/mlpol/ - My Little Politics


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Poner Prompt Pompf: Darkhorse Town
Anonymous
51014a3
?
No.313381
"The caves beneath Canterlot, once home to greedy unicorns who wanted to claim the gems that could be found inside. And now, your prison."-- Queen Chrysalis.

Premise

Underneath the capitol of Equestria and deep beneath the polished, marble floor of the Canterlot castle, there exists a network of interconnected tunnels similar to an anthill. To ponies who live their lives in those underground spaces, it's just home. To the ponies trotting over the well-swept streets above, it’s called Darkhorse town or Dark town. The guards don't patrol there unless they are suicidal. The nightmares guild control the streets and their minons are the ones keeping “order” and the streets “safe” from the do-gooders of the royal guard. They run the largest black market in Equestria but also enables other illegal organizations in Dark town, for a modest. Lately, however, and elite force of daymares and wonderbolts lead by Shining Armour has managed to occupy early parts of Dark town.

Daymares are unicorns who participated in a ritual to boost their magical powers. You can distinguish them by the gem lodged in their horns.

Thread

Why not try your hand at growing some greens? I got the perfect fertilizer, meaning it’s shit: this premise. The idea is that you take something you like from this premise, or it’s themes, and omit anything you don’t. Then you make a green from that in whatever length you prefer.
Anonymous
7dd4323
?
No.313406
313434 314683
>"Psst, ey you look down on your luck."
>You are Sleeping Dream
>To your team and criminal scum it's,
>"Sandmane, Sandmane, Sandmane. We had our differences—"
"Jolly—"
>"—Like I said our differences."
>Bitter words poison the lucid dream.
"Come to kick a stallion when he's down."
>"Oh no, no, no! Not me, I know when a coverup and lie is at hoof."
>The fact you were denied multiple chances to prove your innocence over these past months grates away.
>"None of that now, out of all them you have the heart to stand for what really is right. I respect that, stupid, but respectable. I thought you were on a secret mission you types like to do for promotions and here you is, I mean are. Tossed- sorry the point is I want you back on their team."
>You dismissively snort.
>"I'd love to have you with me Mr. Dream."
>A mare like Jolly Green is normally thought of as dumb muscle for hire.
>That's categorically false, they are the underpinnings in keeping the underground a little ethical.
>Maybe a few of them are stupid, but acting like that is part of the job. Much like the Guards.
>They keep the worst possible case out of the hooves or claws of some creature that'll do horrendous things.
"If you get me my job back I'll owe you a—"
"—favor."
>That's what the underground usually deals in, unless it's to keep merchandise away.
>"Mnnn, no. I want three dates, just you and me. If there's anything maybe being a friend if all goes well—"
"Deal."
>Your hoof claps hers.
>She's stunned for a moment and then grins her signature giant mad mare smile.
>Not only does she do minion work, but also swings her own weight some times finished with—
>"We're going to another world to kidnap the princess' old coltfriend."
>—some crazy idea.
"Lets do it."
>More often than not it works out.
Anonymous
51014a3
?
No.313434
313438
>>313406
<"We're going to another world to kidnap the princess' old coltfriend."
That's rad idea dood.
Anonymous
7dd4323
?
No.313438
r_lookin.png
>>313434
Gotta steal reimagine the idea from somewhere. pulling from the idw mlp comics
Anonymous
d6b4b2b
?
No.313572
313707
Oekaki.png
>”Hoo.”
”I am taking precaustions, but life is about livin'... on the edge. AlsoI'mnotgonnalosetoSpaghettiPants,” you say.
>Sniff sniff.
>”Ahh, how exquisite,” whispers a voice right behind your ear.
>You turn your pale face fast as a turtle from your binoculars to look back, over your shoulder.
>A midnight blue pony inhales with her nose right above your neck.
>You can feel your hairs rise as she sniffs you.
>You drop your binoculars and spin around on a bit.
>Ontop a torn down brick wall lies a midnight blue pony with teal and purple flames dancing where it normally would have had a mane and a tail.
>The height of the brick wall puts her on level with you even though she lies down.
>Your wide, normal eyes meet her calm, oblong, sexagon ones.
>Each vertex of those sexagons bend outwards in a concave manner and become pointy as a spikes.
>A pink veil of energy begins to swirl around your horn and the pink gem lodged in it emits rays of light.
>You clench your teeth and glare at the thing before you.
>You try to supress the shaking in your legs.
>The flame pony widen her eyes and then makes a dipping motion with her hoof.
>It's saying, ”Calm down.”
>You notice the motion but your horn doesn't stop glowing.
>You're eyes widen and you throw a glance behind you.
>But there's no one there.
>You look back again; the flame-pony hasn't moved.
>She shakes her head and giggles.
>”Are all daymares such scaredy-cats?” she asks in teasing voice. "Or, is it just you?"
>You feel a blush creep up on your cheeks.
>This does the trick.
>You stop shaking.
Anonymous
d6b4b2b
?
No.313574
313583
5848a5dea8e09f1c308768de5586e6b11376533777.jpg
Cave-of-the-Crystals.png
d8koc17-e0e70926-3289-4c7f-b7b4-b10a4d1ae19b.jpg
luke-buxton-bef-markettopview-concept-v002-lab.jpg
Gloomweb.jpg
>Pictures for inspiration.
Anonymous
2b747e0
?
No.313579
313582 314683
>"Mmrf!"
>Yet another incident in the Dark Town Frontier's Bagel Outpost.
>The pained, muffed cries of fellow guards in the cafeteria is starting to become an evermore present reality.
>Nothing in my line of work could ever compare to being stationed in this Celestia-forsaken place.
>I could see the victim's worried squadmates huddled closer to him, who was currently sitting down at a table while his hoof was laid on his cheek.
>Just in front of him, the culprit of such heinous crime laid there on the table next to his bowl of oatmeal.
>A sturdy looking rock with a coat of saliva on it.
>Such a cruel fate, given to the newest recruit stationed to watch the perimeter like so many other before him.
>"Another one bites the rock," the white coated unicorn in my patrol group next to me disinterestedly uttered with a tired grin.
>"Told ya," a younger, orange-maned pegasus proudly retorted on my other side.
>A sigh escaped my lips as my back slouched towards our own table.
>Looking down at my salad bowl, a small pile of pebbles met my gaze, taunting me with their coarse, rough exteriors.
>The disturbing terror that there might still be more hidden chunks of stone in my meals.
>In my golden helmet
>In my shining breastplate.
>In my polished horseshoes.
>In my pretty mane!
>Somepony has to find a solution to this dastardly villain sabotaging our camp!
Anonymous
00c23b4
?
No.313582
313639
fgdsfsdf.gif
2446121.png
2405914.gif
>>313579
<Somepony has to find a solution to this dastardly villain sabotaging our camp!
I'm pretty excited.
Anonymous
4fb5fab
?
No.313583
313584
>>313574
>Pic 5
Hey, it's the Blackspawn Gloomweb/Stalker. It's a fun monster from d&d 3.5e.
Anonymous
156778a
?
No.313584
313627 313642
>>313583
Yes, I found it by lurking this that Red Hand D&D campaign thread, >>>/mlpol/vx/146206
Not to be an elitist but I can find fantasy creature designs a bit generic at times. I'm sure that they can function well in a story or campaign but sometimes I feel that what I'm seeing is just a differently dyed dragon or humanoid+elemtal+one extra pair of arms+something else. This creature has, to me, and alien design and therefore is pretty cool even though, you can still see elements from real creatures in it, like spiderweb, it has assimilated it into the design by making has something to do with tentacles. Uhh, bottomline: It's pretty fucking cool.
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.313624
313639 313956 314174
>Another day in this underground hellhole
>In particular, it's one of those days where your boss decides to chew you out for no reason in the back room of a run-down bar
>"I haven't spent my life keeping this group of thieves together through multiple minor apocalypses and foreign invasions just to lose my empire to some upstart prince who thinks himself better than us! Now, can you do what I'm asking of you or will I have to find a different pony to go to?"
>On anything else, her crimson glare can literally kill
>Especially given her status as one of the few Daymares that had an aptitude for combat magic before the ritual, but that's not important
>However, you've seen it so many times that it just gives you a headache
"Don't worry, I'm in no hurry to start letting you down."
>"Good. You had better make sure this doesn't cut into profit margins, otherwise I'll use every connection I have to make sure you remember not to fuck with Black Briar!"
>With that, the ebony mare shoos you out of the makeshift office and slams the door on you
>It would've been nice if she had given you more information about what exactly you're supposed to be doing
>Judging by the fact that the Nightmares are doing all the work of keeping the guard at bay though, you're guessing it'll just be routine cat herding
>With that nagging detail hopefully taken care of, you suppose you should get around to making sure those idiots in your boss's employ don't start cannibalizing each other
>And you're pretty sure you've got an idea of just who can help you with that!
>After all, you've still got to cash in some favors for when you pulled his ass out of a den of metaphorical and literal snakes on that one heist
>Your walk through the dank streets eventually takes you to the unassuming hovel you're looking for
>You give a sharp knock on the sheet metal serving as a front door, only for it to be opened by something other than the biggest earth pony you know
>Fucking Peytrel...
>"Sorry Straight Line, the Enforcer's not here right now."
>You give an exasperated sigh as the changeling before you stares at you through slitted compound eyes
"Then tell me where, I've got a job I need help with!"
>"He said something about a contact in the Nightmares needing him. He also told me to tell you to piss off if you showed up."
>That ungrateful son of a bitch!
"And this is how he treats me after the Underdark!?"
>"From what I heard, you're the reason that happened to begin with. I wouldn't be so outraged if I were you."
"One, I'm not the one who decided to run blindly into that obvious trap. Two, if you're just going to be a dick then I'm just going to kick your ass with the new horseshoes I'll have after this job's done."
>Peytrel cocks an eyebrow at you and releases her look of thinly veiled hostility
>"So Black Briar hasn't thrown you out on your ass yet? What's she got you doing this time?"
>You pull yourself up as much as your small stature will let you and unfurl your wings with sarcastic pride
"I'm the one she put in charge of making sure everypony else doesn't kill each other."
>The changeling smirks and snorts slightly in response
>"If I weren't in charge of holding down the fort right now, I'd come with you just to watch you make everything worse."
>You deflate a little, the obvious jab making it through your layer of irony to strike your actual pride
"You do realize that there's a reason why my nickname is the platinum tongue, right?"
>"What, your last client at the brothel that impressed at your performance?"
>Don't let it get to you
>Don't let it get to you
>Don't let it-
>Too late
"You know what? I didn't come here to get lip from you and I don't intend to waste time if it's not going to get me anywhere! Fuck you, fuck your mother, and fuck everything you stand for!"
>And now that everything's properly out in the open, Peytrel slams the door in your face and leaves you standing outside in the stale air
>You take a moment to breathe deeply, collecting your thoughts as you do so and pushing all the anger into the bottle
>Once you're calm enough, you start heading towards the first of your targets
>Sticky Fingers
>After some navigation through the city and some avoidance of skirmishes between Nightmares/Guard and rival gangs alike, you find the warehouse-sized cavern he works out of
>You also find it abuzz with activity!
>In the center of it all is Sticky Fingers himself, flipping through stained papers and cataloging whatever his various underlings bring him
>You weave your way through the mess and make sure you don't get in anyone's way, deftly dodging through ground and air traffic alike
>Once you reach the eye of this storm, you reach up and tap the light blue unicorn on the back
>"Item description and retrieval location."
>Since he doesn't realize who it is, you instead opt to clear your throat somewhat loudly
>Now somewhat annoyed, he turns around in a huff
>"Are you deaf or just st- oh. It's you."
>Sticky Fingers glowers down at you from behind his smudged glasses, magnifying the second worst stare you've seen today
"Yep, it's me. More importantly, Black Briar wants to know if everything's going alright here."
>The stallion loosens up a tad and chuckles dryly at your statement
>"Tell her it's going smoothly. In fact, all the fighting between the do-gooders and the Nightmares has actually given us quite an opportunity to swipe misplaced ordinance from both sides!"
>Wow, there's no way that could backfire at all
>Especially if another gang gets it in their heads that stolen gear means they can take on the Nightmares and it gets tracked back to us
>...
>Eh, you're not paid to think
>Not on this job, at least!
>You thank Sticky Fingers for his time and leave as unobtrusively as you came, mentally checking the first name of your list
>That just leaves Gun Point and Deep Down
>Gun Point scares you, so you're going to Deep Down first!
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.313627
313639
>>313584
Fun fact, the blackspawn stalker is basically a giant spider that's been corrupted by draconic demons into becoming that monster, iirc!
>t. one of the retards in the RHOD game
Anonymous
d50c056
?
No.313639
>>313624
Yeah, I'm so on this.
>>313627
Ooh.
>>313582
I picked those three pictures to go with my post in particular to ruffle some feathers but it seems my trolling have failed to lure anyone in.
Anonymous
35e77d7
?
No.313642
313708
>>313584
Yeah, that's why I included it in my game.
Red Hand of Doom is an ideal adventures to use Dragonspawn in, so I tried to use as many as I could, although I didn't use all of them. I'm going to try to use some more when I do the Fane of Tiamat.
Anonymous
073b14a
?
No.313707
313807
>>313572
>Sexagon
That's lewd!!!

In swedish "six" translates into "sex". In short, that's why "hexagon" became "sexagon".

Cont.

HA! Like you're gonna get me to drop my guard around a filthy, magic-leeching nightm—” you start but stop yourself as your lips form a devious grin. ”—filly. Nightfilly. Such as yourself.”
>Indeed, you didn't notice it at first but she isn't a mare.
>She is a filly.
>In fact, she even seems to be about your age.
>A tendril of the nightfilly's purple flame-mane bends down and covers her mouth as she giggles into it.
>”Woah, is that your idea of a comeback?” she says. ”Did you learn that in Princess Celestia's kindergarden for dayfoals?”
>She pokes out her tongue.
>You're cheeks are pretty hot now.
>Now imagine a banana, if you will, and instead of yellow it's teeth, that is how the nightfilly's mouth looks right now.
>You must feel embarrassed.
>You stomp your hoof into the ground and give the filly an focused glare.
”Okay, hilarious.” You bob you head from side to side with a deadpanned expression, which just seems to amuse the other filly further. ”But I'll give you a heads-up.”
>You swing your head back and shout, ”And to the rest of your crew! I'm trained in mortal arcane combat and I'm not afraid to use i—”
>Pompf!
>A small whirlwind of purple flames which come from the nightfilly's mane and tail surrounds her and in the next second she disappears only to reappear next to you enveloped in a cool, purple-colored, micro-inferno to shove a soft hoof into your mouth.
>With clenched teeth and eyes like saucers, she hisses,”Shhh, are you crazy? Don't you know where we are?”
>You're taken aback by how fast she got close to you for a moment.
>Then your pupils shrinks into dots at the dark blue hoof in your face.
>A glacier's amount of ice emerges into your heart.
>With both your front hooves, you push the hoof away so hard that your body also jumps from standing on your backlegs to your front hooves.
>The nightfilly only manages to take a few steps back before you swing your horn along the ground.
>Sparks flare as your horn drags along the ground like a match being lit against a matchbox.
>The nightfilly, whose face displays fear, sees the attack comming and disappears out of the way in a ball of flames as your head springs free from the ground.
>BOP!
>The sound is like a champagne bottle decided to become a death metal singer.
>For a moment a yellow sphere of light sits perched ontop of your horn and then it pops.
>Flames shaped like swirled clouds in the wind blows over the torn-down brick wall.
>After your fire has blown over, you are left panting as you look at the, now black of soot, brick wall.
>You see the nightfilly emerge from flames a few feets to the side of you.
>She whistles at your handy-work.
>”Not bad.” She smacks her lips. ”You weren't kidding. You are powerful.”
>She looks away from you and whispers under her breath.
>You barely catch what she says.
But, I already knew that.”
>Then she licks her lips.
Anonymous
cd11384
?
No.313708
313709 313718
my-little-pony-art-fanart-4872.jpg
img-1999810-1-underground_alien_world_by_thejfp-d3id4q0.jpg
Orvieto underground tunnel.jpg
anime-original-cave-crystal-mushroom-hd-wallpaper-preview.jpg
085916ef8bc675a9eab45d78247834d2--underground-caves-underwater-caves.jpg
>Pics are just additions for the already established theme and mood of the thread. Just for inspiration and feels.
>>313642
>Red Hand of Doom is an ideal adventures to use Dragonspawn in
Okay, why is that?
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.313709
313711
>>313708
Because the main antagonistic faction of the game is the church of Tiamat, the mother of dragons and all-around evil lady. She's the source of all chromatic dragons and all dragon-based demons, so an army in her service would logically make use of her dragonspawn minions to devastating effect.
Anonymous
073b14a
?
No.313711
313712
>>313709
Oh, I see. "The chromatic dragons versus the metallic dragons"-lore is pretty cool.
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.313712
313714
>>313711
I agree! Also, fun fact: Bahamut, the father of dragons, is stated to be Tiamat's brother. No wonder dragons are pretty much universally messed up, their family tree's a ladder!
Anonymous
429fb4a
?
No.313714
313715
>>313712
I bet you're expecting a oni-chan joke but I'm taking the high-road.
Tiamat: "Somehow, I have always known."
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.313715
313809
>>313714
>spoiler
no, you're right to avoid it. After all, they both hate each other and while both subspecies of dragon generally respect their other parent, that doesn't mean they have to enjoy their presence.
Anonymous
fc7a4a3
?
No.313718
313809
>>313708
>Okay, why is that?
It's a campaign where the main enemies are worshippers of Tiamat, and being hobgoblins they're naturally into dysgenics.
The encounters are also very modular, making it easy to swap some monsters for others and monsters from various splats.
Anonymous
4aa20d5
?
No.313807
313922
>>313707
>You blink.
>You tilt your chin in and horn down.
>You try to send the nightfilly a glare but you feel so vindicated that you can't help but to smile.
>Your tongue caressess one side of your top row of teeth.
”So you admit it? You are after my magic,” you say. ”Meaning, I do have somthing to be scared of don't I?”
>The nightfilly shuts her eyes, her body slumps, and she releases a sigh.
>One of your eyebrows heighten.
>Her eyebrows form a roof as they look at you; she does a motion similar to nodding but with less amplitude.
>She opens her mouth and then blinks.
>She lifts her gaze over you and looks at something past you.
>You follow it and see something that makes you gasp.
>An owl with a tan body with (metaphorical) raisins spread out over it, chocolate brown wings, and a small, carrot-like beck is partly baked into a cacoon of albino spaghetti.
>One thread is twirled around it's beck like the tracks in a screw.
>It looks like a pair of hands has its fingers grip the owl from behind.
>Black hands belonging to a ugly, disgusting, and vile creature.
>They aren't fingers though, you realize.
>They are hairy legs belonging to a tarantula as large as the owl itself.
>You feel your throat constrict.
”Hoot!” you yell but also partly whine and stretch out a peach-yellow hoof in the bird's drection.
>Are you dead? You wonder.
>Then you met his terrified and very much alive eyes.
>They blink at you rapidly, several times.
>You let out a relieved sigh and a small smile appears on your face.
>Then you see Hoot nod towards the space behind you.
>You realize what or who he's referring to and spin around.
>The nightfilly hasn't made a move.
>But you can practically see the cogwheels move inside her head.
>She seem nervous as she gives you an apologetic look.
>”I... I apologise for my familiar, he suffers from an inferiority complex. But I can guarantee you, however, that your... Uhh... Pet. Hasn't come to harm,” says the nightfilly.
>You eyes grow big.
>That's why Hoot's hoot before sounded so scared. It wasn't that I was being careless, it was because he was being attacked.
>Then they become narrow.
”Your familiar?” you spit. You can feel your hooves start to shake again but not of fear this time. ”You will release, Hoot. Right now.”
>Pooff pooff pooff.
>Small sparks pop off from your horn like popcorn.

This might seem like a cliff-hanger but it's not. I just had to stop for today. With next post, you'll see what I mean.
Anonymous
4aa20d5
?
No.313809
313940
2f69d24d6a196a7fc0baf48353a97092.jpg
underground_city_wallpapers-1920x1200.jpg
My.Little.Pony.full.1341844.jpg
0ed2f18e76a742cfe86e736e80536231.png
d43848ba1fda0e187ea6d8c35c13dbee.jpg
>>313715
>while both subspecies of dragon generally respect their other parent
That's intresting.
>>313718
I guess that's one of the advantages of following a more ridged campaign progression.

>More tone setting images.
Anonymous
02eb001
?
No.313922
314026
>>313807
>The nightfilly lifts up a hoof.
>”Of course, just calm down. Your yelling might attract unwanted attention?” the nightfilly says.
”You mean like, nightfillies? It's quite late for that, don't you think?” you throw back and you wiggle your eyebrows as you say the word, 'nightfillies'.
>She press her lips together and for a brief moment shuts her eyes.
>”I thought dayfillies were suppose to know something about nightfillies. We're the reason for why there's a ritual to begin with, right? But you” –She points a hoof at you.– ”don't even know how we operate.”
>You do the pony scrunch meme face, or whatever it's called.
”Hey, I know ple—” You shake you head. ”Don't try to change the subject. Release Hoot, now!
>You look at her with intense force.
>You want your familiar free.
>The nightfilly's face goes from exasperated, to irritated.
>In the end, she releases a sigh and nods, now more calm and composed.
>”I will release your pet but only if you promise to hear me out. Deal?” Your eyes meet.
>For a brief moment you exhale through your clenched teeth, then you nod.
”Fine, just release Hoot and we'll talk.”
Anonymous
4e20502
?
No.313924
682f5bfa86aabc5e9ac86d2580feabbe.jpg
96bde377523cd586aaa350bc644eefe5.jpg
e7fd8c6a59be639dbc0b26ea8e8eda1b.jpg
Tremors but squid also trapdoor spider.jpg
Ghost_Unicorn_Pony.png
>Theme images.
Anonymous
babf39b
?
No.313940
313973
>>313809
>Pic 4
Hey, an Ettercap. I used that in my campaign too.
I had them mounted on giant spiders, hurling poison-tipped spears.
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.313956
313957 313972 314142
>>313624

>Alright, so where's Deep Down right now?
>If only you actually knew where that slippery bastard was, navigating the Underdark blind is the last thing you want to be doing right now...
>... Wait, he's always working on that pet project of his, isn't he?
>Yeah, he's probably still after the Dragon's Heart, knowing him
>Well, you know where you helped him out with the last failed expedition, so there's probably a good place to start
>You recount your memories of navigating that ancient tomb and all the horrors within, narrowly dodging past all sorts of monsters and traps
>And then the Enforcer had to go and step on the one pressure plate you told him not to, like the stubborn contrarian that asshole is
>But with that aside, you finish navigating your way past another few skirmishes and nasty alleys to make it to the lowest point of Darkhorse
>Beyond this is the Underdark, a mostly unexplored web of caves and ruins of ponies and creatures that came before
>Legends say that there's a priceless artifact of an alien civilization down there called the Dragon's Heart, but almost everypony you know thinks it's just a stupid myth
>Everypony you know except Deep Down, that is
>Speaking of, you find him wandering about in the chamber before you and taking measurements of the surrounding area with some foreign magic device, likely of his own design
"Ahem."
>The cream stallion turns sharply towards the one sound breaching the silence of the room, but relaxes when he sees it's just you
>"Straight Line! Have you come to join another expedition? I could always use your assistance with reaching more of the tighter spaces I've mapped, and who knows, we might find something worth quite a lot if that's what you're after!"
>You shudder briefly at a memory of a Gloomweb being altogether unhappy of your accidental intrusion during a past expedition
"Actually, Black Briar wants me to check in on the various divisions of the guild she runs. So, anything to report?"
>You see Deep Down drop the saddlebag he's wearing and begin sorting through some of the papers that he pulls out, organizing them into a grid before him before ushering you over
>Once you stand beside him, you see that it's a drawn map!
>"I've managed to find several more locations requiring more in-depth exploration and potential salvage, and I've also managed to make a discovery that I'm sure Black Briar would be just as excited to hear about as I was to find it!"
"Then spit it out, dude! I've got places to be and I'd rather not have my escape routes cut off by the time we're done here!"
>"I think I've found out where the Dragon's Heart really is after all this time!"
>Oh yeah, just like every other time he's dragged you or some other poor expedition crew down into this sub-hell
"After all the previous false alarms though, I'm sure Black Briar wants some actual proof of this. Can you show me anything to make me believe you?"
>Deep down carefully pushes all the papers together into a pile again and stores them back in his saddlebag before pulling his head back out with something in his mouth
>Carefully he drops it into one of his outstretched hooves, and then proudly he shows it off to you
>It's...
>It's a bolt
"Are you serious? That's it?"
>Deep Down scoffs at your lack of surprise and places the piece of hardware back into the bag he pulled it from
>"Not just any bolt, it's a pristine bolt! A pristine bolt that I happened to find in front of an immense metal door, something big enough for all of the princesses to walk through side by side without even having to duck! And, what's more, I found it in the deepest part of the Underdark that I've explored yet! If I can get the funding for another exploration team, I'm sure that we could turn this guild into something to rival the Nightmares in power and maybe even surpass them!"
"Those are some pretty bold words, all this from some big pretty gem?"
>"The Dragon's Heart is hardly some basic gem, although I wouldn't expect someone who's just in it for profit to know that. Just tell Black Briar the news, I'm sure she'll be properly excited about this too."
>Well, you don't need to be told twice
>The cold air rushing up from below is also starting to get to you, so all the better
>You turn your attention towards getting to your next target, Gun Point
>Let's see, she's probably out trying to extort one of the lesser gangs for protection right now
>Yeah, you're not getting in the way of that
>Guess you'll just give your current reports to Black Briar and then go take care of Gun Point
>You navigate your way back to the seedy bar that serves as your boss's headquarters and go inside without much announcement
>Once inside, you knock a certain rhythm on the door to the back of the bar
>The door is enveloped in a red aura as the facade is removed and the reality of the room behind it is set into place
>The aura fades and a voice calls from within
>"What is it?"
"I've gotten two of the three reports you've asked for."
>"Then go get the third and then come back! Half-finished jobs doesn't mean half pay, it means no pay!"
"But-"
>"NOW."
>Before you can try again, the red aura comes back and you're left back by yourself in an otherwise empty bar
>You sigh and decide that it wouldn't hurt to at least try to look for Gun Point, even if she's out there getting into more trouble than it's worth
>You make your way back out and start wandering in the direction of the nearest scuffle, hoping to find your target somewhere close by
>You sneak in as close as you can, but find that you're watching a full-fledged fight between the Nightmares and the Royal Guard!
>Casters throwing energy blasts and shields left and right, pegasi clashing in the sky, and earth ponies dodging around wreckage to engage in melee combat!
>And here you are, paralyzed with fear seeing a battle of this magnitude not 10 feet away!
>You turn around to run away, but find your path blocked by a large, gold-armored presence
>"Excuse me."
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.313957
313972
>>313956
ooh, that last line's bright. I'll tone it down in the next installment, don't worry.
Anonymous
51a484c
?
No.313972
314143
>>313956
I'm *Chuckles* digging it. Have read every story post in this thread at least twice. All except this new one even more than that.
I don't say what I like specfically because I don't wanna influence the creation process of your work but if you want me to be more specific with my opinions, and then makes sure to take them with a huge grain of salt, I can do that.
>>313957
>Huh? What does he mean?
>Checks with default theme on.
>Yep.
Anonymous
51a484c
?
No.313973
313978
>>313940
The image is probably from one of your threads.
3.5>5.5
In inspired monster design. While these guys aren't as inspired as the gloomweb, I thought the ropes between their pierced rings on their skin were neat.
But from a more general point of view 3.5, and from what I have seen, I think this is true.
Anonymous
babf39b
?
No.313978
314027
Ettercap_-_Wayne_Reynolds.jpg
>>313973
Actually, I think that's a Pathfinder illustration, judging by the glossy, dungeon-punk style and cartoonishly villainous hook-things. Pretty sure it's a Nightmare Ettercap, an example of the Nightmare Creature template applied to a common monster.
The 3.5e MM illustration is this:
Anonymous
e3ae49e
?
No.314026
Aboleth.jpg
e22b667f9cdd71774128bb86c1d69f6b.jpg
5a7ad1dd687eceae90d4aa7ee6c884f3.jpg
market_by_jonone-d2z3u1n.jpg
91b3173fca1e698232341490e4fa7bff.png
>>313922
>The nightfilly teleports; you hear the growling of her teleportation magic's flames behind you and behind you she is.
>You don't interfere with whatever she is about to do but you remain vigilant.
>The nightfilly walks over the rag rug in the living room you both are in towards a window.
>It's the window you peeked out of earlier with your binoculars, which now lie on the floor.
>Outside is a pretty large underground space.
>There are many holes in the cave's ceiling where the sun and water travels in.
>The water have formed a lake in the middle of the cave.
>On the other side of this lake are buildings mined out from the cave walls.
>To the left of the window is the, now black of soot, brick wall, which previous had sealed off this room from the adjecent one and to the right, is a few rows of shelves nailed to the wall.
>On the top one of these, is where Hoot is being held hostage by the spider.
>The nightfilly walks up to the shelf and place her hoof next to the pair.
>The spider's visible legs jerks slightly as the hoof is placed on the shelf.
>”Playtime is over, Frankie. Come on,” says the nightfilly.
>Frankie, the huge spider, doesn't move, it just starts to fiddle with Hoot.
>”Now.
>The nightfilly gives Hoot a fierce look meant for the one behind him.
>Frankie pop up from behind Hoot and run up the nightfilly's hoof.
>Frankie crawls up into the purple flames on the nightfilly's head and hides among them.
>The nightfilly's eyes gaze upwards and say, ”Good boy.”
>One of the nightfilly's flaming tendrils slithers through the air to Hoot who watches them with enormous eyes.
>The tendril is purple at first but then turns cyan as the nightfilly brush it just a bit above every thread of web.
>The threads shrink from the cyan tendril.
>The distance between the tendril and the web stays the same as the nightfilly melts off the web from Hoot.
>Hoot, however, seems to sense the heat radiating from the cyan tendril.
>He starts to struggle against his confines.
”You're not hurting him are you?” you ask as you take a step forward.
>The nightfilly shakes her head.
>”No. But I have to burn off the web so he's feelin' the heat. Can you tell him to calm —” As she turns her head towards you, she stops midway.
>You are already next to Hoot.
>As you place your hoof ontop his head, he stops struggling and peeks up at you.
>You caress his fuzzy head.
”It's going to be fine, Hoot. I'm here and I won't let anyone–” You give the nightfilly a sharp look, which she responds with rolling her eyes and grumble something you don't hear. ”–hurt you.”
>You feel the heat radiating from the cyan tendril as it undones the confines of the web.
>When all the spider web is gone, the cyan tendril turns back into purple and return to burn alongside it's brothers in the nightfilly's mane.
>”There. That should be all of it.” The nightfilly wipes sweat from her brow with a hoof.
Anonymous
e3ae49e
?
No.314027
314029
Spoilered
>>313978
Ooh, this version of it makes me realize it has a spider face.
I did actually not find that pic in one of your threads, I remember now.
But I picked to post that picture of the gloomweb over the fat one. Saved both though.
Anonymous
babf39b
?
No.314029
314080
>>314027
I posted both in my thread.
I preferred the emaciated Gloomweb because this particular one was meant to be a Krynn-style Dragonspawn having been made from the remains of an Araenea (werespider) after it was fed to a Respawn Birther with parts of a black dragon and a viletooth lizardfolk. The Gloomweb, an Eberron variant from a particular adventure module, looked a bit more uncanny and vaguely humanoid, so I felt like it was more appropriate for a monster that was once able to take the shape of a person.

The encounter was fun, if also a bit clumsy. I feel like the shoehorned plot revelation may have given the still-living Araenea spy NPC a bit more sympathy than she really deserved though...
Anonymous
be1a7ab
?
No.314080
6009068__explicit_artist-colon-skoon_oc_oc-colon-boogiemare_oc-colon-filly+anon_earth+pony_ghost_undead_bed_bedroom_cum_cum+in+mouth_cum+on+hair_dismay_female_f.png
spidercave.png
328a05fdd48c70cc244db918749b0bf5.jpg
dungeons_by_rukkits-d4963hm.jpg
s9vl3k7nx0qi2.jpg
>>314029
So the first paragraph of my post>>314027 refers to the ettercap you posted. The first spoiler paragraph refers to the nightmare ettercap that I posted. The second spoiler refers to the gloomwebs in your thread on /vx/.
I don't know why I wrote this post this way.
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.314142
314174 314602
>>313956

>Your heart immediately drops into your stomach as the guard stares down at you, but you manage to maintain a fairly straight face
>"A place like this is nowhere for somepony your age to be, let me get you somewhere safe."
>You almost shout down the guard for assuming you to be a filly, but you realize that this could actually get you where you want
>Namely, anywhere but here
>So, you play along and use a higher-pitched voice
"Please, this is scary!"
>The guardspony puts a hoof around you and pulls you away from the battle, uttering reassurances as he does so
>"Don't worry, I'll take you back to the safest place in the whole cave system!"
>You're pulled along by the guard as he walks, almost powerless to take back your freedom
>Not because he's that strong, because wings trumps legs
>No, the problem is that the instant you do, you become a target
>And a target is an exceedingly bad thing to be behind enemy lines
>This guard leads you around for a while, past a few landmarks you recognize as you plot an escape route
>You're not quite sure how well they have the tunnels mapped out, but you know a few secret passages only used by your guild and the Nightmares that are unblocked
>Meaning either they don't know or all the entrances are already covered
>You hope to every god you can think of that it's the former
>The guard continues directing you around until you finally reach a big walled off area swarming with similarly armored ponies
>Your guard waves to one of the ponies managing the gate and grabs her attention
>"Passphrase CORNDOG. I got a civvie filly here, nearly walked into a nasty firefight! So, you mind letting us in?"
>The mare sighs and looks you over before turning back to your supervisor guard
>"What's with you and helping out the scum down here? They're all just criminals or savages, that's why we're here."
>Okay, you're pissing on her bunk when you make your escape
>"I recall our orders being to find anypony worth bringing topside and then torch the rest. Otherwise, we would've just caved in the entrance and been done. Now, are you going to let us in or not?"
>Topside?
>As much as you'd enjoy being able to experience flying for real, you know that open air wouldn't be nearly as engaging as weaving your way through tunnels barely bigger than you at breakneck speeds
>Anyway, the mare huffs but still opens the gate to let you both in
>The guard you're with leads you through the gate and then over to a portion of the camp that looks to be nothing but refugee housing
>Once you're there, he backs away and turns towards you
>"Alright, you'll be staying here for now. If you have any questions, just ask another guard and they'll assist you. I'd help you more myself, but I've got a squad heading out in a few minutes that I'm joining."
>You sheepishly nod, watching carefully as your one supervisor walks away
>Finally, freedom
>Well, one step closer to it
>You decide the first way to claim your actual freedom again would be to start surveying the area that they've claimed for any secret exits/entrances you may know of
>Sadly, all the landmarks in this area that you remember have been destroyed by the invaders, so you're on your own
>Also, guardsponies seem to be crawling around every inch of this place aside from the part you're in now, so you're going to have to pull some sick nasty stealth moves if you want to make it out alive
>Well, you're not a legendary runner down here for nothing
>Not to mention if you make it out, you can probably sell that password for something nice!
>Well, Black Briar probably will
>Time to get to work!
>You walk somewhere out of sight of any guards and begin your search
>Walking through the rows and rows of tents, you see nothing that may help you so far
>However, when you get to the nearest wall, you find one of your guild's classic markers for a secret passage!
>Three rocks placed near a big one!
>It takes some musclework, but you manage to get the boulder off the hole in the ground
>After that, you hear some voices drawing closer so you panic and put the boulder back
>You're not sure if the panic was warranted though, because it's just a pair of fellow captives
>"Hey kid, the hell are you doin here? You even know where you are?"
"Of course I know, otherwise I wouldn't be here! Also, the name's Straight Line, you may have heard of me."
>The two of them look between each other for a solid few seconds, alternating between each other and you
>"How in tartarus did the slipperiest mare in Darkhorse get caught in a Fuzz camp?"
>You sigh, hoping this doesn't put a mark on your "official" record
"It was either this or walk into an active warzone; I'd say I lucked out."
>"Whatever you say. Need help moving that, or do you got that too?"
>You look at the rock for a second, considering your next move
"You know what, I'd love the assistance. You two could move it much faster, and I can keep lookout to make sure nopony catches us!"
>The two of them shrug at your suggestion, but ultimately get to work
>While they're doing that, you consider how you're going to track down Gun Point
>Maybe you should just go to her base of operations and just wait it out?
>Yeah, this has been enough action for one day
>Have those two gotten the rock off yet?
>You turn towards them and see that yes, yes they have
"Nice! Let's go!"
>Without further ado, you leap down the hole and take point for your compatriots
>The two glance between each other again, but shrug and keep follow you down
>"Sure are eager for this."
>"Eh, maybe she'll be helpful."
"Whatever, are you coming or not?"
>The two also now enter the tunnel, but one of them pushes his way in front of you
>"Just don't get in the way of our mission here and we'll help get you out afterwards."
>Wait, what?
"Uh... Forgive me for asking, but what mission?"
>The one behind you groans audibly after he finishes putting the rock back
>"We're bringing this camp down."
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.314143
314174
>>313972
Go ahead and give your criticism, my next post will probably end the story anyway and I've pretty much got it all thought out afaik. It may take more than one post, but I pretty much have the rest figured out.
Anonymous
2a39514
?
No.314174
314606
underdark_roper.jpg
bevan-hewett-ppp-cover-art.jpg
a3caef0e860165784941705c76434598.png
0562a519e2c30f1940bf1501b2b83d76.jpg
dfssdfgsdgsd.jpg
>>314143
>Go ahead and give your criticism
>>314142
>She is a mare
I was actually thinking about this. You didn't inform us of the sex of the mc early on. Most of the details of each character is dropped when it makes sense to mention them.
>>313624
<You pull yourself up as much as your small stature will let you and unfurl your wings with sarcastic pride
Here you combine "action that informs us about personality"+"action that describes the character's appearence."
>The one big rock and three small
Alludes to Black Briar and her three underlings that Straight line goes to.
I enjoy the character interactions so far.
>Since the story is ending, I assume the swapt ordinance plot point and the dragon's heart plot point won't be continued. They did give these characters more depths though but it's a bit *feels bad pepe* I must admit to see that nothing more comes of it. Like another expedition in the underdark or Black Briar and mc being put under a lot of pressure due to a crackdown from the nightmares.
The plot point of the guards could take mc to see things from the other side of the conflict and so on and whatever.
It's not actually a problem. One cannot explore every single element in story anyway. Just some input.
>my next post will probably end the story anyway
Well, if you have a fiting ending in mind than that's good. It's a bit sad though since I enjoy this story a lot.
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.314602
314604 314608
>>314142

>The fuck did you get yourself into
>How did a routine checkup turn into a mission to take down a guard camp from the inside
>Why are you here
>Who are these two
>How are you going to get out of this alive
>And many other questions of a similar ilk rattle their way through your head as you walk, stuck between who you can only assume are a pair of Nightmare operatives
>However, you'd rather not let yourself get pulled deeper into something you're not supposed to be part of, so you stay quiet
>As your new companions shuttle you down this cramped stone tube, you slowly resign yourself to this fate as you think quickly on how to get out of this in the very likely event you're found
>One guard seemed to believe you were a mere filly, so maybe it'll work on another?
>Yeah, just play the scared filly role again and you'll probably have guards melting like butter under your wings
>Sure, your "compatriots" will probably get shafted, but you're not in this for any cause other than the one that gets you paid
>You certainly don't remember the Nightmares ever offering you any contracts!
>They may though, depending on how this goes
>Ok, so then you try to get what you need to done and throw everyone under the bus if push comes to shove
>The usual approach it is
>Just as you come to that conclusion, you realize you've reached the exit tunnel
>"Okay, we're here. I'll check for any witnesses before we do what we need to, and then Line's on lookout."
"If this works, put in a good word for me with your boss. Mercenary work's not normally my thing, but I get the sense your group needs help around now."
>"Noted, but first we have to do this."
>The orange mare lifts the rock out of the way quietly, letting enough light through that she can see across the area
>"Clear, let's move!"
>A hushed whisper, yet carrying as much intent as any barked command you've heard
>The three of you exit the hole and you immediately perch yourself on top of a nearby boulder and crouch low, your gray fur and mane giving you a bonus to stealth
>Meanwhile, the orange mare begins... Presenting herself?
>And the green stallion just puts his face in there, the fuck?
>You do your best to not let this distract you from your duties, but you catch enough glimpses to realize that the stallion is just retrieving something
>Whew, almost thought you got caught up with weirdos!
>The stallion then reveals the object he was fishing for, a small vial filled with a deep purple liquid
>After that, he dumps the vial's contents into a nearby barrel and then the two retreat back to the hole you all came out of
>And you saw all of this out of the corner of your eye, because you're a reliable teammate that keeps track of their position
>Once you're all back in the hole safely, you decide to voice some concerns
"Maybe don't recommend me if I'm just going to be used as a holster."
>"Hey, I was originally supposed to be lookout too."
"Still, I'd rather stick to things that don't involve my violation."
>"Enough chatter, it's time we got out of here before they get into their booze supply. That's a nasty poison, even as diluted as it is now, so they'll be very upset if we're found."
"No complaints here, which way?"
>Not much more is said as this time the stallion leads the way through, this time taking a different path through the tunnel and appearing some distance outside the camp outside its line of sight
>All the better for you, since you seem to recognize a bright red mare nearby, as well as the unusually small squad of goons she has with her
>Gun Point also notices you, and looks notably angry as your sight
>Third most threatening glare, simply because of how frequently it's used whether necessary or not
>Otherwise it might give Black Briar's a run for its money
>"How the fuck did you get here, and why the fuck are you buddying up with Nightmares!?"
>You glide your way over, waving off your companions, and shake off the obvious ill intent that Gun Point was all too willing to give you
"If you must know, I got caught up by the guard-"
[color #F00]>"Yeah, Black Briar was scrying you to make sure you weren't going to screw her over. What I want to know is how you got back out and why I no longer have an excuse to pound some guard's head in!"

"Those two offered to lead me out of the camp if I helped with their mission. I was already on the way out, but I wanted to at least repay the hospitality they offered me. Also, Black Briar wanted me to-"
>The mare indignantly smashes one of her wings across your face, clearly not intent on leaving her anger bottled up like you
>"Quit saying stupid shit that's obvious! She figured this would kill two birds with one stone, so that's why I'm here and not some mercenary. I'm itching to kick some teeth in, so make sure it's not yours and finish your Faust-damned job!"
>You don't need any more convincing!
>You leave Gun Point and her small gaggle of meatheads to stew over their lost chance at glorious combat, making your way as quickly as you can back to Black Briar
>Once you're back inside the bar, you once again knock the code and wait for the cue
>"Come in."
>You gladly open the door and sit down in front of your employer, who now looks to you expectantly instead of sternly
"All three reports gathered as promised. First off, Sticky Fingers is sorting through all the usual finds as well as added ordinance from the recent skirmishes, which he seemed quite pleased about."
>Black Briar nods, averting her crimson gaze from you and into space above you as she places both hooves beneath her chin
"Second, Deep Down seems confident that he's finally located the Dragon's Heart and presented a quote 'pristine bolt found before a door wide enough for all the princesses to fit through at once.' He also mentioned that you'd be more excited to hear about it than I was, and implied that he'd like funding for another team to explore that area further."
>"I'll see what I can do. Anyway, continue please."
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.314604
>>314602

"Thirdly, Gun Point seemed... Disappointed to be left without a chance to break me out of the guard camp. She didn't elaborate much further."
>"I would say getting slapped across the face would be plenty of elaboration, but it's quite hard to put something like that into words."
>She saw that too!?
>You contain your surprise long enough to finish your report properly, and when you do, Black Briar finally eases up slightly
>"You've done well. As promised, time for you to get your pay, and considering all you've been through to get this report to me, I'll be modifying it appropriately."
>Black Briar then grabs a small sack out from under her desk and places it in front of you
>"500 gems was the original agreed payment. An extra 30% was added for your daring prison escape..."
>Nice, 650 gems!
>"... However, an extra 50% was then taken off for getting caught to begin with."
>So that's...
>"With everything accounted for, you're left with 400 gems. I'll contact you wen I have more work for you; until then, you're dismissed."
>With that, Black Briar returns to paperwork and leaves you with your lighter-than-usual sack
>"I can tell you're disappointed. Take solace in the fact that you didn't need the rescue, otherwise that would've consumed your entire payment."
>You sigh, grabbing your payment and thanking Black Briar for her time before heading back to your own shack
>Maybe working for the nightmares would be better...
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.314606
314677
>>314174
Story's over, so I'll tell you what more would've occurred and why I won't take it further.
>Dragon's Heart plot point
It would've turned out to be a pinch-fusion reactor in an ancient human laboratory meant to study the mantle's currents or something that Black Briar would've used to help power the weapons found in the station's security room.
>Stealing gear plot point
That would've lead to Black Briar handing the gear over to Gun Point and those under her command so that when combined with the tech Deep Down would discover, the Thieves' Guild would make an official grab for power once the invasion died down. After all, Black Briar's gotten this far by being smart and she knows the exact moment to strike is when your enemy's the weakest. From there, the Nightmares or the Guard would be pushed completely out of Darkhorse, leaving Black Briar as the sole ruler of the underground.
>Why I didn't write this
I don't know if all this is supposed to be in the same universe as the rest of the thread, so I don't want to go throwing monkey wrenches into the prompt left by OP and scaring off any other contributors in the process (which I fear I might have already done somehow.)
>the rock analogy
Yeah... I just thought that three small rocks would be something easy to miss to the untrained eye and yet glaringly obvious to someone who knew what to look for. The big rock was supposed to be the "hatch," if you will.
>I enjoy this story alot
>Thanks, Sven! Assuming you're the swede who also writes things from time to time, I enjoy your work too! Bonus points if you can guess the name that I normally writefag under. Of course, the points mean nothing and I won't give the right answer even if you guess it, I just think it might be fun to try to guess writers by their style.
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.314608
314615
>>314602
>formatting
fffffFUCK
Hopefully it's still legible...
Pupper
## Admin
0000000
?
No.314615
314627
>>314608
>>formatting
Looks like you forgot one end [/color], but also looks like there is a small bug in the code where color don't span multiple lines if there is an > on the next line. (the red will span all four lines when I fix that)
Let me know if you want me to add in the missing color end bracket in the database and where you want me to add it (I assume at the end of the "How the fuck did you..." line).
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.314627
>>314615
it's good, I just forgot to add in the other [/color]. A complete my bad, but I appreciate the concern anyway Mr. Atlas 2!
Anonymous
efd6244
?
No.314677
314679
>>314606
>I don't know if all this is supposed to be in the same universe as the rest of the thread
It isn't but that idea occured to me as well. It's a cool idea.
>I don't want to go throwing monkey wrenches into the prompt left by OP and scaring off any other contributors in the process (which I fear I might have already done somehow.)
I don't think you need to worry about that. I think it has the opposite effect. Posts breeds more posts.
>Bonus points if you can guess the name that I normally writefag under.
I think Lone 15. There's a long explaination for my reasoning but I don't feel like typing it down right now.
>The mare indignantly smashes one of her wings across your face
Slapping a filly gave you away.

I been thinking about creating another prompt thread like this one. I have another prompt, however, I more curious if you perhaps could make a squel thread to this one. If you feel like it that is. I don't want to push you into anything.
I like writing along with others you see.
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.314679
314680
>>314677
>Lone15
A fellow craftsman that I respect and enjoy the works of. Not, however, me.
>slapping a filly
I'll have you know that Straight Line is a legal adult who just happens to be quite small!
Anonymous
efd6244
?
No.314680
314681
>>314679
Well, then I'm at a loss.
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.314681
314682 314683
>>314680
Well, if you can't place my name, I guess you'll just have to hold your tongue for now.
Anonymous
efd6244
?
No.314682
>>314681
>Perhaps you would have held you fuckin' tongue. The storm that will wipe out the miserable thing you call your life. You're fuckin' dead, kid. I could kill you anywhere at anytime. Over seven-hundred ways...
Anonymous
efd6244
?
No.314683
314684 315109 315116 315120
>>314681
You're not Occult Facade because this is him >>313406
>>313579
Argentinaanon is him from /vx/. His flag gives him away.
>GG
You're not because he and and KBB are either shit posting or have characters react mundanely to absurd situations or absurd characters acting out in mundane situations.
At this point I'm out of names. I'm probably forgetting somebody.
>place my name
Makes me think you're hinting at you being Placeholder but I think I know his style of writing so I don't think so. He has a certain rythm to his writing that I don't feel in this piece.
If you're none of these, then I'm sorry. I have totally forgotten about you.
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.314684
315116 315120
>>314683
I'm also familiar with Occult, though I can't say I've read much of his work. I'm not entirely sure why, either; it's nothing against him or his skill, I just... never read it.
Anonymous
600f58d
?
No.315109
315213
>>314683
You know what, for being too braindead to read the entire reply and not realizing it until 4 days later, I'm going to break my promise. You got the hint, and the hint is correct. I gotta ask though, what kind of rhythm is it that's not present in this work that is present in my other ones?
Anonymous
babf39b
?
No.315116
315213
>>314683
>>314684
Wtf does it matter who you people are? This site is supposed to be anonymous. Stop digging up 4 year old drama and go back to posting about ponies.
Anonymous
7dd4323
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No.315120
315213 315226
2027078__safe_solo_female_pony_oc_oc+only_simple+background_smiling_earth+pony_comic_dialogue_filly_bust_artist+needed_gray+background_exclamation+po.png
1069070__safe_female_oc_oc+only_simple+background_comic_dialogue_filly_diamond+dog_oc-colon-filly+anon_toilet_artist-colon-nobody_bait+and+switch_bil.png
>>314683
I only ever post as an American otherwise 10/10.
>>314684
Can't say I blame you I hardly post as much as I would have liked.
Anyway the answer is obvious! You're an Anon who needs a hug for posting so here's some ponies instead.
Anonymous
02eb748
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No.315213
315214 315226
>>315109
>I gotta ask though, what kind of rhythm is it that's not present in this work that is present in my other ones?
Usually I think of your writing as very goal-focused. You almost mechnically warp from plot point to plot point. This is both good and bad, in my opinion. I't important to note that this might al be wrong and it's just my limited opinion.

It's good because you don't waste you're readers time and you stay focused on what you want to write about. It's bad when the scenes feel elementary and not developed, I guess. character's dialogue can feel stiff if they. in the high-pacing. are basically just saying, "Go here and do this," and when descriptions of things are low it can be more "Character A does this and now she is finished."

I basically believe that pacing is basically the decision on where you spend your words in the story. The places that matter the most should have the most words to emphasize their importance.

This is a problem I have with my opwn writing or rather I have the opposite problem from what I have thought you had: My pacing is that of a snail.

At the begining of my writing "career" I took the rule, "Show don't tell," as gospel and now I can't tell in stories anymore. But telling isn't bad in itself, sometimes its good to summarize events to the reader instead of describing them.
Take scene transitions for example. It's nice like you do in this sory to give them a little bit of descriptive flavour but not to slow down the pace of you story with paragraphs on paragraphs of descriptions add on the story. Sometimes this works though, it all depends on the context of what you're trying to tell. "In the Shadow of Innsmouth," for example is the buss ride to innsmouth very long and descriptive, kinda like how some rollercoasters slowly climbs up their highest hill first -- It's spooky!

I do the opposite of this anyway. If I have a scene were a man is suppose to show an officer his passport, instead of writing like a normal person, "He showed the officer his passport," I paint you a picture of this trivial scene.

I can't speak for other people, so maybe this is more common than I think, but I have a very vivid imagination. What I write is that I have had clear images of in my head. So in situation like this, I see the scene and I immediately go, "So where does he pull that passport out from." Then I go, "His inner jack pocket." "But wait, didn't I write earlier that he closed his jacket? Also, People usually use the other hand that's not unzipping the jacket to hold on of the hems in place."

The end result becomes something like this,
With one hand he pulled down the zipper of his black jacket and with the other tugged in one of the hems. The zipper goes brrrr. After the jacket is open, he stretch out his jacket like a batwing and snakes his other hand into the jacket's innerpocket. His fingers dig there for a while before he fishes up his wallet. He flips the flaps aside and then drag his nails over his many cards tightly squeezed together in a pocket before his mental counting reach seven. At that point, he pinches the card currently under his nail and start to pinch it between the card next to it and your nail as you slowly push it out. When the car is out, you hold it between your pointer- and your longfinger and reach it out to the officer with a smirk on your face.

I never felt as there was too little or too much throughout your entire story here. You had perfect pacing with this story, I think.
Having said that though I do think that different styles offer different perspective. Occult Facade's style pushes the reader to infer a lot of stuff. I kinda like it and I think it's important to remember that different styles can work for different reasons. I think it's good to trust oneself in one's judgement on whether not something is good or not in one's writing.

>>315116
I guess, it doesn't matter that much who we people are but the context here was if people could detect others based on their writing style.
>Stop digging up 4 year old drama
You don't have to worry. There's no drama being dugged up here what so ever.

>>315120
I didn't mean you were argentina anon I meant that he is the same from /vx/ I believe. But I wrote that in a very confusing way though so it's understandable.
>/10.
Anonymous
02eb748
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No.315214
>>315213
<>/10.
Idk. This means nothing. I don't even remember typing it.
Anonymous
600f58d
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No.315226
>>315120
Thanks for the poners, man! You have no idea how much I've needed a hug recently.\

>>315213
Now that you mention it, I see that too in a lot of my writing. Now that I've managed to hit a sweet spot with this story though, I don't think I'll be able to properly go back to the way I did it before! This is going to be difficult to repeat consciously, but hopefully I'll manage.
Anonymous
ea7ca4b
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No.319290
319305
>You're Anon the Stud
>That's your job
>See your semen solves practical issues and everyone wants a slice of the salacious seductive Anon-Juice
>"Howdy Anon time for your milking."
>Applejack the most talented with farm and ranch work
>isn't slobbing your nob, this is a pony she and Rarity and princess Celestia recommended though
>her name is-
"Hey Millimare."
>-quite uncommon like her tastes.
>"Aw just one nickname candy pie?"
>She makes millions helping exotic and endangered species.
>Only reason why you're not slinging badass pone names around is the subtle warning sunbutt gave.
>"Anon, she's nuts about nuts. Silly about semen. Wack about willies, and has a plan to get covered in cum at every opportunity. Blah blah blah blah- don't give nicknames- blah blah blah..."
>Eh close enough.
>Her bucket the size of twenty thimbles is made of some new material the science ponies have come up with to keep the mythical properties of your man meat's mating liquid.
>With a quick tug using her mouth, then hoof, then teats she does her best to wrangle out the mixed fluid.
Anonymous
7cd378f
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No.319305
>>319290
I think you're in the wrong thread boi.
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