ITT Roleplaying
Classic Tabletop D&D (3.5e mostly)
New players welcome, most especially our recent pony addition
Its always some level of nuts in this thread, and this moment does not disappoint.
All kinds of things have happened, the result of which is that with over a week passing in meat-space the party is still right where they left off at.
Tracy is venturing to the mountains with her floofy-faced, hutungous birbs in an oversided wagon, hoping to give them a chance to have a moment with their biological father.
Trump, for some reason, is quite butt-hurt by this. What? Its true,....
Thez is enjoying the first decent night's sleep in over a week, Infernius contemplates (((genocide))) (does it work in that context? I mean he's contemplating their genocide of course), and Torcuil learns that Death is a pretty cool chick with a morbid sense of humor in an absurd job that you wouldn't think is a job, but its literally a job. So yeah, next time he wants to hit her up, just blow ur brains out or something.
Last thread got to over 1800 posts <trumpet fanfare> but that shit is impossible on mobile and cumbersome at best otherwise so,....
1302 replies and 178 files omitted.
So, would Torc hear it since he's at the tower?
>>53932"You okay m8? Did you forget what me asked for?"
>>53934Oh now he's at the tower? I thought he was prepping for takeoff on the airship.
>>53935"NO!" he waves his hand and presents 5 mannequins with varying designs of fashy uniform. "B'yessss?"
[1d20 = 11]>>53932Tracy creeps up behind Ponimaru while he's talking and smacks him on the plot painfully
(unarmed strike + Death Attack->Paralysis).
"Hey, little weeb, how have you been these days?"
>>53939He's not going to the gnome city? Pretty sure Infernius would've said he was going suit-shopping when he left.
A wild (err... domesticated) Trumpaladin appears. Somewhere
>>53938Jumps a little at your arrival
“Oh... hello.”
>>53943"Oh, hi." Tracy says, giggling at the (non-lethally) injured ninja-horse
>>53944Wasn't he also on the airship?
>>53938Attack is deflected
"You. I'm not as soft as last time, if thats your question," he replies, taking a defensive stance.
"Watch out for this one. She won't harm you, but she might kill you," Ponimaru remarks to Styx.
>>53944Welcome back
>>53947“I like you already Ponimaru. You got your quirk.”
>>53945“A harmless death? Impressive. I assume you two own the place?”
>>53937"Me like them. Me like them alot. Thank you frenchmen"
>>53947Shoot, that's surprising.
Tracy gives a nonchalant huff and rolls her eyes.
She turns to the blue stallion
>>53949"The name's Tracy." she says, leaning against the stable walls as she picks her teeth with a dagger
>you two own the place"Nah, I don't own this place. I just live here. You came from one of the rooms down that hallway, I'll guess?"
Trumpaladin, not yet having arranged everything with Torcuil (evidently), decides to look for where the hell his alleged-waifu is
Detect evil
>>53951“Nice to meet you Tracy. Yes, I came from one of those. I have no idea how I got there, but I woke up, got blasted by some fire, and stumbled across this fellow.”
>>53951Ponimaru breathes a sigh of relief that he won't have to defend his life to the death,... again, and steps back to allow distance, but visibly relaxes
>>53953The pale blue, silver-maned mare puts her dagger into her cloak pocket and rests on all four hooves.
"If you're here, that probably means you've died... or something.." Tracy says, not looking entirely sure herself "I woke up in one of those rooms myself just a few months ago. I've been here ever since."
>>53954Tracy cocks her head towards the ninjahorse threateningly as to startle him, then turns around smirking.
>>53955“So, if we died... if this an afterlife of reward or punishment? Just want to know what we are dealing with here.”
Torc begins wandering the tower yelling "INFERNIUS, ARE YOU COMING TO GNOME TOWN?"
Hopefully stumbling upon Tracy and Styx
>>53954I guess Trumpaladin eventually follows the scent of Evil to the stable. After making coffee
>>53955>>53953>>53954From the entryway of the stable enters a tall man with strawberry blonde hair. He wears what appears to be glimmering half-playte armor over-top a business suit. His demeanor suggests a sort of indifference, like he has stumbled upon the situation. He calls out as if calling for a child to come along on a car trip
"Tracy?"
>>53957Which would naturally have been heard by Tracy adnd Styx. Not Infernius though.
>>53958He's carrying a cup of coffee too
>>53959No shit, but Torc doesn't know that.
>>53960Exactly.
>>53958"There he is,...."
>>53961"its Trumpaladin,...."
(to the tune of the Mrs. America theme)
>>53956"Well it's
definitely not a reward" The pale horse says with an almost sardonic tone "But I can't say it's a punishment either."
"Bottom line is, you, me, and a few other guys have been 'placed' here, by some weird beings beyond our comprehension. They're called "faggots", and to them, our lives are merely a means of killing time, and we'll be put through countless trials and tribulations for the sake of their entertainment. The only way to find peace is to please them, and so I hope you're in for an adventure, because things can get pretty messy on weekends." she says, seemingly indifferent to the horrific circumstance of her existence
"Try not to think about it too hard."
>>53963*Music plays as he does so*
Yes, he's changed the sound system
"Hello weeaboo horse. What are you doing with my waifu?"
>>53964“I...”
is cut off
>>53965Turns to him
“Oh, sorry. I just got here. I’m just trying to understand what’s happening around here.”
>>53961"Good afternoon, Flashy."
>>53966"Who are you? How many stallions has she been around since I last saw her?"
Suddenly, Torc finds his way into the room preferably falling from the ceiling
"Hey guys, have you seen Infernius?"
>>53968"Who is he?"
>>53970"Well there you are. We need to leave for Sparintenar. No, I don't know where he is"
>>53970Somehow in fact, he does fall into the room through the ceiling, his tartan ancap robes flailing as he makes his etrance
>>53969“I’m Stix...”
Getting a little overwhelmed by all of the commotion going on.
“I think I better ask if there are any more coming in here, I may just introduce myself to all of you at once.”
>>53971>who is he"Fresh meat. Appeared right out of the residence hall."
>>53970*steps around mage*
"I think he was going suit-shopping last I heard. Try looking around town."
>>53971"Sparint- NO, we're going to see the gnomes."
>>53972I'm gonna say passwall
>>53973Torc picks himself up and brushes off
"Nice to meet you Stix"
>>53972"Gah! Wear some more damned clothing Torcuil"
>>53973"Uh huh, and I'm her... Ah, nevermind."
>>53975"Why would we want to see the gnomes? How are they going to help us?"
>>53974Trumpaladin does not respond immediately
>>53975More than a little confused at talk about faggots, adventure, and gnomes
“Nice to meet you as well”
>>53973"There's still two more, but this will do, go ahead," Ponimaru whispers.
Please note as you (the faggot) introduce Styx (the character) to the other characters, that Styx was a badass. We're going to spend the next couple months at least figuring out how and why he was a badass. Also, he has a relative memory of his past live(s?) and being a badass, which can be interwoven at length into his disposition/strategy.
For example, Infernius has the collective past lives of the German soldiers
post ww2. Feel free to get creative.
>>53978Or don't. Amnesia is also an option.
>>53976"Technology, plus I want my ship checked."
I mean, he would be wearing a kilt if he did
>>53977Torc leans over and whispers in Trump's ear "Who the fuck is this guy?"
>>53980"What we
need is men and allies. And I know where they have men with freaking anti-tank weapons. And that ship works, so no need...
I'm not sure. Hopefully not Tracy's boyfriend"
>>53982"Yes it works, but fucking
how? What are we gonna do if it breaks down?"
>>53978“Ok.. I’m Stix, as you heard. I can’t remember a whole lot for some reason. Last I remember, I was scouting for an archeologist client... I know I was considered a quite talented ranger, so they hired me to clear out the area from creatures, run of the mill stuff. I guess it didn’t go well for me to end up here.”
Desperately tries to remember more
“So, while I try to collect my thoughts, may I hear about you all?”
>>53984"Oh, you must have woken up down the hall. Nice to meet you. I'm guessing the Blue One gave you the quick run down.
I am Trumpaladin - paladin of Trump. I am here to spread the word of Football, liberate this world from tyranny and evil, and to make Port Barry - or Elway permitting, the world - Great Again. In another life I was a law enforcement officer and then briefly a politician, hoping to hold back the tides that threatened to drown civilization"
*goes to cosplay shoppe to buy thez a school girl outfit*
>>53986Yes, fine, they've built costumes for her before, they know her measurements.
>>53984"Oh I can give a quick run down.
I'm Torcuil, I got gud with meme-magic after living in a cave for years.
This one
*points to Trump* is Trumpaladin, local horsefucker and the guy who likes to assume he's in charge. Likes sportsball.
The blue one is Tracy, she's nice...
usually muh haggisNot here is the local minotaur. Large red fellow, called Infernuis. Apparently he has powers from some god, though I've never really seen him use them..."
>>53987*and then i bring my men their uniforms*
>>53982>>53983"Just drop Flashy off at Sparta before you go off to see the gnomes. It's just a couple hours detour by air."
>>53984"Do you hunt?" Tracy asks
>>53989But you didn't decide on which one! One was navy blue with brass buttons, one was gunmetal with black buttons,....
Torc can also give himself on demand brain aneurysms
Like so
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8ju_10NkGY>>53988Trumpaladin corrects a couple points
">good"
">assume"
">nice"
>>53984Trumpaladin adds that the Minotaur "He's a literal nazi"
>>53992Gunmetal with the black is the one i choose.
>>53994"You know, I would probably like you better as a toad."
>>53985“Very exciting. Is there much evil in this world to liberate us from?”
>>53988“Meme magic? I want to here more on this as time permits. Sounds impressive.”
>>53991“Yes. I love to hunt magical creatures especially. Timberwolves and the like can be a real burden to me and my clients. Best actively fix the problem before it starts.”
>>53998"Sure, I can give you quick example if you want sometime"
PRAISE EPONA AGAIN >>53996"A frog is your god right? I guess that's a complement"
>>53998"It's absolutely overrunning with it. And when you think you've killed it, you find out is has access to the same basic ressurection spells you do.... Do you like crusading, per chance?" Trumpaladin's eyes widen enthusiastically when this is said
\r
>>54000"Toads aren't frogs, dumbass"
>>54000>same spellsThez rolls olver, elsewhere, still clutching the Infernius plushie. "Kefka,..." she mutters
>>53998"Timber wolves, eh?" Tracy implores, seemingly interested
"Those things don't go down easily: You must be pretty decent if you hunt those for a living."
"How do you prefer to fight?" she asks, flashing a dagger
>>54002I go and get the suits thank Frenchy then bring them to my men.
>>53994“A nazi? Sounds cool. Can’t wait to meet him.”
Has no idea what one is
>>54000“I do seem to remember liking that. Fighting for that which is holy and righteous, the good stuff.”
>>54003“I personally like daggers as well”
Shows her his dagger
“I also build traps, why do all the fighting yourself when nature and machines can help you out?”
"Too bad Snek isn't here right now..."
>>54005*Eyes widen immensely*
"M-me too!"
Trumpaladin takes out his talking magicaly sword and holds him up in the air in a heroic pose
>>54006"Where is she?"
>>54005"I know my way around traps, although I find a certain gratification on landing the finishing shot myself." Tracy says twirling her dagger
"It does help when you're enemy can't move though."
>>54006That'd be the last of your worries if you let the >2 Int, arm-less animal drive the airship alone
>>54007"She? Oh, that. It wore off. He's watching the airship currently."
>>54008>14 intYou messed that up
[4d8 = 22]
[1d4 = 4]
[1d10 = 7]
Damn. Tracy, ur Ogre was a snake in the grass
>>54015My confusion overwhelms me
Trumpaladin has no idea what's going on, but he is ready "Come at me mother fucker!" Woo hoo!"
>>54013*ears perk*
"Sounds like one of the faggots got bored; the 'session' is in full effect. Get ready for one hell of a ride."
*draws sword*
Tracy gets:
2200 silver
400 gold
70 platinum
8000 copper
2 gems
2 art
1 item (??)
>>54018"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TRACY!"
Torc considers a moment, then grabs his Staff of Power, his gun, and activates the cuff of blinking or whatever it was
>>54019WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
>>54020That would be on the corpse of the ogre she happened to witness the owning of and take possession of the corpse which was surprisingly loaded
>>54025Ninja-sneak baller perhaps?
>>54018“I’m deeply confused. What faggot?”
Scans the room for intruders
>>54019#winning
Body-snatching ftw!
>>54027"Never mind." Tracy says, embarrassed at her ill-considered fourth-wall break.
>>54028It's only 700 gp equivalent, and you could have gotten all of it by just looting the corpse rather than taking the corpse itself
>>54029I didn't intend to loot it. Just took it because reasons.
The point being is that she made a considerable plunder without actually having to stab anything. She lucked-out.
“Well, back on topic a bit, what is this place? Just a hotel for the dead? Is there any other purpose for this building?”
>>54028lol its not meta its "breaking the 4th wall"!
>>54032"Why this is Trump Tower of course. The center of operations for the present party. It has been the center of operations for previous parties as well. It was here when I got here"
>>54027>hotel for the dead"You could call it that. Anyone who wakes up in that hallway can enter and leave this place freely. It's got quite a few facilities, especially for crafting." Tracy says, inspecting a double-ended swortsword.
Torc looks to be having a one sided conversation, except no one can here anything.
A minute or so later, Mr. Snek appears
>>54036>Torcuil is talking to himself for a few minutesKnowing Torcuil, they would think nothing of it
>>54034“I like the name. Has a great ring to it.”
>>54035Looks at the blade
“You got to teach me about crafting then sometime. I think I could cook up something useful if I just had the know-how”
>>54036Hardly surprised at someone appearing after all the strange happenings going on
“And who is this?”
>>54040Mr. Snek is not for sexual
>>54035"A few loosely-organised hooligans crash here for the most part until something big and scary comes to attack them.
You can find work in the Port outside, and the surrounding forests and mountains are rich with game of every size category.
All-in-all, it's pretty comfy, except when it's
not."
>>54042Snek-pone shall not be infringed
>>54041"Ah, this is Mr. Snek"
>blep"He's my... familiar I believe the term is... anyway, he's a big-ass snake."
And he's wearing a top hat
>>54044Talk shit, get bit
>>54045“I see. And is he sentient like us?”
>>54041Tracy smiles, showing off her ominously sharp teeth, at the mention of this.
"Oh this one?" she says, balancing the sword on one hoof with precarious dexterity
"It's a beast-bane sword. I made it for a creature I was tracking, in case he needed a little bit of 'convincing' in the custody dispute. Great weapon for a mare like me, who prefers fighting with multiple weapons."
She then lets out a sigh, dropping the sword and letting it sink into the stable's bedding
"However, it seems like that creature isn't in the area anymore, so it'll just g back on the pile of other never-used weapons. You can have it if you want." She says, a grimace of disappointment crossing her face as she recalls her endeavor that previous morning.
>>54047"Yeah, he's sentient. He can't talk, but he can do this"
Torc places his hand on Snek, and after some hissing on both sides Snek transforms into a staff in a flash of light.
"Pretty neat, eh?"
>>54047"Sort of." Tracy says, with a snicker
"He's mostly there to protect the wizards ass, because the scott is uber-squishy when it comes to physical combat."
>>54048“Isn’t in the area? Well, if you ever need to track down something, I’m more than happy to help.”
>>54049>>54050“Very neat. Does this come from that meme magic?”
>>54041"You said you did security work for archaeological teams? How comfortable are you in cities?"
>>54050"He has only half the magician's hit points. Protecting the Wizard is Infernius's and my job"
>>54052"I don't think you want to track what she is talking about..."
>>54050"Well, he's wiser than you"
>>54052"To be honest, IDK. My meme magic has become more...
stabilized recently. Tho I did whip a
demi?god's bitch ass with a single spell."
>>54052>meme magick"No, it comes from-"
*leans in close and whispers in the secret language of horse*
"virtual divegrass." >>54052"I know a thing or two about tracking, although I don't have very much experience."
>>54054"Well, that 'demi-god' is around if you want to demonstrate for him"
>>54053“I’ll be honest. I hate traveling to cities. It is very crowded. I might much more at home in the wild. However, no one said life would be a walk in the park. I do what has to be done. Did you have a plan for me to go there?”
>>54054 dubs, meme magic confirmed there are gods in this land to fight?
>>54059"Huh?"
>>54061"Yeah, he violated my NAP so I used my recreational McNuclear warheads on him"
>>54061"Well, most of the months I have been here have centered in the town just down the road. And most of the rest of that time has centered in a few other cities nearby on this continent. In fact, the dress wearing guy and myself were going to go to two distant cities...
But... do you like to hunt" Trumpaladin places extra emphasis on the next word "
dragons?"
>>54062"You know Kefka is alive. And you know the next time we see him, he'll be taking things more seriously"
Tracy grows seemingly impatient with standing in the stables for all this time with several people.
"I heard around town last week a rumor of persons disappearing around the lumber mill in the forest, so I thought I might investigate to make sure there isn't anything poaching Slovenia's slav- I mean well-treated employees. I'm heading out to the forest."
>>54064"No words to me? Well, go on then"
>>54063"HE'S ALIVE?"
Torc reeeees on the inside
>>54066"Yes. We heard him. An experienced cleric could have brought him back, and maybe they have the same resurrection technology we do. But he's back"
>>54066Yes. The party missed the drawn out cinema cuz GM was mad, but Kefka being alive was deliberately revealed
>>54067Torc is no longer reeee-ing on the inside
>>54063“I remember fighting a dragon, but not killing it. Never hunted them down either, are they a problem here?”
>>54067“And how dangerous is this god?”
>>54064“I wish you luck.”
Wishes he could come, but had a feeling he is not invited. And doesn’t want to get on her bad side pestering to join.
>>54070*looks back*
"Hey, you said you wanted to learn about crafting, right? There's someone at the mill you should probably meet.
Don't slow me down" Tracy says, as she makes her way towards the stairs.
>>54070"No. Except for one. Fuck her. Just.... I don't want to go into it. But we haven't met many yet. But I sort of want to.
He's not a 'god' and if these people ever met one they'd stop throwing around the term like it meant nothing. But he is insanely dangerous. Certainly as dangerous as all of us combined. He feels that existance has no meaning beyond what beauty there may be in destruction. He is an incredibly powerful arch mage. Be wary of him.
Yeah, she doesn't like anyone, or to do things with people..."
Trumpaladin hangs his head a little, seeming defeated
>>54068*dabs because bored and alone*
>>54072“Well, I will love to hear about about all of this, but I’m dying to see what this place looks like. I’m going with Tracy. See you guys later.”
>>54071Follows Tracy to the stairs.
>>54074"Now hold on. She's talking about a carpenter. Is carpentry what you're really interested in here?"
>>54076“And she mentioned a forest. That’s like my Trump Tower. I got to see how that is. Do you guys want to come along?”
>>54077"I just wanted... never mind"
>>54078“Wanted what? I’m listening”
>>54078Wasn't he going to go meet the Spartans?
>>54079"No, it's not you... But nice to meet you"
>>54081>9 strength >>54082“Nice to meet you too good sir.”
Does a salute and runs off after Tracy
>>54086Eh, whatever
>Torc faggot falls asleepAssume Torc and Snek get the ship ready to depart, and they leave whenever everone who wants to go is ready. Forst Spartan land, then gnome land
>>54087But I am a sorcerer
>>54086Most of your followers would be lvl 1. You'd only have a few lvl 4 followers, so it's not really humane to pit them against any PC character.
>>54087The spell telekinesis.
And unicorn's telekinesis isn't that strong. More like at-will Mage Hand.
*dabs on alll the npcs in town*
>>54090Your men should have their suits ordered by now. Was Infernius going to see the gnomes with Torc?
>>54085Tracy trots off towards the mill at the edge of the forest, with the stallion in tow.
>>54089Except that that's wrong, because they are level 5, and who knows what the Spartan Auxilaries are. But more to the point, it's a strength check, not a battle. And I think a level 1 fighter whatever could beat a high level wizard on that
>>54093>lvl 5How can
all of your followers be lvl 5?
>>54094Even at 25th leadership lvl, you only get two lvl 5 followers.
>>54094I think GM took the set of level 2s and let them level up, and more or less ignored the other followers. but whatever. Why are you
>>54084 >>54089 >>54094 arguing so pointlessly?
>>54096>arguingNot really an argument, just a thought of what it could've looked like when Torc threw him off the airship.
Is GM still here?
>>54097And no one is throwing any one off an airship because we haven't left yet
>>54095“So, who are we going to go see?”
>>54100Trumpaladin could have answered that better...
>>54099Shrugging
I guess they are about to leave then
*walks to airship defeated with the suits because i was unable to make it to police station*
>>54100"A unicorn. She's a carpenter who takes her work
very seriously; makes everything from furniture to siege equipment. She arrived here a couple months back, and has basically made the mill into her own little empire. She's a friend of mine, so I figured I'd check it out if anything's been causing trouble around her turf."
>>54102It's okay. Trumpaladin just wanted a hug... but never got one
>>54107"Aww... I love you. I can count on you. Do you want to go to Krenshall and our Sparintenar with us?"
>>54103“Think she will take a liking or disliking to me?”
>>54108"Yeah me want see gnome tech we need guns."
>>54109"Well, that's hard to say; she definitely likes lumber, so if you're willing to talk about that for three and a half hours, you'd probably hit off pretty well... The only thing I can say for sure is that when it comes to moving wood, she doesn't mess around.
She's the only one I know around here who spends so much time at the edge of the forest, so if you're looking for a hunting/trapping requisition she might know someone you could meet to find work or make a name for yourself."
>>54112Huh?
>>54113“Well, I’m willing to learn about lumber then. I need all the allies I can get if strange beings try to kill us for enjoyment.”
>>54112"Guns are super effective against no guns."
>>54114I'm not sure I want to say it aloud for fear of meta-gaming
>>54115*checks D&D weapons list for guns*
>>54114"Have you heard about our lord and savour Adolf Hitler?"
>>54117I thought your character was apart from mine, out of speaking range. If not:
“No. I haven’t. Who is that?”
>>54114Hopefully that strange being gets back before the other strange beings fall asleep"I'll warn 'ya: She can be a bit of a slave-driver when it comes to work. Otherwise, she's actually pretty polite."
>>54118"The greatest man to ever live! He was able to revive his dying country by kicking out all the (((parasites)))"
>>54116It doesn't need to be in the list gm said 5 months ago everything is a reference that can be used.
>>54119“Discipline does the body good. It’s worth the skills I need to learn.”
[spoilers] indeed, but if not, this has been great so far
>>54120“Sounds like a good guy. I know a thing or two about removing animal parasites, so he sounds kind of relatable.”
>>54122You know your getting tired when you fail spoilers. *facepalm*
>>54118"Since we're ignoring distance now, I'll say this. Don't get
too close to her"
>>54120"That's not how things went down in my timeline"
>>54121Yeah but that's overthrowing the game we've been playing for 5 months and replacing it with something different that we don't have developed metrics for
>>54124“I’m not sure I understand. To close to Tracy you mean?”
>>54124It only improves the game m8. I have a resource if you care.
>>54122"Unfortunately the (((parasites))) clansmen that was in other countries convinced the goy population to fight their brothers in Germany, and they committed atrocities to the german people."
>>54125Where swords are the main weapons and where guns, while present, are pretty limited in rate of fire or ammo
>>54126Trumpaladin now realizes the situation is more complex than he thought. "I meant Slovenia, the lovely carpenter. Or Regina, her true name"
>>54128“Ah, I see now. Look, I’m just going to get help. I like to be alone in the woods, I’m not after any ladies.”
>>54127Wow, the people should have exterminated the parasites before the problem got out of hand, huh?
>>54129"I see. Carry on then. I don't think she's as woodsie as the blue one has made her out to be though. Since I've been with her she's been either working in factories or with my guard operating artillery. I don't believe she goes out in the woods herself. But some of the men at the mill do. We had to rescue them from trolls once"
>>54129"Actually, come to think of it, I think I know the
perfect person for you. Someone who also spends most of her time in the woods and knows the creatures well. Who has a special connection with them.
She could tell you everything you want to know. You'll have to find her first. And she's a horse, like you"
>>54130"Yea your right. They should have. They kicked them out 109 times in history, the only way to fix the problem is exterminating them all"