ITT Roleplaying
Classic Tabletop D&D (3.5e mostly)
New players welcome, most especially our recent pony addition
Its always some level of nuts in this thread, and this moment does not disappoint.
All kinds of things have happened, the result of which is that with over a week passing in meat-space the party is still right where they left off at.
Tracy is venturing to the mountains with her floofy-faced, hutungous birbs in an oversided wagon, hoping to give them a chance to have a moment with their biological father.
Trump, for some reason, is quite butt-hurt by this. What? Its true,....
Thez is enjoying the first decent night's sleep in over a week, Infernius contemplates (((genocide))) (does it work in that context? I mean he's contemplating their genocide of course), and Torcuil learns that Death is a pretty cool chick with a morbid sense of humor in an absurd job that you wouldn't think is a job, but its literally a job. So yeah, next time he wants to hit her up, just blow ur brains out or something.
Last thread got to over 1800 posts <trumpet fanfare> but that shit is impossible on mobile and cumbersome at best otherwise so,....
1302 replies and 173 files omitted.
>>54338First of all, fuck you second of all hoe?
>>54335There's more than one design too. Figuring out the best configuration will require extensive testing, and will likely produce different types of ordinance depending on the need.
She really didn't appreciate the trebuchet failing to dent the Octahedron.
>>54339"Oh yes, that. Here," she leads him over to an oversized map located near the entrance to the mill.
"The thin traced line is the forest-area that our crews primarily operate. With the exception of one incident with some trolls, we've found this area to be particularly safe."
>>54343>5That's how Xp
[1d20+13 = 33]>>54340Leave this to the professionals.
Rolling to try and understand the basics of how the airship works.
>>54333Nice
>>54345e_e
~_~'
Okay. Torcuil understands the basics of how the airship works.
>>54348And that is?
And I don't mean "It flies and shit"
Upon returning to the tower, Tracy puts Shabby's stuff in a burlap sack, and ties up his body in a comfy chair at the entertron.
Then she revives him.
>>54350Is that gonna be our first domesticated monster?
>>54344“Alright. I don’t suppose there is anything I could keep a look out for to justify my trip in there?”
>>54344Oh no, that's not why I wish my character were there
>>54349Sigh. It works primarily off the properties of the float-stone, which is the part that looks like a balloon but is lumpy and not balloon-shaped, heavily layered with water/weather/damage-eliminating protection. The stone has a particular degree of weight that it counteracts. The wheel operates a series of wind-rudders, and the levers manipulate a series of counter-balances, which allow the ship to elevate or descend, while a pair of modified and exquisite Wind Fans control the propulsion.
>>54350Oh boy.
>>54352"Not that I know of. There was a dragon some time ago, but we're friends now and she relocated. You should be fine," she says.
[1d20 = 18]>>54336Rolling to develop Thousand-Swords Bulwark Martial Discipline.
>>54354Ayy that's exactly what I fucking wanted.
[1d20 = 11]
Rolling to develop new rule against "rolling to develop" cancer
>>54358Hey, mine was an engineering check
>>54356It's a maneuver: she and her allies gain the benefit of flanking for one round when an attack misses here.
>>54360So its essentially a counter-buff technique.
>>54354“I’m both relieved and disappointed.”
Chuckles a little
“I’m off to this... ælveheim, if I’m reading this map right.”
Lines up the map and checks the position of the sun
Heads off into the forest
>>54361Yes. When an enemy misses her, she strikes at the openings.
>>54361It's free sneak attack every time an opponent fails to land an attack
>>54359You're fine
>>54358Help! Im being oppressed!
>>54360Pardon. It's actually a stance.
>>54364>freeIt's a swift action to assume the stance.
>>54366It's free sneak attack during normal battle just cause something you'd expect to happen happens
>>54365Call this number if you feel like it is just too much.
1800 923-4357
It will be worth your while
I’m kidding >>54362Don't put
too much stock in the names, especially general geography names, but I get where you're indicating.
>>54366The stance makes sense, I just don't get why allies get flanking also
>>54371So, how does travel work when I’m wander into a strange place?
>>54372Generally I roll a few dice, check a few tables, and come up with a side-story. The area is already cleared, so there won't be any tribes of Orcs or nothing, but I'd pretty much come up with a context that depending on how it is responded to will determine the adversity, rewards/benefits/swag, and potential plot devices for later reference. As evidenced by Tracy's encounter, they will be plausible scenarios that are happening simultaneously and largely independent of Stix' actions, with the potential for no contact at all (which gets stealth Exp).
*wishes he had gone on the investigation adventure*
>>54371Not sure, but in context of that maneuver set it's inferred that allies would have to be in adjacent or threatened squares.
>>54374You're the one who wanted the Spartan side tour
>>54354"Onion?" Tracy offers, to the bound ogre.
>>54376Yeah, but I was expecting the others to do a better job of it
>>54375I'll tell you what. I checked that 18, so I won't allow her to learn
that specific stance, but I will allow her to learn something like it but not yet.
>>54377Oh yes. That. I get to role-play an ogre now. Oh wait, Tracy doesn't speak Giant-kin.
>>54378To be fair, airship trips are usually boring
"HOW'D YOU GET A ROYAL FLUSH? WE'RE PLAYING GO FISH"
>smug hiss [1d20+21 = 37]>>54379Ogres understand onions.
*gives onion*
Bluff check, to communicate simple message of "Onion?"
>>54381Wait, fucked that up. Can't use bluff that way it seems.
>>54381He's tied to the chair. And he's large size. An onion is kind of like a marble to him.
>>54383Tracy cuts the ogre loose because her faggot is feeling reckless.
She decides to have hunch.
>>54373Takes in the scenery and takes a deep breath
“This place may be some kind of purgatory, but it still looks nice.”
Continues to roam forward
>>54383Alright, let's get into this.
The airship flies low, and with great displays of the Trump coat of arms (a Dragonne carrying a Football of course) on the ship, so as to distinguish it from whoever the hell originally owned the Ship. Trumpaladin has the Spartans wave down gate keepers upon their arrival within range of the city
>>54387>>54386Unless Trump can stay for long enough to have lunch with pony
>>54388Seriously?
>>54384Seriously.
>>54385The initial landscape of the forest is moderately dense sections of thin trees, about 6" in diameter and 4' apart or less. There is an apparent foot path, but a number of animal trails as well, including what almost appear to be a trail of some sort of disorganized group of tiny feet.
>>54390Alright, what hath the Spartan Auxiliaries to say in approach to the city?
>>54390She relaxes and eats her lunch of ambiguous meat-stuffs, and sends shabby off with a bag of onions in his hand, unless he'd rather sit and eat with her.
>>54390Shrugs at the sight of tiny footprints
“Might as well follow this a bit.”
Keeps a look out for animals that may have caused this trail.
>>54393Before we continue, how experienced of a ranger is Stix? He has a dagger as I recall, any other weapons? We're getting to the part where that will be determined for certain.
>>54392Are you trolling me?
>>54394Well, I kind of just like the image of Tracy sitting back and eating lunch with an ogre. Same reason I had her revive the Fire Giants.
>>54394He also has a bow, but as you can imagine, it is not the easiest weapon for an earth pony to use. He mainly focuses on stealth to avoid direct encounters until a trap is set for his enemy.
>>54394Tracy gave him a double-ended bane shortsword when they met. It's for animals and magical beasts.
>>54396But I’m unfamiliar with D&D mechanics, do not sure how to describe the experience. He has been in the woods a lot, but never fought more than some tough magical creatures before.
>>54397Oh right, forgot about that.
>>54395>Fire GiantsI forgot about those. Ogres act differently under these circumstances than Fire Giants. The ogre snarls and grabs the end of the bag like an exceptionally crude flail.
>>54397wut?
>>54396K, I'm thinking 6th level then
>>54398As a Ranger, you can choose a combat style. You can choose better range combat, or specialized two-weapon fighting.
The double-weapon can count as two weapons on either end, so he could use it while we figure out what his preferred combat style is.
>inb4 Tracy is beaten with a sack of onions
>>54400She did back at the stables.
She made it in case daddybird needed a little extra "convincing", and the other end was in case she ever saw troll again.
>>54401Okay, seriously. Why did you not continue the investigation?
>>54405Mostly, because I thought that Tracy wouldn't really care what happened to some guy named Eric if nobody missed him. She mostly just went because she felt like seeing Slovenia.
[1d20 = 13]>>54405Because there were no leads, just contacts and interactions.
>>54404Ogre has a bag of layers. Roll for initiative.
"No Snek, you can't move your rook there. It's my turn anyway"
>>54402That's a beautiful mental image
>>54404Parfaits have layers, everybody likes parfaits.
>>54409>fumble on initiativeI'm not sure how to respond to that
>>54410It was at this moment Tracy knew,
she fucked up
>>54413Not any that a mare like Tracy would bother pursuing.
Fucking around with ogres and whatnot is more interesting to her.
>>54415Great. Just have her communicate everything to someone who
would bother pursuing
[1d20 = 18]>>54413??
>>54412I kinda want to give shabby an automatic hit for that. Let's see.
Oh, Tracy takes a bag of onions to the face. >_<
>>54420Layers upon layers of pain
>>54418[layered pony noises]
Tracy makes an "Ooof!" noise as the bag of layers smacks her where it hurts.
[1d20 = 16]
And Tracy is whonked for a total of 18 layers of damage in the face. Alright, first round, the ogre is doing a full round attack with the layers, so 3 attacks. Just kidding, its only one attack.
>>54423Is it bad I'm still chuckling at my own stupid joke?
I'm pretty sure Tracy's AC is 21 or more, so I think that was a miss.
>>54426No, it's hilarious
>>54427Tracy narrowly avoids the bag of layers and readies herself Dodge Shabby.
She draws a dagger from her quiver
Rolling to sunder bag of high-quality, organic, locally-grown layers.
She can't use that stance yet, can she? And so it came to pass we wuz Mormons n sheeit that Tracy was beaten upside the face with a bag full of layers. And the dice saw that it was good.
>>54429That lands. The bag tears open, spilling layers all over the ground. The ogre looks at the shrivelled bag and creams in rage.
>>54428Nah, at least you don't watch Behind the Meme
>>54432>creamsI don't think that's what you meant
>>54432Tracy shrugs at the sound.
"You shouldn't be playing with your food, big guy."
[1d20 = 13]>>54434kek, no
>>54435He's swinging an oversized fist
... and misses. Tracy still has dagger in hand, and its her move.
>>54437Cut up his precious onions.
His relations through layers will make him cry even more
>>54436Tracy flips on her Eyes of Doom on and uses their effect to casts Doom (DC 11) and she herself casts Cause Fear, on the ogre who is seemingly ignorant of the nutritious qualities of onions.
>>54438*cuts an onion*
>Still can't get over all the missed opportunities earlier
>>54439DC for her Cause Fear is 10, although all of her enemies take a -2 penalty on all saving throws 'cuz Aura of Despair
[scary pony noises]
[1d20+1 = 6]>>54439Especially raw onions.
Okay, the Death Gaze is a standard action, as is the fear effect, so only 1/round. Rolling to see if he died
>>54444>dem quads... I wan't meaninh to kill him.
>Death GazeI was using Doom: Causes enemy to become shaken...
Do the eyes of Doom have a Death Gaze Effect?
>>54444Quad of fours, Shabby is gone, but not from our hearts!
>>54446Oh, whoops, I was thinking Finger of Death for some reason.
Shabby is not kill, he's just hella shaken, cuz for a moment he really thought he was kill
>>54447We are gathered in the sight of God, to mourn the
second passing of Sir Shabby.
He was a good ogre, with plenty of layers. And he died as he lived, surrounded by onions.
F
>>54449Oh well, it would have been a good funeral...
>>54448That was close... you got to stop giving Shabby the finger, man...
Trumpaladin's faggot screams internally
>>54448Tracy looks Shabby dead in the eye, and pushes to him object with an ungodly look that passes beyond cultural borders
>'Eat the fucking onion!' >>54451You chose to ride the airship. You can take some boredom.
>>54453I like how the Arcane Sight would make her eyes glow slightly.
>>54455Double dubs speak the truth
But speaking of boredom, Stix is stuck wandering a forest with no idea if he has made it to his destination. Will this be the last of poor Stix?
>>54452Do I need to roll an intimidate check to make shabby eat the onions?
>>54457>Arcane SightStop pulling more shit out of your ass
>>54460It was one of the permanent spells she asked Torc to put on her.
Snek looks very smug as Torc flips a table. Fake paper money and cards fly everywhere, and some plastic houses hit Trump.
>>54458No, he started following a trail of gibberniggers. We'll get to that in a bit.
>>54452Ogre shakes his head fearfully
>>54461No, you don't just fucking have a thing because you think you asked for a permanent spell. You never asked for that, for one, it didn't happen, there'd be consequences, and GM never approved it
>>54464That sounds deadly to me.
>>54467Well I sure as shit don't. When did that allegedly happen?
>>54466That's not what they're called, that's what we've taken to calling them. Besides, Stix is completely unaware of that tidbit, that was just a teaser to the other players
>>54468When I wanted to shed levels, but then decided against it...
wait...
[1d20+4 = 7]>>54464Sense motive check, to try to figure out why this ill-guided ogre doesn't understand the glory of onions.
>>54471Onions are love, onions are life
>>54473And yet you still didn't get it
>>54473Get levels in cleric and make your god Onions>>54473Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I really want a bard level
>>54474*offers ogre-sized parfait*
Everyone like parfaits.
>>54477He doesn't seem interested in the parfait.
>>54479Hates onions and parfaits? What kind of monster is this?
Meanwhile, Trump, Torcuil, and all assembled arrive at Sparintenar to a massive fanfare. The Sparintenar group retire to their respective squads n shit, while Trump and Torcuil (and Infernius?) are give proper rooms to rest and retire before a phatty banquet.
>>54479>doesn't like parfaitWell wtf does he like then?!
Tracy appears greatly frustrated, and decides to leave the ogre to his own devices as she resumes her lonely lunch. She returns to the table in the mess hall to finish her mystery-meat sandwich, alone, again.
>>54482Well shit. Glad to see he is popular. Are Renquist or Baz around?
>>54480Ikr
He's too pathetic to kill.
>>54482>banquety
I just wanna go learn gnomish engineering
>>54483As Tracy sadly makes her way, the ogre takes the opportunity to run flailing out of the Tower and ff to parts unknown.
I am sad for Tracy, but it wasn't going to happen. The thing had 6 Int
>>54487Tracy summons a dire rat to eat with her.
>>54491
>both serial killers
I didn't know there was a competition.
>>54489Hey, where'd these feels come from?
>>54491"You didn't get told to "stay behind and watch the kids"
make sure nothing eats the port," Thez mutters to no-one in particular, re-entering the tower.
>>54495At least she got talked to...
Tracy decides to test out the goat figurines to see if one of them will eat lunch with her.
>>54497Only 2 remain. Torcuil took the one with the really long horns, and Thez took the wee one with little nub-horns. There's a large one with twisty horns, and a medium sized one with rams horns.
>>54498Did any of the Sparintenar soldiers have anything to say to Trumpaladin before entering the city?
[1d20+21 = 25]>>54498Use magick Device check, to figure out how to activate them.
>>54500That should be enough to activate blindly, iirc.
>>54502The one with the curly horns.
"So, a banquet? I thought you said I could just drop you off."
Snek slaps Torc for being a lil bitch
>>54503It has the word "Infuego" carved on the bottom
>>54505"Infuego!" Tracy says, hoping doll might respond to his name
>>54506At the speaking of its name, the statue crumbles, and instead a gaseous form coalesces, then shifts into a material form, and appears as a giant and ridiculously muscle-bound goat with steam drifting off of it.
https://youtu.be/Dp0Bt2cbcc8 >>54507Trumpaladin looks around for Baz or Rehnquist, and tells attendants so
>>54509I don't get it
>>54510Oh its not that bad, its just an ill-tempered nightmare-goat
>>54511>I don’t get itGoats are stereotyped in cartoons to eat tin cans
>>54511Goats chew on tin cans.
*offer head of lettuce as follow-up*
Does he appreciate the can, or is he like that autistic ogre who doesn't like parfait?
>>54515Fucking unappreciative ogres
>>54515Oh, he eats it. I don't get the meme, but he crunches the can up like cardboard.
>>54517M8 this is fucking pre-memes
>>54517Tracy puts on a look of satisfaction and gently pets the big goat on the head as she turns to the second figurine.
>>54519>Goats are allegedly indiscriminate eatersGoats will eat pretty much anything they can chew and swallow
>>54521She's not taking them, she's just eating lunch with them.
She chooses Infuego.
>>54521See you guys in 10 hours...
>>54521WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEB
>>54524See ya
>>54524>10 hoursDon't expect me until afternoon, and I'll be intermittently available
>>54525>>54526>>54527I was referring to the 10 hour video
>>54526You know it makes you giggle
>>54528>delayed kek>>54529I will admit, I do get a chuckle
https://youtu.be/eGslweDOihsOne of these days I'm gonna compile a 4chan's greatest hits playlist and force my coworkers to listen to it
>>54532Tracy activates the other goat and eats lunch with them.
>>54532>>54521I shall hold out indefinitely
>>54532I would die if you logged on one night and said that you did it
>>54533https://youtu.be/x6TCnh5B8-wAs Tracy activates the other statue, ambient music suddenly starts up. The Goat materializes very much like it appears in video, and behaves comparably, accompanied by the strange music.
>>54535My ninja-shitpost station is not complete yet
>>54537There's not too much to it. A burner "pay-as-you-go" internet phone account (card), a tethered laptop, and an extension cord running down under my machine. I gotta check fluid levels every 1/2 hour or so,....
>>54536Tracy, Impressed by his performance, offers the goat a tin can, and a parfait, which she also gives to Infuego.
What's this goat's name?
>>54541And that's a surprisingly fitting name given his actual abilities other than being loud and comically annoying