No.236417[Last 50 Posts]
>Spoonfeed me. What's this thread about?
This thread typically consists of Anon gone filly, as he's thrust into a new life as a cute little pony.>What's to be expected?
Fillies, cuteness, Anon-tier shenanigans, bitchy Twilight, desires to be the little filly, etc..
>Any archive of photos or stories?
>I'm a contributor.
Great! For writers, just notify All Nighter Fgt, so you can have your green to the Doc. For artists, animators, or any other content makers, you can store your fillies in the Dropbox for future viewing pleasure.
Some especially based faggot also recently compiled nearly every filly image ever created, which you can check out here: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1Bff9CRn8VVwgpxT6sU6cottQsQ3svXGI
Assess how well you fit into the filly hivemind: https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/personality-quiz/?group=-LdS-38NvfIG9PHPrYB8>I don't like this thread because of reasons.
You'll never know how it is unless you try a dose of filly.
Old-mare Thread: >>231233
And I make typo in subject, should be 'Moon'
filly discord link? Please
You been here a while mate? Been lurking?
I used to lurk a little, then I stopped. Came back today and started drawing and posting filly art.
You make good fillies.
I might need a little break for now though. For now: requests?
Filly Dabbing on Some Ziggers.
Bro you just posted cringe; you are going to lose subscriber.
Not funny. Filly is my personal QT and I take care of her.
"Thanks for the offer, I may take you up on it. Let me ask my friends what they think about the idea, particularly the ones with family."
Your fillies are cute, but their heads could be slightly larger and their bodies slightly smaller. They sort of look like awkward teenage fillies with those proportions, not quite mare and not quite filly.
Cute pics, thanks Scotch
I want to roll her down a hill.
Roll the weedfilly
Roll to roll the weedfilly.
You'll never know until you roll.
Baby filly looks good.
I have a request: Twilight making Anonfilly wear a swimsuit (crotchboobkini) to go the beach.
You can never have enough ponies in swimwear.
Here's a question: what would happen if Peter Parker was instead bitten by a radioactive filly?
What's his superpower? Shitposting and mommy issues?
You blew my mind. Well done poner.
It's damn near like a compendium of /mlpol/ memes. Nice.
Also, drunk filly just behind Hitler. I see the cute lil' faggot.
Not if you cum inside her, first.
That filly doesn't have her seatbelt on!
Buses usually lack such things.
Those are some fancy looking buses, then.
Mine has half size seats.
Where are the other fillies to help cheer her up?
Also checked those dubs.
Red filly is me and I didn't even trust 8chan when it was first popularized.
They're trying their best.
delet and repost because I wanted to fix literally one pixel
oh no no no no you've btfo'd me
brb killing myself
That filly needs hugs, fagets
Now go give her some!
*hugs the poor red filly*
Now, that's a greentext prompt that makes me wish I was better at writing greentext: teenaged Flurry Heart roped into babysitting the filly.
I want to be headshot by the masturbating filly.
>>237257>>237261>Be Fl irturry Heart>Aunty Twilight needs me to take care of her foal.>She's out doing something important. Might be saving the world again with her friends, or it could be paperwork. Gasp, she might be looking for love?>I'll have to see if it's a good ship.>I'm so excited to finally meet her adorable widdle fillies.
>Be Princess Cadence
"It isn't revenge.">"Honey, you've seen Cherry Fizzy's reports on Twilight's new fillies."
"Okay, it is just a teensy bit of revenge.">"Now where were we again?"
>Be Flurry Heart>Outside of their closed bedroom door.
"I'm Flirty Heart Twi-">"Yeah, yeah faggot we're kind of busy right now.">"Mmmff."
"Let me in please?">I hear movement behind the door probably putting away their games, and cleaning up.
"Pwease? OwO. Uw-">"Fuck it fine just don't do that gay shit."
>Be Anon Filly (The one with the best color.)>Half the room is in an orgy of magnificent proportions.>Even got the Anon colts in on the action.>Feels pretty good man.>Having Furry Heart get peetz- pizza was one of the best ideas we have had yet.>From one in Canterlot.>There should be at least a couple hours, before->"OH MY GOD YOU ARE ALL GAAAY."
"No U." >pic related.
>She just kept watching us, but honestly the peetzer party and sex wasn't bad at all.>Even went above, and beyond with geting a -urgk- pineapple pizza as well.>"This is so gay.">"Bite my diaper covered ass.">"Ah goo!">That last one was a sick burn. Hopefully she didn't actually necks herself.
>Be Prine Shining Armor>"- then I realized I wasn't alone in the world anymore. Love, Flurry Heart your previously human daughter."
"Where did we go so wrong.">"Shiney…"
>"Let's keep trying for another one?"
"Yes! I mean that is a great idea…"
"Flurry won't be back for another day or two."
>"Oh my god, that's seriously gay. I've seen some questionable things, but…">"It's the rubber ducky isn't it.">"Rubber duc- oh my-"
"We've read your letter.">"Letter?"
Fuck this is more heartwarming than it has any right to be
This has got to be the cutest, most heartwarming image I've seen in a long time. Makes my heart melt just looking at it.
Quit being a faget and cuddle the both of them.
>>237343>>237348>Quit being a faget and sex the both of them.
This is too precious
Thank you, based drawfag
Thanks qt for helping me draw this
Reminder plunger is a GOD
The potential green possible is making me excited.
>"Welcome newfag to Equestria."
"WAAAHHHHH!">"Ma'am! You can't just call your daughter a fag!">"Sorry, Mrs. Anonymous she's new here."
I really like this image. Can I save it?
So where's the blue faggot in all this?
>>237261>you are known throughout Equestria as Anonymous, the Man>in the years since you've arrived in this strange world, you've been:>a scholar>a hero>a cowboy>a scientist>a gunslinger>an archaeologist>a pirate>a craftsman>and much, much more>okay, all of those points are somewhat exaggerated>the point is, you've lived a little>the point is, you're a grown ass man>the point is
"Twilight, I do not need a babysitter.">by a stupendous fuckup of magic, you've been transformed into a small filly>oddly enough, this isn't the first time something like this has happened in your journeys>but this time, it's Twilight's fault"Anon, we're already on the train for the Crystal Empire, and I really need to get started on this adventure. Just… try not to think of Flurry Heart as a babysitter. Think of her as… a caretaker. For your time of need."
"I can take care of myself.""And how are you planning on eating? I think you've fairly well proven that you can't cook with those hooves."
"There's takeout.""On whose bits?">you snort>princess of a whole damn town>somehow can't spare the bits for a weekend's meals>for the guy she turned into a helpless filly"Everything's gonna be just fine, Anon. You'll see. Just one weekend with Flurry Heart, then in a year the potion to turn you back will be ready, and then-"
"A year?! A whole damn fuckcuntering shitniggering fagtastic year?! When were you planning on telling me this?""Anon, changing someone's species, sex, or age, even temporarily, it's pretty complex magic. To do all three at the same time, and have the effects be permanent? It takes a little time.">Twilight eyes you wearily"And because you didn't want to go quite back to your natural age, it's even more complicated.">you throw up your hands>hooves>fuck
"I mean, shit, if we just so happen to be changing my age anyway, I wouldn't mind being 20 again. What's so wrong with that?">Twilight rolls her eyes
"Oh, what do you know? You're gonna stay 17 forever.">your purple riding companion's face does that scrunchy thing that ponies sometimes do"I was 19 when I ascended.>awkward silence reigns over the desolate train car>the other passengers moved to other cars some time ago>Twilight sniffs"You know, the spell I messed up was designed to find you and bring you to me. I knew I had this adventure coming up and I wanted to see you first.">your eyelid twitches involuntarily
"And…?""And…">Twilight sticks her nose in the air"None of this would have happened if you hadn't been avoiding me.">you flop out of your seat>and rise to your hooves before your tormentor
"Oh, so now it's my fault! Well, let me tell you where you fucked up, you purple fucking horse, was when you put me in the body of a pre-adolescent filly! I've got twice as much estrogen as you do right now, and I can play your female mind games just the same- WHOAH!">a cloud of purple magic hoists you into the air by your tail>something hard and hoof-like smacks into your soft filly tush
>>237434>Princess Cadance is craning her neck down at you>there's something of genuine confusion on her face"My, Anon, you've, um, shrunk a bit since I last saw you.">Shining Armor snorts"Smells nicer, too.">Cadance ignores the comment"Well it certainly has been a while, hasn't it? I don't think we've seen each other since… was it Flurry Heart's crystalling?"
"No. You didn't invite me to that.">Cadance cringes"Is that right? How odd. I could have sworn we invited all of Twilight's friends.""We did.">the princess of the north chuckles awkwardly and tugs at the golden yoke around her neck"Well. It's really too bad that Twilight couldn't stick around to chat longer. But… Shining and I have to get going now, too. Our train to Los Pegasus is taking off in an hour.">you blink
"Your sister-parenthesis-in-law-parenthesis is saving the world from yet another eldritch horror and you guys are going on vacation?">Twilight's brother waves his hoof"It's fine. Nothing she hasn't done a million times before.">you have to admit, he's probably right>even Twilight herself seemed awful casual about it>for Twilight standards, anyway>Cadance coughs"Anyway, we'll be going now. Flurry Heart should be in her room upstairs. You can't miss it, it's the same room you stayed in that one time.">the pair of them head out to not save Equestria"Take good care of our Flurry now."
>>237435>Flurry Heart is in the same room you stayed in that one time>that one time like 17 fucking years ago>as though you'd fucking remember where to go>you'd leave well enough alone and just make some dinner>but it seems rude to not let your host know you're here first>also, you need her to cook it for you>what?>how can you be expected to get anything done right without fingers?>anyway, weren't there servants and guards and stuff in this castle the last time you were here?>where the hell did they all go?>wait a second>that door right there looks like it could be the entrance to a teenage girl's room>posters of boybands taped up on it>fluffy hearts glued around those>oh, and one of those fluffy hearts is embroidered with the name "Flurry Heart">you rap three sharp knocks on it"Mom?"
"Nope, just the strange man you're all alone in the house with.">the door opens>a light pink princess pony pokes her head out>she looks a little bit shorter than Twilight>but, in your present state, that's still tall enough to fucking tower over you"Oh. You're that kid I'm supposed to be babysitting."
"Kid? The last time I was in this town you were a sperm cell in your daddy's ballsack-""Ew! That's fucking disgusting!"
"Listen, how about making us some dinner? I'm starving down here.">Flurry scoffs"It's, like, 6 at night. Don't you have a bed time or something?"
"You mean 6 in the afternoon?""No. I mean 6 at night.">Flurry Heart becomes the second alicorn princess today to turn her nose up at you"It's, like, bedtime for little fillies.">the princess's horn glows>you instinctively clench your butt cheeks>POOF>when you open your eyes, you're locked in what seems to be a guest bedroom in the castle
>>236417>Fly me to the moon edition
>Be filly.>You stand on bridge.>Infront of you mechanical trojan horse is submerged to its head. >Its head is staring at you with crystal orbs that glow yellow. >Above the horse on a platfrom even higher up stands, Twilight Sparkle.
"Mom!" you shout towards her.>She looks down on you with displeased broed half lidded eyes.
"Anon, I summon you here for you to pilot the gaint magical horse golem you see before you," she says. >You lower your head and look towards the ground.
"Oh, so that's why you summon me," you whisper.>Somehow Twilight manage to hear you from up there.
"Yes, Equestria is under attack from alicorns. You are the only one that can syncronize with the horse." >Twilight's vice demanding and strong. >Your voice came out as sacred whimpering.>You can still not look up and face your momfu's gaze.
"No…" you whine.
"No?" >Twilight raises an eyebrow.
"No… U… Reee…" you say inaudiblely so even Twilight can hear it.
Thank you, based writefag.
Unknown. …wasn't 7chan's anon blue? I never went there regularly myself, but I've seen some archived stuff.
something something teal, something something reee
Do you really want more? I wanted to write something later so I might actually do that.
But I got three hours of studying to do before that.
Take your time, not immediately of course. I've always enjoyed your greens here, despite the fact that you have a bad habit of never finishing them…
/r/ Draw me some sad fillies.
UwU and huge potential.
I love that idea.
Also, btw that was quick and well done. How did you do that?
Have things get in the way for now will get back to this in like more than twelve hours.
Wow, you are making me blush.
Just found an image on derpi and paintbucketed it a few times. It just so happened that a ponified Rei already existed, and I've learned how to fuck around with hex values over time.>>237557
That's alright, I'm sure it'll be worth the wait.
She just got /FILLY'd/
Is that new. It looks nice.
None of us are happy. Over time, I've simply learned to grin and bear it.
My heart desires to be the filly, to be an object of desire for qt mares to fawn over and live my days out having childish schenanigans with you all, as I consider you to be the closest thing I'll ever have to friends. I want this because I feel my childhood was pulled out from under me too soon and I yearn for some way to recapture that feeling.Some asshole is playing sad music on the piano right now and it isn't helping.
>>237638>"my childhood was pulled out from under me too soon">expressing the feel that your childhood was neutered
I think most of /mlpol/ would agree (((who))) is to blame for this loss of innocence and unhappy state of emotion. All that we can do past spending the rest of our lives in VR-induced "wet"
dreams like (((they))) want is organizing so that our children can have that childhood we never got to.
"If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace.">Thomas Paine
>>237436>sunlight filters dimly in through the thick crystal walls>you roll over>your limbs stretch out into your sight>your limbs?>hooves?>thick crystal walls?>is this the work of some kind of mad scientist?>again?>wait>no>that was just Twilight
"Fucking damnit.">and you're still under the power of Flurry fucking Heart >you hop down to the floor>you've gotta piss>after a determined march to the door, you begin pounding on it as hard as you can>which isn't very hard, under the circumstances>so you throw in a little screeching
"McFlurry! Let me out of here!">silence is your answer
"I'm gonna piss on the fucking floor if I don't get out of here!">you're rearing up now, pounding with both forehooves
"Flurry fucking Heart! I'm gonna-">the door flies open>you go sprawling across the floor>an angry teenage alicorn sticks her head in the room"It is 10 in the morning what do you want?!"
"10 in the-">you shake your head
"Bitch, I gotta piss.">you squirm your way through Flurry Heart's legs into the passageway>you begin storming off toward the bathroom>wait a second
"Hey, where's the bathroom?"
>now that that's done>you seem to be free to roam about the castle>you're still hungry, so you decide to look for the kitchen>given how utterly unhelpful Flurry Heart has been, you're willing to give cooking with hooves another go>you mean, what's the worst that could happen?>a grease fire?>it's not like crystal burns down>making your way through long passages and winding stairs proves to be no easy task on stubby filly legs>somewhere on the ground floor, you notice a double set of swinging doors>the small windows set in them show that the room beyond is gleaming white>with your oversized filly head, you nudge open the doors and tumble inside>oh yeah, it's a kitchen>appliances, counters, utensils>it's even got big white hats hanging up on hooks>there's a big walk-in fridge, but you have to use a stool to reach the handle>inside the fridge, you look for something that seems easy to cook>something you're not likely to fuck up, even with these big goofy hooves>how about those eggs?>reaching into a low shelf with both hooves, you carefully pull out a carton of eggs>but as soon as the carton comes free of the shelf
"Shit!">and the eggs are on the floor, leaking yellow egg-fluids all over the place"Hey!">oh, shit, busted>the princess of teenaged angst is glaring at you from the entrance of the fridge
>>237696"You're making a giant mess!"
"You wanna make my damn breakfast for me? Shut the fuck up.">Flurry Heart scoffs"I'm not cooking for you. The palace has cooks for that.">the princess scans the room uncertainly"I just need to find them…">then her eyes lock onto something out of sight>she trots over to it>you get out of the fridge and follow her>she's looking at something on a counter, but it's too high for you to see>then she magically levitates the object in front of her face>it's a note"Dear Flurry. I gave the servants the weekend off. There's plenty of stuff in the fridge for you and…">she squints"How do you say that? Ah-non-er… Uh-nan-ny…?"
"Just call me Anon.""There's plenty of stuff in the fridge for you and Anon to make food with. Love, Dad."
"Well that explains that then. I thought it seemed awful empty here.">your companion offers no reply
"Uh, princess? Are you all right? McFlurry? Are you breathing?""What are we gonna do? How are we gonna eat? I'm gonna starve to death!">the princess of moodiness suddenly seems a lot less moody>and a lot more panicked
"Geez, calm down. First of all, nobody ever starved to death in two days. Second of all, you can just cook for yourself.""Me? Cook? I don't know how to cook!"
"It's not that hard. Just open up the fridge, I'll-""You can cook? Oh, thank the Heart. Here-">the princess magically drops one of those big chef hats on your head, and a pile of cooking utensils in front of you
"Well, I can cook theoretically, but…">you stick a hoof into the pile of utensils, attempting, somehow, to grab a big wooden spoon
"I can't really grip things.""What do you mean you can't grip things?! It's the easiest shit in the world! You just…">with physics-defying ease, Flurry Heart takes the spoon with her hoof and waves it around
"What even are you doing? I have no idea what I'm seeing here.">and moodiness makes its triumphant comeback on Flurry Heart's face"Ugh! How can you be this stupid?"
"Listen. I'm fucking hungry. I assume you're fucking hungry. Just grab some shit and I'll tell you what to do with it.""But that's servant work!">it's really taking a lot of effort not to have a stroke right now
"No, it's functional adult work.">Flurry blinks"Adult work?"
"Yeah, yeah, you'll be real grown-up once you can make your own food.">the princess of insecurity averts her eyes from yours and scowls"Okay, fine. Just tell me what to do."
"Good.">you push the stool over to the counter and climb on top
"We'll start with something simple. You'll need peanut butter, jelly, and sliced bread.">with what you're sure is a needless waste of energy, Flurry Heart teleports the listed ingredients onto the table before her
"Get a knife, too.">a giant fucking meat cleaver levitates from the pile of utensils
"Not that fucking knife! Grab a butter knife.""A what?"
"A little knife. One that's not so sharp.">a steak-knife appears on the counter before Flurry Heart>close enough>also, why do herbivores have steak knives?>or meat cleavers, for that matter
"Okay. Stick the knife into the peanut butter… take a big scoop of it… Good, now spread it out onto a slice of bread.">this, too, requires a few minutes of coaching>but in the end, you see one slice of bread with a thick layer peanut butter spread across its surface
"That's not too bad. Now, onto the jelly. Wipe that-">that's when the peanut butter on the bread catches fire
"…">you end up having bare bread-slices for breakfast
Innocently plotting her escape
>>237697>McFlurry sent you to "time-out" after breakfast"Because I'm the babysitter, and I say so.">it doesn't seem she quite believes that you're old enough to be her dad>no matter>if you're going to be treated like a child>you can act like a child>before getting telepoofed to your guest-room, you stepped on that giant meat cleaver>on the flat of it, don't worry>you didn't know if it would work>but since it seems like the same thing as hoof-grabbing the thing, you figured that it might>now you're a small filly alone in a room with a big, sharp blade>grabbing the thing with your hooves is out of the fucking question>so, reluctantly, you take it up in your mouth>hopefully it doesn't give you AIDS>you rear up on your hind hooves>rest on the door with your forehooves>and bring the corner of the blade close to the lock>oh, sure, the cleaver is too big to pick the lock properly with>but if you jam it in enough times you might break the lock>there's an obvious risk somewhere in this plan>but you don't feel like thinking about that right now>now the nice thing about being turned into an earth pony>there'd probably be a steep learning curve to magic or wings>but earth pony superstrength?>that's intuitive enough>you smash the knife into the lock>and then>you do it again>and because that wasn't unsafe enough>you keep doing it til your neck is too sore to swing the blade anymore>at that point, you toss it onto the floor behind you and examine the lock>yep, it's definitely ruined>now, either you can open it>or it'll never be unlocked again>you're not entirely sure how this works, but shooting the lock always works in movies, so…>with your teeth around the doorknob, you…>open the door>all right>time for some mischief
Yeah. It's not gonna be a terribly long green, but if nothing comes up IRL then it should go on for at least a day or two longer.
I've liked the green so far. It's good, and it's a refreshing change of pace from the usual fare.
Pretty good. Please post this story in PTFG.
Are you kidding me, Nigel…
”Aryanne, prepare Anon for the cockpit,” Twilight ordered.>Aryanne, who had brought you here and who was standing next to you, saluted.
”Mädchen horse, ze has to follow me,” she turnexd and gestured for you to follow her. >You jerk your head towards Aryanne and look at her with wide eyes.
”You can't be serious. I have never pilot something like this before,” you squick. >At the end of your sentence you point towards the golem horse.>Aryanne looks at you with pitying expression. >She looks back up to Twilight for guidence. >Twilight's upper lip is raised and there is a crease between her eyebrows.>She directs this expression towards you pirdefully. >And you look away from her gaze as fast as you turned towards her.
”If you don't do it, evveryone will die. Is that what you want?” Twilight asks you darkly.
”No, but I can't to it. You must have someone else?” You shout out but still not meeting your mother's gaze.
”No, there is no else.” Twilight states the words calmly. >Aryanne steps closely to you.>You turn to face her. >Your eyes lock with her pleading ones.
”Please, little mädchen horse. Do it for ze race. Do it for Equestria. Do it for me,” Aryanne emphasize the last sentence.>Looking into those needing and beautiful blue eyes, you could bear to tell her no.
”Okay,” you said while nodding. Her eyes shone up. ”I will do it.”
”Wunderbart!” >You looked up for Twilight's reeaction. >You found that she had a smirk on her lips. >You couldn't decide if the smirk was condecending or prideful.
”Great. Then Aryanne, get her ready,” Twilight said.
”Yes, madam Sparkle,” she said as she saluted enthusatically. ”This way Mädchen horse.”>You followed her as she walked up a few stairs some bridges until they had finally arrived on a platform just above the back of the golem. >There a saddle was mounted onto the back that lined up with the platform perfectly. >A doorway into the saddle was such that they could walk in through it from the platfrom. >As you were intpection the doorway into the golem, Aryanne had walked away and brought back a small helmet for a filly your size. >You put it on. >However as you put the helmet on your head you notice that it looks peculiar as it also covers her forehead. >On the helmet on the area that covered your forehead, three sticks stick out and between them a disk is placed. >While inspecting this weird desgin of the helmet, you notice that between the disk and yout helmet is a thine needle that gatches your eyes with its gleams. >You don't like how it is lined up in the direction of your head.
”Wha-what is the needle for?” you ask Aryanne.
”It iz for synchronization with the the horse. You need to open ze third eye. Now thiz will sting a little,” Aryanne says.
”What do you mean-”>Aryanne smacked the disk on your helmet and the needle penetrated your forehead.
”Ahh!” you scream and shut your eyes.>When you open your eyes again, the golem, Aryanne, and eerything else around you is gone and replaced with opened lanscape with a white sky and a black ground.
”Where am I? Aryanne?” you call out. >You hear a loud thud behnd you and the ground shakes so much that you almost fall over. >When you get your balance back, you turn around to see what that was. >Behind you, you face a something gaint. >You wanted gasp but instead you just fall back on the ground as your hindlegs buckle beneath under you without uttering a single sound.>The gaint was in the shape of a pony however, its legs were longer than what was usual for ponies. >It was a gaint horse that was now currently looking at her with its yellow eyes. >It was brown with a black mane and tail. >It look like a mare.>When it moved, it moved slowly towards her. >Each step caused a small earthquake that made you bounce on the ground. >On of these quakes makes you wake up from your befuddlement and start screaming.
”Ahhhhh!”>Your scream stir you awake and you realise that you are back on the platfrom with Aryanne looking down on you worriedly.
Wow, really. Thanks for those kind words. I am grateful.
I have a test coming up so I might not post more until I am done with it.
Quads of good luck.
I'm liking this, I wonder what mischief filly will get into.
"You know Alex, I might just take you up on that deal," you say, offering up a hoof to shake upon it. He accepts, but adds, "can't guarantee they'll actually take you up on it, but I can get your hoof in the door."
His words make you feel a little bit deflated. Maybe you won't be able to get to Disneyland after all. Not that it's something you really feel you need to do, but you'd rather not let your friends down. The rest of the way towards the airport, you spend your time thinking about some alternative ways to get your friends on the Disneyland trip they were hoping for. Most of these require making a fair bit of money, however, and you're not sure if they'll still be as hyped for the trip by the time you acquire said money.
When you finally make it to the airport, you notice that the smoke has cleared considerably, and there do appear to be planes moving about, so your hopes get up a little bit. You make your way into the main building, and discover very quickly that despite a bit of chaos, the airport is still running. People and a few ponies are moving through security just fine, perhaps because one of the TSA agents is now an orange filly. You don't think you recall seeing any cases of age regression among the rest of the residents of Fargo, though it is entirely possible that some of those involved in crashes lately may have suffered a problem of sudden leg shrinkage as a result of becoming foals rather than fully grown mares and stallions.
"Hey Alex, do we still need to go through…"
"No," he offers rather quickly. "Private flights don't need to go through security because there's no chance you're going to hijack your own aircraft. When it's time to fly, we'll be getting in a van that will drive us up to the plane."
"We still have to wait a couple of hours though, since the plane is currently en route. And all of the shopping is past the security checkpoint, which you can't enter without a boarding pass. If you've got any plans for how to kill some time until we board, I'm all ears though."
>>237796>flying is nice
Can't say I agree with you, man. I've flown around ten or so times in my life and I can't think of anything redeeming except the view - which is only for a short portion of the trip since you're not often close enough to ground or at a good diagonal angle or even seated by the window to see. Plus people in populated areas like Cali have really bad manners on the plane.
>>237796>Flying is nice and I should do it more often.
Not to me, usually it results in 3 days almost deaf and a week feeling sick. Plus the burden of to be considered sort of a criminal just for to dare to choose that transportation. I'll pass.
>Plus the burden of to be considered sort of a criminal just for to dare to choose that transportation
Checked, scanned, and surely some day also patted by the TSA's Affirmative Action employees is not my idea of travel.
Are the other two pilots gonna be teal filly and red filly?
Wait until you've flown more than a couple of times, you'll come to loathe it like any normal human being. I personally would rather drive almost anywhere.>>237815
Words cannot express how much I love you right now.
Twilight I wet myself again
>>237756>actually, after roaming about the castle for a while, there's no obvious mischief to cause>yeah, you could break some shit>yeah, you could kick food all over the place>yeah, you could take a big horseshit all over the floor>but none of that is really speaking to you, you know?>eventually, you settle on grabbing the steak knife from the kitchen>you head up to the door of McFlurry's room with the handle in your mouth>no, this hasn't turned into a slasher>you put the tip of the blade to the surface of the door>unfortunately, you can't be very precice doing this with your mouth>but perhaps the art of what you're about to do lies within its very crudeness>you scratch out a curve>another curve below that>a straight-ish line protruding from the curves>parallel to that, another line>and, connecting those, one more line>you step back and admire your handiwork>or is that mouthiwork?>Flurry Heart's bedroom door is now graced with a big, poorly-drawn horsecock>you squint>actually, it's kind of faint>you can't really see it unless you're looking straight at it>better trace over it a few times>you're about to put the knife to the door again>when it's flung open"What are you doing?!"
"Eh wehr jeh, ehr-">you spit the knife out
"I was just, uh, trying to see about getting some lunch.">Flurry groans"Fine. This time it better be easy."
"Yes, of course, peanut butter and jelly was clearly too advanced for you.">the gangly princess stalks out of her room>you follow behind>but not before glancing back at the door>holy kek she really didn't notice>down in the kitchen, you instruct your pupil to grab a box of instant macaroni"The fuck is that?">right>you go diving through cabinets til you find what you're looking for
"This.""Ew, poor-people food.">ignoring that
"Use that alicorn magic of yours to fill up that pot with water, and set it down on the stovetop right there.">now, you know what the audience is thinking>"but, Anon, if McFlurry can burn PB&J, why would you trust her with a hot stove?">simple answer:>you wouldn't>while she's getting the water, you grab the wooden spoon and push the stool over to the stove>you clamber up the stool to the gratifying sight of a potful of water>at the flick of a switch, the magic-based heating element activates
"Can you tear open that box and set it over here?">Flurry brings the box>and also a question"What are you gonna do here? I thought you couldn't cook."
"I can't figure out how to make these hooves work, but I think I can stir a spoon with my mouth just fine.""Is that sanitary?"
"Probably not, but I've seen them do that at the bakery in Ponyville, and they're not shut down yet.">whoah>the water came to a boil way faster than you thought it would>this magic stove apparently gets way hotter than your lonely campfires on the road ever did
"All right, pour that shit in.">with the spoon in your mouth, you don't say anything for a while>Flurry Heart doesn't say anything either>she's watching you stir the macaroni curiously>ah, man>the hot steam blowing into your face isn't great>but it sure does feel nice to be successfully doing something for yourself again>after the five minutes specified on the box, you reckon that lunch is done>better have Flurry get the strainer ready>you turn to point at the sink>too bad you forgot to take the spoon out of your mouth first>now your macaroni is all over the floor"…">you have bare bread-slices for lunch too
>>237915>at the very least, there was no bullshit "time-out" after lunch>not that you could be contained anymore with that broken lock>but still, it's the thought that counts>or, maybe the lack of thought>the princess seemed sulky about something when she stalked off into the castle>whatever>you're gonna wander now>the courtyard gets boring pretty quick>who makes a garden out of lifeless crystals in the middle of a fucking crystal empire?>you could stare at the walls all day and see the same damn thing>the palace library library has a few interesting titles>too bad most of them are out of your reach
"I'm gonna go sit on Candyass's throne.">you find the throne room>it's a great hall with three fancy thrones at the end>you're guessing the big one with the blue heart on it is Cadance's>oh yeah, you plop your ass down on it>you start making airy-fairy gestures with your hooves
"Hi, my name is Princess That's Amore Pizza Lasagna Candyass, and I love everyone til I'm behind your back!">hey wait a second>is there supposed to be a giant hole in the middle of the throne room?>and if so, is it supposed to have a winding staircase that descends into an ominous black abbyss?>also, should you explore it?
>down>down>down the steps you go>the further you go, the darker it gets>and the darker it gets, the louder the voices get>no, not the voices in your head>all around, you can hear what sounds like dozens of voices speaking in frantic whispers>actually, you hope those voices are just in your head>heh>this feels like something Sombra would have enjoyed>Sombra was a good bro sometimes>too bad about that whole "going insane again and kidnapping a baby" thing>actually, that baby was Flurry Heart, wasn't it?>your hoof nearly slips on a rock and gives you a heart attack
"Man, it sure is fucking dark down here.">as if on command, an eerie swirl of green and purple light emanates from no apparent source
"Th-thanks.">down>down>down into the heart of darkness>finally, you attempt to step down another stair, but find only level ground
>>237916>the space on the bottom is a small room with a little red door>some sort of warning sign has been bolted to the door>in the dim light, it takes a little effort to read what it says>"Fear Door. Opening this door will result in visions of one's own worst fears. Proceed with caution. Entry prohibited except for personnel with H-class clearance or higher.">uh>well you used to be pretty good friends with Twilight>that's gotta be at least H clearance>whatever the fuck H clearance means>with a little effort, you reach the doorknob>the door creaks open to a pitch-black abyss>and as you peer into the abyss…>so too does the abyss peer into you>and visions from a nightmare world overwhelm your senses>your carefree life of wandering has been brought to an end!>you've been transformed into a helpless little filly!>your bidalism!>your opposable thumbs!>oh, shit, does this make you a tranny?!>Twilight Sparkle has taken complete control of your life!>even kids are infantilizing you!
"Wait a second, I'm already living this.">you throw the door shut
"Dumb door.">hang on>the doorknob seems to have slid to the other side of the door>you reach up to open it again>this time the door opens to a wide space>in the center of the space is an ivory tower>a spiral staircase wraps around the tower's exterior
Do really have nothing better to do?
Chink filly is honorary
>>237800>Just a curtain for lood fillies
Glad to see this continued
But cybernetics are cool.
I bet filly's new hoof can flip people off.
Please eat a dick
I want to motorboat that filly.
Don't make me get the newspaper!
>>237917>up>up>up the damn tower you go>trying real hard not to think about the long walk back to that throne room>wondering just what you're going to find at the top>wondering, more importantly, why so many damn stairs?>times like this, you really miss being a six-foot biped>each step becomes a chore in itself>you have to place both forehooves on each new step>and pull your hindquarters up with your whole upper body>your heart is thumping like a jackhammer in your throat by the time you reach the top>hang on>just>just catch your breath real quick>aw man>Twilight's gonna have to send a rescue party when she gets back>there's no way you're doing all that climbing all over again>you shake your head, and get up>a pointed arch covers the entrance to a room>stepping inside, you find that it's lined with bookshelves>the tomes on the shelves are dark and leather-bound>which is pretty edgy when you consider that cows can talk in this world>in the middle of the room…>Flurry Heart lies still on a couch>huh>this feels like an awfully ominous place to be finding a teenaged pink princess horse>stepping closer, you can see the slow rising and falling of her breast>she's fast asleep>tucked under her foreleg is a book>"Darkstar's Practical Guide to Cooking With Black Magic">your eyebrows fly right off the top of your head>holy shit>you had no idea that this cooking thing was getting under Flurry's skin so bad>m-maybe you should wake her up?>or, uh, maybe…>oh, look, there's another door>better go explore what's beyond it>away from the moody alicorn with the black magic cookbook>on the other side of the door is the regular palace library>oh thank fuck, you don't have to climb those stairs again>carefully, so as not to disturb the sleeping princess, you shut the door behind you>and when you blink, the door is gone>well, maybe McFlurry's got the right idea anyhow>about the napping, not the black magic>after that walk, you're pretty tired>you head out of the library and toward your guest room
>>238081"Anon, wake up. Dinner is ready.">the Flurry Heart that's nudging you with her snout seems like a whole new pony
"Mh… what?">you sit up and rub your eyes
"What?!">for the first time all weekend, the princess of teen angst is actually smiling>she seems so excited about something that she hasn't noticed the destroyed lock on the door>once she sees that you're awake, she stands tall and grins down at you, her chest puffed out in pride"Come on downstairs, Anon. Let's eat.">remembering "Darkstar's Practical Guide to Cooking With Black Magic" makes you panic>did she really turn to forbidden arts just to make dinner?>dare you disobey this ominous dinner bell?>you probably should
"Okay.">but you don't>you're following the lanky princess pony to the dining hall>which would be hard enough with those stubby legs of yours>but when she's practically prancing down the stairs?>you cough
"I, uh, saw you asleep with that book. The black magic cookbook.">well, you get your wish>Flurry gasps, and stops so suddenly that you smack into her leg"You saw that?! Oh, no, please don't tell my mom. I didn't use it or anything, I swear!"
"I won't, I promise. But if you didn't use the book, what did you do?">your question puts the grin back on Flurry Heart's face>you walk along together at a slower pace as she explains"Well, I started thinking to myself, how can I rule the Crystal Empire some day if I make some little filly do my cooking for me? I've gotta take control of my own destiny, you know?""I looked through, like, a million cookbooks to try and find a recipe I could do. And, uh, yeah, one of them was the one you saw.""But literally none of them made any sense! I decided there was only one thing to do.">you've come to the great crystal doors of the palace dining hall
"And what was that?">Flurry smiles, and flings open the doors with het magic>on the table is laid out…>a pair of large pizzas in cardboard boxes"Give up and order takeout!"
>>238082>Twilight got done saving the world a little early>so she came by to pick you up first thing Sunday morning>Flurry invited "Auntie Twilight" to stay for tea and a chat>Twilight was more than happy to stay and chat with her "favorite niece">even though Twilight ended up having to make the tea herself"That's a wonderful story, Flurry Heart! Do you feel like you learned anything?">Flurry grins and sits a little straighter"I learned that being an adult, and a princess, means taking care of myself. Sometimes, being a princess is going to mean facing tough situations, and I won't always be able to rely on servants or my parents.">Twilight beams"That's a wonderful lesson, Flurry Heart. You're absolutely right.">oh, geez>it's so sugary sweet you think your teeth are gonna fall out>you blow on your tea again before dipping your tongue into it>still too hot"Truth be told, Flurry Heart, I was hoping Anon could help you learn that. I don't have many friends as naturally independent as he is.">Flurry's eyebrow cocks at that"He?">Twilight chuckles awkwardly"It's a, um, funny story.">the younger princess is staring at you and blinking now"Wait, so are you actually, like, really old and stuff?"
"I'm not even 40! That's not that old!">Twilight giggles"That reminds me, Anon. I was hoping you would learn something too.">learn something?>you scratch your chin in thought>oh, there is something you learned!
"I finally figured it out! Watch this shit.">you pull the spoon out of your teacup, and hold it in your hoof triumphantly
"Look at that! I don't even know how that works! Isn't it great?">Twilight sighs"I'm happy for you, Anon. But that wasn't quite the lesson I hoped you would learn.">you shrug
"Twilight, I was cooking beans over an open fire in the middle of Pineywood Swamp when your spell abducted me. Like you said, I already know a thing or two about self-reliance.""Well, that's why I was hoping you'd learn about relying on others."
"Huh?""As we approach middle-age, we're going to find that sometimes there are challenges we can't overcome on our own. Relying on others to a certain degree will not only help you win the day, but it will also forge the bonds of friendship between yourself and those around you!">you eyeball the spoon in your hoof
"Twilight, I can sort of see where you're coming from, but…">Twilight yelps as the spoon from your hoof bounces off of her forehead
The end. Pastebin, on the off chance you ever want to read this again, is here: https://pastebin.com/TApCMeV1
It was great, thanks friendo.
Thank you, this helped my diet get the right amount of greens.
This stupid lewd shitpost helped me to salvage my day somewhat.
My filly is glad that her butt helped you out somewhat.
Don't worry friend, we'll all be in horseland soon.
I find it kinda funny, i find it kinda sad
I hope you all get to horseland, fillies you all deserve it.
Don't say that shit like you're not coming with us, faggot.
An hero doesn't save you.
Just, stop trying, dude. None of us are reincarnating as fillies. None of us are reincarnating. None of us are going to any variation of any afterlife. Our meaningless lives will end and in twenty years nobody will even remember our names. The lives we lead will never improve. The hands we were dealt in life will never be shuffled around or made any better. We will all be porn-addicted subhumans with no meaning in their lives past the vain hope that ONE DAY we might see a fantasy show come to life.
File: 1565912285109.jpg (Spoiler Image, 52.69 KB, 676x800, 06f0a9e35a3d85247d651ea815….jpg)
Oh dear, you will indeed get nowhere thinking like that.
Calm down my Filly, deep breaths now when the big sleep comes the brain enters a state in which first you see all your memories, once that ends you will see "the light" this Is your brain's last breaths before adrenaline kicks in and you enter the third state; A really, really long dream in which your brain generates whatever kind of place you imagine you'll end up after death, it is just a dream a very long one, and also "heaven" or horseland.
If you believe theres nothing after death, your last moments will be just darkness dont do this to yourself, anon.
Not with that attitude, Anon.
We're all gonna be fillies, and I'm gonna find you the second I do and call you a faggot.
>>238171>If you believe theres nothing after death, your last moments will be just darkness
Fuck off Peter Pan. No matter how hard you wish it, it will not happen. Even if that actually happened, you'd just be d e l u d i n g y o u r s e l f
into dreaming of something. Dreams fucking suck. They always have, always will.
I won't hold my breath, faggot.
Anon, how do you know you're not dead already and this is your death dream?
Are you really in control?
Please anon, dont hurt yourself like that.
Well you won't have any breath to hold in the eternal void.
It'll just be you, and those very same thoughts putting you down in your head, forever.
Eternal fillydom as an alternative sounds pretty nice, eh?
>>238181>>>>>are you in control?
Nigger did I stutter? I just said, at great length, that our agency is null and void. That includes me.
I wouldn't even be surprised if this were one big dream. Because every dream I've ever had was a shit dream.
It sounds like you wish you had a higher purpose and the idea of being a meaningless being hurts you enough to try and destroy any "faggot that hopes its any different"
But i never claimed we had a purpose, we're just like rocks in the landscape no one will see, slowly turning into sand.
I think you should address that anon, having that doomy doom doom inside you can only hurt, and i dont want to see you hurt
This. In either case suffering for the sake of suffering, can be… intersting to experience, but unnecessary.>>238164
Damn, Thats a new post since I've been here.
Oh, you poor ignorant soul for if you have seen what I have you too would have unceasing hope for the future of our race, our world, our friends, and our 'deaths'.
Yes, currently the situation is bleak as it normally is. A fate worse than death around the corner, but if you've experienced what I have you too would know why.
>None of us are reincarnating as fillies.
There are other methods too, but I assume you mean to simply be filly. When our tasks, and work here is done. We'll stride to where we must go next not out of violence or external force, but of inner will.>None of us are going to any variation of any afterlife.
There are more things between heaven, and Earth. Things that will boggle the scientific mind.>Our meaningless lives will end
Like how every human that came before us did.
Most people don't remember their names, but without them we wouldn't be here. The future will look back one day, and possibly say "I'm fucking glad they did what they did. Here's to you lost in a great struggle!">in twenty years nobody will even remember our names.
That's fine for me.>The lives we lead will never improve.
If we do nothing. If nothing changes for the better then yes we will never improve if we do nothing, or worse than nothing.>The hands we were dealt in life will never be shuffled around or made any better.
In the next that may change.>We will all be porn-addicted subhumans
Every day you can change what you do, and who you are. You can choose how you will react to the outside world.>with no meaning in their lives past the vain hope that ONE DAY we might see a fantasy show come to life.
There is self defined meaning, and any kind you wish to believe in. Unless you believe it is meaningless, but that is up to you to decide for yourself.
That one hope keeps many from the brink for now.
I think that your hypothesis isn't quite correct.>>238176>No matter how hard you wish it, it will not happen.
Ah, that's the problem. You can not make wishes into reality.
You must take reality by the balls, and tell it nicely exactly what is going to happen.>Even if that actually happened, you'd just be d e l u d i n g y o u r s e l f into dreaming of something.
That's life. It is the most consistent dream.>Dreams fucking suck. They always have, always will.
They don't have to be that way though.>>238183>Nigger did I stutter? I just said, at great length, that our agency is null and void. That includes me.>I wouldn't even be surprised if this were one big dream. Because every dream I've ever had was a shit dream.
Alrightly mate I have a religious experience for you.
Go outside, and find a stick.
Toss it straight into the air, then once it falls follow that direction until you find the next stick.
You will find something… LIFE CHANGING
I believe in you.
T-that sounds funam i an autist?
It can be very fun.
It's a basic Occult thingy to find something, anything. Tends to be the more complex, or distant it is the longer it takes.
But, I'm cheating… a lot.
You can try it too frien!
You could even do it via the internet with a random direction spinner. I think…
Nice hitler dubs but that doesn't change the fact that we're all going to die without making an impact on anyone's life a generation removed from you. "Good" stopped existing the moment Jews got their grubby kike hands on our money. No, scratch that, "good" stopped existing when Marxism took root in Germany.
>throw a stick in the air until you reach enlightenment>implying there are even sticks in my area>implying I don't already know about the great people of the past and the beauty of the Aryan peoples>implying reaching enlightenment is worth the pain of knowing it will never, read my lips ever, be like that again
I'll totally do it anon, thank you very much for this new thing!
I knew it was a good idea to spy
on the fillies
Not even worth the effort. I'd rather just sit here and rot while you're all subjected to me.
But anon enlightement lets you control your emotions and brain perfectly>>238198
Oh the sweet release of this carnal prison
No such thing as perfect control. No such thing as control.
You just controlled what was in that post.
So no u
>>238195>we're all going to die without making an impact on anyone's life a generation removed from you
So what?>"Good" stopped existing
No it didn't. Good got pushed out of mainstream institutions with power, sure, but good still exists within daily life. A mother whispers excitedly into her child's ear while pointing at a spectacle the child has never seen before. A guy shares a smoke with his buddy. A butterfly floats past your face. The kikes can't take that away from us. No one can.
Perfect as in relative to our standarts, dont go pulling the everything Is relative card on me now anon.
That's good to hear. There is some more occult stuff on /vx/.>>238195
Thanks for the check friend.
Tomorrow will be the day everything in your life changes around for (You) for the better. It won't be the best day of your life, but it will be the best day so far.>Screen cap this.> "Good" stopped existing the moment Jews got their grubby kike hands on our money. No, scratch that, "good" stopped existing when Marxism took root in Germany.
"Good" stopped existing when the Jews, and the Muslims started their existence.
If you do it go back far, far into the past.
They killed Rome, and sucked the life out of every civilization they occupied. Again, and again running away. Removed from that place.
Now that the whole world is watching there will be no safety for them in any hell infested corner of this Earth, or the Stars that can save them.
Hypothetically speaking of course.
Then what do you have to lose?
You've been alive every day of your life so far, haven't you? Thus, you have a daily life.
This is why filly is doomed to die a slow, painful death by a thousand dopamine spikes.>>238212
I'm talking about those events, not the concept of daily life. I have not once
experienced or seen those things experienced in my life.>>238209
Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow
It hasn't been "tomorrow" for at least three fucking years. Stop kidding yourself cunt.
Amen to that.
What I exactly mean is that in the next Moon, Earth rotation when the relation to your perspective just before the sun rises will be the time everything changes.
If it didn't tell me everything about your day. No details missing.
I've seen the second one, but in a service position job where I'm seeing hundreds of people a day, that's not exactly a sign of genuine camaraderie. As for animal videos, I ceased to gain anything from them years ago.>>238218
Woke up at 10. Took a piss. walked a dog. Spent the next four hours trying to enjoy myself in one of my >100 steam games. Failed. Went to the bathroom. Walked a dog. Got into an argument with one of my only friends. Went back to looking for someone online to talk to. Fail miserably. Try SCP Secret Laboratory. Give up after an hour of spawning and dying in quick succession. Delete my entire steam friends list, as I do every few months. Come to /mlpol/. Lurk for a few hours. Post in this thread.
Anything else you'd like to know?
thanks for the (You)s frens
>>238221>what would you call what you have then, anon?Just nihilism.
No debasement and degeneracy for me.
That being said, I'm getting out the whiskey.
>>238222>We will all be porn-addicted subhumans
then you lied
or are you not into hooves?
That'll do it fren.
What you ate would be neat too, but not needed for the magic to work.
Just have to do it for tomorrows activities.
I'm looking forward to what you do.
Also don't forget to toss the stick.
I had leftover refried beans around noon today. That's it. Other than that, water, tea, Gatorade, and now Jameson.
Have anything to eat for dinner tonight?
I have things in the fridge and freezer, but I'm not eating.
>>238229>I have things in the fridge and freezer
That's good.>I'm not eating.
Any reason why?
Isn't apathy reason enough?
1) >ywn, and 2) Is she really? I'm seriously doubting it.
The next step after actually knowing the TRUTH about reality is to learn ironic appreciation or kys
And yes she is worth it… look at that hair!!!
Can I have ya stuff?
Imagine doing things to please someone who not only isn't alive, but never existed and never will.
Fucking Rick and Morty fag. Get out.
In a society built on kike philosophy, kike money, and kike sexual relations, all time is wasted time, unless that time is spent toppling that society. And what precisely do you think I can do to topple a government backed by hundreds of thousands of soldiers, all trained in military weapons and given vehicles like jets and helicopters?
Fuck off with the unrelated political shit. You've got a whole site for this
God I wish this was me
Jesus Christ, shut the fuck up you blackpilled nigger. You're going to accomplish absolutely nothing, you're completely worthless, and nobody gives a fuck. You're absolutely right. Now that we've come to an agreement on that, could you kindly get the fuck out of this thread and hurry up with the noose?
Sleep tight, poner.I hope I can sleep tight, too
Pony time. Topic: What if Anonfilly cutie mark actually made her do what it says. (Different meanings everyday still a (?) mark .) (I.E. the cutiepox)>It's long days work for a someone like me.>Taking a long drag on the fried hay tendie. Smoke billows out into the new office.>"Anonymous! What did you do to the kitc…">Hard Apple juice on the rocks. The rim salted to mask the flavor of dispair inside.
"Hey toots, didn't think you would check in on a guy like me at this hour.">The desk was covered with papers detailing cases. It's been a while since my retirement, but I could still do it like the best of 'em.>"It's in the middle of the afternoon.">So it was. Sharp tool in the shed, but it only matters on how the cookie crumbles.
"Look sweet cheeks- Urk." >>238276>"Anonymous. What happened to the encyclopedia of seriously harmful mysterious unresolved cases?!">A book full of shmucks I should have seen it coming a mile away.
"It's all coming together Sparkle.">If I still had the tendie I would bite into it. I didn't.
"Don't you see it's the zig-">Water boarding torture this time with soap. They can't crack a tough private eye like myself.
>They stole all the cases, cleared the whole space, but a memory like mine knows what's important.>It's time to vist Zecora my only informant on the zigger underworld, and the griffon backers.>>238272
I want you to Live a great fucking life despite (((them))). There is a time, and place for everything, but it's not now.
Also multiple threads have detailed this better than I have.
>And what precisely do you think I can do to topple a government backed by hundreds of thousands of soldiers
It's an illusion they have crafted painstakingly.>all time is wasted time
The thing is the core of this country is burning with power, and a desire to be free from those shackles.
I don't think you realize how dangerous one person can be if undetected.
In Vietnam they had to use napalm to try flushing then out. They had some literal shitty sticks, and some tunnels. The whole situation was a clusterfuck from a leader perspective hell from a soldier's perspective.
The Taliban those child fucking cock sucking whores have a grip on the population so strong, and so absolute that they don't need to be in the area to obtain resources, and safe houses. It's a disaster because the military won't blow everything up. It's a bad situation the people are loyal to them entirely through fear, because they believe the U.S. can't actually protect them. (Also due to kike influence to cause mayhem in the area.)
Alls I'm saying is that the situation isn't great, but manually policing the streets takes man power they don't have. If they did antifa would be breaking down every door step. It's why everyone should be very well armed. If they don't have doctors to stabilize, and fix them there won't be a whole lot of antifa.
Higher military leaders have a high probability of bailing, or turning on such a force. Unfortunately they are looking outwards to the threats they think they know.
You can't control a population as spread out as the United States without turning 3/4 of the people into police, and informants.
People are fucking dangerous. Never forget that.>>238267
I've known about it long before that show. Calm your tits please.
Good night everyponer!
No. Comfort is temporary and meaningless.>>238288
>>238288>There is a time, and place for everything, but it's not now.
Checked, and this!
To work smart and not harder is the way.
Thank you, Anon! Sleep well.
Sleep tight, poner.
Did… Did he draw one of our characters patting him on the back?
Would it have killed him to make up one of his own characters?
Anyone have the abuse versions of this meme made several threads ago?
sleep tight poner
Any draw requests fillies?
This please. >>236859
Also filly should be grumbling adorably.
Filly imagines she's GIGA DORILLU BREAKAing Twilight while in reality she's scrubbing the crystal tree-castle's toilet.
Filly walking in on Fluttershy's unexpected, out-of-character secret. Your choice as to what that secret is.
These things will never happen. Remember that when you go to bed tonight.
Yeah well you'll never stop sucking dicks either but somehow we manage.
>>238501>implying sexual contact
You overestimate me, anon.
Sleep tight, poner
Hm. Looking at this thread, demoralization shills come to mind. Invades a community, starts pushing a 'woe is me, everything is hopeless' angle in the hopes of dissuading actions being taken. With other places being down, the shills have to go somewhere. We may be a bit smaller, but no place is too small for that type to invade.
Remember, being miserable is a choice. If one doesn't wish such a state, one can squash such thoughts when they arise with a deliberate choice to stop thinking on those. Slowly, things will improve. Injuries don't heal in a day, so why would mental troubles?
Poner will never sleep tight because filly is not real. If she ever becomes real, it will be decades after your death at the absolute bare minimum.
Muh normalfag doesn't get it.
I've done more than lurk, faggot.
Nowhere is my "thing." That's part of why I'm still pestering you people.
>>238517>the one with the 2 fillies making out with ice cream
I've got that pic right here!
That thread was a really fun
This is the first 3
The one from >>238517
goes between the first and second here
File: 1566009813430-0.jpg (Spoiler Image, 771.63 KB, 2592x1944, c9a3bec8d5e46bba7a88fe2d21….jpg)
And a random lood "non-cannon" panel
WTF. Why filly is not happy?
/ub/ is waiting for her.
But you exist, silly.
Wait… you do, right?
And so do I!
Sleep tight, poner.
>>238534>R-right?>>238537>D-do we not exist?!
Filly existence have been put in doubt.
Not smoking it, the fact that when you go into clinical death your still slightly active brain releases a shitload of it into your pineal gland. That's why NDEs exist
See the previous statement about dreams and how they fucking suck.
>>238549>dreams and how they fucking suck.
Hey… wait a second. Did you go do the stick exercise? I don't think you did.
. I cannot recall a single positive dream I've ever had. I can't imagine I'd have an NDE that's anything but painful.>>238553
No. I didn't toss a stick into the air and stare at the ground where it landed. Because I'm not fucking six.
>>238554>No. I didn't toss a stick into the air and stare at the ground where it landed. Because I'm not fucking six.
So you turned down the possibility of turning your entire life around because it sounded silly? Really?
It's not like I'm asking for your mother's maiden name, and the last three digits of your social security number.
>I cannot recall a single positive dream I've ever had.
Lucid dreaming, and therapy
helps. Just write down what ever small snippet of the dream you remember, and practice methods to figure out you are in a dream.>I can't imagine I'd have an NDE that's anything but painful.
Congrats obtaining lucid dreaming is now a top priority before you nearly die.
I spent over five months documenting any dreams I could. It didn't help at all. In fact, the few dreams I could recall in my dream journal were either mundane or entirely negative.
>turning your entire life around
I have yet to see any reason to fucking do it. I already said, there's barely a tree within miles of this fucking place. I actually have to drive to find one near me.
>>238558>I spent over five months documenting any dreams I could. It didn't help at all. In fact, the few dreams I could recall in my dream journal were either mundane or entirely negative.
Right that's the first step is remembering the shit. The next is it be aware while the dream is in progress.
From what I've seen the process of actively learning how to do it can take decades. Not always, but it can.
>I have yet to see any reason to fucking do it. I already said, there's barely a tree within miles of this fucking place. I actually have to drive to find one near me.
That might be what you need to do.
You might want to jump start the process by ording a stick online.
>I have yet to see any reason to fucking do it.
The process is simple.>Step one: Find stick.>Step two: Toss in Air.>Step three: Head in the direction it points.>Step four: Repeat.>Step five: ???https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MOuMZWarmxg>Step six: It just works.
I can't prove that tossing a stick will magicaly make your life better. I'm not you.
If you have a better idea on how to start improving your life for the better then do it.Otherwise a stick will have to be a good first step.
What good does tossing a fucking stick
around do, that meditation, lucid dreams, God, or art can't? I spent most of my teenaged years chasing shitty superstitions and they were my worst years because of it. You're advocating I do something because it won't take up "that much" of my time. Two million small things like that later, and I'm in the ground.
Oh, and what a shame that will be.
>This motherfucking filly just dared me to take over Equestria since I just pointed out all the flaws in her bad plan.
"Cozy that's stupid. I have things I enjoy here, and now. I'm not going to ruin it all on a dare."
>"Well I have a little help from my friend."
>I'm going to take over the whole world.
>Nothing will impede my progress.
>A small pegasus filly pink, and blue stands in my way.
"Move aside Glow."
>She's informed well enough of the agreements I have made.
>The rubbery dong on a stick demoralizes all that it hits.
>"D-did you just hit me? With a p-p-peepee?"
>It's been seventeen years since Anonymous took over.
>The world is now entirely under the iron green hoof of-
>"Regret your decision already?"
"I'm not going to ruin it all on a dare."
>The little faggot starts crying, and hugs me.
"Alright that's enough of that."
>Impromptu pony snuggles seem to just be a thing here.
>Be Little League.
>You have no way to tell time.
>It feels like years.
>Your body aches like nothing you've ever felt before.
>You feel sickly and afraid.
>You move your hoof tentatively, it's reconnected quite well considering what you did to it.
>It even has a bit of feeling underneath the layers and layers of gauze.
>You hazard a glance underneath the wrappings and almost vomit.
>The hoof is ridden with hundreds of tiny holes, each one about an inch deep.
>Some of them seem to be clogged with something pitch black.
>What kind of magic is this?
>What kind of mage has Twilight become in the time since she ascended?
>You read through the book a bit, but it's just as dull as you would have expected.
>You wish you still had your bat.
>It always made you feel safe at night.
>You would clutch the sturdy wood between your forelegs, able to sleep contentedly knowing that you could beat the crap out of any monster that tried to do something to you.
>As you grew up, you started to realize that monsters weren't your biggest problem.
>Bullies were a very tangible threat.
>And there were more than a few of your classmates that disappeared and never came back.
>You don't like thinking about what probably happened to them, but you know it wasn't good.
>And very recently…
>You found out that there are very real monsters in this world.
>Hay and a glass of water materialize.
>You don't feel hungry or thirsty, just weak.
>You feel pressure in your bladder.
>You ring the bell once.
>Freaking heck if Twilight doesn't get here soon…
>You ring the bell a bunch of times in quick succession
>"Oh my Celestia FUCKING WHAT?!"
"I need to pee."
>She grumbles out something and pulls the IV out of your foreleg roughly, causing a bit of blood to come out.
>The wall rips open to reveal a very normal bathroom that you recognize as the one next to Anon's room.
"Just don't watch."
>"Why the hell would I want to watch a little filly pee?"
>You just give her your best shrug and walk through the spatial tear.
>As you go through, your body feels cold.
>You hurry the process up as best you can.
>Hastefully getting back into bed, you pull the covers back up.
"Can you reconnect the-"
>The IV is jabbed into your foreleg.
>"I need to be somewhere important right now."
>Be Green Clover.
>You wake up late at night to find that your mom's warmth is absent.
>You let out a high-pitched whine.
>The darkness is scary.
>Anything could be out there.
>Big bugs, rats…
>Gosh, maybe even some sort of spider.
>You don't like spiders.
>They're big, they're hairy, and they live everywhere.
>You curl up into a ball, too afraid to go to sleep without Mommy.
>She comes in after what feels like a while.
>Muttering something under her breath.
>She flops down, facing away from you.
>You know this one!
>She did it before, and you didn't snuggle up into her belly.
>She hit you for that.
>That wasn't fun, but you understand that you're a growing filly.
>Growing fillies need structure.
>And discipline is good structure.
>It teaches you boundaries.
>With some effort, you put your hooves on Mommy's side and hoist yourself over, falling head-first into her.
>She pushes your butt down and plants a kiss on your cheek.
Nice. Can't wait to find out what happens next.
I think you mean what will never
>>238562>Two million small things like that later, and I'm in the ground.
Yeah, so what are you doing that is more important than not following a stick?>You're advocating I do something because it won't take up "that much" of my time.
No, I'm not saying that. It can take up multiple life times worth of effort to find precisely, and exactly one single thing.
Finding a new leaf to alter your reality can take a few minutes, or seven hundred years.
Just finding a way to continually having a better day than the last doesn't take seven hundred years.
More importantly for specifically you it indicates to your subconscious that you are searching for a new direction to make yourself better.
>What good does tossing a fucking stick around do, that meditation, lucid dreams, God, or art can't?
They all could do the same thing. Could being the operative word. For you it seems those haven't made a profit in your life yet. The stick method gives you something tangible to look at.Plus, it's brown, and sticky. If all else fails it can be used for fetch. Let me tell you some gods don't appreciate being a dog toy, the average stick on the othee hand doesn't mind.
>I spent most of my teenaged years chasing shitty superstitions and they were my worst years because of it.
That sucks. I really do emphasize with that. So cull the shitty superstitions, and replace them with something better. Anything could work, but you also have to let them take root, and grow as well.
>Two million small things like that later, and I'm in the ground.
Exactly! So choose what you will do. I'm suggesting this so you have a guide to make the most out of those two million small decisions.
Whether you do, or that you don't is entirely your choice.
But two million non-actions later, and you'll still be dead.
It's what you do with it that matters.
Can we please stop feeding the blackpill faggot replies?
What are you implying? I don't write because I have some ultimate goal of canonical sovereignty. I should probably check out impossible creatures some time though, it looks fun.
>>238605>You plop a large burlap sack onto the floor.>"There you go, Smaug. Can I pick something to read now?">Spike opens up the sack, eagerly licking his chops at the mound of rubies, sapphires, quartzes, and diamonds that you gathered.>"Yeah, what are you looking for?">You dig at the floor nervously.
"W-well, you still have those magical comics that suck you in, right?">"Oh no, I'm not-"
"Spike, I've been going on these snack runs for your benefit for months now.">He winces.
"Not only that, but do you think Twilight would approve of you eating this many gems?">You poke at his slightly engorged belly for emphasis.>"Well…"
"I know you have connections at that shop in Canterlot, all I'm asking for is a personalized fantasy.">"But that comic book wasn't meant to do that, it was an accident."
"What's in the locked safe then?">"None of your business."
"Let's see how your flimsy safe hold up to Earth Pony strength.">"Let's see how your flimsy mane holds up to dragon claws.">Within seconds, the two of you are scratching, kicking, and punching on the floor.>"Spike! Nonny! Stop that this instant!">The two of you get off and stand up quickly.>"What in the name of Tartarus is all this shit about?"
"Nothing.">"Nothing.">"If it were nothing, why is your sister's hair all over the floor.">You looks down and the ground and ready a back-legged kick that would make Applejack proud.>You feel something holding your legs in place.>"No. The two of you are-">Twilight picks up a scroll off of the ground.>"What's this?"
"Nothing, don't read it.">You simply blush profusely as she reads out your interactive comic request.>"Make me a prisoner in a BDSM foal sex shop for what feels like a month…">She just looks at both of you with disgust.>"And what were you offering him if he were to do this?"
"F-friendship?">For a moment, her stern expression softens.>Then it hardens back to two times its strength as Twilight remembers who exactly the autist she adopted is.>She storms off into Spike's room.>"Gemstones?!">You both wince.>…
"Haa… haa… this is cruel and unusual punishment!">"Doing some chores around here for once is hardly even close. Now hurry up with that crystal polishing, I need to be there to spot you two when you clean out AJ's outhouses."
Very noice, and checked.
Kek, that was a nice short. Thanks for writing that!
Glad you liked it
>"Alright Spike, make sure you clean up before I get back. And Anon, you know what's going to happen if you misbehave."
>And Twilight is off to her heavy petting session, or whatever the hell it is she does with Rarity every tuesday
>Leaving a certain purple manlet as the only possible witness to what you are about to do
>You poke your head from your perch in the vents to spy on Spike, snoring heavily on the dining room table
>The fat fuck, that stinking putrid lizard, the absolute buffoon
>His entire morning was spent gorging himself on his own home baked gem-based sweets
>Meanwhile you aren't allowed one measly peek into the cookie jar, and haven't been all month
>Why does Spike get to stuff his pig face until his belly distends
>Just because he does all his chores
>Just because he cleans up after himself
>Just because he doesn't watch Extreme Equestria Wrestling all day
>Just because he doesn't try out the moves he sees on Twilight when she lets her guard down
>It's not just unfair
>It's bald-faced favoritism at work
>He gets to do whatever he wants as Twilight's asslicking manservant
>Why should you even have to clean anything if Spike's sole purpose is to wait claw and foot to wipe ass and kiss the floors, anyway?
>But Twilight's gone, and Spike might be in a coma
>Leaving the perfect window to execute operation Sticky Fingers
>1632 hours, operation begin
>The only vent in the kitchen is in the wall just above the fridge
>It's an ideal infiltration point, as it gives you direct line of sight to the jar and you can climb directly down onto the countertop
>From there it's as simple as skirting the wall straight to the target, in the opposite corner of the room
>You give the vent an exploratory push and retreat back to the bend in the shaft
>You want to test if the grate is trapped with a silent alarm
>Holding your breath, you flatten yourself against the shadows and glare
>Now, either Spike is going to rouse from his slumber and waddle his Porky Pig thighs in through the main entrance,
>Or Twilight is going to poof into the center of the room to catch you red handed
>In either case the plan B is to slip into the bathroom and drop the fat shit you've been holding in as a contingency plan
>In an unrelated note your bowels feel like they're full of river stones
>Sixty seconds, and no sign of bogies
>Ninety and you catch Spike's snoring pick up louder
>Good, that's one hostile confirmed still dormant
>120 and you can hardly hold your breath any longer
>With no sign of Twilight you allow yourself a quick gasp, practiced to make minimal noise
>Even if someone did hear you it could pass as the castle settling
>240 Seconds, no sign of a response
>Filly is free to reengage
>You did a scouting mission last night and loosened the screws, so it pops right off
>The top of the fridge is covered in grimy dust, the worst kind
>You scoop up a hoof-full of the filth and wipe it over your face
>Splitter pattern, 20% camo bonus in emplacements and interior infiltration
>You put just a bit too much on your snout and unintentionally inhale the filth
>Luckily your expertly drilled lungs maintain discipline and opt to pool it in mucus instead of coughing it up instantly
>The newly formed crust nugget will be deposited later, once you've exfilled the hot zone and returned to base
>If you're lucky it will be just solid enough to work as a slingshot pellet while remaining soft and wet enough to act as an explosive round
>If not you can just mold it around a piece of chewed gum
>Either way Diamond Tiara is going to have a hell of a bad hair day
>Off the fridge and your first real obstacle presents itself
>The kitchen sink is two compartment, twice your body length and filled with bowls and smallware bot ceramic and metal
>They've been left to soak, turning the sudsy water into a sort of paste
>This makes two levels of danger
>One, the dishes are arranged like a house of cards, and the slightest tap will make a succession of bangs, booms and crashes that will no doubt get fatass in here quicker than Pinkie Pie on stoner muff at Hoofstock
>Two, the paste could easily cake to your little filly hooves and leave tracks wherever you went
>There is only a small empty space on the other side of the sink
>Beyond that is a stack of measuring cups and dirty bowls
>You could leap to the island in the center of the kitchen, but the surface is covered in butter and dotted with spilled icing
>Meaning the momentum of the landing would likely carry you to the other side of the counter and through a mountain of cookbooks and glass dishes
>Circling back around the other side of the room would be impossible; a literal mountain of boxes and cookbooks blocks you off
>And the overhead counters don't really give you any room to manuever
>And the floor is, of course, lava
>Which makes your best bet is a somersault over the water your best bet
>Remember your training
>Over 2000 hours of EEW under your belt
>Just like Salty Scumslime's Super Scumslime Slam
>You coil your back legs
>A cold sweat makes its way down your cheek
>You're flying, you're flying
>The world slows, you're swimming through the air
>You throw your hind hooves over the back of your head
>As your spine curls and your body folds the wight in your colon begins to crush the rest of your gut
>You forgot to factor in the weight of all the hot steaming fecal poop
>You flip once, then twice
>You're gonna overshoot, you've already passed too much of the LZ to stop yourself on landing
>Thrice, four times,
>On the fifth flip the extra weight arcs upward just in time to change the momentum of the jump
>What you get is just enough of a push to send you over the dish pile
>You flop onto a slimy wooden cutting board back-first
>You clench your teeth and twist in enraged agony as the force of the impact almost makes your sphincter break
>Hold, damn it all, hold!
>And hold it does
>Wait a minute, why is the world still moving?
>>238711>The slippery smooth cutting board slides along the countertop, its only obstacles scattered sprinkles and powdered sugar>Your wild ride leaves behind a rainbow trail of smudges and streaks>Time stops as you launch once more into orbit>You were thinking too long, you ran into the blender at the fast-approaching corner of the room>The cutting board caught on the base and flipped you over>The wall is approaching much faster than you like>And now it's in your face>It hurts exactly like slamming your face against a wall would>Damage is severe>But only the noise level was critical>Once more on your back, you begin to survey the damage>Blender status: On the ground>And the cutting board>You are suddenly acutely aware of the most distressing and crippling pain you have ever felt in your life>You are not, in fact, on your back>Rather you are still falling down>Onto the cutting board, miraculously standing directly upwards for the brief period of time you were still in the air>Now it is in your kidney>Breathless and writhing, you gasp for air as you tumble onto the countertop>Every single limb and muscle in your body clenches at once, a technique to force yourself to ride the pain>Salty's Secret Stumbling Stress Shocker>You learned it from an obscure VHS tape a decade old, after tracking down secret messages in Salty's moveset>One day you would be a power to rival his>YEEEEEEEEEEE SCURVYYY DOGGG>You bulge your eyes out, flex veins on your forehead>And you rise to your hooves>Foaming at the mouth, you eye down your target>Cookie jar, unobstructed path, dead ahead>Time: 1639 hours>Spike status: snoring>One hoof forward>You slowly creep forward, banishing the pain from your mind and body>This is it>The moment you've been training for>You've molded that shape in your mind>Memorized the doily design painted around the curves>The little ball in the top, so you can grab it>Your eyes run up and down as you approach>Analyzing>Keep your eye on target, anon>You grab the lid>And you swipe three, without keeping it off for more than a second>Two sugars and a chocolate chip>Score>"Spike, have you seen my reading makeu-">You lock eyes with Twilight, for what feels like years
>At least during the spanking you got the chance to literally shit on Twilight Sparkle
reposting from somewhere…
>ywn shoot your filly friend to cover your murderous tracks
>watch the smile slip off her face as she drops like a stone
>her eyes staring up at you with betrayal as they glaze over and she slumps
>you lower the smoking gun, neutrality plastered on your face as you stare on
What if Anonymous,and Anonfilly made it to Equestria, but Anonymous can't speak horse.
That's wonderfully dark. So many ways to twist the proverbial knife in deeper too.
Alot of opportunity before, and after they get split for plot, and character developments.
So many different paths the story could take…
I return, once again late but not by entire months! Anyway, back to where we left off:
>Anon and the other important ponies and changeling are in Canterlot waiting for a political thing to start
>Spike got Anon's missing suitcase from Derpy and dropped it before getting it to his room, spilling its contents everywhere
In this next issue, things stop being mostly filler and more story actually happens! Can you all wait to see what it is? Well, you've waited this long, so that's long enough! Sorry about that, got caught up with IRL friends and didn't have that much time to write between playing games and going outside. Anyway, to the story!
>Be Anonymous again>You started watching from backstage, but after getting tired of not seeing anything and hearing even less, you've moved to a balcony on the other side of the courtyard>Just in time, too>A few seconds after you sit down, Celestia gives control of the microphone to Chrysalis>The crowd, once active and eager to respond to Celestia's words, becomes silent aside from the creaking of hundreds of chairs as they all lean forward>The silence persists for a few seconds as Chrysalis surveys the crowd before she takes a deep breath and beginning her apology>"Good afternoon, Equestria. I'm sure many of you know who I am and what I've done, so I won't spend any time explaining that. Instead, I'll get to the point.">She shoots an almost imperceptible glance at Celestia before continuing on>"I deeply apologize to all of you for any and all damages I may have caused through my and my colony's actions, and I hope that you all will understand that everything I have done was for the love I hold for my subjects, my children.">Chrysalis takes a brief pause to inhale again, as silence once again dominates the area>"However, I realize that now more than ever the best course of action would be to simply ask for the help that I need rather than try to take it. As such, to begin working towards repaying all of you for what happened, I shall begin sending Equestria all of the precious materials not necessary to my hive's survival that we have uncovered during the hive's construction and all that shall be unearthed in the years to come.">The crowd finally breaks its silence as a brief murmur crosses the courtyard, with the apology only continuing once the sound finally dies down>"It is my hope that this gift shall begin to right the wrongs of the past and begin to soften all of your hearts towards us, so that one day you all may find it within yourselves to forgive us. Thank you all for listening.">Chrysalis finally bows her head and steps back as the crowd begins to applaud>She passes the microphone to Twilight, who waits until the crowd has resumed its silence before beginning her part>"Alright, now I'm sure many of you have questions, so we'll be happy to answer them.">A flurry of movement comes from below as many ponies in the front row fly up (some figuratively, others literally before realizing how rude that is), all vying for Twilight's attention>After scanning the crowd for a moment, your caretaker selects a light blue earth pony mare to ask the first question>"How do we know that this all isn't another plot to take over the country?">Twilight looks around in contemplation until finally seeing you and looking back to the mare>"I happen to have an informant that I've come to trust, and this individual has given me plenty of evidence that Chrysalis and her hive are in no position to act against us at this point. Next question?">The mare sits back down as the press go crazy again>This time, Twilight picks a gray unicorn stallion<"Does this mean that we have to start freely accepting changelings within our towns and cities?">"Well, I suppose that would be up to the discretion of all those who would be affected by something like that. None of us up here truly have a scope on the individual lives of ponies, and thus we can't expect you all to blindly accept a change as radical as going from a gold war with the badlands changelings to openly welcoming them into your homes.">Twilight was about to call for the next question before Chrysalis tapped her shoulder>"May I?">Twilight then shrugs and gives her the mic>"You all likely won't notice any changes in your local changeling populations anyway, as almost all of us will continue to live in and expand our hive anyway."<"And if we do notice changes?">Chrysalis chuckles before answering the question>"Then obviously she hasn't done a good job of maintaining her cover. But in all seriousness, you likely won't see anything noteworthy and what is seen shouldn't be of any concern.">A small murmur rolls through the crowd as Twilight gets the microphone back>"Thank you for adding your piece to the answer, Chrysalis. Next question?">More questions roll in over the next half-hour, but they're all getting steadily more political and less easy to understand>Also, the fact that various governmental branches with very equestrian names are being thrown around isn't helping in the slightest>So, in your state of confused disinterest, you decide to wander back around to backstage and see if anything new's going on>You still peek through windows at what's going on as things start winding down, and you see ponies starting to filter out>Eventually, Twilight cuts the Q/A session off and the whole thing ends, just like that
>From your resumed post backstage, you see everyone come back and disperse a bit>Chrysalis returns to her guards, Celestia walks out to go do something with Luna following, and Twilight walks over to you again
"So, now what?">"I'm not too sure. Plans didn't reach this far ahead, so we'll probably have to ask Celestia about it."
"Okay then, let's do that.">"Sure, I just want to check in with Spike first and see if everything's alright.">Twilight begins to leave the room as you follow behind
"Is… there any particular reason?">Twilight pauses and looks at you>"Do I need one?"
"I mean, I guess not but we've only been gone for a day. Doesn't it seem a bit early?">"Maybe, but we also won't be gone for very long over this trip and I like to make sure that I check in at least once."
"Ah. Sorry for questioning, then.">Twilight smiles and starts walking again>"Never be sorry for asking a question, even if it's a stupid one. Especially if it's a stupid one, actually. That just means you're getting the stupid out of your head!">She punctuates her point by rubbing your head with her wing>You both finish walking back to your room where Twilight pulls a pen and paper from thin air and begins to write>Not seeing much else to do in the meantime, you decide to read the letter as she writes it>It's just her asking about Spike's chores and if everything's fine over there, for the most part>"Is there anything you'd like to add?">You look up to find Twilight staring at you expectantly
"Can you ask him if all my stuff got back okay?">"Sure, just give me a second… And done!">Twilight signs the letter for both of you, rolls it up and teleports it off to her castle before putting the pen back wherever she got it from>"Now, let's see what else needs to happen.">She opens the door for you both and leads you back to the throne room>However, Celestia's not there
"Well, is there anywhere else she can be?">Twilight begins to think to herself, but not for long before reaching a conclusion>"Either her office or her room, and I'd bet anything it's the former. Come on, I think I remember where it is.">You both return to the maze of halls and rooms that dominate the castle to find Celestia's office
"So, what will I get if she's not in there?">"You're getting nothing, we're not actually betting.">You look over to her and muster up the shit-eatingest grin you can
"Is it because I might be right?">"No, it's because I know you can't give me anything if- when I win.">Twilight returns the grin with less smugness but far more side eye mixed in>"In all seriousness, this is neither the time nor place for it, so no bets will be made."
"Okay…">You both continue walking in silence for a while until you get another question
"So, then… Where would Celestia be if she's not in her office or her room?">"I'm not sure. I think at that point I'd have to start asking around."
"Fair enough, I guess t-">Your talking is cut short as Twilight pulls you back to her side, now that she's staring at a door>You wonder whose door it is, given it's marked with a massive sun icon>Twilight knocks on the door, upon which you both hear a faint and muffled sigh before seeing the door open before you>A slightly tired looking Celestia stands behind it, but whatever exhaustion she seemed to have immediately leaves her upon seeing you two>"Joy, just the one I wanted to see! Please, come in. I have matters to discuss with you.">The princess steps aside and opens the door farther for you both to enter before closing it shut behind you all and casting some sort of spell across the room>This is definitely an office>There's a desk to one side covered in papers with several filing cabinets behind it, a bookshelf covered in boring-looking legal documents, and enough crumpled papers to be overflowing out of the trash can in the corner>However, there's also a surprising amount of room given the sparse decor>Twilight decides to take advantage of the large space and sit in roughly the center of the room to address her mentor>"What matters need discussing that would require a sound barrier?">"Matters involving your friend here.">Celestia's gaze shifts from her apprentice to you>Before Twilight can continue though, Celestia begins speaking directly to you>"I hope you enjoyed the ceremony out there, it was quite hard to set up on such short notice; especially so with how much flak I've been getting from the nobility recently, but that's not something you need to worry about.">She continues to stare at you, never dropping her smile
"I thought it was pretty cool; it definitely would've been better if I had actually chosen a good place to watch from the start.">"Well, I'm glad to hear that. With that all over, the entire war with the changelings is over and I never have to worry about them again thanks to you!">Celestia's still holding her smile, but slightly more strained>"Oh, except for one other problem: finding an appropriate stallion for Chrysalis to use for repopulation.">And within a second, the smile completely vanishes>Celestia stares at you for another period, but you're not sure what an appropriate response here would be>"I'm sure you can understand how that would be an issue for me, given the way the public views me. However, because of that treaty, I'm now bound by legal documentation to do this.">She continues staring, but this time you've worked out a reply
"… Did I handle the negotiations wrong?">Celestia sighs and slumps down in her desk chair before resuming>"No, it was definitely a fair agreement. A bureaucratic nightmare, but a fair deal.">She pauses briefly to lean forward towards you and Twilight, her smile creeping back on to her face>"Which is why, instead of handling that problem myself, I'm hiring you to do it for me."
And that's it for now. As always feel free to say whatever, or don't if you don't want to. I-it's not like I like getting (you)s, or anything… Stupid!
>>238796>Filly shows early signs of being a murderer or something>Purple notes the behavior as weird, but doesn't know what's wrong with her since they're all living in happy horse land>things grow steadily worse (or comedic) as time goes on as filly desires more blood (or continually fails due to no hands)
someone who can actually write the abuse stuff do this
What does that mean? Is it similar to going cold turkey? Is it healthy?
I can't explain but that's pretty cool>>238798
Can she shoot lasers out of her eyeball?
No, but she can be Hackerman. Echo Eye's are the new thing up at Hyperion !
Grey void is the second comfiest bed right after the checkerboard dimension.
>Full of histories and wonders to tell
>Be they real or fake, all they want is to create worlds of wonders for other to enjoy
>Even with their babbling mouth, these fillies are often much more passive than the others
>But they can be very skittish as well, not liking to have to deal with trouble and disappearing in the blink of an eye
>But if one ever joins an argument, you better be ready for the tl;dr
>They can be identified by the cursive ?
>And if you ever get matched to one, a good listening ear is the best to keep them happy
>Especially while snuggling under bed covers
>A creative bunch in all forms and sizes
>Varying from mouth, hoof or magic drawings, they d do anything to get your attention
>Including repaint your whole walls in drawings
>They re the most resilient of the bunch, surviving through their shared pranks and rough scoldings with their head held high
>But if they don't get enough attention they may end up fleeing somewhere else
>And with their short attention span its unlikely they will ever find their way back
>They can be identified by an abstract ?
>If your filly keeps trying to show you what she made you may have one of these
>So be sure to give her lots of attention and petting to show that she s appreciated, while bouncing ideas on what she should improve
>Whiles they may seem useless, they are the best companions
>Often hiding around their livehood, but are the first to come to you when need arises
>Especially when feeling down, they re the most caring towards others
>But often are also really strong opinated, with a tick to start arguments
>Insensitive with their words, they may be your best friend or your worse enemy
>But if they re going too far, a boop is often enough to make them scrunch their muzzles at you and go back into hiding
>They can be identified by the lighter, less opaque black ? cutie mark
>If you find yourself with one of these you can rest safe knowing about not having to do much maintenance for your bond to grow
>Be sure to make her feel safe around you, but also ready for her harsh words, always reminding yourself that she means well
>Try to not pointlessly boop her, as she may rarely if ever come out of hiding if she doesnt feel safe
>And hiding is this filly type speciality…
Grey void is top comfy
Wait, is she hiring Anon to find a stallion for repopulation, or to BE the stallion for repopulation?
If you like seeing dumb meme fillies, then give me some dumb meme filly draw ideas.
Filly after swimming and upset because she's wet and dripping.
Filly educating Twilight on the last thing she would want in her Burger King Burger.
Twilight educating filly about the griffons.
Filly joining Right Wing Pony Squads.
Filly making an awesomeface 'cuz retro memes are hip and cool
Anonfilly slays another lawful character in an RPG and consequently falls in a deep existential crisis about friendship
Doesn't matter what I come up with, but >>238924
is a glorious idea
I'm not revealing my future plans. Hopefully I'll be better at writing it all so that you all don't have to wait as long to find out, but you'll know before valve releases Half Life 3.>>238920
Thanks m8, time to go spend that (you) on more vidya!
I might write such in the nearby future if someone reminds me of it. Probably be after I am done with Neon Genesis Eponagalion.
It is funny becuase >>238796
this is so cloesly related to what I went onto this thread to say.
Uh… yeah! Ehm, cool, keep it up lad
Its my first time coding anytjing, unity seemed to be easy
Truth be told I'm not here to judge. Use whatever you're comfortable with fren
I'll look forward to it
No worries, fren. Life happens, and all that.>>237795
Get your friend's opinions on pitching the Didneyland story to CNN/Fox, and on how to kill time before the flight.
>>238970>-13107100 good filly points
Jesus what did she buy?
Yeah, no kidding. You know how easy it is to farm it off of rats with a greatsword? Even with a basic club you can mow down those little fuckers.
Thanks for posting
Looks cool so far>Filly Did Nothing Wrong
Filly jumping would be nice.
Hmm, Watcha mean? Like a platformer?
I'll give it my best shot.>"Hello princess, how are you today?"
"Doing well, it's always good to see a friend. I bought some rhubarb earlier, Applejack's coming over and I'm going to give making a pie a serious effort for once.">"I'm sure it'll be delicious with her help. Listen… you're probably wondering why I've called you in here.">You sigh, having hoped the formalities wouldn't come about this soon. Cheerilee was a good friend of yours, after all.
"Is Anon giving you any trouble?">"Well, she's a brilliant student, attentive, and a sweetheart…"
"What's the issue, then?">"Well, she doesn't interact with the other colts and fillies during recess. Just sits off in the corner of the playground with a magnifying glass. I figured the Princess of Friendship would be a bit concerned about her daughter well… not having any friends.">You feel a bit attacked at that.
"She has friends, the CMC come over sometimes.">"Twilight, they're four years ahead of her. Don't you want your daughter to get some friends her own age?">…>Be Cheerilee.>Hopefully Twilight will talk to her daughter about some of the things you brought up in your meeting earlier.>You scan the playground, looking over to Anon's corner.>She just keeps staring at the ground with that magnifying glass, adjusting it every once in a while.>What could possibly be so interesting?>Well, she's one of your students.>And it's your purpose to give every foal the best education they can receive, regardless of their mental inhibitions. >Not that she hasn't been getting perfect scores on her math exams seemingly without paying attention during that part of class at all, but the Equestrian educational system doesn't have only the purpose of educating foals, but molding them into good citizens.>…plus you've always been the curious sort.>You wouldn't be teaching if you weren't.>In another twenty minutes, you call all of the little ones back inside.
"I need to go pick up some test results from the post office, turn to page 27 of 'Apples and Oranges' and read through page 67.">You're not lying, but the post office is only around the corner; giving you ample time to casually walk over to the corner Anon has been sitting in for the past few months.>There's an ant mound there.>Well, you were interested in entomology as a filly too. Guess that settles it. >You're about to drop it and get back to monitoring your class read when you notice something strange.>There are tiny little blackened spots on the sand.>Strange.>Well, they'll be able to rebuild it.>With careful swipes of your hooves, you begin to excavate the ant colony.>Luckily it's just the small black ones, you wouldn't have gone to this trouble if they were fire ants.>Finally, you find what you're looking for. >It's a burial chamber.>You focus on your hoof and feel the pull.>One of the small corpses gravitates towards it, landing on your frog.>Like magic, because it is.>Being careful to maintain your hold, you push it up to your nostril and inhale deeply.>Like charcoal.>…>It's the end of the day.>All of the fillies and colts file out in neat lines, Anon being one of them.>Her Daring Do themed saddlebags are a bit too big for her, and so she slouches slightly as she trots out the door.
"Anon, can you stay behind a minute?">She smiles and comes over.>"What is it, Ms. Cheery?">You like that nickname.>It stands as a testament that not all of the nicknames you receive as a teacher are degrading.
"Well, two things. First of all, I wanted to congratulate you on your benchmark scores. You only got three questions incorrect across the entire test.">She grins.
"The second isn't quite as exciting, I just want you to deliver a message to your mom for me.">You pass her a letter, which she slides into her left saddlebag.>"What's it say?"
"Just boring adult stuff, I crunch Twilight's numbers for her lately because she's too busy saving the world all the time to do her own accounting." >You hate lying to fillies, but you really don't want to lose the admiration of one of the few students that has some respect for you.>At least it seems to satisfy her.>She leaves quickly, leaving you all alone to a silent schoolhouse and a stack of ungraded history quizzes.>You pull a small silver skeleton key out of your mane and slide it quietly into the bottom-most drawer of your desk.>You pull out a nearly full bottle of vodka and throw back about three shots worth.>You know burning ants isn't an abnormal thing for fillies and colts to do, but with a demeanor like Anon's you never would've expected it.>…>Be Twilight Sparkle.
"Welcome home Doodlebug, how was school?">"It was okay. I did good on the benchmark."
"Can't say I didn't expect that, you're a smart little filly.">"I wouldn't say that, I just happen to have been a man who received education through high school and a little bit beyond before getting sent here inexplicably.">You pull her in close for a hug.
"Does that mean that you'll turn down a celebratory batch of cookies tonight?">You can see her pretend to ponder it before grinning.>"Of course not. Oh, right. Cheerilee asked me to give you this letter. Says it was something about your accounting, sounds important.">You've done your own accounting for years, but if Cheerilee felt the need to lie about something like that to get a letter to you it's obviously:>A. Of at least mild importance.>B. Information that she felt necessary to keep from Anon, meaning it's of much more than mild importance because it relates to your baby.>You feign a calm demeanor as you pluck it from her outstretched hoof with your magic.
"Thanks sweetie, I'll take a look at it and then get started on the cookies. Peanutbutter, or chocolate chip?">"Chocolate chip.">You poof off to your office before taking out your eloquent letter opener-
>>239220>-and tearing the envelope to shreds because nobody in Equestria ever thought to write a guide on proper letter-opener techniques.>You could probably ask Rarity, but she would probably snob it up a bit and you don't particularly like it when she does that.>You utter a small incantation, sealing the paper that you carelessly cut back together.>'Meet me again tomorrow morning. 5:30 AM.'>You incinerate the letter.>Better prying filly eyes don't see it.>…>You're baking cookies when your filly comes in, crying.>"M-mom, something happened to Hamilton.">Oh shit.>You rush after her, arriving at her room within under a minute.>You take a look at the hamster.>It's clearly dead.>Resting on the hamster wheel.>There's blood on its mouth, huh.>You levitate it out.>Run a quick diagnostic test on it.>…>Brain failure due to lack of oxygen?>You look over at Anon.>She looks absolutely heartbroken, big tears running down her cheeks and lines of mucus soaking the hair under her nostrils.>The spell does have a five percent error margin…>It's possible that the hamster just dropped dead from a blood clot that traveled to its brain and it already had some sort of respiratory issue…>Maybe it bit itself in a panic.>You hug your filly close, lifting her off the ground a bit.
"Shh… it's okay. Hamilton is in a better place now.">"B-better than Equestria?">You ponder a bit about what the right answer might be to a question like that posed by someone who has told you they view your world as Heaven.
"For him, yes.">You answer seems to satisfy the filly, though you don't stop holding her close until her sniffles die down into the sounds of gooey inhalations through clogged nostrils.>A loud ringing tells you that your cookies are done.>You think you'll let her have them all, you wouldn't be doing your ass any favors eating them with her anyways.>Be Cheerilee.>You've finally finished grading all of your students' papers, just in time to get out of the schoolhouse before you're into unpaid overtime territory.>You love your job, but after hours it goes from 'the joy of educating Equestria's youth' to 'why the fuck do all of these little shits insist on writing their short responses in crayon with half of the letters being backwards and the other half not even resembling anything in the Equestrian alphabet?'>In any case, you're just in time to cook yourself a nice dinner of spaghetti.>A little known fact about having a pink coat is that marinera sauce stains don't show up as prominantly on it.>You know you've made use of it a few times.>Not your proudest moments, but the foals were none the wiser.>And administration would only catch wind of it if the parents knew.>Speaking of which…
"Anon!">You're a little tipsy.>Normally you wouldn't shout, but whatever.>One look at you from Twilight tells you that you picked a bad time.>You simply nod a hello and get on your way, only stumbling slightly.>You wish you could truthfully say that you had stopped with the first bit of that booze, but you can't.>Be Twilight.
"I'm surprised you want to go get a new hamster so soon after Hamilton's death.">"It's what he would have wanted. For me to move on and not be sad about him."
"Well, alright. A deal is a deal.">Twenty minutes later, and a noticably more docile hamster than Hamilton is selected from the pen.>On your way out from the store, you pop the most important question you can ask a filly about her new pet.
"What are you going to name him?">"HAM."
"That's a bit generic, don't you think?">"Well, it's not the type of meat. Just represents the activity of using low frequency radio waves to bounce off of the ionosphere, letting people communicate across the world."
"Ah, I didn't know humans had developed those. One of my classmates was working on prototyping one of them, though it's a bit of a pain to test the extent of it when you're the sole pony in Equestria with access to a radio that powerful and the maximum theoretical range is somewhere out in the trecherous uncharted lands.">"Huh, that's neat."
"I would use the channel she gave me to call her up using my copy of the prototype, but she died a few years back and it was incinerated when Golden Oaks was.">You feel a soft touch on your barrel.>"I'm sorry to hear that.">You give her a slight smile.
"I've gotten over it by now, but thank you. You're a very considerate filly, you know that?">"I try my best…">The rest of the walk home is spent in silence.>…>You burst awake, instantly alert.>Right, just your nightmare alarm.>Silent and efficient, even if it'll probably make your mane grow gray a few years before it probably should.>Well, time to meet up with Cheerilee.>You teleport outside of her door, never having forgotten the earsplitting screaming your ear off she gave you when you teleported right in front of her.>To be fair, it was warranted. The fact that you very nearly displaced her vital organs right onto the floor with your own body was reason enough for her to be pissed.>You… saw it as a learning experience. >You raise the knocker and bring it down three times.
"Cheerilee.">She opens the door immediately.>"Something is wrong with Anon."
>>239221>You walk inside, taking a seat on the well-worn couch.
"How do you figured that?">"Well, she's been burning ants in the playground and doesn't get along well with other fillies."
"I thought she was friends with the CMC…">"I never see them together on the playground. Fillies her age are usually inseperable from their friends, but she just sits."
"She's been burning ants every day?">"To my knowledge, yes. As I'm sure you know, ants have burial chambers. I dug into one and picked up quite a few of them, most of them were less insect and more briquette."
"But still, isn't burning ants fairly normal?">"I won't fault the average foal for a bit of insect cruelty, yes. In fact, I did it sometimes in my own foalhood… I've never seen somepony as dedicated to their craft as her with that magnifying glass though."
"I see… thank you for letting me know, I'll see what I can do about it.">The two of you share a quick hug, and then part ways.>After all, this morning is pancakes for your filly.>Be Cheerilee.>You feel awful.>Something is going to happen with that filly.>Twilight is a great pony, but you don't think she's capable doing what needs to be done here.>Well, all you can do now is wait it out.>Be Diamond Tiara.>Queen of the playground, even though you've been out of school sick for quite some time.>But now you're back, and ready to stake your claim.>Step 1: ensure your authority is still unchallanged.>You walk up to a colt and ask him to give you his lunch or else.>He laughs you off.>No matter, step 2 is sure to be a go.>Step 2: find the most pathetic kid on the playground and mess them up in front of someone.>You look to the corners.>Perfect, the little green one at the far left.>You trot over, slowly.>Menacingly.
"Lunch. Now.">"Fuck off, Dildo Tapioca.">You're miffed now.>She holds a magnifying glass with her forehooves, using it to fry ants.
"What are you doing?">"This colony of ants is disrupting the ecosystem of our class garden by killing earthworms. As an earth pony, it's my duty to bring down righteous judgement upon those that stand in the way of mother Gaia."
"Oh, then what would you do if I were to break that magnifying glass?">She looks up at you quizically.>"You really don't want to do that."
"Are you sure about that?">"Yes.">You laugh.
"What kind of 'righteous judgement' would a pony a good two feet smaller than I am bring down on me?">She stares at you blankly.>"You're making a mistake.">The calmness in her voice unnerves you slightly, but you've got a job to do.>You rip the glass from her hooves.>She puts up no resistance whatsoever.>You take it and slam down your hoof on it, the glass shattering into a good 1000 pieces all over the dirt.>She shrugs and walks back towards the schoolhouse.>Oh shit, you forgot about her capacity to tattle.>To your surprise though, she simply waves to Cheerilee, gesturing to her stomach and walks off down the path.>Dumb fuck must've forgotten her lunch.>You look over to the anthill, and see a brown paper bag sitting next to it.>Double dumb fuck.>…>The green filly doesn't show up in class until near the end.>She whispers something to Cheerilee, but there's no way it could be a full report of what you did.>Only takes three seconds, tops.>Cheerilee says something a bit louder about the book, and she just sits down and opens it up to a page.>A few minutes later, she turns her head around and gives you this thousand yard stare.>You try your best to focus on your reading, but at this point it's impossible.>…>Be Twilight Sparkle.>Any minute, and your little angel will walk through the door.>Any->"Hey, mom."
"Hey, how was-">"Fine, but the CMC need help with a school project. You mind if I sleep over with them tonight?">You silently wince and push your plans to play chess with your daughter back to another night.>She's getting closer to being able to beat you every time you play.>Granted, she still has a ways to go.>But she seems to like it.
"Of course not, just be back by 11:00 AM.">"Will do, thanks!">She runs out the door, not even grabbing any sleep gear.>Oh well, you know it'll probably be at The Farm.>AJ has plenty of spare beds for her massive extended family.>…>Be Willow Wisp.>A filly plops a box of bobby pins and some rope on the counter along with a couple of bits.>She's a bit short, but you don't give a fuck and just give her the receipt.>…>Be Plum Bum, owner of the Ponyville Plumbing Supply Store.
"So… why is it that you want to purchase all of this?">"Home repairs."
"Aren't you a little young to be doing your own home repairs?">"Yes. Yes I am.">You shrug.>She has the bits to pay for it, whatever.>She barely manages to carry all of the stuff out.
"You want some help with that, missy?">She sets down one of the bags in her mouth for a second.>"I'm good!">…>…
>>239222>Be Diamond Tiara.>Bright light wakes you up.>You try to complain to your dad, but find that your mouth is full of your own sheets.>You try to move to readjust them, but find that your legs are bound to your sides.>You do the only thing you can do, really.>Look up.>It's the green filly.>"Worms are interesting animals, you know. Back where I'm from, they don't grow much bigger than an index finger, and that's at their largest. Oh, right. You don't know what that is. No matter.">A torch is lit on the floor.>"Of course, you do still have the small garden variety ones; but there are also… more interesting ones.">You don't know what the fuck she's talking about.>"They hunt by vibrations formed by these creatures ponies call 'Gem Goliaths' deep under the bedrock of your world. Anything that hunts those fuckers daily has got to be pretty tough. Picture something that's ten feet tall, covered in sapphires and sharp amethysts, and spends its entire life crawling around deep underground looking for rocks to devour.">You imagine it, despite yourself.>"Now, imagine something that's a tough enough motherfucker to eat one of those.">You do.>You shudder.>"Luckily for us, they don't really recognize pony vibrations as being worth going for. The only reason they go after the big guys in the first place is that they're rich in all sorts of chemicals that are vital to the worm's reproductive system; not to mention the fact that a digestive system that's basically a big rotary grinder with an acid bath under it makes a racket.">She starts constructing something in front of you, about the height of your bed and made of a lot of pipes.>"Unless, of course… somepony were to mimic the vibrations of a gem goliath near the surface.">She flips a switch.>"Enjoy your last few minutes, Diamond Tiara.">The meaning of her words start to dawn on you as the contraption starts to make earth-shattering thumping sounds and the filly quickly and silently exits your room.>You pray to Discord, Celestia, even Luna to get you out of these ropes.>Soon, another rumbling joins that of the contraption at your feet.>You're
The pic of anonfilly doing greentext the way the ancientfags did it. A smiling Twilight has plans.The fact that it reminds her of both books, and lists combined might help as well.
This is adorable and not entirely inaccurate for me…
Thank you Anon.
… What if I have tendencies toward all three?
Then you are the ultimate filly, the One True Filly.
Judging by how most of these stories go, that doesn't sound like a good thing.
>>239248>Ywn have a momfu harem of Lone15, ASSFAGGOT, and AllNighters' Twilights
It's okay, filly. We're all sad here
Welcome to the club.
Yarnfilly is extra special. Its like being a drawfilly, except with 3 dimensional drawings, that bring filly to life in new ways
After a few minutes of intense thought on the subject, you completely struggle to think up a single thing to do while you wait on the plane. As such, you resort to the one thing any good pony does, and ask your friends.
"Alright guys, I've got nothing. How do we kill time? Also, how do we get CNN or Fox to give us money to go to Disneyland?"
Twilight giggles. "You really think they'll actually do it? That would be pretty expensive for a story, flying so many ponies and their families."
You shrug. "Well I mean these guys were willing to get us a private fucking jet. That's what, tens of thousands of dollars?"
"You're probably around the height of your value as far as stories go," Alex butts in. "There are now a ton of ponies who just got transformed, which will make for a ton of news stories to come. You guys just happen to have been the first, and with knowledge of another world."
Your ears droop just a little. Alex sees this and adds, "I'm sure you'll be able to milk your story just a bit, especially since you're the only ones who know what the hell caused so many people to turn into ponies. I don't know how far it'll go though. We live in a 24 hour news cycle, after all."
"…Damn. Well, let's hope I can score us a deal or something. Maybe I can get Trump to help. He's good at deals, right?"
Alex laughs. "Sure, kid."
Coco place a hoof on your shoulder. "It's fine if you can't get it. I just wish I could spend some time being a kid again."
"Aww, thanks Coco. I'm gonna try though. Now I just have to wonder how the hell we can kill some time though…"
"Would it be evil to suggest Truth or Dare?" Twilight offers.
>>239222>>Aren't you a little young to be doing home repairs?>>Yes, yes I am.
Love that reference, thanks Lone!>>239226
Fucking amazing, I'm glad you picked up my idea.
Technically speaking, no. Would it be the best of ideas? Also no.
Jesus christ, Phineas and Ferb. I feel *OLD*.
You feel old? how old are you? "inb4 fed" I clicked the reply button, therefore I agree Israel's nukes are almost as much of a problem as Sam Hyde's unbreakable killstreak.
21. Just makes me feel old that I haven't wawtched FIM, Phineas and Ferb, or any other popular cartoon in over five+ years.
Oh. Not as old, but not too far off and in the same boat. Last thing I watched was anime, and that's just because a friend watched it with me.
>>239308>friends>not drinking fucktons of whiskey while talking with strangers on VRChat over Murdoch Murdoch episodes
What're ya, fuckin' gay?
What a silly question to ask
We're all fagets here, anon
Bold of you to assume I can afford copious amounts of booze OR a VR headset!
To be fair, you only need to afford the booze. VRchat can be played with a mouse and keyboard.
In essence, no. But the fact that it being "evil" crossed Twilight's mind makes me think she's planning something mischievous.
planning/has something in mind
Do you guys want the latest Build of my game lol
The most diabolical thing of all: play vidya together, share some Dewritos, and just generally dick about like friends do. And I wouldn't even expect any sex or even cuddles out of the deal.
Way to get inappropriate anon, I was just gonna suggest hoof-holding
but you had to go and make it weird
Those are very thin legs for a babby.
Yeah, I tend to go too thin. Perspective was a pain
I don't know why, but I've always thought the Twilight in that image had a sort of malevolent look to her.
because it's you as a filly, anon
VIRGIN GANG RISE UP
>>239650>Just for me?
No! Just for ME! You're not my waifu, you're my momfu. Remember the difference, purplecunt! Reeeeeee!
In this green: Filly has to be the princess.
I plan on finishing this story by the end of the weekend.
>your name is Anonymous Filly
>it's been 9 years since your life was turned upside-down
>that was when you became the first man to set foot in Equestria
>it's been 4 years since your life was turned upside-down again
>that is to say your life was turned doubly upside-down
>not that it was turned right-side up
>that was when you had Twilight Sparkle transform you into a small earth filly so you could win a bet
>and when you both found out that she couldn't turn you back
>gee, with a name like yours, who could have seen that coming?
>well, you've more or less come to terms with it by now
>obviously, you're never going to have sex with anything ever
>because no matter what you do, it's gay
>other than that, life's been okay you guess
>Twilight was good enough to let you stay with her til you're big enough to take care of yourself again
>she's been making you go back to school
>but the lessons on Equestrian history and magic have been helping you see the value in that
>the point is
>you've settled into something like "normalcy"
>objectively, of course, your life is far from normal
>but you've found a balance
>and, generally, things are calm now
>today is the day that all that gets shat on
>today is the day your life gets turned upside-down again… again
>that is to say
>from this point forward
>your life will be triply upside-down
>you flop out of bed and stretch your glutes
>hot damn, it's Sunday
>that means pancakes
>but when you enter the kitchen
>the kitchen is empty
>she must have slept in a little later than usual
>it's a beautiful day out
>surely, by the time you get back from a good old-fashioned Sunday morning stroll she'll be up
>you're about to head out the front door when it bursts open
>Twilight's friends go racing past you
>you go down in a spinning heap
"Hey! What's the big idea?"
>the five of them skid to a cartoonish stop
>Applejack takes off her hat and fans herself with it
>"Sorry 'bout that, Anon. Have you seen Twilight?"
"No, not yet."
>they all exchange worried looks
>then they take off running again
>you decide to go after them
"Wait up! What's going on?"
>by the time you catch up with them, they're panicking together in Twilight's room
>Applejack throws her hat on the floor and stomps on it
>"Doggone it! Not Twilight, too!"
>Fluttershy shudders like a leaf
>"What are we gonna do what are we gonna do what are we gonna do?"
>Pinkie Pie is sticking her head in every nook, cranny, and drawer of Twilight's room
>"Twilight! Where are you? Are you here? Are you there? Oh, shoot! This is the worst game of hide and seek ever!"
"Guys! What's going on?"
>Rainbow Dash screams at you
>"What's going on is Twilight's gone missing!"
>Rarity shakes her head
>"And not just Twilight…"
>Applejack stomps on her hat again
>"Every alicorn in Equestria just up and disappeared!"
>is that all?
>armed with this new information, you do the best thing you can think of right now
>that is, you run around and scream with everyone else
>the cacophany comes to a sudden stop when somebody telepoofs into the room
>a tall, grey unicorn stallion with a curly, white beard clears his throat
"Excuse me, is this where Princess Anonymous lives?"
>Twilight's friends instinctively step away from you
>the stallion's eyes lock onto you
"How do you do, Princess Anonymous? My name is Starswirl. I'm here to take you to Canterlot."
"Huh? I'm not a princess."
>Starswirl cocks a bushy eyebrow
"You are the daughter of Princess Twilight Sparkle, are you not?"
"Adopted. Sort of. It's all… very… very… irregular."
"As long as it's legal, it's good enough for succession. Come with me Princess Anonymous; you are now the ruler of all Equestria."
>>239654>Starswirl's long-range teleportation spell leaves you dry-heaving on the marble floor of some tower in Canterlot Castle"Hrm. I see you're not used to teleportation.">you struggle to your hooves
"Nope.">you shake the nausea out of your mane
"So, uh, this is all an elaborate joke, right?""A joke? What ever do you mean?"
"I mean, Twilight's friends tell me all the princesses are gone, then you show up and claim to be a guy who lived over a thousand years ago, you tell me I'm in charge of a whole country, and then you make me sick with that telepoofing shit. Haha, whoah, so bizarre, now if you'll excuse me I have pancakes to eat.">the stallion who called himself "Starswirl" shakes his head"I'm afraid this is all quite real. Every alicorn princess in Equestria seems to have disappeared. If you'll look out that window you'll find the ponies of Canterlot in quite a panic.">you glance at the window>but don't dare to look down at the streets"For your second point, I did indeed live over one thousand years ago, but a short while ago Princess Twilight freed me and my fellow Pillars from our temporal prison. Thus, I live again."
"Is that right? Man, Twilight doesn't tell me anything anymore.""Indeed not, it seems. For she apparently never told you that you are her legal heir."
"Nope, definitely not. Shouldn't Spike be her legal heir though? I mean, Twilight adopted him way before me.">Starswirl shakes his head"No. The dragon was legally adopted by Princess Twilight's parents, making him an adopted brother rather than an adopted child. Furthermore, as a non-pony, he is ineligible to be the head of a royal Equestrian house."
"Hey, well, uh, I'm not a pony either! Check my records, I was born as an alien monster.""I am quite aware of your past, Princess Anonymous. I'm also quite aware that you are a pony now, and will be for the remainder of your life. It is enough.">oh, no, no, no, no>that sinking feeling in your gut…>there's only one card left for you to play
"I-isn't there anyone else?">Starswirl sighs"After you, there is one other in the line of succession. A distant descendent of Princess Celestia, who is considered her "nephew" for simplicity's sake.">Starswirl glances at an hourglass in the room>it's about half drained"Speaking of him, he should be paying us a visit-">the door flies open>a white unicorn stallion with a wavy blonde mane storms in and begins screaming"Uncle Starswirl, I am telling you, I deserve to be the king of all Equestria. Imagine! A statue of me, gracing every-""For the last time, Blueblood, I am not your uncle! Leave me; I'm speaking with your princess!">Blueblood's eyes lock onto you>first he looks shocked>then he looks angry>then he looks friendly"Why hello, there, little Princess Nonny. Would you like some candy? All you have to do is sign-">the ivory room grows black"Leave us, Blueblood!">Blueblood scrambles out>the room becomes bright again>Starswirl shakes his head"If you abdicate your throne, Anonymous, he will take it.">the thought of that sends prickles up your spine
"But… he's a total fucking faggot!">the old wizard nods gravely"Indeed."
"And there's absolutely no other way?">Starswirl's eyes glaze over as he stares into space"I lived in the age before the princesses. I remember the ways of the kingdoms of the three tribes. A vacuum of power will not stay empty for long. If it is not filled by legitimate succession, then it will be filled by war. Yes… I fear that if neither you nor Blueblood can claim the throne, then this land will be destroyed.">so>it's either you>or Prince Fags-a-lot>or war
"I mean, how bad could a war possibly be, you ponies don't even have nukes-""Princess Anonymous!"
"Fuck! Fine! I'll do it!">as you speak these words, a wave of dizziness crashes through your head>the stern gaze of the ancient mage softens"Wonderful. Now, come with me; we must tell the press at once!"
>>239655>you don't get a chance to assent to the press conference>the bearded magician grabs the scruff of your neck in his magic and begins rapidly navigating the castle
"Whoah, geez, the press? I only just accepted the job, dude. Give me some time here.""There is no time. The ponies of this land are on the verge of riot, and must have swift reassurance."
"Oh man, oh shit, what do I say?""Answer all questions as simply and honestly as you can. For questions beyond your knowledge, I will answer.">Starswirl stops before a plain white door and sets you down>the wrinkly old stallion licks his hoof and begins trying to smooth out your mane with it>he gives up on that fairly quickly"This is the conference room. I will hold open the door for you, you will enter, and you will proceed to the center of the stage. I will follow you in after that. Do not answer any questions until I am at your side."
"Y-yeah. Uh-huh.""Enter with confidence. Maintain a poise that is dignified, but not snobbish."
"R-right.""And do try not to stutter in front of the journalists. Now go.">before you can respond, Starswirl the Bearded channels his magic and opens the door>deep breaths now, Anon>with a feeling of unreality, you stride onto the stage>immediately, you're bombarded with shouts and questions>"Princess Anonymous!">"What did you do to Princess Twilight?">"How do I pronounce your name?">"What's your tax plan?">you ignore them, and look straight ahead>not until you reach the center of the stage do you face the crowd>a little white filly is waving excitedly at you
"Sweetie Belle?">Sweetie Bell holds up her pad and pencil>"Hi, Anon! You're gonna be in the school paper!">immediately, poor Sweetie Belle is swarmed with reporters>"Tell us more about your relationship with Princess Anonymous!">"Is Anon some kind of pet name?">"Tell us about the princess! Why does she wear her mane like that?""SILENCE!">the roar of the wizard, now at your side, brings the murder of journalists to whispering murmurs"Now, if you have questions for the princess, you may raise your hoof and wait to be chosen.">hundreds of hooves stick straight up in the air>welp>this looks like it'll take a while>you might as well go about this in an orderly fashion>your first choice is a reporter on the far left of the front row>"Princess Anonymous, do you know where the other princesses are right now?"
"I… don't.""Between the Pillars of Equestria, the Elements of Harmony, the Wonderbolts, as many members of the Royal Guard as we could spare, and as many volunteers as we could recruit, there are thousands of ponies scouring Equestria for them right now. Rest assured, the princesses will be found.">the next journalist leers at you suspiciously>"How can an earth pony be a princess? How do we know you won't be a biased ruler?"
"Well I, um, actually wasn't born as a pony at all. I have no bias toward any one tribe over another.">"So you're not even a pony?!""You have asked your question. Be silent.">the third journalist rephrases that last question a bit more politely>"Princess Anonymous, is it true that, before you were adopted by Princess Twilight, you were an alien creature?"
"Yeah… yes. I remember doing a few interviews for some science journals back in, maybe, 1002, so you should be able to learn more about my old life in some of those.">next>"Princess Anonymous, I understand that you're a bit older than you look. However, do you think that a small filly such as yourself is really ready to lead Equestria?"
"Heh… as, uh, ready as I'll ever be, I guess.""I will be educating and assisting the young princess in her duties until she is ready, just as I did for Princess Celestia aeons ago. Equestria shall be well-lead now, just as it was then.">"This question is for Mr. The Bearded. Based on your experiences in princess-education, how long would say it will be until Princess Anonymous is ready to rule on her own?""Ten years, perhaps less. However, I expect that the other princesses will have been brought back safely to Equestria long before then.">hopefully they're brought back before the end of this damn press conference
>>239656>the conference goes on like this for fucking HOURS>thankfully, Starswirl is there the whole time>he keeps you from getting torn apart>even more thankfully, it's over now>safely backstage, you let out some say some things>the things you say are somewhat less than appropriate for a princess>or a filly, for that matter
"Holy fucking BALLS. You think those shit-licking buzzards out there are gonna be satisfied now?""They never are.">your stomach chooses this moment to let out an unearthly growl>your knees almost give out>as though your body wants to remind you that you just accepted responsibility for an entire fucking country>without eating breakfast first
"Hey, Starswirl, where do I eat?""Ah, yes. Princess Twilight would have made pancakes today, correct?">the wizened wizard takes you to the castle's great dining hall"Servants! Bring your princess pancakes!">a number of well-dressed attendants jump and dash into the kitchen>Starswirl makes you sit in a massive, oaken chair with the Sun emblazened on it>which you assume is Celestia's>the wizard himself takes a place at your right hoof"Your late breakfast should be out momentarily.">sure enough, monocled servants come rushing out to lay huge stacks of pancakes before you>hot damn>princessly etiquette is no doubt a skill you'll have to pick up someday>but someday is not today>you bury your fucking face in those damn pancakes>Starswirl pulls a watch from under his cloak and checks the time"Ah, if you'll excuse me, I have a small errand to run."
"Yup. Have fun.">and so, you're left alone with the pancakes>this growing filly body you're trapped in can really pack them away>oh yeah, just like Twilight used to make them>Twi…light…>the devouring stops>everything's gone so fast today>you never had a chance to really think about the personal consequences of what's going on>you really seriously might never see Twilight ever again>no, you never thought of her as a "mom">she never even told you that she'd done the paperwork to legally adopt you>and no, you didn't always get along with her>in fact, you frequently didn't>and yet…>there was something of a respect between you>after the "accident," she was one of the only ones who still spoke to you like an adult>and now she's…>you sure do hope she gets found soon>and then you can laugh together about the time they tried to make you a princess"Anonymous, I hope I'm not interrupting any profound thoughts.">Starswirl trots into the room and drops a newspaper in front of you"I brought you something. It's your first appearance in the papers.">the paper is the Canterlot Chronicle>its front-page story?>"MY LITTLE PRINCESS CAN'T BE A RACIST ALIEN," by Rhyme Broderick>you fling the thing off of the table
"Those dog-fuckers!">great, rocking belly laughs thunder from beyond the door to the great hall"You were right, Starswirl, she is a foul-mouthed wee princess!">Starswirl grins as a huge, teal earth stallion with a red beard canters into the hall"Princess Anonymous, I'd like you to meet my dear friend Rockhoof. He's here to help with one of the most important parts of your education.""Pleased tae make yar acquaintance."
"H-hi. What exactly is a mythical hero who I didn't think really existed here to help me with again?""Hah! Becomin' an alicorn, of course!"
Kawaii desu>>239633>"A-anything for you mommy"
Anonfilly for presi- princess!>I plan on finishing this story by the end of the weekend.Fuck yeah! Even more greentext! I'm excited to see the full story.
godspeed, writefilly. We could always use more greens. You've secured your place innaquestria with this work!
Write on, you blessed faggot. Bring us the greens that we might feast.
Do it, faggot. See what happens
Is Occult Facade still here? I was enjoying his green…
greens are part of a nutritious diet for a growing filly
I'm here I've just been… unmotivated?
Uninspired thats it. The story should resume sometime this weekend…
Wait, was a Lyra Plushie signed by Faust or is it just a joke poking fun at the plush itself?
Anon, try to keep up
Alright, since half the thread wants to be babbies I'll spoonfeed you like the little softshell you are.>THE fleshlight Lyra plush changes hands>Guy who buys it heads off to Bronycon>Lauren Faust also heads off to Bronycon>Lauren Faust blesses the Lyra plush with godlike powers by signing it.
The convention hall probably exploded and everyone probably died, I wouldn't know since I wasn't there.
I never got to visit conventions, alright? I can't keep up with that stuff, and really it's more depressing than anything that in the last moments of the fandom's mainstream relevance I can't afford even the month's rent let alone a ticket.
I didn't go to the convention either, also a bit of a poorfag. It's just… you kind of would have to be living under a horsefucker-y rock not to know about this by now.
But that's not your fault, have some pets for holding in there.
Imagine buying a ticket and then due to last minute financial necessity having to miss the con
Can confirm. Posting this from a version of Equestria made entirely out of spaghetti.
I don't follow any artist actively. No social media. I don't use derpi except for very specific searches. I barely even use this site, despite being a long-timer. I usually just linger in a set of five to ten threads at a time, and so the plush meme being immortalized was totally unknown to me.
"I'm still not entirely sold on this whole 'becoming an alicorn' thing. Can you guys explain it to me again?""Certainly. Ascension to the alicorn race is earned through a prodigious feat of magic, performed in the service of other ponies.""For example, Princess Celestia ascended when she first single-hoofedly raised the Sun. Similarly, Luna ascended by raising the Moon. Princess Twilight, I'm told, ascended when she became the first pony to incorporate friendship magic into a written spell, a breakthrough which has redefined the arcane sciences."
"Yeah, but I'm an earth pony.""It is not necessary to be a unicorn to perform great feats of magic. The pink princess, whose… name escapes me right now…"
"Cadance?""Yes, her. I've been made to understand that she was born a pegasus."
"So what did she do?""Hrm… I don't believe I ever asked. Rockhoof, you're a keeper of tales.""Oh, it was something… about… flying. Or weather, maybe. Ah, the point Starswirl is trying tae make is, all three tribes hae got some sort of magic in them.""Indeed. Why, Rockhoof here is perhaps the most powerful earth mage alive today.""I'm the only earth mage alive taday, though such things were common in the olden days."
"Right, okay, sure, got it. So earth ponies have some kind of magic too. There's still one thing I don't understand though.""What's that, lass?"
"Why do I have to be blindfolded while you guys throw rocks at me?""These are but pebbles, lass.">to emphasize his point, Rockhoof sends a pebble bouncing off of your flank
"Well they suck.">Rockhoof sighs"Och, tak off the blindfold then.">the Sun stings your eyes>Rockhoof sighs"It's a bit of a shortcut. Sometimes a blank-flanked foal will have a natural talent for earth magics, and they'll earn their cutie mark during that test. It would hae made things a bit easier for us if it had worked."
"Oh. Well, sorry for sucking.""It's nae your fault. Any earth pony can learn earth magics. I'll just teach you the slow way.">Starswirl smiles"Alas, I must attend to less amusing work now. Rockhoof, do make sure our little princess gets to bed at a decent hour. The Sun won't be setting tonight, so make sure you listen for the clock tower."
>Rockhoof has led you to the center of the hedge maze
"So earth ponies are all about strength, right? What are we gonna do? Sparring? Smashing rocks?">Rockhoof snorts"I dinnae think you're quite ready tae face me in sparring, wee princess.">glancing up and down Rockhoof's frame, you can see he's easily over three times your size
"Fair enough.">Rockhoof chuckles>then points to a little flowerbed"No, the first thing we're going tae do is gardening.">Rockhoof lays down in front of some small, dead flowers
"Gardening? Like, flowers?""Aye. And eventually vegetables. In a few years maybe a nice, big grove of oak trees. Come here, lass, look at these petunias.">you trot over to lie beside the massive warrior"Earth magics are very subtle, Anonym…hm..mh…">he coughs"Och, how do I say tha name of yours, lass?"
"Just call me Anon.""Anon, earth magics are very subtle. There are no fancy spells or such for us. A garden you tend does just a little bit better. A blow you land lands just a little bit harder. It boils down to blood and soil. Mastery over your body, and mastery over the earth.">Rockhoof gently plucks a dead, dry thing from the end of the flower with his teeth>and drops it in front of you"Crack open that pod. Careful, now.">using your teeth, you do so>try as you might to keep it from touching your tongue, a few fragments of the thing land there>you grimace and spit out the bitter, dead plant matter"Look. Look in the pod."
"It's full of seeds.""Aye, so 'tis. Plant them.">you spend the next few minutes scraping out holes with your hooves and dropping seeds in them"Not so close.""Too deep.">when the seeds are properly covered up, Rockhoof stands"Petunias are flowers that live and die very quickly. You could raise five generations of them before winter falls.">Rockhoof nods"That will do for today. You've been through quite a lot already. Just remember, this garden is yours now."
>>239777>your days are to be divided as follows:>in the afternoons, it's earth magics with Rockhoof>but in the mornings, it's princess training with Starswirl"The first thing you must learn is royal etiquette."
"Well, how much can there really be to that? It's just table manners and stuff, right?""There is a great deal to it. And you must master the fundamentals quickly, for your coronation is at the end of this week."
"Coronation? Like a ceremony? That seems like a bit much.""Ceremony is an important part of diplomacy. It's best you learn it now."
"Geez. You keep talking like the real princesses aren't coming back.""One may hope for the best, Anonymous, but one must also prepare for the worst. The princesses are an integral part of this land. It is of the utmost importance that you are legitimized in the eyes of the masses as quickly as possible."
"All right, fine, what do I gotta do?""The first thing ponies will see about you is your poise. You must keep your head elevated, level, and forward-facing at all times.">you bring your head to the position Starswirl described
"Like this?""Yes. However, I advise you exclude the silly facial expression.">you realize that you've unconsciously put on a grave, stern look to go with the poise>as you're wiping that away, Starswirl retrieves a crystal dinner plate>and sets it down on top of your head
"Heh? What did you do that for?!">the plate slides off of your head>and shatters on the ground next to you>the sound of it startles you into jumping"The only way to keep from breaking the plate is to maintain the appropriate royal poise. You are to wear your plate during your princess training for the rest of the week. By the time you are crowned, the royal poise should come as naturally to you as breathing.">he sets another plate on your head
"But that's nonsense!">the plate shatters on the ground
"You show me how to do it!""Alas, with my horn it is impossible. However…">Starswirl's horn flashes>Rockhoof stands before you>covered in water and pink soap suds>a rubber duck on his back>and what appears to be steel wool in his mouth>he spits out the steel wool"Starswirl, old friend! What's the emergency?""Oh, it's nothing so dire as all that. Our little princess could use some moral support. Would you mind showing her how to carry a plate on your head?">Rockhoof looks at you>and grins"Ah, ha ha ha hah! Of course.">Rockhoof grabs a plate in his teeth>tosses it into the air>and catches it on his head"It's like I was saying. Earth magic is about mastery of the body. This sort of thing comes much easier to earth ponies than it does to unicorns.">Rockhoof launches himself into the air>and lands on one forehoof>all the while holding his head up>and the plate stays in one piece"So you see, it isn't nonsense at all. In fact, it's quite possible.">Starswirl sets another plate down on your head>why did you take this job again?
Is that Russian drawfag still here?
>>239780>four days to the coronation
"So we're not going to the garden today?""Oh, we'll visit your garden in a bit. But first, I want to show you mine."
"Your garden?""Aye. It's right over yonder.">you follow Rockfoof to a corner of the royal garden
"It wouldn't happen to be that grove of massive oak trees, would it?""Sharp lass, it is indeed. Come on then.">you're surprised to see that Rockhoof actually vanishes among the trees>this grove can't be more than 20 feet around>and then you step inside for yourself>whoah
"It's like stepping inside a forest.">from the center of the grove, it's impossible to tell that you're in the middle of Canterlot>you can't see, or even hear, anything beyond the tree line>unseen insects whirr their contentment>birds cry out to one another>a small spring burbles into a tiny brook, which flows out of the grove and presumably down Canterlot Mountain>Rockhoof laughs"I'm glad you're impressed. I planted it myself, over one thousand years ago. There was no Canterlot in those days, just the mountain."
"It's great.""Aye. Do ye think you can tell me why I'd make a grove on this spot?"
"Um… it wouldn't be the view, would it?""Hah! Good guess, but no. Here…">Rockhoof fishes a small stone out of the brook and tosses it at your hooves"Try to crush that stone."
"Are you serious?">Rockhoof grins"Aye.">you sit back on your haunches and take the rock in both hooves>you hold the rock between your forehooves like a vise>and press as hard as you can
"Holy fuck!">a cloud of fine powder floats about your face and tickles your throat>your hooves just clapped together>like there was fucking nothing there>your face splits into a massive grin>and you repeat the expletive over and over again
"Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck!""Hah! Do ye see now, little Anon? This is a place of power."
"No kidding!""All the magic in the world seeps up out of the earth. All the magic in the earth flows through channels called leylines. This is a spot where two leylines meet, where the magic is so strong that it seeps into the air. That's why I made the grove here."
"So that the earth magic would help the trees grow?""Eh, nae quite. It's more to keep the magic under control. A well-tended grove channels the leyline magic as earth magic, which is nice and peaceful compared to unicorn magic, or even pegasus magic.">Rockhoof shakes his head"Many such intersections have places that do channel the magic as unicorn magic, and nearly every single one of them is a place of evil.""Letting the magic seep wild can be bad too. The Everfree Forest was once a grove like this one, but I've been given tae understand that it grew wild as the practice of earth magics died out, and there were no more earth mages tae tend it."
"So earth mages used to go around planting groves on these intersections?""Aye. In a way, you could say we were gardeners for magic itself."
"And the earth magic from the groves is what gives your strength.""Well, not in my particular case. I was a fairly weak earth mage, once upon a time. But one day my village was in danger from a volcano, so I dug a trench along a leyline to take the lava tae the sea. As I was digging, I came across an artifact that gave me my great strength and powerful earth magics. Many such artifacts can be found buried along the leylines. However, yes, it was the common way with earth mages tae be strengthened by tending the groves."
"So you're sort of like a muscle wizard, huh?""Hah! You could say that."
>>239783>two days to the coronation"Start again."
"Oh, fuck you!">the plate slides off your head and shatters on the floor>Starswirl magics a new one it its place"Please try not to spout profanities from the podium during the real address."
"Okay. Okay, sure. Give me a fucking second-">the plate slides off your head again as you reorganize your notes>Starswirl waits for you to look up again before replacing it>coronation speech rehearsal thingy, take 17
"Fellow ponies of Equestria, it is with great honor that I accept this crown."
"It is a symbol of the great trust you have placed in me, and of my commitment to live up to that trust."
"Equestria is a great nation, and even in the face of the tragic loss of our beloved princesses, we will carry on.">you groan
"Starswirl, I'm still not sure about that line. It sounds like I'm saying that the real princesses are dead or something.""The other princesses, Princess Anonymous. They are the other princesses, not the real princesses. You are a princess, and you must start thinking of yourself as such. Imagine if the public heard you-"
"Yeah, okay, it sounds like I'm saying the other princesses are dead. Can we get that line changed?">Starswirl sighs"I'll see what I can do. Continue."
"Equestria is a nation that has overcome hardship after hardship for over a thousand years, and by the power of our harmony and friendship, this great Equestrian tradition shall go on for a thousand years more.">you cringe
"Are you sure I should be predicting hardship? Like, maybe I should be predicting peace and prosperity instead?""In this country, any prediction of peace you could give would be proven false in a week."
"As the Sun rises, and so does the Moon…">you look up at Starswirl>the obvious objection is clearly showing in your eyes"I am aware that the Moon has not risen all week.">right>just making sure
"… so too shall Equestria rise up, stronger than ever before."
"And who, my fellow ponies, is to blame for our misfortunes?"
"What band of international capitalists has bled our nation dry with their greed and deception?"
"GRIFFONS!">Starswirl sputters"That's not what I wrote!">you're fighting hard to keep that grin off of your face
"I improved it.""With what? A declaration of race war?!">you're pretty sure you're losing the fight
"Yes?""Wh-hrm-gh-gah!">heh>no wonder this guy is Twilight's idol"Start over!>oh>the plate falls off of your head again
>>239784>the night before the coronation>at least, that's what the clock tells you>obviously, it hasn't been night ever since Celestia and Luna disappeared>now, the whole pomp and ceremony shit is definitely bullshit>but you still couldn't sleep>n-not because you're excited or anything>just because>you decided to head out to the middle of the hedge maze>to look at your garden>the ugly little flowerbed became a lot less ugly once you pulled out all the dead flowers and weeds>actually, you ate most of the weeds>the petunia seeds you planted have already sprouted>they've got little stems about three inches high>and little leaves>and some of them even have little flower-buds>someone steps up to the other side of the garden>"Excuse me. Are you Princess Anonymous?">you look up at the unexpected company>he's a tall, skinny unicorn>he's got a black cloth tied over his face>and a rapier in his magic
"Uh, yeah. Just call me Anon, the coronation's not til tomorrow.">"My apologies. Anon, prepare to die."
"Eh?">the sword flashes at you like silver lightning>you barely roll out of the way in time>but not before shrieking like a little girl>what?>in a manner of speaking, you are a little girl right now>anyway>you're currently galloping through the maze as quickly as your stubby filly legs will carry you>you may or may not still be screaming girlishly>but you have a good reason to be screaming>after all>the asassin is gaining on you>you've got one small cause for hope now>you've been taking this route out of the maze every day for a week>you know the path>does he?>all you have to do is lose him at one turn>and, hey, even if you don't lose him>as long as you can get out of the maze, you can scream for the guards>you won't get lost>you can't get lost>you run face-first into a leafy dead-end>well shit>you got lost>and the asassin>is closing in>"Ah, poor Anon. It seems this is the end of the line.">hot tears threaten to break loose from your eyes
"H-heh. My own asassin. I guess this means I'm really important, huh?">"Yes, mon cherie. You will be a very important pony, for the next minute or so.">it seems he plans to advance upon you with needless slowness>sick fuck probably wants to watch you cry>well>you're give him exactly that, then
"Oh, man. I never wrote that book.">you close your eyes
"I never climbed that mountain.">tears force their way through your eyelids and race down your face
"I never even tried a pineapple pizza.">"Death is a cruel mistress, little Anon. She comes to claim us all before we're ready.">when you open your eyes, the asassin stands over you>his sword ready for the strike
"W-w-w-wait, wait, wait, wait. Can I just get, like, 10 seconds to scream for help?">"If it would make you feel better."
"Thanks. You're very polite for a guy who murders fillies.">then you let loose
"AAAAHHHH! STARSWIRL! ROCKHOOF! GUARDS! HELP! HELP ME I'M GONNA FUCKING DIE! AAAAAAHHHH! TWILIGHT! HELP! AAAAHHHHH!">then you wait>and listen>"So sorry, mon cherie. It seems noone heard you."
"Fine. Just get it over with.">"It will be quick and painless, I promise.">you close your eyes>there's a sound like an explosion>is it the sound of you going to Heaven?>or at least Purgatory?>when you open your eyes, there's a shovel blocking the rapier from reaching you>the shovel twists up>and the sword snaps>you follow the handle of the shovel back to a pair of teal jaws>Rockhoof!>he's all covered in leaves and branches>as though he just busted through the maze instead of navigating it>which is really, really fine by you>"This seems like the time to make my exit!">smoke spills from the asassin's horn til you can't see anything>when the smoke clears, you find yourself clinging to Rockhoof's leg>and the asassin is gone"There, there, wee princess. You're safe now. Though Starswirl will insist on keeping guards with you at all times from now on."
"I'm okay with that."
You posted the same part twice you fuckin druggo
I fugged up the formatting and deletted the post that was wrong.
Oh hey, nice to see you!
>>239786>after the asassination attempt, there was some talk of cancelling the coronation>surprisingly, it was you who decided to keep it in place
"What are we gonna do, let the terrorists win?">Starswirl seemed pretty impressed by that>all the same, he insisted on heightened security for the ceremony>you feel kind of bad about taking guards off of the search for the princesses>but it's become painfully apparent that, unlike the real princesses, you really do need all the security>oh, there's one more security measure the old geezer insisted on>you can't eat or drink anything during the whole ceremony>it seemed reasonable at the time>after all, there's no telling who exactly wants you dead>or what connections they have>but now that the speech is given>and the little crown rests uncomfortably upon your head>and the guests have begun to partake of the excessively luxurious banquet>you're feeling pretty fucking hungry>you're seated in Princess Celestia's seat>a stack of royal phonebooks under your ass help you see over the table>all these richfags eating their richfag food>there's nobody you know in the banquet hall>pretty much all of your friends were Twilight's friends>and they're all running around looking for Twilight right now>your stomach growls like a caged cougar>fucking hell what you wouldn't give for a little deep-fried hay right now>hey, it's an acquired taste>a faggy voice calls you out of your hunger-fueled runimations"Little Princess Nonny, congratulations.">Blueblood puts his hoof on your shoulder>you push it off
"Thanks. Please, call me Anon.""Anon. My, I'm sure your mother would be very proud.">kek>your mother would probably just be shocked to learn that you've been turned into a talking baby pony>but Blueblood is probably talking about Twilight>but she'd probably be panicking about this too
"Maybe, maybe not. All I can say is that I sure never dreamed about this sort of thing when I was little.">Blueblood's smile turns to plastic"I did."
"Well, life is weird like that, you know?">you grin and punch him in the foreleg>what you'd really like is to call him a faggot and tell him to fuck off"Yes. Life can take some strange turns. Have you thought about what would happen if someone else were to become an alicorn?"
"No. I can't say I have.""It's an interesting bit of Equestrian law. Anyone who becomes an alicorn is immediately made a high princess, and ranked above any and all non-alicorn royalty. You would be effectively de-throned."
"Well, that's not something that happens every day. Besides, I'm working toward ascending myself.""Ah, but how hard it must be for an earth pony to ascend. I don't believe it's ever happened before."
"Hopefully the real princesses aren't gone long enough for it to be an issue.""Do you know, Princess Anon, that I have hired some of Equestria's greatest wizards to help me improve my magic?">you let a little smile creep onto your face>mostly to mask that little bit of panic that's creeping into your throat>but also to provoke Blueblood
"Trying to ascend?">Blueblood hisses"Indeed."
"Good luck with that.">Blueblood wheels around"Thank you.">and he stalks off into the crowd>as you're watching him go, Starswirl returns to his seat beside you>his plate stacked high with gourmet food from the buffet table
"Fucking finally, dude. I had to sit through a whole conversation with Blueblood.""Would you kindly watch your tongue in the presence of company?"
"Sorry, it's just… geez, he's so passive-aggressive and gay.">Starswirl takes a big, sadistic bite from his plate>fuck, you're so hungry
>>239858>day one as the officially crowned ruler of all Equestria>now that you're really a pretty pony princess, a great deal of your training is on-the-job>that is to say, you've been thrust into real princess work while Starswirl criticizes you>oh, don't worry though>you still have your formal training in princess-shit to look forward to>earth magic, too>but that's all after working hours>according to the schedule Starswirl wrote up for you, you're alotted 4 hours of of sleep every night>for the next 10 years>anyway>the duty you're currently attending to is Day Court>thankfully, Night Court has been cancelled for the duration of Luna's absence>because this is hellish enough>"And then I says to him, "Hey you, get offa my cloud!"
"Right, I understand that part. What I want to know is, where is the cloud now?">"Oh, it's gone now, it is. Got all blowed to bits by the wind, it did."
"So… what exactly are you asking me to do?">the pegasus points at her accused tormentor>"I want you to make him apologize, is what!">you look at the other pegasus
"Mr. McBreeze, will you please apologize to Miss MacCloud?">McBreeze turns his nose up>"Nope!">you shrug appealingly at Starswirl
"I tried.">Starswirl shakes his head"Friends, perhaps this issue would be better resolved in private. The princess cannot mend your hurt feelings for you, and the line is growing long-"
"What my colleague is trying to say is, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY COURTROOM!">the pegasi cringe at that>then MacCloud scowls>"What a right fuckin' bitch.">McBreeze nods>"A right fuckin' bitch indeed.">"No hard feelings?">"No hard feelings.">the two of them prance out together, wing-in-wing>Starswirl sighs his disgust
"What? I fixed their friendship, didn't I?""Next!">the next pony to walk in is a purple unicorn with a big bushy mane>actually, she looks kind of familiar…
"Starlight! Holy shit, it feels like it's been forever! I thought you were out looking for Twilight. How's that going, by the way?">Starlight Glimmer shakes her head sadly>"It's not going well. The search parties are starting to lose hope. We might have to accept that the other princesses will be gone for longer than we expected."
"Oh, no…">"I'm… here to ask about some of Princess Twilight's personal responsibilities. I'd like to make sure that her affairs are well taken care of, in the event of her… prolonged absence."
"Sure, sure.">"In the first place, her school. With all the remaining staff members on the search parties, the students are starting to wonder what they're paying tuition for. And without Twilight involved, they're losing faith in the institution as a whole. I just want to do what Twilight would want."
"Geez. All right, I realize that I'm technically Twilight's successor, but the responsibilities I've taken on are more like Celestia's. I really don't have time to run Twilight's school.">which is all technically true>it's also true that you wouldn't want to deal with it even if you could>all those dirty foreigners>the yaks smell like shit>and the griffons always try to eat you>not that you'd say that out loud to the element of equality
"Tell you what. Everybody knew Twilight was grooming you to be a princess.">"She was?"
"Okay, everyone but you knew. My point is, there's nobody better qualified to take over Twilight's school than you.">"Me?">oh, don't act so fucking shocked>we all know why you brought this to the Day Court
"Yup. You are hereby the official principal-slash-headmaster of the School of Friendliness. You have full autonomy to do whatever you feel is right, and an official stamp of approval from Princess Anon.">"Thanks, Anon. I guess I'll… get classes started by the end of next week if Twilight isn't found."
"You do that. Ne-">"Uh, two more things.">ugh
"Okay.">"Regarding the Elements of Harmony. Obviously the Elements themselves are gone, but Twilight and her friends together have the power of the Elements within them. In the interest of national security, we do need a new Element of Magic."
"Frankly, I think that sort of thing is decided by the magic itself, not by me. But once again, you come to mind as the logical candidate.">"M-me again?">oh, you're just so fucking modest, aren't you?
"Who else? You've recieved extensive education in both friendship and magic from Twilight herself, and you're fairly close to all of her friends. I suggest you start growing closer to them and hope that the friendship beams come out when you need them.">Starlight bows deeply>"Thank you for your faith in me. I have just one more concern."
"I know, you said 'two more' earlier.">"It's about Spike. He's worried about living alone, and he's not sure how he's going to find work from now on. And he misses Twilight terribly. He's really, really bringing everyone down.">huh>now this is an issue that actually piques your concern>Spike is a cool dude>no doubt Starlight is hoping you assign him as her own personal assistant>but honestly, a change of scenery would probably do Spike some good
"Tell Spike he can come stay with me. I'd give him a place to stay in the castle, and to be honest I could really use an assistant.">Starlight smiles>"I think he'll really appreciate that. Thank you, Anon. I'll head back to Ponyville right away."
"No problem. Tell the gang I said hi!">Starlight canters out>the next petitioner stumbles in>Starswirl whispers in your ear"Impressive. You actually addressed her concerns. And without spouting vulgarities, at that."
"I wanted to spout a few vulgarities.""We all start somewhere."
>>239861>day two as the crown princess of ponykind>Starswirl has taken tonight's princess training to the classroom>you've been asking a lot about alicorn ascension>as the guy who's famous for facilitating two of those, he's happy to share what he knows"As I've told you, ascension is granted when one performs a prodigious feat of magic in the service of others."
"Right, I remember.""Thus, the first requirement for alicorn ascension is to channel a great deal of magic. That much is simple to understand, yes?"
"Yeah I think I get it.""To understand the second requirement, you will need a bit of explanation. Are you ready?">you grab your pencil
"Ready.""In this world, there is an objective order. It is, if you will, a universal mind. It is a conscious will which, in its own way, enforces a moral law and a natural order upon living creatures. Sorcerers refer to this order as the 'Aether.'"
"That's a bit much to wrap my mind around, but if you say so.""To make it a bit easier for you to understand, consider this: Ponies often speak of 'magic' as though it were a conscious force which frequently acts according to its own will. They are not entirely wrong. When ponies speak of 'magic' in this way, they are referring to the Aether."
"So the Aether is magic?""There's a bit more to it than that, but in a manner of speaking, yes. When one channels a great deal of magic, one also channels a great deal of the Aether.">understanding dawns upon you
"And that's how it knows if the magic you did was for others.""Precisely. The second requirement for alicorn ascension is to prove oneself worthy to the Aether. Most ponies who do great acts of magic, even for good purposes, never become alicorns. Noone can claim to know the Aether's exact selection process, but it would seem to include an assessment of both worthiness and of need."
"All right. I'm gonna take you on your word here.""You won't be disappointed. My word tends to be very reliable in matters of magic. The third requirement is much simpler. Are you ready?"
"Always ready.""The third requirement is approval by the existing alicorns. Should the Aether select you for ascension, it will take you to the eldest alicorn in Equestria. As far as we know, that pony is still Princess Celestia. The final decision shall be left to her, and she will either permit or prevent you from ascending.">you finish writing this down>and you spit out the pencil with a contented sigh
"Well that's a relief.""What is?"
"The other day, Blueblood was telling me that he planned to become an alicorn and take the throne.">Starswirl grins>a laugh threatens to come out>but doesn't quite survive the journey"No, no, I don't believe you'll have to worry about that. I'll own that he is a fairly powerful spellcaster, but his character leaves much to be desired."
"I noticed.""Indeed. If Blueblood were to undergo a change radical enough to be worthy of ascension, you would have no need to fear him. As it stands, you are quite safe."
"Thanks Starswirl.""You're quite welcome. Now, I think a practical lesson in royal table-manners is what we'll do next. Come with me.">ugh>table-manners
"Coming.">Starswirl holds the door open for you>and after he closes the door behind him>things move sort of…>fast>firstly, there's a loud CLICK>then, you're inside of a big, glowing bubble>there's a lot of light and noise>then the bubble goes away>the door is in splinters>the classroom beyond it is in ruins>the passageway you're standing in is in shambles>Starswirl is glaring in thought>you look from Starswirl to the rubble>then from the rubble to Starswirl>and then…>holy shit!
>>239862>day three of princesshood>you're following Rockhoof to the grove>he hasn't said a word all night>and he stays silent til he reaches the center of the grove"With all these ponies after your hide, you need tae learn how tae defend yourself.">there's not so much as a hint of the old warrior's usual jollity in his voice
"Oh, neat. So we're gonna do some fighting moves then?""Aye. Throw me a punch. Give it everything you've got."
"Okay.">you trot over to Rockhoof>pulling back a forehoof, you send it into Rockhoof's leg as hard as you can"That's no good, lass. I didnae feel a thing.">so you throw another punch>and another>but the mythic hero stands silent, as if you weren't even there>soon you're reared up on your hind legs, hitting him as fast as you can"Stop, stop. That's no good.">you drop back down on all fours, already sweating
"Well, shit. What do you want from me? You're like ten times my size!""Stop relying on your own strength! You're too small to hurt me on your own!"
"Well, whose strength can I rely on? There's only me here.""Have you learned nothing? A proper earth pony can draw strength from the earth anywhere. If you can't do it inside of a magic grove, you're doomed already."
"Uh…""Feel it, Anon! The Aether is here! It's waiting for you tae rely in it! Draw your strength from it, from the earth, from the leylines. Let it flow through your hooves!">your mind begins to focus on your hooves>where they're positioned>how they're planted>soon you've got them lined up in a perfect square>you're standing heavily upon them>and then>beneath your hooves>the earth throbs
"I think… I think I feel something.""All right then! Hit me properly!">you pull back a forehoof>it feels powerful>and then you drive it forward with all you've got
"Ow.""That's. No. Good!"
"Well geez, what do you want from me? I didn't know there even was magic for earth ponies til like a week ago!""There are ponies trying tae kill you! Do you even care?! Defend yourself!"
"Eh?">that's when you see the shovel racing for your head>dropping to your belly, you barely avoid it>the head of the shovel scoops right through where your neck would have been
"Holy fuck!">when you see the point of the shovel poised above your head, you roll>the shovel impales itself deep within the earth where your face would have been>your roll takes you over the edge of the brook>the cold water is disorienting>the stony bed of the brook hurts to lie on
"Hey, self-defense lessons seem kind of pointless if I die in class!">Rockhoof silently makes his way toward you>you scramble to your hooves>and then you notice the rocks you're standing on>when the idea occurs to you>you don't stop to think about whether or not it's wise>you just pick up a rock>and throw it>the stone strikes Rockhoof on the brow>that's when he stops>wobbles>and falls>and then?>he laughs"Hah! That's more like it!"
"Holy BALLS, Rockhoof.""You can say that again. What a throw! Now you're working with earth magics!"
"No, I mean you, going all fucking… terminator on me! Like, you were holding back, right? You weren't actually gonna murder me with a shovel, right?""You were in no danger, lass. I only meant tae scare ye. And it worked pretty well at that, didn't it?"
"Fucking shit I thought I was gonna die.""Just do that again next time you're in trouble, and you never will."
do it yourself if you really want people dead you hecking chicken. you are both cute and pathetic at the same time mate why not post some thing construct; make a green where filly wants hugged but is an autist who tell all the other fillies to kill themselves cause you doesnt understand her gay emotions
>>239864>day four of princesshood>at long last, the day is done>you've tossed that awful fucking crown into the corner of your chamber>you've got about a dozen guards posted outside the door>you've got the curtains drawn tightly against the midnight Sun>and now>you're climbing onto the unreasonably large bed>burying yourself under the green silk quilt upon it>and burrowing into the pillows>already, your tight schedule is leaving you positively exhausted at the end of each day>as you yawn and roll over, you know you'll be asleep in a few seconds>sleep tight, poner>…>then your eyelids snap wide open>there was a…>noise>sort of a>slithery>hissy>noise>you slowly crane your neck to look around the room>did you see something darting between the cupboard and the chest?>no>that's just your imagination>your sleep time is too scant as it is>no time to waste on silliness>you close your eyes again>oh, shit, something just bumped into something>you're sitting stiff upright in bed now>aw, fuck it>you're not gonna get to sleep without getting to the bottom of this now>of course, you could just call in the guards to search the room for you>but…>d'aw, wook at da widdle pwincess, scawed of da monsters under her bed>yeah, fuck that>you hop out of bed>you'll find it yourself>probably just a bat or something that got into the castle>with cautious, quiet steps, you prowl about the royal bedchamber>checking under the chest>in the cupboards>between the sofa cushions>under the bed>but nothing can be found>a breeze blows in through the open window and cools the nervous sweat that's pooled on your brow>you sigh>it's probably nothing>and then you begin sweating again>you never left the window open!>the curtains you had so tightly drawn…>they've been disturbed!>oh, hell, something is IN here!>you'd scream>but your throat feels glued shut>and then>there's the noise>it's close>very close>it might even be…>you look down>sitting at your very hooves!>imagine the love-child of a scorpion and a snake>a wide head tapering into a narrow tail>a glistening exoskeleton over its whole body>but a perpetual, undulating slither in its motions>a pair of long fangs sticking straight out from its mouth>and two legs that seem to slither the creature rather than walk it>oh yeah, you scream>rearing by terrified instinct allows you to just barely dodge the venomous fangs of the hideous monster>a legion of guards all but break down the door at the sound>"Princess Anon!"
"Kill it kill it kill it kill it!">the nightmare ends when a brawny guard gallops over and crushes the thing with an armored hoof>a flash of light hails the entrance of Starswirl the Bearded"Anonymous! Are you in danger?">you try to shake off some of the terror from your face>try
"I was. You just missed it.">you point to the guard who saved your life>he's currently looking with disgust at the crushed creature that's stuck to his armored horseshoe>Starswirl sees the creature and gasps"Ophidious Ippolit, the dream worm!"
"Familiar with it?""It's an extremely dangerous animal. The dream worm is so venomous that… actually, guard, take off that horseshoe. Never wear it again.">with a "gah," the guard shakes the tainted apparel from his hoof>Starswirl shakes his head"You will not find a creature like that anywhere within Equestria. Having it imported must have cost someone a small fortune.">but who, you wonder>is someone?
is it really a bot? it makes it a lot less impactful if it is I guess kysfilly had to leave us
>>239869>day five since you were crowned>the guards insist that they're already investigating the attempts on your life>but now, after the third one, you want to look into the investigation yourself>for your sanity>it is, after all, your life on the line here>so you're sitting in a dark room, surrounded by guards>and this time, that's a good thing>Starswirl is lurking in the corner>he's probably just hoping you don't insult half the royal guard into quitting>don't worry, you won't>though it's sort of tempting>the guards are presenting their findings to you>but they haven't really found anything>they have no idea who the tall swordspony could have been>they have no idea who could have planted that bomb>and there's no likely suspect on record as having purchased a dream worm recently>in fact, there's no likely suspect as all>as far as they can tell, whoever's behind all this is someone with access to the castle>but that's literally hundreds of ponies
"Gentlemen, it's time for a fresh perspective on things.">a snoring guard sits next to you, wearing a pair of sunglasses in a feeble attempt to hide what his slumber>you snatch these sunglasses and put them on>they're too big, so you have to hold them on your snoot with your hoof
"Tell me, have you ever heard of a stand-alone complex?">"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking, gentlemen, about memes, the DNA of the soul.">the guards are looking at you like you're fucking retarded>no matter, you're about to blow their minds
"Consider this. One pony, perhaps someone with influence, voices discontent with the current administration. Half a dozen other ponies - without any connection to each other - hear this, take it to heart, and try to kill me. An accidental conspirator. Copycats without an original, acting out the will of the memes.">the major who's been presenting the findings is none other than the guard who saved your life last night>he cocks his head and speaks uncomfortably>"No, princess. There certainly are multiple ponies involved here, but in cases like this there's always an intentional conspirator behind it all, most likely paying off the others. Generally speaking it would be someone from an opposing faction of the government, or a rival for your position, or-"
"You think I'm crazy, do you? What if I could tell you who the meme-smith behind it all is? Behold, our accidental conspitlrator!">you toss today's copy of the Canterlot Chronicle onto the conference table>the cover story?>"PRINCESS ANON CALLS CHARITY WORKERS CUCKS," by Rhyme Broderick
"Every single day, this scum-fucker writes horiffic slander about me-""He wouldn't have anything to write about you if you didn't cause a dozen scandals every day during Court."
"And I think he's brainwashing otherwise perfectly patriotic ponies into plotting against me.">the major sighs>"Are you saying you want us to make the Canterlot Chronicle stop saying mean things about you?"
"Have I ever told you that I've been meaning to promote you?">"I'll have one of my guards drop off a temporary gag-order later today."
"H-hey now, don't get the wrong idea here. I'm not just doing this out of spite, there might really be something there! Check their, uh, financial records too or something.">"Sure thing, princess. It's as good a lead as anything else at this point.">this motherfucker thinks he's sly>but you see him throw a pleading look at Starswirl>which Starswirl takes as his cue"Come along now, Anonymous. I think you've distracted these gentlecolts quite enough for one day. It's time for Day Court.">an inescapable magic grip takes you by the scruff of your neck and hoists you in the air
"No, please, not Day Court!"
>>239872>day six of doing Day Court every morning>the guards were good enough to give you a little reading material before today's court-session>the findings from the audit on the Canterlot Chronicle>now Starswirl seems to have nodded off in his chair>so there's nobody to tell you to do stupid shit like "being responsible" or whatever>thus, you've decided to ignore the current petitoner's irate rambling in favor of reading the documents>incredibly, the audit indicates that you may have been onto something>every article written to shit on you seems to have been followed up with a large, anonymous donation to the paper>the guards can't trace where the bits are coming from>so whoever they are coming from must be fairly wealthy and well-connected>when you combine this with the donor's apparent antipathy for you…>even the major admits that this fits the profile of the conspirator against your life>as for your meme theory?>the major still insists that it's nonsense>well, he's probably right about that, now that you think about it>"Hey! Are you listening to me?">you look down from the audit report
"Uh, no. Who are you?">"My name is Rhyme Broderick. Your goons issued a gag-order to my paper, and I want to know why you hate the free press!"
"Oh, neat! What a coincidence, I was just planning to have you arrested.">"Huh? You can't do that!">the guards in the courtroom are looking askance at you>you nod impatiently at them>finally, Canterlot's top shithead journalist is surrounded by spears
"Sorry, I can do this. State of emergency. There have been three attempts on my life this week, you know.">"Well that's because you're a tyrant! You're a childish, impulsive-"
"Wow! You really want to see the inside of my dungeons, don't you?">"Wh-wh-what do you want from me?">ah, do you smell that?>that's the sweet, sweet smell of power>you wave the audit documents in your hoof
"Somebody's been paying you to shit on me. Tell me who it is and you might go home today.">"Wh-this is a violation of my rights! I have a right to privacy, and freedom of the press!"
"You'll have a whole lot of privacy in solitary confinement, bud.">a snort at your side alerts you to the fact that Starswirl has just woken up"By the Sun! Anonymous, for the last time, you cannot have petitioners arrested for being annoying!"
"Glad you're up, teach. Mr. Rhyme here was just about to tell me who's been trying to kill me.">Starswirl strokes his beard at that"I see.">then he nods"Carry on. Just don't do anything cruel or unusual.">"Th-there's no proof that my supporter is the one behind the attempts on your life! Th-that's slander!"
"I'll let my guards be the judge of that, after they investigate your 'supporter' thoroughly.""There's no need for that. I confess.">you look up at the intruder
"Oh, hey Blueblood. When did you get in here?">then you look at him again
"Also, did you do something with your hair? And your eyes? And your… teeth?">Blueblood laughs>Rhyme faints>Starswirl keeps tapping you on the shoulder>your eyes widen in realization
"It was you!"
>>239874>Blueblood's beach-blonde mane is now a gaseous wisp of opaque, black smoke>his baby-blue eyes are now a piercing red>and his carefully bleached and straightened teeth are now yellowed and sharp>also, he's hefting a gigantic, obsidian sword in his magic"Th-the Black Blade!"
"Is that bad?""Forged a billion years ago… killing so its power grows!"
"Should I take that as a yes?">Blueblood takes his new evil laugh out for another spin"It's very bad indeed. You've survived hired asassins, bombs, deadly animals, and even memetic warfare. But you won't survive the Black Blade!">you tug on Starswirl's leg
"See? Memetic warfare! The paper really was out to kill me with memes!""You seem to be taking this awful lightly."
"Well, there is a legendary sorcerer standing right behind me.""That sword can cut through unicorn magic like butter."
"Oh.">Blueblood laughs again"So what'll it be, little Princess Nonny? You can come down here for a peaceful transfer of power, or I can slaughter all of your guards, all of the petitioners in line out there, and then kill you."
"Now when you say peaceful transition of power, do you mean…""You die."
"All right.">you proceed to step down from the throne>only for Starswirl to pull you back up by your tail"What are you doing?!"
"It's super basic ethics. One life vs dozens. Unless you can pull magic friendship beams out of your ass like Twilight Sparkle, this is kind of our best option.""You foal! Would you think for once in your life? Think you that the Black Blade will be sated with the blood of one filly? The sword is death from the beginning to the end of time!"
"Well how was I supposed to know that?""Look at who you're speaking to! He's evil!""What are you whispering about? I'm growing impatient!
"All right. You said that thing can cut through unicorn magic, right?""Yes."
"How about earth magic?""What are you getting at?"
"I have a bad idea.">with a wink, you skip down the steps to the floor"Finally. I'm glad to see you're bearing this with a little more dignity than you did the other attempts."
"Ah, well, you know… Hey, isn't that one of those friendship death-rays rushing up behind you?""What? Impossible!">when Blueblood turns around>you bolt for the door
"EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CASTLE DAY COURT IS CLOSED">the line of petitioners is understandably upset to see you canceling Day Court early>but a few seconds later, they understand>Blueblood, a red-eyed screaming ghoul, comes tearing out of the courtroom after you>by a fortunate twist of logic, the entrance to the courtyard is only a short gallop from the entrance to the courtroom>and in the courtyard, there's the palace gardens>and in the gardens?>the grove!>once you're in the grove, you know you've only got a few seconds before Blueblood finds you>so you hop into the brook and grab a rock>oh fuck oh fuck this such an awful idea>you had all those guards with spears right there and didn't ask a single one to help you!>and now you're about to face down Celestia's own nephew and his apocalyptic sword>with a rock>finally, Blueblood stalks into the grove>he has no words for you>only manic laughter>and he raises the Black Blade for your death-blow>and it howls>it howls like hell>that's when you close your eyes>and throw the rock>there's a sickening CRUNCH>oh man oh shit that was your skull, wasn't it?>you reach up to feel your head>actually, your skull seems intact>you dare to open one eye>Blueblood lies unconscious on the ground>he looks more or less back to normal>except, of course, for the broken jaw>the Black Blade lies silent beside him>oh, nice!>you're alive!>you hop out of the brook and shake yourself dry>and you look at the Black Blade>geez, this thing almost killed you, didn't it?>you reach out to feel the flat of the blade"Don't touch it! You'll go as insane as he did!.">Starswirl limps and wheezes into the grove>as if he did so fucking much today"I'll have to make sure that this gets back to the deepest part of the forbidden archives where it belongs. Are you all right, Anonymous?"
"Who, me? I'm great. All I did was solve my own asassination and risk my hide for my subjects, no big deal.">Starswirl shakes his head"You've done well, Anonymous. But for now, you'll have to get away from that sword. Come along."
"Yeah, all right.""And one more thing, Princess Anonymous."
"What's that?">Starswirl smiles warmly"You appear to have earned your cutie mark."
>>239874>"It was you!"
Someone get this filly a detective hat and a bubble pipe.
I've played enough rust to know that bashing armed people with a rock doesn't always work out too well, but when it works it works good.
Fuck off faget
I really wanted Anonfilly to aquire Sir Stabs-Alot Black Blade the Shanker of all whom defy the command of being shanked.On the other hoof it was beaten by a rock, and seems to make the wearer even more stupid.
>filly begins to sink into the swamp, her hooves straining against the mud as she descends into her watery grave
>her mane whips around as she looks to you, her ears flattening to her skull in fear
>her cries fall on deaf ears as you watch uncaringly, your victim dying before you
>she lowers to her barrel before the fear present in her eyes transforms to betrayal
>she realisies no help is coming as her motions become frantic, her legs barely moving with her struggles
>her quickened motions causing her to sink further, she begins to whimper as the darkness reaches her neck
>you reach down to stroke her soft mane as the ends of her hairs are pulled under
>she looks up at you as hope appears in the misasma of hurt in her eyes
>maybe you will help her
>its just a stupid silly prank
>maybe she isn't going to di-
>grabbing the top of her mane you shove her head under, her features disappearing for the last time under the water
>you feel the spasms of her restrained kicking as she tries to break free from her new grave
>you keep your hold as her movements become slower
No I'm trying to drown filly you fool.
That was definitely someBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME
Would you say you watched it neverendingly
That OC isn't the filly, it's another one.
Good movie, good drawing
In the background between the twins
"Evil? Not necessarily, no. But the way you posed that question makes me thing you're up to something, and that this isn't a good idea."
Twilight's face falls flat. "I was just asking considering how our last game went."
"Remind me again how that went?"
"Kissing, drama, revenge, and hurt feelings."
"Oh… right." You try to think about a possible way to avoid that in the future. Perhaps you could try a version with certain banned dares, though when you think about it… is it really fun unless people are dared to do things they don't really want to do? Or to confess to things they don't want to say? Like it's the entire point of the game. Maybe it's best to avoid for the time being.
"Hey, what if we tried Cards Against Humanity or something?" Blossom bursts out.
"We don't exactly have cards though," says Lyra. "How would we play?"
"Simple! Whoever's the Czar thinks up off the top of their head what black card they would normally play, and everyone else whispers what kind of cards they'd play into the Czar's ear."
"Czar? Cards? What are we talking about?" Coco asks, completely confused.
Lyra sighs. "Basically we all take turns thinking up a prompt, and everyone else has to think up a word or phrase that'll best fill in the blank. The person who thought up the prompt also judges it, and whoever has the best phrase gets a point. It's like… I don't know if you grew up with them, but a competitive version of mad libs?"
"Well I suppose it could be fun if everyone else is up for it." Coco looks in you and Twilight's direction. "You guys wanna try this to kill time?"
wow, that's some high-quality story, and with deepest lore too
Hahaha, i just realised taht this thread is autistic.
Hmm, just now?>>239955
This had better not be the end, faggot.
You didn't know beforehand that this whole place is autistic?
Gee anon, that's pretty weird.
Fuckin fantastic m8, I actually bothered to take my time reading it! No offense to the other writefags, I just happen to browse here right before I go to sleep for some reason.
Keep going, I want to see it through to either everyone getting home safely or Anon ascending.
Faget I'll tell you when it's the end.
>>239876>the picture that now adorns your butt is a simple black question mark>you sure as shit couldn't figure out what it means>but Rockhoof had an idea when he saw it"To be sure, it could be an earth magic cutie mark.">apparently cutie marks in earth magic tend to be simple shapes and symbols>symbols one could mark in the dirt with a stick>like Rockhoof's cutie mark, which is a simple trio of black triangles>but why a question mark?>Starswirl thinks that the Aether may have been partially confused by your alien soul>Rockhoof argues that that's impossible though>he thinks that the question mark must have had some significance in your native culture>but that would be kind of depressing>the only culture you were ever a part of that valued the question mark was imageboard culture>regardless, you have been feeling sort of stronger since you got it>so you would at least agree that it's an earth magic cutie mark>as for Blueblood?
"I want that fucker's head on a plate.""You're well within your rights to have it, Anonymous, but do you really think it's the wisest choice?"
"Well, I mean, it probably wouldn't look good if I started off my reign by offing my only rival to the throne.""True."
"And… when Twilight gets back she'll probably bitch at me about something something reforming the bad guys…""She most certainly would.">you had Blueblood locked up in a dungeon somewhere>when Twilight gets back she can "reform" him or whatever herself>anyway, it's now day 7 since the coronation>and now that all the asassination craziness is over>Spike is finally on his way over>you've cleared out your schedule for the morning to meet him at the train station>it's the first time you've left the palace grounds since Starswirl teleported you there two weeks ago>and man, it sure feels good to be out in the open for once>now if only you could have ditched the regiment of guards and the anal-retentive wizard>at long last, Ponyville's Friendship Express screeches to a stop in the station>ponies point you out and whisper as they trot out of the train>now this should be the one Spike came on>but where could he-"Anon!">you look up just in time to see a purple kamikaze streaking down upon you>oh no no no no>you and Spike now make up a crumpled pile on the ground>Spike is laughing uproariously>actually, so are all your guards
"Holy fucking shit I keep forgetting you have wings now.""Well I'm not the only one who's growing up. What gives, you weren't gonna write home and tell everyone you got your cutie mark?"
"Hey, I just got it yester- Hey! You looking at my butt, faget?""Wh- no! I just-"
"Get the fuck off of me, let's hug properly.">the two of you get untangled and Spike wraps his claws around your neck>he holds on just long enough for it to get awkward>when he finally does let go, he looks pretty cheerful
"Starlight told me you were pretty down about Twilight. You feeling any better, bro?""Eh, not really. But it's good to be back in Canterlot."
"Hey. We're gonna find her.""Yeah, I believe you, it's just… I think I need to be busy again. Where are those mountains of paperwork you wrote to me about?">now that>is what you like to hear
>>239982>it's been a week since the last time you almost died>now that you're apparently the first earth mage to show up in 800 years, Rockhoof has some more advanced training for you
"Say, why is it 800 years?">you're standing on one forehoof in front of your garden"Meditation implies silence, lass."
"Yeah, yeah, right, okay. Silence.">but this is so fucking boring>and your leg is starting to hurt
"But really, it seems like things that happened a long time ago always happened a thousand years ago. Why did earth magic die out 800 years ago instead?">Rockhoof sighs"I don't rightly know. There were plenty of earth mages in my day, and then I was imprisoned for a thousand years with the other Pillars. When I was set free, they were all gone."
"You never… you know, asked?""I did, but the only pony who remembers those days is Princess Celestia, and she was a bit scant with the details. All I know is that 200 years after my day, the other earth mages were gone."
"But- whoah!">your leg gives out>you're rewarded with a mouthful of dirt>Rockhoof comes down from his stance"And that's why you should hae been quiet. If you're nae focusing on the earth, then the earth isn't focusing on you. You're nae strong enough to hold that stance without earth magic.">you're spitting out dirt
"This whole 'clear your mind' shit just doesn't come naturally, man.">you sit up>and sit back on your haunches>and start brushing your tongue off with your hooves
"I'm used to thinking.""And what do you think about?""
"I don't know. I never remember.""Nothing important, then."
"Probably not.""Och, we'll try something else for now then. Try talking tae your petunias.">you blink>then you lean in close to the flowerbed
"Hello.">the flowers are in full bloom now>dozens of purple, pink, red, and blue faces hear your greeting>and do nothing"Not like that, you silly filly. Through the earth."
"You want me to bury my face in the dirt and then talk to them?""No. Use the earth magic.">you plant your hooves more firmly in the ground>and…
"Are there any instructions for this?""No instructions. You'll just know.">you sigh>then lie down on your belly>and close your eyes>uh>hi, flowers>it's me, the guy who planted you>I've enjoyed watching you grow>I've got a lot of shit on my plate right now, so coming out here to water you guys and shit is pretty relaxing>uh>you crack open an eyelid>then jump to your hooves
"Holy shit!">every single petunia has turned its face to look at you"Hah! Easier than you thought it would be, wasn't it?"
"Yeah. Wow.">Rockhoof's massive hoof claps you on the back"In a little while here, you might be able tae teach them tricks."
"You serious?""Oh, yes."
>>239983>Spike's only been up here about 10 days>already, his years of experience under Twilight Sparkle have whittled your daily "paperwork hour" down to an actual hour>not only that, but he's turned this formerly tedious and boring process into something worth greentexting about>Spike's simple, yet effective system for the piles of bills, treaties, petitions, and etc that come across your desk is as follows:>with mind-boggling speed and precision, Spike organizes the papers alphabetically and divides them into two neat stacks>two seats are set up behind the massive princess desk>each of you takes a seat and a stack>you take a paper, skim the essentials, make the appropriate markings, and place it in the "finished bin" next to the stack>repeat til both stacks are in their finished bins>thereafter, the papers are processed by your squadron of royal secretaries, and passed on to the appropriate party>it's become a fairly mindless process by now"All I'm saying is, I think a hydra would beat a manticore."
"You are out of your mind! The manticore's got that bigass stinger! All it has to do is hit the hydra once with that-""No. Way. Hydras are like dragons. They've got thick hides. Here, signature.">there are, unfortunately, some papers that Spike just can't mark for you>Spike slides one such paper over to your side of the desk>you take your quill and scribble on a signature before returning to your own stack"Sometimes, I even let Rarity use me as a pincushion-"
"First of all, that's fucking bizarre and you should stop that. Second of all, sewing needles aren't shit compared to a manticore stinger-""But the hydra is so much bigger! Ah, initials.">you quickly scrawl out a "PAF"
"So?! Manticores can fly!""No they can not! Their wings are too small!"
"Your wings are too small, and you can fly!""But… that's magic!"
"Exactly. It's magic."I'm, like, 80% sure that manticores still can't fly, but okay, what about all those heads? Hoofprint.">you dab your hoof on an inkpad and slam it onto the paper"Let's say the manticore can somehow fly. It can only fly at one of the hydra's heads at a time. And while it's doing that, the other, like, three heads are gonna eat it."
"What? Dude, a manticore is basically a giant lion, and a lion is basically a giant cat. Cats were born to smack at dangly shit. He'd be just fine.""That's not the way that works! Sign here.">you growl and scrawl out the signature
"It totally fucking is!">the door to your office creaks open>Starswirl the Bearded wearily canters in"Are you two quite done yet? I have a rousing lesson in ballroom etiquette which I'm quite eager to share with Anonymous.">you glance at your stack>which is now only about an inch thick
"Yeah, we're almost done here, just give us like ten more minutes.""Hm…">Starswirl comes walking over to the desk"Hi, Mr. The Bearded. Have I ever told you what an honor it is to be working with you?""About 18 times, yes.""I mean, Twilight's been telling me all about you for as long as I can remember. You're basically her hero!""Yes, yes, she's told me so herself.">with a cocked eyebrow, Starswirl looks in Spike's finished bin>he grabs the topmost paper in his magic and reads it"Princess Anonymous, are you quite sure you are reading the things you are signing?"
"Huh? Uh, yeah. It's sort of like speed-reading, but, you know, still…">Starswirl drops the paper in front of you
"Spike Appreciation Day, a national holiday to celebrate the achievements of Spike the Glorious and Brave…">you look at Spike>you just>look at him"What?"
"Shit fucking damnit, Spike!""Yeah, all right, all right.">Spike grabs the signed bill and casually obliterates it with dragonfire"You may want to double-check all of these papers tonight, Anonymous.">with that, Starswirl stalks out of the office, utterly victorious>you look at the stacks of finished papers>and groan
>>239985>it's been about a month, now, since that fateful spring day when you were told you were the princess of all Equestria>two days ago, summer's first heat wave hit the country>yesterday, you noticed a recurring theme during Day Court>"It was 90 degrees at 3 in the morning!">"My crops shriveled up overnight!">"There's just no break from this Sun!">today, you cleared out your afternoon for an emergency meeting>seated at your conference table are powerful sorcerers, wealthy weather factory moguls, agricultural experts, and the top brass from both the Guard and the Wonderbolts>for lack of a podium in the room, you've opted to stand on the table itself
"Gentlemen… or, uh, gentlecolts… and ladies. The reason why I've summoned you here today is simple. Equestria needs night.">Starswirl had been pleased when you'd pitched the idea to him yesterday"Good of you to use that wit of yours for helping ponies for a change, instead of inventing creative swear words.">you hit a guy with a "fuckshitting niggerdicks" one damn time…>a bespectacled, redheaded sorcerer raises a hoof in the back
"Yes?">the fucking nerd snorts, and pushes her glasses back up her snout>"But how is that possible without the princesses?"
"That, genius-horse, is why I invited all of you ponies here. To figure it out.">the silence that follows is so awkward it's almost palpable
"Well don't all jump up at once.">seriously?>nobody?>all right, you'll just go ahead and toss up the most obvious solution first
"Okay. History tells us that before there were alicorns in Equestria, unicorns would put their magic together to move the Sun and the Moon. Any of you super-smart sorcerers wanna tell me why I thought of this before you did?">the sorcerers exchange uncomfortable looks>Starlight Glimmer almost raises her hoof>but brings it back down sheepishly before you can call on her
"Oh geez, there's a reason, isn't there?">Starswirl stands up and strides beside you"There is a reason. Even with many unicorns, it still takes ponies of great power to move the Sun and the Moon. I was once such pony, but I alone cannot bring forth the night."
"Yeah. Ponies of great power. That's why I invited the 12 most powerful unicorns I could find on the census.">Starlight speaks up>"Anon, sweetie, unicorns with that kind of power just aren't born anymore. Even hundreds of us couldn't match Princess Celestia's strength.">the redhead with the glasses nods nervously>"Probably the only unicorn to be born in recent times with the power of an ancient sorcerer was Twilight. And she's…"
"One of our missing alicorns now. Got it.">"And we still would have needed at least ten more unicorns with her power.">if you still had fingers you'd be doing that thing where you pinch the bridge of your nose>as it is you're just facehoofing
"All right, so we need hundreds of unicorns. Hell, we need thousands. I'm the damn princess, I can do that.">again, Starlight interjects>"Anon, when I said hundreds of unicorns, I meant unicorns with the spellcasting ability of the sorcerers in this room. You won't find a thousand unicorns like that in all of Equestria."
"So how many are we gonna need here? Again, I can get a draft going.">the redhead with the glasses sets an abacus on the table and makes some rapid calculations>"Approximately… every unicorn in Equestria."
"Every…">Starlight adds a point to that which kills the last little bit of hope you didn't know you had>"And most unicorns have ordinary everyday occupations, like baking or sewing. If you pulled every single one of us to Canterlot…"
"Yeah, I get it. It's a logistical nightmare, economic suicide, and probably a pony rights crisis.">you flop down on your belly right there in front of everyone
"But man. We are in for one rough summer if we can't get a little night time going. I've had a dozen farmers come to me in person to tell me they're afraid it'll kill their crops.">someone from the agricultural experts section pipes up>"Our calculations based on early reports of the heat wave show Equestria heading for a famine."
"Thanks.">then you hop up to your hooves
"What? You don't even know what I'm gonna ask.">"I can't use the magic of friendship to move the Sun. In the first place, we don't even know if I can access it; in the second place, we don't know if it can be used for anything other than destruction; and in the third place, we might actually destroy the Sun if we try to find out.">you rise up to your haunches and groan>then you flop down on your back
"Maybe there's some way to put a giant cover between Equestria and the Sun…">the weather magnate coughs>"You mean like a… cloud cover, my princess?">without getting up, you propel yourself across the slick table til you're staring the weather magnate in the eyes
"I knew I invited you for a reason.">"Erm… yes. I mean we could, possibly, manufacture a large quantity of stormclouds and distribute them to local weatherponies every night."
"Go on…">"Well, there are just a few drawbacks to this plan now, princess, the most obvious being that it'd rain most nights."
"Eh, that's not the worst thing in the world.">"Another thing is that stormclouds are fairly dangerous. Most towns only have one or two weatherponies qualified to work with them."
"Weatherponies are government workers, right? I can have a cheesey safety video sent out by close of business tomorrow. Get everyone nice and qualified.">"Well if you don't have any objections, ma'am, then I can promise that nights produced by this plan will be almost as dark as a genuine night."
"On a scale of noon to midnight, how dark are we talking here?">"Ah, just after Sunset, when the last little bit of orange has gone under the horizon. Of course, it'll be a bit darker on nights when it storms."
"I'm down. Let's do it.">"Now of course there's the issue of what it'll cost my company. We'd need to stop production of other, more profitable clouds almost entirely. Not to mention the cost of training more my employees in stormcloud safety."
"Yo, what do you need? Contracts, grants, subsidaries, bonds? I got you fam.">the old pegasus grins>"Well in that case, I suppose we should schedule a meeting between our ponies to work out the details."
"It's a fucking deal, mister.">with that, you leap up to your hooves and start shouting
"See that? Now that's an innovative solution! Fucking SYNERGY, dude!">the redhead with the glasses decides to open up her stupid fucking mouth again>"That's not what synergy means."
"Shut the fuck up, nerd."
>>239987>it's only been a week since you scored that cloud deal>already, tonight is the first actual night of the summer>you decided to stay up to see it>it's about as dark as promised>some distant peals of thunder imply a storm somewhere down below Canterlot Mountain>but up here>it's calm>for now, anyway>you're lying down in front of your flowerbed>watching the petunias gently bob back and forth to the flow of your earth magic>you catch yoirself smiling at the sight of it more than once>you should probably go to bed soon>but this is nice>all at once, a feeling of "okay we're tired now" slaps you in the mind>and the flowers go silent
"Oh, right. No Sunlight right now. Figures.">you're about to head up to bed>but something squirms out of your ear and pops in front of your eye>"Hello, Anon!"
"Oh my fucking shit!">you stand up and begin batting at your ear>the motherfucker who just crawled out of it is a snake-like creature who goes by the name of Discord>several guards poke their heads around the hedges to see what the commotion is>but when they see Discord, disappear among the leaves once more>fucking Discord>with his god-like powers, he frequently abuses the fabric of time and space itself for real-life shitposts>you know him to be lazy, irritating, loud, and infinitely smug>and so powerful that it's impossible on every level to make him fuck off>he's probably never given a single fuck about anything in his entire life>in short, he's everything you've ever wanted to be>and, oh, how you hate him for it>"Lovely night, isn't it? I only wish I could see the Moon. Is it behind those clouds?">Discord raises his claw as though he's going to turn your expensive cloud cover into gumballs
"Don't you fucking touch those clouds, you cockmonger!">"Me, oh my, we are cranky tonight, aren't we? Perhaps it's time for little fillies to go to bed."
"I'm gonna stick my fucking-">your lips become zippers and zip shut>Discord scans the hedge maze with apparent whistfulness>"Do you know, Anon, that it was right around this very spot that she defeated me?">you unzip your mouth, upon which the zippers disappear
"Who, Twilight?">"No, that was in Ponyville. I'm talking about Fluttershy. Have you heard the story?"
"Only about a dozen-">"One by one, I lured her friends into various forms of despair. But Fluttershy was different. Even as I threatened her to her face, she stayed…. sweet… and innocent.">Discord shrugs>"In the end I had to brainwash her by force. But, do you know, life is funny. These days, she's my closest friend!"
"Your only friend.">Discord sticks out his forked tongue>"Rude. Maybe I won't make you the offer I came all this way for."
"Oh geez, what do you want?">"Oh, I just wanted to extend a small favor. Remember how you used to beg and plead me to make you human again?"
"Sure.">"Well, after giving it a few years of thought, I'm finally ready to grant you your wish. Ready?"
"H-hang on, hang on. A non-pony can't legally rule Equestria.">"So?"
"So, why couldn't you have made this offer at any other point during the last four years? You know, when I wasn't expected to be the only thing standing between this country and total chaos?">Discord blinks>"I don't believe we've met. I'm Discord, spirit of chaos."
"I fucking hate you.">Discord shrugs>"Well, that's not to say I wasn't excited when I first heard they'd put a crown on your head. After all, you're my kind of princess."
"What's that supposed to mean?">"Well you're lazy, arrogant, impulsive, easily provoked-"
"Okay I get it shut the fuck up.">"See what I mean? In any case, you seem to be handling things a bit too well for my taste. This cloud cover idea has brought things disgustingly close to normalcy."
"Please go away.">"So, what do you say? I give you your fingers back, and all you have to do is sit back and smell the ashes."
"Have you ever thought about using those obnoxious powers of yours for something helpful? Like finding the princesses?>"Oh, please, not even I can do everything. I'd tell you if I knew where they were. Just between us, stiff little Twilight has begun to grow on me."
"Okay. Well, in that case, I've got about three and a half hours before I have to get up tomorrow. See you never, hopefully.">"You're not even going to think about my offer?">you're already walking away
"Go away.">"Not even one little finger? Or a little-"
"Get the fuck out!"
>>239988>today marks eighteen days and nights of, well, nights>you should feel pretty good about that>so why do you have this foreboding of of dread?"If you must know why I'm taking you to the banquet hall, Princess Anonymous, I'll tell you a small secret."
"What's that?""A certain dragon told me that today is your birthday.">is it?>hm…
"Huh, I guess it is.""Did you forget?"
"Apparently. More importantly, there's not a ceremony for this, is there?""Oh, there most certainly is.">Starswirl grins as he grips the doors to the banquet hall in his magic>you cringe like an abused dog
"No, Starswirl! No!">the door swings wide open>a burst of confetti smacks you in the face>"Surprise!""However, I took the liberty of arranging a more private celebration instead.">Twilight's friends are all laughing and waving at you>Rockhoof grins from by the buffet table>Spike is suspended from the ceiling by a mass of streamers tangled around his tail>Starlight Glimmer offers a standoffish head-nod
"Oh, thank fuck.">Rainbow Dash snatches you up in one fell swoop>"Heh! I see somebody still needs to wash your mouth out with soap, kid!"
"Oh, geez, where are you taking me?">the rest of Twilight's friends have formed a ravenous circle below you>Dash drops you into the middle of that>suddenly you're surrounded by cooing mares>there was a time when you would have really enjoyed this
"Ah! Stop it! Literally every single one of you knew me when I was a grown-ass man!">"Of course, but darling! Treating you like a filly is the only way to make you pout!">two marshmallow hooves squish your cheeks>"And you're so very adorable when you pout!">"Oh! Oh! Somebody get Anon a party hat! Oh wait, I already did!">an elastic band snaps tight around your chin, fastening a cardboard cone in place on your scalp>"Ooh, aren't you just the most precious thing!">Fluttershy scoops you up and lifts you out of the feeding frenzy>"Now, girls. It isn't nice to tease.">a chorus of disappointed "aww"s rises from the floor>Fluttershy turns her eyes on you>"How old are you today, Anon?"
"Uh, I guess I'd be 30 now.">that's when it happens>the first time you've ever heard Starswirl laugh"Ha! Is that so? You don't look a day over 12! You must tell me your secret.">the scrunched-up scowl that elicits out of you coaxes the girls into howls of laughter"Uh, guys?">you look up>Spike is still dangling from the streamers"A little help here?">Starlight brushes her mane out of her face and trots over to the center of the party>"I'll get him.">a bit of magic finaggling later, and Spike is able to glide himself safely to the floor>Pinkie Pie begins firing her party cannon>which you haven't noticed until this very moment>completely at random, spraying confetti and streamers everywhere>"LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!">seemingly in response, the whole world issues a massive shudder>you fall flat on your ass
"That, uh, wasn't your party cannon, was it?"
>>239989"Rockhoof, do you sense what I sense?""That this was no mere earthquake?""Indeed.""Aye. The mountain is crying out. Be quiet a while, all of you. Let me listen.">Rockhoof plants his hooves firmly on the marble floor>and closes his eyes>as you watch him, the world shakes again>but Rockhoof stands motionless through it>the quake is calm for a long time before he opens his eyes again"Shai-hulud.""I see."
"Uh, excuse me, what?""Anonymous, are you familiar with the tatzlwurm?"
"The what?""Never mind. The shai-hulud is the largest species of worm in the world.">another earthquake knocks you off your hooves
"Big enough to cause that?""Indeed. Were it to surface through the top of Canterlot Mountain, it could consume the city in one bite.""It's not likely tae do that, mind you. The great worms of the earth prefer to stay hidden."
"So, we just wait for it to go away?""No. This worm could eat away at the mountain from within and cause a great collapse. He'll have to be driven away.">Applejack gives a rebel yell>"Well it sure is good we've got some of the best adventurers in Eqeustria in here! C'mon, yall! Let's go kick us some worm!""No."
"No? No?! Let's just let a big fucking worm destroy Canterlot?""What I mean, Princess Anonymous, is that you must face the shai-hulud alone. Can't you feel it? There is a great destiny in the air today."
"No I can't fucking 'feel it' I'm a damn earth pony!""I feel it in the earth. The creature was sent as a trial for you."
"So what, you're just gonna risk a million lives on some mystic, horseshit 'feeling'? Twilight would never have been expected to do this shit on her own! She'd go down there with all her friends and use the friendship powers or whatever.">Applejack scratches her chin>"Eh, I dunno if anyone's ever told you this, Anon, but friendship ain't exactly your strong suit."
"Oh, oh, so you're all just gonna go along with this?">Twilight's friends exchange glances and nod>"Eh">"Yeah">"Sounds fine to me.">"Pretty much."
"Sure, you know what? Okay. I've been meaning to fucking die, just take me to the fucking worm.">Pinkie cheers>"That's the spirit!">Starswirl claps his hoof on your shoulder>and then hits you with a surprise long-distance telepoof>once you finish throwing up, you can see that you're in what appears to be a dark dungeon>standing at the entrance to an even darker cavern>you're probably deep underneath the castle>Starswirl picks up a rock from the tunnel and casts some sort of spell on it>the stone is transformed into a glowing gem"Take this, and go quickly. I sense a great destiny waiting for you."
"Look man, I don't think this is a good idea. There's, what, a million ponies living in Canterlot? I don't think we should risk that over some 'great destiny' mumbo jumbo.">Starswirl nods>then zaps your ass with a spell
"Ow! What was that?""It will allow me to watch over you. Should it appear as though you will fail, I will intervene.">you take the glowing rock in your hoof
"You're really fucking set on this, huh?""The time of your testing is at hoof. You must go."
"Okay. Sure. Fine. But when I die you've gotta dye your hat pink for my funeral.">with that, you stick the magic rock in your mouth>and disappear into the bowels of Canterlot Mountain
>>239990>down the twisting cavern corridors you go>occasionally a great rumble knocks you off your hooves>more than once this happens as you're standing next to a steep drop-off>and more than once you have some close encounters with falling rocks>you'd like to say that you're guided by this "great destiny" Starswirl and Rockhoof were on about>but to be quite frank>you're just sort of going at random>the deeper you go>the more you start to hear loud roars>like>impossibly loud>more than once, you think that the creature must be right behind you>but it's not for a long walk yet>when your cavern path ends in a dead end>a sheer drop leading to a massive, open space far below>do you see it>the great worm is lined with glowing red gemstones down its sides>and>far below though it is>you can tell that it's mind-bogglingly massive>the enraged creature flails and rams against the mountain's interior>taking great mouthfuls of stone from the walls and casting them about at random>it hasn't noticed you yet>okay>there is no conceivable way for you to handle this thing>you lean against a large rock and think>wait a second>is it supposed to be this obvious?>there's a massive rock sitting on the precipice of the drop>this thing is easily 15 times your size>there's a chance that if you push it off, it could injure the worm and scare it away
"Seriously?">okay, sure>pushing this rock off the ledge will require you to channel more earth magic than you've ever channelled before>but still>you brace yourself against the rock>remembering what Rockhoof always says about not relying on your own strength>remembering what he says about drawing your strength from the earth>you push>or rather, the rock essentially pushes itself>it tilts precariously>as if it really wants to go over the side>but instead of doing that>it crashes back into place>loudly>you check to see if the shai-hulud heard that>oh, yeah>it definitely heard that>the massive monster worm roars with purpose as it races up the side of the drop>heading straight for you
"Oh shit, oh fuck, oh man!">you brace yourself against the rock again>and you heave and heave at it>in your panic, you keep losing the flow of the earth magic>and the rock comes crashing down against your tiny filly strength again and again
"Come on… you… fucking… BITCH!">at last, the rock goes tumbling over the edge>you breathe a sigh of relief as you watch it hurtle toward the great worm>but then you suck it back in with a gasp>you went over with the rock!
>>239991>the rock smashes into the shai-hulud's face>you land on the rock>which hurts, of course>but not nearly so much as it would have hurt to land on the cavern floor thousands of feet below>you spend a moment being grateful to be alive>then the worm loses its grip on the wall>and it falls>and the rock falls>and you fall>with your eyes shut tight, you scream into the rushing blackness>and you scream>and you fall>and you->"Anonymous?">cracking open your eye, you find that you're floating in some kind of purple void
"Princess Celestia?">the tall, white alicorn nods>"Indeed."
"Oh man… A-am I… dead?">"I hope not, that would make me dead as well. I'm quite sure I was perfectly alive just a moment ago."
"I'm pretty sure I was plunging to my death just a moment ago.">"Oh my. How in the world did that happen?"
"Some big worm was attacking Canterlot. I pushed a big rock on it, then fell down a cliff.">Celestia frowns>"That cutie mark on your flank. Did you have that the last time I saw you?"
"No, definitely not.">"What is it?"
"Earth magic.">Celestia scratches her head>"Earth magic… Anon, how large was this rock exactly?"
"Pretty fucking big. Big enough to knock out a charging shai-hulud anyway.">"So you channeled a great deal of earth magic and sacrificed yourself to save Canterlot?"
"I mean, you could put it that way.">"But before you could plunge to your doom, the Aether whisked you away to see me."
"That's, uh, pretty much what happened, yeah.">"Well congratulations, Anon."
"What?">"I think I'm supposed to make you an alicorn now."
"What?!">"It makes sense, doesn't it? Why, they've even made you the princess by now, haven't they?"
"Yeah. How did you know about that?">"A bill with your name signed onto it appeared to me on a puff of dragonfire. Something about a holiday for Spike."
"Oh, that was, uh, vetoed, don't worry.">Celestia giggles>"I'm relieved to see that Equestria is in such responsible hooves. Twilight was quite upset when we got that paper, you know.">the great alicorn's horn glows brightly>"Princess Anonymous, when you wake up, you will be a true alicorn."
"Wait, wait, wait, wait! Before you do that, I need to ask you something.">"Ah, what's that?"
"Where the fuck are you?">"My goodness, you're right! Luna would scold me severely if I didn't tell you."
"Yeah. I'd kind of like to find you and give you your job back.">"There is a hidden chamber beneath the Castle of the Royal Sisters, in the Everfree Forest. We are being held prisoner there.">Celestia's horn glows to an almost blinding brightness>"It is a lair for shadow ponies."
I really appriciate it man. It looks great
"Sounds like a plan, and potentially less harmful than Truth or Dare. And we could always fall back on Truth or Dare if this isn't entertaining enough. Oh, also, Coco, feel free to come up with outrageous responses, it's sort of the name of the game with cards against humanity."
Delicious greens to start my day. Thank you, based writefag.
>>239992>Alicorns are found
Crap, so that green is nearing it's end, right ?
So many years defending this, only to have faggots desperately spam that one Meghan tweet.
WHO WAS RIGHT, BITCHES ? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA !
Let the sad fanfics flows, as they should have since S4 finale.
Nah, I want to see if I can outlive Twilight.
Oh, wait …
Want to know what's the problem?You are posting to the thread instead of the discord>>240071
She big, considering Anonfilly is half a pony's size and how she grown into Celly's size she must be like 4 times Anon's size, heck perhaps her horn is as tall as filly is from that picI want to be mom's horn little sock-warmer
>"What do you mean I have to learn from her? She's just a little filly!"
"I told you Twilight you keep picking faggots for students.">"Don't mind her my curious student. I am sure this task will be enlightening."
"I know I'm a miracle worker an' all, but I don't think I can turn the lights on in there yet again.">"Princess…">"Yes? My most faithful student?">"I don't know how to cook, or even care for foals at all!"
"Kids these days, I swear. Not even being able to use a basic food replicator.">"Anonymous."
"Fine. I'll try putting a few brain cells in that skull of hers!">"That's all that I ask."
>"But, seriously how old are you?"
"Listen here muff mucher I -blargb">Why does Twilight keep inventing new spells to wash my mouth with soap.
>The little faggot in the hospital heart overloaded with magic trying to stop the bad guys attack. She was a great grand mother now…
"I'm back.">"You did tell the truth… You haven't aged a day."
"You're still a knuckle head."
"I- Despite how advanced medicine is now I doubt you'll live more than a year.">"As one of Twilight's students it was what i should do. I've lived a long life, you know."
"I know. Ever wondered why the big bad 'Mr. 4Chan', or '/mlpol/' only broke up the peace when nothing interesting happened?">"Ah."
>"Anonymous.">I can tell she's close to tears.
"Twilight.">"It hurts every time.">"It just hurts so much.">Hugging the giant pony, as she nearly crushes you.>In companionable silence as the coffin was lowered into the ground.
>>240090>"Thank you Anon for always handling those funerals. I-, I don't think I would have the strength."
"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it."
"There gotta be *some* paperwork on this planet that you aren't meant to do, after all.">Little did Twilight know, filly was buying specific plots to draw a giant horsedong across the cemetery.>She found out after students n°73, when she tried to make a "most efficient cemetery visit" plan and highlighted the tombs of all her students on Canterlot's cemetery map for the first time.>Filly nearly got RIP-ed that day.>She only got spared because she had already planned & pre-payed her own tomb as the cum droplet to top the drawing, so killing her would have still counted as a victory.
>>240093>she had already planned & pre-payed her own tomb as the cum droplet to top the drawing
>>239992>when you pop back into reality, you wind up only a few feet above the cavern floor, instead of a few miles>in a sense you're grateful for this>but in a another sense, you do hit the ground hard
"Ow.">the shai-hulud you landed about ten feet from seems to have hit the ground a lot harder though>the great worm rises at the sight of you>and stares at you with its eyeless face
"H-hi.">and then>it dives into the ground>though it burrows rapidly, the massive creature takes about ten minutes to fully disappear within the earth>the sight is so enrapturing>that you forget you've lost Starswirl's glowing stone>and that the shai-hulud's bioluminescence is your only source of light>and now>all is dark
"Well, shit. How do I find my way back up now?">"Anon!">"Darling, where are you?">up on the ledge you fell from, you can make out a search party of about eight ponies and one dragon>you take in a deep breath and scream as loud as you can
"I'M DOWN HERE!">holy dicks>your voice came out louder than you ever imagined was possible>puffs of rubble are shaken loose from the cavern at the sound of that shout"I say, that wouldn't be a Royal Canterlot Voice I heard, would it?">you're not really sure what Starswirl is on about>but shortly, Rainbow Dash swoops down to bring you up>she gives you a big grin on the way up>"Hey, what am I carrying you for?"
"Because I can't fly?">Dash "heh"s>"You might wanna look in a mirror when you get back up to the castle.">when you're deposited safely up on the ledge, Starswirl unironically "huzzah"s"I knew it! I knew your destiny was at hoof!"
"What are you on about?">Rainbow Dash flicks at your horn
"Ow!">wait a second>you have a horn?!>oh, yeah
"Oh, about that. See, as I was plunging all alone to certain death, I got whisked away to see Celestia. She did say something about making me an alicorn.">you crane your neck around to see your barrel>yep, wings>but they're proportioned all retarded>like they're just way too big for your body>man, this actually looks hideous"You met Princess Celestia?">you're sort of focused on trying to activate your new wing muscles>to see if your new wings look any less terrible when spread out
"Yeah, yeah, it was just like you said. I used a fuckton of earth magic, almost died in the process, then the Aether or whatever took me to Celestia.">Starlight coughs>"She, um, wouldn't have happened to tell you where she and the other princesses are right now, would she?">you give up on figuring out the wings
"Yeah, of course. Obviously. They're all locked up in some secret chamber under that old castle in the Everfree.">Rainbow Dash objects to this>"The Castle of the Two Sisters was one of the first places we looked! I was there myself!"
"Well I assume the thing about secret chambers is, they're hard to find.">involuntarily, your wings flop down to the floor
"Anyway, I'd like to head out there as soon as possible to find them.""What, go yourself?"
"Yeah. I'm suddenly really well-qualified for this sort of thing, aren't I?""You have no idea how to cast even a single spell."
"Psshhh, but I bet I've got earth magic for days.">as you think of 'earth magic,' a huge stalagmite rises from the cave floor just behind you
"Holy shit, did I do that?""Now, Starswirl, old friend. It is customary for young princesses to go on quests.">Rockhoof shoots you a wink on the sly>Applejack raises her hoof>"I'd go with her. I'm sure all of us are real eager to rescue Twilight.">the rest of Twilight's friends, to include Starlight and Spike, voice their agreement
"Oh, now you guys wanna help!">Starswirl sighs"Very well, you may go. Let us return to the castle and prepare for your departure at once.">Pinkie Pie deflates somewhat at that>"Awwww."
"What's up?">"We're not gonna finish your birthday party?">you blink
"Hey Starswirl, Celestia said the chamber she was in was a lair for 'shadow ponies.' How much immediate danger are the princesses in?""Shadow ponies? Why, almost none at all."
"Let's go finish that cake Pinkie brought, at least."
>>240097"Shadow ponies are the remains of ponies who lived long ago.""Long after the body has turned to dust, and the soul has taken its final journey through the air, and memory has faded, the mind may live on, if the pony in question died in great unbalance."
"So they're ghosts?""No. Ghosts are disembodied souls, and they usually possess memory as well. Shadow ponies have neither soul nor memory. They are nothing but mind.""Lacking memory, shadow ponies seek out the presence of the living, to bathe in their memories."
"That sounds… gross.""It is common for shadow ponies to abduct the living, keeping them alive in their lairs so that the shadow ponies may enjoy their memories for decades to come.""The princesses would be a natural target for the shadow ponies. Because they are immortal, the shadow ponies who held them would never have to abduct another living pony again. And the elder princesses have many aeons of memories to share.""Shadow ponies do not think in the same way that you and I do. But they are cunning, and will not want to be found by you. And should you enter their lair, they will try to keep you from leaving."
"What exactly will they do?""The lore is unclear on this matter. You will have to plan your escape when you find out."
"Well that's not very hopeful, considering that they've been successfully holding four full-grown alicorns for months on end.">you stumble over a large root>that last discussion with Starswirl happened maybe two hours ago>he stayed in Canterlot, to manage things in your absence>but he didn't let you leave til he had taught you one spell>it's a very simple one>you just channel some magic into your horn>and then a big laser beam comes out>there's a giant hole in the roof of Canterlot Castle from where you first cast it>apparently you've gotta be careful with this shit>you shake your head and keep trudging on behind Twilight's friends>after a full day of princess work>followed by defeating a giant worm>and a birthday party>the day is growing late>all around Equestria, pegasi are arranging thick, black stormclouds for another pseudo-night>but over the Everfree Forest>the weather is known to manage itself>over the trees, the Sun shines bright as noonday>but beneath the trees>the forest grows thicker as penetrate deeper and deeper toward its heart>and it does appear to be growing darker>your horn smacks into a low-hanging branch
"Ow! Bitch!">these horn things are apparently really sensitive>not in an "oh yeah" kind of way>more in an "oh fuck, the pain" kind of way>the jolt sends you sprawling on the ground>Starlight stops behind you>"You gotta watch out for that."
"No shit. I'm not used to having a six-inch bone sticking out of my head.">you get up>and trudge on>the party passes through what appears to be the nexus of the forest darkness>at the heart of the Everfree lies the clearing where the Castle of the Two Sisters stands>and as you get closer to it, the trees thin out>finally, you reach the rope bridge leading to the castle>Applejack woops>"There it is! I knew we'd make it before dark."
"But it wasn't gonna get dark.">the group wastes no time in crossing the bridge and entering the courtyard of the ruined castle
"What the everliving fuck is that thing?">"What's what?"
"That fucking ugly tree-thing!">Starlight points right at it>"Oh, that? That's the castle that Twilight's students built out of the Tree of Harmony."
"Another damn crystal tree-castle?">"What's wrong with it?"
"It looks awful! And it's taking away from the ruins!">Rainbow Dash scratches her head>"You might be making a big deal out of nothing."
"Yeah, whatever. Let's just split up and find the damn princesses."
>>240098>the parties are as follows>Rarity and Fluttershy>Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash>Starlight and Spike>you and Applejack>should you fail to find the princesses, you are to regroup in the courtyard>currently, you and Applejack are traipsing through some kind of dungeon>"Look sharp now, Anon. This old castle is full of surprises."
"Right.">"Disguised levers, trap doors, hidden hallways. You never know what you might stumble into by accident."
"Well that's exactly the sort of thing we're looking for, isn't it?">"True. But I'd rather know about it before I go fallin' into it."
"That's fair.">a handful of magic torches, the few whose ancient enchantments still work, light and go out as you pass them by>beyond the short radius of their dim light lies an impenetrable wall of black>in the darkness, something clatters>the air down here isn't stagnant>but it doesn't seem to flow normally, as from a draft, either>the musty air rolls back and forth over your head>in waves>it's as though the dungeons are…>breathing>just what Everfree monsters might have taken refuge in this place in the millennia since it was abandoned?>what evils, left behind in the ancient forbidden archives of the castle, might have sunk down to the lowest levels of the ruins?>what villains were left to rot in these rusted cells all those centuries ago, whose spirits may even now be lurking just out of sight?>and what of the shadow ponies?>what unknown snares might they be laying down for you, the young immortal, that they might feast on your alien memories for all eternity?>"Anon?"
"Huh?">"You look like you're psychin' yourself out."
"Is it that obvious?">"You've been pressed up against my legs for the past ten minutes."
"Well, when you put it like that…">"It's a little hard to walk like this."
"S-sorry.">you step away from Applejack and shuffle along on your own>"It's just a little dark down here, that's all. Why don't ya use that fancy horn of yours to light up the place?"
"Uh, I don't think I can do that just yet. I could blast a hole in the ceiling and probably let some Sunlight down here though.">"No, no, that's uh… that's all right, sugarcube. Don't do that.">at the edge of the dim torchlight>something moves>you may or may not squeal and grab Applejack's legs again>"What is it now?!"
"It's a… I saw a… It was…!">from the shadows>a creature comes>small and swift>skittish and…>fuzzy?>"It's just a rat. Calm down.">the rat scurries past the two of you into the shadows that lie behind
"Okay. That's fine then. Let me just…">you let go of Applejack and stand on your own four hooves>just in time to see the shadows themselves advance>the shadow that enters the torchlight takes long, sure hoofsteps across the crumbled cobblestone>a pony-shaped field of darkness stands clearly within your sight>it is, you assume, a shadow pony>it stares at you with faceless sight>a strange feeling>as of intolerable…>nostalgia>overwhelms your soul>and then>the shadow pony turns around>and merges back into the darkness>Applejack gallops after it
"What are you doing, following it?!">"It could lead us right to the lair, come on!">your companion speeds into the distance>taking the torchlight with her
"Oh, man, wait for me!">unfortunately, your stubby filly legs can't keep up with the galloping farmer>fortunately, you can still make out the receding torchlight in the distance>and oddly, you can clearly see that you're following hoofprints made of moss>a click echoes through the dungeons>"Hey, whoah!">the torchlight returns to you>and you know that you're alone in the dungeons>with the rats>and the shadow ponies>you double your running efforts>and you come to the end of the vast chamber>the mossy hoofprints end here>and Applejack is nowhere to be seen>just a featureless brick wall
"Shit!">you strike the wall in frustration>and the brick you hit recedes with a loud grating sound
"Shit!">the wall rapidly rotates and sweeps you to its other side>there awaits a long tube of polished crystal, descending almost straight down into the bowels of the earth
"Shit shit shit shit!">you're sliding down at terminal velocity>but the slide suddenly bends upwards>and you're flying up out of the earth>finally, you emerge into the courtyard of the castle>where you flop gracelessly onto the ground>"Anon. Glad to see ya made it.">Applejack sits nearby, cradling a foreleg>you groan unintelligibly in response>"I'm thinkin' about givin' up for now and waitin' for the others to show up here. That all right?"
"Sounds good to me.">it seems as though you ought to get up and go back into that castle>but you can't>you're too sluggish right now>and you feel as though you're nostalgic>for something you can't remember>your eyes close>and sleep comes quickly
>>240099>you're not sure how long it's been when you wake up>with the Sun immobile in the sky, there's just no way to tell>judging by the droning of the crickets, it could be the middle of the night>but the insects could just be confused after so long without darkness
"Applejack, how long was I out for?">in the daylight, an owl hoots
"Applejack?">you rub the sleep out of your eyes and stand up>looking around, you see…>nothing>and nobody>you are alone
"Fuck.">no, you do see something>on the ground>there's a trail of something that could be hoofprints>it's odd though>rather than being flattened down…>the grass where this pony trod seems taller>fuller>you decide to follow the tracks>they lead you to a set of cut, earthen stairs in the wall of the gorge>so you climb down>into the heart of the Everfree>at the bottom, the trail leads into an empty, shallow cave>they stop in an obscure corner>or rather, they disappear into a thick patch of vines and creepers>could it be?>you plant your hooves firmly into the ground>hey. move.>surprisingly, the wild Everfree vines are eager to obey your command>once they retract, you can see that they covered a downward-sloping tunnel>you can't see any trail of strange hoofprints down the tunnel>but you don't need them anymore>the trail is so tangible to you that you can almost smell it>earth magic>the tunnel twists and winds and forks for ages>eventually, the light from above no longer reaches you even a little bit>but you don't need it>you know where you're going>this place is pungeant with earth magics>the soft, earthen floor>the scent of damp moss>the low-hanging tree roots which threaten to snag in your mane>it makes you feel alert>it makes you feel alive>in the distance, you can see torchlight dancing on the walls>and you know that your trail ends just around the corner>coming around the bend, you see them>at last>the princesses!>all four of them>well, five if you count the babby, who's asleep in her mother's hooves>Twilight's friends are here as well>and Spike>and Starlight>none of them are restrained in any way>they're all just…>sleeping
"Excuse me. Hey, yeah, you guys. Wake up, I'm here to rescue you.">the mass of sleeping ponies shifts and groans>Applejack wakes up first>"Anon? What's goin' on?"
"Hey, you're the one who disappeared. You tell me.">"I… don't remember. Last I knew we were up in the courtyard.">Celestia's eyes flutter open next>she raises her sleepy eyes to you>"Anonymous… you came…">heh
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here, Princess. Why's everyone asleep? Let's get out of here.">"It is the power of the shadow ponies… Too tired to move… Why are you so… lively?"
"Are you kidding? This place is dripping with earth magic. Can't you feel it?">Applejack scratches her chin>"Earth magic, huh? I'm feelin' pretty good too, to be honest.">Luna's ears visibly strain to hear your conversation>and the moon princess lifts her tired head as well>"Earth magic…">Luna's eyes scan the room slowly>"I see… I recognize this place now.">"What, sister? What is this place?">"Has it been so long? Have you forgotten? A thousand years ago, this was the hermitage of the royal earth mages.">Celestia's eyes widen as she looks about the chamber>"You're right. So it was.">this place…>these shadow ponies…>they must be…!
"Princess. What happened to the earth mages? 800 years ago they died out, but you never told Rockhoof why.">"It is… painful… to tell…"
"I need to know.">Celestia nods>"A little over one thousand years ago… the Castle of the Royal Sisters found itself with just one sister.">"The castle… the memories… it was too lonely… too terrible.">"I left this place, and founded Canterlot.">"But in those days, the Everfree Forest was the Everfree Grove… the greatest hub of earth magic in all the land, and the pride of all the royal earth mages.">"The earth mages… refused to leave. They stayed behind and tended to their precious grove… They abandoned me.">"Over the years… the earth mages grew more and more isolated…">"They stopped contacting me… they refused to train new earth mages for me… Eventually, they refused to train new earth mages entirely… for fear that they would come to me.">"After 200 years, the Everfree Grove had become a wild and terrible forest… And I knew that the last of the old earth mages were gone…"
"Not the last.">"No… Rockhoof was trapped in time… and returned a short while ago…"
"And he trained me.">Celestia smiles a sleepy smile>"That's… good… I'm… glad…">the Princess's head sinks back to the ground>nobody is left awake but you and Applejack>your gaze seeks, finds, and rests upon the sleeping form of Twilight Sparkle>the mare who accidentally made you a princess>she's snuggled up next to Cadance>her torso rises and falls with her deep, steady breaths>"Uh, pardner."
"What's up?">"Might wanna like behind you.">you turn around>dozens of shadow ponies loom in the torchlight>you're hit with that strange wave of nostalgia>the power you felt when you threw that rock at Blueblood>your simple, black cutie mark>the dancing flowers>the tumbling boulder>the days when Celestia's royal earth mages lived in great honor>Applejack has already fallen to her knees and begun yawning>you're feeling pretty sleepy, too>you've got to do something>you've got to do something fast
"Wait…">you sink down to your belly
"I can… bring it back.">the shadow ponies tilt their heads at this
"I can bring those days back.">strength slowly returns to your limbs>you take a shaky stand
"I can bring earth magic back.">the shadow ponies look at each other
"Look at me. I'm a damned alicorn princess, with an earth magic cutie mark. I can bring it back.">power from the earth rushes into your hooves and awakens you to full awareness
"I'll bring it back. I promise. But you have to let me go. You have to let my friends go, too.">the shadow ponies look at you>then back at each other>the ancient earth mages share a nod>and then>they vanish
>>240103>long story short>everyone woke up>Twilight flipped shit when she saw you"Who thought it would be a good idea to make Anon an alicorn?!"
"Lemme see. Starswirl the Bearded, Rockhoof, the Aether, and uh… her.">you point at Princess Celestia>but she's taken a strange interest in staring at the chamber ceiling and whistling>everyone got safely out of the tunnel>but you made sure to seal it back up when everyone was out>following this, you made a triumphant return to Canterlot>to your eternal gratitude, Celestia took her job back>thus ensuring that you'll never have to do Day Court ever again>almost even better, it was right around time for Sunset when the train pulled into the Canterlot train station>Luna took the opportunity to make a beautiful, clear, starry night>with a big full Moon and everything>Pinkie Pie took the opportunity to throw a formal "Anon's After-Birthday Party / Return of the Real Princesses Party" in the castle courtyard>and by "formal", you mean that she's currently bouncing around the courtyard trying to coax ponies into doing the Pony Pokey with her>Twilight's chatting with the rest of her friends on a white marble pavillion>the elder princesses are smiling and waving from an elevated platform>Cadance is sitting in a corner, covered by a blanket>something is squirming under the blanket, right around the crotch area…>oh fuck, is she breastfeeding her kid right now?>in public?!>you quickly turn away and search for something else to look at>Discord scowls at you from the buffet table>you trot over to him
"Is that offer to make me human again still on the table?">Discord scoffs>"What? Now that you've restored order and harmony to the land for the rest of the foreseeable future?!"
"Uh… yeah?">"Heavens no!"
"Dick licker.">Discord snaps his claws>you're telepoofed into the middle of Twilight's friends>immediately, four pairs of pastel hooves begin poking and prodding you>"Ooh, look, it's widdle Princess Anon!">"You look sooo cute with those wings!">"Darling! You must let me smush your face some more!">"He he, ha! Lemme tousle that mane, sugarcube!"
"Ah! No! I never asked for this! Twilight, help me!">Twilight rolls her eyes>then hoists you up in her magic>a chorus of "aww"s rises from her friends"Come on, you. We have to talk.">Twilight waves to Princess Celestia, who nods and takes wing>then she takes you over to a corner where Starswirl the Bearded and Rockhoof are waiting>she sets you down>and Celestia lands nearby"Ah, Princess Anonymous. We've been meaning to speak with you."
"Oh, hey, what's up? What do you want to talk about?""Your continuing education."
"Whoah, hang on a second, dude. I brought back the real princesses. I'm done with this bullshit now.""The other princesses, Anonymous. Not the real princesses."
"Nope, nope, nope nope nope nope nope!">you attempt to flee>but Twilight blocks your path"Anon, I think you're old enough to take on a few responsibilities."
"B-but I'm only 30!">Celestia giggles>"Anonymous, I promise, you won't have the same workload that you had during our absence. As a young alicorn princess, we only want to give you a small responsibility.">you look at Rockhoof>he smirks"If I heard the story correctly, lass, you seem tae hae made a promise tae some old friends of mine."
"What, the earth magic thing? I mean, I was kind of thinking that could be sort of a private venture, maybe like a few years down the line when I'm fully grown-">"Then it's settled!"
"What, settled? What's settled?! I didn't settle anything!">"Anonymous, your ascension and acts of bravery have demonstrated the true value of earth magics, a field of study which has gone neglected for far too long.">Celestia begins to lower her horn toward your shoulder>"I hereby appoint you-"
"No!">you dodge the horn>Celestia tries again>"I hereby appoint you-">you dodge again, and try to flee>but Twilight restrains you with her magic and places you back in front of Celestia
"No!">"Thank you Twilight. Princess Anonymous, I hereby appoint you…">Celestia's warm horn gently touches your right shoulder>then moves to your left>"The Princess of Earth!"
The end. On the off-chance you ever want to read it again, the pastebin starts here: https://pastebin.com/hBNiBbPR
Thank you. Fantastic.
Nicely done. Kinda fun to see another princess Anon story.I really should get back to mine. I'm in the middle of a part and it's just not flowing smoothly.
At this point they would only make another one and migrate there, I think it's way too late tbh, not for a lack of warning….
I for one am still here posting with you all, as are several others.
It's not as if any of us would decide to shirk the thread just because we have a social group of fellow fillyfags on dicksword.
I would shirk the thread because of finale spoilers, though. Faggots can't just let that shit happen when it happens, gotta be posting about it up in unrelated threads.
To be fair, that's exactly what you're doing. Most filly-related posts are happening there now, and barely any of it makes it here other than drawings; sometimes not even then. The discord has been named by you as the best place to post filly, and you only really post to the thread because people will give you shit if you don't make a few posts every once in a while.
File: 1566781276845-0.jpg (Spoiler Image, 138.47 KB, 1730x978, old m6 and Twilight's new ….jpg)
Here, let me help your argument by giving no forewarning about this unspoiled pic about the finale final camera shot
No, no need to thank me, faggots who avoid leaks because "muh freedom" should know better than to just point fingers, even after they were warned, but again, this post should give you all the rights to do whatever, not like trying to spur discussion is something you do <here>, right?Also the end song is fucking based
This fucking shit looks like fanfiction, jesus christ it really took a nose dive.
Want to know a fun story, I saw this pic >>239822
(3rd one) on a different discord and thought "Nice, when it gets finished and posted to the thread I'll make a green about the PTSD filly and the great pillow war"
Then I waited, and waited, and long after it was dropped in one of these pic bombs
Shows how much ya'll care about here, and that's how much I cared about doing the green afterwards
Not like ya'll need it, surely yall can get your own little greens there too so eh
Joke's on you you fucking cocksucking faggot I already blocked all images on mlpol with umatrix for my nofap streak.
"Only if you catch me firs-">One step and she had already covered the entire distance from the Canterlot castle to Ponyville
"Fuck you and your new fat ass Purple, REEEE"
Yeah, I don't even post the drawings I do there anymore unless they're directly related to something that happened there. I'd much rather share them with you guys. I'd still like to see that green though, I'd rather see one good green than 10 good pictures…
20 years later is the time frame between ep 25 and 26
See? That can be helped, everyone's not
happy but next time just dont open spoilers after the warning
Although I do realize it was broken, but the only actual spoiler was the first line which worked, rest can go on as if nothing had happened since she already had Glimmer as a student before, so shame on you
I know what it's like to get stuck on a green. A trick I've used to get stories finished fast is to announce the time limit I plan on sticking to before posting the story. For example, for this one I said I wanted to be done by the end of the weekend. Another trick I recently picked up was to install a text editor on my phone, so that I could pre-stage updates whenever I had an idea for the story but didn't have access to my desktop, for example on the shitter at work. I know it sounds intuitive, but if you want to write, then you have to write.
>>240128>The discord has been named by you as the best place to post filly>source: my ass>>240134
I consider it a damn shame that happened. What I would do if I was the pic bomber is nudge the drawfags to post their pics here instead of dropping pic bombs with no warning, but unfortunately I'm just an average lurker.
>pranking someone with graffiti without participating in sex is pedo now
More like source: being in the discord since the very beginning, watching its gradual decline, noting posting patterns autistically, and wanting to do something about it instead of just sitting idly by.
>>240141>I know it sounds intuitive, but if you want to write, then you have to write.
This so much.
Being an autist doesn't make you any less wrong.