/ub/ - Überhengst

"What's this about? The white fang? Roman Torchwick?" Ruby yelled towards the heavy armored knight standing on the roof of the church.

The black metal helmet tilted to the side as the knight regarded her. Her white cape fluttered in the wind. Glowing, green smoke rose chinks in the knight's armor. Resting on the knight's shoulder, a black mace, longer than the knight was tall, and a with the same green gas exiting it's centerpiece. The knight wasn't very tall tough, and there were some signs that indicated femininity.

With the ease of lifting a long flyswatter, the knight lifts the mace off her shoulders and the lets it tip over. The mace goes straight through the roof but gets stuck half-way through it.

A loud bang assaulted Ruby's party and a rumble shook the building to the point that clouds of dust visibly appeared around it.

The knight spoke then, with a light voice but with a metallic clang and reverberation to it. It seemed like she struggled to speak, like it took a heavy toll on her.

"In the world beyond, blackened ichor filled a crumbling sky, as souls withered to nothing... Somehow, I refused to fade."

"Wha? What's so funny? You're delusional to the point of hopelessness if you think you can even fight us. You're surrounded, hello?" Weiss said with her lecturing tone that made Jun nostalgic for beacon, however, this version was laced with some degree of mockery.

The rest of team RWBY stood at the ready with their weapons out, aimed at her. It was like a class reunion with team her own old team, JNPR was there as well. Along the others, where Penny, Oscar, and Qrow.

Weiss was right, in a way, she was cornered. Normally, they'd have no problem dispatching her.

>>7968
However...

Jun moved her hand into her cloak's inner pocket. The reaction was immediate. Those that had it, transformed their weapons into their gun-mode and took aim at her.

"Hey, bitch! Who told you could move. Don't. Fuckin'. Test me," Yang said, her purple eyes turned red as she sent Jun a steely glare.

Jun took a quick breath and lifted both her hands up in the air. There was a pause and when Jun felt that they were satisfied with her having her hands up, her eyes shut and small smile crept up on her features.

"You know. I think you want what I have in pocket," Jun said while giving Yang a challenging look.

Yang gazed her darkly then in a blink of an eye, she propelled herself forward via her shotgun gauntlets and was on Jun in the next blink.

Jun didn't even managed to throw up her arms to protect herself before Yang knocked her off her feet and slammed her into the ground with the help of her significantly bigger body mass.

>>7969
The stone floor hurt her head as it touchdown on it. It bounce up again only to be pummeled back down again by Yang's mechanical fist. Jun's gaze drew '8's over the stalagmite covered cave ceiling. Despite her enormous aura protecting her from most damage, it still felt like the floor had cracked open the back of her head and set it on fire. Her limbs spasmed as she curled in on herself.

"Ahh," she groaned.

But the onslaught of punches had just begun. Yang buried her human fist in Jun's belly leaving a red mark on her pale skin. Yang pulled Jun up by her cloak's collar, pulled back her iron fist, and then threw a cross straight into Jun's chest. Jun tumbled in the air as she flew, skipping across the cavern's floor until she slid to a stop, several yards away.

Jun licked her underlip. It confirmed it. Yang's fist had cracked it and she could feel a small track of blood pool into her mouth but also going down her chin. Her jaw ached so much it felt heavy.

>>7970
But despite the surging through her body, she a smirk sneaked its way to her features. She could feel it. Lying there on her stomach, she felt the lamp push against her chest.

She pushed the torso up and sat, kinda both on her butt and on her knees. She beamed at Yang while her head swayed.

"Heh-*cough cough*" Jun began but got interrupted as she cough up blood. She wiped the blood off her chin with her hand. "Oh, Yang."

She inhaled and exhaled a few times. Yang frowned at her but just stood there.

"This is why everyone keeps there distance from you, you know? No one wants to be on the receiving end of one of your tantrums," Jun said.

Yang's skin between her eyebrows crinkled and she displayed her top row of teeth. She swung her arm in the air, her eyes flash red for a second, and opened her mouth as to yell something but then... stopped. She cast her gaze to the floor. When she spoke, she did so with a velvet touch but somehow her voice still carried far.

High-heel boots of glass clacked against the marble floor in the giant halls of the Schnee mansion. The wearer, Weiss Schnee, walked upright and with each step place after another on a line as if she balanced across a chasm on rope. Overlapping a matrix pattern in cyan which in turn lie on the white wallpaper of the hall, there was a pattern of slithering and looping flower stalks with purple petals in the shape of bells. The row of crystal chandeliers cast many lights causing her shadow to split into three whenever she walked underneath one. She passed a family portrait and stopped. She touched it with a hand. Then she walked so fast her shoes her shoes twanged.

She turned a corner and meet a portly man. He wore a laurel wreath of orange hair with an opening for his glimmering forehead. Under his button of a nose, a mustache too flight, soft like the paw of a rabbit.

"Klein, are the charges set," she asked.

He gave her a dour look but nodded.

>me trying to describe the image attached

The mansion stood on a man-made platform on the very edge of the coastline. It about four floors high, give or take, and it had an intricate, asymmetric design for it's architecture. On a subconscious level, it kinda reminded one of a pyramid, with how the it stood on a few layers of platforms stack on top of each other like a tower of pancakes that progressively got smaller and smaller. It stood on at least two platforms but potentially more as the backside of the mansion seemed to have been elevated. Three balconies, the highest one lead down into the next via a bending a staircase of stone, this continued till you came to a pool of the most realest tealest water. One side of the mansion, was built in different shades of tan bricks and that side had sharp edges and corners while the other half of the mansion had like three towers merged into another with round walls that were in white. The roof panels were grey and a few orange chimney rose up, about five.

Preening

Preening in pegasus society is an act that doesn't really have a good equivalent among the other pony races, sort of. What so strange about that act is that it is interpreted differently depending on what the relationship between the two parties are. For example, in human society, a kiss with the use of the tongue is an act of more lustful nature between a pair of lovers. A mother's kiss on top of their child's head in human society just an indication of motherly affection. Now what preening is, is that, imagine a human mother kissing their own child on the lips in public and no one bats an eye. However, if two lovers were to do the same, then the same mother might just walk about to them and yell at them to consider that there are children here. She might even get a standing ovation from nearby pegasi (They clap their wings together. It's cute^^), that is what pegasi society is like with the act of preening. It's the same act but depending on the parties involved, it's completely normal or extremely lewd and even in some cases, obscene.

Example of obscene case: Fat-phobia

Pegasi dislikes fat pegasi. Other races can be as obese as they want but not their own kind. If you preen a fat pegasi's wings, that's like making out with a turd or something. So if you want to be hated in pegasi society, you know what to do.

>"Why are you weighing down are clouds, asshole!"

>>7999
>preening
HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>8000
Can you tell me, an absolute normalfag if you also get trips for zeros? Like, should I check you now?

Otherwise, thank you for reading. ^^ And plz dont die of heatstroke.

>>8001
Yes, goose-eggs are also neato

>>7999
Free Fall Birth

Due to the daredevil nature of pegasi and the fact that they can fly, free-falling as an has through pegasi history just been stacking on more and more associations and myths around it. At this point, it's basically the coolest thing a pegasi can do. It's borderline a science how they measure awesomeness when it comes to free falling. Basically, it's all about being as close to hit the ground but escape as late as possible by taking flight again. Many pegasi has died over the years trying to perfect this art so despite it being in depicted in so many different genres of pegasi art-pieces, free falling too close to the ground is illegal, except for the Wonderbolts, in Cloudsdale and in other pegasi cities. Pegasi do it anyway, though.

Free fall birth is another outlawed practice. The pagan gang of pegasi have their mares give birth off clouds, as in, the mares squirts out their baby off a cloud, the umbilical core snaps off, and their dad dives down after them. They believe the blessings of the elemental magic of air will be stronger, with all that entails, for the foal if the dad saves his foal as late as possible.

Plucked Clean

Has the death penalty among pegasi. It can only be done for medical reasons and with consent of the patient, otherwise it's a crime. There is no greater humiliation for a pegasi than to have their feathers ripped away from them. One feather, completely normal, but having all of them plucked, that is pure evil in the eyes of pegasi and they see red.

Gift Feather

If a pegasi walks plucks on of their own feathers and gives it to you, right then and there, that transaltes to, "You are my soulmate, nest with me for as long as Cloudsdale still drifts in the sky."(Pegasi assume that Cloudsdale will always stand.)

Drifting

Pegasi have the supernatural ability to go into hibernation whenever they want. They usually do this by finding a small, stray, loner cloud that's on a pilgrimage or just wanders the havens and connect with it before burrowing into it. During this period they go into a low-energy mode and excrement and pee and such is simply emptied during the drift. This hibernation lasts till something wakes the pegasi be it hunger or a very loud sound.

Many pegasi believe that they gained this ability as a gift that's passed down the generations. This belief is based on a story about a pegasi who competed against a the fastest flying creature in the world: The phoenix, and kept on losing. In the end, the phoenix made the pegasi drift with it's magic because it pitied the pegasus, Storm Razor, for all the pain she put herself through as she trained to beat the bird.

>>8003
Clouds

Clouds in equestria are alive and belong to the family of slimes. When clouds rain, the drops, may, contain non-binary seeds that when mixed with another or several other seeds on the ground turn into a cloud slime core. This core holds a lot of water and lay dormant until heat starts to evaporate the water inside of the core, then it hatches into a wisp, the smallest type of cloud slime.

Clouds and Age

Younger clouds are smaller and more mischievous/scared while older ones are slow to barely moving and calm and collected. Clouds age with heat so if there's a lot of heat they get both a lot of energy but they also age faster. In colder climates they age slower but they also move and thin slower too. When clouds die, they rain and the cycle begins a new. hmmm... also two clouds can merged into a bigger one and if a small part of it becomes thundercloud, then they all do that and die/rain. hmmm... Probably, yes

The bullhead's terminal beeped it's warning signal that the aircraft was being shot at. Jun flipped it of with slap of her back hand on the tiny lever. Jun's hand then joined her other hand again on the control stick as she maneuvered the bullhead like seamstress might thread a needle through a velveteen fabric, well as close to that as she one could with a clumsy vehicle like a bullhead. How did she managed this though, she wasn't even a fully trained pilot. No, but she all her senses and decision making were enforced as she had submerged herself with the magic of Remnant. Letting it flow through her.

Salem pointed up with one of her chalk white fingers. A small smile adored her features as her eyelids dropped halfway to shutting.

Jun's eyebrows rose. She looked back and scanned the interior of the ship for an item among the mess of tools they were carrying with them. There she found it.

A long chain dressed in a sock of rough fabric. She looped it around the metal bar that held up the pilot seat and secured it before passing in over her shoulders, through her crotch, and around her waist and tying it till it creaked.

She switched on autopilot and ran to the back. She flipped off the protective shell for big, round red button and slammed it. A new loud noise made it's entrance as a red light began to circle the room like a shark. The bullhead's loading area's door slowly opened as two pistons, one on each of it's sides pushed it away, making it curve downward around it's axis.

The door opened to reveal the horizon with a forest far down on the bottom half and a blue sky with some clouds high above but also fighter planes pursuing them, right behind them.

The fighter planes fire off a volley of teal energy blasts smashing into the green hexagonal shield bubble that appeared right on impact with the blasts only to disappear right after.

Jun put on some goggle, letting the strap snap into the back of her head as he released it.

Jun pulled out her sword from her scabbard and then used the other hand to grabbed onto the top of door frame. She pulled herself up and over the edge and in the same motion she stabbed the into the roof of the bullhead.

She would continue to crawl across the roof of the bullhead that was essentially a wind tunnel with how fast they were going, while they were being fired on by their pursuers. The shield would eventually give in so she had to do this fast to get back into the pilot seat in order to dodge the shots. She would continuously use the her sword as a climbing pick and re-hack it into the roof having moved a small distance forward and stapled herself to the roof by holding onto some nook or cranny of the cumbersome aircraft.

She climbed a bit before she stabbed her sword deep into the roof with a 'tchink' sound following it. She had made sure to stab the sword so it's blade sank into the roof across it rather than along it. She took some of her chain rope and looped it around the sword. Then she climbed onto her feet using on hand to hold the now tense rope-chain. Using her other hand, she

hehe right her sword is in the roof so how can she transform it into handcanon mode now?

>>7997
Not bad. It could be better.
Try to describe pictures Attached.

>>8006
>pic 2
Buttsex

>>8005
Regardless, the scene is that she stands on the roof of the aircraft and fire her handcanon. It sends a off a teal energy blasts that ascends and pierce the havens for a bit before it hits a bomb falling towards them-

Wouldn't the fighter planes back off before this bomb is drop so they are not cut in the blast radius ?

Regardless, her shot and the bomb meet and huge explosion occurs far up in sky above them. It's cool.

anyway...
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>>8006
Pic 3

A bimbofied Luna Lovegood It's probably the french contestant I think, actually but whatever. swam about twenty yards deep in the school's lake among a forest of long, green water plant stalks. They waved in the waters. Bimbofied was the word; Luna Lovegood had taken one of Professor Snape's love potions and mixed with with some troll seed, which in turn had transformed her. Her lips had become fish lips or like two fat snails mating with each other. Her breasts feel out from her chest like waterfall but then curved back up again to form the nipple. They had an almost perfect shape, but their nipples didn't point to the sides but straight ahead so

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pic 1

Spazz Mad-tye-cuzz, the skin and bones wizard, lead his new found friend, the barbarian Greg Hack up along the path to his home in the sky.

They had sieged a mountain to get to this point and now they stood at the a cliff. Off the cliff, in the very air before them, was a staircase of sort of varying sizes of landmass floated in the air. From small pebbles to boulders to what looked like if a giant had dug into the earth and pulled out some the size of a house. From these huge pieces roots, rocks, and clay-like dirt clad it's underside meanwhile vegetation from grass and moss to even trees cover the top-side. At the half-way point, there was even a pond which water seemed to be infinite since the water fell off the its platform in small waterfall.

"Be careful where you step, my friend," Spazz said and tapped a floating rock with his staff. " See this grass and moss, especially the moss? Quite slippery in the morning with all the dew."

The trip up here had been exhausting enough for Greg. He weigh almost five hundred pounds and his equipment wasn't light either so despite them taking the long way up the mountain instead of climbing it for his sake, he was still dead tired. He panted loudly and his eyes peered up at the house on the highest floating landmass. They were so close yet he wasn't certain he was in the right mindset to walk the last percarious part; walking on rocks the size of his shoes below a chasm was probably something one should do at their best.

He was not at his bess right now so the choice was obvious.

A mighty slap was heard behind Spazz and he whirled on himself. Grag had fisted his other palm.

"Let's do this," Greg said and started walking towards the cliff's edge.

"Ah, I thought we might at least take a break here. I could get us some tea time, I just grab the supplies from my house and-"
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>Not bad. It could be better.
You don't have to do this, but as always any input is good. Could you elaborate on what I could improve on? Absolutely no pressure on this tho.

>>8006
pic 4

The ghost-white light of the moon cut into the laboratory from a round window. The concentration of the weave was so strong small balls of it merged and floated in the air. They were made visible as they reflected the light of the moon.

The laboratory's to two alchemists, master Weissenberg and apprentice Yesy Inkem, had made preparation all day as their current concoction needed moonlight as it's reaction's catalyst.

They stood at a completely cluttered 'L' shaped bench but with enough organization to the chaos that one could find the right item by just glancing up. The items on the desk were everything from all kinds of glass containers to more metallic utensil-like tools to straight up tomes.

Some of the glass containers had stickers in the shape of skulls attached to them, indicating their lethality. One contained eyeballs with blue irises perhaps even humaniod-sized. Few of the containers were just pure liquid and many had strong colors like, green, red, and purple.

A pile of white dust and a much smaller pile of shave off red devil fruit peel lie on silver plate nearby Yesy's workspace. Weisenberg had been crushing them in a mortar earlier. Other tools like the a specially made pair of pliers, a slicer to peel red devil fruit, and corkscrew lie on the their workspace.

The tomes lay in pile on their desk. Each at least three inches thick. Each had a fancy binding and in fancy color like purple or green. Yessy was browsing one a the moment. The pages had the coloration you'd expect it to get from someone drenching it in coffee. The pages had the text with font-size of half an ant and columns filled with pictures of different herbs.

>>8008
>Could you elaborate on what I could improve on?
Also, you wrote, "Not bad." What did I do good?

A river, several yards wide, split the city of Venarty in two. Not even a ripple disturbed its surface. The river's mirror-like reflection duplicated everything above the river to be below it as well. That happened to the limestone bridge crossing it.

The bridge had on pillar in the middle of it and then two perfect half-circle arches on either side of it formed the shape of the bridge's underside but due to the reflection they looked more like a pair of drilled holes into a wall of limestone. Statues of men sat perched in small holes along the side of the bridge, one on either side of the water and one in the pillar, in the middle. A long, red plant grew off the solid stone railing of the bridge and cascaded down towards the waters like long hair. More of this red plants could be found floating in the river.

The sun had just risen and it only cast its light on the buildings on one side of the bridge while the other remained in shadow. A rowboat stood docked on the more sunny-side though, it still lay in shadow as the sun had not climbed that high yet. The owner had docked the rowboat next to long staircase, short steps but long in distanced.

I let myself use more 'be-verbs' this time since it's much easier for me to write that way. I wanna switch between focusing on it and not so that I don't ruin writing for myself by putting the bar for what I write beyond what I can expect from myself.

-------------------------------------------

By the curves you could tell that the assassin was a woman. While not voluptuous, she had an hourglass figure if only due to her thine waist. But her face was obscured by both black face mask that covered her nose and mouth and a bit over-sized hoodie. The hoodie had some cool looking flame-but-not-really motifs emerging in red from its hem that went along with the rest of the black fabric. The hoodie transitioned into what was almost like a cape but it was more like to scarfs hung after her.

She also wore corset with a bust size that was relatively modest consider her strong curves. They athletic curves anyway, if that makes any sense. The corset was locked in place at the front, over the stomach, via two silver bars that attached to their own pair of silver locking mechanisms. The corset had an open section, by design, at the side the stomach area that was only tied together by crossing leather straps. Anyway, the bottom silver locking-bar had been removed and revealed her skin-tight stomach and her small navel.

She wore a mini-shirt that split into two parts: One front part that was a rectangle piece of also black fabric, and the back was a longer, regular skirt that dragged on behind her. In the gap between the two pieces one could see a bit of her underwear cling to her leg.

She revealed a lot of skin over her upper-thighs but lower than that she wore some long as socks that really looked more like she'd taken a black ribbon and spun it around her leg till it looked like one. Her right had a straps around the sock for an arrow quiver.

The socks had holes in them over on the top side of her feet and she wore black monotone, sleek heels, that were quiet thick.

Her hands had also weird mummified clothes to them, kinda like gloves. One of her hands grasped an arrow, one of four in the quiver, and the other held a crossbow aimed into the ground. Tied to the end of the crossbow and looped around her wrist as a rope and around it there was an ring made out amber.

>>8014
This is AI

>>8015
>AI
I don't follow. What do you mean?

A distant roared turned into a nearby shriek that abruptly stopped.

Every time Summer Rose blinked, everything changed but also not. She felt heavy and the sky? Was in midnight blue so she almost thought she was at the bottom of the ocean. Her body, the landscape around her, and whatever it was that filled the sky were all blurry silhouettes.

Certain realizations pumped pure ice into her heart, well as much as she could realize as her head spun and she struggled to focus. Realizations that, she had just of baking cookies for her family and extended family but now, only one girl remained. Was this girl- Ruby Rose, my daughter, she reminded herself with fiercely. -her only family, but that didn't make any sense, she even remembered that she explicitly invited her extended family as well. Was she being self-depricating because she only had one daughter in her family. But who was her father. Was she adopted? No, she knew she wasn't she remember giving birth... To a.. Baby. Hmm, was this girl the same person as that infant from that memory?

Both had silver eyes, right?

Yes?

Yes.

Yes!

It was. That was her daughter.

Wait, what did she just realize..?

Right, her daughter is... Was... Ruby Rose.... Or Ruby Ose? Pose?

Ruby.

Ruby.

She wanted to remember that, however she feared she might forget. Actually, she knew there was no hope, was there? She would forget it.

I don't want to...

She felt... Sleepy.

I will... I can... I want... ... ... I can't.

"I'm sorry, Ruby," she managed to groan out.

Suddenly, she felt herself sinking and the world grew darker still.

"Ruby."

Unbeknownst to Summer, her silver irises were slowly replaced by grass green color seeping in and spreading out.

Ruby, she thought one last time before she was competently engulfed by the darkness.

The world beyond didn't have time so that world was simply no more and never was as in this new world turquoise pyre burned.

----------------------------------------------

"Revenant, the search for the relic can wait. Find and capture the girl that did this to Cinder, alive," said a quite beautiful voice despite it coming from the very queen of monsters: Salem.

The Revenant she was referring to sat among the rest of her top servants, excluding ancient grim, that sat at the table.

Revenant was short and had clear curves, indicating that 'it' was a her. She wore a black armor with a white cloak over he shoulders. A helmet obscured her face. A green ponytail sprouted out on the back of the helmet. Out of the holes of the eyes, turquoise flames crawled out.

She nodded.

-----------------------------

Team RJNR entered anCould I not have a 'the' here instead of an 'an'? I ponder this because 'the' is for identifying and now it just a general one but we could say that it's a a specific one just that the reader doesn't understand the context. But then there is no reason not to have 'a' instead, I guess, since it's more general. abandon town. They walked through empty alleyways, expecting grim to jump out at them or, honestly people, despite knowing better. It was probably due to it being a town and they were so used to associating it with a public place that to have one with nobody around was strange and a bit unnerving. They entered an area with no buildings but still surrounded by buildings and just pavement.

I think I wanna try to cut out words like, 'then', 'suddenly', etc. cuz I think they serve no real purpose or that they impact is lost on overuse? I don't know. Just testing is all. Then they she it, As the they got closer to the center of the open area, even the fog that blanketed the town could not stop them from seeing a human figure standing in the center. It looked at them.

They stopped.

>>8017
>A distant roared turned into a nearby shriek that abruptly stopped.
>>8016
Thats what I mean

>>8017
>A distant roared turned into a nearby shriek that abruptly stopped
Perhaps
>A distant SOUND roared, turnING SWIFTLY to a nearby shriek BEFORE stoppING ABRUPTLY.

edits in caps

Her shadow lingered behind on the walls even after she move out of the light of the streetlamps. She, like all of her kind, stalked the night and could only deal with artificial light, least she be burned to dust by the sun. Her shadow was less like shadow and more like cloud of darkness or bundle of touchy tentacles or hands, eager to feel and linger on every thing she passed.

She polished her right fang with her tongue. It ached.

Her bloodline's magic was shadow manipulation.

When she walked into an unlit back-alley, she'd no problem seeing due to her slit eyes despite bring enough darkness to turn the back-alley into a cave.

Not only did her blood art enable her to manipulate her shadow but it also enabled her move quicker in darkness; like a going down stream, she flew through the zigzagged maze of alley ways. Her tiny, cute nose picked up a trail and she immediately, pursued it.

She went from lightning speed to complete stop in the snap between fingers. The air she carried, loudly blew in her ear as it passed her, making her cloak, the trash in the corridor between buildings, and the unkempt grey beard of the homeless man flutter in the wind.

She glared down at him, who with newly awoken, wide eyes searched in the darkness for her. She clicked her tongue.

This man smelled like shit. No, she realized and glanced bitterly at a trashcan, the smell emanated from the bin.

She heard a hiss and a cry of pain.

A cat, who seemed to have laid in the lap of the homeless man, looked straight at her in the dark while arching its back, fattening its tail, and clutching the man's leg with its claws. Then, it took off.

She had been here before. While this man moved his sleeping spot around, he kept coming back here to this network of alley ways that she always used to, well anywhere that she cared about. It was a logistics issue. Her safe-house, or home, and the few places she frequented had this labyrinthine between them.

"Are you there, vampire?" the man asked as he searched with his hand in the air for anyone.

She had never answered him before. In fact, the first time she woke him up, he'd looked beyond scared. The second time, she remembered his teeth clattered. After that he didn't show up again for a like a few months. Then he returned. This time, he had, with a painful grimace, tilted his head to the side to reveal his neck. After she had just left him, there like the other times; he had gotten more and more bold.

She sighed and scratched her neck with her sharp nails.

"Yes, human," she said.

She kinda regretted the words as she said them. Not because she really disagreed, or did she? But more so because they weren't her words but just what she felt was expected of her to say as a fledgling in vampire society.

Like, she said that but part of her had to do a double-take, wasn't she human before realizing that, no, she wasn't anymore.

The man had been stunned for a while, almost as if he had not expected an answer and certainly, not one that confirmed his suspicions.

Then he chuckled.

"Eheh heh heh, ah' heard ya' bats could herd shadows like a shepherd can wit' 'em sheep. Cuz' this here be blacker than a nigg-er!"

A dour smile crept onto her lips.

She knew a past version of herself, her human-self, would have told them man to not use the n-word and now, the very idea made her drown in guilt. She was a murderer. One of her first feedings had gone wrong and she had ended up draining the man dry.

This feeling or thing kept reoccurring. Now, that she was a vampire, so many things she now viewed from a different light. Polite human society got really mad over bad words while she move around in their metaphorical sewers, encountering the very worst they had to offer. Maybe it wasn't right to compare but it was hard for her to care about bad words after all the darkness she had already witnessed.

Despite this emotional numbness she felt, she still felt for the victims in every bad encounter however, she feared that this was just a passing thing. She knew of vampires felt nothing for the suffering of others, especially her sire, who cared nothing for anyone but herself.

In a way, this homeless man and her were the same, despite her not really wanting to have anything in common with a man that wallowed in his own filth. They were outsiders now. Unable to truly become a part of society again.

The contours of shadows and the man's limited night vision returned again, indicating that the vampire had left the man.

>>8018
I'm not certain what you're saying but I will assume that your implying that my writing is AI-generated. Well, I guess I can't convince you otherwise but I think I do things that AI probably doesn't and also I feel like I have a distinct writing style that people can recognize.

<A distant roared turned into a nearby shriek that abruptly stopped.
My grammar can be meh at times is my excuse for this.

>>8019
Thanks for the advice. I'll try to proofread more, I think. ^^

>>8023
Same anon for both. I wonder if you are writing in english entirely or if there may be sections youre writing in another language and then attempting to translate

>>8024
> I wonder if you are writing in English entirely or if there may be sections youre writing in another language and then attempting to translate.
You're right in that English is indeed my second language. I'm the sven guy. And it's former alternative that is correct. I write this entirely in English from scratch to finished "product". All the awkwardness is just me not really knowing how to handle the language as well as someone who has it as their first-language.

Thanks again for the feedback. I really I'm gonna try to proofread my texts, at least once before posting.

I know it's annoying to read something and suddenly the sentence just breaks down. Kinda immersion breaking.

Story inspired by this story: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/323460/1/burning-land-and-stormy-seas/chapter-1
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Pokémon unknown. Pokémon un- chirped the robotic voice of Crystal's pokéDex before it was cut off.

She quickly pressed down on the mute button on the device. Her eyes went wide as a saucers, Nice. A unique description never seen before. she swallowed, tensed her body to the point of bursting in an effort to not make any hasty moves, and most importantly, loud noises.

She was on her knees, hidden behind long blades of grass that swayed in the wind. She peered up at the unknown pokémon who snoozed cutely on an elevated rock.

Every time it exhaled a snore, its unkempt black hair would pendulum swing away only to fall back into overshadowing its up-side-down, baby-shark fin of a muzzle. It was like a ponyta with shorter legs, with a black mane and tail instead of blazing flames, and green fur instead of vanilla-white. Two things stood out as strange about it to Crystal. On its flank, the fur's coloration shifted in such a way that it formed a black question mark and despite the ears and nose and other ponyta-like features, the face looked eerily human. It was rounder and not as long as ponyta's was.

Crystal adjusted her white, inflated cap by the brim and moved one of her midnight blue pigtails back behind her ear. Her hand went down the left side of the buckle of her belt where three red and white pokéballs hung to the belt. However, she stopped and just hovered them for a moment before her hand crept into her open handbag on the ground from which she had previously retrieved her pokéDex. She fished up a small pokéball; like the others, the size was that of a big pearl; but unlike the others one half of it was light blue instead of red and had two red 'fins' attached to the blue half, looking almost like ears to the ball. She tapped the center button of the ball once and it expanded in her hand until it essentially filled it. She pulled her ball carrying arm back and used the fingers of the other to aim with, and threw.

She held her breath as the ball seem to painfully slowly travel in an arc in the air. However, while she didn't want to jinx it, the trajectory held true. *Bonk.* The ball bounced off the head of the pokemon. It woke up with a cry of pain and confusion before it was drenched in a waterfall of white light being barfed up by the pokéball that opened up. The pokémon disappeared in all the light and as if caught in it like a fishnet, it, along with the almost physical light, was pulled inside the ball. The pokéball snapped shut as the ponyta-light pokemon, now inside it, made it roll from side to side like a love-sick moe character worrying in her bed. The pokeball ceased it's rolling and stopped before shaking a few times before stopping.

Crystal's mouth opened and she stood on her toes by the sheer tension she felt. She felt ready to fist-pump any moment now as fast as she heard the bell sound that indicated a successful catch. One she had heard twice before.

Sadly, for her, that's not what happened: The ball turned into a mini frag grande as the ball cracked an the jagged pieces shot out in every direction.

--------------------------------
>Be Anon filly.
>Be dumped off in the middle of nowhere, with only plants and trees as far as the eye could see.
>You, who had just learned to cope with not having a penis and living with Twilight Spergle as your mother.
>Well, as much as one could expect you to deal with it.
>At first, you thought you were the next victim of one of Rainbow Dash's hilarious pranks; then you encounter the first, among many to come, strange creatures.
>That's when you remember the failed ritual and being hit by a blinding spell. Another creative stroke of genius on my part. This plot device is solely mine. Plz, do not steal.

>>8025
Gasp! Sven? Inconceivable!
Srsly tho, of course it's you, lol
>I know it's annoying to read something and suddenly the sentence just breaks down. Kinda immersion breaking.
Your english is really good, don't get it wrong. Most of the time it's fine and the errors are of the sort that native english writers make and are easy to properly correct mentally. This gets extra marks because native english writers should know better, while you're dealing with a handicap.
The problem occurs where like you describe, the sentence breaks down. The words you will use will be slightly off of 4 moderately different phrases. Or the words will be out of place enough that it becomes hard to determine what you meant to depict. Losing the ability to visualize the story makes it difficult to determine how to offer suggestions of how to do it better. This isn't putting it on you, I appreciate what you're doing and want to be more helpful

>>8022
As she passed, the light from a nearby lamp post was dismissed, almost as if someone had just grabbed hold of the light and tossed it aside. It happened gradually, going from one side of the post to the other as she passed it and the light also returned in the same gradual manner.

It felt like she was an octopus or spider, or something. Like she there were invisible limbs that walked where she walked and ran where she ran, that reach out ahead of her to block out any light. However, that wasn't true because her sire had told her that the rays of the sun would tear through her shadow magic like tissue paper in the paws of a mole.

She heard the clangs of a metal roof behind her being stroke by a rapid succession of foot steps. She threw a glance behind her. It was the black one. She should have lost her tail by now, but somehow the black one kept track of her despite her shadow.

Even before when her shadow hadn't cut off some streetlight, which even she realized would be a big tell on where she went, and she had passed through a dark alley, that one specifically had kept sight of her.

How?

Maybe the young huntress, or huntress-in-training, or whatever, was just really adapt at strengthening her senses with aura, or maybe in the same vein, dark-vision was her semblance. Or maybe the answer was in the opposite direction, perhaps she had some sort of Atlas-tech, perhaps glasses with infra-red vision? But if so, why didn't the white one have it as well, she looked like she just stepped off the boat from Atlas.

That's when she remembered Tipsy, the brown-orange-striped cat, that kept the Alec, the homeless man, company whenever she visit. Even in when engulfed deep in her shadow, the cat had seen her. Slit eyes. Animal eyes. Faunas.

The black one was a faunas. She had to be. They could see in the dark.

She smacked her lips in frustration. The fact that she was a weak fledgling shone through again, as she knew her bloodlines magic could trick even the eyes of both animals and faunas alike. She was just bad.

Another thing that bothered her, was that they kept up. As she peer back again, she saw a whirling burst of wind carrying red petals barreling down behind the black one onto the metal roof with a *katang*, then she heard the yellow one's gauntlets and saw their explosive bangs light up the dark night sky, and last and least she saw the white one looking like she ice-skated down the alleyway behind her with the aid of her summoned glyphs.

What bothered her more than the fact that they were hunting her, was that they were right in doing so. She had failed again to stop her feeding in time and another one had died. This was her third now. Her third kill. First time, she had been devastated over the lose of life, this time she was more angry at herself for not just withdrawing her fangs. It really shouldn't be this hard to stop. That's what she always thought before and after a feeding.

She licked her fangs.

But it tasted too good in the moment.

So she couldn't even blame them for hunting her but she also felt that she couldn't be blamed either for running. She didn't wanna be hurt either.

She was a vampire now. The wolf ate the sheep. The sheep hid behind the shepherd. The shepherd killed the wolf. The cycle of life and death. Was there morality in this?

She told herself things like that a lot these days.

It kept off the guilt she felt but she wasn't sure if she even wanted to believe in the things she told herself.

She didn't know what was right but she was too afraid to to face judgement regardless.

*Bang!* *Bang!* *Bang*!

Three powerful shots tore through her shadow; the bullets drilled into her darkness, forming holes like that in Swiss cheese. She threw her gaze back over her shoulder and saw the little girl in red, taking a knee with her weapon in gun-mode, which seemed to be a sniper in her case. Smoke exited the muzzle of the gun and began its ascent to the stars. Her huge red cloak billowed behind her, still dealing with the leftover air turbulence that she had arrived with.

Due to her semblance that let her burst into a turbulent wind of rose petals before reassembling again, she was the fast one but stay behind the black one in order to keep track of where she was. If she could lose the black one, the rest of the team would be lost too. And as luck would have it, such an opportunity just arose.

A bit ahead of her, there was a crossroad with cars and such with a few paths to take, but one was a narrow alleyway without any signs of light in it whatsoever. If it was dark enough, then her speed would be great enough to cut ahead. It only needed to be long as well to truly lose her pursuers.

>>8027
>Srsly tho, of course it's you, lol
^^
>Your english is really good, don't get it wrong.
Aww, thank you.
> Or the words will be out of place enough that it becomes hard to determine what you meant to depict. Losing the ability to visualize the story makes it difficult to determine how to offer suggestions of how to do it better.
Thank you. That's a good point.
I think it happens when I can visualize something clearly in my head with a lot of details and I either can't describe it well or I there is so much I want to mention that the sentences become wordy and unclear.
How can I remedy this problem?
>The words you will use will be slightly off of 4 moderately different phrases.
Could you elaborate this point? I don't get it.

>>8029
>I think it happens when I can visualize something clearly in my head with a lot of details and I either can't describe it well or I there is so much
Sheeit, man. Mah brain be as big as mah dick foo.

>>8030
>>8029
Well if the problem could be said to have been a lack of precision with English your most recent posts have been immaculate (to the point of making one doubt youre esl)

Inspiration from link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Uq9p5q88Hg

Also first image is the reference I used for the glasses.
------------------------------

A few lines of silver clouds drifted by the full moon as it hung ten O'clock over the sea. A pillar of white light had been drawn across the water's surface right under the moon. It's edge blurry due to the wind carrying in waves to the harbor of the capital city of Vale, also known as Unithaf.

On a thin, offshoot tail of land, in the distance but in the same direction as the moon, stood a tall lighthouse, beaming a from-side-to-side waving spotlight out over the dark ocean. At the opposite direction, a bunch of buoys and other lights blinked and otherwise lit up a long pier for ships and boats.

However, the large ship near the lighthouse was going to the other port the harbor had, which made sense since that carrier was too big to port at the nearby pier.

She exhaled a sigh in relief at this. She didn't want to be bothered now and she had been worried, since she didn't know anything about in- and out-going traffic for the harbor. She was compromised, at the moment.

Well, then again, her sire's friend, Emery Snout, the nickname that the press had given him and he; probably in glee, she guessed; quickly adopted, was probably causing mayhem at this very moment. It was unlikely, hunters would spared to chase her while he went on a killing spree.

She knew this because: She had poured both him and her sire drinks while wearing her maid's outfit this evening. Wine for her master's cocktail glass and whiskey for the shot. Then she had stood attention in almost two hours, in between them about a meter away from their tiny rectangular glass table. Her sire had been leaning back in her armchair while Emery had slouched and rested his feet on nearby foot stool.

Only a few things had been said to her during the entire evening:

"Hey, Dooka, was'it? Word around town says you killed a little boy." - A hand like a fan with rough nails and curly black hair on it's backside, had given her a thumbs up.- "Heh, good going kid. Ugh, don't like 'em un-dead preachers. Makes my skin crawl, heh heh, more than usual I mean," Emery had said.

"Dooka! ... Good. ... You may speak now," her sire had scolded.

"My fledgling was a bit of a rebel at first you see. She even ran away. Then one day, I wake up to news about a child, savagely murdered. And guess, who shows up on my doorstep the very next evening. Askin' her mama to take her back, which I did with open wings," her sire had sing-songed out.

"Tch, don't cry, kid. The wolf donth cry over his meal... That reminds me. Ugh... As always, Liz', it was a good time. But I gotta practice howling for the show," Emery had said

"Ha, I'm sure you needn't practice. Your aria will grabbed the morning headlines with gusto, Alfred," Madame E'Lizbone had said.

"Ugh, Liz'. Not my name. The kiiid," Alfred, also known as, Emery Snout, had whined as he had gestured towards you and climbed out of his chair.

Then he had left in his tattered clothes.

"Doka? ... With the exception of you talking out of turn. You were [i]this" -Her sire had squashed an invisible grape between her thumb and pointer finger.- "close my dear for a perfect grade, yet you stumbled at the finish line? Hmm, oh well. ... No no, you did well. And you do deserve credit for that my pet." -She had caressed Doka's cheek tenderly while giving her loving gaze. Then she broke it.- "However make sure to remember that when we visit the Celler next week, I have meeting I wish you to accompany me to with a certain, Sir MacDingeson. Please, make sure to only speak once I've give permission, or others... Might talk. ... Anyway, as you probably could tell, Alfred will be out hunting tonight, so I suggest you stay out of his way, pet. He is not himself during the full-moon," her dame had said before leaving her to clean up.[/i]

It put things in perspective for her, Doka. Back when she was human she had worried about being in the bad parts of the city for many reasons but one of them had been because the Emery Snout, the werewolf, would sometimes show up on the streets of Sewter and go on killing spree. Now, he was just another guest for her to service while living in the nest, as it was called.

She had used this to her advantage though, she had use the distraction to hunt herself.

That was why a bone pale old lady laid strewn on the tarmac just a bit away from her.

She still felt bad and... Doka was happy about that. She wanted to still feel bad about this yet, she couldn't help but notice how much easier it had been compared to the other times.

One some level she had accepted it now. She just couldn't resist killing her victim when she feed for some reason. Perhaps she, was the truly evil one, after all this time of thinking that the residence of the dark world were the callous ones, she trumps them all by being sadistic.

Last one, she had given up. She really tried not kill that one, that man, but her lust for blood had won out in the end. If she just had a small sip of it, it was like she wasn't herself anymore. After a long inner debate, she had successfully justified sucking him dry.

It was weird, it was as if her mind knew exactly to the millimeter when one of her victim was empty of blood. She felt that other vampires were different, or perhaps, it was because she was still new. However, unlike, the darkies at the Celler, which she visited once when following along her sire on business, she hated wasting blood. She hated them. She'd been so frustrated there, at the time. Boiling, in fact. She wanted to believe it was because of the gore and blood splatter and maybe it partly was but she had to admit, what made her most angry was that they wasted... Tasty blood.

>>8032

Anyway, the man she killed about two weeks ago from now, had been the last drop. She'd given up on, or tried to stop worrying about it, controlling her urge and had just decided kill someone on purpose this time. She'd had kidnapped an older woman with a with skin like a turtle pulling it's head back into it's shell. The logic that she had used to rationalize it was that she wouldn't live much longer anyway. It worked, for a while.

But looking at her body now and thinking back at her own lost grandma, made her sick to her core.

Are there no humans I can kill without this..? Doka wondered as she bend forward and grabbed her t-shirt over her chest with both hands.

>>8031
Thanks a ton. That makes me happy.

>>8032
I improved a paragraph with the intention of having that change be there before posting it but it seems the change didn't go through somehow.

Here's the version I somehow didn't post which makes me wonder if some other part is also wrong but it doesn't seem so:

>"Oh, my childe was a little rebel at first, you see. She even ran away from home. Then one day, I wake up to news about a child, savagely murdered. And guess who shows up on my doorstep the very next evening. Askin' her mama to take her back, which I did with open wings," her sire had sing-songed out.

Madoka savored the blood by rolling it around her mouth with her tongue and moaned through a closed mouth her bliss. She inhaled so much her lungs became balloons before she released it all. She felt dizzy but in pleased way. With her eyes closed, she danced down the cobblestone streets of Unithaf, the capital city of Vale with drunk movements. Each of her steps cross the previous one. Her path slithered like a snake as she leaned one way before abruptly steered herself the other just to keep herself onto the pavement.

"Hmmmmmph! Iee!" she said through a closed mouth before she smacked her lips loudly. "Ohh-grh"

Her moan turned into a growl and a perverted grin stretched out her features.

The streets went downhill from here, not that she could see the bottom as fog made the lower streets seem to be situated next to some sort of giant spider burrow. The sun only shot a few rays over the horizon-trench, which painted the top floors of tall buildings in an orange hue. It was bright enough for the streetlights to all shut down in an automated fashion.

Madoka loved how Alpawnse's blood was so yummy. Alchemical Romance was such a nice store. Madoka wasn't sure what the ancient one, Jeanette, made her blood-servants do to make their blood like this. Madoka had seen how human drunkards walked and the similarity between her gait and theirs wasn't lost on her.

Madoka figured that their blood's exquisite taste must come from some sort of mixture between diet, hydration, health, age, sex, blood type, and blood sugar levels in the human specimen. It was an art and Jeanette had perfected it over her hundreds of years of living. Madoka even had to book her appointment ahead of time as blood tasted differently depending on how far away the human's last meal had been.

She knew the list of things to improve a human's blood's taste mattered to her at least and most of the other vampires she had spoken to on the subject seemed to agreed. For example, she could barely drink blood of the zero type and it seemed most other vampire, along with her, disliked blood from an old person. Passed fifty, she preferred sink her fangs into someone else neck.

She felt disoriented but euphoric at the same time. She needed to get home to her nest before she accidentally encountered any hunters in this state. She would be easy prey for them right now.

So... Where was she?

She looked around before she found a pole with sign on it. She swaggered over to it and peered up. It read, "From Dust Till Dawn," and pointed downhill.

That told Madoka... Nothing.

"Tch."

Maybe, the cashier can give me directions.

She--//-- I abruptly stop here.
I had a nightmare that, while not directly, inspired a story. Then, I realized, "Hey, it's Halloween we don't really celebrate it here soon. Could change it to pony and post on the board." So while this might be discontinued, I might write that story to the main board. We'll see.

Viewer descresion adviced: Spoiler is my ideas for a comming story I intent to write for the board.
You can choose to read it but then you probably be spoiled if you intent to read that story later if it happens. But it's up to you.
I also don't care for grammar here or even speeling so spoiler is just ideas and nothing more.


So Anonymous grew up as the son of Twilight Sparkle in this story. (Maybe he arrived as Anonfilly and eventually he convinced Twilight that he indeed was a being called a human and she transformed him back into his original body.)

The point with this story is that due to Anon's incredible charm, which we establish early in the story, he charms "the pone-thing" after the establishing prologue for all this relationships while it's disguised as some random pony. He defends "the pone-thing"'s right to exist, it's like some hidden facility he learns of it or whatever. And it proceeds to become every single pony he interacts with from there on which later on is the reveal. There should be tells in these scenes that tell the reader that this is the case, probably pretty obvious ones too, but it shouldn't be revealed yet before the very end.

One tell is that he is visting some ponies that are like three in the family and he only ever encounters one of them. The thing mimics their voice and walks partly behinda door to extenda limb far back before it turns into a mout that shouts the mimic voice a conversation.

One of his friends that always has like smell candles doesn't use htem and more because they are afraid of fire.

There is less and less ponies around until he is running through the streets of Canterlot on an evening on their mainstreets. (maybe he lives on the farm with AJ as gf so he belives some ridiciousl story of excuse by the thing-twi.)

MAybe the end is that he runs to Princess Celestia and tells her that he believes the thing has killed and replaced everyone but then is Celestia even princess now, yes cuz I dont car for twi princess. Anyway, she slowly reveals her to be the thing to and then goes I ate your friends brain so tI can be any of your friends. But while I cant place it it feels very cliche. Perhaps

Perhaps a more eerie conclusion to the story wouldbe to have him not even realize what is happening but the read those an it ends with him taking a nape while winona the dog sleeps on his chest and then it ends on her licking her lips with a grin or something.

Wait, the thing is gonna eat anon now after all this effort, remind me to catch a dunesprace only to release it afterwards.

Maybe its how she enjoys doing things. Or maybe-

Regardless, I like the idea that Anon doesn't realize (the pone-thing, tpt) is doing this and.

Perhaps tpt doesn't get AJ much at all, perhaps AJ is drunk on cider and tpt cant handle cider as well as Aj or something so when she drinks it she cant roleplay as AJ well so she just says "yall yall yall" on repeat.

"Ha ha ha, I love your southern drawl. So quaint!" .t Anon.

I like the idea that Anon and AJ would have a kid together like a foal but would that jjust be another anonfilyl aslo feel like it would be almost too dark wierdly enough. Like it's okay to kill everyone he loves and so on but killing his child nad wearing her face that's where I draw the line, like whats up with me but I kinda feel like thats how I feel ithink

More tells...hmm....

Doesnt like fire
Takes time to go through the memories of the vicim so it has a hard time to rp its victims early after consuming them
Personality that controls a another character shines through despite having to rp that chararter. So Since tpt likes Anon, ponies like harshwhinny that thinks Anon is annoying due to his sloppiness or something start to act kindly towards him and maybe even apologize and berate herself, "I cant imagine your merciful for not just killing me on the spot for my disgusting ways" hashwinney said Anon scratch his neck, "Yeah, I wouldnt go that far. I am a bit of a lazy ass so its kidna fair." "But I was still sucha vile g´cunt speaking of wich if there is any way to repay you for this thats not of the table " ha ha so original

But yeah this is a good idea that the main struggle for the thing is genuinely roleplay the characters it takes over since it likes anon and wnats to in the moment be liked by ANon wait

What if Twilight talks to him and since tpt noticed that Anon notice that her latest characters had been- -wait

if winona licks her mouth is that a double entenders in this context since it could mean she inteds to eat him but asl o some more lewd. haha thats pretty good toh

but back to the before- -notice character been off and so she starts to play them more acurately and then play Twi who is Anons mom and does act like a nagging mom to him and then Anon in return gets mad andtells the thing that he is soon thrity, or grown ass man, and that she needs to stop and since he is actually talking to the thing she will weridly back off because she doesn't want Anon to shout at her. haha

Perhaps instead of Aj he is with Rarity and he has to totally go through a huge rigamarole with like rose petals and taking her out on a resturant and all that to get to sex her despite them being together but then the thing wants to have sex with him immidately so maybe I can do something with the role reversal or something.

Wait, he dates Rarity but Twilight acts as his mom? Kinky. ha ha ha Im just too good

>>8040
Btw, that last img, yeah I deleted that from my pc. It creeps me out.

>>8040
Yh, I feel too much emotional resistance towards the idea of continuing this. Perhaps, I'll finish this idea in time for Halloween, perhaps not. But right now, I wanna focus on smaller things, like writing excerpts and also, writing more of those brainstorming episodes were I plan or come up with ideas for, a story. So it wasn't a waste, I discovered that I kinda like making up ideas for things and writing them down like this.

--------------------------------------------------------

I'm gonna use spoilers as comments. Here I'll detail what my intentions were with what I write. It will be highly irregular thing but maybe it will be useful.

So first one: I wanted to incorporate summaries into my writing more because while "show don't tell" is a rule that I got drilled into my head years ago when I first started doing this from internet gurus, I have come to think that telling has it's place in fiction. So, while I'll keep my "showing" style writing, I'll speed certain sections of the story up that I find not as interesting to show the more interesting parts instead. I think this is referred to as pacing.

>>8038

Madoka had gotten directions from the grey hair man with a workshop apron handling the dust store in the early hours. She followed them as best as she could in her state. As she had passed hunters' weapon store, not intentionally mind you, and once she realized what kind of store was to her right, she was in a real hurry to leave. That's why she jumped when a stranger put their hand on her shoulder. The red hooded stranger, who introduced themselves as Ruby Rose, asked if she needed help. After some hesitation on Madoka's part, a grin appeared on this Ruby Rose's pearly white face. She was black haired, short with silver eyes. The sized calmed Madoka down somewhat. She couldn't be huntress. She was just some teenager. Then again...

Ruby as it turned out, had seen the way she carried herself or rather how she did not and wanted to help. She was surprised to see someone her own age drunk and wasn't a fan. Telling her something about how drinking wasn't "cool" at all and that due to her uncle, or whatever, she had seen what damage alcohol could do.

Madoka only further agitated the girl by giggling at her speech. Madoka just found the line, "Drinking isn't cool despite what other girls our age might claim." Specifically, she found the phrase, "our age," to be quite funny being almost a half-millennia and all.

However, Ruby pouted and threaten to leave her to her fate so that she might learn not to redo it. She quickly went back on that though as leaving someone young, drunk, lost in Unithaf was something she simply couldn't abide by anyway.

Ruby had grabbed Madoka's hand and lead her away from the store. Madoka had giggled and made a sarcastic comment: "My hero." Ruby had ignored her and had looked ahead with a determined if a bit deadpanned look on her face. This only invigorated Madoka's teasing.

But Madoka had never really had much of a sadistic streak and while much had changed since her un-death, she still preferred to make friends by being kind so the teasing ceased. After a long pause, their conversation took on friendlier and lighter tone if a bit languid in its pacing. It had begun after Madoka had thanked her for her help. Because despite it all, Ruby had in fact been a big help. Madoka didn't know her way around Unithaf, having had her nest for almost two-hundr... Maybe it was less than that but yeah, years in Kuroyuri. She just wasn't used to navigate unknown streets anymore.

Welp, this kinda became some sort of middle thing between summarizing events for sake of pacing and describing a scene.

>>8042
The pair sat on a park bench. Madoka could still eat ice cream as a vampire but over the years her taste had diminished to the point that she couldn't tell the different flavors of the three different colored balls in her cone. She assumed the pink one was strawberry while the green was pear and the brown was chocolate, however they all taste the same intensity of sweet to her. Human food was nothing next to their blood. She had discovered this lately, having spent a lot of time with Ruby since she meet her, three days ago, this weekend. During this time a desire, which she hadn't ever felt the need to indulged in before, had risen.

It started on the day they meet. The fact that Ruby followed her home to make sure she made it there on a random morning was proof enough that she was a good person. On the next day, Saturday she had arrived at Madoka's doorstep at noon. Apparently, her family was just visiting Unithaf and her big sister, Yang had left for something and so had her dad, leaving her alone with her drunk Uncle. However, consider they had a good time yesterday Ruby had left a note that she was going out, as he had a hangover at the time, and had come to visit her. That's when she learned about her interest in all things hunters, with a particular interest in weapon-smithing. Madoka realized then, that this one would be quite the competent huntress if she let her become one. The next day Madoka had invited Ruby over herself. This time her sister had chaperoned her there and invited herself into Madoka's apartment. Madoka had to pretend to be the age she looked and told them that her parents paid for the apartment while she studied here in Unithaf. She told them she was seventeen only to get away with how she had been "drunk" first time Ruby and she had meet. Yang was a tall blonde that while nice Madoka could sense be quite confrontational. Yang had stayed the whole day with them to Madoka's dismay while she hadn't shown it. It seemed that not only had Madoka passed the scary-man-looking-to-kidnap-her-sister test or whatever, but apparently Yang had grown to like her as well. Yang had left with the proclamation that there were no danger in Ruby spending time with her. While Madoka agreed that she wouldn't harm Ruby, she knew they wouldn't agree if they only knew. This day, Ruby had arrived apologizing on her sister's behalf since she had been preoccupied. Ruby had told her that this would be the last day they could meet since they would move home to Patch soon, though she'd like to keep in contact through letters and such.

Part of me wants to switch out the vampire stuff with witch stuff and say that humans/faunas that haven't had their aura released kinda go through another type of transformation that invert their aura, like aura, a force field, inverted into a inside-out sock, kinda. The idea is that they do magic but pay by needing to refill on souls like the vampires need blood and such but I haven't decided yet.

Well, this put pressure on Madoka to decide on what to do quickly. She wanted to take her but should she? She needed to know more.

"Ruby, what would you do if you had eternal life?" Madoka asked weakly while looking away with her gaze directed down the street.

"Hmm?" Ruby mumbled with a mouth filled with ice cream. She chewed, swallowed, winch to a little bit of brain-freeze before she wiped her lips with the back of her hand. "Ehh, well that came out of nowhere. What's this about, 'Doka?"

Part of Madoka wanted to play it off as just a silly question but she didn't. This was the question.

"Just answer." She still looked away from Ruby.

"Well, I don't know. Probably, what I'd do anyway. Why do wanna know so much?" she asked sounding a bit agitated at the end.

Madoka looked forward and nodded slowly as if tasting the answer.

"I think that's... Yeah. I like that answer. I like that answer a lot." She paused. "Okay."

Madoka pushed the bottom point of the ice-cream cone in between one of the cracks of the boards in the park bench, making it to stay upright there before she lifted her rump and scuttled closer.

// Alt. 1
She turned around with her head bent forward so that her pink hair obscured her face. She placed both her hands on top of Ruby's nearest leg. She didn't grabbed the leg just touching Ruby as to keep her sort of anchored there. Behind her curtain of hair, she felt how her fangs protruded out under her upper lip.

"Ruby... I... I think I want to share eternity with you," Madoka said, she then pulled her hair way with her right hand and pulled her gaze up to meet Ruby's.

The first facial expression Madoka saw was the one that she'd thought Ruby had worn when she spoke, a puzzled look, it was quickly replaced as Ruby's eyes zeroed in on her fangs. She slowly but certainty started to tremble. She seem to slowly realize what position she had found herself in but she seem almost unable to fathom it. She broke the eye contact to look around her but to no avail. There was nobody in sight, something Madoka had made sure to checked before asking her question. The place was also secluded.

...

// Alt. 2

Madoka bit herself in the tongue. Blood poured down from the corner of her lip. She forcefully kissed Ruby. Ruby began to convulse in the next moment. Only one drop of vampire blood was enough to transform a human.

>>8048
Carry on, you're doing well.
But while reading, when I first saw image one my brain went into meme-mode, inserting a <to be continued and applying all sorts of context where the red chick lept away from the main group and "this" is the cameraman's last photo

The main reason I'm so adamant about being a writer is my vivid imagination. Maybe I'm not rare in this and most people do something similar but I have impromptu imagination session were I get lost in my own head, watching scenes I make up on the fly. However, usually these scenes are not the ones that I write down because of some reason I can't put my finger on. They, imo, are better than what I usually write but I never write them. While I'm not saying that if I did, I blow everybody out the waters, I do want to remedy this.

This is an attempt of writing down the key points of such a session that I had today.

So not sure what I will go through first with my idea and so I'll just tell it in a random order.

There are two main characters Lynn and Ween. Lynn is from a low-income family while Ween's dad is the CEO of an industry in Johto that makes the majority of the pokéballs in that region but also in Kanto. Yeah, this is set in pokémon, its highly inspired by another fanfic on fanfiction dot net called, "Clear Skies Ahead," I think. (No, it was called, "Clear Skies Above," https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12594149/1/Clear-Skies-Above ).

I like the basis of the story but felt that one, the interesting conflict between Lyn and Blaze or whatever his name was, it was sometime ago I read it, wasn't as nuanced as it need to be. I feel like, if you want one side to be the hero, don't set up the other as a main character option. This is not a hard rule mind you, just if you do, you probably want to be careful with the implementation.

Lyn, while capable, actually comes off as a aloof and arrogant, imo. Almost Mary sue-ish in that, while a bit earned cause she, unlike other Mary sues, wins her battles by actually using her wits.

The story focuses a lot on bringing in rich characters and presenting them as pompous and arrogant but also incompetent. I'm sure you can imagine, as this is not new in fiction.

While I don't know if this was the writer setting up some interesting twist where he addresses the fact that Lyn herself is, in fact not perfect and also make our rich boy Raze or Blaze or whatever, heh heh, I was close. His name is Faze. But anyway, make our rich boy one show that, he is not an ass despite being rich, crazy stuff, and/or that money can actually buy you stuff like education which probably will make you not incompetent.

That last part is a bit addressed in the story though since there is like different ways of becoming an official trainer and some rich folks sign up for one that basically is worse than the more public version because these ones just tricks them off their money, apparently.

And I feel like here we come to my main problem that I have with this story that I otherwise enjoy, Lyn is the one who explains this to us when she is talking to one of these rich boys. She basically states that; while having no reason to know any of this outside of having been told by someone else that this is how it is, that this rich boy, not Faze this time though; that he is being tricked off his money because he can't hack it in the public sector.

This makes me not like her character because the story essentially then proves her right. Why? How does she know this? I mean, I know there are charlatans out there, so I wouldn't be against this being the reality in the story but that fact that she knows this pisses me off to the point that I wish that the rich snobs would enslave all of these fucks who think chicken nuggies classify as dinner.

And so, why even make your rival/villain-kinda sympathetic if he is just gonna be a punching bag? To be fair, there were some nuance here and there, considering the scene with Whitney and the story was discontinued so there is a very real possibility that, Lyn's worldview would be challenged and that Faze would get some love, but it is what it is.

The second problem is that there are too many subplots in the story. To some degree this makes the world feel lived in, on the other hand, they seem somewhat disconnected from everything else. Like Lyn hates her dad and there is some family drama there but it's not clear how that effects her. Is this why she's such a sauerkraut all the time? I don't know. Despite this she has a lot of people that seem to like her. And there is this subplot with her sister and her being an e-celeb streamer. Is this a shout out? Maybe I'll catch her bathtub steam later but otherwise, who cares? It has no real impact, imo, on the rest of the story. I guess the last chapter has her beating a guy in battle on stream so maybe that would go somewhere.

So I feel like these things would be cut since they don't tie into the core of what this story is about.

And to me the story is about two things. The pokémon setting has always been torn in two direction, it's both competitive with all its battles but there is also the pet aspect as you take care and love your pet, in this case pokémon. I felt if it would be interesting if Lyn was still an exceptional trainer, for battling, but didn't lacked the skills needed to show others, humans or pokémon the love and care they needed. While not abusive, she sees her pokémon more as a means to and end, in her case, fame and fortune. She dislikes rich people more due to jealousy than anything else. She copes with the idea that she's better than them because she will get it through hard work not just be gifted it.

In all of this, she still has a family and friends that love her, maybe I'll keep the conflict with her dad but even in the original she was liked by most of the characters she knew but she doesn't really doesn't really realize or value that as much as she should.

Ween should be the opposite. As trainer she gives her pokémon love and attention but she sucks at battling. She is rich but her family is distant and she has no friends.

>>8051
A bit of tangent here but I like the idea that Ween has given her pokémon nicknames, which you can do in the games and usually is done in nuzlockes, to make you bond with them a bit more so when they die it hurts more, yeah, something Lyn hasn't done. While the main story will be different, the first chapter or scene where Lyn and Faze meet for the first time will be similar just that I'll replace Faze with my OC Ween. There she will also be forced to use her strongest pokémon she got because she's rich, it's hard without explaining the context, regardless this one she has no nickname for yet, so it's just called by it's name, "Heracross." The point is that our girl Ween has gone out of her way to find someone who can teach it falseswipe before she got here. A move, that in the games will always leave the attacked pokémon at at least one health point. This is beause she realized that if she used it's more signature move megahorn she could actually kill another trainers pokémon in this setting. This shows how she cares about others and their pokémon.

>>8049
Hehe, yh I can see the potential.

Thanks for reading it means a lot to me.

>>8053
Anytime fren!