/mlpol/ - My Little Politics

>>349044
Right, maybe I should explain myself better.
Here we write stories based on the premise in the OP.

>>349044
>giving ponies therapey in their dreams.
ok, but I choose to interpret this typo as "giving ponies the rapey in their dreams."

>>349051
Also, this gives me an idea so I'm trademarking it now.

Feel free to dump your pictures of the best princess here for maximum comfyness and mood.

;^P

>>349051
>>349053
The best thing is that nobody will believe me if I told them that I did that intentionally... Wait.

>>349044
>be you
>Chad Thundercock
>relaxing in your private suite
>receive summons from the Princess
"Come to the Royal Chambers at once."
>she must be in the mood for some wakka-chicka wokka-chicka
>you can't say you blame her
>you make your way through the palace
>up the grand staircase
>everything in here is so classy
>marble columns everywhere
>fancy art
>tapestries bigger than your old apartment
>you did alright coming here
>you arrive at the door to the royal apartment
>same guard as usual is standing outside
>a tall, muscular, green pegasus pony wearing Roman armor
>Emerald Musk is his name
>he grins when he sees you
>you grin back
[color #0e9"Oh, hey Chad. You here to see the Princess?"[/color]
>Emerald asks with a sly smile
"You know it, bro!"
>you hold out your fist
>he bumps it with his hoof
>the two of you share a laugh
"Hey bro," Emerald continues. "When you're, uh...finished...you should come by the Rusty Horseshoe. Some of the guards are meeting up down there once our shift is over."
"I'll be there, bro!"
>you bump fist against hoof again
>Emerald Musk steps aside
>you like Emerald Musk
>Emerald Musk is bro-tier
>the gigantic double doors swing inward
>you step inside
>the doors swing shut behind you
>the royal apartment is as royal as ever
>high ceilings
>lots of dark shining columns
>everything is black and purple and dark blue
>moon decor everywhere
>the Princess is kind of a goth chick
>you don't mind though, because dat ass
>you look around
>you don't see her anywhere
>probably still fixing her weird magic hair
>or whatever she does to get ready for you
>you head to the bar and pour yourself a glass of that delicious horse-wine
>yeah, all things considered you did alright
>the moment Kev told you he'd made a portal to Equestria, you knew you'd be getting mad horse poon
>you had no idea how high you could shoot though
>Official Consort to the Moon Princess?
>that's pretty...
>well, that's pretty Chad-tier
>but it has its costs
>she's super old-fashioned
>probably to be expected since she's a thousand years old
>total MILF, you know?
>but still
>no screwing around on the side?
>that isn't Chad's style
>the Princess keeps you busy and all...
>but still
>can't eat the same thing every day, right?
>you plop down on the sofa and sip your wine
>suddenly, the doors to the bedroom swing open
"GREETINGS, MY FAITHFUL CONSORT! THY PRINCESS HAS COME TO REQUEST--"
"Babe, it's just us here. You don't have to talk like that."
>the Princess reddens a little
"*ahem*"
>she clears her throat
"Greetings, my Consort. I have come to request--"
"You can just call me Chad, you know."
"Er, right. Chad, my Consort, I hath come to ask of thee--"
"Oh, come on, babe, can the medieval stuff. We both know what you're here for."
>you down the rest of your wine in one gulp and flash the Princess a lascivious grin
>the Princess reddens further
>she makes an irritated growl and stamps her hoof
"Be not insolent with me, Consort, for I shall not hesitate--"
"Yeah, yeah, I know," you cut in again. "Bang, zoom..."
"STRAIGHT TO THE MOON!!"
>you both say the last part in unison
>Princess Luna can no longer contain herself
>she bursts out laughing
>you smile
>she loves that stupid joke, even though she doesn't understand the reference
>still chuckling, she heads over to the bar and pours herself a glass of wine
>you can't help but eyeball her flank a little while her back is turned
>next time you see Kev, you're really going to have to thank him for getting you into that cartoon
>let alone building a portal and all that
"Bring the bottle, babe," you call out as she pours
>a moment later, she sits down on the plush sofa next to you
>the bottle hovers over your glass and refills it
>Luna's weird magic hair floats gracefully around her face
>you lean in closer, but she pulls away
"What's wrong, babe? Still sore from last time?"
>she reddens slightly again, but doesn't rise to the bait
"No, that's not it. My Cons--er, Chad, there is something I must ask of you."
>you swallow another gulp of wine
"Sounds serious, babe."
"It is a matter of no small importance."
>she takes a graceful sip from her own glass
"As you know, I am the Princess of the Night."
>the Princess rises to her hooves once again and crosses the room
>she stands before the tall glass windows, gazing out over her kingdom
>the moonlight holds her impressive frame in silhouette
>her ethereal mane hangs ghostlike about her, a shimmering specter of starlight
>she looks pretty fucking hot like that, you think
"As part of my royal duties," she continues, "I must oversee the dreams of my subjects. However, as of late, I have grown....weary. I feel..."
>she sighs heavily, and takes a long draught from her class
>she stares mournfully up at the night sky
>total goth chick, you think to yourself
>you still want to bang her, though
"I feel," she continues finally, "As though I must take some time away from my duties. To restore myself, if you will."
>you take another sip of wine
>you've got a pretty good buzz going now
"Is that it, babe? You want to take a vacation?"
>Luna turns away from the window and smiles sheepishly
"Well, yes, I suppose that would be one way to describe it."
>you shrug and down the rest of your glass in one gulp
"So? You're the Princess aren't you? If you want to take a vacation, just take a vacation. Who's going to stop you? Does that other Princess outrank you or something?"
>a look of mild irritation crosses her face

>>349098
"She does not 'outrank' me. As I have explained, my Royal Sister is the Princess of the Sun, while I am the Princess of the Moon..."
>she drones on for awhile, and you start to tune her out
>you never could quite understand this part
>one of these horses is Princess during the day, the other one is Princess at night?
>it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense
>Kev is the one who gets all this stuff
>you were never that interested
>he loaned you his DVDs, but you only ever watched like two episodes
>after that you shut it off and started looking up porn of the characters
>at this point, you're too buzzed to pay much attention to what Luna is saying
>watching her flanks move as she talks, though...
>the goods just barely visible through that weird, half-translucent tail...
>you kind of wish she'd stop talking so the two of you can get down to business
>suddenly, you realize she's looking at you like she expects a response
>you should probably say something
"....uh, yeah, totally babe."
>Luna's eyes light up
>she can barely suppress an excited squeal
"So thou wilt do that for us?"
"Huh?"
"Thou wilt take over my royal duties while I am away?"
"Zuh?"
"Oh, thou hast made me so happy!"
>she trots giddily over to you and gives you a passionate kiss
>holy jeez, that tongue
>Stacy and Becky and all the others are going to be heartbroken
>but they just can't even compete
>you're never going back to human girls again
>before you can respond, she breaks the kiss and gallops to the apartment doors
"I've left a note which will explain thy duties," she calls out. "It's really quite simple. The magic will guide thee to the dreams where thou art needed most. And if thou should run into a particularly difficult nightmare...well, hopefully you won't run into any difficult nightmares. Farewell, my Consort!!"
>without another word, the doors swing open and she gallops through the portal
>you are left sitting speechless on the couch
>Emerald Musk slowly pokes his head into the opening
"Uh...bro?" he says hesitantly
"Yeah?"
"You, uh, still coming to the Horseshoe tonight?"
>you raise your glass to your lips
>then you remember that it is empty
>you stare at it for a moment, then set it down
"Uh, sorry bro. I guess there's something else I have to do tonight."
...
....
......

>>349099
......
....
...
>you stare at the note on the table
>you're still a little buzzed, and you struggle to make out the words on the parchment
>as fancy as she usually talks, Luna has just barely learned to read and write English
>you were never that good at it yourself, of course
>in HS you passed most of your English classes automatically because of Football
>the rest of the time you could usually convince the teacher to let you slide with a D
>if you were...you know...willing to grant her the same favor
>but this?
>seriously, you can't make hide nor hair of this
>it looks like a little kid wrote it
>you pour yourself another glass of horse-wine
>if you're not getting any mare-pussy tonight you might as well get krunk
>for the third time, you read over Luna's clumsily scribbled block letters:

LOONAZ ROYL DOOTYS:

1. GO INTOO DREMZ
2. FITE NITEMARZ
3. GIV PONYZ THERAPEY

>Kev explained all of this once
>the stuff with the languages
>magic in Equestria makes it so that humans and ponies can understand each other when they speak
>even though they're actually speaking different languages
>but for some reason it doesn't work on anything written
>so books in horse-land all look like gibberish to you
>it was sweet of Luna to try and learn how to write English just for your sake...
>but it probably would have been easier for her to just explain this shit verbally before she left
>seriously, what does this say?
>you try to read it out loud
"Number one."
>your voice echoes mournfully in the huge empty bedchamber
>between the wine and the rager Luna left you with, you're finding it hard to concentrate
>"Go...into...dreams."
>go into dreams
>that makes sense enough
>you already more or less knew the job was going to involve something like that
>maybe this won't be so hard after all
>you've seen Nightmare on Elm Street, right?
>number two looks like something you can pretty much ignore
>fight night on Mars?
>sounds pretty dope actually, but you doubt it's going to apply
>alright, skip that one
>so what about number three?
"Give...ponies....wait, what?"
>you look at the last word
>is that one word or two?
"Give...ponies...ther..."
"Give ponies the rapey?"
>you continue to stare
>is this note telling you to do what it sounds like it's telling you to do?
>two miniature Chads appear on each of your shoulders
"Bro!" says the Chad with devil horns. "She's giving you the green light, bro! Do it!"
>the Chad with angel wings and a halo interjects:
"Come on, Bro!" he says. "What about Luna's rule? You can't fool around with other ponies while she's on vacation, bro, that's not cool!"
"Bro!" Devil-Chad butts in. "Are you retarded or what? Page 41 of the Bro Code, paragraph 5 § 3: if it happens in a dream or another dimension, it's not cheating."
>Angel-Chad scratches his head
>he looks befuddled
"Yeah, bro, but..."
"But what, you faggot?" says Devil-Chad. He turns to you. "Look bro: here's the way I see it. One, your girl is giving you the ok on this. Two, it's in a dream so it doesn't count anyway. Three, you've got it all in writing if she ever changes her mind. Finally, four: if you don't do this, everyone is going to think you're a total fag."
>you turn to Angel-Chad for confirmation
>he hesitates, and then reluctantly nods
"Yeah, bro," he says. "I think I'm gonna have to concur with Devil-Chad on this one. If you don't do this, you're a total fag."
>well, that settles it
>the last thing you'd ever want is to be a total fag
>besides, isn't this what you've been wanting ever since you came to Equestria?
>Luna's hot and all, but some of the other ponies around here, sweet merciful muffins
>that Lyra looks like she gets into some pretty freaky shit
>and the other night there was that high-society pone you were introduced to
>Fleur-de-Lis or something
>that's the kind of horse-poon you cut out and paste in your scrapbook
>even that little weirdo that's always hanging out in the library
>Moondancer
>total nerd-skootch
>a lot of your bros back home wouldn't touch her
>but that's their loss
>you can tell just from looking at her that she would totally go all night long
>and you don't even want to get started about Luna's older sister....
>you take another sip of wine
>at this point it's all going straight into your rager
>the more you think about it, the more sense it makes
>Luna's going on vacation, right?
>she's going to be gone for a few nights at least
>she probably just wants you to be able to have some fun while she's gone
>it's pretty considerate, really
>there are definitely some perks to your girlfriend being the horse-Princess of dreams
>you down the last of your wine in a big gulp
>you're feeling good and buzzed
>yeah, that settles it
>time to give Equestria's sleeping mares a little of the ol' dream rapey
>you turn your attention to the object sitting next to Luna's note
>it's some kind of magic amulet
>you look around to see if she left any instructions, but suddenly you feel a weird power emanating from the amulet
>it feels as though if you just put it on, somehow you'll just know what to do
>you pick up the amulet and pull the chain over your head
>the world around you begins to shimmer and lose its form...
...
....
......

And, that's it for now. I will write some more of this later.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKEK70kz11I

>>349098
I like how you wrote Luna's voice, it sounds like her.
>>349100
<If you don't do this, you're a total fag."
<>well, that settles it
Kinda funny how this tough guy cares so much about what others think of him.
>LOONAZ ROYL DOOTYS:

>1. GO INTOO DREMZ
>2. FITE NITEMARZ
>3. GIV PONYZ THERAPEY
Pretty funny.

I forgot to save my tripcode on this computer, but it's me

>>349100
>you awaken in a mist-shrouded realm
>the ground beneath your feet is solid, but there are no visible objects with which to orient yourself
>only a faint pinkish mist extending in every direction
>the amulet around your neck informs you that you are in the Realm of Dreams
>it does not speak, but when you think of a question it immediately plants the answer in your mind
>what was it Luna said to do in here?
>let the magic guide you to the dreams where you are needed most?
>you figure you can work with that
>no sooner has the thought crossed your mind than the mist around you begins to change shape
>you are now standing on a hilly landscape in broad afternoon
>a forest of apple trees stretches out in every direction all around you
>I wonder whose dream I've entered?
>you think this ironically, since you know of only one pony who would be obsessed enough with apple trees to dream about them
>you forget her name, though
>Kev would know it
>it has something to do with apples
>it's also the name of a cereal
>Sugar Crisp?
>Golden Grahams?
>something like that
>anyway, the amulet informs you that you have the power to rebuild the landscape around you as you see fit
>alright then, let's set a more appropriate scene
>the world instantly transforms to accommodate your lecherous whims
>you are now standing inside a magnificently appointed bedchamber
>a perfect environment for some wakka-chicka wokka-chicka
>you gave it kind of an upscale-cowboy theme just to get her in the mood
>she likes cowboy stuff, right?
>you're pretty sure it's the apple-horse who likes cowboy stuff
>now where is the lucky contestant?
>you can hear hoofsteps outside
>slowly, the door cracks open
>here she comes
>you lie down on the bed
>on impulse, you use the amulet to switch your costume
>you are now wearing skintight Wrangler jeans, a cowboy hat, and no shirt
>there is a rose gripped between your teeth
>if this doesn't get her pony-motor running, nothing will
>the door swings open, and a pony trots inside
>she stares at you, a surprised look on her face
>Applejack is...smaller than you remembered
>that's right, Applejack is her name, you just now remembered that
>also
>crap
>it's not Applejack
>it's her little sister
>you don't know her name, but you know you've seen her around
"Uhhh.......Mr. Chad?"
>the little filly is staring at you
"Uh, hey there..."
>your speech comes out garbled since you have a rose in your teeth
>you spit it out and it disappears
>the little filly continues to stare
>suddenly, you remember her name
"....Apple Bloom."
>an uncomfortable silence settles on the room
>Apple Bloom clears her throat
"So, uh....how come yer dressed like that?"
"Oh, uh....well, I guess I was expecting someone else."
"Oh."
>suddenly, a look of comprehension crosses her face
"Wait a second! Am ah dreamin'?"
"...yeah."
[color #f36]"So where's Princess Luna?"
"Oh, I'm...uh...filling in for her tonight."
"Oh."
>she raises an eyebrow
"So are you gonna listen to mah problems, or are we just gonna goof around all night?"
"Uh, yeah. Hold on just a second."
>you let the amulet select a more appropriate setting for the dream
>
>...
>
"...so that's how me an' the girls got our cutie marks."
>the dream-stage now resembles a psychiatrist's office
>Apple Bloom is lying on her back on a large sofa
>you are sitting on an armchair nearby, trying not to look bored
>you glance at the clock on the wall
>time is meaningless in this realm, the amulet informs you, but still
>how long is this kid going to babble?
>you came to the dream realm to slay pony poon, and this foal is eating up your valuable time
"Hey! Are you even listenin' to me?
>you glance up from your clipboard
>the filly is glaring at you
"What? Yeah, I'm listening. You were talking about how you and your friends all got your little butt pictures."
"They're called cutie marks!"
"Right, cutie marks."
"Right."
>awkward silence
"So...?"
"...so what?"
"So what do you think ah should do?"
"What do you mean? I thought getting your cutie mark was the whole point of that club you started."
"But that's just it! Ah spent all that time tryin' to git a cutie mark! It became sort of mah...mah..."
>she trails off, twirling her front hoof slowly as she tries to think of the right word
>you glance at the clock again
"Oh, what's that word? Sweetie Belle's sister had a real fancy word for it. Raisin Debra? Somethin' like that?"
"Raison d'etre?"
"Yeah, that! Boy, yer pretty smart, Mr. Chad! Where'd you learn somethin' like that?"
"Huh? Oh, well, I banged my French teacher one year, and it must have rubbed off on me."
>shit
>you hadn't meant to say that out loud
>the dream realm is a little tricky about things like that
"You banged into yer teacher?"
>the filly is staring at you with a concerned expression
"Was it an accident?"
>oh good, she has no idea what you're talking about
"Uh, sort of. Things like that just kind of happen to me sometimes if I'm not careful."
>that part's true enough
"Gosh. Ah hope she wasn't too mad at ya. Did she get hurt?"
>you bite your lip to stifle a laugh
"Yeah, she was a little sore afterward."
"Ah bet she was. If ah ever banged Miss Cheerilee ah bet she'd be awful sore."
>you bite down on your lip even harder
>a snort escapes through your nose
>the filly glances at you with a puzzled expression
>you clear your throat

>>349182

"Uh, so anyway, about your cutie mark..."
"Oh, right. Well, it's like this: ah spent so much time tryin' to get mah cutie mark, it became sorta mah 'ray-zon dettra.'"
>she puffs out her chest a little as she says the last bit
"But now that ah have mah cutie mark, it's like ah'm missin' out on the fun of tryin', ya know? Like, me and the girls, we did all kinds of fun stuff to try and find out what our special talents were, but in the end, none o'those things became our cutie marks! Don't get me wrong, ah like havin' mah cutie mark an' all, but it's like, now we spend all our time helpin' other ponies, and sometimes ah just want us to go off and have fun adventures like we used to!"
>Bloom's hoof gestures become more animated as she speaks
"...because it's like, we put all that time and effort inta learnin' botany, an' singin', an' costume design, and all this other stuff, and it's like none of it even mattered! We all just wound up gettin' the exact same cutie mark! Ah mean, how does somethin' like that even happen? An' ah mean, ah really am happy to finally have mah mark, but...gettin' a cutie mark in findin' cutie marks? It feels like kind of a lame payoff after all that hard work--
>you decide to cut in before she starts hyperventilating
"Look kid, you need to relax. I think you're putting way too much importance on these butt pic--er, cutie marks."
>the yellow filly gives you a sour look
"Easy fer you to say. Yer a human, y'all don't even have cutie marks."
"Well, that's kind of my point."
>you mentally run through your life's expereinces, trying to find something more or less G-rated that could help this kid
>you clear your throat
"Well, it's like this: we don't have cutie marks where I come from, but we do have this thing called the career aptitude test. I took this test in high school, and it basically told me I was too stupid to do much of anything. My guidance counselor said I should just join the army and hope for a war to start. But I got into college anyway on a football scholarship, plus I was banging the counselor's wife that summer so the joke was pretty much on him."
"Gosh, you shore do seem to bang into an awful lot of people, Mr. Chad! You should try to be a little less clumsy."
"Yeah, I know; it's a real problem for me. So anyway, I got into college on a basketball scholarship--"
"Basketball? Ah thought you said it was a football scholarship?"
"Huh? Oh, well, actually I qualified for both scholarships. It didn't really matter, though, because I decided not to go. See, my Dad, he owns this dealership, and I'm probably just going to work there, and then eventually I'll inherit it. See what I'm saying?"
>Apple Bloom stares blankly at you
"Uhhh....no."
>you furrow your brow in concentration
>psychiatry is harder than it looks
"Well...you see, think about it this way. I have this friend named Kev. Real smart guy, probably the smartest guy I know. When he took that same aptitude test, it told him that he was going to be some kind of genius computer programmer. The guidance counselor told him he should apply to MIT."
"What's 'ehm ah tee?'"
"It's like Princess Celestia's magic school. So anyway, Kev applied to that school, but they wouldn't let him in because they said they already had enough white guys. So, he wound up going to some state school. Then, he tried to get a job as a freelance programmer to help pay his tuition, but nobody would hire him. You see what I'm getting at?"
"Uh, nope. Sorry."
"See, my friend Kev, who's like this super genius, took this test, and it told him he was going to do all these great things with his life. I took the same test, and it told me I was basically retarded. But Kev wound up working at Arby's, while I just got laid all summer and helped out at my Dad's dealership a little. Then, Kev figured out how to create some kind of quantum disruption field in his basement, and opened up a portal to Equestria."
"Is that how y'all got here?"
"Yeah. We both came through the portal. I wound up as Princess Luna's personal consort--"
"What exactly do you do for Princess Luna anyway, Mr. Chad?"
"Huh? Oh, I uh...I read her bedtime stories. It's not important. Anyway, I wound up as Princess Luna's consort, while Kev...actually, I'm not sure what Kev is doing these days. Does he still live in Ponyville?"
>Apple Bloom looks uncomfortable
"Uh, he does, but...well, the mayor had to pass some kinda law to keep him from hasslin' the mares. And Miss Cheerilee says he's not allowed on school grounds anymore. She told us to come get her if he tries to talk to any of us."
"Oh. Well, anyway, do you get what I'm saying now, kid? You really shouldn't worry too much about all this stuff about cutie marks and destiny and whatever. If you want to go on adventures with your friends, just do it. Is there a law saying that just because your cutie mark isn't in hang gliding or whatever, that you can't go hang gliding?"
>Apple Bloom shakes her head
"Well, there you go. Just do whatever you want, kid; stuff usually just works itself out. That's how it works for me, anyway."

>>349183

>Apple Bloom thinks about it for a second, and then her expression brightens
"You know what? That actually does kinda help!
>she jumps off the psychiatrist's couch
"Thanks, Mr. Chad! Ah feel a whole lot better now!"
>she trots towards the door
"Oh, and don't forget to tell yer teacher yer sorry for bangin' inta her!"
>you stifle a laugh
"Sure, no problem kid. Happy I could help."
"See you later, Mr. Chad!"
"See you later, Apple Bloom!"
>she trots out the door
>the world dissolves into mist
...
....
......

To be continued.

>>349184
Please continue, this is good stuff.

>>349184
......
....
...
>once again, you find yourself in a mist-shrouded realm
>you wonder how much of the night you wasted listening to that annoying little hillbilly foal
>the amulet reminds you that time has no significance in this realm
>it also reminds you that helping ponies with their problems is what you are supposed to be here for
>annoyed, you remind the medallion that the night is finite and eventually the hot mares are going to start waking up
>you also remind it that you still have a rager that you could go jousting with
>instead of responding, the amulet begins to pull you in another direction
>hopefully in the direction of a hot-plot mare in need of some wakka-chicka wokka-chicka, you think
>the mist around you shifts
>tangible forms begin to take shape
>you are now in some kind of a sitting-room
>a large sofa, a couple of chairs, a table in the center
>there are no walls, the space beyond the sitting area just sort of fades into blackness
>you can hear clip-clopping hooves in the distance
>a female-sounding voice is muttering to itself as the hooves draw nearer
>jackpot
>you assume a seductive yet casual pose on the sofa
>the hoofsteps and the muttering are closer now
>a dim silhouette appears
>which lucky mare will be picked to join your harem?
>it looks like the winner is--
"Oh, God damn it, not again!"
>the little foal stops short, alarmed by your outburst
"I-I'm thorry! Did I do thomething wrong?"
>you don't recognize the filly standing in front of you
>and you're pretty sure you wouldn't forget someone like this if you'd seen her before
>unkempt, curly mane, colored fire-engine red
>giant nerd glasses
>a voice that makes you wish you had a blunt object to strike her with every time she opens her mouth
>if Lucille Ball had an ugly Jewish cousin who was also a pony, she would probably look a lot like this poor demented little creature
>who bothered to spawn this thing, and why?
"Umm..."
>she begins speaking, looking at you a little shyly
"I don't think I've theen you before. Are you Mithter Chad?"
>you take a deep breath and try to control your temper
>it's not this kid's fault the amulet keeps cockblocking you, you remind yourself
"Yeah," you reply. "I'm Chad. I'm, uh, filling in for Princess Luna tonight."
>her expression immediately brightens
"Oh wow! That'th tho cool! I've heard there wuth a human living in Canterlot, but I didn't think I'd ackshually get to meet him!"
>she starts immediately losing her spaghetti
>it's like meeting you in a dream is literally the best thing that's happened to her all year
>you actually kind of feel sorry for her
>or at least you would feel sorry if literally everything about this horse didn't give you the uncontrollable urge to dropkick her into an oven
>finally you cut her off
"So, uh, did you have anything you wanted to talk to me about?"
>the little horse blinks as if she'd forgotten why she had even come here
"Oh yeah, that'th right."
>she looks up at you shyly
"Usually Printheth Luna helpth me with thith thtuff."
>seriously
>right into the goddamn oven
>you shake this thought out of your head
"Well, like I said, Luna's busy tonight. If you'd like to hold off and come back tomorrow night..."
>she shakes her head
"No, that'th okay. Uh...do you mind if I thit on your lap?"
>you sigh internally
"That's fine, kid. Go right ahead."
>she looks up at you like you just told her tonight's winning lottery numbers
>she springs up into your lap
>Jesus Christ, she's even more repugnant up close
>her breath smells like she eats kitty litter
>seriously, is that peppermint cutie mark supposed to be ironic or what?
>you force a pleasant smile
>the sooner you get through this, the sooner you can move on to the dreams where you get laid, you tell yourself
"Alright, then, what's on your mind, uh...."
>you trail off when you realize you don't know this filly's name
"Twitht," she says
"Right. Twist. What's on your mind, kid?"
>the filly looks away, a little embarrassed
"Well, latht night I wath talking to Printheth Luna about my bedwetting problem....."
"You have a bedwetting problem?"
>she reddens visibly
".........yeah."
"Oh. Well, in that case, I think I'd rather have you sit over there."
>the little filly looks disappointed, but she obediently jumps off of your lap and trots to the other end of the sofa
"Anyway, apart from the bedwetting, what else is bothering you?"
"Well......"
>the filly stares forlornly off into the distance, gathering her thoughts
"It'th like thith...I youtht to hafth thith friend, right? Her name wath Apple Bloom...."
>the filly drones on and on
>the spray coming out of her mouth every time she lisps feels like a cool ocean breeze
>seriously, if you shut your eyes and try to tune out the sound of her voice, you can almost imagine you're spending a day at the beach
"Uhhh, Mithter Chad? Why are we at the beach all of a thudden?"
>you open your eyes, and immediately realize that the amulet has responded to your thoughts again
"Uh, sorry."
>you change the scenery from the beach scene back to the sitting room
>you also make a mental note not to think too hard about kicking poor little Twist into an oven
>no matter how much you might like to actually do it, it's probably the kind of amulet-misuse that Luna would frown upon
"Anyway, go on."
"Well, uh, it'th like I wuth thaying......"
>she starts droning on again
>the ocean-spray resumes...

I'll make a second thread soon. I just haven't had the energy after comming home on the evenings to do anything.

The writing here so far is fucking brilliant.

Back on my home computer again, hence the return of the tripcode. Apologies for the delays between posts obviously, this is running well beyond the weekly time frame established by OP. I've been on a road trip for the last couple of weeks, and I've mostly been sharting these out at night in hotels or whenever I had time and motivation, which hasn't been often. Anyway, I kind of liked where I was going with this and I'd like to try and bring the story to some kind of satisfactory conclusion. So on that note, here we go:

>>349506
"...tho anyway, that'th about it."
>the ocean spray finally ceases
>you open your eyes
>the little filly is looking up at you with a despondent expression
"Apple Bloom and I uthed to be great friendth, but then I got my cutie mark, and then she got her cutie mark, and then...."
>she trails off
"...so, that's what you're worried about?" you offer after a long pause. "You want to be friends with Apple Bloom again?"
>Twist looks uncomfortable
"No, that'th not it egthacktly..."
>she squirms and reddens a little, and looks down at the ground
>you are beginning to lose your patience
>you've been listening to this little sperg ramble for...
>actually, you're not sure how long it's been
>time has no meaning here, the medallion informs you for the umpteenth time
>all you know is that it's going to be sunrise eventually
>meanwhile, you've still got a rager you could skewer watermelons with
"...my problem ith..."
>finally, she spits it out
"...colth."
"Colts?"
>she looks up at you and nods
"Yeah. Colth."
>she reddens again and looks back at the ground
>you roll your eyes while she's not looking
>you had a feeling it was going to be something like this
>took her long enough to get to the damn point
>meanwhile, she's still talking
"...thee, all the other fillieth in my clath are tho much prettier than me. It'th all fine now, but pretty thoon we're going to be older, and they'll all thtart getting coltfriendth, and I'll be the only filly without one..."
"Oh, okay, I get it."
>you cut her off quickly before she can start rambling again
>she looks up at you with an awkward, sad expression
>part of you still kind of wants to kick her into an oven, but...
>as annoying as she is, you actually feel bad for this kid
>this is clearly a serious matter for her
>and it seems hard for her to talk about
>you wonder what sort of advice you should give her
>briefly you consider telling her the story of the ugly duckling that turned into a swan
>but you decide it would be cruel to get her hopes up like that
>you rack your brain for a moment or two
>then suddenly it dawns on you
"I'll tell you a story, kid. It's about this friend of mine. His name is Kev."
>Twist wrinkles her brow
"Ith that the other human? The one who livth in Ponyville?"
"Yeah. Do you know him?"
>Twist looks uncomfortable
"Uh, well, not egthatcktly, ith jutht that Mith Cheerilee thaid...."
>you wave your hand impatiently
"Never mind what Miss Cheerilee said. Kev's a great guy; he's just....well, he's a great guy. Anyway, back...oh, I don't know, a couple of years ago...Kev and I turned twenty-one. So, we started hanging out at this bar to try and meet girls. Only Kev, he's never been that good at talking to the ladies..."
>Twist nods enthusiastically
"Yeth, I know! That'th kind of what Mith Cheerilee wath trying to warn uth about..."
>you wave your hand again
"Yeah yeah, but just forget about all that for a second. Point is, Kev and I used to go to this bar, see? But every time we went, I would end up getting like, six, seven phone numbers a night, but Kev? He'd walk away with nothing. Used to drive him crazy. But one night, he figured out a strategy. And it was thanks to this strategy that he was able to get almost as many phone numbers a night as I did."
>Twist is looking at you with interest now
"How did he do it? Wath it a love potion?"
>you chuckle and wave your hand dismissively
"Nah, nothing like that. That stuff doesn't work, anyway; at least not in our world. No, Kev's strategy was much simpler, and much more effective. You know how, in every group, there's always that one girl that all the guys pay attention to?"
>Twist nods and makes a face
"Yeth. Her name ith Diamond Tiara. None of the fillieth like her, but the colth all do."
"Right. And I'm assuming this Diamond Tiara is really pretty?"
>Twist nods again
"Rich? Popular?"
>Twist keeps nodding
"And I'm guessing most of the boys...er, colts...usually try to get her attention?"
"Yeth."
"And I'm guessing that she doesn't seem to like any of them in particular? She just likes it when they all pay attention to her?"
"Yeth."
>Twist is starting to look a little depressed again
>you quickly steer the conversation back on track
"Well you see, my buddy Kev? It was the same for him. And he figured out that trying to talk to Diamond Tiara every night was a waste of time, see? Because he realized she was never going to give him the time of day."
>Twist looks interested again
"Kev figured out," you continue, "That there were like, eight, nine, ten guys at the bar who were all trying to talk to Diamond Tiara. And all of them were better looking than he was. And most of the time, she would just choose the best-looking one out of all of them, if she chose anyone at all. All of the others would go home with nothing. So his chances with Diamond Tiara were basically non-existent."
>you have Twist's undivided attention now
"Tho what did he do inthtead?"
>you smile
"He realized that there were other girls in the bar. Girls that no one was talking to."
"Becauth they weren't as pretty ath Diamond Tiara?"
"Yep. Now you're getting it."

>>350091
"You see," you continue, "these other girls? There wasn't really anything wrong with them. They just...weren't that pretty. But these other guys ignored them because they were all trying to talk to Diamond Tiara, who just liked getting attention. So Kev decided to ignore Diamond Tiara, and started talking to these other...uh...not-so-pretty girls. And you know what happened?"
"What?"
"About twenty, maybe thirty percent of the time, Kev wound up getting a couple of phone numbers. And over time, that added up to a lot."
>Twist wrinkles her brow
"Tho, what you're thaying ith..."
"...is that you just need to set your sights on reasonable targets, and go for that. Are there any colts in your class that you like?"
>Twist reddens
"Well, therth thith colt named Rumble, but I think he likth Thweetie Belle..."
>you wave your hand and cut her off
"Which one is Sweetie Belle again?"
>Twist looks at the ground
"White unicorn, purple and pink curly mane..."
>you're fairly sure you know the unicorn filly she's talking about
>if so, you already know that Twist doesn't stand a chance
"Yeah, if that's your competition, I'd forget about Rumble."
"Oh."
>Twist continues to stare dejectedly at the ground
"Is there anyone else?" you add quickly. "Try to think about it the way my friend Kev would. Think about the other colts in your class. Is there anyone else? Maybe someone that the other fillies don't notice as much?"
>she looks up
"Well, thereth Thnipth and Thnailth..."
"Snips and Snails?"
"Yeah. Thnailth ith kind of fat, but Thnipth ith kinda cute I gueth..."
"See, there you go! You don't have to aim low, just...be realistic."
>Twist furrows her brow for a moment
>then, suddenly, her expression brightens
"Wow, Mithter Chad! You're a really great lithener! And you'fe really given me a lot to think about!"
>you smile
"Happy to be of service kid."
>Twist has already jumped down off the sofa
>she wanders off into the darkened portion of the dream stage, muttering to herself about how Snips actually is kind of cute
>meanwhile, the dream world begins to dissolve into mist
......
....
...

>>350095
...
....
.......
>back in the mist-shrouded realm
>dawn still approaching
>rager still intact
>you can feel the amulet tugging at you again
>however, this time you resist
>you tell the amulet that you're supposed to be the one in charge here
>Princess Luna made you Lord of Dreams for the night
>she gave you the go ahead to have a bit of fun on the side
>you have it in writing
>you demand to know why the magic dream amulet has forced you to spend half the night giving life advice to grade school kids
>you demand the amulet transport you to a dream realm where you can find some hot mare and slip her a pickle
>the amulet seems confused
>it informs you that it does not choose the ponies whose dreams you enter
>it simply takes you where you are needed most
>dryly, you remind the amulet that you still have a rager you could carve a pumpkin with
>dryly, the amulet reminds you that it is a magical servitor created by Princess Luna and bound by the parameters of her spell
>it can only carry out the tasks for which it was designed
>and quite frankly, helping you with your "rager" is a little above its pay grade
>you contend that if Luna created the amulet to carry out her will
>and if her will was that the amulet should follow your instructions
>then helping you with your rager is most definitely within its pay grade
>the amulet informs you that magic doesn't work that way
>finally, you lose your temper
"Now, listen here!"
>you think you said this out loud, but in the meta-dream-space it's hard to tell
"Princess Luna's instructions were as clear as day."
>the amulet informs you that the night is Princess Luna's realm
>you choose to ignore this quip
>you recite Luna's instructions from memory
"Go into dreams. Give ponies the rapey."
>the amulet is silent for a moment
>it then suggests that you might have misunderstood the Princess's instructions
>and in any case, it informs you, it can only guide you from dream to dream
>it has no control over whose dreams you enter
>it reminds you that the dawn is fast approaching
>and that by arguing over things which neither of you can control you are only wasting time
>dryly, you remind the amulet that time has no meaning in this realm
>the amulet has no retort
>however, you once again feel that familiar tug
>this time, you don't resist
>the world around you shifts, forms take shape in the mist
>you are now standing in an opulent bedchamber
>the furniture is ornate and looks expensive
>there is a distinctly feminine air to the room
"All right, now we're talking!" you say out loud
>your voice reverberates eerily in the cavernous space
>you make your way across plush carpets to the gigantic bed
>you flop down into an ocean of luxurious silken sheets
>there is a lump in the sheets next to you
>roughly the shape of a pony
>an aroma of soft, feminine perfume fills your nostrils
>she smells rich and exotic
>like money and sophistication
"It's about fucking time," you mutter to yourself
>nevertheless, you are pleased
>the amulet finally came through for you
>maybe the amulet is bro-tier after all
>you reach out and put your arm over the sleeping pony
>she rolls over to face you
>the covers fall back
>you find yourself face to face with--
"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!"
>--a small, somewhat frightened-looking foal
>her coat is pink
>her mane is lavender and white
>for some reason she's wearing a tiara
"Who are you?!? What are you doing in my room?!?"
>instead of answering her, you continue to vent your frustration
"Seriously!! Does anyone legal-aged ever have dreams in this stupid universe?!?"
>the filly regards you in terror
>then a look of comprehension crosses her face
"Wait, is this a dream?"
>she stares at you for a moment
>then her nose wrinkles in distaste
"Princess Luna sent you? I'm supposed to discuss my problems with the help?"
>now it's your turn to make a face
"The help?" you say
>the little filly looks away and shrugs disdainfully
"You think you're the first boy-toy Princess Luna's ever had?"
>she looks back at you and smiles arrogantly
"You're just another amusement for her. She'll be bored with you by next month!"
>this filly is a spoiled little brat
>you restrain the urge to backhand her across the face
>instead, you compose yourself
"Yeah, well, maybe," you say, "But until that happens it looks like I'm the one filling in for her in dreamworld. So do you got, like, some kind of problem you need help with, or...?"
>you trail off, making it as clear as you can that you give absolutely zero fucks what her answer is
>the pink filly snorts contemptuously and turns her head away, nose in the air
"Nothing I want to talk about with you!"
>she practically spits out that last word
>your bitch-slapping hand begins to twitch
>meanwhile, the little filly looks down
"By the way, if you come near me with that thing, I'll scream."
>your gaze follows hers
>you realize to your embarrassment that your rager is still at full-mast
>you also realize that, to make matters worse, at some point you had the amulet remove all of your clothing
>you can feel yourself starting to turn red
"Yeah, don't flatter yourself."
>you hastily use the amulet to construct some pajamas
"Look kid," you continue, "I'm sorry, but I've had a long and frustrating night. So if you don't have anything you want to talk about, you can just point me in the direction of your Mom's room and I'll be on my way."
>the filly rolls her eyes
"It doesn't work that way, idiot!" she says. "And anyway, it's my dream."
>you look back at her
>she glances up and then quickly looks away, embarrassed
>she reddens somewhat
>several seconds of awkward silence ensue
>finally, her gaze meets yours
"Uh, could you change the scenery? This is kind of weird."

>>350234
"Huh? Oh, yeah; sure."
>the scenery evaporates into mist
>a moment later you are seated across from the filly in an opulent tea room
>a string quartet hums pleasantly in the background
"This better?"
>the filly glances around
>she shrugs
"It's fine, I guess."
>a tuxedo-clad horse-butler approaches, holding a tea set in his unicorn aura
>he sets it down on the table
>the pot floats up and fills two cups
>he places one on a saucer and sets it down in front of the pink filly
"Your tea, madam," he says, in a fancy English-sounding voice
>the filly takes a sip and immediately grimaces
"Ugh! You call this tea?!?"
>the unicorn butler looks at you and raises his eyebrow
>you nod politely
"Go ahead and sweeten it up for her," you tell him
"Very good, sir," says the butler
>*snooooort*
>*hooock*
>*pfffft*
>the butler coughs up a respectable quantity of phlegm and spits it into the filly's teacup
>she stares open-mouthed at the giant loogie floating in her tea
>for what you assume is the first time in her life, the bratty little filly is speechless
>you snicker
"Would madam like another?" the butler asks
>she looks up at him
>then at you
>her mouth is still hanging open
>you grin
"It might be your dream, kid, but I've got the magic amulet."
>you turn to the butler
"That'll be all, Jeeves."
>the butler bows politely
"Very good, sir."
>he turns and trots away
>you return your attention to the filly
"It's not polite to let your mouth hang open like that, you know."
>she snaps her jaw shut and glares daggers at you
>you flash her another smug grin
"What's your name, anyway, kid?" you ask
"Diamond Tiara," she mutters
>she's staring into her teacup again
>the butler's giant loogie is still floating in the center
>her eyes look a little sad
>you might have gone a bit too far, you suddenly realize
>the teacup vanishes with a poof
>an empty one appears
>you take the teapot and begin to pour
"I don't want any," mutters Diamond Tiara
>you finish pouring anyway
>the two of you sit in silence for a moment
>you pour some tea for yourself and take a sip
>she's right, it does kind of taste like ass
>you clear your throat
"So, Diamond Tiara, huh? Is that a nickname, or..."
>she glares daggers at you again
"What kind of a stupid question is that?"
>a glance at your expression and she realizes you were serious
>she stands on the chair on all fours and turns to one side
>on her flank is a picture of a tiara, identical to the one on her head
"So...your name is Diamond Tiara, and you wear a diamond tiara, and your cutie mark is a diamond tiara..."
>she gives you a hateful look and plops back down on her rump
"I don't know what it means, okay? It's just my cutie mark," she mumbles.
>you take another sip of mediocre tea and watch her sulk
>you remember Twist said something about a filly in her class named Diamond Tiara
>Apple Bloom also mentioned her a couple of times, in one of her long rambles about cutie marks
>unless "Diamond Tiara" is a really common name in these parts, you're assuming it's the same foal
>she's not quite what you were expecting, though
>sure, the brattiness is right on cue, but...
"....I really don't know what my mark means, alright?"
>she's staring into her teacup again
"Like, I was one of the first foals in our class to get a cutie mark. I was really proud, and I really like bragging about it, but...what is it supposed to mean? A cutie mark is supposed to be a symbol of your special talent. What is my talent supposed to be? Like, am I supposed to just be some stupid fairy princess or something?"
"Do little fillies not want to grow up to be princesses in this world?"
>she glares at you
"What kind of a stupid question is that?!? There are only two Princesses, it's not like there's going to be any more!"
"I thought you guys had like four of them now."
>she opens her mouth to respond, looks confused for a second, and then shakes her head angrily
"Never mind! It's just...what's my destiny supposed to be?"
>she stomps her front hoof against the chair
"...and Silver Spoon? She's, like, my only friend. She got her mark early too. You know what her mark is?"
"...a silver spoon?" you venture
>the filly nods vigorously
"Exactly! And what do you think her special talent is?!?"
"...uhhh...spooning?"
>Diamond Tiara glares at you
>suddenly, she slaps her teacup angrily
>it goes flying across the room
>tea everywhere
"Why am I even talking to you about this?!?"
>she leaps off her chair
>before you can object, she gallops out the door
>you are now alone in the tearoom construct you created
"Shit, did I fuck this up?" you say out loud
>the amulet has no reply
>the string quartet drones pleasantly on
>silhouettes of ponies continue to sip their tea and murmur unintelligibly to one another

>>350423
>you chase after the filly
>as soon as you pass through the exit you can hear the tearoom fall apart behind you
>the door slams shut
>you are now alone in a gloomy hallway
>the floor is some kind of polished marble, but it seems to absorb light rather than reflect it
>the walls seem to stretch up into infinity
>giant furniture surrounds you
>enormous chairs and sofas, too tall to climb onto
>a gigantic grandfather clock towers above, ticking ominously
>everything is constructed at weird angles
>you attempt to shift the dream world into something more pleasant
>the scenery wavers for a moment but snaps back into place
>the amulet informs you that Diamond Tiara's emotions are too strong at present
>if you try too hard to change things it will destabilize the dream and create a nightmare
>the only way to regain control is to find her and calm her down
>you tentatively begin to make your way down the hall
>your footsteps echo
>the space feels cavernous
>empty
>lonely
"Uh, Diamond Tiara...?" you call out
>your voice reverberates as if you were in a cavern
>you can hear faint sounds in the distance
>voices, laughter
>nothing intelligible
"I'm sorry for making fun of you..."
>suddenly, you hear the sound of galloping hooves and a slamming door further down the hall
>you follow the sound
>soon, you arrive at a door
>like everything else in this realm, it's grotesquely oversized and the angles are weird
>you have to stand on your toes to reach the knob
>but it opens easily enough
>the door slams behind you
>you find yourself in an almost identical hallway
>same giant furniture, but slightly different and in different places
>you still hear faint voices and laughter in the distance
>galloping hooves echo again from further ahead of you
>you follow the sound
>another door
>taller than the other one
>you have to jump up to reach the knob
>door slams behind you
>another hallway, same as the last two but slightly different
>the clock is taller now, still ticking ominously
>the giant chairs and sofas seem even more massive and distended
>weird shadows ripple and swirl in the spaces underneath
>a peal of laughter echoes from some distant place
>on the walls are gigantic portraits of regal-looking ponies
>their faces are blurry, but they seem to be staring down at you in disapproval
"Hey, kid!" you call out. "Uh...Diamond Tiara...?"
>you hear galloping hooves at the end of the hallway
>you have little choice but to follow the sound
>the hallway twists and turns
>finally it ends in a T-intersection
>mirrored versions of the same hallway stretch off in either direction
>down one hallway you can hear the faint sound of galloping hooves
>down the opposite hall you can hear something else rumbling faintly
>something dark and ominous
>in the distance, someone laughs
>you continue to follow the galloping hooves through countless hallways
>there are walls
>there are doors
>there are walls
>there are doors
>the sound is always just ahead of you
>and behind you, something else
>something dark and frightening
>it's far away, but it's getting closer

...aaand that's probably about all I've got in me for tonight. I'll pick this up later, and hopefully finish it soon. Fun fact, portions of this story were inspired by an actual dream I had, where I kept trying to escape from an MC Esher-style version of my own apartment. Incidentally, is anyone even still reading this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbyaHnH9jN8

>>350427
>is anyone even still reading this?
Well I sure am, and I'm liking the direction this is taking. Oh and that spooning joke had laughing real good too.

>>350427
>Incidentally, is anyone even still reading this?
I do.
Lack of participation doesn't mean lack of readers.

>>350431
>>350433
>>349631
Rad, just checking. Thank you for reading; hope you've been enjoying it.

>>350427
>finally, the hallway you are following terminates in a cul-de-sac
>amid a forest of massive chairs and sofas and ottomans stands an ordinary child-sized chair
>it's facing away from you, but you can tell there's a pony sitting in it
"D-daddy?"
>you hear a small, familiar voice
>Diamond Tiara turns around in her chair
"Oh. It's just you."
>she turns back around
>her hopeful tone has gone flat
>once again, you feel the urge to introduce her to the back of your hand
>but her bratty posturing seems a little half-hearted this time
>you decide to let it drop
"You're looking for your Dad?" you say
>her face tries to assume that familiar haughty expression
>but her heart is clearly not in it
>a moment later she lets it go and just nods
"Yeah."
>you're both silent for a moment
>a faint peal of laughter echoes in the background
>Diamond Tiara shifts uncomfortably in her chair
"I have this dream a lot," she says. "I keep running around and...and looking...for my Dad. I never find him."
>internally, you roll your eyes
>daddy issues
>what a shock
>instead of voicing your thoughts, though, you place a comforting hand on her shoulder
>or withers, or whatever horses have exactly
>you can feel her relax a little
"Look, kid," you say after a moment. "You've basically got what they call 'rich girl problems.' In other words, you have no real problems."
>she looks up at you angrily
>there it is
>that trademark arrogance is back
>she looks like her old self again
>you ruffle her mane
>or the back of her mane, anyway
>the part that isn't covered by that silly tiara
"Calm down. It means you've got nothing to worry about, you're just working yourself up over something stupid that's probably just in your head."
>you gesture at the gigantic, creepy furniture and the towering walls
"So whatever all this is? You can just let it go."
>she shakes herself free of your grasp and fixes her mane with an irritated grunt
>once again you hear that ominous rumbling that has been behind you for awhile
>Diamond Tiara's ears prick up at the sound
"What is that, anyway?" you ask
"I don't know. It always chases me into this corner, but..."
>she trails off, glancing apprehensively behind her
"...I always wake up before I can see what it is."
>you once again put a reassuring hand on her shoulder
>or withers, or whatever
"Hey, I've got a wild idea."
>she looks up at you skeptically
"Instead of running away, let's go find out what it is."
>she pulls away from you in alarm
"Are you crazy?!?"
"Come on. You said yourself you don't know what it is, right?"
"Y-yeah..."
"So? It's probably nothing. Anyway, we won't know until we go and see."
>she stares apprehensively toward the ground
"I don't know..."
"Oh, come on. Sometimes, you just...you gotta stand up tall. Learn to face your fears, you know? You'll see that they can't hurt you."
>she looks back up at you
"You really think there's nothing to be afraid of?"
>you flash her a reassuring grin and ruffle the back of her mane again
>she straightens it out with an annoyed grunt
"Sure I do. Now let's go have a look, what do you say?"
>before she can answer, you turn around and began walking back down the hall
>a moment later, you hear the sound of tiny hooves tapping against the ground behind you
"Wait for me!"
>the two of you walk back down the corridor, side by side
>the giant furniture is still towering over you, but somehow the mood feels a bit less ominous
"...so anyway..."
>you continue lecturing the filly as you walk
>she seems a little more at ease now
"...you really ought to lighten up a little, you know? It's not good to let yourself get so worked up about dumb little things."
"It's not dumb! It's like...my Dad doesn't even have time for me anymore! We used to do stuff together all the time when I was little, but now it's like...he's always at work, or away, or doing something else..."
>you silently roll your eyes again
"So it's pretty much what I said, right? Rich girl problems."
>she glares at you
>you shrug
"Look, kid, I'm sympathetic, but you're not the only one with troubles. You should have heard some of the sad crap I've had to listen to tonight. That one little filly, Apple-something, doesn't even have a dad anymore. And this other kid that stopped by? Yeesh. Big glasses, goofy hair, talked with a lisp..."
"Wait, do you mean Twist?"
"Yeah, Twist. Wait, what? No, uh, her name was...look, forget her name, alright? I don't think I'm supposed to tell you that. It's like a confidentiality thing or something. Anyway, point is, this kid has all sorts of terrible problems: she looks goofy as all hell, she's a bedwetter..."
>Diamond Tiara looks interested
"Wait, Twist wets the bed? That is soooo good to know..."
"Huh? Wait...what? No. Forget I said anything. And it wasn't Twist, it was some other goofy-looking annoying filly. You don't even know her."
"Uh...huh."
>she doesn't sound convinced
>you clear your throat
"Anyway, it doesn't matter. Look kid, your Dad loves you, right?"
"Yeah..."
"And you don't have to worry about being poor or ugly or Jewish-looking or anything like that, right?"
"I guess not..."
"So there you go. Just lighten up, kid. Life's not as hard as you're making it."
"Yeah, maybe you're right..."
>suddenly, you hear the rumbling again
>it's much closer this time

>>350832
Thanks.

>>350832
>Diamond Tiara stops short
"I think it's just around that corner..."
>you look at where she's pointing
>just ahead of you the hallway makes an L-shaped turn
>the area beyond is cloaked in shadow
>you can clearly sense something dark on the other side
"You ready?"
>Diamond Tiara looks a lot less confident than she did a few seconds ago
"Maybe we shouldn't do this..."
>she gives you a pleading look
"Look, kid, this is just a dream. Nothing in a dream can actually hurt you. The fear is all in your mind."
"I don't know..."
"Come on. If you don't stand up to your fears, they own your forever. My Dad told me that once."
>you're actually not sure your Dad ever told you anything of the sort
>it might have just been something you read in a Superman comic
>however, it seems to have the desired effect
>Diamond Tiara swallows, but she puts on a brave face
"You ready?"
>she hesitates, then nods
"Alright, let's go."
>together, you take the last few steps down the hallway
"Don't worry, kid; you'll see. There's nothing to be afraid of. The monster in your dreams probably isn't even a monster at all; maybe it's just a scared little puppy, or maybe a--HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!?"
>as you turn the corner you are confronted by a being of inconceivable horror
>its body is a mass of hideous fleshy coils, made of some sort of jellylike substance
>innumerable filmy eyes cover its body, staring at you with an inhuman malice
>slimy tentacles extend from the coiled bulk of its wretched form, each one terminating in a gaping mouth filled with row after row of sharp, gnashing teeth
>again, you hear the rumbling noise that has become all too familiar to you in this realm of dreams
>with mounting horror, you realize that the sound is emitting from the creature itself, and that it bears the semblance of human speech
"Ygnaiih ... ygnaiih ... thflthkh'ngha ... Yog-Sothoth...." rings the hideous croaking out of space. "Y'bthnk ... h'ehye ... n'grkdl'lh...."
>several of the tentacles begin to move in your direction, mouthing the horrible phrases over and over...
>your football reflexes kick in and you regain your senses
>snatching up the petrified filly next to you, you turn tail and run
>the creature of unfathomable terror lumbers after you with surprising speed
>tentacles lash out, their little mouths snapping at you as you run with all your might
>the little filly in your arms is screaming and thrashing hysterically
>you run blindly through the maze of hallways, the black monstrosity just a few steps behind you
>there are walls
>there are doors
>there are walls
>there are doors
...
....
......

>>350856
Anon's going to get therapey

>>350856
......
....
...
>back in the tea room, the string quartet drones pleasantly
>silhouettes of unnamed background ponies chatter softly to one another
>Diamond Tiara sits across the table from you, placidly sipping tea
"Well I have to say, you were absolutely right, Mister Thundercock."
>the change in the little filly's behavior is remarkable
>she's all polite and shit now
>the good manners that were probably drilled into her from early childhood are finally making an appearance
>she can actually be a pretty sweet kid once she makes up her mind to not act like a brat
"There really was nothing to be afraid of," she continues. "The being of inconceivable horror really isn't all that bad, once you get to know him."
>the being of inconceivable horror slithers up to the table
"Would you like some more tea, madam?" its cosmic voice rumbles
"Yes please, that would be lovely."
>a tentacle gripping a teapot in its mouth emerges
>she leans back in her chair and allows the creature to refill her cup
"And for you sir?"
"Sure, I'll take a little more."
>it fills your cup as well
>you take a sip as the being sidles off into the background, its many mouths humming along softly with the string quartet
>she's right; this actually is some pretty bomb-ass tea
"So, are you okay then, kid?"
>Diamond Tiara takes another sip of tea
"I think so. I feel a lot better, anyway."
>she sets her cup back down on the saucer
"I think I'm just going to talk to my Dad, and see if he's willing to make a little more time for me."
"There you go. It's always better when you talk about your problems, instead of just letting them build up inside you."
"I think you're right."
"So, have I answered all of your concerns in a timely manner?"
>you say this bit in a thick Indian accent
>Diamond Tiara laughs, delighted by your display of casual racism
"Yeah, like I said, I feel much better now. Thank you."
>she smiles shyly
"You're a good listener, Mister Thundercock. I hope the Princess doesn't end up dumping you like she did with all those other stallions."
>you flash her a reassuring grin
"Kid, I don't know who those other stallions were, but I can guarantee you they were no Chad Thundercock."
>the dream construct around you begins to flicker and fade
>the table and the tea set feel less solid than they did a second ago
>you stand up
"Welp, on that note, I think it's time for me to go. Pleasant dreams, Diamond Tiara."
>you turn to leave
"Wait!"
>you pause
>the filly reddens a little
"Um, if you want, and you're not busy, you and Princess Luna could come and visit my family some time. I'm sure my father and mother would love to meet the Princess."
>you smile and ruffle the back of her mane
"Sure, kid. I could probably make that happen."
>the dream construct dissolves
>Diamond Tiara calls out something to you as everything fades away, but you can't make out her words
...
....
......
....
...
>you emerge once more in the mist-shrouded realm
"Well, that was a hoot and a holler," you say out loud
>you hope the amulet understands the concept of sarcasm
>instead of responding, the amulet politely inquires if your rager is still giving you trouble
"Well, between the being of inconceivable horror and the little girl's tea party, I think my rager is pretty much gone forever."
>at the same time, however, you have a feeling that it will be back
>in a big way
>it's something that should probably be taken care of
>sooner rather than later
>suddenly, you want nothing more than to exit the world of dreams and return to normal reality
>maybe Princess Luna is back from her vacation and you can tap that
>the amulet informs you that there is just one dream left that requires your attention
>you sigh
"What is it this time? Another kid with self-esteem issues? Maybe she lost her doll, or something?"
>the amulet replies that it does not know the details
>it only knows that your attention is required
>you sigh again
"Alright, let's just get this over with."
>you feel the familiar tug, and allow the amulet to take you where it will
>the pink mist begins to swirl and take shape...
...
....
......
....
...
>you awaken in the hallway of a dungeon
>damp stone walls stretch off into darkness in either direction
>the only light comes from dim torches set in sconces in the walls
>your only companion is a lonely skeleton, held in place by rusty manacles attached to the wall
>suddenly, you hear the sound of rapidly approaching hoofsteps
"Oh, Jesus Christ, what now?"
>the amulet does not have an answer for you
>you brace yourself as a figure appears in the gloom ahead
>what ridiculous thing are you going to have to face next?

>>350890
>to your surprise, a slender, elegant, beautiful unicorn approaches
>her coat is a pristine white, her pale pink mane is long and flowing
>you recognize this pony
>her name is Fleur De Lis
>you've been wanting to bang her ever since your first day in Canterlot
"Who's there?!?"
>she grinds to a halt in front of you
"Is that...oh, thank Celestia! It's Chad Thundercock!"
>the intoxicating scent of snowpity fills your nostrils
"You have to help me!!"
>you flash your most Chadlike smile
"Sure, what can I do for you?"
"I'm being chased by the rape-monster that lives in this dungeon! It wants to rape me, but it only rapes virgins! I need (You) to pound my hot, dripping horsepussy until the break of dawn so it will leave me alone!!"
>you can hardly believe your ears
>after all that trouble
>finally a break
>the mare presents herself to you, begging to be rutted
>'virgin' is a bit of a stretch, you think
>but what the hell; it's her dream
>the important thing is that in the end, the amulet was bro-tier after all
"You have to hurry! The rape-monster will be here any second!!"
>well, if duty calls...
>*unzips dick*
>using the amulet's power, you remove every stitch of your clothing except for the amulet
>you position yourself behind the mare
>you move closer and closer to that hot, dripping--
>*BRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGG*
>you hear the sound of an alarm clock
>the dream instantly evaporates
"What the fuck?!? No!!!"
>you are back inside the Royal Bedchamber
>early morning sunlight is streaming in through the gigantic windows
>you stand in the center of the enormous round room
>completely naked for some reason
>armed with a rager you could use to slay the dragon of Saint George
>the amulet is still around your neck
"Oh, come on!! This is fucking ridiculous! Send me back!"
>the amulet is silent
"Come on, you stupid fuck, wake up!"
>you shake the medallion in frustration
>it does not respond
>by all appearances, the magic is gone
>it is just an ordinary necklace now
"Come on, dammit!! Work!!! Work, damn you!!"
>you suddenly realize there is someone standing behind you
>you wheel around to see one of the serving mares standing in the doorway
>she stares
>first at the maniacal expression on your face and the veins bulging out of your neck
>then her eyes drift downward, to your giant throbbing erection
"Ummmmm....I'll just come back later."
>she turns and gallops away at top speed
>it looks like she dropped something, though
>you move forward to examine it
>looks like a parchment scroll
>it's addressed to you
>you pick it up and break the seal
>the note is from Princess Luna
>however, the penmanship is slightly better
>you suspect she dictated it to her older sister
>the Sun princess with the big white ass you'd love to tap
>whatever her name is
>Celestia
>that's it
>neither of them can write in English especially well
>but Celestia is much better at it
>she still misspells a lot of words though
>anyway, you read the note



Deer Consort,

We are enjoying are vacation. The beech is lovely. We have decided too stay 4 a wile.

Keep doing dreem therapey. U R gud at it.

Reegards,
Loona
(diktated but not red, t. celestia)


>well, isn't that just dandy
>you sigh heavily and start hunting around for your clothes
>when you are fully dressed, you see that the serving mare is once again standing in the doorway
>her back is to you
"Um...M-mister Consort...s-sir?"
"It's alright, I've got clothes on now."
"O-oh."
>she turns around, but still looks slightly embarrassed
"T-there was a message for you, but I seem to have dropped it..."
"It's okay, I found it."
>you hold up the scroll
>the mare breathes a sigh of relief
"Oh, good. Did you read it?"
"Yeah. They're still on vacation?"
"Yes. The Princess said to inform you that she was monitoring your progress last night, and you did a good job."
>she reddens slightly
"She also said she apologizes for that last dream; she doesn't know how that one got in there. She hopes you were able to get out of it before doing anything you might regret later."
"......"
"....uh, yeah. No problems there."
"She hopes that you won't mind continuing to fill in for her until she returns on...hmm, let's see..."
>the mare pulls a scheduling book from a saddlebag and skims through it
"...a week from Sunday."
>outside in the garden, a startled flock of birds takes flight
>all over the palace, the serving-ponies and dignitaries going about their business pause
>they all glance curiously in the direction of the Tower of the Moon
>from which is emanating a strange, unearthly cry:
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

~FIN~

Aaaaaand, that's it. Hope everyone enjoyed my story. Took me a month to do a one week writing project.

>>350960
To be cock blocked Chad Thundercock
Or not to be Chad Thundercock
Noice

>>350960
Good stuff.

>>350960
This took a more comedic turn than expected. In the beginning I thought that anon was going to be left with no choice but to fuck a filly and then towards the end when everything starts to go his way it all ends kek.

>>350964
>>350997
Thank you, happy you guys enjoyed it.

>>351130
I probably could have taken it in a more pornographic direction if I'd wanted, but I feel like it worked much better this way. The M. Night Shyamalan twist was that this story about giving ponies the rapey turned out to be mostly wholesome.



Until next time.

>>351257
This was an amazing short story, thank you!

>>351257
Thanks, really good stuff

Nice story! Always good to see interesting things done with FIM.