hippogriff again please piss off-->"Nope," the princess blurts out, wrapping the hippogriff in magic. "Nope. Piss right off, Seastar.">"B-but Flurry, I--">"Am not welcome anywhere in a five foot radius of me.">"But he--">"OUT.">And off she flies back into the now staring crowd.>"Flurry!" the pink pony gasps. "That was--">"Completely necessary, and don't you dare tell me otherwise.">Yeah, fuck this.>Back to the punch.>"Oooh, you're in big trouble, missy!" the pink one says, finally beginning to sound angry. "Wait until your aunt hears about this!">"Ooh, I'm so scared. She might tell my parents or something! I'm shaking!">Your turn to snort.>"Flurry--!">"Uh-uh, no. This trip has been bad enough! First my phone, then Seastar, then this stupid monkey!">Nani?>"I don't need you adding to--"
"I'm sorry," you interject, facing the stuck-up princess. "What did you just say?">For the briefest of moments, she looked surprised.>Key word being briefest.>"I said, that things are bad enough without the stupid monkey hanging around.">Man, what a punchable face she has.>"You, genius."
"Wow.">Wiping that smirk off will be naught but joy.
"I mean, wow! 'Monkey'. Damn, you come up with that all by yourself?">Look, it's working!>"That's right. Made it nice and simple for your dumb ass to comprehend!"
"Wooow, you're right! You're the smartest pony I've ever met! Shame the same can't be said about your looks.">"The hell did you just say to me?"
"I mean, I don't see why else you'd be dressed up like that. What, you late for the Seamare Luna audition or something?">She gets mighty protective of her skirt and shirt all of a sudden.>"Hey! This stuff--"
"Looks like something out of the Hot Content dumpster? Wow, chalk one up for your smarts, princess!">"You know what," she fumes, "I don't have to take that from a braindead weeaboo like you!"
"The fuck's that supposed to mean?">"Oh, 'Seamare Luna'? I'm sure that's not all you've seen. Cardcapture Sakurai? Pink Princess? Tomadachi Wa Mahou?"
"Hey, those shows are--">"Exactly what a flaming queer like you would watch? Wow, who'd have thought the monkey could get smarter?">Oh she's fucking done for.
"Okay princess," you fume, setting your punch glass down with a mighty thunk, "You wanna fucking go?">Not one of you cares about the pink horse's gasp.>"Sorry, dipshit. I don't like to fight the handicapped."
"Ooh, imagine that! The pwetty pony pwincess doesn't whanna fwight!">"Like I'd even need to try! Those arms are floppier than the dicks you suck at your Chineighse cartoon conventions!"
"Yeah, you'd know all about sucking dicks, wouldn't you? Did your sugar daddy there tell you to dress up like a total whore too?">"Oh imagine that, the disgusting weeb is into inbreeding! Wow, maybe that's why you came out so fucking stupid!"
"Another weeb joke? Damn, girl! You're just dazzling me with your intelligence here! Want me to get you a fedora while we're in the city? My treat!">"Wow, a fedora joke right after a bleach joke! Aren't you just the most original limp dick around?!"
"I'm unoriginal? You're a fucking pony, Rick! You've got the magic tramp stamps that literally pigeonhole you into doing only one thing!">"At least we don't need pussy fucking weapons and machines to do basic fucking things! Oh wait, that's humans! Yeah, real fucking tough taking out minotaurs with anything but your spindly bitch noodle arms!"
"Ooh, the noodle arms again? And you call me unoriginal? Say, how come you're hiding away your tramp stamp behind the cosplay getup, bitch?">"Yeah, you're super into cosplay, I bet! Bet it gets your boyfriends real hard when you're bent over in the schoolgirl outfit! Aah! Y-Yamete! B-Bubba-senpaaaai!"
"Wow, you know a lot about Bubba, don't you? You take turns with him and Chad? Bet that's why you're hiding the tramp stamp, 'cause mommy and daddy are too embarrassed to have the princess of sucking dicks as their kid!">"Aww, you jealous? You want in on the action, don't you? I'm sure I can get you to sit in the corner and watch, you whiny little cuck!"
"What do you need me around for? I'm sure you get plenty of hits on your fucking Tweak stream! 'OMG, thanks for the points, guise!' Bet you've got a fucking Neightreon, too!">"The only thing Tweak deserves is to be nuked from fucking orbit, just like you and your shrimp dick race of horse fuckers! Yeah, that why you're so obsessed with my cutie mark? You want me that bad? Sorry, but I don't give pity fucks to unwashed shit lickers like you!"
"I wouldn't touch you with a thirty nine and a half foot length of rebar, you fucking skank!">"Good, I'd rather be knocking your lights out instead, you piss gargling fucknut!"
"Wow, such complex words! You get those lines from your daily Leddit binges, you cum slurping queen of the damned?!">"Oh, that's it, you're fucking dead!"
"Noo, not the rainbows and sprinkles! Anything but that!">"Ooooookay," the pink one interrupts, "Why don't we just calm down--"
"Nobody asked you, bitch!">"Nobody asked you, bitch!">Yeah, she better take off!>"You're not leaving this room until you're kissing my hooves, shit for brains!">She jabbed you in the stomach with her hoof.
"Ooh, nice horseshoes there! Backup for when the other cheats you have don't work, dickhead?">You punctuate 'dickhead' with a jab to her horn.>"Get your fucking dick beaters off me, you damn dirty ape!">She jabs you harder.
"See? Perfect match-up, you squirrely fucking thot!">You jab the horn harder.>She grabs hold of your jacket to try and pull you down, and your hand grabs hold of her horn to try and pull her up.>It's hard to tell who let loose the piercing REEEEEEEEEEEEE in the exchange, but the only thing you know for real is that there will be fucking blood.…
>>194044>"She sells sea shells by the sea shore~">"She sells sea shells by the sea shore~">"While the ships in the harbour set sail~!">"While the ships in the harbour set sail~!">"Eeeeeeeeee! You still remember it!">"I'd never forget the creed, Candy!">You're not even a minute into your wife's sudden meeting, and already you're the most confused you've been this year.>While those two hug one another, giggling to each other like schoolfillies, your eyes turn to the strange orange human's wife.>Who, coincidentally, has turned her eyes to you at the same time.>And boy, does her look match your own feelings to a T.
"Sooo, uhh… I didn't catch your name.">"Y-yes, well, my husband didn't make me privy to yours, either."
"Oh, you too, huh?">"Mmhmm."
"Well, my name is--">"Shiny!" Cadance squeals, trapping you in one of her signature death grip hugs. "This right here is my bestest old friend in the whole widest world!">She gestured way more dramatically than necessary towards the smiling, jovial human.
"Uhh… hi?">Extending your hoof, he bolts right over and grabs hoooooooold--!>"Ahahahah! A true pleasure to meet you, mister…?"
"Sh-Shining Armour…" you wheeze out.>Holy Goddess in Elysium his grip should not be that strong what the buck>"Then it is an ever truer pleasure to meet you, Mr. Armour! Incognito Augustulus Sr.; Emperor Incognito Augustulus Sr., at your service!"
"Pl-pleased.">Why is his hoofshake somehow worse oh Goddess your leg is going to fall off please stop>"But you can just call me Nito! Any friend of Candy's is a friend of mine!"
"O-okay.">"H-honey, who is--" the woman tries to get in, before being cut off by a huge gasp from Mr. Augustulus.>"Dear God, I am so sorry, my dear! I'd almost forgotten to introduce you!">Mercifully, he lets go of your hoof, flowing over to the side of his wife and throwing an arm around her withers-- uhh, shoulders.>"My love, this is a very old friend of mine! We go way, way back!">Cadance swoops in and grabs the human's hand, and from the look on her face, she's suffering as much as you were under the assault of Mr. Augustulus's hoofshake.>"It's so, so good to meet you! I'm Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, but everypony just calls me Cadance!">"I-Innominate…">"Ohh, I know we'll be the best of friends, Mrs. Innominate! Eeeeeeeee!">Sweet merciful Goddess, you don't think you've seen Cadance this excited since she first found out she was pregnant.>"I-I'm sure…">And in another instant, the human's hand is released, and Cadance fixes Mr. Augustulus with a glare.>"Nito, why didn't you tell me you were happily married?!">"I could ask the same of you, Candy! My God, I'd have been at the wedding in a heartbeat!">"I know! It was such a crazy wedding, too!">"Oh, I've heard the stories! Ohh, you'll have to tell me all about it!">"Sit down, you! It's story time!">"Ahahahah! The best time there is, Candy!">The two of them, uhh… hop, skip and jump with their arms locked together, only letting go after the final jump, where they land in their seats with pinpoint accuracy.>"Shiny, Innominate, come on over!">"Agreed! No need to be strangers!">This guy couldn't be any stranger if he set out to try.>After you and Mrs. Augustulus share a look, you walk over to the small coffee table and seat yourselves.>From there, the two of you witness what must be the liveliest conversation you've ever seen, and you've been at ground zero for most of Twilight's tangents.>Those two just talked and talked and talked in rapid fire, completely enraptured in one another's stories, only taking breaks to synchronize their drinks of water.>It was, uh… surreal.>"And then my sister-in-law used her magic to banish the evil king and restore the Empire, and we lived happily ever after!">"What a story, Candy! And to think, I'd convened with such a brave soul in the past! God above, I had no idea she was your sister-in-law!">"Heeheehee, she's a wonderful mare, and an even more wonderful aunt!">"What? Aunt?!">"That's right, Nito!">After gaping in disbelief for a moment, Mr. Augustulus picked up Cadance and looked over her belly like a gemstone, all while Cadance remained perfectly still, sporting a look of pure pride.>"You did not give birth, Candy!">"Been there, did that.">"On what planet?! My God, there's not a mark on you!">"Alicorn life is the best life.">"And your figure! Augh, it's so hard to describe how envious I am right now!">"Gaze upon me and despair, Nito. Gaze and despair."
"Put her down, sir.">"Incognito, set her down now.">At least Mrs. Augustulus had the same idea!>You really don't like how… touchy those two are.>"Ohh Shiny, you big jealous lunk! You know you're always the one for me!">"My love, nobody could ever replace you in my life, you know that!">Why'd they have to be so smooth with their responses…?
>>194045>"Besides, what kind of an example would I be setting for our son, just gallivanting off with the first woman I set my eyes on? Downright repulsive, that would be!">"Whaaaaaaaat?! Y-you have a…?!">"We have a son, Candy. And yes, yes we do!">Instantly, Cadance bolts over to Mrs. Augustulus, crushing her in one of her hugs.>"EeeeeeeeeeeeohmygoshI'msohappyforyoutwoeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
"Please let her go, honey.">She complies without another word, backflipping into her seat while Mrs. Augustulus takes several deep breaths.>"Nito," Cadance says, a devilish glint in her eyes. "Pictures."
>"Candy," he replies, the same glint in his eyes. "You needn't ask."
>From deep within her mane and deep within his jacket, they pull free a modest stack of photos.
"Honey, why do you keep those in your mane?"
>"A-and why did you bring those with you today, honey?" Mrs. Augustulus concurs.
>"Shiny! Really, now! It's our sacred creed!"
>"Never, ever leave home without the baby pictures!"
>"I-if you say so."
>Synchronized sighs escape both you and Mrs. Augustulus, and with no time wasted, the two begin to fawn over their stacks of photographs like a pair of teenage mares.
>They go through emotions at a breakneck pace: fawning one moment, lamenting in another, laughing in another, and bawling like foals in others.
>"Th-they grow up so fast, Nito!" Cadance bawls into his chest. "I'm not ready! I'm not reeeeeahdyyy!"
>"Me neither, Candy!" he quietly weeps into her mane. "We laughed at our parents for this notion! Laughed, we did! And this is our penance!"
"He's always like this, isn't he?"
>"Yes he is," Mrs. Augustulus replies just as monotonously as you. "And she…?"
>"Do you ever wonder sometimes why we married them?"
"Never more than today."
>"Ah, so that wasn't just me."
>"So!" Cadance replies, flipping from sobbing to chipper on a dime, "How old is your little Anonymous?"
>"Ahh, the tender age of eighteen!" he replies, flipping just as quickly.
>"Ohh, that's so funny! Our little Flurry is, too!"
>"Oh, she's beautiful, Candy!" he booms, small rivulets of tears streaming down his face without any warning. "Takes right after her beautiful mother, that one!"
>"And yours! Ohh, he's got your chin! And your build!"
"Cadance," you intone.
>"Incognito," she intones.
>"My word, you two are such worrywarts!" Mr. Augustulus huffs, his tears vanishing into thin air. "Do you really think so little of us?"
>"Yeah, Shiny! After everything we've been through!"
>Don't answer them.
>"Ohh, but I'll tell you, raising him and keeping an empire together is no easy feet, my girl! Why, I haven't had the time to practice even a tiny smidgen of our old craft!"
>"Me too! Augh, ruling sucks!"
>"Alas, we are the best suited to the task."
>"Don't care, still sucks!"
>Aaaaand now they're pouting.
>Really not much you can say, now is there?
>"Candy!" he booms out of the blue. "Did you bring her with you today?"
>"Of course! She's got to learn how the game is played, somehow!"
>"Ahh, but she's been resisting, hasn't she?"
>"You too, huh?"
>"Quite! Why, I swear they're more interested in their fancy magitech toys than they are with reality around them!"
>"Right?! In fact, we had to take our Flurry's 'phone' away from her today, didn't we Shiny?"
>"What a coincidence, I had to do much the same thing! And to think, he became indignant about it, too!"
>"Same here! Ohh, she needs real social contact, not that silly magitech substitute!"
>"Precisely my point, Candy! We brought our dear Anonymous too, didn't we darling?"
>"Yes, dear," Mrs. Augustulus replies.
>"So my thinking here was that we have those two--"
>"Socialize?! Ohmygosh, YES! Nito, you've always got the best ideas!"
>"I know! Elementary, really! Why, it may even clear up some of his foul mood!"
>"Goodness knows she could use it," Cadance grumbles.
>"Cheer up, Candy! I've a good feeling about this!"
>"Yeah, you're right! I know ponies better than anypony, and those two might as well be the best of friends already!"
>"Ahahahah! Positive as always, Candy! Why, I'm sure that positivity has already suffused their bond as we speak!"
>The door to this room is knocked on repeatedly.
>"Pr-princess Cadance, E-emperor Incognito!" a guard's voice calls from behind the door. "Your presences are required at once!"
>Those two just jinxed everything, didn't they?
>They just grin to each other for a split second before bolting upright, jogging towards the door.
>"C'mon, Shiny! Let's see what's happening!"
>"Up and at 'em, my love! Politics waits for no man!"
>Both you and Mrs. Augustulus share a groan before tailing after your respective spouses, who have since been following a very agitated looking pony guard.
>Yelling can be heard in the distance, and you swear that one of the voices sounds…
>"You won't live to regret this, you fucking ape!"
>"I'll slap yer shit in, I sware on me mum!"
>Who's voice is that?
>Rounding one last corner, you see a group of guards on both sides of the hallway, keeping a green-skinned young human away from--
>"Flurry!" Cadance chirps.
>"My boy!" Mr. Augustulus booms.
>Both children look to their respective parents, their scuffed, bruised faces morphing to shock and then terror in short order.
>"Aww, shit," Flurry groans.
>"Fuck my life," the human groans.
Golly gee willikers, leafy! How come your smut gets to have so much setup?
'Cause I said so, that's why.
This update is brought to you by the god-awful Derpi porn catalogue of aged-up Flurry Heart! Seriously, whatever isn't fucking anthro or SFM is hyperpregnancy instead, for reasons that confound me. Otherwise, I'd be dropping images every update like normal! Absolute cancer.
I need chemotherapy for this cancer. Quick, you know what to do, readership!
Absolutely lovely update, Anon.>All the adult Flurry Heart porn is degenerate cancer
It had to be tedious color-coding all of that.
Tedium that I bear happily, given the results. Though when you miss a slash at the end of a segment, it really hits a nigga where it hurts.
Exemplar! Correct version:>(p)"Nito,"(/p) Cadance says, a devilish glint in her eyes. (p)"Pictures."(/p)
Version that was actually posted:>(p)"Nito,"(p) Cadance says, a devilish glint in her eyes. (p)"Pictures."(/p)
And now all the following uncoloured text is pink, thanks to that one tiny slip of the editing!
And even if there were mod edits for that kind of shit, who wants to ask mods for editing work you should've done? Besides, this ain't
Reddit Ponychan, I don't want any of that gay edit-your-own-posts shit!
Maybe I should actually start using /Test/ to test the formatting before posting for realsies…
Wait, why am I whining so much? This ain't therapy! There's porn to be posted!
>>192944>he grins, totally aware of what he just did.
I strive to become a father like Incognito.
Love Lock. As far as I know, she hasn't been around long enough for any fic about her to be made. Though she'd definitely make for prime fic material.
Thanks fam and damn shame no fics also Merry Christmas
Boner = killed
That's an…interesting boner-killer.
*sigh* well… I guess I have another new and extremely specific fetish.
A highly specific fetish I have never seen anything made for until now.
>>195032>exclusive CfaC pics
Thank you, anon, for donating to kids with cancer so we don't have to.
As with anything he makes, it is hilarious and well done. An oversized johnson does not turn me on though because I'm not a faget like U
#5 is going to be one painful