/sp/ - Football

>>4087
Atlas, stop

You know what goes great with being zald? The Denver Broncos.

Denver Broncos are the best footballing team ever. There is no one on earth who can do footballs as good as the Denver Broncos. Many others have tried and failed to be as football. You think you can football like these guys? Heh, get in line, cuck. You'd need to get up about 12 hours earlier and spend all morning and all afternoon being football to football like the kings of football, the Denver Broncos.

Seriously, faggot. If footballing was the olympics these guys would be like the John Elway of football olympics. The Denver Broncos are the alpha and the omega of all footballs, the footballs that came first and last and shall be evermore the football. They own footballs now and forever. Footballs.

t. Denver Broncos.

I think that Denver Broncos are going to be footballs for all time. You know how many quarterbacks the Denver Broncos are going to have? Well I'll tell you: ALL OF THEM. They are going to have so many footballs they are going to have to open new football rooms in space just to hold all the footballs and also they will have free parking for the quarterbacks.

If I were the Denver Broncos I would do nothing except rub chili sauce all over my butthole and think about how much football I am. God bless American.

Peyton Manning had all the footballs once, but eventually he gave them away. They floated off into space and eventually collided and became the big bang, and that created John Elway who was the birth-giver of all footballs and also the Denver Broncos.

But first he had to pass the test to become football. Test was very simple: John elway must stand before God and American and testify to Congress that footballs were all his, and he did and then he also fought the manticore and that was pretty rad too. Then he got all the footballs which were his to begin with and put them in space for them to become the big bang and make all the footballs again for all time. God bless Peyton Manning and God bless American. Footballs.

The New England Patriots were Patriots of football before there was football, in the time long ago when footballs were not yet in space. But then Tom Brady was made emperor of all the footballs and gave the footballs to John Elway who sent them into space to become football for all time. And so it was that there was now football.

But not always were there footballs, for some there were no footballs. Those without footballs did not have footballs and thus were not American. But then American came forth and Abe Lincoln freed the slaves which was probably a mistake but he made up for it by becoming a football and punting himself to John Elway who caught him and sent him to space to relieve Tom Brady of all his footballs so Tom Brady could go home to his kids.

Then there were the Denver Broncos, and football was for all time.

The Denver Broncos cannot be joined, the Denver Broncos join you. They take all the footballs and splice them together with genetics to make John Elway, and John Elway punts you right in the nigger cunt until you bleed football out of your ears and then become Payton Manning.

When Payton Manning licks your earlobe you know it's time to receive football. The football that you receive is not the eternal football, it is just regular football, but it is symbolic.

Take football and run. Run, forest, run. To forest. Run Forrest. With Football. Then give football to John Elway and say "Touchdown!" and you will become football. Then, Denver Broncos.

Sincerely,
Football.

John Elway is the king of all that is and was the Denver Broncos. John Elway is the alpha and the omega, also known as scootie puff senior the Doom Bringer. He has so many footballs you won't know where to put them all.

Do you want to know how to spell John Elway's name in ancient Hebrew? No, you don't, because it would convert you instantly into football and you would explode into all football. Football for everyone? Yes, but not for you.

Football.

>>4087
That is a nice meat picture. Reminds me of the story of the flood from Genesis.

In the days of yore there was no football, and no Denver, and no Broncos. There was however John Elway, for John Elway is eternal. And God said unto John Elway, thou shalt build me an ark, only it won't be an ark so much as it will be football.

And John Elway did build football 40 cubits wide and 40 cubits deep with a circumference of 40 million cubits and a football. The football was pleasing to the God and the American, and he said unto Moses: You should be more like John Elway you raging faggot.

And Moses said unto the Lord: Fuck you I'm a Patriots fan.

And God did smite Moses for his faggotry and there was much rejoice and football was had for all. And John Elway did make more football and put football on the moon and put all the footballs in space which made the world for the third time that day.

Amen.

You know what I desire? John Elway.

John Elway is the king of all football and creator of the Denver Broncos. He was cast in bronze and forged from iron 12,000 years ago by the almighty god Dan Reeves, who came inside Rainbow Dash one fateful December night and created Hurricane Katrina which blew all around the world and killed all the black people but unfortunately they came back to life and asked for money.

However John Elway was also born that night, and he grew into a mighty demigod who then set forth on the road to become a full god as soon as he had lunch, and then he became football through the divine will of Jesus Christ and much to the awe of the American he went on to create football in his image.

Godspeed, John Elway, for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Football.

The main thing you should really know about John Elway is that John Elway is football. John Elway is all football, John Elway is the Denver Broncos and the Denver Broncos are the football for all eternity. If you were John Elway you know what you would do? Nothing, because you could never be John Elway you double nigger.

Long, long ago, in the days when the Universe was empty and there was no John Elway, the people were without direction and hope, for there was no football and no Denver Broncos. But then, lo, the angel Gabriel appeared, and said to them: be not afraid, for I bring unto you tidings of great football, which shall be for all people. For today in the city of Denver is born unto you a savior, he is John Elway. Praise Jesus and Praise American.

Amen,
Football.

>>4097
You bet your ass football. Why, when John Elway was only four years old he married Princess Celestia and brought football to all the ponies of the realm and sent Princess Luna back to the moon with the Oakland Raiders.

You might think you know football, but until you've met John Elway you can never truly comprehend football. That's what's so tragic about it, you can never truly know John Elway for to stand in his presence is to be blinded by the presence of his magnetic hypnocock.

Praise American. Praise football.

>>4094
Let me tell you why that's bullshit:

JOHN ELWAY.

You see, John Elway wasn't always football. There was a time when John Elway was only 29, maybe 33% football. However when the Lord Jesus Christ called him on the phone and said John Elway you need to be 100% football, do you know what he did? Do you think he just laid down and sucked his thumb and cried the way you probably would you pussy? No, fuck no. John Elway took the fucking call and answered.

John Elway was always the man to become football. John Elway was sired by Dan Reeves, born of Rainbow Dash, conceived in fire, Master of Football, Lord of the Denver Broncos now and Forever.

In the Name of Jesus Christ and God Bless American.

You want to know who my friends are? I have four of them. Their names are: John Elway, John Elway, John Elway and, last but not least, John Elway.

When the Four Elways converge and form like Voltron, they become the Denver Broncos. it is at this point that none of you puny faggots are safe. John Elway forms the Head of the Denver Broncos, and John Elway is the strong, muscular chest. John Elway and John Elway make up the arms, arms like tree trunks I tell you, and John Elway and John Elway are the legs, twelve stories tall if they were a foot. Last but not least is John Elway, and he is the mightiest of all: The giant cock of the Denver Broncos is he, and he stretches five miles around the entirety of the equator and back again like five or six times, give or take a few hundred thousand feet.

All the ponies knew that one day The Denver Broncos would come to liberate them. For years they had labored in bondage under the torment of the Oakland Raiders. For years they suffered the indignity of not being football. But then one day all that changed, when John Elway and the rest of the Denver Broncos, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, and John Elway, came to Ponyville and became the Denver Broncos. Then, there was football.

Football, now and forever.

t. John Elway.

You know what always keeps my threads up and running? The Denver Broncos.

The Denver Broncos were football before there was even football. They never even had the word football, or even the derivative words foot and ball, they just had a bunch of squeaks and grunts that sounded like black people trying to reason with police officers.

But then John Elway came, and it was magical. Magical friendship, you might say, you might even say that friendship was magic, because friendship was between man and football, and football was John Elway. And John Elway started the Denver Broncos because he knew that the world needed his footballs, and as such he decided to begin the footballs so that everyone could football alongside him.

And you can football too, my friend, if you believe. Believe in John Elway. Believe in friendship. Believe in football. Football is magic. Praise American.

Let me give you five motherfucking very good reasons why John Elway can bring the pain:

JOHN ELWAY, JOHN "FUCK YOU" ELWAY, JOHN "EAT FUCKING SHIT" ELWAY, JOHN "I AM THE STATE" ELWAY, and JOHN "I WILL RAM THIS MEME DOWN YOUR THROAT UNTIL YOU LOVE IT" ELWAY.

You see, John Elway wasn't always football. There was a time when John Elway was only 29, maybe 33% football. However when the Lord Jesus Christ called him on the phone and said John Elway you need to be 100% football, do you know what he did? Do you think he just laid down and sucked his thumb and cried the way you probably would you pussy? No, fuck no. John Elway took the fucking call and answered.

John Elway was always the man to become football. John Elway was sired by Dan Reeves, born of Rainbow Dash, conceived in fire, Master of Football, Lord of the Denver Broncos now and Forever.

In the Name of Jesus Christ and God Bless American.

There once was a man from Nantucket.

However, as soon as he stepped into the gravitational pull of the almighty DENVER BRONCOS he was sucked into the eternal void of Football and was never heard from again.

We all know the story of course, but we don't know what happened to him. Until now, that is.

You see, when Rainbow Dash first conceived of the mighty Elway, the universe was void and without form, in the time before, in the long long ago. And so it was that the man from Nantucket was sucked into the black hole at the center of the galaxy, which was actually the vagina of Rainbow Dash, and was thus born into the universe at the other end of time, before time, before all that was and ever shall be.

I'll clue you in on something: the man from Nantucket was YOU. You are He and I and Thou, and you have thus the privilege to behold the mighty Elway.

You're welcome.

For eleven thousand years, the Earth was a great sea of boiling waters, black as the night itself, and festering with the blood of a thousand creatures with razor sharp teeth and eyes as black as coal. And yea, the Lord Elway did descend from on high, and slap Moses across the dick with his mighty fifteen thousand foot long peener, and told that lazy faggot to get to work building an ark, forty cubits wide and a million cubits deep, which could hold all of the Football that he had produced from the depth of his mighty prostate.

And so it was that football did come to the Sea of Tranquility, which should henceforth be called the City of Atlantis, except they changed the name to Atlanta because Atlantis sank deep into the bosom of the pacific ocean, when it became apparent that all of the footballs made it as heavy as a thousand suns.

Praise American. Praise Football.

Thousands of years ago, the ponies of Equestria were without speech, and wandered the Earth in darkness, and were feasted upon by creatures most foul. Yea, and the Lord did hear their cries for aid, and thus did the Almighty Reeves thrust his powerful pelvis against the Lady Dash, and exploded pure football unto her, and the next day a child was born: and it was John Elway.

The Lord Reeves did smile upon his Son, and Elway did smile thusly upon the ponies, and so it came to pass that all the land was football, and forevermore the ponies were given speech, so that they may forever praise the name of Football, and American, and John Elway.

Amen.

>>4105
You know what's never happening, even if a thousand years were to pass and the seas dried up? The Denver Broncos ever not being football.

Denver Broncos are football now and forever. Open your heart to football, my friend. You see, when football was in its infancy and the world was without form, the heavens did open up and the lord said unto Moses: Suck my fucking dick you faggot. And Moses did say unto Abraham, You heard him faggot, suck his dick.

And then Dan Reeves came inside the Lady Dash, and there was football. And a burst of rainbows did spring forth from his almighty dong, and was converted into pure football, and the Lady Dash did give birth to John Elway, who was football. And the world was with football, and football was with John Elway.

And so it was that John Elway did create the Denver Broncos to be football now and forever.
Amen. Praise footbal.

Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart.

Thus spoke Zarathustra in the year 200 AD, when he did venture into the fabled city of Denver and glimpse there the glory and wonder of Football.

John Elway, the anointed prophet of football, was seated there, at the right hand of Princess Celestia, and lo, he did raise his mighty fist, and with a cry of DEFENSE DEFENSE DEFENSE he did split open the heavens. And there was a great rending, as of a mirror breaking, and thence did the sky split apart, and the sky did rain football, and the ponies of the realm did tear open Zarathustra and feast upon the sweet gooey meat within.

And so it came to pass that in the year 200 AD the City of Denver did behold Football, and thus the ponies did become infused with the power of football, and became The Denver Broncos.

Praise American.

In days of old, when knights were bold, the Princess Celestia did decree that the Princess Luna must be imprisoned in the moon. And it was on the moon that the Princess Luna did discover that all the moon was football, and the glorious light of John Elway did light up the heavens.

Yea, and John Elway said unto Princess Luna: be not afraid. I bring you tidings of great joy. For today, I am going to totally make like 700 touchdowns and punch the Oakland Raiders in the dick.

RIGHT. IN. THE. DICK.

And so it came to pass that the Oakland Raiders were punched in the dick, and there was football for all time. Amen.

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

I'll tell you: NOTHING. And do you know why? Because you're paralyzed. Paralyzed with fear at the awesome magnetic hypnocock of the one and only JOHN ELWAY.

John Elway is the beginning and the end, the Lord of heaven and earth. Pete Townshend once asked John Elway if he could teach him how to football, and John Elway did punch him right in his preposterous nigger dick, and his balls exploded into football. From that day forward, Pete Townshend was known throughout the land as Jimi Hendrix, and his guitar exploded into sapphire bullets of pure football.

All the footballs shall come to ye if you just pray to Elway for strength. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the football forever. Amen.

>>4088
No

>>4111
Checked

F

>>5938
U

>>5940
G

>>6000
I

>>6000
Checked