/go/ - Golden Oaks

>>4144
I've only posted occasionally for Anonfilly (no offense to you guys, you have some good green and I like anonfilly, but it's not exactly a huge creative venue and were I to write a lot I might slip into a lot of bad habits writing-wise). But lately I've felt like coming up with something either original or pony-based that's politically based but nowhere near what Nigel's been doing.

I was more thinking of a character's slow transition from nihilist to an archetypical natsoc Adventurer. Something like Murdoch, with slightly less comic relief. But I'm going to let it incubate for a while, don't want to rush things or let it take over my work and other things.

>>4146
>>4145
I was doing a story about Humans breaking their isolation to grt help as a storm approached their lands, trying to use all the OCs to give them more background story on how they all met. I ran into a block and kinda gave up on it, but this is some great great advice

>>4093
lol

>>4096
>moments later
>>4098
>noooooo my leeegacyyyyy! iiitsss faaaaaaaadiiiiiiiing noooooooo

>>4142
It's been four hours. Anyone else getting some more popcorn ready for the next act?

>>4149
Hey fellas I'm back, just getting my thoughts together.

>>4150
Please, take whatever time you need to make it exceptional! I'm just getting ready for the show.

>>4142
>>4111
>>4120

3a. You Literally Do Not Understand the Craft of Writing At All

This relates to the previous section about blaming the audience, and will expand upon several points from that section.

One of the most important parts of writing well that is sadly seldom discussed in panels or taught in classes has nothing to do, directly, with writing. It is the art of deciding what to write about, and, once the idea is selected, evaluating whether or not it's something you should actually write. This skill is completely separate from the mechanical task of actual writing. An individual can have all other aspects of writing down: mechanical aspects such as grammar and language, creative aspects such as what I've mentioned before (building good characters, developing good stories), as well as things like pacing and scene structure, and still completely fall flat on his face trying to write anything because he chose an idiotic subject. If I had to pick a single area where you have shown absolutely, positively, 100% for certain no demonstrable talent at all, it would be this area. Which is a shame, because it's the hardest thing to teach, but I will do my best to explain it.

Part of it ties directly into what I said earlier about knowing your audience. In order to write something that will be well received, you have to understand who you are writing for and what they are likely to want to read. It is therefore essential that you be open to criticism, especially when first starting out and testing the waters in a genre you're not familiar with, because the things that people tell you they like or don't like will give you clues about what sorts of things you should do or not do in future projects. If multiple people are telling you they hate the same thing in your work, it's a pretty good indicator that you should stop doing what you're doing, and focus more on things that multiple people are telling you that they like. Since you've demonstrated unbelievable levels of density throughout this thread, I am going to plainly state what would be obvious to any other person: pretty much everyone in this thread has told you that they hate pretty much everything about this work, and so far nobody has mentioned anything that they like. That would be an alarm bell for most competent writers.

That said, there are some things you do well, but the problem is everything you do well is in the mechanical realm. You have a good mastery of the English language (which is impressive seeing as how you live in a mostly African country) and can lay out scenes and describe things well. I think someone in this or the other thread mentioned that already, but it bears repeating because it's a strength. Sadly, it's pretty much your only strength.

Writing fiction is similar to building a physical structure, except you're doing all the work yourself. You need to be both the architect and the builder. If all you can do is mechanically write well, you are a good builder. However, if you don't know what to build or why you're building it, that skill is useless. So, basically, if you want to write something, first you need to select a good idea; so part one of the process is figuring out what to write. Second, you need to evaluate whether or not the idea you have is good and is something that people will want to read. This part is a little trickier and involves a bit of introspection, which unfortunately seems to be a major deficiency with you. Basically you have to figure out why you chose the subject that you chose and what you want to communicate by writing about it. Both parts require you to evaluate and understand both your audience and yourself.

I would like to deal with each of these concepts separately and will begin with topic selection in the next post.

>>4146
Colony fags look at this as well: >>166259
>>4152
>part of this is knowing your audience
Oh no sweety. ^:)

>>4152
>>4111
>>4120

3b. You Have No Fucking Idea Why You're Even Doing This

Let's deal with subject selection first.

As an example, I will take King Battlebrit's fine work from this very thread. Let's see if we can figure out together why he was able to write something that people enjoyed despite it being probably very low-effort and arguably even low-quality, whereas your work, which is much more verbose and probably required greater levels of human effort to vomit upon the page, has earned only scorn and derision. There is an external and an internal component to how this works. We will start with the external, which is the evaluation of one's audience and what the writer thinks he can offer them.

Here is how I imagine King Battlebrit's mind works when choosing what to write:

>Step One: Who is our audience?
Anons on /mlpol/
>who, specifically?
Anons in Nigel's gay-ass thread
>why are they there?
Nigel wrote some stupid fanfiction and is fishing for compliments, anons are gathering to shit on it and trigger him for lols

Alright, so we have an audience. We know who this group of people is, and what the common thread (pun unintentional) between them is.

>Step Two: What do they seem to be interested in?
Based on the above information, we can infer that they probably do not much care for Nigel's work
>what do they like?
making fun of Nigel
>what specifically?
poking fun at his weaknesses and trigger points

Alright, so we know what our audience probably wants.

>Step Three: What do we want to give our audience?
Probably a parody of Nigel's story would get some keks
>how would we execute this?
First we would have to slog our way through Nigel's original work, probably the hardest part of the job. A parody should have the same feeling and texture as the original so as to be recognizable as a parody. This requires a familiarity with the source material. It is also helpful to understand what aspects you want to poke fun at. For this work, we should focus on making fun of the narrative's obvious deficiencies, primarily its overpowered and highly unlikable main character, as well as the author's irrational hatred for Best Pony.
>what elements should we avoid?
Things the audience doesn't care about, obviously. Since we know they didn't like Nigel's story we can probably assume they don't give a shit if our narrative fits into his world or not. Thus we can ignore the complex world mechanics he so painstakingly outlined for us instead of paying attention to poor neglected Twiggles, who for reasons unknown loves his shitty OC anyway, whose name, simply because I haven't mentioned it for a while, is Silver "I'm like a wine connoisseur but with penises instead of wine" Star.

Alright. So, we now know what we are writing, what elements we should prioritize and what elements are less important. Now let's evaluate.

>Who are we writing for?
Anons who hate Nigel and his faggot OC
>What are we writing?
A parody of Nigel's story that makes fun of Nigel and his faggot OC
>How specifically do we want to execute it?
We're going to make our protagonist his OC, with literally nothing changed except the addition of a layer of irony that will probably sail over Nigel's incredibly dense head. We will then have his character get fucked in the ass by Starlight Glimmer with a cock, because Nigel hates Starlight Glimmer and it will be funny.
>Will our story have things in it our audience will like?
Yes
>Can we avoid things they won't like?
Yes
>Will the audience like this story?
Probably
>Should we write this?
Yes

See how easy that was? Now, let's apply the same process to your story's premise.

>Step One: Who is my audience?
My Little Pony: FiM fans
>who specifically?
FiMfiction users (I'll exclude /mlpol/ since according to you we're not part of your audience)
>why are they there?
Because they are interested enough in FiM to read fanfiction of it

>Step Two: What do they seem to be interested in?
Stories involving the universe and characters of FiM
>what do they like?
probably the same things that drew them to the show in the first place
>what specifically?
stories that focus on the show's themes and characters, possibly with original or external elements added for spice and excitement

>Step Three: What do we want to give our audience?
I have this totally awesome OC that I want to show off, he's super powerful and rich and handsome and also the world's greatest magical ninja. I want to write a story where he argues with Starlight Glimmer about politics and also shows Twilight Sparkle how cool he is so he can date her because she is a qt.
>how would we execute this?
Divide the story into two parts. Part One will involve my rad OC telling Twilight about all the cool stuff he can do and having her be amazed at how great he is. Part Two will involve my rad OC telling Glimmer she's stupid and her ideology is stupid and her stupid face is stupid. The approximate length of this will be literally almost half the length of The Great Gatsby.
>what elements should we avoid?
plot, character development, quality dialog

Now, let's evaluate:
>Who are we writing for?
Pony fans
>What are we writing?
A story about my awesome OC beating a character from the show in an argument
>how to execute?
Put everything I want to say about politics and how awesome my OC is into quotes and have the OC say it
>Will I include things they like?
ponies I guess, although they don't factor in much
>Can I avoid what they don't like?
that would eliminate most of the story
>Will the audience like this?
doubtful
>Should I write this?
No

Again, easy peasy. See how much work you could have saved just by evaluating your idea from the perspective of your audience?

Next: Evaluation: Why am I writing?

>>4154
>when you get btfo by a story that only uses third person narration
oh nooooo

Silver where are you now?

>>4155
Probably hugging his shimmy bodypillow waiting for the meanie anon to go away so he can start talking his fic up again :'^)

>>4111
>You children barely have the comedic understanding that made Epic Movie what it was.

Hoping it's sarcasm but with someone like you I frankly cannot tell.

>>4154
>>4111
>>4120
3c. Seriously, You Have NO FUCKING IDEA Why You're Even Doing This

Alright, we've covered evaluation of an idea from the audience's perspective. Fortunately for you, this is a largely mechanical process similar to marketing a product, that even an autist like you could probably handle if you gave it a shot. Next is the slightly more mercurial process of introspective evaluation, which experience tells me will probably be next to impossible for you, but what the hell; this is more for the other anons reading this than it is for you at this point, so I will give explaining it a shot and maybe you will pleasantly surprise me one day. This process can basically be summarized as "Why do I even want to write in the first place?"

Writing is a form of communication. That seems obvious (to most of us at least, I'm not sure about you), but it's worth emphasizing. Writing anything, from a letter to a business memo to a novel, is usually done for the purpose of communicating something to others. If you are writing a piece of fiction, then you ought to have some sort of message you would like to convey, be it about yourself, the world around you, something you believe in, whatever. Even if the only objective of your story is to tell an entertaining tale or make people laugh you should still give thought to what you want to convey and keep the story focused on that. A story with no message, or that tries to have multiple messages at once, ends up messy and usually tedious.

Let's take a look at what you wrote. What are you trying to convey here? Well, as far as I can tell, your story has three central messages (listed in order of apparent priority to you):
>Your Silver "Rock Out With Your Cock In My Ass" Star OC is super awesome at everything and everyone should love him
>You hate Starlight Glimmer and by extension so should everyone else
>Communism is a bad ideology with a history of failure

We'll go into each of these at length in a minute. I'll give you a little spoiler though: one of these is actually decent and worth communicating in a story. If communicated effectively, you could theoretically write something of real literary value. The other two are moronic and should have remained in your head. If you can guess which one is the good one, you will win a prize.

You can evaluate messages in a similar way to how we evaluated premises in the previous section. Simply put, the question you need to ask is: What do I want to say, and who, if anyone, is going to care? After that, you will want to ask yourself: How can I communicate this in a way that will make the audience respond the way I want? Giving serious thought to these principles will help guide your writing, and will further assist you when deciding what elements to include in a narrative and what to leave out. It even helps in revision and editing (you do actually do that part, right?), because a lot of times you'll read back over your text and realize that a lot of what you wrote is irrelevant or off-message. If your text is too long (20,000 words for a story basically about a date and an argument is definitely in this category) this will help you trim down what's not important, and you will be left with a text that adequately conveys your message.

Really, now that I think about it, I probably wrote these sections out of sequence. Deciding in advance what you want to communicate is even more important than determining who your audience is, and should be done first. The message you want to convey and who you want to convey it to should be first in your mind before you even start thinking up actual story ideas. Having a clear message in mind will also help you filter out dumb ideas from the get go without even having to fully evaluate them, which again if you'd done you probably wouldn't have written this steaming pile of shit in the first place.

Let's look at your messages from this perspective:
>Silver "I came to kick ass and chew bubble gum and suck thousands of dicks and not do the first two things" Star is totally super awesome at everything he can do, which is literally everything
It should be completely obvious to everyone but you that this is a dumb thing to want to communicate. Who cares about this? Nobody. Nobody cares how awesome you think your OC is. You can make your OC into anything you want since it's just fiction and you're making it up, so there's nothing really amazing about him even if you make him amazing. Here's an example:

"Once upon a time, there was a pony named Jimmy Buttlicker. He was the greatest of all ponies. He could shoot deadly laser beams out of his butthole and also travel through time. One day he traveled back in time to 2009 and shot laser beams out of his butthole at Barack Obama and that nigger died and wasn't President anymore. America was saved. Then Applejack had sex with him because why not I like Applejack. The end."

Pretty compelling narrative, huh? See, here's the thing: all of these things would be remarkable if they happened in real life. A pony who shoots lasers out of his butt and then gets laid? Pretty cool. In a story though, it's nothing remarkable, because the character is just the author's creation, and can do whatever the author says he can do. There is a concept called "suspension of disbelief" that basically states that you have to follow the rules you establish within your own narrative (or the rules of your chosen universe if you are writing fanfiction) in order for people to believe it, but aside from that you can pretty much do whatever you want in fiction. That is a power you have to use wisely.

>>4156
nuu muh waifu

He's actually pretty obsessed with using Twilight in his stories actually.
If he told you anything about it he'd probably say, "but that's because i'm parodying self-insert and HIE stories with the main 6," or something like that.

>>4154
You should read some of his parody ideas / stories, one of them is on Fimfic and is the kind of horrendous overblown writing he likes to use. He only ever made on parody that was pretty workable, but that was before he made the Fimfic one and it did use the same overblown style of writing and definitely overused exaggeration of too many literary concepts themselves.

I think he has a badcase of 'never change.'

>>4159
From the way he constantly talks up Barbie shit and defends Shimmy, I coulda sworn she'd be his go-to waif. But then again he wouldn't be a proper lolcow if he didn't ship his self insert with his waifu, would he?

Seriously though how can the guy enjoy a movie centered around a villain whose entire evil plot is retarded? Get the crown? Well this is only school security so you could steal it or wait until the prom queen is....no? You want to win the crown yourself? .....by doctoring photos of one singular competitor who doesn't even know how to human in order to frame and disqualify them?

Shim is even more shit than Glim and I don't even think either of them deserved a redemption arc.

>>4160
OH WAIT, DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT NIGEL

>>4158
>>4111
>>4120
3c. Seriously, You Have NO FUCKING IDEA Why You're Even Doing This - Continued

Alright, what's next on the agenda?

>You hate Starlight Glimmer
I haven't read anything else you've written, but I'm guessing this is a recurring theme in your work. It's definitely a recurring theme in your posts on this board. Clearly, it is a very important subject to you; Captain Ahab had his whale, Don Quixote had his windmills, Al Gore had Manbearpig, and Nigel has Starlight Glimmer. That is why this next part is going to be very difficult for you to hear, but it is absolutely CRUCIAL for you to get this through your incredibly dense autistic head if you ever want to become even a marginally passable author of fanfiction or anything else, including dirty limericks written in bathroom stalls. NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER. I am going to say this again for emphasis: NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER. On its own line, in bold, just in case you missed it the first two times:

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER.

Literally. No. One. On. Earth. Or. Equestria. Or. Anywhere. Fucking. Cares. What. You. Think. About. Starlight. Glimmer.

Autistic individuals tend to have warped interpretations of reality and tend to skew events in actual reality to fit those beliefs. In your case, you seem to have gotten it into your head that everyone who doesn't like the dreck you churn out is a covert Glimmer fan and their criticism of you is just damage control because you insulted Best Pony. After all, that's the only logical explanation, right? I mean, it's not like anyone in their right mind wouldn't enjoy a 20,000 word My Little Pony fanfiction where a character nobody ever heard of or cares about beats up a canon character from the show and sends her into another dimension for no better reason than that the author hates her, right? So obviously you can just ignore all criticism because all your critics are just Glimmerniggers; I mean what else could possibly be going on?

Look, past efforts to convince you of these points have proven fruitless and I have no reason to believe that this time will be any different. But it nonetheless bears repeating:

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER.

Bottom line, you can hate on Glimmyglam all you want, that doesn't mean that mere hatred of her is a good or even passable theme for a story. If you ever bother to improve as a writer and somehow, one day, become capable of approaching the subject with enough subtlety to be convincing, you could probably write Glimmer stories that depict her as buffoonish or unlikeable, or make a proper villain out of her. I could probably teach you how to do it. However, you are going to have to prove that you can handle basics before I will feel comfortable enrolling you in the advanced course.

Okay, on to the last message:
>Communism is bad

Do you remember last time, when I asked you to guess which of your three messages was the only good one worth developing? Well, pencils down. Here's the answer. Are you ready? This is the one. Did you guess correctly? If so, here is your prize: Pic related: it's Glimglam

While your story is objectively awful for a number of reasons, this message is a good message and is worth keeping if you decide to do a rewrite (protip: your only other option besides a complete and total rewrite is to kill this story with fire and never speak of it again). I am going to avoid delving into the actual politics here, not because I'm not interested or I don't care, but because it's a separate conversation and I suspect we would mostly agree, and because I want to focus on writing fiction, not political ideology. So, when I say you should keep this because it's a good message, I mean that it is a good, solid message to write a story around. It's something you believe in, that has value to people besides you, and is worth communicating. Now, that said, the way you chose to communicate it is fucking awful, and we will go into that in a bit. But the message itself is good and you should keep it.

The other two messages though? Not at all. These are things that only you care about. People don't want to read about how overpowered your OC is or how much you hate Glimmer. Including these messages in your story just clog up the works and make the reader stop giving a shit. You actually do everything so badly here that you end up conveying the opposite message about Communism and Glimmer, but we'll go into that later. What I want you to take away from this for now is that your OC sucks and, once again:

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HATE STARLIGHT GLIMMER.

>>4159
SHIMMY A COOT!

>>4163
She a QT.

>>4162
>I am going to avoid delving into the actual politics here, not because I'm not interested or I don't care, but because it's a separate conversation and I suspect we would mostly agree, and because I want to focus on writing fiction, not political ideology.

I was hoping you'd go into detail on this Q_Q oh well. I already know there are better political fics out there, especially original works like Animal Farm. Still would have been nice to hear your perspective.

>>4163
Almost every pony in the show a coot.

Shim is no exception but that ain't too high a bar to set.

>>4165
I might yet go into it later, I will see how I feel once I start delving back into the actual text. TBH I skipped most of the argument scene because I found it almost impossible to slog through, so I'm not entirely sure what specific points he made. For now I just want to talk about the craft of writing and how Nigel knows nothing about it. I might have to pick this up again tomorrow, but I should be able to get a little more done before I turn in.

>>4167
Either way this is as entertaining as listening to E;R tear Steven Jewniverse a new one. Take your time, I await with bated breath. For the next couple days I don't really have anything to do, and my desktop is out of commission, so my days are going to be spent refreshing this page and reading Warhammer 40K: Horus Rises.

>>4168
>...this is as entertaining as listening to E;R tear Steven Jewniverse a new one.
Goddamn, I love that video. I wish he'd do more.

>>4169
Bro he just released part 1 of a mini-series on the netflix death note adaptation. Shit's pretty high quality, delves into his infamously autistic detail talking about music, characterization and Da Rules of the note.

>>4170
Literally just watched that, too. Can't wait for the next part.

>>4171
It made my dick rock-hard to know that he made a bitchute and Gab that he now publishes his videos with. What a guy. /ourguy/ even.

Now that pleasantries are over, back to work, slave! ....<3

>>4162
>>4111
>>4120
3c. Seriously, You Have NO FUCKING IDEA Why You're Even Doing This - Summation

This has been a long section, but it's an important one. Thoroughly understanding what you want to write and why you want to write it is probably the most important part of writing anything. Even someone with horrible grammar and spelling and a tin ear for language can write a quality story if they tell it with passion and conviction. Your story, however, proves that this concept does not work in reverse; no matter how well you can technically write, if you just blather for 20,000 words about shit your autism compels you to blather about, throw in some random explosions and battles because your autism tells you it's cool, and try to work in some disconnected political blathering in the most autistic way possible, the end result will be a steaming bowl of rancid diarrhea made out of the gallons of cum your OC chugs on a daily basis and fragments of 50 Shades of Grey, a novel literally 50 shades superior to anything you have ever written in your life and probably the worst thing I ever read before I picked up your fanfiction.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, how to write like someone who isn't terrible at it. Basically, the problem with your story from a bird's eye view is that it is a convoluted mess of conflicting ideas with no real narrative structure that can't decide on a central theme. Silver "fuck my throat until the choker breaks, then put it back on and fuck me again" Star is the protagonist, but he is written in a way that makes the reader hate him worse than the villain (I know you probably still don't get that he's unlikable yet, but bear with me). His backstory and laundry-list of special abilities dominate most of the dialog, until he runs into Glimmer. Then, the whole thing is nothing but him lecturing her about why her ideology is wrong and she's how she's the evilest pony who ever eviled evil. Then, they fight a little and he sends her into an alternate dimension. Your MC's method of defeating her focuses again on a lot of the magic and world mechanics you devised, which I don't doubt are very interesting to you and maybe would be somewhat interesting to someone as autistic as you, but you spend way too much time explaining how everything in your world works and it detracts from what (I presume) you are trying to say, which is basically that Communism is Bad. Remember: show, don't tell.

Anyway, your clumsy storytelling and insistence on overstating points beyond the level of ridiculousness utterly negates your ability to describe scenes and action decently. After untangling this bloated mess of words, one can reasonably assume that what you are trying to do here is convince the reader of the evils of Communism, embodied here in the character of Starlight Glimmer. Your hero, Silver "can you please get this bowling pin out of my ass doctor I have to poop, put it back in when I'm done though please" Star defeats her, both literally and ideologically, and presumably saves the day for Not Communism. The problem with it though is your execution. Your OC is completely unlikable, and you shit on Glimmer so much that you actually end up making the reader feel sympathetic to her. I don't even like Glimmer and I found myself getting angry at your over the top bashing of her. I now want to go back and rewatch her episodes just to see if I view her differently now. That and writing this autistic criticism is literally all your work has inspired me to do. From a psych perspective, if you're trying to convince someone of something by embodying the negative ideology in a fictional character, then metaphorically defeating her, you need to make sure the person reading it is rooting for the right character. Your problem is you let your personal emotions get too involved in the story. You get so carried away ranting about muh commies and muh Glimglam that you end up repelling the reader from your point of view.

This is ironically the same mistake that leftists are currently making with a lot of their media and behavior. For example that comedian, I forget her name, the one who did the WH correspondents' dinner and got panned, recently had her Netflix show canceled because no one was watching. She did a sketch where she had a marching band doing a "salute to abortion" and all kinds of horrendous unfunny stuff. She got so carried away with her messaging that it never occurred to her that people watching might find her obnoxious, and start to subconsciously move to the other side of the argument just to spite her. Your fanfic does the same thing. Get that through your head. YOU ARE LITERALLY HURTING THE RIGHT MORE THAN THE LEFT WITH THIS STORY BECAUSE OF HOW BADLY YOU WROTE IT. The only redemption is that no one is going to read it because it sucks so badly most people would get cancer from the first paragraph. For those who do manage to read the whole thing, this is a reverse redpill, and it's all because of how you portray your characters.

I'm a little off topic here, I wanted to delve into the political angle later, but this still ties in to thinking about the message and who your audience is before writing. You need to learn how to filter out things that are interesting to you but would not be interesting to anyone who is not you. You need to learn how to make your characters interact with each other. You need to do a lot of fucking things and I only have like 400 chars left. You need to stop being such a fucking sperg. Barbie Glimmer this time because why not.

Also, Shimmer a cute

>>4173
>YOU ARE LITERALLY HURTING THE RIGHT MORE THAN THE LEFT WITH THIS STORY BECAUSE OF HOW BADLY YOU WROTE IT
>She got so carried away with her messaging that it never occurred to her that people watching might find her obnoxious, and start to subconsciously move to the other side of the argument just to spite her

A big part of why the politically inclined of us here are so annoyed! Murdoch sometimes paints a strawman of the leftist, but that's solely for irony and memes in an otherwise thematically and character-consistent story that sends its message well. The Wanserer's Choice posits that the problem with the modern wings are that the right are unkillable but forced to be (((other countries)))' guard dogs, and the left breeds subservience. It portrays this in a manner referencing the deals with the God Hand, since they charge a steep fee for essentially limitless power and brutality. That's actually a good homage with respectable writing. But the more centrist faggots screech SJW at the slightest deviation rom their views, the more the center is eroded and lines are drawn more finely, ironically making the less extreme positions less respected by both sides and putting the potential converts on the defensive.

>>4174
Murdoch uses humor and ironic exaggeration well which is why his stories are both funny and carry a good message. Irony is frankly a topic that is too complex for Nigel and would take forever to explain, he might not even be physically capable of understanding it due to literal autism. However, if you want to write anything humorous or any sort of parody (either a direct parody of a single work, or a parody of an abstract concept the way Murdoch parodies the modern NatSoc movement) it's something you have to learn and master. Like I said Murdoch parodies NatSoc anons perfectly while still arguing on their behalf; that requires you to have both a sense of humor about yourself and your own beliefs, as well as the ability to look at them from an outsider's perspective and guess what things they might criticize about them, then make fun of them before they have a chance to. All things that neither the left nor Nigel are capable of mastering at present.

Also, that comic is very well written. It's a wonderful short story about a pony who wanted to try something out of character to spice things up in the bedroom with Anon, but got so carried away with psyching herself up for it that she forgot the central component, the choker she intended to wear that completed the fetish (or whatever you want to call it). She ends up slipping back into character, which for her is shyness and embarrassment, and ends up being comforted by Anon. Presumably later they still fuck, but you don't even need to see that part. It's both arousing and cute, and endears the reader to Flutters in a way that straight up porn wouldn't.

Nigel, read that comic, it's a good lesson. You should be focusing on telling short, simple stories anyway, it's better exercise than trying to write epics when you don't know what the fuck you're doing. This kind of thing is perfect for teaching the emotional interactions that I was talking about earlier, and you can even fap to it if you want.

Anyway I was going to write another section but it's 4 am and I need to reread some more of Nigel's dreck for the next part which I just don't have the energy to do right now. I will go to sleep now, wake up tomorrow, collect whatever (You)s that have accrued, and resume my work in the morning.

One more Glimglam before I go to sleep though. Goodnight, folks.

It has been a rare occasion in of which i have someone get so absolutely and repeatedly destroyed as Glimmernigel here, be it IRL or on the Internet. this thread took a rocket ride and rose in thread quality. first the detractor fic, now the ER tier deconstruction of Nigel and his fic. I doubt Nigel will ever read a single fucking word of the analysis giving how self-centered and he dismissive he always has been about anything that was not emotional dicksucking, but it has been a highly entertaining display for literally everyone else in here.

This thread is suitable to banish Nigel from the site forever how profoundly it obliterates him on an artistical and psychological basis. He would not want to be in this place anymore, and even if he did, people will never let go of this event and perpetually remind him of it (especially after he publicly went full gamergate against us). My admiration and respects belong to the 2 lolcow butchers who made this thread worthwhile.

>>4176
MODS....
Plz put in /go/...

I would ask how Nigel would ever recover, but I realize dead people can't recover.

>>4178
Im waiting for him to claim everyones a glimmernigger, say hes not bothered and continue his self praise

>>4175
>That wonderful summary of my half-meme half-related pic
You're too good to me, anon. If you live in California I want to buy you breakfast and tea for your time here.
>>4179
Punished Glimmernigel when? Bahahaha

Plz put me in the screencap

>>4175
Maybe after you finish I might go read the fic myself and make a hot-take comparison for stories or parodies. Discussing how overpowered characters can be lovable, especially.

For instance Guts' absolute autismo with Casca, emotional disconnection and difficult upbringing full of loss and near-death experiences cements him as someone who is both pitiable and admirable, and because he's so absurdly strong as to wield a greatsword twice his weight with one fucking hand you can guarantee he'll still live - but the dramatic tension is still there because every major fight scars him, leaves him in grave danger, breaks bones and brings him to a state of...well, Berserk-mode. I mean his armor later on literally forces broken bones into normal shape, even if it shreds his skin and harms his body even further. He's so absolutely, assfuckingly absurd in his destructive behavior that you can't look away. His autismo is a big part of his development and becoming a better man and even knight - when he joins the White Hawks he is a selfish and angry person only driven by instinct and self interests, but as he gets to know Griffith he gains a purpose that strengthens his resolve, he learns about finding a purpose in a world so brutal, and he learns that while pure strength is powerful, teamwork can fell many dastardly foes. When Griffith betrays the hawks, kills every remaining man, rapes Casca and brands both her and Guts with a sacrificial mark that attracts demons, all in the name of regaining control over his life after a year of being stripped of his reputation and independence, Guts regresses into his lone-wolf personality, leaves a traumatized and mute Casca for a small family to take care of her, and starts seeking out his revenge on Griffith. But that revenge is a strange kind of hatelove; Guts admires his power and dedication, and while he can't see why Griffith would do what he did (I mean he saw Casca raped while his arm was torn in half), he understands that the two of them are still friends with competing dreams, they're mutually willing to fight each other to attain.

See, that's some amazing writing for an overpowered character. Blows most fiction out of the water, of most mediums. It's got its messages about organized religion, petty revenge, friendship, motivation, and PTSD, and it goes about telling them in a way that is never condescending, or annoying, or direct. Guts isn't an arbiter of truth - he's a wise man but not very intelligent,and while his author shares some views with him, for the most part he's an independent character with his own beliefs that can be wrong or exaggerated without harming the ego of his writer.

Fuck man now I wanna start reading it again. I stopped around issue 110, rip.

>>4128
>>4130
>>4135
>>4136
>>4142
>>4152
>>4154
>>4158
>>4162
>>4173

Brilliant. I came to milk a lolcow and stayed to learn about writing.

>>4183
I'm up for unironically turning every Glimmernigel thread in future into a writing advice/review thread.

>>4184

I doubt there will be much more of them from this point onwards. If Nigel does not outright leave MLPOL after ousting himself (which he pretty much already did), he will never post about fiction here again. He*s trapped in a devils cycle of rejecting criticism and being entrenched in his overarching glimmernigger conspiracy. I guess he will just leave for another community, maybe erect a hugbox on fimfiction. I also heard a rumor that he's a drug addict on top of all this narc autism, so dont expect any rational reaction from him.

In any case, i suggest you and the other writers take what this thread offered and transplant it into a dedicated writing thread.

>>4185
Yeah, we might not see the poor assblasted bastard for another six months. But still if we see Glimmernigel rear his head again, I'm hype to raid the thread with general writing advice and examples of better work.

>>4173
>>4111
>>4120

3C. Seriously, You Have NO FUCKING IDEA Why You're Even Doing This - seriously the final

Good morning everyone. And a good morning to you, Nigel, if you're still here.

In just a moment I am going to tear myself away from this beautiful August day and plunge back into what soldiers during the Vietnam War darkly referred to as "The Shit," which in this case means holding my nose and delving back into the actual text of your story, but I just have a few final thoughts on last night's subject.

As I said before, writing is a form of communication. If you are going to write anything at all, you need to understand what it is you want to communicate and who you would like to communicate it to. With fanfiction, you really need to stop and give extra special consideration to this question, before beginning any project. Why am I writing this? It sounds like a simple question to answer, but it really is very complex.

Individuals like you, Nigel, tend to write fanfiction for the stupidest and most autistic reasons, which, unsurprisingly to literally everyone but you, usually result in stories that are god-awful and have no serious value at all, that unless they are exceptionally well written are usually dismissed or ridiculed by audiences. Usually these individuals select premises from the source material revolving around some completely superficial imagining of the world or its characters that relflects no deeper understanding of that world or characters, or any of the themes and ideas present in the original work. These are the same kind of people who sit around arguing over whether an Imperial starship from Star Wars could beat The Enterprise from Star Trek in a gun battle, or who would win in a fight between Goku and Inuyasha, shit like that. Individuals like this also tend to be the ones behind the self-gratifying cringey romance stories that usually just serve as an embodiment of the author's fantasies, with an appropriately bad OC that is just a stand-in for the author himself (protip: read back over what I wrote about your "date" scene between Twily and Silver "can you get AIDS from French kissing a male camel's butthole? asking for a friend) Star if you would like an example of the latter kind of story).

This isn't to say that these kinds of stories can't be fun or that you shouldn't write them, it's just crucial to understand what you're writing, who you're writing it for, and why you're writing it. If you just really want to get your dorky fantasies on paper and don't care if it has literary value or not, then God bless you, there's nothing wrong with that. In that case, basically, the audience is you, and you're writing it purely because you want to. You don't need to worry about impressing anyone else in that case. I do plenty of this myself, I'm sure we all do. It can even be good exercise. Stories that are just pure action and not intended to be deep aren't necessary off limits either. A story about Darth Vader's fleet vs. a Federation fleet could be exciting and fun if told correctly, and you wouldn't necessarily have to know anything except the technical capabilities of those universes' respective technologies and how their commanders behave in battle. However, if you tried to sneak a serious message or emotional subplot armed only with that knowledge your story would probably veer off into cringe town and OP would be eternally branded a faggot.

Writing porn is a virtually identical to writing all-action stories, in that you only need to be able to superficially describe what's happening to do it effectively. You could write or draw pony porn without having ever seen a single episode of Pony; however, if you want the content to resonate emotionally, you have to understand the characters. Don't attempt this if you haven't given serious thought to who these ponies are and why they're doing what they're doing. If you just try to compensate for your lack of understanding by layering on sappy dialog, you'll fail and be mocked. If you just project your own fantasies onto characters you don't understand, you'll fail and be mocked.

If you want to learn characterization, writing greentext from a prompt is a good way to practice. You start out with a simple premise and are not bogged down by trying to write anything of any great length or complexity. "Rarity and Rainbow Dash are lost in the woods, Rainbow's wing is broken." Okay, why are they there? How did they get lost? How did Rainbow break her wing? Technical questions about what's happening and why. Then go deeper. Who are these ponies? How do each of them react to this situation? Do they work together well or do they get on each others' nerves? Go back and rewatch the show, entire episodes have been built around these premises.

Once you understand how to do shit like this, you can start creating larger stories with more characters and more complex premises. But above all, you need to give thought to the following no matter what you want to write or how big or small the project is: what am I writing? Why am I writing it? Who is it for? Learn to answer those questions correctly and OP will never be a faggot again.

>>4187
>morning
Bahaha, I'm eating Golden Corral buffet fare while reading. Morning to you too, mister windowless-bedroom. I still like you though, don't worry uwu

Also wew lad, I've never gotten such an extensive crash course on such a specific field of pre-writing and planning.

>>4187
>>4111
>>4120
4. Burglary isn't Romantic, plus One (1) Thing You Did Well

Alright, back to the rancid meat of your text. Before we get too deep into the argument/fight between Starlight Glimmer and Silver "grab me by my flanks and launch me into orbit, Rocket Man" Star, I just want to say a few words about the short interlude between the date scene and the party.

There is a short, somewhat confusing, segment broken by dividers in which Silver "fist me Daddy" Star and his Silver "there's ten of us now so let's make an equine centipede" Spares apparently show up at Twilight's crystal castle, summon Spike out of the house and take him off somewhere, presumably for some kind of butt stuff, and then proceed to ransack the castle for unknown reasons. This section, and its subsequent follow-up at the end of the story, are a prime example of you having, on some level, some innate instinct for how to build a scene and pique reader curiosity, but your autism keeps getting in the way of your understanding what's a good idea and what isn't.

Basically, as I mentioned, the setup here is that the clones all show up and ransack Twilight's house for reasons that are not explained, leaving the reader to wonder why. You then ask them to set that curiosity aside for, sweet Pony Jesus, 24,535 words, before you get back to it.

Okay, hold on, stop the presses for a moment. I'll get back to this in a second, but holy shitcock. I have been operating thus far on the assumption that the length of your entire text is, give or take, 20k words long. This is based on >>4046 where your screencap shows a total document length of 19,129 words; I hadn't bothered to do a word count of my own. In the OP post you claim a length of over 100k words, but you seem to have confused word count with character count so I ignored that boast. However, I need to look deeper into this, hold the fuck on for a second.

The complete word count of this story is 32,223. Let's all take a moment and let that sink in.

32,223 words, 24,535 of which consist of a single scene. The argument scene between Glimglam and Silver "yummy cummy in my tummy" Star accounts for about 76% of this incredibly bloated text. For a point of reference, The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald clocks in at 48,413 words. Do the math. Your autistic pony story, which can be summarized in its entirety as "MC goes on date, talks about himself, robs girlfriend's house, shim shams the Glim Glam spoiler alert: you can't shim sham the Glim Glam, the end", is approximately 67% the length of one of the most highly regarded novels ever written in the English language. 24,535 words into TGG takes us to roughly the part where Gatsby is showing Daisy his house. In the length of time it takes you to lay out one scene, F. Scott Fitzgerald lays out his exposition, introduces all major characters along with their conflicts and backstories, and is chugging along at a fair clip through the rising action portion of his narrative. That is literally insane.

Anyway, back to what I was on about. After the bloated fight scene, if anyone is still reading and still remembers what happened earlier (protip: this is literally no one), you then provide the payoff for the earlier scene in which poor Twilight, as if her cad boyfriend didn't treat her badly enough to begin with, gets her house robbed by Mr. Smith style copies of him.

The cliffhanger payoff, for anyone who cares (protip: this is literally no one), is that it turns out Silver "if this van's a rockin it's what I'm suckin cock in" Star wasn't robbing the place, he was actually remodeling her house and installing a hot tub. I'm sure that in the dark, twisted maze of your creepy little autistic brain, this probably seems like some kind of sweet romantic gesture. Well, I'm going to give you a piece of advice that may one day save your life, in the event that (God save us all) you ever end up with an actual, human girlfriend: it isn't. Breaking into a woman's house in order to install major features that will affect home value, mess with plumbing and rearrange her furniture isn't romantic or sweet. It's insane. She will call the police.

In any case, I don't doubt that Silver's motivations here, like the rest of his (and your) motivations in this story, are completely self-serving. If I had to predict where you were planning to go next with this, I'd say you were going to have poor little Twiggles become even more smitten with her dashing faggot of a boyfriend, and no doubt reward him for his kind, sweet behavior with a romantic hot tub scene. Weren't you, you perv? This scene would no doubt also last the length of another great American novel, and would probably also be filled with lengthy novellas about Silver's time travel abilities dumped into quotes.

Oh yeah, there was one other thing. In the interlude space between the date and The Shit, in a rare moment of actual thoughtfulness, Silver "just stick it in, the cum from the last guy is lube enough" Star asks Pinkie Pie to throw Twilight a party, and she uses her typical cartoon logic to accomplish this. Silver is then left trying to analyze how she did it. This is actually pretty clever. Trying to analyze cartoon physics from the perspective of actual physics is always fun and can make for some good gags. This is good, I would keep this. Just don't get carried away.

>>4189
>Breaking into a woman's house in order to install major features that will affect home value, mess with plumbing and rearrange her furniture isn't romantic or sweet. It's insane. She will call the police

There is only one fictional character I can recall who's that creepy without it being ironic or a horror story.

>>4189
>>4111
>>4120
5. Jesus Christ Please Save Me From This Autism

I was almost starting to feel sorry for you and was thinking about easing up for a bit, so I went back and reread some of your posts in this thread. Now I'm better. I will now resume mercilessly raping your anus, so that you and your shit OC can finally have something in common beyond an overinflated sense of self-importance.

Also, the more I dig into this story the more in awe I am of just how deep this rabbit hole actually goes. I had come into this assuming that this story was a self-contained work. A greater part of a longer narrative, perhaps, but still a standalone work. But no, this story is just Chapter 6 of an even greater, longer, ongoing story. 32k words for one chapter, and there's five other chapters before this one. The more I unravel this, the more fascinated I get. You are like the Black Dahlia of autism cases. It's almost unsettling to think of how long this work probably is already and how long it will eventually be if you keep writing it. It's like sitting in a dark room and giving serious thought to just how large the gaseous planet Jupiter actually is, and then imagining yourself falling it and being consumed. I'm unironically disturbed here.

Okay, so here comes the big one. The people will now hear the case of Starlight Glimmer v. Silver "fist my asshole and use me as a boxing glove to fight Antifa, it's literally all I'm good for" Star.

>Silver’s eyes locked on to the pinkish mare with a purple mane with pale greenish highlights and a Cutie Mark of a falling star. He recognized her. He doubted there was a pony alive who wouldn’t.
>Silver began to rush forwards and his horn lit up as he leapt, and he teleported. He reappeared in the air just behind Starlight, his forehooves grabbing the back of her head and pulling it down as his horn’s magic destabilized her front legs by pushing them apart, slamming her face into the crystal ground as he landed beside her. He turned and glared at the screaming mare while his horn blazed with blue magic, a flick of his horn’s power tossing the mare up and flipping her over twice in the air before letting her fall on her back, the angle and point of rotation calculated to rotate her head and inner ear as much as possible for the effort the move expended.

So, right off the bat, we have Silver "are people still laughing at these?" Star walking into a party he had Pinkie throw for Twilight. As usual, Twilight is completely ignored in the narration; she may not even be attending the party that was thrown in her honor. I'll keep an eye out for her as I read this though. It can be like Where's Waldo, which incidentally is one of any number of books I would much rather be reading than this dreck. Anyway, without even a "Hey, how you doing, want to talk about how great I am?" to his poor, inexplicably faithful waifu, Nigel's insufferable OC immediately zeros in on Starlight and attacks her.

The basis for this is apparently supposed to be that Silver "I'm so Reddit I drew a Pickle Rick face on my dick to surprise my dad" Star sees Glimmy at the party, recognizes her as the infamous dictator who ruined the lives of so many ponies and blah blah blah she's evil, and his super-sweet ninja instincts kick in and he immediately does a super-sweet ninja move to pin her to the ground. Already we've got a number of issues.

For one thing, assuming this world follows the same basic trajectory of the series, we can assume from the fact Glimmy is at this party and the way other ponies react to Silver's actions that we are probably at a point in time shortly following her redemption story. So, season 6 somewhere I think? Let's go with that for now, if we can nail it down as we delve deeper we'll adjust. At this point in the series, Glimmer is not just a regular fixture around Ponyville, she literally fucking lives in Twilight's house. The same one which, incidentally, Silver "I'm not gay I just suck a lot of zebra dick" Star's minion-clones are currently tearing the plumbing out of. Apparently though, this is the first time Silver has noticed her. Given the amount of attention this character typically pays to his girlfriend, or really anypony that isn't licking his balls and telling him how awesome he is at any given moment, it's actually unsurprising that he hasn't noticed a particular pony around town before. However, considering the author's, and by extension his terrible OC's, raging hate-boner for this particular pony, it's a little surprising he didn't notice his arch-nemesis living in his girlfriend's fucking house. But I digress.

The other issue here is that he describes her as some kind of universally reviled dictator, known far and wide across Equestria.

>He recognized her. He doubted there was a pony alive who wouldn’t.
His exact words. It's been a while since I've watched the later seasons of the show so I might be remembering it incorrectly, but I don't remember Glimmer ever being anything on the level of a famous dictator. She basically enslaved one town of ponies and that was it. The Mane 6 would know her of course, the townsponies she enslaved likely don't have a high opinion of her at this point, and I imagine her reputation has spread somewhat around Ponyville. That seems like that would be about the extent of her infamy though. Really, attributing this much infamy to her seems less like something that would really happen in-world and more like another distortion of reality brought on by Nigel's raging hate-boner.

Aaaaaaaand I have to go to work again. I will pick this up in a few hours.

>>4191
>Silver "are people still laughing at these?" Star
Yes, yes I am. But if you're running out of jokes, I don't blame you for stopping. There's only so many ways you can call him a faggot while intimately detailing every way in which he is a faggot, hah.

>upheaves a party like Tommy Wiseau because his archnemesis suddenly seems to have shown up in the town in which she lives, when he should have met her earlier and likely had this exact encounter months prior
Jesus christ, I knew this fic would be autistic but that's beyond the pale of peak autism. We really will need a new spectrum for this level of 'tismus.

Anyway, you go tend to your real life, still avidly enjoying this takedown and await with bated breath still. It's surprisingly calming to listen to the music playlist thread while reading all this.

>>4191
Godspeed Anon, we eagerly await your return.
Maybe Nigel can expend a couple brain cells to write a coherent reply to your criticisms while you're gone.

>>4193
>implying more than two brain cells to spare
lel nah

>>4191
>>4192
>Yes, yes I am. But if you're running out of jokes, I don't blame you for stopping. There's only so many ways you can call him a faggot while intimately detailing every way in which he is a faggot, hah.
Same here. I haven't replied much because I want to see the full extent of this literary breakdown.

>>4191
>>4111
>>4120

I'm going to dispense with the bold-face headings for a bit since the last section was titled Jesus Christ Please Save Me From This Autism and I think that is going to be an appropriate title for a while yet. Just assume that that is the section we are on until I tell you otherwise.

Okay, so. At this point in the story, Silver has Glimmyglam pinned down on the floor. An interesting detail that I didn't notice before is you specifically mention him slamming her face into the "crystal" ground. If I'm following the increasingly convoluted sequence of events correctly, what happened is, Silver "genie of the weenie" Star asked Ponk to pull a party out of her ass in Applejack's barn for Twilight, summoning everypony except Twilight to the party (whether or not Applejack was ever consulted about the use of her barn is never mentioned but whatever, that hardly matters at this point). The purpose of said party was to distract Twilight to keep her out of the house while clones of Silver rob her of all her worldly possessions so they can install a new hot tub (a detail that isn't explained until later, all we know presently is that Silver's doppelgangers are ransacking her house). Whether or not Twilight is actually attending the party is still unclear. Silver sees Glimmer at the party eating cake and minding her own business and decides to randomly attack her because that's what any reasonable pony would do, causing the party to stop with a literal record scratch.

So, if I'm following this correctly, this scene should be taking place at Applejack's barn, right? So why is the floor crystal? Why mention that detail? Why would AJ's barn have a crystal floor? I mention this because the only place in Ponyville I can think of off the top of my head with a crystal floor would be Twilight's castle. Are they supposed to be in Twilight's castle now? The very castle that is being ransacked by the clones, that Twilight, for whom this party was thrown, was supposed to be kept away from? Because the way it looks to me is there are only two possibilities: either the party has inexplicably moved to Twilight's castle, or the eternally practical AJ had a crystal floor installed in her barn for some unexplained reason. Neither scenario makes sense. Explain yourself.

Anyway, next Rainbow Dash, so far the first character you've introduced who does anything sensible, becomes angry at Silver "hot cross my buns" Star for randomly attacking one of her friends and charges him full-speed. Naturally, one of Silver's thousands of powers is to somehow become a rigid body incapable of being moved regardless of force, described "as if he were made of titanium" in the text, so of course Rainbow crashes into him and falls to the floor without doing any damage or even moving him slightly. Considering Rainbow's famous speed and strength, it seems like the effect here would be similar to crashing a car into a retaining wall; I find it hard to believe that Rainbow wouldn't have sustained some sort of serious injury. However, I'm just going to chalk this one up to cartoon physics and move on.

Naturally, another of Silver "Squeeze me I'm full of custard" Star's thousands of powers is to perform some kind of Vulcan mind-meld with a ghost version of himself that springs from his horn and allows him to read the minds of other ponies. Oh, also this:

>Meanwhile, his spell was just one of many ways he could read her. Light blue numbers and lines appeared in his sight and he saw her heart rate, the size of her pupils, her pulse, her brain activity, and if she even twitched a little, anywhere on the body, a subconscious muscle contraction that would tell him she would be about to move or lie, he would know.

So I guess he also has cyborg eyes or something. Naturally. So, anyway, he reads the thoughts of Rainbow Dash and notices that her mind is answering questions differently than she answers them verbally, or some other kind of crazy shit like that. Hm, sounds like the game is ahoof, Dr. Watson. How is our super-sleuth going to get to the bottom of this mystery?

This is my favorite part. Starlight Glimmer, apparently deciding that the line of questioning is delving too deep into her past, volunteers her entire backstory as a justification for her actions. Silver listens to her, and is surprised to discover that he can't get angry enough at Starlight Glimmer and finds himself wondering why. I have to say, that is a twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan. Of all the developments in this story I would have expected, your OC, who is endowed with every superpower in this or any other universe, being unable to be as angry as he would like at Glimmer is not on the list. Could this be his kryptonite?

No, it isn't. Turns out that actually, Glimmer is some kind of anomalous being, a creature with the ability to warp reality around her and force ponies to like her, and apparently she does it without realizing it. Nopony is supposed to actually like her, they just like her because they are forced to. Her entire redemption is explained away with this flimsy device, thus setting the stage for Glimmy to be justifiably beaten to a pulp by the ever righteous Silver "I swallow if I'm thirsty" Star. Before we get to that though there's a paragraph that frankly deserves an entire post dedicated to it.

Oh, also: it looks like you do specifically mention Twilight "proudly" watching SS and SG make up (though she doesn't intervene in the fight), and the barn is again mentioned, reinforcing it as the location for the scene. So, looks like Twilight is at the party, and AJ's barn has a crystal floor. Whew, glad we cleared that up or I wouldn't have been able to sleep tonight.

>>4197
>>4111
>>4120

Alright. This next post is going to delve specifically into one of your trademark dense, unnecessarily verbose paragraphs that I think deserves to be pulled apart piece by piece, as it may just provide us some valuable insight into your twisted psyche. First, I'm going to post the entire paragraph in its entirety for the benefit of everyone else in the thread, because just summarizing it really doesn't convey the proper effect, you really have to read it for yourself. Then, we'll get down to brass tacks and start picking it apart.

>His horn lighting up in blazing blue, he started to work on fine-tuning a spell to deal with what he saw, and he talked while he worked. “She’s one of those strange anomalous life forms, with the ability to unconsciously warp reality around them. Almost as if reality itself is favouring her. She’ll be able to do the impossible, not because she does it with more skill or determination than anyone else, or in some new and unexpected way, but instead, because it’s her, and the impossible doesn’t want to say no to her and hurt her feelings. No one being will be allowed to get mad at her, and nopony that gets mad will be allowed to stay mad at her, unless he or she is the bad guy in this character’s ‘Story’, either temporarily or permanently. Her backstory will make little to no sense, as if she just popped out of the blue one morning and made something up on the spot when questioned. It’s like reality is a game of Walls and Warlords, and the Dungeon Master made her own character, and gave her the coolest – and most sympathetic – backstory she could think of, plus infinite stats in everything that matters to the writer. As if the writer is doing that thing where rather than establishing things about the character, or influencing the character and his or her goals and worldviews, the backstory exists to impress potential fans. Long-lasting relationships will dissolve and romantic partners will treat each other awfully or die, all for her benefit. Miraculously powerful items will violate whatever normal cycle of inheritance they would normally have and fall right into his or her lap. Impossible abilities, impossible improvement rates, all with no justification. It’s as if this anomalous entity emits some kind of mind-altering field that forces others to react how the anomaly wants. The universe loves her, and can’t give her an adventure that doesn’t paint her in the best light possible, even if it seems unnatural, even artificial. This being doesn’t follow the rules of her own universe, and problems will be generated around her with obvious solutions a child could think of. If she walked into the castle of Celestia herself, the Princess would suddenly become a petty foal with the emotional maturity of wet lettuce, so she could fix Celestia’s issues in under a few minutes. And if she wanted to conquer Equestria, she would only need to enter the country before Celestia herself was warped into an unrecognizable tyrant her loving citizens have suddenly always secretly loathed and longed for freedom from. It’s like the being itself is a lie, a lie others are forced to believe in, a lie that damages the universe the longer it is allowed to exist. And I’ve seen what happens to universes where beings like this are allowed to exist, running around and eroding away the fabric of the universe with each subtle act of warping reality. Many cultures across the multiverse have names for this concept, and I remember selling some gear to a group that hunted these beings for sport, and to maintain the stability of the multiverse. They called these beings Anomalies on paper, but they had some unpronounceable nickname for these beings, it was mare... Something, but my own name for this type of impossible breed of eldritch creature is... Outlier.”

>>4191
>without a [...] to his poor waifu, Nigel's OC zeroes in on Starlight and attacks her
I've often thought that Nigel secretly likes Glimmer and hates himself for it

>>4188
>eating Golden Corral buffet fare
Anon what the fuck, you some obese rural retard nigger?

>>4198
>>4111
>>4120

Nigel. Are you paying attention? You need to pay attention. The paragraph I greentexted (see quoted post) is probably one of the most important paragraphs you've ever written. In it is distilled the very quintessence of your autism; the fact that you wrote it completely without irony and fail to see any of the connections between what you wrote and the protagonist you created, is the key to explaining to you just why your story sucks so bad and everyone hates it. If you can truly comprehend what I am about to say, you may just be able to move on from this tragedy and redeem yourself.

>It’s like reality is a game of Walls and Warlords, and the Dungeon Master made her own character, and gave her the coolest – and most sympathetic – backstory she could think of, plus infinite stats in everything that matters to the writer. As if the writer is doing that thing where rather than establishing things about the character, or influencing the character and his or her goals and worldviews, the backstory exists to impress potential fans.
I want you to read this quotation carefully. Several times. There is something here that you need to see. Have you guessed what it is yet? No? I'm guessing everyone else saw it immediately. Read it a couple more times. Got it yet? No? Well, I'll spell it out for you then.

This is your character. Everything you wrote in this paragraph describes your OC, verbatim, spot on. Everything you claim to hate about Glimmer, every last horse-fucking word of it could be applied to your garbage-tier OC. In fact, the line quoted above could probably be called the thesis, the quintessence, the core, of your OC.

Coolest backstory the creator could think of? Check (well, to be fair, it also says 'sympathetic', which doesn't really describe your OC, but since you clearly intended for him to be sympathetic but failed miserably at it due to your inability to interpret the emotional cues of others, I'm going to count it).

Infinite stats in everything that matters to the writer? Check.

>As if the writer is doing that thing where rather than establishing things about the character, or influencing the character and his or her goals and worldviews, the backstory exists to impress potential fans.
Check, check, double check, triple check. Check that shit one more time just to be safe. This is Silver "my gaping, ruined anus can literally be used to play skeeball" Star in a fucking nutshell.

>Miraculously powerful items will violate whatever normal cycle of inheritance they would normally have and fall right into his or her lap.
>Impossible abilities, impossible improvement rates, all with no justification.
Check, check.

>The universe loves her, and can’t give her an adventure that doesn’t paint her in the best light possible, even if it seems unnatural, even artificial.
This is your approach to writing your own character in a nutshell. Knowing that you probably still don't see it, despite having it thrown right in your face...you can't possibly imagine how maddening that is for me. I'm seriously going to do my best to explain it to you here, because oh God, if you could just grasp this, you could understand so much...

>If she walked into the castle of Celestia herself, the Princess would suddenly become a petty foal with the emotional maturity of wet lettuce...
If your novel were printed, and I was asked to write annotations, this is almost the exact wording I would use to describe your OC's relationship with Twilight.

>It’s like the being itself is a lie, a lie others are forced to believe in, a lie that damages the universe the longer it is allowed to exist.
I would put that on the dustjacket. In huge, bold type. Right on the front, where anyone who was even thinking about buying this book would see it and realize what a horrible mistake they were about to make.

Do you see, Nigel? Have you figured it out yet, or do you still need it rammed through that dense fucking skull of yours at sonic-rainboom speed? Everything you claim to hate about Glimmer: her unearned powers, her unearned likeability, her unearned redemption, these are all things that could be said about your character. In fact, they apply to Silver "Down on the Docks is Where I Hunt for Cocks" Star much more than they apply to Glimmer.

I'm going to delve more into your hatred of Glimmer before we go any further, because there are a few things that are really bugging the crap out of me.

>>4200
I...I felt like having a particularly cost effective meal to make up for missing breakfast and the previous dinner.

.-.

>>4198
>His horn lighting up in blazing blue, he started to work on fine-tuning a spell to deal with what he saw, and he talked while he worked. “She’s one of those strange anomalous life forms, with the ability to unconsciously warp reality around them. Almost as if reality itself is favouring her. She’ll be able to do the impossible, not because she does it with more skill or determination than anyone else, or in some new and unexpected way, but instead, because it’s her, and the impossible doesn’t want to say no to her and hurt her feelings. No one being will be allowed to get mad at her, and nopony that gets mad will be allowed to stay mad at her, unless he or she is the bad guy in this character’s ‘Story’, either temporarily or permanently. Her backstory will make little to no sense, as if she just popped out of the blue one morning and made something up on the spot when questioned. It’s like reality is a game of Walls and Warlords, and the Dungeon Master made her own character, and gave her the coolest – and most sympathetic – backstory she could think of, plus infinite stats in everything that matters to the writer. As if the writer is doing that thing where rather than establishing things about the character, or influencing the character and his or her goals and worldviews, the backstory exists to impress potential fans. Long-lasting relationships will dissolve and romantic partners will treat each other awfully or die, all for her benefit. Miraculously powerful items will violate whatever normal cycle of inheritance they would normally have and fall right into his or her lap. Impossible abilities, impossible improvement rates, all with no justification. It’s as if this anomalous entity emits some kind of mind-altering field that forces others to react how the anomaly wants. The universe loves her, and can’t give her an adventure that doesn’t paint her in the best light possible, even if it seems unnatural, even artificial. This being doesn’t follow the rules of her own universe, and problems will be generated around her with obvious solutions a child could think of. If she walked into the castle of Celestia herself, the Princess would suddenly become a petty foal with the emotional maturity of wet lettuce, so she could fix Celestia’s issues in under a few minutes. And if she wanted to conquer Equestria, she would only need to enter the country before Celestia herself was warped into an unrecognizable tyrant her loving citizens have suddenly always secretly loathed and longed for freedom from. It’s like the being itself is a lie, a lie others are forced to believe in, a lie that damages the universe the longer it is allowed to exist. And I’ve seen what happens to universes where beings like this are allowed to exist, running around and eroding away the fabric of the universe with each subtle act of warping reality. Many cultures across the multiverse have names for this concept, and I remember selling some gear to a group that hunted these beings for sport, and to maintain the stability of the multiverse. They called these beings Anomalies on paper, but they had some unpronounceable nickname for these beings, it was mare… Something, but my own name for this type of impossible breed of eldritch creature is… Outlier.”

HE LITERALLY DESCRIBED HIS CHARACTER TO A T! INEXPLICABLY AND IMPOSSIBLY POWERFUL, LOVED BY EVERYONE, DATING THE LITERAL PRINCESS OF THIS REGION, WITH KNOWLEDGE SURPASSING CANON PRODIGIES OF MAGIC, AND INCAPABLE OF BEING WRONG MORALLY OR INTELLECTUALLY. AND WHEN SOMEONE DISLIKES HIM, IT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE THE VILLAIN OF HIS STORY, A GOMMIE SJW AND ONLY EXIST TO BE FOILED BY THE GOOD GUY!

I'M NOT EVEN LAUGHING ANYMORE, I'M JUST SO OUTRAGEOUSLY MAD AT THIS EGO THAT I CAN NO LONGER COMMUNICATE IN LOWERCASE!

>>4203
Deep breaths anon, we'll get through this

>>4204
It's not going to be okay until I get my USB pre-loaded with Linux delivered so I can get my computer back and revel in the atmosphere of Borderlands again.

I need vidya therapy having read that absolute, mind-rending, madness-inciting, elder god of the ego that Silver Star calls a motherfucking paragraph.

>>4205
I am absolutely speechless. What can I even say? There is not a drive large enough to store my distilled, pure reaction to it. Terabytes - no, googolbytes of gibberish and screams from an unnamed tongue. The Adeptus Administorum would find it and either think it was the ramblings of a Tzeench-worshipping heretic, or a heavily encrypted cypher using old technology harvested straight from the site of the webway in its infinite processing power.

>>4206
Wait no I misnamed it, it's Administratum. I admit my only knowledge of WH40K comes from the TTS series and the emperor's podcasts.

>>4201
>>4111
>>4120

Let's look at it analytically here. What are your gripes against Glimmer exactly? Let's go through them, based once more on the contents of your thesis paragraph.

>She’ll be able to do the impossible, not because she does it with more skill or determination than anyone else, or in some new and unexpected way, but instead, because it’s her, and the impossible doesn’t want to say no to her and hurt her feelings.
So you're saying...she's overpowered? She has unearned accomplishments? How is she overpowered? She's basically written as being at a magic level comparable to Twilight's. The only ability she has that might count as overpowered is her ability to steal others' abilities, which she stopped using once she learned her lesson. Contrast that with your OC, who has EVERY FUCKING POWER THERE IS, even ones that don't exist anywhere in the canon universe that you either made up or ripped off from anime just so your OC could have ALL THE ABILITIES.

>accomplishments
What are Glimmer's unearned accomplishments? She became powerful at magic the same way Twilight did, through obsessive, rigoruous study. Even the evil things she did she learned how to do on her own, they weren't powers that were just bestowed upon her by the universe. Contrast that with your OC, who basically gains a new power every time you need him to do something in the story. He needs to be able to tell if a pony is lying about something? Well shit, he's got a magic mind reading ghost inside his horn and also fucking x-ray robot eyes! He needs to btfo somepony in a fight? No problem there, he's a world class ninja! Did I also mention that he's the world's handsomest millionaire? Because he is!

You know, while we're on the subject of unearned abilities here, just how did your character get this powerful anyway? I mean, think about it for a second. Age isn't really discussed in MLP, but most people generally age the Mane 6 at whatever the pony equivalent of late teens to early twenties would be. For the sake of convenience authors generally just use human years to describe their age, and most people seem to put them at around college age. How does someone who has only lived for about 20-25 years manage to become not just good, not just proficient, but the MASTER of multiple disciplines in that span of time?

Twilight is basically a magic prodigy, but she spends all of her time studying. She earned her ability. Ditto for Starlight as far as I'm concerned. Rainbow Dash is athletic and devotes all her time and energy to that, and that's how she became the best. Rarity spends all her time on her fashion designs and building her business. She earned what she has. AJ has her farm and her family, Ponk puts all her energy into social stuff and baking cookies I guess, Flutters has animals. Point I'm making is they all have their own special things that they put all their energy into mastering. How did your character manage to master hand to hand combat while also studying magic and science? How did he develop his interdimensional time travel ability? When did he get his goddamn robot eyes installed? You have no fucking idea, because you never thought about it. You just gave him those powers because you thought it would be cool for him to have them. Your character sucks.

The myth of the polymath is that he's the pinnacle of all achievement. The truth is, most polymaths don't end up accomplishing much more than a couple of significant works, because they never spend enough time developing any one skill to truly master it. DaVinci was a famous polymath, but the vast majority of his projects were never completed. Contrast him with someone like Raphael, who only painted, but has hundreds of works credited to him. He grew fairly wealthy from commissions too, whereas DaVinci had almost perpetual money troubles. That reminds me, just how did your character become wealthy, anyway? Seems like he wouldn't have much time to work or run a business if he was constantly practicing kung fu and studying complex magic.

Also:
>Long-lasting relationships will dissolve and romantic partners will treat each other awfully or die, all for her benefit.
This one's been bugging me. Literally what are you even referring to here? Name a specific instance.

Anyway, I never liked Glimmer much, but my reasons are mostly just that I find her clumsily written and awkwardly inserted into the cast. Writing this analysis has made me realize she's actually not all that bad when you ignore problems the show itself has and examine her purely as a character. Congratulations, Nigel, you've made me unironically like Glimmer. That is your legacy. Through your actions, you convince people to believe the opposite of what you try to convince them to believe. You're like the Barack Obama of pony fiction.

Bottom line, Glimmy has her faults and nobody is saying you have to like her, but your hateboner for her is over the top and stupid, particularly since the reasons you give are pretty much bullshit. Her character is written basically to parallel Twilight's. They both were OCD bookworms who devoted all their time to studying. Glimmer just took a wrong turn, which could arguably be attributed to lack of guidance. After all, Twilight had Celestia teaching her. She also had Spike for companionship. Starlight basically had nobody, and just spent all of her time sitting by herself brooding over shit that made her angry, sort of like you. And, like you, she wound up reaching some misguided conclusions about the world and decided to do some terrible things; in her case enslaving a town of ponies, and in your case writing horrendous Pony fanfiction. The two of you really have more in common than you realize, the only difference is: Glimmer realized the error of her ways and eventually redeemed herself. Will you?

>>4208
>>4111
>>4120

Okay, so, moving on. After this long and dense paragraph, which was incidentally spoken out loud by one of Silver "your scrotum is my lucky totem" Star's fucking clone guys to one of his other clone guys, one of the clone guys fires a lightning bolt which apparently strips away Glimmer's (ugh) "Eldritch" status. Now that they are no longer held under a spell, every pony in the barn can now see Glimmer for the horrible icky monster she truly is. Her "Eldritch" status, incidentally, becomes some kind of giant bubble and goes floating off somewhere for some fucking reason or another.

Now, and thank the heavens for this, Silver "I got an infection from that last beef injection" Star is free from the naggling constraint of being magically compelled to be nice, and can get as angry at Glimmer as he wants. Should we hope he uses this power wisely? No, thanks to your writing, Nigel, the concept of hope no longer exists for me.

Oh yeah, here's another little gem culled directly from the text:
>She was a little surprised that he could just say a horrible Bad Word like that, but that made him a bad boy, which clearly excited her, and made him, in her eyes, somepony she wanted to impress.

Yes, anons in the gallery, you read that correctly. Even Glimmy, the pony that Nigel despises more than Satan himself, is hot for his OC in this story and wants to fuck him. His OC is just that cool. There is not a mare alive who can resist the throbbing beefy dong of Silver "I can't resist throbbing beefy dong either though" Star. Yet another fascinating glimpse into the cobwebbed corridors of Nigel's twisted little mind.

Anyway Nigel, we haven't even gotten to the politics yet and I'm already sick of this conversation between Glimmer and Silver. Ugh, I haven't even read half of this, either. The problem with this whole scene so far is that, in typical Nigel-esque fashion, the points you present are not so much examples of Starlight's actual evil derived from show canon as they are instances of your hateboner projecting itself onto the character. To put it simply, you are just making shit up. For one thing, your chronology is bizarre. You mention that Glimmer spent about 20 years studying the spell to extract cutie marks. You then describe how she took over this village and ran it for years and years, maybe decades, taking cutie marks of ponies and saving them until they grow old and die. The way you describe it, it sounds like multiple generations of ponies lived and died in this village under Glimmer's rule while she absorbed their magic and grew more powerful. How old is this pony supposed to be in your world? She doesn't look that old, is she supposed to be immortal like Celestia, or using the cutie marks to preserve her youth or something? You also mention her bullying ponies to commit suicide and stealing their marks that way. I have to be honest here, I don't remember any of that from the show. Seems like that's the kind of thing someone might have raised a flag about before it aired, idk maybe you've got the director's cut or something.

This is important because it goes back to what is probably my central theme here: that you have no idea why you're even writing this. It's your story so you can take creative liberties with the source material if you want, but it seems like it would work against you to do that here. As far as I can tell you're basically trying to convince the reader of two things in this scene: that Glimmer is an objectively evil pony and should not be liked, and that her ideology is morally abhorrent. If you're trying to convince people of the first point, it doesn't really serve your interests to embellish or invent things. The show canon exists for everyone, your headcanon exists only for you. If you want the reader to conclude that Glimmer is evil, you need to show that the canon Glimmer is evil. If you prove that your headcanon version of Glimmer is evil, what did you accomplish?

>>4210
>>4111
>>4120

Every time I want to move forward and address the broader issues presented in this scene, I come across some little snippet of something that is just such a fine example of how absolutely insufferable you are as both a writer and a human being that I just have to stop what I'm doing and examine it.

In this section of text, Silver "I think Dan Harmon is actually a pretty great guy" Star is listening to Glimmer gleefully talk about how evil she is while going over her myriad crimes against ponykind. As usual, it contains glaring hypocrisies that once again reveal that you have absolutely no capacity for self awareness whatsoever.

Here is the list of Starlight Glimmer's crimes:
>Theft, from innocents. The exploitation of innocents. Lying, for a bad cause. Creating a cult. Hypocrisy. Repeated and intentional malicious alteration of the timeline, creating who even knew how many bad alternate timelines full of ruined lives and likely-dead ponies who should have lived. The destruction of not just any Equestria, but HIS Equestria, more than ten times in a single day.
Okay, fair enough. She actually did all those things. Pretty good so far, right? But then you drop this one on us.

>And an insufferable, selfish, arrogant little ‘I am smarter than you, only I am right, only I know what is best for all, and any who seek to oppose me are wrong’ attitude. With a heaped tablespoon of ‘I am what I am and wanting me to change that is wrong’, with salt and ‘Tee hee hee I love being evil, it’s so fun to be bad’ to taste!
I'm honestly getting a headache just having to explain the same things to you over and over. What's more, everything I have to say about this has been said several times over by several other anons in this thread, and STILL YOU REFUSE TO LISTEN. Well, what the hell, let's have another go.

>an insufferable, selfish, arrogant little ‘I am smarter than you, only I am right, only I know what is best for all, and any who seek to oppose me are wrong’ attitude
this is literally your attitude.

>I am what I am and wanting me to change that is wrong
this sums up your response to every piece of criticism you've ever received.

>it’s so fun to be bad
As far as I can tell this is basically your attitude toward writing.

And, doubtless against the advice of your inner muse, who no doubt told you to give up and stop writing years ago so you tied her up and locked her in a closet in the deepest corner of your mind, right next to your humility, you continue:

>He wouldn’t mind the arrogance so much, if she had a reason to BE arrogant.
This is how literally everyone feels about you and your work.

>She wasn’t intelligent, she wasn’t cute, she wasn’t funny, and she wasn’t a pleasant pony to be around.
You, you, you, and you.

>The egotism of this spiteful little overgrown and mentally-underdeveloped foal made his skin crawl, and the pony part of his mind was screaming at him to give this animal enough Magical Friendship to make a small crater where she used to be.
Amen, brother. Wait, were you still talking about Glimmer?

>“You know, you’ve said a lot of interesting things to me, today,” Silver said, “And I’d love to write them down in a book some day, I’m sure it would be a great seller. It’d be a great book. Just... The best book, ever. I’ll write it a few days from now."
I would actually be curious to read Silver's book about his conversation with Glimmer. There is no possible way it could be any worse than the one I'm reading right now.

>With a detached curiousity, he wondered what would happen if somepony like him became ‘Too’ angry.
If the subject of the anger is Starlight Glimmer, both you and your faggot OC live every second of every day at maximum anger. It is not possible for you to become any angrier with this pony than you are already, at least I sincerely hope not. You trying to surpass your own hateboner is like trying to overtake an object traveling at the speed of light: physically impossible. Unless your OC has some kind of power that would make it possible, of course.

Anyway, these unintentionally ironic passages are followed by more boring back-and-forth. Silver "put a saddle on me and ride me to the gay bar" Star continues to lob hypothetical situations at Starlight, who keeps coming up with hypothetical solutions that predictably fall short. Blah blah blah how do you heal the sick with no doctors, blah blah blah how do schools work, blah blah blah what if monsters show up, blah. Nobody cares. Who is this for? You have no idea. You are a massive cum gargling faggot. Please stop writing forever.

>>4211
>>4111
>>4120

So, anyway, Glimmyglam and Silver "Starpunch" Star go back and forth for a while, and then Silver gives her a full indictment. There's no need to quote it here, since it's another huge block paragraph and it basically just sums up events from the show that anyone reading would probably know already. Mostly it focuses on the events of the Cutie Re-Mark episode, where Glimmer fucks with time and prevents Rainbow from doing her sonic rainboom over and over.

The point you seem to be making here is that Glimmer is personally responsible for what happens in all of these worlds; Tirek taking over, Nightmare Moon taking over, changelings taking over, all that shit. That's one way to interpret it I suppose, and to be fair I can see how you reach this conclusion. You're kind of missing the point of that episode, though. Each time something interferes with the Pegasus race and RD fails to perform the rainboom, the Mane 6 fail to become friends and the world ends somehow. This is basically how Twilight demonstrates to Glimmer how important friendship is. Glimmer then sees the error of her ways and repents. Friendship seems to be kind of a recurring theme in this show.

At this point you introduce what I'll admit is actually kind of an interesting interpretation of events. You put forth the idea that all these tragic realities are actually parallel universes, and even after everything returns to normal, these worlds continue to exist, and all the alternate versions of the ponies in those worlds live on. However, blinded by your autistic hateboner for Glimmer as usual, you pin the blame for this solely on her, and argue that she created these worlds through her actions.

I will preface this by saying that I am by no means an expert on quantum mechanics nor do I pretend to be. However, I feel like I understand the pop science of it well enough to take a crack at dissecting your logic. The idea is not that parallel worlds are created or destroyed based on the choices we make, the idea is that the multiverse is a huge webwork in which literally all possibilities exist simultaneously. There's a world where you brushed your teeth this morning and a world where you didn't. There's a world where your faggot OC, Silver "I can fit a whole pineapple in my rectum wanna see?" Star, sucked a dick this morning, and a universe where he sucked two dicks this morning.

The universes where the rainboom never happened exist one way or the other. In fact considering that there are probably any number of things that could have prevented that event from happening, there's probably thousands of similarly unfortunate universes, most of which Glimmer never even touched. Really, if you consider that the entire happy future of Equestria hinges on six ponies making friends with each other, donning the Elements of Harmony, and fighting all the monsters and whatever that threaten the world once or twice per season, and their entire friendship depends solely on one filly performing a difficult trick during a race at a precise moment in time, you really only have one very narrow window for things to go right and a thousand ways for things to go wrong. What about universes where Rainbow Dash's parents never meet? What about universes where Twilight gets distracted and doesn't look out the window?

Glimmer's actions here really don't affect the big picture much. In fact, by focusing the story on your completely petty and arbitrary hate for this one character, you blatantly missed an opportunity to focus on an idea that I guarantee you would resonate better with an audience than "reeee Glimmer is worst pony and I hate her stupid face": that there are probably millions of universes where Equestria dies a gruesome, horrible death, but only a handful where it doesn't. There may even only be one where the proper conditions are met to avoid all this tragedy, and it's the one these ponies live in. And it's a happy world, joyous even. Imagine how much more you would treasure your life and your friends if you learned something like that about your world. That's the lesson Twilight wanted to teach Glimmer and eventually managed to communicate. That's the kind of story you could have told. But you didn't. You chose instead to blather about Communism for 24,535 words and beat up a character you don't like. I feel sorry for the ponies who have to live in your universe.

Also, moving past theoretical physics and back into writing, this scene, like most parts of your story, is executed poorly. Characterization is not done well. After Silver "I'm a mare trapped in a stallion's body" Star concludes his speech, everypony in the room naturally agrees with him that Glimmer is worst pony, and Glimmer shows no remorse whatsoever. This is probably intentional, since the convoluted bit about her being an "eldritch" was basically just so you could erase Glimmer's redemption and make her evil again, then show her as evil to all other ponies and have them agree with you. Basically, you erase the canon, replace it with your headcanon, and have the crude little sockpuppets you made of the canon characters nod their heads to confirm that it is now true. Trust me when I say that literally no one gives a shit.

Lesson: don't force your headcanon on the audience, it's obnoxious.

Going to bed now, have to work later. Don't know when I will get back to this but get back to it I will.

>>4212
I just woke up today to read all that and....holy fuck man. I ACTUALLY want to read a story involving quantum physics/timelines that were doomed and how the singular canon timeline is so fragile and rare from that perspective. That sounds like an emotional trip, a dive into what makes character/personality (environment vs nature), and a real great feels trip.

Honestly knowing now what Glimmernigel could have made, and knowing he doesn't even give that a few thousand words, fills me with a renewed sense of wasted potential.

>>4213
>I ACTUALLY want to read a story involving quantum physics/timelines that were doomed and how the singular canon timeline is so fragile and rare from that perspective. That sounds like an emotional trip, a dive into what makes character/personality (environment vs nature), and a real great feels trip.
Yeah, that actually sounds right up my alley. Especially if you keep it as a relatively short one-off, at least to start.

>>4212
Stop anon, this level of rape is forbidden by the geneva conventions
I just realized you can't quote ID's here, that would be cool

>>4211
>He wouldn’t mind the arrogance so much, if she had a reason to BE arrogant.
Excuse me but didn't he already list the 'accomplishments'? Dooming timelines, creating a cult, theft and exploitation, and 'decades' of stealing cutiemarks and ruling the village until they grew old and died? Even if you took away the noncanon bs, if starlight was aware of all of what she did and boasted about it instead of regretted it, that's still more than enough reasons to "be arrogant" and more accomplished as any villain in MLP save for Tirek's back story of enslaving the crystal ponies and causing negativity to spread throughout Equestria for generations. So Nigel can't even keep a consistent story within his own world without contradicting himself in his Silver "Self-insert? What's that? I dont care just insert it into me" Star over his hate-boner for Starlight.

I haven't read a single line of his story but I could already pick up on this in one thread I appreciate all your breakdowns and look forward to the end (but then kind of want it to never end)

>>4208
I'm going to do something similar to what you've said except using the dragon fight
(shown in the other thread >>166716 ), but I think the barn scene was a better example.

This actual part of the scene itself:
And instead of the joke being a repetition of events! A chain loop! The joke becomes the repetition itself.
I shouldn't have to explain why that's fucking awful GlimmerNiggerNigelNigeria, write some variation, some diagonal animu slashes, literally anything and the joke will still be apparent, people will find the humour and react on their own.
The boringness and the simplification killed the joke (and more importantly the audience).

What else is chronically wrong with his writing across the board that I dislike?
-Characters don't vary in most scenes by reacting (like interesting real characters with depth... Nigel).
-The environment is entirely ignored.
-In this example the actual characters themselves are ignored for le epic maymay battle (missed character exposition and building opportunity??? fuck me, we'll never know).
-Characters (and you've brought this up in the time it's taken me to get to this, using specific examples like Twilight(the lack of) in the barn scene) -seem to disappear.

I was originally going to use the example of Twilight being vacant for most of the 'Dragon-Mare' scene and highlight her lack of reaction and interaction to break up and vary the extended joke section.
=All she does is say a dialogue line (w/ said tag) then the Dragon-mare says something (and an action interacting w/ Twilight), then Silver says something (and an action interacting w/ the Dragon-Mare). And you just repeat those two latter ones (except even worse because Twilight isn't mentioned)= and that's the entire joke.
Twilight is used twice and it's to do generic things, no interruption? No character thought? Third person character narration?

And that's just part of a larger fight scene that's basically a bunch of anime maymays and relies heavily on character dialogue (rarely varying) to deliver these epic maymays everyone wanted to read.

The abilities themselves?
Could be interesting if they ever got used to do something interesting. Spoiler: They don't.

At some point I typed something like this out, but, forgot to post it because I'm documenting other lolcows at the same time right now, It's been a busy week, good job taking lead of the funposting autism-writer Anon.
My addled brain actually thought I posted my thoughts on this scene. I'd like to say he does this all the time = making a post with some Fimfic link and a random OP picture. Terminal attention-seeking syndrome with a bad case of 'no effort' or even attempt to actually provide something while attention-seeking.

>>4216
We ran out of funding for his gravestone ^:(
RIP - Sample Text by Shutter-stock.

>>4219
F.

>>4219
F

Ah, the childish "He stopped talking to us! That means we win, right?" bullshit of the subversive communist left never gets old. Sorry, but the kids "Shitting this site up" aren't really a high priority for me. When shit comes up IRL, I have to deal with that shit.

Sometimes, I wish my life was so peaceful and quiet that I had the time to go full SJW and get Infinitely Offended over some fanfic writer committing wordcrime and thoughtcrime and breaking your personal rules on what is and isn't ok in fanfiction.

>>4217
You didn't get what Silver was saying? You didn't get that he doesn't consider brainwashing a town, killing ponies(That Cutie Mark wall was full. There were more Cutie Marks on that wall than there were living ponies in her town. Glimmer gaining magic from devouring stolen Cutie Marks is the only way to explain why this Mary Sue is stronger than the living paragon of friendship and magic, and Ponies simply turning to dust after being Gray for long enough felt more merciful than her actively sacrificing them to Moloch like the average leftist in power), ruining the timeline a few dozen times, and causing incredible pain and suffering to multiple worlds... to be something anypony should be proud of doing.

The meaning of that line went over your head? Damn, guess that's going to put a dent in your "x is a hipocrit becuz x" leftylie. And your ego, too. Haha you belong on r/whoosh lmao. However will you convince people here to take me less seriously and not engage me in debate or discussion now?

>>4222
Hey guys, look, Glimmernigel's back!

Thats a short rant then his normal stuff. His anus must be bleeding pretty hard

>>4222

Nigel, these 2 threads are your Julay moment.

>>4225

>Mister Metokur Tells Vee How He Became A lolcow
https://youtu.be/iHG1P-6f1DQ
45 minute cut from a stream on the gypsies channel

"...but if you keep feeding this its never gonna end. It's going to escalate beyond what it is now and its going to go from trolling and fucking with your family to life ruination shit. And when it reaches that level, your are going to have an ED entry about the meltdown of Vee Monroe. It's just going to escalate." - Jim

>>4222
What a retarded defence.
>You didn't get what Silver was blah blah blah
God, it's almost like you didn't communicate your story effectively.
Almost like it's way too long for its linguistic and simplicity and lack of, well, literary concepts.

Ever read The Great Gatsby?
>>4189
>24,535 words into TGG takes us to roughly the part where Gatsby is showing Daisy his house. In the length of time it takes you to lay out one scene, F. Scott Fitzgerald lays out his exposition, introduces all major characters along with their conflicts and backstories, and is chugging along at a fair clip through the rising action portion of his narrative. That is literally insane.

>>4222
>Sometimes, I wish my life was so peaceful and quiet that I had the time to go full SJW
Oh anon, your life must be so, so busy, oh poor you anon, no one else here has a busy life and still manages to lurk this site for hours and hours.
Everyone here has a free, peaceful life.
Absolutely. Everyone.

>>4222
Nigel! Nice to see you, pal! Happy to see you're not off sobbing in a basement somewhere. Let me get you up to speed.

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>>4212
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>>4222

6. This Should Go Without Saying, But This Story is Way Too Long

Okay, this shit goes on for like 40 forevers. There's quite a few more quotable bits that would be fun to dissect a bit, but it would take me until Christmas and really I would just be going over points I've already made.

When I say that you need to trim this down, Nigel, I really do mean it. You need to fucking trim this shit down. Even if you obstinately refuse to take any of the rest of the advice you've been given and want to keep going with this train wreck of a fanfiction, at least trim this scene down.

For instance, this paragraph:
>“You know, Starlight... I follow a comic series named ‘Vitreous and Fern’. It prominently features an evil background character who’s supposed to be evil and utterly pathetic. He’s supposed to have a hilariously shallow to perform evil acts, such as stealing his town’s garden gnomes, and deflating every inflatable in town, and trying to block out the sun. And every time, he’s stopped by a heroic secret agent, a Platypus. He’s supposed to be a joke, and yet despite everything he’s done and tried to do, you’re worse than he is, and you have less of a reason to do any of it. You’re more pathetic than Doctor Daydreamsmiles! But while that fictional loser is written to make me feel sorry for him, you... you make me sick!

If there were an award for how far outside the narrative you can go to make a point about nothing, I would nominate you for it, because this would be a good entry. What is the point of this paragraph? Glimmer is worse than a character you made up from a comic you made up? What purpose does this serve? You're comparing Starlight to a character no one could possibly be familiar with. For a comparison to make sense people need a frame of reference. Who is Doctor Daydreamsmiles and why do I give a shit?

>Heck, why am I bringing up fictional characters when I could bring up Sombra, or better yet, Tirek!
You really should have taken your own advice here. You know what, scratch that, the next paragraph about Tirek isn't much better. You just reiterate more events from the show that readers would already be familiar with and then bash Glimmer some more. Cntrl-A + Backspace is the best editing tip I can give you.

Really, most of this scene should just be cut out. I can't even tell you specifically which paragraphs to cut out because the only solution here is to just cut all of it and rewrite it AND MAKE IT MUCH SHORTER. We haven't even gotten to the political ideology section yet and I am already sick of reading this. This whole conversation is just classic Nigel letting his hateboner run wild. You keep making the same points over and over and referencing the same examples. So far I've seen at least three separate instances where you compare Glimmer to Tirek, and it's the same shit every time. Tirek stole magic, Glimmer stole magic; we get it. Very incisive observation, you don't need to repeat it 80 fucking times. I'm guessing you probably go down the list and compare her to every goddamn villain in the series, and I'm also guessing the end conclusion is that she's worse. Brilliant.

Even if you keep everything else about this train wreck of a story the way it is, you could still improve it just by paring it down to an appropriate length. Your problem, as always, is that you have no understanding of who you're writing for and no ability to filter out what your audience probably won't be interested in reading. Nobody reads fiction because they want to be lectured, if you just want to lay out all the reasons you think Glimmer is awful you should just abandon the fanfiction and write an essay instead (more on that once we get to the part about politics).

Here's what you should do: instead of just sitting down at the computer and typing everything that comes into your head, sit down, take a deep breath, and think about everything you want to say first. Make a list with bullet points if that helps you. Make each point concisely, once, and move on. Don't repeat yourself, most people won't even want to read what you have to say once, let alone fifty times. There is no reason on earth this party scene should go on for more than a page or two.

When you consider that, again, this is not a self-contained work but merely ONE CHAPTER of a larger work, there is no excuse for the length here. Literally all that happens in this chapter is Twilight and Silver "oh shit I'm out of butt lube and the butt lube store is closed today this is the worst Christmas ever" Star have a date, Silver ransacks her house as a "surprise", a party happens, Silver meets Glimmer and they have a fight. There is absolutely no reason this chapter should exceed 10,000 words. Even that may be excessive. Once again I want to remind you that the overall length of this is about 32k, with the party scene accounting for about 24k. Cut that scene out and your whole chapter is around 7,000, which is reasonable for what you have. I would give yourself a limit of about 2,500-3,000 words for the party scene and do a rewrite. If it exceeds that length, cut stuff out. Hold yourself to the limit. It's good exercise.

>>4230
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>>4222

When I called this story a train wreck, it really wasn't an exaggeration. I want to look away from this but I just can't.

Let's see, what happens next. Your character gets mad at Glimmer for some stuff that happened in your story that isn't canon: "brainwashing" the Mane 6 (I assume you're talking about that spell or whatever you had her cast to make ponies like her, otherwise I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about), laughing and joking about her evil deeds (happened just now in your scene)...

Oh, wait a minute, what's this?
>Silver seemed to calm down. “Look, I know I’m not the nicest pony on the planet. Not a lot of ponies ever called Silver Star nice.
Is that...could it be? Humility? In MY Silver Star dialog?

>I beat the evil out of bad guys, more than I really have to. Most are still trapped in stone, or cards, and the rest are still in the hospital. If I go to a fancy restaurant and the food is bad, I make it a policy to teleport away and leave them with the bill.
Nope, turns out even his analysis of his "flaws" is just more bragging, and I think that bit about skipping out on restaurant tabs was an attempt at a joke.

>Ponies don’t just call me a hero because of my charity work, they call me a hero because I channel my appreciation for destruction and ruination constructively. I hunt down the rich and powerful and politically untouchable, and I ruin their evil plans and take everything they have, to make this world and other worlds into better places.
>I’ve taken on thieving outlaws, thugs, con artists, bankers, white-collar criminals, golden-collar criminals, crime syndicates, loan sharks, phony future-seers, evil alternate universe versions of great heroes, Changeling co-conspirators, art thieves, underworld kingpins, and more tragic monsters than anypony would expect...
Damn dude, don't be so hard on yourself.

>”QUIET!” Starlight roared, her face contorted with fury, a vein bulging in her neck, shocking most of the ponies around her.
Thank you, Starlight. Nice to see somepony around here with some sense. Now if only he'd listen...

Anyway, blah blah blah, more shitting on Glimmer for the evil things she did in the story you wrote, nothing to see here...oh, wait, here's something. Looks like we get a glimpse into Silver's backstory. This should be good...

>“I didn’t inherit this money, you idiot.” Silver growled. “What, do you think my father gave me a small loan of a million bits, and I got lucky on where I invested it? No, my parents were farmers, and so was I! I worked the fields, I farmed crops, and I fertilized them myself! When I was a young colt, I fought Cattle Rustlers with my own bare hooves and a horn that could only cast three spells! And when I got older, I made my own vehicle and rode it from my hometown to Manehattan, where I got a job at an antique store. I saved my money, so I could take a taxi to Canterlot, where I EARNED my spot at The Royal Canterlot Academy for Magical Duelling, and I studied harder than anypony else in that college ever did! I didn’t whine about how unfair destiny was to make some ponies into magical dieties and make others into farmers! I took destiny into my own hooves and I made it give me what I wanted, and what I wanted was a better life, and a place where I could give others better lives, and do more good than I could as some Frontier Town’s Sherrif. And now I run the biggest company in this corner of the Multiverse, ponies in sixty worlds grow up WISHING they were me, I made my own place at the top and I earned it.”
Wow, the Equestrian dream. Remember colts: just keep your nose to the grindstone and work hard and beat up cattle rustlers, and maybe one day you too can grow up to be the world's sexiest millionaire who is also a ninja and a scientist and a time-traveling wizard. Oh yeah, and don't forget to fertilize your own crops.

You misspelled "dueling" and "Sheriff" by the way.

Anyway, blah blah blah, more stuff happens...Glimmer punches Silver in the face but naturally he's made of titanium so it hurts her instead...he pops a balloon for some reason, not quite sure why he did that but who even gives a shit at this point...okay, here we go. Looks like we're finally ready to start the political debate. And my scroll bar is only halfway down the page, oh goody. Looks like Silver casts a truth spell on Glimmer, naturally, because obviously we all need a guarantee that the words you're about to shove in her mouth are genuinely hers.

Stay tuned, kids. Up next: politics.

>>4231
Oh, shit, I just noticed. You also misspelled "deities."

>>4231
Two points I want to make:
>"What, do you think my father gave me a small loan of a million bits, and I got lucky on where I invested it? No,"
I'm pretty sure that was a dig against Donald Trump. That's not a bad thing in and of its self, but it is very telling that he has to script his OC to the degree that Donald Trump is inferior.

My second point is simple. I looked at one of Nigel's OTHER Silver "Tell the Doc I crave the cock" Star's stories, it's 91k words. 91k. At that ratio, with two stories he tops the Count of Monte Cristo, and I'm sure his combined exploits will easily top the unabridged CoMC. Let that sink in.

>>4233

I think after this much public deep level research on him and his conartist works it is fair to say that Glimmernigel is objectly speaking mentally insane. He creates fiction to volumes that put historically achieved authors to shame, just to inflate his already gargantuan ego to astronomical levels. Essentially writing about himself and circlejerking about how great his fantasy represent is.

I have never seen or encountered a narc of this magnitude. it defies nature how he even made it to this age without getting beaten to death by someone getting sick of his shit. Even Low Tier God and Chris Chan at his worst are more humble than this.

>>4233
I just got here to note, 91k words is something around 200 pages with an arial 12 font.
200 pages of autism.
200 pages.

>>4234
>Essentially writing about himself
He doesn't even write about himself. He puts himself in the story, but that's not the same as writing about himself. Writing about yourself requires self-awareness, which Nigel doesn't have. He imagines himself this way and inserts his fantasy-self into the story as Silver "does this dildo in my ass make my ass look fat?" Star.

I'm honestly beginning to wonder if he's ever even been outside or actually had a non-online conversation. Because he writes like someone who has lived his entire life behind walls, with only a steady diet of pop culture to inform him about the world outside. His entire body of work is just a bunch of cliches strung together haphazardly, yet he seems to believe they're original ideas. It's like he's never had an original thought in his life, but he doesn't know it.

>>4235
And he's only on chapter 6.

I'm going to start tripfagging since this is now spread across multiple threads and something tells me shit is about to get real.

>>4222
>but the kids "Shitting this site up"
>x is a hipocrit becuz x" leftylie. And your ego, too
Oh look being a hypocrite again with no self awareness, and reacting like a tumblrite. You are the one shitting up the site with your constant attention whoring and thread spam, nobody else and everyone on this site thats actually from imageboards is enjoying seeing your story get ripped to shreds just like everyone enjoyed the parody. And you are the one with the biggest ego here, you suck a dick because I will never read a single page you write.

>r/whoosh
I'm sure you know so much about who belongs on which sub reddit having such a good long history with it.

>You didn't get what Silver was saying?
>to be something anypony should be proud of doing.
'Proud' is not the word you used, faggot arrogant is, which is a negative form of pride. Arrogance doesnt get referred to in a positive light. You used the wrong words to get the emotion across that's your own fault as a failure of writer not mine.

>>4240
Amen.

>>4240
A beautiful poem

>>4240
So mote it be.

By the personal and direct decree of Lord Atlas himself, it shall henceforth be known that Nigel is a faggot.

>>4244
How not to love this place?